Patient Zero: Stop Waiting, Start Living

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It's been a big week. For a lot of us
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fans of Taylor Swift, it has been a big week.
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And life has been lifing at scale for me and
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for a lot of the friends and family that I
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know and love. So I thought that perhaps I would
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share something that happened with me in response to my
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Ask Me Anything on Instagram. So I, as you may know,
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I posted on Instagram asking for questions. It's still there.
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Go find it and ask me any questions you'd like.
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And I plan to work through them all slowly. My
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initial plan, of course, was to do one solo episode
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where I responded to all the questions. And then I
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got 22 questions to respond to and realized very quickly
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that they were really thoughtful, deep questions. So I decided
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to pull back and say, whoops, slow down. I'm going
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to answer these. I'm going to answer every question. And
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I'm just going to take my time with that because.
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The thought of you guys commenting means something to me.
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And this week's question is something that takes a bit
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to unpack. So this week's question is from my friend,
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Coach Doc, Dr. Antonio Harrison, who is my guest and
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was my guest for episode one and episode 11 of
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Quick Before You Forget. Coach Doc gave me two questions
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and this one, this one's, this one's good. So the
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question is essentially if past tithe, Present Ty and Future
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Ty were sitting in a room. What would they say?
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And as I was giving some very serious and intentional
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thought to this, the last week happened. Taylor Swift dropped
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four new songs the same day that Max McNown released
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Leave On A Light and the same week that I
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had a little bit of a bumpy ride with a
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lot of things. And I know that I'm not alone
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in that. I think we all have our version of that.
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So I'm understanding and respecting that this is my version.
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And I'd love it if you would just grab a
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cup of coffee, sit down, and let's just walk through
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it together. So I had gotten a text message from
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a dear friend who I was friends with way back,
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like way back, high school. So 20 plus years ago.
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And it was in response to an Instagram story that
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I posted about my excitement because Alex Warren, my guy,
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my guy, Alex Warren is touring family. He's extending the family,
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finding family on the road tour to include a stop
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in Paris on my birthday next year. I just needed
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to process that because I, Before we go, before we
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get there, let's stay here. So I had posted just
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an Instagram story saying, Alex, Alexander Warren, what are you doing?
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You're going to my dream city on my birthday, friend.
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That's all I said. And in response to that Instagram story,
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I got this message. Let's see. Let me find the message. Do-do-do-do.
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My phone will not recognize my face. There we go. Really?
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Like that will happen? You said you make zero dollars.
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If you get people to fund this, that's sick. There's
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people dying from cancer that need people's funds. If this happens,
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we're done as friends because your priorities are messed up. Ouch,
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I said. I literally said, ouch. A gal can dream
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and I'm not asking anyone for help. Thank you for
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speaking your truth, and this feels unnecessarily angry to me.
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Did I do something to offend you? This feels uncharacteristically mean,
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and I don't know what's going on in your world,
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but I will pray for you. To which this person
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responded with a laughing emoji, and then said, You have
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for the past year on vacations had people spread love
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for your stupid Disney trips when other people tried to, quote,
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get by all year to make that trip. I pray
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for you. That's the difference between you and I. I
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came from nothing and my husband makes over six figures.
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Over is in all caps, by the way. Yet, even
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if we only made my teacher's salary $ 35, 000, I'd never,
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ever be begging for GoFundMe. And don't you dare say
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at the end of this message that you never asked
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for money. You giving your Venmo is doing just that.
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So don't lie. My husband said he'd be embarrassed if
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I did that. Are we homeless? He said, you really
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need to get your priorities straight and get right with
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God too. Your posts scare me, not going to lie.
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I will pray for you. To which I responded one
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last time, don't worry. God is at work in my life,
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in my heart. I am truly sorry that you feel
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this way. There is no sense Arguing in things that
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are not up to you to judge. Especially when you
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only have fragments of the story. If it bothers you
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so much, please feel free to block me now and
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save yourself from any future entirely unnecessary stress. Meanwhile, I
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am going to stay the course because I have never
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been more sure of his plan in my life. Much
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love to you. Through him, with him, and for him.
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zero hate to this person because I feel like to
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send a message like that to somebody, you have to
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be in the darkness. You have to be going through
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something and I wish them all the best. But I
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thought it might be a good opportunity to just kind
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of like level set and talk through some things that
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might actually be on people's minds, because like, I can
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recognize that there were, you know, if you look at
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my life and you watch my stories and you see
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everything that I've been sharing, it might look like everything
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is hunky dory. And it's not, it's not, I am
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an Alanis Morissette lyric right now. I'm broke, but I'm happy.
