Worst Advice for Building Confidence: "Fake It Till You Make It"— What To Do Instead.

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What is up, welcome back to Turn it Up.
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Today's playlist is all about how can we turn down literally the worst piece of advice that is ever given to a human that we literally probably hear almost every single day, and how do we flip that.
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So I have four songs playlist for you of things that you can actually do to shift this quote, this piece of advice that we always give, how we can shift that in a way that we can actually build more confidence in ourselves.
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So I'm so excited to hang out with you today.
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I got to share I'm sitting down in my office and I have one of my favorite shirts on that I have made and I just want to share it with you because I think it's an important reminder and something that we could constantly put on repeat in our brains.
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So it's a quote that says as strong as the girl next to me and to me, what that means.
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I'd love to hear from you, like when I said that as strong as the girl next to me, like what comes to your mind.
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How said that?
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As strong as the girl next to me, like what comes to your mind, how does that?
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What does that mean to you?
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How does that make you feel For me, when I read that and I hear it and I wear it and I feel it, it just means to me that, no matter what I do for myself, it's important because it's going to inspire and support other people and becoming the best version of them, but it's really irrelevant if I am not also supporting and helping the girls and the women next to me, because I can only be so strong on my own right.
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We need the women and girls in our lives to be stronger.
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Right, there's no competition here.
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We literally all win when one of us wins, and so we get to help each other and hold each other's hands and you know, I imagine cheerleaders right, like having you put your foot in my hands and let me push you up as high as I possibly can, and so I think this is a.
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I know that this is an important message to remind ourselves of and also to remind our girls of the girls that are in our lives, that probably are struggling with some girl friendships we all do, from the time we're five years old till the time we're.
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However old we are today, it's a reality, but we get to decide how we can do things differently, and so I wanted to start with that.
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Okay, let's jump in to the literal worst piece of advice.
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I believe that we are all giving and we are all receiving, and that is fake it till you make it.
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And you may have just said that like an hour ago, and it's okay, it's okay.
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But I want to challenge us today to shift this thinking, to consider an alternative and to actually have concrete steps of what we can do so we don't have to fake it, because when we say fake it till you make it, we are sending a message to our brains that says you don't have it, you ain't it, you ain't got it, you don't have the skills, you don't have the talents, you don't have the strength to actually achieve the things that you want to achieve, unless you fake it.
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Who likes fake?
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We don't want fake people.
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We don't want fake food.
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We don't want fake food.
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We don't want fake.
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We don't want anything to be fake.
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We want things to be real.
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Why do we think that TikTok took off like crazy when it first started?
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Because people on TikTok were the most realist humans.
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There was no filters, there was no caring what you were wearing or if you fell down, or it was literally the place where people went that they felt safe.
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They felt like they could be themselves, like they could create content and nobody would judge them, but like they could go viral if they were out there, right, if they were awkward and silly and just being themselves.
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And so we realize that in our world, like we actually really want realness, we want authenticity, and yet we tell people and we tell ourselves well, you just got to fake it till you make it.
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And a lot of times that comes along with business and success and finance, like all those things.
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But it also comes from a place of confidence, right?
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You know, if you start getting nervous to go out on stage and speak on stage or to go for an interview or whatever it is for you, like when you're going to do those things, people always say like, well, just fake it till you make it.
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You'll do it.
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Just fake it Right, act like the people are all in their underwear, right.
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And we know that people mean well when they say that, but we are faking an experience because we don't have the confidence to actually be it Right.
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And so I want to challenge us that instead of faking it, because again, that sends that message to ourselves that we don't have what we need, and subconsciously, we're just reiterating to ourselves that we will never become that because we will have to fake it.
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And so we don't have to fake it till we make it.
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What if we decided that we were going to do it until we became it?
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So if we want, for example, more confidence maybe it's body confidence, maybe it's just business confidence, maybe it's whatever type of confidence in yourself for you to fully step into your power to be authentically yourself Whenever we want that why don't we do things that actually help us become it until we actually are it right?
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So do it until you become it.
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So here are four quick things that I like to do for myself.
