WEBVTT
00:00:39.649 --> 00:00:58.609
Curiosity the choice that changes everything Acumen Collective The Coactive for Sport Leaders series I have to be honest, Curiosity has been one of the trickiest articles in this series to write.
00:00:58.929 --> 00:01:02.689
Not because it is not important, quite the opposite.
00:01:03.009 --> 00:01:11.890
Curiosity feels foundational to everything in coactive, but it is also so obvious that it almost disappears.
00:01:12.289 --> 00:01:20.609
We all know we should be curious, and yet in the moment, curiosity is often the last place we go.
00:01:20.849 --> 00:01:23.729
So let me start by talking about the opposite.
00:01:24.210 --> 00:01:36.449
Judgment arrives first before you have all the information, before you know the full story, before the other person has had a chance to say a word.
00:01:36.930 --> 00:01:41.650
Judgment shows up fast, automatic, uninvited.
00:01:41.969 --> 00:01:45.409
We did not choose it, it simply arrived.
00:01:45.729 --> 00:01:51.810
You are walking with your kids and someone runs through a stop sign, reckless, dangerous.
00:01:52.050 --> 00:01:58.129
You watch a player not follow through on something they committed to, lazy, uncommitted.
00:01:58.370 --> 00:02:04.370
You move to a new country and see people living differently than you always have wrong.
00:02:04.849 --> 00:02:12.210
It happens to all of us, every day, in traffic, at home, on the training field, in the boardroom.
00:02:12.609 --> 00:02:19.569
Judgment is not a flaw, it is human, it is wired in, it is fast because it has to be.
00:02:19.810 --> 00:02:23.330
Our survival has always depended on quick assessment.
00:02:23.569 --> 00:02:26.050
But here is what judgment costs us.
00:02:26.370 --> 00:02:39.969
When judgment closes the door, it closes everything behind it, the question we did not ask, the perspective we did not consider, the change that was possible but never happened.
00:02:40.449 --> 00:02:49.409
The player who needed to be seen, not assessed, the colleague who had a different approach that might have actually worked.
00:02:49.730 --> 00:02:51.969
And expertise makes it worse.
00:02:52.210 --> 00:03:00.129
The doctor who has been practicing for thirty years, the record label executives in Nashville who had seen it all.
00:03:00.370 --> 00:03:06.930
At eleven years old, Taylor Swift submitted demo tapes to every major label in Nashville.
00:03:07.170 --> 00:03:09.330
She was rejected by all of them.
00:03:09.490 --> 00:03:12.129
They knew what country music was for.
00:03:12.530 --> 00:03:18.210
A teenage girl singing about teenage experiences did not fit their formula.
00:03:18.770 --> 00:03:21.330
Their expertise closed the door.
00:03:21.569 --> 00:03:27.490
A few years later, she became one of the most successful artists in history.
00:03:27.730 --> 00:03:35.650
Judgment is not wrong, but if it is all we have we stop growing, and so does everyone around us.
00:03:35.890 --> 00:03:38.370
That is where curiosity comes in.
00:03:39.010 --> 00:03:41.330
What curiosity actually is?
00:03:42.530 --> 00:03:47.409
So if judgment is the automatic response, what is curiosity?
00:03:47.890 --> 00:03:57.170
Curiosity is a choice, a deliberate shift, a decision to pause the certainty and open to possibility.
00:03:57.650 --> 00:04:05.250
In coactive coaching, we start with a belief everyone is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.
00:04:05.490 --> 00:04:07.090
They have the answers.
00:04:07.409 --> 00:04:11.650
That means the work is to be curious and ask questions.
00:04:11.969 --> 00:04:21.969
Questions that are open ended, inviting, provocative, questions that invite someone to look in a certain direction, but with no preconceived conclusion.
00:04:22.209 --> 00:04:26.610
These are not leading questions, and there is no attachment to the answers.
00:04:26.930 --> 00:04:30.610
Curiosity is a playful state, full of wonder.
00:04:30.930 --> 00:04:42.610
It is the feeling of not knowing what comes next, of being genuinely open to what might emerge, of asking without already having the answer locked in.
00:04:42.849 --> 00:04:46.289
The spaciousness of curiosity is wide open.
00:04:46.610 --> 00:04:50.849
You enter this space together with another person to explore.
00:04:51.089 --> 00:04:53.409
And here is what is remarkable.
00:04:53.730 --> 00:04:56.529
Curiosity is somehow less dangerous.
00:04:56.849 --> 00:04:58.449
It lowers the risk.
00:04:58.769 --> 00:05:02.370
It eliminates the stifling quality of judgment.
00:05:02.609 --> 00:05:06.209
When we are curious, it feels like no big deal.
00:05:06.449 --> 00:05:08.209
We are just being curious.
00:05:08.449 --> 00:05:16.769
And yet, curiosity is enormously powerful because it opens us to being surprised, to finding the unexpected truth.
00:05:17.009 --> 00:05:18.209
It is childlike.
00:05:18.529 --> 00:05:19.969
Look what I found.
00:05:20.289 --> 00:05:23.169
And here is what I learned about myself.
00:05:23.489 --> 00:05:45.649
I always told myself I was curious, but I was only curious about some things, about learning in general, about how kids learn, especially in sport, but not about people in certain contexts, not about approaches that differed from mine, not about the neighbor next door who saw the world differently.
00:05:45.969 --> 00:05:54.689
The more expert we become, the less curious we often become, and that is exactly when curiosity matters most.
00:05:55.729 --> 00:05:57.889
But here is what changed for me.
00:05:58.209 --> 00:06:12.689
The moment I became even slightly more curious about my own blind spots, about where I was not curious, something shifted, not just in me, in how I showed up with everyone around me.
00:06:13.009 --> 00:06:14.529
And here is what matters.
00:06:14.769 --> 00:06:17.169
You do not need to be curious about everything.
00:06:17.409 --> 00:06:20.689
You do not need to live in curiosity constantly.
00:06:20.929 --> 00:06:28.129
But when you let curiosity in, even just a little more, something shifts disproportionately.
00:06:28.449 --> 00:06:32.849
Ten percent more curiosity creates exponentially more joy.
00:06:33.169 --> 00:06:37.729
Twenty percent more curiosity creates exponentially more growth.
00:06:38.049 --> 00:06:41.169
For you, for the people around you.
00:06:41.489 --> 00:06:52.769
That choice to let curiosity in might be one of the greatest things you can do to move the needle on your happiness from a six to an eight.
00:06:53.409 --> 00:06:56.609
Let me show you what this actually looks like.
