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All these things that we hear in our head that says I'm not good enough, I'm too dirty, I don't know enough.
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That we need to start replacing that when we hear those things with Welcome back to Carpool Confessions Podcast.
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This is Ellie Marie, and I'm Cake Straw, and we are super excited to be back with you this Monday morning.
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Our topic for today is imposter syndrome.
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Sometimes I have to like pinch myself, and and I'm thinking to myself, how did we get here?
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Like this is crazy that we're doing a podcast.
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And sometimes, I don't know about you, but I feel so inadequate or ill-equipped for things.
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Oh, yeah.
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I mean, I think I well, I know this that my coaching that I went through in the last couple of months has you know drawn some really incredible things out of me and you know made me view myself a lot differently.
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But I think really imposter syndrome is something that we all have dealt with or deal with on a regular basis.
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Yeah, I that has been a really big theme in my life is imposter syndrome, especially with how I grew up and not having good parents and also just people treating me differently because of that.
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It has honestly affected every part, every corner of my life has been affected by imposter syndrome.
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And that can be debilitating, it can be it could put you in danger even.
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Yeah, it why is it, especially as Christians, that we believe that God can do anything except through us for some reason.
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Not me.
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I mean, I heard something the other day that I thought was fantastic.
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It was a message um that I listened to the other day on this topic, but it was talking about how imposter syndrome is really just fear trying to rob us of the grace that chose us, the grace that positioned us, and the grace that empowers us.
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And when I heard that, I thought, whoa, like I really didn't think of it that way.
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I really didn't think of it as you know something that could be associated with fear, but I guess it is.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I think there's a lot of things when it comes to imposter syndrome, it's fear, it can be um, you know, I don't want to say imposter syndrome is just confidence, because I I definitely don't believe that it's bigger than just being competent, but that is a layer in there's you know, lack of confidence.
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Um and then you know, the environments you've grown up can also affect how you see yourself in in different situations.
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I mean, and so we work in a very corporate space, and our jobs are not corporate, but I I see a lot of discussion on imposter syndrome on LinkedIn.
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Yeah, you see that a lot in the corporate world.
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Yeah.
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And I will definitely say it affected me a lot at the job.
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When I first kind of came into a leadership role, I was really excited because I'm like, I'm gonna be around people who are much more driven, who are they just have a professionalism, they have a drive for their work, and I did not think I was adequate.
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Like these people, they've all, you know, they went to college and have masters and I can identify with that, and all these different things, and like I don't have that.
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I just have like I love to learn and I will learn things, right?
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But I didn't have the the backgrounds that all these people did, so it made me feel inferior to them.
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Um, but over time I have definitely gotten over that because I have learned that you know, my imposter syndrome makes me put people on a pedestal that they don't necessarily deserve to be on.
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Like I put them a hot higher above me, and that's not true, it's a lie my brain has told me for whatever reason.
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Yeah, I mean, definitely I can identify with that at work, and I think one of the biggest things I can identify with it is actually on my Christian walk.
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And so I have seen it several times rear its head in my life, but when I was starting Uplift, for example, oh my gosh, yeah, I can't imagine.
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Well, because I had no business by all intents and purposes, starting a nonprofit.
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I I had no background at all, had no experience.
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I was just absolutely not by on paper anybody that you would think would be able to start something like that.
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But you know, God very clearly spoke to me on that, and I've talked about this before.
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I built people around me to help fill in those holes, but I can tell you that a lot, like along the way, my feelings of oh, someone else be must be more qualified for like eventually they'll find out that I'm a fraud, kind of, you know, those type of those type of things running through my head and look at our journeys as Christians, right?
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And and I think the modern church has very much um in in in good intention, for example, if somebody just get it gets saved and then a couple weeks later, like, I want to start doing a Bible study at my church, everybody goes, Oh, well, hold on now.
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Have you done this, this, and this?
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Are you like prepared?
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Are you doing you know what I'm saying?
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Like saying that they're not ready for that, right?
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But but look at people of the Bible that are literally just plucked out and like in God's like, hey, I'm gonna use you and we're gonna go.
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We're gonna, we're gonna do this thing, you know, and so I think for this particular podcast, whenever I'm talking about, especially talking about things like different scriptures, different biblical meanings, you know, I don't want to get it wrong.
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Right.
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I don't want to, you know, I don't want to say things that I shouldn't say or do things I shouldn't do.
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But like the reality is that we're we're trying to be led by God and we're trying to to do what he's asking us to do.
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And sometimes, you know, we may get it wrong, and that's but like if that happens, okay.
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You know what I mean?
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And so is another one of those places where you know where that raises its head.
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And I think I've seen it happen, and so many people.
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I mean, I I talked to a lady at church just a couple weeks ago, and she was telling me about how she had joined this um little group that did a craft that was it was beautiful.
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Her Bible was beautiful, like they had went in and made like tabs for different uh scriptures about different like if you need encouragement, go here.
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If you need, you know, if you're angry, go here, you know, and filling it in with like all kinds of like pictures and of her family and things.
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It was really neat.
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And um, and I said to her, I said, Well, that is something that you should start at Genesis.
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And she was like, she kind of stepped back, she's like, I can't do that, you know, and I mean I feel like that this that moment will forever be itched in my mind because I was just like it it took me back because I was like, Well, yes, you can, you know, because I just I'm one of those people that you know, if if I want to do it, I'm gonna go out and do it.
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I'm at least gonna attempt to.
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Now, does that mean I don't feel inadequate in the process, no?
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But you know, things like that are are just you know, we have a view of ourselves that's not what God's view of us is.
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Right.
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Well, I think for a lot of people it's very relational and it happens through, you know, repeated situations where you are invalidated or just never given the opportunity, or systemically, you know, economically, there are reasons why you can move forward with something, and then that just gets ingrained in you and you carry that through life.
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So a lot of it, I think, comes from it can come from you know living in trauma, it can come from just the way our world is in general.
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I mean, we live in a you know, not a kind world.
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So that can definitely leave you feeling like you're just not good enough to do anything.
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And I've I have definitely felt that like I said, my entire life, you know, whether that was at school, not feeling like I'm I'm good enough, um, you know, in friendships, like I'm I'm like not the person anybody looks for in a room.
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You know what I mean?
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Like I have all of these thoughts that are really just they're not accurate, and they come from being treated poorly, really, for me, anyways.
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I think a lot of it too comes from this culture that we live in where everything you see is under a microscope, yes, you know, and also people valuing their worth by the number of followers they have or the number of likes they have, you know, that deep need to be validated, you know, in a world where you're never gonna be what everybody wants you to be.
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You're just not, yeah, it's just impossible.
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And I think a lot of it too is is people pleasing.
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You know, I've dealt I've we've talked about people pleasing and how we've both dealt with people pleasing and wanting to be perceived a certain way.
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Yeah, so I have a story, story time, yay, so and this is a work-related one.
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I just feel like it's easy to explain, it's a little cleaner, but I had an opportunity to do some more leadership type work, and I was partnered with a colleague to work on some projects.
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Well, I got called specifically to do a certain project, and this person became very upset with me.
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They cussed me out, they're like, You're you know, you're the golden child, and like it just created drama.
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And I like don't do that.
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I immediately, when people start acting like that, my go-to is to shut it down.
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So that's what ended up happening.
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I ended up telling my bosses I no longer wanted the project, and in fact, I made up a lie as to why I couldn't do it anymore, but it was because I was attacked.
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And that is something that's happened to me a lot.
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Like I have been attacked for stepping out in something new or whatever it may be, and I don't want to be attacked, and if a situation is going to bring that on, then I don't I don't want it.
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But that's super unfair to me, yeah, to myself, because I deserved to have that project.
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I worked really hard, and you know, I really did myself a disservice, but you you don't understand that until you have the tools to kind of look at it for what it was.
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This was somebody who didn't go about things in the right way, but then it created a mantra in your mind that was saying, well, if I do this, then I'm going to experience this because I'm not good enough.
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Yeah.
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You know, and so at the end of the day, those experiences shape us, whether it's our parents never, you know, not thinking we're capable as kids, or you know, whether it's perfectionism that's which that's a lot of me is like, oh, I can't release this podcast episode because it's not perfect.
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Right.
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And you know, so there it we all deal with it in different ways, I think.
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But I I specifically remember that one day we were sit on the patio, we talked about that where I like we were wanting to go to this this speakers event because we're both wanting to do um more public speaking.
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I mean, I've done some and I love to do it, and I know that that's something that I want to make a career out of someday.
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But I we got invited to this this storyteller's community group, and they were meeting on the back patio of our office.
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I know I've told the story before, but like I my feet were like concrete blocks.
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I could not make myself go out there.
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I literally felt like I was like, who are you to go out there?
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Well, and I think another thing with that too is at first there was a bunch of men, and that made me feel invalidated, like, oh, it's just a bunch of men that do this, so that's not a space for me.
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Well, which is a lot a whole nother thing, yeah, too, that women encounter or other, you know, minorities maybe encounter as well as like, oh, I, you know, I'm not good enough because that's not my you know, all that's not my race, or um, you know what I'm saying?
