WEBVTT
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This leads us nicely, I think, to the next theme, which is the nice guy problem.
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:10.880
And we have talked about the nice guy problem on a few different episodes in the show.
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:16.800
I don't think this problem just applies to guys, but in this film, we're looking at it through a guy's point of view.
00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:26.160
And of course, this is the idea that many guys feel uncomfortable with their own aggression or their own ability to assert themselves.
00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:28.640
Indeed, maybe they don't ever assert themselves.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:33.439
That could be again in a work context, a familial context, a romantic context.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:34.719
They just don't know how to use it.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:40.560
They don't know how to express themselves romantically to a woman in a way that's respectful.
00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:42.799
They don't know how to go after what they want.
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:46.560
They might not know how to like lay down reasonable boundaries for themselves.
00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:49.679
They don't know they're uncomfortable with taking risks.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:01:11.680
And so the strategy that they might adopt, and it's a reasonable strategy, is to be like quite agreeable, to be dependable, to be reliable, but to never really express what you really want at your core, especially if that is maybe expressing a particularly vulnerable part of you, or if it involves taking a risk.
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.319
So this is the problem of being a nice guy.
00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:17.840
Now, the nice guy, in my view, is kind of a myth.
00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:29.840
You know, I think in some sense there are no nice guys because we're there are no nice people because we're all really quite uh aggressive creatures.
00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:36.400
I think human beings are quite aggressive creatures, and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad sense, I mean we want things.
00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:39.760
We are the dominant species on the planet.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:54.400
Human beings want things, they want they have goals which they want to pursue, and we can pursue those goals in healthier ways, or we can pursue them in less healthy, more like domineering ways, but nevertheless, we do want to pursue them.
00:01:54.480 --> 00:02:04.400
And I think if you disown or suppress or repress your healthy aggression, generally speaking, you're gonna have bad consequences.
00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:09.520
And I really learned this when I worked uh on a forensic ward during my psychiatric training.
00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:15.360
I worked on a forensic ward with men who had committed very, very severe crimes.
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:32.960
And again, your fantasy about working in a place like that, what you might observe from watching movies, is you you walk onto a ward like that and you think you're gonna see really kind of quite monstrous, monstrously strong people, like very intimidating people.
00:02:33.439 --> 00:02:46.800
And sometimes that was true, but mostly what I found was when you really looked at these men and you observed how they interacted with themselves and and other people, is they were quite weak in a lot of ways.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:49.120
They were profoundly weak in many ways.
00:02:49.360 --> 00:03:04.319
And I I think in many cases it's actually profound weakness that leads to monstrous acts, profound discomfort with self, profound discomfort with one's relationship to others, profound discomfort with one's relationship to the world.
00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:13.919
These are the kinds of processes taken to an extreme level that can lead to extreme acts of violence, self-harm, things like that.
00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:16.560
And this is again what you see in this film.
00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:24.479
So Bear is weak in the sense he doesn't know how to assert himself romantically or even really assert himself in the world.
00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:31.439
And even when Nikki gives him the perfect opportunity to express how he feels, he he can't do it.
00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:35.360
Nikki, wait, I was gonna ask you, um, what?
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:38.719
I I lost my train of thought.
00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:42.639
And it's in that moment of weakness that he resorts to the the one wish willow.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:48.159
In his mind, at the time, he probably did think it wasn't gonna work, and again, you can relate to it to some degree.
00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:56.479
It's this sense of, well, I can't do it myself, I need help, you know, I need to use this object to try and wish this thing into existence.
00:03:56.639 --> 00:04:01.599
Again, that's such a symptom of living in fantasy, wanting to wish something into existence.
00:04:01.919 --> 00:04:45.040
Uh, and up until up until this point, you can probably relate to Bear's character, but once Nikki is transformed and she's under this spell and she's obsessed with him, and you continue going down this path with Bear, it becomes increasingly difficult to relate to him, and increasingly difficult to be on his side, because from the events of the film, it becomes pretty clear again that Nikki is an unwilling participant, that this spell is very this spell is very corrupting, she's in a very, very bad position, and yet Bear continues to go along with it, and he continues to try and see if he can make this new version of reality work.
