WEBVTT
00:00:06.249 --> 00:00:09.490
It's time for the adventures of Stumpy and Grumpy.
00:00:11.169 --> 00:00:13.210
Turn your hearing aid up till it feeds back and
00:00:13.210 --> 00:00:15.330
then back it off a little, will you? Join us
00:00:15.330 --> 00:00:17.969
as we celebrate their odd friendship and their
00:00:17.969 --> 00:00:22.129
love of all things Australian. Oh, mate, woe
00:00:22.129 --> 00:00:25.910
is me. Life with an idiot. This podcast is intended
00:00:25.910 --> 00:00:27.710
for adults, so wowsers can go fuck themselves.
00:00:29.800 --> 00:00:31.600
Bix, what do you think of our national anthem?
00:00:31.980 --> 00:00:36.380
Oh, not much. It always got me that Gert by Sea
00:00:36.380 --> 00:00:41.619
thing. She must be a fishmonger at Clovelly or
00:00:41.619 --> 00:00:44.020
something, you know? It's a fish shop, Gert.
00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:47.439
Gert by Sea. I thought Gert was some sort of
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:49.640
a disease, you know, associated with a cold or
00:00:49.640 --> 00:00:54.200
an upper respiratory tract infection. Ooh! Oh,
00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:56.259
because everybody reckons it should be Walsing
00:00:56.259 --> 00:00:58.219
Matilda. And if it is Walsing Matilda, then there's
00:00:58.219 --> 00:01:00.079
only one version of that I think should be the
00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:02.719
case. Oh, no. You're not going to play that one,
00:01:02.759 --> 00:03:54.460
are you? Yes. I love it. Yeah, I do. Yeah. She's
00:03:54.460 --> 00:03:58.460
up... Lara Keelway. It's Stumpy and Grumpy. Bluegrass.
00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:01.840
What do you think of bluegrass? I love it. I
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.919
really do. I love the greengrass myself. The
00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:06.539
greengrass? Yeah. Well, the leafy stuff. I like
00:04:06.539 --> 00:04:08.819
the greengrass. You know, up here in Brizzy they
00:04:08.819 --> 00:04:13.699
had the annual bluegrass festival. Yes. Out of
00:04:13.699 --> 00:04:17.480
Redlands. And I used to love the Davidson Brothers.
00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:20.680
Oh, all that stuff. I love bluegrass. Banjo,
00:04:20.699 --> 00:04:23.300
I can take or, you know, I used to make jokes
00:04:23.300 --> 00:04:24.779
about banjo. Yeah, I can take and burn it too.
00:04:24.899 --> 00:04:26.720
Yeah, well, I used to make jokes about a banjo.
00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:28.019
What's the difference between a banjo and an
00:04:28.019 --> 00:04:30.319
onion? You don't cry when you cut up a banjo.
00:04:30.420 --> 00:04:32.639
No, you don't. You know, the standout for me,
00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:36.660
though, was one Karen Lynn. She's lovely. A voice
00:04:36.660 --> 00:04:38.360
of an angel. Yeah, she's lovely. And she's on
00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:39.939
that cruise all the time, the bluegrass cruise.
00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:42.199
She's doing well. Yeah, she's doing well. She's
00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:43.899
written some great stuff. Yeah, she has. Very
00:04:43.899 --> 00:04:46.639
Australian. Tell you what, have you got any,
00:04:46.740 --> 00:04:49.800
what have you got? Have you got a Karen Lynn
00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:53.060
song for us? I do. That's a segue, mate. Yes,
00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:55.279
we're doing this. I do. It's a fucking professional
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:59.019
podcast. Yes, we are. It's a Cape Tribulation
00:04:59.019 --> 00:05:07.480
pastel sunrise With Sunday's turquoise bay Mustard
00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:11.759
yellow water, all the bottle brushes red It's
00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:14.600
the rain that falls from skies of broga grey
00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:19.600
It's the creamy coloured steam of Isis chimneys
00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:26.620
Eucalypt, dusty green and grey No brush could
00:05:26.620 --> 00:05:32.420
ever paint its colours in a lifetime The colours
00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:49.089
of Australia today I feel the burning. The green
00:05:49.089 --> 00:06:21.319
that turns to gold. of Australia today It's the
00:06:21.319 --> 00:06:26.180
rusty powdered ochre of the dream time The snow
00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:31.379
white Franklin River running wild A lorikeet
00:06:31.379 --> 00:06:36.360
with colours of the rainbow That looks like it's
00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:41.160
been painted by a child It's a jaundiced yellow
00:07:42.250 --> 00:07:44.769
Oh, she's got a lovely voice. She's absolutely
00:07:44.769 --> 00:07:48.470
gorgeous. Yeah, absolutely love her. That's Karen
00:07:48.470 --> 00:07:51.610
Lynn, Colours of Australia. You know what the
00:07:51.610 --> 00:07:53.310
colours are like up in the Territory, up on the
00:07:53.310 --> 00:07:57.149
top end. Oh, I love the Territory, I do. For
00:07:57.149 --> 00:08:01.470
the build -up, all those angry colours that come
00:08:01.470 --> 00:08:04.269
out of the sky. In the storms? Yeah. I love a
00:08:04.269 --> 00:08:07.029
good storm. I get all my nipples stand up and
00:08:07.029 --> 00:08:08.889
everything. I love it. Too exciting for you?
00:08:09.089 --> 00:08:12.180
Oh, gorgeous. All right, go to the song. Well,
00:08:12.180 --> 00:08:15.360
the river broke the banks, it'll hardly get much
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.600
thanks while the rain is falling from the sky.
00:08:20.339 --> 00:08:23.560
Clouds rolling in, but as soon you have to swim,
00:08:23.699 --> 00:08:28.920
muddy water's just a rolling by. All the roads
00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:33.580
are underwater, and all the planes, they refuse
00:08:33.580 --> 00:11:44.580
to fly, just like a long... What a beauty. He's
00:11:44.580 --> 00:11:46.000
written some great stuff. He's got a bit of a
00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:49.799
voice like an Aussie... What's that guy that
00:11:49.799 --> 00:11:52.039
used to have that with Tom Cruise stood across
00:11:52.039 --> 00:11:53.740
the floor in his underpants? What's that guy
00:11:53.740 --> 00:11:55.840
that sang that song in Top Gun? Tom Cruise? No,
00:11:55.860 --> 00:11:58.360
not Tom Cruise. The guy that sang the song. Rock
00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.259
and roll. Tom Cruise sang it in what's -her -name,
00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:02.000
didn't he? No, you dick. He didn't. He was just
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:05.940
mouthing it off. Anyway, yeah, he's got almost
00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:08.129
a... Bit of a rock and roll he is to his voice.
00:12:08.149 --> 00:12:10.190
He's very much a rock and roller as well, but
00:12:10.190 --> 00:12:12.470
matey will he. Rock and roll on this show, Benford?
00:12:12.470 --> 00:12:14.669
No, no, no, no. Some great songs about country,
00:12:14.750 --> 00:12:18.909
really. The Stumpster and the Grumpster. Oh,
00:12:18.929 --> 00:12:22.570
mate. You know when you laugh, mate, you're all
00:12:22.570 --> 00:12:24.669
wobbly all over the show. No, don't start that
00:12:24.669 --> 00:12:27.490
shit. I like jelly. And besides, some people
00:12:27.490 --> 00:12:29.429
like a bit of curry. And I've lost 30 kilos,
00:12:29.529 --> 00:12:30.929
as you know. Yeah, it's big enough. I'd like
00:12:30.929 --> 00:12:32.870
to get some work done, though. It's big enough
00:12:32.870 --> 00:12:34.590
you'll find it again somewhere. You need work
00:12:34.590 --> 00:12:38.129
too. I mean, but where do you start? How about
00:12:38.129 --> 00:12:41.230
you just pluck your eyebrows or something? Listen,
00:12:41.490 --> 00:12:43.809
I'll get a facelift. I can get a facelift. You
00:12:43.809 --> 00:12:46.070
probably need a crane. I'll get a facelift and
00:12:46.070 --> 00:12:50.169
I could get extensions on things if I need to.