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Like there's all kinds of reasons that people might feel that way.
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But yeah, I mean, I felt very and like I felt very inadequate.
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But the funniest thing was we step out onto the patio, and what are they literally talking about when we walk out there?
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Imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome, and how they all are so you know, like, who am I?
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Like, they're gonna figure out that I'm a fraud.
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You know, I'm like, why?
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Yeah, these people are doing this full time, like what?
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No, and to kind of like lay it out, these were people like in a circle.
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It was a very raw and vulnerable moment we walked into.
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I yeah, and I thought, okay, well, I think that, you know, if if God was telling us any other way, like, hey, you know, yeah, you're not this is not something that you're dealing with alone, like this is you're not the only person on the planet that's dealing with this, but um, but yeah, I mean, sometimes it's just we just don't think we're we're good enough.
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That's just the the core of the issue.
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Hearing all these people, and I've seen some of the people before, like I've seen stuff they posted about, and then one of the individuals that was out there is our colleague's husband, and uh so I've seen a lot of what he has shared too, and I'm like, I'm nothing like these people, and the big thing for me is like I grew up really poor, I was in foster care, I had a lawyer tell me at 15 years old that I was gonna grow up and be a stripper, strung out on drugs because of my childhood.
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So, how could I not have imposter syndrome when I have this grown man who went to law school say that's a little old me?
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Yeah, because we don't realize how much those words we ingrain and and adopt into our identity of ourselves.
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Yeah, and I I certainly have.
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I mean, I actually my therapist told me the reason I have made it as far as I have is out of sheer spite.
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The other thing is so I think when we go back to the fear element, so I think that fear has a tendency to kind of selectively edit our story.
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I mean, I think we focus on the failures more in our life than the evidence that God has already been faithful to us.
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And I don't know if that's something that you do, but I do that a lot.
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I tend to like really fixate on the times that I didn't get it right, versus looking at all the provision in my life that he has made to get me where I am.
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And I mean, let's just think about it.
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What did God have to do to get you into this season of your life?
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I think it just goes back to a couple of years ago when I really just lost everyone and everything in my life, and so I no longer had these voices telling me who I should be, who I shouldn't be, how I need to act, how I need to portray myself.
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I wasn't, I didn't have anyone around me to like take some of their mask and put it on because that's who I needed to be around these people.
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So I think if I was to point something at God, it would be getting away from all these terrible people.
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Well, and let's back it up even further.
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Look at who you're with, look at who you're interacting with.
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Yeah.
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Your principal took you in when you were in fifth grade.
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Yeah.
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Those are the same people that God is now using in your life.
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Again, yeah.
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So, you know, we we tend to glaze over all these things in our life that you know we don't even see him at work.
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We don't even realize what's happening, we don't even realize that he's like planting these little things in our life to maybe surface and grow later.
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But it's understanding why you wouldn't, because like look at all the stuff, like, look at all the really hard negative things you've had to deal with in your and same thing goes for me.
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I mean, I look back and I think, okay, well, first of all, God plucked me out of a a situation where I would never have been in the same environment that I'm in right now.
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So being adopted at five and a half months old, being put into a family that could give me a different trajectory in my life, you know, even falling away from the faith, being able to have, you know, a story of finding faith again and being able to understand, you know, what the world has to offer and that it's not what I what I want.
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Right.
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And being able to go have all this work experience at these different jobs in order to understand, you know, the different workplace challenges and the different experiences that I now have to be able to have the job that I have today.
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Right.
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You know, I don't know.
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It's just you just when you stop to think about it, there's so many things.
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I mean, I I wouldn't have my husband if I wouldn't have worked at Walmart.
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I wouldn't have had you know, it's like if you ever watched It's a Wonderful Life, you know, that old movie where he goes and sees what it would have been like if he wouldn't have existed, you know, it's just kind of it's kind of interesting um to see all the all the things that just like a like a domino effect, you know, in your life.
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And and I think that's kind of my point.
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It's like, have you ever prayed for a door to open and then question God if you belonged after it did?
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Because I have definitely done that.
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When you're stepping out like that and you've never done something like that before, it is intimidating, and you definitely start having those imposter thoughts of I'm not good enough to do this, somebody who's more capable.
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Or I think we've all heard like I I need an adultier adult.
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Like, I'm not the adult here.
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I need an adultier adult to be doing this because yeah, who am I to be doing this?
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Like, I'm just little old me.
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Well, I here's the thing like I I think that's what a lot of us do.
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I mean, we we spend all this time asking God, you know, God, I want to be this or I want to do this, and when we get there, we just say, Well, well, yeah, but I'm not ready yet, you know, right.
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And and and that's not, you know, I'm not equipped yet for that.
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I have to do XYZ before I can I can accomplish that because you know, God puts a maybe puts a business idea right in your lap and and you think you're not equipped or you're not ready yet, and so therefore you wait three years and then the market's not ready for you, and then you try to say, Well, God, that that wasn't that wasn't yours yours to begin with, when really it's you pumping the brakes on something that God's like, here you go.
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You know, He knows the time and the season for everything, and you may not feel equipped, but uh God doesn't choose the equipped, He equips the chosen.
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Yep, and I just love that because that's this that's the truth of it.
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That's the that's the genuine truth of it.
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And I think that the Bible has so many, and we'll talk about that in a few minutes, but the Bible has so many instances of people that were I mean, like hundreds and hundreds of people that were absolutely not equipped, and that's and that is what God used to show his strength and power.
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An imposter syndrome like kind of essentially kept me away from your family because after I left foster care, um I ended up going back to my parents, and you know, I know we haven't talked much about the other half of my story, but things did not start being good when I left foster care.
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They were not good, they ended up being ended up being worse than what I've already shared.
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And so after Leaving foster care, and now all this bad stuff is happening again.
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I felt like some sort of failure, and just like your parents already did their good deed with me.
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Right.
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I don't want to bring any more burden to them.
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So I there was plenty of times when I probably should have reached out to your mom and dad when I was not in a good place, but I just didn't.
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Because I didn't feel like again, an imposter thought, just thinking you know, I'm gonna be a burden, and also just feeling like this shame and failure because my life isn't good.
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Right.
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Well, I think so many people experience that same thing with, and I know we just had an episode last week on church hurt and why it's hard to go to church.
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And so many people experience that same, and I know I did whenever I was still really struggling and and seeking um, you know, coming to church and just feeling like, who am I to be here when you know, I'm I just got drunk last night or I just, you know, I just did X, Y, Z, whatever.
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Um, you know, that that's so many of us define ourselves by our choices and you know, are completely blinded in the re the fact that God has a completely different view of us and purpose for our lives than the failures that we've that we've had.
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And I know we don't none of us want to be hypocrites, you know, none of us want to be doing, you know, saying we're one thing and doing another, but I think that's a totally different thing because like we're sitting here today and we're trying to be like very honest, like, hey, we we are not perfect at all.
00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:06.079
I'm definitely not, we don't know it all, we don't get it right all the time, and I think that that's okay.
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:10.160
Yeah, and we all have to come to that understanding.
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:20.720
Well, I think it just kind of goes back to we have to remember what Jesus Christ died for, and I feel like that's been super helpful for me.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:47.440
And I I you know I I've mentioned this before, but I have a friend who loves Jesus, but she just has this fear of that she's not gonna go to heaven, and it's so strong that it has really dictated her life, and it's like you're forgetting that you don't have to be perfect, you really don't.
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:54.160
What you know the things are not not perfect in us, and we're willing to share that with other people.
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:57.440
That is a rope you throw to people and give a lifeline to.
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:58.880
For sure.
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:05.920
So I feel like we have to we have to let go of that fear, and it's so hard.
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:07.359
It really is human.
00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:08.480
It's so hard.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:10.480
It is, it's human.
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:14.640
Speaking of imposter syndrome, I had a little bit of that yesterday actually.
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:15.599
Oh really?
00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:37.519
Yeah, so um our our pastor talked about our podcast to our whole congregation yesterday, and I was like, who the heck am I for did for somebody like that to be saying my name on a stage to all these people?
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:47.440
Especially when I still feel very new and in my I want to say new and restored walk of having, I guess.
00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:48.000
Yeah.
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:50.240
Um I didn't even know he was gonna do that.
00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:51.839
I was still I didn't know that either.
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:56.079
I saw we were in the bulletin, yeah, which I was geeked about.
00:25:56.160 --> 00:25:57.519
I was so geeked about that.
00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:08.559
You know, I didn't I didn't have an opportunity to like walk across the stage when I was in high school and have my family cheering for me, or I've I've never I've never had that moment.
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:20.160
So it just felt really validating to like see my name and print on something that I've worked hard on or that I'm working hard on and and trying to help people.
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:23.279
It was just like a really good feeling.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:30.319
Um, and then then he had a whole little piece about it on stage, and I'm just like, what?
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:31.599
Me?
00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:42.160
Yes, what well, and also because he was like, Hey, we got famous people in our church now, and I'm like going, famous, but thank you.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:48.640
Right for this, well, for the 201 subscribers.
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:50.160
Thank you guys, by the way.
