WEBVTT
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I think one of the biggest hacks that will make us good parents, good husbands, is if we treat our cell phones like a landline when we are supposed to be doing family time.
00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:56.260
I think this is something that I uh am regularly preaching to myself, that my wife is reminding me of, that I'm not always good at, but it's a goal of mine is to treat my cell phone like a landline.
00:00:56.500 --> 00:01:04.979
And here's why is I find that my phone is a black hole of reasons to not pay attention to my wife and kids.
00:01:05.140 --> 00:01:08.420
It's a black hole of reasons to not be fully present in what I'm doing.
00:01:08.579 --> 00:01:12.099
You're watching NBA and you're on Twitter.
00:01:12.259 --> 00:01:15.219
You're watching a show with your wife and you're checking your email.
00:01:15.379 --> 00:01:20.099
You are uh catch a moment of downtime as the kids pop out of the room and you quickly open up.
00:01:20.259 --> 00:01:29.379
Next thing you know, um your kids are talking to you, but you don't hear them because you're doing a crossword puzzle or refreshing uh to see if that thing popped up you're waiting on.
00:01:29.460 --> 00:01:46.180
And so what I find is whether it's on vacation or the weekends or nights, that in every way my cell phone is a saboteur, not an advantage in my capacity to be an emotionally present father who's trying to love my wife and my kids.
00:01:46.340 --> 00:01:48.819
And there's a sense of, will I miss out on things?
00:01:48.979 --> 00:01:50.659
People texting me, people sending me funny.
00:01:50.819 --> 00:01:51.300
Yeah, I will.
00:01:51.460 --> 00:01:52.340
I will miss out on things.
00:01:52.419 --> 00:01:59.699
But what I'm choosing is do I want to miss out on being present to my kids, or do I want to miss out on what's happening on the internet?
00:01:59.939 --> 00:02:11.379
And so one of the cues I have for myself uh in terms of self-evaluation, how good am I as a father, as a husband, is to what extent did my phone behave like a landline when I was at home?
00:02:11.539 --> 00:02:20.500
And if the answer is low, generally speaking, that's a leading indicator of how present and how available and how playful I was with my wife and my kids.
00:02:20.659 --> 00:02:27.379
And so anytime you're kind of looking for leading versus lagging indicators, I think a good leading indicator is to what extent did I have dominion over my phones?
00:02:27.539 --> 00:02:30.180
And this goes back to Genesis 1, 2, and 3, right?
00:02:30.259 --> 00:02:34.500
God puts Adam in the garden to serve and protect or work and keep.
00:02:34.659 --> 00:02:35.780
He fails to do that.
00:02:36.099 --> 00:02:44.259
The serpent comes in and begins harassing his wife through dialogue, and Adam's just with her, being passive, not interfering.
00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:51.379
And so I do think that husbands need to first have dominion over uh other made things, which is their phone.
00:02:51.459 --> 00:03:15.539
So I need to have a dominion over my phone, but then I also want to create a household culture that does the same thing, where my wife is not zoning off on her phone while I'm trying to engage, or my kids, or eventually they don't have phones yet, or that they're not zoning off, that we are a household, that our our little garden of which we are a steward is having dominion over uh made things, especially the cell phone.
00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:16.579
And so it begins with me.
00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:21.459
And so I want myself and my wife and eventually my kids to treat our cell phones like landlines.
00:03:21.539 --> 00:03:27.699
And if that means that we miss out on stuff, if we're not as engaged with what's happening outside the home, I think that is totally fine.
00:03:27.859 --> 00:03:33.859
I'm going to prioritize uh presence and ministry to my family over and against other people.
00:03:33.939 --> 00:03:37.459
And if that makes them disappointed me, then so be it.
00:03:37.620 --> 00:03:40.500
They can come over to my house and knock on the door if they really need to.
00:03:40.659 --> 00:03:48.340
I can also hack my notifications in such a way, it's not really hack, it's just customized, that it rings when certain people call or do it.
