WEBVTT
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I was one of the things I was worried about, because I am very passionate about what Freemasonry is.
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To me, my Masonic confidence, I guess, was completely shattered because I couldn't see how I could do anything but through the brothers in Jersey and the Lodge of Gratitude in the UK, my own lodge.
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You know, that Masonic confidence just grew, you know, hugely, and you guys made me think or believe that I that I could I could just carry on, you know, on on my pathway.
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Welcome to Square Talk, the bi-monthly podcast from the heart of Leicestershire and Rutland, where we explore Freemasonry, community, charity, philosophy, and the human stories that remind us what brotherhood really means.
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I'm your host, Jason Clothier, and today's episode is deeply personal.
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My guest is not simply someone I have invited onto the podcast.
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He's my friend, he's my brother in lodge, and he is someone I've had the privilege and the responsibility of speaking with during some of the darkest hours of his life.
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This is the story of Shaddat Khan.
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There are moments in life that divide everything into before and after.
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For Shaddad, that moment came when he woke up and realized that the world he had known was no longer the same.
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His sight had changed, his independence, his confidence, his sense of what the future might look like all of a sudden he was thrown into uncertainty.
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For many people, that kind of moment could have made life smaller.
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But she that story is not about life made smaller.
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It is about a man who faced darkness and refused to let it define him.
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It is about a husband, a friend, a brother, and an athlete who had to learn a new way of moving through the world and then decided to go further, and most of us would ever dare.
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Sight loss changed the way Shudat moved through the world, but it did not reduce the size of his world.
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In fact, in some extraordinary way, it seemed to have made his world bigger.
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Since losing his sight, Shuddhat has gone on to run, climb, challenge, inspire and build something remarkable through his hashtag Shargoes Far.
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He's preparing to represent the UK as an adaptive athlete at the UTMB in Chamini, taking on a marathon distance mountain race with nearly 3,000 meters of elevation.
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He's planning a 150 kilometre fastest known time attempt in Buckinghamshire, and beyond that, his eyes, in the deepest sense, are set on Kilimanjaro and K2 Advance Base Camp.
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But this conversation is not only about running, it's about courage, it's about fear, it's about asking for help and it's about trust in guides, in family, in friendship, and in brothers.
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It's also about Freemasonry.
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Because when we speak about brotherhood, we must mean more than words spoken in a lodge room.
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We must mean standing beside someone when the road ahead is unclear.
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We must mean helping a brother find his way, not by taking over his journey, but by walking with him until he can take the next step.
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Shudat will talk about his early life, his journey into Freemasonry, the day his sight changed, the impact on his family, his life, his life in lodge, and the extraordinary challenges he is now taking on.
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This is a story about darkness, yes, but it's more than that.
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It's a story about light.
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This is SquareTalk.
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And just for today it's also hashtag Shar goes far.
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Let's begin.
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Hello Shadat.
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Hi Jason.
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Before we get into running, sight loss, mountaineering, freemasonry, tell the viewers and listeners a little bit about yourself from your point of view, your your story so far.
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Yeah, I um you know I was sort of pretty normal average guy.
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Um, you know, but uh sort of going through life.
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Um hit a hit a sort of little obstacle along the way, um, and everything changed.
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And through that big change, I made the decision to try and stay, you know, and remain who I always was.
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But um in that I realized I needed help.
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And you know, lucky for me, I had the right people in my life at that time who I still have.
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Um so yeah, I um about me is I like to turn to people for support and turn to people for help.
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So you talked about um before and I think it was before your your site loss.
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So before that, tell us a little bit more about um the values you had growing up, where you grew up, and um how that defined who you were, who you were then, and if that made an impact on what happened since the site change.
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Um I grew up in the countryside, born in Zimbabwe, moved to the UK about 20 years ago.
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In coming to the UK, um my family and I got a lot of help from people, went to college and university, um, and through all of that, I guess um we wanted to see how we could give back from you know from the beginning, I guess, because of all the help we had.
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Um and through as as a result of that turned to social work.
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I went to university and became um social worker and specialized currently in child protection and court work.
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Um and I find that um through that I give a lot back to um to my community and help a lot of families to find find their way, I guess.
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Yes, yes.
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And I suppose what you had before, those priorities, those routines, your life as it was.
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And I say as it was because there was a definite ch marked change in you as a individual.
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Yes I've known you a very long time, and it's been a privilege to call you friend and brother, and the resilience which you have gone through the past few years has inspired many people.
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Did you always have that before you know, in your life before the sight the sight loss?
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Is that something you had or you didn't know you actually had as within you?
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Um no, to be to be fair, I think I didn't know that I had that in me.
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And that, you know, I think I was quite soft, um, if I could use that term.
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Yes.
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In that I had a pretty easy life and I used to just get on, you know, just get on with my life as it as it came.
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You know, I certainly wasn't athletic in any way.
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Um I'd rather drive to wherever I was going.
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Um never even rode a bike.
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You know, I can ride, but uh no sort of athleticism, if I could use that term.
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You had no desire or need to do it.
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No, none at all.
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I was overweight.
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I wasn't I was in fact obese.
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Um, yeah.
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Um massively overweight.
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I was just unhealthy.
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Um and you know, I knew I needed to make changes, but I I just couldn't find the motivation as to why when or why I should.
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So let's let's talk about that, and I like the word you use motivation.
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Let's talk about the day.
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Um I kind of remember parts of it well in terms of when you contacted me, but explain what happened.
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Because you have a really you have a really obviously first hand knowledge, but you have a quite a deep and passionate way of explaining it, and it made everybody who you first told very emotional about it.
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Yeah.
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I mean, as I said to you, Jason, I I always lived a pretty sort of ordinary life, you know.
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And um one morning I woke up, I was in the middle of a very busy um we're very busy at work, and really it was very stressful.
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Got to the office, I couldn't read my court paperwork in front of me, couldn't read the documents, and I couldn't figure out what's going on.
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Um I took took the day off, you know, to go and get checked out.
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I thought maybe it's just stress related.
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But sadly it wasn't, went to the optician.
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They referred me very quickly to ANE.
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Um I just couldn't see, you know, as well as I should, you know, we all know what we should see.
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I just couldn't see that.
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Yeah.
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Um got to AE, they did they did a few tests and sort of suggested I go to London as soon as possible and they were doing the referral.
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So you you were referred to an uh specialist because um how much sight had you had deteriorated at that point?
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Yeah.
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I mean, so I've never really had 2020 vision.
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I've never been I've always I've worn um contact lenses and glasses all my life, but but I had great, I mean great eyesight.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Eyesight was never an issue for me, do you know what I mean?
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Yeah, I do.
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Um but uh from that, you know, I think my my eyesight deteriorated quicker than my brain could could keep up with.
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So I think my as my brain started catching up, you know, or making me aware that my sight was was deteriorated to that extent, um it's just my whole world became darker, like literally, and and just much more scary.
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So literally and metaphorically.
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And that was where I was gonna go next.
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There's obviously the practical implications of sight loss, the everydayness.
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What was the emotional impact on you and your family?
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It was absolutely in you know, I took a real hard hit with that.
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Um I w found myself in a very, very dark place.
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Um and the first person I called was you.
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You know, I I I I didn't want to put that weight that you know on my wife.
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Yeah.
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You know, I knew she would be happy if I did, but I I felt unfair, unfair to her to to give her that.
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And um, you know, and I know and we all know that Jason can carry any weight.
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So my first phone call was to you and explained to you, you know, this is what's going on.
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I'm scared, I'm worried, um, you know, I got these thoughts in my head, really dark, scary thoughts, which I've never ever had.
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You know, and um that just you know, in itself, you know, shows that brotherhood that we that we have and that you know we look for.
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And in you I found that.
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I was very, very lucky that it was you that took my call that day, and that it's you that spoke to me and encouraged me and gave me all those wise words.
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I I remember it well, um vividly, in fact, um, and that constant communication with you.
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But as you say, it's a brotherhood and there's more than one person, and the best thing about this was being able to share that with a very select number of people with your permission to actually get some guidance in place and help in place and just to ensure that you were feeling emotionally supported.