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So I don't tell myself to fake it till you make it, because I am every single day, working on my confidence right, every single day.
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I believe that we wake up and choose confidence, because the world will constantly be right, pushing us down, telling us that we can't, we're not good enough, yada, yada, yada.
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And so it's a conscious decision every single day to say I am going to show up as the most confident version of me, and it's a daily practice, it has to become a habit.
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And so when I'm sharing these things with you, I want you to hear not me preaching at you and telling you what to do because I've mastered it, but sharing with you what I do and what I'm currently doing on my lifelong journey of building confidence within myself.
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And that is all different types of confidence.
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And again, y'all know that I'm obsessed and my expertise and everything is in body confidence, and so I often think that's where my mind automatically goes.
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But this goes for any sort of confidence.
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So one of the things that we can do until we become it is take loving actions.
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You know, one of the things a lot of people talk about is how you know you should love your body.
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But that sounds great, but I can't just wake up tomorrow and be like I love my body because I'm not going to mean it.
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Okay, now, tomorrow I might mean it.
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I've worked really, really hard over several years to try to get in that mindset, but there's a lot of mornings where I don't love my body.
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And sure, I can sit here and say I love my body, I love my body, I love my body, but it's not true, and in my soul and in my mind I know that.
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So saying that over and over again isn't going to support me.
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So instead, what I get to do is I get to take loving actions towards my body, and you can also take loving actions towards all different types of areas of your life.
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So, for example, what that would mean for me the loving actions are eating a vegetable, right?
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If I'm taking loving actions towards my body, if I don't love my body today, I'm not confident in my body today.
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I don't have to fake it.
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I don't have to fake like I'm in love with my body.
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But what I can do is I can take loving actions towards my body because that's going to send a signal to my body and to my mind like, hey, I love you enough to do these things for you.
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So think about it.
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It's like similar with what your kids or your spouse or your friend, like whoever in your life.
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Sometimes you're like homie, like what are you doing?
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You are driving me insane, right?
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And but at the same time, we can take loving actions towards them because we're like I know I love you and tomorrow I'm going to forget that you're driving me nuts today.
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So I'm still going to take loving actions towards you, and so the same goes for ourselves.
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We can take loving actions towards ourselves.
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So maybe it's eating a veggie, maybe it's taking a walk, maybe it's just laying down binging some you know some Hallmark Christmas movies, maybe it's just playing with our kids.
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Whatever it is that we're signaling to ourselves like, hey, I'm not at the point.
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I'm not at that point right now, but I want you to know that I am taking loving action towards you, and so that often helps me not feel like I have to fake it, but rather that I'm doing things that make me feel better, that are loving, even if I'm not in love with my body or my confidence.
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The other thing I like to do is remind myself, similar to what I was just sharing, that affirmations are cool.
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Okay, they're great.
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Yay, love, I love me.
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Like I'm brave, I'm smart.
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Those are cool, okay, they're great.
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Yay, love, I love me.
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Like I'm brave, I'm smart.
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Those are cool, but what I really have found is that they don't work for me.
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I find that they're fluffy, I find that you know, they, they, I don't believe them, right, like, like I said, I could wake up tomorrow and be like I love my body, but if I look in the mirror and actually I'm not seeing anything that I love, and that's okay.
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If that happens, then saying over and over again I love my body, I love my body, I love my body isn't going to make it real.
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I'm just literally faking these affirmations that are realistic but also push me right.
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So maybe I can't say today I love my body, but what I can say is that I love the effort that I've put in to myself up until this point and I have the ability to make choices for myself today that will make me proud.
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That's my affirmation, or maybe our affirmation, if we're working really hard on creating our confidence around our business and maybe we struggle and we're trying to fake it right Of like, oh my gosh, I have the most successful business ever and really we're struggling.
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We're like I have negative $150 in my bank account and I don't know how I'm going to build this business and I don't even know if this is right for me, and yada, yada, yada, and we go on these long tangents about why we can't do something.
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And yet then we say I'm a successful business owner, I make a million dollars, I am the top of my company, like what?