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You know, that's all that is my life right now.
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And I figured that if this one person got brave
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enough to send me this message, There might be other
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people that are curious too. So I thought maybe this
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would be a good time for us to all just
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level set. So let's get into it. I can't help it.
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I am a Swifty and all four of the new
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songs are basically earworms that live in my life right now.
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So let's get into it. Because my dear friend Coach
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Doc asked me this question about what would my past self,
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my future self, and my present self say to each
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other if they were sitting in a room? And I
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think they would start... with the idea that you don't
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have to wait for everything to be perfect. You don't
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have to wait for the struggle to leave. You exist.
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Grief and joy can coexist. This is something that we
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talk about here is that grief and joy can coexist.
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And every, if you wait for everything to be perfect,
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you're never going to, you're So on January 2nd of
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this year, when I was let go from what I
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thought and hoped was my dream job, I saw that
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as a sign and I turned it over to the Lord.
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I literally prayed on my hands and knees and turned
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it over to the Lord. I said, Lord, Jesus, take
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the wheel because I don't know what's up. I don't
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know what's going on. I do know that I've had
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this calling on my heart that I've been ignoring for
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a really long time. Maybe that's it. Maybe that's it.
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Maybe I'm supposed to do this thing. I'm supposed to
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do the podcast. I'm supposed to work on my book project.
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And I'm supposed to lean in and let God work.
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And if you've seen any of my social media in 2026,
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you will see that God has been working hard for me.
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He's been fighting hard for me. And I am so
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stinking grateful for Because here's what you don't see, right?
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There is still struggle. There is actually absolutely this cloud
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over my head at all times now of like worrying
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about money. Because I have made $ 0 since last year.
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It's October. It is October 1st when I'm taping this.
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And I have made almost $ 0. I say almost because
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I had a friend pay me a couple hundred dollars
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to help her with a project. That was a one-time
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thing and that money is already spoken for. So aside
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from that, I have made $ 0 since 2025. That is accurate.
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Thank you, friend, for reminding me that I have made
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$ 0 since 2025. And life has been so good. I
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am happy. I am healthy. My marriage is in amazing shape.
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My relationship with my kids has never been better and stronger.
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And at a time when at 11 and 12, they
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could be very much drifted away at this point. We're tight.
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They would tell me anything. I know they would. And
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I choose to be their friends. And I'm so grateful
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for all of these things. And It's the year of
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the fire horse. Yeah. I was leaning into that energy
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February 16th or 17th. I'm going to forget the exact dates,
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but mid February year of the fire horse starts. And
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I am on a plane to LA that I didn't
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pay for to tape a episode of this podcast in
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a studio that I didn't pay to rent with a
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friend who I met on the internet, who I had
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never met before in person. Who then took me to
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a VIP tour at Hollywood studios in Hollywood. Universal studios
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in Hollywood, I should say for free. And that was
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the start of everything else. There has been so many
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things and the biggest and most prominent example of how
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this shows up for me, how God shows up for
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me and how God has shown up for me in
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this story in the past. present and future. In the
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past is Red Rocks. So rather than belabor the entire story,
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I will give you the high level stuff. You guys
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can go and check out my Instagram and my TikTok.
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There's a whole journey waiting for you over there. But
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in a nutshell, I ended up doing a storytelling fundraising
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trip that I called Finding Family on the Road Trip,
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where I raised money for a local cause on my
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way out west to go see Alex Warren play at
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Red Rocks. It was a show that didn't make any
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sense for me to be going to. It was a
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show that I bought a ticket for almost a year ago,
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a non-refundable, non-transferable ticket for the fourth row, VIP, because
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I did the math and it would be cheaper for
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me to do one ticket that way than four tickets
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for my family to go. Talked to Steve about it.