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I know when Ray, your wife came back and you then started speaking to her, the more practical elements started to it manifest and things started happening.
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But the that initial conversation that we had, it it it showed how much that of a fraternity of the brotherhood that we are, but also the deep friendship you and I have.
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Um you know, you're you're you'll always be the person that I will chat to and you'll be and and vice versa.
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And um I mean one of my you know, we say you we talk about things getting darker for me, you know, when I w all of a sudden the lighting at home just wasn't as bright as it was.
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And I said to them, Are these lights getting dimmer?
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And you know, we had we had to make a lot of adjustments and lighting was was was one of them.
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And it's still a working process.
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I was gonna say the uh the adjustment, how how what have you had to adjust to?
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Um for um those listening on a podcast, um we're joined actually by Mo uh Moby, um your uh guide dog.
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For want of a better um guide dog, um, who's a very large, beautiful um Labrador Labrador, gold golden, just beautiful, um, and he's and he's lying here very quiet.
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He wasn't downstairs, he was jumping around, but you obviously have a very strong relationship with him.
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I do.
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Um but before before Moby, before you had that time of that that solid independence, what was what was the hardest adjustment you had to make?
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Because obviously you're still working, yeah you're you have a family, you you you drove, um well that automatically went.
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Yeah.
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So what was what what were the practical parts?
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The the the first huge adjustment that I had to make was with regard to my mental health.
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Yeah.
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You know, I was not someone that um was very emotional, I guess, emotionally intelligent, maybe, I don't know.
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Um all of a sudden I had to start talking about how I feel.
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And it made me think that men generally just we just don't do that.
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You know, so from from the beginning I realized that, you know, mental health is a big thing.
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Um, you know, finding myself in these dark places, I needed to speak to people about what was going on, you know, in order for me to be able to to have be on even keel, really.
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Yeah, yeah, totally great.
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So by me dealing with my mental health was one of the biggest challenges that I had from the beginning.
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Do you think that's what sighted people misunderstand about those who have lost sight or are partially sighted, that they only see the physical side.
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They actually don't understand the the mental, the emotional side of it.
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Absolutely.
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I I I'm a huge advocate and I use any platform and um you know to talk about this because I think that we don't talk enough about what's going on for us.
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If we're not feeling if our leg is sore or, you know, we're physically feeling unwell, we'll seek um, you know, the appropriate um, you know, support or whatever it is, make that appointment to the GP.
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Yeah.
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If our mental health's, you know, if we're feeling low or depressed, we won't talk about that.
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And we really should.
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We have loads of people around us.
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We have friends, family, and if and if we don't have that, we have formal and informal services.
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Um I was gonna say you you've spoken personally and openly about and humorously, I must add, about your wife Ray.
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Yeah.
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Um and you said to me about uh she's like your checkpoint, your visa for your adventures that you have to or would like to take.
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What has been the role of your family?
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How important have they been to your development and understanding of your your the progression you had to go through for this change in your life, in your lifestyle?
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Yeah.
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I mean, I you know, I think we were always close as a family, you know.
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I think we were like an average, ordinary family, close to each other and all.
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But with my eyesight, I needed much more from them.
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Um and I couldn't give back, you know, and that saddened me.
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You know, even just now talking to you, I just feel a bit emotional just saying that.
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Um, you know, that I needed I needed a lot from them.
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It is it's a sense of pride, isn't it?
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That that pride, the pride that of independence that you you feel like you've lost something in yourself.
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And I'm the breadwinner.
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Yeah.
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I'm I'm the one that's meant to to provide, to be there for everyone.
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That's my job.
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And all of a sudden I can't I can't do my job anymore.
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It's huge.
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And it's that mental block.
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Uh I I've lost something so important to me.
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Yeah.
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That independence.
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I'm unable to fulfil my role.
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Yeah.
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Do you find that something, again, that a lot a lot of people who don't who have sight and who um don't understand that that role, that independence, that loss of independence, that freedom.
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I know we have Moby here today, and you've come up from Milton Keynes on the train, yeah.
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And there is available help available, which is fantastic, but you you do all of this independently, but that must have taken time and you know, real deep dedication and commitment to From from the beginning I spoke to a psychologist and she said to me, You have you know one of two choices, either you can just pack it all in, be a become a culture potato, just Netflix and chill, or you just live your life as normal and just keep keep carry carry on.
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And from that moment I just thought, you know what, why shouldn't I live my life?
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Why shouldn't I live my best life?
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So what I decided I was gonna do, um and thanks to you for helping me make that decision, you know, was to just keep going.
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And you know, at that time I was in the middle of um I was I was um on the pathway to to go into the chair.
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Yes, you know, that behind me.
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All of a sudden, yes, all of a sudden that you know that was gone from me as far as I was aware, that there's no way that's just impossible.
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I just didn't think that would be able to happen.
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Um, you know, so I just had there there was a lot of things that I needed to cope with, and I needed people.
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You know, I one of the things I needed was to remain independent while I couldn't drive, I could walk or get a taxi or bus.
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I needed guide dog terms to guide dogs UK, absolutely incredible agency charity.
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They're they're they're an amazing people.
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GuideDogs UK are um uh uh I would highly recommend if you have the opportunity to support them or the opportunity to um help.
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It's they are an amazing uh uh organization.
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So they they spare no expense in their training to make sure that um our partnership is solid.
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Um and I'm I'm very, very grateful to them for what they've done um and what they continue to do because it's not like they just give you a dog and that's it.
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There's a lot that goes on in the in the background, and I'm very grateful for all that support.
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Looking at support, your journey into Freemasonry.
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When did Freemasonry in its entity as an organization come into your life and why did you join it?
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And you and I know you joined it before you lost your sight.
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So what what made you join the lodge?
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So at that point in my life, I just wanted to um to be part of something where you know I I will I've always liked being charitable and you know, in whatever way I can.
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And where in my in looking into it and in speaking to people and friends that were masons at that time, you know, I I came to realize that actually this was the way um this was something that would fit in with with my lifestyle, I guess, and my bigger plans.
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Um so I liked that about about what Freemasonry had to offer.
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Um and I also um liked the element or the the the side of it with regard to brotherwood, um, because I I I used to travel a lot around the country at that time and I'd find myself in you know Gloucestershire or Leicestershire or wherever it was, and I I thought, well, if I was there, I could just sit down with people and have a meal, you know.
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So I'd be on my own.
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It's kind of giving you a wider family.
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It has, it's when you say you you know, people ask me what what's Freemason giving you?
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It's a it's a wider family.
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It's personal you know, it's your own personality has developed from meeting a greater number of people.
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Yeah.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:22:02.720
Um practically, uh in masonry we have ceremony that we need to or we are requ looked at to learn and so before having And you were always a great person that ceremony.
00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:06.640
You were able to deliver some wonderful pieces.
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:12.880
Um and as you say, you've um progressed through the chair.
00:22:13.039 --> 00:22:32.400
So for those who may not uh know, the um the chair is the master of the lodge and uh he's the one who controls and runs and guides the lodge in his um tries to tries to you did a very good job.
00:22:32.559 --> 00:23:03.200
I r and it was it um without revealing any inner inner secrets, um literally placing you in the chair and you had brethren from around the country um attending that meeting, um and all of them came up and said uh the dignity to in which you placed you were placed in the chair, the in which you accepted the help on the evening, accepted the guidance.
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:14.799
You were literally, and I use the term blind, um when we talk about coming into Freemasonry in the darkness, you you went into the chair in darkness in metaphorically.
00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:15.519
Absolutely.
00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:22.880
You you you shone and you you carried on shining, um, if I might say so.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.200
Yeah.
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.359
It was um it was an amazing evening.
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:33.119
But I mean I mean my you know, when we when w when when I lost my did my eyesight, I was living in Jersey at the time in the Channel Channel Islands.
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:33.440
Yeah.
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:41.440
And um when I I was one of the things I was worried about, because I am very passionate about what Freemasonry is, you know, to me.
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:51.440
And um my Masonic confidence, I guess, was completely shattered because I couldn't see how I could do anything.