00:12:50.370 --> 00:12:53.970
You know, make my penis bigger if I felt inclined
00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:57.250
to do so. But I'm always just scared that they'll
00:12:57.250 --> 00:13:01.870
get something wrong. Will they? We'll never get
00:13:01.870 --> 00:13:04.610
it right. Not with you, mate. Sorry. I was handed
00:13:04.610 --> 00:13:07.429
to me mother, such a precious little thing, an
00:13:07.429 --> 00:13:10.669
unexpected living gift from a sneaky one -night
00:13:10.669 --> 00:13:14.090
fling. The perfect little baby. I'd like to say
00:13:14.090 --> 00:13:16.669
that I was one, but I'd come out premature and
00:13:16.669 --> 00:13:19.610
I was slightly underdone. I was born without
00:13:19.610 --> 00:13:22.509
an eyelid. I couldn't close me bloody eye. I
00:13:22.509 --> 00:13:25.289
cutely winked up at me mum, but I only made her
00:13:25.289 --> 00:13:28.210
cry. The doctor told her he could fix it. An
00:13:28.210 --> 00:13:30.690
operation he'll perform. He'll take the skin
00:13:30.690 --> 00:13:33.309
from circumcision and leave me blinking up a
00:13:33.309 --> 00:13:36.529
storm. So he did the operation. He turned me
00:13:36.529 --> 00:13:39.370
foreskin to a lid, and I got handed back to Mum,
00:13:39.529 --> 00:13:42.690
the perfect cockeyed little kid. Well, Mum was
00:13:42.690 --> 00:13:45.029
bloody shocked about what our local doctor did.
00:13:45.210 --> 00:13:47.889
Turns out I was the very first to get his breakthrough,
00:13:48.269 --> 00:13:52.070
penile lid. She said, my God, he's got no eyelash.
00:13:52.090 --> 00:13:54.509
The doctor answered, it'll grow. Based on the
00:13:54.509 --> 00:13:57.110
average Aussie male, just give him 13 years or
00:13:57.110 --> 00:14:00.179
so. Well, the early years went quickly. Primary
00:14:00.179 --> 00:14:02.679
school was quite a breeze. Even though me eye
00:14:02.679 --> 00:14:05.179
was crazy, the kids there didn't seem to tease.
00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:07.840
Not so lucky though at high school. It was time
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:10.559
for body change. I didn't need me extra foresight
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.799
to tell me things were getting strange. See,
00:14:12.860 --> 00:14:15.559
I grew hairs upon me eyelid. They were wiry,
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:17.980
black with curls. And my left eye would close
00:14:17.980 --> 00:14:21.340
up tight. Every time I thought of girls. It was
00:14:21.340 --> 00:14:23.740
the cause of constant teasing. And I will tell
00:14:23.740 --> 00:14:26.399
you folks right here. You grow pubes upon your
00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:29.549
eyelid. Teenage kids will call you queer. Well,
00:14:29.590 --> 00:14:32.190
it just had to be removed. I looked part werewolf.
00:14:32.370 --> 00:14:35.629
It was thick. So I booked a waxing session. Brazilian
00:14:35.629 --> 00:14:38.049
ought to do the trick. With a request to leave
00:14:38.049 --> 00:14:40.990
a lash. Although curly it'll do. I'll just trim
00:14:40.990 --> 00:14:43.029
it back with scissors when the waxing lady's
00:14:43.029 --> 00:14:45.710
through. Well, jeez, I screamed like bloody hell
00:14:45.710 --> 00:14:48.269
when she ripped away the hairs. It made me think
00:14:48.269 --> 00:14:50.789
them girls are crazy. The ones that get it done
00:14:50.789 --> 00:14:53.389
down there. I walked out all red and squinting
00:14:53.389 --> 00:14:56.259
with me strip of curly lash. me poor old eye
00:14:56.259 --> 00:14:58.340
was sore and weeping and it had come up with
00:14:58.340 --> 00:15:01.820
a rash well i couldn't help but rub it and strangely
00:15:01.820 --> 00:15:05.139
it felt rather nice it was a feeling laced with
00:15:05.139 --> 00:15:08.179
tingles and a little dash of spice it felt great
00:15:08.179 --> 00:15:10.659
beyond belief if it was sport i'd won the cup
00:15:10.659 --> 00:15:13.799
and made me think arousing thoughts and me eyelids
00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:17.139
stiffened up well i found meself obsessed i couldn't
00:15:17.139 --> 00:15:19.559
leave me eye alone and i would get so darned
00:15:19.559 --> 00:15:22.740
involved that i would sometimes loudly moan i
00:15:22.740 --> 00:15:24.970
got in trouble by the teachers and was stirred
00:15:24.970 --> 00:15:27.570
up by me mates. They were calling me a winker,
00:15:27.730 --> 00:15:31.129
and it was causing mass debates. There was rumours
00:15:31.129 --> 00:15:33.570
going round by why I rubbed in such a fashion,
00:15:33.710 --> 00:15:36.629
why I got me monthly wax, and why I trimmed me
00:15:36.629 --> 00:15:39.169
own eyelash, and why I'd sneak off to the toilets
00:15:39.169 --> 00:15:41.889
at nearly every chance I'd get, and come out
00:15:41.889 --> 00:15:44.769
with one eye puffy, and me body drenched in sweat.
00:15:45.110 --> 00:15:47.549
But no one ever really knew about my peen eyelid
00:15:47.549 --> 00:15:50.110
graft and op, and the school was losing patience,
00:15:50.210 --> 00:15:52.769
but I just couldn't seem to stop. They were going
00:15:52.769 --> 00:15:55.169
to expel me. It was my behaviour, I was told.
00:15:55.309 --> 00:15:57.450
It was just another pupil that just couldn't
00:15:57.450 --> 00:16:00.309
be controlled. But after quick negotiation, it
00:16:00.309 --> 00:16:02.929
downgraded to suspension. A week at home where
00:16:02.929 --> 00:16:05.470
I relaxed, sat back and rubbed out extra tension.
00:16:06.009 --> 00:16:08.629
But I knew it was a problem and I knew it must
00:16:08.629 --> 00:16:10.850
be stopped. It wasn't worth all the attention
00:16:10.850 --> 00:16:13.750
or the insults that I copped. It didn't happen
00:16:13.750 --> 00:16:15.850
overnight, but when it did, I felt relieved.
00:16:16.049 --> 00:16:18.269
And I was proud of what I'd done and what I'd
00:16:18.269 --> 00:16:20.990
managed to achieve. Now I don't wink or rub my
00:16:20.990 --> 00:16:23.899
eye at every woman that I meet. Me urge is safely
00:16:23.899 --> 00:16:26.480
zipped away, somewhere a little more discreet.
00:16:26.620 --> 00:16:29.299
And I'm no longer called a winker. And folks
00:16:29.299 --> 00:16:31.500
don't tease me like they did. And they've since
00:16:31.500 --> 00:16:33.980
banned the operation. There's no more kids with
00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:37.840
penile lead. And now I do public speaking. Motivation.
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:40.820
Stayin' strong. How to jump life's little hurdles.
00:16:41.139 --> 00:16:43.500
Overcome things when they're wrong. How do I
00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:46.340
know? Because I've done it. And it's quite easy
00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:50.940
if you try. Jeez, look at her. She's hot. Oh
00:16:50.940 --> 00:16:56.330
no. I've just got something in me eye. It's your
00:16:56.330 --> 00:16:58.769
bloody finger, you dick. Or is it his dick? I
00:16:58.769 --> 00:17:01.049
can't... That's weird. Imagine that happening,
00:17:01.169 --> 00:17:05.569
getting something... Getting your foreskin sewed
00:17:05.569 --> 00:17:06.690
on your eye. There you go, Brad. That puts a
00:17:06.690 --> 00:17:10.509
different complexion on the... You're really
00:17:10.509 --> 00:17:12.369
enjoying that, aren't you? It gives a different
00:17:12.369 --> 00:17:14.670
complexion of the human centipede. Brad McLean
00:17:14.670 --> 00:17:17.130
with peanut lid. Are you fucking kidding me?
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:22.220
At only two bucks an episode, what have you got
00:17:22.220 --> 00:17:25.880
to lose? Two bucks, I guess. The first time we
00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.059
sort of caught up, a few years ago now, and one
00:17:29.059 --> 00:17:31.680
of the things was the fact that we started abusing
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:33.700
each other straight away. And it worked. Yeah,
00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:37.400
and I called you something and you said something
00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:38.920
straight back to me in front of everybody else
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:40.160
and you didn't give a stuff and I thought, oh,
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.539
I've got to know this bloke, this is good. But
00:17:42.539 --> 00:17:45.700
you wrote a poem about exactly what we do in
00:17:45.700 --> 00:17:47.539
Australia that confuses the rest of the fucking
00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:50.849
world. You wrote a poem that explains this strange
00:17:50.849 --> 00:17:55.569
Australian social phenomenon. It's called Affectionate
00:17:55.569 --> 00:17:58.630
Derision. For quite a few years I've been camping
00:17:58.630 --> 00:18:01.369
with peers and we've put down our rears on this
00:18:01.369 --> 00:18:05.069
great riverside. It's just after Yule, the last
00:18:05.069 --> 00:18:08.509
week before school and our last chance to cool.