00:06:56.849 --> 00:07:00.449
I spent a day with my daughters at their grandmother's house.
00:07:00.609 --> 00:07:04.929
At the end of the night, their nanny gave them Starburst candies.
00:07:05.169 --> 00:07:09.089
We were about to jump in the car for an hour and a half drive home.
00:07:09.329 --> 00:07:11.810
The girls would fall asleep in the car.
00:07:12.129 --> 00:07:19.409
My daughter, who was already fighting a cold, got two Starburst, some milk, and got in the car.
00:07:19.729 --> 00:07:22.689
Ten minutes in, she started puking.
00:07:23.009 --> 00:07:26.769
My first reaction was judgment, annoyance.
00:07:27.009 --> 00:07:32.049
I made a snarky comment about the Sturst, and I could have stayed there.
00:07:32.289 --> 00:07:43.489
I could have gone down a rabbit hole about why we would give all these candies before bed, about choices and consequences, about the way things should be done.
00:07:43.729 --> 00:07:45.409
I could have spiraled.
00:07:45.729 --> 00:07:47.969
I have my own struggle with candy.
00:07:48.209 --> 00:07:52.449
I could go on and on, but I paused and I made a choice.
00:07:52.689 --> 00:07:54.529
I let curiosity in.
00:07:54.849 --> 00:07:57.969
She gave those candies to make my daughters happy.
00:07:58.209 --> 00:08:00.209
She is not just a grandmother.
00:08:00.529 --> 00:08:05.649
She is one of the most selfless, caring, deeply generous humans I know.
00:08:05.969 --> 00:08:08.529
She shows up for everybody around her.
00:08:08.849 --> 00:08:15.089
In that pause, in that choice to be curious instead of annoyed, something shifted.
00:08:15.409 --> 00:08:17.729
We went back to the nanny's place.
00:08:18.049 --> 00:08:24.370
While my daughter got a bath and the girls got extra time with their cousins, I cleaned the car.
00:08:24.929 --> 00:08:27.409
But the shift had already happened.
00:08:27.649 --> 00:08:36.610
Once I let curiosity in, once I saw how awesome this grandmother is, that became the truth for the rest of the night.
00:08:36.850 --> 00:08:39.970
I did not have to keep fighting back to annoyance.
00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:42.850
I did not have to keep convincing myself.
00:08:43.169 --> 00:08:49.649
One pause, one choice to be curious, and everything that followed flowed from that.
00:08:49.970 --> 00:08:52.370
That is the power of curiosity.
00:08:53.090 --> 00:08:55.169
What curiosity is not.
00:08:56.610 --> 00:09:01.810
Before we go further, let me be clear about what curiosity is not.
00:09:02.210 --> 00:09:05.330
Curiosity is not looking for exceptions.
00:09:05.570 --> 00:09:08.610
It is not rationalizing away reality.
00:09:08.929 --> 00:09:16.129
It is not thinking well maybe they were rushing to the hospital, so running that stop sign was okay.
00:09:16.449 --> 00:09:17.329
It is not.
00:09:17.649 --> 00:09:25.090
Maybe there is a one percent chance this person had a good reason, so I should ignore what I saw.
00:09:25.409 --> 00:09:27.329
That is not curiosity.
00:09:27.569 --> 00:09:30.529
That is wishful thinking, that is avoidance.
00:09:30.850 --> 00:09:34.529
Curiosity is also not about denying facts.
00:09:34.850 --> 00:09:41.169
You saw what you saw, the choice was made, the consequence happened, those are facts.
00:09:41.490 --> 00:09:48.129
But curiosity asks a different question, not is there an exception that makes this okay?
00:09:48.449 --> 00:09:49.970
But who is this person?
00:09:50.289 --> 00:09:51.809
What was their intention?
00:09:52.129 --> 00:09:55.169
What am I not understanding about their world?
00:09:55.649 --> 00:10:05.730
Curiosity is about seeing the whole picture, not excusing behavior, not making exceptions, just genuinely wanting to understand.
00:10:06.929 --> 00:10:13.970
The piano here is what I want you to understand about expertise and curiosity.
00:10:14.209 --> 00:10:15.730
Imagine a piano.
00:10:16.610 --> 00:10:25.970
You have spent years mastering a certain section of the keys, the ones in the middle, the ones that feel natural to your hands.
00:10:26.289 --> 00:10:30.129
You know them so well that you can play them without thinking.
00:10:30.370 --> 00:10:37.329
Your fingers find the right keys, the music flows, you are exceptional at this part of the piano.
00:10:37.970 --> 00:10:41.730
That mastery is your superpower, it is not the problem.
00:10:42.370 --> 00:10:45.009
It is why you are good at what you do.
00:10:45.250 --> 00:10:47.730
But the piano has a full range.
00:10:47.970 --> 00:10:55.889
There are keys to the left that you have never played, keys to the right that exist but feel foreign.
00:10:56.129 --> 00:11:01.090
And here is the truth, you do not need to abandon your superpower.
00:11:01.329 --> 00:11:05.250
You do not need to stop playing the keys you have mastered.
00:11:05.649 --> 00:11:16.129
But sometimes, when change matters, when growth matters, when curiosity matters, you need to learn to play some of those other keys.
00:11:16.610 --> 00:11:27.169
Not because your original keys are wrong, not because you should play both ends equally well, but because the magic happens at the edges.
00:11:27.490 --> 00:11:39.970
It is your ability to occasionally step outside your mastery to play a key you do not usually play at exactly the right moment that makes your mastery so much more powerful.
00:11:40.449 --> 00:11:45.090
The song becomes richer, more dynamic, more alive.
00:11:45.889 --> 00:11:47.970
That is what curiosity does.
00:11:48.209 --> 00:11:51.250
It does not ask you to stop being who you are.
00:11:51.490 --> 00:12:01.090
It asks you to know that more exists, and that more, used strategically, makes everything you are already good at even better.
00:12:02.529 --> 00:12:12.929
The self If you want to move the needle on your happiness and well being, curiosity is one of the most powerful tools you have.
00:12:13.250 --> 00:12:19.169
Most of us work in an environment where something feels stuck, behind, frustrating.
00:12:19.730 --> 00:12:27.490
Maybe it is the organization you are part of, maybe it is a relationship with someone you work alongside.
00:12:27.970 --> 00:12:35.409
Maybe it is the way things have always been done, and you can see so clearly how they could be better.
00:12:35.649 --> 00:12:50.209
Your expertise tells you exactly what needs to change, and so every day you show up and you see the gaps, you see what is not working, you see what they are not doing, and that becomes your daily experience.
