DETOUR 🚧 When the Towers Fell | 9/11, Trauma & Faith 25 Years Later

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Arguably one of the largest tragedies on American soil.
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Good morning.
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Good morning, and welcome back to another episode of Carpool Confessions.
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I am Kelly Marie and I'm Kate Shaw.
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And we are super excited to be back with you today.
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It's actually starting to sprinkle, uh, so we're not on our normal sunny drives, but that's okay.
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We need a little rain, I think.
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Yes, always need a little bit of rain.
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Yeah.
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Very dry.
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So this past weekend, I watched a Netflix documentary of sorts um on 9-11.
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And I haven't heard anything about it for a while, but since the 25th anniversary of the 25 years, doesn't that make you feel old?
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Because that makes me feel really old.
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Yeah, I honestly can't believe it's been that long because when that happens, I can still picture where I was and everything so clearly.
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So it doesn't feel like 25 years.
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Yeah, it and what's crazy to me is that when I ask my kids about, you know, what do you know about 9-11?
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You know, especially my younger one.
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I mean, they don't, they just don't, they don't know much about it, but everybody somehow, every person in our generation knows exactly where they were when it happened.
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Yeah, speaking of that, so you know, we have kids in school, and when it comes around, um, I know Chloe was kind of upset last year because they didn't really talk about it.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And then I actually saw some TikToks of other parents sharing that their kids came home with coloring pages of the Towers Burning.
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Oh gosh.
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Isn't that crazy?
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Like who would who would think that needs to be a coloring page for children?
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But anyways, well, there was, you know, that was arguably one of the the largest tragedies on American soil, you know, for sure.
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Especially in our generation.
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Um, and so you know, as I watched it, it was just like I was brought back.
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It brought back so many memories, you know, for me of you know, where because like I said, everybody knows where they were.
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Yeah.
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Do you remember where you were?
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Oh, absolutely.
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I remember everything about that day pretty perfectly.
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And also, before I really understood what was happening, my religious trauma with like Armageddon and all of that stuff.
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Yeah, I didn't even think about that.
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Yeah, I was really scared for a moment.
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Yeah, because yeah, I'm like, oh my gosh, grandma was right, Armageddon is happening.
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Oh gosh, I didn't even think about that.
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Yeah, and also this is another weird thing, and I'm not saying that this is the case, but I did a couple weeks prior to 9-11, I dreamt of it.
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Oh, weird, yeah, super weird.
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And there's actually a lot of people that have come out and said the same thing.
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Really?
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Yeah, and I don't know, of course, it just depends on what you believe, but something about the amount of energy that tragedy had that.
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I mean, about it.
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Yeah, there's a lot of people that you know do have a more sensitivity to things like that.
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And um, yeah, I mean, it's that's not out of the norm.
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You hear about that a lot.
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Yeah, and I the dream was so upsetting.
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I remember telling Brett about it, my friend Brett.
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And so when 9-11 happened, she was like, What the heck?
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She's like, Yeah, you were just talking about something like this in a dream, and now it's happening.
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So crazy.
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Well, I feel like some of us are just more spiritually sensitive than others.
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Yeah, that makes sense.
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Oh, definitely, you know, and um honestly, like the gift of prophecy is something that some people get, and you know, maybe that's something that that you are going to experience, you know, especially now that you're you know, come back to the faith and as you grow closer to God and you're already more spiritually sensitive.
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That could be um something I did I didn't realize it was a thing.
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That's interesting.
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Yeah, so where were you?
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Where was I?
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Yeah, so I was at school because we were in seventh grade, yeah, and it was second hour class.
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I was in choir, had miss Mrs.
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Washer.
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If anybody remembers Mrs.
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Washer, and I literally remember sitting in like the second row and a student aide, or like one of those people that go around and give out the hall passes.
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You remember those people, the office helpers.
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I remember one of those students bringing in a note to Mrs.
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Washer, and after she read the note, I literally saw all the color leave her face, and her face went from like a normal, you know, resting face to just completely like downward.
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And I remember her telling us the news, and none of us like there was some giggles and stuff because I think nobody could really understand that, especially we were like 12-13 years old then when this happened, and um I remember the teachers then like rolling in the TV, yeah.
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That's what I got and watching that, and then I remember going home and we were watching the news at home, and I remember this I don't know if this was in the days prior or if it was that day, but they played a voice recording of somebody in one of the buildings that they had left for their spouse, and it was like their final message, and I remember taking a shower that night and bawling my eyes out in the shower because I didn't understand why I was so upset because this didn't happen to me, but I was very affected by it, and I felt like I had to cry in the shower so nobody would, so my family wouldn't be like we you know, quit crying.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I remember being also, of course, we went to the same school, so yeah, um, that was a similar experience for me.
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I was in social studies class and um they I remember at first they only put the TVs because like this obviously dates us because like this the big giant TVs on rolling metal carts is is the era we grew up in.
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Yeah, and they're like strapped down.
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And um, they only put them in the hallways at first, like because our junior high had like a it was a big circle, and so the hallway was literally a big circle, and so all the classrooms were are around the outside of the circle, and the library was in the middle, and so it was very open in the middle, and um so I remember them only putting the the the TVs up in the middle because the teachers were watching it, and they wouldn't let the kids watch it, and of course we were all like, What is going on, you know?