00:23:51.680 --> 00:24:15.920
Um but through the the brother the brothers in Jersey and um and um the Lodge of Gratitude in the UK, my my my own lodge, you know, that Masonic confidence, you know, just grew, you know, hugely, and you guys made me think or believe that I that I could I could just carry on, you know, on on my pathway.
00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:27.759
Well you you you've done particularly well because you've attained quite a seniority in certain side uh certain sides of masonry and the pendant bodies.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:35.200
Um and that's testament to your diligence and to your um dedication to both the craft and to yourself.
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:37.440
But that's all because of the help that I get.
00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:40.000
And I was gonna say, how can what can lodgers do?
00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:41.519
What can lodgers do better?
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:57.920
You know, looking forward uh with the experience that you've had, what would you say would you recommend to uh brethren who might have lost the sight or to a member of the public who might be looking in and saying, Well, I'd love to join, but I can't see, so I can't do it.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:58.400
Yeah.
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:07.759
I mean, and you know, you we we could talk about that, and then there's the wider issues around neurodiversity and um it's people struggling with that.
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:22.640
Um and I think the the way we have it in my lodge, certainly, and um, you know, in the in the support that we get, um, I think that, you know, my lodge is a role model almost in that, and here I am testament to that.
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:23.119
Yeah.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:28.160
You know, I think it's about understanding the lodge, understanding what members need.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:30.960
And our needs are also varied and different.
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.079
They are.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:47.519
They we we we do have many people of a diverse range of uh brethren, and we we have to be careful that we don't overload the cognitive ability of any any one person.
00:25:47.839 --> 00:26:10.079
Yes, it's great to be able to um recite ceremony uh from verbatim, but sometimes actually having the heartfelt aspect of it, and sometimes if you have to read it or if you you know have prompts and but it's heartfelt and it's done it's done from it does it comes from within.
00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:10.640
Yes.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:21.920
Um I think we have we're we're moving in that direction and we are and having someone like yourself in lodges um it's an inspiration.
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:24.559
Um so the tipping point.
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:28.720
Um you you've overcome this battle.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:37.440
You said in your own words that you were obese, you like to drive down the road to get the the the food and come back and that.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:39.599
What made you start running?
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:50.160
So I met up with someone one day and she says she suggested running, you know, and I and I I I found it so absurd, you know, what a ridiculous suggestion.
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:50.720
Running.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:55.039
I I mean I I could barely walk with my I had just learned to use my white cane.
00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:57.359
I um and I'm thinking there's no way I could run.
00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:00.960
It it would be unsafe for me, you know, or the general public.
00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:04.880
You know shower is coming around the corner.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:06.640
Yeah.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:14.559
So um but I was in such a desperate place, I guess, and I thought, you know what, I need I need to to do anything if it's gonna help.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:18.559
And you know, why would she you know, she she means well in what she's saying.
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:18.880
Yeah.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:20.880
So I So what does it what did it give you?
00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:26.240
Well, you know, thinking about the broader aspects of running, not just the fitness.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:36.319
Yeah, I mean it it it it made me confident, it made me feel more independent, it made me feel I can achieve things that I could never normally achieve.
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:43.119
So r running has has has has I mean it continues to play a huge part of my life.
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:54.559
You you you um you've been quite successful in in being a runner, um uh an adaptive runner.
00:27:54.720 --> 00:28:06.160
Um just tell us a little bit about conversations that were had with you in terms of representation maybe of Jersey, Channel Channel Islands, UK, GB.
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:16.880
Yeah, I mean um through my running, I get um I you know I'm lucky, I guess, I get m a l a lot of um of interest, I generate a lot of interest.
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:28.640
Um I think it's part of it is because I do try and run, and it's not easy to run, you know, but alongside that I like to be positive and encourage people to be positive.
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:32.319
And I think people like that message of positivity.
00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:33.039
Absolutely.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:36.400
You know, you know, I'll I'll be running and I'll fall over.
00:28:36.559 --> 00:28:38.960
You know, many runners have fallen over.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:50.400
And for me, getting up, you know, from the ground is so is is such is so like such a big thing for me because this is this is just my life.
00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:56.000
You know, I've fallen and I've had to get up, you know, literally from from the lowest point.
00:28:56.240 --> 00:29:02.000
So when I'm running, every time I fall, you know, getting up off the ground for me, you know, it means a lot.
00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:06.720
And it's not just standing, but it's it's this this is who I am and this is what I do.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:10.720
I think that's um I think there's that's your metaphor.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:12.400
That's that's is you.
00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:14.160
It's you've been knocked down.
00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:25.119
Um I think the the the apocryphal story is that it's not um how hard you get knocked down, it's how many times can you get back up.
00:29:25.680 --> 00:29:28.960
How how many times you've been knocked down, it's how many times you can get back up.
00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:36.799
And I think you've got back up many a times, but I think you are now up and um done.
00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:40.400
I think it's Yeah, I w I will I mean in in that respect I was lucky.
00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:41.519
I I used to road run.
00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:42.799
I started road running.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.039
From that I progressed into trail running.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:51.359
Through my trail running, um I was accepted into the um adaptive athlete program with the UTMB.
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:53.839
So what does what does UTMB stand for?
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:55.519
It's the Ultra Tour de Mont Blanc.
00:29:55.759 --> 00:30:00.480
So it's the biggest uh trail running or one of the biggest trail running events in the world.
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:23.119
Um and we have representation, they have an adaptive athlete program, so with different disability athletes with different disabilities, and UTMB have set aside um a sort of program for athletes like like myself to be a part of that, and they'll provide support to keep us on the trails and to keep us active and moving, um, which is incredible.
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:30.640
I'm lucky, I think I'm I'm this at MCC this year I'll I'll I'll be the only um athlete from the UK um running so.
00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:31.759
And that's in Chamonix.
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:32.960
In Chamonix, yeah.
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:34.000
So when when is that?
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:34.880
That's in August.
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:36.240
Uh August 26th.
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.880
Yeah, August 24th, Monday the 24th of August.
00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:40.799
Monday the 24th, absolutely.
00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:47.200
Um how does it make you feel to be a the UK representative?
00:30:47.359 --> 00:30:56.559
But also I I'd I'd also like to go back to a story you told me about you were on a training camp for running and you sat on a rowing machine.
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:57.359
Yes.
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:01.680
And you had somebody come up to you and ask you what you were doing.
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:02.559
Yes.
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:14.720
I mean um with the so England athletics have um have a have a para have a para program, I guess I could use that term.
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:19.599
Um, and from that is where we get into into uh Paralympics.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:28.319
So they were having um uh sort of show day where you'd turn up and do different um exercises and try different equipment out.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:32.000
And the rowing machine was there, so I jumped on the rowing machine, I thought I'd give it a go.
00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:33.359
Had you ever done it before?
00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:37.920
Um I do use it when I use my rowing machine um at jump for warming up.
00:31:38.079 --> 00:31:43.440
So ride on the on the and and on road, just you know, but nothing serious, you know.
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:46.720
I just maybe for like maybe half an hour or something like that.
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:50.880
So I got on it and she was, you know, we had to do this time trial.
00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:58.480
Did the time, did the time trial, and she says to me, You've you've you've met the time trial to enter, you know, the rowing team.
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:00.559
You know, I was like, no, what?
00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:02.720
So that was super cool.
00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:04.640
But rowing wasn't my thing, you know.
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:06.160
I just thought I'm not I'm not gonna do that.
00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:06.880
Rowing is hard.
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:14.160
I'd rather and it it is it it's not what it's not as easy as everybody thinks it could be.
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:17.200
You just stand there and and sit there and throw an aura about.
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:18.079
No, it's not.
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:23.279
Uh but that I think that's indicative of your fitness and your mental strength.
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:23.680
Yeah.
00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:31.759
Is that something that r else rowing ha um not rowing, um running has given you is that mental strength?
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:32.799
It has.
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:39.920
I mean, you know, my when I'm when I'm running, one of the things I like to to say to people is that disability is not inability.
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:47.599
And that mental strength, I might not have, you know, my eyesight, but that doesn't mean I can't do things.
00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:52.079
And I it's important I tell myself that before I even tell anyone else that.
00:32:56.799 --> 00:33:01.839
So that mental strength, I keep m I keep strengthening myself every day.
