Starting Over at 50: Leaving a Life That Looked Good on Paper

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Language: en
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>> Welcome everyone to an episode another
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episode of Pulling Threads. Today we're
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going to talk about what it actually
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looks like to leave a life that looked
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good on paper.
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A 20-year marriage,
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a competitive athletic identity,
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a familiar world and rebuild from
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scratch in your 50s. Jen Rulon is a
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midlife transformation coach, a TEDx
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speaker,
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a memoir writer, and retreat facilitator
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based in I'm I hope I say this
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correctly, Samara?
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>> You got it. Perfect.
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>> All right. Costa Rica. Is that on the
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western coast of Costa Rica?
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>> Yeah, Pacific side. Yep.
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>> I love that side of Costa Rica. I've
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been there twice. So we'll have to talk
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about that a little bit.
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Jen, you are a 15-time
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Ironman finisher,
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a Kona qualifier, and
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so much more. And we're going to get to
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all of that, but I just want to say
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welcome. I'm so excited to have you
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here. Thank you for coming in early this
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morning your time.
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>> Right. No, thanks for having me, Leslie.
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No, it's it's it's I think we we did we
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find each other on Threads?
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>> I think so. Yes.
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>> I've I've loved Threads recently. People
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are just so supportive. I'm like, what's
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going on? This is amazing.
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>> It's so good and I kind of just didn't
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pay any attention to it and someone
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another guest who was on here was like,
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you really need to be on Threads. And my
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assistant was like, yes.
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>> Yes.
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>> So I was like, oh. But yeah, it's so
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good and you're right, it's so
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supportive. So supportive and positive.
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>> Yeah. Yeah, I agree.
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Good. Well, thanks for having me.
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>> Yeah, it's wonderful to have you. I want
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to talk about all the things you've
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written books. Obviously, you've done
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the Iron Mans. You've You did go through
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a divorce. You're in Costa Rica.
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But, just to slow things down a little
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bit. Um
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we'll talk about how you got where you
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are.
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>> Great.
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>> But, I think for most people hearing the
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process is really important and sharing
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how you got from one place to the next.
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And
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>> if you don't mind, I'd love to just jump
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into that. You did leave
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a what looked like a really great life,
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it seems. And you've said before leaving
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happens long before you physically go.
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>> Yeah.
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>> And so,
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obviously, you, like me, were in a
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20-year relationship marriage that you
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left. And I hear that story a lot, and I
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definitely had this a very similar
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experience. But,
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what is
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life unraveling look like? If you want
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to give a little bit of background, like
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paint a picture for us of what life
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looked like
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>> Sure.
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>> um when you started realizing maybe this
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isn't what I want forever.
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>> Yeah.
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>> Just give us a little bit of that back
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story so we know what was going on.
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>> On paper, we looked perfect. We were the
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perfect couple, right? The I'm a lawyer.
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I was my previous job, I worked at
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SeaWorld. So, I was a marine mammal
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trainer for
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15 years. And so, I was doing the shows
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and all that stuff. And then, I left
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that job and started working at
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Lululemon. Started folding stretchy
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pants. But, during that time, I went
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back and got my master's degree in
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kinesiology with an emphasis of exercise
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science. And so, he was really good
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about supporting me and doing all that.
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After I graduated
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the university with my masters, I was
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looking for jobs left and right. And I
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had four three four jobs. I was teaching
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as an adjunct prof- professor at two
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different schools. I was still coaching
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triathletes, which is really why I went
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back to school so I could even though I
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was doing I was coaching triathletes, I
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was doing triathlons, I wanted to know
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what the body was doing internally. Like
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how I wanted to be that science geek.
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And so
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I learned a lot about that. And when I
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was I kept applying for all these jobs
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and I kept getting turned down. And I'm
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like, what is going on?
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So he and I had a conversation and I was
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like, I want to start my own business. I
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want to start jenrulon.com
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and start working with triathletes
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more so than what I was cuz I was
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coaching pe- I was coaching people left
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and right, but I never really built an
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online presence until 2013.
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So I was online before online was cool.
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You know?
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>> [clears throat]
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>> And so I I started building a business
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for technically for our hobby.
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Because we were both triathletes. We
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were both going and doing races. We were
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doing Ironmans, half Ironmans. I was
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using I was promoting the Rulon racing
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team. I was promoting myself. I was
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doing all of that stuff.
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And I think where a lot of things
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changed for me is when
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I started
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it was in 2019 and I just looked at some
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of my notes as of recently. I was doing
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a lot of speaking events.
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I had a lot of triathletes,
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coaches, and companies asking me, "How
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did you build your brand?" And I was
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fearless when it came to social media. I
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was on every stinking platform that you
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can imagine, just plugging and plugging
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me, plugging the team, plugging my
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clients, and people saw me grow and
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build my brand. So, a lot of people were
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asking me, "How did you grow social
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media? How did you grow your brand?" And
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so, I in 2019, I was asked to be I got
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paid for multiple speaking
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engagements. I was asked to go to Hawaii
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for to work for companies with their
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social media. And I'm not a social media
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expert, but I was just I was passionate
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about it.
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>> And you did it well.
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>> I did it well. And that is where I
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started seeing maybe a shift between us
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because I wasn't so focused on us.
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I was focused on
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me and building my business.
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And also that same year, 2019,
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is a lot of things happened for me.
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I was being asked to go
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be a coach at different Ironmans, too.
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So, I was traveling all over. I was It
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was a very successful year for me if I
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look at it. But there was
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It was successful, but then things were
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falling starting to fall apart, right? I
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remember even asking my ex, I said, "Can
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we go to therapy cuz there's a
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disconnect and I could see it?" Because
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I would ask him to come with me to all
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these events. "Hey, I got a free hotel.
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I got this paid. All we have to do is
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pay for your flight. I got this." He's,
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"No, I can't." And it got to a point
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where I stopped asking.
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Because like I was like, "Oh, okay. Here
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I go again. Come with me." And so,
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>> Yeah.
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>> it was in 2019
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at Ironman Florida.
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I
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Prior to that, in in
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No, September, I went to Boulder,
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Colorado to do an event.
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And some of y'all might have heard Stacy
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Sims. Stacy talks a lot about the
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menopause, perimenopause women. And she
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was the keynote speaker. And she said to
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She said to the room, she said, "If you
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are perimenopause or postmenopause
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menopause
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and you're still doing long, slow
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distance, stop." She said, "Stop."
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She said, "You've got to start lifting
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heavy."
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And I heard that, that made me click.
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And I said to myself,
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"6 weeks from now, this might be my last
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Ironman."
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Cuz I was postmenopausal.
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I was I already went through my I went
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through my menopause during the Ironman
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World Championship, and I didn't know
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that. It was insane. I was waking up
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with crazy hot flashes. Anyways, that's
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another story, but I just I chalked it
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up to
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chalked it up to heavy training, right?
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So, anyways, long story short, I heard
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Stacy say that, and I thought, "This
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might be my last Ironman."
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So, I got back to San Antonio from
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Boulder.
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And I said to myself, I'm like, "All
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right, if this is your last Ironman,
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you're going to stop drinking for 6
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weeks
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to get prepared for potentially your
00:09:12.640 --> 00:09:15.030
last race of your Ironman career." Now,
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remember, I had this dream when I was 17
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years old. So, this was like a 30-year
00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:23.350
career of me constantly thinking about
00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:25.510
swimming, biking, running, repeating,
00:09:25.520 --> 00:09:26.790
right?
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Right. So,
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we So, 6 weeks out, I stopped drinking.
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And then, at Ironman Florida,
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I was on at mile two
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and I looked out to the ocean
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and I said, "God, I need your help. I
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have a question for you.
00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:49.870
I I I need to ask you of two things.
00:09:49.880 --> 00:09:51.350
Either one,
00:09:51.360 --> 00:09:53.510
I cross the finish line and I qualify
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for Kona again and I'm first or second
00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:58.350
in my age group cuz at at Florida, that
00:09:58.360 --> 00:10:00.830
was the only way to qualify for Hawaii.
00:10:00.840 --> 00:10:03.510
Got to be first or second. Or two, I
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cross the finish line, I have the best
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race of my life.
00:10:07.280 --> 00:10:09.910
Doesn't matter what place I am in,
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I'm done.
00:10:11.840 --> 00:10:15.030
So, I asked that question
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and I crossed the finish line
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and I had the best race of my life
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and I come around the corner, I see my
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mom, my ex-mother-in-law, my ex
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and I was like, "Oh my god, what was my
00:10:27.280 --> 00:10:31.390
time?" And they were like, "10:46:47."
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And I literally had a visualization for
00:10:34.800 --> 00:10:37.830
for for 6 months, for 6 months almost,
00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:42.230
that I was going to be at 10:46:23.
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I just I pinned it. I pinned it down.
00:10:45.280 --> 00:10:47.270
And then I was like, "What place was I
00:10:47.280 --> 00:10:49.950
in?" They go, "Seventh." I go,
00:10:49.960 --> 00:10:51.870
"I'm done."
00:10:51.880 --> 00:10:53.510
And they looked at me like, "What?" I'm
00:10:53.520 --> 00:10:54.990
like, "Yeah, I'm not I don't need to do
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another Ironman. I'm done."
00:10:57.360 --> 00:11:00.350
So, here we had this
00:11:00.360 --> 00:11:04.150
life built around
00:11:04.160 --> 00:11:06.590
Ironman triathlons.
00:11:06.600 --> 00:11:08.510
But we also had a life built around
00:11:08.520 --> 00:11:12.230
drinking.
00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:17.430
And so, I'm Sometimes I'm floored at how
00:11:17.440 --> 00:11:19.550
many Ironmans I did with the alcohol
00:11:19.560 --> 00:11:22.030
that I consumed. And I wouldn't say that
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I was a drunk and not at all. I wasn't
00:11:24.560 --> 00:11:28.910
on the floor like struggling. I had two
00:11:28.920 --> 00:11:31.350
two to three glasses of wine every night
00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:34.230
and then I would go train.
00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:35.470
And then on weekends
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>> was just used to that. So, you didn't
00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:39.390
know what it felt like to not have that
00:11:39.400 --> 00:11:41.350
in your system until you trained for
00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:41.870
that.
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>> You got it. Yeah.
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And then even that next day I stayed in
00:11:45.720 --> 00:11:47.470
a couple extra days in Florida. I'm on
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the beach. Heck, why not? And I tried to
00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:52.110
get a pina colada and I was like, "Oh,
00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:54.550
this is disgusting."
00:11:54.560 --> 00:11:56.950
Yeah, I couldn't do it. I was like,
00:11:56.960 --> 00:11:58.910
"Yeah, this isn't serving me anymore."
00:11:58.920 --> 00:12:00.950
But I still kept drinking because that's
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:02.990
what we did. That's what we did.
00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:03.670
>> Right.
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>> And then
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when I realized that I was saying
00:12:07.320 --> 00:12:10.070
goodbye to something that I'd known for
00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:12.270
30 years
00:12:12.280 --> 00:12:14.950
I said to my ex, I said, "I need to go
00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:17.750
somewhere where there is very little
00:12:17.760 --> 00:12:20.750
Wi-Fi. I don't want to work. I don't
00:12:20.760 --> 00:12:23.350
want to be around in the hustle bustle."
00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:24.870
And he's like, "Okay,
00:12:24.880 --> 00:12:26.830
do you want to go to Port Aransas, Texas
00:12:26.840 --> 00:12:28.950
or whatever?" And I'm like, "No, I want
00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:30.070
to go to Costa Rica."
00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:31.270
>> He's what?
00:12:31.280 --> 00:12:32.990
>> And I was like, "Yeah." And so my best
00:12:33.000 --> 00:12:34.430
friend was supposed to go with me at
00:12:34.440 --> 00:12:37.750
that time, but she ended up having to
00:12:37.760 --> 00:12:40.150
she got a job and she couldn't make it.
00:12:40.160 --> 00:12:41.710
And so I came down to Costa Rica for the
00:12:41.720 --> 00:12:44.510
first time and literally I was on the
00:12:44.520 --> 00:12:46.310
plane
00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:48.910
and I got bumped up to first class
00:12:48.920 --> 00:12:50.829
and at 9:00 in the morning they were
00:12:50.839 --> 00:12:52.070
like, "What would you like to drink?"
00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:53.950
I'm like, "I'm going to have a mimosa.
00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:55.470
I'm going to celebrate that I'm going to
00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:56.950
Costa Rica
00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.070
by myself, blah blah blah."
00:12:59.080 --> 00:13:00.590
And all of a sudden I'm like sitting
00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:03.110
there holding this mimosa. I'm like
00:13:03.120 --> 00:13:06.630
"But why am I celebrating with alcohol?
00:13:06.640 --> 00:13:08.470
Shouldn't I be celebrating that I'm on a
00:13:08.480 --> 00:13:11.030
flight to Costa Rica?"
00:13:11.040 --> 00:13:13.070
That was my last drink.
00:13:13.080 --> 00:13:15.190
And so I think a lot of things changed
00:13:15.200 --> 00:13:18.070
for us as a couple. I stopped doing Iron
00:13:18.080 --> 00:13:21.150
Mans. I stopped drinking alcohol and
00:13:21.160 --> 00:13:22.990
that was the two things that really
00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:24.950
bonded us.
00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:26.550
>> Yeah.
00:13:26.560 --> 00:13:30.230
>> And so then when I took my mask off,
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:32.590
I started seeing things that I did not
00:13:32.600 --> 00:13:34.750
like.
00:13:34.760 --> 00:13:36.710
>> Did not having the
00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:40.310
alcohol to numb things also help make
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.710
things more clear?
00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:44.870
>> Absolutely.
00:13:44.880 --> 00:13:48.310
100%. I saw a lot of things that I
00:13:48.320 --> 00:13:51.390
wasn't liking about myself.
00:13:51.400 --> 00:13:55.150
Because I have a whole line of alcohol.
00:13:55.160 --> 00:13:57.750
My dad was an alcoholic, my grandfather,
00:13:57.760 --> 00:14:00.390
his dad, my great-grandmother. So there
00:14:00.400 --> 00:14:03.150
was a huge line of alcoholism in my
00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:04.510
family.
00:14:04.520 --> 00:14:06.910
My A year prior that I stopped, my
00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:08.950
brother stopped.
00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:11.550
And all of a sudden like I just I sat
00:14:11.560 --> 00:14:13.950
there, this isn't serving me anymore. I
00:14:13.960 --> 00:14:17.510
don't like who I'm becoming.
00:14:17.520 --> 00:14:20.270
And even when I got I I got back from
00:14:20.280 --> 00:14:23.590
Costa Rica, we were putting together
00:14:23.600 --> 00:14:26.710
we had a big event at their house and he
00:14:26.720 --> 00:14:28.750
was a lawyer at at a He was a lawyer,
00:14:28.760 --> 00:14:31.590
but then he was also on like on a couple
00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:34.230
boards, right? So we had this holiday
00:14:34.240 --> 00:14:36.750
party and at the holiday party I went to
00:14:36.760 --> 00:14:38.230
the liquor store, got a whole bunch of
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:40.150
wine, got a whole bunch of And I
00:14:40.160 --> 00:14:42.070
remember going down the aisle and I was
00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:43.710
like, "Oh, I should get some whiskey and
00:14:43.720 --> 00:14:45.670
some vodka." I was like, "Oh, I should
00:14:45.680 --> 00:14:47.950
get some potato vodka. I heard that's
00:14:47.960 --> 00:14:49.910
better on the stomach." And so
00:14:49.920 --> 00:14:50.350
>> Yeah.
00:14:50.360 --> 00:14:52.670
>> I literally came back. I started putting
00:14:52.680 --> 00:14:55.110
everything away in the liquor cabinet
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:58.590
cabinet. And I literally put the bottle
00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:00.670
of potato vodka
00:15:00.680 --> 00:15:03.470
in the cabinet and over to my right were
00:15:03.480 --> 00:15:05.470
my grandparents'
00:15:05.480 --> 00:15:06.990
canters
00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:08.990
where you put in the wine and you put it
00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:10.990
like silver canters that they gave to me
00:15:11.000 --> 00:15:12.510
for the wedding.
00:15:12.520 --> 00:15:15.670
And I swear and I share the story a lot.