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Yeah, I remember kids crying and being really upset and like wanted to go home.
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And then the teacher, I remember uh the teacher that I had, she was like, you know what?
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This is very social studies.
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Yeah.
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So you guys okay with watching this?
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We're like, Yeah, yeah, we want to we want to watch it, you know.
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And so anyway, she brings it in and we're we're watching it, and I don't think anybody really understood because nobody knew what the World Trade Centers were.
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Like we we yeah, we really haven't been taught about that yet.
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Yeah, we're from Missouri, so we we we haven't seen New York and we haven't seen the World Trade Center, you know, so we didn't you know fully understand exactly.
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But I remember I think the weight of it more hit me when I went home that night and was watching it on like every single news channel was playing it, every single news channel was playing the planes hitting the towers on repeat, and you know, like there was a lot of conversation about the visual disturbance and the trauma caused by people seeing Charlie Kirk be killed, which yeah, I guess that is very traumatic thing to see.
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But you know, you don't think about the fact that we all literally, as kids, were watching this unfold and people losing their lives on live TV on repeat, you know, like we are literally all watching this, and you know, I I think it was a more traumatic experience than than many of us realize.
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And certainly after watching the documentary, which followed these um so this is Survivors, yeah.
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It followed survivors, it followed um people who were in the building, some police officers and things that were I mean, it was so heartbreaking hearing their story.
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And if you want to go watch it, it's on Netflix.
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It's I think what's it homicide's like a dick wall.
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Uh New York Homicide, Homicide North, New York, something like that.
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Season three, episode five, I believe.
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Anyway, it was a really well done and a really nice tribute to 9-11, but it got me thinking, you know, the day after 9-11, you know, something shifted in everyone, you know what I'm saying?
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Like that day, something changed, not just in us, but in in our country, I feel like like something fundamentally shifted.
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Well, yeah.
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I, you know, people think about trauma as being like an isolated sort of event, but something like that on that scale.
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Anybody who was alive then, I feel like we're all traumatized from that.
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We all have trauma from that, you know.
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And yeah, it's uh that collective effervescence you were talking about.
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We all felt the same emotion for that.
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Exactly.
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And I think it did create some sort of unity.
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No, I did.
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I I would say right after 9-11, that's the most American I ever felt.
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Like there was so much pride and togetherness.
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I really missed that era.
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I hate that it took a tragedy for us to feel that way, but I I wish we could all remember what it was like to come together and be each other's neighbors, to be each other's friends, that it's not, you know, uh us against each other.
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Right.
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You know, we're all going through something and we need each other, and I just I just wish it still felt like that, but but we forget.
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We do forget.
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You know, it's happened time and time again throughout history, you know, human memory is so fleeting.
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Well, not to mention, as you said, 25 years has now passed, so there's plenty of people who have been born in our adulthoods but weren't around for 9-11, so it's just different.
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Well, I think the thing that really hit me after watching this documentary was the sheer impact, especially on people like the first responders and the police officers and the firefighters, people that had to like, you know, run into the disaster.
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Um, I mean, and even the people that survived it as well, I'm sure.
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But um, you know what what happens after that is is that you are now carrying something with you, you're carrying this significant trauma with you that you know you just almost function.
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Well, in something like that, not you're not fine, yeah.
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Yeah, you're in complete survival mode, and uh something like that really alters your sense of safety, and one thing that's fundamental to having mental wellness is our sense of safety.
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Even if you don't think about it, it's not on the front of your mind.
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But anytime a piece of your safety is taken from you, it really distorts your worldview, and it you can end up very depressed and scared, and it can be very debilitating.
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And so I'm sure those people it really altered their sense of safety, and yeah, not to mention the jumpers, and seeing all of those dead bodies on the ground, like what that would do to somebody's psyche.
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Well, one of the police officers was saying that she had her sergeant walking behind her, and they were walking towards the building, and suddenly he grabbed her by the back of the shirt and pulls her, and she would have been hit by somebody that was jumping from the building.
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Yeah, and it actually killed someone in front of her, the person jumping.
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There was lots, there was a ton of them.
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And who can you imagine who who could who could think that would be something that would happen?
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But it was, and to think how scared those people were that jumping seemed better than burning to death.
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Yeah, no, it was it's incredibly tragic.
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Oh my gosh, I it's so hard to yeah, it's still hard for me to process.
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And if you're a deeply empathetic person, like this stuff can really be bothersome.
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I know every year on 9-11 there's just more content floating around, and it it's a really heavy place to be in.
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Yeah.
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Well, and the one thing that I noticed too about this group of people that they followed, especially the men, and I'm not trying to be sexist here, but especially the men, that many of them didn't get help after being exposed to you know the most incredibly traumatic experience that they could imagine.
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You know, they tried to you know pick it up, pick themselves up by the bootstraps and just handle it.
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Yeah, you know, and and why don't we get help sometimes when we when we need it?
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Like, why do you think because I I know a lot of people do that.
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A lot of people think, I don't need help, I'm okay, I'm I'm getting by.