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:06.000
But life is not easy and sometimes we can, you know, we can have bad days.
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:16.880
We yeah, we can on those bad days, you know, it's about just reminding yourself about what what what's important in in you know, I remind myself what's important in my life.
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:18.559
What you've overcome already.
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:19.440
Absolutely.
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:20.799
And there's nothing else.
00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:29.920
I would say that mental strength that you have, you must well, especially when you're running, you must place a lot of um trust in your guides.
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:30.319
Yes.
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:33.599
Tell us a little bit about what that connection you have.
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:34.160
Yeah.
00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:36.240
I mean when I run, I run blind.
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:41.680
So because I run faster than I can see, and I run slow, so that's in something.
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:45.920
So so I I need support from my guide runners.
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:50.799
These people, you know, uh I I put I literally will trust them with my life.
00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:53.359
Um and and I'm happy to do that.
00:33:53.599 --> 00:33:59.599
It's it's a huge task, guide running, you know, it's a huge responsibility.
00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:02.319
Um and these people keep me going.
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:04.160
If it's not for them, I could not run.
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:06.079
I would not be able to run at all.
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:11.519
So your uh guides for chamony are gonna be more than important.
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:13.199
They're literally life-saving.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:28.239
Absolutely, because not only are they running along beside me, but they got this you know running audio description about the forest, about the s the sky, the clouds, the birds, the deer, you know, all of that.
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:31.599
There's loads going on around me in this world that I can't see.
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:38.480
So I rely on them to not just guide me, but tell me if they can, if they have breath, to tell me about what's going on around me.
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:39.679
And it's not easy to do that.
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:51.519
And I suppose going over difficult terrain and obstacles, it it's them being able to articulate clearly and in time what's coming up, what you need to do.
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:52.079
Yeah.
00:34:52.320 --> 00:35:03.920
Um that the that that's that amount of trust that you have in one another must be that cord, literally a cord, yes, but also a mental cord.
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:04.800
Absolutely, yes.
00:35:05.199 --> 00:35:14.239
I was gonna say it's not just that physical chord, but the there's that mental cord, you know, that we will just develop in, you know, within the first few meters of of setting off.
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:16.239
Um and that's really important.
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:25.840
You know, I highly encourage, I know within within masonry we have many, many athletes, you know, and uh we have incredible runners in Leicestershire, you know, in itself.
00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:35.840
Um you know, if anyone is thinking of guide running, you know, to please speak to local park run, you know, and you know, just find out how they can get involved.
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:38.559
It's such it's such a cool way of volunteering.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:42.719
So what's next for Shar Ghostfar after Chamonix?
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:44.880
So I've got uh so Chamonix in August.
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:47.599
Um I've got my FKT, that's the fastest known time.
00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:51.679
So I you talk you talked to me about this earlier.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.280
Fastest known time.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:35:59.039
Explain what that means because for somebody who's I'm not really a runner, I can, but I choose.
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:00.400
That sounds daunting.
00:36:00.719 --> 00:36:07.360
It is so but it's not as daunting as it sounds, because um there's this website called the fastest known time.
00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:14.719
It's it's a website that's there, it's a global thing, and you can choose uh route anyway, it's up to you.
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:19.760
You just send them the route that you've run and evidence that you've actually ran it.
00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:23.679
And if no one else has run that route, that time is yours.
00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:28.400
So you are now the record holder for that route, you know, which is super cool.
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:30.239
Oh, so you could choose any route.
00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:31.519
You can choose any route you like.
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:34.400
So how far is this route that you're choosing to do?
00:36:34.639 --> 00:36:37.119
So the one that I'm choosing to do is 150k.
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:39.360
So it's 150 kilometers.
00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:40.159
Yeah.
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:47.280
150,000 uh what uh what are you you trying to get through guides?
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:52.320
Yeah, so I've already got expressions of interest from about 10 guide runners.
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:56.239
You know, someone to do the whole thing with me, someone to do parts of me.
00:36:56.320 --> 00:36:59.360
The minimum we're asking for is for like a half marathon distance.
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:01.119
So about 13 miles.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:01.599
Yeah.
00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:03.679
What what encourages you?
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.559
What what what makes you do these challenges?
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:07.519
You know what?
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:12.320
It's it's it's to prove to myself I want to be that example of what's possible.
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:16.719
And I want people to be able to think that, you know, if Shah can do that, I can.
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:19.599
Because I'm I'm I'm I'm a back off-the-pack runner.
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:21.519
I'm not a podium finisher.
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:22.639
I run at the back.
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:32.239
Um, you know, and it's as exciting as it is at the front, it's you know, I think it's more exciting at the back because we all pushing each other and encouraging each other to keep going.
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:34.400
And it's tough at the back, you know.
00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:36.000
Um so I love running there.
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:39.679
I love the pack that that we have when when in in our races.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:41.519
Um so yeah.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:45.840
And that's uh uh I love the love the expression back of the pack runner.
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:46.239
Yeah.
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:52.320
You're part of a team, and I think that's relates back to Freemasonry.
00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:55.280
We are we have our we have our front three.
00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:56.079
Yes.
00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:03.679
And but the rest of us are pack runners and we work together as a group for the for the whole.
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:07.440
I think that's uh an amazing analogy between the two.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:08.079
It is.
00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:18.320
It is what so if you think about it, mountains, legacy, chargoes far, what what do you want people to remember?
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:19.840
What do I want for you?
00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:48.400
You know, you could find yourself in such a weak, dark place, knocked down by life, but you actually really strong and you know I I want people to realize and think that actually I'm stronger than that and I can get through what I'm going through, whether it's ritual, whether it's marriage, finance, relationships, education, you know, career, whatever.
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:50.719
You know, we can get through this, yeah.
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:54.000
And if we put our minds to it, we we will get through it.
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.400
Um so yes, I do run and all of that, and that's all cool.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.320
But the message isn't about running.
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:02.079
The message is about resilience.
00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:04.320
Yeah and you know, being positive.
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:09.679
I think on that very positive note, yeah that we'll end we'll end there.
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:13.199
Thank you very much for your time today.
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:14.639
Thank you.
00:00:01.919 --> 00:00:07.200
I was one of the things I was worried about, because I am very passionate about what Freemasonry is.
00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:21.359
To me, my Masonic confidence, I guess, was completely shattered because I couldn't see how I could do anything but through the brothers in Jersey and the Lodge of Gratitude in the UK, my own lodge.
00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:33.280
You know, that Masonic confidence just grew, you know, hugely, and you guys made me think or believe that I that I could I could just carry on, you know, on on my pathway.
00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:47.039
Welcome to Square Talk, the bi-monthly podcast from the heart of Leicestershire and Rutland, where we explore Freemasonry, community, charity, philosophy, and the human stories that remind us what brotherhood really means.
00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:52.640
I'm your host, Jason Clothier, and today's episode is deeply personal.
00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:57.200
My guest is not simply someone I have invited onto the podcast.
00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:09.359
He's my friend, he's my brother in lodge, and he is someone I've had the privilege and the responsibility of speaking with during some of the darkest hours of his life.
00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:12.959
This is the story of Shaddat Khan.
00:01:14.159 --> 00:01:19.439
There are moments in life that divide everything into before and after.
00:01:20.079 --> 00:01:28.480
For Shaddad, that moment came when he woke up and realized that the world he had known was no longer the same.
00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:39.760
His sight had changed, his independence, his confidence, his sense of what the future might look like all of a sudden he was thrown into uncertainty.
00:01:40.959 --> 00:01:46.400
For many people, that kind of moment could have made life smaller.
00:01:47.120 --> 00:01:51.359
But she that story is not about life made smaller.
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It is about a man who faced darkness and refused to let it define him.
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It is about a husband, a friend, a brother, and an athlete who had to learn a new way of moving through the world and then decided to go further, and most of us would ever dare.
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Sight loss changed the way Shudat moved through the world, but it did not reduce the size of his world.
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In fact, in some extraordinary way, it seemed to have made his world bigger.
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Since losing his sight, Shuddhat has gone on to run, climb, challenge, inspire and build something remarkable through his hashtag Shargoes Far.