00:15:15.680 --> 00:15:18.510
I swear my grandma Fritzing
00:15:18.520 --> 00:15:22.230
so my dad's mom was behind me. She goes,
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:23.510
"Jenny,
00:15:23.520 --> 00:15:29.270
why are you going from wine to liquor?"
00:15:29.280 --> 00:15:31.430
And all this cuz I thought, "Oh, potato
00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:33.190
vodka, that's easier on the stomach. I
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:35.470
Maybe my Maybe the wine isn't the best
00:15:35.480 --> 00:15:36.750
for me."
00:15:36.760 --> 00:15:38.990
And I heard that. I heard it and I
00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:41.550
looked around and I'm like,
00:15:41.560 --> 00:15:43.910
what just happened?
00:15:43.920 --> 00:15:45.790
And that was when I was like, "All
00:15:45.800 --> 00:15:47.630
right, I've gone a week without drinking
00:15:47.640 --> 00:15:49.190
in Costa Rica.
00:15:49.200 --> 00:15:51.510
What about another week?
00:15:51.520 --> 00:15:53.310
What about another week?" And so when
00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:55.710
the bartender asked us, "Hey, do you
00:15:55.720 --> 00:15:57.350
want a glass of wine?" I said, "No, I'm
00:15:57.360 --> 00:15:59.750
good." My ex looked at me like, "Are you
00:15:59.760 --> 00:16:00.950
okay?"
00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:03.470
It's like, "Yeah, I just want to I just
00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:05.270
want to be aware of what's going on cuz
00:16:05.280 --> 00:16:07.670
it's the party at our house, right?" And
00:16:07.680 --> 00:16:09.830
then I just And then I stopped. And I
00:16:09.840 --> 00:16:12.676
got through 2020 without alcohol.
00:16:12.686 --> 00:16:13.830
>> [laughter]
00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:16.150
>> Wow. Oh my god, that's a huge
00:16:16.160 --> 00:16:16.830
undertaking.
00:16:16.840 --> 00:16:19.390
>> Right? Talk about a challenge, right?
00:16:19.400 --> 00:16:20.390
Yeah.
00:16:20.400 --> 00:16:22.230
>> And being I was going to say and being
00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:25.790
locked down at that point in time
00:16:25.800 --> 00:16:28.910
in that situation, did that
00:16:28.920 --> 00:16:30.670
bring things to light as well?
00:16:30.680 --> 00:16:32.230
>> It did. So,
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.510
it In 2019,
00:16:34.520 --> 00:16:36.710
I I There's a There was a spot when I
00:16:36.720 --> 00:16:40.510
did ask for us to go to therapy and then
00:16:40.520 --> 00:16:42.790
he declined it. He said, "No, I think
00:16:42.800 --> 00:16:44.910
we're good." I was like, "Okay, but I
00:16:44.920 --> 00:16:46.590
think there's some changes we need to
00:16:46.600 --> 00:16:50.829
make cuz this was before This was after
00:16:50.839 --> 00:16:54.270
after Florida and after I stopped
00:16:54.280 --> 00:16:55.950
drinking, but then I still got that went
00:16:55.960 --> 00:16:58.790
back to drinking. And at the end of
00:16:58.800 --> 00:17:01.390
November, I did
00:17:01.400 --> 00:17:04.030
I did say something to him, which was
00:17:04.040 --> 00:17:05.590
not supposed to be for him. It was
00:17:05.600 --> 00:17:07.590
supposed to be my bestie. I did that
00:17:07.600 --> 00:17:11.429
text message that I sent to him, but it
00:17:11.439 --> 00:17:13.910
was supposed to be to my bestie and that
00:17:13.920 --> 00:17:15.630
stirred the pot and he's, "We need to go
00:17:15.640 --> 00:17:17.470
to therapy." And I'm like, "Yeah, you're
00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:19.230
right. We do."
00:17:19.240 --> 00:17:21.189
And so he found So we did go to the We
00:17:21.199 --> 00:17:23.750
started going to therapy December of
00:17:23.760 --> 00:17:25.990
2019.
00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:29.270
And And then we continued that therapy,
00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:33.470
and then we had to find a new therapist
00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:35.750
for the Zoom aspects of things cuz we
00:17:35.760 --> 00:17:38.350
didn't go. Actually, when the first
00:17:38.360 --> 00:17:40.950
therapist called me Jessica, I looked at
00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:43.150
him. I'm like, "Is Jessica your lover?"
00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:44.710
Because I don't know who Jessica is, and
00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:46.150
we actually laughed about it, and we
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:47.990
walked out. I'm like, "We need to find a
00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.310
new therapist."
00:17:49.320 --> 00:17:49.910
>> Yeah.
00:17:49.920 --> 00:17:52.270
>> I'm just like, "Yeah." I'm like, "Okay."
00:17:52.280 --> 00:17:54.870
But yeah, we had therapy We had therapy
00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:57.550
during those close calls during that
00:17:57.560 --> 00:17:59.870
during the 2020. Yeah, it was hard.
00:17:59.880 --> 00:18:00.990
>> Yeah.
00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:03.790
>> Yeah, that's a lot. 2020 was a lot for
00:18:03.800 --> 00:18:05.470
sure. I think for a lot of couples,
00:18:05.480 --> 00:18:07.030
especially
00:18:07.040 --> 00:18:07.270
>> Yeah.
00:18:07.280 --> 00:18:10.110
>> having to be together all the time. And
00:18:10.120 --> 00:18:11.470
I am assuming like you had been
00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:15.910
traveling a lot. So this was a huge
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:17.870
life change for you.
00:18:17.880 --> 00:18:19.670
And the shutdown was huge cuz there's no
00:18:19.680 --> 00:18:23.630
travel now. You've stopped training.
00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:26.030
You've stopped drinking. Like what are
00:18:26.040 --> 00:18:27.190
you doing with yourself?
00:18:27.200 --> 00:18:29.310
>> Yeah, that's just it. And I lost a ton
00:18:29.320 --> 00:18:31.550
of my triathletes that I was coaching. I
00:18:31.560 --> 00:18:35.110
was up to almost 20 clients
00:18:35.120 --> 00:18:38.190
of triathlons. And then when 2020 shut
00:18:38.200 --> 00:18:39.350
down
00:18:39.360 --> 00:18:41.310
stopped It stopped the world cuz nobody
00:18:41.320 --> 00:18:44.070
was racing. So they're like, "Jen, I
00:18:44.080 --> 00:18:46.190
can't keep you on." I lost a lot of
00:18:46.200 --> 00:18:48.350
clients at that time.
00:18:48.360 --> 00:18:48.790
>> Yeah.
00:18:48.800 --> 00:18:50.830
>> And I thought to myself
00:18:50.840 --> 00:18:52.870
and I thought And I during that time,
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:54.990
even pre-2020,
00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:56.710
I started working. I thought, "You know
00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:58.270
what? There's a lot more women than
00:18:58.280 --> 00:19:00.830
there are triathletes. What about I
00:19:00.840 --> 00:19:03.070
start helping women
00:19:03.080 --> 00:19:06.190
who are transitioning and transforming
00:19:06.200 --> 00:19:08.790
to become postmenopausal. We work on
00:19:08.800 --> 00:19:11.030
fitness. We work on the macros. We do
00:19:11.040 --> 00:19:14.630
all of that fun stuff. And I started
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:16.390
my own little
00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:18.870
women's group
00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:20.510
in
00:19:20.520 --> 00:19:23.310
it in February.
00:19:23.320 --> 00:19:26.470
And then all of a sudden 2020 happened
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:29.990
and here we had eight women already in
00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:31.750
this little group and we would have
00:19:31.760 --> 00:19:33.870
group calls just because we're like,
00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:35.870
what's going on? And it was crazy it was
00:19:35.880 --> 00:19:37.790
crazy and then
00:19:37.800 --> 00:19:41.190
so yeah, I started working with women on
00:19:41.200 --> 00:19:44.390
the outside post post triathlons, but I
00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:46.310
was still coaching triathletes, but they
00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:47.830
weren't coming around as much because
00:19:47.840 --> 00:19:49.510
nobody was racing. So I was like, all
00:19:49.520 --> 00:19:51.510
right, let's start working with women.
00:19:51.520 --> 00:19:52.710
And then
00:19:52.720 --> 00:19:57.710
around that time, I believe it was
00:19:57.720 --> 00:19:59.630
Oh, I don't remember when the publishing
00:19:59.640 --> 00:20:01.470
company came to me. They came to me
00:20:01.480 --> 00:20:03.510
maybe in 2021.
00:20:03.520 --> 00:20:05.790
No.
00:20:05.800 --> 00:20:08.750
2020 because it was 2020 they came to
00:20:08.760 --> 00:20:09.710
me. They're like, hey, what are you
00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:10.830
doing?
00:20:10.840 --> 00:20:13.430
They came to me prior to it and asked me
00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:16.270
to write a book on triathlons. And I was
00:20:16.280 --> 00:20:19.390
just so slammed with life
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:20.630
and that [clears throat] was in 2019
00:20:20.640 --> 00:20:22.470
that I was like, I can't. I don't have
00:20:22.480 --> 00:20:24.110
the bandwidth to do it. I have to turn
00:20:24.120 --> 00:20:26.550
it down. And I was like mad, but I had
00:20:26.560 --> 00:20:28.710
to turn it down. And then they came to
00:20:28.720 --> 00:20:30.670
me
00:20:30.680 --> 00:20:34.350
I believe in April or May and said, what
00:20:34.360 --> 00:20:36.070
are you doing now? And I'm like, oh, I'm
00:20:36.080 --> 00:20:38.430
working with the women. And then they
00:20:38.440 --> 00:20:40.070
said, do you want to write a book about
00:20:40.080 --> 00:20:42.550
helping women? I'm like, sure.
00:20:42.560 --> 00:20:43.750
So I did.
00:20:43.760 --> 00:20:44.350
>> That's good.
00:20:44.360 --> 00:20:45.910
>> Yeah, and that was and that's called
00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:48.110
self-motivation strategies for women.
00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:51.190
But the ironic thing about this all is
00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:53.990
that I wrote that book during some of
00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:57.670
the hardest times of my life.
00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:00.870
So I feel like that book was more for
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:02.550
me.
00:21:02.560 --> 00:21:04.910
>> Wow.
00:21:04.920 --> 00:21:08.510
Yeah. Yeah. No better way to
00:21:08.520 --> 00:21:10.110
therapize yourself
00:21:10.120 --> 00:21:10.590
>> Yeah.
00:21:10.600 --> 00:21:13.670
>> than to write a book. Yeah.
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:16.790
Okay, so I do think that time period, if
00:21:16.800 --> 00:21:18.390
you talked to lots of women now because
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:20.830
this is the work you're doing, there
00:21:20.840 --> 00:21:23.630
was, I believe in astrology and human
00:21:23.640 --> 00:21:25.030
design and all these things. I think
00:21:25.040 --> 00:21:28.750
there was some a shift for many of us
00:21:28.760 --> 00:21:33.190
in 2019 going into 2020. And many I went
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:34.950
to my first
00:21:34.960 --> 00:21:37.630
women's retreat desperate in a desperate
00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:40.030
situation. I was like in a fog. I
00:21:40.040 --> 00:21:41.870
arrived
00:21:41.880 --> 00:21:44.590
in Costa Rica on the Pacific coast. I
00:21:44.600 --> 00:21:46.350
wish I could tell you, what's the main
00:21:46.360 --> 00:21:47.510
city?
00:21:47.520 --> 00:21:48.350
>> San Merinda.
00:21:48.360 --> 00:21:51.070
>> No.
00:21:51.080 --> 00:21:52.030
Nope.
00:21:52.040 --> 00:21:54.550
I'll think of it. Anyway, I arrived at a
00:21:54.560 --> 00:21:57.110
women's retreat. I had no knew no one
00:21:57.120 --> 00:21:59.270
there. A friend said to me, I think you
00:21:59.280 --> 00:22:01.070
need to go to one of these retreats.
00:22:01.080 --> 00:22:03.750
They're breakthrough retreats.
00:22:03.760 --> 00:22:05.390
The coach lives here in Orlando. She
00:22:05.400 --> 00:22:08.310
just hosts them there occasionally.
00:22:08.320 --> 00:22:10.110
And
00:22:10.120 --> 00:22:12.470
it was life-changing.
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:15.710
I hired her to coach me after the
00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:17.190
retreat.
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:21.350
That was in October, November of 2019.
00:22:21.360 --> 00:22:23.710
Definitely that was when my awakening
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:25.910
started. I was like, okay. And by
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:29.510
February, I was I had met with a divorce
00:22:29.520 --> 00:22:31.830
attorney for the first time just to talk
00:22:31.840 --> 00:22:35.390
about what does this look like? I just
00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:37.070
need to collect information. I'm not
00:22:37.080 --> 00:22:40.270
ready. And then COVID happened. And when
00:22:40.280 --> 00:22:42.190
I talk with people,
00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:45.030
um just really interested because so
00:22:45.040 --> 00:22:47.990
many it seems like people were shifting
00:22:48.000 --> 00:22:50.750
that time. COVID happened and it stalled
00:22:50.760 --> 00:22:53.830
everything, but it also forced us to
00:22:53.840 --> 00:22:58.270
face a lot about our life. And like for
00:22:58.280 --> 00:23:00.590
me it was definitely a purging time.
00:23:00.600 --> 00:23:01.710
Okay.
00:23:01.720 --> 00:23:03.390
There are a lot of things in my life
00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:05.350
that I didn't need that I thought I
00:23:05.360 --> 00:23:07.510
needed, but now that I don't have them,
00:23:07.520 --> 00:23:09.870
it feels good to not have them.
00:23:09.880 --> 00:23:10.390
>> Yeah.
00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:12.550
>> So, it sounds like a lot of that was
00:23:12.560 --> 00:23:15.030
happening for you. Were you and your
00:23:15.040 --> 00:23:17.670
ex-husband both at this point working
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:19.230
from home?
00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:21.110
>> We were. Correct.
00:23:21.120 --> 00:23:22.430
>> Okay. Were
00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:23.430
together?
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:23.870
>> Together.
00:23:23.880 --> 00:23:26.270
>> Together with alcohol for you.
00:23:26.280 --> 00:23:28.150
>> For [laughter] me, exactly. He was doing
00:23:28.160 --> 00:23:29.950
just fine. He had the alcohol, which is
00:23:29.960 --> 00:23:32.350
fine. And people like, "Oh, do you get
00:23:32.360 --> 00:23:33.870
weirded out when people drink around
00:23:33.880 --> 00:23:35.550
you?" I'm like, "No, not at all. That's
00:23:35.560 --> 00:23:37.150
that's their choice. It doesn't bother
00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:37.470
me."
00:23:37.480 --> 00:23:38.590
>> Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:38.600 --> 00:23:39.670
>> Yeah.
00:23:39.680 --> 00:23:42.550
I was going to ask you like how you knew
00:23:42.560 --> 00:23:44.990
what to let go of first, but it sounds
00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:48.270
like things were just happening on their
00:23:48.280 --> 00:23:50.510
own. So, you didn't have to make a
00:23:50.520 --> 00:23:53.750
choice. The triathlon decision happened
00:23:53.760 --> 00:23:57.110
first. The alcohol
00:23:57.120 --> 00:24:00.110
decision happened on its own.
00:24:00.120 --> 00:24:02.230
I talk to people a lot about trusting
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:03.510
instead of forcing.
00:24:03.520 --> 00:24:04.150
>> Yes.
00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:06.230
>> So,
00:24:06.240 --> 00:24:09.630
I learned through my situation
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:12.750
and through a spiritual coach who was
00:24:12.760 --> 00:24:14.950
helping me along the way
00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:17.470
that when I let go, took my hands off
00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:18.790
the wheel
00:24:18.800 --> 00:24:20.830
and just trust instead of trying to
00:24:20.840 --> 00:24:22.790
force things
00:24:22.800 --> 00:24:24.630
that they just happened and I didn't
00:24:24.640 --> 00:24:26.110
have to
00:24:26.120 --> 00:24:28.470
I didn't have to do anything.
00:24:28.480 --> 00:24:31.990
Everything just fell into place and just
00:24:32.000 --> 00:24:34.030
happened and the overthinking could go
00:24:34.040 --> 00:24:36.950
away and then I had more spaciousness.
