S8 EP38: Al Murray

WEBVTT
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Hello, I'm Rob Beckett.
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And I'm Josh Willickham.
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Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and
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I discuss what it's really like to be a parent,
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which I would say can be a little tricky.
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So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about
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the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week
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we'll be chatting to a famous parent about.
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How they're coping.
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Or hopefully how they're not coping.
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And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when
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none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening
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to Parenting Hell with.
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Arabella, can you say Rob Beckett?
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Rob Beckett.
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Can you say Josh Widdicombe?
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Rob Widdicombe.
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Can you say Parenting Hell rocks?
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Hell rocks.
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Hell rocks. Oh, there we go.
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Nice.
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A bit of ad lib on there as well.
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Yeah, just chilling with Arabella.
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Great name, Arabella.
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Yeah, named after the Arctic Monkeys song, do we think?
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It doesn't say in the email, but that's my first thought.
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I like a name you can shop up, like Edward.
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I think it's a great name.
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What? Because it could be Teddy or Ed or.
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Eddie. Woody.
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Yeah, Woody.
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Or, yeah, loads. Arabella, Bell.
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Ara.
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Bella.
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Arab.
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No.
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Short for Arab. Short for Arabella. No, no, I'm just
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from the Middle East.
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Yeah.
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She's been listening, though, not of her own choice, since
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she was newborn. So it was about time she gave
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the intro a go. She's currently in the midst of
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her terrible twos, made that much more entertaining by the
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arrival of her sister, Delilah. Del, Lila, or Deli, all
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the options there.
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Oh, my Delilah. Do you think they love indie music.
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From the 2000s? Well, maybe.
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I think they're going to have a song called Bohemian Rhapsody, maybe,
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next week. Come on. I delayed that because I was
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trying to... You threw us off the scent by saying midnight.
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I know.
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What an error.
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Because then you boxed me in. I know. I had
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to try and think. Then I was thinking Franz Ferdinand,
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but then they're the band. I was trying to think
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of a weird name for the noughties.
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Take me out.
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Yeah, that wouldn't work. You want a.
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Name, though, don't you? Do email in if you can
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think of a better punchline.
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Yeah, well, but I think Bohemian Rhapsody would have been
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good if there wasn't a... Yeah, if I hadn't added
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the extra... We weren't censor noughties indie.
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Always look forward to Tuesday and Friday mornings for a giggle.
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Keep it sexy and relatable. Hannah, Ben, Arabella and Delilah Fenning.
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Fenning.
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The Fennings. How are you, Josh?
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I'm buzzing, Rob. I've had so much protein.
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We need to talk about this because I'm on a
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fitness journey where I'm trying to go to the gym...
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I'm trying to lose a bit of weight, but also
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go to the gym and sort of get, not to
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look better really, but sort of get muscles in the
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right places because I'm finding that I've got really strong
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legs because I'm heavy and I play loads of football,
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but I do nothing with my middle of my arms.
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I feel like there needs to be a happy medium. Yeah.
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And I'm trying to lose a bit of weight. So
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I've got like an online trainer guy that's got an
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app that I put all my, what I'm eating and
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what I'm doing and stuff like that to try and
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lose a bit of weight. You signed up.
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I signed up because I was inspired by it.
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I'm not going to bend you over and start sucking
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and kissing your ass. But I think you look really good.
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I think you look lean. You look strong.
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You look wiry.
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You haven't seen me with my top off. If I
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think you look quite wiry and strong, but trim, I
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don't know what it is you need.
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Well, Rob.
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Talk me through it. What's going on with your fitness journey?
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This shows me in a bad light, Rob.
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Go on.
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No one.
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But I think we're here to be honest about ourselves.
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Okay.
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I'm not saying I am going on tour because it
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hasn't been announced, but I might have had a moment
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where I looked in the mirror and thought, I've got
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to delay these posts to photo shoot.
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I've got to delay it.
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Because I was with your agent and they said that
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Josh has delayed his photo shoot.
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Did she? She said she hadn't told you.
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Or maybe it was Lily.
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I don't care who it is, it's got loose lips.
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Yeah. um so that you it's supposed to be doing
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them but you've delayed them till june so you've only
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given yourself a month yeah.
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I just i just you haven't seen my belly from
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the side.
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Yeah no but what is this a topless photo shoot
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no it's not a topless photo i haven't seen your
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belly from the side do you want to see my belly.
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From the side.
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There's nothing there there is it's all barely anything i
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look like i'm pregnant no you don't.
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Anyway, we don't want to create body issues. No, but have.
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You taken photos to put on the app to send
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to the coach?
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Yes, I have.
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They'll have to take little photos of me. But they
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want an update photo every week, and I'm not doing it.
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I'll give you my weight, mate, but you're not seeing
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my belly. You're not seeing the good stuff. Take me
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out for dinner with balanced macros.
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I had to say to him that I'm willing to
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send you the photo, but you can't put this on
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social media.
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No, I've said that. He's good like that. I was like, look,
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you know, maybe we get results.
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He sent me yours, and they look good, actually, Rob.
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LAUGHTER Joel Domet, I was talking to Joel Domet about
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it because I was trying to work out. Basically, if
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you want to lose weight, you've got to eat loads
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of protein. I still don't understand it. I don't understand
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it at all. It doesn't make any sense. So I've
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never done watching what I've eaten properly. And basically, you
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have to have loads of protein and less of the
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other stuff. And I don't really understand it, but it
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seems to be working and I'm enjoying it. But the
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protein situation is getting out of hand. 400 grams of tofu.
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400 grams of tofu is absolutely insane. Because you're a veggie.
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How are you getting the protein in you? Well, I'll
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tell you what I'm not doing.
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It's 400 grams of tofu.
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But are you trying to lose weight or are you
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trying to put on muscle? What are you doing?
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I just want to buff up, Rob.
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You want to lose your belly and buff up a bit?
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I'd quite like... Go on.
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I'd quite like to just have a stomach you could
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grate cheese on. Which I then wouldn't be able to
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eat because it's got too high a fat content.
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All I really want is, I just want to like
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walk into a room and people go, fucking hell, you're ripped.
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Fuck.
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Fucking hell, you've seen his arm.
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Fuck. Do you know what?
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Fucking hell. That's all I want.
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I just want a bit of what Ramesh has got.
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And I don't just mean career-wise, I mean also body-wise.
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I don't think I want what Joel Domet's got. I
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think it's too much responsibility.
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God, can't be bothered.
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But, yeah, so you're not really trying to lose weight.
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You're sort of trying to put it on as much.
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I am. But I don't think– like you say, everyone's
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got a slight bit of belly when they're 40. That
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is sort of almost impossible to completely eradicate. But if
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you want to, like, buff up a bit, you're going
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to have to eat more almost to turn it into muscle. No, no, no.
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Across your shoulders and arms.
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I'm puny, Rob.
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I just– Yeah, but if you don't want to be
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puny anymore, you're going to have to, I don't feel like,
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you could turn all that hard, but if you want
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to buff up, you're going to need more mass.
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I'm not going to buff up in the way Joel
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Dormant's buffed up.
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No, but I'm saying if you want to get bigger
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and musclier, I don't think, I think you're going to
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have to eat more to put that on, aren't you?
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I think I just want to tone up. I don't
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want to look like Viper. I just want to look
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like Barney Walsh.
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You just want to tone up a bit.
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I just want to tone up a bit. I want
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to feel like I can lift stuff.
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Right, you want to be stronger.
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I want to be stronger.
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Yeah.
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I just want to feel in really good shape.
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Fair enough. Okay, that's good. That's good. I'm just saying
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the protein, I think, is going to be your... You're
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going to have to get in on the protein yogurts, mate.
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I sat in McDonald's with the kids the other day.
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I didn't eat anything, apart from the gherkin. What?
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Did he log it? I logged it.
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He logged it.
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Well, I was like, you must log everything. I'm like, well,
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how do you put in gherkin from McDonald's with a
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bit of tomato sauce on?
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Do you know what I did.
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Earlier, Rob?
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Go on. Unthinkingly, I was making my daughter a crumpet
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this morning.
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Oh, lit the bar. I lit the knife, the jam.
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And I was like, surely he's not expecting me to
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log one gram of jam.
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Yeah, I think you've got to log it.
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It raises more questions than it answers.
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What, one lick of jam?
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What the fuck's going on with you, mate? Why have
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you had one gram of jam?
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Can he access all this?
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Yeah. Oh.
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All I normally do is, though, I'm good all week,
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then it gets to Saturday, and I have normal lunch,
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normal breakfast, and then dinner will be two or three
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bottles of Moretti, and then it just goes silent. Complete
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radio silence.
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Until Monday.
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Yeah, and then I'd slowly start trying to remember what
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I had. I had a limoncello. I just felt blue.
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Anyone got a barcode? Anyone got a barcode for it?
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I just felt limoncello. For people that don't know, we've
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got an app where you can scan the barcode and
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it tells you exactly how many calories are in it
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and then you log it. But you do need the
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barcode sometimes.
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Do you know what it is, Rob?
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Yeah.
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I'd say I've got quite a healthy relationship with food generally.
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Mine's awful. Can I tell you what I do, Josh?
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What?
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Once, Arsenal went 1-0 down against Brentford.
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Yeah.
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And without thinking, I immediately stood up, walked to the kitchen,
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opened the fridge, and I stood there going, why am
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I here? You're not hungry. You're sad Arsenal let a
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goal in.
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Well, you're lucky you don't support Plymouth.
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Bit of fun.
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Bit of fun. We can all enjoy that humour.
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Um, We'll keep people updated on that.
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You haven't got a bad... You were saying you haven't
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got a bad.
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I haven't got a bad relationship with food, but do
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you know what I really enjoy is the nerdy side
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of this.
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What?
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There's the structure of it all, putting it all in.
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Yeah, going, oh, well, what I need to do now
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is I need to have 200 grams of corn with my.
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i still don't understand what you're eating to hit this
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protein because i'm struggling to hit it and i've got
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to eat chicken like i can't get that i i
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love chicken and i love eating and i'm sitting in
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a bowl of it and i cannot eat any more
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of this my.
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Dinner was quite weird last night what did you have
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so i had uh My 100 grams of pasta.
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That's pre-cooking weight or a price.
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Pre-cooking, pre-cooking weight.
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15 grams of pesto. Yep. Half a bag of spinach.
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Yep.
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Good for you.
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That seems pretty normal.
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Just shove in there 300 grams of cottage cheese. That
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won't make much difference to it. I'll tell you something, Rob.
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You haven't got the salad?
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The bowl.
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What's that? It dominates the bowl. It dominates the bowl.
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I'll tell you what, though.
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Mayonnaise. Kinnell.
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That is just fat juice. That is all fat. 30
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grams of mayo. Somehow, 31 grams of fat. It's more
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fat than content. A bit like our podcast, isn't it?
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Well, good luck, Josh, on it. And I'm going to
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keep ploughing on. We should make a humble promise to
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the listener. That we're not going to become like one
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of those alpha male podcasts. Because if you're worried, we're
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going to be all Joe Rogan-y. We're going to start
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talking about benching and lifting.
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No, I don't think we're going to do that.
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And we're going to start doing, you know.
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Josh, you just said, I'm so puny.
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Yeah, we're not going to start talking about our MMA bouts. No, no, no, no.
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It won't go like that. But I think we're just,
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I'm trying to get a healthy relationship with certain exercises
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and my relationship with food. You know, so that's what
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I'm up to. But I'm enjoying it, so I'm not
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going to. going on about it but it's good to
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have you on board i'm just intrigued to see how
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you eat all that protein it turns out it's cheese
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from the cottage um.
