00:00:21
Speaker 1: Podcast starts now. What is up, everyone around the globe? You're listening to Stradialab in New York City, mind you.
00:00:25
Speaker 2: Happy first day of fall in New York City. I mean, you can feel it. I'm wearing a sweater. I stood up. I was up late last night reading my book. in a cozy, in my cozy bed. It is, I want a giant thing of hot chocolate to sip.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: It's absolutely incredible. I mean, I must say I'm, as someone that currently lives in Los Angeles, I will say when I wake up and it's cloudy, it does trigger something, a panic in me. Like I can't enjoy it. I get scared. And I'm like, yeah, there's something about me right now where, but it's also, as I was telling you, I'm depressed.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: You are depressed. So let's talk more about that.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: So I just recorded my special. And now that I did it, I'm like, I'm embarrassed in a way that like, I feel like I threw a big birthday party for myself. And then I'm like, why did I do that? You know, like, it's like, it's very shameful. Oh, I see.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: So it's not just that you had this high, high, and now you're crashing. It's that you're like, I can't believe I just did that.
00:01:20
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:01:20
Speaker 2: You're almost, it's like post, or if you're a Catholic post orgasm and you're like, I need to take a shower.
00:01:25
Speaker 3: Exactly.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is.
00:01:27
Speaker 2: You have to fight that. In our business, you have to be, you have to embrace your narcissism. You can't be having shame about wanting attention.
00:01:35
Speaker 1: I literally need to apologize to all the cameramen. I need to be like, hey, sorry, you couldn't hang out with your families that night.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: No, this is why we're not more successful. Because both of us are full of shame.
00:01:45
Speaker 1: It's wild. And all day today I've been like, okay, I need to repent. Like, I really feel like I need to repent.
00:01:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know, my new idea is step and repent instead of step and repeat.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: I need the step and repent.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: Where you're on a red carpet and then you can repent to camera and then you get it out of the way. You go into the event. Time for the big premiere.
00:02:01
Speaker 1: I need that so bad. I would really be healed if I did that.
00:02:04
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of repenting, we have Mr.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Shobis and Shane. We have Mr.
00:02:09
Speaker 2: Shobis himself on the podcast today. And I, the Murray Hill who is on today, Murray Hill's book arrived to my apartment yesterday and I brought it here. and you hadn't even seen it yet.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: No, it looks great.
00:02:20
Speaker 2: This is your first time seeing your own book.
00:02:22
Speaker 3: You know, fellas, I was a little late. Oh, please. No, not to the podcast. Guys, take it easy. I was late in finishing the book, so they never printed galleys. So I never saw the book. So, you know, it's... It's nice and thick.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: It's very thick. It's nice and thick. You can say that again.
00:02:39
Speaker 1: Amazing font.
00:02:41
Speaker 2: Beautiful font. Great image. Look at these blurbs. Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:02:44
Speaker 1: Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: Bridget Everett. Jeff Hiller. Okay, well, these are coworkers, so they don't count. But Kathleen Hanna.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:02:50
Speaker 2: Margaret Cho. Amy Sedaris. I mean, come on.
00:02:54
Speaker 1: Showbiz. It's showbiz.
00:02:57
Speaker 3: I asked your agents, but they didn't get back to me.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: What did you ask them?
00:03:00
Speaker 2: Oh, my. Oh, for a blurb. Yeah, we could have given. They didn't get back to us either, if you know what I mean.
00:03:06
Speaker 1: Showbiz.
00:03:10
Speaker 3: Guys, there's a pause, so I'm going to. I have a quick question.
00:03:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, please.
00:03:13
Speaker 3: So straight lab, right?
00:03:17
Speaker 2: Stradio lab.
00:03:18
Speaker 3: Stradio, straight. That's all I see is Stradio lab. So I'm a little freaked out because, first of all, I just want to say to the camera that I love gay people. They're a lot of fun.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: Should be- Sometimes.
00:03:29
Speaker 3: Have equal rights.
00:03:30
Speaker 2: Occasionally.
00:03:32
Speaker 3: But I did think this was a bro straight podcast and I'm not saying you both are gay, but I'm getting that vibe because you started off talking about like gay shame and- Of.
00:03:43
Speaker 1: Course, yeah, yeah.
00:03:44
Speaker 3: You're both wearing these outfits that if, straight people wore them, it would make sense.
00:03:49
Speaker 1: That's true. Oh, interesting.
00:03:50
Speaker 3: That's interesting. So I didn't know this was Gayolab.
00:03:55
Speaker 2: We do actually, we do Gayolab once a year for Pride, where someone brings a gay topic. But the rest of the year we do Straight Ear Lab. And basically it's, you know, we are.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: So confused. So- They didn't tell me. But I like guys. You guys are fun.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry. You want your agents to email you whenever there is a career opportunity and tell you the sexuality and gender identity of the person that is giving it to you?
00:04:18
Speaker 3: Well, you know, straight lab. So I thought this was a straight lab. So I wore this outfit. You know, I tried to blend with the guys. I come in here and you guys are wearing fucking khakis. I mean, this is fucked up.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: I'll have you know, these are designer khakis that only gay men have access to.
00:04:35
Speaker 1: Mine are a collab. These are khakis that are a collab.
00:04:38
Speaker 2: I had to get his specially tailored for his special taping.
00:04:41
Speaker 1: First, I ordered them way too small, got them tailored way too big, and now they don't fit at all. Same.
00:04:48
Speaker 3: Can we get a close-up of that?
00:04:50
Speaker 2: You need to make up your mind. Before you said you didn't want a close-up. You didn't want a close-up of anything neck down.
00:04:54
Speaker 3: I'm doing a bit, right? Taking this fucking guy.
00:04:58
Speaker 1: But we can be a straight podcast if you want.
00:04:59
Speaker 2: That's right.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Do you watch the big game?
00:05:01
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, two guys in the Giants got injured last night.
00:05:06
Speaker 1: Is that true?
00:05:06
Speaker 3: It's football.
00:05:07
Speaker 1: That's so sad.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:05:09
Speaker 3: Well, I hope- It's not sad. They worked hard. They're tough. They deserve concussions.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: That's true.
00:05:13
Speaker 2: They worked hard for those concussions.
00:05:14
Speaker 1: They worked hard for those concussions. It's a badge of honor. Any conspiracy theories you believe in or want to get off your chest really quick?
00:05:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, any races or ethnicities that you don't.
00:05:23
Speaker 1: Really like that much. What sort of protein powders are you on?
00:05:28
Speaker 3: I actually don't get it. So guys, guys, I get all my health advice from Instagram.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: From RFK Jr.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: No, Instagram. It's a step higher than RFK. Yeah, barely.
00:05:39
Speaker 1: No, very.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: And apparently for every pound that you weigh, you're supposed to have a gram of protein.
00:05:48
Speaker 2: If you're building muscle.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I have not found, and maybe now that I know you guys are gay, and you like health and work out and stuff, is now that I know, so basically I have to have 220 grams of protein per day. If you want to gain muscle.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: And I can't figure it out.
00:06:05
Speaker 2: Are you trying to get really, really buff?
00:06:08
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, all right, well there you go.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: I mean, this is buff underneath.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: I wasn't accusing you of not being buff already. No, that's right.
00:06:17
Speaker 3: I'm not a gazer into the bodies and stuff. I'm like a bear.
00:06:21
Speaker 2: What you're describing isn't the amount of protein you need just to be like a healthy person in the world. It's the amount of protein. I seriously thought that was. It's the amount of protein you need to like bulk up. You know what I mean? If you have less than that, you'll be fine. You just won't be like huge and muscular.
00:06:36
Speaker 3: So yesterday I had an egg sandwich for breakfast.
00:06:39
Speaker 2: Great.
00:06:40
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:06:42
Speaker 3: And then I had some chips.
00:06:43
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:06:44
Speaker 3: And some Cheez-Its.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: Yum.
00:06:45
Speaker 3: And that was it. So I didn't get too much protein.
00:06:47
Speaker 2: So you're on Atkins. Yes.
00:06:49
Speaker 1: Well, I love those chips and Cheez-Its. The Cheez-Its aren't the chips.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: They were separate.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:06:53
Speaker 1: Different meals. Different meals.
00:06:55
Speaker 3: I think the Cheez-Its were from your green room. Oh, my God.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: Well, you're welcome then. We'll be Venmo-ing you for the total price of that, too.
00:07:02
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: I keep getting health advice on Instagram as well.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: What kind of advice are you getting?
00:07:07
Speaker 1: Well, they're always trying to get me to get more flexible. Instagram really knows that I'm not flexible.
00:07:12
Speaker 2: Everyone loves hip flexors.
00:07:14
Speaker 3: The jumping, right?
00:07:14
Speaker 1: Do you get that one?
00:07:15
Speaker 3: The little jumps in this?
00:07:17
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:07:17
Speaker 3: And the dead arms?
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. And I'm sort of like, can you guys make a list?
00:07:21
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to find this video when I actually want it. Okay, see ya.
00:07:24
Speaker 3: I've never had something in common with a gay man before.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: That can't be true.
00:07:28
Speaker 2: I doubt that.
00:07:29
Speaker 3: It is kind of true. I get sucked into that shit and I always want a list of all of the moves because I can't remember.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: There's no way to remember.
00:07:39
Speaker 3: Because I'm in showbiz and a certain age and gummies and ADHD.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: You have all the lines in your head.
00:07:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I, this is so neurotic, I save these videos like three times a day. I've never once gone back to.
00:07:53
Speaker 2: Look at it. I was about to say.
00:07:54
Speaker 3: Because I want one page with a list.
00:07:56
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:07:57
Speaker 3: Because I can't remember the trunk moving, the hops, let's see if we can do it. The, this one?
00:08:03
Speaker 1: There's like the dead arm, this one.
00:08:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, the dead arms.
00:08:06
Speaker 1: There's like a, there's a slight like bending one, but I don't think I can want to do that one.
00:08:11
Speaker 3: That's not what I heard. But the rim shot, not job shot.
00:08:21
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know who actually uses these videos to actually do the workouts. I'm also like, I don't think I should be doing this solo. I think I need a person watching me, a coach, if you will.
00:08:31
Speaker 2: Tell us what to do next. Like a trainer, perhaps.
00:08:34
Speaker 1: Sure, maybe a coach.
00:08:35
Speaker 2: Maybe a professional.
00:08:35
Speaker 1: Can we do it?
00:08:36
Speaker 3: Should we try to do it on B-roll after we do this? We'll try to do this.
00:08:40
Speaker 2: We're doing a guided workout and then a guided meditation. And I'm going to perform a Reiki series on the two of you.
00:08:45
Speaker 1: Do you get health stuff on Instagram?
00:08:48
Speaker 2: Not what you're describing. I'm getting bulking stuff. I'm getting what the first, like protein stuff. I'm getting like, if you really want the, get ready, because this is going to be body negative. Are you ready for this? It's not my fault that I get these things.
00:09:00
Speaker 3: It's not my fault that I get these things.
00:09:02
Speaker 2: I get a lot of content that is how to battle skinny fat body type. Do you know what skinny fat is?
00:09:09
Speaker 3: I actually don't.
00:09:11
Speaker 2: Skinny fat is when you are skinny, but like, kind of flabby, I guess you would say. It's like, imagine like a skinny guy that has like love handles.
00:09:20
Speaker 3: And so- I don't want to imagine that. I thought this was a straight show.
00:09:27
Speaker 2: This is sort of what my algorithm is also. My algorithm is also like, imagine that. Is it pictures? No, there's no pictures. Those would be censored, of course. But it is basically like, I think it has been decided in the gay community that that is the worst possible body type one can have.
00:09:44
Speaker 3: So is it better to be chubby?
00:09:46
Speaker 2: Yes, because if you're chubby, you're a bear. We know where to put you. We know where to put you, right? If you're chubby, amazing. There's a community for you. If you're skinny, twinkie, you're amazing. There's a community for you. If you can't fit into one of those buckets.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: If you're skinny, skinny fat, we have to kill you. You are between two worlds?
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Unless you follow these five simple steps. And so that's what I'm getting.
00:10:07
Speaker 3: What if you're fat skinny?
00:10:09
Speaker 1: Oh, I would love to hear what that is.
00:10:11
Speaker 2: How would that work?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: Well... Young people.
00:10:16
Speaker 2: I have an idea for how that would work. Ready? Okay. Like, if you're... really big, but have like really skinny arms. Maybe that's fat skinny.
00:10:22
Speaker 1: Oh, that's good.
00:10:24
Speaker 2: Is that how you identify?
00:10:25
Speaker 3: Well, I identify as a lot of things. None of which are appropriate for a podcast. But yeah, I've got skinny fingers.
00:10:33
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:33
Speaker 3: And I got, you know, just big right here. So I guess I'm fat skinny.
00:10:36
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:37
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess I have skinny.
00:10:38
Speaker 1: No, actually.
00:10:41
Speaker 3: But is there a support group for guys like that?
00:10:43
Speaker 2: For skinny fat guys? Yes.
00:10:46
Speaker 3: Fat, big.
00:10:47
Speaker 2: Fat gay.
00:10:47
Speaker 3: Skinny fat gay guys.
00:10:50
Speaker 2: Is there a support group for skinny fat gay guys? Well, I just think it is the last remaining, in an era of body positivity, it is the last community that faces prejudice in the LGBTQ plus community. And I'm basically not even kidding.
00:11:04
Speaker 1: Well, there's not a body neutrality movement for skinny fat.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: Yes. Have you heard of body neutrality?
00:11:09
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
00:11:09
Speaker 2: Okay, so body positivity is like, I feel amazing about my body no matter what I look like. Body neutrality.
00:11:13
Speaker 3: I've never heard of that either. That's not something I've experienced.
00:11:16
Speaker 2: Body neutrality is like, I'm simply neutral about how I look. I don't feel good about it.
00:11:21
Speaker 1: I don't feel bad about it. It is just my body.
00:11:23
Speaker 3: Wait, what are you guys hearing about this shit?
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Let me try doing body neutrality. Didn't work.
00:11:26
Speaker 3: Let me try. That was it.
00:11:32
Speaker 1: Did you feel it?
00:11:33
Speaker 2: Congratulations, did you do it?
00:11:34
Speaker 3: No, but what are you learning about this shit?
00:11:37
Speaker 1: I learned about it yesterday on our podcast.
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I told you about it.
00:11:39
Speaker 3: You know what I did learn? What? I'm going to get canceled.
00:11:45
Speaker 2: No, you're not.
00:11:45
Speaker 3: Because anytime I'm with gay guys, I like- Do you get canceled?
00:11:47
Speaker 1: You want to be bad?
00:11:48
Speaker 3: No, I don't want to be bad, but I want to ask you things that I've- Ask, ask, ask. Because you just told me about four words I've never even heard of.
00:11:54
Speaker 2: Well, let's hear it.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: I heard, but I don't know if it's the right definition.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: I'm ex-Catholic. I can't wait. Ex-Catholic.
00:12:03
Speaker 3: Shame.
00:12:04
Speaker 1: Felching.
00:12:05
Speaker 3: Oh, felching.
00:12:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's classic.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: You can take this one.
00:12:07
Speaker 3: What do you want to know about it? Well.
00:12:11
Speaker 2: Have you heard about sides?
00:12:13
Speaker 1: What?
00:12:13
Speaker 2: Have you heard about sides? If someone identifies it as a side.
00:12:17
Speaker 3: Like sides when I'm doing a self-tape?
00:12:18
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:12:18
Speaker 2: So do you want to know what a side is?
00:12:20
Speaker 3: What is a side?
00:12:21
Speaker 2: I'll explain sides and then you explain felching. See what I did there?
00:12:24
Speaker 1: I got the gross one.
00:12:25
Speaker 2: You got the gross one. A side is a gay man who doesn't. like anal sex at all. So he's not a top or a bottom. He just wants to do other kinds of stuff. So he's a side because it's not a top or a bottom.
00:12:40
Speaker 3: Well, what else is there to do? No, it's a valid question, Sammy.
00:12:44
Speaker 2: Hand and mouth stuff.
00:12:45
Speaker 1: Hand and mouth stuff.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: Come on.
00:12:47
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:12:48
Speaker 2: Be open-minded.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: Guys, I thought this was hand and mouth. Oh, God. I don't care what you do in the bedroom. Just, I don't want to see it.
00:12:58
Speaker 1: Wait, a side? Yeah. Yeah, what do you think about that?
00:13:01
Speaker 2: You need to go back to your community.
00:13:02
Speaker 3: Well, I like sides, like when I go to Ruth's Steakhouse.
00:13:04
Speaker 2: Like an appetizer? Of course. Like a creamed spinach.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: Sometimes I order all sides.
00:13:09
Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
00:13:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:13:11
Speaker 3: Tater tots, mashed potatoes.
00:13:13
Speaker 1: In what context did you hear about felching?
00:13:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: Who was bringing this up with you?
00:13:17
Speaker 3: I do have a gay friend.
00:13:18
Speaker 1: Oh, that's nice.
00:13:19
Speaker 3: Who was in a relationship and... They broke up, and he was heartbroken, and then there's this prep thing going around, I guess.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is.
00:13:27
Speaker 2: Did they break up because of felching in some way?
00:13:30
Speaker 3: Well, I don't think so.
00:13:31
Speaker 1: Or because of prep.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: Or because of prep.
00:13:33
Speaker 3: Maybe. So after they broke up, he has been going on a bender.
00:13:38
Speaker 2: That'll happen.
00:13:39
Speaker 3: And, you know, I've been around boys. I'm in my 50s. I've seen a lot, done a lot. But he was telling me that gay guys go to a hotel.
00:13:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:51
Speaker 3: I'm going to get it. What am I talking about? I thought this was a fucking sports show. A guy goes to the hotel. Uh-huh. Stranger.
00:14:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see where this is going.
00:14:02
Speaker 3: Doesn't have any clothes on.
00:14:03
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:04
Speaker 3: On all fours on the bed.
00:14:05
Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: And then.
00:14:07
Speaker 2: No loads refused. Have you heard that term?
00:14:09
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. We've got young people here.
00:14:11
Speaker 1: No, it's not right. It's not right.
00:14:12
Speaker 2: People.
00:14:13
Speaker 3: Gay guys come in. I don't even know how they find it.
00:14:15
Speaker 2: They come in in more ways than one.
00:14:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, they come in. They put some stuff in the back door.
00:14:19
Speaker 2: Period.
00:14:20
Speaker 3: And then they leave.
00:14:21
Speaker 2: Bye-bye.
00:14:22
Speaker 3: And then a guy comes in, like the 10th guy comes in.
00:14:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:26
Speaker 3: And has an iced coffee, if you know what I'm saying.
00:14:28
Speaker 1: Oh, God.
00:14:29
Speaker 3: They drink it.
00:14:31
Speaker 1: Oh, that's less common. That's more niche, I think.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. What's that called? What's felching?
00:14:36
Speaker 1: That's felching, but it's just kind of niche.
00:14:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we're not judging in any way, but I think- I don't do it.
00:14:43
Speaker 3: I'm married, baby, I've never done that.
00:14:45
Speaker 2: Oh, and you think a married person can't do it. That's very interesting.
00:14:48
Speaker 1: That's really interesting.
00:14:50
Speaker 3: Wait, felching is the drinking part of putting.
00:14:52
Speaker 1: It in or loading up? Yeah, the drinking part.
00:14:55
Speaker 3: Oh, so what's the loading up? I'm trying to talk in metaphors.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Loads are just loads.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: No loads refused. Oh, so it's sides?
00:15:02
Speaker 3: Lodes, body neutrality. Is there going to be a fucking quiz after this?
00:15:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, there sure is.
00:15:07
Speaker 1: There's a midterm for sure.
00:15:08
Speaker 3: Oh, so the felching's the actual drinking of it.
00:15:10
Speaker 1: See, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, that's the felching part.
00:15:14
Speaker 3: So it's lodes and felching.
00:15:17
Speaker 2: Body neutrality.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: First comes lodes, then comes felching.
00:15:22
Speaker 2: And then when you do a lot of that, you're like, you know what? I'm a side.
00:15:29
Speaker 1: When you're a side, you're at peace. That's right.
00:15:31
Speaker 3: Put the rim shot in, this kid's good. Fuck, wow. Any other gay things you can tell me about?
00:15:39
Speaker 2: Have you heard of Addison Rae?
00:15:42
Speaker 3: Is that a person?
00:15:43
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:15:43
Speaker 2: Or a thing? She's a really young pop star. She just came out onto the scene a couple years ago. She is blonde.
00:15:52
Speaker 1: And- She is a dancer.
00:15:54
Speaker 2: She's very influenced by certain eras of Madonna. She dances a lot.
00:15:58
Speaker 1: She's sort of a normal girl.
00:15:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's kind of like a normal girl, but also a pop star. But cool. But cool. Who else?
00:16:04
Speaker 3: I'm not ringing any bells.
00:16:05
Speaker 1: Who's your pop star?
00:16:07
Speaker 2: Well, you love Tina Turner. I know from reading your book.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: I like Tina Turner, of course. And I do listen to Creed. Again, I had that answer prepared because I thought we were doing a straight podcast.
00:16:19
Speaker 1: Tell me about your relationship with Creed.
00:16:21
Speaker 3: Okay. Now, Bridget Everett's my buddy.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
00:16:26
Speaker 3: And The other day, you know, I was having some emotions. It doesn't happen a lot because I just try to suffocate them.
00:16:32
Speaker 2: You got to shut it down.
00:16:33
Speaker 3: Comedy, showbiz. Hello. So I was feeling it, and I just put on Creed on my Spotify. I know I'm not supposed to use Spotify, but I mean, iHeartMedia. They have music?
00:16:45
Speaker 2: Apple Music.
00:16:46
Speaker 1: Showbiz. Yeah. You put on your Creed vinyl.
00:16:49
Speaker 3: I put on my Creed.
00:16:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, Creed vinyl. Ethically sourced secondhand.
00:16:53
Speaker 3: To, like, get the vibes out of the emotions. And I was in the bathroom, just because I thought you were straight, guys. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, listening to Creed.
00:17:06
Speaker 2: Hey, we take dumps, too.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: Well, no, you take loads.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: Damn, got my ass.
00:17:17
Speaker 2: No.
00:17:17
Speaker 3: No, thank you. So anyway, I was in the bathroom doing stuff, and I had it cranked. And it's like. Arms wide open. Yeah, yeah. And Bridget called me and I hadn't turned it off. And she was like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm like, I'm listening to Creed. And she goes, bro, no. And she fucking hung up on me.
00:17:43
Speaker 1: Really? Wow.
00:17:44
Speaker 3: She didn't like the straight bro Murray.
00:17:47
Speaker 1: So much for the tolerant left.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: That's why we lost the election, right?
00:17:51
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Creed, do you return too often?