00:12:50.529 --> 00:12:57.490
Judgment, frustration, a quiet resentment that lives in your chest.
00:12:57.970 --> 00:12:59.569
Here is the reality.
00:13:00.289 --> 00:13:04.769
The situation is real, the gaps are real.
00:13:05.809 --> 00:13:10.850
Your frustration is real, but here is what is also real.
00:13:11.490 --> 00:13:18.929
How you feel every single day is also real, and you have more power over that than you think.
00:13:19.329 --> 00:13:25.490
What if before your next dreaded interaction, you walked in with one simple question?
00:13:25.809 --> 00:13:29.329
What is one thing I do not know about this person?
00:13:30.049 --> 00:13:39.009
That curiosity does not mean you ignore what needs to change, but it changes everything about how you experience that interaction.
00:13:39.250 --> 00:13:48.769
It shifts you from close to open, from certain to curious, and from that different place something different becomes possible.
00:13:49.090 --> 00:13:54.289
Coactive coaching teaches us something fundamental about human well-being.
00:13:54.529 --> 00:13:59.329
You can make choices that will have a drastic impact on how you feel.
00:13:59.569 --> 00:14:09.490
And if you do want to be an agent of change in your organization, your curiosity and your connectedness are what will actually move the needle.
00:14:09.809 --> 00:14:13.889
You cannot change someone when you are in confrontation.
00:14:14.769 --> 00:14:19.490
Youth Youth coaches are good people.
00:14:19.970 --> 00:14:26.689
They care deeply about kids, development matters to them, and we are all human.
00:14:27.169 --> 00:14:32.209
We operate on system one thinking most of the time, fast, automatic, efficient.
00:14:32.449 --> 00:14:34.850
Our brains evolve to work this way.
00:14:35.090 --> 00:14:38.929
Quick assessment, quick judgment, quick decision.
00:14:39.250 --> 00:14:43.889
For millions of years, this kept us safe, this kept us alive.
00:14:44.129 --> 00:14:50.929
But in youth development, this autopilot can close doors we do not even realize we are closing.
00:14:51.250 --> 00:14:57.329
It shapes how we see players, it shapes what we believe is possible for them.
00:14:57.569 --> 00:14:59.569
And young players feel it.
00:14:59.809 --> 00:15:05.970
They experience the world through our judgments, whether we know we are making them or not.
00:15:06.209 --> 00:15:09.809
Small shifts in awareness have outsized impact.
00:15:10.049 --> 00:15:12.769
One of those shifts is curiosity.
00:15:13.169 --> 00:15:17.569
We have all watched a documentary on a topic we knew nothing about.
00:15:17.889 --> 00:15:20.449
An hour later you feel informed.
00:15:20.929 --> 00:15:27.250
You feel certain, you have strong opinions on something you had never encountered before.
00:15:27.490 --> 00:15:39.329
Then you dig deeper into that same topic, you realize how much nuance you missed, how much complexity exists beneath the surface, how much you did not know.
00:15:39.649 --> 00:15:43.090
We all fall into this trap, beginner or expert.
00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:46.529
We consume information and think we understand.
00:15:46.850 --> 00:15:49.809
We stop exploring and start confirming.
00:15:50.049 --> 00:15:51.730
But here is what matters.
00:15:51.970 --> 00:15:58.370
Young players need coaches who are still exploring, who are still willing to not know.
00:15:58.689 --> 00:16:03.490
There is a difference between curiosity to learn and curiosity to know.
00:16:03.809 --> 00:16:06.289
Curiosity to learn keeps you open.
00:16:06.529 --> 00:16:12.529
It is exploratory, it says I do not have all the answers, there is more to discover.
00:16:13.009 --> 00:16:15.250
Curiosity to know is different.
00:16:15.569 --> 00:16:18.209
It wants to arrive at certainty.
00:16:18.529 --> 00:16:23.809
It wants to confirm what you already believe, it closes the door.
00:16:24.289 --> 00:16:27.169
Most of us start with curiosity to learn.
00:16:27.409 --> 00:16:34.689
We are humble, we are open, but as we accumulate knowledge and experience, something shifts.
00:16:35.009 --> 00:16:38.049
We stop exploring, we start confirming.
00:16:38.289 --> 00:16:42.529
We become curious to know instead of curious to learn.
00:16:42.850 --> 00:16:48.129
And that is exactly when curiosity matters most at the youth level.
00:16:48.449 --> 00:16:53.809
Because when a coach stops exploring, they stop seeing the player in front of them.
00:16:54.049 --> 00:16:56.209
They see their judgment of the player.
00:16:56.449 --> 00:17:00.529
They see the category they have already placed them in.
00:17:01.090 --> 00:17:03.250
The young player feels it.
00:17:03.569 --> 00:17:07.410
They feel decided on, they feel boxed in.
00:17:07.730 --> 00:17:12.769
But research from the Dutch Football Federation reveals something striking.
00:17:13.090 --> 00:17:19.170
When they analyze their youth academies across the country, they discovered a pattern.
00:17:19.569 --> 00:17:26.130
The vast majority of players selected to elite youth programs shared one thing in common.
00:17:26.370 --> 00:17:31.890
They were born early in the calendar year, January, February, March.
00:17:32.370 --> 00:17:40.529
At first, this seemed like coincidence, but when they changed the age cutoff dates, the entire player pool shifted.
00:17:40.769 --> 00:17:48.930
The kids selected to elite programs changed, which means the best coaches in the world were not identifying talent.
00:17:49.090 --> 00:17:53.570
They were identifying who happened to be oldest in their age group.
00:17:53.890 --> 00:17:57.570
An initial advantage got mistaken for superiority.
00:17:57.810 --> 00:18:00.690
Better coaching and more resources followed.
00:18:01.009 --> 00:18:03.810
Over years, the advantage compounded.
00:18:04.130 --> 00:18:07.810
What started as a birth month gap looked like talent.
00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:16.610
Even knowing this is true, even with all the research, even with the best coaches acknowledging it, the bias persists.
00:18:16.850 --> 00:18:20.450
So the question becomes what are you not seeing?
00:18:20.690 --> 00:18:32.769
When a coach stays in exploration mode, genuinely curious to learn about who this young player is, what they are capable of, what they might become, everything shifts.
00:18:33.009 --> 00:18:44.769
The young player feels seen, they feel possibility, they feel safe to grow, to experiment, to fail, to discover who they are becoming.
00:18:45.170 --> 00:18:48.769
That is the power of curiosity at the youth level.