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Well, there's a dangerous shame.
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Yeah, that's a dangerous place to be.
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Yeah, there's a lot of shame, especially when it comes to men and mental health, and police officers and mental health, and police officers, yeah.
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Well, you know, and anybody who is in that field, you feel like you're just doing your job, you know what I mean?
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They're just doing their job, it's what they signed up to do.
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But even if you chose to do that line of work, it doesn't negate, yeah.
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You're still a person, and these things take a toll on your mental health.
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And this was also the early 2000s when this happened.
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So the way we talk about mental health, we didn't have those conversations then.
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I mean, PTSD is still a fairly new thing, and then CPTSD is even newer, and it's not even recognized in the DSM yet.
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What's the difference between the two?
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So there is a big difference between PTSD and CPTSD.
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PTSD is gonna result from like an isolated event, so like 9-11.
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So like 9-11 or being in the army, CPSD means you lived in that environment, it was your environment, it was your life, extended period of exposure.
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Yeah, extended, yeah, exactly.
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So and how do those things show up differently?
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I'm just curious, and maybe you don't know the answer, but maybe we'll have to do a little more research if I might have to do a little interested to know in what you know, because if they've differentiated the two, there's gotta be different presentation.
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So for PTSD, there's a before time, yeah.
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So people can remember what they felt like before for people who have CPTSD, they usually were born into chaos.
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So somebody like me, so you don't have any frame of reference of what your identity, what you might have felt like before something.
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So it it the treatment is different in the sense of like I had to unlearn all of these survival adaptations, whereas you can somebody who has PTSD, you can almost see those adaptations happen in real time.
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Oh I feel like that's a whole episode.
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And yeah, those two like it could be like break, like really break it down and figure out like, okay, what are the differences?
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What do they look like?
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What is the what does the treatment look like?
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I'm really interested in that.
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Yeah, um, well, and the treatment is a lot the same, and again, it just goes back to your relational circumstances.
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You have to have people in your life who can attune to what you're going through.
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So those firefighters and and whatnot who answered those calls, they need people who are just let them talk about it or let them be in the grief, not try to reframe it.
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Um, and then I I honestly don't know how, if you were on the front lines of that, how you feel safe again ever.
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No, I don't know because that's a big thing, is like for me, is learning safe people in safe environments.
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So something so extreme like that, just can't imagine how that rocks your sense of safety.
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Well, and I know just for me, having witnessed it as a child, it like forever affected my sense of safety with flying.
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Yeah, I mean, I flew before and after 9-11 because I used to fly back and forth between Washington State and Missouri all the time, and I remember what it was like before 9-11.
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You know, my my family could walk me right up to the gate, they could walk me onto the plane, onto the plane.
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That is not a thing no more.
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And after 9-11, I had to travel without adult help because they couldn't go past security and stuff unless they paid there was like something you could pay to if you were accompanying a child, but because it was so just loosey-goosey, I don't know how to describe it, until that happened.
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Yeah, there was no TSA like that.
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Everything that we see now is a result of that, and so you know, having experienced that as a kid, I think for at least for me, I I it was very confusing too.
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And also, I just want to say that there was a lot of I don't know how to describe this, but it's almost like programming that went into us as kids of like racial and yeah, you know, like against Muslim people or that.
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So like I would be going to the airport and be like, oh my gosh, like is that guy a terrorist?
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Or you know what I mean?
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It's like there was like, and I feel really bad saying that, but like that's just how it was.
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So that was the reality of that.
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That was like what people were thinking because it was so just like put into our heads that you know these people were extreme, extremists, they were they were terrorists, they were Muslims, you know, and yeah, it was just yeah, a lot of racist racism and it right, and so gosh, for people that were any type of uh from Middle Eastern descent during that time, I just can't even imagine.
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Oh, yeah, it was being a really hard time, and it still is.
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Um, actually, one of my former colleagues, he is from Lebanon, his family is, he's native to America, but he remembers being a kid and what it was like for him, and people thinking he was a terrorist and stuff, and it really broke my heart to hear like his personal experience with that.
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And then if you've ever watched Degrassi, um, there was a character in Degrassi who was Muslim, and they actually did an episode about the racism she got, really, yeah, that she received, and so yeah, it was a very real thing, and it's really heartbreaking that so many innocent people who had nothing to do with this has nothing to do with somebody's skin color or anything, and they suffered consequences because of the people who who did do it, yeah, and were extremists, exactly, and it was extremely horrific, so it's really you know, it's easy as a collective to become really angry with a specific, you know, you want to be angry and blame someone, well, yeah, and you know, and unfortunately, it umbrellaed in a whole entire race of people that didn't deserve to be well, and that's how control works too, though.
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Anytime you can have a group of people that you can identify as they're the problem, they're unsafe, and this is what you need to do to be safe.
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People, that's why we see the divides that we do, because these people have found a group, and how you make people feel safe is you there's an out group, and so it's just a way to control people, and it's really unfortunate that this already very tragic thing created so many other tragedies within itself, you know, with the racism and it getting very political and and all of security, yeah.
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Yeah, being not being able to do as much freely, being restricted, you know, with travel and with you know, now we have to get real IDs.