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:41.990
So, I'd love to hear about that and
00:24:42.000 --> 00:24:45.550
get us to the point of when you decided
00:24:45.560 --> 00:24:47.750
there was the point of no return with
00:24:47.760 --> 00:24:49.550
the marriage. You don't have to go into
00:24:49.560 --> 00:24:51.630
that into great detail if you don't want
00:24:51.640 --> 00:24:54.470
to, but I do think so many of the women
00:24:54.480 --> 00:24:57.510
I work with are
00:24:57.520 --> 00:24:59.750
trying to decide. And I listened to a
00:24:59.760 --> 00:25:01.630
podcast when I was trying to decide. It
00:25:01.640 --> 00:25:03.670
was called Should I Stay or Should I Go?
00:25:03.680 --> 00:25:04.270
>> Oh, wow.
00:25:04.280 --> 00:25:06.750
>> And I would intently listen to that. A
00:25:06.760 --> 00:25:11.430
lot of her content is really
00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:13.950
divorce coaching. So, it's further in
00:25:13.960 --> 00:25:14.830
the process.
00:25:14.840 --> 00:25:15.350
>> Okay.
00:25:15.360 --> 00:25:18.350
>> But, it wasn't until I stopped listening
00:25:18.360 --> 00:25:20.510
to that and started listening to myself.
00:25:20.520 --> 00:25:21.550
>> Yes.
00:25:21.560 --> 00:25:23.350
>> That I was really able to. So, I'm
00:25:23.360 --> 00:25:25.550
always telling people just keep paying
00:25:25.560 --> 00:25:28.390
attention. Just stay present in your
00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:30.990
now. Don't worry about the past and
00:25:31.000 --> 00:25:32.510
don't worry about the future. I know
00:25:32.520 --> 00:25:34.030
that's easier said than done.
00:25:34.040 --> 00:25:34.550
>> Right.
00:25:34.560 --> 00:25:36.550
>> So, how did that happen for you? How did
00:25:36.560 --> 00:25:38.590
you know when it was time to go? And
00:25:38.600 --> 00:25:39.750
then
00:25:39.760 --> 00:25:41.790
I want to know more about how you got to
00:25:41.800 --> 00:25:43.870
Costa Rica, too.
00:25:43.880 --> 00:25:45.030
>> For sure.
00:25:45.040 --> 00:25:51.390
I think
00:25:51.400 --> 00:25:53.790
I don't know if there was one pinpoint
00:25:53.800 --> 00:25:56.110
moment like I'm done type of thing. But,
00:25:56.120 --> 00:25:58.590
like what I said to you,
00:25:58.600 --> 00:26:03.630
I knew there was something more for me.
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:06.030
I had the beautiful house. I had the
00:26:06.040 --> 00:26:07.950
Jeep Wrangler. I had all the clothes you
00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:11.510
could imagine. I had a We had We had
00:26:11.520 --> 00:26:13.390
that life. We had that life. I was
00:26:13.400 --> 00:26:15.470
married to a lawyer. And we had that
00:26:15.480 --> 00:26:17.390
life. And I'm like,
00:26:17.400 --> 00:26:20.190
why am I not fulfilled?
00:26:20.200 --> 00:26:22.750
Why am I not happy?
00:26:22.760 --> 00:26:24.750
I was chasing finish lines left and
00:26:24.760 --> 00:26:26.390
right.
00:26:26.400 --> 00:26:28.190
And I was crossing them.
00:26:28.200 --> 00:26:30.910
But, then like why am I still chasing?
00:26:30.920 --> 00:26:33.190
Why was I still chasing?
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:36.670
So,
00:26:36.680 --> 00:26:39.150
I think the biggest thing for me, I
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:41.550
think you're right. When I started It
00:26:41.560 --> 00:26:43.590
was in 2020,
00:26:43.600 --> 00:26:46.830
I ended up jumping on this women's group
00:26:46.840 --> 00:26:49.270
as well because a coach needs a coach,
00:26:49.280 --> 00:26:50.990
right? But, I had jumped on this women's
00:26:51.000 --> 00:26:53.310
group who was more of the spiritual
00:26:53.320 --> 00:26:54.430
side.
00:26:54.440 --> 00:26:57.870
And I was with them for 5 to 6 months
00:26:57.880 --> 00:27:01.870
and really learning about breathwork,
00:27:01.880 --> 00:27:06.510
really learning about forgiveness,
00:27:06.520 --> 00:27:08.630
forgiving my dad,
00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:11.310
forgiving my mom. My dad's past, my
00:27:11.320 --> 00:27:14.350
dad's past Oh my gosh.
00:27:14.360 --> 00:27:16.910
Almost eight 17 years. Yeah, he's been
00:27:16.920 --> 00:27:19.390
Yeah. So, mom's still around, but
00:27:19.400 --> 00:27:21.790
realizing that they were kids when they
00:27:21.800 --> 00:27:24.230
hired when they hired me. They were kids
00:27:24.240 --> 00:27:27.590
when they had me. And so, I started this
00:27:27.600 --> 00:27:30.230
healing process in 2020 during all of
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:31.470
this time. And so, I was with a
00:27:31.480 --> 00:27:34.630
spiritual group and and I started seeing
00:27:34.640 --> 00:27:37.150
things. I would journal more.
00:27:37.160 --> 00:27:39.150
I started
00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:41.230
putting boundaries up,
00:27:41.240 --> 00:27:46.510
not sharing everything to everybody.
00:27:46.520 --> 00:27:50.310
Just really protecting my peace because
00:27:50.320 --> 00:27:52.990
I had to have that clear mind of what
00:27:53.000 --> 00:27:55.430
was actually happening.
00:27:55.440 --> 00:27:56.150
>> Right.
00:27:56.160 --> 00:27:59.590
>> Also in 2020, we lost our pup. Our dog
00:27:59.600 --> 00:28:02.190
was 12 years old and we he was getting
00:28:02.200 --> 00:28:03.950
sick. And so, we had to put him down.
00:28:03.960 --> 00:28:06.990
So, we don't have kids, but we had the
00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:10.230
dog. And so, here three things that
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:13.790
happened like that bonded us. And all of
00:28:13.800 --> 00:28:15.750
a sudden, all three are gone. So, I was
00:28:15.760 --> 00:28:17.310
definitely going through my spiritual
00:28:17.320 --> 00:28:20.550
journey. I was doing the meditation.
00:28:20.560 --> 00:28:22.910
I was listening to Gabby Bernstein. I
00:28:22.920 --> 00:28:26.110
was listening to all of these people
00:28:26.120 --> 00:28:28.750
that were really I was trying to figure
00:28:28.760 --> 00:28:30.270
out how to meditate. I was trying to
00:28:30.280 --> 00:28:31.750
figure out all these things. I was
00:28:31.760 --> 00:28:33.550
trying to learn how to do breathwork. I
00:28:33.560 --> 00:28:35.230
was journaling.
00:28:35.240 --> 00:28:38.590
I was learning how to stay silent. I was
00:28:38.600 --> 00:28:40.990
on the Calm app. I was on the Headspace
00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:42.750
app. I was on all these apps. I was on
00:28:42.760 --> 00:28:45.710
YouTube. I was and I remember watching a
00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:48.790
Wayne Dyer Dyer Dyer I always say his
00:28:48.800 --> 00:28:50.470
last name wrong.
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:52.670
But it was called the shift and if you
00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:54.190
could find it on YouTube I highly
00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:56.870
recommend it. But the shift he talks
00:28:56.880 --> 00:28:59.910
about the shift of men and women and
00:28:59.920 --> 00:29:03.790
that shift is when you go from the
00:29:03.800 --> 00:29:06.670
I think like the wife to now I'm here to
00:29:06.680 --> 00:29:08.590
take care of myself.
00:29:08.600 --> 00:29:11.070
I did everything I needed to do. So a
00:29:11.080 --> 00:29:13.630
lot of the women that I work with
00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:15.270
are going through that shift and they
00:29:15.280 --> 00:29:18.070
don't really know how to shift because
00:29:18.080 --> 00:29:20.270
they're scared of that normal what they
00:29:20.280 --> 00:29:22.670
do. So there was a lot of things there
00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:25.150
was a lot of things that I I forgot
00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:29.230
about that side of the of my of 2020.
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:31.910
And then I have to admit then
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:34.550
the spiritual
00:29:34.560 --> 00:29:36.990
group got a little weird. Like it was
00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:39.150
getting a little bit more a little bit
00:29:39.160 --> 00:29:41.670
political and I'm like
00:29:41.680 --> 00:29:44.190
wait a minute. No red pill blue pill
00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:46.470
blah blah blah that I'm like all right.
00:29:46.480 --> 00:29:49.790
I'm out. And she like it was just not it
00:29:49.800 --> 00:29:51.790
was not good. Even saying goodbye was
00:29:51.800 --> 00:29:53.750
not good. I'm like okay thank you for
00:29:53.760 --> 00:29:56.190
just validating my decision but I'm
00:29:56.200 --> 00:29:57.950
doing pretty good here.
00:29:57.960 --> 00:30:00.550
So then I came down to Costa Rica again
00:30:00.560 --> 00:30:04.430
in 2020 at the end of 2020 and because I
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:07.190
had a girlfriend
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:09.670
that I met online I was supposed to do
00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:13.270
her women's retreat in April of 2020.
00:30:13.280 --> 00:30:15.550
We started talking more she was going
00:30:15.560 --> 00:30:18.470
through some changes herself divorce
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:21.630
like separation. She had two kids and we
00:30:21.640 --> 00:30:23.990
just bonded immediately and she's I love
00:30:24.000 --> 00:30:26.830
your vibe. We're going to Costa Rica.
00:30:26.840 --> 00:30:29.190
There's a group of us group of girls.
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:30.630
Do you want to come down with us? I'm
00:30:30.640 --> 00:30:32.470
like yes.
00:30:32.480 --> 00:30:34.590
And so I had to
00:30:34.600 --> 00:30:37.390
tell say to my ex I said I want to go to
00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:40.670
Costa Rica again and go down and be with
00:30:40.680 --> 00:30:43.590
my be with these girls and talk about
00:30:43.600 --> 00:30:45.750
the business side of things. And so I'm
00:30:45.760 --> 00:30:48.030
like, "Can you want to come down with me
00:30:48.040 --> 00:30:51.230
afterwards and we can explore Costa Rica
00:30:51.240 --> 00:30:54.190
together and do that as our holiday gift
00:30:54.200 --> 00:30:55.870
as a holiday gift." And he's no, I got
00:30:55.880 --> 00:30:56.950
to work.
00:30:56.960 --> 00:30:59.030
I'm like, "Okay."
00:30:59.040 --> 00:31:02.430
And so then so then I came back from
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:04.150
Costa Rica
00:31:04.160 --> 00:31:07.430
and I felt a shift in myself. I was
00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:09.350
like,
00:31:09.360 --> 00:31:11.790
I'm running away from the marriage. I
00:31:11.800 --> 00:31:15.150
keep traveling and now having the clear
00:31:15.160 --> 00:31:17.710
space, clear head for what I was doing
00:31:17.720 --> 00:31:19.950
in 2019.
00:31:19.960 --> 00:31:20.750
>> Yeah.
00:31:23.640 --> 00:31:25.710
>> Yeah, meditation and breath work has a
00:31:25.720 --> 00:31:30.070
way of bringing so much clarity. And
00:31:30.080 --> 00:31:32.950
you're like, "Oh, wow. I didn't even
00:31:32.960 --> 00:31:36.110
realize how I was protecting myself or
00:31:36.120 --> 00:31:37.590
what I was doing."
00:31:37.600 --> 00:31:38.230
>> Exactly.
00:31:38.240 --> 00:31:40.590
>> Okay, so
00:31:40.600 --> 00:31:43.910
you
00:31:43.920 --> 00:31:45.950
you've said that you stopped performing
00:31:45.960 --> 00:31:48.470
a life and you started living one. You
00:31:48.480 --> 00:31:50.830
got into that part of your story yet?
00:31:50.840 --> 00:31:52.270
>> so. I know I'm like, "This is a long
00:31:52.280 --> 00:31:53.550
story." But
00:31:53.560 --> 00:31:55.150
but I will say this,
00:31:55.160 --> 00:31:58.150
the publishing company asked me again to
00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:00.190
write another book.
00:32:00.200 --> 00:32:03.670
And I brought that up to my ex. I will
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:05.710
be very transparent, writing that book
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:07.910
for the publishing company was extremely
00:32:07.920 --> 00:32:09.870
stressful on our relationship.
00:32:09.880 --> 00:32:11.910
>> The first one or the second one?
00:32:11.920 --> 00:32:13.270
>> the first one. It's called Motivation
00:32:13.280 --> 00:32:15.590
Strategies for Women. It was very
00:32:15.600 --> 00:32:17.830
stressful on our relationship. Very
00:32:17.840 --> 00:32:20.470
stressful. I was up I was up at 5:00 in
00:32:20.480 --> 00:32:22.150
the morning writing. I was excited
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:23.830
because that's where my flow is in the
00:32:23.840 --> 00:32:24.910
morning.
00:32:24.920 --> 00:32:28.070
And um and so when
00:32:28.080 --> 00:32:29.910
the publishing company asked if I wanted
00:32:29.920 --> 00:32:31.310
to write another book, I was like,
00:32:31.320 --> 00:32:34.630
"Yeah." And he said and we got in some
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:38.310
pretty heavy discussions and arguments
00:32:38.320 --> 00:32:41.230
about just what we were going through.
00:32:41.240 --> 00:32:43.270
And he suggested that we do a trial
00:32:43.280 --> 00:32:46.750
separation and I agreed.
00:32:46.760 --> 00:32:48.590
And he goes, "If you're going to write
00:32:48.600 --> 00:32:50.390
book number two, maybe you do a trial
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:53.350
separation and you concentrate on that."
00:32:53.360 --> 00:32:56.350
Ironically, the publisher did not take
00:32:56.360 --> 00:32:58.590
me on to write that book. They said I
00:32:58.600 --> 00:33:01.387
was too aggressive in my workouts.
00:33:01.397 --> 00:33:02.990
>> [laughter]
00:33:03.000 --> 00:33:03.830
>> Yeah.
00:33:03.840 --> 00:33:04.870
>> They're like, "This is more for
00:33:04.880 --> 00:33:06.790
beginner." I'm like, "Then it's then I'm
00:33:06.800 --> 00:33:08.350
not your girl. I'm not writing a book
00:33:08.360 --> 00:33:10.750
for beginners." I'm like, "No. Get off
00:33:10.760 --> 00:33:12.550
your butt and do something." Yeah. But
00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:15.350
anyways, so we did a trial separation
00:33:15.360 --> 00:33:20.190
and when he said that, I immediately
00:33:20.200 --> 00:33:22.670
went online and found an Airbnb and
00:33:22.680 --> 00:33:24.470
said, "All right, I'm leaving." And I I
00:33:24.480 --> 00:33:25.670
don't think he really thought I was
00:33:25.680 --> 00:33:27.870
going to do that.
00:33:27.880 --> 00:33:31.590
So that was January of 2021.
00:33:31.600 --> 00:33:33.790
During the separation,
00:33:33.800 --> 00:33:35.390
I
00:33:35.400 --> 00:33:38.110
During the separation, I said, "I want
00:33:38.120 --> 00:33:40.190
to go to Costa Rica. I want to go down
00:33:40.200 --> 00:33:42.910
there for 7 weeks." And I did. And I
00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:44.670
said, "Why do I need to stay in San
00:33:44.680 --> 00:33:48.070
Antonio that is not enjoyable?" I'm
00:33:48.080 --> 00:33:50.910
like, and oh, also during that time, my
00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:53.070
book was coming out.
00:33:53.080 --> 00:33:54.430
So then I was like, "What a great way
00:33:54.440 --> 00:33:56.110
for me to promote it and plug it down in
00:33:56.120 --> 00:33:59.670
Costa Rica?" Right? And did that.
00:33:59.680 --> 00:34:02.110
And then I came back. He went and took a
00:34:02.120 --> 00:34:04.590
7-week trip as as well.