00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:55.090
Not curiosity to develop better players, but curiosity that creates safety and joy.
00:18:55.410 --> 00:19:01.970
Curiosity that keeps the door open instead of closing it with premature certainty.
00:19:02.370 --> 00:19:09.490
Elite College There is a coach who has won twenty one national championships.
00:19:09.730 --> 00:19:13.650
Everything in his program is organized, intentional, prepared.
00:19:13.810 --> 00:19:16.769
Every training session is designed with precision.
00:19:17.250 --> 00:19:19.090
Every detail matters.
00:19:19.330 --> 00:19:24.370
He knows what works because he has won more than anyone else in the sport.
00:19:24.690 --> 00:19:27.970
And yet Anson Darren stays curious.
00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:38.050
When someone with no credentials, no track record, no name behind them shares an idea about collective decision making and video analytics, he listens.
00:19:38.370 --> 00:19:39.890
He does not dismiss it.
00:19:40.130 --> 00:19:42.610
He does not think he already knows.
00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:45.810
He says this might be the missing piece.
00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:49.090
That is curiosity at the elite level.
00:19:49.330 --> 00:19:52.130
Not curiosity because you are uncertain.
00:19:52.610 --> 00:20:05.090
But curiosity even when you have every reason to be certain, even when you have twenty one national titles, even when your system works, and here is what is remarkable.
00:20:05.410 --> 00:20:10.130
Anson does not just think about curiosity, he models it.
00:20:10.370 --> 00:20:19.810
Everything in his training is prepared, intentional, but there is always room to try new things, new ideas, new approaches.
00:20:20.050 --> 00:20:26.210
And when those new things do not unfold exactly as planned, his players watch.
00:20:26.370 --> 00:20:28.050
They see how he responds.
00:20:28.290 --> 00:20:29.730
Does he get frustrated?
00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:31.090
Does he shut down?
00:20:31.330 --> 00:20:32.930
Or does he stay curious?
00:20:33.090 --> 00:20:34.610
Does he say interesting?
00:20:34.850 --> 00:20:36.370
Let us learn from that.
00:20:36.690 --> 00:20:40.290
That response is the most powerful teaching you can offer.
00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:45.650
Because your players are learning how to be in uncertainty by watching you navigate it.
00:20:45.890 --> 00:20:50.290
If you are rigid and certain, they learn to be rigid and certain.
00:20:50.530 --> 00:20:56.050
If you are prepared but flexible, curious but intentional, they learn that.
00:20:56.290 --> 00:20:58.769
That is the modeling at the elite level.
00:20:59.009 --> 00:21:10.850
That is what creates a culture where players feel safe to experiment, to fail, to learn, where they see that curiosity and excellence are not opposites.
00:21:11.170 --> 00:21:12.769
They go together.
00:21:13.490 --> 00:21:21.490
Professional At the professional level, it is about winning, but growth matters too.
00:21:21.730 --> 00:21:25.090
A team that goes from tenth to fifth is celebrated.
00:21:25.250 --> 00:21:29.410
A team that stays second for three years starts to feel the weight.
00:21:29.730 --> 00:21:32.610
Arteta said something that stuck with me.
00:21:32.850 --> 00:21:35.810
When you win the league, your phone explodes.
00:21:36.130 --> 00:21:38.370
Texts pour in from everywhere.
00:21:38.690 --> 00:21:43.810
When you finish second, although you played well, nobody texts you.
00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:47.250
Everyone at the pro level is expert.
00:21:47.490 --> 00:21:49.250
Every coach is prepared.
00:21:49.410 --> 00:21:52.530
Every player is fighting with everything they have.
00:21:52.850 --> 00:21:56.930
But someone finishes first, most finish somewhere in the middle.
00:21:57.170 --> 00:21:59.009
That is just the reality.
00:21:59.330 --> 00:22:06.690
And this is the world we operate in media, television, money, sponsorships, expectations.
00:22:07.330 --> 00:22:09.650
We are not reinventing that system.
00:22:10.370 --> 00:22:11.730
That is what it is.
00:22:12.050 --> 00:22:22.930
So the question becomes can you compete at the highest level, give everything, come up short, and still choose to be grounded and happy in the process?
00:22:23.250 --> 00:22:33.250
The loss will sting, the saboteur will show up, it will tell you something is wrong, that you are not enough, that you should have done more.
00:22:33.570 --> 00:22:42.290
That voice is real and it has something to say, let it speak, feel what is there, and then make a choice.
00:22:42.530 --> 00:23:03.810
You can stay locked in that doubt and fear, or you can choose curiosity about yourself, about what you are feeling, about what this season is teaching you, about the ecosystem around you, the staff, the players, the people who showed up every single day alongside you.
00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:08.930
When you bring curiosity into that moment, something opens.
00:23:09.490 --> 00:23:15.250
Not because you are happy you lost, but because you are staying alive inside it.
00:23:15.570 --> 00:23:19.970
You are not letting the silence and the doubt close you down completely.
00:23:20.610 --> 00:23:27.009
And when you mix that curiosity with the expertise you already have, something shifts.
00:23:27.330 --> 00:23:36.370
You see more clearly, you lead more freely, you take better action, not from desperation, from groundedness.
00:23:36.690 --> 00:23:58.769
You cannot guarantee your team finishes first, but you can choose to bring curiosity and joy into the process, and from that choice happiness becomes possible, even in the middle, even in the loss, you may still feel the disappointment, but instead of a one or a two out of ten, you might feel like a six or a seven.
00:23:59.009 --> 00:24:00.210
That is massive.
00:24:00.530 --> 00:24:06.610
That is the difference between being destroyed by the result and being grounded through it.
00:24:07.970 --> 00:24:09.250
Coming next.
00:24:10.850 --> 00:24:22.370
Everything we have explored in this series, listening, the saboteur, being and doing, powerful questions, curiosity, has been building towards something.
00:24:22.610 --> 00:24:28.050
Before we go deeper, I want to pause and name the foundation underneath all of it.
00:24:28.370 --> 00:24:33.090
Next we explore the four cornerstones of coactive coaching.
00:24:33.410 --> 00:24:36.370
The beliefs that make everything else possible.
00:24:36.690 --> 00:24:40.130
You have already been living them without knowing their names.
00:24:40.370 --> 00:24:43.009
It is time to meet them properly.
00:24:43.250 --> 00:24:49.330
Because once you see the architecture, everything we have built together lands differently.
00:00:39.649 --> 00:00:58.609
Curiosity the choice that changes everything Acumen Collective The Coactive for Sport Leaders series I have to be honest, Curiosity has been one of the trickiest articles in this series to write.