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Should we bring on al murray oh yes let's bring
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on al murray a legend of the comedy scene you
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don't need us to intro al murray it's a great
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episode as you'd expect.
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Al murray hello hi how are you i'm very well
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yes i mean people can't see us obviously but they're
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contrasting backgrounds so yeah rob i mean that's it's.
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A brick wall Well, I have got an office I
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normally do this from, but my schedule today needs me
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to be at home. So I'm just doing this at home.
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And I've got a brick wall in my house that
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is supposed to be sort of a feature wall, but
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it just looks like I'm stood outside the school gates.
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It does. It does look like the loitering.
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Telling kids to stop playing wall ball. But you've got
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loads of instruments. I knew you was into your music, Albert.
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You look like it's a sort of a creative genius's studio.
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There's everything you need.
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Well, it's certainly a studio. We can't get too excited
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about it. Basically, I've got a drum set and it's
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all set up to record and everything.
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So you've invented a drum, haven't you?
323
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Yeah, I've got a company that makes them in Stockport
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called British Drum Company. I have invented a couple of things, actually.
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It's been quite a long walk.
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What did you invent?
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Oh, God, it's so esoteric. So basically, if you have
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a tom-tom, so on a drum kit, there's the drum
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that goes boof, which you hit with your foot. There's
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a drum that goes baff. That's the one that you hit.
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It's in the middle, the snare drum. Yeah. It's the
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ones that you go round. They go dugga, dugga, dugga,
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they go, right? So a lot of people, what they do,
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one of the top dugga drum, they put it in
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a stand. And there were a lot of people complaining
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about it. If you do the stand up too tight,
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it chokes the sound of the drum and chokes the resonance.
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So I came up with a thing called a Tom Spring,
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which is made out of the same plastic as a
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guitar plectrum. It's a sort of S-shaped. It was my idea,
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but someone designed it. Mm-hmm. You then sit the drum
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in and it stops it from being choked by the
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drum and it resonates freely. It's a whole two seconds
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of resonance, which matters to a lot of people. Wow.
345
00:13:39.090 --> 00:13:42.149
And so you're an inventor. You're a comedian, musician and
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inventor with a patent.
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If you want.
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Any famous drummers using the.
349
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Yes. So Nico McBrain from Iron Maiden is one of ours. Yes.
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That's good. Thanks for saying Iron Maiden at the end
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for me.
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I didn't know either.
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And then Joe in Blossoms and... He's from Stockport, isn't he? Yeah,
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he is from Stockport. He was one of the first
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people to join us. And the Royal Marines Corps of Drums.
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So we got that sort of thing too. But I mean,
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British Drum Co is the name of the brand. And yeah,
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we've been going about eight years now. But there have
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been some big events in the world that have made
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trading quite difficult. Yes. Made it quite challenging. Let's put
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it that way. And I don't like to dwell on
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that to be honest with you.
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Almost certain events that maybe your character helped. Oh, no.
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If there's anyone who's got buyer's remorse out there, more
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than the landlord. Yes, it's Nico, Joe in Blossoms, Woody
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from Bastille. Oh, he's sportsman with Argyle. Yeah, I know.
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He's a great bloke. Mark Richardson, who plays with Skunk
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and Ant and Sea. Therese, who plays with Simple Minds. Wow.
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Look at this. Sean in Manic Street Preachers.
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Sean Moore?
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Yeah.
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Oh, wow.
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If you told me, guess how you start your podcast
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with Al Murray? Weeks and weeks until this would have
375
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popped up.
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Mike Joyce from the Smiths.
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What? Mike Joyce from the Smiths?
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
379
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Blimey.
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Michael in Cortina's, Ian Mosley in Meridian. All sorts of people.
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P2 plays for Paul Heaton and Jackie Abbott.
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Dave Rowntree from Blur?
383
00:15:10.330 --> 00:15:10.919
No, not yet.
384
00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:11.950
Not yet.
385
00:15:12.259 --> 00:15:13.669
We live in hope. We chip away.
386
00:15:15.649 --> 00:15:17.570
I've got a question for you, which we should have
387
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said four minutes ago. Have you got children?
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Yes. Okay, good.
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Thank God for that.
390
00:15:22.190 --> 00:15:23.629
I should have answered that. Yes, I do.
391
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How old are your children?
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24, 21 next week, and six. Oh, wow.
393
00:15:32.779 --> 00:15:36.200
You won't remember this, but I've met one of your children.
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00:15:36.820 --> 00:15:40.659
Your daughter, who presumably now is in her 20s, but
395
00:15:41.200 --> 00:15:44.970
at the time, we did a photo shoot of people
396
00:15:45.009 --> 00:15:46.610
going up to Edinburgh in about 2011.
397
00:15:46.590 --> 00:15:50.860
Yeah. It was probably my eldest, who was born in
398
00:15:50.919 --> 00:15:54.679
Edinburgh at the Fringe in 1999. Oh, was she? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
399
00:15:54.720 --> 00:15:56.440
So I had to cancel the show. You know, I mean, Christ.
400
00:15:57.120 --> 00:15:58.990
Immediately inconvenienced by my children.
401
00:16:00.590 --> 00:16:03.470
Well, Romesh's son was born in Edinburgh, and of course
402
00:16:03.529 --> 00:16:04.289
he did the show.
403
00:16:04.309 --> 00:16:06.490
I mean, it's a long time ago. It's nearly 25
404
00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:09.090
years ago. So I can't remember the actual sequence of timing.
405
00:16:09.129 --> 00:16:11.629
But I remember that I think she was actually born
406
00:16:11.669 --> 00:16:13.490
when I was meant to be on stage. So, you know.
407
00:16:13.879 --> 00:16:15.600
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because if you come off stage at
408
00:16:15.639 --> 00:16:17.480
like seven o'clock, say you've got an early show and
409
00:16:17.500 --> 00:16:19.059
then your wife goes into labour, has the baby at
410
00:16:19.100 --> 00:16:21.360
midnight and you're there till morning and you've got all
411
00:16:21.379 --> 00:16:23.240
day again, you can still do the show for an hour,
412
00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:24.240
can't you? The next day.
413
00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:26.500
Still, in theory, do the show for an hour depending
414
00:16:26.539 --> 00:16:28.399
on how you value your relationships.
415
00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:34.600
What was that like doing Edinburgh when a child is
416
00:16:34.659 --> 00:16:36.820
born in the middle of, I don't know how.
417
00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:40.299
It was the last week. It was quite handy really
418
00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:42.399
because I was getting quite big headed at that stage
419
00:16:42.419 --> 00:16:44.379
and it was a really good way of of making
420
00:16:44.419 --> 00:16:45.620
me sort of behave myself.
421
00:16:45.850 --> 00:16:48.190
Was that the first baby you had? Yeah.
422
00:16:48.629 --> 00:16:51.470
So it's the same year I won what was called
423
00:16:51.490 --> 00:16:52.429
the Perrier Awards.
424
00:16:52.490 --> 00:16:52.889
Oh, wow.
425
00:16:53.029 --> 00:16:55.190
What a week. Yeah, she was born on the Monday,
426
00:16:55.269 --> 00:16:56.289
nominated Tuesday.
427
00:16:56.610 --> 00:16:59.250
And that was when it was a mega, mega deal
428
00:16:59.509 --> 00:17:00.210
to win that then.
429
00:17:00.289 --> 00:17:01.350
Oh, it's still a big deal.
430
00:17:01.389 --> 00:17:01.830
Let's not.
431
00:17:02.250 --> 00:17:05.269
It's not, really. You're being too modest.
432
00:17:05.309 --> 00:17:07.230
You're not winning. It's not a big deal, Rob.
433
00:17:07.269 --> 00:17:07.990
Not with TikTok.
434
00:17:09.210 --> 00:17:11.470
Who did you beat, Al? I can't remember, because I
435
00:17:11.490 --> 00:17:12.910
got nominated four times on The Trot.
436
00:17:12.950 --> 00:17:15.390
Oh, yeah, and you were the James Acaster of your day.
437
00:17:15.730 --> 00:17:19.480
Yes, I was, yes. Sadly not in Ghostbusters. I bet
438
00:17:19.500 --> 00:17:21.880
you can remember who beat you, though. Oh, of course
439
00:17:21.900 --> 00:17:27.359
I can. Dylan, Moran, League of Gentlemen, Tommy Tiernan.
440
00:17:27.819 --> 00:17:30.559
Fucking hell, he was strong in those days, wasn't he?
441
00:17:30.579 --> 00:17:31.839
It was fucking incredible.
442
00:17:31.859 --> 00:17:33.900
That's when there were real comedians back then.
443
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:37.180
That's hardcore. Eddie Brew. It was Eddie Brew. It's still
444
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:39.150
a big deal. I'm not going to... engage in things
445
00:17:39.190 --> 00:17:41.130
aren't as good as they used to be i'm not from.
446
00:17:41.029 --> 00:17:42.990
A point of view of like exposure and you were
447
00:17:43.049 --> 00:17:45.670
launched into tv as a big deal where now it
448
00:17:45.710 --> 00:17:47.150
doesn't have as much impact yeah but.
449
00:17:47.069 --> 00:17:49.670
There was less telly so swings around about it's more
450
00:17:49.970 --> 00:17:52.509
more ways on now than there were then but yes
451
00:17:52.569 --> 00:17:54.519
so she was born on the monday and i remember
452
00:17:54.539 --> 00:17:56.660
my mum came up and sort of cooked steak and
453
00:17:56.700 --> 00:17:59.700
did all that sort of like rescue stuff which was
454
00:17:59.740 --> 00:18:02.019
really good you know helped out because my wife my
455
00:18:02.059 --> 00:18:04.779
ex-wife was australian so her family turned up the next
456
00:18:04.839 --> 00:18:07.009
week i think i can't remember It's such a long
457
00:18:07.069 --> 00:18:07.549
time ago.
458
00:18:07.569 --> 00:18:09.990
That is stressful. You're at the Fringe, you're doing your show,
459
00:18:10.029 --> 00:18:12.150
your mum's turned up, then your in-laws are flying in
460
00:18:12.170 --> 00:18:13.039
from Australia.
461
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:15.500
Yeah, but we'd gone home the next week.
462
00:18:15.559 --> 00:18:16.500
Oh, fair enough.
463
00:18:16.559 --> 00:18:17.700
How did you get home?
464
00:18:18.380 --> 00:18:19.779
Train. Train?
465
00:18:21.140 --> 00:18:22.019
With a week old.
466
00:18:22.339 --> 00:18:23.609
Well, but driving, right?
467
00:18:24.269 --> 00:18:26.390
Yeah, I think you've made the right decision. You've made
468
00:18:26.430 --> 00:18:29.150
the right decision. Perrier in one hand, baby in the other.
469
00:18:29.170 --> 00:18:32.369
What a month it's been. Thank you, darling.
470
00:18:32.410 --> 00:18:32.750
That's when.
471
00:18:33.599 --> 00:18:34.759
Yes, Scarlet arrived.
472
00:18:35.140 --> 00:18:36.700
So, Al, did someone come in your office or did
473
00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:38.240
you just say thank you, darling, to yourself?
474
00:18:38.880 --> 00:18:40.900
My wife just brought in some Anzac biscuits, actually.
475
00:18:41.400 --> 00:18:43.420
He's in the office getting biscuits delivered.
476
00:18:43.440 --> 00:18:43.720
What?
477
00:18:44.119 --> 00:18:45.029
He's living the life.
478
00:18:45.269 --> 00:18:45.480
I am.