00:18:08.690 --> 00:18:12.849
It's Vacations Highlight. Our cooling vacations
00:18:12.849 --> 00:18:16.369
highlight. Our sons too, you see, paddling its
00:18:16.369 --> 00:18:18.730
tributary, just where they should be, our six
00:18:18.730 --> 00:18:21.849
boys in the bush. While Dave, Mick and me are
00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.250
just happy to be sitting under a tree with big
00:18:24.250 --> 00:18:28.269
grins on our mush. Yeah, dirty big grins on our
00:18:28.269 --> 00:18:31.710
mush. Our camp is set up and we've each filled
00:18:31.710 --> 00:18:34.329
our cup and we're ready to sup here near Campfire
00:18:34.329 --> 00:18:37.769
Curled. A sweet gentle pace is imbued in this
00:18:37.769 --> 00:18:41.470
space, a tranquil showcase where peace is unfurled.
00:18:42.779 --> 00:18:46.819
a showcase for peace is unfurled. This one secret
00:18:46.819 --> 00:18:50.539
place now so many embrace from all over the place
00:18:50.539 --> 00:18:53.779
and from over the sea. So our campsite this night
00:18:53.779 --> 00:18:56.859
is shared and not quite the secret it might once
00:18:56.859 --> 00:19:00.079
have wanted to be. And that secret was once for
00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:04.339
we three. When we disagree, well, our language
00:19:04.339 --> 00:19:07.700
is free and our repartee is sometimes uncouth.
00:19:07.900 --> 00:19:10.680
Now, this peaceful night looked like Dave and
00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:13.279
Mick might have got into a fight by the language.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:18.480
Oh, struth! What? Language and fighting? Oh,
00:19:18.660 --> 00:19:22.799
struth! It was Mick's turn to cook up a plump
00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:25.359
roasted chook and it started to look like it
00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:28.579
wouldn't get done. So impatient Dave, well, he
00:19:28.579 --> 00:19:32.519
started to rave and seemed a bit grave. Now this
00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:35.579
looks like fun. Yeah, this looks like a grave
00:19:35.579 --> 00:19:39.240
bit of fun. Now hang on a tick, retorted our
00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:41.619
Mick, and don't be so thick. You get on your
00:19:41.619 --> 00:19:44.559
bike, you dopey old cow, and don't tell me how
00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:48.000
to cook up our chow or I'll go on strike. and
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.619
I'll go on strike if I like. Now Dave had a go
00:19:51.619 --> 00:19:53.880
and got into the flow because he wasn't slow,
00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:57.700
he's as sharp as a dirk. What, you go on strike?
00:19:57.960 --> 00:20:00.460
You just fell off your trike, you bloody big
00:20:00.460 --> 00:20:04.119
piker, you can't even work. The bloody big piker
00:20:04.119 --> 00:20:07.359
won't work? And you'll never work because mostly
00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:10.160
you've shirked your stupid old burk. Oh, how
00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:13.230
Dave huffed and he puffed. Then Mick slipped
00:20:13.230 --> 00:20:16.289
one in, he just stuck out his chin and said with
00:20:16.289 --> 00:20:20.009
a grin, ah, go and get stuffed. Mick told him
00:20:20.009 --> 00:20:24.529
to go and get stuffed? Well, in spite of that
00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:27.170
fun, the roast it was done and then everyone
00:20:27.170 --> 00:20:31.549
sat round the campfire. The jokes they all flowed
00:20:31.549 --> 00:20:34.769
and the campfire glowed, yet Dave and Mick showed
00:20:34.769 --> 00:20:39.150
not one hint of ire. No, couldn't see one hint
00:20:39.150 --> 00:20:42.809
of ire. Then a yank who had been at the earlier
00:20:42.809 --> 00:20:45.309
scene, she just couldn't glean what had gone
00:20:45.309 --> 00:20:48.529
on before and was quite astounded at what she
00:20:48.529 --> 00:20:51.970
had found. Their friendship still sound. So then
00:20:51.970 --> 00:20:55.470
what was the score? Yes, tell me, please. What
00:20:55.470 --> 00:20:59.910
was the score? Well, when we Aussies clash, we
00:20:59.910 --> 00:21:02.970
might act a bit brash or posture real flash so
00:21:02.970 --> 00:21:06.190
we get our points solved. But with mates, it's
00:21:06.190 --> 00:21:09.160
all fun. And that's just what's done, and there's
00:21:09.160 --> 00:21:13.480
no bloody gun or a lawyer involved. Yep, no guns
00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:17.160
or lawyers involved. So, after clean -up we've
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:19.299
once more filled our cup, and we're ready to
00:21:19.299 --> 00:21:22.579
yup here near Campfire Curled. A sweet gentle
00:21:22.579 --> 00:21:25.920
pace is imbued in this space, a tranquil showcase
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:31.900
here where peace is unfurled. Yes, peace is here
00:21:31.900 --> 00:21:38.460
once more unfurled. That's one of the things
00:21:38.460 --> 00:21:39.960
in one of the albums I produced for you and a
00:21:39.960 --> 00:21:42.019
lovely little poem, Affectionate Derision, explaining
00:21:42.019 --> 00:21:45.319
exactly what that is, you stupid old cunt. Yes,
00:21:45.339 --> 00:21:48.960
and that's the one that got us a Golden Gumleaf
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.299
Award. Yes, a Golden Gumleaf, eh? Yeah, Bush
00:21:53.299 --> 00:21:55.880
Laureate of the Year for the album. Oh, I've
00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:58.880
run my fingers all over that. It was quite sharp.
00:21:59.579 --> 00:22:03.039
I keep it hidden. from you. More from the adventures
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:06.539
of Manfred and his trusty sidekick Pixie. Do
00:22:06.539 --> 00:22:09.960
you know what Ned Kelly called his horse? No,
00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.099
no, what did he? Music. Music? That was the name
00:22:13.099 --> 00:22:16.579
of his horse. I think it redefines the man in
00:22:16.579 --> 00:22:18.480
someone's mind if you really think about it.
00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:21.440
Whatever you think of Ned Kelly, it must redefine
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:23.940
him some way when you think about the fact that
00:22:23.940 --> 00:22:27.819
whatever you think about Ned, he's a man that
00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.089
was patting his horse every morning. saying,
00:22:30.150 --> 00:22:34.230
good on you, music. Well, he did save a kid when
00:22:34.230 --> 00:22:36.769
he was younger. He wasn't the vagabond that people
00:22:36.769 --> 00:22:39.349
think, though. No, he was pretty much maligned.
00:22:39.369 --> 00:22:40.829
I mean, some of the coppers back in that time
00:22:40.829 --> 00:22:43.150
were pretty bad. That's what the whole thing
00:22:43.150 --> 00:22:44.710
was about. He would have been in Parliament within
00:22:44.710 --> 00:22:48.710
two years had he not been shot. Yeah, but talk
00:22:48.710 --> 00:22:52.349
to coppers nowadays, and they still reckon Ned's
00:22:52.349 --> 00:22:55.390
a prick. Yeah, I know. Poor Ned. Poor Ned, indeed.
00:22:57.130 --> 00:23:01.140
He is. Poor Ned. You're better off dead. At least
00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:04.559
you'll get some peace of mind. You're right on
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:07.700
the track. They're right on your back. Boy, they're
00:23:07.700 --> 00:25:51.710
gonna hang you high. Deathbed, he said, when
00:25:51.710 --> 00:25:55.029
he was hung, he said... Such is life. Such is
00:25:55.029 --> 00:25:58.650
life. Not in French, but in English. Contrary
00:25:58.650 --> 00:26:02.230
to popular belief. There you go. But stick them
00:26:02.230 --> 00:26:03.750
up, hold them up and hold them up and all that
00:26:03.750 --> 00:26:06.049
sort of stuff. You know, there was a story...
00:26:06.049 --> 00:26:08.609
I came across a story a little while ago about
00:26:08.609 --> 00:26:12.190
this bloody bushranger who used to frequent just
00:26:12.190 --> 00:26:16.630
outside of Geelong in Victoria. Anyway, one merchant
00:26:16.630 --> 00:26:19.869
had closed up shop and he was heading home and...
00:26:20.269 --> 00:26:23.029
this fella come up behind him and says, Bail
00:26:23.029 --> 00:26:26.130
it up, give us your money or your life. Anyway,
00:26:26.289 --> 00:26:29.670
the shopkeeper, unperturbed, reached into his
00:26:29.670 --> 00:26:32.509
pocket, pulled out a flask of whiskey or brandy
00:26:32.509 --> 00:26:35.210
or something, turned around, held that up against
00:26:35.210 --> 00:26:38.910
the bush ranger's head. He said, nah, you, bail
00:26:38.910 --> 00:26:43.289
up and drop your gun. Anyway, what the bush ranger
00:26:43.289 --> 00:26:46.470
did, he ran off. He said, so the shopkeeper said,
00:26:46.569 --> 00:26:51.019
stop or I'll shoot. And he did. He did. And he
00:26:51.019 --> 00:26:53.339
walked up to him, put the flask in his pocket,
00:26:53.380 --> 00:26:55.799
gave him a whack across the head, punched him
00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:57.500
in the head and said, now fuck off, you bastard.