00:00:58.929 --> 00:01:02.689
Not because it is not important, quite the opposite.
00:01:03.009 --> 00:01:11.890
Curiosity feels foundational to everything in coactive, but it is also so obvious that it almost disappears.
00:01:12.289 --> 00:01:20.609
We all know we should be curious, and yet in the moment, curiosity is often the last place we go.
00:01:20.849 --> 00:01:23.729
So let me start by talking about the opposite.
00:01:24.210 --> 00:01:36.449
Judgment arrives first before you have all the information, before you know the full story, before the other person has had a chance to say a word.
00:01:36.930 --> 00:01:41.650
Judgment shows up fast, automatic, uninvited.
00:01:41.969 --> 00:01:45.409
We did not choose it, it simply arrived.
00:01:45.729 --> 00:01:51.810
You are walking with your kids and someone runs through a stop sign, reckless, dangerous.
00:01:52.050 --> 00:01:58.129
You watch a player not follow through on something they committed to, lazy, uncommitted.
00:01:58.370 --> 00:02:04.370
You move to a new country and see people living differently than you always have wrong.
00:02:04.849 --> 00:02:12.210
It happens to all of us, every day, in traffic, at home, on the training field, in the boardroom.
00:02:12.609 --> 00:02:19.569
Judgment is not a flaw, it is human, it is wired in, it is fast because it has to be.
00:02:19.810 --> 00:02:23.330
Our survival has always depended on quick assessment.
00:02:23.569 --> 00:02:26.050
But here is what judgment costs us.
00:02:26.370 --> 00:02:39.969
When judgment closes the door, it closes everything behind it, the question we did not ask, the perspective we did not consider, the change that was possible but never happened.
00:02:40.449 --> 00:02:49.409
The player who needed to be seen, not assessed, the colleague who had a different approach that might have actually worked.
00:02:49.730 --> 00:02:51.969
And expertise makes it worse.
00:02:52.210 --> 00:03:00.129
The doctor who has been practicing for thirty years, the record label executives in Nashville who had seen it all.
00:03:00.370 --> 00:03:06.930
At eleven years old, Taylor Swift submitted demo tapes to every major label in Nashville.
00:03:07.170 --> 00:03:09.330
She was rejected by all of them.
00:03:09.490 --> 00:03:12.129
They knew what country music was for.
00:03:12.530 --> 00:03:18.210
A teenage girl singing about teenage experiences did not fit their formula.
00:03:18.770 --> 00:03:21.330
Their expertise closed the door.
00:03:21.569 --> 00:03:27.490
A few years later, she became one of the most successful artists in history.
00:03:27.730 --> 00:03:35.650
Judgment is not wrong, but if it is all we have we stop growing, and so does everyone around us.
00:03:35.890 --> 00:03:38.370
That is where curiosity comes in.
00:03:39.010 --> 00:03:41.330
What curiosity actually is?
00:03:42.530 --> 00:03:47.409
So if judgment is the automatic response, what is curiosity?
00:03:47.890 --> 00:03:57.170
Curiosity is a choice, a deliberate shift, a decision to pause the certainty and open to possibility.
00:03:57.650 --> 00:04:05.250
In coactive coaching, we start with a belief everyone is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.
00:04:05.490 --> 00:04:07.090
They have the answers.
00:04:07.409 --> 00:04:11.650
That means the work is to be curious and ask questions.
00:04:11.969 --> 00:04:21.969
Questions that are open ended, inviting, provocative, questions that invite someone to look in a certain direction, but with no preconceived conclusion.
00:04:22.209 --> 00:04:26.610
These are not leading questions, and there is no attachment to the answers.
00:04:26.930 --> 00:04:30.610
Curiosity is a playful state, full of wonder.
00:04:30.930 --> 00:04:42.610
It is the feeling of not knowing what comes next, of being genuinely open to what might emerge, of asking without already having the answer locked in.
00:04:42.849 --> 00:04:46.289
The spaciousness of curiosity is wide open.
00:04:46.610 --> 00:04:50.849
You enter this space together with another person to explore.
00:04:51.089 --> 00:04:53.409
And here is what is remarkable.
00:04:53.730 --> 00:04:56.529
Curiosity is somehow less dangerous.
00:04:56.849 --> 00:04:58.449
It lowers the risk.
00:04:58.769 --> 00:05:02.370
It eliminates the stifling quality of judgment.
00:05:02.609 --> 00:05:06.209
When we are curious, it feels like no big deal.
00:05:06.449 --> 00:05:08.209
We are just being curious.
00:05:08.449 --> 00:05:16.769
And yet, curiosity is enormously powerful because it opens us to being surprised, to finding the unexpected truth.
00:05:17.009 --> 00:05:18.209
It is childlike.
00:05:18.529 --> 00:05:19.969
Look what I found.
00:05:20.289 --> 00:05:23.169
And here is what I learned about myself.
00:05:23.489 --> 00:05:45.649
I always told myself I was curious, but I was only curious about some things, about learning in general, about how kids learn, especially in sport, but not about people in certain contexts, not about approaches that differed from mine, not about the neighbor next door who saw the world differently.
00:05:45.969 --> 00:05:54.689
The more expert we become, the less curious we often become, and that is exactly when curiosity matters most.
00:05:55.729 --> 00:05:57.889
But here is what changed for me.
00:05:58.209 --> 00:06:12.689
The moment I became even slightly more curious about my own blind spots, about where I was not curious, something shifted, not just in me, in how I showed up with everyone around me.
00:06:13.009 --> 00:06:14.529
And here is what matters.
00:06:14.769 --> 00:06:17.169
You do not need to be curious about everything.
00:06:17.409 --> 00:06:20.689
You do not need to live in curiosity constantly.
00:06:20.929 --> 00:06:28.129
But when you let curiosity in, even just a little more, something shifts disproportionately.
00:06:28.449 --> 00:06:32.849
Ten percent more curiosity creates exponentially more joy.
00:06:33.169 --> 00:06:37.729
Twenty percent more curiosity creates exponentially more growth.
00:06:38.049 --> 00:06:41.169
For you, for the people around you.
00:06:41.489 --> 00:06:52.769
That choice to let curiosity in might be one of the greatest things you can do to move the needle on your happiness from a six to an eight.
00:06:53.409 --> 00:06:56.609
Let me show you what this actually looks like.
00:06:56.849 --> 00:07:00.449
I spent a day with my daughters at their grandmother's house.
00:07:00.609 --> 00:07:04.929
At the end of the night, their nanny gave them Starburst candies.