479
00:18:45.549 --> 00:18:48.069
I'm living the life. That's because I'm on tour and
480
00:18:48.089 --> 00:18:51.730
she's being nice to me. I'm being nice to her
481
00:18:51.750 --> 00:18:53.289
because I'm on tour. Round it goes.
482
00:18:53.309 --> 00:19:03.769
LAUGHTER How is touring now? Because obviously you've grown up kids, really.
483
00:19:03.809 --> 00:19:05.589
They're like adults. You've got a six-year-old.
484
00:19:05.849 --> 00:19:06.049
Yeah.
485
00:19:06.470 --> 00:19:09.619
So the lie-ins on tour now must feel extra sweet.
486
00:19:09.980 --> 00:19:12.460
Well, what I've done, and I did this last time.
487
00:19:12.759 --> 00:19:15.200
We went out the year before last. The pandemic has
488
00:19:15.240 --> 00:19:16.859
changed everything, my attitude to everything.
489
00:19:17.579 --> 00:19:18.480
Started washing your hands.
490
00:19:19.259 --> 00:19:23.329
Get for a start. And not shaking hands with anyone.
491
00:19:24.369 --> 00:19:26.549
Still refuse to touch another human being.
492
00:19:26.609 --> 00:19:27.549
Reduced eye contact.
493
00:19:28.430 --> 00:19:30.650
I resent having to touch people now after two years off.
494
00:19:33.230 --> 00:19:36.740
Well, basically, I hadn't been at home that long in
495
00:19:36.779 --> 00:19:40.759
my life. Yeah. 18 months at home, essentially 19 months
496
00:19:40.779 --> 00:19:43.160
at home. I'd not been at home that much. And
497
00:19:43.200 --> 00:19:45.930
it's completely changed my attitude to everything. Because I was,
498
00:19:46.509 --> 00:19:47.890
when I was a circuit comic, I was one of
499
00:19:47.910 --> 00:19:49.630
those people who wouldn't go on holiday because I'd think,
500
00:19:50.089 --> 00:19:52.950
I'll forget how to do it. I'll simply forget how
501
00:19:52.970 --> 00:19:55.119
to do it. And the lightning will come out of
502
00:19:55.160 --> 00:19:58.519
the bottle and that'll be that. Lord knows what I'll
503
00:19:58.539 --> 00:20:01.799
do next. And so when it came to touring properly,
504
00:20:01.819 --> 00:20:03.359
I was a kind of five days a week guy.
505
00:20:04.019 --> 00:20:05.660
And then the pandemic came along and I was, I'm
506
00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:07.599
the longest I've ever been with one of my children
507
00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:10.039
longer than the other two ever got out of me. Yeah.
508
00:20:10.339 --> 00:20:12.900
And basically now what we do is we tour weekends.
509
00:20:13.480 --> 00:20:13.680
Yeah.
510
00:20:13.740 --> 00:20:16.980
So maybe Friday, Saturday or Saturday, Sunday or Thursday, Friday,
511
00:20:17.019 --> 00:20:19.400
but two a week. And this week is a rare
512
00:20:19.440 --> 00:20:22.109
exception because we've got three this week, but it's maximum
513
00:20:22.140 --> 00:20:25.230
two a week so that I'm at home. So I
514
00:20:25.250 --> 00:20:25.609
have a lot.
515
00:20:25.650 --> 00:20:29.069
That's great. Does that mean your tour is really, really long?
516
00:20:29.150 --> 00:20:31.329
Like you're on like a two year tour or something?
517
00:20:31.349 --> 00:20:32.250
Yeah, but that's all right.
518
00:20:32.289 --> 00:20:33.829
It's just like being a circuit comic, but you get
519
00:20:33.849 --> 00:20:34.309
all the money.
520
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:38.900
Exactly. But it's also like, it's like, it's like, then
521
00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:41.200
it's a way of life rather than this. Oh God,
522
00:20:41.220 --> 00:20:43.240
we've got to, we are on tour now, right? And
523
00:20:43.299 --> 00:20:46.839
it blotting out everything else. Cause I used to get very, very, um,
524
00:20:47.619 --> 00:20:50.250
I like the first couple of weeks and the first month.
525
00:20:50.309 --> 00:20:52.109
And then you're like the third month. And basically you
526
00:20:52.130 --> 00:20:54.309
just wait for the doorbell to ring. I used to
527
00:20:54.329 --> 00:20:56.450
get into this state where I couldn't organize myself to
528
00:20:56.490 --> 00:20:59.230
do anything. Yeah. So like you need to buy a
529
00:20:59.250 --> 00:21:01.190
new car or whatever. Couldn't be bothered. I'll wait till
530
00:21:01.210 --> 00:21:03.369
the tour's finished. And I remember trying to explain this
531
00:21:03.390 --> 00:21:04.950
to someone and them looking at me like I was,
532
00:21:05.690 --> 00:21:08.509
like there's something actually properly wrong with me. Like, why
533
00:21:08.549 --> 00:21:09.990
can't you buy a car? I was like, oh, you know,
534
00:21:10.029 --> 00:21:12.549
just because I'll have to leave. You know, I'll have
535
00:21:12.569 --> 00:21:13.809
to go get in the morning and then I'll have
536
00:21:13.869 --> 00:21:16.230
to go and I won't be able to drive it.
537
00:21:16.369 --> 00:21:19.210
And that's just it. an example at random, but it
538
00:21:19.250 --> 00:21:21.849
means I'm at home, I'm doing, from the kids' side
539
00:21:21.869 --> 00:21:23.369
of things, I do school run, I'm doing, you know,
540
00:21:23.890 --> 00:21:26.779
I'm around in a way, if you've got Monday, Tuesday off,
541
00:21:26.789 --> 00:21:29.769
which is what I used to do, you're not available
542
00:21:29.789 --> 00:21:31.559
to anyone and you can't do anything else and you
543
00:21:31.579 --> 00:21:32.480
can't do swimming.
544
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:33.140
Oh, that's lovely.
545
00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:34.680
And all that sort of stuff. So it was the
546
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:37.319
pandemic that made me really change my attitude and also
547
00:21:37.500 --> 00:21:39.900
basically say to my manager, no, no, no, that's what
548
00:21:39.920 --> 00:21:41.259
we're going to do, rather than me going, oh, all
549
00:21:41.299 --> 00:21:43.599
right then, because I'm an all right then person. Yeah, yeah.
550
00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:46.759
Could you imagine doing that, Rob? Or do you like
551
00:21:46.819 --> 00:21:47.869
the rack and stack?
552
00:21:48.369 --> 00:21:51.029
My tours are similar to that, really. It goes on
553
00:21:51.049 --> 00:21:53.250
for ages, but I'm sort of doing like three a week.
554
00:21:53.789 --> 00:21:56.589
So it's not like the whole time. And then also
555
00:21:56.630 --> 00:21:59.289
within that, I've booked off all the school holidays and
556
00:21:59.369 --> 00:22:02.990
filming blocks because I'm filming with Romesh and stuff like that.
557
00:22:03.009 --> 00:22:05.259
So I've got quite a lot of time booked off
558
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:06.920
to have a little break from it all. So it's
559
00:22:06.940 --> 00:22:09.839
sort of spread rather than five days a week for
560
00:22:09.859 --> 00:22:10.680
like 12 months.
561
00:22:11.589 --> 00:22:13.450
I actually blocked the summer out this year because last
562
00:22:13.490 --> 00:22:13.700
year I did.
563
00:22:13.710 --> 00:22:14.470
Yeah, I'd do that.
564
00:22:14.609 --> 00:22:16.470
I did a play last year, which I'd not done before,
565
00:22:17.250 --> 00:22:20.210
which is so much fun, right? Yeah. But it was
566
00:22:20.819 --> 00:22:22.819
three months, 14 weeks or something.
567
00:22:23.099 --> 00:22:23.740
Oh, God, yeah.
568
00:22:23.940 --> 00:22:25.460
With six weeks rehearsal before that.
569
00:22:25.700 --> 00:22:26.480
Fucking hell.
570
00:22:26.839 --> 00:22:29.640
I know, right? And the thing is, I've always wanted
571
00:22:29.660 --> 00:22:32.220
to do it. Can I act? Let's find out. Although,
572
00:22:32.240 --> 00:22:33.960
to be honest, it fell well within my sort of
573
00:22:34.619 --> 00:22:36.759
overpowering performance skill set.
574
00:22:36.859 --> 00:22:37.539
What was you playing?
575
00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:38.799
I played King Charles II.
576
00:22:39.599 --> 00:22:42.289
Oh, my relative was related to him. Not related to him,
577
00:22:42.299 --> 00:22:43.920
worked for him. I found that out on Who Do
578
00:22:43.940 --> 00:22:44.420
You Think You Are?
579
00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:44.900
Really?
580
00:22:44.940 --> 00:22:47.700
Or is it King Charles I? Oh, God, I'm so
581
00:22:47.769 --> 00:22:48.460
bad at history.
582
00:22:48.549 --> 00:22:50.789
One of them died. One of them was executed.
583
00:22:50.869 --> 00:22:53.109
The one that was executed, Roundhead's Cavaliers guy.
584
00:22:53.430 --> 00:22:54.890
Yeah, I was his son, the sexy one.
585
00:22:55.450 --> 00:22:56.230
Oh, right.
586
00:22:56.490 --> 00:22:57.250
Oh, yeah, of course.
587
00:22:57.690 --> 00:23:02.630
Of course. Can you tell? Big long wig and all that, amazing.
588
00:23:03.170 --> 00:23:05.390
So basically that wiped out having a holiday completely. We
589
00:23:05.410 --> 00:23:08.259
started rehearsing in June and that finished in October.
590
00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:09.279
Oh, God, yeah.
591
00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:11.779
Almost by out of the year. But that was good
592
00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:14.480
because my youngest, she would come to the theatre. I'd
593
00:23:14.500 --> 00:23:16.400
bring her to the theatre for my early call or whatever.
594
00:23:16.859 --> 00:23:18.519
But a fight call, as they call it, where you
595
00:23:18.539 --> 00:23:20.539
have to practice the fight. Because we had a fight.
596
00:23:20.960 --> 00:23:22.079
Do you have to do that every day?
597
00:23:22.099 --> 00:23:23.980
You have to come in every day and do the fight.
598
00:23:24.619 --> 00:23:28.000
You know, effectively what you're doing is making sure you're insured. Right, right.
599
00:23:28.019 --> 00:23:29.940
You've got an understudy in the fight. They might not
600
00:23:29.980 --> 00:23:32.640
know the fight. Right, yeah. Anyway, she'd come in with me.
601
00:23:33.200 --> 00:23:34.759
And then my wife would pick her up after work.
602
00:23:35.299 --> 00:23:38.940
Which was nice because... I've always really liked my kids
603
00:23:39.359 --> 00:23:41.779
properly knowing what I do. A very long time ago,
604
00:23:41.839 --> 00:23:44.660
I did some arena shows, which I hated, but we
605
00:23:44.680 --> 00:23:46.500
did them. But that's the thing of having your kids
606
00:23:46.859 --> 00:23:49.480
come on stage, come on stage, stand in the middle
607
00:23:49.509 --> 00:23:52.170
of the room and understand that you're not just going
608
00:23:52.190 --> 00:23:54.950
off having fun or just vanishing. You know, like the
609
00:23:54.990 --> 00:23:56.569
way I used to go and sit in my dad's
610
00:23:56.690 --> 00:24:00.630
office when it's that thing of them just having an idea.
611
00:24:00.910 --> 00:24:01.750
Yeah, totally.