00:03:48.500 --> 00:03:53.780
Like I can set my notification settings for a home that makes sure certain things get to me and other things don't get to me.
00:03:53.859 --> 00:03:55.780
And I just want that to be a priority.
00:03:55.939 --> 00:04:01.299
And so this is half a confession and me telling myself, treat yourself in like a landline, you'll be a better husband and dad.
00:04:01.459 --> 00:04:13.299
But it's also telling you, to the extent you don't treat yourself in like a landline, your kids probably constantly feel like they're fighting for your attention uh and competing with your attention against all the other people who are impinging on you.
00:04:13.459 --> 00:04:15.699
Now, there are times where my son will say, like, what are you looking at?
00:04:15.780 --> 00:04:17.459
And it's like absolutely nothing important.
00:04:17.540 --> 00:04:19.780
And I'll say, like, uh, you know, weightlifting routines.
00:04:19.860 --> 00:04:21.060
He's like, I thought you already have one of those.
00:04:21.139 --> 00:04:23.060
I'm like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been doing that.
00:04:23.139 --> 00:04:26.660
And it's kind of this awkward caught in being an idiot moment.
00:04:26.740 --> 00:04:29.540
And I think that if our kids ask us, uh, what are you doing?
00:04:29.620 --> 00:04:35.540
Because half the time I think our fit kids see us, and what they see is Apple looking at them.
00:04:35.620 --> 00:04:38.819
And there's like this fixture of what it looks like in front of them.
00:04:38.900 --> 00:04:42.420
And so it's literally a barrier to connection with our wife and our kids.
00:04:42.500 --> 00:05:00.579
And so have dominion over your digital tech vi uh digital devices, uh, treat them like a landline, and you'll find yourself being itchy and irritable for dopamine hits that you should be able to work through and settle into, and then be a present, non anxious uh father to your kids and a husband to your wife.
00:00:31.859 --> 00:00:43.859
I think one of the biggest hacks that will make us good parents, good husbands, is if we treat our cell phones like a landline when we are supposed to be doing family time.
00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:56.260
I think this is something that I uh am regularly preaching to myself, that my wife is reminding me of, that I'm not always good at, but it's a goal of mine is to treat my cell phone like a landline.
00:00:56.500 --> 00:01:04.979
And here's why is I find that my phone is a black hole of reasons to not pay attention to my wife and kids.
00:01:05.140 --> 00:01:08.420
It's a black hole of reasons to not be fully present in what I'm doing.
00:01:08.579 --> 00:01:12.099
You're watching NBA and you're on Twitter.
00:01:12.259 --> 00:01:15.219
You're watching a show with your wife and you're checking your email.
00:01:15.379 --> 00:01:20.099
You are uh catch a moment of downtime as the kids pop out of the room and you quickly open up.
00:01:20.259 --> 00:01:29.379
Next thing you know, um your kids are talking to you, but you don't hear them because you're doing a crossword puzzle or refreshing uh to see if that thing popped up you're waiting on.
00:01:29.460 --> 00:01:46.180
And so what I find is whether it's on vacation or the weekends or nights, that in every way my cell phone is a saboteur, not an advantage in my capacity to be an emotionally present father who's trying to love my wife and my kids.
00:01:46.340 --> 00:01:48.819
And there's a sense of, will I miss out on things?
00:01:48.979 --> 00:01:50.659
People texting me, people sending me funny.
00:01:50.819 --> 00:01:51.300
Yeah, I will.
00:01:51.460 --> 00:01:52.340
I will miss out on things.
00:01:52.419 --> 00:01:59.699
But what I'm choosing is do I want to miss out on being present to my kids, or do I want to miss out on what's happening on the internet?
00:01:59.939 --> 00:02:11.379
And so one of the cues I have for myself uh in terms of self-evaluation, how good am I as a father, as a husband, is to what extent did my phone behave like a landline when I was at home?
