Parenting Tools EP 4 - Should AI Raise Your Kids?

WEBVTT
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Is ChatGBT going to raise your child better than you can?
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Dun dun dun hi guys, welcome back to parenting tools.
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My name is Ian, and I am as always joining.
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I'm not being joined by, I am joining the expert, like I like to call her, the ninja of parenting tools and tips.
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She's been doing it since the 90s, making it look good since right about now.
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You like that intro?
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Was it good?
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Very good.
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Very good.
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Very good.
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Pull that mic a little bit closer.
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There you go.
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Um, so today she's pulled out exactly what you should do with your child according to Chat GPT.
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It's just I ask me, you know, what is the latest parenting tips that's out there?
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And so the greatest parenting hits are here.
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The greatest parenting hits according to AI.
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2026.
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Okay.
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So we're gonna go through and actually go through this list, and you're gonna validate it or not.
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It's gonna be a pro or no.
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If you're pro, thumbs up.
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This is good.
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This is what you would do.
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No is down, you know, like Caesar in the Coliseum.
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I'm also gonna give you mid.
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Okay.
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Mid is a sideways thumb for all those people who are watching.
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Um, mid is gonna be like, yeah, kind of, but like obviously we're gonna go through and discuss it as to why it's mid, why it's pro or why it's no.
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Cool.
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Anything you want to add before we jump right into it?
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I don't think, I don't think I need to thumbs up.
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You don't know?
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Oh, that's none of these are thumbs up then.
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So it's either mid.
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Spoiler, it's either mid or we'll see, we'll see.
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Or no.
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I'll see, but that's my feeling.
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Okay, so I think this is the greatest hits of modern child development.
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Number one, connection before correction.
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Hey, at least it's got like a little bit of rhyme to it, you know?
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These are the greatest hits.
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Uh, this is the golden rule of modern parenting.
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The brain cannot learn or listen when it's in fight or flight mode.
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The goal build secure attachment so the child feels safe enough to be vulnerable.
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The method, validate the emotion, even if you hate the behavior.
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Something like, I see you're frustrated that we have to leave, but I can't let you hit.
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Mid.
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Okay, so we got a mid vote there.
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Why do you think that's mid?
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I like connection before correction because it kind of like you have to make a connection with your child, you know.
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You can't just get a lot of people just talk at their child without getting their attention.
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With you know, then the child is not really listening, you can see it, and the parent just going, going, going, going.
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So there's no connection.
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So the connection is important.
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I I really like that.
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What do you do for the connection part?
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I make sure I get their attention.
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How?
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Uh if they're distracted, I usually go to their level.
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I look them in the eye, I I demand I grab them.
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Well, if I have to, just have to.
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Yeah, just like secure them.
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Secure them and say, hey, look at me.
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Look at me, and I need your attention.
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I want to talk to you.
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Not at you, talk to you.
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Oh, you get them to like physically look into it.
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Physically look into your eyes.
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So I get their attention.
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That often already changes quite a bit.
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Because usually they're in a funk, you know.
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So if they have to get your attention and they have to look at you, it changes something in their where they are at.
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So I like that part a lot.
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Connection before correction.
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I think that one is good.
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Okay, so there we can give that that first little bit.
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We oh, it's still mid.
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All right, we're still mid.
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Wow.
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I'm glad I gave you that mid thumb.
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That's it'd be a no.
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Okay.
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So the connection part you like.
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Um the part that so they feel secure.
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Uh I don't know what they mean by that.
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You know, I mean, uh your child's your child.
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I mean, uh, if you read that again, you know, the So the goal build a secure attachment so the child feels safe enough to be vulnerable.
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Yes.
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I mean, uh, what do they mean by feeling vulnerable?
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You know, you you I mean, you your job, in my eyes, is to be a coach.
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You coach your child so it can be functioning in this world the best way it can, be happy, um, be tolerate some feedback, uh, know some rules, be able to work within those rules and have space within that those rules and have some freedom, you know.
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I don't need to raise it so it's gonna be vulnerable.
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I I don't I don't yeah, it is confusing because like that that's it feels like a term you would use for an adult going through therapy.
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Yeah, you know, like someone who's going to be vulnerable.
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Like you actively, like as an adult, it's a tricky thing to do because you actively have to engage that to say, like, okay, now I'm gonna like say this thing, for example, with a therapist, like that I'm not used to saying with my family.
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But like if there's a kid who's throwing chicken around, if I feel like if you wait for them to be vulnerable, it's kind of like it's like she the the next thing is then, you know, um, yeah, but you shouldn't hit me.
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It's like, oh, he has to be vulnerable enough that he can actually take the feedback that he shouldn't hit me.
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That's kind of like, where are we going with this?
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You know, this doesn't make any sense to me.
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I don't think that's not vulnerability.
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That's not taking the kid for being strong, being have a personality, and be able to take some feedback.
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I think kids are very strong.
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They're they love feedback, they love boundaries, they love being held accountable, they love knowing what's going on.
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You know, it's the they don't have to be like these delicate flowers, delicate little flowers that you can break by just giving them some feedback if they hit you and you have to say, Oh honey, please don't hit me.
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That hurts my feeling.
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It's like what that's not gonna do anything.
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The kid is gonna go, who the heck are you?
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You know, I mean, I got you.
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It's it's it's we're way too we're thinking they're so delicate, and we have to pay so much attention because they're gonna break.
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They're not gonna break, you know.
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I think that you're gonna break them by being raising them as these vulnerable kind of things, you know.
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That's more so you don't agree, is that you you don't like the idea of just treating them like having to wait until they're like in this perfect mindset where they can actually accept the information where it's like the perfect mindset is where you set them in and you tell them, like, hey, this is a behavior.
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I don't like you doing that, and you're not gonna like I agree with that.
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That if they're in a funk and they're going to a chantrum, there is no nothing you can do.
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I mean, like we had this discussion the other day where you take another toy and another toy and another toy, but they're in this thing, so you just have to let them go through that.
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I agree with that.
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Okay, but like uh describe a funk real fast because we say the word funk, I know what you mean.
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Yeah, what is a funk?
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When they're so in their head about they're so pissed off or they're so angry because they didn't get what they thought they wanted, yeah.
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So they're so in that emotion that they can't get out, and you we've all been there, you know, and then there's that there is the brain is in overload, and I agree with that sentence, you know.
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Then you're in overload, and then you can't do anything else but wait until they're through.
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But then you know, you can talk to them again.
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There's no need to talk to them or to to to make sure um uh uh make sure they're okay, but you just have to let them go through.
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You don't get another toy and another toy and get more and more and more into it.
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So it's it's an acceleration.
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So there's that's interesting because it I think this thing, what this thing is saying is correct, then, but the timing is wrong.