612
00:24:02.130 --> 00:24:05.279
And my eldest, Scarlett, she used to, when she was 10...
613
00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:07.099
she used to love coming to the show and sitting
614
00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:08.920
on the sound desk and she used to love the
615
00:24:09.029 --> 00:24:11.750
cursing and all that. Yeah. Being rude and like, God,
616
00:24:11.789 --> 00:24:15.170
daddy's so rude and like wildly out there. And then
617
00:24:15.210 --> 00:24:17.089
obviously that wore off when she became a teenager, but
618
00:24:17.109 --> 00:24:18.430
it's sort of, it's returned now.
619
00:24:18.609 --> 00:24:21.670
Has it? Do they come and watch you on tour? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
620
00:24:21.690 --> 00:24:24.039
My kids, they come and see me and my eldest
621
00:24:24.079 --> 00:24:27.200
Scarlett writes a bit and everything. So they're, they're interested
622
00:24:27.240 --> 00:24:30.460
in being creative. Then my Willow, my little ones, she's
623
00:24:30.500 --> 00:24:33.079
a singer and she's at film school and she's incredibly creative. So,
624
00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:34.960
She'll turn up and go, you know, I'm not sure
625
00:24:35.009 --> 00:24:36.069
about that bit in the middle there, Dad.
626
00:24:37.089 --> 00:24:38.150
And would you take her note?
627
00:24:38.569 --> 00:24:41.009
I'd listen, but I'd think, yeah, but then I've got
628
00:24:41.029 --> 00:24:44.430
to rewrite the whole thing, you know. It's like putting
629
00:24:44.470 --> 00:24:45.789
a thread on the jumper, isn't it? You don't want
630
00:24:45.809 --> 00:24:47.069
the whole thing to unravel.
631
00:24:47.329 --> 00:24:49.390
I don't mind feedback if the fix is quick.
632
00:24:49.670 --> 00:24:50.339
Yeah, exactly.
633
00:24:50.539 --> 00:24:52.920
Yeah, I'll change the word. Okay, I'll change that one word.
634
00:24:53.059 --> 00:24:55.240
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm not dropping that subject.
635
00:24:55.279 --> 00:24:58.480
I'm sorry. Because obviously, with a pub landlord, I do
636
00:24:58.500 --> 00:25:01.079
a load of, like, kids these days stuff. And they're like, yeah,
637
00:25:01.180 --> 00:25:04.180
do you mean us? Yeah. A little.
638
00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:08.940
So I suppose because I'm like, obviously, so in awe
639
00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:12.519
of like your generation of comics I watched on TV
640
00:25:12.559 --> 00:25:16.839
at the time. And were you all talking about being parents? Like,
641
00:25:16.859 --> 00:25:19.119
because you imagine it's all kind of rock and roll
642
00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:21.200
and stuff. But were you obviously your good mates like
643
00:25:21.240 --> 00:25:22.529
Harry Hill and stuff?
644
00:25:22.769 --> 00:25:24.720
I mean, there'll be a bit of chatter about that.
645
00:25:25.269 --> 00:25:27.349
I mean, I think what's really, really interesting is that
646
00:25:28.029 --> 00:25:30.210
there are many more comedians than there ever were. Or
647
00:25:30.589 --> 00:25:32.410
it seems to me. Yeah, I think there are. Yeah, yeah.
648
00:25:32.549 --> 00:25:35.900
There's lots more. So I can't think who it would
649
00:25:35.920 --> 00:25:37.539
have been, but there would have been someone who talked
650
00:25:37.579 --> 00:25:39.559
about being a parent. That would have been their thing.
651
00:25:39.579 --> 00:25:40.740
They were like the parent guy.
652
00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:41.700
Yeah.
653
00:25:42.059 --> 00:25:43.880
And often it would be women who would talk about
654
00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.259
parenting a lot more in their stuff, I think. Yeah.
655
00:25:46.519 --> 00:25:48.920
Because of the way gender roles and all that. Yeah.
656
00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:51.079
But yeah, I mean, there would be, you'd talk about
657
00:25:51.099 --> 00:25:53.740
it and you'd talk about basically, there's a Twitter account
658
00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:58.220
that says, you know, having kids hasn't stopped us from
659
00:25:58.269 --> 00:25:59.549
doing anything we used to do.
660
00:26:00.009 --> 00:26:06.710
We still do the same stuff. It's just ruined. On
661
00:26:06.730 --> 00:26:09.410
the nose? Yeah, I mean, I think that's what we
662
00:26:09.450 --> 00:26:10.809
used to talk about. I mean, the main thing is
663
00:26:10.849 --> 00:26:13.359
just that if you are out at night, because we're
664
00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:16.660
night people, aren't we? Yeah. In essence, yeah, you end
665
00:26:16.700 --> 00:26:18.859
up filming and so you end up having to do
666
00:26:18.900 --> 00:26:21.940
early mornings and wondering where you went wrong. You know,
667
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:23.720
I mean, I did literally get into this business so
668
00:26:23.740 --> 00:26:24.400
I didn't have to get up.
669
00:26:24.359 --> 00:26:26.980
In the morning. Yeah, those people that do like sitcoms
670
00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:28.839
where they'll get picked up at five every day, I think,
671
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:30.119
can you be fucked?
672
00:26:30.559 --> 00:26:30.710
Yeah.
673
00:26:30.930 --> 00:26:33.039
You don't even get a proper buzz because you don't
674
00:26:33.099 --> 00:26:34.019
see anyone laughing.
675
00:26:34.359 --> 00:26:34.519
No.
676
00:26:34.599 --> 00:26:35.539
It's so crowd.
677
00:26:35.579 --> 00:26:37.819
Have you ever talked to actors about that where you say,
678
00:26:37.839 --> 00:26:40.700
do you know it's going well? Yeah.
679
00:26:43.569 --> 00:26:44.529
That was a good bit, I think.
680
00:26:44.809 --> 00:26:45.670
Yeah, exactly.
681
00:26:45.690 --> 00:26:46.470
They said cut.
682
00:26:46.869 --> 00:26:49.150
Exactly. Well, that's what the actors say. If the director
683
00:26:49.170 --> 00:26:51.269
says cut, let's move on then. I've obviously done it right.
684
00:26:54.630 --> 00:26:56.980
Do you feel like you're a different parent? Because you've
685
00:26:57.000 --> 00:26:58.759
got this kind of the 20 and 24 and then
686
00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:01.809
you've got the six-year-old. Are you a different person or
687
00:27:01.829 --> 00:27:02.589
a different parent?
688
00:27:03.009 --> 00:27:05.789
Yes, I feel. I mean, I am. I mean, I
689
00:27:05.789 --> 00:27:07.630
had some material about it in a show, not this show,
690
00:27:07.650 --> 00:27:09.990
the show before, about, I used to have this thing,
691
00:27:10.170 --> 00:27:13.089
and somehow I used to get to this via Brexit, right?
692
00:27:13.670 --> 00:27:15.430
So I had a piece of material about Brexit that said,
693
00:27:15.450 --> 00:27:17.750
but the basic problem with Brexit is the thing you
694
00:27:17.769 --> 00:27:20.450
can only ever do once, right? So the pub land
695
00:27:20.470 --> 00:27:22.369
was basically saying, there'll never be another morning like that
696
00:27:22.410 --> 00:27:24.150
morning where we woke up and realised we told the
697
00:27:24.170 --> 00:27:26.670
whole of Europe to fuck off, right? We'll never get
698
00:27:26.710 --> 00:27:29.769
that feeling ever again in our lives, right? So that's
699
00:27:29.809 --> 00:27:32.359
the thing to be sad about, right? Like having a
700
00:27:32.380 --> 00:27:35.660
first child. So that was the tenuous piece of sinew
701
00:27:35.700 --> 00:27:37.519
that connected those. So basically, you know, and it is
702
00:27:37.559 --> 00:27:41.240
that thing. Your first child, there's coasters, there's posters, there's
703
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:45.589
T-shirts of their face. You have their name tattooed on you.
704
00:27:45.609 --> 00:27:46.650
The whole thing. Yeah.
705
00:27:46.950 --> 00:27:48.869
The camera roll is all pictures of them.
706
00:27:49.029 --> 00:27:49.430
Yeah.
707
00:27:49.670 --> 00:27:51.150
The second kid is like, get up.
708
00:27:51.750 --> 00:27:52.210
You're all right.
709
00:27:52.890 --> 00:27:56.890
The third kid, no photographic evidence of their existence. Fourth,
710
00:27:57.049 --> 00:28:00.509
kids are poltergeist, right? Objects move in the house, food disappears,
711
00:28:00.529 --> 00:28:03.440
you know, all that, right? Straightforward idea. But I am
712
00:28:03.500 --> 00:28:07.099
now sort of, with two older ones, you're much more
713
00:28:07.140 --> 00:28:08.500
in the kind of poltergeist zone.
714
00:28:08.539 --> 00:28:09.039
Like, yeah.
715
00:28:09.079 --> 00:28:10.230
You're not crying, are you?
716
00:28:10.700 --> 00:28:12.940
Okay.
717
00:28:13.940 --> 00:28:15.349
How was it though? Because obviously, you know, there was
718
00:28:15.369 --> 00:28:18.440
a big gap between the kids. like your energy levels
719
00:28:18.500 --> 00:28:20.099
and stuff like that. Like people always say like, if
720
00:28:20.119 --> 00:28:21.480
you have a kid's a bit older and stuff, because
721
00:28:21.500 --> 00:28:23.900
you're younger when you had your first two, did you
722
00:28:23.940 --> 00:28:25.869
find it harder or was it fine because you weren't
723
00:28:26.089 --> 00:28:29.029
so overly worried and paranoid like you are with the first?
724
00:28:29.509 --> 00:28:31.549
I think it balances itself out. It's a sort of
725
00:28:31.650 --> 00:28:35.230
quantity theory of effort. Like, I mean, maybe I'm making
726
00:28:35.269 --> 00:28:37.670
less effort because I can make less effort both ways.
727
00:28:37.690 --> 00:28:39.650
You know, I'm able to make less effort because I'm
728
00:28:39.710 --> 00:28:42.210
older and more knackered, but also I know I don't
729
00:28:42.250 --> 00:28:43.869
need to make it. It's like the two things have
730
00:28:43.910 --> 00:28:46.730
sort of sat in balance with each other because certainly,
731
00:28:47.230 --> 00:28:48.890
My first time round, I was very much like, I
732
00:28:49.049 --> 00:28:51.630
think I was pretty sort of keen and up in
733
00:28:51.650 --> 00:28:54.710
the morning. And the first time round, I think you
734
00:28:54.750 --> 00:28:57.049
can expend a lot of energy and a lot of stuff.
735
00:28:57.430 --> 00:28:57.690
Yeah.
736
00:28:57.950 --> 00:28:59.970
And you actually, there's no need. It's all right.
737
00:29:00.029 --> 00:29:03.109
You can just worry about them non-stop, even when they're
738
00:29:03.130 --> 00:29:05.490
not with them. And it's just exhausting where you go, actually,
739
00:29:05.910 --> 00:29:07.569
they've probably got a bit of a cold and the
740
00:29:07.589 --> 00:29:09.250
car pole's sorted out. But when it's your first one,
741
00:29:09.269 --> 00:29:11.210
you're like, oh, do we need to go to the hospital?
742
00:29:11.349 --> 00:29:13.410
Oh, God, oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then
743
00:29:13.750 --> 00:29:16.619
you go further into that. Because my oldest, Scarlett, she
744
00:29:16.630 --> 00:29:18.789
has a, And she won't mind me talking about this.