00:02:11.539 --> 00:02:20.500
And if the answer is low, generally speaking, that's a leading indicator of how present and how available and how playful I was with my wife and my kids.
00:02:20.659 --> 00:02:27.379
And so anytime you're kind of looking for leading versus lagging indicators, I think a good leading indicator is to what extent did I have dominion over my phones?
00:02:27.539 --> 00:02:30.180
And this goes back to Genesis 1, 2, and 3, right?
00:02:30.259 --> 00:02:34.500
God puts Adam in the garden to serve and protect or work and keep.
00:02:34.659 --> 00:02:35.780
He fails to do that.
00:02:36.099 --> 00:02:44.259
The serpent comes in and begins harassing his wife through dialogue, and Adam's just with her, being passive, not interfering.
00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:51.379
And so I do think that husbands need to first have dominion over uh other made things, which is their phone.
00:02:51.459 --> 00:03:15.539
So I need to have a dominion over my phone, but then I also want to create a household culture that does the same thing, where my wife is not zoning off on her phone while I'm trying to engage, or my kids, or eventually they don't have phones yet, or that they're not zoning off, that we are a household, that our our little garden of which we are a steward is having dominion over uh made things, especially the cell phone.
00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:16.579
And so it begins with me.
00:03:16.659 --> 00:03:21.459
And so I want myself and my wife and eventually my kids to treat our cell phones like landlines.
00:03:21.539 --> 00:03:27.699
And if that means that we miss out on stuff, if we're not as engaged with what's happening outside the home, I think that is totally fine.
00:03:27.859 --> 00:03:33.859
I'm going to prioritize uh presence and ministry to my family over and against other people.
00:03:33.939 --> 00:03:37.459
And if that makes them disappointed me, then so be it.
00:03:37.620 --> 00:03:40.500
They can come over to my house and knock on the door if they really need to.
00:03:40.659 --> 00:03:48.340
I can also hack my notifications in such a way, it's not really hack, it's just customized, that it rings when certain people call or do it.
00:03:48.500 --> 00:03:53.780
Like I can set my notification settings for a home that makes sure certain things get to me and other things don't get to me.
00:03:53.859 --> 00:03:55.780
And I just want that to be a priority.
00:03:55.939 --> 00:04:01.299
And so this is half a confession and me telling myself, treat yourself in like a landline, you'll be a better husband and dad.
00:04:01.459 --> 00:04:13.299
But it's also telling you, to the extent you don't treat yourself in like a landline, your kids probably constantly feel like they're fighting for your attention uh and competing with your attention against all the other people who are impinging on you.
00:04:13.459 --> 00:04:15.699
Now, there are times where my son will say, like, what are you looking at?
00:04:15.780 --> 00:04:17.459
And it's like absolutely nothing important.
00:04:17.540 --> 00:04:19.780
And I'll say, like, uh, you know, weightlifting routines.
00:04:19.860 --> 00:04:21.060
He's like, I thought you already have one of those.
00:04:21.139 --> 00:04:23.060
I'm like, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been doing that.
00:04:23.139 --> 00:04:26.660
And it's kind of this awkward caught in being an idiot moment.
00:04:26.740 --> 00:04:29.540
And I think that if our kids ask us, uh, what are you doing?
00:04:29.620 --> 00:04:35.540
Because half the time I think our fit kids see us, and what they see is Apple looking at them.
00:04:35.620 --> 00:04:38.819
And there's like this fixture of what it looks like in front of them.
00:04:38.900 --> 00:04:42.420
And so it's literally a barrier to connection with our wife and our kids.
00:04:42.500 --> 00:05:00.579
And so have dominion over your digital tech vi uh digital devices, uh, treat them like a landline, and you'll find yourself being itchy and irritable for dopamine hits that you should be able to work through and settle into, and then be a present, non anxious uh father to your kids and a husband to your wife.