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So it's like you it's not like because I don't think you like that it says you wait until they're vulnerable, even though that is what you do.
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Uh if they're so hyped up that you're you can't give them another, you know what I mean?
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Like, yeah, if they're super like if a kid's like God is fist balled up and like is like gritting his teeth and everything, and then it's hitting you, like you can't wait until they're like not vulnerable to tell them like hey, no hitting time out, and then actually doing the timeout.
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But there is an element of that where like you once they're done, once they've calmed back down, where you do tell them, like, hey, do you see why that was wrong?
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Yeah, yeah.
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When they're over it, when they're in there, you can do whatever, you know.
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I mean, it's not just you can take all the toys because they're just in it.
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Yeah, but once they're done, then you can look at it and talk to it and find out ways to stop that behavior before they get into that because it's like a SOG, you know.
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Once you're in a in a emotion, it's like a what thing it it's like it's pulls you in more and more.
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It's like a song.
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It's like a vacuum.
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That's Swiss German for vacuum.
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Stronger and song and stronger, and it just pulls you more and more in.
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So it kind of has to let them go through that tantrum, and that's what they're talking here about the brain uh can only take so much.
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Okay, so you do agree, but you don't agree with the executive of it.
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I don't I don't agree with the vulnerability part.
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You know, I think yes, there is a part where they can hear you again, yeah, but it's not when they're vulnerable.
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It's like it's it's they're just themselves.
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They can hear you.
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When can they hear you?
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Where can we?
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I mean, that's a that's a big distinction in parenting.
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When can your child hurt hear you and when not?
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Sometimes they ignore you in a way they could hear you, but they don't want to, so that's different.
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Also, like waiting for your child to be vulnerable.
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I think vulnerable is such a weird word.
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It's weird, yes.
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It's like what you but it vulnerable is also like But it's that comes from that gentle parenting, yeah.
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Because people think I think that's a lot of what's going on these days that people really think they they um they could damage their child badly if they're like I don't know, being very strict or if they actually put in boundaries and putting boundaries into place and hold to hold them to it, or uh I mean if they don't let them get everything they want.
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I mean it's it's like it's a it's it's too much.
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Yeah, you know, I I I like where we got from like the you know uh parenting where it was very disciplinary oriented, and you know, you don't talk unless I tell you to, and you don't breathe unless I tell you through, candle to oh uh you know, what can I do for you?
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How can I give you more?
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How what else would you like, my child?
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What you know, is the color of the card the wrong color, or I mean so the pendulum has swung, so it's gone all the way here, and now it's swung all the way back again.
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And so what you're trying to do is just put the pendulum like this isn't a good spot.
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This middle ground is like very good.
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Like, you obviously don't need to discipline your kids like that, but they do need structure.
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They need structure.
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You're a coach again, coaching, coaching, coaching.
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That's the key.
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We've gone through, and the most the thing that you don't like is like letting your child be vulnerable.
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Your child is not vulnerable, your child is actually very strong and very capable of a lot of things, and they can hear information, but there's a time and a place where you actually want to implement it.
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Like if you've already implemented the rule and they hit you, then you you follow through with the rule, even if they don't like it.
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And then when they're going through it, they're balling up their fists, they're crazy, you stick to the rule, and then when they're done with that, then you can go through and have the conversation.
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Even if they're not vulnerable, it doesn't matter.
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You have to go through and like they're gonna hear you at a certain point.
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And parents know, like you it's the same thing if you're an adult.
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If someone's mad right then and you try to give them the feedback of what the thing is, they're usually not gonna take that information very well.
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But if you let them go through it.
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The thing is, if I'm mad, let's let's take grown-ups, okay?
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I'm mad at my partner.
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My goal is to engage him, so he's getting, you know, he's getting mad too, so we can actually have a fight.
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Yeah, okay, because and then I can't hear it.
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Whatever he says, I'm gonna I'm gonna counter and I cannot hear what is can be the best feedback in the world.
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I can't hear it.
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Okay, same with the kids.
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So that's why we voted mid.
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We vote uh connection before correction.
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The idea is solid, but the execution is mid.
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Uh brain overload, that's solid, but the time you know it's vulnerable, you shouldn't hit me.
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It's like, of course, you shouldn't hit me.
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But now what this this is an invitation for discussion, but I didn't mean to, right?
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You know, I mean, I didn't want to.
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I love you, mommy.
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It's like they got you, you know.
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It's like, okay, next time don't hit me, baby, okay?
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Like it's not gonna work, you know.
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It's like it's like take him as just trust him to be stronger.
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Yeah, you know, they can take some feedback that works, that doesn't work.
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Be a coach, you know.
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A coach when when in soccer, when you're not playing according to the rule, he's gonna take you out and set you down.
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Yeah, you know, and next time you know, oops, I better I better follow those rules, otherwise I have to sit down again.
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It's a consequence that works.
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Yeah, you you're doing the same thing with your kids, you're a coach.
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So, number two, window of tolerance.
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When are you what are you automatically giving that vote?
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Wait, wait, let me actually read it out and then you give your vote, okay?
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Every human has a limit.
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When a child or parent is pushed outside this window, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic and impulse control, literally goes offline.
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Key insight.
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You can't reason with a person whose upstairs brain has left the building.
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Strategy regulate first, talk later.
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That's actually good.
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That's a good one.
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I was gonna say, I was like, this is literally what we just talked about.
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Like that, that that window of tolerance.
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Do you have a a so not all of these are mid or black, but that one is a good one.
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That one's good.
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Uh when is that when does that usually come in?
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That window of tolerance?
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When do you actually see that and when is it most effective?
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Well I mean, we just talked about it when they're in the middle of a tantrum, kind of, you know, there's not much you can do.
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You just have to let them go through it and then afterwards see what we can do in the future to not go down that line.
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But once they're in it, their brain is on overload and they just have to go through it.
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You talked about a an opportunity window that you have before, but that takes practice.
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Yeah, but there and is, there always is like a window of opportunity, but before they go in, it really takes a lot of curiosity to see, oh, he's just about to go.
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Can I distract him into something else?
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You know, right?
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There's this window where he either can go this way or you can take him out of going down this road.
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So actually, we could put this back to mid because it is missing that initial opportunity window where you could avoid this entire thing if you have enough practice to say, like, okay, that window was there, and I completely missed out on it because I wasn't I wasn't paying attention.
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If you and you know your child, you know you if you watch him and say, Oh, he's just about to, and then right that moment you do something that's more exciting.
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Is there like I this might seem like like is there like a tip?
00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:21.440
I mean, obviously, staying like it's a it has to be a distraction.
00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:24.879
It could be, oh, look out there, what's going on there?
00:15:25.039 --> 00:15:26.240
I was literally about to look.
00:15:26.639 --> 00:15:28.720
I was like, what's happening?