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He's preparing to represent the UK as an adaptive athlete at the UTMB in Chamini, taking on a marathon distance mountain race with nearly 3,000 meters of elevation.
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He's planning a 150 kilometre fastest known time attempt in Buckinghamshire, and beyond that, his eyes, in the deepest sense, are set on Kilimanjaro and K2 Advance Base Camp.
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But this conversation is not only about running, it's about courage, it's about fear, it's about asking for help and it's about trust in guides, in family, in friendship, and in brothers.
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It's also about Freemasonry.
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Because when we speak about brotherhood, we must mean more than words spoken in a lodge room.
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We must mean standing beside someone when the road ahead is unclear.
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We must mean helping a brother find his way, not by taking over his journey, but by walking with him until he can take the next step.
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Shudat will talk about his early life, his journey into Freemasonry, the day his sight changed, the impact on his family, his life, his life in lodge, and the extraordinary challenges he is now taking on.
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This is a story about darkness, yes, but it's more than that.
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It's a story about light.
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This is SquareTalk.
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And just for today it's also hashtag Shar goes far.
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Let's begin.
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Hello Shadat.
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Hi Jason.
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Before we get into running, sight loss, mountaineering, freemasonry, tell the viewers and listeners a little bit about yourself from your point of view, your your story so far.
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Yeah, I um you know I was sort of pretty normal average guy.
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Um, you know, but uh sort of going through life.
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Um hit a hit a sort of little obstacle along the way, um, and everything changed.
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And through that big change, I made the decision to try and stay, you know, and remain who I always was.
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But um in that I realized I needed help.
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And you know, lucky for me, I had the right people in my life at that time who I still have.
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Um so yeah, I um about me is I like to turn to people for support and turn to people for help.
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So you talked about um before and I think it was before your your site loss.
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So before that, tell us a little bit more about um the values you had growing up, where you grew up, and um how that defined who you were, who you were then, and if that made an impact on what happened since the site change.
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Um I grew up in the countryside, born in Zimbabwe, moved to the UK about 20 years ago.
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In coming to the UK, um my family and I got a lot of help from people, went to college and university, um, and through all of that, I guess um we wanted to see how we could give back from you know from the beginning, I guess, because of all the help we had.
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Um and through as as a result of that turned to social work.
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I went to university and became um social worker and specialized currently in child protection and court work.
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Um and I find that um through that I give a lot back to um to my community and help a lot of families to find find their way, I guess.
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Yes, yes.
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And I suppose what you had before, those priorities, those routines, your life as it was.
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And I say as it was because there was a definite ch marked change in you as a individual.
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Yes I've known you a very long time, and it's been a privilege to call you friend and brother, and the resilience which you have gone through the past few years has inspired many people.
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Did you always have that before you know, in your life before the sight the sight loss?
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Is that something you had or you didn't know you actually had as within you?
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Um no, to be to be fair, I think I didn't know that I had that in me.
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And that, you know, I think I was quite soft, um, if I could use that term.
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Yes.
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In that I had a pretty easy life and I used to just get on, you know, just get on with my life as it as it came.
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You know, I certainly wasn't athletic in any way.
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Um I'd rather drive to wherever I was going.
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Um never even rode a bike.
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You know, I can ride, but uh no sort of athleticism, if I could use that term.
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You had no desire or need to do it.
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No, none at all.
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I was overweight.
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I wasn't I was in fact obese.
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Um, yeah.
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Um massively overweight.
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I was just unhealthy.
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Um and you know, I knew I needed to make changes, but I I just couldn't find the motivation as to why when or why I should.
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So let's let's talk about that, and I like the word you use motivation.
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Let's talk about the day.
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Um I kind of remember parts of it well in terms of when you contacted me, but explain what happened.
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Because you have a really you have a really obviously first hand knowledge, but you have a quite a deep and passionate way of explaining it, and it made everybody who you first told very emotional about it.
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Yeah.
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I mean, as I said to you, Jason, I I always lived a pretty sort of ordinary life, you know.
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And um one morning I woke up, I was in the middle of a very busy um we're very busy at work, and really it was very stressful.
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Got to the office, I couldn't read my court paperwork in front of me, couldn't read the documents, and I couldn't figure out what's going on.
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Um I took took the day off, you know, to go and get checked out.
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I thought maybe it's just stress related.
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But sadly it wasn't, went to the optician.
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They referred me very quickly to ANE.
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Um I just couldn't see, you know, as well as I should, you know, we all know what we should see.
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I just couldn't see that.
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Yeah.
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Um got to AE, they did they did a few tests and sort of suggested I go to London as soon as possible and they were doing the referral.
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So you you were referred to an uh specialist because um how much sight had you had deteriorated at that point?
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Yeah.
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I mean, so I've never really had 2020 vision.
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I've never been I've always I've worn um contact lenses and glasses all my life, but but I had great, I mean great eyesight.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Eyesight was never an issue for me, do you know what I mean?
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Yeah, I do.
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Um but uh from that, you know, I think my my eyesight deteriorated quicker than my brain could could keep up with.
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So I think my as my brain started catching up, you know, or making me aware that my sight was was deteriorated to that extent, um it's just my whole world became darker, like literally, and and just much more scary.
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So literally and metaphorically.
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And that was where I was gonna go next.
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There's obviously the practical implications of sight loss, the everydayness.
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What was the emotional impact on you and your family?
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It was absolutely in you know, I took a real hard hit with that.
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Um I w found myself in a very, very dark place.
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Um and the first person I called was you.
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You know, I I I I didn't want to put that weight that you know on my wife.
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Yeah.
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You know, I knew she would be happy if I did, but I I felt unfair, unfair to her to to give her that.
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And um, you know, and I know and we all know that Jason can carry any weight.
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So my first phone call was to you and explained to you, you know, this is what's going on.
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I'm scared, I'm worried, um, you know, I got these thoughts in my head, really dark, scary thoughts, which I've never ever had.
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You know, and um that just you know, in itself, you know, shows that brotherhood that we that we have and that you know we look for.
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And in you I found that.
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I was very, very lucky that it was you that took my call that day, and that it's you that spoke to me and encouraged me and gave me all those wise words.
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I I remember it well, um vividly, in fact, um, and that constant communication with you.
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But as you say, it's a brotherhood and there's more than one person, and the best thing about this was being able to share that with a very select number of people with your permission to actually get some guidance in place and help in place and just to ensure that you were feeling emotionally supported.
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I know when Ray, your wife came back and you then started speaking to her, the more practical elements started to it manifest and things started happening.
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But the that initial conversation that we had, it it it showed how much that of a fraternity of the brotherhood that we are, but also the deep friendship you and I have.
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Um you know, you're you're you'll always be the person that I will chat to and you'll be and and vice versa.
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And um I mean one of my you know, we say you we talk about things getting darker for me, you know, when I w all of a sudden the lighting at home just wasn't as bright as it was.
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And I said to them, Are these lights getting dimmer?
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And you know, we had we had to make a lot of adjustments and lighting was was was one of them.
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And it's still a working process.
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I was gonna say the uh the adjustment, how how what have you had to adjust to?
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Um for um those listening on a podcast, um we're joined actually by Mo uh Moby, um your uh guide dog.
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For want of a better um guide dog, um, who's a very large, beautiful um Labrador Labrador, gold golden, just beautiful, um, and he's and he's lying here very quiet.
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He wasn't downstairs, he was jumping around, but you obviously have a very strong relationship with him.
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I do.
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Um but before before Moby, before you had that time of that that solid independence, what was what was the hardest adjustment you had to make?
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Because obviously you're still working, yeah you're you have a family, you you you drove, um well that automatically went.
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Yeah.
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So what was what what were the practical parts?
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The the the first huge adjustment that I had to make was with regard to my mental health.
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Yeah.
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You know, I was not someone that um was very emotional, I guess, emotionally intelligent, maybe, I don't know.
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Um all of a sudden I had to start talking about how I feel.
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And it made me think that men generally just we just don't do that.
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You know, so from from the beginning I realized that, you know, mental health is a big thing.