00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:51.600
The other thing I did find relatable is the sense in the film that sometimes we do something wrong, don't we?
00:04:51.759 --> 00:05:03.680
We do something wrong, and we hope we can somehow make that wrong thing work, but we know in our heart of hearts that it's not going to work, and we persist with it anyway.
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:17.199
Now, obviously, the events in this film are pretty extreme, but again, the sense of I've I've done something inherently wrong, I've started from a wrong starting point, and I'm gonna try and make it work anyway, and of course, it never really works.
00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:42.319
And what you're seeing is a guy who has never really cultivated his strengths, he's never really cultivated his healthy aggression, and it's from this point of weakness that he does one act that's you know, moment of weakness, and then a series of increasingly more disturbing acts following that, you know, ignoring all of the feedback from his friends, telling him, you know, I think you're going in the wrong direction with this.
00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:47.040
It's weird how you two are dating all of a sudden, like super dating.
00:05:47.279 --> 00:05:55.519
Another sign that perhaps you're not going down on the right path if everyone in your life is telling you you're not, and things get worse from there.
00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:56.879
So there is no nice guy.
00:05:57.040 --> 00:06:07.439
Being nice in certain contexts is great, being nice is great for a position of strength, and actually being in a position of strength will put you in a much better position to be nice.
00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:13.759
But what someone should avoid doing is being nice as a strategy to be liked.
00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:15.600
So that's the key distinction.
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:22.639
You should be nice for its own sake because it's nice to be nice, it's nice to be generous, it's nice to help people.
00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:35.920
Um, but the nice guy issue is when you're nice as a strategy because you don't really feel good about yourself, and you think you'll feel good about yourself if people will like you, and if you and you think if you're nice, then people will like you.
00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:38.079
So that's the key distinction that you need to make.
00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:55.920
And of course, as I said before, it's not just a problem that affects guys, there are many women who are also hyper-agreeable, and I think it's something that many, many people in a modern society need to think about because modern society does tend to promote this kind of excessively, in my view.
00:06:56.079 --> 00:07:08.319
And I think not everyone, but many of us could benefit from developing a bit more of an edge and a bit more of a willingness to take risks, you know, say what we want and step outside of our comfort zone a little bit.
00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:17.279
And the last theme we're talking about when it comes to this film is the theme of validation and identity and how relationships affect that.
00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:24.639
You know, do we need relationships, especially romantic relationships, to feel good about ourselves and to strengthen our identity?
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.439
And I think I'm a bit 50-50 on this.
00:07:27.519 --> 00:07:48.720
You know, human beings are relational creatures, relationships are an essential part of what it means to be human, and that's why it's such a problem that we are living in much more atomized, isolated societies, much more isolated existences, because relationships are so central to human psychology.
00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:57.040
So, in a way, I don't buy into the lone wolf idea that we should be able to be totally independent islands, free of relationships.
00:07:57.120 --> 00:07:58.399
That doesn't really make sense.
00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:12.639
On the other hand, I don't think it makes sense to look to relationships, especially a single romantic relationship with one particular person as our sole source of feeling good and our sole source of self-worth.
00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:15.040
I think that's always a very, very risky thing to do.
00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:21.759
Yeah, when it comes to self-worth, as I've talked about, you know, I did a whole podcast about self-hate and self-worth in the past few weeks.
00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:23.839
So if you're interested in that, you can check it out.
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:34.240
But I generally think it's worth going through a process of figuring out what it is you care about and then trying to make that sense of what you care about, that sense of your own values, into a reality.
00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:37.519
So maybe you really, really do enjoy helping people.
00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:43.919
Maybe it brings you a lot of fascination and engagement and joy, and then you make that into a reality in some way in your life.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:52.879
That could be something as simple as volunteering at a local community center, or could be going into a helping profession, like being a teacher or someone in healthcare or something like that.
00:08:53.120 --> 00:09:07.600
So you're figuring out what you're about, and there'll be lots of different things you're about, and then making those things into a reality, and then that kind of process is, I think, very powerful for attracting people and bringing people into your life.
00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:20.559
For most people, a lot of what they will care about will be related to other people, and so it's kind of an inevitable consequence of working on this kind of stuff that you will be able to form connections with people.