00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:32.879
And maybe there is like, oh, look, see that tractor?
00:15:33.120 --> 00:15:36.159
Man, it's red, like you read tractor in the book.
00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:42.000
And it's like you forgot about wanting an ice cream or whatever you want to go down the road, or something.
00:15:42.080 --> 00:15:44.320
It's it, you know, it's uh a distraction.
00:15:45.200 --> 00:15:46.799
Wow, have we done this yet?
00:15:47.039 --> 00:15:48.159
Do you want to go do this?
00:15:49.360 --> 00:15:50.559
So you that's your move.
00:15:50.639 --> 00:15:57.600
You'll go get really excited about something and like something, but that it's like completely on the other side of whatever they were talking about.
00:15:57.759 --> 00:16:00.320
So it's like, ooh, uh mom, ice cream, ice cream.
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:02.480
Like, whoa, do you see that tractor?
00:16:02.559 --> 00:16:03.840
And then it's like, what tractor?
00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:21.679
What the ice cream is forgotten because there's so much in the moment that it's so easy to get them off where they're gonna go into it's not so easy, but I was gonna say, I feel like when kids get older, they get it, they get wise to your tricks like, yeah, but ice cream look out the window, come on.
00:16:23.440 --> 00:16:26.159
I've obviously been raised on this stuff.
00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:28.159
Like tractor.
00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:31.600
She still works, you know.
00:16:31.679 --> 00:16:32.320
Come on.
00:16:33.759 --> 00:16:36.000
Okay, so window of tolerance.
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:44.799
Uh, it's uh um good, but it's missing the opportunity window to avoid the entire thing before it actually.
00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:47.039
If you can avoid it, try avoid it.
00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:48.879
Okay, if you can't avoid it, let them go through.
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:49.759
They're right, yeah.
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:50.639
That's all right.
00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:51.279
So it's mid.
00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:51.759
It's missing.
00:16:52.080 --> 00:16:53.919
Hey, um uh chat GPT is doing good.
00:16:54.159 --> 00:16:55.519
Not doing bad, not doing bad.
00:16:55.679 --> 00:16:57.440
Guys, turn the spot cat off.
00:16:57.600 --> 00:17:01.360
Go type into your nearest LLM and ask them how to raise your children.
00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:02.559
Everybody wants to do that.
00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.880
They've already asked, you know, so that's what's coming up.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:07.759
All right.
00:17:08.400 --> 00:17:09.920
Oh, I am so surprised.
00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:11.920
I will be surprised if you call this one mid.
00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:14.000
Boundaries are kindness.
00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:15.680
Let me go through before you vote.
00:17:15.839 --> 00:17:19.440
There is a common misconception that gentle parenting means no rules.
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:22.640
In reality, wow, they've got me reading big word.
00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:27.759
Permissiveness creates anxiety, the child feels like they have to lead the pack.
00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:31.680
Firmness creates safety, the child knows where the walls are.
00:17:31.839 --> 00:17:35.119
The sweet spot, high warmth, high expectation.
00:17:36.640 --> 00:17:37.039
That's okay.
00:17:39.279 --> 00:17:40.160
Second one.
00:17:40.319 --> 00:17:44.319
So ignore what we said at the beginning where everything is gonna be mid because that's a good one.
00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:45.359
Yeah, that's a good one.
00:17:45.680 --> 00:17:46.640
Boundaries are kindness.
00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:47.039
I like that.
00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:57.759
That's a good, like uh the and the permissiveness, which is I I I think it just means like letting them have access to everything.
00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:00.319
And because they have access to everything, they can do whatever they want.
00:18:01.599 --> 00:18:01.759
Right.
00:18:01.920 --> 00:18:12.240
It's like uh like I have a dog, and like I I did a lot of research before, and actually a lot of problems that come from dogs is when they are on the leash and they're at the end of the leash and they're constantly pulling.
00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:17.599
Because if they're constantly pulling at the front of the leash, that means they're checking everything out and they have they feel like they have to do everything.
00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:23.599
So I guess I mean not to compare your kids to dogs, but like it's it's similar, right?
00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:31.680
If you like, if you put them and just let them, I mean, you should let them make decisions, but also yeah, I don't know where to go with that point.
00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:38.400
Well, just boundaries are very important, and and to set boundaries for your kids is actually kind.
00:18:38.799 --> 00:18:43.200
It's a it's a kind system because within the boundaries there's a lot of freedom.
00:18:43.519 --> 00:18:46.400
And within because they're safe now, they know that they have the boundaries.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:48.000
There's less questions, no?
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:55.680
It's uh we used to go, we used to travel quite a bit, and in the airport, I usually set a a space.
00:18:55.839 --> 00:19:00.079
I made it up, you know, between that pole and that pole and that's the place.
00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:07.680
Yeah, you are allowed to run around, to chase each other, whatever, but the minute you step over the boundary, you're gonna be in timeout.
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:15.519
So go, go play because I could actually oversee that spot, I could keep you safe, and you had freedom within those uh boundaries.
00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:21.519
And of course, the minute I mean everybody uh it was always tested, it was always tested.
00:19:21.680 --> 00:19:22.480
I had to watch.
00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:26.400
You know, you can't just look away and think, oh, I set the boundaries because somebody's gonna step over.
00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:27.920
They have to, they have to see if it holds.
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:35.039
Yeah, if not, and the minute, the minute, the minute they step over, uh Ian, of course, Ian will go to the welcome to it.
00:19:35.519 --> 00:19:41.839
And then he would sit down, and you knew okay, the boundaries are holding, and maybe another child would try to, but most likely they wouldn't.
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:44.640
And they would just play within that area and be safe.
00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:46.799
So boundaries create safety.
00:19:47.200 --> 00:19:47.680
Interesting.
00:19:47.839 --> 00:19:52.160
Okay, so it's like it's like get letting them run free.
00:19:52.240 --> 00:20:02.720
Like it's like, yeah, I mean, you see it when the there's no there's no actual, but that's I I already see issues for people who are like, okay, so that's my solution.
00:20:02.799 --> 00:20:03.519
I'm gonna go now.
00:20:03.599 --> 00:20:04.480
I've never done this before.
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:08.799
I'm gonna go now and tell them you can play from this corner to this corner, and like that's where you can play.
00:20:08.960 --> 00:20:20.880
And like I've seen parents do this, and then the kids don't listen and they just keep running around because it goes all the way back to you have to have the consequences and the consequences.
00:20:21.039 --> 00:20:22.880
I'm gonna add something to those consequences.
00:20:22.960 --> 00:20:25.279
You have to add the consequences, but consequences have to suck.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:31.839
If the consequence isn't good, or if the kid enjoys the consequence, that also is a trap.
00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:35.839
Yeah, it's I would say the consequence has to be strong enough.