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:50.960
Yes, thank you.
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:52.640
We appreciate it very much.
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:56.000
Um, and you know what, you gotta start somewhere.
00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:10.799
You do, and I think God is moving and doing some cool things through this podcast, and that's encouraging, and hopefully for you, Kelly, as as well, is to help you to see like, hey, I am worthy of this.
00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:25.440
I God can use me, and and even though I I'm kind of just learning and starting out in my journey in renewed faith, that he can do whatever he wants to do.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:27.359
Yeah, that's the coolest thing about it.
00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:31.920
I really am just trying to trust the process, if you will.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:40.240
But I mean, these things do pop up, you know, the imposter syndrome, you know, I still there's still areas where other people please.
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:47.279
Um, but I have done a lot of work on on all of these things, which just continuing.
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:57.039
And now, you know, I did a lot of work before Kate and I even reconnected, before I started going to Genesis, I had done a lot of work on myself through therapy.
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:12.720
So I feel like, you know, I made it like three quarters of the way, and now that I have God back in the picture, it just adds like a security blanket to all of it.
00:28:13.119 --> 00:28:26.960
Yeah, and honestly, a lot of things I've learned through therapy, I see those same lessons or thought processes in the word.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:38.799
You know, when we talk about broken people and how important connection is, that like that is a very pillar of psychology is connection, social connection.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:47.359
I think there's at some point you really you really just have to you don't want to live like this anymore.
00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:50.480
So you just have to trust the process.
00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:51.680
Yeah.
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:54.000
I mean, and that's surrendering, right?
00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.079
Yeah, you have just have that's the word I was looking for.
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.759
You just kind of have to surrender to it.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.880
That's surrendering, you're surrendering to God's plan and provision for your life.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:06.720
A perfect example from the Bible is Peter.
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:10.480
I mean, bless his heart, because I think this is really important.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:20.400
He was somebody that Jesus declared as being the rock in which he would build his church upon in Matthew 16, 18.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:34.480
And that, like literally a couple verses later, he's telling Peter, get behind me, Satan, because you know, he's there with all the disciples, and he's telling them about how he's gonna have to die and and how all that's gonna have to happen.
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:36.480
And Peter's like, No, I'm not gonna let that happen to you.
00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:38.960
And and Jesus' like, hey, you're hindering my progress.
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:40.079
Get behind me, Satan.
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:48.799
Okay, so obviously it started out not great, looking great, but Jesus declared that on Peter from the very beginning.
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:53.519
And what there's all kinds of stories about Peter failing along the way, right?
00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:57.759
We hear about him walking out on water and then sinking, right?
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.240
Because he he questioned things.
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:08.960
You know, we we hear about him obviously right before Jesus called him the rock, he's recognizing Jesus as Lord.
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:12.559
I mean, he's like one of the first people that is recognizing Jesus as Lord, right?
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:13.519
And then he's later rebuked.
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:15.200
So yeah, but I'm using Satan.
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:26.000
And he's saying that he's gonna go to the ends of the earth basically for Jesus, and then he's the one denying them, you know, when Jesus gets captured.
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:36.000
I mean, all this poor Peter, it all happens like in such a close time frame, like a couple verses later, he's like screwing up every single time, and he failed.
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:58.319
I mean, he failed and failed and failed, and he still is used powerfully, and I think that that should be like a really big testament for us that you know our failure, our failures do not erase what Jesus called us to do, and you are allowed to want to do big things.
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:03.279
If you want to be a speaker, you have that right.
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:13.039
You don't have to go to college, you don't have to check these boxes off a list in order to experience those things.
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:23.839
I mean, think about I again, I don't know all of the stories in the Bible, so I it's really hard for me to pull from that place because I just I'm still learning so much.
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:39.200
But we what we do know is Jesus showed up for the oppressed and the dirty, and he gave people their vision back.
00:31:39.359 --> 00:32:00.319
They weren't and these weren't emperors or pharaohs or kings, they were regular people that he did these great things, or these other people in the Bible, like Peter, they did some messed up things, but they still got called for a bigger purpose.
00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:15.200
And again, I have to practice when I'm preaching here too, because there are a lot of times in my life where I have felt because I'm a victim of incest, like how disgusting that makes me feel.
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:23.759
But that's a lie.
00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:48.640
And I think that that just honestly comes to all these all these things that we hear in our head that says, you know, well, well, I'm I'm not good enough, or I'm too dirty, or I'm I don't know enough, or whatever.
00:32:48.960 --> 00:32:55.680
I think that we need to start replacing that when we hear those things with God chose me.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.119
Yeah, I don't know enough, yeah, but God chose me.
00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:02.319
Yep, and that's okay to say you don't know enough, by the way.
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:05.680
Yeah, I don't feel ready, but God chose me.
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:09.039
I feel dirty, but God chose me.
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:17.680
Yeah, whatever those things running through your head are replace that with God chose me because he did choose you.
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:21.519
And I think so many Christians are missing out on God's calling in their life.
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:24.319
And I'm actually really worried about a select group of people.
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:36.640
Like I'm seriously, I'm legitimately worried because I think so many people are operating under this false humility, yeah um, that is literally, it's literally just fear.
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:39.440
Okay, but but but hear me out here.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:56.720
So real humility says, I need God to do this, but false humility, and this is what I'm seeing, and I hear, and I've expected, listen, I'm guilty of it just like the rest of us, but false humility says, No, you know, God, God could never do this through me, you know.
00:33:56.799 --> 00:33:58.799
I'm not anything special, you know.
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:04.640
I'm not, I'm kind of more a behind the scenes kind of person, or you know what I'm saying?
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:13.519
Like that that kind of false humility, and um that's not that's that's really just fear, guys.
00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:17.199
That's that's not humility, that's literally just fear.
00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:29.920
And humility is not denying what God placed inside you, it's remembering when it and where it came from, like honestly, and that's that's just it.
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:47.840
I think so many of us forget and just like literally look at ourselves as like our own capabilities, and and we just have to understand like the the power that is behind us when you're a Christian, you have the power of the Holy Spirit literally guiding your life.
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:51.039
I mean, Moses stood there and said, But I'm not good at speaking.
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:56.719
And God said, Well, I will you will I will speak through you.
00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:02.400
And he also gave him his, you know, he said, Well, your brother's gonna, your brother's gonna be here to help.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:05.280
We're gonna we're gonna let him help you there, you know.
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:17.440
So God's gonna equip you, whether it's with other people, whether it's through supernatural, you know, it's the spirit guiding you to say and do the right things, you know, God's gonna equip you one way or another.
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:31.119
And um, you know, I think when you feel imposter syndrome rising up in you, just answer, you know, think about these things and answer honestly.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:34.000
Like, I may not know everything.
00:35:34.239 --> 00:35:42.000
I'm still growing, I've made mistakes, God still chose me, and that's the big thing.
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:44.239
Like, God still chose me.
00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:50.000
He's already brought you so much farther than you give him credit for.
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:54.480
I mean, I think we all struggle with seeing that.
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:56.400
Would you agree with that, Kevin?
00:35:56.639 --> 00:35:58.000
Oh, definitely, most definitely.
00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:06.800
Like we we literally look at our circumstances and we start to define ourselves by our circumstances.
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:07.119
Yeah.
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:14.400
And we don't realize and see, and I always tell people, I cannot, and I I don't, I'm not in a hurry to die.
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:22.320
But whenever I die, I want to see the back of the the quilt or tapestry, you know what I'm saying?
00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:34.880
Like where you can see all the connections and what what purposeful intent was behind so many of the things that happened in this life that we just do not understand.
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:36.639
Like, I I want to know.
00:36:36.719 --> 00:36:39.039
I have so many questions for Jesus.
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:41.199
Like, hey, why why this?
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:41.760
Why that?
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:47.760
You know, I want to I want to know those things because I think we just we just only see so much.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:50.079
We so only see so much of the picture right now.
00:36:50.239 --> 00:36:57.760
But yeah, and I think I think that's really important is like it's okay to not know everything or understand everything.
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:12.639
There's it's not a possible task to do so, and so you have to be comfortable, you have to get comfortable with the with what you don't know.
00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:14.719
Absolutely.
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:26.239
I think yeah, I was just gonna say, I think a lot of imposter syndrome too is just feeling like you have to know all of the answers where you can't speak on something.
00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:29.440
And I just I don't find that to be true.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:53.519
I I that I was thinking about when I spoke in front of that group the other night um talking about uplift, and I asked the question, is there something that God has put on your heart, you know, that that you maybe haven't you're maybe you're afraid to kind of step out and do, you know, is there anything like that?
00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:55.760
And so many people you could just tell.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:56.960
At least I could tell.
00:37:57.119 --> 00:38:10.400
They were just kind of sitting there like thinking, like you could see the world wheels turning, like, yeah, but nobody had the courage to step out and say, Yeah, you know, yeah, it's hard to do that, especially to do that in front of a group of people.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:11.519
Well, and that's hard.
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:14.079
There's responsibility behind stepping out.
00:38:14.239 --> 00:38:26.159
There is like when you when you step out, all of a sudden, then you're responsible for for the not necessarily the outcome of that, but you're responsible for that happening.