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Um, you know, finding myself in these dark places, I needed to speak to people about what was going on, you know, in order for me to be able to to have be on even keel, really.
00:15:04.559 --> 00:15:05.759
Yeah, yeah, totally great.
00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:12.159
So by me dealing with my mental health was one of the biggest challenges that I had from the beginning.
00:15:12.480 --> 00:15:23.519
Do you think that's what sighted people misunderstand about those who have lost sight or are partially sighted, that they only see the physical side.
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They actually don't understand the the mental, the emotional side of it.
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Absolutely.
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I I I'm a huge advocate and I use any platform and um you know to talk about this because I think that we don't talk enough about what's going on for us.
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If we're not feeling if our leg is sore or, you know, we're physically feeling unwell, we'll seek um, you know, the appropriate um, you know, support or whatever it is, make that appointment to the GP.
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Yeah.
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If our mental health's, you know, if we're feeling low or depressed, we won't talk about that.
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And we really should.
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We have loads of people around us.
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We have friends, family, and if and if we don't have that, we have formal and informal services.
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Um I was gonna say you you've spoken personally and openly about and humorously, I must add, about your wife Ray.
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Yeah.
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Um and you said to me about uh she's like your checkpoint, your visa for your adventures that you have to or would like to take.
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What has been the role of your family?
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How important have they been to your development and understanding of your your the progression you had to go through for this change in your life, in your lifestyle?
00:16:42.240 --> 00:16:42.480
Yeah.
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I mean, I you know, I think we were always close as a family, you know.
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I think we were like an average, ordinary family, close to each other and all.
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But with my eyesight, I needed much more from them.
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Um and I couldn't give back, you know, and that saddened me.
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You know, even just now talking to you, I just feel a bit emotional just saying that.
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Um, you know, that I needed I needed a lot from them.
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It is it's a sense of pride, isn't it?
00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:21.519
That that pride, the pride that of independence that you you feel like you've lost something in yourself.
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And I'm the breadwinner.
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:23.359
Yeah.
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I'm I'm the one that's meant to to provide, to be there for everyone.
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That's my job.
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And all of a sudden I can't I can't do my job anymore.
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It's huge.
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And it's that mental block.
00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:39.119
Uh I I've lost something so important to me.
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Yeah.
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That independence.
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I'm unable to fulfil my role.
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Yeah.
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Do you find that something, again, that a lot a lot of people who don't who have sight and who um don't understand that that role, that independence, that loss of independence, that freedom.
00:17:58.880 --> 00:18:05.599
I know we have Moby here today, and you've come up from Milton Keynes on the train, yeah.
00:18:05.920 --> 00:18:37.359
And there is available help available, which is fantastic, but you you do all of this independently, but that must have taken time and you know, real deep dedication and commitment to From from the beginning I spoke to a psychologist and she said to me, You have you know one of two choices, either you can just pack it all in, be a become a culture potato, just Netflix and chill, or you just live your life as normal and just keep keep carry carry on.
00:18:37.519 --> 00:18:42.160
And from that moment I just thought, you know what, why shouldn't I live my life?
00:18:42.319 --> 00:18:44.400
Why shouldn't I live my best life?
00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:53.200
So what I decided I was gonna do, um and thanks to you for helping me make that decision, you know, was to just keep going.
00:18:53.359 --> 00:18:59.519
And you know, at that time I was in the middle of um I was I was um on the pathway to to go into the chair.
00:18:59.680 --> 00:19:01.680
Yes, you know, that behind me.
00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:10.319
All of a sudden, yes, all of a sudden that you know that was gone from me as far as I was aware, that there's no way that's just impossible.
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:12.880
I just didn't think that would be able to happen.
00:19:13.119 --> 00:19:20.880
Um, you know, so I just had there there was a lot of things that I needed to cope with, and I needed people.
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:28.400
You know, I one of the things I needed was to remain independent while I couldn't drive, I could walk or get a taxi or bus.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:34.799
I needed guide dog terms to guide dogs UK, absolutely incredible agency charity.
00:19:35.119 --> 00:19:37.279
They're they're they're an amazing people.
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GuideDogs UK are um uh uh I would highly recommend if you have the opportunity to support them or the opportunity to um help.
00:19:49.200 --> 00:19:51.759
It's they are an amazing uh uh organization.
00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:57.839
So they they spare no expense in their training to make sure that um our partnership is solid.
00:19:58.000 --> 00:20:05.599
Um and I'm I'm very, very grateful to them for what they've done um and what they continue to do because it's not like they just give you a dog and that's it.
00:20:05.759 --> 00:20:11.359
There's a lot that goes on in the in the background, and I'm very grateful for all that support.
00:20:12.000 --> 00:20:15.119
Looking at support, your journey into Freemasonry.
00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:23.680
When did Freemasonry in its entity as an organization come into your life and why did you join it?
00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:28.640
And you and I know you joined it before you lost your sight.
00:20:28.960 --> 00:20:31.680
So what what made you join the lodge?
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:44.400
So at that point in my life, I just wanted to um to be part of something where you know I I will I've always liked being charitable and you know, in whatever way I can.
00:20:44.720 --> 00:21:01.039
And where in my in looking into it and in speaking to people and friends that were masons at that time, you know, I I came to realize that actually this was the way um this was something that would fit in with with my lifestyle, I guess, and my bigger plans.
00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:05.440
Um so I liked that about about what Freemasonry had to offer.
00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:27.839
Um and I also um liked the element or the the the side of it with regard to brotherwood, um, because I I I used to travel a lot around the country at that time and I'd find myself in you know Gloucestershire or Leicestershire or wherever it was, and I I thought, well, if I was there, I could just sit down with people and have a meal, you know.
00:21:27.920 --> 00:21:29.119
So I'd be on my own.
00:21:29.440 --> 00:21:31.519
It's kind of giving you a wider family.
00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:36.079
It has, it's when you say you you know, people ask me what what's Freemason giving you?
00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:37.519
It's a it's a wider family.
00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:45.680
It's personal you know, it's your own personality has developed from meeting a greater number of people.
00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:46.319
Yeah.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:22:02.720
Um practically, uh in masonry we have ceremony that we need to or we are requ looked at to learn and so before having And you were always a great person that ceremony.
00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:06.640
You were able to deliver some wonderful pieces.
00:22:07.519 --> 00:22:12.880
Um and as you say, you've um progressed through the chair.
00:22:13.039 --> 00:22:32.400
So for those who may not uh know, the um the chair is the master of the lodge and uh he's the one who controls and runs and guides the lodge in his um tries to tries to you did a very good job.
00:22:32.559 --> 00:23:03.200
I r and it was it um without revealing any inner inner secrets, um literally placing you in the chair and you had brethren from around the country um attending that meeting, um and all of them came up and said uh the dignity to in which you placed you were placed in the chair, the in which you accepted the help on the evening, accepted the guidance.
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:14.799
You were literally, and I use the term blind, um when we talk about coming into Freemasonry in the darkness, you you went into the chair in darkness in metaphorically.
00:23:15.119 --> 00:23:15.519
Absolutely.
00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:22.880
You you you shone and you you carried on shining, um, if I might say so.
00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:23.200
Yeah.
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.359
It was um it was an amazing evening.
00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:33.119
But I mean I mean my you know, when we when w when when I lost my did my eyesight, I was living in Jersey at the time in the Channel Channel Islands.
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:33.440
Yeah.
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:41.440
And um when I I was one of the things I was worried about, because I am very passionate about what Freemasonry is, you know, to me.
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:51.440
And um my Masonic confidence, I guess, was completely shattered because I couldn't see how I could do anything.
00:23:51.680 --> 00:24:15.920
Um but through the the brother the brothers in Jersey and um and um the Lodge of Gratitude in the UK, my my my own lodge, you know, that Masonic confidence, you know, just grew, you know, hugely, and you guys made me think or believe that I that I could I could just carry on, you know, on on my pathway.
00:24:16.240 --> 00:24:27.759
Well you you you've done particularly well because you've attained quite a seniority in certain side uh certain sides of masonry and the pendant bodies.
00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:35.200
Um and that's testament to your diligence and to your um dedication to both the craft and to yourself.
00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:37.440
But that's all because of the help that I get.
