WEBVTT
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Close your eyes and imagine living a life you love, unapologetic and unbothered, free from daily microaggressions from Karen's and Ken's, free from the fear of police brutality and systemic racism.
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Wouldn't that feel amazing?
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Now open your eyes.
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What if I told you that it's possible?
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Hear inspiring stories and get the actual blueprints from brothers and sisters of the diaspora who are living out their wildest dreams abroad.
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You've heard the term, now be inspired by the movement.
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I'm Krishan Wright, and this is BlackSet Global.
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I've been abroad now for years.
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I've met, as you can imagine, a lot of people.
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And one person in particular, our paths crossed very early in my time in Portugal, and we've kept in touch, and she has such an amazing and inspiring story.
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So I wanted to have her on the podcast.
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She is a seasoned expat.
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Welcome, Brittany Haney, to the podcast.
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Hey.
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Hello, hello.
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Thank you for having me.
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I'm so glad you accepted the invitation.
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Yes.
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Like you said, we met three years ago, I guess randomly, but not randomly, at a Christmas dinner that was hosted by Bridget and Porto.
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And we had a lot of good food, a lot of good wine, good conversations.
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That's when you told me about Blacks at Global.
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And here we are.
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So again, thank you for having me.
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And let's get into it.
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You've been abroad over 14 years.
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Yes.
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And much of that time spent in Asia.
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I'm always curious when I have these conversations with people because I believe like something in their origin story is probably what led them to the life that they live today.
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And so I'm curious what led you abroad?
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I like to say, I mean, the cliche, the corny cliche, I guess, a small town girl with big dreams.
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So I'm from Rocky Mount, North Carolina.
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And as a child, my family moved around a lot and we got to see a lot of the country.
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And when I was in high school, I just got really curious about the world around me.
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So one of my goals for university was to study abroad.
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And I had the opportunity to do that my junior year.
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I wanted to go someplace that was completely different from anything that I had ever known.
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And so I had the choice between going to Norway or going to China.
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Norway was ridiculously expensive, and I had an interest and an appreciation for Chinese culture, and I wanted to learn more.
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And so I said, okay, well, I'll go to Beijing.
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So I went to Beijing to study Mandarin and Chinese culture for a semester in 2007.
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And that experience left like a profound mark on me.
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And I said, okay, well, I'm a student here, but there are people actually living and thriving in China that look like me and that are from different parts of the world.
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So is that something that I could do as well?
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So when I was about to graduate from college, I was thinking about what life would look like if I moved and what would life look like if I specifically moved to China.
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An opportunity came up for me to teach English in Tianjin, China in 2012.
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And I took it and I hated it.
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And I'm like, this city is not for me.
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So then I moved to Beijing.
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And in Beijing, I was teaching English, but then I kind of hit a glass ceiling, right?
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I'm like, am I going to be able to achieve any other goals that I have?
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Because at the time I wanted to pursue a career in US-China relations.
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I needed to study Mandarin.
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I wanted to work outside of teaching English and I wanted a bit more for myself.
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So then after thinking about that and where this life could take me, I decided to go back to school.
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So take a break from the workforce and go back to school to study Mandarin full-time for a year.
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And then when that program was complete, I had the opportunity to actually get my master's degree, both in Shanghai.
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So I studied Mandarin Chinese in Shanghai for a year.
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Then I got my master's degree in Shanghai.
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And at the time there were a lot of scholarships, especially for American students.
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So all of my education was fully covered by Chinese scholarships, which was a blessing.
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And that included housing, a living stipend, everything.
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So then after I graduated from university, I was like, do I want to stay in Shanghai?
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Do I want to go somewhere else?
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And then I discovered the world of international schools outside of teaching English.
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So, you know, there are these private schools all over the world, and they have needs for everybody, whether you're in HR, whether you're in fundraising, program development, curriculum development, all of these things.
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And so my first professional job after my master's degree was at a school in Shanghai.
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And that was good.
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But again, we have that ceiling.
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So I knew I wasn't gonna go far.
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Like there was no career path or there was no ladder for me to like be promoted to anything outside of the position that I was in.
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And at the time I worked in alumni.
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I worked in HR for a year, and then I worked in alumni relations for two years.
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So an opportunity came up in Cambodia.
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And I will say to anybody, if you see a job that you think that you're not qualified for, apply for it anyway.
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Don't disqualify yourself from any opportunity.
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So I saw this job and I'm like, I don't know.
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I don't know if I'm qualified to do this, but let me just see what happens.
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And I got the job.
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And that was also around the time of COVID.
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So I was in Cambodia.
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That was a difficult experience, another conversation for another day.
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But again, we have that ceiling.
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And I feel like I just I wanted to be in a place where I can live my best life wherever comfortably and safely.
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And in Cambodia, I didn't feel comfortable.
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I didn't feel safe.
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So I was looking for jobs elsewhere, and I initially had my eye on West Africa, and the job that I applied for just kind of didn't work out.
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And something inside of me was like, Asia's not done with you yet.
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So you need to stay here a little while longer.
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And as soon as I made the decision to stay and to continue my job search in Asia, all these opportunities came up.
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And so I then went into a lateral position at a school in Indonesia, in Jakarta, Indonesia.
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And that was great.
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That was really good professionally, financially.
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I was able to travel a lot.
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I had taken my first trip to Europe when I got that job, and I had a really good community in Indonesia.
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But I realized there were things in my life that just wasn't happening for me in Asia.
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And so I'm like, okay, I need to shift my focus and my priorities and possibly say goodbye to a place that has become home that was the place where I turned 30, I turned 40, I got my master's degree, I had all these amazing experiences.
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I have all of these profound connections with people.
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I had to leave all of that behind to put myself in a position where I can get the things that I'm lacking.
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And so here we are, 14 and a half years later.
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And I lived in China, I lived in Cambodia, I lived in Indonesia, I traveled around Southeast Asia, I met amazing people like you all over the world.
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And I'm in a place now where I am focused on myself, taking a break from the workforce again, like I did when I was 27.
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And I'm in Portugal.
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So I'm in Lisbon right now, traveling around the country by myself, have a goal that I'm working on here, and I'm talking to you.
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It's a great intro, and there's so much there, and I'm trying to like organize my thoughts.
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So Mandarin is arguably not an easy language to learn, and I would assume, especially as a native English speaker.
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So, what drew you to such an interesting language?
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Well, it was so funny because around the time that I decided to study abroad was also around the time when the I think the Hundred Thousand Strong Initiative was coming about with, I don't think, because Obama, Obama became president in 08.
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So a 100,000 Strong wasn't an initiative yet, but there was a concerted effort to bring awareness to Chinese language and culture and to get Americans interested in learning the language.
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And I remember I was thinking about studying abroad in China, and I was in my car, and my mom had called me and she was like, Britt, I was just listening to MPR, and they said that Mandarin is the language of the future.
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And I said, Yeah, that's what I heard too.
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And she was like, Well, you need to go to China.
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You need to go to China, you need to just go.
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Because I told, I told her and my dad that I was thinking about studying abroad.
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And she was like, You just need to go to China.
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And I'm like, all right, that's my mom is supporting me, honestly.
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That's all I need.
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And so I went full force.
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And you know what is so funny?
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Because even though the Chinese style of writing and like the Mandarin language is different from what we know in English, believe it or not, it's not hard because they have four tones and there's no tenses, or there's like maybe one tense, right?
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And in the English, we have all of these different tenses, all of these different ways to conjugate our verbs.
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Ah, that's interesting.
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I never knew that.
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I never knew.
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Yeah, it's a tonal language, and then the writing is interesting because there's a story behind every single character and how that character was developed and simplified over time.
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So it's it's a really poetic language, and it's good for people who love math and love music.
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And I would say for any language, for anybody who wants to study a language, if you have, of course, the will to do it and the time to put into it, then definitely do it.
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Like I said, I took a year off the workforce.
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So I had a full year to get myself together and to study Mandarin.
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And I studied full-time for a year, and then I studied part-time for a year and a half.
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And by the end of that year, I had a good sense of Mandarin.
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I can hold conversations, I could read, I could write.
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And after two and a half years fully, I definitely feel confident in saying that I'm a fluent speaker.
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Wow.
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That was gonna be my next question.
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Because I'm like, wow, where would you put yourself like on that continuum?
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Yes.
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You know, I've been in immersed in in Portuguese language three years, and definitely I'm confident in transactional stuff, buying things, making my way around short conversations, definitely not longer, but I am finding that I can read and understand things and not just read, I'm able to comprehend.
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Uh-huh.
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I can follow the news for to some degree.
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Not every word per se, but it's interesting learning a language as an adult.
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Yes.
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Then learning it, you know, your first language or even exposure to a second language in the United States.
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Because I was just actually having this conversation with a person in the store yesterday.
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It's like, oh, I had, I think, eight years of Spanish when I was in school.
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But I feel more confident in the shorter amount of time that I've been learning Portuguese because of my ability to tailor my learning based on how best I learn.
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Right.
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I'm able to apply what I learned.
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So I learn a word and I'm like, oh, I go into a store and it's like, oh, tamaño.
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I'm like, oh, you know, I'll throw tomano.
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And you know, I'm like able to apply it versus you're in class and you're doing all these exercises and you go home to a bunch of other English speakers, right?
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You know, you never get to apply it.
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The in my opinion, immersion is the best way to learn a language.
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Yeah.
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So if you're if you're immersed, especially if you are interested in learning the culture, because you can't be filling in the language and not know anything about the culture.
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The two go hand in hand.
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Yeah.
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So good on you for applying what you learn and being brave because a lot of times people they they don't feel comfortable speaking because it's like, what if I say it wrong?
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And it's like, well, if you say it wrong, somebody's gonna correct you.
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And then you know how to say it correctly the next time.
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What do you think now?
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Like you said, you're you're in Portugal now and you're transitioning, you're in a state of transition, and my words, kind of being led by spirit, much like you said when you took that break when you were 27, and or even that time where you thought you wanted to go to West Africa, and you're like, wait, you know what?
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I think Asia has some more for you.
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So where do you think you are in terms of maybe that period of your life, what's coming up for you right now?
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I am in a period of embracing the uncertainty and knowing that in the end everything is gonna be okay.
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Because everything that I've done up until this point has been planned, organized, calculated.
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And I thrive best when I have a schedule, when I know what's gonna come.
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And that's a part of my safety and security now, right?
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I have to know exactly what's gonna happen next in order for me to feel safe.
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Now I'm at a point where I have absolutely no idea what to expect.
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I don't know what's going on, but I know that I'm safe.
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I know that at least.
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I know that eventually everything is gonna work out the way that it's supposed to.
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And I know that I'm in a country that I have feel like formed a bond with because Portugal is so magical and it's so spiritual.
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And I just feel not necessarily at home, but I I guess comfortable.
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I feel comfortable here.
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So that's honestly all I know.
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This this transition has also been interesting because this is common in Asia.
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It's not like I was balling out of control and I had all these things, right?
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But I'm cooking for the first time consistently in four years.
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I'm doing my own laundry, uh washing dishes?
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Like, what is what is that?
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I'm doing all of these things and I'm used to having household help there to do all of that so that I could focus on my job and manage my personal and professional stresses.
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But now it's like, well, you're not working, and you're 40.
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So why don't we get back into this routine of taking care of ourselves and being independent?
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And that to me, right now, that's the biggest thing.
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One thing at a time, right?
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That that transition is huge because oh, adult chores are just not it.
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They're just not it.
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Oh, yeah.
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No, I completely agree.
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My housekeeper left a couple hours ago.
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And like, uh, never shall I be doing this.
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Uh I I love when I go down to you know, Southeast Asia, especially, that I'm able last you know, last year I did a month and I'm planning to do another month next year where I can just focus on my wellness, focus on being like cared for, most definitely see that as a place where or region in the world where I have an extended period of time, and also too parts of Africa, because like you said, you have health, right?
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You have help, household help to support your efforts.
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So that's interesting because I would imagine when you first went abroad, and correct me if I'm putting words in your mouth, that you know, there's a big juxtaposition where you're coming from the West and how we live, and then going to Asia where you can have someone who's cooking for you.
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You can have, you know, these other indulgences like household help or massages and these wellness things.
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Do you think that that's on that?
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Yeah, your nails done.
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Where were those things kind of outside of employment?