00:17:58
Speaker 3: Only when I'm feeling emotions.
00:18:01
Speaker 2: So like once every six years. Do you like a sort of an even more extreme version, like a heavy metal? Because I know a lot of people who get their emotions out by listening to truly like death metal, like screaming music.
00:18:12
Speaker 3: I actually don't like death metal because, you know, it's too loud. But Thursday, I'll just keep it open. Thursday, I'm going to see Bikini Kill in Williamsburg.
00:18:22
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: Every time, and I've been doing this since the 90s, when Rebel Girl comes out, that is like, I'm going to work out my shit right now.
00:18:31
Speaker 2: Totally.
00:18:31
Speaker 1: And it's like.
00:18:36
Speaker 3: Fuck you, baby. Oh, sorry. I didn't have a stroke.
00:18:41
Speaker 1: You're good. When Creed was sort of in the backlash era and people were like, they suck, they suck, they suck. Were you like defending them or were you like, they suck?
00:18:51
Speaker 3: Well, Sammy, I know you're a comedian. you know, you're on stage. And I used to, when I toured with La Tigra, I used to make a couple of Creed jokes.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:19:00
Speaker 3: During that backlash period.
00:19:01
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
00:19:02
Speaker 3: And I'll do an impersonation of the audience after I made a Creed joke.
00:19:07
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:19:08
Speaker 3: Okay, here it is.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: Wow, they weren't responding.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: They weren't loving it.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: Do you think it's because they loved Creed or just because they thought it was like hack to talk about Creed?
00:19:19
Speaker 3: Ooh, interesting. Yeah, it's tough. Well, that crowd, which is like very queer, very positive.
00:19:24
Speaker 2: Trust me, I've been to La Tigre concerts.
00:19:26
Speaker 3: You know, it's like the irony, and I'm dressed like, you know, this. So the irony of me making fun of Creed may have been lost on that crowd.
00:19:35
Speaker 2: I see.
00:19:35
Speaker 1: The sincere crowd.
00:19:37
Speaker 3: Well, you know, you know.
00:19:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know. We don't have to say it out loud.
00:19:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't have to say it out loud, but you know.
00:19:46
Speaker 1: I'm confused currently. I think it's interesting that Creed is like, I recognize, liked now, like Gen Z is like Creed is funny to put on. Because it scares me because I'm like, what? You never know what's going to be ironically liked.
00:19:59
Speaker 2: Oh, completely.
00:20:00
Speaker 1: Whereas the next generation will just think Creed is good because the people older than them just liked it, even though it's ironic.
00:20:06
Speaker 2: Which happened with Journey.
00:20:07
Speaker 1: Exactly. Exactly.
00:20:09
Speaker 3: Creed does have a couple of good songs.
00:20:10
Speaker 2: I mean, listen. They've got Photograph.
00:20:12
Speaker 1: No.
00:20:13
Speaker 3: No, that's Def Leppard.
00:20:14
Speaker 1: That's... Look at this photograph!
00:20:16
Speaker 2: No, that's Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: No.
00:20:20
Speaker 1: You're thinking of I'll put your picture away.
00:20:22
Speaker 3: Oh my God, you're right.
00:20:24
Speaker 2: Wow, you really clocked that.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: Everyone's gaslighting me.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: Okay, so Photograph is Creed?
00:20:29
Speaker 1: Photograph is Creed. Arms wide open.
00:20:30
Speaker 2: There's the other one, Higher. Fuck!
00:20:33
Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you. We were not gaslighting you, bitch!
00:20:38
Speaker 1: What's the difference between Creed and Nickelback? They are so identical to me.
00:20:41
Speaker 3: Wait, Nickelback has, what's that? I listened to that too. I don't, that's a real.
00:20:45
Speaker 1: They are so identical to me.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's bros.
00:20:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:20:49
Speaker 1: Long hair.
00:20:50
Speaker 3: Trying to have emotions before they go to rehab.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: That's right. And often, you know, they never make it to rehab because they have too many emotions on the page.
00:21:00
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: Exactly.
00:21:03
Speaker 1: And Creed is the one that's like the guy in the mud. The album covers the guy in the mud. Or is that Nickelback?
00:21:10
Speaker 3: I think he's like Jesus or something.
00:21:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's Christianity there.
00:21:13
Speaker 2: A lot of times the angriest people love Jesus. It's weird how that works out.
00:21:19
Speaker 3: No comment. I never met the guy.
00:21:23
Speaker 2: Jesus? Yes. Oh, you would love him.
00:21:25
Speaker 1: He's fab. He's really nice. Seriously.
00:21:27
Speaker 2: And he's a great host. He'll put out a lot of hors d'oeuvres.
00:21:32
Speaker 3: He puts out a lot of sides.
00:21:33
Speaker 2: A lot of sides.
00:21:34
Speaker 1: A lot of sides.
00:21:35
Speaker 2: Talk about a side.
00:21:35
Speaker 1: Talk about a side.
00:21:37
Speaker 2: Jesus was definitely a side.
00:21:38
Speaker 1: Jesus was a side down.
00:21:39
Speaker 2: Shall we do our first segment?
00:21:40
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:21:51
Speaker 3: Oh, that wasn't a segment?
00:21:54
Speaker 1: No. Our first segment is called Straight Shooters.
00:21:57
Speaker 2: You're already going to be confused. You're going to hate this.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: I already have to. You're going to hate this.
00:22:02
Speaker 3: Are we doing a game? Yes. Oh, shit.
00:22:04
Speaker 1: In this game, we ask you a series of rapid fire questions. It's basically this thing or this other thing, and you pick one. And the only rule is you can't ask any follow-up questions or we will scream.
00:22:13
Speaker 2: You have to just pick one.
00:22:14
Speaker 3: How am I going to do that? You've seen me already. Okay, so you're going to say something. I just pick one.
00:22:20
Speaker 2: Murray Hill.
00:22:21
Speaker 3: I'm already talking too much.
00:22:23
Speaker 2: I love rock and roll or I'm here. Flaws and all.
00:22:28
Speaker 3: I can't do this. Rock and roll.
00:22:31
Speaker 1: Okay. Tuna on Shibata or Hakuna Matata?
00:22:35
Speaker 3: Hakuna Machata.
00:22:37
Speaker 2: Being invited to prom or being indicted for doing something wrong? Indicted.
00:22:42
Speaker 1: Bricking your phone or sniffing pheromones?
00:22:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough.
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Shit.
00:22:50
Speaker 3: Can we put it? Jeopardy thing, ding, ding, ding. Sniffing pheromones.
00:22:56
Speaker 2: Sunday nights on HBO or picking a fight with a guy named Joe?
00:23:00
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:23:01
Speaker 3: Well, since, well, we were canceled on Sunday night.
00:23:04
Speaker 2: But you were on Sunday nights on HBO.
00:23:05
Speaker 3: We were on Sunday nights, so picking a fight.
00:23:09
Speaker 1: Ebony and Ivory?
00:23:11
Speaker 3: Yes, yes. I don't even want to hear the rest of it. I love that song.
00:23:14
Speaker 1: Okay. All right.
00:23:15
Speaker 2: Classic. The seven deadly sins or the four fabulous ladies of Sex and the City?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:23:22
Speaker 3: The ladies of Sex and the City.
00:23:23
Speaker 1: I'll say. A public service or a product purchase?
00:23:30
Speaker 3: Did you think I was gay? Public service, fellas.
00:23:34
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:23:34
Speaker 2: That's the La Tigra ethos coming out. Yes, yes, yes.
00:23:38
Speaker 1: Help the world.
00:23:39
Speaker 2: Stunning work.
00:23:40
Speaker 1: Incredible as always.
00:23:41
Speaker 2: So what happens?
00:23:41
Speaker 3: I get a prize?
00:23:42
Speaker 1: Yes. So we rate our guests on a scale of 0 to 1,000 doves.
00:23:45
Speaker 2: And your score is 900 doves.
00:23:48
Speaker 1: Doves? Doves.
00:23:49
Speaker 2: We will be sending them to your home.
00:23:51
Speaker 3: Like the chocolates?
00:23:52
Speaker 2: No, the live birds.
00:23:55
Speaker 3: Not the, you know, the. Women, body positive creams?
00:23:59
Speaker 1: No, no creams.
00:24:00
Speaker 2: We don't believe in body positivity here.
00:24:02
Speaker 1: We're neutral. We're neutral at best.
00:24:04
Speaker 3: We have to come up with something where- We're skinny, fat, and we're sides. Okay, what's a word that you don't even acknowledge your body? Let's come up with that.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Wait, what's the word?
00:24:11
Speaker 1: Body doesn't exist? Yeah, body.
00:24:12
Speaker 3: BNE?
00:24:13
Speaker 2: Body invisibility?
00:24:16
Speaker 1: Body invisibility.
00:24:17
Speaker 2: Body erasure. Body erasure. Body erasure.
00:24:19
Speaker 3: Body erasure.
00:24:20
Speaker 1: I'm committing body erasure.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Erasure.
00:24:23
Speaker 3: Okay, body erasure.
00:24:24
Speaker 2: Body erasure is a new movement.
00:24:26
Speaker 3: That we started right here on this podcast.
00:24:27
Speaker 2: That we started where you don't even believe you.
00:24:30
Speaker 1: Have a body.
00:24:32
Speaker 3: You know when they say talking heads? That's what we're doing. Talking heads. No bodies.
00:24:35
Speaker 1: No bodies. And if someone's like, I'm skinny fat, I'm like, no, you're nothing.
00:24:39
Speaker 2: You're nothing.
00:24:39
Speaker 1: You're nothing.
00:24:40
Speaker 3: You're just a head.
00:24:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:24:42
Speaker 2: Talk about true equality.
00:24:44
Speaker 3: Just a head. That could mean something else.
00:24:45
Speaker 1: For you guys.
00:24:46
Speaker 2: That's true.
00:24:46
Speaker 1: It could mean a lot for us. Head. Oh, God.
00:24:49
Speaker 2: Well, head means the same thing for all sexualities.
00:24:51
Speaker 1: It does? Well, sometimes.
00:24:53
Speaker 2: Getting, giving.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: No? Yeah, no, you're right. Depends on which culture you're in, I guess.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: We thought load was gay only, and then the wonderful straight men who work with us informed us that it is, in fact, also used for straights.
00:25:07
Speaker 3: Where do they put the load?
00:25:09
Speaker 2: I think you can picture where they put the load. They invented it. They did classic, and then we made it alt.
00:25:17
Speaker 3: I wish this was a whiteboard. You could draw it out for me, because.
00:25:20
Speaker 2: I'm actually trying to figure out.
00:25:22
Speaker 1: What happened was my uncle, who was straight, said something about a load. And I was like, do you remember this? This is how we started talking about this, I think.
00:25:29
Speaker 2: Oh, yes. And we were like, I can't believe you know that word.
00:25:33
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, is he gay? I was like, is my uncle secretly gay? Yes.
00:25:36
Speaker 2: And then someone who shall not be named who works... with us in our Los Angeles... No, no, no. It was our Los Angeles team. Of course. He was like, yeah, no. We know what loads are. We say loads, too. Yeah, people say loads.
00:25:50
Speaker 1: And I was like, I thought it was just gay. It's crazy. It's only a load if you're a gay guy. No.
00:25:53
Speaker 3: Okay, this interview is going so off the track, but can I ask a question?
00:25:57
Speaker 2: Sure.
00:25:58
Speaker 3: Legitimate, sincere.
00:25:59
Speaker 2: So far, it's going exactly how we planned.
00:26:03
Speaker 3: Okay. I should know this, but... Okay, so.
00:26:08
Speaker 3: If straight guy's doing a load, it's not necessarily the back door.
00:26:14
Speaker 1: That's right. It just is a load.
00:26:15
Speaker 2: It could be the front door.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:26:17
Speaker 2: It can also just be like out there. It doesn't have to go into somewhere to be a load. You know what I mean?
00:26:25
Speaker 3: Can that be the pull quote? Okay, I need that on a t-shirt. That is, it doesn't need to be somewhere. That's beautiful.
00:26:33
Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be put somewhere to be a load.
00:26:35
Speaker 3: Okay, that's beautiful.
00:26:36
Speaker 1: It's the journey not the destination.
00:26:37
Speaker 2: Exactly, it's the journey not the destination.
00:26:41
Speaker 3: Sammy, that's funny. Okay, all right, okay, okay. So I guess I've had some loads then. Of course.
00:26:52
Speaker 2: You think you got to where you are in showbiz without taking any loads?
00:26:55
Speaker 3: Not taking loads.
00:26:57
Speaker 2: Having them.
00:26:57
Speaker 3: No.
00:26:58
Speaker 2: Producing them.
00:26:59
Speaker 3: Putting them somewhere without it and placing results.
00:27:02
Speaker 2: Presenting them.
00:27:03
Speaker 1: Presenting them.
00:27:04
Speaker 3: Presenting loads.
00:27:06
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Myload.
00:27:07
Speaker 3: That should have been the name of my book.
00:27:08
Speaker 1: Solo show. Solo show. Presenting loads.
00:27:10
Speaker 2: Presenting loads.
00:27:12
Speaker 3: Murray Hill loads, one night only. Murray Hill loads, one night only.
00:27:15
Speaker 1: Wow. That's good.
00:27:20
Speaker 3: So yeah, I do a lot of these types of things and I've.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: Never- Talked about loads this much?
00:27:25
Speaker 3: Well, that, but I've never learned so much.
00:27:27
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so glad. Well, guess what?
00:27:28
Speaker 2: We have so much more.
00:27:29
Speaker 3: Is there anything else that you sick people do?
00:27:31
Speaker 1: Let's see.
00:27:32
Speaker 2: You would not believe. I'm trying to think.
00:27:35
Speaker 1: You know what's weird?
00:27:37
Speaker 2: Here's something we do. We pay for tickets to various parties And then the day of, we try to sell them to our friends.
00:27:45
Speaker 3: What do you mean parties?
00:27:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like there's all these parties and they're all called, they're all called like, .
00:28:01
Speaker 1: .
00:28:09
Speaker 2: .
00:28:12
Speaker 1: .
00:28:14
Speaker 2: selling five tickets to Wet Hole.
00:28:23
Speaker 1: Well, it's very tops and bottoms. There's some people selling the tickets. There's some people in desperate need. They're like, who has tickets to Wet Hole? I forgot to get tickets. But no, you cannot get these two people together. The people selling the tickets and the people buying the tickets never seem to interact.
00:28:38
Speaker 2: Isn't that sad?
00:28:39
Speaker 3: So it's like StubHub?
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Exactly, it's StubHub, but artisanal. For wet holes. It's artisanal StubHub. Non-corporate StubHub.
00:28:46
Speaker 1: Community-based.
00:28:47
Speaker 2: Community-based StubHub for wet holes.
00:28:49
Speaker 1: Artisanal StubHub. Yes, exactly.
00:28:51
Speaker 3: Shit, so then where do you guys go if you don't go to the party?
00:28:54
Speaker 2: So then what happens is- That's a really good question. You get a drink, maybe you go to someone's apartment and- you know, have a drink with friends. And then of course it gets to be 2 a.m. And everyone's like, I actually would love to go to Wet Hole, but we all sold our tickets. So then you go.
00:29:08
Speaker 1: To Wet Hole anyway. And you see if you can get in.
00:29:11
Speaker 2: You see if you can get in.
00:29:12
Speaker 3: And then there's people being like, you need a Wet Hole to get in if you don't have a ticket.
00:29:15
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't hurt.
00:29:16
Speaker 2: There's no one without a Wet Hole.
00:29:17
Speaker 3: Sam, don't set me up with jokes like that. If it's wet, it does hurt. No, wait, no, you had it right.
00:29:24
Speaker 1: Well, it depends on what you're using.
00:29:26
Speaker 3: Oh, God. Oh, God.
00:29:29
Speaker 1: Should we get into the straight topic?
00:29:30
Speaker 2: I think that would be.
00:29:31
Speaker 3: That's what we've been talking about the whole time.
00:29:33
Speaker 2: Speaking of wet holes, actually, this relates to your straight topic. So, Marie Hill, what is your topic that you brought today? and what is straight about it?
00:29:45
Speaker 3: Now, I realize this could mean different things for different people.
00:29:47
Speaker 2: No, it's the mind field.
00:29:49
Speaker 3: But the straight thing I wanted to talk about today is spitting.
00:29:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker 3: Straight guys and spitting on the street.
00:29:56
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:29:56
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:29:58
Speaker 3: I don't understand. It's making me, I'm like getting upset.
00:30:01
Speaker 1: I'm upset.
00:30:02
Speaker 3: I'm like freaking out.
00:30:03
Speaker 2: No, they'll do it in the middle of a nice street with designer stores. Have some respect.
00:30:09
Speaker 1: There's a problem on this block.
00:30:11
Speaker 3: In Brooklyn, no disrespect, it's like they wait until someone's close to them to do it.
00:30:18
Speaker 2: To show off.
00:30:19
Speaker 3: And it's like, there's a.
00:30:20
Speaker 1: Lot of different kinds.
00:30:21
Speaker 2: It's a sign of aggression. I mean, you know how straight men will do like a contest to see who can spit farther. Have you ever seen this?
00:30:31
Speaker 3: Is that like- That's a real thing. Given loads, but through the mouth?
00:30:34
Speaker 2: No, no, no. Well, I guess in some ways.
00:30:36
Speaker 1: That's interesting.
00:30:37
Speaker 2: Surely there is a way to see it sexually.
00:30:39
Speaker 3: Hey, hey, don't put me in a box. Wait a minute. What? No, that's all.
00:30:50
Speaker 1: I remember being like running, I ran cross country in high school. And the straight guys would always be spitting the whole run. And I was always like, are we like biologically built different? Because I have never needed to spit ever in my life.
00:31:03
Speaker 2: Really? No.
00:31:05
Speaker 3: But also how loud it is.
00:31:06
Speaker 2: It's loud.
00:31:08
Speaker 1: It's a whole production.
00:31:10
Speaker 3: The spitting that also has the phlegm in it. I had several experiences of that on my three block walk home yesterday. And it was like, and you're like, and then you see it. I'm sorry. You see it on the ground.
00:31:23
Speaker 2: You know, what's interesting about spitting is like, okay, I, all of us have buildup of saliva.
00:31:29
Speaker 1: I have a nasty theory after you, but.
00:31:31
Speaker 2: It's only, but it's only a straight man who is like, I can't be uncomfortable for one single second. So I am going to spit this and ruin the vibe for everyone on this block. Just because I am, I feel like I have slightly more saliva than I would like in my mouth.
00:31:46
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we've been a nasty podcast.
00:31:48
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:31:48
Speaker 3: At least today.
00:31:49
Speaker 1: We aren't normally this nasty.
00:31:51
Speaker 3: You are or you're not?
00:31:51
Speaker 1: We're not.
00:31:52
Speaker 3: Don't blame it on me.
00:31:53
Speaker 1: Well, you came in here with all that smut.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: Oh, falching sides. Oh my God, enough.
00:32:00
Speaker 1: But there's something about, of course, the binary, they're spitting and then they're swallowing.
00:32:06
Speaker 2: That's true. So you think swallowing is gay and spitting is straight?
00:32:09
Speaker 1: Yes, I think we also have the phlegm, but we swallow.
00:32:14
Speaker 2: Your comment?
00:32:19
Speaker 3: You asked me for a comment when I was actually disassociating and trying to picture what he was just saying.
00:32:26
Speaker 1: Because they're spitting the opposite of that swallow.
00:32:29
Speaker 2: You're completely correct. And I actually think that relates also to how gay people and straight people deal with their trauma, their life experiences.
00:32:39
Speaker 3: Taking it in.
00:32:39
Speaker 2: Exactly, exactly. So a gay person is like, oh no, I feel something awful. Let me just put it back in.
00:32:45
Speaker 1: Let me get it in there.
00:32:45
Speaker 2: Whereas a straight person is like, ew.
00:32:46
Speaker 1: Ew.
00:32:48
Speaker 2: Spitting out. What do you think of that theory?
00:32:50
Speaker 3: I mean, what's the name of this theory? We got to write this down so your next guest, you can tell them what this is.
00:32:56
Speaker 2: This is spitting theory.
00:32:58
Speaker 1: It's spitting theory? Yeah. Well, spitting versus swallowing theory.
00:33:00
Speaker 2: Doesn't have as much of a ring to it.
00:33:03
Speaker 3: Now, Sammy.
00:33:04
Speaker 2: Sammy, I'm- It's all about branding. Yes. No, you're right.
00:33:06
Speaker 1: You're right.
00:33:07
Speaker 3: But isn't that also- Isn't spitting- Like, don't- Gay guys spit on you, or straight people spit on backs.
00:33:14
Speaker 2: And swallow and do all- See, you're going back to sex. And I appreciate that you think the way to relate to two gay men is to make everything sexual.
00:33:24
Speaker 3: I don't know why I would think that. You know what I say in my act, fellas? Stereotypes are based on facts.
00:33:30
Speaker 1: Oh, it's true.
00:33:30
Speaker 2: It's very true. Thank you for speaking out. Finally someone said it.
00:33:36
Speaker 3: Spitting on the street is disgusting.
00:33:38
Speaker 2: Yes, it's disgusting. Spitting on the street is, you know what else is disgusting? And I can't believe I'm even mentioning this. Straight guys will be peeing in the urinal and then spit in the urinal while they're peeing.
00:33:46
Speaker 1: Oh my God, they do do that. Yes. No, it's like extremely common.
00:33:51
Speaker 2: It's very common.
00:33:51
Speaker 1: And I've never related. I've always been like, so we're different people.
00:33:55
Speaker 2: The other thing they do, so they spit in the urinal and then they also will just go like, okay.
00:34:02
Speaker 1: I do do that.
00:34:02
Speaker 3: Okay, can I ask you some bathroom questions?
00:34:05
Speaker 1: Please. And I'm glad we're having this conversation.
00:34:08
Speaker 3: I'm glad we're.
00:34:09
Speaker 2: Having this conversation. It is time we had it. This is going to be groundbreaking.
00:34:12
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah. Now, bathrooms, you know, they're very controversial about who goes to what bathroom. Yeah, of course.
00:34:16
Speaker 2: It's one of the biggest issues.
00:34:17
Speaker 3: I have a hack, and I'm wearing Depends right now, so I don't have to choose. So I'm actually going to the bathroom right now.
00:34:23
Speaker 2: Oh, great.
00:34:23
Speaker 3: Oh, amazing. But when I do go to the men's room, which I was at the Barclays Center last night for a WNBA game, so... Men's bathroom was free.
00:34:30
Speaker 2: Men's bathroom was one of the most inclusive bathrooms you could possibly go to, is the men's bathroom during a WNBA game.