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I mean, it's all it's only continued to get more restrictive.
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And honestly, I think it only will continue to get more.
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As we move towards uh the future and the and revelation, the book of Revelation does talk very much about how um there will be the ability to have some one world power of control, and that like that control is it just has to start coming together somehow, and this is it's all pieces of the puzzle, it really is.
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Yeah, and um but yeah, it was it just fundamentally shifted everything, and I think you know, really the the saddest thing was watching the impact that it had far beyond just that day, yeah.
00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:56.079
Whether it be people being diagnosed with mental health issues, whether it be family being, you know, well, and there's the cancer that people are getting up and then from the cleanup or being there that day from breathing in all of that, all of that stuff.
00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:56.400
Yep.
00:22:56.559 --> 00:22:59.839
And there's people still today that are dying because of 9-11.
00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:00.240
Yep.
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:08.400
Whether that's the suicide, um, the cancer and all of that.
00:23:08.559 --> 00:23:29.119
And uh actually a lot of a lot of children that were children then that lost parents during 9-11, they are there are a few that are on social media and they they talk a lot about what it's been like to lose a parent to something so horrific.
00:23:29.440 --> 00:23:33.200
Yeah, and so you know, they're grown now and share out there sharing their story.
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:38.720
Because so many people still to this day have never been recovered.
00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:47.680
No, they've only identified, I think they're at 60% now, but there's still 40% of people whose remains have not been identified.
00:23:47.839 --> 00:24:01.440
And in case you didn't know, there's a lab where they are still testing all of this stuff and finding um making matches and then notifying family like that's still happening to this day.
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:06.240
And so and it's taken 25 years to get to even to the point where they're at.
00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:11.680
Yeah, it's just such a process, you know, to identify these things.
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:40.400
And I and I thought it was really interesting, and something I didn't know was that they had um utilized a landfill to go through every single piece that came off of the of the site, and they the pe there was officers and um people that were assigned to that just to go through everything and look for bones and uh anything that would resemble human remains.
00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:55.440
Yeah, and so they went through it like piece by piece by hand to try to identify and get all of these pieces out, which is just mind-blowing to me because I can't even fathom the volume of no, I can't.
00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:57.759
And that's how a lot of people got cancer, honestly.
00:24:58.240 --> 00:24:59.279
Yeah, yeah, that's what it was.
00:24:59.440 --> 00:25:05.039
Yeah, doing that, or yeah, when the buildings fell, and I just can't imagine.
00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:11.440
And also the people that were trapped inside and not even knowing what was going on.
00:25:11.920 --> 00:25:14.160
Yeah, I think about that all the time.
00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:18.000
Those people who got trapped somewhere and they had no idea what had happened at all.
00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:36.960
Well, they were just going to work that day, they were just having a meeting or answering a phone call or doing whatever, and then all of a sudden Well, and then the survivor's guilt of people like I've seen so many stories come out of people who were supposed to go to the work that day, or for whatever reason their plans changed.
00:25:37.200 --> 00:25:37.839
Yeah.
00:25:38.319 --> 00:25:45.519
A lot of the um officers were talking about having guilt over surviving and having their colleagues die.
00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:58.880
You know, because when the towers fell, you know, that was a significant cause of a lot of the deaths of you know, first responders and everybody else because they were right there when this came down.
00:25:59.039 --> 00:26:02.160
It was a huge, I mean, just just an absolute.
00:26:02.799 --> 00:26:07.279
I know it's crazy when they talked about the rumpling of the building starting to fall.
00:26:07.599 --> 00:26:09.279
Oh, yeah.
00:26:09.680 --> 00:26:10.880
I just can't imagine.
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:12.160
It makes me so sad.
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:21.519
I wish I couldn't personally hug all of the survivors or anybody that lost somebody because it just hurts my heart so much.
00:26:22.079 --> 00:26:32.640
Well, and one of the officers that they were following, his wife was in the in the building, and he had not heard from her.
00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:34.079
Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:48.480
And and he was there, and they tried to reassign his unit to go do something else, I don't remember what, but they were digging through, looking for like people, digging through, looking for remains.
00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:54.319
Yeah, and he like freaked out and was like, I'm not going anywhere, I'm gonna find my wife.
00:26:54.480 --> 00:26:58.720
Yeah, and they let him stay there, and they're like, You stay here as long as you need to.
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:03.440
And um eventually they did recover his wife, which is really sad.
00:27:03.680 --> 00:27:06.640
He really was one of the ones that really, really, really struggled.
00:27:06.799 --> 00:27:13.839
Yeah, you know, obviously, you know, that's you not only are having to experience this, but you have a loved one in this as well.
00:27:13.920 --> 00:27:27.599
Like that would be well, I just think about the trauma probably in New York alone, because it happening in that area, probably everybody knew somebody in those buildings, exactly, like the ripple effect that that had.
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:32.240
I mean, there's probably people listening to this that knew somebody there, yeah.
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:38.319
And honestly, I really have a hard time going up into skyscrapers because of that.
00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:39.759
Still, no, that makes sense.
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:41.440
But I still don't like it.