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But do you find like those those things added to the reason why you wanted to be in that area?
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Um, yes.
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It I'm not gonna lie, it definitely added to why I wanted to be there because it's like, okay, for all of the things that I don't have, like access to good wine, good cheese, sidewalks.
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At least I have somebody that will go grocery shopping for me.
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At least I don't have to worry about cleaning my kitchen, you know.
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So all of those things were good, and it was definitely a part of taking care of myself, partially because my job was so demanding.
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So it's like I didn't have the time or I didn't have it in me to take care of all of that.
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So it was nice to be able to hire somebody to sort out that part of my life, but then also feeling good about having the financial resources to where you can define how you take care of yourself, right?
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If you have a cook, if you have a cleaner, if you have a personal trainer, which I had all three when I was in Indonesia, that to me was like, wow, I'm able to provide for myself and take care of myself without feeling financially strained.
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And that's one of the benefits of living in Southeast Asia.
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It gives you time and space to focus on yourself.
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And these things don't become indulgences as much as they become your way of living, right?
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Like it's just your everyday, and that's a beautiful thing to experience because I think once you're outside of the confines of like the US or Western bubble is really where you can appreciate it.
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You're like, oh damn, yeah, I was I was working a hard life.
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Yes.
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No wonder I was exhausted.
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Right.
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And then I had to still have to scrimp and scrape, scrimp and save to get your nails done, or to make a spa day once in a quarter, or you know, having to really plan out your trips because you don't, you're you're not in a place where you're close to everything that you want to go to, number one, and you you feel like everything is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
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There is no such thing as a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
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There's a such thing as priorities and what you can and cannot do, in my opinion.
00:19:58.489 --> 00:20:00.889
I don't, I don't want to sound like pretentious, right?
00:20:00.969 --> 00:20:04.169
I don't want to sound like I'm taking something from somebody else.
00:20:04.409 --> 00:20:08.249
I just feel like if you go to Bali, you can go back to Bali if you want to, right?
00:20:08.489 --> 00:20:10.409
That's not a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:20:10.649 --> 00:20:17.609
You go to London and you like it, and you didn't get to go to Brixton, you can go back to London and explore Brixton a bit.
00:20:17.929 --> 00:20:24.809
When we're in the West and we're working, and it's like sometimes people are working just so that they can make ends meet.
00:20:25.049 --> 00:20:31.529
Or we're working just so that we're able to pay our bills at the end of the month and hope that we have money to save.
00:20:31.769 --> 00:20:35.449
I'm in a space now where it's like, that's gonna be me too.
00:20:35.529 --> 00:20:38.169
Cause you know, I'm going back to the states in September.
00:20:38.489 --> 00:20:54.409
Like, okay, my girl, how are you going to take this experience that you have for 14 and a half years and get back into the business culture of the states and be able to maintain the lifestyle that you had for 14 and a half years?
00:20:54.489 --> 00:20:56.409
What are you willing to sacrifice?
00:20:56.729 --> 00:20:58.889
And how do we keep this up?
00:20:59.129 --> 00:21:04.009
You know, when I was in Jakarta, Bali was a two-hour flight.
00:21:04.329 --> 00:21:08.009
So I went there multiple times a year.
00:21:08.169 --> 00:21:10.809
When I go back to the city, it's 30 hours.
00:21:11.049 --> 00:21:12.889
And then also the expense, right?
00:21:12.969 --> 00:21:17.609
Like being in Europe, I can fly to Morocco for 37 euro.
00:21:17.929 --> 00:21:21.129
I get these advertisements all the time, or you know, other countries.
00:21:21.209 --> 00:21:24.329
And that's why I've traveled to so many countries since I've been abroad.
00:21:24.489 --> 00:21:31.289
And so I'd imagine, and even when I was in Southeast Asia, I bopped from Vietnam to Thailand.
00:21:31.609 --> 00:21:50.329
And it's just amazes me that I can go from one country to another so affordably, whereas when I was in the United States, just going and I could stay on the same coast, not even go across, and it would be so expensive.
00:21:50.569 --> 00:21:51.609
It's crazy.
00:21:51.929 --> 00:21:52.569
It is.
00:21:52.969 --> 00:22:02.729
My friends and I were looking at tickets possibly to go to New Orleans when I get back, and I'm just like, yo, this is a flight to Amsterdam.
00:22:03.849 --> 00:22:05.049
What is this?
00:22:05.689 --> 00:22:06.809
What is this?
00:22:07.129 --> 00:22:08.969
It is highway robbery.
00:22:09.289 --> 00:22:12.169
What called you to Portugal?
00:22:12.489 --> 00:22:21.929
What brings me to Portugal now is well, going back to what I said before about things that I didn't have in Asia, things that I wanted and reshifting priorities.
00:22:22.169 --> 00:22:27.369
So when I was in my 30s, I was thinking about motherhood and I'm like, do I want to be a mom?
00:22:27.609 --> 00:22:33.369
Can I just travel this world alone and not be a parent?
00:22:33.529 --> 00:22:35.369
And I'm like, let me think about this in five years.
00:22:35.449 --> 00:22:36.809
I don't want to deal with this right now.
00:22:37.049 --> 00:22:40.089
So I let it go five years later.
00:22:40.249 --> 00:22:41.849
I think I'm still in Cambodia.
00:22:41.929 --> 00:22:44.409
And I'm like, I don't know, maybe, maybe not.
00:22:44.569 --> 00:22:50.409
Then when I moved to Jakarta, I was talking to a friend of mine about different options because I'm not married.
00:22:50.649 --> 00:22:57.769
And I was just talking to her about some things that I wanted to do and pursuing solo parenthood and what that could look like.
00:22:57.849 --> 00:23:00.009
And she gave me some really helpful tips.
00:23:00.169 --> 00:23:01.369
So I'm like, okay, cool.
00:23:01.449 --> 00:23:06.009
And she's like, you should look into Europe because it's it's less expensive there.
00:23:06.249 --> 00:23:09.449
And at this point, I saw myself traveling to Europe.
00:23:10.169 --> 00:23:12.729
Often from Asia, I was able to do that.
00:23:12.969 --> 00:23:16.329
And I went to Portugal and I fell in love with Portugal.
00:23:16.489 --> 00:23:20.489
I felt again comfortable, safe, like a connection there.
00:23:20.649 --> 00:23:33.689
So when I started researching different fertility specialists or fertility clinics in different parts of Europe, I saw that there were countries where it was booming and countries where it was up and coming.
00:23:33.849 --> 00:23:39.289
So in the countries where it was booming, it was like a baby factory, essentially.
00:23:39.609 --> 00:23:49.769
So like Denmark is huge, huge for fertility treatments, huge for IBF, huge for, you know, artificial insemination.
00:23:49.929 --> 00:23:52.809
And I felt like a number instead of a patient.
00:23:52.889 --> 00:23:54.249
And I wanted to feel like a patient.
00:23:54.409 --> 00:23:56.729
So I'm like, maybe Denmark is not good for me.
00:23:56.889 --> 00:23:58.169
I looked at Cyprus.
00:23:58.409 --> 00:24:01.049
I looked at another country.
00:24:01.209 --> 00:24:05.289
And then I started to look at Spain and Portugal because they were up and coming.
00:24:05.449 --> 00:24:12.569
Now, I also want to say that for me, I knew that I would be pursuing this alone because I don't have a partner, right?
00:24:12.729 --> 00:24:15.609
I'm not, I'm not in a relationship, I'm not married.
00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:22.569
And having a black donor is like finding a diamond in the rough.
00:24:22.729 --> 00:24:24.009
It's very difficult.
00:24:24.329 --> 00:24:26.889
Very few black donors, and it's extremely stressful.
00:24:26.969 --> 00:24:28.249
And I said, I don't need that stress.
00:24:28.409 --> 00:24:29.369
I want a baby.
00:24:29.529 --> 00:24:32.489
And my baby is going to be black because their mama is black.
00:24:32.649 --> 00:24:37.449
So, okay, as long as our genes are compatible, that's all I care about, having a healthy child.
00:24:37.609 --> 00:24:52.489
So I looked at a couple of clinics in Portugal, and I was really impressed by their customer service and their patience, because this is like I spoke to them over months and then eventually over years.
00:24:52.729 --> 00:24:54.489
And again, I felt like a patient.
00:24:54.569 --> 00:24:57.129
I didn't feel like a number, I didn't feel like a client.
00:24:57.369 --> 00:25:02.009
And another thing I liked about Portugal is that they have a non-anonymous donor policy.
00:25:02.169 --> 00:25:11.689
So when the child turns 18, if they want to see or find records of their parent or, you know, their donor, they can do that.
00:25:11.849 --> 00:25:12.729
So I'm like, okay.
00:25:12.889 --> 00:25:14.729
And I get to choose the donor myself.
00:25:14.889 --> 00:25:16.489
In Spain, they chose it for you.
00:25:16.649 --> 00:25:18.249
So I'm like, okay, cool.
00:25:18.409 --> 00:25:19.369
I like this.
00:25:19.609 --> 00:25:21.369
That was the easy part.
00:25:21.609 --> 00:25:27.769
Everything that came afterwards was like a freaking ride on Hot Mess Express.
00:25:27.929 --> 00:25:35.929
Initially, I had planned to have my baby in Jakarta, work in Jakarta, have household help, right?
00:25:36.329 --> 00:25:38.329
Because I could have help there.
00:25:38.489 --> 00:25:46.729
But then with my job and some things that were happening, I'm like, it's not emotionally healthy for me to stay here long term.
00:25:46.889 --> 00:25:48.009
So I just need to go.
00:25:48.169 --> 00:25:53.849
And I don't think that I would be the best parent if I stayed here.
00:25:54.089 --> 00:25:55.209
So I needed to leave.
00:25:55.289 --> 00:25:57.289
And again, reshifting those priorities.
00:25:57.449 --> 00:26:04.329
So as I was pursuing fertility treatments, and I'll get back into that in a little bit, I was also looking for jobs.
00:26:04.489 --> 00:26:10.729
And before I had decided that Asia was done, I was looking for jobs in different parts of Asia.
00:26:10.889 --> 00:26:17.369
And I would get interviews, second interviews, third interviews, requests for portfolio, requests for presentations, all these things.
00:26:17.449 --> 00:26:19.769
And then I just got no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:19.929 --> 00:26:23.289
So I'm like, okay, clearly it's time for me to go.
00:26:23.609 --> 00:26:28.089
And I need to work on refocusing my goals.
00:26:28.409 --> 00:26:44.569
So I had a couple of procedures, fertility-related procedures, and a health scare that put me in a category where IVF was my best option and really my only option to have a child.
00:26:44.809 --> 00:26:52.649
And to me, that was heartbreaking because while IVF in Europe is cheaper, it's still an investment, right?
00:26:52.729 --> 00:26:55.129
So I would have to invest more money in this process.
00:26:55.369 --> 00:27:07.609
And number two, it makes things more complicated because with IVF, everything is on a specific schedule based on your body and your cycle.
00:27:07.929 --> 00:27:13.929
So up until that point, what was your understanding of what your options were?
00:27:14.409 --> 00:27:16.649
My understanding was that I had two options.
00:27:16.729 --> 00:27:24.569
I can either do artificial insemination where I choose the donor and we do artificial insemination, done.
00:27:24.729 --> 00:27:25.369
That's it.
00:27:25.689 --> 00:27:38.569
Or IVF, where they had to go through a process to um help my eggs mature and retrieve my eggs so that they can make embryos for later implantation.
00:27:38.809 --> 00:27:43.289
Because of fertility issues that I have, IVF was the best choice for me.
00:27:43.449 --> 00:27:45.529
And really, like I said, really the only choice.
00:27:45.769 --> 00:27:52.169
And that was difficult when it came to scheduling when I could go to Portugal for treatment.
00:27:52.329 --> 00:27:58.489
So the first time I tried IVF treatment was December 2025.
00:27:58.649 --> 00:28:01.289
I had come out to Portugal with a friend.
00:28:01.529 --> 00:28:05.209
And before I left, I had a lot of stresses going on.
00:28:05.369 --> 00:28:06.489
I couldn't find a job.
00:28:06.649 --> 00:28:08.329
My boss getting on my nerves.
00:28:08.409 --> 00:28:10.329
I had a medical health scare.