00:07:05.169 --> 00:07:09.089
We were about to jump in the car for an hour and a half drive home.
00:07:09.329 --> 00:07:11.810
The girls would fall asleep in the car.
00:07:12.129 --> 00:07:19.409
My daughter, who was already fighting a cold, got two Starburst, some milk, and got in the car.
00:07:19.729 --> 00:07:22.689
Ten minutes in, she started puking.
00:07:23.009 --> 00:07:26.769
My first reaction was judgment, annoyance.
00:07:27.009 --> 00:07:32.049
I made a snarky comment about the Sturst, and I could have stayed there.
00:07:32.289 --> 00:07:43.489
I could have gone down a rabbit hole about why we would give all these candies before bed, about choices and consequences, about the way things should be done.
00:07:43.729 --> 00:07:45.409
I could have spiraled.
00:07:45.729 --> 00:07:47.969
I have my own struggle with candy.
00:07:48.209 --> 00:07:52.449
I could go on and on, but I paused and I made a choice.
00:07:52.689 --> 00:07:54.529
I let curiosity in.
00:07:54.849 --> 00:07:57.969
She gave those candies to make my daughters happy.
00:07:58.209 --> 00:08:00.209
She is not just a grandmother.
00:08:00.529 --> 00:08:05.649
She is one of the most selfless, caring, deeply generous humans I know.
00:08:05.969 --> 00:08:08.529
She shows up for everybody around her.
00:08:08.849 --> 00:08:15.089
In that pause, in that choice to be curious instead of annoyed, something shifted.
00:08:15.409 --> 00:08:17.729
We went back to the nanny's place.
00:08:18.049 --> 00:08:24.370
While my daughter got a bath and the girls got extra time with their cousins, I cleaned the car.
00:08:24.929 --> 00:08:27.409
But the shift had already happened.
00:08:27.649 --> 00:08:36.610
Once I let curiosity in, once I saw how awesome this grandmother is, that became the truth for the rest of the night.
00:08:36.850 --> 00:08:39.970
I did not have to keep fighting back to annoyance.
00:08:40.210 --> 00:08:42.850
I did not have to keep convincing myself.
00:08:43.169 --> 00:08:49.649
One pause, one choice to be curious, and everything that followed flowed from that.
00:08:49.970 --> 00:08:52.370
That is the power of curiosity.
00:08:53.090 --> 00:08:55.169
What curiosity is not.
00:08:56.610 --> 00:09:01.810
Before we go further, let me be clear about what curiosity is not.
00:09:02.210 --> 00:09:05.330
Curiosity is not looking for exceptions.
00:09:05.570 --> 00:09:08.610
It is not rationalizing away reality.
00:09:08.929 --> 00:09:16.129
It is not thinking well maybe they were rushing to the hospital, so running that stop sign was okay.
00:09:16.449 --> 00:09:17.329
It is not.
00:09:17.649 --> 00:09:25.090
Maybe there is a one percent chance this person had a good reason, so I should ignore what I saw.
00:09:25.409 --> 00:09:27.329
That is not curiosity.
00:09:27.569 --> 00:09:30.529
That is wishful thinking, that is avoidance.
00:09:30.850 --> 00:09:34.529
Curiosity is also not about denying facts.
00:09:34.850 --> 00:09:41.169
You saw what you saw, the choice was made, the consequence happened, those are facts.
00:09:41.490 --> 00:09:48.129
But curiosity asks a different question, not is there an exception that makes this okay?
00:09:48.449 --> 00:09:49.970
But who is this person?
00:09:50.289 --> 00:09:51.809
What was their intention?
00:09:52.129 --> 00:09:55.169
What am I not understanding about their world?
00:09:55.649 --> 00:10:05.730
Curiosity is about seeing the whole picture, not excusing behavior, not making exceptions, just genuinely wanting to understand.
00:10:06.929 --> 00:10:13.970
The piano here is what I want you to understand about expertise and curiosity.
00:10:14.209 --> 00:10:15.730
Imagine a piano.
00:10:16.610 --> 00:10:25.970
You have spent years mastering a certain section of the keys, the ones in the middle, the ones that feel natural to your hands.
00:10:26.289 --> 00:10:30.129
You know them so well that you can play them without thinking.
00:10:30.370 --> 00:10:37.329
Your fingers find the right keys, the music flows, you are exceptional at this part of the piano.
00:10:37.970 --> 00:10:41.730
That mastery is your superpower, it is not the problem.
00:10:42.370 --> 00:10:45.009
It is why you are good at what you do.
00:10:45.250 --> 00:10:47.730
But the piano has a full range.
00:10:47.970 --> 00:10:55.889
There are keys to the left that you have never played, keys to the right that exist but feel foreign.
00:10:56.129 --> 00:11:01.090
And here is the truth, you do not need to abandon your superpower.
00:11:01.329 --> 00:11:05.250
You do not need to stop playing the keys you have mastered.
00:11:05.649 --> 00:11:16.129
But sometimes, when change matters, when growth matters, when curiosity matters, you need to learn to play some of those other keys.
00:11:16.610 --> 00:11:27.169
Not because your original keys are wrong, not because you should play both ends equally well, but because the magic happens at the edges.
00:11:27.490 --> 00:11:39.970
It is your ability to occasionally step outside your mastery to play a key you do not usually play at exactly the right moment that makes your mastery so much more powerful.
00:11:40.449 --> 00:11:45.090
The song becomes richer, more dynamic, more alive.
00:11:45.889 --> 00:11:47.970
That is what curiosity does.
00:11:48.209 --> 00:11:51.250
It does not ask you to stop being who you are.
00:11:51.490 --> 00:12:01.090
It asks you to know that more exists, and that more, used strategically, makes everything you are already good at even better.
00:12:02.529 --> 00:12:12.929
The self If you want to move the needle on your happiness and well being, curiosity is one of the most powerful tools you have.
00:12:13.250 --> 00:12:19.169
Most of us work in an environment where something feels stuck, behind, frustrating.
00:12:19.730 --> 00:12:27.490
Maybe it is the organization you are part of, maybe it is a relationship with someone you work alongside.
00:12:27.970 --> 00:12:35.409
Maybe it is the way things have always been done, and you can see so clearly how they could be better.
00:12:35.649 --> 00:12:50.209
Your expertise tells you exactly what needs to change, and so every day you show up and you see the gaps, you see what is not working, you see what they are not doing, and that becomes your daily experience.
00:12:50.529 --> 00:12:57.490
Judgment, frustration, a quiet resentment that lives in your chest.