00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:27.519
Again, similar to the nice guy thing, I think the mistake is looking for other people as a well of self-worth you draw from.
00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:32.480
Like if another person uh approves of me, then I feel really good about myself.
00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:34.240
I don't think that's the right part.
00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:44.399
You want to contribute to other people and care about other people, but not depend on any one single person for your validation, or maybe even just depend on people in general for their approval.
00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:51.120
The best book about this, of course, is The Courage to Be Disliked, which is a book I've talked about before on the podcast.
00:09:51.279 --> 00:10:11.279
And again, it generates these very, very fine distinctions between living your life for the approval of other people versus living a life of contribution and self-examination where you think about what's important to you, make that a reality, and part of that often is contributing to other people and contributing to society.
00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:18.720
And doing that, you'll find some people will like you, some people will dislike you, most people will be indifferent to you, and that's okay.
00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:26.240
As long as you're not doing anything extreme, of course, as long as you're not trying to provoke people, which actually some people do have that problem.
00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:32.960
Some people actually try and provoke people and get their dislike, which is a whole other kettle of it's a whole other kettle of fish.
00:10:33.200 --> 00:10:42.320
The key is that you're not other people's opinions about you aren't your orienting principle, they're not your radar, they're not your map or your North Star.
00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:58.159
You're you're building and cultivating your own intuition as to what makes sense and how to live life, and that will for many people involve contribution, and then you know, some people will love you for it, and some people won't, and that's fine.
00:10:58.480 --> 00:11:06.559
Maybe the last thing I'd say is could this film be especially relevant for a younger audience, uh, maybe a Gen Z audience?
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:21.279
And I would say probably yes, and the reason why is I think you know the problems spelled out in this film have been plaguing young people forever, and again, if it's not happening in a supernatural context, it's mostly fine and harmless, and people grow out of it.
00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:36.799
But I think young people now are especially vulnerable to these kinds of problems because you know, we talked about fantasy earlier, we now live in a fantasy world, like social media is a fantasy world, video games are a fantasy world.
00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:43.759
Increasingly, we have the technologies that allow us to live in a bubble and live in a fantasy.
00:11:44.080 --> 00:11:51.120
People are increasingly getting into relationships less, it appears, and having less first hand relationship experience.
00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:57.840
And when you have less experience, first hand experience again, that lends itself to living in a fantasy life.
00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:12.559
Having that experience makes more people prone, more men prone to that nice guy problem because they never figure out how to express themselves romantically, therefore, more likely to be nice guys or nice girls.
00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:24.559
What someone, you know, a few decades ago might have experienced in their late teens, early 20s, possibly some people are still experiencing this dynamic in their late 20s, early 30s, and beyond.
00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:29.519
So if you're a young person listening, go watch this film and learn the lessons from this film.
00:12:29.600 --> 00:12:30.799
They're actually really cool.
00:12:30.960 --> 00:12:36.159
And I think the key practical takeaway for me would be get that first-hand experience, you know.
00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:39.519
Go out, take risks, uh, respect people.
00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:46.799
Obviously, you're always going to be thinking about consent and making sure that uh a relationship you form with someone is a win-win.
00:12:46.879 --> 00:13:01.279
But beyond that, get as much experience as you can, make mistakes, especially when you're young, because that is how you get out of the fantasy world and into the reality world and learn exactly what dating is about and what getting into a relationship is about.
00:13:01.440 --> 00:13:10.320
And then once you're in a relationship and you're out of that first phase of the relationship, the falling in love, obsessional phase, don't run away straight away.
00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:26.320
See what it's like to actually be in a relationship with a real flawed three dimensional person and see if you can keep that enthusiasm and that common vision you might have had with that person as your North Star and build something with them despite the flaws, and then you get into much richer territory, I think.
00:00:00.080 --> 00:00:04.959
This leads us nicely, I think, to the next theme, which is the nice guy problem.
00:00:05.120 --> 00:00:10.880
And we have talked about the nice guy problem on a few different episodes in the show.
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:16.800
I don't think this problem just applies to guys, but in this film, we're looking at it through a guy's point of view.
