Stop Getting Through Your Life: Learning to Be Present for the Moments That Matter

kelly: Well, hello friends. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome to All the Lights You Found. I'm your host, Kelly McGurk. Well, I've had a great last week. I got to do a lot of fun things with people that I really care about. And it brought up for me something that I remembered really well a moment in my life. Probably like, gosh, I'm gonna go with like seven years ago, maybe, but my life had gotten so busy and so scheduled. Like I remember thinking, truthfully, that seeing my daytimer completely packed was a sign of success to me personally. the more that it was just so crammed per day, the more I felt like I was succeeding at life. And I remember being on a vacation in Hawaii with my family. And I was thinking, I remember this so specifically because it was so crazy. We were in this gorgeous, gorgeous spot and we were snorkeling, and it was just amazing. And I remember while I was snorkeling, I was thinking of the list of things that I had to do when I got home. And I was like, what is happening? I'm not even enjoying the most beautiful moment. in nature with my family and I'm thinking already about what I need to do when I get back from vacation. And that really stood out for me this week because after you know dealing with what I've done with grief and losing Mike and and my parents and all the things, I've really recognized the importance of the moments that you get to spend with people that you love. Instead of just being in them and Taking it for granted, you know, really being in it and thinking, wow, this exact time won't be back for me, right? Like not because anything terrible's happening, just because it won't. So this week I flew my nieces and myself. well, they flew in to meet me in Denver last weekend so we could go to Noah Con. And we all three love Noah Con. And it was just this really cool. Amazing experience. First of all, because my nieces are 18 and 25. And they're just amazing girls. And also because we were at this experience that all three of us loved so much. And I and we were all just singing these songs so hard. And we were laughing and we were crying. Like it was just such a beautiful experience. And I remember going, okay, like take this in. Make sure you remember this. And I've done this for quite a few years now, you know, like very special events, like my 50th birthday. I remember thinking, like, make sure you look around and notice all the people there that you love. And my daughter's wedding. I would be like, okay, stay present, stay focused as much as you can, right? Because there's so much happening. But I remember that. Like I don't want to miss this. I wanna be present for this and be aware. And it's just such a shift. To go from thinking that, you know, what's the next thing? What's my next item? Where am I going next? What do I have to do next? And just staying in these moments. Like, I've learned that there's this huge difference between having experiences and actually experiencing them. Like I've had a lot of freaking experiences, but how many I was actually present for, I can't really tell you. You know, I just have learned that my life doesn't completely need to be handled before I can enjoy it. And by enjoy it, I mean actually be in the moment and be present. cause if we keep waiting for everything to be perfect or to settle down, we may spend our whole lives waiting. You know? That's crazy. I remember watching in the office episode where he says, He's leaving and he said, I just wish we knew we were in the good old days when they were happening. And I remember that being so powerful at the time. This is years ago. And I remember thinking, like, my gosh, yes. Because how many times are we like, those were the good old days? Those were, but it could be happening every day if we pay attention. I just think about how much of my life I spent on the hamster wheel And not saying I didn't enjoy any of it or I didn't love it because I did, but I just wonder how many beautiful things in my life I experienced as something to get through or to get to the next agenda item rather than literally being present and a part of it. I think we're really good at getting through things, right? Like hard things, but also just birthday parties, parties, you know, things where we're like, oof, let's get through this. I mean. I don't know how many times I've said that to Mike, you know, we had an event or something. I'm like, well, let's get there. Let's get through this. Right. And it's like adulthood becomes this series of I'll feel better when, you know, when this week is over, or when this crazy time in my office is done, or when this calms down, or I don't know. Just when we get through this hard season, I'll be much better when. But eventually we have to ask ourselves, what exactly are we getting through it all for? like what's the next step? Because this thing that we're rushing through, it's our life. It's our life. Like, whether it's the trip to Hawaii or a concert at Noah Khan or an afternoon laughing with good