00:34:04.600 --> 00:34:06.510
And then
00:34:06.520 --> 00:34:09.790
I wasn't And then I I moved out and I
00:34:09.800 --> 00:34:11.909
didn't move out. I found some Airbnbs. I
00:34:11.919 --> 00:34:14.590
still had a whole bunch of stuff.
00:34:14.600 --> 00:34:16.710
I was invited to go down to Costa Rica
00:34:16.720 --> 00:34:21.669
again in June for a retreat. And the
00:34:21.679 --> 00:34:23.669
gentleman said, he goes, "Jen, I've been
00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:25.629
following you for a while. I love your
00:34:25.639 --> 00:34:28.590
vibe." He goes, "I need bodies for this
00:34:28.600 --> 00:34:31.710
retreat. And can you come down? I'll
00:34:31.720 --> 00:34:34.510
provide the hotel. I'll provide the
00:34:34.520 --> 00:34:36.590
whole retreat for you. Can you fly down
00:34:36.600 --> 00:34:37.909
here?
00:34:37.919 --> 00:34:40.669
Flights at that time were cheap, like
00:34:40.679 --> 00:34:43.070
under 500 bucks round trip from San
00:34:43.080 --> 00:34:45.590
Antonio. Not even close right now. But
00:34:45.600 --> 00:34:48.270
yeah, I went down there and during that
00:34:48.280 --> 00:34:50.350
time, during that retreat, and the crazy
00:34:50.360 --> 00:34:54.750
thing, the yoga was all in Spanish.
00:34:54.760 --> 00:34:55.590
>> Huh.
00:34:55.600 --> 00:34:59.310
>> Which was cool, but it taught me to
00:34:59.320 --> 00:35:02.390
really sit with myself.
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:04.710
And I knew after talking to some of the
00:35:04.720 --> 00:35:07.190
people there and they some of them spoke
00:35:07.200 --> 00:35:09.430
really good Spanish or English, I
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:11.710
realized I was like, I need to ask for a
00:35:11.720 --> 00:35:14.110
divorce.
00:35:14.120 --> 00:35:17.230
So then the there was one morning I was
00:35:17.240 --> 00:35:19.870
sitting on the couch and I just was like
00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:21.670
staring at my coffee and he sat down.
00:35:21.680 --> 00:35:23.430
He's, "What's up?"
00:35:23.440 --> 00:35:25.350
And I said it out loud. Said, "I want a
00:35:25.360 --> 00:35:28.070
divorce."
00:35:28.080 --> 00:35:31.350
And then probably about 3 4 months of
00:35:31.360 --> 00:35:34.310
him trying to convince me not to have a
00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:36.550
divorce, I filed the papers in
00:35:36.560 --> 00:35:39.750
September.
00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:40.510
>> Wow.
00:35:40.520 --> 00:35:40.910
>> Yeah.
00:35:40.920 --> 00:35:42.550
>> September 2021.
00:35:42.560 --> 00:35:44.470
>> yeah, and the crazy thing is that he was
00:35:44.480 --> 00:35:45.710
like, "All right, if we're going to go
00:35:45.720 --> 00:35:47.630
through this, here are three lawyers."
00:35:47.640 --> 00:35:50.150
And I reached out to a client of mine in
00:35:50.160 --> 00:35:51.710
that women's group who was also a
00:35:51.720 --> 00:35:54.070
lawyer. I'm like, "Marina, I'm like,
00:35:54.080 --> 00:35:56.310
what lawyers do I grab?" I go, "Here are
00:35:56.320 --> 00:35:58.870
the three lawyers that he found for us."
00:35:58.880 --> 00:36:02.030
She goes, "100% Joe Chris.
00:36:02.040 --> 00:36:06.230
100%." And so my lawyer, I call her M
00:36:06.240 --> 00:36:08.070
from from what's that? Mission Not
00:36:08.080 --> 00:36:10.230
Mission Impossible, James Bond. I think
00:36:10.240 --> 00:36:12.510
cuz she looks like Judi Dench. She looks
00:36:12.520 --> 00:36:13.230
like Judi Dench.
00:36:13.240 --> 00:36:14.470
>> Oh. Oh, that's funny.
00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:15.470
>> Yeah. I was like, [clears throat]
00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:17.150
"You're my M. You're my M, you know
00:36:17.160 --> 00:36:20.070
that, Joe Chris?" And yeah. And so I So
00:36:20.080 --> 00:36:21.830
then yeah, so then
00:36:21.840 --> 00:36:24.390
I filed the papers in
00:36:24.400 --> 00:36:26.950
September of 2021.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:28.830
And then I was like, "I want to move to
00:36:28.840 --> 00:36:30.790
Costa Rica. I really I was like, I'm
00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:32.470
moving to Costa Rica. I don't know how,
00:36:32.480 --> 00:36:34.430
I don't know why, I don't know when, I
00:36:34.440 --> 00:36:36.830
don't know where I'm even staying.
00:36:36.840 --> 00:36:38.550
And so I started I I And during this
00:36:38.560 --> 00:36:41.510
whole time, right? During 2019,
00:36:41.520 --> 00:36:42.910
all the way through, I was following a
00:36:42.920 --> 00:36:44.910
whole bunch of people on Instagram, I
00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:46.830
was following people on Facebook groups.
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:49.950
I was And I saw this woman from Canada
00:36:49.960 --> 00:36:52.230
who lived in Costa Rica.
00:36:52.240 --> 00:36:53.870
She's, "Oh, I have a
00:36:53.880 --> 00:36:56.750
I have this place available."
00:36:56.760 --> 00:36:58.710
And I reached out to her and I said,
00:36:58.720 --> 00:37:00.510
"Oh, I saw that you have this
00:37:00.520 --> 00:37:02.190
available place.
00:37:02.200 --> 00:37:04.310
Are you Do you have any availability in
00:37:04.320 --> 00:37:06.510
December?" She's, "No, I'm totally
00:37:06.520 --> 00:37:08.550
booked." I'm like, "Okay, that's fine."
00:37:08.560 --> 00:37:10.430
I'm like, "Just keep me If somebody
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:13.070
cancels, just keep me open."
00:37:13.080 --> 00:37:15.270
And so I was like,
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:17.390
"I can move to Costa Rica." All right.
00:37:17.400 --> 00:37:18.990
And literally
00:37:19.000 --> 00:37:20.470
a week later,
00:37:20.480 --> 00:37:23.150
she messages me. She goes, "Jen,
00:37:23.160 --> 00:37:26.110
the people canceled. I have availability
00:37:26.120 --> 00:37:29.790
starting on January
00:37:29.800 --> 00:37:33.590
15th. Do you want it?" I said, "Yes."
00:37:33.600 --> 00:37:35.790
I didn't question it. I just went with
00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:36.710
it.
00:37:36.720 --> 00:37:38.630
And I was at the nail place with my
00:37:38.640 --> 00:37:41.270
girlfriends. I go, "Ladies, I just found
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:44.190
a place to live for 3 months in Costa
00:37:44.200 --> 00:37:46.790
Rica." They're like, "What?"
00:37:46.800 --> 00:37:48.110
I'm like, "Yeah."
00:37:48.120 --> 00:37:51.430
So I actually So I went I contacted the
00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:53.750
hotel that I stayed with stayed at
00:37:53.760 --> 00:37:55.630
during my separation.
00:37:55.640 --> 00:37:57.750
He and I became friends. I was like, and
00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:00.710
we bonded because of Iron Man's. He's
00:38:00.720 --> 00:38:02.910
You did Iron Man Hawaii? Oh my god. He's
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:05.790
And so I I text him. I go, "Jay, I'm
00:38:05.800 --> 00:38:08.030
moving down to Costa Rica." I go, "Do
00:38:08.040 --> 00:38:11.150
you have space from December 30th to
00:38:11.160 --> 00:38:13.310
January 15th?" He goes, "Yep, come on
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:15.430
down. I got your room."
00:38:15.440 --> 00:38:16.950
The rest was history.
00:38:16.960 --> 00:38:17.990
>> Wow.
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:18.110
>> Yeah.
00:38:18.120 --> 00:38:20.110
>> Wow. And you've been there since?
00:38:20.120 --> 00:38:21.510
>> I've been there since. And the crazy
00:38:21.520 --> 00:38:23.070
thing was is like I had to go back for
00:38:23.080 --> 00:38:24.750
the mediation.
00:38:24.760 --> 00:38:26.790
Yeah, I had to go back for the mediation
00:38:26.800 --> 00:38:29.950
at the end of January in San Antonio. I
00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:31.630
had to go back at that point I had to go
00:38:31.640 --> 00:38:34.590
back every 3 months for my for a border
00:38:34.600 --> 00:38:38.670
run. And so then at that time I was just
00:38:38.680 --> 00:38:40.550
going through not going through the
00:38:40.560 --> 00:38:44.150
motions, I wouldn't say that, but like
00:38:44.160 --> 00:38:46.870
I had plan of attack and people my my
00:38:46.880 --> 00:38:49.950
family oh my family did not understand
00:38:49.960 --> 00:38:51.590
me moving to Costa Rica.
00:38:51.600 --> 00:38:52.470
>> Not at all.
00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:53.110
>> I
00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:55.110
>> And I said to them cuz my mom's in
00:38:55.120 --> 00:38:57.190
Florida, my brother's in Michigan, and I
00:38:57.200 --> 00:38:58.510
said to them I go, "I'm either going to
00:38:58.520 --> 00:39:01.990
go to Hawaii, California, or Costa Rica.
00:39:02.000 --> 00:39:04.870
I'm closer to y'all living in Costa Rica
00:39:04.880 --> 00:39:07.537
than I would be in Florida or Hawaii."
00:39:07.547 --> 00:39:08.070
>> [laughter]
00:39:08.080 --> 00:39:09.790
>> Yeah.
00:39:09.800 --> 00:39:12.430
>> So I think for me was oh, sorry. I think
00:39:12.440 --> 00:39:15.390
for me was when I actually spoke the
00:39:15.400 --> 00:39:17.150
words, "I want a divorce."
00:39:17.160 --> 00:39:18.350
>> Yeah.
00:39:18.360 --> 00:39:22.950
Yeah. It's a a really hard thing to say.
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:25.110
Yeah, it's really hard and there's no
00:39:25.120 --> 00:39:28.510
way to really prepare yourself. Um
00:39:28.520 --> 00:39:30.550
even when I think both people know it's
00:39:30.560 --> 00:39:33.310
for the best and they know it's coming,
00:39:33.320 --> 00:39:35.350
they if you're the one who has to say
00:39:35.360 --> 00:39:36.750
it,
00:39:36.760 --> 00:39:38.590
there's always going to be a feeling in
00:39:38.600 --> 00:39:40.310
the other person that you've blindsided
00:39:40.320 --> 00:39:41.270
them somehow.
00:39:41.280 --> 00:39:41.910
>> Absolutely.
00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:45.310
>> And there is it's such a strange feeling
00:39:45.320 --> 00:39:47.430
to speak the words out loud to that
00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:49.110
person
00:39:49.120 --> 00:39:51.470
even no matter how much you know inside
00:39:51.480 --> 00:39:53.790
that you want it,
00:39:53.800 --> 00:39:57.190
saying it, there's like a finality in
00:39:57.200 --> 00:39:59.270
it. Um
00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:03.230
that is it's hard to describe, I think.
00:40:03.240 --> 00:40:03.470
>> It is.
00:40:03.480 --> 00:40:05.230
>> Um
00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:09.750
So I would like to know
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:12.150
at this point in your story you're
00:40:12.160 --> 00:40:15.310
coming back to
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:17.950
what used to be your reality from Costa
00:40:17.960 --> 00:40:20.350
Rica and you're probably living I'm a
00:40:20.360 --> 00:40:22.670
picturing cuz I've been to Costa Rica.
00:40:22.680 --> 00:40:26.070
It's just a very zen magical place,
00:40:26.080 --> 00:40:28.310
right? The energy there is really good.
00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:28.870
I think
00:40:28.880 --> 00:40:29.590
>> Incredible.
00:40:29.600 --> 00:40:32.030
>> Sedona and there there are a handful of
00:40:32.040 --> 00:40:35.070
places. Sedona, Costa Rica. These are
00:40:35.080 --> 00:40:37.630
places where
00:40:37.640 --> 00:40:39.510
it really isn't like living in the real
00:40:39.520 --> 00:40:41.590
world. I'm guessing maybe living there
00:40:41.600 --> 00:40:44.470
it is, but visiting it certainly
00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:46.390
you can just really check out. So you're
00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:48.030
getting
00:40:48.040 --> 00:40:50.190
coming back from mediation
00:40:50.200 --> 00:40:52.830
and getting a taste of your old life and
00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:54.590
then going back to Costa Rica and
00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:56.470
probably realizing
00:40:56.480 --> 00:40:59.550
wow. I guess for people listening
00:40:59.560 --> 00:41:01.510
>> Yeah, of course.
00:41:01.520 --> 00:41:03.830
>> cuz now you're you continue to work with
00:41:03.840 --> 00:41:05.270
women who are going through these
00:41:05.280 --> 00:41:09.110
transformational like what are the small
00:41:09.120 --> 00:41:11.430
almost invisible ways
00:41:11.440 --> 00:41:13.150
that high-achieving women perform their
00:41:13.160 --> 00:41:16.750
lives without realizing cuz I'm guessing
00:41:16.760 --> 00:41:18.990
at this point
00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:21.630
you're no longer performing now or even
00:41:21.640 --> 00:41:24.150
once you got to Costa Rica and you're
00:41:24.160 --> 00:41:26.990
starting to have a realization
00:41:27.000 --> 00:41:29.150
of how much you were performing before.
00:41:29.160 --> 00:41:30.630
>> Yeah.
00:41:30.640 --> 00:41:33.710
>> Yeah, so speaking on based on yourself,
00:41:33.720 --> 00:41:35.670
but also in the women that you work with
00:41:35.680 --> 00:41:36.230
>> Mhm.
00:41:36.240 --> 00:41:37.990
>> because this is such a relatable thing I
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:39.430
think for most people. It's definitely
00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:41.830
relatable for me as a
00:41:41.840 --> 00:41:45.350
therapist, coach, entrepreneur who's
00:41:45.360 --> 00:41:47.310
trying to figure out how to
00:41:47.320 --> 00:41:50.670
promote my business authentically
00:41:50.680 --> 00:41:51.030
>> it.
00:41:51.040 --> 00:41:52.830
>> but also
00:41:52.840 --> 00:41:55.510
keep up with the algorithms. It's such a
00:41:55.520 --> 00:41:58.110
strange world we live in. I'm literally
00:41:58.120 --> 00:41:59.950
telling people
00:41:59.960 --> 00:42:02.030
that as soon as you live authentically
00:42:02.040 --> 00:42:03.150
you're going to be free and you're going
00:42:03.160 --> 00:42:04.430
to have this great life and
00:42:04.440 --> 00:42:06.354
simultaneously
00:42:06.364 --> 00:42:06.910
>> [laughter]
00:42:06.920 --> 00:42:09.750
>> as an entrepreneur I am trying
00:42:09.760 --> 00:42:11.390
desperately
00:42:11.400 --> 00:42:16.230
to figure out how to do that and
00:42:16.240 --> 00:42:18.590
work with an algorithm to promote my
00:42:18.600 --> 00:42:20.630
business so people can find me.
00:42:20.640 --> 00:42:20.950
>> I know.
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:22.910
>> It's such an innocent thing. I just want
00:42:22.920 --> 00:42:25.830
people to be able to find me, but
00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:26.070
>> Yeah.
00:42:26.080 --> 00:42:27.910
>> in order to do that
00:42:27.920 --> 00:42:30.470
how the hell do we like
00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:32.430
how do we do it? And what do you see
00:42:32.440 --> 00:42:35.030
people doing right and wrong in this?
00:42:35.040 --> 00:42:36.990
>> Good question.
00:42:37.000 --> 00:42:40.230
>> Cuz you've you had a successful
00:42:40.240 --> 00:42:43.150
online space before.
00:42:43.160 --> 00:42:43.630
>> Correct.
00:42:43.640 --> 00:42:45.670
>> When you were performing for that.
00:42:45.680 --> 00:42:46.270
>> Correct.
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:50.790
>> And you still do. What's the difference?