00:26:57.859 --> 00:27:01.019
What a wimpy bush ranger. What a wimpy fucking
00:27:01.019 --> 00:27:05.680
bush ranger. I mean, I would have thought the
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.079
gay ones would have been tougher. There were
00:27:07.079 --> 00:27:10.640
gay bush rangers. There was. Captain Moonlight.
00:27:10.779 --> 00:27:13.200
That's the one. He was one of these boasts. He'd
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:14.900
bar you up in the middle of the night going,
00:27:15.019 --> 00:27:18.839
hold him up, hold him up, money or your ass.
00:27:19.549 --> 00:31:47.309
Ha ha ha . . . . . got into trouble at the end
00:31:47.309 --> 00:31:49.730
of the 2020 Tamworth Country Music Festival and
00:31:49.730 --> 00:31:51.710
a couple of the legends of Australian country
00:31:51.710 --> 00:31:53.750
music got upset with me because I told them to
00:31:53.750 --> 00:31:56.549
stop fighting in front of the industry. And they
00:31:56.549 --> 00:31:59.049
got on Facebook because they didn't agree with
00:31:59.049 --> 00:32:02.690
the judge's decision about the Bush Ballad. It
00:32:02.690 --> 00:32:06.829
was the year that you and Manfred, it was the
00:32:06.829 --> 00:32:09.730
year that you and Alan won your first one. There
00:32:09.730 --> 00:32:12.670
was a kerfuffle on Facebook about how people
00:32:12.670 --> 00:32:16.279
who don't write songs blah, blah, blah. And I
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:19.440
said, they'd already made themselves public by
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.099
saying that. I didn't make them public or do
00:32:22.099 --> 00:32:25.980
anything untoward. I tagged them in a post that
00:32:25.980 --> 00:32:28.559
I said, you need to sort of basically say you
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:30.380
need to grow up a bit and stop arguing in front
00:32:30.380 --> 00:32:31.839
of the world because it doesn't paint a good
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:33.960
picture for the entire Australian country music.
00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:37.319
The judge's decision is final. Write better songs.
00:32:38.839 --> 00:32:42.859
And, yeah, and... Wow. I remember that, yeah.
00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:47.059
I was personally lambasted. But I love them.
00:32:47.980 --> 00:32:52.259
I know you do. I hate what's happening to Australian
00:32:52.259 --> 00:32:54.059
country music, always have, and I've always been
00:32:54.059 --> 00:32:57.640
on their side. I wandered into Tamworth and I
00:32:57.640 --> 00:33:03.019
heard a sonic boom As I ambled down old Peel
00:33:03.019 --> 00:33:08.480
Street on a Tuesday afternoon My memory started
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:13.019
wandering back to the good old days When country
00:33:13.019 --> 00:33:16.690
was real country Played a real fair dinkum way
00:33:16.690 --> 00:33:22.170
The music they were playing Would win any rock
00:33:22.170 --> 00:33:27.789
award As they drowned a little busker out Picking
00:33:27.789 --> 00:33:32.849
out three chords He tried to sing out louder
00:33:32.849 --> 00:33:36.710
In a true blue country style But the rockers
00:33:36.710 --> 00:33:57.180
won out would tremble up in heaven's hall of
00:33:57.180 --> 00:34:01.920
fame. Hear what's happening here on earth with
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:11.400
their country music name. They have sold out
00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:16.900
country music and the evidence is plain. We must
00:34:16.900 --> 00:34:20.940
honour our traditions and never play their game.
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:27.880
the trenches and show courage all the way let's
00:34:27.880 --> 00:34:31.719
believe in our convictions as we stand up and
00:34:31.719 --> 00:36:12.750
say Keith Jamison with Don't Let Them Murder
00:36:12.750 --> 00:36:15.929
Tamworth. And you were noticeably absent from
00:36:15.929 --> 00:36:18.150
that conversation I did at the start there. But
00:36:18.150 --> 00:36:20.889
that's fine because you've got your two golden
00:36:20.889 --> 00:36:24.710
guitars now. You don't care. No, I don't. I'll
00:36:24.710 --> 00:36:27.989
let the others do the fighting. I just write
00:36:27.989 --> 00:36:29.909
the stuff. And we haven't written our best one
00:36:29.909 --> 00:36:33.150
yet. The Adventures of Manny and Pix. You did
00:36:33.150 --> 00:36:34.750
spend a lot of time on the road with various
00:36:34.750 --> 00:36:37.670
artists, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Some were special.
00:36:38.030 --> 00:36:41.630
Some are very special. Some are pricks. Well,
00:36:41.710 --> 00:36:44.809
that's fine. That's understandable. What really
00:36:44.809 --> 00:36:50.190
endeared you to them? The ones that stood out
00:36:50.190 --> 00:36:53.889
for you? Well, of all of them, Barty Williams.
00:36:54.369 --> 00:36:59.829
Why? His voice and his nature. He had some lovely
00:36:59.829 --> 00:37:01.409
insights, didn't he? The way he thought about
00:37:01.409 --> 00:37:04.110
life. He had some wonderful insights, and particularly
00:37:04.110 --> 00:37:07.840
about interrelationships in a way. If nobody
00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:12.199
smiled and nobody cheered and nobody helped us
00:37:12.199 --> 00:37:15.900
along. If each every minute looked after himself
00:37:15.900 --> 00:37:20.719
and the good things all went to the strong. If
00:37:20.719 --> 00:37:24.519
nobody cared just a little for you and nobody
00:37:24.519 --> 00:37:28.719
thought about me. And we stood all alone in this
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:32.840
battle of strife. What a dreary old world it
00:37:32.840 --> 00:38:04.000
would be. Thank you. Thank you. as the richest
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:07.840
on earth, or strong as the strongest that lives.
00:38:08.699 --> 00:38:12.699
Yet never we knew the delight or the charm of
00:38:12.699 --> 00:38:16.820
the smile that the other half gives. If kindness
00:38:16.820 --> 00:38:20.320
were never a part of ourselves, though we owned
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:24.179
all the land we could see, and friendship meant
00:38:24.179 --> 00:38:28.260
nothing at all to us here, what a dreary old
00:38:28.260 --> 00:38:32.400
world it would be. Life can be sweet because
00:38:32.400 --> 00:38:36.079
of friends we've made and the things in common
00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:40.380
we share. We want to live on not because of ourselves
00:38:40.380 --> 00:38:45.360
but because of the people who care. It's giving
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:49.440
and doing for somebody else. On that all life's
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:53.500
splendor depends. And the joy of this world when
00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:59.019
you sum it all up is found in the making of friends.
00:38:59.710 --> 00:39:01.409
What do you think of that, Manfred? Oh, friends.
00:39:01.670 --> 00:39:05.090
You really can't celebrate them enough. Yeah,
00:39:05.110 --> 00:39:10.150
but 1979. That's amazing. 1978. Extraordinary
00:39:10.150 --> 00:39:12.170
song. And he was gone about, what, six years
00:39:12.170 --> 00:39:15.329
after that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 86 or so. He passed
00:39:15.329 --> 00:39:18.050
away. Yeah. The show that I did, Under Western
00:39:18.050 --> 00:39:20.949
Skies, is available on YouTube, on my channel,
00:39:21.050 --> 00:39:22.949
if you want to have a look at it. Yeah. Otherwise,
00:39:23.090 --> 00:39:25.030
we'll probably see you next week. It's goodbye
00:39:25.030 --> 00:39:37.269
from Grumpy. And it's goodbye from Stumpy. if
00:39:37.269 --> 00:39:40.150
you don't like it who cares if you do we'll be
00:39:40.150 --> 00:39:43.789
back next week with another episode of Stumpy
00:39:43.789 --> 00:39:44.389
and Grumpy
00:00:06.249 --> 00:00:09.490
It's time for the adventures of Stumpy and Grumpy.
00:00:11.169 --> 00:00:13.210
Turn your hearing aid up till it feeds back and
00:00:13.210 --> 00:00:15.330
then back it off a little, will you? Join us
00:00:15.330 --> 00:00:17.969
as we celebrate their odd friendship and their
00:00:17.969 --> 00:00:22.129
love of all things Australian. Oh, mate, woe
00:00:22.129 --> 00:00:25.910
is me. Life with an idiot. This podcast is intended
00:00:25.910 --> 00:00:27.710
for adults, so wowsers can go fuck themselves.
00:00:29.800 --> 00:00:31.600
Bix, what do you think of our national anthem?