00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:26.160
And of course, this is the idea that many guys feel uncomfortable with their own aggression or their own ability to assert themselves.
00:00:26.320 --> 00:00:28.640
Indeed, maybe they don't ever assert themselves.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:33.439
That could be again in a work context, a familial context, a romantic context.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:34.719
They just don't know how to use it.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:40.560
They don't know how to express themselves romantically to a woman in a way that's respectful.
00:00:40.719 --> 00:00:42.799
They don't know how to go after what they want.
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:46.560
They might not know how to like lay down reasonable boundaries for themselves.
00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:49.679
They don't know they're uncomfortable with taking risks.
00:00:49.920 --> 00:01:11.680
And so the strategy that they might adopt, and it's a reasonable strategy, is to be like quite agreeable, to be dependable, to be reliable, but to never really express what you really want at your core, especially if that is maybe expressing a particularly vulnerable part of you, or if it involves taking a risk.
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:14.319
So this is the problem of being a nice guy.
00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:17.840
Now, the nice guy, in my view, is kind of a myth.
00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:29.840
You know, I think in some sense there are no nice guys because we're there are no nice people because we're all really quite uh aggressive creatures.
00:01:29.920 --> 00:01:36.400
I think human beings are quite aggressive creatures, and I don't necessarily mean that in a bad sense, I mean we want things.
00:01:37.439 --> 00:01:39.760
We are the dominant species on the planet.
00:01:39.920 --> 00:01:54.400
Human beings want things, they want they have goals which they want to pursue, and we can pursue those goals in healthier ways, or we can pursue them in less healthy, more like domineering ways, but nevertheless, we do want to pursue them.
00:01:54.480 --> 00:02:04.400
And I think if you disown or suppress or repress your healthy aggression, generally speaking, you're gonna have bad consequences.
00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:09.520
And I really learned this when I worked uh on a forensic ward during my psychiatric training.
00:02:09.599 --> 00:02:15.360
I worked on a forensic ward with men who had committed very, very severe crimes.
00:02:15.680 --> 00:02:32.960
And again, your fantasy about working in a place like that, what you might observe from watching movies, is you you walk onto a ward like that and you think you're gonna see really kind of quite monstrous, monstrously strong people, like very intimidating people.
00:02:33.439 --> 00:02:46.800
And sometimes that was true, but mostly what I found was when you really looked at these men and you observed how they interacted with themselves and and other people, is they were quite weak in a lot of ways.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:49.120
They were profoundly weak in many ways.
00:02:49.360 --> 00:03:04.319
And I I think in many cases it's actually profound weakness that leads to monstrous acts, profound discomfort with self, profound discomfort with one's relationship to others, profound discomfort with one's relationship to the world.
00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:13.919
These are the kinds of processes taken to an extreme level that can lead to extreme acts of violence, self-harm, things like that.
00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:16.560
And this is again what you see in this film.
00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:24.479
So Bear is weak in the sense he doesn't know how to assert himself romantically or even really assert himself in the world.
00:03:24.719 --> 00:03:31.439
And even when Nikki gives him the perfect opportunity to express how he feels, he he can't do it.
00:03:31.840 --> 00:03:35.360
Nikki, wait, I was gonna ask you, um, what?
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:38.719
I I lost my train of thought.
00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:42.639
And it's in that moment of weakness that he resorts to the the one wish willow.
00:03:42.879 --> 00:03:48.159
In his mind, at the time, he probably did think it wasn't gonna work, and again, you can relate to it to some degree.
00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:56.479
It's this sense of, well, I can't do it myself, I need help, you know, I need to use this object to try and wish this thing into existence.
00:03:56.639 --> 00:04:01.599
Again, that's such a symptom of living in fantasy, wanting to wish something into existence.
00:04:01.919 --> 00:04:45.040
Uh, and up until up until this point, you can probably relate to Bear's character, but once Nikki is transformed and she's under this spell and she's obsessed with him, and you continue going down this path with Bear, it becomes increasingly difficult to relate to him, and increasingly difficult to be on his side, because from the events of the film, it becomes pretty clear again that Nikki is an unwilling participant, that this spell is very this spell is very corrupting, she's in a very, very bad position, and yet Bear continues to go along with it, and he continues to try and see if he can make this new version of reality work.