00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:26.559
Yeah.
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:35.440
And I think that's like why so many of us are afraid whether physically to step out or you know, mentally to come into agreement with with those things.
00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:43.119
But yeah, it's like once you once you step out and you tell someone that you want to do this, it's like this is a reality.
00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:46.000
This is something that you're you know attempting to do.
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:54.639
And so many of us just don't want to fail or don't want to be perceived as like, oh, really, she's trying to do that, like she has no business doing that.
00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:55.679
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:38:55.840 --> 00:39:20.880
Yeah, yeah, you can't, you definitely can't listen to those thoughts or even other people, like if there are people saying those things to you, you cannot listen to that because uh when you have actual people saying these things and it's not your own voice or your own fear, it is actual people, that's their imposter syndrome.
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:25.519
That's them, and it has to do with them and not you.
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:30.880
Because back to the story of the girl who got mad that I got this opportunity.
00:39:32.239 --> 00:39:47.280
Um, she ended up apologizing to me after a different incident later on, and you know, was very honest, was like, I did this because of jealousy and because of this and because of that.
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:50.159
It had nothing to do with me at all, actually.
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:53.360
And it was all to do with her imposter syndrome.
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:56.000
Yeah, so sometimes you have to think about that.
00:39:56.320 --> 00:40:08.880
Sometimes people will project their insecurities onto you because they feel like you can't do it, they can't do it, I mean, yeah, that therefore you you're in the same situation as as them.
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:10.480
So why would you be able to do it?
00:40:10.639 --> 00:40:23.840
Again, that's it's just not true, and you have to remember that other people can also be the imposter in your thoughts or in your life, yeah.
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:26.239
Well, and yeah, that's just it.
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:29.679
Everybody deals with insecurity.
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.000
Oh, yeah, everybody does.
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:44.639
I don't care if, and because here's the thing like, I feel like in the church community, being confident has been mistaken by for pridefulness or um cockiness, or you know what I'm saying?
00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:45.440
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:45.679 --> 00:41:00.880
Like there's this this general like consensus that like if you're confident that you know you must be self-centered or self-focused, but but that couldn't be further from the truth.
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:15.280
Now, there are people that are like that, oh of course, yeah, but confidence in the Lord's picking of you for something and stepping out in something, there's no shame in that.
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:16.800
There's nothing wrong with that at all.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:32.159
In fact, Ephesians 2 10 in the Bible says, for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:39.679
So he prepared these long, long, long time before we ever started thinking about it.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:41.039
That's the cool thing.
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:46.000
It's like, yeah, it's our idea, but it's not it's not new to God.
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:50.400
He knows, you know, he knows what we're placed here.
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:52.239
We're placed here for a purpose.
00:41:52.480 --> 00:42:02.960
We're placed here, you know, and if it here's the thing is that if it's not you, God's gonna, his will is gonna be done, whether it's through you or through somebody else.
00:42:03.199 --> 00:42:03.840
Right.
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:18.079
So you have the opportunity, you're placed in a specific point in time, a specific place, specific experiences, specific relationships for a very specific purpose.
00:42:18.400 --> 00:42:26.239
And if you hear God tugging at your heart to do something, here's your sign.
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:27.360
Do it.
00:42:28.159 --> 00:42:34.320
We believe in you, yeah, and sometimes you don't believe in yourself until uh later.
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:35.599
I just want to point that out.
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:39.039
It's okay to not feel confident initially.
00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:41.679
Honestly, it's kind of my secret weapon.
00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:52.800
You know how if you're a Marvel fan at all, you will know that the reason Hulk can control when he turns into the Hulk is because he's actually always angry.
00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:59.199
And what he's actually saying there is, I have control over this feeling.
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:17.840
So for me, I have had a lot of people ask, Well, because I don't fit the stereotype of what people, you know, what people when they've gone through some of the things that have gone through, what they end up going through, you know, like drug use and stuff like that.
00:43:18.639 --> 00:43:23.679
Um they it doesn't make sense to them.
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:29.119
So they think you know, that you're not maybe being honest.
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:51.119
But I've just had this belief in myself even if I wasn't always attached to it, I knew that it was there, like I'm and that's where I think God has always been in my life because no matter what I've gone through, I've always had this hope that things are gonna be good and I've been working towards that moment my whole life.
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:59.360
And I feel like I'm like I'm not there yet, but definitely in a better place to get there.
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:02.320
We're all works in progress.
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:03.840
That's the beauty of it.
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:08.719
You know, God is working in us and through us all the time.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:26.480
And it's just we gotta get our minds in alignment with what God says about us at the end of the day, because just like Peter, Jesus declared it long before he had all his failures, but he was still the rock in which Jesus built his church on.
00:44:26.559 --> 00:44:27.360
And he was.
00:44:27.519 --> 00:44:35.840
I mean, he went on to do great things, and like he 3,000 people were saved in Acts when he preached the gospel.
00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:39.920
I mean, he's a major biblical figure.
00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.880
And yes, he failed all a bunch, and we will too.
00:44:45.199 --> 00:44:46.800
And that's just the best part of it.
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:47.760
We're human.
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:49.679
So we're at work.
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.239
So uh we are gonna end this episode, but thank you for joining us today.
00:44:54.480 --> 00:45:04.719
Remember, we have links in the description for if you have any of your own confessions or own topics you'd like to hear us talk about new episodes every Monday at 7 a.m.
00:45:05.039 --> 00:45:08.239
And um, yeah, so we will catch you later.
00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:07.759
All these things that we hear in our head that says I'm not good enough, I'm too dirty, I don't know enough.
00:00:07.919 --> 00:00:16.960
That we need to start replacing that when we hear those things with Welcome back to Carpool Confessions Podcast.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:25.359
This is Ellie Marie, and I'm Cake Straw, and we are super excited to be back with you this Monday morning.
00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:29.199
Our topic for today is imposter syndrome.
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:34.880
Sometimes I have to like pinch myself, and and I'm thinking to myself, how did we get here?
00:00:35.039 --> 00:00:38.079
Like this is crazy that we're doing a podcast.
00:00:38.320 --> 00:00:46.799
And sometimes, I don't know about you, but I feel so inadequate or ill-equipped for things.
00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:47.600
Oh, yeah.
00:00:47.840 --> 00:01:01.679
I mean, I think I well, I know this that my coaching that I went through in the last couple of months has you know drawn some really incredible things out of me and you know made me view myself a lot differently.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:09.120
But I think really imposter syndrome is something that we all have dealt with or deal with on a regular basis.
00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:21.280
Yeah, I that has been a really big theme in my life is imposter syndrome, especially with how I grew up and not having good parents and also just people treating me differently because of that.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:28.959
It has honestly affected every part, every corner of my life has been affected by imposter syndrome.
00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:34.879
And that can be debilitating, it can be it could put you in danger even.
00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:46.959
Yeah, it why is it, especially as Christians, that we believe that God can do anything except through us for some reason.
00:01:48.959 --> 00:01:49.519
Not me.
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I mean, I heard something the other day that I thought was fantastic.
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It was a message um that I listened to the other day on this topic, but it was talking about how imposter syndrome is really just fear trying to rob us of the grace that chose us, the grace that positioned us, and the grace that empowers us.
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And when I heard that, I thought, whoa, like I really didn't think of it that way.
00:02:18.800 --> 00:02:25.680
I really didn't think of it as you know something that could be associated with fear, but I guess it is.
00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:27.120
Yeah, yeah.
00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:47.919
I think there's a lot of things when it comes to imposter syndrome, it's fear, it can be um, you know, I don't want to say imposter syndrome is just confidence, because I I definitely don't believe that it's bigger than just being competent, but that is a layer in there's you know, lack of confidence.
00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:57.840
Um and then you know, the environments you've grown up can also affect how you see yourself in in different situations.
00:02:58.319 --> 00:03:10.080
I mean, and so we work in a very corporate space, and our jobs are not corporate, but I I see a lot of discussion on imposter syndrome on LinkedIn.
00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:13.120
Yeah, you see that a lot in the corporate world.
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Yeah.
00:03:14.319 --> 00:03:18.479
And I will definitely say it affected me a lot at the job.
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When I first kind of came into a leadership role, I was really excited because I'm like, I'm gonna be around people who are much more driven, who are they just have a professionalism, they have a drive for their work, and I did not think I was adequate.
00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:53.759
Like these people, they've all, you know, they went to college and have masters and I can identify with that, and all these different things, and like I don't have that.
00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:58.639
I just have like I love to learn and I will learn things, right?
00:03:58.879 --> 00:04:05.680
But I didn't have the the backgrounds that all these people did, so it made me feel inferior to them.
00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:20.160
Um, but over time I have definitely gotten over that because I have learned that you know, my imposter syndrome makes me put people on a pedestal that they don't necessarily deserve to be on.
00:04:20.319 --> 00:04:27.839
Like I put them a hot higher above me, and that's not true, it's a lie my brain has told me for whatever reason.
00:04:28.079 --> 00:04:36.399
Yeah, I mean, definitely I can identify with that at work, and I think one of the biggest things I can identify with it is actually on my Christian walk.