00:00:31.980 --> 00:00:36.380
Oh, not much. It always got me that Gert by Sea
00:00:36.380 --> 00:00:41.619
thing. She must be a fishmonger at Clovelly or
00:00:41.619 --> 00:00:44.020
something, you know? It's a fish shop, Gert.
00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:47.439
Gert by Sea. I thought Gert was some sort of
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:49.640
a disease, you know, associated with a cold or
00:00:49.640 --> 00:00:54.200
an upper respiratory tract infection. Ooh! Oh,
00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:56.259
because everybody reckons it should be Walsing
00:00:56.259 --> 00:00:58.219
Matilda. And if it is Walsing Matilda, then there's
00:00:58.219 --> 00:01:00.079
only one version of that I think should be the
00:01:00.079 --> 00:01:02.719
case. Oh, no. You're not going to play that one,
00:01:02.759 --> 00:03:54.460
are you? Yes. I love it. Yeah, I do. Yeah. She's
00:03:54.460 --> 00:03:58.460
up... Lara Keelway. It's Stumpy and Grumpy. Bluegrass.
00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:01.840
What do you think of bluegrass? I love it. I
00:04:01.840 --> 00:04:03.919
really do. I love the greengrass myself. The
00:04:03.919 --> 00:04:06.539
greengrass? Yeah. Well, the leafy stuff. I like
00:04:06.539 --> 00:04:08.819
the greengrass. You know, up here in Brizzy they
00:04:08.819 --> 00:04:13.699
had the annual bluegrass festival. Yes. Out of
00:04:13.699 --> 00:04:17.480
Redlands. And I used to love the Davidson Brothers.
00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:20.680
Oh, all that stuff. I love bluegrass. Banjo,
00:04:20.699 --> 00:04:23.300
I can take or, you know, I used to make jokes
00:04:23.300 --> 00:04:24.779
about banjo. Yeah, I can take and burn it too.
00:04:24.899 --> 00:04:26.720
Yeah, well, I used to make jokes about a banjo.
00:04:26.720 --> 00:04:28.019
What's the difference between a banjo and an
00:04:28.019 --> 00:04:30.319
onion? You don't cry when you cut up a banjo.
00:04:30.420 --> 00:04:32.639
No, you don't. You know, the standout for me,
00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:36.660
though, was one Karen Lynn. She's lovely. A voice
00:04:36.660 --> 00:04:38.360
of an angel. Yeah, she's lovely. And she's on
00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:39.939
that cruise all the time, the bluegrass cruise.
00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:42.199
She's doing well. Yeah, she's doing well. She's
00:04:42.199 --> 00:04:43.899
written some great stuff. Yeah, she has. Very
00:04:43.899 --> 00:04:46.639
Australian. Tell you what, have you got any,
00:04:46.740 --> 00:04:49.800
what have you got? Have you got a Karen Lynn
00:04:49.800 --> 00:04:53.060
song for us? I do. That's a segue, mate. Yes,
00:04:53.079 --> 00:04:55.279
we're doing this. I do. It's a fucking professional
00:04:55.279 --> 00:04:59.019
podcast. Yes, we are. It's a Cape Tribulation
00:04:59.019 --> 00:05:07.480
pastel sunrise With Sunday's turquoise bay Mustard
00:05:07.480 --> 00:05:11.759
yellow water, all the bottle brushes red It's
00:05:11.759 --> 00:05:14.600
the rain that falls from skies of broga grey
00:05:14.600 --> 00:05:19.600
It's the creamy coloured steam of Isis chimneys
00:05:19.600 --> 00:05:26.620
Eucalypt, dusty green and grey No brush could
00:05:26.620 --> 00:05:32.420
ever paint its colours in a lifetime The colours
00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:49.089
of Australia today I feel the burning. The green
00:05:49.089 --> 00:06:21.319
that turns to gold. of Australia today It's the
00:06:21.319 --> 00:06:26.180
rusty powdered ochre of the dream time The snow
00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:31.379
white Franklin River running wild A lorikeet
00:06:31.379 --> 00:06:36.360
with colours of the rainbow That looks like it's
00:06:36.360 --> 00:06:41.160
been painted by a child It's a jaundiced yellow
00:07:42.250 --> 00:07:44.769
Oh, she's got a lovely voice. She's absolutely
00:07:44.769 --> 00:07:48.470
gorgeous. Yeah, absolutely love her. That's Karen
00:07:48.470 --> 00:07:51.610
Lynn, Colours of Australia. You know what the
00:07:51.610 --> 00:07:53.310
colours are like up in the Territory, up on the
00:07:53.310 --> 00:07:57.149
top end. Oh, I love the Territory, I do. For
00:07:57.149 --> 00:08:01.470
the build -up, all those angry colours that come
00:08:01.470 --> 00:08:04.269
out of the sky. In the storms? Yeah. I love a
00:08:04.269 --> 00:08:07.029
good storm. I get all my nipples stand up and
00:08:07.029 --> 00:08:08.889
everything. I love it. Too exciting for you?
00:08:09.089 --> 00:08:12.180
Oh, gorgeous. All right, go to the song. Well,
00:08:12.180 --> 00:08:15.360
the river broke the banks, it'll hardly get much
00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.600
thanks while the rain is falling from the sky.
00:08:20.339 --> 00:08:23.560
Clouds rolling in, but as soon you have to swim,
00:08:23.699 --> 00:08:28.920
muddy water's just a rolling by. All the roads
00:08:28.920 --> 00:08:33.580
are underwater, and all the planes, they refuse
00:08:33.580 --> 00:11:44.580
to fly, just like a long... What a beauty. He's
00:11:44.580 --> 00:11:46.000
written some great stuff. He's got a bit of a
00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:49.799
voice like an Aussie... What's that guy that
00:11:49.799 --> 00:11:52.039
used to have that with Tom Cruise stood across
00:11:52.039 --> 00:11:53.740
the floor in his underpants? What's that guy
00:11:53.740 --> 00:11:55.840
that sang that song in Top Gun? Tom Cruise? No,
00:11:55.860 --> 00:11:58.360
not Tom Cruise. The guy that sang the song. Rock
00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.259
and roll. Tom Cruise sang it in what's -her -name,
00:12:00.279 --> 00:12:02.000
didn't he? No, you dick. He didn't. He was just
00:12:02.000 --> 00:12:05.940
mouthing it off. Anyway, yeah, he's got almost
00:12:05.940 --> 00:12:08.129
a... Bit of a rock and roll he is to his voice.
00:12:08.149 --> 00:12:10.190
He's very much a rock and roller as well, but
00:12:10.190 --> 00:12:12.470
matey will he. Rock and roll on this show, Benford?
00:12:12.470 --> 00:12:14.669
No, no, no, no. Some great songs about country,
00:12:14.750 --> 00:12:18.909
really. The Stumpster and the Grumpster. Oh,
00:12:18.929 --> 00:12:22.570
mate. You know when you laugh, mate, you're all
00:12:22.570 --> 00:12:24.669
wobbly all over the show. No, don't start that
00:12:24.669 --> 00:12:27.490
shit. I like jelly. And besides, some people
00:12:27.490 --> 00:12:29.429
like a bit of curry. And I've lost 30 kilos,
00:12:29.529 --> 00:12:30.929
as you know. Yeah, it's big enough. I'd like
00:12:30.929 --> 00:12:32.870
to get some work done, though. It's big enough
00:12:32.870 --> 00:12:34.590
you'll find it again somewhere. You need work
00:12:34.590 --> 00:12:38.129
too. I mean, but where do you start? How about
00:12:38.129 --> 00:12:41.230
you just pluck your eyebrows or something? Listen,
00:12:41.490 --> 00:12:43.809
I'll get a facelift. I can get a facelift. You
00:12:43.809 --> 00:12:46.070
probably need a crane. I'll get a facelift and
00:12:46.070 --> 00:12:50.169
I could get extensions on things if I need to.
00:12:50.370 --> 00:12:53.970
You know, make my penis bigger if I felt inclined
00:12:53.970 --> 00:12:57.250
to do so. But I'm always just scared that they'll
00:12:57.250 --> 00:13:01.870
get something wrong. Will they? We'll never get
00:13:01.870 --> 00:13:04.610
it right. Not with you, mate. Sorry. I was handed
00:13:04.610 --> 00:13:07.429
to me mother, such a precious little thing, an
00:13:07.429 --> 00:13:10.669
unexpected living gift from a sneaky one -night
00:13:10.669 --> 00:13:14.090
fling. The perfect little baby. I'd like to say
00:13:14.090 --> 00:13:16.669
that I was one, but I'd come out premature and
00:13:16.669 --> 00:13:19.610
I was slightly underdone. I was born without
00:13:19.610 --> 00:13:22.509
an eyelid. I couldn't close me bloody eye. I
00:13:22.509 --> 00:13:25.289
cutely winked up at me mum, but I only made her
00:13:25.289 --> 00:13:28.210
cry. The doctor told her he could fix it. An
00:13:28.210 --> 00:13:30.690
operation he'll perform. He'll take the skin
00:13:30.690 --> 00:13:33.309
from circumcision and leave me blinking up a
00:13:33.309 --> 00:13:36.529
storm. So he did the operation. He turned me
00:13:36.529 --> 00:13:39.370
foreskin to a lid, and I got handed back to Mum,
00:13:39.529 --> 00:13:42.690
the perfect cockeyed little kid. Well, Mum was
00:13:42.690 --> 00:13:45.029
bloody shocked about what our local doctor did.