00:28:10.569 --> 00:28:13.209
All of these things happened all at once.
00:28:13.449 --> 00:28:20.329
And when I got here, stress really impacted my process because it didn't go well.
00:28:20.489 --> 00:28:22.809
And I felt bad about it.
00:28:23.049 --> 00:28:26.169
But in the end, everything happens for a reason.
00:28:26.329 --> 00:28:29.609
And so for me, it was heartbreaking.
00:28:29.689 --> 00:28:34.969
But then I'm like, there has to be a divine purpose and a divine reason why it's not happening right now.
00:28:35.209 --> 00:28:40.009
So went back to the States, did some more job hunting, didn't work out.
00:28:40.169 --> 00:28:43.049
I'm just like, okay, my girl, okay, what you gonna do?
00:28:43.289 --> 00:28:48.569
Like for international school, they typically start in August or late August, early September.
00:28:48.809 --> 00:28:55.849
So I would need to have a job by March in order to get my visa and everything that I needed for my next post.
00:28:56.009 --> 00:28:59.529
And I'm like, if I don't have a job by the end of March, I need to pivot.
00:28:59.689 --> 00:29:01.209
What does that pivot look like?
00:29:01.449 --> 00:29:04.169
So it's the end of March, I don't have a job.
00:29:04.329 --> 00:29:07.609
And I'm like, okay, so what is the focus then?
00:29:07.769 --> 00:29:09.369
The focus is IVF.
00:29:09.529 --> 00:29:11.289
Okay, one stress at a time.
00:29:11.449 --> 00:29:13.129
So let's get through IVF.
00:29:13.209 --> 00:29:16.729
And then after IVF, we'll figure out this employment stuff.
00:29:16.809 --> 00:29:23.529
And that has been difficult for me because even though you make choices, they're not always easy choices, right?
00:29:23.769 --> 00:29:30.969
And sometimes you do lose something in the in the beginning and hope that things will work out for the best in the end.
00:29:31.209 --> 00:29:35.289
And I've always had a job on my terms, right?
00:29:35.449 --> 00:29:37.529
When I left the workforce, that was my choice.
00:29:37.769 --> 00:29:45.849
Of course, when I resigned, that was also my choice, but I wasn't expecting for the job market to be so competitive at this point.
00:29:46.169 --> 00:29:59.209
And it's really a blessing to have this time because it's like now you can focus solely on this goal of motherhood, get through this, and then figure everything else out later.
00:29:59.529 --> 00:30:02.729
So I did the first round of IBF successfully.
00:30:02.969 --> 00:30:09.369
And yes, oh my goodness, in June, and everything worked out well.
00:30:09.529 --> 00:30:12.969
And the second round starts in August.
00:30:13.129 --> 00:30:26.489
Now, while it was successful, I mean, there was there was a lot, a lot with your hormones, with your body changing, with your appetite, with like how you communicate.
00:30:26.649 --> 00:30:34.249
There's a lot with IBF, even after you finish taking the shots and after the egg retrieval, but it's all worth it.
00:30:34.489 --> 00:30:41.129
What was the thing that you think surprised you most about the egg retrieval process?
00:30:41.289 --> 00:30:47.609
Because like you talked about originally having two paths that then became one and you were going down this one path.
00:30:47.929 --> 00:30:54.889
So were there things that you encountered that surprised you about that whole part of the process?
00:30:55.209 --> 00:30:55.689
Yes.
00:30:56.009 --> 00:31:06.009
So the first thing that surprised me was the ebbs and flows of your eggs maturing, right?
00:31:06.089 --> 00:31:08.569
And the size of your eggs increasing.
00:31:08.729 --> 00:31:14.649
So during my second ultrasound, the doctor told me that there were a couple of eggs that shrunk.
00:31:14.889 --> 00:31:23.769
Now, while I'm taking hormones to, you know, um help, I'm sorry, I don't know all of the terminology because it's still so much.
00:31:23.929 --> 00:31:32.569
But you know, you take hormones for your eggs to ensure you take hormones so that there can be follicles, and when the follicles get to a certain size, they retrieve it.
00:31:32.649 --> 00:31:33.769
And I'm like, wait a minute.
00:31:33.849 --> 00:31:40.009
So why is it that these eggs that were this size two days ago have now regressed?
00:31:40.169 --> 00:31:46.329
So that was frustrating, and it's just like managing that frustration without stressing yourself out.
00:31:46.569 --> 00:31:47.449
That's number one.
00:31:47.689 --> 00:31:49.369
Number two, the pain.
00:31:49.529 --> 00:31:49.849
Okay.
00:31:50.249 --> 00:31:54.489
People need to stop lying to women about pain.
00:31:54.809 --> 00:31:57.049
And two, my sisters out there.
00:31:57.209 --> 00:31:58.569
Let me tell you something.
00:31:58.889 --> 00:32:03.369
Talking about having a high tolerance for pain is not a flex.
00:32:03.529 --> 00:32:04.809
That is not a flex.
00:32:05.129 --> 00:32:05.449
Okay.
00:32:05.929 --> 00:32:10.729
I was told that the egg retrieval will feel like a period cramp.
00:32:10.969 --> 00:32:12.169
Absolutely not.
00:32:12.889 --> 00:32:16.009
But yes, it was so painful.
00:32:16.169 --> 00:32:23.929
Because honestly, if it felt like a period cramp, there will be no reason for you to put me under anesthesia to retrieve these eggs.
00:32:24.089 --> 00:32:26.009
So I had to be put under anesthesia.
00:32:26.169 --> 00:32:31.689
The procedure was only 15 minutes, but after the procedure, I was in so much pain.
00:32:31.849 --> 00:32:42.489
Granted, that pain lasted maybe two hours because they put me on really good pain meds and they observed me for an hour.
00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:47.769
And then an hour after that, I was still kind of like cramping, but it hurt.
00:32:48.249 --> 00:32:52.889
Whoa, that's not something I would have even imagined.
00:32:53.529 --> 00:32:55.449
And it sounds like you didn't either.
00:32:55.689 --> 00:33:30.409
And it's one, I appreciate you know, you being so transparent about your journey and this process, because it is important to demystify not just the actual process of egg retrieval, but really like your decision and where you are in your stage of life and understanding that you have had this international life and lifestyle, and this is still a calling that you want to pursue in a way that to some might be non-traditional in that you're choosing to do this in another country, right?
00:33:30.569 --> 00:33:33.689
And so, like I said, I appreciate the transparency.
00:33:33.769 --> 00:33:56.969
And as somebody who has not gone through the process, but only has been exposed to things I've read or seen online, it's very surprising to hear all of these nuances, like you said, with the hormone fluctuations and eggs, you know, regressing and that you even go under general anesthesia for egg retrieval.
00:33:57.049 --> 00:34:02.089
Like I did not know that there's so many ebbs and flows to this process.
00:34:02.489 --> 00:34:14.250
I was thankful to actually have an appetite during the process, but after I stopped taking the medication, that's when I had more symptoms, surprisingly.
00:34:14.489 --> 00:34:18.009
So while I was taking the shots, I was sleepy.
00:34:18.170 --> 00:34:20.170
I only cried like once.
00:34:20.329 --> 00:34:25.929
I really didn't have any energy and I had a healthy appetite because I was worried about that.
00:34:26.009 --> 00:34:32.889
I have bought all of these protein shakes, and I'm like, if I don't have anything else, I at least need to have the strength so I can have some protein in my body.
00:34:33.049 --> 00:34:37.849
During the shots was fine, but a week after, no appetite.
00:34:38.250 --> 00:34:43.849
I had one day on day five when I had a really sensitive nose and a horrible headache.
00:34:44.090 --> 00:34:47.769
But after that, it was just I felt super sleepy.
00:34:47.929 --> 00:34:54.889
After the egg retrieval, I was a lot, like a lot of emotions all up and through.
00:34:55.130 --> 00:34:56.329
My anxiety was high.
00:34:56.409 --> 00:35:00.009
I had mommy brain, so I would forget things more.
00:35:00.170 --> 00:35:02.489
My nose got more sensitive.
00:35:02.730 --> 00:35:03.210
Yeah.
00:35:03.449 --> 00:35:07.769
So it doesn't stop when you stop taking the hormones.
00:35:08.009 --> 00:35:08.329
Yeah.
00:35:08.489 --> 00:35:14.809
I think I'm finally coming off of the after effects of the medication.
00:35:15.210 --> 00:35:18.409
I think that's something that I wasn't expecting either.
00:35:18.570 --> 00:35:24.490
Because I thought, oh, I'm just gonna take this medication and do the day retrieval and then go back to my normal life.
00:35:24.650 --> 00:35:26.730
And it's like, no, girl, you're not.
00:35:27.530 --> 00:35:29.369
Like, uh-uh, no.
00:35:31.050 --> 00:35:41.690
And you're doing this in an in another country where, you know, you aren't fluent in the language and the culture and an emotional journey at that.
00:35:41.929 --> 00:35:51.610
So, what are some of the things that you've been able to do to kind of cultivate either community or to keep your emotions like keep yourself safe?
00:35:51.690 --> 00:35:58.809
Because you talked about safety in other countries, and that's a huge part of your wellness regimen, right?
00:35:58.970 --> 00:35:59.690
Self-care.
00:35:59.849 --> 00:36:04.570
And so, how are you managing that in a place that isn't home?
00:36:04.809 --> 00:36:09.289
Well, first of all, leaning on friends like you, I do have people.
00:36:09.450 --> 00:36:14.570
So I have friends in different parts of Portugal, and that has been a blessing connecting with them.
00:36:14.730 --> 00:36:20.809
But when I'm by myself, making sure that the space where I'm staying is safe.
00:36:21.130 --> 00:36:22.970
So is there an elevator?
00:36:23.210 --> 00:36:26.570
Is it a building that has a lock?
00:36:26.650 --> 00:36:28.809
You know, like is the building locked?
00:36:28.970 --> 00:36:30.490
What floor is it on?
00:36:30.650 --> 00:36:35.450
Being safe in like a home environment is really important.
00:36:35.769 --> 00:36:37.210
I've been journaling a lot.
00:36:37.369 --> 00:36:39.530
I've been listening to a lot of music.
00:36:39.849 --> 00:36:44.970
I have been keeping my friends abroad abreast of the entire process.
00:36:45.210 --> 00:36:54.650
Just also when I feel like it, going outside, taking a walk, getting back into being active because this process can take a lot out of you.
00:36:54.809 --> 00:37:01.289
And being social, you know, and knowing when it's okay to be by yourself because you are so emotional.
00:37:01.530 --> 00:37:03.849
Knowing that, you know what, I'm in a mood.
00:37:04.010 --> 00:37:05.690
I don't need to talk to anybody.
00:37:05.849 --> 00:37:19.050
I'm I'm gonna watch this review of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and and drink, you know, my wine and be cool, eat my Feijuada by myself, drink my wine and be cool.
00:37:19.369 --> 00:37:34.409
So knowing how to just kind of check my emotions and not put myself in a place where I am subjecting someone to my emotions because of this process.
00:37:34.650 --> 00:37:37.530
So it's a balancing act, honestly.
00:37:37.769 --> 00:37:39.610
It really is a balancing act.
00:37:39.769 --> 00:37:43.849
Good food helps comfortable Airbnbs help.
00:37:44.090 --> 00:37:44.570
Mm-hmm.
00:37:44.730 --> 00:37:49.610
And there's look, there's no shortage of good food in Portugal.
00:37:49.769 --> 00:37:50.809
That's a good thing.
00:37:51.050 --> 00:37:51.289
Yeah.
00:37:51.450 --> 00:38:05.690
And so do you think now that you've gone through the successful first round and you said in August you're preparing for another round, do you think that you're better equipped to go through the process the second time?
00:38:05.769 --> 00:38:08.970
And is it the same or is it different?
00:38:09.369 --> 00:38:13.210
So it's the same process, and I want to say yes.
00:38:13.369 --> 00:38:16.329
However, I don't know how this round will impact me.
00:38:16.570 --> 00:38:21.450
Because it's like, I think each round your body reacts differently.
00:38:21.690 --> 00:38:24.570
So I don't know what's gonna happen with round two.
00:38:24.650 --> 00:38:28.010
What I do know, what is important to me, talk about safety again.