00:04:36.560 --> 00:04:48.319
And so I have seen it several times rear its head in my life, but when I was starting Uplift, for example, oh my gosh, yeah, I can't imagine.
00:04:48.959 --> 00:04:56.560
Well, because I had no business by all intents and purposes, starting a nonprofit.
00:04:56.879 --> 00:05:01.680
I I had no background at all, had no experience.
00:05:01.920 --> 00:05:10.480
I was just absolutely not by on paper anybody that you would think would be able to start something like that.
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:16.800
But you know, God very clearly spoke to me on that, and I've talked about this before.
00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:39.439
I built people around me to help fill in those holes, but I can tell you that a lot, like along the way, my feelings of oh, someone else be must be more qualified for like eventually they'll find out that I'm a fraud, kind of, you know, those type of those type of things running through my head and look at our journeys as Christians, right?
00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:55.759
And and I think the modern church has very much um in in in good intention, for example, if somebody just get it gets saved and then a couple weeks later, like, I want to start doing a Bible study at my church, everybody goes, Oh, well, hold on now.
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:57.600
Have you done this, this, and this?
00:05:57.680 --> 00:05:58.480
Are you like prepared?
00:05:58.560 --> 00:05:59.600
Are you doing you know what I'm saying?
00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:02.639
Like saying that they're not ready for that, right?
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:11.519
But but look at people of the Bible that are literally just plucked out and like in God's like, hey, I'm gonna use you and we're gonna go.
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:26.240
We're gonna, we're gonna do this thing, you know, and so I think for this particular podcast, whenever I'm talking about, especially talking about things like different scriptures, different biblical meanings, you know, I don't want to get it wrong.
00:06:26.480 --> 00:06:26.639
Right.
00:06:27.120 --> 00:06:32.959
I don't want to, you know, I don't want to say things that I shouldn't say or do things I shouldn't do.
00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:40.879
But like the reality is that we're we're trying to be led by God and we're trying to to do what he's asking us to do.
00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:46.319
And sometimes, you know, we may get it wrong, and that's but like if that happens, okay.
00:06:46.480 --> 00:06:47.040
You know what I mean?
00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:53.920
And so is another one of those places where you know where that raises its head.
00:06:54.079 --> 00:06:56.639
And I think I've seen it happen, and so many people.
00:06:56.800 --> 00:07:07.759
I mean, I I talked to a lady at church just a couple weeks ago, and she was telling me about how she had joined this um little group that did a craft that was it was beautiful.
00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:15.279
Her Bible was beautiful, like they had went in and made like tabs for different uh scriptures about different like if you need encouragement, go here.
00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:22.240
If you need, you know, if you're angry, go here, you know, and filling it in with like all kinds of like pictures and of her family and things.
00:07:22.319 --> 00:07:23.199
It was really neat.
00:07:23.439 --> 00:07:28.800
And um, and I said to her, I said, Well, that is something that you should start at Genesis.
00:07:29.040 --> 00:07:49.360
And she was like, she kind of stepped back, she's like, I can't do that, you know, and I mean I feel like that this that moment will forever be itched in my mind because I was just like it it took me back because I was like, Well, yes, you can, you know, because I just I'm one of those people that you know, if if I want to do it, I'm gonna go out and do it.
00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:50.879
I'm at least gonna attempt to.
00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:54.160
Now, does that mean I don't feel inadequate in the process, no?
00:07:54.480 --> 00:08:02.079
But you know, things like that are are just you know, we have a view of ourselves that's not what God's view of us is.
00:08:02.319 --> 00:08:02.560
Right.
00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:28.240
Well, I think for a lot of people it's very relational and it happens through, you know, repeated situations where you are invalidated or just never given the opportunity, or systemically, you know, economically, there are reasons why you can move forward with something, and then that just gets ingrained in you and you carry that through life.
00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:40.240
So a lot of it, I think, comes from it can come from you know living in trauma, it can come from just the way our world is in general.
00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:44.960
I mean, we live in a you know, not a kind world.
00:08:45.279 --> 00:08:52.480
So that can definitely leave you feeling like you're just not good enough to do anything.
00:08:52.639 --> 00:09:10.639
And I've I have definitely felt that like I said, my entire life, you know, whether that was at school, not feeling like I'm I'm good enough, um, you know, in friendships, like I'm I'm like not the person anybody looks for in a room.
00:09:10.960 --> 00:09:11.840
You know what I mean?
00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:24.159
Like I have all of these thoughts that are really just they're not accurate, and they come from being treated poorly, really, for me, anyways.
00:09:24.399 --> 00:09:54.159
I think a lot of it too comes from this culture that we live in where everything you see is under a microscope, yes, you know, and also people valuing their worth by the number of followers they have or the number of likes they have, you know, that deep need to be validated, you know, in a world where you're never gonna be what everybody wants you to be.
00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:56.399
You're just not, yeah, it's just impossible.
00:09:56.720 --> 00:10:01.679
And I think a lot of it too is is people pleasing.
00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:09.919
You know, I've dealt I've we've talked about people pleasing and how we've both dealt with people pleasing and wanting to be perceived a certain way.
00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:17.919
Yeah, so I have a story, story time, yay, so and this is a work-related one.
00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:36.480
I just feel like it's easy to explain, it's a little cleaner, but I had an opportunity to do some more leadership type work, and I was partnered with a colleague to work on some projects.
00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:43.759
Well, I got called specifically to do a certain project, and this person became very upset with me.
00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:52.320
They cussed me out, they're like, You're you know, you're the golden child, and like it just created drama.
00:10:53.120 --> 00:10:55.440
And I like don't do that.
00:10:55.679 --> 00:11:01.600
I immediately, when people start acting like that, my go-to is to shut it down.
00:11:02.159 --> 00:11:04.399
So that's what ended up happening.
00:11:04.559 --> 00:11:16.240
I ended up telling my bosses I no longer wanted the project, and in fact, I made up a lie as to why I couldn't do it anymore, but it was because I was attacked.
00:11:16.960 --> 00:11:19.840
And that is something that's happened to me a lot.
00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:33.919
Like I have been attacked for stepping out in something new or whatever it may be, and I don't want to be attacked, and if a situation is going to bring that on, then I don't I don't want it.
00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:41.120
But that's super unfair to me, yeah, to myself, because I deserved to have that project.
00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:52.159
I worked really hard, and you know, I really did myself a disservice, but you you don't understand that until you have the tools to kind of look at it for what it was.
00:11:52.480 --> 00:12:10.639
This was somebody who didn't go about things in the right way, but then it created a mantra in your mind that was saying, well, if I do this, then I'm going to experience this because I'm not good enough.
00:12:10.799 --> 00:12:11.120
Yeah.
00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:31.200
You know, and so at the end of the day, those experiences shape us, whether it's our parents never, you know, not thinking we're capable as kids, or you know, whether it's perfectionism that's which that's a lot of me is like, oh, I can't release this podcast episode because it's not perfect.
00:12:31.840 --> 00:12:32.080
Right.
00:12:32.639 --> 00:12:37.360
And you know, so there it we all deal with it in different ways, I think.
00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:51.360
But I I specifically remember that one day we were sit on the patio, we talked about that where I like we were wanting to go to this this speakers event because we're both wanting to do um more public speaking.
00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:58.159
I mean, I've done some and I love to do it, and I know that that's something that I want to make a career out of someday.
00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:05.440
But I we got invited to this this storyteller's community group, and they were meeting on the back patio of our office.
00:13:05.519 --> 00:13:09.360
I know I've told the story before, but like I my feet were like concrete blocks.
00:13:09.440 --> 00:13:10.799
I could not make myself go out there.
00:13:10.879 --> 00:13:13.759
I literally felt like I was like, who are you to go out there?
00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:27.200
Well, and I think another thing with that too is at first there was a bunch of men, and that made me feel invalidated, like, oh, it's just a bunch of men that do this, so that's not a space for me.
00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:42.960
Well, which is a lot a whole nother thing, yeah, too, that women encounter or other, you know, minorities maybe encounter as well as like, oh, I, you know, I'm not good enough because that's not my you know, all that's not my race, or um, you know what I'm saying?
00:13:43.039 --> 00:13:45.679
Like there's all kinds of reasons that people might feel that way.
00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:49.519
But yeah, I mean, I felt very and like I felt very inadequate.
00:13:49.600 --> 00:13:54.879
But the funniest thing was we step out onto the patio, and what are they literally talking about when we walk out there?
00:13:55.120 --> 00:14:00.399
Imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome, and how they all are so you know, like, who am I?
00:14:00.480 --> 00:14:02.000
Like, they're gonna figure out that I'm a fraud.
00:14:02.159 --> 00:14:03.200
You know, I'm like, why?
00:14:03.279 --> 00:14:06.159
Yeah, these people are doing this full time, like what?
00:14:06.399 --> 00:14:10.639
No, and to kind of like lay it out, these were people like in a circle.
00:14:10.879 --> 00:14:14.480
It was a very raw and vulnerable moment we walked into.