00:34:36
Speaker 3: Yes, in Brooklyn. Yes. Okay, now, in the stall, not the urinal, but the stall, why is it that guys go in there and pee with the door open, seat down, and don't get it into the hole?
00:34:56
Speaker 1: Well, the hole is just so small.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: It's all over the fucking, no, the toilet bowl. Like, why is it this?
00:35:03
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:35:03
Speaker 2: You know, it's harder to control than you think.
00:35:05
Speaker 1: It's disgusting. It's so difficult.
00:35:07
Speaker 3: Why is it hard to control? Mine is like, you know, under my, you know, shelf at home.
00:35:12
Speaker 1: Totally.
00:35:13
Speaker 2: Right.
00:35:14
Speaker 3: On the drying rack.
00:35:18
Speaker 2: I think that.
00:35:21
Speaker 1: Well, the door open. I can respond to the door open, at least.
00:35:23
Speaker 2: The door open thing.
00:35:25
Speaker 1: Because you can't be accused of pooping.
00:35:26
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.
00:35:27
Speaker 3: Oh, is that what it is?
00:35:28
Speaker 2: You don't want anyone to think you're pooping.
00:35:29
Speaker 3: You guys are deep.
00:35:30
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker 1: Well, of course.
00:35:32
Speaker 3: Is that really a thing? So there's shame about it.
00:35:34
Speaker 2: Pooping is feminine.
00:35:35
Speaker 3: Is it really? Oh, my God.
00:35:38
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:35:39
Speaker 3: I feel.
00:35:39
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to college right now.
00:35:40
Speaker 2: You're saying I have to sit down? What am I?
00:35:42
Speaker 1: Some sort of faggot?
00:35:44
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:44
Speaker 1: That's how guys think. That's how guys think.
00:35:46
Speaker 3: Are you for real?
00:35:47
Speaker 1: I kind of think so.
00:35:48
Speaker 2: Kind of. Can we get. Reaction shot.
00:35:53
Speaker 1: Big, big reaction shot.
00:35:54
Speaker 3: Wait, so for real? The door is open because you don't, there's shame about pooping? Because you know when people are pooping.
00:36:00
Speaker 2: Oh, trust me, especially in a men's bathroom. It's not only shame, it's also like a show of.
00:36:07
Speaker 1: Show of pride.
00:36:08
Speaker 2: Pride.
00:36:08
Speaker 1: Because you're like, if you are closing the door to pee in the toilet, you're sort of like, you're ashamed.
00:36:15
Speaker 2: Exactly. You're leaving, you're out in the open. You're saying like, it's no big deal, I'm just peeing.
00:36:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:36:22
Speaker 3: Okay, now why is it hard to get it in?
00:36:23
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's the second part of your question.
00:36:25
Speaker 1: That's the bigger issue.
00:36:25
Speaker 2: You're saying it's harder to get it in with the thing down, seat down, or without the seat down?
00:36:33
Speaker 3: No, it's all over the floor. I don't understand.
00:36:35
Speaker 1: Well, that's because they're looking at their phone.
00:36:37
Speaker 2: That is true. And also, guess why else? A lot of times they're drunk. I mean, you're talking about a public bathroom at Barclays and like a big venue.
00:36:44
Speaker 1: Well, and also there's probably something primal about trying to mark the space.
00:36:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're marking the space.
00:36:48
Speaker 3: Sam, what did you study in college? Women's studies? Yeah.
00:36:52
Speaker 2: Wow, drag him.
00:36:53
Speaker 1: English literature.
00:36:54
Speaker 2: Sir Women's Studies. Wait. Why are you, as a man, reading?
00:37:00
Speaker 1: Homo. Yeah, exactly.
00:37:04
Speaker 3: But can you just put it, aim it?
00:37:07
Speaker 2: Well, you know, this move you're doing, you know, is implying that this is some sort of like elongatable.
00:37:17
Speaker 3: I'm like really outing myself.
00:37:18
Speaker 1: That's like asking, like, you know, can't we just not have war? You know, it's like, of course it would be amazing if we could just.
00:37:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would be amazing if we could.
00:37:24
Speaker 1: Can't we just love our neighbor? Like, there's so many things that we.
00:37:28
Speaker 2: And those two are basically related. You know, it's like if men. could pee inside of the toilet sink, then there probably wouldn't be war.
00:37:35
Speaker 1: I love toilet sink. That actually works for me.
00:37:36
Speaker 2: Toilet bowl.
00:37:37
Speaker 3: Is toilet sink a thing?
00:37:38
Speaker 1: No, but I like it.
00:37:39
Speaker 2: We can make it a thing.
00:37:40
Speaker 3: Jesus.
00:37:42
Speaker 2: Back to Jesus.
00:37:43
Speaker 3: Now, do gay guys... Yeah. mark the ground also, or is it just a straight guy thing?
00:37:52
Speaker 2: You know, gay guys are marking things you can't even imagine in ways that you can't even imagine.
00:37:57
Speaker 1: You know, I think I can speak from some personal experience recently. I have been peeing on the floor a lot. What?
00:38:03
Speaker 3: No, Sam, have you? Wait, have you? I legitimately- You get a little red.
00:38:07
Speaker 1: I have been missing in a big way.
00:38:10
Speaker 3: In a toilet or the urinal?
00:38:11
Speaker 2: To learn this about my close friend and co-host on air. We're kind of freaked out.
00:38:15
Speaker 3: How is it?
00:38:16
Speaker 2: Why is this happening?
00:38:17
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it's like I will be like, whoa, I missed. Like, I think I.
00:38:21
Speaker 2: Literally am like... Sam, are you on your.
00:38:23
Speaker 3: Is it because you did the special?
00:38:26
Speaker 1: Ever since I did the special, I keep missing. I don't know. I'm looking at my phone. I'm not paying attention. My head's not in the game in the same way.
00:38:32
Speaker 3: Wait, you're on your phone at the urinal or the toilet?
00:38:35
Speaker 1: Either one.
00:38:36
Speaker 3: And you can't get it in there?
00:38:37
Speaker 1: I'm missing.
00:38:38
Speaker 2: You know, I'm going to be.
00:38:41
Speaker 2: I'm scared.
00:38:45
Speaker 3: I don't even know what to say.
00:38:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:38:46
Speaker 1: I don't even know what to say. I don't even know what to say.
00:38:49
Speaker 2: You finally rendered Murray Hill speechless. Are you proud of yourself?
00:38:52
Speaker 3: Yeah. It never happened before.
00:38:55
Speaker 2: Do you know about pups?
00:38:57
Speaker 3: Trick question? No.
00:38:59
Speaker 2: I want to teach you about more gay guy stuff.
00:39:01
Speaker 3: Is it like puppies?
00:39:03
Speaker 2: So that's what it's based on. Pup play.
00:39:05
Speaker 3: Wait, what?
00:39:05
Speaker 2: Yeah. So pup play is where gay guys will... It's a sort of... Yes. Where you act like a dog.
00:39:14
Speaker 1: And you have a dog mask.
00:39:15
Speaker 2: And you have a dog mask. We're not messing with you. It's valid.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: I'm just surprised you haven't heard of it.
00:39:24
Speaker 2: So take that back to your community and then teach them.
00:39:26
Speaker 3: Pups?
00:39:27
Speaker 2: Yes, pups.
00:39:29
Speaker 1: So.
00:39:30
Speaker 3: So somebody acts like a dog.
00:39:32
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:39:33
Speaker 1: And someone acts like a dog owner. Yes.
00:39:35
Speaker 3: And wears a muzzle?
00:39:37
Speaker 2: Yes. It's not a muzzle. It's like a leather mask. Sometimes they don't wear masks, so I don't want to be.
00:39:43
Speaker 3: No, nobody wants to get COVID. Worst joke ever, but I said it.
00:39:49
Speaker 2: That's your next special. Worst joke ever, but I said it.
00:39:52
Speaker 3: Write it down. Write it down.
00:39:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they wear these leather masks that are not COVID safe, I don't believe. And they have their, do they call them owners or masters?
00:40:05
Speaker 1: Both. Okay.
00:40:07
Speaker 3: And then what?
00:40:08
Speaker 1: And then they sort of.
00:40:09
Speaker 2: You know what? Anything goes.
00:40:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:40:11
Speaker 2: As soon as the ground rules are set, you can do whatever you want. We were once, or Sam was once at a party.
00:40:17
Speaker 3: Speechless again.
00:40:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, one time I went to a pup night in D.C.
00:40:21
Speaker 3: Oh, you guys have all the fun.
00:40:23
Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know you went to a pup night. I thought, I was talking about the party you were at where someone walked in with his pups and then the pups stayed in the corner waiting to be told that they could go home.
00:40:32
Speaker 1: Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, New Year's, right?
00:40:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
00:40:37
Speaker 3: So is there ever a mashup of like pups and wet holes?
00:40:41
Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
00:40:42
Speaker 1: A pup wet hole collab. Wet hole is actually.
00:40:46
Speaker 2: Oh, you mean wet hole the party?
00:40:47
Speaker 1: The party. Yes.
00:40:48
Speaker 2: I think pups. I think pups.
00:40:50
Speaker 3: No, I meant the actual wet hole.
00:40:51
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was about to say, yeah, no, wet holes are sort of identity neutral. You know, they can they can be anywhere. I do think pups could attend Whithole if they wanted, if they had a ticket.
00:41:00
Speaker 1: If they had a ticket.
00:41:01
Speaker 3: And so are the pups naked?
00:41:03
Speaker 1: No.
00:41:03
Speaker 2: Well, they can be, but often when they're out, they're just like, maybe just like a leathery- A jockstrap. A jockstrap, leather harness, and pup mask.
00:41:13
Speaker 1: Maybe a tail butt plug type of thing.
00:41:15
Speaker 2: That's right.
00:41:16
Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm the one that's making this all about sex? A tail butt plug? What the fuck is that?
00:41:22
Speaker 1: We're trying to teach you.
00:41:23
Speaker 3: Is there a tail on a butt plug?
00:41:25
Speaker 2: Yes. No.
00:41:26
Speaker 3: I need to see a fucking picture right now.
00:41:28
Speaker 2: I'm not going to show you the butt plug picture because that would be sexual harassment since we're in a professional environment. But I do want to show you what a pup mask looks like. Oh, shit.
00:41:37
Speaker 3: Wait, are you for real? There's a butt plug that's like a tail?
00:41:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker 3: Like it has a tail on it?
00:41:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a big rubber tail.
00:41:43
Speaker 3: Did you know about this? I mean, yes and.
00:41:48
Speaker 2: No. These are like examples. Oh, my God.
00:41:49
Speaker 1: I'm surprised you didn't know about this.
00:41:52
Speaker 3: Okay, that does look like a dog.
00:41:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:41:54
Speaker 3: It's kind of cute. This is my baby dog. You want a treat?
00:41:57
Speaker 2: This is someone wearing one.
00:41:59
Speaker 3: That's horrifying.
00:41:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:42:00
Speaker 3: How do they get a treat if their mouth is closed?
00:42:04
Speaker 1: No, there's a little hole.
00:42:04
Speaker 2: There's a little hole.
00:42:05
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:42:06
Speaker 2: Come on.
00:42:06
Speaker 1: You got to be able to access the mouth.
00:42:09
Speaker 3: That's your special thing.
00:42:10
Speaker 2: You got to access the mouth.
00:42:12
Speaker 3: One night only, Sammy. Wow, is there anything else? I mean, I know you probably had some prepared items.
00:42:17
Speaker 1: Well, that's pretty much all we want.
00:42:19
Speaker 2: You told us you were curious to learn about gay guys.
00:42:21
Speaker 1: We'll see if anything else comes up naturally.
00:42:23
Speaker 3: Okay, pups, felching.
00:42:25
Speaker 2: Sides. Body neutrality and body erasure, which we made up.
00:42:30
Speaker 1: Yes. So spitting.
00:42:32
Speaker 3: And I know guys like going in the woods.
00:42:34
Speaker 1: Well, yeah.
00:42:35
Speaker 2: That's also spitting, right?
00:42:37
Speaker 1: In what sense?
00:42:38
Speaker 3: I don't know, I was just trying to tie it together.
00:42:39
Speaker 2: You're pointing to a truth. You're pointing to a truth, which is that for gay people, spitting is bad. primarily sexual, whereas for straight people, it's just something you do on the street.
00:42:47
Speaker 1: It's offensive. Yes, yeah, yeah.
00:42:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hate to be judgmental like that, but for you guys, it's okay.
00:42:52
Speaker 2: With spitting, it's like, you know how the most dramatic thing that can happen in a movie is someone spitting on someone's face, like as a.
00:42:59
Speaker 1: Sign of disrespect? Oh, totally.
00:43:01
Speaker 2: That's such a, it's like the scene in a movie where someone slaps someone, you know, it's so, or it's like someone's being like handcuffed, and so the one thing they still have is their spit.
00:43:09
Speaker 3: Well, you know about, well, maybe you don't, but sports.
00:43:12
Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
00:43:13
Speaker 3: Especially baseball, if there's like a huge confrontation and the coach comes out and is like screaming at the ref, the worst disrespectful thing that will get the coach kicked out of the game, takes off his hat and goes, just spits on the floor and he gets ejected immediately. Yeah, that's like a real thing, guys. That's what I can teach you.
00:43:33
Speaker 1: That doesn't even seem that offensive. Sometimes I.
00:43:38
Speaker 2: Sorry, he's not doing pub play.
00:43:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe if the coach did pub play, I could see him being removed from the game. That's inappropriate.
00:43:44
Speaker 3: But to his point, it's very disrespectful to spit. Just the act of spitting.
00:43:49
Speaker 2: Yes, no, correct.
00:43:49
Speaker 3: You're not, like, he doesn't have phlegm. He's just like.
00:43:52
Speaker 1: Does stuff come out or is it fake?
00:43:55
Speaker 3: I think it's real.
00:43:56
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:43:57
Speaker 3: It's not like phlegm.
00:43:58
Speaker 2: You're right that it's the ultimate sign of disrespect.
00:44:00
Speaker 3: And that's why the refs always go.
00:44:02
Speaker 2: Get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:04
Speaker 1: Sometimes I like to mime. I like to do this a lot.
00:44:08
Speaker 3: What's this?
00:44:08
Speaker 2: Like a slap?
00:44:10
Speaker 1: That's when I'm going to hit someone. Oh. I think it's a fun... I don't know why the spit first, but I like the motion.
00:44:15
Speaker 3: Do you have insurance?
00:44:22
Speaker 2: All right. None of us have insurance.
00:44:24
Speaker 3: Same. But thanks, iHeart. Well, maybe we could help you pay for some therapy.
00:44:32
Speaker 1: It's just a funny... No one's laughing.
00:44:35
Speaker 3: That's okay. You got your special coming out.
00:44:38
Speaker 1: It's canceled, it's canceled.
00:44:39
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:44:40
Speaker 1: Showbiz.
00:44:40
Speaker 2: After this episode.
00:44:41
Speaker 3: You're going to put it on Trump TV. He's got his own network now.
00:44:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, he pays really well.
00:44:44
Speaker 3: Wait, so you spit on it and you just don't hit anybody?
00:44:47
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:44:48
Speaker 2: It's like how people will go like... Yeah.
00:44:51
Speaker 3: Oh, like Italian mothers.
00:44:53
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:44:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that.
00:44:55
Speaker 2: Okay. You had that reference locked and loaded. I don't know.
00:44:59
Speaker 1: For some reason, I just think it's... The spitting on the hand is always a funny little gesture to me.
00:45:05
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:45:06
Speaker 1: I also.
00:45:07
Speaker 2: I thought you were going to go like, Like let's shake on it with spit.
00:45:10
Speaker 1: Oh, I never understood what that meant.
00:45:11
Speaker 2: Oh, that's like- That's gross. Totally. But I think what it means is like, we're like, it's like blood packed.
00:45:17
Speaker 1: We're brothers.
00:45:17
Speaker 2: We're brothers, bodily fluids.
00:45:19
Speaker 1: We kissed via hand.
00:45:20
Speaker 2: We kissed. You ever seal a business deal with just a nice make-out session?
00:45:26
Speaker 1: They should do that.
00:45:26
Speaker 2: They should. So Murray Hill.
00:45:30
Speaker 3: I've never been speechless this much in my entire life.
00:45:43
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about hosting because it's something you're incredibly good at. And it's something I'm actually incredibly bad at. I recently... As we're hosting a podcast. Well, no, I'm amazing at hosting a podcast.
00:45:57
Speaker 1: Needless to say.
00:45:58
Speaker 2: But, you know, it's a different skill than going out and doing a set. And I recently hosted this show in East Hampton. And as you can imagine, you know... Where? Guildhall. I'm sure you have. uh, perform there.
00:46:10
Speaker 1: Right.
00:46:11
Speaker 2: Cause I, there's a, there's a giant, um, you know, wall with all the framed, uh, headshots of everyone. I'm pretty sure I saw yours. Oh, showbiz. Um, and I want to know like, what's your, you go out there cause I went out, you know, this crowd is like median age of 78. Um, they have no idea who I am. They just got an email that said, you know, comedy night, Brooklyn comedy night, gay guy comedy night, come on. So be just like your grandson. How do you relate to that? You go out there, you are who you are. How do you get that crowd on your side?
00:46:46
Speaker 3: Well, I call that, I call that, I'm stupid.
00:46:52
Speaker 2: So far, so good.
00:46:53
Speaker 1: Really good.
00:46:55
Speaker 3: I call that going out cold.
00:46:57
Speaker 2: Yes, yes. Oh, could not have been colder.
00:46:59
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's probably related to some masochism as being a comedian, but I love going out cold.
00:47:06
Speaker 1: Really? Tell me more.
00:47:07
Speaker 3: Because it's just brutal, but it is a challenge. Yeah.
00:47:11
Speaker 2: It's like exposure therapy.
00:47:12
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I did a birthday party the other night, showbiz, in a basement. It was decorated like a wine cellar, private party kind of thing. And families, you know. Up to 85 children.
00:47:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:47:31
Speaker 3: There's no act for me in a car there. So, you know, that was going out full blown cold. Now, kids, I got a lot of experience going out cold. Like 30 years.
00:47:46
Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
00:47:48
Speaker 3: And the thing you got to do is read the room. And that doesn't sound too deep. But you probably both have seen comedians host shows that all they care about is telling a joke.
00:48:03
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:48:03
Speaker 3: I know it's a slight difference.
00:48:05
Speaker 2: Sure, sure, sure.
00:48:06
Speaker 3: Like I'm going to do my material no matter what. If you don't know me, if you don't like me, if I'm not funny, I'm going to do my jokes. And that's bomb, bomb city in a cold room like that. So I just try to go in and feel the same, you know, I read the room, literally read the room, and that's where I start my jokes. So then it breaks the ice and it's like, okay, I'm on the same plane and I go, this is a classic joke that I do. And it's a litmus test for me too, like how much I'm going to bomb that night. How much am I going to be dead inside? So the older, one of the person's birthday, her father's like 79. And, you know, he was looking at me like this. You know, I'm like going out there in a suit basically for somebody's bar mitzvah. It was insane. Okay.
00:49:05
Speaker 2: It was a 79-year-old's bar mitzvah? No. Finally, he's a man.
00:49:09
Speaker 1: Got it. Showbiz.
00:49:11
Speaker 3: It was like a bar mitzvah.
00:49:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it.
00:49:13
Speaker 2: Gay guys, am I right? Am I right?
00:49:18
Speaker 3: So I just do this. joke and I look at the guy because he is feeling like, who the fuck is this?
00:49:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like, when will death come?
00:49:29
Speaker 3: I don't want you to be here. You're a fucking clown. Like, what is this? And of course, you know, the microphone barely works and you're in the dark. You know, all those other beautiful... sides of show business.
00:49:42
Speaker 2: Great callback.
00:49:44
Speaker 3: So I looked at the guy and I go, sir, I'm going to do an impersonation of you looking at me. And I look at the rest of the crowd and I say, you know, they can't see what I'm looking at, sir. So, and I say, what's your name? And he's like, Jack. I was like, okay, Jack, I'm going to do an impersonation of you.
00:50:00
Speaker 2: Here it is.
00:50:00
Speaker 1: Laughter Laughter Laughter Wow.
00:50:17
Speaker 3: And then I say, Jack, I'm reading your mind. He's thinking, is it a man or a woman? Is it a man or a woman? And I say, Jack, the answer is no. Now, if there's no laughter, I'm fucked.
00:50:31
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, sure.
00:50:32
Speaker 3: Okay, and then I'll say, if you didn't laugh at that joke, it's going to be the longest three minutes of your fucking life tonight. So that's like, you know, so you gotta be in there and notice what they're, that's what I do. To me, hosting is about the audience and then making the performers feel comfortable and like building up the energy.
00:50:54
Speaker 2: I think you're absolutely right. It's a different, and I think you're so right about people that go in and just wanna do their material as though they're like doing a scripted play.
00:51:01
Speaker 1: Well, someone wanting to go out to somewhere cold, I'm like, I do not relate at all. I recently did a show and someone was like, someone was going up first and he was like, yeah, I mean, this crowd's not really gonna like me, but I kind of like when that's the case.
00:51:13
Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't- People are masochists.
00:51:15
Speaker 1: I don't want that ever in my life.
00:51:17
Speaker 3: But have you gone out cold?
00:51:19
Speaker 1: Oh, sure. For sure, many times.
00:51:21
Speaker 3: Oh my God.
00:51:21
Speaker 2: Or can you, yes.
00:51:22
Speaker 1: But I'm just sort of like, do we have to?
00:51:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I would rather not do it.
00:51:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:51:27
Speaker 3: But you know, this isn't a flex, guys, but I was the host of a show at the Sydney Opera House for like several seasons, right?
00:51:36
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:51:36
Speaker 3: And it was eight shows a week. And, you know, I was on the billboards out there and everything. But what I learned, and it made me a better comedian, is every night I went out full-blown cold. They didn't know who I was. They didn't know what the show was. They've never seen anybody like me. And it was like a different demographic of Taurus or Nightmare audience every single night. It was completely different. So... I think this is New York too. New York made me have a thick skin.
00:52:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:52:10
Speaker 3: So I learned to adapt depending on what the crowd was like. And I wouldn't have learned that. Oh my God, I got to spit. Don't edit that out, it's a theme. No, that's a clip.
00:52:28
Speaker 1: They're keeping that.
00:52:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so in that way, I like going out cold because it was like college. I learned from being on the boards. It's like an old Bob Dylan term.