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No, you're never going to believe those things if your reality is so opposite.
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So we get to.
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Instead, if you're in that situation, then we create an affirmation that helps us do things to become it right.
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Not fake it till you make it, but do it till you become it.
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We're doing things and saying things like maybe I have the strength and the skills to build a wildly successful business and I am taking the actions today to do so.
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Bam, right, I can believe that because I'm in control of that.
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I'm in control of the choices that I make today.
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So if you are one of those people that often hear fake it till you make it, or you are saying that a lot to yourself and it's not working for you, try shifting the affirmations that you're saying to something that is more believable and in your control, that your body, like your body feels it when it feels right, when it's honest, and so shifting that, do it till you become it Okay, honest, and so shifting that, do it till you become it Okay.
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The third thing is learn, practice, preach, repeat, repeat.
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That's hard to say.
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Learn, practice, preach, repeat, okay.
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I could totally make a dance to that.
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Learn, practice, preach, repeat.
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Learn, practice, preach, repeat, okay.
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Anyways, what I mean by this is oftentimes when we lack confidence in ourselves.
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It's just, it's a competence issue.
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It has more to do with us not believing that we know enough.
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And now let's be honest as women, we always feel like we have to have another certification, another training, another course, another degree, another initial behind our name, like there's always something we always feel like we aren't enough.
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And we got to shift that.
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And we do know a lot of things.
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But if we are struggling with our confidence, one of the best things that we can do is dive in deeper into the things that are really important to us.
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So if we're lacking confidence, for example, in our body image, let's read more about body image.
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Let's dig into the research, let's get really really well versed on all the different thoughts and aspects of body image and confidence.
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If we're struggling with our business, let's dig deep into how to build a successful business, how to shift your mindset to build a successful business.
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If we're struggling with our relationships, let's read more and listen more and dive into more about how we can have healthy, successful relationships.
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And so a lot of times, what I find is that we're just kind of stuck.
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We're just kind of stuck feeling like we're not learning enough and we're not up to date on all of the information.
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At least that's how I have felt.
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And so when I dig in, when I find myself struggling with feeling like I need to fake it because I'm like I'm not as smart as these other people, I'm not as well versed in all these things that these other people are, I like to just go all in on learning and reading and listening.
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So that way I'm like yo, I know this stuff, like I know this, like the back of my hand, I got this, like I can do this.
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So it's learning.
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Then it's practicing.
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Right, don't just read to read, don't just take a course to take a course, don't just hire a coach just to hire a coach.
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You got to listen, you got to learn it, and then we got to apply it, we got to practice.
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So body confidence is a daily practice.
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We get to show up and practice these habits to build that confidence within ourselves.
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We get to practice building the business.
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We get to practice not perfect it, but practice it.
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And then I throw in here preach, because I think what's really, really helped me a lot in my journey is when I share the message with other people because I get passionate.
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If you've listened to the podcast for a while, you know your homegirl gets crazy, like into it.
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I get a little preachy, I start sweating, like this is my jam, like I absolutely love sharing all the things about body confidence and raising confident girls and health and wellness.
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It just lights my soul on fire.
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And so when I can get that preachy, when I can start sharing that, that I'm so passionate about it, it instills in me so much more confidence to where I'm not faking it.
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This is me sharing me.
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So if we learn something and we practice it, then we get to share it, and that's what I mean by preach.
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Share it with other humans, whether it's your kids.
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Sometimes I talk to my dogs.
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Okay, talk to your dogs.
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Preach to your spouse, get on podcasts and share your message.
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Whatever you can do to talk about the things that you're working on becoming more confident in so you're not faking it, the more successful you are going to feel, the more confident you are going to feel in your body with the information that you're sharing.
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And then the last thing is obviously repeat.
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That's what we always got to do, right?
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This isn't about perfecting anything, because this is a constant work in progress.
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So that's number three is learn, practice, preach, repeat.
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Got it Okay?
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Finally, the last thing I want to share with you, so that way we are no longer faking it till we make it, is we are going to use habits and rituals that actually create instant confidence.