00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:36.080
I yeah, and I thought, okay, well, I think that, you know, if if God was telling us any other way, like, hey, you know, yeah, you're not this is not something that you're dealing with alone, like this is you're not the only person on the planet that's dealing with this, but um, but yeah, I mean, sometimes it's just we just don't think we're we're good enough.
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:38.240
That's just the the core of the issue.
00:14:38.559 --> 00:15:13.519
Hearing all these people, and I've seen some of the people before, like I've seen stuff they posted about, and then one of the individuals that was out there is our colleague's husband, and uh so I've seen a lot of what he has shared too, and I'm like, I'm nothing like these people, and the big thing for me is like I grew up really poor, I was in foster care, I had a lawyer tell me at 15 years old that I was gonna grow up and be a stripper, strung out on drugs because of my childhood.
00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:22.639
So, how could I not have imposter syndrome when I have this grown man who went to law school say that's a little old me?
00:15:22.799 --> 00:15:31.919
Yeah, because we don't realize how much those words we ingrain and and adopt into our identity of ourselves.
00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:34.240
Yeah, and I I certainly have.
00:15:34.320 --> 00:15:41.759
I mean, I actually my therapist told me the reason I have made it as far as I have is out of sheer spite.
00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:55.679
The other thing is so I think when we go back to the fear element, so I think that fear has a tendency to kind of selectively edit our story.
00:15:56.320 --> 00:16:05.600
I mean, I think we focus on the failures more in our life than the evidence that God has already been faithful to us.
00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.720
And I don't know if that's something that you do, but I do that a lot.
00:16:08.799 --> 00:16:18.879
I tend to like really fixate on the times that I didn't get it right, versus looking at all the provision in my life that he has made to get me where I am.
00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:21.279
And I mean, let's just think about it.
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:25.919
What did God have to do to get you into this season of your life?
00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:40.879
I think it just goes back to a couple of years ago when I really just lost everyone and everything in my life, and so I no longer had these voices telling me who I should be, who I shouldn't be, how I need to act, how I need to portray myself.
00:16:41.039 --> 00:16:50.399
I wasn't, I didn't have anyone around me to like take some of their mask and put it on because that's who I needed to be around these people.
00:16:50.559 --> 00:16:59.279
So I think if I was to point something at God, it would be getting away from all these terrible people.
00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:01.519
Well, and let's back it up even further.
00:17:01.679 --> 00:17:05.039
Look at who you're with, look at who you're interacting with.
00:17:05.279 --> 00:17:05.839
Yeah.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:08.799
Your principal took you in when you were in fifth grade.
00:17:08.960 --> 00:17:09.519
Yeah.
00:17:09.759 --> 00:17:12.640
Those are the same people that God is now using in your life.
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:13.839
Again, yeah.
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:25.839
So, you know, we we tend to glaze over all these things in our life that you know we don't even see him at work.
00:17:25.920 --> 00:17:33.200
We don't even realize what's happening, we don't even realize that he's like planting these little things in our life to maybe surface and grow later.
00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:43.759
But it's understanding why you wouldn't, because like look at all the stuff, like, look at all the really hard negative things you've had to deal with in your and same thing goes for me.
00:17:43.920 --> 00:17:56.079
I mean, I look back and I think, okay, well, first of all, God plucked me out of a a situation where I would never have been in the same environment that I'm in right now.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:20.079
So being adopted at five and a half months old, being put into a family that could give me a different trajectory in my life, you know, even falling away from the faith, being able to have, you know, a story of finding faith again and being able to understand, you know, what the world has to offer and that it's not what I what I want.
00:18:20.400 --> 00:18:21.039
Right.
00:18:21.519 --> 00:18:35.359
And being able to go have all this work experience at these different jobs in order to understand, you know, the different workplace challenges and the different experiences that I now have to be able to have the job that I have today.
00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:35.839
Right.
00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:36.720
You know, I don't know.
00:18:36.799 --> 00:18:41.200
It's just you just when you stop to think about it, there's so many things.
00:18:41.359 --> 00:18:44.960
I mean, I I wouldn't have my husband if I wouldn't have worked at Walmart.
00:18:45.039 --> 00:19:12.319
I wouldn't have had you know, it's like if you ever watched It's a Wonderful Life, you know, that old movie where he goes and sees what it would have been like if he wouldn't have existed, you know, it's just kind of it's kind of interesting um to see all the all the things that just like a like a domino effect, you know, in your life.
00:19:12.480 --> 00:19:14.240
And and I think that's kind of my point.
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:23.599
It's like, have you ever prayed for a door to open and then question God if you belonged after it did?
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:25.759
Because I have definitely done that.
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:41.039
When you're stepping out like that and you've never done something like that before, it is intimidating, and you definitely start having those imposter thoughts of I'm not good enough to do this, somebody who's more capable.
00:19:41.359 --> 00:19:46.240
Or I think we've all heard like I I need an adultier adult.
00:19:46.319 --> 00:19:48.160
Like, I'm not the adult here.
00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:53.279
I need an adultier adult to be doing this because yeah, who am I to be doing this?
00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:54.880
Like, I'm just little old me.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:19:59.599
Well, I here's the thing like I I think that's what a lot of us do.
00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:17.119
I mean, we we spend all this time asking God, you know, God, I want to be this or I want to do this, and when we get there, we just say, Well, well, yeah, but I'm not ready yet, you know, right.
00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:21.200
And and and that's not, you know, I'm not equipped yet for that.
00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:49.680
I have to do XYZ before I can I can accomplish that because you know, God puts a maybe puts a business idea right in your lap and and you think you're not equipped or you're not ready yet, and so therefore you wait three years and then the market's not ready for you, and then you try to say, Well, God, that that wasn't that wasn't yours yours to begin with, when really it's you pumping the brakes on something that God's like, here you go.
00:20:50.000 --> 00:20:59.839
You know, He knows the time and the season for everything, and you may not feel equipped, but uh God doesn't choose the equipped, He equips the chosen.
00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:04.319
Yep, and I just love that because that's this that's the truth of it.
00:21:04.559 --> 00:21:06.480
That's the that's the genuine truth of it.
00:21:06.559 --> 00:21:26.079
And I think that the Bible has so many, and we'll talk about that in a few minutes, but the Bible has so many instances of people that were I mean, like hundreds and hundreds of people that were absolutely not equipped, and that's and that is what God used to show his strength and power.
00:21:27.359 --> 00:21:50.160
An imposter syndrome like kind of essentially kept me away from your family because after I left foster care, um I ended up going back to my parents, and you know, I know we haven't talked much about the other half of my story, but things did not start being good when I left foster care.
00:21:50.799 --> 00:21:55.200
They were not good, they ended up being ended up being worse than what I've already shared.
00:21:56.160 --> 00:22:06.480
And so after Leaving foster care, and now all this bad stuff is happening again.
00:22:08.480 --> 00:22:16.319
I felt like some sort of failure, and just like your parents already did their good deed with me.
00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:16.720
Right.
00:22:16.960 --> 00:22:20.960
I don't want to bring any more burden to them.
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:31.599
So I there was plenty of times when I probably should have reached out to your mom and dad when I was not in a good place, but I just didn't.
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:46.319
Because I didn't feel like again, an imposter thought, just thinking you know, I'm gonna be a burden, and also just feeling like this shame and failure because my life isn't good.
00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:47.200
Right.
00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:57.200
Well, I think so many people experience that same thing with, and I know we just had an episode last week on church hurt and why it's hard to go to church.
00:22:58.240 --> 00:23:18.160
And so many people experience that same, and I know I did whenever I was still really struggling and and seeking um, you know, coming to church and just feeling like, who am I to be here when you know, I'm I just got drunk last night or I just, you know, I just did X, Y, Z, whatever.
00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:40.000
Um, you know, that that's so many of us define ourselves by our choices and you know, are completely blinded in the re the fact that God has a completely different view of us and purpose for our lives than the failures that we've that we've had.
00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:57.279
And I know we don't none of us want to be hypocrites, you know, none of us want to be doing, you know, saying we're one thing and doing another, but I think that's a totally different thing because like we're sitting here today and we're trying to be like very honest, like, hey, we we are not perfect at all.
00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:06.079
I'm definitely not, we don't know it all, we don't get it right all the time, and I think that that's okay.
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:10.160
Yeah, and we all have to come to that understanding.
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:20.720
Well, I think it just kind of goes back to we have to remember what Jesus Christ died for, and I feel like that's been super helpful for me.
00:24:21.359 --> 00:24:47.440
And I I you know I I've mentioned this before, but I have a friend who loves Jesus, but she just has this fear of that she's not gonna go to heaven, and it's so strong that it has really dictated her life, and it's like you're forgetting that you don't have to be perfect, you really don't.
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:54.160
What you know the things are not not perfect in us, and we're willing to share that with other people.
00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:57.440
That is a rope you throw to people and give a lifeline to.
00:24:57.920 --> 00:24:58.880
For sure.
00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:05.920
So I feel like we have to we have to let go of that fear, and it's so hard.
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:07.359
It really is human.
00:25:07.680 --> 00:25:08.480
It's so hard.