00:13:45.210 --> 00:13:47.889
Turns out I was the very first to get his breakthrough,
00:13:48.269 --> 00:13:52.070
penile lid. She said, my God, he's got no eyelash.
00:13:52.090 --> 00:13:54.509
The doctor answered, it'll grow. Based on the
00:13:54.509 --> 00:13:57.110
average Aussie male, just give him 13 years or
00:13:57.110 --> 00:14:00.179
so. Well, the early years went quickly. Primary
00:14:00.179 --> 00:14:02.679
school was quite a breeze. Even though me eye
00:14:02.679 --> 00:14:05.179
was crazy, the kids there didn't seem to tease.
00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:07.840
Not so lucky though at high school. It was time
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:10.559
for body change. I didn't need me extra foresight
00:14:10.559 --> 00:14:12.799
to tell me things were getting strange. See,
00:14:12.860 --> 00:14:15.559
I grew hairs upon me eyelid. They were wiry,
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:17.980
black with curls. And my left eye would close
00:14:17.980 --> 00:14:21.340
up tight. Every time I thought of girls. It was
00:14:21.340 --> 00:14:23.740
the cause of constant teasing. And I will tell
00:14:23.740 --> 00:14:26.399
you folks right here. You grow pubes upon your
00:14:26.399 --> 00:14:29.549
eyelid. Teenage kids will call you queer. Well,
00:14:29.590 --> 00:14:32.190
it just had to be removed. I looked part werewolf.
00:14:32.370 --> 00:14:35.629
It was thick. So I booked a waxing session. Brazilian
00:14:35.629 --> 00:14:38.049
ought to do the trick. With a request to leave
00:14:38.049 --> 00:14:40.990
a lash. Although curly it'll do. I'll just trim
00:14:40.990 --> 00:14:43.029
it back with scissors when the waxing lady's
00:14:43.029 --> 00:14:45.710
through. Well, jeez, I screamed like bloody hell
00:14:45.710 --> 00:14:48.269
when she ripped away the hairs. It made me think
00:14:48.269 --> 00:14:50.789
them girls are crazy. The ones that get it done
00:14:50.789 --> 00:14:53.389
down there. I walked out all red and squinting
00:14:53.389 --> 00:14:56.259
with me strip of curly lash. me poor old eye
00:14:56.259 --> 00:14:58.340
was sore and weeping and it had come up with
00:14:58.340 --> 00:15:01.820
a rash well i couldn't help but rub it and strangely
00:15:01.820 --> 00:15:05.139
it felt rather nice it was a feeling laced with
00:15:05.139 --> 00:15:08.179
tingles and a little dash of spice it felt great
00:15:08.179 --> 00:15:10.659
beyond belief if it was sport i'd won the cup
00:15:10.659 --> 00:15:13.799
and made me think arousing thoughts and me eyelids
00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:17.139
stiffened up well i found meself obsessed i couldn't
00:15:17.139 --> 00:15:19.559
leave me eye alone and i would get so darned
00:15:19.559 --> 00:15:22.740
involved that i would sometimes loudly moan i
00:15:22.740 --> 00:15:24.970
got in trouble by the teachers and was stirred
00:15:24.970 --> 00:15:27.570
up by me mates. They were calling me a winker,
00:15:27.730 --> 00:15:31.129
and it was causing mass debates. There was rumours
00:15:31.129 --> 00:15:33.570
going round by why I rubbed in such a fashion,
00:15:33.710 --> 00:15:36.629
why I got me monthly wax, and why I trimmed me
00:15:36.629 --> 00:15:39.169
own eyelash, and why I'd sneak off to the toilets
00:15:39.169 --> 00:15:41.889
at nearly every chance I'd get, and come out
00:15:41.889 --> 00:15:44.769
with one eye puffy, and me body drenched in sweat.
00:15:45.110 --> 00:15:47.549
But no one ever really knew about my peen eyelid
00:15:47.549 --> 00:15:50.110
graft and op, and the school was losing patience,
00:15:50.210 --> 00:15:52.769
but I just couldn't seem to stop. They were going
00:15:52.769 --> 00:15:55.169
to expel me. It was my behaviour, I was told.
00:15:55.309 --> 00:15:57.450
It was just another pupil that just couldn't
00:15:57.450 --> 00:16:00.309
be controlled. But after quick negotiation, it
00:16:00.309 --> 00:16:02.929
downgraded to suspension. A week at home where
00:16:02.929 --> 00:16:05.470
I relaxed, sat back and rubbed out extra tension.
00:16:06.009 --> 00:16:08.629
But I knew it was a problem and I knew it must
00:16:08.629 --> 00:16:10.850
be stopped. It wasn't worth all the attention
00:16:10.850 --> 00:16:13.750
or the insults that I copped. It didn't happen
00:16:13.750 --> 00:16:15.850
overnight, but when it did, I felt relieved.
00:16:16.049 --> 00:16:18.269
And I was proud of what I'd done and what I'd
00:16:18.269 --> 00:16:20.990
managed to achieve. Now I don't wink or rub my
00:16:20.990 --> 00:16:23.899
eye at every woman that I meet. Me urge is safely
00:16:23.899 --> 00:16:26.480
zipped away, somewhere a little more discreet.
00:16:26.620 --> 00:16:29.299
And I'm no longer called a winker. And folks
00:16:29.299 --> 00:16:31.500
don't tease me like they did. And they've since
00:16:31.500 --> 00:16:33.980
banned the operation. There's no more kids with
00:16:33.980 --> 00:16:37.840
penile lead. And now I do public speaking. Motivation.
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:40.820
Stayin' strong. How to jump life's little hurdles.
00:16:41.139 --> 00:16:43.500
Overcome things when they're wrong. How do I
00:16:43.500 --> 00:16:46.340
know? Because I've done it. And it's quite easy
00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:50.940
if you try. Jeez, look at her. She's hot. Oh
00:16:50.940 --> 00:16:56.330
no. I've just got something in me eye. It's your
00:16:56.330 --> 00:16:58.769
bloody finger, you dick. Or is it his dick? I
00:16:58.769 --> 00:17:01.049
can't... That's weird. Imagine that happening,
00:17:01.169 --> 00:17:05.569
getting something... Getting your foreskin sewed
00:17:05.569 --> 00:17:06.690
on your eye. There you go, Brad. That puts a
00:17:06.690 --> 00:17:10.509
different complexion on the... You're really
00:17:10.509 --> 00:17:12.369
enjoying that, aren't you? It gives a different
00:17:12.369 --> 00:17:14.670
complexion of the human centipede. Brad McLean
00:17:14.670 --> 00:17:17.130
with peanut lid. Are you fucking kidding me?
00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:22.220
At only two bucks an episode, what have you got
00:17:22.220 --> 00:17:25.880
to lose? Two bucks, I guess. The first time we
00:17:25.880 --> 00:17:29.059
sort of caught up, a few years ago now, and one
00:17:29.059 --> 00:17:31.680
of the things was the fact that we started abusing
00:17:31.680 --> 00:17:33.700
each other straight away. And it worked. Yeah,
00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:37.400
and I called you something and you said something
00:17:37.400 --> 00:17:38.920
straight back to me in front of everybody else
00:17:38.920 --> 00:17:40.160
and you didn't give a stuff and I thought, oh,
00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.539
I've got to know this bloke, this is good. But
00:17:42.539 --> 00:17:45.700
you wrote a poem about exactly what we do in
00:17:45.700 --> 00:17:47.539
Australia that confuses the rest of the fucking
00:17:47.539 --> 00:17:50.849
world. You wrote a poem that explains this strange
00:17:50.849 --> 00:17:55.569
Australian social phenomenon. It's called Affectionate
00:17:55.569 --> 00:17:58.630
Derision. For quite a few years I've been camping
00:17:58.630 --> 00:18:01.369
with peers and we've put down our rears on this
00:18:01.369 --> 00:18:05.069
great riverside. It's just after Yule, the last
00:18:05.069 --> 00:18:08.509
week before school and our last chance to cool.