00:38:28.170 --> 00:38:29.450
I'm going back to Queenborough.
00:38:29.530 --> 00:38:41.690
So my clinic is in Queenborough, and the Airbnb that I'm staying at, you know, it's my unit is on a high floor, there's an elevator, there's a code to get in, is right across the street from the grocery store.
00:38:41.769 --> 00:38:43.769
It's right down the street from my clinic.
00:38:44.010 --> 00:38:46.570
It's right down the street from the pharmacy.
00:38:46.809 --> 00:38:53.210
So I do have those comforts and security nets by me in case there is an issue.
00:38:53.450 --> 00:38:56.730
Everything else, I just kind of leave it to chance.
00:38:56.889 --> 00:39:05.610
And again, like I said before, like embrace the uncertainty and know that in the end, eventually everything's gonna be okay.
00:39:05.849 --> 00:39:08.570
So it most certainly is.
00:39:08.730 --> 00:39:20.409
You know, I I say and I've you know, I tell myself this over the years, and certainly, you know, along this journey is you survived 100% of your best and worst days, right?
00:39:20.490 --> 00:39:23.289
So you have a great track record for success.
00:39:25.130 --> 00:39:49.289
You know, society presents like one timeline for women, and especially, you know, as black women, you know, we've been socialized and focusing on education and and career success and you know, traditional pathways, you know, whether it's career, marriage, children, and when you break from that norm and you take a different path, you change the script, right?
00:39:49.450 --> 00:39:50.570
You rewrite the script.
00:39:50.730 --> 00:40:12.889
And so as someone who has spent a long part of your life abroad and gone through different life stages, if someone were listening to this conversation and they're in their 30s or 40s and they're feeling like they might have missed their chance either to move abroad or to have children or both, what would you say to that?
00:40:13.289 --> 00:40:18.970
I would say I think the the cliche saying is that it's never too late.
00:40:19.289 --> 00:40:27.849
And living by like societal norms and what society wants you to do will be the death of you every time.
00:40:28.010 --> 00:40:37.849
And it may not be a physical death, it could be a spiritual death, it could be a death of dreams, it could be destruction, like in the the loosest sense of the word.
00:40:38.010 --> 00:40:46.889
And I think it especially as black women, I always say that the only space for a black woman to have in this world is a space that she creates.
00:40:47.210 --> 00:40:51.690
So we have to create our own lanes, our own happiness, right?
00:40:51.849 --> 00:40:57.849
And we have to fight professionally for these positions that are just given to other people just because of who we are.
00:40:58.010 --> 00:41:07.130
And we go to school and we learn the languages and we meet the people and we do the things because we have to create our happiness for us.
00:41:07.450 --> 00:41:14.490
And for me, when it comes to like societal norms and what society thinks, that's what keeps me on this path.
00:41:14.650 --> 00:41:16.809
And it's like, well, society doesn't see it for me.
00:41:17.050 --> 00:41:27.130
Society is not specifically US society, and I would say even Asian societies in Southeast Asia, like they ain't checking for black women.
00:41:27.289 --> 00:41:37.130
So why would I be concerned about what you think about me and how I live my life and how I raise my kids and my decision to be a solo parent?
00:41:37.530 --> 00:41:43.929
It takes a village to raise a child, it doesn't take a mother and a father, or two mothers, or two fathers, right?
00:41:44.010 --> 00:41:45.289
It takes a full village.
00:41:45.530 --> 00:42:01.369
So with that in mind, like, no, my children may not know who their father is, but they have grandparents, they have aunties, they have uncles, they have cousins, they have my best friends who love them and who will take care of them because they love me.
00:42:01.610 --> 00:42:05.210
So I would just say, do you, if that's what you want.
00:42:05.450 --> 00:42:12.250
Now, yeah, people are gonna look at you like you're crazy because it's like they're looking at you like who chooses to be a single mom.
00:42:12.409 --> 00:42:18.409
And it's like, well, that is a again a choice that I've made and I don't have to answer to you.
00:42:18.570 --> 00:42:23.369
And I think sometimes people get caught up in trying to prove themselves to strangers.
00:42:23.530 --> 00:42:24.570
I don't know you.
00:42:24.730 --> 00:42:28.250
You don't pay none of my bills, and you don't run nothing around here.
00:42:28.570 --> 00:42:30.889
So that's just how I look at it.
00:42:31.210 --> 00:42:33.130
Be bold and do you.
00:42:33.769 --> 00:42:34.490
I love that.
00:42:34.730 --> 00:42:41.769
Has this process or journey, any of it, changed how you define freedom?
00:42:42.010 --> 00:42:43.450
Oh, that's a good one.
00:42:43.769 --> 00:42:44.250
Wow.
00:42:44.490 --> 00:42:48.889
I would say no, because I do what I want.
00:42:49.690 --> 00:42:54.889
Like I've I've always been someone who just kind of does what I want.
00:42:54.970 --> 00:42:56.490
Hey, I want to go study abroad.
00:42:56.570 --> 00:42:57.849
Hey, I'm gonna move to China.
00:42:58.010 --> 00:43:00.250
Oh yeah, I'm gonna study Mandarin because I want to.
00:43:00.409 --> 00:43:03.210
Oh yeah, I'm gonna do this because I want to.
00:43:03.530 --> 00:43:07.369
So to me, I feel like I defy my own freedom.
00:43:07.690 --> 00:43:22.250
So, Brittany, as we start to close, if your future self could thank today's Brittany for one decision she's making right now, what would you hope she'd say?
00:43:22.570 --> 00:43:23.929
Oh my goodness.
00:43:24.250 --> 00:43:40.809
I think she would say thank you for always putting yourself first and doing what you feel is right, even if it wasn't the most popular or socially accepted thing to do.
00:43:41.130 --> 00:43:45.289
And thank you for this journey, which has taught us so much.
00:43:45.530 --> 00:43:47.289
That's what I hope she will say.
00:43:48.010 --> 00:43:48.970
I love that.
00:43:49.289 --> 00:44:02.650
And for someone who's listening to this conversation and has been inspired by any and all of what they heard, what other nugget, if there is one, that you would want to leave them with?
00:44:02.970 --> 00:44:08.809
So, number one, one thing that one of my best friends always says is that progress is not linear.
00:44:09.130 --> 00:44:14.250
And sometimes you got to go through some stuff to get what you want.
00:44:14.570 --> 00:44:20.090
And just because there are roadblocks and challenges, it doesn't mean that you have to stop.
00:44:20.250 --> 00:44:30.010
That is like personally and professionally, listen to yourself, do what makes sense, but always put your happiness first and like your goals.
00:44:30.170 --> 00:44:39.929
Now, at the same time, specifically for people who were choosing the IVF journey, because a lot of times you see women put themselves through so much.
00:44:40.329 --> 00:44:50.650
And for me, I decided that emotionally and financially and physically, I can only do two rounds.
00:44:51.450 --> 00:44:55.289
There are so many women that do four rounds, five rounds, six rounds.
00:44:55.450 --> 00:45:00.490
And if you have the resources to do that, and if that's what you really want to do, then okay.
00:45:00.730 --> 00:45:07.769
But the two most important voices you need to listen to during this process is your body and your finances.
00:45:08.170 --> 00:45:10.090
So excellent advice.
00:45:10.570 --> 00:45:17.690
Well, Brittany, thank you so much for being a guest on the Black Sit Global podcast.
00:45:17.849 --> 00:45:22.250
It has been a pleasure to get to know you throughout these years.
00:45:22.570 --> 00:45:36.409
I am super supportive and excited for this new step in your journey of womanhood, of your personal career advancement and evolution.
00:45:36.730 --> 00:45:39.849
And I look forward to the next adventures.
00:45:40.090 --> 00:45:42.090
Yes, thank you for having me.
00:45:42.329 --> 00:45:45.929
Thank you for listening to the Black Sick Global podcast.
00:45:46.090 --> 00:45:52.170
For more information on today's episode, be sure to visit our website at blacksicglal.com.
00:45:52.329 --> 00:45:59.369
It's not only possible to live out your dreams unbothered and in full color, it is your birthright.
00:00:47.640 --> 00:01:02.519
Close your eyes and imagine living a life you love, unapologetic and unbothered, free from daily microaggressions from Karen's and Ken's, free from the fear of police brutality and systemic racism.
00:01:02.759 --> 00:01:04.760
Wouldn't that feel amazing?
00:01:04.920 --> 00:01:06.439
Now open your eyes.
00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:09.560
What if I told you that it's possible?
00:01:09.879 --> 00:01:19.319
Hear inspiring stories and get the actual blueprints from brothers and sisters of the diaspora who are living out their wildest dreams abroad.
00:01:19.479 --> 00:01:23.000
You've heard the term, now be inspired by the movement.
00:01:23.159 --> 00:01:27.319
I'm Krishan Wright, and this is BlackSet Global.
00:01:28.200 --> 00:01:30.920
I've been abroad now for years.
00:01:31.079 --> 00:01:33.719
I've met, as you can imagine, a lot of people.
00:01:34.039 --> 00:01:46.759
And one person in particular, our paths crossed very early in my time in Portugal, and we've kept in touch, and she has such an amazing and inspiring story.
00:01:46.920 --> 00:01:50.120
So I wanted to have her on the podcast.
00:01:50.359 --> 00:01:53.000
She is a seasoned expat.
00:01:53.159 --> 00:01:55.800
Welcome, Brittany Haney, to the podcast.
00:01:55.960 --> 00:01:56.199
Hey.
00:01:56.360 --> 00:01:57.159
Hello, hello.
00:01:57.319 --> 00:01:58.520
Thank you for having me.
00:01:58.759 --> 00:02:00.759
I'm so glad you accepted the invitation.
00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:01.479
Yes.
00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:10.039
Like you said, we met three years ago, I guess randomly, but not randomly, at a Christmas dinner that was hosted by Bridget and Porto.
00:02:10.199 --> 00:02:14.439
And we had a lot of good food, a lot of good wine, good conversations.
00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:17.080
That's when you told me about Blacks at Global.
00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:18.280
And here we are.
00:02:18.439 --> 00:02:20.680
So again, thank you for having me.
00:02:20.840 --> 00:02:22.120
And let's get into it.
00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:25.479
You've been abroad over 14 years.
00:02:25.639 --> 00:02:26.039
Yes.
00:02:26.280 --> 00:02:28.759
And much of that time spent in Asia.
00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:40.360
I'm always curious when I have these conversations with people because I believe like something in their origin story is probably what led them to the life that they live today.
00:02:40.759 --> 00:02:45.159
And so I'm curious what led you abroad?
00:02:45.479 --> 00:02:51.000
I like to say, I mean, the cliche, the corny cliche, I guess, a small town girl with big dreams.
00:02:51.080 --> 00:02:53.560
So I'm from Rocky Mount, North Carolina.
00:02:53.800 --> 00:02:58.439
And as a child, my family moved around a lot and we got to see a lot of the country.
00:02:58.599 --> 00:03:02.519
And when I was in high school, I just got really curious about the world around me.
00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:05.639
So one of my goals for university was to study abroad.
00:03:05.879 --> 00:03:09.560
And I had the opportunity to do that my junior year.
00:03:09.719 --> 00:03:13.879
I wanted to go someplace that was completely different from anything that I had ever known.
00:03:14.039 --> 00:03:18.599
And so I had the choice between going to Norway or going to China.
00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:26.759
Norway was ridiculously expensive, and I had an interest and an appreciation for Chinese culture, and I wanted to learn more.
00:03:26.919 --> 00:03:29.400
And so I said, okay, well, I'll go to Beijing.
00:03:29.560 --> 00:03:35.400
So I went to Beijing to study Mandarin and Chinese culture for a semester in 2007.
00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:39.000
And that experience left like a profound mark on me.
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And I said, okay, well, I'm a student here, but there are people actually living and thriving in China that look like me and that are from different parts of the world.
00:03:48.680 --> 00:03:51.000
So is that something that I could do as well?
00:03:51.239 --> 00:03:59.319
So when I was about to graduate from college, I was thinking about what life would look like if I moved and what would life look like if I specifically moved to China.
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An opportunity came up for me to teach English in Tianjin, China in 2012.
00:04:04.120 --> 00:04:06.359
And I took it and I hated it.
00:04:06.519 --> 00:04:08.759
And I'm like, this city is not for me.