00:12:57.970 --> 00:12:59.569
Here is the reality.
00:13:00.289 --> 00:13:04.769
The situation is real, the gaps are real.
00:13:05.809 --> 00:13:10.850
Your frustration is real, but here is what is also real.
00:13:11.490 --> 00:13:18.929
How you feel every single day is also real, and you have more power over that than you think.
00:13:19.329 --> 00:13:25.490
What if before your next dreaded interaction, you walked in with one simple question?
00:13:25.809 --> 00:13:29.329
What is one thing I do not know about this person?
00:13:30.049 --> 00:13:39.009
That curiosity does not mean you ignore what needs to change, but it changes everything about how you experience that interaction.
00:13:39.250 --> 00:13:48.769
It shifts you from close to open, from certain to curious, and from that different place something different becomes possible.
00:13:49.090 --> 00:13:54.289
Coactive coaching teaches us something fundamental about human well-being.
00:13:54.529 --> 00:13:59.329
You can make choices that will have a drastic impact on how you feel.
00:13:59.569 --> 00:14:09.490
And if you do want to be an agent of change in your organization, your curiosity and your connectedness are what will actually move the needle.
00:14:09.809 --> 00:14:13.889
You cannot change someone when you are in confrontation.
00:14:14.769 --> 00:14:19.490
Youth Youth coaches are good people.
00:14:19.970 --> 00:14:26.689
They care deeply about kids, development matters to them, and we are all human.
00:14:27.169 --> 00:14:32.209
We operate on system one thinking most of the time, fast, automatic, efficient.
00:14:32.449 --> 00:14:34.850
Our brains evolve to work this way.
00:14:35.090 --> 00:14:38.929
Quick assessment, quick judgment, quick decision.
00:14:39.250 --> 00:14:43.889
For millions of years, this kept us safe, this kept us alive.
00:14:44.129 --> 00:14:50.929
But in youth development, this autopilot can close doors we do not even realize we are closing.
00:14:51.250 --> 00:14:57.329
It shapes how we see players, it shapes what we believe is possible for them.
00:14:57.569 --> 00:14:59.569
And young players feel it.
00:14:59.809 --> 00:15:05.970
They experience the world through our judgments, whether we know we are making them or not.
00:15:06.209 --> 00:15:09.809
Small shifts in awareness have outsized impact.
00:15:10.049 --> 00:15:12.769
One of those shifts is curiosity.
00:15:13.169 --> 00:15:17.569
We have all watched a documentary on a topic we knew nothing about.
00:15:17.889 --> 00:15:20.449
An hour later you feel informed.
00:15:20.929 --> 00:15:27.250
You feel certain, you have strong opinions on something you had never encountered before.
00:15:27.490 --> 00:15:39.329
Then you dig deeper into that same topic, you realize how much nuance you missed, how much complexity exists beneath the surface, how much you did not know.
00:15:39.649 --> 00:15:43.090
We all fall into this trap, beginner or expert.
00:15:43.409 --> 00:15:46.529
We consume information and think we understand.
00:15:46.850 --> 00:15:49.809
We stop exploring and start confirming.
00:15:50.049 --> 00:15:51.730
But here is what matters.
00:15:51.970 --> 00:15:58.370
Young players need coaches who are still exploring, who are still willing to not know.
00:15:58.689 --> 00:16:03.490
There is a difference between curiosity to learn and curiosity to know.
00:16:03.809 --> 00:16:06.289
Curiosity to learn keeps you open.
00:16:06.529 --> 00:16:12.529
It is exploratory, it says I do not have all the answers, there is more to discover.
00:16:13.009 --> 00:16:15.250
Curiosity to know is different.
00:16:15.569 --> 00:16:18.209
It wants to arrive at certainty.
00:16:18.529 --> 00:16:23.809
It wants to confirm what you already believe, it closes the door.
00:16:24.289 --> 00:16:27.169
Most of us start with curiosity to learn.
00:16:27.409 --> 00:16:34.689
We are humble, we are open, but as we accumulate knowledge and experience, something shifts.
00:16:35.009 --> 00:16:38.049
We stop exploring, we start confirming.
00:16:38.289 --> 00:16:42.529
We become curious to know instead of curious to learn.
00:16:42.850 --> 00:16:48.129
And that is exactly when curiosity matters most at the youth level.
00:16:48.449 --> 00:16:53.809
Because when a coach stops exploring, they stop seeing the player in front of them.
00:16:54.049 --> 00:16:56.209
They see their judgment of the player.
00:16:56.449 --> 00:17:00.529
They see the category they have already placed them in.
00:17:01.090 --> 00:17:03.250
The young player feels it.
00:17:03.569 --> 00:17:07.410
They feel decided on, they feel boxed in.
00:17:07.730 --> 00:17:12.769
But research from the Dutch Football Federation reveals something striking.
00:17:13.090 --> 00:17:19.170
When they analyze their youth academies across the country, they discovered a pattern.
00:17:19.569 --> 00:17:26.130
The vast majority of players selected to elite youth programs shared one thing in common.
00:17:26.370 --> 00:17:31.890
They were born early in the calendar year, January, February, March.
00:17:32.370 --> 00:17:40.529
At first, this seemed like coincidence, but when they changed the age cutoff dates, the entire player pool shifted.
00:17:40.769 --> 00:17:48.930
The kids selected to elite programs changed, which means the best coaches in the world were not identifying talent.
00:17:49.090 --> 00:17:53.570
They were identifying who happened to be oldest in their age group.
00:17:53.890 --> 00:17:57.570
An initial advantage got mistaken for superiority.
00:17:57.810 --> 00:18:00.690
Better coaching and more resources followed.
00:18:01.009 --> 00:18:03.810
Over years, the advantage compounded.
00:18:04.130 --> 00:18:07.810
What started as a birth month gap looked like talent.
00:18:08.130 --> 00:18:16.610
Even knowing this is true, even with all the research, even with the best coaches acknowledging it, the bias persists.
00:18:16.850 --> 00:18:20.450
So the question becomes what are you not seeing?
00:18:20.690 --> 00:18:32.769
When a coach stays in exploration mode, genuinely curious to learn about who this young player is, what they are capable of, what they might become, everything shifts.
00:18:33.009 --> 00:18:44.769
The young player feels seen, they feel possibility, they feel safe to grow, to experiment, to fail, to discover who they are becoming.
00:18:45.170 --> 00:18:48.769
That is the power of curiosity at the youth level.
00:18:49.009 --> 00:18:55.090
Not curiosity to develop better players, but curiosity that creates safety and joy.