00:18:08.690 --> 00:18:12.849
It's Vacations Highlight. Our cooling vacations
00:18:12.849 --> 00:18:16.369
highlight. Our sons too, you see, paddling its
00:18:16.369 --> 00:18:18.730
tributary, just where they should be, our six
00:18:18.730 --> 00:18:21.849
boys in the bush. While Dave, Mick and me are
00:18:21.849 --> 00:18:24.250
just happy to be sitting under a tree with big
00:18:24.250 --> 00:18:28.269
grins on our mush. Yeah, dirty big grins on our
00:18:28.269 --> 00:18:31.710
mush. Our camp is set up and we've each filled
00:18:31.710 --> 00:18:34.329
our cup and we're ready to sup here near Campfire
00:18:34.329 --> 00:18:37.769
Curled. A sweet gentle pace is imbued in this
00:18:37.769 --> 00:18:41.470
space, a tranquil showcase where peace is unfurled.
00:18:42.779 --> 00:18:46.819
a showcase for peace is unfurled. This one secret
00:18:46.819 --> 00:18:50.539
place now so many embrace from all over the place
00:18:50.539 --> 00:18:53.779
and from over the sea. So our campsite this night
00:18:53.779 --> 00:18:56.859
is shared and not quite the secret it might once
00:18:56.859 --> 00:19:00.079
have wanted to be. And that secret was once for
00:19:00.079 --> 00:19:04.339
we three. When we disagree, well, our language
00:19:04.339 --> 00:19:07.700
is free and our repartee is sometimes uncouth.
00:19:07.900 --> 00:19:10.680
Now, this peaceful night looked like Dave and
00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:13.279
Mick might have got into a fight by the language.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:18.480
Oh, struth! What? Language and fighting? Oh,
00:19:18.660 --> 00:19:22.799
struth! It was Mick's turn to cook up a plump
00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:25.359
roasted chook and it started to look like it
00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:28.579
wouldn't get done. So impatient Dave, well, he
00:19:28.579 --> 00:19:32.519
started to rave and seemed a bit grave. Now this
00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:35.579
looks like fun. Yeah, this looks like a grave
00:19:35.579 --> 00:19:39.240
bit of fun. Now hang on a tick, retorted our
00:19:39.240 --> 00:19:41.619
Mick, and don't be so thick. You get on your
00:19:41.619 --> 00:19:44.559
bike, you dopey old cow, and don't tell me how
00:19:44.559 --> 00:19:48.000
to cook up our chow or I'll go on strike. and
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:51.619
I'll go on strike if I like. Now Dave had a go
00:19:51.619 --> 00:19:53.880
and got into the flow because he wasn't slow,
00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:57.700
he's as sharp as a dirk. What, you go on strike?
00:19:57.960 --> 00:20:00.460
You just fell off your trike, you bloody big
00:20:00.460 --> 00:20:04.119
piker, you can't even work. The bloody big piker
00:20:04.119 --> 00:20:07.359
won't work? And you'll never work because mostly
00:20:07.359 --> 00:20:10.160
you've shirked your stupid old burk. Oh, how
00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:13.230
Dave huffed and he puffed. Then Mick slipped
00:20:13.230 --> 00:20:16.289
one in, he just stuck out his chin and said with
00:20:16.289 --> 00:20:20.009
a grin, ah, go and get stuffed. Mick told him
00:20:20.009 --> 00:20:24.529
to go and get stuffed? Well, in spite of that
00:20:24.529 --> 00:20:27.170
fun, the roast it was done and then everyone
00:20:27.170 --> 00:20:31.549
sat round the campfire. The jokes they all flowed
00:20:31.549 --> 00:20:34.769
and the campfire glowed, yet Dave and Mick showed
00:20:34.769 --> 00:20:39.150
not one hint of ire. No, couldn't see one hint
00:20:39.150 --> 00:20:42.809
of ire. Then a yank who had been at the earlier
00:20:42.809 --> 00:20:45.309
scene, she just couldn't glean what had gone
00:20:45.309 --> 00:20:48.529
on before and was quite astounded at what she
00:20:48.529 --> 00:20:51.970
had found. Their friendship still sound. So then
00:20:51.970 --> 00:20:55.470
what was the score? Yes, tell me, please. What
00:20:55.470 --> 00:20:59.910
was the score? Well, when we Aussies clash, we
00:20:59.910 --> 00:21:02.970
might act a bit brash or posture real flash so
00:21:02.970 --> 00:21:06.190
we get our points solved. But with mates, it's
00:21:06.190 --> 00:21:09.160
all fun. And that's just what's done, and there's
00:21:09.160 --> 00:21:13.480
no bloody gun or a lawyer involved. Yep, no guns
00:21:13.480 --> 00:21:17.160
or lawyers involved. So, after clean -up we've
00:21:17.160 --> 00:21:19.299
once more filled our cup, and we're ready to
00:21:19.299 --> 00:21:22.579
yup here near Campfire Curled. A sweet gentle
00:21:22.579 --> 00:21:25.920
pace is imbued in this space, a tranquil showcase
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:31.900
here where peace is unfurled. Yes, peace is here
00:21:31.900 --> 00:21:38.460
once more unfurled. That's one of the things
00:21:38.460 --> 00:21:39.960
in one of the albums I produced for you and a
00:21:39.960 --> 00:21:42.019
lovely little poem, Affectionate Derision, explaining
00:21:42.019 --> 00:21:45.319
exactly what that is, you stupid old cunt. Yes,
00:21:45.339 --> 00:21:48.960
and that's the one that got us a Golden Gumleaf
00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.299
Award. Yes, a Golden Gumleaf, eh? Yeah, Bush
00:21:53.299 --> 00:21:55.880
Laureate of the Year for the album. Oh, I've
00:21:55.880 --> 00:21:58.880
run my fingers all over that. It was quite sharp.
00:21:59.579 --> 00:22:03.039
I keep it hidden. from you. More from the adventures
00:22:03.039 --> 00:22:06.539
of Manfred and his trusty sidekick Pixie. Do
00:22:06.539 --> 00:22:09.960
you know what Ned Kelly called his horse? No,
00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.099
no, what did he? Music. Music? That was the name
00:22:13.099 --> 00:22:16.579
of his horse. I think it redefines the man in
00:22:16.579 --> 00:22:18.480
someone's mind if you really think about it.
00:22:18.759 --> 00:22:21.440
Whatever you think of Ned Kelly, it must redefine
00:22:21.440 --> 00:22:23.940
him some way when you think about the fact that
00:22:23.940 --> 00:22:27.819
whatever you think about Ned, he's a man that
00:22:27.819 --> 00:22:30.089
was patting his horse every morning. saying,
00:22:30.150 --> 00:22:34.230
good on you, music. Well, he did save a kid when
00:22:34.230 --> 00:22:36.769
he was younger. He wasn't the vagabond that people
00:22:36.769 --> 00:22:39.349
think, though. No, he was pretty much maligned.
00:22:39.369 --> 00:22:40.829
I mean, some of the coppers back in that time
00:22:40.829 --> 00:22:43.150
were pretty bad. That's what the whole thing
00:22:43.150 --> 00:22:44.710
was about. He would have been in Parliament within
00:22:44.710 --> 00:22:48.710
two years had he not been shot. Yeah, but talk
00:22:48.710 --> 00:22:52.349
to coppers nowadays, and they still reckon Ned's
00:22:52.349 --> 00:22:55.390
a prick. Yeah, I know. Poor Ned. Poor Ned, indeed.
00:22:57.130 --> 00:23:01.140
He is. Poor Ned. You're better off dead. At least
00:23:01.140 --> 00:23:04.559
you'll get some peace of mind. You're right on
00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:07.700
the track. They're right on your back. Boy, they're
00:23:07.700 --> 00:25:51.710
gonna hang you high. Deathbed, he said, when
00:25:51.710 --> 00:25:55.029
he was hung, he said... Such is life. Such is
00:25:55.029 --> 00:25:58.650
life. Not in French, but in English. Contrary
00:25:58.650 --> 00:26:02.230
to popular belief. There you go. But stick them
00:26:02.230 --> 00:26:03.750
up, hold them up and hold them up and all that
00:26:03.750 --> 00:26:06.049
sort of stuff. You know, there was a story...
00:26:06.049 --> 00:26:08.609
I came across a story a little while ago about
00:26:08.609 --> 00:26:12.190
this bloody bushranger who used to frequent just
00:26:12.190 --> 00:26:16.630
outside of Geelong in Victoria. Anyway, one merchant
00:26:16.630 --> 00:26:19.869
had closed up shop and he was heading home and...