00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:10.599
So then I moved to Beijing.
00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:16.040
And in Beijing, I was teaching English, but then I kind of hit a glass ceiling, right?
00:04:16.199 --> 00:04:20.439
I'm like, am I going to be able to achieve any other goals that I have?
00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:24.280
Because at the time I wanted to pursue a career in US-China relations.
00:04:24.519 --> 00:04:25.959
I needed to study Mandarin.
00:04:26.040 --> 00:04:30.840
I wanted to work outside of teaching English and I wanted a bit more for myself.
00:04:31.079 --> 00:04:38.680
So then after thinking about that and where this life could take me, I decided to go back to school.
00:04:38.840 --> 00:04:45.160
So take a break from the workforce and go back to school to study Mandarin full-time for a year.
00:04:45.319 --> 00:04:51.720
And then when that program was complete, I had the opportunity to actually get my master's degree, both in Shanghai.
00:04:51.879 --> 00:04:54.199
So I studied Mandarin Chinese in Shanghai for a year.
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Then I got my master's degree in Shanghai.
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And at the time there were a lot of scholarships, especially for American students.
00:05:00.120 --> 00:05:04.360
So all of my education was fully covered by Chinese scholarships, which was a blessing.
00:05:04.599 --> 00:05:07.560
And that included housing, a living stipend, everything.
00:05:07.719 --> 00:05:13.959
So then after I graduated from university, I was like, do I want to stay in Shanghai?
00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:16.040
Do I want to go somewhere else?
00:05:16.279 --> 00:05:22.040
And then I discovered the world of international schools outside of teaching English.
00:05:22.199 --> 00:05:35.079
So, you know, there are these private schools all over the world, and they have needs for everybody, whether you're in HR, whether you're in fundraising, program development, curriculum development, all of these things.
00:05:35.240 --> 00:05:41.159
And so my first professional job after my master's degree was at a school in Shanghai.
00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:42.040
And that was good.
00:05:42.120 --> 00:05:44.519
But again, we have that ceiling.
00:05:44.759 --> 00:05:48.120
So I knew I wasn't gonna go far.
00:05:48.439 --> 00:05:55.159
Like there was no career path or there was no ladder for me to like be promoted to anything outside of the position that I was in.
00:05:55.240 --> 00:05:56.839
And at the time I worked in alumni.
00:05:56.920 --> 00:06:00.839
I worked in HR for a year, and then I worked in alumni relations for two years.
00:06:01.079 --> 00:06:03.399
So an opportunity came up in Cambodia.
00:06:03.560 --> 00:06:11.079
And I will say to anybody, if you see a job that you think that you're not qualified for, apply for it anyway.
00:06:11.240 --> 00:06:13.800
Don't disqualify yourself from any opportunity.
00:06:13.959 --> 00:06:17.000
So I saw this job and I'm like, I don't know.
00:06:17.159 --> 00:06:21.399
I don't know if I'm qualified to do this, but let me just see what happens.
00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:22.439
And I got the job.
00:06:22.599 --> 00:06:25.079
And that was also around the time of COVID.
00:06:25.319 --> 00:06:27.079
So I was in Cambodia.
00:06:27.319 --> 00:06:31.399
That was a difficult experience, another conversation for another day.
00:06:31.560 --> 00:06:33.879
But again, we have that ceiling.
00:06:34.040 --> 00:06:40.519
And I feel like I just I wanted to be in a place where I can live my best life wherever comfortably and safely.
00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:42.439
And in Cambodia, I didn't feel comfortable.
00:06:42.519 --> 00:06:43.240
I didn't feel safe.
00:06:43.319 --> 00:06:52.279
So I was looking for jobs elsewhere, and I initially had my eye on West Africa, and the job that I applied for just kind of didn't work out.
00:06:52.439 --> 00:06:55.399
And something inside of me was like, Asia's not done with you yet.
00:06:55.480 --> 00:06:57.560
So you need to stay here a little while longer.
00:06:57.719 --> 00:07:04.120
And as soon as I made the decision to stay and to continue my job search in Asia, all these opportunities came up.
00:07:04.279 --> 00:07:11.639
And so I then went into a lateral position at a school in Indonesia, in Jakarta, Indonesia.
00:07:11.959 --> 00:07:13.319
And that was great.
00:07:13.480 --> 00:07:16.360
That was really good professionally, financially.
00:07:16.599 --> 00:07:17.959
I was able to travel a lot.
00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:24.599
I had taken my first trip to Europe when I got that job, and I had a really good community in Indonesia.
00:07:24.759 --> 00:07:28.920
But I realized there were things in my life that just wasn't happening for me in Asia.
00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:47.800
And so I'm like, okay, I need to shift my focus and my priorities and possibly say goodbye to a place that has become home that was the place where I turned 30, I turned 40, I got my master's degree, I had all these amazing experiences.
00:07:47.879 --> 00:07:50.040
I have all of these profound connections with people.
00:07:50.199 --> 00:07:55.879
I had to leave all of that behind to put myself in a position where I can get the things that I'm lacking.
00:07:56.040 --> 00:07:59.079
And so here we are, 14 and a half years later.
00:07:59.319 --> 00:08:08.040
And I lived in China, I lived in Cambodia, I lived in Indonesia, I traveled around Southeast Asia, I met amazing people like you all over the world.
00:08:08.199 --> 00:08:16.680
And I'm in a place now where I am focused on myself, taking a break from the workforce again, like I did when I was 27.
00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:18.759
And I'm in Portugal.
00:08:19.000 --> 00:08:27.719
So I'm in Lisbon right now, traveling around the country by myself, have a goal that I'm working on here, and I'm talking to you.
00:08:27.959 --> 00:08:32.680
It's a great intro, and there's so much there, and I'm trying to like organize my thoughts.
00:08:32.920 --> 00:08:43.240
So Mandarin is arguably not an easy language to learn, and I would assume, especially as a native English speaker.
00:08:43.639 --> 00:08:49.000
So, what drew you to such an interesting language?
00:08:49.240 --> 00:09:04.200
Well, it was so funny because around the time that I decided to study abroad was also around the time when the I think the Hundred Thousand Strong Initiative was coming about with, I don't think, because Obama, Obama became president in 08.
00:09:04.519 --> 00:09:17.480
So a 100,000 Strong wasn't an initiative yet, but there was a concerted effort to bring awareness to Chinese language and culture and to get Americans interested in learning the language.
00:09:17.639 --> 00:09:30.360
And I remember I was thinking about studying abroad in China, and I was in my car, and my mom had called me and she was like, Britt, I was just listening to MPR, and they said that Mandarin is the language of the future.
00:09:30.520 --> 00:09:33.000
And I said, Yeah, that's what I heard too.
00:09:33.160 --> 00:09:35.080
And she was like, Well, you need to go to China.
00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:38.760
You need to go to China, you need to just go.
00:09:39.000 --> 00:09:43.320
Because I told, I told her and my dad that I was thinking about studying abroad.
00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:45.480
And she was like, You just need to go to China.
00:09:45.640 --> 00:09:50.520
And I'm like, all right, that's my mom is supporting me, honestly.
00:09:50.680 --> 00:09:51.560
That's all I need.
00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:53.320
And so I went full force.
00:09:53.480 --> 00:09:55.080
And you know what is so funny?
00:09:55.240 --> 00:10:11.720
Because even though the Chinese style of writing and like the Mandarin language is different from what we know in English, believe it or not, it's not hard because they have four tones and there's no tenses, or there's like maybe one tense, right?
00:10:11.960 --> 00:10:19.080
And in the English, we have all of these different tenses, all of these different ways to conjugate our verbs.
00:10:19.320 --> 00:10:20.840
Ah, that's interesting.
00:10:20.920 --> 00:10:21.720
I never knew that.
00:10:21.800 --> 00:10:22.280
I never knew.
00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:35.080
Yeah, it's a tonal language, and then the writing is interesting because there's a story behind every single character and how that character was developed and simplified over time.
00:10:35.320 --> 00:10:41.960
So it's it's a really poetic language, and it's good for people who love math and love music.
00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:52.200
And I would say for any language, for anybody who wants to study a language, if you have, of course, the will to do it and the time to put into it, then definitely do it.
00:10:52.360 --> 00:10:54.760
Like I said, I took a year off the workforce.
00:10:55.000 --> 00:11:00.840
So I had a full year to get myself together and to study Mandarin.
00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:06.440
And I studied full-time for a year, and then I studied part-time for a year and a half.
00:11:06.680 --> 00:11:10.840
And by the end of that year, I had a good sense of Mandarin.
00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:14.920
I can hold conversations, I could read, I could write.
00:11:15.240 --> 00:11:21.879
And after two and a half years fully, I definitely feel confident in saying that I'm a fluent speaker.
00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:22.600
Wow.
00:11:22.920 --> 00:11:24.120
That was gonna be my next question.
00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:27.879
Because I'm like, wow, where would you put yourself like on that continuum?
00:11:28.040 --> 00:11:28.280
Yes.
00:11:28.600 --> 00:11:54.680
You know, I've been in immersed in in Portuguese language three years, and definitely I'm confident in transactional stuff, buying things, making my way around short conversations, definitely not longer, but I am finding that I can read and understand things and not just read, I'm able to comprehend.
00:11:54.840 --> 00:11:55.080
Uh-huh.
00:11:55.320 --> 00:11:58.520
I can follow the news for to some degree.
00:11:58.760 --> 00:12:04.120
Not every word per se, but it's interesting learning a language as an adult.
00:12:04.440 --> 00:12:05.080
Yes.
00:12:05.400 --> 00:12:12.840
Then learning it, you know, your first language or even exposure to a second language in the United States.
00:12:12.920 --> 00:12:17.240
Because I was just actually having this conversation with a person in the store yesterday.
00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:21.320
It's like, oh, I had, I think, eight years of Spanish when I was in school.
00:12:21.560 --> 00:12:36.200
But I feel more confident in the shorter amount of time that I've been learning Portuguese because of my ability to tailor my learning based on how best I learn.
00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:37.240
Right.
00:12:37.400 --> 00:12:39.320
I'm able to apply what I learned.
00:12:39.400 --> 00:12:43.160
So I learn a word and I'm like, oh, I go into a store and it's like, oh, tamaño.
00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:44.840
I'm like, oh, you know, I'll throw tomano.
00:12:45.160 --> 00:12:54.200
And you know, I'm like able to apply it versus you're in class and you're doing all these exercises and you go home to a bunch of other English speakers, right?
00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:56.040
You know, you never get to apply it.
00:12:56.360 --> 00:12:59.560
The in my opinion, immersion is the best way to learn a language.
00:12:59.800 --> 00:13:00.200
Yeah.
00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:08.360
So if you're if you're immersed, especially if you are interested in learning the culture, because you can't be filling in the language and not know anything about the culture.
00:13:08.440 --> 00:13:09.560
The two go hand in hand.
00:13:09.720 --> 00:13:10.040
Yeah.
00:13:32.730 --> 00:13:42.810
So good on you for applying what you learn and being brave because a lot of times people they they don't feel comfortable speaking because it's like, what if I say it wrong?
00:13:42.970 --> 00:13:45.370
And it's like, well, if you say it wrong, somebody's gonna correct you.
00:13:45.450 --> 00:13:48.410
And then you know how to say it correctly the next time.
00:13:48.730 --> 00:13:50.090
What do you think now?
00:13:50.250 --> 00:14:08.890
Like you said, you're you're in Portugal now and you're transitioning, you're in a state of transition, and my words, kind of being led by spirit, much like you said when you took that break when you were 27, and or even that time where you thought you wanted to go to West Africa, and you're like, wait, you know what?
00:14:08.970 --> 00:14:11.690
I think Asia has some more for you.
00:14:11.850 --> 00:14:19.370
So where do you think you are in terms of maybe that period of your life, what's coming up for you right now?
00:14:19.690 --> 00:14:26.490
I am in a period of embracing the uncertainty and knowing that in the end everything is gonna be okay.
00:14:26.650 --> 00:14:33.930
Because everything that I've done up until this point has been planned, organized, calculated.
00:14:34.250 --> 00:14:38.650
And I thrive best when I have a schedule, when I know what's gonna come.
00:14:38.730 --> 00:14:41.450
And that's a part of my safety and security now, right?