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At the time, I was making good money. We decided
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it would be great. It would be fun. Yes, maybe
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we can make another family trip of it. Maybe the
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boys will be done with school. Spoiler alert, the boys
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were not done with school. So what that meant for
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me was I just had to decide. Now, I couldn't
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fly because money. So I decided to drive by myself
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a thousand miles one way. Because I knew in my
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heart that I was meant to ask Alex Warren to
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be on my podcast at Red Rocks on June 2nd
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of 2025. And there's, like I said, there's a lot
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more there to that story, including June 3rd is a
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dark day for me. That's the day, I hate calling
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it an anniversary date, but that's the anniversary date of
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my dad's death. Well, June 3rd is, and June 2nd
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felt close enough. And I've been trying for the past
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few years since being sober, I have been trying to,
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instead of getting blackout drunk that date, which I did
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a lot, instead of that, I am turning that date
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into a celebration of my dad's life. So I had
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this on my heart. I'm going to go to Red Rocks.
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I'm going to meet Alex Warren. I'm going to ask
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him to be on the podcast. And would you believe it?
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through the grace of God and the work of God
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and the timing, all of the different parts of the
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timing that had to work exactly as they did. I
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had nothing to do with any of that. It was God.
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I had people asking me in line, how did that happen?
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I literally said, it was God because it was. And
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that is just one example. That is just one instance
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in many many many different instances that have happened for
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me in 2026 that might make my social media look
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a little unreal because guys remember what the podcast is
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Quick Before You Forget is a podcast aimed at empowering
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you to build your unreal life from the ground up
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using tools like music, mindset, and movement to remember who
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you are while you build who you're meant to be.
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That's what the podcast is. That's what my life is.
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And I want everybody to have this ability and I
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guess inspiration. motivation to turn pain into purpose because I've
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had a fair share of pain. I'm not going to
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say I've had my fair share of pain because I
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know there's more pain coming, but I've had a decent
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amount of struggle and trauma and pain in my life.
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We all have. And I have decided to turn that
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pain and struggle into purpose. I have decided to turn
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that pain into something good in this world. And so
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my message or the thing that I would want my
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past me to know is that you don't have to
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wait for it to be perfect. You don't have to
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wait for the timing to seem right to you because
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it's not up to you. It's up to him. And that,
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my friends, is humbling. And I am grateful. And that's
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where present me comes into the picture because present me
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is paying attention. Present me is grounded in my faith
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in a way that past me wasn't. And that's, honestly,
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that's powerful. Because present me sees messages and signs, and
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they're everywhere. Magic is literally everywhere. Guys, I was on
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I don't even know which example to use. I have
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so many, I have so many different stories right now,
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but I'll go with this one because I just, I'm
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freshly back from a magical trip to Minneapolis where I
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drove five hours one way to go and thank Penn
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and Kim Holderness for the joy that they've brought into
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my life, but not just mine. My husband and I
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watched and cheered them on for Amazing Race. And I've
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been a fan since the Christmas jammy era in like 2013.
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So this is like 13 years of admiring and respecting
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and laughing and feeling like this positive energy that surges
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across the internet if you look for it in the
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right places. I felt it from the Holderness family for
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a long time. So I had the opportunity. Thank you,
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Anne-Marie Topke, who was my very recent guest on Quick
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Before You Forget for saying, oh my gosh, we're coming
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to the Midwest. You need to come. You know, Minneapolis
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and Milwaukee are not exactly close, but I said, yes,
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of course I will be there. And I made that happen.
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And it had been, like I said, 13 years in
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the making. So when I was there and I was
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in line and I was getting to be ready to
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meet and hug these humans who I respect and admire
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and have sought joy from for like a very long time.
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My heart was racing and I was so nervous. And
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this is a skill. This is a thing. This is
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what I practice in the lines and at the theme parks, right?
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Like I was feeling all of the butterflies. I was
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feeling jittery. I was feeling just really nervous. And you
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know what song came on when I was like two
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people back in line? Ordinary by Alex Warren. Did I
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freak out? and get my camera out and dance like
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a nincompoop. I scared the strangers around me. They were like, whoa,
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this girl, this guy was like, I'll take your picture.
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I said, no, thank you. Hold on. Can you hear
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Alex Warren? Can you hear? Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
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We're hearing Alex. Hold on. It's happening. I know. I'm just,
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I'm unwell with this song right now. Like this is
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Alex Warren. Right now, right now. We're hearing Alex Warren
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right now. That's not about that. I just wanted to
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capture this very real, very present, very present moment that
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I was having where I felt like it was a
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God wink. Our friend Anne-Marie also in our episode mentioned Godwinks.
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And I think that that was, I think that Ordinary
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Playing by Alex Warren, right before I was meeting these
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people that I look up to and admire, was a Godwink.