00:52:41
Speaker 2: But it sucks. I think my issue right now is, I mean, when we were coming up, so much of our life was just like performing to rooms that, to silence or to like an ambush show at a bar where like people didn't even know there was comedy happening that night or like, I my first year doing comedy, I was in Boston, like the show I hosted was literally in a bar owned by a Trump supporter and had a MAGA hat on the wall. Like I'm very I was very used to comedy crowds that didn't like me. And then you get a taste of what it's like when the crowd does know you and like we go on tour and it's people who listen to the podcast or who like. I don't know, know us from online or, you know. And then you're like, oh, finally, like I don't have to do that anymore. And so then when you go back to going out cold, it feels like such a defeat because you thought that it was in your past, you know? But unfortunately it's the only way to keep going and to like convince more people to care about you.
00:53:38
Speaker 3: Well, that's the fucked up shit about show business. Like I did my Christmas show, two sold out nights at Lincoln Center last year. Three nights ago, I was in a basement in front of 20 people there like, The fuck is this? But I think of it as sports too, like playing to the home court. And I toured with Dita Von Teese at Burlesque Star for 10 years. And we just went over and over, all over the country and all over the world. And when you do that so many times, there's certain audiences that you're like, oh my God. If you just take the West Coast, no offense to LA, but you take the West Coast and you start at the top and you go Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, That is like, they get the jokes, they're hilarious, you know, people want you there, they're happy you actually just showed up, it's queer, it's fluid, it's like, and then it's like, when I feel the energy, I start going crazy, crazy. Like I, ping pong, ping pong, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, and they're like, get off stage, you've been up there for an hour and a half. And then you go to LA and it's industry night. And then you're coming out hot from the other shows. And if you, I don't know about you guys, but anytime you think about the show that went well the night before, when you're up the stage the next night, dead on arrival.
00:55:05
Speaker 2: This happened to me literally like two weeks ago.
00:55:07
Speaker 3: You cannot, it's a mental, I don't think people understand the mental, insanity that goes into being a comedian. So like LA, you'll go and it will be absolutely silent. And it's industry night, right? And people go, it's industry night, it's industry night, celebrities and press. And it's the worst crowd.
00:55:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:55:28
Speaker 3: Like of the entire tour.
00:55:29
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:55:30
Speaker 3: Every time. And they don't laugh at anything.
00:55:33
Speaker 2: And they're like, Because either they've seen it all, or they themselves are aspiring performers, so they're not interested.
00:55:40
Speaker 1: Or they're like their agent's assistant, and they're just like there because they have to be.
00:55:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's brutal.
00:55:46
Speaker 2: Whereas in Portland, they're so excited to see burlesque.
00:55:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's crazy.
00:55:50
Speaker 2: They're like, Dita Von Teese is kind of like their Madonna.
00:55:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then, you know, I definitely bombed over the years. Oh, you're human. Yeah, showbiz. But I toured with Countess Luann.
00:56:00
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:56:00
Speaker 3: I'm real housewives of Derek.
00:56:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:56:02
Speaker 3: Hello, Flexx. I don't think I've bombed as hard in Miami with her.
00:56:11
Speaker 2: Miami is tough.
00:56:12
Speaker 1: I've heard that's a real thing.
00:56:14
Speaker 3: Brutal. Now, the singer, because it was me and a singer, and then, you know, while she's doing costume change, I come out and just do a 10-minute set, which is, you know, as comedians, 10-minute set, if you're cooking, that's nothing. If you're stinking it up, it's fucking living hell.
00:56:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:56:32
Speaker 3: And I stunk that one up so bad, I felt... dirty afterwards you know where you're just like why do i do this.
00:56:39
Speaker 2: Was this would you say her audience was like mostly women or gay men in miami.
00:56:43
Speaker 3: Well the the one that made that particular weird and i was so happy because we're at the jackie gleason theater where he filmed his tv show back in the old days so i was like oh jackie you know he's like that and there's a statue of him in the front so i was like oh i need pictures of him everywhere i'm like jackie gleason of course no one knows the reference of Jackie Gleason in that audience.
00:57:03
Speaker 2: Especially not her audience, no offense.
00:57:05
Speaker 3: But her audience is, it was housewives, rich women, gay men, and in Miami, the show was at 7.30. So people were still out from the beach. So everyone was late. So I'm up there doing jokes and it's half full, people are coming in and they are dressed like insane. I'm like basically wearing bikinis in there. I'm like, what is happening? I'm like, man or woman. And they didn't even look at me. But the worst part was the cast of the Miami Housewives came in. This is the worst part of showbiz. Walked in during my set. So they walked in and then, you know.
00:57:49
Speaker 2: Everyone started paying attention to them.
00:57:51
Speaker 3: And they even got up and surrounded them.
00:57:53
Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
00:57:53
Speaker 3: And that was just like.
00:57:54
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:57:56
Speaker 3: That's tough.
00:57:57
Speaker 1: That is so tough.
00:57:58
Speaker 2: God, you have seen it all.
00:57:59
Speaker 3: That was a long 10 minutes, guys.
00:58:01
Speaker 1: I'm sure.
00:58:02
Speaker 3: But there's this other story in Vegas. Vegas was a weird one. I did well in that show. But, you know, the audience, we were on a Monday night and it wasn't full. But every night she sells out. Every night she sold out that tour. But this was Monday and we were in somebody else's theater. So it was a weird one. So it wasn't full and she was pissed. And I was sitting there on the wings, you know, waiting to go on like a good boy. Because she's so much taller than me. She's so hot.
00:58:31
Speaker 2: She is. She looks great.
00:58:32
Speaker 3: Oh, I know, girl. That's it? What's this that you guys do?
00:58:36
Speaker 1: Clock it.
00:58:37
Speaker 3: Oh, is that what it means? Fuck, I thought that was applause. Fuck, I'm going to get back to this. I've got to finish my train of thought. So she was pissed.
00:58:45
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:58:46
Speaker 3: And I just happened to be right there. And she turned around and she was like, you, you, you, All of your jokes have to be about the Real Housewives of New York starting tonight, right now. And I was like, okay. So she went up and did her thing. I went out and I did this. Guys, count this the win. Just fucking chewed me out backstage saying I had to do Real Housewives jokes. And I didn't have the heart to tell her I don't watch the show. And then I did my damn set.
00:59:21
Speaker 1: Oh my God. Did she?
00:59:22
Speaker 3: No, she was getting changed.
00:59:23
Speaker 2: She was getting changed.
00:59:24
Speaker 1: Nobody told me. Oh, wow.
00:59:25
Speaker 2: And then you went back and you were like, oh my God, they love the Housewives material.
00:59:27
Speaker 3: She was like, oh my God, they were laughing. I was like, uh-huh.
00:59:29
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Wow. I love hearing about when someone pops off and is like, threatens almost. Like, you have to do that material. That's amazing.
00:59:39
Speaker 3: Well, there's nothing I hate more. And like, that didn't throw me off. When somebody comes up right, I don't know about you guys, right before you go on and either gives you a note or tells you something fucked up. And like, literally, and then it's like, Murray Hill, and you're like.
00:59:57
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:59:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that makes it feel so much more showbiz.
01:00:01
Speaker 1: It's so cinematic to have that happen.
01:00:04
Speaker 2: It's, you know, oftentimes Sam references, there's a scene in the Katy Perry documentary where she is.
01:00:09
Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
01:00:10
Speaker 2: She is, she finds out she's getting divorced. She's being served with divorce papers and she has to go on stage immediately.
01:00:18
Speaker 1: And she's like crying, crying, crying, crying, crying. And then they're like, do you want to cancel the show? And she's like, no. And she's like standing on the platform where she's about to get lifted up, crying, crying, crying, then like looks forward, stops crying. And then it goes, and then gets lifted up.
01:00:31
Speaker 2: And it's like, whoa.
01:00:31
Speaker 3: That's showbiz.
01:00:32
Speaker 2: That's you and Countess Luann.
01:00:34
Speaker 1: That's you and Countess Luann.
01:00:35
Speaker 3: Wait. That's me every night.
01:00:36
Speaker 1: The version of me that happened to once was I was on a showcase, of course. It was an audition for something. And one of the fellow people showcasing was, was like told me that one of my longtime friends who had been straight up until that point was hooking up with a man.
01:00:56
Speaker 2: And then it was like, welcome to the stage, Sam Taggart. And you had just heard the shocking news?
01:01:00
Speaker 1: And I just heard the shocking news that my longtime friend was gay.
01:01:04
Speaker 3: Wow. How did the set go?
01:01:07
Speaker 1: Incredible. I booked it. Oh, good for you. It went well. But it was kind of awesome. I was sort of like, I felt like I was in Showgirls or something. Yeah.
01:01:17
Speaker 2: Speaking of Showgirls, I mean, I'm... Wait, we.
01:01:19
Speaker 1: Should wrap up.
01:01:19
Speaker 2: I know, we should wrap up. I want to hear about Dita Von Teese, but we're running out of time. Dita Von Teese, to me, I'm like... I feel like everyone knows who she is, and I couldn't tell you where I know her from. I just know that she is a quintessential burlesque performer.
01:01:40
Speaker 1: She, to me, well, this was when I was a Perez Hilton reader in the year, you know, 2006. He used to come to the shows. He was a big fan. That's how I met him. And he would like post about her all the time.
01:01:51
Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
01:01:52
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I knew about her.
01:01:53
Speaker 2: Did you enjoy working with her?
01:01:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was insane. We went together like Reese's Pieces, you know, like peanut butter and chocolate. Because she is very like ornate and these fancy costumes and like, you know, there was no acknowledgement of the audience. It was like, look at me.
01:02:10
Speaker 2: I'm beautiful. I'm perfect.
01:02:12
Speaker 3: It's very old school glamor. And then I was like, you know, the baggy pants comedian in the tuxedo, like.
01:02:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
01:02:20
Speaker 2: It just worked.
01:02:21
Speaker 1: Classic combo.
01:02:22
Speaker 3: It just worked. And, you know, and that, I went out cold a lot for that show too. Because some of those, some of the burlesque crowd when we were touring was, well, it's not rockabilly. What are those motorcycle guys called?
01:02:34
Speaker 1: I know. Is it not?
01:02:39
Speaker 3: No, the cars, the car guys.
01:02:41
Speaker 2: Like Harley, like greasers?
01:02:42
Speaker 3: No, no, no. Who knows this? There's got to be some. No, no, not that straight. But, you know, like the car culture, like the slick back hair.
01:02:51
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes.
01:02:52
Speaker 2: Sure, sure, sure.
01:02:53
Speaker 3: No, they're not greasers. It's got a name.
01:02:54
Speaker 1: Is that not Rockabilly?
01:02:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, Rockabilly.
01:02:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:57
Speaker 3: I didn't say Rockabilly.
01:02:58
Speaker 2: You did.
01:02:59
Speaker 1: You did.
01:02:59
Speaker 3: I don't even know what Rockabilly is.
01:03:00
Speaker 1: Roll back the tapes.
01:03:03
Speaker 3: I said Rockabilly. I'm doing great.
01:03:05
Speaker 2: You definitely said Rockabilly. Yeah.
01:03:06
Speaker 3: Prozac's kicking in. They just upped my dosage.
01:03:10
Speaker 2: You know things you didn't even know were in there.
01:03:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, show me.
01:03:13
Speaker 2: Okay, so rockabilly. Yes. She is very.
01:03:15
Speaker 3: But you know, some of those guys are MAGA.
01:03:20
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
01:03:20
Speaker 2: Correct.
01:03:20
Speaker 3: And they're very conservative. So it's like when I get up. So it was like queer and like, yeah, rockabilly girls.
01:03:28
Speaker 2: Well, because you need to. It's like, what level of irony are you processing this with? Like the people that think Dita Von Teese is campy, which is what she is, I imagine, trying to be. are queer and are in on the joke, but then there's just men who want to see a woman get naked.
01:03:40
Speaker 3: I like what you said there, kid. Level of irony. Because sometimes I feel like it's when there's no level of irony being from an audience member, I'm dead.
01:03:55
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. That can scare me.
01:03:56
Speaker 2: They have to understand.
01:03:58
Speaker 1: We're kidding. I don't mean most of the things I'm saying right now.
01:04:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I don't want to fuck you guys up with this whole gender stuff, but... You know, I did a show and I fucking bombed. All lesbian crowd, outdoor concert. Never will do outdoor concerts again.
01:04:14
Speaker 1: Oh, God, no.
01:04:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, daytime is brutal. Anyway, I was like making jokes and, you know, the whole property was vegetarian. Okay?
01:04:22
Speaker 2: I could have told you that.
01:04:23
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I was like, hey, before I get started, anybody know where I can get a cheeseburger?
01:04:29
Speaker 2: I mean, you can't go to the vegetarian lesbian commune and start joking about cheeseburgers.
01:04:33
Speaker 3: I'm not kidding. I was booed. I was fucking booed. And I said this as a reaction and it was wrong and I did it anyway. And I said, hey, I'm not your father. I'm not really a man. And they were just like, I'm.
01:04:51
Speaker 2: Like, look at me.
01:04:54
Speaker 1: Wow.
01:04:55
Speaker 3: It can be rough.
01:04:56
Speaker 1: That is so interesting. I'm surprised they didn't get a kick out of it. Cheeseburger joke?
01:05:01
Speaker 3: I thought it was hilarious.
01:05:02
Speaker 1: I like that.
01:05:03
Speaker 2: They don't want to be. They're like, this is our only safe space is this vegetarian property. Yeah.
01:05:10
Speaker 3: I know we got to wrap it up. But being deep here, I think sometimes if you feel disenfranchised and oppressed and you don't have any visibility or you're not seen, it's very hard to laugh at yourself. So you're always defensive. So in comedy, if the audience is defensive, forget it. It's over.
01:05:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:05:30
Speaker 3: But gay guys, you're left with anything.
01:05:32
Speaker 1: Oh, we're fun.
01:05:33
Speaker 3: You are a lot of fun.
01:05:34
Speaker 1: I'll say.
01:05:34
Speaker 2: Thank you.
01:05:35
Speaker 1: Thank you. Let's do our final segment.
01:05:37
Speaker 2: Let's do our final segment.
01:05:40
Speaker 1: Let's do.
01:05:44
Speaker 2: Our final segment. Our final segment is shout outs. So we are just going to shout out something that we are loving.
01:05:53
Speaker 1: Okay.
01:05:54
Speaker 2: And we'll go first and then you can go and we make them up. We think of them on the spot. So we're both trying to be inspired right now.
01:05:59
Speaker 3: Wait, hold on. Just random things?
01:06:02
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:06:03
Speaker 1: Anything at all.
01:06:03
Speaker 3: Something that I like.
01:06:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. Something positive.
01:06:06
Speaker 2: Something positive.
01:06:07
Speaker 1: Do you have one? You know what?
01:06:09
Speaker 2: I'll do one that I've done before in the spirit of today's guest. I want to shout out Bridget Everett. who we didn't talk about too much, but she is actually one of the first performers I ever saw doing any kind of comedy live. At the Ritz? No, at a dive bar in San Francisco. And she got on top of the bar and did like a stage dive to 40, 30 people. It was one of the most... And then I actually went up to her after the show and I said, I want to be a comedian. And she was like, okay, sweetheart. And then we took a photo together.
01:06:43
Speaker 3: She's like, okay, bye.
01:06:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally. And then it took me a couple years before I started doing... Doing comedy. But she just is, to me, like she unlocked something that I hadn't seen before in comedy. And so the fact that she was able to work with you and with Jeff Hiller and to actually be on Sunday nights at HBO, you know, is proof that sometimes good things can happen.
01:07:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can't give up.
01:07:06
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.
01:07:07
Speaker 3: You know, we all got on that show in our 50s.
01:07:09
Speaker 2: Uh-huh, yeah.
01:07:09
Speaker 3: You know, and it's like we're not your typical TV people.
01:07:13
Speaker 2: And I remember.
01:07:13
Speaker 3: And now Jeff, you know, let's shout out to Jeff Hiller.
01:07:15
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. Emmy winner. Emmy?
01:07:17
Speaker 3: And he's going to be a recurring character on Widow's Bay.
01:07:20
Speaker 2: That's right.
01:07:21
Speaker 1: That's great.
01:07:22
Speaker 3: Jeff Hiller.
01:07:23
Speaker 1: I mean, he's always been a damn star. Absolute star. So funny. What's up, free klusers and perverts around the globe? I want to, you know, I want to redact a shout out that I did a few months ago.
01:07:36
Speaker 3: Ed Shearing?
01:07:37
Speaker 1: No, he's still good with me. I want to redact my shout out. Kidding, of course. To the lesbian commune, I'm kidding.
01:07:47
Speaker 2: If any vegetarian lesbians are listening, these are all jokes.
01:07:53
Speaker 1: I want to redact my shout out of having an external charger for my phone. I actually figure out what I needed was to get a new damn phone. And, you know, sometimes I go in bursts of consumerism and commercialism. And when I get in that mode, I'm like, why am I not doing this all the time? Currently, I'm saying, oh, oh, charge it, honey. Buy that phone. And you know what? It's made my life infinitely better and I could not be happier. My phone battery is not a concern of mine anymore. I can put my mind on bigger issues, what with everything going on with the midterms and all. So I'm so happy to have a real phone battery and say goodbye to my external charger. XOXO, Sam.
01:08:30
Speaker 2: Wow, shout out to Apple, the corporation.
01:08:32
Speaker 1: Shout out.
01:08:33
Speaker 3: What phone did you get?
01:08:34
Speaker 1: Whatever the, not the like flip one, just normal, normal.
01:08:38
Speaker 3: Okay, but not the flip one. As I said, stereotypes are based on facts.
01:08:42
Speaker 2: What's your favorite stereotype?
01:08:46
Speaker 1: Don't answer that. He's tricking you.
01:08:48
Speaker 2: It's a trap.
01:08:49
Speaker 1: Of course.
01:08:50
Speaker 2: Damn, kids. All right. Maria, whenever you're ready.
01:08:52
Speaker 3: I want to shout out the New York Knicks.
01:08:57
Speaker 2: Oh.
01:08:59
Speaker 1: Because.
01:09:00
Speaker 3: They brought me the most joy that I've had this year and possibly in the last decade. I watched the whole playoff series and the last three games, like seeing the city come together. Because, you know, I'm talking to a couple of guys.
01:09:16
Speaker 2: No, but I was I was right there with you. I was a bandwagon fan. I never cared about basketball before. And the joy I felt that week was crazy.
01:09:24
Speaker 3: Now, do you guys know like Mets and Yankees, right? They don't mix.
01:09:28
Speaker 1: Right. No.
01:09:29
Speaker 3: So when the Yankees win the World Series, you're never going to get the whole city behind you. So that's what was different about this. It was everybody. And it was.
01:09:38
Speaker 1: That's the only basketball team here?
01:09:40
Speaker 2: Well, there's the Brooklyn Nets.
01:09:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Knicks is the only basketball team here. If you guys want to hang out in straight places, that's what you say, okay? You say, oh, no, just the Knicks. That's the only team in New York, okay?
01:09:49
Speaker 1: Okay, okay.
01:09:50
Speaker 3: But, you know, I love sports, obviously. You know, I played basketball, clearly.
01:09:55
Speaker 2: And badminton, I learned. Oh, yeah.
01:09:57
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
01:09:57
Speaker 2: And pickleball.
01:09:58
Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Pickleball.
01:10:01
Speaker 3: Wow, shaming. What's pickleball shaming?
01:10:03
Speaker 1: Is that a word?
01:10:04
Speaker 2: It sure is. And I'm doing it.
01:10:06
Speaker 1: P-shamed.
01:10:07
Speaker 2: No, that's the word.
01:10:09
Speaker 1: I need to be P-shamed. I sit in that toilet so much.
01:10:12
Speaker 3: But yeah, the Knicks, I'll swing it back to Jalen Brunson. But it brought the city together and it was fun. And I didn't think about the dumpster fire that is currently our industry that we're all in and our world. And, you know, all the, it's just a ball and a basket and everybody going nuts.
01:10:30
Speaker 2: There you go.
01:10:30
Speaker 3: Woo.
01:10:31
Speaker 1: Well.
01:10:32
Speaker 3: Knicks in five.
01:10:33
Speaker 2: The book is called Showbiz, My Life as a Middle-Aged Man by Murray Hill.
01:10:38
Speaker 3: Let me see that. I haven't seen it yet. Any typos?
01:10:43
Speaker 2: Not so far. You know, I got it yesterday. I've read the first, I think, 59 pages.
01:10:46
Speaker 3: No, there's definitely typos in there.
01:10:47
Speaker 2: So far, no typos.
01:10:48
Speaker 3: Oh, I see you stopped at who ate my cheese.
01:10:50
Speaker 2: That's correct. I said I need to go to bed.
01:10:53
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for doing the pod.
01:10:54
Speaker 3: Thanks for doing the pod.
01:10:55
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
01:10:56
Speaker 3: It's wet.
01:10:57
Speaker 2: It is not.
01:10:57
Speaker 3: Oh, you know what?
01:10:58
Speaker 2: Because there's water here.
01:10:59
Speaker 1: We spit on it. Bye.
01:11:02
Speaker 3: Get the book.
01:11:03
Speaker 1: Podcast ends now. Stradio Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.
01:11:10
Speaker 2: Created and hosted by Sam Taggart and George Severus.
01:11:13
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Becca Ramos.
01:11:14
Speaker 2: Produced by Casey Donahue.
01:11:16
Speaker 1: Edited and mixed by Lawrence Stumpf.
01:11:18
Speaker 2: Social video done by Hot Dog Sandwich.
Speaker 1: Podcast starts now. What is up, everyone around the globe? You're listening to Stradialab in New York City, mind you.
00:00:25
Speaker 2: Happy first day of fall in New York City. I mean, you can feel it. I'm wearing a sweater. I stood up. I was up late last night reading my book. in a cozy, in my cozy bed. It is, I want a giant thing of hot chocolate to sip.
00:00:43
Speaker 1: It's absolutely incredible. I mean, I must say I'm, as someone that currently lives in Los Angeles, I will say when I wake up and it's cloudy, it does trigger something, a panic in me. Like I can't enjoy it. I get scared. And I'm like, yeah, there's something about me right now where, but it's also, as I was telling you, I'm depressed.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: You are depressed. So let's talk more about that.
00:01:03
Speaker 1: So I just recorded my special. And now that I did it, I'm like, I'm embarrassed in a way that like, I feel like I threw a big birthday party for myself. And then I'm like, why did I do that? You know, like, it's like, it's very shameful. Oh, I see.
00:01:14
Speaker 2: So it's not just that you had this high, high, and now you're crashing. It's that you're like, I can't believe I just did that.
00:01:20
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:01:20
Speaker 2: You're almost, it's like post, or if you're a Catholic post orgasm and you're like, I need to take a shower.
00:01:25
Speaker 3: Exactly.
00:01:25
Speaker 1: That's exactly what it is.
00:01:27
Speaker 2: You have to fight that. In our business, you have to be, you have to embrace your narcissism. You can't be having shame about wanting attention.