745
00:29:19.470 --> 00:29:21.730
She has a left side hemiplegia, which is a form
746
00:29:21.750 --> 00:29:22.710
of cerebral palsy.
747
00:29:23.009 --> 00:29:23.230
Right.
748
00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:25.759
So we had all that to deal with when she
749
00:29:25.799 --> 00:29:29.319
was little. Then you're like, I'm not worrying about a
750
00:29:29.359 --> 00:29:30.480
cold or a fever.
751
00:29:30.539 --> 00:29:30.880
Yeah.
752
00:29:31.140 --> 00:29:33.559
This is like a thing we actually have to tackle.
753
00:29:33.559 --> 00:29:36.130
Then you find yourself caught in the whole loop of like,
754
00:29:36.130 --> 00:29:38.069
you've got to be bullish and you've got to be
755
00:29:38.069 --> 00:29:40.019
aggressive and you've got with the services to get what
756
00:29:40.039 --> 00:29:42.160
you want out of them yeah you've got to really
757
00:29:42.220 --> 00:29:44.420
push and you've got to push endlessly and you've got
758
00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:46.740
to protect your child from how you're because you're feeling
759
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:49.960
generally you're going to those meetings wanting to flip desks
760
00:29:50.019 --> 00:29:52.019
over and go for christ's sake why won't you people
761
00:29:52.059 --> 00:29:53.539
help and why is everything taking so long and all
762
00:29:53.559 --> 00:29:55.460
that sort of thing and you want to keep their
763
00:29:55.539 --> 00:30:00.130
spirits up because we would go to occupational therapy clinics,
764
00:30:00.329 --> 00:30:02.329
you know, once every six months. And you think, well,
765
00:30:02.349 --> 00:30:04.849
how is this helping? Yeah. What's the point of any
766
00:30:04.869 --> 00:30:07.190
of this? And what are we getting out of it?
767
00:30:07.230 --> 00:30:10.660
And so, so that with a first child, it feels
768
00:30:10.700 --> 00:30:14.119
justified being like over, worried about them in a way.
769
00:30:14.420 --> 00:30:16.319
But she was amazing. I remember because she used to
770
00:30:16.339 --> 00:30:19.180
wear a splint on her leg to correct her gait.
771
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:21.500
And she was sort of three and she's wearing this
772
00:30:21.539 --> 00:30:24.619
plastic splint. She's hobbling about on it. And this, this
773
00:30:24.660 --> 00:30:26.589
woman says, in a shop says, oh, you know, what's
774
00:30:26.650 --> 00:30:29.539
up to your legs, sweetheart? And she went, Long story.
775
00:30:29.960 --> 00:30:34.900
That's amazing.
776
00:30:34.940 --> 00:30:38.440
You're like, yeah, go on, rock on. You've made a
777
00:30:38.460 --> 00:30:38.920
good stuff.
778
00:30:39.299 --> 00:30:42.440
And so what age did you realise that something was
779
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:43.970
different or up or whatever?
780
00:30:44.230 --> 00:30:46.049
By the time she was one, it was quite clear
781
00:30:46.069 --> 00:30:48.609
there was something going on in her musculature because she
782
00:30:48.650 --> 00:30:51.829
would present by gripping her hand, her left hand with
783
00:30:51.869 --> 00:30:53.730
her thumb between her index finger and her middle finger
784
00:30:54.109 --> 00:30:56.809
and holding her arm up. At the time she was walking,
785
00:30:56.869 --> 00:30:58.970
she was walking on her left foot on a tiptoe.
786
00:30:59.309 --> 00:30:59.670
Right.
787
00:30:59.769 --> 00:31:03.049
The muscles were all spasm. Yeah. And then you go
788
00:31:03.089 --> 00:31:04.809
see a doctor, and the doctor goes, well, I don't know.
789
00:31:04.829 --> 00:31:06.630
So they send you on to someone else, and it
790
00:31:06.789 --> 00:31:09.809
all just took ages. And then I think when she
791
00:31:09.829 --> 00:31:13.210
was about two and a half, we moved house to
792
00:31:13.230 --> 00:31:16.470
a different borough, and then you're like, it's literally snakes
793
00:31:16.490 --> 00:31:18.630
and ladders. Oh, my God. You've got to start again.
794
00:31:19.299 --> 00:31:22.220
But then I've been in the same place ever since, so...
795
00:31:22.470 --> 00:31:24.740
the care was consistent. But she'll tell you that then
796
00:31:24.779 --> 00:31:28.299
when you turn 18, you just fall completely off the grid.
797
00:31:28.779 --> 00:31:30.900
There is no handover. There is no moment where you
798
00:31:30.940 --> 00:31:33.779
go from one set of disability services to another. You
799
00:31:33.799 --> 00:31:36.599
just fall off a ledge and you have to find
800
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:39.480
the people yourself and you have to get yourself referred
801
00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:42.619
all over again and basically start again. And very often
802
00:31:42.660 --> 00:31:45.509
sort of, Scarlett's done advocacy for this and all this
803
00:31:45.529 --> 00:31:48.190
stuff and written about it. And she writes really brilliantly
804
00:31:48.230 --> 00:31:50.089
about it, about how it made her feel when she
805
00:31:50.130 --> 00:31:52.539
was a kid and how she felt different and And
806
00:31:52.579 --> 00:31:54.960
how that plays out at school. You know, some people
807
00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:57.230
bully you and some people take care of you and
808
00:31:57.269 --> 00:31:59.269
make a fuss of you. And maybe the fuss is
809
00:31:59.329 --> 00:32:01.109
as annoying as the bullying because you want to just
810
00:32:01.130 --> 00:32:01.950
get on with your life.
811
00:32:02.109 --> 00:32:02.750
Yeah.
812
00:32:02.809 --> 00:32:06.230
But she said that very often with child disabilities, you know,
813
00:32:06.569 --> 00:32:09.059
there is a thing to take care of you. But
814
00:32:09.079 --> 00:32:11.240
then with cerebral palsy in particular, people tend to forget
815
00:32:11.279 --> 00:32:13.519
that adults have got it. And it's essentially like having
816
00:32:13.559 --> 00:32:16.059
had a stroke, but in the third trimester. So she
817
00:32:16.099 --> 00:32:19.079
presents with a muscle paralysis like people have had a stroke. Yeah,
818
00:32:19.099 --> 00:32:20.660
of course. If you've had a stroke, the alarm bells
819
00:32:20.700 --> 00:32:23.039
go off and they treat you. But if you're a
820
00:32:23.079 --> 00:32:25.599
kid who's grown up with it and you turn 18,
821
00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:27.720
you fall off the radar. And I think she's found
822
00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:29.160
some of it odd. She's found some of it just
823
00:32:30.059 --> 00:32:32.920
like philosophic to deal with, but she found that bewildering
824
00:32:32.940 --> 00:32:34.869
that there wouldn't be like a moment. Yeah.
825
00:32:34.910 --> 00:32:35.470
Continuing.
826
00:32:35.730 --> 00:32:36.890
Yeah. It's really kind of strange.
827
00:32:37.089 --> 00:32:40.250
Actually, we just moved house and we went to book
828
00:32:40.269 --> 00:32:42.509
an appointment. We're in that sort of 20 minutes away
829
00:32:42.549 --> 00:32:45.109
where we were before. And our old GP is like, no,
830
00:32:45.190 --> 00:32:46.930
you've moved too far away at the catchment. We can't
831
00:32:46.950 --> 00:32:48.759
service you. Here's a letter to say that you're going
832
00:32:48.779 --> 00:32:50.400
to be taken off our books in two weeks time.
833
00:32:50.700 --> 00:32:52.599
You know, Oh, okay, all right, so I've been evicted
834
00:32:52.619 --> 00:32:55.339
from there. But no list of, like, in your new area,
835
00:32:55.359 --> 00:32:56.559
where to go. So you sort of like, okay, we'll
836
00:32:56.579 --> 00:32:58.559
just try and find a doctor. And they were like, yeah,
837
00:32:58.579 --> 00:32:59.920
we're full. I was like, okay, so I have no
838
00:32:59.960 --> 00:33:00.319
doctor now.
839
00:33:00.869 --> 00:33:01.450
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
840
00:33:01.660 --> 00:33:03.710
Okay, so you're full and we've been chucked out of there,
841
00:33:03.750 --> 00:33:06.829
so there is just not a doctor at the moment. Okay, brilliant.
842
00:33:06.849 --> 00:33:09.589
So you've got something you're really having to deal with. Yeah,
843
00:33:09.869 --> 00:33:11.450
and that's just trying to get one for, like, a cold.
844
00:33:11.470 --> 00:33:13.589
But if you've got, like you say, a real issue
845
00:33:13.630 --> 00:33:16.369
that needs proper treatment, it must be a nightmare.
846
00:33:16.730 --> 00:33:18.630
Yeah, yeah. Because the other thing is, the thing we
847
00:33:18.650 --> 00:33:21.660
were always conscious of is that The word minor is
848
00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.509
wrong because it's not a minor disability because it affects
849
00:33:24.549 --> 00:33:27.809
everything about her. She wasn't in a wheelchair, so you weren't...
850
00:33:28.190 --> 00:33:29.789
And in fact, this is the thing she's always said,
851
00:33:29.849 --> 00:33:32.609
is that people don't see it to start with, so
852
00:33:32.650 --> 00:33:34.730
they don't see it, so they don't take account of it.
853
00:33:34.769 --> 00:33:37.609
And then it's a thing you have to address and introduce.
854
00:33:38.009 --> 00:33:38.369
Yeah.
855
00:33:38.650 --> 00:33:40.759
That itself can be quite tricky. But that was the
856
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:45.160
ongoing sort of slugfest as a parent from when she
857
00:33:45.180 --> 00:33:47.099
was two to when she was 18, really. And we...
858
00:33:47.799 --> 00:33:50.220
I'll put my hand up very, very fortunate. I earned
859
00:33:50.240 --> 00:33:53.809
the kind of money where we were able and the
860
00:33:53.890 --> 00:33:56.269
NHS is an amazing thing. And yeah, of course I'm
861
00:33:56.289 --> 00:33:58.089
going to get angry tweets about this, but we were
862
00:33:58.130 --> 00:34:02.950
really fortunate that we were able to, if we had to, yeah,
863
00:34:03.170 --> 00:34:05.710
there was a service called second skin from Australia who
864
00:34:05.730 --> 00:34:08.900
would make a Lycra splint to help her hand, but
865
00:34:08.920 --> 00:34:10.679
you had to pay for that. Yeah, of course I
866
00:34:10.719 --> 00:34:13.019
had to do that privately. And so I'm aware of
867
00:34:13.159 --> 00:34:15.280
the people who couldn't access that, but we would do that.
868
00:34:15.340 --> 00:34:17.840
And it, thank Christ I'm paid too much money to
869
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:27.630
talk shit. Well, that boils down to my lucky fucking stars.
870
00:34:27.730 --> 00:34:29.789
And also that when I came through as a comic,
871
00:34:30.570 --> 00:34:32.590
there was so much work when I was a circuit comedian,
872
00:34:32.610 --> 00:34:34.530
you could do 10 gigs a week if you wanted to.
873
00:34:35.409 --> 00:34:38.460
So you could spend five years learning how to do it. Yeah.
874
00:34:38.519 --> 00:34:38.840
Yeah.
875
00:34:39.119 --> 00:34:41.599
And also the pay on the circuit as well, sort of,
876
00:34:41.949 --> 00:34:43.869
It was good then, but the numbers you get paid
877
00:34:43.889 --> 00:34:44.889
haven't really gone up much.