00:20:35.920 --> 00:20:38.240
It's almost like it has to act like a break.
00:20:38.400 --> 00:20:46.160
Yeah, you know, the break has to be strong enough for you for the for the kid not to choose um uh the consequence.
00:20:46.400 --> 00:20:49.200
They want to choose what you gave them to play in.
00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:53.519
They want to play where it's fun, you know, and they don't want to sit in time out because that's not fun.
00:20:53.680 --> 00:20:56.880
So that's a consequence that may be strong enough, it may be not, you know.
00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:03.279
And again, um we can go back to the baseball thing where you know you had to that was yeah.
00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:14.720
I mean, but it sit in the dugout, and then the con we we picked the consequence, we wasn't strong enough, so we had to sit again and find the consequence consequence that was stronger, and that one then helped.
00:21:14.799 --> 00:21:16.640
So sometimes it's a tryout, you know.
00:21:16.720 --> 00:21:19.119
Yeah, you pick a consequence, it doesn't work.
00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:20.559
What does that show you?
00:21:20.720 --> 00:21:25.920
It wasn't strong enough, so you have to go over it again, pick another consequence that may not be strong enough either.
00:21:26.000 --> 00:21:32.079
So you go until you figure out what actually acts enough as a break for the kid not to choose the consequence.
00:21:32.319 --> 00:21:38.000
I think that goes to point two, which is firmness, creates safety and knows where the literally where the walls are.
00:21:38.079 --> 00:21:44.319
Yeah, and like it's that that that that's good, but again, boundaries are kindness.
00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:52.799
Um, yeah, but I'm I'm gonna put it back on mid because it's missing, it's missing the consequence that actually is strong enough.
00:21:53.119 --> 00:21:59.680
And also it's like it that's a good thing to say, it's very general, of course, it's general, you know, because you have to build.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:00.720
On that too.
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:04.480
You know, you can't just go to the airport when you've never set boundaries before.
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:07.920
You can, but you still have to go to the airport if you have a flight.
00:22:08.160 --> 00:22:09.440
You're gonna go to a flight.
00:22:09.680 --> 00:22:14.559
But it may not work if you just set a boundary and say, okay, if you step over it, you're gonna get a timeout.
00:22:14.640 --> 00:22:16.799
It's probably not gonna work because your kid is not used to it.
00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:20.480
Yeah, he he doesn't know that what you say is your word.
00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:23.839
So you have to build that connection first.
00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:30.079
You have to build that trust that your child can trust you that whatever you say is gonna happen.
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:33.599
Yeah, and that is such hard work if you haven't done it yet.
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:49.680
If you or if you haven't started with that, you know, I'm I better I I always say to people, it's better just to have three rules, and those are firm, and you follow it and your word and you follow through all the time, than having 50 and none of them really hold.
00:22:49.839 --> 00:22:50.079
Yeah.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:22:51.759
Because that's so confusing.
00:22:52.079 --> 00:23:00.880
You gotta have so you gotta have consequences, but you gotta have consequences that are strong enough that when they hear, like, hey, you step outside the play zone, this thing is gonna happen.
00:23:00.960 --> 00:23:06.480
Not that they go, oh, now I'm gonna get a hug from behind for your time out and like they're on the phone and like that's what I want.
00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:12.720
It has to be like, wow, I'm not gonna get my what let's say example, my tablet for the flight.
00:23:12.880 --> 00:23:16.160
The entire flight, I'm gonna have to play with my coloring book instead of being able to watch my show.
00:23:16.400 --> 00:23:18.160
Well, that's gonna be punishment to the parents.
00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:18.720
I know.
00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:21.920
I thought I was just thinking, like, I'm like, nope, they can have that back.
00:23:22.480 --> 00:23:23.119
Yeah.
00:23:24.400 --> 00:23:27.119
When we get to Disneyland, you don't get to meet Mickey.
00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:30.000
Yeah, that's a much better, but maybe not strong enough.
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:33.839
It depends, you know, but you you pick consequences that work for you too.
00:23:34.079 --> 00:23:40.000
Yeah, that's also I think that could be an entire section is like what consequences work and how to pick good consequences.
00:23:40.240 --> 00:23:41.839
And also to come back to that again.
00:23:41.920 --> 00:23:52.720
I mean, if you start, if if you're new to this kind of setting boundaries with consequences, you want to start with the simplest um things you can uh correct.
00:23:52.960 --> 00:23:53.759
Very, very simple.
00:23:54.079 --> 00:23:59.519
You're gonna you you're gonna go very, very simple where you can win 100%, where it's no big deal.
00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:02.640
Yeah, don't pick the biggest battles, pick small fights to win.
00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:06.799
Pick a small, small battle where you know you can win, be your word, go from there.
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:08.640
Yeah, then the next, then the next.
00:24:08.799 --> 00:24:09.200
Slowly.
00:24:09.279 --> 00:24:11.599
So you wanna you you want to set up the stage, right?
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:13.039
I mean you have to go slow.
00:24:13.279 --> 00:24:14.319
It's also practice for you.
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:21.119
Yeah, like you as a parent, you're not really this is new, this is probably different, but like going through and doing little, doing those little wins.
00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:24.240
I see it now, because before I was like, no, let's just go tackle the big one.
00:24:24.319 --> 00:24:24.880
But I'm like that.
00:24:25.039 --> 00:24:30.720
Like it's just like okay, but then for them to understand as well, like, hey, this is changing and like what I say is gonna happen.
00:24:30.880 --> 00:24:35.039
And so these little ones building trust, you're building trust that whatever you say goes.
00:24:35.119 --> 00:24:43.599
Yeah, yeah, and that is if you if that hasn't happened so far, then it's gonna be a tough few months.
00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:46.319
But then this spot, it's worth it.
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:50.160
The sweet spot, that's what they call this high warmth, high expectations.
00:24:50.400 --> 00:24:56.960
I like this a lot because it's actually what you say about like not getting engaged, but like sticking to your word.
00:24:57.119 --> 00:25:02.160
Yeah, and so you say, like, oh, you know, like, hey, buddy, sorry, I told you what was gonna happen.
00:25:02.240 --> 00:25:05.200
Like, you tried, and now we do have to do the thing that I said.
00:25:05.359 --> 00:25:08.559
It's not like you did mess up, but I'm gonna help you here.
00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:09.440
We're gonna take it.
00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:14.480
You're gonna see that this is not fun, and next time you're gonna know that you give another chance.
00:25:14.559 --> 00:25:15.359
You you can you can try again.
00:25:16.720 --> 00:25:18.799
You pick the consequence, nice choice.
00:25:19.119 --> 00:25:19.599
Would be the best.
00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:26.160
That's also all we know is like the consequence wasn't strong enough, but do the consequence first and we look and see how we can improve on that.