00:01:35
Speaker 1: I literally need to apologize to all the cameramen. I need to be like, hey, sorry, you couldn't hang out with your families that night.
00:01:41
Speaker 2: No, this is why we're not more successful. Because both of us are full of shame.
00:01:45
Speaker 1: It's wild. And all day today I've been like, okay, I need to repent. Like, I really feel like I need to repent.
00:01:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know, my new idea is step and repent instead of step and repeat.
00:01:53
Speaker 1: I need the step and repent.
00:01:55
Speaker 2: Where you're on a red carpet and then you can repent to camera and then you get it out of the way. You go into the event. Time for the big premiere.
00:02:01
Speaker 1: I need that so bad. I would really be healed if I did that.
00:02:04
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of repenting, we have Mr.
00:02:07
Speaker 1: Shobis and Shane. We have Mr.
00:02:09
Speaker 2: Shobis himself on the podcast today. And I, the Murray Hill who is on today, Murray Hill's book arrived to my apartment yesterday and I brought it here. and you hadn't even seen it yet.
00:02:20
Speaker 1: No, it looks great.
00:02:20
Speaker 2: This is your first time seeing your own book.
00:02:22
Speaker 3: You know, fellas, I was a little late. Oh, please. No, not to the podcast. Guys, take it easy. I was late in finishing the book, so they never printed galleys. So I never saw the book. So, you know, it's... It's nice and thick.
00:02:36
Speaker 2: It's very thick. It's nice and thick. You can say that again.
00:02:39
Speaker 1: Amazing font.
00:02:41
Speaker 2: Beautiful font. Great image. Look at these blurbs. Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:02:44
Speaker 1: Sarah Jessica Parker.
00:02:45
Speaker 2: Bridget Everett. Jeff Hiller. Okay, well, these are coworkers, so they don't count. But Kathleen Hanna.
00:02:50
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:02:50
Speaker 2: Margaret Cho. Amy Sedaris. I mean, come on.
00:02:54
Speaker 1: Showbiz. It's showbiz.
00:02:57
Speaker 3: I asked your agents, but they didn't get back to me.
00:03:00
Speaker 1: What did you ask them?
00:03:00
Speaker 2: Oh, my. Oh, for a blurb. Yeah, we could have given. They didn't get back to us either, if you know what I mean.
00:03:06
Speaker 1: Showbiz.
00:03:10
Speaker 3: Guys, there's a pause, so I'm going to. I have a quick question.
00:03:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, please.
00:03:13
Speaker 3: So straight lab, right?
00:03:17
Speaker 2: Stradio lab.
00:03:18
Speaker 3: Stradio, straight. That's all I see is Stradio lab. So I'm a little freaked out because, first of all, I just want to say to the camera that I love gay people. They're a lot of fun.
00:03:28
Speaker 2: Should be- Sometimes.
00:03:29
Speaker 3: Have equal rights.
00:03:30
Speaker 2: Occasionally.
00:03:32
Speaker 3: But I did think this was a bro straight podcast and I'm not saying you both are gay, but I'm getting that vibe because you started off talking about like gay shame and- Of.
00:03:43
Speaker 1: Course, yeah, yeah.
00:03:44
Speaker 3: You're both wearing these outfits that if, straight people wore them, it would make sense.
00:03:49
Speaker 1: That's true. Oh, interesting.
00:03:50
Speaker 3: That's interesting. So I didn't know this was Gayolab.
00:03:55
Speaker 2: We do actually, we do Gayolab once a year for Pride, where someone brings a gay topic. But the rest of the year we do Straight Ear Lab. And basically it's, you know, we are.
00:04:06
Speaker 3: So confused. So- They didn't tell me. But I like guys. You guys are fun.
00:04:10
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry. You want your agents to email you whenever there is a career opportunity and tell you the sexuality and gender identity of the person that is giving it to you?
00:04:18
Speaker 3: Well, you know, straight lab. So I thought this was a straight lab. So I wore this outfit. You know, I tried to blend with the guys. I come in here and you guys are wearing fucking khakis. I mean, this is fucked up.
00:04:31
Speaker 2: I'll have you know, these are designer khakis that only gay men have access to.
00:04:35
Speaker 1: Mine are a collab. These are khakis that are a collab.
00:04:38
Speaker 2: I had to get his specially tailored for his special taping.
00:04:41
Speaker 1: First, I ordered them way too small, got them tailored way too big, and now they don't fit at all. Same.
00:04:48
Speaker 3: Can we get a close-up of that?
00:04:50
Speaker 2: You need to make up your mind. Before you said you didn't want a close-up. You didn't want a close-up of anything neck down.
00:04:54
Speaker 3: I'm doing a bit, right? Taking this fucking guy.
00:04:58
Speaker 1: But we can be a straight podcast if you want.
00:04:59
Speaker 2: That's right.
00:05:00
Speaker 1: Do you watch the big game?
00:05:01
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:05:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, two guys in the Giants got injured last night.
00:05:06
Speaker 1: Is that true?
00:05:06
Speaker 3: It's football.
00:05:07
Speaker 1: That's so sad.
00:05:08
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:05:09
Speaker 3: Well, I hope- It's not sad. They worked hard. They're tough. They deserve concussions.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: That's true.
00:05:13
Speaker 2: They worked hard for those concussions.
00:05:14
Speaker 1: They worked hard for those concussions. It's a badge of honor. Any conspiracy theories you believe in or want to get off your chest really quick?
00:05:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, any races or ethnicities that you don't.
00:05:23
Speaker 1: Really like that much. What sort of protein powders are you on?
00:05:28
Speaker 3: I actually don't get it. So guys, guys, I get all my health advice from Instagram.
00:05:34
Speaker 2: From RFK Jr.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: No, Instagram. It's a step higher than RFK. Yeah, barely.
00:05:39
Speaker 1: No, very.
00:05:40
Speaker 3: And apparently for every pound that you weigh, you're supposed to have a gram of protein.
00:05:48
Speaker 2: If you're building muscle.
00:05:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I have not found, and maybe now that I know you guys are gay, and you like health and work out and stuff, is now that I know, so basically I have to have 220 grams of protein per day. If you want to gain muscle.
00:06:04
Speaker 1: And I can't figure it out.
00:06:05
Speaker 2: Are you trying to get really, really buff?
00:06:08
Speaker 1: Yeah. Okay, all right, well there you go.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: I mean, this is buff underneath.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: I wasn't accusing you of not being buff already. No, that's right.
00:06:17
Speaker 3: I'm not a gazer into the bodies and stuff. I'm like a bear.
00:06:21
Speaker 2: What you're describing isn't the amount of protein you need just to be like a healthy person in the world. It's the amount of protein. I seriously thought that was. It's the amount of protein you need to like bulk up. You know what I mean? If you have less than that, you'll be fine. You just won't be like huge and muscular.
00:06:36
Speaker 3: So yesterday I had an egg sandwich for breakfast.
00:06:39
Speaker 2: Great.
00:06:40
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:06:42
Speaker 3: And then I had some chips.
00:06:43
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:06:44
Speaker 3: And some Cheez-Its.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: Yum.
00:06:45
Speaker 3: And that was it. So I didn't get too much protein.
00:06:47
Speaker 2: So you're on Atkins. Yes.
00:06:49
Speaker 1: Well, I love those chips and Cheez-Its. The Cheez-Its aren't the chips.
00:06:52
Speaker 3: They were separate.
00:06:53
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:06:53
Speaker 1: Different meals. Different meals.
00:06:55
Speaker 3: I think the Cheez-Its were from your green room. Oh, my God.
00:06:58
Speaker 2: Well, you're welcome then. We'll be Venmo-ing you for the total price of that, too.
00:07:02
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: I keep getting health advice on Instagram as well.
00:07:06
Speaker 2: What kind of advice are you getting?
00:07:07
Speaker 1: Well, they're always trying to get me to get more flexible. Instagram really knows that I'm not flexible.
00:07:12
Speaker 2: Everyone loves hip flexors.
00:07:14
Speaker 3: The jumping, right?
00:07:14
Speaker 1: Do you get that one?
00:07:15
Speaker 3: The little jumps in this?
00:07:17
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:07:17
Speaker 3: And the dead arms?
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly. And I'm sort of like, can you guys make a list?
00:07:21
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be able to find this video when I actually want it. Okay, see ya.
00:07:24
Speaker 3: I've never had something in common with a gay man before.
00:07:27
Speaker 1: That can't be true.
00:07:28
Speaker 2: I doubt that.
00:07:29
Speaker 3: It is kind of true. I get sucked into that shit and I always want a list of all of the moves because I can't remember.
00:07:38
Speaker 2: There's no way to remember.
00:07:39
Speaker 3: Because I'm in showbiz and a certain age and gummies and ADHD.
00:07:42
Speaker 1: You have all the lines in your head.
00:07:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I, this is so neurotic, I save these videos like three times a day. I've never once gone back to.
00:07:53
Speaker 2: Look at it. I was about to say.
00:07:54
Speaker 3: Because I want one page with a list.
00:07:56
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:07:57
Speaker 3: Because I can't remember the trunk moving, the hops, let's see if we can do it. The, this one?
00:08:03
Speaker 1: There's like the dead arm, this one.
00:08:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, the dead arms.
00:08:06
Speaker 1: There's like a, there's a slight like bending one, but I don't think I can want to do that one.
00:08:11
Speaker 3: That's not what I heard. But the rim shot, not job shot.
00:08:21
Speaker 1: But yeah, I don't know who actually uses these videos to actually do the workouts. I'm also like, I don't think I should be doing this solo. I think I need a person watching me, a coach, if you will.
00:08:31
Speaker 2: Tell us what to do next. Like a trainer, perhaps.
00:08:34
Speaker 1: Sure, maybe a coach.
00:08:35
Speaker 2: Maybe a professional.
00:08:35
Speaker 1: Can we do it?
00:08:36
Speaker 3: Should we try to do it on B-roll after we do this? We'll try to do this.
00:08:40
Speaker 2: We're doing a guided workout and then a guided meditation. And I'm going to perform a Reiki series on the two of you.
00:08:45
Speaker 1: Do you get health stuff on Instagram?
00:08:48
Speaker 2: Not what you're describing. I'm getting bulking stuff. I'm getting what the first, like protein stuff. I'm getting like, if you really want the, get ready, because this is going to be body negative. Are you ready for this? It's not my fault that I get these things.
00:09:00
Speaker 3: It's not my fault that I get these things.
00:09:02
Speaker 2: I get a lot of content that is how to battle skinny fat body type. Do you know what skinny fat is?
00:09:09
Speaker 3: I actually don't.
00:09:11
Speaker 2: Skinny fat is when you are skinny, but like, kind of flabby, I guess you would say. It's like, imagine like a skinny guy that has like love handles.
00:09:20
Speaker 3: And so- I don't want to imagine that. I thought this was a straight show.
00:09:27
Speaker 2: This is sort of what my algorithm is also. My algorithm is also like, imagine that. Is it pictures? No, there's no pictures. Those would be censored, of course. But it is basically like, I think it has been decided in the gay community that that is the worst possible body type one can have.
00:09:44
Speaker 3: So is it better to be chubby?
00:09:46
Speaker 2: Yes, because if you're chubby, you're a bear. We know where to put you. We know where to put you, right? If you're chubby, amazing. There's a community for you. If you're skinny, twinkie, you're amazing. There's a community for you. If you can't fit into one of those buckets.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: If you're skinny, skinny fat, we have to kill you. You are between two worlds?
00:10:04
Speaker 2: Unless you follow these five simple steps. And so that's what I'm getting.
00:10:07
Speaker 3: What if you're fat skinny?
00:10:09
Speaker 1: Oh, I would love to hear what that is.
00:10:11
Speaker 2: How would that work?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: Well... Young people.
00:10:16
Speaker 2: I have an idea for how that would work. Ready? Okay. Like, if you're... really big, but have like really skinny arms. Maybe that's fat skinny.
00:10:22
Speaker 1: Oh, that's good.
00:10:24
Speaker 2: Is that how you identify?
00:10:25
Speaker 3: Well, I identify as a lot of things. None of which are appropriate for a podcast. But yeah, I've got skinny fingers.
00:10:33
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:33
Speaker 3: And I got, you know, just big right here. So I guess I'm fat skinny.
00:10:36
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:10:37
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess I have skinny.
00:10:38
Speaker 1: No, actually.
00:10:41
Speaker 3: But is there a support group for guys like that?
00:10:43
Speaker 2: For skinny fat guys? Yes.
00:10:46
Speaker 3: Fat, big.
00:10:47
Speaker 2: Fat gay.
00:10:47
Speaker 3: Skinny fat gay guys.
00:10:50
Speaker 2: Is there a support group for skinny fat gay guys? Well, I just think it is the last remaining, in an era of body positivity, it is the last community that faces prejudice in the LGBTQ plus community. And I'm basically not even kidding.
00:11:04
Speaker 1: Well, there's not a body neutrality movement for skinny fat.
00:11:07
Speaker 2: Yes. Have you heard of body neutrality?
00:11:09
Speaker 3: Oh, God.
00:11:09
Speaker 2: Okay, so body positivity is like, I feel amazing about my body no matter what I look like. Body neutrality.
00:11:13
Speaker 3: I've never heard of that either. That's not something I've experienced.
00:11:16
Speaker 2: Body neutrality is like, I'm simply neutral about how I look. I don't feel good about it.
00:11:21
Speaker 1: I don't feel bad about it. It is just my body.
00:11:23
Speaker 3: Wait, what are you guys hearing about this shit?
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Let me try doing body neutrality. Didn't work.
00:11:26
Speaker 3: Let me try. That was it.
00:11:32
Speaker 1: Did you feel it?
00:11:33
Speaker 2: Congratulations, did you do it?
00:11:34
Speaker 3: No, but what are you learning about this shit?
00:11:37
Speaker 1: I learned about it yesterday on our podcast.
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I told you about it.
00:11:39
Speaker 3: You know what I did learn? What? I'm going to get canceled.
00:11:45
Speaker 2: No, you're not.
00:11:45
Speaker 3: Because anytime I'm with gay guys, I like- Do you get canceled?
00:11:47
Speaker 1: You want to be bad?
00:11:48
Speaker 3: No, I don't want to be bad, but I want to ask you things that I've- Ask, ask, ask. Because you just told me about four words I've never even heard of.
00:11:54
Speaker 2: Well, let's hear it.
00:11:56
Speaker 3: I heard, but I don't know if it's the right definition.
00:12:01
Speaker 1: I'm ex-Catholic. I can't wait. Ex-Catholic.
00:12:03
Speaker 3: Shame.
00:12:04
Speaker 1: Felching.
00:12:05
Speaker 3: Oh, felching.
00:12:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's classic.
00:12:07
Speaker 2: You can take this one.
00:12:07
Speaker 3: What do you want to know about it? Well.
00:12:11
Speaker 2: Have you heard about sides?
00:12:13
Speaker 1: What?
00:12:13
Speaker 2: Have you heard about sides? If someone identifies it as a side.
00:12:17
Speaker 3: Like sides when I'm doing a self-tape?
00:12:18
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:12:18
Speaker 2: So do you want to know what a side is?
00:12:20
Speaker 3: What is a side?
00:12:21
Speaker 2: I'll explain sides and then you explain felching. See what I did there?
00:12:24
Speaker 1: I got the gross one.
00:12:25
Speaker 2: You got the gross one. A side is a gay man who doesn't. like anal sex at all. So he's not a top or a bottom. He just wants to do other kinds of stuff. So he's a side because it's not a top or a bottom.
00:12:40
Speaker 3: Well, what else is there to do? No, it's a valid question, Sammy.
00:12:44
Speaker 2: Hand and mouth stuff.
00:12:45
Speaker 1: Hand and mouth stuff.
00:12:46
Speaker 2: Come on.
00:12:47
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:12:48
Speaker 2: Be open-minded.
00:12:49
Speaker 3: Guys, I thought this was hand and mouth. Oh, God. I don't care what you do in the bedroom. Just, I don't want to see it.
00:12:58
Speaker 1: Wait, a side? Yeah. Yeah, what do you think about that?
00:13:01
Speaker 2: You need to go back to your community.
00:13:02
Speaker 3: Well, I like sides, like when I go to Ruth's Steakhouse.
00:13:04
Speaker 2: Like an appetizer? Of course. Like a creamed spinach.
00:13:07
Speaker 1: Sometimes I order all sides.
00:13:09
Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
00:13:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:13:11
Speaker 3: Tater tots, mashed potatoes.
00:13:13
Speaker 1: In what context did you hear about felching?
00:13:14
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:16
Speaker 1: Who was bringing this up with you?
00:13:17
Speaker 3: I do have a gay friend.
00:13:18
Speaker 1: Oh, that's nice.
00:13:19
Speaker 3: Who was in a relationship and... They broke up, and he was heartbroken, and then there's this prep thing going around, I guess.
00:13:26
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is.
00:13:27
Speaker 2: Did they break up because of felching in some way?
00:13:30
Speaker 3: Well, I don't think so.
00:13:31
Speaker 1: Or because of prep.
00:13:31
Speaker 2: Or because of prep.
00:13:33
Speaker 3: Maybe. So after they broke up, he has been going on a bender.
00:13:38
Speaker 2: That'll happen.
00:13:39
Speaker 3: And, you know, I've been around boys. I'm in my 50s. I've seen a lot, done a lot. But he was telling me that gay guys go to a hotel.
00:13:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:13:51
Speaker 3: I'm going to get it. What am I talking about? I thought this was a fucking sports show. A guy goes to the hotel. Uh-huh. Stranger.
00:14:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, I see where this is going.
00:14:02
Speaker 3: Doesn't have any clothes on.
00:14:03
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:04
Speaker 3: On all fours on the bed.
00:14:05
Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
00:14:05
Speaker 3: And then.
00:14:07
Speaker 2: No loads refused. Have you heard that term?
00:14:09
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. We've got young people here.
00:14:11
Speaker 1: No, it's not right. It's not right.
00:14:12
Speaker 2: People.
00:14:13
Speaker 3: Gay guys come in. I don't even know how they find it.
00:14:15
Speaker 2: They come in in more ways than one.
00:14:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, they come in. They put some stuff in the back door.
00:14:19
Speaker 2: Period.
00:14:20
Speaker 3: And then they leave.
00:14:21
Speaker 2: Bye-bye.
00:14:22
Speaker 3: And then a guy comes in, like the 10th guy comes in.
00:14:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:14:26
Speaker 3: And has an iced coffee, if you know what I'm saying.
00:14:28
Speaker 1: Oh, God.
00:14:29
Speaker 3: They drink it.
00:14:31
Speaker 1: Oh, that's less common. That's more niche, I think.
00:14:34
Speaker 2: Yeah. What's that called? What's felching?
00:14:36
Speaker 1: That's felching, but it's just kind of niche.
00:14:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we're not judging in any way, but I think- I don't do it.
00:14:43
Speaker 3: I'm married, baby, I've never done that.
00:14:45
Speaker 2: Oh, and you think a married person can't do it. That's very interesting.
00:14:48
Speaker 1: That's really interesting.
00:14:50
Speaker 3: Wait, felching is the drinking part of putting.
00:14:52
Speaker 1: It in or loading up? Yeah, the drinking part.
00:14:55
Speaker 3: Oh, so what's the loading up? I'm trying to talk in metaphors.
00:14:58
Speaker 2: Loads are just loads.
00:14:59
Speaker 1: No loads refused. Oh, so it's sides?
00:15:02
Speaker 3: Lodes, body neutrality. Is there going to be a fucking quiz after this?
00:15:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, there sure is.
00:15:07
Speaker 1: There's a midterm for sure.
00:15:08
Speaker 3: Oh, so the felching's the actual drinking of it.
00:15:10
Speaker 1: See, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah, that's the felching part.
00:15:14
Speaker 3: So it's lodes and felching.
00:15:17
Speaker 2: Body neutrality.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: First comes lodes, then comes felching.
00:15:22
Speaker 2: And then when you do a lot of that, you're like, you know what? I'm a side.
00:15:29
Speaker 1: When you're a side, you're at peace. That's right.
00:15:31
Speaker 3: Put the rim shot in, this kid's good. Fuck, wow. Any other gay things you can tell me about?
00:15:39
Speaker 2: Have you heard of Addison Rae?
00:15:42
Speaker 3: Is that a person?
00:15:43
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:15:43
Speaker 2: Or a thing? She's a really young pop star. She just came out onto the scene a couple years ago. She is blonde.
00:15:52
Speaker 1: And- She is a dancer.
00:15:54
Speaker 2: She's very influenced by certain eras of Madonna. She dances a lot.
00:15:58
Speaker 1: She's sort of a normal girl.
00:15:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's kind of like a normal girl, but also a pop star. But cool. But cool. Who else?
00:16:04
Speaker 3: I'm not ringing any bells.
00:16:05
Speaker 1: Who's your pop star?
00:16:07
Speaker 2: Well, you love Tina Turner. I know from reading your book.
00:16:09
Speaker 3: I like Tina Turner, of course. And I do listen to Creed. Again, I had that answer prepared because I thought we were doing a straight podcast.
00:16:19
Speaker 1: Tell me about your relationship with Creed.
00:16:21
Speaker 3: Okay. Now, Bridget Everett's my buddy.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
00:16:26
Speaker 3: And The other day, you know, I was having some emotions. It doesn't happen a lot because I just try to suffocate them.
00:16:32
Speaker 2: You got to shut it down.
00:16:33
Speaker 3: Comedy, showbiz. Hello. So I was feeling it, and I just put on Creed on my Spotify. I know I'm not supposed to use Spotify, but I mean, iHeartMedia. They have music?
00:16:45
Speaker 2: Apple Music.
00:16:46
Speaker 1: Showbiz. Yeah. You put on your Creed vinyl.
00:16:49
Speaker 3: I put on my Creed.
00:16:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, Creed vinyl. Ethically sourced secondhand.
00:16:53
Speaker 3: To, like, get the vibes out of the emotions. And I was in the bathroom, just because I thought you were straight, guys. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, listening to Creed.
00:17:06
Speaker 2: Hey, we take dumps, too.
00:17:07
Speaker 3: Well, no, you take loads.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: Damn, got my ass.
00:17:17
Speaker 2: No.
00:17:17
Speaker 3: No, thank you. So anyway, I was in the bathroom doing stuff, and I had it cranked. And it's like. Arms wide open. Yeah, yeah. And Bridget called me and I hadn't turned it off. And she was like, what the fuck is going on? And I'm like, I'm listening to Creed. And she goes, bro, no. And she fucking hung up on me.
00:17:43
Speaker 1: Really? Wow.
00:17:44
Speaker 3: She didn't like the straight bro Murray.
00:17:47
Speaker 1: So much for the tolerant left.
00:17:49
Speaker 3: That's why we lost the election, right?