friends, this is our life, right? Even the hard days at work. It's just a trap when we think about it. When everything is handled, I'll enjoy myself. You guys, especially women who are used to being responsible, caregiving. managing homes, anticipating everybody's needs, there's always something unresolved. So if your brain has decided, I can relax when the following things are done. Good luck, girls, because everything is never gonna be okay at the same time. I think we've all learned that. There's gonna be somebody that needs you, something that needs fixing, email that's waiting, somebody that's upset, laundry that's overflowing. Something at work that's being crazy and mishandled. I mean, these this is life. So maybe peace isn't the absence of unfinished crap. Maybe it's learning to be inside your life while some of it remains unfinished. And not letting that stay in your helmet and keep you from experiencing something really great right now. A coffee date with a friend, a phone call with a family member. I mean, these are like moments because we don't know day to day. what's gonna change in our life? So I was thinking about that because this week is a big week for well, a lot of things, but the reason that I was going to my brother's house to begin with is because my niece, who's 18, Evie, she is going on an exchange to Argentina in the Patagonia region, and she leaves in 10 days and she won't be back for a year. And So we were just spending quality time, her family and I jumped in on that. And and it was just, it just reminded me like, my goodness, this is such a beautiful week to be with my nieces and nephew and my brother and sister in law and really just enjoy time together and and be present and not be worried about what's gonna happen, like how what's gonna happen if I can't see her for a year. Like leaving her today. was so sad, but I just couldn't let myself go there. But I loved everything. I loved the concert with her. I loved we drove from Denver to Wyoming, my nieces and I, and we just sang Noakon the whole day after in the light of, you know, the night before. And it was just such a it was such a great experience just being this week with them. And now I've just arrived at my bestie's house because we are moving her daughter, her first, into the dorms this week. And I remember so much about when Mackenzie went to college and, you know, she's my one and only. So I was like freaking out. And she literally was 15 minutes for me, but it was such a big deal. And I was so, so, so just wanting everything to be perfect for her room and wanting everything for her to be so good. you know, of course. And And just like you know, maybe missing that actual part of that moment where she's gaining her wings, right? Because I was just so caught up in all the tasks that we needed to do. And I'm sure Mel is experiencing that this week as well. but it's just such a great thing to be a part of this as well. And so I've learned, especially in the last couple of years, how to appreciate. moments with people that you love and how to not just go, okay, this is I'll move her in and we'll get her that done. And but it's like such a special time. And I really want to focus on that in this next chapter for me. I've realized there was actually nothing I needed to do to make anything specifically more meaningful. I just needed to be there for it. I need to be present for it. I need to be I'm at dinner with my daughter and son-in-law, I need to be present and listening and talking instead of just, you know, being distracted. Like I feel like there's so many opportunities still for me to, zone in on moments, even if they're just, you know, a weekday dinner with my family, zone in on those moments and appreciate them and really make those moments to remember. I currently look back and I miss so many versions of my life. Not missed them, I miss them. Like I look back at, raising my daughter and starting businesses and you know having a family with you know with blending our family with Mike and Mike and I growing our our businesses and becoming successful together and you know going through the loss and regrouping and there's just so many Versions of my life that I loved, but this is the emotional center right now, like where I'm at today, right? I have to stay really focused on the moments. My nieces won't always be 18 and 25 and singing Noah Khan in a concert with me. My daughter won't always be 31 like she is today. Mel's daughter won't always be moving her first you know, week into college. are the moments that that I need to be very aware, and all of us need to be aware of those really important things that maybe we just don't notice because we're busy cleaning up the kitchen or we're busy thinking about what we have the next day. Life just keeps moving, guys, doesn't it? It just keeps moving at this crazy pace. I feel like this year has been such a fast year. but I think that. We notice things that were really amazing more after they're over. And I think maybe if we start to really focus in on moments that are happening as they happen, we don't have to look back and