878
00:34:44.949 --> 00:34:45.849
They're the same, aren't they?
879
00:34:46.010 --> 00:34:46.150
Yeah.
880
00:34:46.170 --> 00:34:49.070
It's something I find really amazing. It's people go, oh, yeah, it's,
881
00:34:49.090 --> 00:34:51.769
you know, 150 quid for that club. That was the
882
00:34:51.809 --> 00:34:56.659
same in 1998. I know, it's mental.
883
00:34:56.820 --> 00:34:59.599
That's £ 106. 25 to do the middle in that one. Okay.
884
00:34:59.619 --> 00:35:02.019
Yeah, exactly. I know how much my house is worth
885
00:35:02.079 --> 00:35:02.460
more than it.
886
00:35:02.840 --> 00:35:04.360
What?
887
00:35:04.900 --> 00:35:05.860
It's eight quid for butter.
888
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:08.039
If gig fees had gone up at the same speed
889
00:35:08.079 --> 00:35:10.539
as houses, none of us would ever leave the circuit.
890
00:35:11.150 --> 00:35:12.489
It'd be 10 grand of set.
891
00:35:12.789 --> 00:35:14.769
Exactly. Be like, all right, okay, fine, I'll do it.
892
00:35:16.280 --> 00:35:17.480
It's like, we'll drive to boat.
893
00:35:17.500 --> 00:35:19.380
We'll be fighting to go back on the circuit.
894
00:35:19.559 --> 00:35:21.460
Yeah.
895
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:25.780
Obviously, it's really difficult for the child who's going through it.
896
00:35:26.119 --> 00:35:29.650
But as an adult with their first child, that must
897
00:35:29.690 --> 00:35:34.550
be an incredibly emotionally kind of draining thing to go
898
00:35:34.630 --> 00:35:37.809
through because you're a support, right, for that whole kind
899
00:35:37.849 --> 00:35:38.130
of thing.
900
00:35:38.659 --> 00:35:40.940
It's tough. I mean, I like to think of myself
901
00:35:41.019 --> 00:35:43.340
as a kind of like, all right, keep calm, carry
902
00:35:43.429 --> 00:35:44.030
on person.
903
00:35:44.360 --> 00:35:45.030
Stiff upper lip.
904
00:35:45.269 --> 00:35:47.469
Stiff upper lip. That's how I like to see myself.
905
00:35:47.869 --> 00:35:49.869
I may not actually be that, but that's the sort
906
00:35:49.889 --> 00:35:52.449
of thing I aspire to, sort of emotionally self-reliance and
907
00:35:52.469 --> 00:35:54.769
all that sort of thing. It was the frustrations of it.
908
00:35:54.789 --> 00:35:58.099
It's the frustrations of the systems. More in a way
909
00:35:58.159 --> 00:36:03.179
than my poor baby. Yeah. It's like, why the fucking
910
00:36:03.219 --> 00:36:07.280
hell are we having to do this? Why isn't this easier?
911
00:36:07.300 --> 00:36:07.380
Yeah.
912
00:36:07.940 --> 00:36:10.199
And then you'd also think, thank God, it's a bigger,
913
00:36:10.420 --> 00:36:12.800
a harder problem, like something more difficult to have to
914
00:36:12.840 --> 00:36:14.980
deal with, which you see. You see all the time.
915
00:36:16.440 --> 00:36:18.719
When your kids are ill or whatever, I don't want
916
00:36:18.739 --> 00:36:22.489
to go too deeply into this, but my brother-in-law and sister-in-law,
917
00:36:22.510 --> 00:36:25.070
they lost my nephew, their son. He died two and
918
00:36:25.269 --> 00:36:27.610
a half years ago. He had a very rare blood cancer.
919
00:36:27.750 --> 00:36:32.550
And watching them go through that, you think, right, okay, fine.
920
00:36:32.980 --> 00:36:36.320
Everything we went through. Yeah, yeah, of course. Shut up. Yeah.
921
00:36:36.340 --> 00:36:36.679
Shut up.
922
00:36:38.300 --> 00:36:39.449
It's the sort of thing your parents say to you.
923
00:36:39.460 --> 00:36:41.380
There's always someone worse off than you. But on that occasion,
924
00:36:41.900 --> 00:36:43.519
I know there is. Yeah, yeah, of course.
925
00:36:43.659 --> 00:36:43.900
Yeah.
926
00:36:44.079 --> 00:36:46.420
It still doesn't make your problems not exist, but it
927
00:36:46.480 --> 00:36:47.840
can help you put them in perspective.
928
00:36:47.860 --> 00:36:50.559
Exactly, which is always useful, especially if you're a stand-up comedian.
929
00:36:50.840 --> 00:36:51.900
I mean, if I were going down to mine.
930
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.460
Oh, yeah. I mean, our job does take the piss, really.
931
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:56.019
I know the people look at it and go, it's
932
00:36:56.099 --> 00:36:58.159
awkward and hard and you might die on your arse
933
00:36:58.179 --> 00:37:00.070
for a bit at the start, but fuck me. Once
934
00:37:00.090 --> 00:37:01.929
you get into the groove of it, and also... If
935
00:37:01.969 --> 00:37:04.440
you just get 20 minutes, it's half decent. It's still
936
00:37:04.460 --> 00:37:07.860
a decent life. Just fucking running around doing that. You
937
00:37:07.880 --> 00:37:09.019
don't even have to write anymore.
938
00:37:09.039 --> 00:37:11.280
Actually, what we're doing, we're letting far too much light
939
00:37:11.300 --> 00:37:12.400
in here, aren't we?
940
00:37:15.139 --> 00:37:16.699
It's a hard job and it's not impossible.
941
00:37:16.760 --> 00:37:18.920
This is the topic Al doesn't want to speak about.
942
00:37:19.019 --> 00:37:20.199
He's happy to talk about.
943
00:37:20.099 --> 00:37:22.219
The other topic. This is the one that he's like.
944
00:37:22.340 --> 00:37:24.480
Okay, let's forget about Stano. Let's talk about the real
945
00:37:24.539 --> 00:37:27.449
hard art that's impossible to penetrate, which is podcasts.
946
00:37:28.500 --> 00:37:29.260
Oh, yeah.
947
00:37:30.619 --> 00:37:33.579
Now, that really, that's much harder than comedy, that sat
948
00:37:33.619 --> 00:37:34.079
down in your house.
949
00:37:34.099 --> 00:37:36.679
You're one of the OGs. You've been doing your Second
950
00:37:36.699 --> 00:37:38.690
World War podcast for years, haven't you?
951
00:37:39.110 --> 00:37:42.230
May 2019 we started. Yeah. And we were ticking along nicely.
952
00:37:42.289 --> 00:37:43.809
And basically what it is, we talk about the Second
953
00:37:43.849 --> 00:37:46.369
World War. It's called World War II Pod. We have
954
00:37:46.389 --> 00:37:48.289
ways to make you talk. And it's me and James Holland,
955
00:37:48.309 --> 00:37:50.250
who's a brilliant, brilliant historian.
956
00:37:50.289 --> 00:37:52.730
I know where this is going. What a lovely kicker
957
00:37:52.769 --> 00:37:53.210
to this.
958
00:37:53.570 --> 00:37:56.119
And he's a tremendous friend of mine. So basically... We
959
00:37:56.199 --> 00:37:57.840
used to meet in the pub. He'd ring me up
960
00:37:57.860 --> 00:37:59.260
and he'd go, I'm in town. I've got to see
961
00:37:59.280 --> 00:38:00.800
my publisher Wednesday. Should we go to the pub and
962
00:38:00.820 --> 00:38:03.639
talk about the Second World War? I'd be like, yeah. Right.
963
00:38:03.940 --> 00:38:07.260
So that's what we were doing anyway. And then we
964
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:10.099
got this fellow, Tony Pastor, who's a goal hanger who make,
965
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:12.280
and they make the rest is history. The rest is politics.
966
00:38:12.300 --> 00:38:15.440
They make all those, the rest is things. He said
967
00:38:15.639 --> 00:38:17.489
he's interested in the war and he wanted to do
968
00:38:17.530 --> 00:38:19.639
a podcast about it. So he asked Jim who, who
969
00:38:19.679 --> 00:38:22.269
should he work with? So anyway, we're ticking over nicely
970
00:38:23.090 --> 00:38:25.289
and it's just, You know, we'll talk about radios for
971
00:38:25.309 --> 00:38:25.670
an hour.
972
00:38:25.730 --> 00:38:27.380
And do you have to research this, Al, or are
973
00:38:27.389 --> 00:38:29.599
you just so obsessed with it? Because you're obsessed with it, right?
974
00:38:29.639 --> 00:38:32.880
I'm really, really interested in it. But I now know
975
00:38:32.920 --> 00:38:34.940
that I knew nothing about it. I now know that
976
00:38:35.059 --> 00:38:38.400
in relative terms, I still know very, very, very, very
977
00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:42.449
little about it. Because it's genuinely a gigantic subject. Because
978
00:38:42.469 --> 00:38:43.989
it's literally a global event.
979
00:38:44.389 --> 00:38:45.329
Yeah. It's in the title.
980
00:38:45.630 --> 00:38:48.989
Exactly. The clue's in the name. Luckily, it's only six years.
981
00:38:49.230 --> 00:38:50.809
And it's a sequel, so you've got to get up
982
00:38:50.829 --> 00:38:51.679
to speed with the first one.
983
00:38:52.550 --> 00:38:52.889
That's it.
984
00:38:53.159 --> 00:38:54.530
You need to know a bit about the first one.
985
00:38:54.570 --> 00:38:56.730
But no, our whole thing is it starts in September
986
00:38:56.750 --> 00:39:01.050
of 39, ends in August of 1945. Anything else isn't interesting. Yeah.
987
00:39:01.530 --> 00:39:03.309
We were ticking over nicely and then the pandemic came
988
00:39:04.050 --> 00:39:06.869
and it turned into this, it's very odd. It suddenly
989
00:39:06.989 --> 00:39:12.050
like bloomed. And I started doing audio books of like
990
00:39:12.110 --> 00:39:14.300
memoirs that were out of print and stuff like that
991
00:39:14.610 --> 00:39:18.300
because I had time for our listeners. And then we
992
00:39:18.360 --> 00:39:20.300
kind of doing a live cast, I think every Monday
993
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.469
or every other Monday, where basically we get pissed and
994
00:39:22.510 --> 00:39:25.659
take questions and other historians and stuff.
995
00:39:26.039 --> 00:39:27.360
Tough though, isn't it? It's not an easy job. Do
996
00:39:27.380 --> 00:39:28.989
you know what I mean? I don't want people thinking that.
997
00:39:29.090 --> 00:39:31.280
Oh, I don't want anyone... One minute thinking it's me
998
00:39:31.360 --> 00:39:33.349
yakking with a mate about a thing we're interested in.
999
00:39:33.360 --> 00:39:36.989
Then people emailing in going, who was the best general
1000
00:39:37.010 --> 00:39:38.550
in the Second World War? And then us arguing about it.
1001
00:39:38.590 --> 00:39:40.550
I mean, there's more to it than that. And actually
1002
00:39:40.570 --> 00:39:43.769
what's happened is effectively in the last four years, I've
1003
00:39:43.909 --> 00:39:47.150
essentially kind of done an MA in conflict studies or something.
1004
00:39:47.650 --> 00:39:49.590
And I know a lot more about it. I wrote
1005
00:39:49.619 --> 00:39:51.289
an actual history book last year.