00:25:26.640 --> 00:25:27.279
He's not wrong.
00:25:27.359 --> 00:25:30.720
He picked the concept, he has to pick the consequence to test the boundaries.
00:25:30.960 --> 00:25:36.720
Well, sometimes, you know, like sometimes they pick and sometimes they say, like, no, no consequence, but that you know, that comes with practice as well.
00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:39.599
So at the beginning, if you are picking consequences, don't worry about it.
00:25:39.759 --> 00:25:43.920
Like, just the and sometimes you're gonna pick a consequence and it's not gonna be strong enough.
00:25:44.000 --> 00:25:46.319
And you're gonna be wondering why isn't this working?
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:47.279
Why are they still doing it?
00:25:47.359 --> 00:25:51.519
It's like because they don't, they don't care about the consequence, they actually don't care.
00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:52.720
It's not strong enough for them to go.
00:25:53.119 --> 00:25:54.960
Yeah, it doesn't, it's it doesn't act as a break.
00:25:55.119 --> 00:25:58.880
No, it doesn't they can't that the do you want to stop the behavior?
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:00.400
It has to be a strong break, right?
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:04.160
Yeah, it's gotta be that that car's done.
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:07.200
Yeah, like a child should she, oh should I, oh no, it's not worth it.
00:26:07.519 --> 00:26:08.559
Yeah, that's not worth it.
00:26:09.359 --> 00:26:14.720
Okay, so number four, the power of modeling.
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:20.480
Children are terrible at listening to your advice, but they're world-class at imitating your behavior.
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:22.960
If you want a reader, let them see you read.
00:26:23.119 --> 00:26:27.920
If you want an emotionally regulated child, you must regulate yourself during their tantrums.
00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:31.839
The math, your behavior, trumps your words.
00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:34.079
Mid.
00:26:34.400 --> 00:26:34.960
Mid, huh?
00:26:35.039 --> 00:26:39.200
Yeah, it's and it's not all but I mean it's uh it's good, but the kids are also different.
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:40.880
Each kid is different.
00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:45.039
Yeah, and uh it's like you know, it's like I don't know.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:50.240
Um yeah, be a reader if you want to have a reader, that's that's probably good.
00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:53.359
And be emotionally stable if you want to stable.
00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:54.400
I don't know.
00:26:54.559 --> 00:27:01.599
I mean uh that's all good, but I think you need to do more than that.
00:27:01.839 --> 00:27:06.160
You know, there is no thing in there that they actually do need coaching.
00:27:06.319 --> 00:27:12.400
You know, it's not just being a model, you don't just be like a a model citizen and they become model citizens.
00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:13.519
It takes coaching.
00:27:13.680 --> 00:27:17.759
In order to be a good football player, you can't just watch other people play football.
00:27:18.480 --> 00:27:19.279
Yeah, you actually have to play.
00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:29.359
You actually have to play, you have to make mistakes, you have to step over the boundaries, you have to, you know, there's so much to figure out in this game that it just by modeling is not good enough.
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:35.200
It's not it, it's part of it, you know, but it's not it's too it's not enough.
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:37.839
Yeah, it's not bad advice.
00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:40.160
It's yeah, you're I mean monkey see, monkey do.
00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:52.079
Yeah, you know, that's it's that whole thing, and it's it does make sense, but also like even if they see you reading a book, at some point they're gonna be like, Why are you reading?
00:27:52.240 --> 00:27:54.640
You know, why are you why are you taking out the trash?
00:27:54.799 --> 00:27:55.920
Why are you always cleaning?
00:27:56.000 --> 00:27:57.440
You know, like why are we doing this?
00:27:57.599 --> 00:28:01.599
Kids love to ask why, and you have to have a good answer for them, too.
00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:07.519
It's not because, like, oh, I want you I mean, good answer is because I want you to be able to see the things that you're supposed to do, and like this is why we do them.
00:28:07.759 --> 00:28:09.680
But I read because I love reading.
00:28:09.839 --> 00:28:10.640
You want to try?
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:13.440
Yeah, you know, I take the trash out because it needs to.
00:28:13.680 --> 00:28:14.400
You want to try.
00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:15.599
So, what would you change?
00:28:15.759 --> 00:28:17.759
What would you change about that then the power of modeling?
00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:27.200
It's like, would you take it out of the greatest hits, or uh it's not, it's it's good, yeah, and it works to a certain point, but it also, I mean, just it's just not enough.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:30.480
It's not, it's it's it's like watching a soccer soccer.
00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:33.279
If you want to become a soccer player, you don't just watch.
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:33.759
You do.
00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:34.960
There's a big part of it.
00:28:35.119 --> 00:28:37.680
It's a big part of it, but it's it's I don't know.
00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:41.680
I mean, you be are you gonna be a good soccer player because you watch a lot of soccer?
00:28:41.920 --> 00:28:45.279
If I play soccer and I watch a lot of soccer, I'll probably be a better player.
00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:48.720
Yeah, but if you only watch, doesn't mean you're a good player.
00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:54.960
Yeah, but that the this is saying that it's gonna be following your behaviors.
00:28:55.279 --> 00:29:04.160
So if I if I play soccer and my kid sees me playing soccer and then starts playing soccer because he sees me playing it, he's gonna be a better player because he sees that I'm interested in that.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:05.759
Yes, I mean it's definitely a good thing.
00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:14.240
Yeah, it's a good thing you read and your kids want to read, it's a good thing if you if you're sporty and your kids want to be sporty, it's a good thing if you clean and do your lady kids help you.
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:17.119
I mean, they want to do what you do, and that's very true.
00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:19.680
It's a it's a good motivation, it's just not enough.
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:24.079
I mean, only by modeling you're not gonna um create a great player.
00:29:24.400 --> 00:29:31.839
Like, I I like videos of uh parents who work out at home because then you have like little toddlers and they're just picking up little weights and everything like this.
00:29:31.920 --> 00:29:37.359
I'm like, that is such good like behavior to develop in them early.
00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:38.559
That like, oh, this is fun.
00:29:38.640 --> 00:29:42.000
This is what I like to do with this exercise, and like you should you should do this.
00:29:42.079 --> 00:29:44.720
Like it's I think that's like that kind of stuff.
00:29:44.799 --> 00:29:47.599
I'm like, yeah, I I think the power of modeling is good.
00:29:47.759 --> 00:29:50.319
So it's good, but it's just missing a bit.
00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:52.720
Yeah, it feels like this whole list is a bit like that.
00:29:52.799 --> 00:29:56.240
Like it's good, but it's just missing like one part.
00:29:56.559 --> 00:30:02.000
I mean, for me, it would not be the fourth, the the the the fourth biggest hit is the modeling.