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Much like the, honestly, the entire day. The whole day
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was a Godwink. I got to thank them. We got
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to hug. I think we're friends now. And I think
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if I remember correctly, Kim Holderness said she would, they
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would come on the podcast. So, yay! Stay tuned, stand
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by for that. But a lot of this comes down
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to being present and being grateful in the present and
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it's taken practice, but we get more out of the
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world when, of what we're looking for. Like we get more,
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when we're looking for something, we see more of it.
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Like it's like when you buy a new car, right?
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And you think that yours is the only black explorer. Now, granted,
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mine is named Midnight and she's very special. But you
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think you have the only black explorer until you get
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on the road then. And you're like, holy cow, black
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explorers are everywhere. It's kind of like that, except so
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much better because I see magic everywhere. And I really
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want that for other people. That's part of why I
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show up here. That's part of why I share here.
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Because as somebody that was in the darkness like I was,
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and now I feel very much like I'm in the light,
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it's because I let God work in my heart. It's
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because I became the light. Matthew 5, 16, right? We
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become the light. I became the light that I needed.
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And I want to let that light shine. Just like
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the song, I want to let that shine so dang
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bright that it catches fire in other people. So that
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is the present part of the story right now. The
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future is the unknown and it is scary. Nay, it's exciting,
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right guys? Because we practice that here. Fear and excitement
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are the same chemically in our brains and we can
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choose to be excited in the face of fear, particularly
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when God is showing us in real time how his
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work can flourish in our lives. That's what's happening for
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me is that I, when I think about future Ty,
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I think that she is just sitting back laughing. Probably. Uh,
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she probably thinks I'm well, no, she doesn't think I'm
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crazy because I believe that's the thing. Like she probably does.
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I was going to say she thinks I'm crazy, but
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maybe she actually just is cheering for me. I don't know.
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I it's hard. It's hard for me to know But
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what I do know is the presence changes the future.
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The presence changes the future. And it just makes me,
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it makes me think of, you know, I got asked
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this question, my husband and I, my dear husband and
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I recently celebrated our 19 year wedding anniversary. And we
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went to Texas Roadhouse because my boys had been wanting
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steak and y'all the beef prices, you know, we just, we,
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oh my gosh. So It was actually less expensive for
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my family of four to feed our kids steak by
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going to Texas Roadhouse than it was to go to
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the store and cook because we've been cooking every meal
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for most of this year. So we go to Texas
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Roadhouse and I get my $ 4. 99 salad on my wedding anniversary.
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And it was lovely. And the best part was the
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four of us connecting so deeply. We laughed. The boys
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shared stories with us. And it was just this like
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really special reminder that, you know, I'm grateful for that.
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Like I'm grateful for the presence of my family. It
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is an actual gift in itself. Like it is time
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is like precious and fleeting. And we don't know, like
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we don't know tomorrow is not guaranteed. And we, I
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know this, you lose somebody like I lost my dad.
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And you realize that time is more precious than money.
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And the time that we had together that night, I
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am going to cry. The time we had together that
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night was so special. We had the dinner and then
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we went home and we were listening to Max McNown
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and just hanging out and laughing and enjoying each other's company.
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And it was very special and it cost almost nothing.
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And isn't that beautiful? I think that's beautiful. So I
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think future Ty, and I guess from present Ty, I
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would want future Ty to remember how special that was,
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how special that is. Because I had this guy ask
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me when I was checking out at the grocery store
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that day, I had this guy ask me, I excitedly
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shared with him that it was my 19 year wedding anniversary.
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And he said, wow, that's great. What is the secret?
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to 19 years. And I responded, I don't, the Lord
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responded through me because I don't know where the words
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came from, but it was that we keep choosing each other.
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My husband and I keep choosing each other and we
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as a family keep choosing each other. And what a
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gift that is. And future Ty knows if and when
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Ty goes to Paris. Future Ty knows if and when
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it happens to see Alex Warren on her birthday. And
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I think that's important. I think it's important that we
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hold on to hope. Hope is power in our heart.
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And God would rather have us hope than have us
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doubt because he is working through the hope at all times.