1006
00:39:51.489 --> 00:39:54.170
So you've totally transitioned into being a historian.
1007
00:39:54.469 --> 00:39:55.269
Not completely.
1008
00:39:55.289 --> 00:39:57.690
He's not a virgin, so he can't fully be one.
1009
00:39:58.050 --> 00:39:58.750
Do you know what I mean?
1010
00:39:58.869 --> 00:40:00.829
And there's also the other reason why doing two gigs
1011
00:40:00.869 --> 00:40:03.210
a week is more amenable, because I've just signed off
1012
00:40:03.269 --> 00:40:05.949
on it. I'm just signing off on my second history book.
1013
00:40:06.010 --> 00:40:09.469
So writing those is much, much worse than, like, harder
1014
00:40:09.489 --> 00:40:10.150
than any work.
1015
00:40:10.170 --> 00:40:11.449
That's a proper job, that.
1016
00:40:11.750 --> 00:40:13.349
Because it's in black and white, and then people can
1017
00:40:13.369 --> 00:40:16.139
really go, you got that wrong, you moron. Yeah. Oh,
1018
00:40:16.170 --> 00:40:17.809
he's full of shit. That's what he's talking about. So anyway.
1019
00:40:18.139 --> 00:40:19.559
When we do a festival, so we.
1020
00:40:19.579 --> 00:40:20.139
Bloody hell.
1021
00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:22.900
The thing is with this subject, I know people think
1022
00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:27.059
it's middle-aged men barbecuing and smoking meats and the Second
1023
00:40:27.079 --> 00:40:28.719
World War. I know that's what we're meant to do.
1024
00:40:29.300 --> 00:40:31.800
We found a whole load of people that were really,
1025
00:40:31.820 --> 00:40:33.780
really interested in it, but not in a, like, flag-wavy,
1026
00:40:34.360 --> 00:40:36.690
jingoistic way. They're fascinated by the topic.
1027
00:40:36.929 --> 00:40:38.769
They're all on the Allies' side, correct?
1028
00:40:39.409 --> 00:40:42.150
Yes, and at our festival, we do not allow anyone
1029
00:40:42.190 --> 00:40:44.449
to turn up with any SS crap. Yeah.
1030
00:40:44.780 --> 00:40:45.559
It's not that sort of thing.
1031
00:40:45.880 --> 00:40:48.099
Basically, it's a weekend. It's like a literary festival, really.
1032
00:40:48.119 --> 00:40:49.039
So it's a load of writers.
1033
00:40:49.400 --> 00:40:49.880
It's panels.
1034
00:40:49.940 --> 00:40:52.980
It's people discussing stuff. We've got some Spitfires coming over
1035
00:40:53.000 --> 00:40:56.420
at lunchtime. We've got a field full of tanks and
1036
00:40:56.460 --> 00:40:58.119
then entertainment in the evening. We sort of did a
1037
00:40:58.159 --> 00:40:59.940
panel show last year, which was quite good fun.
1038
00:41:00.179 --> 00:41:00.820
So where is it?
1039
00:41:01.199 --> 00:41:03.469
A place called Black Pit Brewery, which is next door
1040
00:41:03.510 --> 00:41:06.019
to Silverstone. Yeah. So just on the M40.
1041
00:41:06.230 --> 00:41:08.389
And does it have any relevance to the Second World War?
1042
00:41:08.730 --> 00:41:10.190
No, not as far as I know. Although I imagine
1043
00:41:10.250 --> 00:41:11.329
Silverstone was an airstrip.
1044
00:41:11.710 --> 00:41:11.889
Yeah.
1045
00:41:12.329 --> 00:41:14.150
There are lots of airstrips around there. You know what?
1046
00:41:14.400 --> 00:41:16.300
I'm going to have to find that out now. Thanks.
1047
00:41:16.460 --> 00:41:19.500
But the kicker, which I might be wrong on this,
1048
00:41:19.760 --> 00:41:23.179
is that James Holland, who you do it with, was
1049
00:41:23.320 --> 00:41:25.860
asked to recommend a historian to do a general history
1050
00:41:25.880 --> 00:41:27.139
podcast for Goldhanger.
1051
00:41:27.449 --> 00:41:27.619
Yeah.
1052
00:41:27.760 --> 00:41:30.550
Is this right? He recommended his brother, Tom.
1053
00:41:30.869 --> 00:41:34.150
Yeah. And now they have the biggest podcast in the world.
1054
00:41:34.510 --> 00:41:34.789
I know.
1055
00:41:34.989 --> 00:41:35.829
The rest is history.
1056
00:41:36.090 --> 00:41:38.090
I know. And a lot of that came about because
1057
00:41:38.590 --> 00:41:42.210
they're on holiday and together the brothers holland and jim
1058
00:41:42.250 --> 00:41:44.230
said i've got to go record a podcast and tom's
1059
00:41:44.269 --> 00:41:46.030
like what's that i don't know what podcast it is
1060
00:41:46.090 --> 00:41:49.010
and he explained and then he explained that we were
1061
00:41:49.050 --> 00:41:55.920
making advertising whatever and tom like immediately bought a microphone.
1062
00:41:59.139 --> 00:42:01.519
And as they say the rest is history as.
1063
00:42:01.420 --> 00:42:02.920
They say the rest is history i mean that thing
1064
00:42:02.960 --> 00:42:05.630
is a juggernaut it's quite incredible They toured it in
1065
00:42:05.670 --> 00:42:07.610
Australia earlier in the year. I mean, they go all
1066
00:42:07.650 --> 00:42:09.619
over the world. It's extraordinary. It's absolutely amazing.
1067
00:42:09.639 --> 00:42:11.519
It's a lot easier to do Australia's history, though, isn't it?
1068
00:42:11.820 --> 00:42:12.480
Yeah.
1069
00:42:12.519 --> 00:42:14.659
That's a quick one.
1070
00:42:14.719 --> 00:42:15.829
And it's all bad. Yeah.
1071
00:42:15.869 --> 00:42:19.469
LAUGHTER Is there anything else you want to promote?
1072
00:42:20.050 --> 00:42:22.650
I mean, this has been the greatest PR. You've done
1073
00:42:22.690 --> 00:42:23.150
your drum.
1074
00:42:23.170 --> 00:42:23.909
I know.
1075
00:42:23.949 --> 00:42:27.230
You've done the World War II book, the World War
1076
00:42:27.269 --> 00:42:29.769
II podcast, the World War II festival. You're on tour.
1077
00:42:29.809 --> 00:42:34.980
Well, I mean, my in-laws' charity would be nice. Well,
1078
00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:37.019
they set it up in memory of their son. Oh,
1079
00:42:37.360 --> 00:42:39.960
go on. Go on now. A thing called Finley's Touch.
1080
00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:43.079
His name was Finley, and he liked practical jokes and stuff.
1081
00:42:43.519 --> 00:42:46.820
But they also... They had 18 months in hospital. So
1082
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:48.780
they know what it's like going to Great Ormond Street
1083
00:42:48.840 --> 00:42:50.179
or somewhere like that when you've got a kid with
1084
00:42:50.199 --> 00:42:53.599
something really wrong with them. So they do a hospital
1085
00:42:53.639 --> 00:42:57.190
survival bag, which has in it books. So we've got
1086
00:42:57.210 --> 00:42:59.429
a load of people to give us books. It's got
1087
00:42:59.809 --> 00:43:03.090
coffee in it, good coffee. It's got like Wi-Fi voucher.
1088
00:43:03.710 --> 00:43:06.590
It's got a honking chicken because Finlay loved playing with
1089
00:43:06.610 --> 00:43:09.030
his honking chicken and annoying the nurses. It's got a
1090
00:43:09.110 --> 00:43:10.989
joke book that he wrote. It's got all this stuff
1091
00:43:11.030 --> 00:43:14.190
in it. Basically, we raise money for that, and then
1092
00:43:14.230 --> 00:43:17.670
we go to Great Ormond Street, and our hall downstairs
1093
00:43:17.690 --> 00:43:19.630
is full of these survival bags to go to GOSH
1094
00:43:20.170 --> 00:43:22.789
later in the week, and we do a hospital in
1095
00:43:22.809 --> 00:43:23.369
Brighton as well.
1096
00:43:23.829 --> 00:43:24.289
Oh, brilliant.
1097
00:43:24.309 --> 00:43:27.610
Which is pretty cool. What's really nice is that the
1098
00:43:27.670 --> 00:43:31.510
listeners to our podcast have taken this to their heart.
1099
00:43:31.530 --> 00:43:35.139
So last year at the History Festival, all the blokes
1100
00:43:35.179 --> 00:43:38.280
who make model tanks, and I include myself in that
1101
00:43:38.300 --> 00:43:39.760
because I got back into it when I had nothing
1102
00:43:39.780 --> 00:43:43.179
to do in the pandemic. The pandemic's had such an
1103
00:43:43.239 --> 00:43:44.320
impact on your life.
1104
00:43:44.519 --> 00:43:44.820
Yeah.
1105
00:43:45.500 --> 00:43:47.159
Avalon must be fucking livid.
1106
00:43:47.179 --> 00:43:50.199
You were touring every night, now you're home making model tanks.
1107
00:43:50.519 --> 00:43:51.119
What can you do?
1108
00:43:51.300 --> 00:43:53.460
Doing arenas, and now he just likes to stay at
1109
00:43:53.500 --> 00:43:54.380
home and do tanks.
1110
00:43:54.500 --> 00:43:56.559
I have got some models with me on the road
1111
00:43:56.619 --> 00:43:57.739
as well, if I'm bored.
1112
00:43:57.780 --> 00:43:58.880
Or to paint them on the road.
1113
00:43:59.159 --> 00:44:01.039
Stick them together. You can't paint them. Stick them together.
1114
00:44:01.219 --> 00:44:01.900
All right.
1115
00:44:01.940 --> 00:44:02.619
Well, you know.
1116
00:44:02.639 --> 00:44:03.579
No, no, no.
1117
00:44:04.179 --> 00:44:06.530
I know I embraced some of my old deep nerdiness
1118
00:44:06.590 --> 00:44:09.280
when the time came. But basically... So we did a
1119
00:44:09.320 --> 00:44:11.460
thing last year, all the model makers all did a
1120
00:44:11.460 --> 00:44:14.079
thing where they built a whole regimen of Sherman tanks.
1121
00:44:14.139 --> 00:44:16.719
Sherwood Rangers Yoburi built the whole thing. Yeah. They had
1122
00:44:16.739 --> 00:44:19.000
to pay to enter and then we auctioned them off
1123
00:44:19.059 --> 00:44:21.510
and we made thousands out of that. And then they
1124
00:44:21.530 --> 00:44:24.130
have the Hawaiian shirt competition that we made thousands out
1125
00:44:24.170 --> 00:44:27.130
of that. And then this year they're all doing walks.
1126
00:44:27.170 --> 00:44:29.849
They're doing sponsored walks, but they're calling it Marching for Finley.
1127
00:44:29.909 --> 00:44:31.889
Oh, lovely. All for the chat. Finley's Touch, is it?
1128
00:44:31.889 --> 00:44:32.389
Finley's Touch.
1129
00:44:32.429 --> 00:44:35.329
And they're raising a ton of money and it's really cool. Oh,
1130
00:44:35.349 --> 00:44:38.449
and the other thing. Yes. So... My daughter, I forgot
1131
00:44:38.489 --> 00:44:40.969
to mention this. My daughter, Willow, is a singer. And
1132
00:44:41.010 --> 00:44:43.530
during the pandemic, we wrote about four hours of music
1133
00:44:43.630 --> 00:44:46.849
and she's putting an album out next month. Bloody hell. Oh, wow.