00:30:02.079 --> 00:30:07.440
It's no, it's like the the biggest hit is um coaching.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:08.079
Yeah.
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:09.519
Coaching again.
00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:13.359
So coaching is not just modeling, it's also guiding through.
00:30:13.440 --> 00:30:22.799
Uh again, this is why this list is mid, because it's like missing that last bit where it's like not only do they see you do the thing, you show them what they what you're doing.
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:25.119
Like if they're doing a pull-up, I'm gonna help them.
00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:27.039
Like, okay, this is how you do that.
00:30:27.200 --> 00:30:29.599
This is why I do that, this is what it's doing.
00:30:29.839 --> 00:30:33.359
And it's true, like the kids want to, you know, you you sweep, they want to sweep.
00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:39.039
You should let them sweep, you know, they want to do the dishes, let them help, they want to cook, help, let them help cook.
00:30:39.200 --> 00:30:42.000
I mean, integrate them in what you love doing.
00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:44.319
That's is share your love with them, you know.
00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:45.759
That's part of your coaching.
00:30:45.839 --> 00:30:49.680
It's to to uh show them what life is all about, you know.
00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:51.920
It's it's modeling and coaching.
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:56.319
I think they're just missing the coaching part, which is at least 80%.
00:30:57.440 --> 00:31:00.000
They've got the 20, they're missing the 80.
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:05.039
Number five, natural versus logical consequences.
00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:06.720
Logical, okay.
00:31:07.039 --> 00:31:13.680
Punishment, shame slash pain usually teaches kids how to lie or hide.
00:31:13.920 --> 00:31:18.799
Listen, learning how to hide or lie can be very, very, very useful tools.
00:31:18.960 --> 00:31:21.519
Like, it's not always a bad thing.
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:24.960
I don't like we'll we'll get that second.
00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:28.079
We missed something in your education.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:30.000
Hey, no, we did not listen.
00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:32.799
Little wildlies every once in a while.
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:36.880
You can't tell me that's not a useful skill, that not like blatantly lying.
00:31:38.720 --> 00:31:47.200
And so it's like it's one of the things that they learn, and you know, it's it's interesting because parents say, My child just lied to me.
00:31:47.279 --> 00:31:48.799
It's like that's a normal development.
00:31:49.039 --> 00:31:53.200
Good trying to with like chocolate all over his face.
00:31:53.279 --> 00:31:54.720
Like, did you eat the cupcake?
00:31:54.880 --> 00:31:56.400
No, like, oh really?
00:31:56.640 --> 00:31:58.000
Did you not eat that?
00:31:58.160 --> 00:31:58.720
Hmm.
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:03.200
I mean, like I haven't even read that whole sentence, but like, hang on.
00:32:03.680 --> 00:32:06.960
Um teaches kids to lie or hide.
00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:09.599
Consequence teach them how the world works.
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:13.839
Uh, natural, you don't wear your coat, you get coat cold.
00:32:14.000 --> 00:32:14.400
Logical.
00:32:14.559 --> 00:32:17.039
You break the toy, the toy goes away for the day.
00:32:17.279 --> 00:32:22.079
I mean, yeah, it's the toy's broken, might as well throw it away.
00:32:22.400 --> 00:32:23.039
Yeah, yeah, okay.
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:28.240
But like I'm I'm gonna go off topic off this little topic here, but like kids learn how to lie or hide.
00:32:28.319 --> 00:32:30.720
I don't know why that's such a bad thing.
00:32:30.880 --> 00:32:43.920
Like, even when I was a teenager, there was things I would hide and things like like not bad stuff, but like it's all also like you don't want to build like a crazy, like someone who lies like and like constantly.
00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:58.720
But like I mean, they're they're going through that phase where they actually start lying, and you can see because it's like the chocolate phase, you know, it's they're not very smart about their lies, you can catch them real easily, and it's a good idea to look at it and say, hey, you know, that's not quite the truth.
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:12.400
It's also when they start getting into stories and everything becomes kind of a story, and it's you know, they have to uh uh develop their knowledge on how the world works, you know, and uh and and and the fairy tale is kind of a lie.
00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:22.880
I mean it's a fairy tale, it's literally called a fairy tale, it's made up, but it's not not how the world works, and they start to try it out.
00:33:23.039 --> 00:33:34.400
Uh it's it's it's good to show them that you actually see that that's not the truth, and they're they're telling you the truth, but they also have to have a personal life, I would say.
00:33:34.559 --> 00:33:36.799
You know, they have to have their personal space too.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:37.599
Yeah, of course.
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:46.799
And like and that gets stronger and stronger the older they get, where you don't need to know everything about them, and not everything they don't tell you is necessarily a lie.
00:33:47.200 --> 00:33:52.799
I think uh the kids are going to uh lie and hide regardless.
00:33:53.519 --> 00:33:54.079
I think so too.
00:33:54.240 --> 00:33:54.319
Right.
00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:55.759
I mean it's part of growing up.
00:33:55.839 --> 00:34:04.640
It's like it's you can if you build trust with your kid, then if it's strong enough, they will tell you about the things that are really important.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:20.320
Yeah, I think I think that then what you want to build is a good connection, a trust that you your child trusts you to stand by him, to be strong, to coach him, and but he doesn't have to tell you everything either, you know.
00:34:20.400 --> 00:34:23.679
It's like there is some there they have a private life still, you know.
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:30.239
It's like it not at the beginning, like they're very much like your you're like, but when they're developing this, you know.
00:34:30.320 --> 00:34:38.800
I mean, and if if he hides the Pokemon cards from you because he doesn't want you to see that he has a Charmander or whatever those things are called, you know, listen.
00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:42.000
If we had a Charmander now, we wouldn't need this podcast.
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:43.920
First edition shadow is baby.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:45.119
All right.
00:34:45.280 --> 00:34:48.960
So let's get on to the like logical versus natural consequences.
00:34:49.199 --> 00:34:51.440
Um, yeah, what do you think about this?
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:52.400
Is it mid?
00:34:52.480 --> 00:34:53.119
Is it good?
00:34:53.440 --> 00:34:55.519
Well, natural consequences, we talked about that.
00:34:55.599 --> 00:34:59.199
You know, that's where the consequence is just the behavior.
00:34:59.360 --> 00:35:01.920
Um dictates the consequences the consequence.
00:35:02.000 --> 00:35:04.639
It's like you're cold, you know, you come back in, put your hat on.
00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:09.199
You don't say go, you need to put the hat on and you have a big fight because the kids don't want to.
00:35:09.280 --> 00:35:12.079
You just say, Well, go out and see, you know, if you're cold, come back in, I have a hat.
00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:16.559
I think socks are my favorite because kids don't want to put socks on, like, you don't want to put your socks on, go walk outside.
00:35:16.639 --> 00:35:17.760
Yeah, it's cold, right?