00:42:50.800 --> 00:42:54.630
>> I will be very transparent. I had been
00:42:54.640 --> 00:42:57.590
struggling over the last
00:42:57.600 --> 00:42:59.110
probably
00:42:59.120 --> 00:43:02.110
5 months. I say 5 months because a lot
00:43:02.120 --> 00:43:03.470
of women
00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:06.190
they don't want to do
00:43:06.200 --> 00:43:07.910
they want to lose weight.
00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:09.910
They want to get fit.
00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:12.630
They don't want to do the inner work.
00:43:12.640 --> 00:43:15.070
And a lot of women
00:43:15.080 --> 00:43:17.310
are scared to do the inner work because
00:43:17.320 --> 00:43:20.670
they don't want to know
00:43:20.680 --> 00:43:23.550
what is really going on. Like why are
00:43:23.560 --> 00:43:25.310
why are they
00:43:25.320 --> 00:43:27.550
performing all the time? Like why am I a
00:43:27.560 --> 00:43:28.990
high-level
00:43:29.000 --> 00:43:32.070
entrepreneur or business owner or CEO?
00:43:32.080 --> 00:43:34.670
And maybe and I'm sure you know about
00:43:34.680 --> 00:43:36.710
this, but the whole feminine masculine
00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:39.590
thing. There's a lot of women who are
00:43:39.600 --> 00:43:42.430
very strong in that masculine. They're
00:43:42.440 --> 00:43:44.910
the provider, the yeah, they're the
00:43:44.920 --> 00:43:46.670
financial provider. They're the ones
00:43:46.680 --> 00:43:48.590
that have the homes. There's they're the
00:43:48.600 --> 00:43:51.150
boss babe. They could do all that stuff,
00:43:51.160 --> 00:43:54.070
but they have terrible relationships.
00:43:54.080 --> 00:43:54.670
Because
00:43:54.680 --> 00:43:54.990
>> Yeah.
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:56.550
>> they have
00:43:56.560 --> 00:44:01.110
maybe a man who is
00:44:01.120 --> 00:44:03.230
Okay, I have a mom. This is great. He's
00:44:03.240 --> 00:44:07.430
not a man. And so a lot of women
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:09.710
we've been taught
00:44:09.720 --> 00:44:11.990
and bear with me cuz a lot I might get
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:14.950
pushed back on this. But as a women as
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:17.670
women we were taught I don't need a man
00:44:17.680 --> 00:44:19.630
to save me. I don't need a man to help
00:44:19.640 --> 00:44:23.510
me. So I'll just do it all myself.
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:23.950
>> Yep.
00:44:23.960 --> 00:44:25.470
>> But then how's those relationships
00:44:25.480 --> 00:44:27.230
doing? Because that's exactly what I
00:44:27.240 --> 00:44:30.790
got. I started doing that as well in my
00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:33.710
marriage. I got it. I got it. I can do
00:44:33.720 --> 00:44:34.950
this.
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:36.430
Where he was trying to provide
00:44:36.440 --> 00:44:40.110
financially. 100% he was. Absolutely.
00:44:40.120 --> 00:44:43.190
But I had that performance
00:44:43.200 --> 00:44:45.550
mentality. No, I can do it. I can help.
00:44:45.560 --> 00:44:49.070
I can provide. And I didn't let him
00:44:49.080 --> 00:44:52.190
be who he was meant to be because I had
00:44:52.200 --> 00:44:54.710
that Oh, I can do it. I don't need a man
00:44:54.720 --> 00:44:56.550
to help me. I got it.
00:44:56.560 --> 00:45:01.230
That whole attitude. And so
00:45:01.240 --> 00:45:03.910
when I started learning about the whole
00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:06.550
that, I was like, "Oh my god. I learned
00:45:06.560 --> 00:45:08.830
that from my mom."
00:45:08.840 --> 00:45:10.550
I love my mom to death, but she's Oh, I
00:45:10.560 --> 00:45:12.110
don't need a man to change the light
00:45:12.120 --> 00:45:14.550
bulb. I'm like, but and now I'm in a
00:45:14.560 --> 00:45:16.230
very healthy relationship. It's been
00:45:16.240 --> 00:45:18.950
over 2 years. I got a man. I'm like,
00:45:18.960 --> 00:45:20.470
"Baby, you can change my light bulb
00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:22.150
anytime."
00:45:22.160 --> 00:45:23.230
>> Oh, like change
00:45:23.240 --> 00:45:27.350
>> Please change it. Please. But anyways
00:45:27.360 --> 00:45:31.590
>> But we also learned it from watching
00:45:31.600 --> 00:45:34.110
our parents in these
00:45:34.120 --> 00:45:36.870
unhealthy dynamics or I don't know what
00:45:36.880 --> 00:45:39.550
your situation was, but my dad left. He
00:45:39.560 --> 00:45:41.510
left mom to do everything. I'm sure she
00:45:41.520 --> 00:45:43.510
would have been happy to have
00:45:43.520 --> 00:45:46.110
let him do everything, but he he left
00:45:46.120 --> 00:45:48.830
her. So I learned
00:45:48.840 --> 00:45:51.590
don't rely on a man
00:45:51.600 --> 00:45:54.190
because they're not reliable. And that's
00:45:54.200 --> 00:45:55.950
when
00:45:55.960 --> 00:45:57.310
I was
00:45:57.320 --> 00:45:59.950
8 years old putting on my masculine
00:45:59.960 --> 00:46:02.870
mask. Right? I don't need men. I don't
00:46:02.880 --> 00:46:05.670
need you. I don't need anybody. Inside
00:46:05.680 --> 00:46:07.550
secretly desperately wanting it, but
00:46:07.560 --> 00:46:09.750
then seeking out
00:46:09.760 --> 00:46:12.710
a different type of relationship
00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:15.030
with the underlying
00:46:15.040 --> 00:46:18.830
energy of I don't really need you.
00:46:18.840 --> 00:46:21.710
That's what I got married in
00:46:21.720 --> 00:46:23.350
with this
00:46:23.360 --> 00:46:26.030
and the same thing like my ex-husband
00:46:26.040 --> 00:46:27.470
was
00:46:27.480 --> 00:46:30.390
trying and providing for us and then
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:31.910
some.
00:46:31.920 --> 00:46:34.630
And yet there was a part of me that
00:46:34.640 --> 00:46:37.110
didn't want to give him credit for that.
00:46:37.120 --> 00:46:38.830
He didn't do anything else other than
00:46:38.840 --> 00:46:41.790
provide as far as
00:46:41.800 --> 00:46:43.910
I shouldn't say anything else. He didn't
00:46:43.920 --> 00:46:45.390
do a lot of the things that I needed him
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:47.590
to do other than provide. That was his
00:46:47.600 --> 00:46:50.910
thing and that was his upbringing. This
00:46:50.920 --> 00:46:54.190
is your job and if you're doing this
00:46:54.200 --> 00:46:55.470
you're doing everything you're meant to
00:46:55.480 --> 00:46:56.870
do.
00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:00.710
I couldn't hold space for that because I
00:47:00.720 --> 00:47:03.630
had so much masculine energy
00:47:03.640 --> 00:47:05.630
that I couldn't
00:47:05.640 --> 00:47:07.670
>> Like those words, I couldn't have said
00:47:07.680 --> 00:47:09.910
it better. You nailed it. I was the same
00:47:09.920 --> 00:47:12.590
way. But I wanted to I It's interesting
00:47:12.600 --> 00:47:14.950
cuz I've been cuz I am writing a memoir
00:47:14.960 --> 00:47:16.990
and I'm going back to notes that I wrote
00:47:17.000 --> 00:47:19.350
during my separation and the divorce and
00:47:19.360 --> 00:47:21.710
I'm like I want to be seen. I want to be
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:23.950
touched. I want to be
00:47:23.960 --> 00:47:26.550
heard. I want to be like I want to sit
00:47:26.560 --> 00:47:28.950
on a on the couch on a Saturday morning
00:47:28.960 --> 00:47:31.390
with a cup of coffee and just play some
00:47:31.400 --> 00:47:34.870
music and just talk about dreams and
00:47:34.880 --> 00:47:38.350
goals and ideas and I
00:47:38.360 --> 00:47:40.990
I don't need more money. I don't need
00:47:41.000 --> 00:47:44.230
more [ __ ]
00:47:44.240 --> 00:47:46.270
Sorry. Forgot to ask
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:48.550
if you don't allow swearing, but
00:47:48.560 --> 00:47:50.430
>> Oh, you can definitely swear.
00:47:50.440 --> 00:47:51.150
>> Okay.
00:47:51.160 --> 00:47:53.630
>> But no, I was the same way. It was the
00:47:53.640 --> 00:47:56.950
same like I had the bags.
00:47:56.960 --> 00:47:59.790
I had the big house. I had the Mercedes,
00:47:59.800 --> 00:48:02.270
the doctor husband.
00:48:02.280 --> 00:48:04.950
Uh and it's so funny that you said that
00:48:04.960 --> 00:48:06.350
about
00:48:06.360 --> 00:48:08.390
the touching and the cuddling.
00:48:08.400 --> 00:48:11.390
I and we, my
00:48:11.400 --> 00:48:14.350
ex-husband and I had just decided that
00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:15.990
physical touch was not one of my love
00:48:16.000 --> 00:48:17.630
languages.
00:48:17.640 --> 00:48:19.350
And that
00:48:19.360 --> 00:48:23.030
it was gifts and acts of service, right?
00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:24.430
But
00:48:24.440 --> 00:48:28.430
he wasn't really around. Really what my
00:48:28.440 --> 00:48:29.750
love language
00:48:29.760 --> 00:48:33.630
languages are physical touch, like
00:48:33.640 --> 00:48:37.110
cuddling. And there's this story my aunt
00:48:37.120 --> 00:48:38.470
told
00:48:38.480 --> 00:48:40.830
the first time she met my now boyfriend.
00:48:40.840 --> 00:48:42.390
She was like, "Oh my god, when she was a
00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:44.350
baby,
00:48:44.360 --> 00:48:47.870
she had to be on your chest. It was the
00:48:47.880 --> 00:48:49.630
only place she could sleep. She would
00:48:49.640 --> 00:48:52.870
just sleep in a ball on your chest." And
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:55.110
I was number four, so nobody had time to
00:48:55.120 --> 00:48:56.750
do that. And she was like, "So I would
00:48:56.760 --> 00:48:59.510
come and she would just I would just
00:48:59.520 --> 00:49:01.550
have to hold her, otherwise she couldn't
00:49:01.560 --> 00:49:03.830
be happy." And
00:49:03.840 --> 00:49:05.710
that was like an awakening moment for
00:49:05.720 --> 00:49:07.550
me. I was like,
00:49:07.560 --> 00:49:09.590
because at that point we had been
00:49:09.600 --> 00:49:12.070
together for a while and I had realized
00:49:12.080 --> 00:49:14.430
that I loved laying on his chest. And
00:49:14.440 --> 00:49:17.510
that when I did, my whole body would
00:49:17.520 --> 00:49:18.750
just
00:49:18.760 --> 00:49:21.630
relax. We would say he's my Xanax
00:49:21.640 --> 00:49:23.710
because
00:49:23.720 --> 00:49:26.990
something about our connection would
00:49:27.000 --> 00:49:29.990
just relax me. And so we're sitting at
00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:32.990
dinner and he just looked at me and I
00:49:33.000 --> 00:49:34.590
thought,
00:49:34.600 --> 00:49:36.190
"Oh, I want to talk to my mom about
00:49:36.200 --> 00:49:39.310
that. Maybe physical touch was something
00:49:39.320 --> 00:49:41.470
that I always needed."
00:49:41.480 --> 00:49:43.830
And so
00:49:43.840 --> 00:49:48.070
I was so out of touch with myself in my
00:49:48.080 --> 00:49:50.270
marriage that I didn't want to be
00:49:50.280 --> 00:49:53.230
touched. I didn't want I
00:49:53.240 --> 00:49:56.070
would almost pull away by the time we
00:49:56.080 --> 00:49:57.350
got into the second half of the
00:49:57.360 --> 00:49:58.550
marriage.
00:49:58.560 --> 00:50:01.790
And then meet this person once I've done
00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:03.510
all this inner work. And this is the
00:50:03.520 --> 00:50:05.230
important piece I think for people to
00:50:05.240 --> 00:50:07.590
hear. I did
00:50:07.600 --> 00:50:09.470
from 2019
00:50:09.480 --> 00:50:13.430
and even before that it had started
00:50:13.440 --> 00:50:18.350
to 2023
00:50:18.360 --> 00:50:20.390
an immense amount of work on myself.
00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:20.950
>> Yep.
00:50:20.960 --> 00:50:23.950
>> Deep inner work, right? I went from
00:50:23.960 --> 00:50:25.470
being someone who had never heard the
00:50:25.480 --> 00:50:27.030
phrase inner child.
00:50:27.040 --> 00:50:27.990
>> Yeah, [laughter] okay.
00:50:28.000 --> 00:50:28.790
>> Like
00:50:28.800 --> 00:50:31.670
now doing parts work and talking to my
00:50:31.680 --> 00:50:33.430
parts and like understanding that my
00:50:33.440 --> 00:50:37.670
parts are those inner children. So
00:50:37.680 --> 00:50:40.390
yes, the thing I think that you're
00:50:40.400 --> 00:50:43.590
pointing out and that you're bringing up
00:50:43.600 --> 00:50:46.430
is this really important
00:50:46.440 --> 00:50:49.270
dialogue about
00:50:49.280 --> 00:50:51.270
putting on these masculine masks as
00:50:51.280 --> 00:50:52.470
women
00:50:52.480 --> 00:50:55.670
and not understanding them and thinking
00:50:55.680 --> 00:50:57.190
and I'm not
00:50:57.200 --> 00:50:58.790
I don't want to touch on the feminism
00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:00.230
movement or anything like that cuz I
00:51:00.240 --> 00:51:01.990
think that's completely separate.
00:51:02.000 --> 00:51:02.470
>> Absolutely.
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:05.670
>> This is being
00:51:05.680 --> 00:51:08.630
in a point where you know yourself and
00:51:08.640 --> 00:51:11.710
you've done enough inner deep work to
00:51:11.720 --> 00:51:13.470
start to see what your love language is
00:51:13.480 --> 00:51:15.030
actually are.
00:51:15.040 --> 00:51:18.470
And what actually lights you up. And not
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:21.390
performing it, but living it. And once
00:51:21.400 --> 00:51:23.230
you do that, I think what you're saying,
00:51:23.240 --> 00:51:25.510
what I'm saying is
00:51:25.520 --> 00:51:27.870
when we're really in our feminine and
00:51:27.880 --> 00:51:30.270
we've let go of the masculine energy
00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:32.630
that we no longer need, especially with
00:51:32.640 --> 00:51:36.110
the inner real a relationship.
00:51:36.120 --> 00:51:37.710
We just
00:51:37.720 --> 00:51:39.510
it's very natural.
00:51:39.520 --> 00:51:40.270
>> Very natural.
00:51:40.280 --> 00:51:44.510
>> Everything feels
00:51:44.520 --> 00:51:46.190
And
00:51:46.200 --> 00:51:48.550
yeah, talk more about that, but
00:51:48.560 --> 00:51:50.230
also talk about what in the women that
00:51:50.240 --> 00:51:52.750
you work with in the resistance to that.
00:51:52.760 --> 00:51:57.030
Why are we so resistant to stepping into
00:51:57.040 --> 00:52:02.590
who we really are?
00:52:02.600 --> 00:52:04.710
>> I think the resistance
00:52:04.720 --> 00:52:08.150
comes from not trusting
00:52:08.160 --> 00:52:10.470
ourselves.
00:52:10.480 --> 00:52:14.590
And
00:52:14.600 --> 00:52:18.870
not trusting
00:52:18.880 --> 00:52:22.030
change.
00:52:22.040 --> 00:52:24.510
The people a lot of people are scared to
00:52:24.520 --> 00:52:27.190
change. I A lot of
00:52:27.200 --> 00:52:28.990
I think about the women that came to my
00:52:29.000 --> 00:52:31.030
retreat.
00:52:31.040 --> 00:52:32.630
And
00:52:32.640 --> 00:52:34.430
I had one
00:52:34.440 --> 00:52:37.630
one girl who is really struggling with a
00:52:37.640 --> 00:52:40.350
relationship she's in.