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:10.480
It is, it's human.
00:25:10.720 --> 00:25:14.640
Speaking of imposter syndrome, I had a little bit of that yesterday actually.
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:15.599
Oh really?
00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:37.519
Yeah, so um our our pastor talked about our podcast to our whole congregation yesterday, and I was like, who the heck am I for did for somebody like that to be saying my name on a stage to all these people?
00:25:38.079 --> 00:25:47.440
Especially when I still feel very new and in my I want to say new and restored walk of having, I guess.
00:25:47.599 --> 00:25:48.000
Yeah.
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:50.240
Um I didn't even know he was gonna do that.
00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:51.839
I was still I didn't know that either.
00:25:51.920 --> 00:25:56.079
I saw we were in the bulletin, yeah, which I was geeked about.
00:25:56.160 --> 00:25:57.519
I was so geeked about that.
00:25:57.599 --> 00:26:08.559
You know, I didn't I didn't have an opportunity to like walk across the stage when I was in high school and have my family cheering for me, or I've I've never I've never had that moment.
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:20.160
So it just felt really validating to like see my name and print on something that I've worked hard on or that I'm working hard on and and trying to help people.
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:23.279
It was just like a really good feeling.
00:26:23.519 --> 00:26:30.319
Um, and then then he had a whole little piece about it on stage, and I'm just like, what?
00:26:31.279 --> 00:26:31.599
Me?
00:26:31.839 --> 00:26:42.160
Yes, what well, and also because he was like, Hey, we got famous people in our church now, and I'm like going, famous, but thank you.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:48.640
Right for this, well, for the 201 subscribers.
00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:50.160
Thank you guys, by the way.
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:50.960
Yes, thank you.
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:52.640
We appreciate it very much.
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:56.000
Um, and you know what, you gotta start somewhere.
00:26:56.240 --> 00:27:10.799
You do, and I think God is moving and doing some cool things through this podcast, and that's encouraging, and hopefully for you, Kelly, as as well, is to help you to see like, hey, I am worthy of this.
00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:25.440
I God can use me, and and even though I I'm kind of just learning and starting out in my journey in renewed faith, that he can do whatever he wants to do.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:27.359
Yeah, that's the coolest thing about it.
00:27:27.599 --> 00:27:31.920
I really am just trying to trust the process, if you will.
00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:40.240
But I mean, these things do pop up, you know, the imposter syndrome, you know, I still there's still areas where other people please.
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:47.279
Um, but I have done a lot of work on on all of these things, which just continuing.
00:27:47.359 --> 00:27:57.039
And now, you know, I did a lot of work before Kate and I even reconnected, before I started going to Genesis, I had done a lot of work on myself through therapy.
00:27:57.279 --> 00:28:12.720
So I feel like, you know, I made it like three quarters of the way, and now that I have God back in the picture, it just adds like a security blanket to all of it.
00:28:13.119 --> 00:28:26.960
Yeah, and honestly, a lot of things I've learned through therapy, I see those same lessons or thought processes in the word.
00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:38.799
You know, when we talk about broken people and how important connection is, that like that is a very pillar of psychology is connection, social connection.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:47.359
I think there's at some point you really you really just have to you don't want to live like this anymore.
00:28:47.839 --> 00:28:50.480
So you just have to trust the process.
00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:51.680
Yeah.
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:54.000
I mean, and that's surrendering, right?
00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.079
Yeah, you have just have that's the word I was looking for.
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:57.759
You just kind of have to surrender to it.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:02.880
That's surrendering, you're surrendering to God's plan and provision for your life.
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:06.720
A perfect example from the Bible is Peter.
00:29:07.279 --> 00:29:10.480
I mean, bless his heart, because I think this is really important.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:20.400
He was somebody that Jesus declared as being the rock in which he would build his church upon in Matthew 16, 18.
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:34.480
And that, like literally a couple verses later, he's telling Peter, get behind me, Satan, because you know, he's there with all the disciples, and he's telling them about how he's gonna have to die and and how all that's gonna have to happen.
00:29:34.559 --> 00:29:36.480
And Peter's like, No, I'm not gonna let that happen to you.
00:29:36.559 --> 00:29:38.960
And and Jesus' like, hey, you're hindering my progress.
00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:40.079
Get behind me, Satan.
00:29:40.240 --> 00:29:48.799
Okay, so obviously it started out not great, looking great, but Jesus declared that on Peter from the very beginning.
00:29:49.039 --> 00:29:53.519
And what there's all kinds of stories about Peter failing along the way, right?
00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:57.759
We hear about him walking out on water and then sinking, right?
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.240
Because he he questioned things.
00:30:00.720 --> 00:30:08.960
You know, we we hear about him obviously right before Jesus called him the rock, he's recognizing Jesus as Lord.
00:30:09.119 --> 00:30:12.559
I mean, he's like one of the first people that is recognizing Jesus as Lord, right?
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:13.519
And then he's later rebuked.
00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:15.200
So yeah, but I'm using Satan.
00:30:15.920 --> 00:30:26.000
And he's saying that he's gonna go to the ends of the earth basically for Jesus, and then he's the one denying them, you know, when Jesus gets captured.
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:36.000
I mean, all this poor Peter, it all happens like in such a close time frame, like a couple verses later, he's like screwing up every single time, and he failed.
00:30:36.880 --> 00:30:58.319
I mean, he failed and failed and failed, and he still is used powerfully, and I think that that should be like a really big testament for us that you know our failure, our failures do not erase what Jesus called us to do, and you are allowed to want to do big things.
00:30:58.799 --> 00:31:03.279
If you want to be a speaker, you have that right.
00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:13.039
You don't have to go to college, you don't have to check these boxes off a list in order to experience those things.
00:31:14.240 --> 00:31:23.839
I mean, think about I again, I don't know all of the stories in the Bible, so I it's really hard for me to pull from that place because I just I'm still learning so much.
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:39.200
But we what we do know is Jesus showed up for the oppressed and the dirty, and he gave people their vision back.
00:31:39.359 --> 00:32:00.319
They weren't and these weren't emperors or pharaohs or kings, they were regular people that he did these great things, or these other people in the Bible, like Peter, they did some messed up things, but they still got called for a bigger purpose.
00:32:01.359 --> 00:32:15.200
And again, I have to practice when I'm preaching here too, because there are a lot of times in my life where I have felt because I'm a victim of incest, like how disgusting that makes me feel.
00:32:22.640 --> 00:32:23.759
But that's a lie.
00:32:27.519 --> 00:32:48.640
And I think that that just honestly comes to all these all these things that we hear in our head that says, you know, well, well, I'm I'm not good enough, or I'm too dirty, or I'm I don't know enough, or whatever.
00:32:48.960 --> 00:32:55.680
I think that we need to start replacing that when we hear those things with God chose me.
00:32:55.920 --> 00:32:59.119
Yeah, I don't know enough, yeah, but God chose me.
00:32:59.279 --> 00:33:02.319
Yep, and that's okay to say you don't know enough, by the way.
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:05.680
Yeah, I don't feel ready, but God chose me.
00:33:06.480 --> 00:33:09.039
I feel dirty, but God chose me.
00:33:09.279 --> 00:33:17.680
Yeah, whatever those things running through your head are replace that with God chose me because he did choose you.
00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:21.519
And I think so many Christians are missing out on God's calling in their life.
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:24.319
And I'm actually really worried about a select group of people.
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:36.640
Like I'm seriously, I'm legitimately worried because I think so many people are operating under this false humility, yeah um, that is literally, it's literally just fear.
00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:39.440
Okay, but but but hear me out here.
00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:56.720
So real humility says, I need God to do this, but false humility, and this is what I'm seeing, and I hear, and I've expected, listen, I'm guilty of it just like the rest of us, but false humility says, No, you know, God, God could never do this through me, you know.
00:33:56.799 --> 00:33:58.799
I'm not anything special, you know.
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:04.640
I'm not, I'm kind of more a behind the scenes kind of person, or you know what I'm saying?
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:13.519
Like that that kind of false humility, and um that's not that's that's really just fear, guys.
00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:17.199
That's that's not humility, that's literally just fear.
00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:29.920
And humility is not denying what God placed inside you, it's remembering when it and where it came from, like honestly, and that's that's just it.
00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:47.840
I think so many of us forget and just like literally look at ourselves as like our own capabilities, and and we just have to understand like the the power that is behind us when you're a Christian, you have the power of the Holy Spirit literally guiding your life.
00:34:47.920 --> 00:34:51.039
I mean, Moses stood there and said, But I'm not good at speaking.
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:56.719
And God said, Well, I will you will I will speak through you.
00:34:57.679 --> 00:35:02.400
And he also gave him his, you know, he said, Well, your brother's gonna, your brother's gonna be here to help.
00:35:02.639 --> 00:35:05.280
We're gonna we're gonna let him help you there, you know.
00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:17.440
So God's gonna equip you, whether it's with other people, whether it's through supernatural, you know, it's the spirit guiding you to say and do the right things, you know, God's gonna equip you one way or another.
00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:31.119
And um, you know, I think when you feel imposter syndrome rising up in you, just answer, you know, think about these things and answer honestly.