00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:40.000
And I was gonna say, how can what can lodgers do?
00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:41.519
What can lodgers do better?
00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:57.920
You know, looking forward uh with the experience that you've had, what would you say would you recommend to uh brethren who might have lost the sight or to a member of the public who might be looking in and saying, Well, I'd love to join, but I can't see, so I can't do it.
00:24:58.160 --> 00:24:58.400
Yeah.
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:07.759
I mean, and you know, you we we could talk about that, and then there's the wider issues around neurodiversity and um it's people struggling with that.
00:25:08.000 --> 00:25:22.640
Um and I think the the way we have it in my lodge, certainly, and um, you know, in the in the support that we get, um, I think that, you know, my lodge is a role model almost in that, and here I am testament to that.
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:23.119
Yeah.
00:25:23.279 --> 00:25:28.160
You know, I think it's about understanding the lodge, understanding what members need.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:30.960
And our needs are also varied and different.
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:32.079
They are.
00:25:32.160 --> 00:25:47.519
They we we we do have many people of a diverse range of uh brethren, and we we have to be careful that we don't overload the cognitive ability of any any one person.
00:25:47.839 --> 00:26:10.079
Yes, it's great to be able to um recite ceremony uh from verbatim, but sometimes actually having the heartfelt aspect of it, and sometimes if you have to read it or if you you know have prompts and but it's heartfelt and it's done it's done from it does it comes from within.
00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:10.640
Yes.
00:26:10.799 --> 00:26:21.920
Um I think we have we're we're moving in that direction and we are and having someone like yourself in lodges um it's an inspiration.
00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:24.559
Um so the tipping point.
00:26:25.039 --> 00:26:28.720
Um you you've overcome this battle.
00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:37.440
You said in your own words that you were obese, you like to drive down the road to get the the the food and come back and that.
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:39.599
What made you start running?
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:50.160
So I met up with someone one day and she says she suggested running, you know, and I and I I I found it so absurd, you know, what a ridiculous suggestion.
00:26:50.400 --> 00:26:50.720
Running.
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:55.039
I I mean I I could barely walk with my I had just learned to use my white cane.
00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:57.359
I um and I'm thinking there's no way I could run.
00:26:57.440 --> 00:27:00.960
It it would be unsafe for me, you know, or the general public.
00:27:02.480 --> 00:27:04.880
You know shower is coming around the corner.
00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:06.640
Yeah.
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:14.559
So um but I was in such a desperate place, I guess, and I thought, you know what, I need I need to to do anything if it's gonna help.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:18.559
And you know, why would she you know, she she means well in what she's saying.
00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:18.880
Yeah.
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:20.880
So I So what does it what did it give you?
00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:26.240
Well, you know, thinking about the broader aspects of running, not just the fitness.
00:27:26.640 --> 00:27:36.319
Yeah, I mean it it it it made me confident, it made me feel more independent, it made me feel I can achieve things that I could never normally achieve.
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:43.119
So r running has has has has I mean it continues to play a huge part of my life.
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:54.559
You you you um you've been quite successful in in being a runner, um uh an adaptive runner.
00:27:54.720 --> 00:28:06.160
Um just tell us a little bit about conversations that were had with you in terms of representation maybe of Jersey, Channel Channel Islands, UK, GB.
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:16.880
Yeah, I mean um through my running, I get um I you know I'm lucky, I guess, I get m a l a lot of um of interest, I generate a lot of interest.
00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:28.640
Um I think it's part of it is because I do try and run, and it's not easy to run, you know, but alongside that I like to be positive and encourage people to be positive.
00:28:28.799 --> 00:28:32.319
And I think people like that message of positivity.
00:28:32.559 --> 00:28:33.039
Absolutely.
00:28:33.279 --> 00:28:36.400
You know, you know, I'll I'll be running and I'll fall over.
00:28:36.559 --> 00:28:38.960
You know, many runners have fallen over.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:50.400
And for me, getting up, you know, from the ground is so is is such is so like such a big thing for me because this is this is just my life.
00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:56.000
You know, I've fallen and I've had to get up, you know, literally from from the lowest point.
00:28:56.240 --> 00:29:02.000
So when I'm running, every time I fall, you know, getting up off the ground for me, you know, it means a lot.
00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:06.720
And it's not just standing, but it's it's this this is who I am and this is what I do.
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:10.720
I think that's um I think there's that's your metaphor.
00:29:10.960 --> 00:29:12.400
That's that's is you.
00:29:12.559 --> 00:29:14.160
It's you've been knocked down.
00:29:14.240 --> 00:29:25.119
Um I think the the the apocryphal story is that it's not um how hard you get knocked down, it's how many times can you get back up.
00:29:25.680 --> 00:29:28.960
How how many times you've been knocked down, it's how many times you can get back up.
00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:36.799
And I think you've got back up many a times, but I think you are now up and um done.
00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:40.400
I think it's Yeah, I w I will I mean in in that respect I was lucky.
00:29:40.480 --> 00:29:41.519
I I used to road run.
00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:42.799
I started road running.
00:29:42.880 --> 00:29:45.039
From that I progressed into trail running.
00:29:45.279 --> 00:29:51.359
Through my trail running, um I was accepted into the um adaptive athlete program with the UTMB.
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:53.839
So what does what does UTMB stand for?
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:55.519
It's the Ultra Tour de Mont Blanc.
00:29:55.759 --> 00:30:00.480
So it's the biggest uh trail running or one of the biggest trail running events in the world.
00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:23.119
Um and we have representation, they have an adaptive athlete program, so with different disability athletes with different disabilities, and UTMB have set aside um a sort of program for athletes like like myself to be a part of that, and they'll provide support to keep us on the trails and to keep us active and moving, um, which is incredible.
00:30:23.200 --> 00:30:30.640
I'm lucky, I think I'm I'm this at MCC this year I'll I'll I'll be the only um athlete from the UK um running so.
00:30:31.119 --> 00:30:31.759
And that's in Chamonix.
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:32.960
In Chamonix, yeah.
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:34.000
So when when is that?
00:30:34.240 --> 00:30:34.880
That's in August.
00:30:35.039 --> 00:30:36.240
Uh August 26th.
00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:38.880
Yeah, August 24th, Monday the 24th of August.
00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:40.799
Monday the 24th, absolutely.
00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:47.200
Um how does it make you feel to be a the UK representative?
00:30:47.359 --> 00:30:56.559
But also I I'd I'd also like to go back to a story you told me about you were on a training camp for running and you sat on a rowing machine.
00:30:56.880 --> 00:30:57.359
Yes.
00:30:57.599 --> 00:31:01.680
And you had somebody come up to you and ask you what you were doing.
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:02.559
Yes.
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:14.720
I mean um with the so England athletics have um have a have a para have a para program, I guess I could use that term.
00:31:14.880 --> 00:31:19.599
Um, and from that is where we get into into uh Paralympics.
00:31:19.839 --> 00:31:28.319
So they were having um uh sort of show day where you'd turn up and do different um exercises and try different equipment out.
00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:32.000
And the rowing machine was there, so I jumped on the rowing machine, I thought I'd give it a go.
00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:33.359
Had you ever done it before?
00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:37.920
Um I do use it when I use my rowing machine um at jump for warming up.
00:31:38.079 --> 00:31:43.440
So ride on the on the and and on road, just you know, but nothing serious, you know.
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:46.720
I just maybe for like maybe half an hour or something like that.
00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:50.880
So I got on it and she was, you know, we had to do this time trial.
00:31:51.119 --> 00:31:58.480
Did the time, did the time trial, and she says to me, You've you've you've met the time trial to enter, you know, the rowing team.
00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:00.559
You know, I was like, no, what?
00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:02.720
So that was super cool.
00:32:02.880 --> 00:32:04.640
But rowing wasn't my thing, you know.
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:06.160
I just thought I'm not I'm not gonna do that.
00:32:06.319 --> 00:32:06.880
Rowing is hard.
00:32:06.960 --> 00:32:14.160
I'd rather and it it is it it's not what it's not as easy as everybody thinks it could be.
00:32:14.240 --> 00:32:17.200
You just stand there and and sit there and throw an aura about.
