ÜBER DIESE EPISODE
If you've tried to love yourself first and it hasn't worked, there's nothing wrong with you. Dr. Amen Kaur explains why self-love is learned through connection, what happens when you stop feeling you deserve good things, and the place inside you where you discover you are love.
Have you been told to love yourself first, tried hard, and still felt stuck? You're not failing. Research on attachment shows we learn how to treat ourselves from how others treated us, so self-love was never meant to be learned alone.
In this episode, Dr. Amen Kaur shares her own story of learning self-love, a client story of going from burnout to promotion, and five lessons to help you stop being so hard on yourself and reach your next level.
Take your free assessment: find out what's really holding you back in about three minutes. Go to linktr.ee/dramenkaur and tap "Take your free assessment."
In this episode you'll learn:
- Why you are the hardest person in your life to love
- Why self-love is taught through connection, not figured out alone
- What attachment research says about how we learn to treat ourselves
- How hidden guilt and "I don't deserve it" stop you reaching for opportunities
- The difference between soothing yourself and truly loving yourself
- Why your brain predicts rejection, and how to test that prediction
- How naming a feeling helps your brain settle
- Why self-love is presence, and you are love
Can you learn self-love on your own?
You can, but it's slow and hard. Most people learn self-love through how they're treated. Research on earned security shows that adults who started out insecure can become secure later in life, often helped by mentors, partners, teachers or a supportive group.
Why is it so hard to love yourself?
Because you see everything about yourself, including choices nobody else sees. That closeness makes self-judgment easy. But being hard on yourself doesn't move you forward. It keeps you stuck.
What is self-love, really?
Self-love isn't telling yourself you're wonderful. It's bringing love, understanding and compassion to the parts of you that you'd rather avoid, including the parts you judge, hide or feel guilt about.
Research mentioned:
- Hazan and Shaver (1987), adult attachment styles
- Roisman and colleagues (2002), earned secure attachment
- Lieberman and colleagues (2007), putting feelings into words calms the amygdala
Work with Dr. Amen Kaur:
BEYOND is a 4-month immersion with Dr. Amen Kaur, built on her Human Intelligence Framework. It uses science, neuroscience and research to help you let go of the limits holding you back, through love and awareness, so you can reach your next level in your career or business. It includes a live Mastermind every Monday, direct Mentorship, and lifetime access to Self-Mastery training. Limited places each month.
- Explore BEYOND: amenkaur.com/beyond
- Have questions first? Book a free BEYOND call: calendly.com/amenkaur/beyond-call
Podcast collaborations: amenkaur.com/contact