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And that is a blessing that I don't even really
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know how to wrap my little human mind around. I
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had a three hour long conversation with my mom on
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my way home from getting to meet Penn and Kim
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Holderness in Minneapolis, Minnesota last weekend. And she and I
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talked through a lot of things. She asked me if
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I'm angry at myself. Like if I'm angry at the
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past version of me who drank myself into a medical
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emergency more than once. Am I angry at the version
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of me who shrunk myself to nothing in a job
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that I knew wasn't right from the beginning? Am I
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angry at me for not making better choices? Yes. I
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am angry at past Ty. And... This thinking and this
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opportunity to work this throughout loud has given me the reminder,
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as well as my conversation with my mom, gave me
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the reminder that I need to give myself some grace.
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So if the three of us, you know, past, present
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and future, we're sitting in a room, I think the
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past me. past me. Past me needs compassion and grace.
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Future me needs my attention right now to remind myself
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to be present and to keep my eyes out for
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all those signs and all those Messages from God, because
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they are coming in the counter. Honestly, when I said that,
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what I thought of is that scene in Harry Potter, when,
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00:27:13.240 --> 00:27:20.299
when the, um, goodness, the letters all come in and like,
402
00:27:20.640 --> 00:27:23.259
cause they've been trying to make the letters from the school,
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00:27:23.299 --> 00:27:26.000
not come from Hogwarts. Like where they were, they were
404
00:27:26.039 --> 00:27:28.589
trying to have them not come in. And finally, eventually
405
00:27:28.619 --> 00:27:31.670
when the letters got through, they just like piled in, like,
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00:27:31.710 --> 00:27:34.539
that's how it feels. with God's messages in my life.
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Because you know what's really cool? You know what's really
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cool is that the same day that I believe the
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00:27:40.700 --> 00:27:43.900
devil sent that message from my friend from high school,
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the one about like, get right with God. The same
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00:27:48.099 --> 00:27:50.670
day that I got that message from the devil, God
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00:27:50.750 --> 00:27:54.450
sent me 10 messages. And I say like, I say messages,
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I mean, actual direct messages from people on Instagram, people
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00:28:01.309 --> 00:28:07.259
in email, people in my life texting me, the devil
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00:28:07.319 --> 00:28:11.579
sent one message that honestly, there are versions of me
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in the past that it would have completely broken down.
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God sent 10 the same day. And these messages were
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things like, I'm rooting you on from Uruguay. And my
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00:28:27.569 --> 00:28:33.440
daughter has autism and your videos are helping her. Or
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00:28:34.200 --> 00:28:36.420
my son and I have been watching your videos and
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00:28:36.460 --> 00:28:38.640
we look forward to it every day. Thank you for
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00:28:38.720 --> 00:28:44.450
sharing your joy with us. The devil sent one message
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and God sent 10. So that brings us to future Ty.
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And what does future Ty need? I think future Ty
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needs care. She needs today's choices to become tomorrow's blessings.
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And I think that's happening. I think that's happening in
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real time. I believe that I am on this path
428
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and have this purpose on my heart for a reason.
429
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And that's to share all this with you. So I
430
00:29:15.150 --> 00:29:18.710
have been talking for a while and I want to say,
431
00:29:18.730 --> 00:29:22.029
I want to ask you like the same question. And
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I really wish and hope that you actually answer it
433
00:29:24.269 --> 00:29:27.369
in the comments. So please do some thinking, but think
434
00:29:27.410 --> 00:29:31.240
with me on this because This was so introspective that
435
00:29:31.279 --> 00:29:34.539
it felt like I was in therapy with myself. So
436
00:29:35.569 --> 00:29:37.569
if you want to join me, I would love that.
437
00:29:37.730 --> 00:29:41.730
So if you're past, present and future selves were in
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00:29:41.769 --> 00:29:44.289
a room, what would they say? What would their focus be?
439
00:29:44.970 --> 00:29:49.589
Because mine is to stop waiting and to start doing
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00:29:50.519 --> 00:29:53.779
before it makes sense, before you have enough money, before
441
00:29:54.299 --> 00:29:57.579
it like all lines up like you think it's supposed to,
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00:29:57.700 --> 00:30:02.160
because it's never gonna. It's never gonna. And if you
443
00:30:02.200 --> 00:30:06.380
sit around waiting for everything to line up, life is
444
00:30:06.420 --> 00:30:09.799
going to pass you by. So I'm going to end
445
00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:14.789
with this, this genius gift that God has given me.