00:32:17.440 --> 00:32:18.079
No, it's not.
00:32:18.480 --> 00:32:23.279
Uh but that I think that's indicative of your fitness and your mental strength.
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:23.680
Yeah.
00:32:23.920 --> 00:32:31.759
Is that something that r else rowing ha um not rowing, um running has given you is that mental strength?
00:32:32.160 --> 00:32:32.799
It has.
00:32:33.119 --> 00:32:39.920
I mean, you know, my when I'm when I'm running, one of the things I like to to say to people is that disability is not inability.
00:32:40.079 --> 00:32:47.599
And that mental strength, I might not have, you know, my eyesight, but that doesn't mean I can't do things.
00:32:47.839 --> 00:32:52.079
And I it's important I tell myself that before I even tell anyone else that.
00:32:56.799 --> 00:33:01.839
So that mental strength, I keep m I keep strengthening myself every day.
00:33:02.000 --> 00:33:06.000
But life is not easy and sometimes we can, you know, we can have bad days.
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:16.880
We yeah, we can on those bad days, you know, it's about just reminding yourself about what what what's important in in you know, I remind myself what's important in my life.
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:18.559
What you've overcome already.
00:33:18.880 --> 00:33:19.440
Absolutely.
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:20.799
And there's nothing else.
00:33:21.039 --> 00:33:29.920
I would say that mental strength that you have, you must well, especially when you're running, you must place a lot of um trust in your guides.
00:33:30.079 --> 00:33:30.319
Yes.
00:33:30.559 --> 00:33:33.599
Tell us a little bit about what that connection you have.
00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:34.160
Yeah.
00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:36.240
I mean when I run, I run blind.
00:33:36.319 --> 00:33:41.680
So because I run faster than I can see, and I run slow, so that's in something.
00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:45.920
So so I I need support from my guide runners.
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:50.799
These people, you know, uh I I put I literally will trust them with my life.
00:33:50.960 --> 00:33:53.359
Um and and I'm happy to do that.
00:33:53.599 --> 00:33:59.599
It's it's a huge task, guide running, you know, it's a huge responsibility.
00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:02.319
Um and these people keep me going.
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:04.160
If it's not for them, I could not run.
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:06.079
I would not be able to run at all.
00:34:06.480 --> 00:34:11.519
So your uh guides for chamony are gonna be more than important.
00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:13.199
They're literally life-saving.
00:34:13.519 --> 00:34:28.239
Absolutely, because not only are they running along beside me, but they got this you know running audio description about the forest, about the s the sky, the clouds, the birds, the deer, you know, all of that.
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:31.599
There's loads going on around me in this world that I can't see.
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:38.480
So I rely on them to not just guide me, but tell me if they can, if they have breath, to tell me about what's going on around me.
00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:39.679
And it's not easy to do that.
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:51.519
And I suppose going over difficult terrain and obstacles, it it's them being able to articulate clearly and in time what's coming up, what you need to do.
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:52.079
Yeah.
00:34:52.320 --> 00:35:03.920
Um that the that that's that amount of trust that you have in one another must be that cord, literally a cord, yes, but also a mental cord.
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:04.800
Absolutely, yes.
00:35:05.199 --> 00:35:14.239
I was gonna say it's not just that physical chord, but the there's that mental cord, you know, that we will just develop in, you know, within the first few meters of of setting off.
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:16.239
Um and that's really important.
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:25.840
You know, I highly encourage, I know within within masonry we have many, many athletes, you know, and uh we have incredible runners in Leicestershire, you know, in itself.
00:35:26.079 --> 00:35:35.840
Um you know, if anyone is thinking of guide running, you know, to please speak to local park run, you know, and you know, just find out how they can get involved.
00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:38.559
It's such it's such a cool way of volunteering.
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:42.719
So what's next for Shar Ghostfar after Chamonix?
00:35:42.880 --> 00:35:44.880
So I've got uh so Chamonix in August.
00:35:44.960 --> 00:35:47.599
Um I've got my FKT, that's the fastest known time.
00:35:48.159 --> 00:35:51.679
So I you talk you talked to me about this earlier.
00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:53.280
Fastest known time.
00:35:53.679 --> 00:35:59.039
Explain what that means because for somebody who's I'm not really a runner, I can, but I choose.
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:00.400
That sounds daunting.
00:36:00.719 --> 00:36:07.360
It is so but it's not as daunting as it sounds, because um there's this website called the fastest known time.
00:36:07.599 --> 00:36:14.719
It's it's a website that's there, it's a global thing, and you can choose uh route anyway, it's up to you.
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:19.760
You just send them the route that you've run and evidence that you've actually ran it.
00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:23.679
And if no one else has run that route, that time is yours.
00:36:23.760 --> 00:36:28.400
So you are now the record holder for that route, you know, which is super cool.
00:36:28.719 --> 00:36:30.239
Oh, so you could choose any route.
00:36:30.639 --> 00:36:31.519
You can choose any route you like.
00:36:31.920 --> 00:36:34.400
So how far is this route that you're choosing to do?
00:36:34.639 --> 00:36:37.119
So the one that I'm choosing to do is 150k.
00:36:37.440 --> 00:36:39.360
So it's 150 kilometers.
00:36:39.519 --> 00:36:40.159
Yeah.
00:36:40.880 --> 00:36:47.280
150,000 uh what uh what are you you trying to get through guides?
00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:52.320
Yeah, so I've already got expressions of interest from about 10 guide runners.
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:56.239
You know, someone to do the whole thing with me, someone to do parts of me.
00:36:56.320 --> 00:36:59.360
The minimum we're asking for is for like a half marathon distance.
00:36:59.840 --> 00:37:01.119
So about 13 miles.
00:37:01.280 --> 00:37:01.599
Yeah.
00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:03.679
What what encourages you?
00:37:03.760 --> 00:37:06.559
What what what makes you do these challenges?
00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:07.519
You know what?
00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:12.320
It's it's it's to prove to myself I want to be that example of what's possible.
00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:16.719
And I want people to be able to think that, you know, if Shah can do that, I can.
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:19.599
Because I'm I'm I'm I'm a back off-the-pack runner.
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:21.519
I'm not a podium finisher.
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:22.639
I run at the back.
00:37:22.719 --> 00:37:32.239
Um, you know, and it's as exciting as it is at the front, it's you know, I think it's more exciting at the back because we all pushing each other and encouraging each other to keep going.
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:34.400
And it's tough at the back, you know.
00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:36.000
Um so I love running there.
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:39.679
I love the pack that that we have when when in in our races.
00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:41.519
Um so yeah.
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:45.840
And that's uh uh I love the love the expression back of the pack runner.
00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:46.239
Yeah.
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:52.320
You're part of a team, and I think that's relates back to Freemasonry.
00:37:52.559 --> 00:37:55.280
We are we have our we have our front three.
00:37:55.519 --> 00:37:56.079
Yes.
00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:03.679
And but the rest of us are pack runners and we work together as a group for the for the whole.
00:38:03.920 --> 00:38:07.440
I think that's uh an amazing analogy between the two.
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:08.079
It is.
00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:18.320
It is what so if you think about it, mountains, legacy, chargoes far, what what do you want people to remember?
00:38:18.559 --> 00:38:19.840
What do I want for you?
00:38:27.280 --> 00:38:48.400
You know, you could find yourself in such a weak, dark place, knocked down by life, but you actually really strong and you know I I want people to realize and think that actually I'm stronger than that and I can get through what I'm going through, whether it's ritual, whether it's marriage, finance, relationships, education, you know, career, whatever.
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:50.719
You know, we can get through this, yeah.
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:54.000
And if we put our minds to it, we we will get through it.
00:38:54.480 --> 00:38:58.400
Um so yes, I do run and all of that, and that's all cool.
00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.320
But the message isn't about running.
00:39:00.800 --> 00:39:02.079
The message is about resilience.
00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:04.320
Yeah and you know, being positive.
00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:09.679
I think on that very positive note, yeah that we'll end we'll end there.
00:39:11.599 --> 00:39:13.199
Thank you very much for your time today.
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:14.639
Thank you.