00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:50.640
So I just I wonder how that affected the people of New York as well, because I'm sure oh, I'm sure it still does that was something that deeply affected people.
00:27:50.799 --> 00:27:53.359
And I had forgotten that there was a third building that fell.
00:27:53.599 --> 00:27:54.000
Yeah.
00:27:54.160 --> 00:27:57.279
I did I've forgotten that that one across the street had fell as well.
00:27:57.519 --> 00:27:59.440
Yeah, and then the Pentagon was also hit too.
00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:01.039
The Pentagon was hit, yeah.
00:28:01.279 --> 00:28:05.039
And then there was a plane that they the passengers overtook.
00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:11.440
The plane went down and they didn't survive, but the act of those people saved so many other people.
00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:11.920
Yeah.
00:28:12.160 --> 00:28:14.000
And so I think about them too.
00:28:14.240 --> 00:28:16.640
Yeah, and I know I've heard the phone call.
00:28:16.799 --> 00:28:17.200
Oh, yeah.
00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:25.599
Phone calls from that plane, like, oh my gosh, like yeah, like one of the last things you hear is let's roll, and that's them going to overtake the cockpit.
00:28:25.680 --> 00:28:27.119
I'll boosebunk just talking about it.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:27.920
Yeah, I know.
00:28:28.079 --> 00:28:33.359
Just well, and it's just it's just something else.
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:52.480
You just see people show up so differently in in crisis like that, and it's it's actually very, you know, instills a lot of hope in me and humanity, seeing, you know, the heroism that was displayed so much of it that day.
00:28:52.720 --> 00:29:01.519
No, I fully believe that I or I like to believe that most people, if they're called to do something that they would do it.
00:29:01.680 --> 00:29:07.920
I feel like anybody in those positions would have ran into those buildings too.
00:29:08.240 --> 00:29:08.640
Yeah.
00:29:08.880 --> 00:29:17.359
I mean, the reality is is that when you're in in fear like that though, it's really hard to run towards the danger.
00:29:17.759 --> 00:29:24.240
You know, I mean, it takes a special type of person to be able to do that, I feel like.
00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:25.680
Oh, it definitely does.
00:29:25.920 --> 00:29:34.960
Because most people, I would think most people would be just like, get out, get away, you know, like run for the hills.
00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:42.160
But I mean, I can certainly identify with that because I'm I'm definitely the kind of person that would want to try to help other people.
00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:59.759
Yeah, I would say I I when it comes to other people, and this is really not a good thing, what I'm about to say is not a good thing, it's not healthy, but I am the type to completely disregard my own sense of safety and mental well-being and put somebody else before my own.
00:30:00.079 --> 00:30:08.000
So I I've been in a lot of emergency situations, not like that, of course, but I don't know.
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:13.359
I'm I don't know, I think I'm kind of built for it because I just that's like when I function the best.
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:14.880
Yeah, I'm really good at it.
00:30:15.039 --> 00:30:15.519
That's what I'm saying.
00:30:15.599 --> 00:30:18.640
I think some people are just yeah better at that.
00:30:19.039 --> 00:30:19.839
Some people can't do it.
00:30:19.920 --> 00:30:32.480
It doesn't mean it doesn't traumatize you in in the in the end, but there has to be people willing to run into the fire to save everybody else, and that's what these people did.
00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:37.039
They did, and a lot of people died doing it that day, sadly.
00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:40.079
I yeah, I it's over 2,000 people, right?
00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:42.319
Yeah, 2800, I think something.
00:30:42.559 --> 00:30:43.279
Yeah, yeah.
00:30:43.519 --> 00:30:45.839
And I'm sure that's still just some sort of estimate.
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:49.200
There's no way, I don't think there's w any way for us to really know.
00:30:49.599 --> 00:31:00.480
Yeah, I mean, there was it was a huge tragedy, but it definitely opened up a lot of conversations, I think, about mental health.
00:31:00.720 --> 00:31:01.440
Oh, absolutely.
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:02.559
Fact.
00:31:02.960 --> 00:31:20.000
Well, and just how long something like that can stay with you, how you end up in survival mode, and if you don't have the proper tools, or you don't have community, or you don't have all of these things, you can remain stuck in those survival skills.
00:31:20.079 --> 00:31:35.599
And I'm sure a lot of those people to this day still are in survival mode from that, and I wish I had some magic answer that could fix it, but I I really don't know when something so major happens like that.
00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:38.720
It's kind of gonna cause an accident.
00:31:38.880 --> 00:31:40.400
Yeah, there's something crazy happening.
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:42.160
What the heck's going on?
00:31:43.759 --> 00:31:47.839
Truck was about to rear end me from the back, and he's mad at that guy.
00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:54.559
Well, yeah, those truckers, they can't people understand when it comes to truckers, you need to give them plants.
00:31:54.960 --> 00:32:01.680
They can't stop, they cannot stop I don't know if you guys saw him behind me, like hey, this is this is the reality.
00:32:01.759 --> 00:32:03.039
We're driving, okay?
00:32:03.279 --> 00:32:13.440
Um, yeah, but yeah, no, but here's the thing like I think the biggest thing is that we have to be able to process trauma like that.