00:52:40.360 --> 00:52:43.630
And she is strong physically,
00:52:43.640 --> 00:52:46.190
emotionally, physically, emotionally,
00:52:46.200 --> 00:52:48.030
she's strong. She's a boss babe. She's
00:52:48.040 --> 00:52:50.270
got a great job. She I got her strong in
00:52:50.280 --> 00:52:52.670
the gym. I We got the macros. We
00:52:52.680 --> 00:52:54.470
tightened up the body. All that's
00:52:54.480 --> 00:52:56.230
everything, but she's having a really
00:52:56.240 --> 00:52:58.030
hard time saying goodbye to her
00:52:58.040 --> 00:52:59.550
relationship.
00:52:59.560 --> 00:53:02.070
And I think it's
00:53:02.080 --> 00:53:03.310
those
00:53:03.320 --> 00:53:05.110
like we talked about those childhood
00:53:05.120 --> 00:53:08.830
wounds and that inner child like and so
00:53:08.840 --> 00:53:12.430
I'm trying to find what is triggering
00:53:12.440 --> 00:53:14.830
her on why she can't leave the
00:53:14.840 --> 00:53:17.030
relationship. Something like that. Yeah,
00:53:17.040 --> 00:53:19.030
that's a that's an example. And so I
00:53:19.040 --> 00:53:20.510
think a lot of
00:53:20.520 --> 00:53:22.350
women are just
00:53:22.360 --> 00:53:26.350
scared of change and they're so used
00:53:26.360 --> 00:53:30.110
to doing things for everybody else. Like
00:53:30.120 --> 00:53:33.190
why would they take care of themselves?
00:53:33.200 --> 00:53:35.870
Because how they see it and what society
00:53:35.880 --> 00:53:40.190
has said is that it's selfish.
00:53:40.200 --> 00:53:41.390
>> Yes.
00:53:41.400 --> 00:53:41.910
Yes.
00:53:41.920 --> 00:53:43.270
>> Yeah.
00:53:43.280 --> 00:53:44.670
>> And when we start taking care of
00:53:44.680 --> 00:53:47.990
ourselves, we do Yes. We do risk when we
00:53:48.000 --> 00:53:50.070
start taking care of ourselves what
00:53:50.080 --> 00:53:51.550
happened to you, what happened to me,
00:53:51.560 --> 00:53:54.830
which is it we risk
00:53:54.840 --> 00:53:57.550
that maybe our life isn't exactly
00:53:57.560 --> 00:53:59.670
what we want it to be and maybe we are
00:53:59.680 --> 00:54:01.750
going to get strong enough to leave that
00:54:01.760 --> 00:54:02.670
relationship.
00:54:02.680 --> 00:54:03.150
>> Yeah.
00:54:03.160 --> 00:54:04.190
>> Uh
00:54:04.200 --> 00:54:05.950
I think that
00:54:05.960 --> 00:54:08.830
what I see in people who can't leave
00:54:08.840 --> 00:54:10.630
many times is a trauma bond.
00:54:10.640 --> 00:54:11.270
>> Absolutely.
00:54:11.280 --> 00:54:15.030
>> or another, right? And
00:54:15.040 --> 00:54:18.670
what I found was I was terrified of
00:54:18.680 --> 00:54:20.630
being lonely.
00:54:20.640 --> 00:54:24.070
And it's funny, the fear of potential
00:54:24.080 --> 00:54:26.870
loneliness, the fear of what it would
00:54:26.880 --> 00:54:28.350
feel like
00:54:28.360 --> 00:54:32.190
to know that my husband at the time was
00:54:32.200 --> 00:54:34.430
with someone else. It was the fear of
00:54:34.440 --> 00:54:36.670
all of those things
00:54:36.680 --> 00:54:39.750
that was holding me back and in reality,
00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:41.750
I kind of like being alone sometimes.
00:54:41.760 --> 00:54:42.390
>> Yeah.
00:54:42.400 --> 00:54:42.830
>> Like
00:54:42.840 --> 00:54:43.270
>> Yeah.
00:54:43.280 --> 00:54:45.950
>> I
00:54:45.960 --> 00:54:48.710
since the divorce has been final, I
00:54:48.720 --> 00:54:51.070
my ex-husband is getting married
00:54:51.080 --> 00:54:54.150
in June and I'm happy for him.
00:54:54.160 --> 00:54:54.630
>> Absolutely.
00:54:54.640 --> 00:54:57.110
>> And they've been together since just
00:54:57.120 --> 00:54:59.390
before the divorce was final
00:54:59.400 --> 00:55:03.230
and she's wonderful and um great with my
00:55:03.240 --> 00:55:05.230
kids and
00:55:05.240 --> 00:55:08.030
there was a jolt when I found out he was
00:55:08.040 --> 00:55:09.750
with someone else. There was definitely
00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:12.550
a jolt and there was some
00:55:12.560 --> 00:55:15.190
a period of time where because we were
00:55:15.200 --> 00:55:16.670
at the kind of the finish line of the
00:55:16.680 --> 00:55:18.350
divorce,
00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:20.990
I did have a bit of a trauma bond and it
00:55:21.000 --> 00:55:23.230
did kick in and it was like, "Oh, shit."
00:55:23.240 --> 00:55:24.190
But
00:55:24.200 --> 00:55:25.990
it was
00:55:26.000 --> 00:55:29.390
a couple weeks of
00:55:29.400 --> 00:55:33.550
discomfort. But once I worked through it
00:55:33.560 --> 00:55:35.630
and I understood what was happening and
00:55:35.640 --> 00:55:37.590
why,
00:55:37.600 --> 00:55:39.950
the relief on the other side of that
00:55:39.960 --> 00:55:42.350
healing process was tremendous and
00:55:42.360 --> 00:55:46.230
opened the door for me to meet someone
00:55:46.240 --> 00:55:47.910
whose
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:51.590
who I can fully give myself to and love
00:55:51.600 --> 00:55:55.030
and I feel adored and all those things I
00:55:55.040 --> 00:55:56.470
always wanted.
00:55:56.480 --> 00:55:56.870
>> Yeah.
00:55:56.880 --> 00:55:59.910
>> Um I was much lonelier
00:55:59.920 --> 00:56:01.230
in the marriage
00:56:01.240 --> 00:56:01.990
>> 100%.
00:56:02.000 --> 00:56:05.030
>> than I was when the marriage ended.
00:56:05.040 --> 00:56:06.110
>> Absolutely.
00:56:06.120 --> 00:56:07.110
>> And so
00:56:07.120 --> 00:56:09.990
I think we have all of these fears and
00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:12.110
maybe it's not marriage, maybe it's your
00:56:12.120 --> 00:56:14.630
work. People are miserable at work, but
00:56:14.640 --> 00:56:16.350
they're afraid of what it looks like on
00:56:16.360 --> 00:56:18.990
the other side. A toxic work environment
00:56:19.000 --> 00:56:21.750
is horrible. Maybe it's a friend group
00:56:21.760 --> 00:56:23.310
or a friend
00:56:23.320 --> 00:56:23.790
>> Friend.
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:26.190
>> who isn't serving us anymore, but we're
00:56:26.200 --> 00:56:28.670
afraid to walk away.
00:56:28.680 --> 00:56:31.830
Those are the things I see all the time.
00:56:31.840 --> 00:56:34.150
It does take that deep inner work
00:56:34.160 --> 00:56:36.350
because the only way I think, and you
00:56:36.360 --> 00:56:38.630
can chime in on this,
00:56:38.640 --> 00:56:40.870
what you're saying is we have to trust
00:56:40.880 --> 00:56:42.750
ourselves, which you and I know and we
00:56:42.760 --> 00:56:44.310
went through the process of figuring
00:56:44.320 --> 00:56:45.110
that out.
00:56:45.120 --> 00:56:45.710
>> Mhm.
00:56:45.720 --> 00:56:47.670
>> And there was even a point for me where
00:56:47.680 --> 00:56:51.190
I said to a very good friend,
00:56:51.200 --> 00:56:54.150
"I trust myself now. I need you to trust
00:56:54.160 --> 00:56:55.590
me."
00:56:55.600 --> 00:56:58.310
She couldn't. She I don't trust you.
00:56:58.320 --> 00:57:00.190
I've watched you go through this. I've
00:57:00.200 --> 00:57:02.190
watched you stay in this marriage for 15
00:57:02.200 --> 00:57:04.990
years. I don't trust you.
00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:07.070
It's not exactly verbatim what she said,
00:57:07.080 --> 00:57:08.990
but it's what she said. And I was like,
00:57:09.000 --> 00:57:11.990
"I need people in my life who trust me
00:57:12.000 --> 00:57:14.790
because I now trust myself."
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:17.950
The only path to getting to that point
00:57:17.960 --> 00:57:20.630
and being able to say that is the deep
00:57:20.640 --> 00:57:22.430
inner work, in my opinion.
00:57:22.440 --> 00:57:23.590
>> Only. Yeah.
00:57:23.600 --> 00:57:25.470
>> Because when your children are running
00:57:25.480 --> 00:57:27.030
the show, we're not
00:57:27.040 --> 00:57:28.990
>> Right.
>> going to trust ourselves if an
00:57:29.000 --> 00:57:31.190
8-year-old is at the wheel.
00:57:31.200 --> 00:57:32.070
>> Yeah.
00:57:32.080 --> 00:57:33.910
>> We're not going to trust 50-year-old
00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:36.550
Leslie is not going to trust
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:39.150
that child to drive.
00:57:39.160 --> 00:57:41.070
>> Correct.
00:57:41.080 --> 00:57:44.550
So, when you're working with people,
00:57:44.560 --> 00:57:46.870
you're a transformational coach. You get
00:57:46.880 --> 00:57:48.790
them in the beginning.
00:57:48.800 --> 00:57:50.150
What does that look like for someone?
00:57:50.160 --> 00:57:52.430
For somebody who's listening,
00:57:52.440 --> 00:57:54.350
who's
00:57:54.360 --> 00:57:54.950
>> Yeah.
00:57:54.960 --> 00:57:58.550
>> not really happy at all on paper. Why am
00:57:58.560 --> 00:58:01.750
I so unhappy? Like, how does that person
00:58:01.760 --> 00:58:03.030
start?
00:58:03.040 --> 00:58:04.030
>> Yeah.
00:58:04.040 --> 00:58:05.350
I
00:58:05.360 --> 00:58:07.550
So, I have four pillars, and those
00:58:07.560 --> 00:58:09.510
pillars are the bread and butter that
00:58:09.520 --> 00:58:12.990
have kept that kept me afloat with my
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:15.510
divorce and separation. And it's
00:58:15.520 --> 00:58:18.790
movement, metabolism, mindset, and
00:58:18.800 --> 00:58:19.790
meaning.
00:58:19.800 --> 00:58:23.550
So, first and foremost, I
00:58:23.560 --> 00:58:24.910
will
00:58:24.920 --> 00:58:27.590
get you in the gym. I will get you
00:58:27.600 --> 00:58:28.790
moving.
00:58:28.800 --> 00:58:30.910
I will get you strength training,
00:58:30.920 --> 00:58:32.950
whatever that might be.
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:34.190
I'm not going to be like, all right, go
00:58:34.200 --> 00:58:35.990
do a max weight, go do some CrossFit,
00:58:36.000 --> 00:58:38.110
whatever. But, we do it gradually,
00:58:38.120 --> 00:58:40.270
right? And so, what I've realized is
00:58:40.280 --> 00:58:41.830
that
00:58:41.840 --> 00:58:45.350
the thing that kept me strong
00:58:45.360 --> 00:58:47.990
mentally, emotionally,
00:58:48.000 --> 00:58:48.990
was
00:58:49.000 --> 00:58:52.150
keeping my body physically strong.
00:58:52.160 --> 00:58:54.550
So, I will get them in the gym. So,
00:58:54.560 --> 00:58:57.430
that's the biggest component is the
00:58:57.440 --> 00:58:58.790
movement.
00:58:58.800 --> 00:59:01.150
Then, the second thing that I focus on
00:59:01.160 --> 00:59:03.470
is the metabolism. And when I talk about
00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:05.670
metabolism, I'm not just talking about
00:59:05.680 --> 00:59:07.550
counting your macros,
00:59:07.560 --> 00:59:10.630
or looking at your micronutrients, or
00:59:10.640 --> 00:59:12.990
your vitamin D, or whether you what
00:59:13.000 --> 00:59:14.670
supplements are you taking, that type of
00:59:14.680 --> 00:59:19.030
thing. But, we're also talking about
00:59:19.040 --> 00:59:21.390
your cortisol. Where is the stress
00:59:21.400 --> 00:59:23.630
coming from? Is it coming from the
00:59:23.640 --> 00:59:26.910
relationship? Is Is coming from work? I
00:59:26.920 --> 00:59:29.750
see a lot of women who have built their
00:59:29.760 --> 00:59:32.470
body in the gym looking amazing, but
00:59:32.480 --> 00:59:35.190
they're still holding a little bit maybe
00:59:35.200 --> 00:59:38.590
upper body weight or a little bit fat
00:59:38.600 --> 00:59:40.870
because they're holding that stress.
00:59:40.880 --> 00:59:42.990
They're holding the cortisol.
00:59:43.000 --> 00:59:44.870
And so we have to look at, "Okay,
00:59:44.880 --> 00:59:46.590
where's the stress coming from? Is it
00:59:46.600 --> 00:59:49.510
your job? Is it a relationship? Is it
00:59:49.520 --> 00:59:51.350
parents that are declining?" We're
00:59:51.360 --> 00:59:54.030
looking at all of that. And so I'm a big
00:59:54.040 --> 00:59:56.030
advocate of
00:59:56.040 --> 00:59:58.150
really the macros, the micros,
00:59:58.160 --> 01:00:00.990
nutrients, but then really looking at
01:00:01.000 --> 01:00:02.830
what's causing the stress, what's
01:00:02.840 --> 01:00:05.950
causing that cortisol. How can we reset
01:00:05.960 --> 01:00:09.430
your nervous system?
01:00:09.440 --> 01:00:11.590
And then the other thing that I do is
01:00:11.600 --> 01:00:15.950
mindset. So mindset plays a big role
01:00:15.960 --> 01:00:19.750
when it comes to learning about
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:22.430
yourself. So this is where we do
01:00:22.440 --> 01:00:24.430
meditations. I'm not going to ask you to
01:00:24.440 --> 01:00:26.990
do 2-hour meditations, but we're going
01:00:27.000 --> 01:00:28.790
to start off small, right? We're going
01:00:28.800 --> 01:00:30.270
to do that. I'm going to ask you to
01:00:30.280 --> 01:00:33.550
journal. I'm going to ask you to maybe
01:00:33.560 --> 01:00:36.830
take some breathwork to classes. Or oh,
01:00:36.840 --> 01:00:38.670
here's a YouTube channel. Check this
01:00:38.680 --> 01:00:40.590
out. Start listening to this. And I
01:00:40.600 --> 01:00:43.510
always talk about like how I did my
01:00:43.520 --> 01:00:45.750
started my own meditations as well
01:00:45.760 --> 01:00:46.990
because people are like, "I don't really
01:00:47.000 --> 01:00:48.310
have 2 hours to do it." I'm like, "I
01:00:48.320 --> 01:00:49.590
don't want you to do 2 hours. How about
01:00:49.600 --> 01:00:50.870
5 minutes?"
01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:52.870
>> Start with the Calm app. It's so good
01:00:52.880 --> 01:00:56.110
and I love them all. The daily calm is
01:00:56.120 --> 01:00:58.470
has been in my life since 2019 as well
01:00:58.480 --> 01:00:59.710
and I love it.
01:00:59.720 --> 01:01:00.070
>> Yeah.
01:01:00.080 --> 01:01:02.630
>> Yeah, and I love it. I think some of
01:01:02.640 --> 01:01:04.230
them are repeated year after year cuz I
01:01:04.240 --> 01:01:05.990
recognize them, but [laughter] I love I
01:01:06.000 --> 01:01:08.310
love it. It's yeah. I lay with my red
01:01:08.320 --> 01:01:10.590
light mask on under my red light
01:01:10.600 --> 01:01:11.070
>> Nice.