go, that was wow, that was you can still do that, but at least you remember all of it. I can say, you know, you think, I wish I could go back to that one night, or I wish I could go back to when my daughter was a baby, or I wish I could go back to, you know, when I was young and married. Like it's just But you can't do that You know, you gotta stay where you are today and really notice what's going on. I just feel like we talked about on the last episode, we meaning me, you know, but life lives. And I think just recognizing that when you're in moments in your life that you know you're gonna talk about later, like just be in it and enjoy it. Women have become incredibly Incredible at facilitating experiences without actually experiencing them. I mean, think about it. You're always worried about is there enough food? Did everybody eat? Does everybody have what they need in their bags? Did we get pictures? Does he need something? Does she need something? What time do we have to leave? you know, I mean, meanwhile, where are we in those moments when we're making sure that everybody else's experience is exactly as it should be? I personally Don't wanna be the event coordinator of my own life anymore. I wanna be one of the people who gets to live it. I don't mind making a plan, but I don't wanna be the event coordinator where everything do you know how many Thanksgivings that I've had so many people that I love in the same room and I can barely remember things that happened in it? Truthfully, because it's so crazy. And then the day's over and you're purely exhausted and it's like, my gosh, I didn't even get to have a good conversation with so-and-so or do this, you know, and it's just So this last Thanksgiving, we we went around, we do this a lot, but last year just felt really good. We went around the table, there was probably 15, 16 of us, and we all went around and said something that we were grateful for about the person sitting next to us. And I felt like everybody was just so a part of that and it was so cool. And I want to do more of that, you know, instead of the whoo, that was a long day and I'm exhausted. And what happened? I remember that time around that table. last year as being super special. So when you notice yourself rushing towards the next thing, which there's always gonna be the next thing, you guys, I want to ask myself, am I trying to get through something that I'm someday gonna wish that I could have back? Like those many Thanksgivings where, you know, it felt so stressful and so important to make sure that everything was, you know, gonna be perfect and look perfect and, you know, not even being present in it. Sometimes the answer will be hell no. Some things we really do just freaking need to survive. Let's be honest. But sometimes maybe we're gonna realize, hmm. Maybe I need to be more present in that moment, like Hawaii. Right? Maybe in Hawaii I should have been just completely in awe of my experience and what was going around me instead of thinking in my head what needed to be done next. I think like a lot of things, presence isn't one of the big huge moves, right? I talk about this a lot. It's like micro movements, you know? Presence doesn't have to mean meditation and putting my phone in a drawer or forcing gratitude. It's literally starting to notice more. That's really what it is. Presence is noticing more. Look around, who's here? Who am I grateful for that's sitting in this room right now? What are we laughing about? my gosh, I want to remember this. This is so special. I just want to know, like, hey, I'm here for it. Like I'm here for it and my head's not in 20 other places. I don't think that we are responsible to making moments more special. It's just noticing what makes them special. You know, I kind of have a thing now. Like when I have an experience with someone, I always go, okay, what was your favorite part? What was your favorite part of this weekend? What was your favorite part of the concert? What was your favorite part about today? I've noticed that because I want to remember those special things as well. I spent a lot of years trying to get everything handled so I could enjoy my life. And I'm starting to understand that everything is never going to be handled and I can still enjoy my life every day. There'll always be something waiting for me at the office, another email, another problem. There's always gonna be someone that needs something and that's okay. I'm glad to be there. But I don't wanna have experiences that I feel like I have to rush through and look back and wish I was there. So I think this week, you guys, don't try to make your life more exciting. don't add anything. Don't overbook, you know? Just catch yourself living your life in small moments when you wake up in the morning in a sunrise or before you go to bed, the sunset, or just something special that happened to you in the day and just notice it. So this week, I hope you look around and you find a little light somewhere and you notice it and you sit in it and you stay present and you enjoy it. I'm Kelly and this is all the light she found.