00:26:20.269 --> 00:26:23.029
this fella come up behind him and says, Bail
00:26:23.029 --> 00:26:26.130
it up, give us your money or your life. Anyway,
00:26:26.289 --> 00:26:29.670
the shopkeeper, unperturbed, reached into his
00:26:29.670 --> 00:26:32.509
pocket, pulled out a flask of whiskey or brandy
00:26:32.509 --> 00:26:35.210
or something, turned around, held that up against
00:26:35.210 --> 00:26:38.910
the bush ranger's head. He said, nah, you, bail
00:26:38.910 --> 00:26:43.289
up and drop your gun. Anyway, what the bush ranger
00:26:43.289 --> 00:26:46.470
did, he ran off. He said, so the shopkeeper said,
00:26:46.569 --> 00:26:51.019
stop or I'll shoot. And he did. He did. And he
00:26:51.019 --> 00:26:53.339
walked up to him, put the flask in his pocket,
00:26:53.380 --> 00:26:55.799
gave him a whack across the head, punched him
00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:57.500
in the head and said, now fuck off, you bastard.
00:26:57.859 --> 00:27:01.019
What a wimpy bush ranger. What a wimpy fucking
00:27:01.019 --> 00:27:05.680
bush ranger. I mean, I would have thought the
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.079
gay ones would have been tougher. There were
00:27:07.079 --> 00:27:10.640
gay bush rangers. There was. Captain Moonlight.
00:27:10.779 --> 00:27:13.200
That's the one. He was one of these boasts. He'd
00:27:13.200 --> 00:27:14.900
bar you up in the middle of the night going,
00:27:15.019 --> 00:27:18.839
hold him up, hold him up, money or your ass.
00:27:19.549 --> 00:31:47.309
Ha ha ha . . . . . got into trouble at the end
00:31:47.309 --> 00:31:49.730
of the 2020 Tamworth Country Music Festival and
00:31:49.730 --> 00:31:51.710
a couple of the legends of Australian country
00:31:51.710 --> 00:31:53.750
music got upset with me because I told them to
00:31:53.750 --> 00:31:56.549
stop fighting in front of the industry. And they
00:31:56.549 --> 00:31:59.049
got on Facebook because they didn't agree with
00:31:59.049 --> 00:32:02.690
the judge's decision about the Bush Ballad. It
00:32:02.690 --> 00:32:06.829
was the year that you and Manfred, it was the
00:32:06.829 --> 00:32:09.730
year that you and Alan won your first one. There
00:32:09.730 --> 00:32:12.670
was a kerfuffle on Facebook about how people
00:32:12.670 --> 00:32:16.279
who don't write songs blah, blah, blah. And I
00:32:16.279 --> 00:32:19.440
said, they'd already made themselves public by
00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:22.099
saying that. I didn't make them public or do
00:32:22.099 --> 00:32:25.980
anything untoward. I tagged them in a post that
00:32:25.980 --> 00:32:28.559
I said, you need to sort of basically say you
00:32:28.559 --> 00:32:30.380
need to grow up a bit and stop arguing in front
00:32:30.380 --> 00:32:31.839
of the world because it doesn't paint a good
00:32:31.839 --> 00:32:33.960
picture for the entire Australian country music.
00:32:34.079 --> 00:32:37.319
The judge's decision is final. Write better songs.
00:32:38.839 --> 00:32:42.859
And, yeah, and... Wow. I remember that, yeah.
00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:47.059
I was personally lambasted. But I love them.
00:32:47.980 --> 00:32:52.259
I know you do. I hate what's happening to Australian
00:32:52.259 --> 00:32:54.059
country music, always have, and I've always been
00:32:54.059 --> 00:32:57.640
on their side. I wandered into Tamworth and I
00:32:57.640 --> 00:33:03.019
heard a sonic boom As I ambled down old Peel
00:33:03.019 --> 00:33:08.480
Street on a Tuesday afternoon My memory started
00:33:08.480 --> 00:33:13.019
wandering back to the good old days When country
00:33:13.019 --> 00:33:16.690
was real country Played a real fair dinkum way
00:33:16.690 --> 00:33:22.170
The music they were playing Would win any rock
00:33:22.170 --> 00:33:27.789
award As they drowned a little busker out Picking
00:33:27.789 --> 00:33:32.849
out three chords He tried to sing out louder
00:33:32.849 --> 00:33:36.710
In a true blue country style But the rockers
00:33:36.710 --> 00:33:57.180
won out would tremble up in heaven's hall of
00:33:57.180 --> 00:34:01.920
fame. Hear what's happening here on earth with
00:34:01.920 --> 00:34:11.400
their country music name. They have sold out
00:34:11.400 --> 00:34:16.900
country music and the evidence is plain. We must
00:34:16.900 --> 00:34:20.940
honour our traditions and never play their game.
00:34:24.039 --> 00:34:27.880
the trenches and show courage all the way let's
00:34:27.880 --> 00:34:31.719
believe in our convictions as we stand up and
00:34:31.719 --> 00:36:12.750
say Keith Jamison with Don't Let Them Murder
00:36:12.750 --> 00:36:15.929
Tamworth. And you were noticeably absent from
00:36:15.929 --> 00:36:18.150
that conversation I did at the start there. But
00:36:18.150 --> 00:36:20.889
that's fine because you've got your two golden
00:36:20.889 --> 00:36:24.710
guitars now. You don't care. No, I don't. I'll
00:36:24.710 --> 00:36:27.989
let the others do the fighting. I just write
00:36:27.989 --> 00:36:29.909
the stuff. And we haven't written our best one
00:36:29.909 --> 00:36:33.150
yet. The Adventures of Manny and Pix. You did
00:36:33.150 --> 00:36:34.750
spend a lot of time on the road with various
00:36:34.750 --> 00:36:37.670
artists, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Some were special.
00:36:38.030 --> 00:36:41.630
Some are very special. Some are pricks. Well,
00:36:41.710 --> 00:36:44.809
that's fine. That's understandable. What really
00:36:44.809 --> 00:36:50.190
endeared you to them? The ones that stood out
00:36:50.190 --> 00:36:53.889
for you? Well, of all of them, Barty Williams.
00:36:54.369 --> 00:36:59.829
Why? His voice and his nature. He had some lovely
00:36:59.829 --> 00:37:01.409
insights, didn't he? The way he thought about
00:37:01.409 --> 00:37:04.110
life. He had some wonderful insights, and particularly
00:37:04.110 --> 00:37:07.840
about interrelationships in a way. If nobody
00:37:07.840 --> 00:37:12.199
smiled and nobody cheered and nobody helped us
00:37:12.199 --> 00:37:15.900
along. If each every minute looked after himself
00:37:15.900 --> 00:37:20.719
and the good things all went to the strong. If
00:37:20.719 --> 00:37:24.519
nobody cared just a little for you and nobody
00:37:24.519 --> 00:37:28.719
thought about me. And we stood all alone in this
00:37:28.719 --> 00:37:32.840
battle of strife. What a dreary old world it
00:37:32.840 --> 00:38:04.000
would be. Thank you. Thank you. as the richest
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:07.840
on earth, or strong as the strongest that lives.
00:38:08.699 --> 00:38:12.699
Yet never we knew the delight or the charm of
00:38:12.699 --> 00:38:16.820
the smile that the other half gives. If kindness
00:38:16.820 --> 00:38:20.320
were never a part of ourselves, though we owned
00:38:20.320 --> 00:38:24.179
all the land we could see, and friendship meant
00:38:24.179 --> 00:38:28.260
nothing at all to us here, what a dreary old
00:38:28.260 --> 00:38:32.400
world it would be. Life can be sweet because
00:38:32.400 --> 00:38:36.079
of friends we've made and the things in common
00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:40.380
we share. We want to live on not because of ourselves
00:38:40.380 --> 00:38:45.360
but because of the people who care. It's giving
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:49.440
and doing for somebody else. On that all life's
00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:53.500
splendor depends. And the joy of this world when
00:38:53.500 --> 00:38:59.019
you sum it all up is found in the making of friends.
00:38:59.710 --> 00:39:01.409
What do you think of that, Manfred? Oh, friends.
00:39:01.670 --> 00:39:05.090
You really can't celebrate them enough. Yeah,
00:39:05.110 --> 00:39:10.150
but 1979. That's amazing. 1978. Extraordinary
00:39:10.150 --> 00:39:12.170
song. And he was gone about, what, six years
00:39:12.170 --> 00:39:15.329
after that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 86 or so. He passed
00:39:15.329 --> 00:39:18.050
away. Yeah. The show that I did, Under Western
00:39:18.050 --> 00:39:20.949
Skies, is available on YouTube, on my channel,
00:39:21.050 --> 00:39:22.949
if you want to have a look at it. Yeah. Otherwise,
00:39:23.090 --> 00:39:25.030
we'll probably see you next week. It's goodbye
00:39:25.030 --> 00:39:37.269
from Grumpy. And it's goodbye from Stumpy. if
00:39:37.269 --> 00:39:40.150
you don't like it who cares if you do we'll be
00:39:40.150 --> 00:39:43.789
back next week with another episode of Stumpy
00:39:43.789 --> 00:39:44.389
and Grumpy