00:04:45.680 --> 00:04:51.600
The other thing I did find relatable is the sense in the film that sometimes we do something wrong, don't we?
00:04:51.759 --> 00:05:03.680
We do something wrong, and we hope we can somehow make that wrong thing work, but we know in our heart of hearts that it's not going to work, and we persist with it anyway.
00:05:03.920 --> 00:05:17.199
Now, obviously, the events in this film are pretty extreme, but again, the sense of I've I've done something inherently wrong, I've started from a wrong starting point, and I'm gonna try and make it work anyway, and of course, it never really works.
00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:42.319
And what you're seeing is a guy who has never really cultivated his strengths, he's never really cultivated his healthy aggression, and it's from this point of weakness that he does one act that's you know, moment of weakness, and then a series of increasingly more disturbing acts following that, you know, ignoring all of the feedback from his friends, telling him, you know, I think you're going in the wrong direction with this.
00:05:42.639 --> 00:05:47.040
It's weird how you two are dating all of a sudden, like super dating.
00:05:47.279 --> 00:05:55.519
Another sign that perhaps you're not going down on the right path if everyone in your life is telling you you're not, and things get worse from there.
00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:56.879
So there is no nice guy.
00:05:57.040 --> 00:06:07.439
Being nice in certain contexts is great, being nice is great for a position of strength, and actually being in a position of strength will put you in a much better position to be nice.
00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:13.759
But what someone should avoid doing is being nice as a strategy to be liked.
00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:15.600
So that's the key distinction.
00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:22.639
You should be nice for its own sake because it's nice to be nice, it's nice to be generous, it's nice to help people.
00:06:22.879 --> 00:06:35.920
Um, but the nice guy issue is when you're nice as a strategy because you don't really feel good about yourself, and you think you'll feel good about yourself if people will like you, and if you and you think if you're nice, then people will like you.
00:06:36.079 --> 00:06:38.079
So that's the key distinction that you need to make.
00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:55.920
And of course, as I said before, it's not just a problem that affects guys, there are many women who are also hyper-agreeable, and I think it's something that many, many people in a modern society need to think about because modern society does tend to promote this kind of excessively, in my view.
00:06:56.079 --> 00:07:08.319
And I think not everyone, but many of us could benefit from developing a bit more of an edge and a bit more of a willingness to take risks, you know, say what we want and step outside of our comfort zone a little bit.
00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:17.279
And the last theme we're talking about when it comes to this film is the theme of validation and identity and how relationships affect that.
00:07:17.519 --> 00:07:24.639
You know, do we need relationships, especially romantic relationships, to feel good about ourselves and to strengthen our identity?
00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.439
And I think I'm a bit 50-50 on this.
00:07:27.519 --> 00:07:48.720
You know, human beings are relational creatures, relationships are an essential part of what it means to be human, and that's why it's such a problem that we are living in much more atomized, isolated societies, much more isolated existences, because relationships are so central to human psychology.
00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:57.040
So, in a way, I don't buy into the lone wolf idea that we should be able to be totally independent islands, free of relationships.
00:07:57.120 --> 00:07:58.399
That doesn't really make sense.
00:07:58.639 --> 00:08:12.639
On the other hand, I don't think it makes sense to look to relationships, especially a single romantic relationship with one particular person as our sole source of feeling good and our sole source of self-worth.
00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:15.040
I think that's always a very, very risky thing to do.
00:08:15.199 --> 00:08:21.759
Yeah, when it comes to self-worth, as I've talked about, you know, I did a whole podcast about self-hate and self-worth in the past few weeks.
00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:23.839
So if you're interested in that, you can check it out.
00:08:24.079 --> 00:08:34.240
But I generally think it's worth going through a process of figuring out what it is you care about and then trying to make that sense of what you care about, that sense of your own values, into a reality.
00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:37.519
So maybe you really, really do enjoy helping people.
00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:43.919
Maybe it brings you a lot of fascination and engagement and joy, and then you make that into a reality in some way in your life.
00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:52.879
That could be something as simple as volunteering at a local community center, or could be going into a helping profession, like being a teacher or someone in healthcare or something like that.