01:01:11.080 --> 01:01:12.910
>> my daily calm
01:01:12.920 --> 01:01:15.590
um about 5 days a week, but if I don't
01:01:15.600 --> 01:01:16.990
get it in the morning, I listen in my
01:01:17.000 --> 01:01:19.190
car. Yeah, it's life-changing and it's
01:01:19.200 --> 01:01:21.910
such a small It's a really small thing.
01:01:21.920 --> 01:01:22.390
>> It is.
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:24.950
>> But it had a tremendous impact. Yeah. So
01:01:24.960 --> 01:01:25.750
I love that.
01:01:25.760 --> 01:01:28.070
>> Yeah. So then we work on the mindset.
01:01:28.080 --> 01:01:29.550
And then the last but not least is the
01:01:29.560 --> 01:01:32.310
meaning. It's the really finding your
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:35.910
why. Finding why are you staying in this
01:01:35.920 --> 01:01:38.230
relationship? Why are you staying in a
01:01:38.240 --> 01:01:42.950
toxic job? Why are you holding on to a
01:01:42.960 --> 01:01:46.990
friend that no longer serves you?
01:01:47.000 --> 01:01:49.870
Like really digging deep. And I always
01:01:49.880 --> 01:01:52.030
I'm a big advocate of the TEDx talk by
01:01:52.040 --> 01:01:54.750
Simon Sinek. It would it finding your
01:01:54.760 --> 01:01:57.230
why. And it's more about the business
01:01:57.240 --> 01:01:58.950
side of it. People don't buy what you
01:01:58.960 --> 01:02:01.030
do, they buy why you do it. That's his
01:02:01.040 --> 01:02:02.790
and he builds a brand around this,
01:02:02.800 --> 01:02:07.150
right? But I think really finding
01:02:07.160 --> 01:02:12.390
the deepness of how to say goodbye to
01:02:12.400 --> 01:02:15.590
a life that maybe no longer serves you.
01:02:15.600 --> 01:02:17.750
Or maybe a friend that no longer serves
01:02:17.760 --> 01:02:22.790
you. Like I I recently said goodbye
01:02:22.800 --> 01:02:24.550
to I wouldn't say we said goodbye. I
01:02:24.560 --> 01:02:26.150
think it was a
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:27.270
just
01:02:27.280 --> 01:02:29.670
a drop-off. It just we stopped
01:02:29.680 --> 01:02:32.910
communicating, right? And then she
01:02:32.920 --> 01:02:34.990
unfollows me on Facebook and I unfollow
01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:36.950
her on Instagram. It's okay, we're done.
01:02:36.960 --> 01:02:40.270
But I realized the energy that she was
01:02:40.280 --> 01:02:43.510
providing was not for me.
01:02:43.520 --> 01:02:46.150
And I was like, I don't need dry
01:02:46.160 --> 01:02:49.390
friendships. I need real ones.
01:02:49.400 --> 01:02:51.070
>> Yep.
01:02:51.080 --> 01:02:53.430
Yeah, I think we take we don't often
01:02:53.440 --> 01:02:55.870
take into consideration
01:02:55.880 --> 01:02:58.150
how much someone else's energy can also
01:02:58.160 --> 01:03:00.870
be holding us back.
01:03:00.880 --> 01:03:03.910
When I got about a year into this
01:03:03.920 --> 01:03:05.590
podcast,
01:03:05.600 --> 01:03:08.710
I was driving somewhere close to where
01:03:08.720 --> 01:03:10.950
an old friend who's not in my life
01:03:10.960 --> 01:03:13.390
anymore lives.
01:03:13.400 --> 01:03:15.670
And all of a sudden it hit me, wow, I
01:03:15.680 --> 01:03:19.430
don't think I would be doing my podcast
01:03:19.440 --> 01:03:21.230
if that person was still in my life
01:03:21.240 --> 01:03:23.070
because they would think it's stupid,
01:03:23.080 --> 01:03:25.710
right? Like and I thought, "Oh, this is
01:03:25.720 --> 01:03:28.110
something that's bringing me
01:03:28.120 --> 01:03:29.630
tremendous
01:03:29.640 --> 01:03:32.590
joy, right? Tremendous joy and I feel so
01:03:32.600 --> 01:03:35.470
good about it and just absolutely love
01:03:35.480 --> 01:03:37.470
doing it and
01:03:37.480 --> 01:03:40.430
this one person
01:03:40.440 --> 01:03:42.710
and her energy
01:03:42.720 --> 01:03:46.510
would have likely kept me from doing
01:03:46.520 --> 01:03:48.830
it." And I thought, "Wow, good for me.
01:03:48.840 --> 01:03:50.350
I'm glad."
01:03:50.360 --> 01:03:52.550
Because we do grieve
01:03:52.560 --> 01:03:52.950
>> Yeah.
01:03:52.960 --> 01:03:55.070
>> those people that aren't with in our
01:03:55.080 --> 01:03:58.150
life anymore and I do like tremendously
01:03:58.160 --> 01:03:59.710
and I wish it were different.
01:03:59.720 --> 01:03:59.950
>> Yeah.
01:03:59.960 --> 01:04:02.190
>> But the reality is and that's what we're
01:04:02.200 --> 01:04:04.990
talking about here, being honest with
01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:06.550
ourselves
01:04:06.560 --> 01:04:10.150
about everything we're consuming
01:04:10.160 --> 01:04:12.230
mentally and physically and how we're
01:04:12.240 --> 01:04:14.910
taking care of our body and respecting
01:04:14.920 --> 01:04:17.150
and honoring it, taking care of our
01:04:17.160 --> 01:04:20.230
mindset also by consumption of content
01:04:20.240 --> 01:04:23.190
and people who we're letting in, what
01:04:23.200 --> 01:04:24.990
we're letting in.
01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:27.710
All of those things are so important. We
01:04:27.720 --> 01:04:30.110
cannot transform
01:04:30.120 --> 01:04:31.630
if
01:04:31.640 --> 01:04:34.430
one of those things is off.
01:04:34.440 --> 01:04:34.990
>> Correct.
01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:39.630
>> And yet we live in a world where
01:04:39.640 --> 01:04:43.070
information and people and things are so
01:04:43.080 --> 01:04:45.750
accessible and some days I think it
01:04:45.760 --> 01:04:48.270
feels like for many of us so many people
01:04:48.280 --> 01:04:50.350
want a piece of it, you know, they want
01:04:50.360 --> 01:04:53.190
a piece of you in order to
01:04:53.200 --> 01:04:55.110
thrive.
01:04:55.120 --> 01:04:58.150
We have to set the right boundaries and
01:04:58.160 --> 01:05:00.190
know when to let people go and we are
01:05:00.200 --> 01:05:02.910
not taught at all to let people go.
01:05:02.920 --> 01:05:04.430
>> No, not at all.
01:05:04.440 --> 01:05:05.030
Not at all.
01:05:05.040 --> 01:05:07.310
>> Nobody teaches us about that.
01:05:07.320 --> 01:05:10.150
>> No. And I think too, I think and it
01:05:10.160 --> 01:05:12.030
could be not just people, but it could
01:05:12.040 --> 01:05:15.030
be like we talked about a business.
01:05:15.040 --> 01:05:15.670
>> Yeah.
01:05:15.680 --> 01:05:18.790
>> Or even if you have a business and if
01:05:18.800 --> 01:05:20.550
the business is not running and it's
01:05:20.560 --> 01:05:22.190
like, all right, do we need to let that
01:05:22.200 --> 01:05:25.750
go? It's like learning how the ego is
01:05:25.760 --> 01:05:28.310
like trying to hold on to it, right? But
01:05:28.320 --> 01:05:30.590
then it's it's just not serving us if
01:05:30.600 --> 01:05:32.470
we're not building it the way we want to
01:05:32.480 --> 01:05:35.590
build it. Maybe we need to rebrand it or
01:05:35.600 --> 01:05:37.550
re-look at it, whatever that might be.
01:05:37.560 --> 01:05:39.790
And the cool thing is I was talking to
01:05:39.800 --> 01:05:41.070
my
01:05:41.080 --> 01:05:43.630
my book cover designer
01:05:43.640 --> 01:05:45.750
and I told her I said, I really need
01:05:45.760 --> 01:05:48.150
your help. I would love to have a little
01:05:48.160 --> 01:05:52.030
logo on my website for my name.
01:05:52.040 --> 01:05:55.310
And and Rulon is actually my maiden name
01:05:55.320 --> 01:05:57.070
or my married name.
01:05:57.080 --> 01:05:58.910
Because my maiden name is Fritching.
01:05:58.920 --> 01:06:00.470
Like I'm not going back to Jen
01:06:00.480 --> 01:06:01.475
Fritching.
01:06:01.485 --> 01:06:02.870
>> [laughter]
01:06:02.880 --> 01:06:04.710
>> Yeah. So I was like, people won't be
01:06:04.720 --> 01:06:06.830
able to spell that, right? But I was
01:06:06.840 --> 01:06:08.670
like, it's Jen Rulon. I'm like, Tina
01:06:08.680 --> 01:06:10.710
Turner got Tina Turner like she got
01:06:10.720 --> 01:06:13.150
Turner after her and Ike divorced. So
01:06:13.160 --> 01:06:13.990
I'm like, you know.
01:06:14.000 --> 01:06:15.590
>> Right. And I did ask if I could keep it.
01:06:15.600 --> 01:06:15.750
Yeah.
01:06:15.760 --> 01:06:17.830
>> Yep. I did ask him I go, can I keep the
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:20.310
name? And he goes, of course. And but
01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:21.990
anyways, on my website I was talking to
01:06:22.000 --> 01:06:24.150
her I was like, yeah, I just want that.
01:06:24.160 --> 01:06:26.150
I want that logo. And I said to her I
01:06:26.160 --> 01:06:27.150
go,
01:06:27.160 --> 01:06:31.030
I want that to be my last logo.
01:06:31.040 --> 01:06:33.430
She goes, wow.
01:06:33.440 --> 01:06:37.030
I said, yeah. I go, because I know who I
01:06:37.040 --> 01:06:39.430
finally am.
01:06:39.440 --> 01:06:42.590
>> Mhm. I love that. Yeah, I love that.
01:06:42.600 --> 01:06:46.630
Yeah, that says so much. It really does.
01:06:46.640 --> 01:06:48.790
>> And I think it's and I think it's hard
01:06:48.800 --> 01:06:52.150
for like we talked about like for women
01:06:52.160 --> 01:06:54.390
who are really wanting to make a shift
01:06:54.400 --> 01:06:56.590
in themselves, find
01:06:56.600 --> 01:06:58.150
a coach.
01:06:58.160 --> 01:07:01.110
Find the support
01:07:01.120 --> 01:07:02.590
around
01:07:02.600 --> 01:07:04.590
you. Find the women that are going to
01:07:04.600 --> 01:07:07.470
support you, lift you up, not bring you
01:07:07.480 --> 01:07:10.710
down, not squish you, not and once I
01:07:10.720 --> 01:07:12.590
started realizing
01:07:12.600 --> 01:07:16.470
women that were squishing me, I let them
01:07:16.480 --> 01:07:18.790
go.
01:07:18.800 --> 01:07:19.750
>> Really hard.
01:07:19.760 --> 01:07:20.150
>> It's hard.
01:07:20.160 --> 01:07:24.390
>> It's really, really hard. I think that
01:07:24.400 --> 01:07:26.070
yeah, you have to find the people who
01:07:26.080 --> 01:07:27.870
match your energy.
01:07:27.880 --> 01:07:28.870
>> Absolutely.
01:07:28.880 --> 01:07:30.030
>> And
01:07:30.040 --> 01:07:32.790
yeah, it's not easy. Women are tough. If
01:07:32.800 --> 01:07:34.470
you find the right ones, it's so
01:07:34.480 --> 01:07:37.510
wonderful, but there's pressure on all
01:07:37.520 --> 01:07:40.510
of us that I find even the people who I
01:07:40.520 --> 01:07:43.870
just absolutely adore,
01:07:43.880 --> 01:07:45.910
if something good happens to you and you
01:07:45.920 --> 01:07:48.350
tell them, you can almost see them
01:07:48.360 --> 01:07:50.310
deflate cuz they're trying to do similar
01:07:50.320 --> 01:07:53.630
things or you mentioned Gabby Bernstein
01:07:53.640 --> 01:07:55.430
earlier.
01:07:55.440 --> 01:07:58.710
When I was really early in my
01:07:58.720 --> 01:08:01.550
entrepreneurial journey and I had just
01:08:01.560 --> 01:08:03.230
gone back to school to get my clinical
01:08:03.240 --> 01:08:05.110
social work,
01:08:05.120 --> 01:08:07.550
I already knew I wanted to I already had
01:08:07.560 --> 01:08:11.390
a vision for what I wanted to create and
01:08:11.400 --> 01:08:13.510
it wasn't it didn't include the divorce
01:08:13.520 --> 01:08:15.670
and breakup pieces yet cuz I didn't have
01:08:15.680 --> 01:08:17.309
my degree.
01:08:17.319 --> 01:08:20.510
But somebody sent me something about
01:08:20.520 --> 01:08:22.749
Gabby Bernstein. One sent me one of her
01:08:22.759 --> 01:08:23.829
books
01:08:23.839 --> 01:08:27.950
and I looked at it and I read about her
01:08:27.960 --> 01:08:30.349
and I was like
01:08:30.359 --> 01:08:33.710
something about her turns me on.
01:08:33.720 --> 01:08:35.190
And then
01:08:35.200 --> 01:08:38.070
maybe a month passed by and course then
01:08:38.080 --> 01:08:40.110
she was in my feed, right? She kept
01:08:40.120 --> 01:08:42.110
coming up in my algorithm.
01:08:42.120 --> 01:08:44.550
And I was like
01:08:44.560 --> 01:08:48.110
she's doing everything I want to do.
01:08:48.120 --> 01:08:50.590
What is it about her that's rubbing me
01:08:50.600 --> 01:08:52.910
the wrong way? Maybe it's not her. Maybe
01:08:52.920 --> 01:08:54.269
it's me.
01:08:54.279 --> 01:08:56.630
And so I did a deep dive. I did some
01:08:56.640 --> 01:08:59.670
journaling. I meditated about it and I
01:08:59.680 --> 01:09:00.870
thought
01:09:00.880 --> 01:09:03.430
oh, it's not Gabby Bernstein I don't
01:09:03.440 --> 01:09:05.910
like. It's the fact that she's already
01:09:05.920 --> 01:09:08.870
doing everything I wish I was doing.
01:09:08.880 --> 01:09:09.510
>> Got you.
01:09:09.520 --> 01:09:11.470
>> And so
01:09:11.480 --> 01:09:13.870
it was a shift and now of course I love
01:09:13.880 --> 01:09:15.749
her and I adore her and it was just
01:09:15.759 --> 01:09:18.510
that. But it was like
01:09:18.520 --> 01:09:22.430
most people don't have that awareness
01:09:22.440 --> 01:09:22.829
>> Right.
01:09:22.839 --> 01:09:24.749
>> to say
01:09:24.759 --> 01:09:27.030
Huh. So now I make a habit out of it. If
01:09:27.040 --> 01:09:28.990
something rubs me the wrong way or
01:09:29.000 --> 01:09:30.829
someone
01:09:30.839 --> 01:09:33.190
I immediately turn it around. I'm get
01:09:33.200 --> 01:09:35.590
curious about myself. What is it that
01:09:35.600 --> 01:09:38.110
they're doing that's not Is it you want
01:09:38.120 --> 01:09:39.430
to be them
01:09:39.440 --> 01:09:41.030
when you grow up and they're already
01:09:41.040 --> 01:09:42.110
doing it?
01:09:42.120 --> 01:09:43.510
Or
01:09:43.520 --> 01:09:45.550
And I think the problem is that there
01:09:45.560 --> 01:09:47.789
are so many women, especially in the
01:09:47.799 --> 01:09:50.269
coaching and the therapy world, who are
01:09:50.279 --> 01:09:52.150
trying to figure this out and how to
01:09:52.160 --> 01:09:55.470
navigate it. And so you've got to find
01:09:55.480 --> 01:09:58.470
the ones who have the awareness
01:09:58.480 --> 01:10:01.070
to say I don't know, to lift each other
01:10:01.080 --> 01:10:01.990
up.