00:14:41.610 --> 00:14:45.450
I have to know exactly what's gonna happen next in order for me to feel safe.
00:14:45.690 --> 00:14:50.970
Now I'm at a point where I have absolutely no idea what to expect.
00:14:51.130 --> 00:14:55.370
I don't know what's going on, but I know that I'm safe.
00:14:55.530 --> 00:14:56.490
I know that at least.
00:14:56.650 --> 00:15:00.730
I know that eventually everything is gonna work out the way that it's supposed to.
00:15:00.890 --> 00:15:11.290
And I know that I'm in a country that I have feel like formed a bond with because Portugal is so magical and it's so spiritual.
00:15:11.530 --> 00:15:17.290
And I just feel not necessarily at home, but I I guess comfortable.
00:15:17.450 --> 00:15:18.890
I feel comfortable here.
00:15:19.210 --> 00:15:21.290
So that's honestly all I know.
00:15:21.450 --> 00:15:25.850
This this transition has also been interesting because this is common in Asia.
00:15:25.930 --> 00:15:29.370
It's not like I was balling out of control and I had all these things, right?
00:15:29.690 --> 00:15:34.490
But I'm cooking for the first time consistently in four years.
00:15:34.650 --> 00:15:38.250
I'm doing my own laundry, uh washing dishes?
00:15:38.410 --> 00:15:39.850
Like, what is what is that?
00:15:40.010 --> 00:15:52.170
I'm doing all of these things and I'm used to having household help there to do all of that so that I could focus on my job and manage my personal and professional stresses.
00:15:52.330 --> 00:15:56.650
But now it's like, well, you're not working, and you're 40.
00:15:56.970 --> 00:16:06.090
So why don't we get back into this routine of taking care of ourselves and being independent?
00:16:06.410 --> 00:16:10.490
And that to me, right now, that's the biggest thing.
00:16:10.650 --> 00:16:12.090
One thing at a time, right?
00:16:12.170 --> 00:16:18.330
That that transition is huge because oh, adult chores are just not it.
00:16:18.490 --> 00:16:19.450
They're just not it.
00:16:19.690 --> 00:16:20.330
Oh, yeah.
00:16:20.570 --> 00:16:22.410
No, I completely agree.
00:16:22.650 --> 00:16:25.450
My housekeeper left a couple hours ago.
00:16:26.490 --> 00:16:30.810
And like, uh, never shall I be doing this.
00:16:32.090 --> 00:17:00.650
Uh I I love when I go down to you know, Southeast Asia, especially, that I'm able last you know, last year I did a month and I'm planning to do another month next year where I can just focus on my wellness, focus on being like cared for, most definitely see that as a place where or region in the world where I have an extended period of time, and also too parts of Africa, because like you said, you have health, right?
00:17:00.810 --> 00:17:04.490
You have help, household help to support your efforts.
00:17:04.730 --> 00:17:24.410
So that's interesting because I would imagine when you first went abroad, and correct me if I'm putting words in your mouth, that you know, there's a big juxtaposition where you're coming from the West and how we live, and then going to Asia where you can have someone who's cooking for you.
00:17:24.490 --> 00:17:32.649
You can have, you know, these other indulgences like household help or massages and these wellness things.
00:17:32.969 --> 00:17:34.329
Do you think that that's on that?
00:17:34.649 --> 00:17:36.009
Yeah, your nails done.
00:17:36.089 --> 00:17:39.289
Where were those things kind of outside of employment?
00:17:39.449 --> 00:17:44.969
But do you find like those those things added to the reason why you wanted to be in that area?
00:17:45.289 --> 00:17:46.569
Um, yes.
00:17:46.809 --> 00:18:00.089
It I'm not gonna lie, it definitely added to why I wanted to be there because it's like, okay, for all of the things that I don't have, like access to good wine, good cheese, sidewalks.
00:18:00.249 --> 00:18:03.289
At least I have somebody that will go grocery shopping for me.
00:18:03.449 --> 00:18:07.529
At least I don't have to worry about cleaning my kitchen, you know.
00:18:07.609 --> 00:18:14.569
So all of those things were good, and it was definitely a part of taking care of myself, partially because my job was so demanding.
00:18:14.809 --> 00:18:19.929
So it's like I didn't have the time or I didn't have it in me to take care of all of that.
00:18:20.009 --> 00:18:33.129
So it was nice to be able to hire somebody to sort out that part of my life, but then also feeling good about having the financial resources to where you can define how you take care of yourself, right?
00:18:33.369 --> 00:18:48.969
If you have a cook, if you have a cleaner, if you have a personal trainer, which I had all three when I was in Indonesia, that to me was like, wow, I'm able to provide for myself and take care of myself without feeling financially strained.
00:18:49.209 --> 00:18:52.969
And that's one of the benefits of living in Southeast Asia.
00:18:53.209 --> 00:18:57.289
It gives you time and space to focus on yourself.
00:18:57.449 --> 00:19:03.449
And these things don't become indulgences as much as they become your way of living, right?
00:19:03.529 --> 00:19:16.809
Like it's just your everyday, and that's a beautiful thing to experience because I think once you're outside of the confines of like the US or Western bubble is really where you can appreciate it.
00:19:16.969 --> 00:19:20.969
You're like, oh damn, yeah, I was I was working a hard life.
00:19:22.489 --> 00:19:23.129
Yes.
00:19:23.609 --> 00:19:25.369
No wonder I was exhausted.
00:19:25.929 --> 00:19:26.169
Right.
00:19:26.409 --> 00:19:51.049
And then I had to still have to scrimp and scrape, scrimp and save to get your nails done, or to make a spa day once in a quarter, or you know, having to really plan out your trips because you don't, you're you're not in a place where you're close to everything that you want to go to, number one, and you you feel like everything is a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
00:19:51.209 --> 00:19:53.689
There is no such thing as a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
00:19:53.849 --> 00:19:58.329
There's a such thing as priorities and what you can and cannot do, in my opinion.
00:19:58.489 --> 00:20:00.889
I don't, I don't want to sound like pretentious, right?
00:20:00.969 --> 00:20:04.169
I don't want to sound like I'm taking something from somebody else.
00:20:04.409 --> 00:20:08.249
I just feel like if you go to Bali, you can go back to Bali if you want to, right?
00:20:08.489 --> 00:20:10.409
That's not a once-in-a-lifetime thing.
00:20:10.649 --> 00:20:17.609
You go to London and you like it, and you didn't get to go to Brixton, you can go back to London and explore Brixton a bit.
00:20:17.929 --> 00:20:24.809
When we're in the West and we're working, and it's like sometimes people are working just so that they can make ends meet.
00:20:25.049 --> 00:20:31.529
Or we're working just so that we're able to pay our bills at the end of the month and hope that we have money to save.
00:20:31.769 --> 00:20:35.449
I'm in a space now where it's like, that's gonna be me too.
00:20:35.529 --> 00:20:38.169
Cause you know, I'm going back to the states in September.
00:20:38.489 --> 00:20:54.409
Like, okay, my girl, how are you going to take this experience that you have for 14 and a half years and get back into the business culture of the states and be able to maintain the lifestyle that you had for 14 and a half years?
00:20:54.489 --> 00:20:56.409
What are you willing to sacrifice?
00:20:56.729 --> 00:20:58.889
And how do we keep this up?
00:20:59.129 --> 00:21:04.009
You know, when I was in Jakarta, Bali was a two-hour flight.
00:21:04.329 --> 00:21:08.009
So I went there multiple times a year.
00:21:08.169 --> 00:21:10.809
When I go back to the city, it's 30 hours.
00:21:11.049 --> 00:21:12.889
And then also the expense, right?
00:21:12.969 --> 00:21:17.609
Like being in Europe, I can fly to Morocco for 37 euro.
00:21:17.929 --> 00:21:21.129
I get these advertisements all the time, or you know, other countries.
00:21:21.209 --> 00:21:24.329
And that's why I've traveled to so many countries since I've been abroad.
00:21:24.489 --> 00:21:31.289
And so I'd imagine, and even when I was in Southeast Asia, I bopped from Vietnam to Thailand.
00:21:31.609 --> 00:21:50.329
And it's just amazes me that I can go from one country to another so affordably, whereas when I was in the United States, just going and I could stay on the same coast, not even go across, and it would be so expensive.
00:21:50.569 --> 00:21:51.609
It's crazy.
00:21:51.929 --> 00:21:52.569
It is.
00:21:52.969 --> 00:22:02.729
My friends and I were looking at tickets possibly to go to New Orleans when I get back, and I'm just like, yo, this is a flight to Amsterdam.
00:22:03.849 --> 00:22:05.049
What is this?
00:22:05.689 --> 00:22:06.809
What is this?
00:22:07.129 --> 00:22:08.969
It is highway robbery.
00:22:09.289 --> 00:22:12.169
What called you to Portugal?
00:22:12.489 --> 00:22:21.929
What brings me to Portugal now is well, going back to what I said before about things that I didn't have in Asia, things that I wanted and reshifting priorities.
00:22:22.169 --> 00:22:27.369
So when I was in my 30s, I was thinking about motherhood and I'm like, do I want to be a mom?
00:22:27.609 --> 00:22:33.369
Can I just travel this world alone and not be a parent?
00:22:33.529 --> 00:22:35.369
And I'm like, let me think about this in five years.
00:22:35.449 --> 00:22:36.809
I don't want to deal with this right now.
00:22:37.049 --> 00:22:40.089
So I let it go five years later.
00:22:40.249 --> 00:22:41.849
I think I'm still in Cambodia.
00:22:41.929 --> 00:22:44.409
And I'm like, I don't know, maybe, maybe not.
00:22:44.569 --> 00:22:50.409
Then when I moved to Jakarta, I was talking to a friend of mine about different options because I'm not married.
00:22:50.649 --> 00:22:57.769
And I was just talking to her about some things that I wanted to do and pursuing solo parenthood and what that could look like.
00:22:57.849 --> 00:23:00.009
And she gave me some really helpful tips.
00:23:00.169 --> 00:23:01.369
So I'm like, okay, cool.
00:23:01.449 --> 00:23:06.009
And she's like, you should look into Europe because it's it's less expensive there.
00:23:06.249 --> 00:23:09.449
And at this point, I saw myself traveling to Europe.
00:23:10.169 --> 00:23:12.729
Often from Asia, I was able to do that.
00:23:12.969 --> 00:23:16.329
And I went to Portugal and I fell in love with Portugal.
00:23:16.489 --> 00:23:20.489
I felt again comfortable, safe, like a connection there.
00:23:20.649 --> 00:23:33.689
So when I started researching different fertility specialists or fertility clinics in different parts of Europe, I saw that there were countries where it was booming and countries where it was up and coming.
00:23:33.849 --> 00:23:39.289
So in the countries where it was booming, it was like a baby factory, essentially.
00:23:39.609 --> 00:23:49.769
So like Denmark is huge, huge for fertility treatments, huge for IBF, huge for, you know, artificial insemination.
00:23:49.929 --> 00:23:52.809
And I felt like a number instead of a patient.
00:23:52.889 --> 00:23:54.249
And I wanted to feel like a patient.
00:23:54.409 --> 00:23:56.729
So I'm like, maybe Denmark is not good for me.
00:23:56.889 --> 00:23:58.169
I looked at Cyprus.
00:23:58.409 --> 00:24:01.049
I looked at another country.
00:24:01.209 --> 00:24:05.289
And then I started to look at Spain and Portugal because they were up and coming.
00:24:05.449 --> 00:24:12.569
Now, I also want to say that for me, I knew that I would be pursuing this alone because I don't have a partner, right?
00:24:12.729 --> 00:24:15.609
I'm not, I'm not in a relationship, I'm not married.
00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:22.569
And having a black donor is like finding a diamond in the rough.
00:24:22.729 --> 00:24:24.009
It's very difficult.
00:24:24.329 --> 00:24:26.889
Very few black donors, and it's extremely stressful.
00:24:26.969 --> 00:24:28.249
And I said, I don't need that stress.
00:24:28.409 --> 00:24:29.369
I want a baby.
00:24:29.529 --> 00:24:32.489
And my baby is going to be black because their mama is black.
00:24:32.649 --> 00:24:37.449
So, okay, as long as our genes are compatible, that's all I care about, having a healthy child.