00:35:17.920 --> 00:35:18.960
You want to put your socks on now?
00:35:19.119 --> 00:35:21.920
Like But don't say like make them wrong.
00:35:22.000 --> 00:35:22.800
It's like go try.
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:25.840
Yeah, because you trust your child to be smart.
00:35:25.920 --> 00:35:30.079
Yeah, and it they love when you trust them, and then they come back and say, Man, it's hot out there.
00:35:30.159 --> 00:35:30.880
It's oh, yeah.
00:35:30.960 --> 00:35:31.679
What do you want to do?
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:33.119
I think I'm gonna put my sock on.
00:35:33.280 --> 00:35:33.760
Great idea.
00:35:33.840 --> 00:35:34.559
Yeah, it's a good idea.
00:35:34.639 --> 00:35:40.480
Yeah, it's not like, oh, I told you so, you know, because then they're gonna stay out there and freeze their feet off.
00:35:40.719 --> 00:35:40.960
Meh.
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:42.480
Just to be meh.
00:35:43.199 --> 00:35:45.199
Because it's all it's not a battle.
00:35:45.280 --> 00:35:51.920
It's it you want to avoid a battle where you, you know, where he has to fight you, get take the fight out of it.
00:35:52.239 --> 00:35:56.639
So, natural consequences and logical consequences, what are we voting?
00:35:56.880 --> 00:35:59.039
Well, natural consequences, absolutely good.
00:35:59.679 --> 00:36:02.320
But this is the you were like, you were like, you don't want to give you.
00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:17.119
It teaches him that the floor is hot, so he's gonna come back in, he's making a smart decision.
00:36:17.280 --> 00:36:21.199
You can really um be proud of him because he's so smart and he made that decision.
00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:23.199
Okay, so what about the logical consequence?
00:36:24.239 --> 00:36:29.920
They're like, I mean, uh the toy is broken, so uh it goes in time out.
00:36:30.159 --> 00:36:32.000
What kind of consequence is that?
00:36:32.559 --> 00:36:37.679
He broke a toy, so I mean that toy goes, but then what's the consequence for breaking toys?
00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:41.280
That whatever you break goes in timeout, it's broken, might as well throw it.
00:36:41.519 --> 00:36:47.360
You know, but that's not it, it would will not stop me from it's already broken.
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:50.639
I don't care if it's in timeout because it's broken.
00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:59.360
Yeah, uh it's not a consequence that, in my opinion, would keep the child or be a break.
00:36:59.440 --> 00:37:01.920
So next time he won't break a toy.
00:37:02.079 --> 00:37:06.480
Yeah, there's not it's not it's not a consequence, really.
00:37:06.559 --> 00:37:11.280
Yeah, so it's a broken toy that it's a broken toy that goes put be put away because it's a broken toy.
00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:13.519
There is so again, this vote is mid.
00:37:13.920 --> 00:37:16.079
This void is it's not this void is like that.
00:37:16.320 --> 00:37:18.079
That's a bad, but the natural one was good.
00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:19.119
The natural is good, yeah.
00:37:19.280 --> 00:37:20.000
The natural is good.
00:37:20.079 --> 00:37:21.360
This one is that, so it's like this.
00:37:21.519 --> 00:37:22.960
Yeah, so mid, so overall mid.
00:37:23.280 --> 00:37:26.880
The logical consequence, you need to have a consequence if the toy breaks.
00:37:26.960 --> 00:37:28.000
Like if you're breaking toys.
00:37:28.400 --> 00:37:36.880
If you're breaking toys, then you have to sit down and say, Look, I mean, you got so many toys, you got great toys, you got toys you love, but if you break a toy, what should we do?
00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:38.079
What should be the consequence?
00:37:38.239 --> 00:37:41.199
What would would be strong enough for you not to break a toy?
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:44.320
What would keep you from breaking a toy if I did what?
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:47.119
If you had no, I mean I don't know.
00:37:47.199 --> 00:37:53.199
I you know, if if let's say you could also do the carrot sometimes, you know, the carrot works too.
00:37:53.280 --> 00:37:56.320
And say, look, you really want that helicopter, right?
00:37:56.719 --> 00:38:02.960
So let's let's see like that because the toys break because you're not gentle enough, and sometimes you try to play rough.
00:38:03.039 --> 00:38:03.679
I can see that.
00:38:03.760 --> 00:38:05.599
So you have to learn how to play gentle.
00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:07.599
So, how about we do this?
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:16.880
If for if two weeks and we make a charge, if for two weeks you don't break a single toy, you're gonna get that helicopter.
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:22.320
And let's see if we can do it, because that's gonna, it's gonna take a lot, man.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:23.760
This is gonna be so hard.
00:38:23.840 --> 00:38:25.039
I don't know if you can do it.
00:38:25.199 --> 00:38:27.199
Um, you know, that's questionable.
00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:29.760
But if you can, man, that's gonna be awesome.
00:38:30.159 --> 00:38:36.000
So you actually give him something that is like he's playing rough, and you can say, Hey, you got starting playing rough.
00:38:36.079 --> 00:38:36.960
Remember the helicopter?
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:41.039
And it's like okay, I can be gentle because I want that helicopter.
00:38:41.119 --> 00:38:50.639
It's it's like, is it strong enough to actually, you know, to actually uh keep him from from playing more gentle with his toys, you know?
00:38:50.800 --> 00:38:52.320
Something like that could work too.
00:38:52.559 --> 00:38:55.760
So don't just carrot, don't just use stick, you can carrot as well.
00:38:55.920 --> 00:38:59.679
Carrot is also, I mean, this is also great because we can have consequences like that.
00:38:59.760 --> 00:39:07.280
I'm always thinking about these little booklets, and I'm like, okay, we can have consequences that you can have carrot, you can have stick, and so each one can be its own little book, or maybe it's one.
00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:10.639
Um okay, moving on to the final bit.
00:39:10.719 --> 00:39:14.320
It's the secret sauce, it's literally called the secret sauce.
00:39:14.559 --> 00:39:21.360
Uh, I this is not really a point, it's just like at the end, it's a conclusion of the, you know, like the AIs they go through and they give you the conclusion.
00:39:21.599 --> 00:39:26.320
Um, so the secret sauce, perfection is the enemy.
00:39:26.559 --> 00:39:38.400
Most research suggests that good enough parenting, getting it right about 30 to 50 percent of the time, and repairing the rest is exactly what kids need to build resilience.
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:41.519
I think that's very, very low.
00:39:41.679 --> 00:39:43.760
I think the kids can do way better than that.
00:39:44.000 --> 00:39:45.199
The 30 to 50 percent.
00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:45.679
Yeah, yeah.
00:39:46.239 --> 00:39:48.800
I was gonna say, I like that the perfection is the enemy.