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:21.279
Yeah, and it's this this is a much broader conversation, obviously, because you can't compare anything to 9-11.
00:32:21.920 --> 00:32:34.160
But there we all experience different traumas in our life, whether it be you go through a divorce or you lose a child or you lose a parent or you come close to having some sort of near-death experience.
00:32:34.319 --> 00:33:00.000
You know, there are all kinds of different traumas you can endure in this life, but the reality is that approaching life after trauma with an I'm fine mindset versus actually healing or processing that trauma is two totally very different things, very, very different things because you know, before we reconnected and everything, I was doing all the things.
00:33:00.079 --> 00:33:13.039
I was going to therapy, you know, and uh, you know, I'm doing my breathing exercises, I'm going outside and getting sunlight, like I'm doing all of these things that they tell you to do, but I still was miserable.
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:21.519
And I was miserable because I had did not have anybody to attune to what was going on with me.
00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:35.680
I had nobody in those moments to sit with me in the darkness of my despair and say, you know, essentially, I hate that that happened to you, but we're gonna get through this, and it's so important.
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:43.839
It doesn't matter the trauma that you go through, or what, or it, you know, it's like Kate says, it's you're going through divorce, that's traumatic.
00:33:44.160 --> 00:33:51.759
You have to have community, you have to have agency, you have to feel safe.
00:33:51.920 --> 00:34:00.799
These are all pillars of mental well-being, and they all integrate into one another, into what we have as mental wellness.
00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:07.039
So if you're like, let's say you got like two out of three, you're still probably gonna struggle.
00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:27.840
Yeah, you are, and honestly, like I did not, I think a lot of times, so many of us, especially, I mean, I I really feel like this for me at least, you know, looking at situations like yours or like even 9-11, like situations where you're like, okay, that is majorly traumatic, you know, your background, no question, like majorly traumatic.
00:34:28.000 --> 00:34:37.360
But things I have a tendency that to just kind of minimize things that have happened in my life, like, well, it's not as bad as like what happened to you, or yeah, you know what I'm saying.
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:41.199
You can't do that though, but I think so many people do that.
00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:47.360
I think they think, well, you know, it it's I have an estranged sibling, yeah.
00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:56.880
You know, it's not yes, it's really hurt me, and there's been so much hurt around that to my family, but it's not that bad.
00:34:57.039 --> 00:35:00.960
But the reality is, and I found this out the hard way, like it is that bad.
00:35:01.199 --> 00:35:14.480
And if you don't address it or if you don't process it, then it's gonna cause you physical health issues, it's gonna cause you mental health issues, it's gonna affect a lot of things if you don't process it.
00:35:14.719 --> 00:35:15.519
Absolutely, yeah.
00:35:15.679 --> 00:35:27.280
And actually, when I started going to therapy, I was going to therapy for these things that I thought were the big things in my life, you know, like the obvious traumas or whatever.
00:35:27.599 --> 00:35:40.079
But after going to therapy, I realized there were a lot of other things that were traumatic to me and my well-being that I hadn't even considered because I'm like, well, I had these worst things that happened, you know.
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:52.880
But those even those smaller things, they they do matter, they can distort again your sense of safety, your your identity, um, you know, just how you move in the world.
00:35:53.039 --> 00:35:57.119
It can just just completely destroy that or chip at it.
00:35:57.360 --> 00:36:04.079
Yeah, and I I'm curious for you because I know for me what it looks like, but what did what did I'm fine look like for you?
00:36:04.159 --> 00:36:06.239
Because I know that you've you've been through that as well.
00:36:06.800 --> 00:36:08.320
Like, oh I'm fine, but I'm really not.
00:36:08.559 --> 00:36:13.840
Yeah, I I oh what I like overcompensate.
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:21.840
So you will think I'm like doing so freaking well, but I'm not, like working four jobs and and and stuff like that.
00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:28.639
And um my I find I'm fine can also look a lot like self-sabotage.
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:41.360
Um it also looks like keeping it to myself, you know, burying that stuff deep because nobody cares to listen to it.
00:36:42.000 --> 00:36:54.320
So yeah, I just like I just try to keep going and keep going, and then I end up burnt out and end up being really sick or whatever it may be.
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:10.800
I mean, we talked about it before, but I was really struggled with my weight and I was under 90 pounds, and you wouldn't have guessed that anything was wrong per se, because I was seemed like I was doing really good, but I wasn't.
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:12.000
I was doing parables.
00:37:15.039 --> 00:37:16.559
I think a lot of us do that.
00:37:16.719 --> 00:37:31.119
I mean, I I can tell you for sure, you know, I I have experienced a lot of physical, like I have a tendency to just not not deal with things and do the same things.
00:37:31.199 --> 00:37:34.320
I get super busy, I get super, super busy.
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:39.760
So like there will be no downtime for me to think about anything because I will be doing things constantly.
00:37:39.920 --> 00:37:48.239
Yeah, that's Pastor Jeff and I have talked about this a lot on the podcast I was on with him, which we talked about how that's how we just deal with things.
00:37:48.480 --> 00:37:59.519
And um, so that usually goes into like for me, it's it caused the panic attacks that I was having, like the significant just I I wouldn't want to eat.