00:24:37.609 --> 00:24:52.489
So I looked at a couple of clinics in Portugal, and I was really impressed by their customer service and their patience, because this is like I spoke to them over months and then eventually over years.
00:24:52.729 --> 00:24:54.489
And again, I felt like a patient.
00:24:54.569 --> 00:24:57.129
I didn't feel like a number, I didn't feel like a client.
00:24:57.369 --> 00:25:02.009
And another thing I liked about Portugal is that they have a non-anonymous donor policy.
00:25:02.169 --> 00:25:11.689
So when the child turns 18, if they want to see or find records of their parent or, you know, their donor, they can do that.
00:25:11.849 --> 00:25:12.729
So I'm like, okay.
00:25:12.889 --> 00:25:14.729
And I get to choose the donor myself.
00:25:14.889 --> 00:25:16.489
In Spain, they chose it for you.
00:25:16.649 --> 00:25:18.249
So I'm like, okay, cool.
00:25:18.409 --> 00:25:19.369
I like this.
00:25:19.609 --> 00:25:21.369
That was the easy part.
00:25:21.609 --> 00:25:27.769
Everything that came afterwards was like a freaking ride on Hot Mess Express.
00:25:27.929 --> 00:25:35.929
Initially, I had planned to have my baby in Jakarta, work in Jakarta, have household help, right?
00:25:36.329 --> 00:25:38.329
Because I could have help there.
00:25:38.489 --> 00:25:46.729
But then with my job and some things that were happening, I'm like, it's not emotionally healthy for me to stay here long term.
00:25:46.889 --> 00:25:48.009
So I just need to go.
00:25:48.169 --> 00:25:53.849
And I don't think that I would be the best parent if I stayed here.
00:25:54.089 --> 00:25:55.209
So I needed to leave.
00:25:55.289 --> 00:25:57.289
And again, reshifting those priorities.
00:25:57.449 --> 00:26:04.329
So as I was pursuing fertility treatments, and I'll get back into that in a little bit, I was also looking for jobs.
00:26:04.489 --> 00:26:10.729
And before I had decided that Asia was done, I was looking for jobs in different parts of Asia.
00:26:10.889 --> 00:26:17.369
And I would get interviews, second interviews, third interviews, requests for portfolio, requests for presentations, all these things.
00:26:17.449 --> 00:26:19.769
And then I just got no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:19.929 --> 00:26:23.289
So I'm like, okay, clearly it's time for me to go.
00:26:23.609 --> 00:26:28.089
And I need to work on refocusing my goals.
00:26:28.409 --> 00:26:44.569
So I had a couple of procedures, fertility-related procedures, and a health scare that put me in a category where IVF was my best option and really my only option to have a child.
00:26:44.809 --> 00:26:52.649
And to me, that was heartbreaking because while IVF in Europe is cheaper, it's still an investment, right?
00:26:52.729 --> 00:26:55.129
So I would have to invest more money in this process.
00:26:55.369 --> 00:27:07.609
And number two, it makes things more complicated because with IVF, everything is on a specific schedule based on your body and your cycle.
00:27:07.929 --> 00:27:13.929
So up until that point, what was your understanding of what your options were?
00:27:14.409 --> 00:27:16.649
My understanding was that I had two options.
00:27:16.729 --> 00:27:24.569
I can either do artificial insemination where I choose the donor and we do artificial insemination, done.
00:27:24.729 --> 00:27:25.369
That's it.
00:27:25.689 --> 00:27:38.569
Or IVF, where they had to go through a process to um help my eggs mature and retrieve my eggs so that they can make embryos for later implantation.
00:27:38.809 --> 00:27:43.289
Because of fertility issues that I have, IVF was the best choice for me.
00:27:43.449 --> 00:27:45.529
And really, like I said, really the only choice.
00:27:45.769 --> 00:27:52.169
And that was difficult when it came to scheduling when I could go to Portugal for treatment.
00:27:52.329 --> 00:27:58.489
So the first time I tried IVF treatment was December 2025.
00:27:58.649 --> 00:28:01.289
I had come out to Portugal with a friend.
00:28:01.529 --> 00:28:05.209
And before I left, I had a lot of stresses going on.
00:28:05.369 --> 00:28:06.489
I couldn't find a job.
00:28:06.649 --> 00:28:08.329
My boss getting on my nerves.
00:28:08.409 --> 00:28:10.329
I had a medical health scare.
00:28:10.569 --> 00:28:13.209
All of these things happened all at once.
00:28:13.449 --> 00:28:20.329
And when I got here, stress really impacted my process because it didn't go well.
00:28:20.489 --> 00:28:22.809
And I felt bad about it.
00:28:23.049 --> 00:28:26.169
But in the end, everything happens for a reason.
00:28:26.329 --> 00:28:29.609
And so for me, it was heartbreaking.
00:28:29.689 --> 00:28:34.969
But then I'm like, there has to be a divine purpose and a divine reason why it's not happening right now.
00:28:35.209 --> 00:28:40.009
So went back to the States, did some more job hunting, didn't work out.
00:28:40.169 --> 00:28:43.049
I'm just like, okay, my girl, okay, what you gonna do?
00:28:43.289 --> 00:28:48.569
Like for international school, they typically start in August or late August, early September.
00:28:48.809 --> 00:28:55.849
So I would need to have a job by March in order to get my visa and everything that I needed for my next post.
00:28:56.009 --> 00:28:59.529
And I'm like, if I don't have a job by the end of March, I need to pivot.
00:28:59.689 --> 00:29:01.209
What does that pivot look like?
00:29:01.449 --> 00:29:04.169
So it's the end of March, I don't have a job.
00:29:04.329 --> 00:29:07.609
And I'm like, okay, so what is the focus then?
00:29:07.769 --> 00:29:09.369
The focus is IVF.
00:29:09.529 --> 00:29:11.289
Okay, one stress at a time.
00:29:11.449 --> 00:29:13.129
So let's get through IVF.
00:29:13.209 --> 00:29:16.729
And then after IVF, we'll figure out this employment stuff.
00:29:16.809 --> 00:29:23.529
And that has been difficult for me because even though you make choices, they're not always easy choices, right?
00:29:23.769 --> 00:29:30.969
And sometimes you do lose something in the in the beginning and hope that things will work out for the best in the end.
00:29:31.209 --> 00:29:35.289
And I've always had a job on my terms, right?
00:29:35.449 --> 00:29:37.529
When I left the workforce, that was my choice.
00:29:37.769 --> 00:29:45.849
Of course, when I resigned, that was also my choice, but I wasn't expecting for the job market to be so competitive at this point.
00:29:46.169 --> 00:29:59.209
And it's really a blessing to have this time because it's like now you can focus solely on this goal of motherhood, get through this, and then figure everything else out later.
00:29:59.529 --> 00:30:02.729
So I did the first round of IBF successfully.
00:30:02.969 --> 00:30:09.369
And yes, oh my goodness, in June, and everything worked out well.
00:30:09.529 --> 00:30:12.969
And the second round starts in August.
00:30:13.129 --> 00:30:26.489
Now, while it was successful, I mean, there was there was a lot, a lot with your hormones, with your body changing, with your appetite, with like how you communicate.
00:30:26.649 --> 00:30:34.249
There's a lot with IBF, even after you finish taking the shots and after the egg retrieval, but it's all worth it.
00:30:34.489 --> 00:30:41.129
What was the thing that you think surprised you most about the egg retrieval process?
00:30:41.289 --> 00:30:47.609
Because like you talked about originally having two paths that then became one and you were going down this one path.
00:30:47.929 --> 00:30:54.889
So were there things that you encountered that surprised you about that whole part of the process?
00:30:55.209 --> 00:30:55.689
Yes.
00:30:56.009 --> 00:31:06.009
So the first thing that surprised me was the ebbs and flows of your eggs maturing, right?
00:31:06.089 --> 00:31:08.569
And the size of your eggs increasing.
00:31:08.729 --> 00:31:14.649
So during my second ultrasound, the doctor told me that there were a couple of eggs that shrunk.
00:31:14.889 --> 00:31:23.769
Now, while I'm taking hormones to, you know, um help, I'm sorry, I don't know all of the terminology because it's still so much.
00:31:23.929 --> 00:31:32.569
But you know, you take hormones for your eggs to ensure you take hormones so that there can be follicles, and when the follicles get to a certain size, they retrieve it.
00:31:32.649 --> 00:31:33.769
And I'm like, wait a minute.
00:31:33.849 --> 00:31:40.009
So why is it that these eggs that were this size two days ago have now regressed?
00:31:40.169 --> 00:31:46.329
So that was frustrating, and it's just like managing that frustration without stressing yourself out.
00:31:46.569 --> 00:31:47.449
That's number one.
00:31:47.689 --> 00:31:49.369
Number two, the pain.
00:31:49.529 --> 00:31:49.849
Okay.
00:31:50.249 --> 00:31:54.489
People need to stop lying to women about pain.
00:31:54.809 --> 00:31:57.049
And two, my sisters out there.
00:31:57.209 --> 00:31:58.569
Let me tell you something.
00:31:58.889 --> 00:32:03.369
Talking about having a high tolerance for pain is not a flex.
00:32:03.529 --> 00:32:04.809
That is not a flex.
00:32:05.129 --> 00:32:05.449
Okay.
00:32:05.929 --> 00:32:10.729
I was told that the egg retrieval will feel like a period cramp.
00:32:10.969 --> 00:32:12.169
Absolutely not.
00:32:12.889 --> 00:32:16.009
But yes, it was so painful.
00:32:16.169 --> 00:32:23.929
Because honestly, if it felt like a period cramp, there will be no reason for you to put me under anesthesia to retrieve these eggs.
00:32:24.089 --> 00:32:26.009
So I had to be put under anesthesia.
00:32:26.169 --> 00:32:31.689
The procedure was only 15 minutes, but after the procedure, I was in so much pain.
00:32:31.849 --> 00:32:42.489
Granted, that pain lasted maybe two hours because they put me on really good pain meds and they observed me for an hour.
00:32:42.569 --> 00:32:47.769
And then an hour after that, I was still kind of like cramping, but it hurt.
00:32:48.249 --> 00:32:52.889
Whoa, that's not something I would have even imagined.
00:32:53.529 --> 00:32:55.449
And it sounds like you didn't either.
00:32:55.689 --> 00:33:30.409
And it's one, I appreciate you know, you being so transparent about your journey and this process, because it is important to demystify not just the actual process of egg retrieval, but really like your decision and where you are in your stage of life and understanding that you have had this international life and lifestyle, and this is still a calling that you want to pursue in a way that to some might be non-traditional in that you're choosing to do this in another country, right?
00:33:30.569 --> 00:33:33.689
And so, like I said, I appreciate the transparency.
00:33:33.769 --> 00:33:56.969
And as somebody who has not gone through the process, but only has been exposed to things I've read or seen online, it's very surprising to hear all of these nuances, like you said, with the hormone fluctuations and eggs, you know, regressing and that you even go under general anesthesia for egg retrieval.
00:33:57.049 --> 00:34:02.089
Like I did not know that there's so many ebbs and flows to this process.
00:34:02.489 --> 00:34:14.250
I was thankful to actually have an appetite during the process, but after I stopped taking the medication, that's when I had more symptoms, surprisingly.
00:34:14.489 --> 00:34:18.009
So while I was taking the shots, I was sleepy.
00:34:18.170 --> 00:34:20.170
I only cried like once.
00:34:20.329 --> 00:34:25.929
I really didn't have any energy and I had a healthy appetite because I was worried about that.
00:34:26.009 --> 00:34:32.889
I have bought all of these protein shakes, and I'm like, if I don't have anything else, I at least need to have the strength so I can have some protein in my body.
00:34:33.049 --> 00:34:37.849
During the shots was fine, but a week after, no appetite.
00:34:38.250 --> 00:34:43.849
I had one day on day five when I had a really sensitive nose and a horrible headache.
00:34:44.090 --> 00:34:47.769
But after that, it was just I felt super sleepy.
00:34:47.929 --> 00:34:54.889
After the egg retrieval, I was a lot, like a lot of emotions all up and through.
00:34:55.130 --> 00:34:56.329
My anxiety was high.
00:34:56.409 --> 00:35:00.009
I had mommy brain, so I would forget things more.
00:35:00.170 --> 00:35:02.489
My nose got more sensitive.