00:18:55.410 --> 00:19:01.970
Curiosity that keeps the door open instead of closing it with premature certainty.
00:19:02.370 --> 00:19:09.490
Elite College There is a coach who has won twenty one national championships.
00:19:09.730 --> 00:19:13.650
Everything in his program is organized, intentional, prepared.
00:19:13.810 --> 00:19:16.769
Every training session is designed with precision.
00:19:17.250 --> 00:19:19.090
Every detail matters.
00:19:19.330 --> 00:19:24.370
He knows what works because he has won more than anyone else in the sport.
00:19:24.690 --> 00:19:27.970
And yet Anson Darren stays curious.
00:19:28.210 --> 00:19:38.050
When someone with no credentials, no track record, no name behind them shares an idea about collective decision making and video analytics, he listens.
00:19:38.370 --> 00:19:39.890
He does not dismiss it.
00:19:40.130 --> 00:19:42.610
He does not think he already knows.
00:19:42.930 --> 00:19:45.810
He says this might be the missing piece.
00:19:46.130 --> 00:19:49.090
That is curiosity at the elite level.
00:19:49.330 --> 00:19:52.130
Not curiosity because you are uncertain.
00:19:52.610 --> 00:20:05.090
But curiosity even when you have every reason to be certain, even when you have twenty one national titles, even when your system works, and here is what is remarkable.
00:20:05.410 --> 00:20:10.130
Anson does not just think about curiosity, he models it.
00:20:10.370 --> 00:20:19.810
Everything in his training is prepared, intentional, but there is always room to try new things, new ideas, new approaches.
00:20:20.050 --> 00:20:26.210
And when those new things do not unfold exactly as planned, his players watch.
00:20:26.370 --> 00:20:28.050
They see how he responds.
00:20:28.290 --> 00:20:29.730
Does he get frustrated?
00:20:29.890 --> 00:20:31.090
Does he shut down?
00:20:31.330 --> 00:20:32.930
Or does he stay curious?
00:20:33.090 --> 00:20:34.610
Does he say interesting?
00:20:34.850 --> 00:20:36.370
Let us learn from that.
00:20:36.690 --> 00:20:40.290
That response is the most powerful teaching you can offer.
00:20:40.610 --> 00:20:45.650
Because your players are learning how to be in uncertainty by watching you navigate it.
00:20:45.890 --> 00:20:50.290
If you are rigid and certain, they learn to be rigid and certain.
00:20:50.530 --> 00:20:56.050
If you are prepared but flexible, curious but intentional, they learn that.
00:20:56.290 --> 00:20:58.769
That is the modeling at the elite level.
00:20:59.009 --> 00:21:10.850
That is what creates a culture where players feel safe to experiment, to fail, to learn, where they see that curiosity and excellence are not opposites.
00:21:11.170 --> 00:21:12.769
They go together.
00:21:13.490 --> 00:21:21.490
Professional At the professional level, it is about winning, but growth matters too.
00:21:21.730 --> 00:21:25.090
A team that goes from tenth to fifth is celebrated.
00:21:25.250 --> 00:21:29.410
A team that stays second for three years starts to feel the weight.
00:21:29.730 --> 00:21:32.610
Arteta said something that stuck with me.
00:21:32.850 --> 00:21:35.810
When you win the league, your phone explodes.
00:21:36.130 --> 00:21:38.370
Texts pour in from everywhere.
00:21:38.690 --> 00:21:43.810
When you finish second, although you played well, nobody texts you.
00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:47.250
Everyone at the pro level is expert.
00:21:47.490 --> 00:21:49.250
Every coach is prepared.
00:21:49.410 --> 00:21:52.530
Every player is fighting with everything they have.
00:21:52.850 --> 00:21:56.930
But someone finishes first, most finish somewhere in the middle.
00:21:57.170 --> 00:21:59.009
That is just the reality.
00:21:59.330 --> 00:22:06.690
And this is the world we operate in media, television, money, sponsorships, expectations.
00:22:07.330 --> 00:22:09.650
We are not reinventing that system.
00:22:10.370 --> 00:22:11.730
That is what it is.
00:22:12.050 --> 00:22:22.930
So the question becomes can you compete at the highest level, give everything, come up short, and still choose to be grounded and happy in the process?
00:22:23.250 --> 00:22:33.250
The loss will sting, the saboteur will show up, it will tell you something is wrong, that you are not enough, that you should have done more.
00:22:33.570 --> 00:22:42.290
That voice is real and it has something to say, let it speak, feel what is there, and then make a choice.
00:22:42.530 --> 00:23:03.810
You can stay locked in that doubt and fear, or you can choose curiosity about yourself, about what you are feeling, about what this season is teaching you, about the ecosystem around you, the staff, the players, the people who showed up every single day alongside you.
00:23:04.130 --> 00:23:08.930
When you bring curiosity into that moment, something opens.
00:23:09.490 --> 00:23:15.250
Not because you are happy you lost, but because you are staying alive inside it.
00:23:15.570 --> 00:23:19.970
You are not letting the silence and the doubt close you down completely.
00:23:20.610 --> 00:23:27.009
And when you mix that curiosity with the expertise you already have, something shifts.
00:23:27.330 --> 00:23:36.370
You see more clearly, you lead more freely, you take better action, not from desperation, from groundedness.
00:23:36.690 --> 00:23:58.769
You cannot guarantee your team finishes first, but you can choose to bring curiosity and joy into the process, and from that choice happiness becomes possible, even in the middle, even in the loss, you may still feel the disappointment, but instead of a one or a two out of ten, you might feel like a six or a seven.
00:23:59.009 --> 00:24:00.210
That is massive.
00:24:00.530 --> 00:24:06.610
That is the difference between being destroyed by the result and being grounded through it.
00:24:07.970 --> 00:24:09.250
Coming next.
00:24:10.850 --> 00:24:22.370
Everything we have explored in this series, listening, the saboteur, being and doing, powerful questions, curiosity, has been building towards something.
00:24:22.610 --> 00:24:28.050
Before we go deeper, I want to pause and name the foundation underneath all of it.
00:24:28.370 --> 00:24:33.090
Next we explore the four cornerstones of coactive coaching.
00:24:33.410 --> 00:24:36.370
The beliefs that make everything else possible.
00:24:36.690 --> 00:24:40.130
You have already been living them without knowing their names.
00:24:40.370 --> 00:24:43.009
It is time to meet them properly.
00:24:43.250 --> 00:24:49.330
Because once you see the architecture, everything we have built together lands differently.