00:37:59.840 --> 00:38:03.760
I would just be just a hot mess, honestly.
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:13.039
And I didn't realize that me doing that was causing all that until my you know, my body finally was just like, okay, you know what, Kate, we're done.
00:38:13.119 --> 00:38:13.920
We're not doing this.
00:38:14.079 --> 00:38:20.400
Yeah, and that's exactly what happens if you don't address things, you're gonna get forced to address them.
00:38:20.639 --> 00:38:30.719
Well, and just like we are physical beings, like we're very emotional beings too, because I mean I was thinking, I was thinking about this and like how this connects with the Bible.
00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:40.320
And I was looking at um Elijah in 1 Kings 19, and you know, he had this like phenomenal victory on Mount Carmel.
00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:49.440
So he's like on the top of the world, but then he starts getting attacked by Jezebel, and he just like homes, goes from like this major high to like this major, major low.
00:38:49.599 --> 00:38:52.079
Yeah, and he just runs.
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:59.199
And what you know, he's like literally just like trying to go out and die somewhere, like he's just like done, like done so.
00:38:59.519 --> 00:39:03.920
That's yeah, and this is somebody who's like doing some crazy serious stuff for the Lord.
00:39:04.079 --> 00:39:11.280
Like he's like this guy, he's been used by God so much, and you know what does God do?
00:39:11.440 --> 00:39:22.559
I mean, he doesn't he doesn't lecture him, he doesn't abandon him, he tells him, Elijah, take a nap, eat a snack, right?
00:39:22.719 --> 00:39:48.880
You know, like you know, so it's like not you know, I'm not trying to minimize the story, but like my point is is that we have to take care of our physical self, we have to take care of our mental self, like we have to do these things to um to build ourselves back up after after a traumatic experience because believe it or not, all of it just it gets damaged in one way or another when you go through something like that.
00:39:49.199 --> 00:39:49.679
Yeah, yeah.
00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:54.960
And you don't always realize how it's altered you, you know.
00:39:55.039 --> 00:40:13.679
I think when I first started going to therapy, I realized like the obvious reasons why I did things was from my trauma, but there are a lot of things I didn't realize at the same time, and it really can just change so much about how you move through the world, you know, pre- and post-trauma.
00:40:14.079 --> 00:40:26.559
Your perception too, absolutely, and another thing is we don't live in a tra a trauma-informed world or culture, we do not agree with that, and that which is crazy because I feel like so many people are traumatized.
00:40:26.719 --> 00:40:28.639
I know, I I was thinking that too.
00:40:29.039 --> 00:40:39.039
It's just kind of crazy how we don't live in a trauma-informed world yet, we are all so stinking traumatized, so yeah, it is.
00:40:39.199 --> 00:40:49.199
I mean, that's it's the truth, and I think the more we move into you know technology and everything, everything is just it's not getting better in that way.
00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:50.239
I'll just put it that way.
00:40:50.480 --> 00:41:08.559
No, it's not, but we we have to be willing to share these experiences, and this is why we're so called to do this podcast and talk about these things, not because we want to be stuck in our grief or dwell on these things in our past, it's not about that at all.
00:41:08.719 --> 00:41:25.119
It's really about releasing us from it, and not just us, but anybody who's listening to this, you need to be released from the burden of your your pain because exactly because it's not your fault, and you don't have to carry it alone.
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:33.519
Well, and this, I don't know about you, but for me, this podcast is very much me processing a lot of things in real time.
00:41:33.760 --> 00:41:34.159
Yeah, yeah.
00:41:34.559 --> 00:41:56.880
And yeah, you know, I think the the point of that is that, you know, of course, we don't want to try to, you know, I don't want to try to help heal somebody from a place where I'm not healed from, but at the same time, there's there's some power in people seeing that you know they're not alone in the situation and to give people the encouragement to actually do what we're doing, talk about things.
00:41:56.960 --> 00:42:19.119
Yeah, it doesn't have to be with the whole internet of going a little extreme on it, but you have to find those people exactly find people that I mean we come back to this, I feel like on every single episode because it's it's the truth, and it's why I suffered so much in my life, is because I did not have people, yeah, didn't have that, I didn't have that, and I have that now.
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:25.440
So when challenges come my way, I don't feel so scared or anxious.
00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:35.599
I mean, yes, it's still there, but because I have people I know I can like truly call, I'm able to get through stuff so much easier than I was before.
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:42.880
And I feel like I've been it's been it's kind of frustrating for me because I feel like I've been very open about that in my life.
00:42:43.039 --> 00:42:48.800
Like I know what is missing and why I can't heal the way I need to.
00:42:49.599 --> 00:42:56.480
And it's just like nobody was like, well, you just need to heal and get better because we we we don't want to hear it.
00:42:56.559 --> 00:43:04.800
But again, what I've learned is a lot of the stuff I've been through alters somebody's worldview and their sense of safety.
00:43:05.119 --> 00:43:20.559
I was just thinking that because I feel like for some people, when they hear your trauma, they are not at a place where they can receive it because they haven't addressed their own traumas.