00:35:02.730 --> 00:35:03.210
Yeah.
00:35:03.449 --> 00:35:07.769
So it doesn't stop when you stop taking the hormones.
00:35:08.009 --> 00:35:08.329
Yeah.
00:35:08.489 --> 00:35:14.809
I think I'm finally coming off of the after effects of the medication.
00:35:15.210 --> 00:35:18.409
I think that's something that I wasn't expecting either.
00:35:18.570 --> 00:35:24.490
Because I thought, oh, I'm just gonna take this medication and do the day retrieval and then go back to my normal life.
00:35:24.650 --> 00:35:26.730
And it's like, no, girl, you're not.
00:35:27.530 --> 00:35:29.369
Like, uh-uh, no.
00:35:31.050 --> 00:35:41.690
And you're doing this in an in another country where, you know, you aren't fluent in the language and the culture and an emotional journey at that.
00:35:41.929 --> 00:35:51.610
So, what are some of the things that you've been able to do to kind of cultivate either community or to keep your emotions like keep yourself safe?
00:35:51.690 --> 00:35:58.809
Because you talked about safety in other countries, and that's a huge part of your wellness regimen, right?
00:35:58.970 --> 00:35:59.690
Self-care.
00:35:59.849 --> 00:36:04.570
And so, how are you managing that in a place that isn't home?
00:36:04.809 --> 00:36:09.289
Well, first of all, leaning on friends like you, I do have people.
00:36:09.450 --> 00:36:14.570
So I have friends in different parts of Portugal, and that has been a blessing connecting with them.
00:36:14.730 --> 00:36:20.809
But when I'm by myself, making sure that the space where I'm staying is safe.
00:36:21.130 --> 00:36:22.970
So is there an elevator?
00:36:23.210 --> 00:36:26.570
Is it a building that has a lock?
00:36:26.650 --> 00:36:28.809
You know, like is the building locked?
00:36:28.970 --> 00:36:30.490
What floor is it on?
00:36:30.650 --> 00:36:35.450
Being safe in like a home environment is really important.
00:36:35.769 --> 00:36:37.210
I've been journaling a lot.
00:36:37.369 --> 00:36:39.530
I've been listening to a lot of music.
00:36:39.849 --> 00:36:44.970
I have been keeping my friends abroad abreast of the entire process.
00:36:45.210 --> 00:36:54.650
Just also when I feel like it, going outside, taking a walk, getting back into being active because this process can take a lot out of you.
00:36:54.809 --> 00:37:01.289
And being social, you know, and knowing when it's okay to be by yourself because you are so emotional.
00:37:01.530 --> 00:37:03.849
Knowing that, you know what, I'm in a mood.
00:37:04.010 --> 00:37:05.690
I don't need to talk to anybody.
00:37:05.849 --> 00:37:19.050
I'm I'm gonna watch this review of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and and drink, you know, my wine and be cool, eat my Feijuada by myself, drink my wine and be cool.
00:37:19.369 --> 00:37:34.409
So knowing how to just kind of check my emotions and not put myself in a place where I am subjecting someone to my emotions because of this process.
00:37:34.650 --> 00:37:37.530
So it's a balancing act, honestly.
00:37:37.769 --> 00:37:39.610
It really is a balancing act.
00:37:39.769 --> 00:37:43.849
Good food helps comfortable Airbnbs help.
00:37:44.090 --> 00:37:44.570
Mm-hmm.
00:37:44.730 --> 00:37:49.610
And there's look, there's no shortage of good food in Portugal.
00:37:49.769 --> 00:37:50.809
That's a good thing.
00:37:51.050 --> 00:37:51.289
Yeah.
00:37:51.450 --> 00:38:05.690
And so do you think now that you've gone through the successful first round and you said in August you're preparing for another round, do you think that you're better equipped to go through the process the second time?
00:38:05.769 --> 00:38:08.970
And is it the same or is it different?
00:38:09.369 --> 00:38:13.210
So it's the same process, and I want to say yes.
00:38:13.369 --> 00:38:16.329
However, I don't know how this round will impact me.
00:38:16.570 --> 00:38:21.450
Because it's like, I think each round your body reacts differently.
00:38:21.690 --> 00:38:24.570
So I don't know what's gonna happen with round two.
00:38:24.650 --> 00:38:28.010
What I do know, what is important to me, talk about safety again.
00:38:28.170 --> 00:38:29.450
I'm going back to Queenborough.
00:38:29.530 --> 00:38:41.690
So my clinic is in Queenborough, and the Airbnb that I'm staying at, you know, it's my unit is on a high floor, there's an elevator, there's a code to get in, is right across the street from the grocery store.
00:38:41.769 --> 00:38:43.769
It's right down the street from my clinic.
00:38:44.010 --> 00:38:46.570
It's right down the street from the pharmacy.
00:38:46.809 --> 00:38:53.210
So I do have those comforts and security nets by me in case there is an issue.
00:38:53.450 --> 00:38:56.730
Everything else, I just kind of leave it to chance.
00:38:56.889 --> 00:39:05.610
And again, like I said before, like embrace the uncertainty and know that in the end, eventually everything's gonna be okay.
00:39:05.849 --> 00:39:08.570
So it most certainly is.
00:39:08.730 --> 00:39:20.409
You know, I I say and I've you know, I tell myself this over the years, and certainly, you know, along this journey is you survived 100% of your best and worst days, right?
00:39:20.490 --> 00:39:23.289
So you have a great track record for success.
00:39:25.130 --> 00:39:49.289
You know, society presents like one timeline for women, and especially, you know, as black women, you know, we've been socialized and focusing on education and and career success and you know, traditional pathways, you know, whether it's career, marriage, children, and when you break from that norm and you take a different path, you change the script, right?
00:39:49.450 --> 00:39:50.570
You rewrite the script.
00:39:50.730 --> 00:40:12.889
And so as someone who has spent a long part of your life abroad and gone through different life stages, if someone were listening to this conversation and they're in their 30s or 40s and they're feeling like they might have missed their chance either to move abroad or to have children or both, what would you say to that?
00:40:13.289 --> 00:40:18.970
I would say I think the the cliche saying is that it's never too late.
00:40:19.289 --> 00:40:27.849
And living by like societal norms and what society wants you to do will be the death of you every time.
00:40:28.010 --> 00:40:37.849
And it may not be a physical death, it could be a spiritual death, it could be a death of dreams, it could be destruction, like in the the loosest sense of the word.
00:40:38.010 --> 00:40:46.889
And I think it especially as black women, I always say that the only space for a black woman to have in this world is a space that she creates.
00:40:47.210 --> 00:40:51.690
So we have to create our own lanes, our own happiness, right?
00:40:51.849 --> 00:40:57.849
And we have to fight professionally for these positions that are just given to other people just because of who we are.
00:40:58.010 --> 00:41:07.130
And we go to school and we learn the languages and we meet the people and we do the things because we have to create our happiness for us.
00:41:07.450 --> 00:41:14.490
And for me, when it comes to like societal norms and what society thinks, that's what keeps me on this path.
00:41:14.650 --> 00:41:16.809
And it's like, well, society doesn't see it for me.
00:41:17.050 --> 00:41:27.130
Society is not specifically US society, and I would say even Asian societies in Southeast Asia, like they ain't checking for black women.
00:41:27.289 --> 00:41:37.130
So why would I be concerned about what you think about me and how I live my life and how I raise my kids and my decision to be a solo parent?
00:41:37.530 --> 00:41:43.929
It takes a village to raise a child, it doesn't take a mother and a father, or two mothers, or two fathers, right?
00:41:44.010 --> 00:41:45.289
It takes a full village.
00:41:45.530 --> 00:42:01.369
So with that in mind, like, no, my children may not know who their father is, but they have grandparents, they have aunties, they have uncles, they have cousins, they have my best friends who love them and who will take care of them because they love me.
00:42:01.610 --> 00:42:05.210
So I would just say, do you, if that's what you want.
00:42:05.450 --> 00:42:12.250
Now, yeah, people are gonna look at you like you're crazy because it's like they're looking at you like who chooses to be a single mom.
00:42:12.409 --> 00:42:18.409
And it's like, well, that is a again a choice that I've made and I don't have to answer to you.
00:42:18.570 --> 00:42:23.369
And I think sometimes people get caught up in trying to prove themselves to strangers.
00:42:23.530 --> 00:42:24.570
I don't know you.
00:42:24.730 --> 00:42:28.250
You don't pay none of my bills, and you don't run nothing around here.
00:42:28.570 --> 00:42:30.889
So that's just how I look at it.
00:42:31.210 --> 00:42:33.130
Be bold and do you.
00:42:33.769 --> 00:42:34.490
I love that.
00:42:34.730 --> 00:42:41.769
Has this process or journey, any of it, changed how you define freedom?
00:42:42.010 --> 00:42:43.450
Oh, that's a good one.
00:42:43.769 --> 00:42:44.250
Wow.
00:42:44.490 --> 00:42:48.889
I would say no, because I do what I want.
00:42:49.690 --> 00:42:54.889
Like I've I've always been someone who just kind of does what I want.
00:42:54.970 --> 00:42:56.490
Hey, I want to go study abroad.
00:42:56.570 --> 00:42:57.849
Hey, I'm gonna move to China.
00:42:58.010 --> 00:43:00.250
Oh yeah, I'm gonna study Mandarin because I want to.
00:43:00.409 --> 00:43:03.210
Oh yeah, I'm gonna do this because I want to.
00:43:03.530 --> 00:43:07.369
So to me, I feel like I defy my own freedom.
00:43:07.690 --> 00:43:22.250
So, Brittany, as we start to close, if your future self could thank today's Brittany for one decision she's making right now, what would you hope she'd say?
00:43:22.570 --> 00:43:23.929
Oh my goodness.
00:43:24.250 --> 00:43:40.809
I think she would say thank you for always putting yourself first and doing what you feel is right, even if it wasn't the most popular or socially accepted thing to do.
00:43:41.130 --> 00:43:45.289
And thank you for this journey, which has taught us so much.
00:43:45.530 --> 00:43:47.289
That's what I hope she will say.
00:43:48.010 --> 00:43:48.970
I love that.
00:43:49.289 --> 00:44:02.650
And for someone who's listening to this conversation and has been inspired by any and all of what they heard, what other nugget, if there is one, that you would want to leave them with?
00:44:02.970 --> 00:44:08.809
So, number one, one thing that one of my best friends always says is that progress is not linear.
00:44:09.130 --> 00:44:14.250
And sometimes you got to go through some stuff to get what you want.
00:44:14.570 --> 00:44:20.090
And just because there are roadblocks and challenges, it doesn't mean that you have to stop.
00:44:20.250 --> 00:44:30.010
That is like personally and professionally, listen to yourself, do what makes sense, but always put your happiness first and like your goals.
00:44:30.170 --> 00:44:39.929
Now, at the same time, specifically for people who were choosing the IVF journey, because a lot of times you see women put themselves through so much.
00:44:40.329 --> 00:44:50.650
And for me, I decided that emotionally and financially and physically, I can only do two rounds.
00:44:51.450 --> 00:44:55.289
There are so many women that do four rounds, five rounds, six rounds.
00:44:55.450 --> 00:45:00.490
And if you have the resources to do that, and if that's what you really want to do, then okay.
00:45:00.730 --> 00:45:07.769
But the two most important voices you need to listen to during this process is your body and your finances.
00:45:08.170 --> 00:45:10.090
So excellent advice.
00:45:10.570 --> 00:45:17.690
Well, Brittany, thank you so much for being a guest on the Black Sit Global podcast.
00:45:17.849 --> 00:45:22.250
It has been a pleasure to get to know you throughout these years.
00:45:22.570 --> 00:45:36.409
I am super supportive and excited for this new step in your journey of womanhood, of your personal career advancement and evolution.
00:45:36.730 --> 00:45:39.849
And I look forward to the next adventures.
00:45:40.090 --> 00:45:42.090
Yes, thank you for having me.
00:45:42.329 --> 00:45:45.929
Thank you for listening to the Black Sick Global podcast.
00:45:46.090 --> 00:45:52.170
For more information on today's episode, be sure to visit our website at blacksicglal.com.
00:45:52.329 --> 00:45:59.369
It's not only possible to live out your dreams unbothered and in full color, it is your birthright.