01:10:02.000 --> 01:10:02.350
>> Correct.
01:10:02.360 --> 01:10:04.110
>> Instead of down, of feeling like you're
01:10:04.120 --> 01:10:05.590
competing with one another cuz there's
01:10:05.600 --> 01:10:07.590
definitely enough space for everybody.
01:10:07.600 --> 01:10:08.230
>> Absolutely.
01:10:08.240 --> 01:10:10.150
>> But that's not exactly how everyone
01:10:10.160 --> 01:10:12.430
feels. So
01:10:12.440 --> 01:10:13.910
>> So I wanted
01:10:13.920 --> 01:10:15.710
shift a little bit cuz we're going to
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:18.590
need to wrap up and I wanted to talk
01:10:18.600 --> 01:10:22.230
about like how someone would find you to
01:10:22.240 --> 01:10:25.190
work with you and
01:10:25.200 --> 01:10:27.270
I wanted to ask if you're doing retreats
01:10:27.280 --> 01:10:30.470
now or is that some Is that ongoing?
01:10:30.480 --> 01:10:31.790
What does that look like?
01:10:31.800 --> 01:10:32.070
>> Yeah.
01:10:32.080 --> 01:10:34.270
>> And then I want to make sure we mention
01:10:34.280 --> 01:10:36.590
how to get the book. It's coming out
01:10:36.600 --> 01:10:39.270
later this fall, I believe.
01:10:39.280 --> 01:10:41.390
>> Okay. So that's three things.
01:10:41.400 --> 01:10:43.550
>> Three things. Okay. How to get How to
01:10:43.560 --> 01:10:46.390
find me? You could go to jenrulon, j e n
01:10:46.400 --> 01:10:49.590
r u l o n dot com. That's my website.
01:10:49.600 --> 01:10:52.270
The new logo's not up yet, so just FYI.
01:10:52.280 --> 01:10:54.230
And then I went to Canva and made
01:10:54.240 --> 01:10:56.310
something cuz I I this is good for now.
01:10:56.320 --> 01:10:58.350
And just It's a placeholder, right?
01:10:58.360 --> 01:10:58.590
>> Right.
01:10:58.600 --> 01:11:01.790
>> But yes, jenrulon.com. You can go to I'm
01:11:01.800 --> 01:11:04.310
very active on Instagram.
01:11:04.320 --> 01:11:07.390
Very active on TikTok. And I'm on
01:11:07.400 --> 01:11:09.390
LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on
01:11:09.400 --> 01:11:10.790
Threads.
01:11:10.800 --> 01:11:13.470
And I'm actually on Substack, too. I've
01:11:13.480 --> 01:11:16.950
been really enjoying Substack. And I've
01:11:16.960 --> 01:11:17.350
been
01:11:17.360 --> 01:11:17.870
>> Yeah.
01:11:17.880 --> 01:11:19.950
>> writing and really
01:11:19.960 --> 01:11:21.230
>> I'll be sitting in the hammock with my
01:11:21.240 --> 01:11:24.350
co- a cup of coffee and all of a sudden
01:11:24.360 --> 01:11:25.830
I'll just start
01:11:25.840 --> 01:11:27.310
writing and then all of a sudden I'm
01:11:27.320 --> 01:11:28.790
like, oh, that's a Substack. That
01:11:28.800 --> 01:11:30.150
doesn't need to be a blog. That's a
01:11:30.160 --> 01:11:31.670
>> Yeah, I love it, too. I've been doing
01:11:31.680 --> 01:11:33.630
the same. When I'm in my car, I always
01:11:33.640 --> 01:11:35.630
have my inspiration. So, I just make a
01:11:35.640 --> 01:11:38.110
voice note on my phone.
01:11:38.120 --> 01:11:40.550
>> And then I let Grammarly or Claude or
01:11:40.560 --> 01:11:42.790
whatever like clean it up for me and
01:11:42.800 --> 01:11:42.950
then
01:11:42.960 --> 01:11:43.830
>> Absolutely.
01:11:43.840 --> 01:11:45.630
>> post away and it's like, oh, this is
01:11:45.640 --> 01:11:46.390
great.
01:11:46.400 --> 01:11:46.790
>> Yep.
01:11:46.800 --> 01:11:48.750
>> It's a it's almost like a mental feed.
01:11:48.760 --> 01:11:51.070
Whatever is coming up, I just blah blah
01:11:51.080 --> 01:11:52.310
blah blah and then
01:11:52.320 --> 01:11:54.470
>> I do the same thing. I love it. I love
01:11:54.480 --> 01:11:55.070
it. Yeah.
01:11:55.080 --> 01:11:55.510
>> Yeah.
01:11:55.520 --> 01:11:57.230
>> And so then So, that's where you can get
01:11:57.240 --> 01:11:58.550
a hold of me. Like I said, I'm very
01:11:58.560 --> 01:12:00.310
active on Instagram and TikTok. Those
01:12:00.320 --> 01:12:02.750
are the two major platforms.
01:12:02.760 --> 01:12:04.590
>> And are you working with people
01:12:04.600 --> 01:12:06.750
individually? You're taking
01:12:06.760 --> 01:12:08.830
individual coaching clients right now?
01:12:08.840 --> 01:12:11.710
>> Yes, so I currently work one-on-one.
01:12:11.720 --> 01:12:14.590
I've tried to do group coaching
01:12:14.600 --> 01:12:18.110
but I really feel like everybody is so
01:12:18.120 --> 01:12:21.470
individual that it's really hard to just
01:12:21.480 --> 01:12:23.670
say, "Hey, here's Here's all your
01:12:23.680 --> 01:12:25.030
workouts." But everybody
01:12:25.040 --> 01:12:25.150
>> Yeah.
01:12:25.160 --> 01:12:26.790
>> is so different. Everybody's at such
01:12:26.800 --> 01:12:29.350
different levels. So, I'm a big I do a
01:12:29.360 --> 01:12:31.550
lot of the one-on-one coaching, for
01:12:31.560 --> 01:12:33.310
sure. And it's the high-ticketed
01:12:33.320 --> 01:12:36.190
pricing, but not crazy high, but it is.
01:12:36.200 --> 01:12:38.270
I But I'm talking to you once a week,
01:12:38.280 --> 01:12:40.030
one one to two times a week. We're
01:12:40.040 --> 01:12:42.470
digging deep. I would say these Zoom
01:12:42.480 --> 01:12:44.590
calls that I have with my ladies, first
01:12:44.600 --> 01:12:47.950
10-15 minutes is about fitness, your
01:12:47.960 --> 01:12:49.790
nutrition. Where are we at? What's going
01:12:49.800 --> 01:12:51.230
on? How are your macros? What's your
01:12:51.240 --> 01:12:54.550
water intake? And then we dive deep.
01:12:54.560 --> 01:12:56.470
Then we dive deep. And some people are
01:12:56.480 --> 01:12:58.510
like, "I'm not ready to dive deep this
01:12:58.520 --> 01:12:59.870
week." And like,
01:12:59.880 --> 01:13:01.710
that's the perfect time to jump in.
01:13:01.720 --> 01:13:04.510
>> That's right. Yeah, the resistance.
01:13:04.520 --> 01:13:06.110
>> So, I do a lot of one-on-one coaching.
01:13:06.120 --> 01:13:09.710
And I have I have PDFs out there. I have
01:13:09.720 --> 01:13:12.070
little free thing free things like you
01:13:12.080 --> 01:13:13.750
go on my website and you can go and sign
01:13:13.760 --> 01:13:15.550
up for my newsletter and stuff like
01:13:15.560 --> 01:13:17.830
that. You'll get a PDF. But, yeah, the
01:13:17.840 --> 01:13:19.950
one-on-one coaching is where I is where
01:13:19.960 --> 01:13:23.110
I really am. And then I also I will be
01:13:23.120 --> 01:13:25.990
doing my second retreat. So, it's called
01:13:26.000 --> 01:13:29.150
Rise with the Tides. It's December 6th
01:13:29.160 --> 01:13:32.430
through the 12th of 2026 and you're
01:13:32.440 --> 01:13:34.630
going to be in the town of Samara, Costa
01:13:34.640 --> 01:13:35.670
Rica.
01:13:35.680 --> 01:13:37.590
And I've already got a couple ladies
01:13:37.600 --> 01:13:41.830
signed up. So, I'm I'm taking 10. That
01:13:41.840 --> 01:13:44.630
might be a little too much, but I I did
01:13:44.640 --> 01:13:47.470
six last time. So, I don't know. Six to
01:13:47.480 --> 01:13:49.190
six to 10 might be a little too much,
01:13:49.200 --> 01:13:51.110
but we'll see. We'll see how it goes.
01:13:51.120 --> 01:13:51.750
And so,
01:13:51.760 --> 01:13:52.510
>> Yeah, why not?
01:13:52.520 --> 01:13:55.550
>> Yeah. And yeah, and the focus on my Rise
01:13:55.560 --> 01:13:58.830
with the Tide retreat is we're not doing
01:13:58.840 --> 01:14:00.910
ayahuasca. We're not doing plant
01:14:00.920 --> 01:14:03.230
medicine base or anything, but I'm
01:14:03.240 --> 01:14:05.510
taking you to the gym. We're working out
01:14:05.520 --> 01:14:07.110
every single day. We're going for a
01:14:07.120 --> 01:14:09.630
walk. We're doing yoga. If you want to
01:14:09.640 --> 01:14:12.750
do activity outside of the norm, there's
01:14:12.760 --> 01:14:14.710
horseback riding, there's surfing,
01:14:14.720 --> 01:14:16.710
there's shopping, like all of that fun
01:14:16.720 --> 01:14:18.790
stuff. I give a free day. We have all
01:14:18.800 --> 01:14:21.550
the food provided, which is amazing. And
01:14:21.560 --> 01:14:23.510
And then the cool thing is that I will
01:14:23.520 --> 01:14:27.830
also be adding a one-on-one with me
01:14:27.840 --> 01:14:29.790
during the retreat. Last year I didn't
01:14:29.800 --> 01:14:32.190
do that. And so, this is I'm actually
01:14:32.200 --> 01:14:33.990
going to take an hour for everybody and
01:14:34.000 --> 01:14:35.950
we're going to get that one-on-one and
01:14:35.960 --> 01:14:37.510
be like, "All right, here we are.
01:14:37.520 --> 01:14:40.510
December 2026. What does 2027 going to
01:14:40.520 --> 01:14:41.390
look like?"
01:14:41.400 --> 01:14:43.270
But, then we've also The cool thing
01:14:43.280 --> 01:14:45.470
about the retreat last year was like we
01:14:45.480 --> 01:14:48.550
pulled out some oracle cards. And man, I
01:14:48.560 --> 01:14:50.430
those like one of my girlfriends one of
01:14:50.440 --> 01:14:52.430
the girls was like, "These oracle cards
01:14:52.440 --> 01:14:54.230
are scary." And I'm like, "Yeah, but
01:14:54.240 --> 01:14:56.350
they speak the truth." It's fun doing
01:14:56.360 --> 01:14:57.710
that, so yeah.
01:14:57.720 --> 01:14:59.630
>> That's really fun. That's great. That's
01:14:59.640 --> 01:15:02.990
great. And then the book, you're still
01:15:03.000 --> 01:15:05.430
wrapping that up, but it'll be out in
01:15:05.440 --> 01:15:07.670
November 11/11.
01:15:07.680 --> 01:15:10.070
>> Yeah, it's a personal year for me, and
01:15:10.080 --> 01:15:13.430
I'm a big number of a 11/11. My the very
01:15:13.440 --> 01:15:15.230
first date my boyfriend and I went on,
01:15:15.240 --> 01:15:17.670
we were out surfing, of course, right?
01:15:17.680 --> 01:15:19.910
And I went out to the big waves with
01:15:19.920 --> 01:15:22.230
them just to watch, just to observe, and
01:15:22.240 --> 01:15:24.550
how they take off and all that stuff.
01:15:24.560 --> 01:15:26.590
And cuz I'm not I'm 2 years in the
01:15:26.600 --> 01:15:28.750
surfing, so fairly new.
01:15:28.760 --> 01:15:30.470
And he's, "How long have we been out
01:15:30.480 --> 01:15:32.350
here?" And I looked at my watch, it was
01:15:32.360 --> 01:15:34.310
1:11:11.
01:15:34.320 --> 01:15:36.350
And I'm like,
01:15:36.360 --> 01:15:39.270
And I'm a big number person, and
01:15:39.280 --> 01:15:41.750
I I knew I knew that I needed to come
01:15:41.760 --> 01:15:46.510
out with the memoir on 11/11/2026.
01:15:46.520 --> 01:15:49.070
>> I love that. I love that.
01:15:49.080 --> 01:15:51.350
Jen, it has been wonderful talking to
01:15:51.360 --> 01:15:54.270
you and hearing your story. It's really
01:15:54.280 --> 01:15:56.790
inspiring. I hope that the right people
01:15:56.800 --> 01:15:58.070
are going to hear it.
01:15:58.080 --> 01:15:59.950
>> I agree.
01:15:59.960 --> 01:16:02.070
>> Cuz I think
01:16:02.080 --> 01:16:04.430
yeah, life can look really amazing on
01:16:04.440 --> 01:16:08.070
paper, and we can still be living
01:16:08.080 --> 01:16:10.590
unhappily, and I think it's really easy
01:16:10.600 --> 01:16:13.750
to fall into the trap of thinking
01:16:13.760 --> 01:16:16.070
I should be happy with this, so I'm
01:16:16.080 --> 01:16:19.430
going to stay in this situation.
01:16:19.440 --> 01:16:22.750
But you and I are proof that
01:16:22.760 --> 01:16:24.950
it's okay. It's okay to
01:16:24.960 --> 01:16:26.670
kind of turn everything upside down for
01:16:26.680 --> 01:16:29.470
a while, and see how it all shakes out,
01:16:29.480 --> 01:16:31.230
and start trusting
01:16:31.240 --> 01:16:32.750
that things will work out the way that
01:16:32.760 --> 01:16:35.190
they're supposed to. So your story is
01:16:35.200 --> 01:16:36.390
very inspiring.
01:16:36.400 --> 01:16:38.270
>> Thank you. The one thing I will say,
01:16:38.280 --> 01:16:40.710
whatever change that you're going
01:16:40.720 --> 01:16:41.990
through,
01:16:42.000 --> 01:16:46.270
there is life after it. I promise you.
01:16:46.280 --> 01:16:48.510
>> Yeah. Yeah, I think
01:16:48.520 --> 01:16:49.710
that's a really important thing for
01:16:49.720 --> 01:16:51.030
people to
01:16:51.040 --> 01:16:52.270
remember because when you're in the
01:16:52.280 --> 01:16:53.630
thick of it,
01:16:53.640 --> 01:16:56.990
it feels like it's everything is ending.
01:16:57.000 --> 01:17:01.710
But, as everything ends and winds down,
01:17:01.720 --> 01:17:04.070
the new beginnings are really, really
01:17:04.080 --> 01:17:05.590
exciting and wonderful.
01:17:05.600 --> 01:17:07.350
>> Beautiful.
01:17:07.360 --> 01:17:07.590
Yeah.
01:17:07.600 --> 01:17:11.310
>> Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much. Every
01:17:11.320 --> 01:17:13.350
way that people can find you will be
01:17:13.360 --> 01:17:16.110
listed in the show [music] notes.
01:17:16.120 --> 01:17:19.030
Um also on Instagram when we're
01:17:19.040 --> 01:17:21.870
promoting this. And yeah, so YouTube,
01:17:21.880 --> 01:17:26.110
Spotify, Apple Podcast, Amazon,
01:17:26.120 --> 01:17:26.790
all the places.
01:17:26.800 --> 01:17:29.110
>> All the places. I love it. Very good.
01:17:29.120 --> 01:17:29.270
Thank you.
01:17:29.280 --> 01:17:30.543
>> Yeah. So much, Jan, and
01:17:30.553 --> 01:17:30.790
>> [music]
01:17:30.800 --> 01:17:34.270
>> everyone listening. Until next time.
01:17:34.280 --> 01:17:42.334
>> Ciao.
01:17:42.344 --> 01:17:44.364
>> [music]