446
00:30:16.089 --> 00:30:20.190
We started with, you know, the, the news and the, the,
447
00:30:21.089 --> 00:30:23.630
the gift that was, you know, Taylor Swift dropped four
448
00:30:23.650 --> 00:30:27.779
new songs. And I'm so grateful because they're so happy
449
00:30:27.880 --> 00:30:32.630
and they're exactly what my weary soul needed. The same day,
450
00:30:32.930 --> 00:30:35.809
Max McNown dropped this new album called Leave on a Light.
451
00:30:36.829 --> 00:30:39.809
And I'm already getting emotional thinking about it. So the
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00:30:39.890 --> 00:30:44.230
same day that that dropped, there's this song on that
453
00:30:44.329 --> 00:30:49.700
album called The Room. And if you haven't listened to it,
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00:30:49.750 --> 00:30:53.549
you need to listen to it. And it's a reminder
455
00:30:54.269 --> 00:30:58.630
of everything that I've talked about here. And it ends
456
00:30:58.730 --> 00:31:03.250
with this poem by Joshua Poetry. If you know him online,
457
00:31:03.289 --> 00:31:06.430
he's amazing. So it ends with this poem. It's a
458
00:31:06.529 --> 00:31:12.299
spoken word over the music. And it's talking about everything
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00:31:12.339 --> 00:31:14.759
that we've talked about here, about being present, being grateful,
460
00:31:14.839 --> 00:31:18.549
being in the space you're in and being grateful for it.
461
00:31:19.859 --> 00:31:23.380
And the last line of the song is, will I
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have built a life worth dying for? Isn't that the
463
00:31:29.430 --> 00:31:39.089
whole point? So stop waiting and start doing. And this
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00:31:39.130 --> 00:31:40.730
was heavier than I thought it was going to be.
465
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So I had to wipe my eyes here for a second.
466
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:48.779
And remember that it's time to read our next question
467
00:31:48.839 --> 00:31:51.960
for next time, which I have in my hand. It's
468
00:31:52.019 --> 00:31:55.710
on the air as to a cup. Um, Let's see.
469
00:31:57.369 --> 00:32:00.849
Shake it up, shake it up. What is this question?
470
00:32:04.119 --> 00:32:08.460
No way. Okay, this is the second question from my
471
00:32:08.500 --> 00:32:13.319
friend Coach Doc, which is perfect. And it's actually the
472
00:32:13.380 --> 00:32:17.380
perfect follow-up question. So what is your biggest fear? And
473
00:32:17.460 --> 00:32:21.069
how do you plan to overcome it? That seems like
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the perfect topic for next time. What do you think, friends?
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Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Thank
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you for spending some time with me today. I am
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so deeply grateful for the opportunity to talk with you
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00:32:33.000 --> 00:32:35.980
and to share with you and to hopefully inspire you
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00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:40.109
to be present and to be grateful and to remember
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that all the versions of you are worth it and
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worthy of all the good things in life. So we'll
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see you next time on Quick Before You Forget. Voting
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00:32:53.000 --> 00:32:56.759
starts today, October 5th, for the Top Host Competition, which
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00:32:56.839 --> 00:32:59.380
is kind of like American Idol for podcasters, and I
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00:32:59.420 --> 00:33:01.880
need your help. I will be posting about it, I
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00:33:01.920 --> 00:33:04.490
will be sharing about it, but I need you to please, please,
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00:33:04.529 --> 00:33:07.569
please share and post and vote. Please and thank you,
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00:33:07.630 --> 00:33:10.009
because this could be life-changing for my family and me.
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00:33:10.650 --> 00:33:13.910
And as a reminder, today's episode, thank you, thank you,
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00:33:13.970 --> 00:33:17.490
Zeke's Village Market for sponsoring today's episode. I am wearing
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00:33:17.609 --> 00:33:20.660
one of their amazing designs, and I'm going to show you.
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00:33:21.099 --> 00:33:29.259
Sorry for those that are listening. You can even spot
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00:33:29.279 --> 00:33:31.329
Zeke on this one, which is why it's so special.
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00:33:31.809 --> 00:33:34.890
So I am so grateful for Zeke's Village Market. They
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00:33:35.009 --> 00:33:37.470
are an amazing apparel company based out of Door County,
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00:33:37.950 --> 00:33:40.940
and they partner with Guilty Apparel to design and sell
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00:33:41.000 --> 00:33:44.519
souvenirs with Sue. Thank you again for spending some time
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00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:46.829
with me today, and I'll see you next time on
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00:33:46.890 --> 00:33:47.670
Quick Before You Forget.