00:17:51
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Creed, do you return too often?
00:17:58
Speaker 3: Only when I'm feeling emotions.
00:18:01
Speaker 2: So like once every six years. Do you like a sort of an even more extreme version, like a heavy metal? Because I know a lot of people who get their emotions out by listening to truly like death metal, like screaming music.
00:18:12
Speaker 3: I actually don't like death metal because, you know, it's too loud. But Thursday, I'll just keep it open. Thursday, I'm going to see Bikini Kill in Williamsburg.
00:18:22
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: Every time, and I've been doing this since the 90s, when Rebel Girl comes out, that is like, I'm going to work out my shit right now.
00:18:31
Speaker 2: Totally.
00:18:31
Speaker 1: And it's like.
00:18:36
Speaker 3: Fuck you, baby. Oh, sorry. I didn't have a stroke.
00:18:41
Speaker 1: You're good. When Creed was sort of in the backlash era and people were like, they suck, they suck, they suck. Were you like defending them or were you like, they suck?
00:18:51
Speaker 3: Well, Sammy, I know you're a comedian. you know, you're on stage. And I used to, when I toured with La Tigra, I used to make a couple of Creed jokes.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:19:00
Speaker 3: During that backlash period.
00:19:01
Speaker 1: Uh-huh.
00:19:02
Speaker 3: And I'll do an impersonation of the audience after I made a Creed joke.
00:19:07
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:19:08
Speaker 3: Okay, here it is.
00:19:10
Speaker 2: Wow, they weren't responding.
00:19:12
Speaker 1: They weren't loving it.
00:19:13
Speaker 2: Do you think it's because they loved Creed or just because they thought it was like hack to talk about Creed?
00:19:19
Speaker 3: Ooh, interesting. Yeah, it's tough. Well, that crowd, which is like very queer, very positive.
00:19:24
Speaker 2: Trust me, I've been to La Tigre concerts.
00:19:26
Speaker 3: You know, it's like the irony, and I'm dressed like, you know, this. So the irony of me making fun of Creed may have been lost on that crowd.
00:19:35
Speaker 2: I see.
00:19:35
Speaker 1: The sincere crowd.
00:19:37
Speaker 3: Well, you know, you know.
00:19:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know. We don't have to say it out loud.
00:19:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, we don't have to say it out loud, but you know.
00:19:46
Speaker 1: I'm confused currently. I think it's interesting that Creed is like, I recognize, liked now, like Gen Z is like Creed is funny to put on. Because it scares me because I'm like, what? You never know what's going to be ironically liked.
00:19:59
Speaker 2: Oh, completely.
00:20:00
Speaker 1: Whereas the next generation will just think Creed is good because the people older than them just liked it, even though it's ironic.
00:20:06
Speaker 2: Which happened with Journey.
00:20:07
Speaker 1: Exactly. Exactly.
00:20:09
Speaker 3: Creed does have a couple of good songs.
00:20:10
Speaker 2: I mean, listen. They've got Photograph.
00:20:12
Speaker 1: No.
00:20:13
Speaker 3: No, that's Def Leppard.
00:20:14
Speaker 1: That's... Look at this photograph!
00:20:16
Speaker 2: No, that's Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: No.
00:20:20
Speaker 1: You're thinking of I'll put your picture away.
00:20:22
Speaker 3: Oh my God, you're right.
00:20:24
Speaker 2: Wow, you really clocked that.
00:20:25
Speaker 1: Everyone's gaslighting me.
00:20:26
Speaker 2: Okay, so Photograph is Creed?
00:20:29
Speaker 1: Photograph is Creed. Arms wide open.
00:20:30
Speaker 2: There's the other one, Higher. Fuck!
00:20:33
Speaker 3: Thank you. Thank you. We were not gaslighting you, bitch!
00:20:38
Speaker 1: What's the difference between Creed and Nickelback? They are so identical to me.
00:20:41
Speaker 3: Wait, Nickelback has, what's that? I listened to that too. I don't, that's a real.
00:20:45
Speaker 1: They are so identical to me.
00:20:48
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's bros.
00:20:49
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:20:49
Speaker 1: Long hair.
00:20:50
Speaker 3: Trying to have emotions before they go to rehab.
00:20:53
Speaker 2: That's right. And often, you know, they never make it to rehab because they have too many emotions on the page.
00:21:00
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:21:01
Speaker 2: Exactly.
00:21:03
Speaker 1: And Creed is the one that's like the guy in the mud. The album covers the guy in the mud. Or is that Nickelback?
00:21:10
Speaker 3: I think he's like Jesus or something.
00:21:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's Christianity there.
00:21:13
Speaker 2: A lot of times the angriest people love Jesus. It's weird how that works out.
00:21:19
Speaker 3: No comment. I never met the guy.
00:21:23
Speaker 2: Jesus? Yes. Oh, you would love him.
00:21:25
Speaker 1: He's fab. He's really nice. Seriously.
00:21:27
Speaker 2: And he's a great host. He'll put out a lot of hors d'oeuvres.
00:21:32
Speaker 3: He puts out a lot of sides.
00:21:33
Speaker 2: A lot of sides.
00:21:34
Speaker 1: A lot of sides.
00:21:35
Speaker 2: Talk about a side.
00:21:35
Speaker 1: Talk about a side.
00:21:37
Speaker 2: Jesus was definitely a side.
00:21:38
Speaker 1: Jesus was a side down.
00:21:39
Speaker 2: Shall we do our first segment?
00:21:40
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:21:51
Speaker 3: Oh, that wasn't a segment?
00:21:54
Speaker 1: No. Our first segment is called Straight Shooters.
00:21:57
Speaker 2: You're already going to be confused. You're going to hate this.
00:21:59
Speaker 1: I already have to. You're going to hate this.
00:22:02
Speaker 3: Are we doing a game? Yes. Oh, shit.
00:22:04
Speaker 1: In this game, we ask you a series of rapid fire questions. It's basically this thing or this other thing, and you pick one. And the only rule is you can't ask any follow-up questions or we will scream.
00:22:13
Speaker 2: You have to just pick one.
00:22:14
Speaker 3: How am I going to do that? You've seen me already. Okay, so you're going to say something. I just pick one.
00:22:20
Speaker 2: Murray Hill.
00:22:21
Speaker 3: I'm already talking too much.
00:22:23
Speaker 2: I love rock and roll or I'm here. Flaws and all.
00:22:28
Speaker 3: I can't do this. Rock and roll.
00:22:31
Speaker 1: Okay. Tuna on Shibata or Hakuna Matata?
00:22:35
Speaker 3: Hakuna Machata.
00:22:37
Speaker 2: Being invited to prom or being indicted for doing something wrong? Indicted.
00:22:42
Speaker 1: Bricking your phone or sniffing pheromones?
00:22:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's tough.
00:22:50
Speaker 1: Shit.
00:22:50
Speaker 3: Can we put it? Jeopardy thing, ding, ding, ding. Sniffing pheromones.
00:22:56
Speaker 2: Sunday nights on HBO or picking a fight with a guy named Joe?
00:23:00
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:23:01
Speaker 3: Well, since, well, we were canceled on Sunday night.
00:23:04
Speaker 2: But you were on Sunday nights on HBO.
00:23:05
Speaker 3: We were on Sunday nights, so picking a fight.
00:23:09
Speaker 1: Ebony and Ivory?
00:23:11
Speaker 3: Yes, yes. I don't even want to hear the rest of it. I love that song.
00:23:14
Speaker 1: Okay. All right.
00:23:15
Speaker 2: Classic. The seven deadly sins or the four fabulous ladies of Sex and the City?
00:23:21
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:23:22
Speaker 3: The ladies of Sex and the City.
00:23:23
Speaker 1: I'll say. A public service or a product purchase?
00:23:30
Speaker 3: Did you think I was gay? Public service, fellas.
00:23:34
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:23:34
Speaker 2: That's the La Tigra ethos coming out. Yes, yes, yes.
00:23:38
Speaker 1: Help the world.
00:23:39
Speaker 2: Stunning work.
00:23:40
Speaker 1: Incredible as always.
00:23:41
Speaker 2: So what happens?
00:23:41
Speaker 3: I get a prize?
00:23:42
Speaker 1: Yes. So we rate our guests on a scale of 0 to 1,000 doves.
00:23:45
Speaker 2: And your score is 900 doves.
00:23:48
Speaker 1: Doves? Doves.
00:23:49
Speaker 2: We will be sending them to your home.
00:23:51
Speaker 3: Like the chocolates?
00:23:52
Speaker 2: No, the live birds.
00:23:55
Speaker 3: Not the, you know, the. Women, body positive creams?
00:23:59
Speaker 1: No, no creams.
00:24:00
Speaker 2: We don't believe in body positivity here.
00:24:02
Speaker 1: We're neutral. We're neutral at best.
00:24:04
Speaker 3: We have to come up with something where- We're skinny, fat, and we're sides. Okay, what's a word that you don't even acknowledge your body? Let's come up with that.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Wait, what's the word?
00:24:11
Speaker 1: Body doesn't exist? Yeah, body.
00:24:12
Speaker 3: BNE?
00:24:13
Speaker 2: Body invisibility?
00:24:16
Speaker 1: Body invisibility.
00:24:17
Speaker 2: Body erasure. Body erasure. Body erasure.
00:24:19
Speaker 3: Body erasure.
00:24:20
Speaker 1: I'm committing body erasure.
00:24:22
Speaker 2: Erasure.
00:24:23
Speaker 3: Okay, body erasure.
00:24:24
Speaker 2: Body erasure is a new movement.
00:24:26
Speaker 3: That we started right here on this podcast.
00:24:27
Speaker 2: That we started where you don't even believe you.
00:24:30
Speaker 1: Have a body.
00:24:32
Speaker 3: You know when they say talking heads? That's what we're doing. Talking heads. No bodies.
00:24:35
Speaker 1: No bodies. And if someone's like, I'm skinny fat, I'm like, no, you're nothing.
00:24:39
Speaker 2: You're nothing.
00:24:39
Speaker 1: You're nothing.
00:24:40
Speaker 3: You're just a head.
00:24:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:24:42
Speaker 2: Talk about true equality.
00:24:44
Speaker 3: Just a head. That could mean something else.
00:24:45
Speaker 1: For you guys.
00:24:46
Speaker 2: That's true.
00:24:46
Speaker 1: It could mean a lot for us. Head. Oh, God.
00:24:49
Speaker 2: Well, head means the same thing for all sexualities.
00:24:51
Speaker 1: It does? Well, sometimes.
00:24:53
Speaker 2: Getting, giving.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: No? Yeah, no, you're right. Depends on which culture you're in, I guess.
00:24:57
Speaker 2: We thought load was gay only, and then the wonderful straight men who work with us informed us that it is, in fact, also used for straights.
00:25:07
Speaker 3: Where do they put the load?
00:25:09
Speaker 2: I think you can picture where they put the load. They invented it. They did classic, and then we made it alt.
00:25:17
Speaker 3: I wish this was a whiteboard. You could draw it out for me, because.
00:25:20
Speaker 2: I'm actually trying to figure out.
00:25:22
Speaker 1: What happened was my uncle, who was straight, said something about a load. And I was like, do you remember this? This is how we started talking about this, I think.
00:25:29
Speaker 2: Oh, yes. And we were like, I can't believe you know that word.
00:25:33
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, is he gay? I was like, is my uncle secretly gay? Yes.
00:25:36
Speaker 2: And then someone who shall not be named who works... with us in our Los Angeles... No, no, no. It was our Los Angeles team. Of course. He was like, yeah, no. We know what loads are. We say loads, too. Yeah, people say loads.
00:25:50
Speaker 1: And I was like, I thought it was just gay. It's crazy. It's only a load if you're a gay guy. No.
00:25:53
Speaker 3: Okay, this interview is going so off the track, but can I ask a question?
00:25:57
Speaker 2: Sure.
00:25:58
Speaker 3: Legitimate, sincere.
00:25:59
Speaker 2: So far, it's going exactly how we planned.
00:26:03
Speaker 3: Okay. I should know this, but... Okay, so.
00:26:08
Speaker 3: If straight guy's doing a load, it's not necessarily the back door.
00:26:14
Speaker 1: That's right. It just is a load.
00:26:15
Speaker 2: It could be the front door.
00:26:16
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:26:17
Speaker 2: It can also just be like out there. It doesn't have to go into somewhere to be a load. You know what I mean?
00:26:25
Speaker 3: Can that be the pull quote? Okay, I need that on a t-shirt. That is, it doesn't need to be somewhere. That's beautiful.
00:26:33
Speaker 2: It doesn't need to be put somewhere to be a load.
00:26:35
Speaker 3: Okay, that's beautiful.
00:26:36
Speaker 1: It's the journey not the destination.
00:26:37
Speaker 2: Exactly, it's the journey not the destination.
00:26:41
Speaker 3: Sammy, that's funny. Okay, all right, okay, okay. So I guess I've had some loads then. Of course.
00:26:52
Speaker 2: You think you got to where you are in showbiz without taking any loads?
00:26:55
Speaker 3: Not taking loads.
00:26:57
Speaker 2: Having them.
00:26:57
Speaker 3: No.
00:26:58
Speaker 2: Producing them.
00:26:59
Speaker 3: Putting them somewhere without it and placing results.
00:27:02
Speaker 2: Presenting them.
00:27:03
Speaker 1: Presenting them.
00:27:04
Speaker 3: Presenting loads.
00:27:06
Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Myload.
00:27:07
Speaker 3: That should have been the name of my book.
00:27:08
Speaker 1: Solo show. Solo show. Presenting loads.
00:27:10
Speaker 2: Presenting loads.
00:27:12
Speaker 3: Murray Hill loads, one night only. Murray Hill loads, one night only.
00:27:15
Speaker 1: Wow. That's good.
00:27:20
Speaker 3: So yeah, I do a lot of these types of things and I've.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: Never- Talked about loads this much?
00:27:25
Speaker 3: Well, that, but I've never learned so much.
00:27:27
Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so glad. Well, guess what?
00:27:28
Speaker 2: We have so much more.
00:27:29
Speaker 3: Is there anything else that you sick people do?
00:27:31
Speaker 1: Let's see.
00:27:32
Speaker 2: You would not believe. I'm trying to think.
00:27:35
Speaker 1: You know what's weird?
00:27:37
Speaker 2: Here's something we do. We pay for tickets to various parties And then the day of, we try to sell them to our friends.
00:27:45
Speaker 3: What do you mean parties?
00:27:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like there's all these parties and they're all called, they're all called like, .
00:28:01
Speaker 1: .
00:28:09
Speaker 2: .
00:28:12
Speaker 1: .
00:28:14
Speaker 2: selling five tickets to Wet Hole.
00:28:23
Speaker 1: Well, it's very tops and bottoms. There's some people selling the tickets. There's some people in desperate need. They're like, who has tickets to Wet Hole? I forgot to get tickets. But no, you cannot get these two people together. The people selling the tickets and the people buying the tickets never seem to interact.
00:28:38
Speaker 2: Isn't that sad?
00:28:39
Speaker 3: So it's like StubHub?
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Exactly, it's StubHub, but artisanal. For wet holes. It's artisanal StubHub. Non-corporate StubHub.
00:28:46
Speaker 1: Community-based.
00:28:47
Speaker 2: Community-based StubHub for wet holes.
00:28:49
Speaker 1: Artisanal StubHub. Yes, exactly.
00:28:51
Speaker 3: Shit, so then where do you guys go if you don't go to the party?
00:28:54
Speaker 2: So then what happens is- That's a really good question. You get a drink, maybe you go to someone's apartment and- you know, have a drink with friends. And then of course it gets to be 2 a.m. And everyone's like, I actually would love to go to Wet Hole, but we all sold our tickets. So then you go.
00:29:08
Speaker 1: To Wet Hole anyway. And you see if you can get in.
00:29:11
Speaker 2: You see if you can get in.
00:29:12
Speaker 3: And then there's people being like, you need a Wet Hole to get in if you don't have a ticket.
00:29:15
Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't hurt.
00:29:16
Speaker 2: There's no one without a Wet Hole.
00:29:17
Speaker 3: Sam, don't set me up with jokes like that. If it's wet, it does hurt. No, wait, no, you had it right.
00:29:24
Speaker 1: Well, it depends on what you're using.
00:29:26
Speaker 3: Oh, God. Oh, God.
00:29:29
Speaker 1: Should we get into the straight topic?
00:29:30
Speaker 2: I think that would be.
00:29:31
Speaker 3: That's what we've been talking about the whole time.
00:29:33
Speaker 2: Speaking of wet holes, actually, this relates to your straight topic. So, Marie Hill, what is your topic that you brought today? and what is straight about it?
00:29:45
Speaker 3: Now, I realize this could mean different things for different people.
00:29:47
Speaker 2: No, it's the mind field.
00:29:49
Speaker 3: But the straight thing I wanted to talk about today is spitting.
00:29:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker 3: Straight guys and spitting on the street.
00:29:56
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:29:56
Speaker 2: Yes.
00:29:58
Speaker 3: I don't understand. It's making me, I'm like getting upset.
00:30:01
Speaker 1: I'm upset.
00:30:02
Speaker 3: I'm like freaking out.
00:30:03
Speaker 2: No, they'll do it in the middle of a nice street with designer stores. Have some respect.
00:30:09
Speaker 1: There's a problem on this block.
00:30:11
Speaker 3: In Brooklyn, no disrespect, it's like they wait until someone's close to them to do it.
00:30:18
Speaker 2: To show off.
00:30:19
Speaker 3: And it's like, there's a.
00:30:20
Speaker 1: Lot of different kinds.
00:30:21
Speaker 2: It's a sign of aggression. I mean, you know how straight men will do like a contest to see who can spit farther. Have you ever seen this?
00:30:31
Speaker 3: Is that like- That's a real thing. Given loads, but through the mouth?
00:30:34
Speaker 2: No, no, no. Well, I guess in some ways.
00:30:36
Speaker 1: That's interesting.
00:30:37
Speaker 2: Surely there is a way to see it sexually.
00:30:39
Speaker 3: Hey, hey, don't put me in a box. Wait a minute. What? No, that's all.
00:30:50
Speaker 1: I remember being like running, I ran cross country in high school. And the straight guys would always be spitting the whole run. And I was always like, are we like biologically built different? Because I have never needed to spit ever in my life.
00:31:03
Speaker 2: Really? No.
00:31:05
Speaker 3: But also how loud it is.
00:31:06
Speaker 2: It's loud.
00:31:08
Speaker 1: It's a whole production.
00:31:10
Speaker 3: The spitting that also has the phlegm in it. I had several experiences of that on my three block walk home yesterday. And it was like, and you're like, and then you see it. I'm sorry. You see it on the ground.
00:31:23
Speaker 2: You know, what's interesting about spitting is like, okay, I, all of us have buildup of saliva.
00:31:29
Speaker 1: I have a nasty theory after you, but.
00:31:31
Speaker 2: It's only, but it's only a straight man who is like, I can't be uncomfortable for one single second. So I am going to spit this and ruin the vibe for everyone on this block. Just because I am, I feel like I have slightly more saliva than I would like in my mouth.
00:31:46
Speaker 1: I mean, I know we've been a nasty podcast.
00:31:48
Speaker 2: Of course.
00:31:48
Speaker 3: At least today.
00:31:49
Speaker 1: We aren't normally this nasty.
00:31:51
Speaker 3: You are or you're not?
00:31:51
Speaker 1: We're not.
00:31:52
Speaker 3: Don't blame it on me.
00:31:53
Speaker 1: Well, you came in here with all that smut.
00:31:57
Speaker 2: Oh, falching sides. Oh my God, enough.
00:32:00
Speaker 1: But there's something about, of course, the binary, they're spitting and then they're swallowing.
00:32:06
Speaker 2: That's true. So you think swallowing is gay and spitting is straight?
00:32:09
Speaker 1: Yes, I think we also have the phlegm, but we swallow.
00:32:14
Speaker 2: Your comment?
00:32:19
Speaker 3: You asked me for a comment when I was actually disassociating and trying to picture what he was just saying.
00:32:26
Speaker 1: Because they're spitting the opposite of that swallow.
00:32:29
Speaker 2: You're completely correct. And I actually think that relates also to how gay people and straight people deal with their trauma, their life experiences.
00:32:39
Speaker 3: Taking it in.
00:32:39
Speaker 2: Exactly, exactly. So a gay person is like, oh no, I feel something awful. Let me just put it back in.
00:32:45
Speaker 1: Let me get it in there.
00:32:45
Speaker 2: Whereas a straight person is like, ew.
00:32:46
Speaker 1: Ew.
00:32:48
Speaker 2: Spitting out. What do you think of that theory?
00:32:50
Speaker 3: I mean, what's the name of this theory? We got to write this down so your next guest, you can tell them what this is.
00:32:56
Speaker 2: This is spitting theory.
00:32:58
Speaker 1: It's spitting theory? Yeah. Well, spitting versus swallowing theory.
00:33:00
Speaker 2: Doesn't have as much of a ring to it.
00:33:03
Speaker 3: Now, Sammy.
00:33:04
Speaker 2: Sammy, I'm- It's all about branding. Yes. No, you're right.
00:33:06
Speaker 1: You're right.
00:33:07
Speaker 3: But isn't that also- Isn't spitting- Like, don't- Gay guys spit on you, or straight people spit on backs.
00:33:14
Speaker 2: And swallow and do all- See, you're going back to sex. And I appreciate that you think the way to relate to two gay men is to make everything sexual.
00:33:24
Speaker 3: I don't know why I would think that. You know what I say in my act, fellas? Stereotypes are based on facts.
00:33:30
Speaker 1: Oh, it's true.
00:33:30
Speaker 2: It's very true. Thank you for speaking out. Finally someone said it.
00:33:36
Speaker 3: Spitting on the street is disgusting.
00:33:38
Speaker 2: Yes, it's disgusting. Spitting on the street is, you know what else is disgusting? And I can't believe I'm even mentioning this. Straight guys will be peeing in the urinal and then spit in the urinal while they're peeing.
00:33:46
Speaker 1: Oh my God, they do do that. Yes. No, it's like extremely common.
00:33:51
Speaker 2: It's very common.
00:33:51
Speaker 1: And I've never related. I've always been like, so we're different people.
00:33:55
Speaker 2: The other thing they do, so they spit in the urinal and then they also will just go like, okay.
00:34:02
Speaker 1: I do do that.
00:34:02
Speaker 3: Okay, can I ask you some bathroom questions?
00:34:05
Speaker 1: Please. And I'm glad we're having this conversation.
00:34:08
Speaker 3: I'm glad we're.
00:34:09
Speaker 2: Having this conversation. It is time we had it. This is going to be groundbreaking.
00:34:12
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah. Now, bathrooms, you know, they're very controversial about who goes to what bathroom. Yeah, of course.