00:08:53.120 --> 00:09:07.600
So you're figuring out what you're about, and there'll be lots of different things you're about, and then making those things into a reality, and then that kind of process is, I think, very powerful for attracting people and bringing people into your life.
00:09:07.919 --> 00:09:20.559
For most people, a lot of what they will care about will be related to other people, and so it's kind of an inevitable consequence of working on this kind of stuff that you will be able to form connections with people.
00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:27.519
Again, similar to the nice guy thing, I think the mistake is looking for other people as a well of self-worth you draw from.
00:09:27.679 --> 00:09:32.480
Like if another person uh approves of me, then I feel really good about myself.
00:09:32.639 --> 00:09:34.240
I don't think that's the right part.
00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:44.399
You want to contribute to other people and care about other people, but not depend on any one single person for your validation, or maybe even just depend on people in general for their approval.
00:09:44.639 --> 00:09:51.120
The best book about this, of course, is The Courage to Be Disliked, which is a book I've talked about before on the podcast.
00:09:51.279 --> 00:10:11.279
And again, it generates these very, very fine distinctions between living your life for the approval of other people versus living a life of contribution and self-examination where you think about what's important to you, make that a reality, and part of that often is contributing to other people and contributing to society.
00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:18.720
And doing that, you'll find some people will like you, some people will dislike you, most people will be indifferent to you, and that's okay.
00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:26.240
As long as you're not doing anything extreme, of course, as long as you're not trying to provoke people, which actually some people do have that problem.
00:10:26.399 --> 00:10:32.960
Some people actually try and provoke people and get their dislike, which is a whole other kettle of it's a whole other kettle of fish.
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The key is that you're not other people's opinions about you aren't your orienting principle, they're not your radar, they're not your map or your North Star.
00:10:43.360 --> 00:10:58.159
You're you're building and cultivating your own intuition as to what makes sense and how to live life, and that will for many people involve contribution, and then you know, some people will love you for it, and some people won't, and that's fine.
00:10:58.480 --> 00:11:06.559
Maybe the last thing I'd say is could this film be especially relevant for a younger audience, uh, maybe a Gen Z audience?
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And I would say probably yes, and the reason why is I think you know the problems spelled out in this film have been plaguing young people forever, and again, if it's not happening in a supernatural context, it's mostly fine and harmless, and people grow out of it.
00:11:21.519 --> 00:11:36.799
But I think young people now are especially vulnerable to these kinds of problems because you know, we talked about fantasy earlier, we now live in a fantasy world, like social media is a fantasy world, video games are a fantasy world.
00:11:36.960 --> 00:11:43.759
Increasingly, we have the technologies that allow us to live in a bubble and live in a fantasy.
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People are increasingly getting into relationships less, it appears, and having less first hand relationship experience.
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And when you have less experience, first hand experience again, that lends itself to living in a fantasy life.
00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:12.559
Having that experience makes more people prone, more men prone to that nice guy problem because they never figure out how to express themselves romantically, therefore, more likely to be nice guys or nice girls.
00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:24.559
What someone, you know, a few decades ago might have experienced in their late teens, early 20s, possibly some people are still experiencing this dynamic in their late 20s, early 30s, and beyond.
00:12:24.720 --> 00:12:29.519
So if you're a young person listening, go watch this film and learn the lessons from this film.
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They're actually really cool.
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And I think the key practical takeaway for me would be get that first-hand experience, you know.
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Go out, take risks, uh, respect people.
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Obviously, you're always going to be thinking about consent and making sure that uh a relationship you form with someone is a win-win.
00:12:46.879 --> 00:13:01.279
But beyond that, get as much experience as you can, make mistakes, especially when you're young, because that is how you get out of the fantasy world and into the reality world and learn exactly what dating is about and what getting into a relationship is about.
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And then once you're in a relationship and you're out of that first phase of the relationship, the falling in love, obsessional phase, don't run away straight away.
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See what it's like to actually be in a relationship with a real flawed three dimensional person and see if you can keep that enthusiasm and that common vision you might have had with that person as your North Star and build something with them despite the flaws, and then you get into much richer territory, I think.