00:39:48.880 --> 00:39:50.719
You don't need to be perfect, that's for sure.
00:39:51.039 --> 00:39:52.079
Good enough is great.
00:39:52.239 --> 00:39:54.559
30 to 50 percent is what's low.
00:39:54.639 --> 00:39:56.480
That's not that's way low.
00:39:56.559 --> 00:39:57.360
That's crazy.
00:39:57.519 --> 00:39:58.320
I would say 80.
00:39:58.639 --> 00:39:59.679
80, 90, no?
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:12.639
80, 90, 20, not because it's also like you know, it's it's they're smart, they're easy to coach, they want to please you, they don't want to be constantly in a in a in a fight with you.
00:40:12.719 --> 00:40:15.199
They don't really want to fight, but they will if they can.
00:40:15.360 --> 00:40:16.800
Yeah, especially if they win.
00:40:17.119 --> 00:40:18.079
They don't have guardrails.
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:22.159
Like, you just gotta put up the you have to put up the lanes and say, like, look, this is what happens.
00:40:22.320 --> 00:40:28.079
And then when they go outside the lane, it has to be a strong enough thing to make them say, like, oh dang, I really don't want to go outside it.
00:40:28.239 --> 00:40:33.760
There must be a reason I have to like stay inside like these rules, like uh soccer.
00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:37.280
You know, we have rules, you play according to the rules, and your game is gonna be much more fun.
00:40:37.920 --> 00:40:39.920
So many people were pissed off that we're calling it soccer.
00:40:40.159 --> 00:40:41.840
Everyone's like, it's a football.
00:40:44.159 --> 00:40:47.519
So, Chat GPT, is it ready to raise our kids?
00:40:47.679 --> 00:40:48.480
What do you think?
00:40:48.800 --> 00:40:51.679
Well, it's like a bad mid, you know, it's like anything else.
00:40:52.079 --> 00:40:52.719
You want a mid-child.
00:40:53.440 --> 00:40:58.079
I think nobody is really um ready to raise your child but you, you know.
00:40:58.159 --> 00:41:09.440
I mean, I think the most important part in you as a parent is to stay curious, seeing what's going on, you know, back to the three points, you know, assess.
00:41:09.599 --> 00:41:10.639
Okay, where am I at?
00:41:10.800 --> 00:41:11.760
Where's the child at?
00:41:11.840 --> 00:41:12.719
What's the game?
00:41:12.960 --> 00:41:15.599
Then pick your your next step.
00:41:15.760 --> 00:41:16.639
What do I do?
00:41:16.800 --> 00:41:18.320
What consequences do I do?
00:41:18.480 --> 00:41:19.599
How do I handle this?
00:41:19.840 --> 00:41:24.559
And the third one is the most important follow through, be your word, build trust.
00:41:24.800 --> 00:41:25.360
There you go.
00:41:25.440 --> 00:41:37.840
So if you want something to feed your AI models so you can get the perfect list, download the transcript of this podcast, all right, and then feed that to your AI and tell it to give you the instructions there because this list is good.
00:41:38.000 --> 00:41:39.280
There are parts of this that are good.
00:41:39.519 --> 00:41:39.920
Absolutely.
00:41:40.000 --> 00:41:43.119
It's not, it's it's just it's it's missing.
00:41:43.360 --> 00:41:44.079
It's missing a lot.
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:45.119
It's missing a lot.
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:48.559
That 30 to 50 percent is I thought that's wild.
00:41:48.719 --> 00:41:49.360
That's low.
00:41:49.440 --> 00:41:50.400
That's a spoiled child.
00:41:50.559 --> 00:41:51.119
Yeah, right?
00:41:51.199 --> 00:41:51.920
That's a spoiled child.
00:41:52.239 --> 00:41:53.440
It's the child who runs the house.
00:41:53.599 --> 00:41:54.800
Yeah, 30 to 50 percent.
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:55.760
That kid is running your house.
00:41:55.920 --> 00:41:57.519
Yeah, I mean, you want to run your house.
00:41:57.599 --> 00:42:01.440
You you know that it needs to be you're the grown-up, you know how to like.
00:42:01.760 --> 00:42:02.320
It's your house.
00:42:02.559 --> 00:42:03.440
It's your house.
00:42:03.840 --> 00:42:07.280
You pay the bills, like what the hell are we talking about?
00:42:07.599 --> 00:42:11.199
And your child is not in a position to run it.
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:14.559
It's so much stress for a child if they have to run the house.
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:27.920
It's so much stress that they're gonna be hyper, they're gonna be like uh over the board, it's overwhelming to be in charge constantly and and getting everything you want, and everything you have to put a tantrum for, and you have to always win.
00:42:28.000 --> 00:42:30.239
And it's like, oh my god, it's exhausting.
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:37.920
Yeah, and no one of the kids just turns out to be just like crazy because like I'm gonna do what I want, and this is how things are, and like I decided, like they think no, no, no, no, no.
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:41.039
Like it's you're for boundaries will calm him down.
00:42:41.599 --> 00:42:49.039
There will create a a safety level where he can actually enjoy being a kid within those in within those boundaries.
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:50.320
All right.
00:42:50.559 --> 00:42:51.920
Is that your final send-off?
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:53.920
Do you have a the final is that the final message?
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:55.039
You want one other one?
00:42:55.199 --> 00:42:59.280
I mean, the topic was chat GPT versus raising your child.
00:42:59.440 --> 00:43:01.360
I'll ask, actually, I will ask the final question.
00:43:01.519 --> 00:43:06.719
Do you think people should be raising their kids with an AI or not?
00:43:07.039 --> 00:43:08.880
Take whatever help you can get, you know.
00:43:09.119 --> 00:43:10.159
Take whatever help you can get.
00:43:10.239 --> 00:43:12.480
So that's like it's it's not because it's not bad.
00:43:12.800 --> 00:43:13.440
It's not bad.
00:43:13.599 --> 00:43:14.880
There's some good stuff in there.
00:43:15.199 --> 00:43:19.280
There's like every and every parenting book and uh uh the all the tools.
00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:20.719
I mean, do whatever works.
00:43:20.800 --> 00:43:23.599
Go and look and you know, figure out which one works for you.
00:43:23.679 --> 00:43:28.719
But you know, stay curious and do the first most important steps whenever you do something.
00:43:29.039 --> 00:43:30.159
Sounds good, guys.
00:43:30.239 --> 00:43:31.920
Thank you so much for listening, watching.
00:43:32.000 --> 00:43:35.199
Uh, if you like this kind of stuff, make sure you like, subscribe, all that kind of stuff.
00:43:35.360 --> 00:43:37.039
We will be back next week.
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:39.360
Be good parents, be better people.
00:43:39.519 --> 00:43:40.960
We'll see you next time.