00:34:16
Speaker 2: It's one of the biggest issues.
00:34:17
Speaker 3: I have a hack, and I'm wearing Depends right now, so I don't have to choose. So I'm actually going to the bathroom right now.
00:34:23
Speaker 2: Oh, great.
00:34:23
Speaker 3: Oh, amazing. But when I do go to the men's room, which I was at the Barclays Center last night for a WNBA game, so... Men's bathroom was free.
00:34:30
Speaker 2: Men's bathroom was one of the most inclusive bathrooms you could possibly go to, is the men's bathroom during a WNBA game.
00:34:36
Speaker 3: Yes, in Brooklyn. Yes. Okay, now, in the stall, not the urinal, but the stall, why is it that guys go in there and pee with the door open, seat down, and don't get it into the hole?
00:34:56
Speaker 1: Well, the hole is just so small.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: It's all over the fucking, no, the toilet bowl. Like, why is it this?
00:35:03
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:35:03
Speaker 2: You know, it's harder to control than you think.
00:35:05
Speaker 1: It's disgusting. It's so difficult.
00:35:07
Speaker 3: Why is it hard to control? Mine is like, you know, under my, you know, shelf at home.
00:35:12
Speaker 1: Totally.
00:35:13
Speaker 2: Right.
00:35:14
Speaker 3: On the drying rack.
00:35:18
Speaker 2: I think that.
00:35:21
Speaker 1: Well, the door open. I can respond to the door open, at least.
00:35:23
Speaker 2: The door open thing.
00:35:25
Speaker 1: Because you can't be accused of pooping.
00:35:26
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.
00:35:27
Speaker 3: Oh, is that what it is?
00:35:28
Speaker 2: You don't want anyone to think you're pooping.
00:35:29
Speaker 3: You guys are deep.
00:35:30
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker 1: Well, of course.
00:35:32
Speaker 3: Is that really a thing? So there's shame about it.
00:35:34
Speaker 2: Pooping is feminine.
00:35:35
Speaker 3: Is it really? Oh, my God.
00:35:38
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:35:39
Speaker 3: I feel.
00:35:39
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to college right now.
00:35:40
Speaker 2: You're saying I have to sit down? What am I?
00:35:42
Speaker 1: Some sort of faggot?
00:35:44
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:44
Speaker 1: That's how guys think. That's how guys think.
00:35:46
Speaker 3: Are you for real?
00:35:47
Speaker 1: I kind of think so.
00:35:48
Speaker 2: Kind of. Can we get. Reaction shot.
00:35:53
Speaker 1: Big, big reaction shot.
00:35:54
Speaker 3: Wait, so for real? The door is open because you don't, there's shame about pooping? Because you know when people are pooping.
00:36:00
Speaker 2: Oh, trust me, especially in a men's bathroom. It's not only shame, it's also like a show of.
00:36:07
Speaker 1: Show of pride.
00:36:08
Speaker 2: Pride.
00:36:08
Speaker 1: Because you're like, if you are closing the door to pee in the toilet, you're sort of like, you're ashamed.
00:36:15
Speaker 2: Exactly. You're leaving, you're out in the open. You're saying like, it's no big deal, I'm just peeing.
00:36:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:36:22
Speaker 3: Okay, now why is it hard to get it in?
00:36:23
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's the second part of your question.
00:36:25
Speaker 1: That's the bigger issue.
00:36:25
Speaker 2: You're saying it's harder to get it in with the thing down, seat down, or without the seat down?
00:36:33
Speaker 3: No, it's all over the floor. I don't understand.
00:36:35
Speaker 1: Well, that's because they're looking at their phone.
00:36:37
Speaker 2: That is true. And also, guess why else? A lot of times they're drunk. I mean, you're talking about a public bathroom at Barclays and like a big venue.
00:36:44
Speaker 1: Well, and also there's probably something primal about trying to mark the space.
00:36:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're marking the space.
00:36:48
Speaker 3: Sam, what did you study in college? Women's studies? Yeah.
00:36:52
Speaker 2: Wow, drag him.
00:36:53
Speaker 1: English literature.
00:36:54
Speaker 2: Sir Women's Studies. Wait. Why are you, as a man, reading?
00:37:00
Speaker 1: Homo. Yeah, exactly.
00:37:04
Speaker 3: But can you just put it, aim it?
00:37:07
Speaker 2: Well, you know, this move you're doing, you know, is implying that this is some sort of like elongatable.
00:37:17
Speaker 3: I'm like really outing myself.
00:37:18
Speaker 1: That's like asking, like, you know, can't we just not have war? You know, it's like, of course it would be amazing if we could just.
00:37:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would be amazing if we could.
00:37:24
Speaker 1: Can't we just love our neighbor? Like, there's so many things that we.
00:37:28
Speaker 2: And those two are basically related. You know, it's like if men. could pee inside of the toilet sink, then there probably wouldn't be war.
00:37:35
Speaker 1: I love toilet sink. That actually works for me.
00:37:36
Speaker 2: Toilet bowl.
00:37:37
Speaker 3: Is toilet sink a thing?
00:37:38
Speaker 1: No, but I like it.
00:37:39
Speaker 2: We can make it a thing.
00:37:40
Speaker 3: Jesus.
00:37:42
Speaker 2: Back to Jesus.
00:37:43
Speaker 3: Now, do gay guys... Yeah. mark the ground also, or is it just a straight guy thing?
00:37:52
Speaker 2: You know, gay guys are marking things you can't even imagine in ways that you can't even imagine.
00:37:57
Speaker 1: You know, I think I can speak from some personal experience recently. I have been peeing on the floor a lot. What?
00:38:03
Speaker 3: No, Sam, have you? Wait, have you? I legitimately- You get a little red.
00:38:07
Speaker 1: I have been missing in a big way.
00:38:10
Speaker 3: In a toilet or the urinal?
00:38:11
Speaker 2: To learn this about my close friend and co-host on air. We're kind of freaked out.
00:38:15
Speaker 3: How is it?
00:38:16
Speaker 2: Why is this happening?
00:38:17
Speaker 1: I don't know, but it's like I will be like, whoa, I missed. Like, I think I.
00:38:21
Speaker 2: Literally am like... Sam, are you on your.
00:38:23
Speaker 3: Is it because you did the special?
00:38:26
Speaker 1: Ever since I did the special, I keep missing. I don't know. I'm looking at my phone. I'm not paying attention. My head's not in the game in the same way.
00:38:32
Speaker 3: Wait, you're on your phone at the urinal or the toilet?
00:38:35
Speaker 1: Either one.
00:38:36
Speaker 3: And you can't get it in there?
00:38:37
Speaker 1: I'm missing.
00:38:38
Speaker 2: You know, I'm going to be.
00:38:41
Speaker 2: I'm scared.
00:38:45
Speaker 3: I don't even know what to say.
00:38:46
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:38:46
Speaker 1: I don't even know what to say. I don't even know what to say.
00:38:49
Speaker 2: You finally rendered Murray Hill speechless. Are you proud of yourself?
00:38:52
Speaker 3: Yeah. It never happened before.
00:38:55
Speaker 2: Do you know about pups?
00:38:57
Speaker 3: Trick question? No.
00:38:59
Speaker 2: I want to teach you about more gay guy stuff.
00:39:01
Speaker 3: Is it like puppies?
00:39:03
Speaker 2: So that's what it's based on. Pup play.
00:39:05
Speaker 3: Wait, what?
00:39:05
Speaker 2: Yeah. So pup play is where gay guys will... It's a sort of... Yes. Where you act like a dog.
00:39:14
Speaker 1: And you have a dog mask.
00:39:15
Speaker 2: And you have a dog mask. We're not messing with you. It's valid.
00:39:23
Speaker 1: I'm just surprised you haven't heard of it.
00:39:24
Speaker 2: So take that back to your community and then teach them.
00:39:26
Speaker 3: Pups?
00:39:27
Speaker 2: Yes, pups.
00:39:29
Speaker 1: So.
00:39:30
Speaker 3: So somebody acts like a dog.
00:39:32
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:39:33
Speaker 1: And someone acts like a dog owner. Yes.
00:39:35
Speaker 3: And wears a muzzle?
00:39:37
Speaker 2: Yes. It's not a muzzle. It's like a leather mask. Sometimes they don't wear masks, so I don't want to be.
00:39:43
Speaker 3: No, nobody wants to get COVID. Worst joke ever, but I said it.
00:39:49
Speaker 2: That's your next special. Worst joke ever, but I said it.
00:39:52
Speaker 3: Write it down. Write it down.
00:39:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, so they wear these leather masks that are not COVID safe, I don't believe. And they have their, do they call them owners or masters?
00:40:05
Speaker 1: Both. Okay.
00:40:07
Speaker 3: And then what?
00:40:08
Speaker 1: And then they sort of.
00:40:09
Speaker 2: You know what? Anything goes.
00:40:10
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:40:11
Speaker 2: As soon as the ground rules are set, you can do whatever you want. We were once, or Sam was once at a party.
00:40:17
Speaker 3: Speechless again.
00:40:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, one time I went to a pup night in D.C.
00:40:21
Speaker 3: Oh, you guys have all the fun.
00:40:23
Speaker 2: Oh, I didn't know you went to a pup night. I thought, I was talking about the party you were at where someone walked in with his pups and then the pups stayed in the corner waiting to be told that they could go home.
00:40:32
Speaker 1: Oh, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, New Year's, right?
00:40:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
00:40:37
Speaker 3: So is there ever a mashup of like pups and wet holes?
00:40:41
Speaker 2: Oh, wow.
00:40:42
Speaker 1: A pup wet hole collab. Wet hole is actually.
00:40:46
Speaker 2: Oh, you mean wet hole the party?
00:40:47
Speaker 1: The party. Yes.
00:40:48
Speaker 2: I think pups. I think pups.
00:40:50
Speaker 3: No, I meant the actual wet hole.
00:40:51
Speaker 2: Yeah. I was about to say, yeah, no, wet holes are sort of identity neutral. You know, they can they can be anywhere. I do think pups could attend Whithole if they wanted, if they had a ticket.
00:41:00
Speaker 1: If they had a ticket.
00:41:01
Speaker 3: And so are the pups naked?
00:41:03
Speaker 1: No.
00:41:03
Speaker 2: Well, they can be, but often when they're out, they're just like, maybe just like a leathery- A jockstrap. A jockstrap, leather harness, and pup mask.
00:41:13
Speaker 1: Maybe a tail butt plug type of thing.
00:41:15
Speaker 2: That's right.
00:41:16
Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm the one that's making this all about sex? A tail butt plug? What the fuck is that?
00:41:22
Speaker 1: We're trying to teach you.
00:41:23
Speaker 3: Is there a tail on a butt plug?
00:41:25
Speaker 2: Yes. No.
00:41:26
Speaker 3: I need to see a fucking picture right now.
00:41:28
Speaker 2: I'm not going to show you the butt plug picture because that would be sexual harassment since we're in a professional environment. But I do want to show you what a pup mask looks like. Oh, shit.
00:41:37
Speaker 3: Wait, are you for real? There's a butt plug that's like a tail?
00:41:40
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:41:40
Speaker 3: Like it has a tail on it?
00:41:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like a big rubber tail.
00:41:43
Speaker 3: Did you know about this? I mean, yes and.
00:41:48
Speaker 2: No. These are like examples. Oh, my God.
00:41:49
Speaker 1: I'm surprised you didn't know about this.
00:41:52
Speaker 3: Okay, that does look like a dog.
00:41:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:41:54
Speaker 3: It's kind of cute. This is my baby dog. You want a treat?
00:41:57
Speaker 2: This is someone wearing one.
00:41:59
Speaker 3: That's horrifying.
00:41:59
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:42:00
Speaker 3: How do they get a treat if their mouth is closed?
00:42:04
Speaker 1: No, there's a little hole.
00:42:04
Speaker 2: There's a little hole.
00:42:05
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:42:06
Speaker 2: Come on.
00:42:06
Speaker 1: You got to be able to access the mouth.
00:42:09
Speaker 3: That's your special thing.
00:42:10
Speaker 2: You got to access the mouth.
00:42:12
Speaker 3: One night only, Sammy. Wow, is there anything else? I mean, I know you probably had some prepared items.
00:42:17
Speaker 1: Well, that's pretty much all we want.
00:42:19
Speaker 2: You told us you were curious to learn about gay guys.
00:42:21
Speaker 1: We'll see if anything else comes up naturally.
00:42:23
Speaker 3: Okay, pups, felching.
00:42:25
Speaker 2: Sides. Body neutrality and body erasure, which we made up.
00:42:30
Speaker 1: Yes. So spitting.
00:42:32
Speaker 3: And I know guys like going in the woods.
00:42:34
Speaker 1: Well, yeah.
00:42:35
Speaker 2: That's also spitting, right?
00:42:37
Speaker 1: In what sense?
00:42:38
Speaker 3: I don't know, I was just trying to tie it together.
00:42:39
Speaker 2: You're pointing to a truth. You're pointing to a truth, which is that for gay people, spitting is bad. primarily sexual, whereas for straight people, it's just something you do on the street.
00:42:47
Speaker 1: It's offensive. Yes, yeah, yeah.
00:42:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hate to be judgmental like that, but for you guys, it's okay.
00:42:52
Speaker 2: With spitting, it's like, you know how the most dramatic thing that can happen in a movie is someone spitting on someone's face, like as a.
00:42:59
Speaker 1: Sign of disrespect? Oh, totally.
00:43:01
Speaker 2: That's such a, it's like the scene in a movie where someone slaps someone, you know, it's so, or it's like someone's being like handcuffed, and so the one thing they still have is their spit.
00:43:09
Speaker 3: Well, you know about, well, maybe you don't, but sports.
00:43:12
Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
00:43:13
Speaker 3: Especially baseball, if there's like a huge confrontation and the coach comes out and is like screaming at the ref, the worst disrespectful thing that will get the coach kicked out of the game, takes off his hat and goes, just spits on the floor and he gets ejected immediately. Yeah, that's like a real thing, guys. That's what I can teach you.
00:43:33
Speaker 1: That doesn't even seem that offensive. Sometimes I.
00:43:38
Speaker 2: Sorry, he's not doing pub play.
00:43:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe if the coach did pub play, I could see him being removed from the game. That's inappropriate.
00:43:44
Speaker 3: But to his point, it's very disrespectful to spit. Just the act of spitting.
00:43:49
Speaker 2: Yes, no, correct.
00:43:49
Speaker 3: You're not, like, he doesn't have phlegm. He's just like.
00:43:52
Speaker 1: Does stuff come out or is it fake?
00:43:55
Speaker 3: I think it's real.
00:43:56
Speaker 1: Wow.
00:43:57
Speaker 3: It's not like phlegm.
00:43:58
Speaker 2: You're right that it's the ultimate sign of disrespect.
00:44:00
Speaker 3: And that's why the refs always go.
00:44:02
Speaker 2: Get out of here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:44:04
Speaker 1: Sometimes I like to mime. I like to do this a lot.
00:44:08
Speaker 3: What's this?
00:44:08
Speaker 2: Like a slap?
00:44:10
Speaker 1: That's when I'm going to hit someone. Oh. I think it's a fun... I don't know why the spit first, but I like the motion.
00:44:15
Speaker 3: Do you have insurance?
00:44:22
Speaker 2: All right. None of us have insurance.
00:44:24
Speaker 3: Same. But thanks, iHeart. Well, maybe we could help you pay for some therapy.
00:44:32
Speaker 1: It's just a funny... No one's laughing.
00:44:35
Speaker 3: That's okay. You got your special coming out.
00:44:38
Speaker 1: It's canceled, it's canceled.
00:44:39
Speaker 3: Showbiz.
00:44:40
Speaker 1: Showbiz.
00:44:40
Speaker 2: After this episode.
00:44:41
Speaker 3: You're going to put it on Trump TV. He's got his own network now.
00:44:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, he pays really well.
00:44:44
Speaker 3: Wait, so you spit on it and you just don't hit anybody?
00:44:47
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:44:48
Speaker 2: It's like how people will go like... Yeah.
00:44:51
Speaker 3: Oh, like Italian mothers.
00:44:53
Speaker 2: Correct.
00:44:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, like that.
00:44:55
Speaker 2: Okay. You had that reference locked and loaded. I don't know.
00:44:59
Speaker 1: For some reason, I just think it's... The spitting on the hand is always a funny little gesture to me.
00:45:05
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:45:06
Speaker 1: I also.
00:45:07
Speaker 2: I thought you were going to go like, Like let's shake on it with spit.
00:45:10
Speaker 1: Oh, I never understood what that meant.
00:45:11
Speaker 2: Oh, that's like- That's gross. Totally. But I think what it means is like, we're like, it's like blood packed.
00:45:17
Speaker 1: We're brothers.
00:45:17
Speaker 2: We're brothers, bodily fluids.
00:45:19
Speaker 1: We kissed via hand.
00:45:20
Speaker 2: We kissed. You ever seal a business deal with just a nice make-out session?
00:45:26
Speaker 1: They should do that.
00:45:26
Speaker 2: They should. So Murray Hill.
00:45:30
Speaker 3: I've never been speechless this much in my entire life.
00:45:43
Speaker 2: I want to talk to you about hosting because it's something you're incredibly good at. And it's something I'm actually incredibly bad at. I recently... As we're hosting a podcast. Well, no, I'm amazing at hosting a podcast.
00:45:57
Speaker 1: Needless to say.
00:45:58
Speaker 2: But, you know, it's a different skill than going out and doing a set. And I recently hosted this show in East Hampton. And as you can imagine, you know... Where? Guildhall. I'm sure you have. uh, perform there.
00:46:10
Speaker 1: Right.
00:46:11
Speaker 2: Cause I, there's a, there's a giant, um, you know, wall with all the framed, uh, headshots of everyone. I'm pretty sure I saw yours. Oh, showbiz. Um, and I want to know like, what's your, you go out there cause I went out, you know, this crowd is like median age of 78. Um, they have no idea who I am. They just got an email that said, you know, comedy night, Brooklyn comedy night, gay guy comedy night, come on. So be just like your grandson. How do you relate to that? You go out there, you are who you are. How do you get that crowd on your side?
00:46:46
Speaker 3: Well, I call that, I call that, I'm stupid.
00:46:52
Speaker 2: So far, so good.
00:46:53
Speaker 1: Really good.
00:46:55
Speaker 3: I call that going out cold.
00:46:57
Speaker 2: Yes, yes. Oh, could not have been colder.
00:46:59
Speaker 3: Yeah. It's probably related to some masochism as being a comedian, but I love going out cold.
00:47:06
Speaker 1: Really? Tell me more.
00:47:07
Speaker 3: Because it's just brutal, but it is a challenge. Yeah.
00:47:11
Speaker 2: It's like exposure therapy.
00:47:12
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I did a birthday party the other night, showbiz, in a basement. It was decorated like a wine cellar, private party kind of thing. And families, you know. Up to 85 children.
00:47:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:47:31
Speaker 3: There's no act for me in a car there. So, you know, that was going out full blown cold. Now, kids, I got a lot of experience going out cold. Like 30 years.
00:47:46
Speaker 2: Uh-huh.
00:47:48
Speaker 3: And the thing you got to do is read the room. And that doesn't sound too deep. But you probably both have seen comedians host shows that all they care about is telling a joke.
00:48:03
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:48:03
Speaker 3: I know it's a slight difference.
00:48:05
Speaker 2: Sure, sure, sure.
00:48:06
Speaker 3: Like I'm going to do my material no matter what. If you don't know me, if you don't like me, if I'm not funny, I'm going to do my jokes. And that's bomb, bomb city in a cold room like that. So I just try to go in and feel the same, you know, I read the room, literally read the room, and that's where I start my jokes. So then it breaks the ice and it's like, okay, I'm on the same plane and I go, this is a classic joke that I do. And it's a litmus test for me too, like how much I'm going to bomb that night. How much am I going to be dead inside? So the older, one of the person's birthday, her father's like 79. And, you know, he was looking at me like this. You know, I'm like going out there in a suit basically for somebody's bar mitzvah. It was insane. Okay.
00:49:05
Speaker 2: It was a 79-year-old's bar mitzvah? No. Finally, he's a man.
00:49:09
Speaker 1: Got it. Showbiz.
00:49:11
Speaker 3: It was like a bar mitzvah.
00:49:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Got it, got it, got it.
00:49:13
Speaker 2: Gay guys, am I right? Am I right?
00:49:18
Speaker 3: So I just do this. joke and I look at the guy because he is feeling like, who the fuck is this?
00:49:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's like, when will death come?
00:49:29
Speaker 3: I don't want you to be here. You're a fucking clown. Like, what is this? And of course, you know, the microphone barely works and you're in the dark. You know, all those other beautiful... sides of show business.
00:49:42
Speaker 2: Great callback.
00:49:44
Speaker 3: So I looked at the guy and I go, sir, I'm going to do an impersonation of you looking at me. And I look at the rest of the crowd and I say, you know, they can't see what I'm looking at, sir. So, and I say, what's your name? And he's like, Jack. I was like, okay, Jack, I'm going to do an impersonation of you.
00:50:00
Speaker 2: Here it is.
00:50:00
Speaker 1: Laughter Laughter Laughter Wow.
00:50:17
Speaker 3: And then I say, Jack, I'm reading your mind. He's thinking, is it a man or a woman? Is it a man or a woman? And I say, Jack, the answer is no. Now, if there's no laughter, I'm fucked.
00:50:31
Speaker 1: Sure, sure, sure.
00:50:32
Speaker 3: Okay, and then I'll say, if you didn't laugh at that joke, it's going to be the longest three minutes of your fucking life tonight. So that's like, you know, so you gotta be in there and notice what they're, that's what I do. To me, hosting is about the audience and then making the performers feel comfortable and like building up the energy.
00:50:54
Speaker 2: I think you're absolutely right. It's a different, and I think you're so right about people that go in and just wanna do their material as though they're like doing a scripted play.
00:51:01
Speaker 1: Well, someone wanting to go out to somewhere cold, I'm like, I do not relate at all. I recently did a show and someone was like, someone was going up first and he was like, yeah, I mean, this crowd's not really gonna like me, but I kind of like when that's the case.
00:51:13
Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't- People are masochists.
00:51:15
Speaker 1: I don't want that ever in my life.
00:51:17
Speaker 3: But have you gone out cold?
00:51:19
Speaker 1: Oh, sure. For sure, many times.
00:51:21
Speaker 3: Oh my God.
00:51:21
Speaker 2: Or can you, yes.
00:51:22
Speaker 1: But I'm just sort of like, do we have to?
00:51:24
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I would rather not do it.
00:51:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:51:27
Speaker 3: But you know, this isn't a flex, guys, but I was the host of a show at the Sydney Opera House for like several seasons, right?