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Okay, confidence is a trust and belief in ourselves, and it's a long-term game.
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Right, we're learning, we're practicing, we're preaching, we're repeating.
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That's a long-term process, that's lifelong.
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So what can we do, though, in the short term?
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So that way, if you're about to go out on stage, or you're about to get on a podcast, or you're about to give a speech or go for an interview or present to your colleagues, whatever your situation is, how can you create instant confidence to help you in that moment, so you don't have to feel like you fake it.
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And there are several habits and rituals that I share often, and I'll continue to share here on the podcast, but one of the things that you can listen to an older episode that I have shared is my five-step confidence ritual, and that is like a pregame.
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You know, if you think again, go listen to the full episode, you'll get all the details, but it's essentially the idea that before every game that an athlete plays right, she's going to play soccer and she goes out onto the field and she does certain things right, whether it's clapping her hands, it's kneeling, it's, you know, listening to a song, it's warming up a certain way, it's, whatever she does something specific.
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A football player goes out, might have to wear certain cleats, or they might have to wear their hair a certain way, or they might have to hear a certain song, or they have to do some sort of like handshake.
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All of these athletes have a pregame ritual that take them from being who they are in everyday life to being that confident athlete who is ready to perform, who is ready to compete, who is trusting and believing in themselves to go out and do incredible things.
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We are no different.
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We can create these pregame rituals for instant confidence, and so this five-step system uses your senses to see certain things and hear certain things and do different things in five minutes with five different things, to create some instant confidence as a pregame ritual to get you in the zone of.
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I am about to do this and I'm going to nail this, and so I encourage you to go back and listen to that episode and consider what other types of habits and rituals are things that you maybe currently do that you've never really thought of, that actually do create more confidence for you.
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Maybe they do spike your energy, maybe they do like, make you feel like a million bucks, and I would encourage you to take those things and start doing them in moments where you really are feeling like you have to fake it and use those things instead to shift your mindset and step into that confident version of you.
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Okay, so we're remixing the fake it till you make it right.
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So we've remixed that whole idea of faking it till you make it to saying we're going to do it until we become it and we're going to use these four simple strategies the loving actions, the affirmations that you believe, the learn, practice, preach, repeat and using habits and rituals and we're going to take those things and we are going to use them consistently.
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So we are no longer encouraging ourselves or others to fake it till you make it, so we can actually do it until we become it, because you don't have to go search for your confidence.
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You don't have to go look for the confident version of yourself.
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You don't have to search for it and look in books or look at other people and hope that one day you're just going to find it.
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Or tomorrow you're going to wake up in the morning and you're going to be like I'm so confident it is never, ever, ever going to happen.
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I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that is the reality.
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Your confidence is already inside of you.
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It's already right there.
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You don't have to go find it.
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All you have to do is make the decision that you are going to unleash it, that you are going to believe in yourself, you are going to trust in yourself that you can do the things to become that version of you, because she is already right inside of you.
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So no more faking it till you make it.
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We are doing it until we become it, and we are using simple strategies to create that confidence, to unleash that confidence in the short term as we are building lifelong confidence.
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Got it, get it Good.
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All right, sister, all right.
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I would love to hear from you If this episode, or any episode you've listened to, hit a nerve or you're like oh yes, I needed that.
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I would love to hear from you whether you just want to hit me up on social.
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Send me a text here, drop a review.
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All the things are so supportive and helpful for me.
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I don't want to just talk at you, I want to talk with you.
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So talk back, sister, use your voice, turn it up, let's go.
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All right, I will see you here in the next.
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I won't see you, that's just a habit that I have of saying see you.
00:23:11.884 --> 00:23:16.765
I will not see you, but I will get to chat with you on the next episode, and I so look forward to doing that.
00:23:16.765 --> 00:23:18.288
So remember that you are pretty powerful.
00:23:18.288 --> 00:23:25.684
Now turn up the volume on your confidence and on your habits and let's unleash that confident version of you.
00:23:25.684 --> 00:23:27.967
All right, bye, friend.