00:43:20.960 --> 00:43:21.280
Exactly.
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:24.880
And that's what that's what I at least has a lot to do with it.
00:43:25.119 --> 00:43:25.920
That is completely it.
00:43:26.000 --> 00:43:27.360
It that's part of it.
00:43:27.599 --> 00:43:34.800
Um, and some people, I mean, they just can't conceive that a father would do what my like what my father did to me.
00:43:34.880 --> 00:43:50.719
That's really unconceivable to a lot of people, and so me talking about that makes them uncomfortable, which I completely get, but you can't you can't minimize somebody else's struggle because you you're getting uncomfortable.
00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:51.840
That's unfair.
00:43:52.079 --> 00:43:59.760
Yeah, well, and that's the importance too of being in a community of people that are well rounded and trying to.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:34.239
Find the best version of themselves because you know, people that are collectively trying to you know heal together, that's a whole different can of worms than you trying to heal and having a community of people that have no interest in healing, yeah, you know, exactly a huge, huge difference in my life, and that I think that's why I want to share it so much because I know so many other people struggle, and I'm telling you, if you're still continuing to struggle after you've done X, Y, Z, there's something relationally missing from your life.
00:44:34.400 --> 00:44:45.599
Either the environment you're in does not feel safe, or the people you're around do not attune to you, and you have to have those things, you really do.
00:44:45.760 --> 00:44:50.639
Like, you will not you will make minimal progress because that's what I was doing.
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:52.719
I was making minimal progress.
00:44:53.440 --> 00:45:04.400
Um, and like I feel like I my healing it accelerated because I finally had these things come into my life.
00:45:04.559 --> 00:45:37.519
Like I have I have Kate and a whole bunch of other people too, and that was the beauty of this documentary that we watched on 9-11, which at the end they brought all of these people that they've been interviewing independently into the same room, and yeah, there was just this collective understanding in the room, and and I think all of them, you know, were very much feeling like it was healing for them to be together because they both had experienced something similar, yeah.
00:45:37.599 --> 00:45:37.920
Exactly.
00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:52.320
You know, so again, that's the healing in having community or having like and some of the reason why we're doing what we're doing is because we want others to feel like there is someone else that can understand what they're going through.
00:45:52.559 --> 00:45:52.960
Absolutely.
00:45:53.199 --> 00:46:03.280
And I think there was so much healing in that for those people because you know, they were able to talk about getting help, they were able to talk about the importance of mental health and how there's no shame.
00:46:03.360 --> 00:46:14.880
Like one of the biggest, earliest dudes in that room was talking about how he went home after serving that first day and just stood in the shower and just bawled his eyes out forever.
00:46:15.119 --> 00:46:23.119
And you know, there wasn't a dry eye in that room because they all just knew, you know, the pain that they had experienced.
00:46:23.280 --> 00:46:32.159
And um, you know, you can't take the pain away, but you can at least share that burden, yeah, you know, between the others.
00:46:32.559 --> 00:46:33.199
Well, so true.
00:46:33.280 --> 00:46:35.039
It feels cliche, you know.
00:46:35.119 --> 00:46:46.400
I've definitely heard this kind of stuff my whole life, but until you actually experience what it's like to have community, that that's when you really see how powerful it is, because it is.
00:46:46.639 --> 00:46:47.519
It really is.
00:46:47.840 --> 00:46:56.719
Well, we are getting close to work, and I just want to say that you know, we remember all the people that lost their lives and all the people that served that day on 9-11.
00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:14.480
We thank you for your service, your sacrifice, yep, your sacrifice, and um, we will be praying for the families today that are are grieving this 9-11 that have been grieving for a long time, and um, that some answers might come to those that don't yet have answers.
00:47:14.719 --> 00:47:15.119
Absolutely.
00:47:15.280 --> 00:47:27.280
And whether your trauma is from something big like 9-11 or whether it's from something personal like a divorce or um, you know, the loss of a child or something, you know, those are all significant.
00:47:27.519 --> 00:47:37.039
And it's just we just want to encourage you to get support, talk to someone, reach out, don't try to do it alone because you can't.
00:47:37.519 --> 00:47:38.000
You just can't.
00:47:38.239 --> 00:47:39.199
We're not meant to.
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:44.559
And if we were to take this back to God, I mean the Bible talks a lot about having like that.
00:47:44.639 --> 00:47:48.320
We're supposed to have community, we're supposed to be here for each other.
00:47:48.719 --> 00:47:53.920
So well, we are at work, so we will catch you next time.
00:47:54.000 --> 00:47:56.800
We are every Monday at 7 a.m.
00:47:57.280 --> 00:48:02.880
And check us out on YouTube or any major streaming platform, and we will catch you later.
00:48:03.039 --> 00:48:12.480
Yeah, and real quickly before uh we go, if you have a 9-11 story you would like to share, we would like to encourage you to share your story because we would love to hear it.
00:48:12.639 --> 00:48:18.400
And you know, we're building this carpool community, and so let our community be there for you.
00:48:18.639 --> 00:48:18.880
Yep.
00:48:19.199 --> 00:48:24.480
Just give us a comment on this video or email us at carpalconfessions podcast at gmail.com.