00:51:36
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:51:36
Speaker 3: And it was eight shows a week. And, you know, I was on the billboards out there and everything. But what I learned, and it made me a better comedian, is every night I went out full-blown cold. They didn't know who I was. They didn't know what the show was. They've never seen anybody like me. And it was like a different demographic of Taurus or Nightmare audience every single night. It was completely different. So... I think this is New York too. New York made me have a thick skin.
00:52:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:52:10
Speaker 3: So I learned to adapt depending on what the crowd was like. And I wouldn't have learned that. Oh my God, I got to spit. Don't edit that out, it's a theme. No, that's a clip.
00:52:28
Speaker 1: They're keeping that.
00:52:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so in that way, I like going out cold because it was like college. I learned from being on the boards. It's like an old Bob Dylan term.
00:52:41
Speaker 2: But it sucks. I think my issue right now is, I mean, when we were coming up, so much of our life was just like performing to rooms that, to silence or to like an ambush show at a bar where like people didn't even know there was comedy happening that night or like, I my first year doing comedy, I was in Boston, like the show I hosted was literally in a bar owned by a Trump supporter and had a MAGA hat on the wall. Like I'm very I was very used to comedy crowds that didn't like me. And then you get a taste of what it's like when the crowd does know you and like we go on tour and it's people who listen to the podcast or who like. I don't know, know us from online or, you know. And then you're like, oh, finally, like I don't have to do that anymore. And so then when you go back to going out cold, it feels like such a defeat because you thought that it was in your past, you know? But unfortunately it's the only way to keep going and to like convince more people to care about you.
00:53:38
Speaker 3: Well, that's the fucked up shit about show business. Like I did my Christmas show, two sold out nights at Lincoln Center last year. Three nights ago, I was in a basement in front of 20 people there like, The fuck is this? But I think of it as sports too, like playing to the home court. And I toured with Dita Von Teese at Burlesque Star for 10 years. And we just went over and over, all over the country and all over the world. And when you do that so many times, there's certain audiences that you're like, oh my God. If you just take the West Coast, no offense to LA, but you take the West Coast and you start at the top and you go Seattle, Portland, San Francisco, That is like, they get the jokes, they're hilarious, you know, people want you there, they're happy you actually just showed up, it's queer, it's fluid, it's like, and then it's like, when I feel the energy, I start going crazy, crazy. Like I, ping pong, ping pong, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, ping, and they're like, get off stage, you've been up there for an hour and a half. And then you go to LA and it's industry night. And then you're coming out hot from the other shows. And if you, I don't know about you guys, but anytime you think about the show that went well the night before, when you're up the stage the next night, dead on arrival.
00:55:05
Speaker 2: This happened to me literally like two weeks ago.
00:55:07
Speaker 3: You cannot, it's a mental, I don't think people understand the mental, insanity that goes into being a comedian. So like LA, you'll go and it will be absolutely silent. And it's industry night, right? And people go, it's industry night, it's industry night, celebrities and press. And it's the worst crowd.
00:55:27
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:55:28
Speaker 3: Like of the entire tour.
00:55:29
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:55:30
Speaker 3: Every time. And they don't laugh at anything.
00:55:33
Speaker 2: And they're like, Because either they've seen it all, or they themselves are aspiring performers, so they're not interested.
00:55:40
Speaker 1: Or they're like their agent's assistant, and they're just like there because they have to be.
00:55:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's brutal.
00:55:46
Speaker 2: Whereas in Portland, they're so excited to see burlesque.
00:55:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's crazy.
00:55:50
Speaker 2: They're like, Dita Von Teese is kind of like their Madonna.
00:55:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then, you know, I definitely bombed over the years. Oh, you're human. Yeah, showbiz. But I toured with Countess Luann.
00:56:00
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:56:00
Speaker 3: I'm real housewives of Derek.
00:56:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:56:02
Speaker 3: Hello, Flexx. I don't think I've bombed as hard in Miami with her.
00:56:11
Speaker 2: Miami is tough.
00:56:12
Speaker 1: I've heard that's a real thing.
00:56:14
Speaker 3: Brutal. Now, the singer, because it was me and a singer, and then, you know, while she's doing costume change, I come out and just do a 10-minute set, which is, you know, as comedians, 10-minute set, if you're cooking, that's nothing. If you're stinking it up, it's fucking living hell.
00:56:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:56:32
Speaker 3: And I stunk that one up so bad, I felt... dirty afterwards you know where you're just like why do i do this.
00:56:39
Speaker 2: Was this would you say her audience was like mostly women or gay men in miami.
00:56:43
Speaker 3: Well the the one that made that particular weird and i was so happy because we're at the jackie gleason theater where he filmed his tv show back in the old days so i was like oh jackie you know he's like that and there's a statue of him in the front so i was like oh i need pictures of him everywhere i'm like jackie gleason of course no one knows the reference of Jackie Gleason in that audience.
00:57:03
Speaker 2: Especially not her audience, no offense.
00:57:05
Speaker 3: But her audience is, it was housewives, rich women, gay men, and in Miami, the show was at 7.30. So people were still out from the beach. So everyone was late. So I'm up there doing jokes and it's half full, people are coming in and they are dressed like insane. I'm like basically wearing bikinis in there. I'm like, what is happening? I'm like, man or woman. And they didn't even look at me. But the worst part was the cast of the Miami Housewives came in. This is the worst part of showbiz. Walked in during my set. So they walked in and then, you know.
00:57:49
Speaker 2: Everyone started paying attention to them.
00:57:51
Speaker 3: And they even got up and surrounded them.
00:57:53
Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
00:57:53
Speaker 3: And that was just like.
00:57:54
Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
00:57:56
Speaker 3: That's tough.
00:57:57
Speaker 1: That is so tough.
00:57:58
Speaker 2: God, you have seen it all.
00:57:59
Speaker 3: That was a long 10 minutes, guys.
00:58:01
Speaker 1: I'm sure.
00:58:02
Speaker 3: But there's this other story in Vegas. Vegas was a weird one. I did well in that show. But, you know, the audience, we were on a Monday night and it wasn't full. But every night she sells out. Every night she sold out that tour. But this was Monday and we were in somebody else's theater. So it was a weird one. So it wasn't full and she was pissed. And I was sitting there on the wings, you know, waiting to go on like a good boy. Because she's so much taller than me. She's so hot.
00:58:31
Speaker 2: She is. She looks great.
00:58:32
Speaker 3: Oh, I know, girl. That's it? What's this that you guys do?
00:58:36
Speaker 1: Clock it.
00:58:37
Speaker 3: Oh, is that what it means? Fuck, I thought that was applause. Fuck, I'm going to get back to this. I've got to finish my train of thought. So she was pissed.
00:58:45
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:58:46
Speaker 3: And I just happened to be right there. And she turned around and she was like, you, you, you, All of your jokes have to be about the Real Housewives of New York starting tonight, right now. And I was like, okay. So she went up and did her thing. I went out and I did this. Guys, count this the win. Just fucking chewed me out backstage saying I had to do Real Housewives jokes. And I didn't have the heart to tell her I don't watch the show. And then I did my damn set.
00:59:21
Speaker 1: Oh my God. Did she?
00:59:22
Speaker 3: No, she was getting changed.
00:59:23
Speaker 2: She was getting changed.
00:59:24
Speaker 1: Nobody told me. Oh, wow.
00:59:25
Speaker 2: And then you went back and you were like, oh my God, they love the Housewives material.
00:59:27
Speaker 3: She was like, oh my God, they were laughing. I was like, uh-huh.
00:59:29
Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow. Wow. I love hearing about when someone pops off and is like, threatens almost. Like, you have to do that material. That's amazing.
00:59:39
Speaker 3: Well, there's nothing I hate more. And like, that didn't throw me off. When somebody comes up right, I don't know about you guys, right before you go on and either gives you a note or tells you something fucked up. And like, literally, and then it's like, Murray Hill, and you're like.
00:59:57
Speaker 1: Oh.
00:59:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that makes it feel so much more showbiz.
01:00:01
Speaker 1: It's so cinematic to have that happen.
01:00:04
Speaker 2: It's, you know, oftentimes Sam references, there's a scene in the Katy Perry documentary where she is.
01:00:09
Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
01:00:10
Speaker 2: She is, she finds out she's getting divorced. She's being served with divorce papers and she has to go on stage immediately.
01:00:18
Speaker 1: And she's like crying, crying, crying, crying, crying. And then they're like, do you want to cancel the show? And she's like, no. And she's like standing on the platform where she's about to get lifted up, crying, crying, crying, then like looks forward, stops crying. And then it goes, and then gets lifted up.
01:00:31
Speaker 2: And it's like, whoa.
01:00:31
Speaker 3: That's showbiz.
01:00:32
Speaker 2: That's you and Countess Luann.
01:00:34
Speaker 1: That's you and Countess Luann.
01:00:35
Speaker 3: Wait. That's me every night.
01:00:36
Speaker 1: The version of me that happened to once was I was on a showcase, of course. It was an audition for something. And one of the fellow people showcasing was, was like told me that one of my longtime friends who had been straight up until that point was hooking up with a man.
01:00:56
Speaker 2: And then it was like, welcome to the stage, Sam Taggart. And you had just heard the shocking news?
01:01:00
Speaker 1: And I just heard the shocking news that my longtime friend was gay.
01:01:04
Speaker 3: Wow. How did the set go?
01:01:07
Speaker 1: Incredible. I booked it. Oh, good for you. It went well. But it was kind of awesome. I was sort of like, I felt like I was in Showgirls or something. Yeah.
01:01:17
Speaker 2: Speaking of Showgirls, I mean, I'm... Wait, we.
01:01:19
Speaker 1: Should wrap up.
01:01:19
Speaker 2: I know, we should wrap up. I want to hear about Dita Von Teese, but we're running out of time. Dita Von Teese, to me, I'm like... I feel like everyone knows who she is, and I couldn't tell you where I know her from. I just know that she is a quintessential burlesque performer.
01:01:40
Speaker 1: She, to me, well, this was when I was a Perez Hilton reader in the year, you know, 2006. He used to come to the shows. He was a big fan. That's how I met him. And he would like post about her all the time.
01:01:51
Speaker 2: Oh, interesting.
01:01:52
Speaker 1: That's kind of how I knew about her.
01:01:53
Speaker 2: Did you enjoy working with her?
01:01:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was insane. We went together like Reese's Pieces, you know, like peanut butter and chocolate. Because she is very like ornate and these fancy costumes and like, you know, there was no acknowledgement of the audience. It was like, look at me.
01:02:10
Speaker 2: I'm beautiful. I'm perfect.
01:02:12
Speaker 3: It's very old school glamor. And then I was like, you know, the baggy pants comedian in the tuxedo, like.
01:02:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
01:02:20
Speaker 2: It just worked.
01:02:21
Speaker 1: Classic combo.
01:02:22
Speaker 3: It just worked. And, you know, and that, I went out cold a lot for that show too. Because some of those, some of the burlesque crowd when we were touring was, well, it's not rockabilly. What are those motorcycle guys called?
01:02:34
Speaker 1: I know. Is it not?
01:02:39
Speaker 3: No, the cars, the car guys.
01:02:41
Speaker 2: Like Harley, like greasers?
01:02:42
Speaker 3: No, no, no. Who knows this? There's got to be some. No, no, not that straight. But, you know, like the car culture, like the slick back hair.
01:02:51
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes.
01:02:52
Speaker 2: Sure, sure, sure.
01:02:53
Speaker 3: No, they're not greasers. It's got a name.
01:02:54
Speaker 1: Is that not Rockabilly?
01:02:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, Rockabilly.
01:02:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:02:57
Speaker 3: I didn't say Rockabilly.
01:02:58
Speaker 2: You did.
01:02:59
Speaker 1: You did.
01:02:59
Speaker 3: I don't even know what Rockabilly is.
01:03:00
Speaker 1: Roll back the tapes.
01:03:03
Speaker 3: I said Rockabilly. I'm doing great.
01:03:05
Speaker 2: You definitely said Rockabilly. Yeah.
01:03:06
Speaker 3: Prozac's kicking in. They just upped my dosage.
01:03:10
Speaker 2: You know things you didn't even know were in there.
01:03:11
Speaker 3: Yeah, show me.
01:03:13
Speaker 2: Okay, so rockabilly. Yes. She is very.
01:03:15
Speaker 3: But you know, some of those guys are MAGA.
01:03:20
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
01:03:20
Speaker 2: Correct.
01:03:20
Speaker 3: And they're very conservative. So it's like when I get up. So it was like queer and like, yeah, rockabilly girls.
01:03:28
Speaker 2: Well, because you need to. It's like, what level of irony are you processing this with? Like the people that think Dita Von Teese is campy, which is what she is, I imagine, trying to be. are queer and are in on the joke, but then there's just men who want to see a woman get naked.
01:03:40
Speaker 3: I like what you said there, kid. Level of irony. Because sometimes I feel like it's when there's no level of irony being from an audience member, I'm dead.
01:03:55
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. That can scare me.
01:03:56
Speaker 2: They have to understand.
01:03:58
Speaker 1: We're kidding. I don't mean most of the things I'm saying right now.
01:04:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I don't want to fuck you guys up with this whole gender stuff, but... You know, I did a show and I fucking bombed. All lesbian crowd, outdoor concert. Never will do outdoor concerts again.
01:04:14
Speaker 1: Oh, God, no.
01:04:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, daytime is brutal. Anyway, I was like making jokes and, you know, the whole property was vegetarian. Okay?
01:04:22
Speaker 2: I could have told you that.
01:04:23
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I was like, hey, before I get started, anybody know where I can get a cheeseburger?
01:04:29
Speaker 2: I mean, you can't go to the vegetarian lesbian commune and start joking about cheeseburgers.
01:04:33
Speaker 3: I'm not kidding. I was booed. I was fucking booed. And I said this as a reaction and it was wrong and I did it anyway. And I said, hey, I'm not your father. I'm not really a man. And they were just like, I'm.
01:04:51
Speaker 2: Like, look at me.
01:04:54
Speaker 1: Wow.
01:04:55
Speaker 3: It can be rough.
01:04:56
Speaker 1: That is so interesting. I'm surprised they didn't get a kick out of it. Cheeseburger joke?
01:05:01
Speaker 3: I thought it was hilarious.
01:05:02
Speaker 1: I like that.
01:05:03
Speaker 2: They don't want to be. They're like, this is our only safe space is this vegetarian property. Yeah.
01:05:10
Speaker 3: I know we got to wrap it up. But being deep here, I think sometimes if you feel disenfranchised and oppressed and you don't have any visibility or you're not seen, it's very hard to laugh at yourself. So you're always defensive. So in comedy, if the audience is defensive, forget it. It's over.
01:05:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:05:30
Speaker 3: But gay guys, you're left with anything.
01:05:32
Speaker 1: Oh, we're fun.
01:05:33
Speaker 3: You are a lot of fun.
01:05:34
Speaker 1: I'll say.
01:05:34
Speaker 2: Thank you.
01:05:35
Speaker 1: Thank you. Let's do our final segment.
01:05:37
Speaker 2: Let's do our final segment.
01:05:40
Speaker 1: Let's do.
01:05:44
Speaker 2: Our final segment. Our final segment is shout outs. So we are just going to shout out something that we are loving.
01:05:53
Speaker 1: Okay.
01:05:54
Speaker 2: And we'll go first and then you can go and we make them up. We think of them on the spot. So we're both trying to be inspired right now.
01:05:59
Speaker 3: Wait, hold on. Just random things?
01:06:02
Speaker 2: Yeah.
01:06:03
Speaker 1: Anything at all.
01:06:03
Speaker 3: Something that I like.
01:06:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. Something positive.
01:06:06
Speaker 2: Something positive.
01:06:07
Speaker 1: Do you have one? You know what?
01:06:09
Speaker 2: I'll do one that I've done before in the spirit of today's guest. I want to shout out Bridget Everett. who we didn't talk about too much, but she is actually one of the first performers I ever saw doing any kind of comedy live. At the Ritz? No, at a dive bar in San Francisco. And she got on top of the bar and did like a stage dive to 40, 30 people. It was one of the most... And then I actually went up to her after the show and I said, I want to be a comedian. And she was like, okay, sweetheart. And then we took a photo together.
01:06:43
Speaker 3: She's like, okay, bye.
01:06:44
Speaker 2: Yeah, literally. And then it took me a couple years before I started doing... Doing comedy. But she just is, to me, like she unlocked something that I hadn't seen before in comedy. And so the fact that she was able to work with you and with Jeff Hiller and to actually be on Sunday nights at HBO, you know, is proof that sometimes good things can happen.
01:07:05
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can't give up.
01:07:06
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly.
01:07:07
Speaker 3: You know, we all got on that show in our 50s.
01:07:09
Speaker 2: Uh-huh, yeah.
01:07:09
Speaker 3: You know, and it's like we're not your typical TV people.
01:07:13
Speaker 2: And I remember.
01:07:13
Speaker 3: And now Jeff, you know, let's shout out to Jeff Hiller.
01:07:15
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. Emmy winner. Emmy?
01:07:17
Speaker 3: And he's going to be a recurring character on Widow's Bay.
01:07:20
Speaker 2: That's right.
01:07:21
Speaker 1: That's great.
01:07:22
Speaker 3: Jeff Hiller.
01:07:23
Speaker 1: I mean, he's always been a damn star. Absolute star. So funny. What's up, free klusers and perverts around the globe? I want to, you know, I want to redact a shout out that I did a few months ago.
01:07:36
Speaker 3: Ed Shearing?
01:07:37
Speaker 1: No, he's still good with me. I want to redact my shout out. Kidding, of course. To the lesbian commune, I'm kidding.
01:07:47
Speaker 2: If any vegetarian lesbians are listening, these are all jokes.
01:07:53
Speaker 1: I want to redact my shout out of having an external charger for my phone. I actually figure out what I needed was to get a new damn phone. And, you know, sometimes I go in bursts of consumerism and commercialism. And when I get in that mode, I'm like, why am I not doing this all the time? Currently, I'm saying, oh, oh, charge it, honey. Buy that phone. And you know what? It's made my life infinitely better and I could not be happier. My phone battery is not a concern of mine anymore. I can put my mind on bigger issues, what with everything going on with the midterms and all. So I'm so happy to have a real phone battery and say goodbye to my external charger. XOXO, Sam.
01:08:30
Speaker 2: Wow, shout out to Apple, the corporation.
01:08:32
Speaker 1: Shout out.
01:08:33
Speaker 3: What phone did you get?
01:08:34
Speaker 1: Whatever the, not the like flip one, just normal, normal.
01:08:38
Speaker 3: Okay, but not the flip one. As I said, stereotypes are based on facts.
01:08:42
Speaker 2: What's your favorite stereotype?
01:08:46
Speaker 1: Don't answer that. He's tricking you.
01:08:48
Speaker 2: It's a trap.
01:08:49
Speaker 1: Of course.
01:08:50
Speaker 2: Damn, kids. All right. Maria, whenever you're ready.
01:08:52
Speaker 3: I want to shout out the New York Knicks.
01:08:57
Speaker 2: Oh.
01:08:59
Speaker 1: Because.
01:09:00
Speaker 3: They brought me the most joy that I've had this year and possibly in the last decade. I watched the whole playoff series and the last three games, like seeing the city come together. Because, you know, I'm talking to a couple of guys.
01:09:16
Speaker 2: No, but I was I was right there with you. I was a bandwagon fan. I never cared about basketball before. And the joy I felt that week was crazy.
01:09:24
Speaker 3: Now, do you guys know like Mets and Yankees, right? They don't mix.
01:09:28
Speaker 1: Right. No.
01:09:29
Speaker 3: So when the Yankees win the World Series, you're never going to get the whole city behind you. So that's what was different about this. It was everybody. And it was.
01:09:38
Speaker 1: That's the only basketball team here?
01:09:40
Speaker 2: Well, there's the Brooklyn Nets.
01:09:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, so Knicks is the only basketball team here. If you guys want to hang out in straight places, that's what you say, okay? You say, oh, no, just the Knicks. That's the only team in New York, okay?
01:09:49
Speaker 1: Okay, okay.
01:09:50
Speaker 3: But, you know, I love sports, obviously. You know, I played basketball, clearly.
01:09:55
Speaker 2: And badminton, I learned. Oh, yeah.
01:09:57
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
01:09:57
Speaker 2: And pickleball.
01:09:58
Speaker 1: Oh, okay. Pickleball.
01:10:01
Speaker 3: Wow, shaming. What's pickleball shaming?
01:10:03
Speaker 1: Is that a word?
01:10:04
Speaker 2: It sure is. And I'm doing it.
01:10:06
Speaker 1: P-shamed.
01:10:07
Speaker 2: No, that's the word.
01:10:09
Speaker 1: I need to be P-shamed. I sit in that toilet so much.
01:10:12
Speaker 3: But yeah, the Knicks, I'll swing it back to Jalen Brunson. But it brought the city together and it was fun. And I didn't think about the dumpster fire that is currently our industry that we're all in and our world. And, you know, all the, it's just a ball and a basket and everybody going nuts.
01:10:30
Speaker 2: There you go.
01:10:30
Speaker 3: Woo.
01:10:31
Speaker 1: Well.
01:10:32
Speaker 3: Knicks in five.
01:10:33
Speaker 2: The book is called Showbiz, My Life as a Middle-Aged Man by Murray Hill.
01:10:38
Speaker 3: Let me see that. I haven't seen it yet. Any typos?
01:10:43
Speaker 2: Not so far. You know, I got it yesterday. I've read the first, I think, 59 pages.
01:10:46
Speaker 3: No, there's definitely typos in there.
01:10:47
Speaker 2: So far, no typos.
01:10:48
Speaker 3: Oh, I see you stopped at who ate my cheese.
01:10:50
Speaker 2: That's correct. I said I need to go to bed.
01:10:53
Speaker 1: Well, thanks for doing the pod.
01:10:54
Speaker 3: Thanks for doing the pod.
01:10:55
Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
01:10:56
Speaker 3: It's wet.
01:10:57
Speaker 2: It is not.
01:10:57
Speaker 3: Oh, you know what?
01:10:58
Speaker 2: Because there's water here.
01:10:59
Speaker 1: We spit on it. Bye.
01:11:02
Speaker 3: Get the book.
01:11:03
Speaker 1: Podcast ends now. Stradio Lab is a production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players and iHeartRadio Podcasts.
01:11:10
Speaker 2: Created and hosted by Sam Taggart and George Severus.
01:11:13
Speaker 1: Executive produced by Becca Ramos.
01:11:14
Speaker 2: Produced by Casey Donahue.
01:11:16
Speaker 1: Edited and mixed by Lawrence Stumpf.
01:11:18
Speaker 2: Social video done by Hot Dog Sandwich.