00:35:31.199 --> 00:35:34.000
Like, I may not know everything.
00:35:34.239 --> 00:35:42.000
I'm still growing, I've made mistakes, God still chose me, and that's the big thing.
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:44.239
Like, God still chose me.
00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:50.000
He's already brought you so much farther than you give him credit for.
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:54.480
I mean, I think we all struggle with seeing that.
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:56.400
Would you agree with that, Kevin?
00:35:56.639 --> 00:35:58.000
Oh, definitely, most definitely.
00:35:58.239 --> 00:36:06.800
Like we we literally look at our circumstances and we start to define ourselves by our circumstances.
00:36:06.960 --> 00:36:07.119
Yeah.
00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:14.400
And we don't realize and see, and I always tell people, I cannot, and I I don't, I'm not in a hurry to die.
00:36:14.559 --> 00:36:22.320
But whenever I die, I want to see the back of the the quilt or tapestry, you know what I'm saying?
00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:34.880
Like where you can see all the connections and what what purposeful intent was behind so many of the things that happened in this life that we just do not understand.
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:36.639
Like, I I want to know.
00:36:36.719 --> 00:36:39.039
I have so many questions for Jesus.
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:41.199
Like, hey, why why this?
00:36:41.280 --> 00:36:41.760
Why that?
00:36:41.840 --> 00:36:47.760
You know, I want to I want to know those things because I think we just we just only see so much.
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:50.079
We so only see so much of the picture right now.
00:36:50.239 --> 00:36:57.760
But yeah, and I think I think that's really important is like it's okay to not know everything or understand everything.
00:36:58.000 --> 00:37:12.639
There's it's not a possible task to do so, and so you have to be comfortable, you have to get comfortable with the with what you don't know.
00:37:13.360 --> 00:37:14.719
Absolutely.
00:37:15.360 --> 00:37:26.239
I think yeah, I was just gonna say, I think a lot of imposter syndrome too is just feeling like you have to know all of the answers where you can't speak on something.
00:37:26.719 --> 00:37:29.440
And I just I don't find that to be true.
00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:53.519
I I that I was thinking about when I spoke in front of that group the other night um talking about uplift, and I asked the question, is there something that God has put on your heart, you know, that that you maybe haven't you're maybe you're afraid to kind of step out and do, you know, is there anything like that?
00:37:53.679 --> 00:37:55.760
And so many people you could just tell.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:56.960
At least I could tell.
00:37:57.119 --> 00:38:10.400
They were just kind of sitting there like thinking, like you could see the world wheels turning, like, yeah, but nobody had the courage to step out and say, Yeah, you know, yeah, it's hard to do that, especially to do that in front of a group of people.
00:38:10.639 --> 00:38:11.519
Well, and that's hard.
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:14.079
There's responsibility behind stepping out.
00:38:14.239 --> 00:38:26.159
There is like when you when you step out, all of a sudden, then you're responsible for for the not necessarily the outcome of that, but you're responsible for that happening.
00:38:26.320 --> 00:38:26.559
Yeah.
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:35.440
And I think that's like why so many of us are afraid whether physically to step out or you know, mentally to come into agreement with with those things.
00:38:35.679 --> 00:38:43.119
But yeah, it's like once you once you step out and you tell someone that you want to do this, it's like this is a reality.
00:38:43.280 --> 00:38:46.000
This is something that you're you know attempting to do.
00:38:46.079 --> 00:38:54.639
And so many of us just don't want to fail or don't want to be perceived as like, oh, really, she's trying to do that, like she has no business doing that.
00:38:54.800 --> 00:38:55.679
Yeah, you know what I mean?
00:38:55.840 --> 00:39:20.880
Yeah, yeah, you can't, you definitely can't listen to those thoughts or even other people, like if there are people saying those things to you, you cannot listen to that because uh when you have actual people saying these things and it's not your own voice or your own fear, it is actual people, that's their imposter syndrome.
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:25.519
That's them, and it has to do with them and not you.
00:39:25.760 --> 00:39:30.880
Because back to the story of the girl who got mad that I got this opportunity.
00:39:32.239 --> 00:39:47.280
Um, she ended up apologizing to me after a different incident later on, and you know, was very honest, was like, I did this because of jealousy and because of this and because of that.
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:50.159
It had nothing to do with me at all, actually.
00:39:50.400 --> 00:39:53.360
And it was all to do with her imposter syndrome.
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:56.000
Yeah, so sometimes you have to think about that.
00:39:56.320 --> 00:40:08.880
Sometimes people will project their insecurities onto you because they feel like you can't do it, they can't do it, I mean, yeah, that therefore you you're in the same situation as as them.
00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:10.480
So why would you be able to do it?
00:40:10.639 --> 00:40:23.840
Again, that's it's just not true, and you have to remember that other people can also be the imposter in your thoughts or in your life, yeah.
00:40:24.079 --> 00:40:26.239
Well, and yeah, that's just it.
00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:29.679
Everybody deals with insecurity.
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.000
Oh, yeah, everybody does.
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:44.639
I don't care if, and because here's the thing like, I feel like in the church community, being confident has been mistaken by for pridefulness or um cockiness, or you know what I'm saying?
00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:45.440
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:45.679 --> 00:41:00.880
Like there's this this general like consensus that like if you're confident that you know you must be self-centered or self-focused, but but that couldn't be further from the truth.
00:41:00.960 --> 00:41:15.280
Now, there are people that are like that, oh of course, yeah, but confidence in the Lord's picking of you for something and stepping out in something, there's no shame in that.
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:16.800
There's nothing wrong with that at all.
00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:32.159
In fact, Ephesians 2 10 in the Bible says, for we are his workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
00:41:32.800 --> 00:41:39.679
So he prepared these long, long, long time before we ever started thinking about it.
00:41:39.840 --> 00:41:41.039
That's the cool thing.
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:46.000
It's like, yeah, it's our idea, but it's not it's not new to God.
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:50.400
He knows, you know, he knows what we're placed here.
00:41:50.480 --> 00:41:52.239
We're placed here for a purpose.
00:41:52.480 --> 00:42:02.960
We're placed here, you know, and if it here's the thing is that if it's not you, God's gonna, his will is gonna be done, whether it's through you or through somebody else.
00:42:03.199 --> 00:42:03.840
Right.
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:18.079
So you have the opportunity, you're placed in a specific point in time, a specific place, specific experiences, specific relationships for a very specific purpose.
00:42:18.400 --> 00:42:26.239
And if you hear God tugging at your heart to do something, here's your sign.
00:42:26.719 --> 00:42:27.360
Do it.
00:42:28.159 --> 00:42:34.320
We believe in you, yeah, and sometimes you don't believe in yourself until uh later.
00:42:34.480 --> 00:42:35.599
I just want to point that out.
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:39.039
It's okay to not feel confident initially.
00:42:39.360 --> 00:42:41.679
Honestly, it's kind of my secret weapon.
00:42:41.760 --> 00:42:52.800
You know how if you're a Marvel fan at all, you will know that the reason Hulk can control when he turns into the Hulk is because he's actually always angry.
00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:59.199
And what he's actually saying there is, I have control over this feeling.
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:17.840
So for me, I have had a lot of people ask, Well, because I don't fit the stereotype of what people, you know, what people when they've gone through some of the things that have gone through, what they end up going through, you know, like drug use and stuff like that.
00:43:18.639 --> 00:43:23.679
Um they it doesn't make sense to them.
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:29.119
So they think you know, that you're not maybe being honest.
00:43:30.320 --> 00:43:51.119
But I've just had this belief in myself even if I wasn't always attached to it, I knew that it was there, like I'm and that's where I think God has always been in my life because no matter what I've gone through, I've always had this hope that things are gonna be good and I've been working towards that moment my whole life.
00:43:51.360 --> 00:43:59.360
And I feel like I'm like I'm not there yet, but definitely in a better place to get there.
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:02.320
We're all works in progress.
00:44:02.480 --> 00:44:03.840
That's the beauty of it.
00:44:04.719 --> 00:44:08.719
You know, God is working in us and through us all the time.
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:26.480
And it's just we gotta get our minds in alignment with what God says about us at the end of the day, because just like Peter, Jesus declared it long before he had all his failures, but he was still the rock in which Jesus built his church on.
00:44:26.559 --> 00:44:27.360
And he was.
00:44:27.519 --> 00:44:35.840
I mean, he went on to do great things, and like he 3,000 people were saved in Acts when he preached the gospel.
00:44:36.000 --> 00:44:39.920
I mean, he's a major biblical figure.
00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.880
And yes, he failed all a bunch, and we will too.
00:44:45.199 --> 00:44:46.800
And that's just the best part of it.
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:47.760
We're human.
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:49.679
So we're at work.
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.239
So uh we are gonna end this episode, but thank you for joining us today.
00:44:54.480 --> 00:45:04.719
Remember, we have links in the description for if you have any of your own confessions or own topics you'd like to hear us talk about new episodes every Monday at 7 a.m.
00:45:05.039 --> 00:45:08.239
And um, yeah, so we will catch you later.