1134
00:44:47.110 --> 00:44:48.230
We're putting it up on the internet.
1135
00:44:48.329 --> 00:44:48.710
Nice.
1136
00:44:48.750 --> 00:44:49.349
And what's it called?
1137
00:44:49.840 --> 00:44:53.340
It's called The City Awaits. Yeah. She's called Willow May.
1138
00:44:53.940 --> 00:44:55.420
When we did the pandemic, she was really into Mad Men.
1139
00:44:55.440 --> 00:44:57.460
So it's kind of about like a Mad Men wife
1140
00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:00.619
who like wants to leave her shitty husband and go
1141
00:45:00.659 --> 00:45:03.639
back to New York. It's a concept album. Wow. Amazing.
1142
00:45:03.659 --> 00:45:04.510
That's quality.
1143
00:45:04.949 --> 00:45:06.949
You've lived an interesting life, haven't you, Al?
1144
00:45:07.719 --> 00:45:08.820
I know, there's a lot going on here.
1145
00:45:09.260 --> 00:45:11.869
Well, you know what? I always think the great thing
1146
00:45:11.909 --> 00:45:14.670
about this career or this life, if you treat it
1147
00:45:14.690 --> 00:45:17.670
as a career, you might get stuck. But if you
1148
00:45:17.710 --> 00:45:21.429
treat it as a life, as a path, who knows
1149
00:45:21.469 --> 00:45:24.550
what will bring you? You know what I mean? I mean,
1150
00:45:24.590 --> 00:45:26.639
years and years ago on my old talk show, we
1151
00:45:26.659 --> 00:45:28.639
did a thing where I ended up singing with Queen, right?
1152
00:45:29.159 --> 00:45:30.119
My wife worked on that.
1153
00:45:30.639 --> 00:45:31.039
Did she?
1154
00:45:31.420 --> 00:45:33.380
She was a researcher or an AP on that. She
1155
00:45:33.460 --> 00:45:36.820
said you were the nicest person. she's ever worked for
1156
00:45:36.860 --> 00:45:38.360
who's in front of the camera, including me.
1157
00:45:38.579 --> 00:45:40.659
That's my problem. Oh.
1158
00:45:42.059 --> 00:45:42.840
You need to be harsher.
1159
00:45:43.579 --> 00:45:46.429
I need to be much tougher. Yeah, she said you
1160
00:45:46.449 --> 00:45:47.650
could get away with fucking murder.
1161
00:45:47.670 --> 00:45:51.070
It was brilliant. I know. I was singing with Queen.
1162
00:45:51.090 --> 00:45:53.150
We were rehearsing, right? And I sat there with one
1163
00:45:53.170 --> 00:45:54.429
of the crew, and he said, I bet, you know,
1164
00:45:54.849 --> 00:45:56.389
this is your wildest dream come true? I said, no,
1165
00:45:56.429 --> 00:45:58.570
not really. It never occurred to me I would ever
1166
00:45:58.630 --> 00:46:01.510
get to sing with Queen. Who would ever think that? Yeah.
1167
00:46:01.889 --> 00:46:04.320
That'd be so stupid. That's kind of how I've always
1168
00:46:04.360 --> 00:46:06.239
seen it, is, you know, if I end up, Making
1169
00:46:06.260 --> 00:46:08.750
a history podcast. That's cool. Like, just fall under my nose.
1170
00:46:08.949 --> 00:46:11.030
Because that is how I came out with the Pablano
1171
00:46:11.070 --> 00:46:12.929
character came about by accident.
1172
00:46:12.949 --> 00:46:14.170
Was it part of Harry Hill?
1173
00:46:14.570 --> 00:46:16.170
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We did a show in Edinburgh
1174
00:46:16.190 --> 00:46:18.400
and I had to fill a gap. And we were
1175
00:46:18.420 --> 00:46:20.800
in the cabaret bar and I said, let's say the
1176
00:46:20.840 --> 00:46:22.440
comp head didn't turn up and the barman's off to
1177
00:46:22.480 --> 00:46:24.519
fill in. Oh, wow. And he's like, yeah, whatever. And
1178
00:46:24.559 --> 00:46:27.179
so what were you doing before that? I had a
1179
00:46:27.260 --> 00:46:28.610
thing where I used to do, it was a special
1180
00:46:28.639 --> 00:46:29.670
act where I'd do sound effects.
1181
00:46:30.190 --> 00:46:30.809
Oh, really?
1182
00:46:30.829 --> 00:46:30.929
Yeah.
1183
00:46:32.360 --> 00:46:34.400
What, tanks and Spitfires and stuff like that?
1184
00:46:34.559 --> 00:46:37.320
Guns and Spitfires and things. But genuinely, there was a
1185
00:46:37.320 --> 00:46:39.139
thing at the end of the Spitfire where you'd shove
1186
00:46:39.199 --> 00:46:42.139
animals into the propeller. It was really bleak. It's the
1187
00:46:42.179 --> 00:46:45.119
sort of thing you come up with when you're 20. Oh,
1188
00:46:45.320 --> 00:46:48.070
sick as fuck jokes. But the Piestola Resistance was a
1189
00:46:48.119 --> 00:46:51.769
car boot opening, which I will, if you want, I'll do. Yeah, yes, please.
1190
00:46:51.889 --> 00:46:54.690
So this was it. It would go like this. Look
1191
00:46:54.710 --> 00:46:55.630
at that. And then.
1192
00:46:56.250 --> 00:46:57.809
Hang on, I couldn't hear that. I don't know if
1193
00:46:57.829 --> 00:46:58.650
he didn't pick it up. It was going to be
1194
00:46:58.670 --> 00:46:59.289
the zoom, wasn't it?
1195
00:46:59.530 --> 00:47:02.010
I'll tell you what. I'll turn my preamp up. Oh,
1196
00:47:02.030 --> 00:47:02.389
here we go.
1197
00:47:02.809 --> 00:47:03.849
Oh, we're in the fucking studio now.
1198
00:47:03.880 --> 00:47:06.659
Right, here we go. Look at that.
1199
00:47:06.800 --> 00:47:09.940
It's not working. Oh, do you know what? It's so good,
1200
00:47:10.059 --> 00:47:11.599
it thinks it's other sound.
1201
00:47:11.880 --> 00:47:14.610
Yeah, because Zoom cuts out external noises, so it thinks
1202
00:47:14.690 --> 00:47:15.769
our car boot is actually.
1203
00:47:15.789 --> 00:47:16.389
Can you hear this now?
1204
00:47:18.469 --> 00:47:19.980
No, he's still cutting it out.
1205
00:47:20.199 --> 00:47:20.639
It's so weird.
1206
00:47:20.679 --> 00:47:22.699
It goes silent whenever you do it. It's so good.
1207
00:47:23.059 --> 00:47:25.380
Have you got local recording, QuickTime?
1208
00:47:25.719 --> 00:47:26.920
Yeah, I've got everything here.
1209
00:47:27.980 --> 00:47:29.400
He's just done a fucking album, Josh.
1210
00:47:29.420 --> 00:47:30.980
I think he's got QuickTime.
1211
00:47:31.000 --> 00:47:33.820
I think I've got QuickTime. No, what's that?
1212
00:47:34.199 --> 00:47:36.300
Just change the sound mode. Does this work now?
1213
00:47:37.780 --> 00:47:39.179
He's still cutting it out.
1214
00:47:39.239 --> 00:47:39.750
What's going on?
1215
00:47:41.130 --> 00:47:44.829
I'm Googling Al Murray car boot. Yeah, it's a killer impression. Oh,
1216
00:47:44.869 --> 00:47:45.909
this is you on.
1217
00:47:46.130 --> 00:47:47.730
You did it on Celeb Juice.
1218
00:47:47.949 --> 00:47:49.909
And I did it on The Word as well. Did
1219
00:47:49.929 --> 00:47:52.300
you do it on The Word? I met Nirvana on
1220
00:47:52.340 --> 00:47:53.380
The Word, for Christ's sake.
1221
00:47:54.039 --> 00:47:55.960
And you were doing car boot and they were doing.
1222
00:47:55.980 --> 00:47:57.260
I was like Teen Spirit.
1223
00:47:57.579 --> 00:47:59.719
Yes, I met Nirvana on The Word. They were nice.
1224
00:47:59.960 --> 00:48:00.739
They were nice boys.
1225
00:48:01.219 --> 00:48:02.880
And you were on to do the car boot or
1226
00:48:02.900 --> 00:48:03.699
were you the pub land?
1227
00:48:03.719 --> 00:48:05.590
Yeah, I did my machine guns and I think I
1228
00:48:05.610 --> 00:48:07.110
stuck the car boot on the end because I thought,
1229
00:48:07.289 --> 00:48:08.670
that's the funniest bit, so we'll use.
1230
00:48:11.079 --> 00:48:13.199
And what were they like?
1231
00:48:14.079 --> 00:48:15.420
They were just sort of goofy.
1232
00:48:15.900 --> 00:48:16.679
Goofy blokes.
1233
00:48:17.880 --> 00:48:19.800
Dave Grohl is kind of goofy, I suppose. He is
1234
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:21.639
kind of goofy. And Kurt was sort of goofy and
1235
00:48:22.090 --> 00:48:24.610
struck me as goofy and quiet. Yeah. And it was
1236
00:48:24.630 --> 00:48:26.369
the one where he said, this is for Courtney Love,
1237
00:48:26.389 --> 00:48:28.050
he's the best fuck in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1238
00:48:28.130 --> 00:48:29.389
God, that's an iconic moment.
1239
00:48:29.550 --> 00:48:31.989
Punk rock moment. Yeah, and I'm stood in the corner somewhere.
1240
00:48:32.769 --> 00:48:33.739
Car boot man in the corner.
1241
00:48:33.760 --> 00:48:36.369
Yeah. I'll put a man in the corner. This car
1242
00:48:36.389 --> 00:48:37.349
boots for Courtney Love.
1243
00:48:37.630 --> 00:48:39.289
Oh, where I've moved to, I'm near Big Inhill Airport,
1244
00:48:39.309 --> 00:48:41.239
so I see the Spitfires going over all the time.
1245
00:48:41.320 --> 00:48:42.239
Have you been up in one yet?
1246
00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:42.940
No, I haven't.
1247
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:43.820
Have you? Yeah.
1248
00:48:44.340 --> 00:48:44.880
What's it like?
1249
00:48:45.239 --> 00:48:48.539
It's amazing. I've done it three times now. Yeah. First
1250
00:48:48.579 --> 00:48:50.239
time I did it, I sort of blagged it, and
1251
00:48:51.019 --> 00:48:52.940
it was just a thing with the people who owned it,
1252
00:48:53.000 --> 00:48:54.510
and the whole idea was, you know, I'd do a
1253
00:48:54.969 --> 00:48:57.269
piece for the paper after it. And it is like
1254
00:48:57.349 --> 00:49:00.309
one of those sensory experiences where you're like, I cannot
1255
00:49:00.369 --> 00:49:02.750
take it all in in one go, right? Yeah. Like
1256
00:49:02.769 --> 00:49:06.480
the noise... the smell, because when the engine starts, it
1257
00:49:06.500 --> 00:49:08.940
does this big burp of burning aviation fuel. It goes
1258
00:49:09.139 --> 00:49:12.320
like that, and then it goes, up it goes, right?
1259
00:49:12.800 --> 00:49:15.750
And the noise is inside you and all around you,
1260
00:49:15.769 --> 00:49:19.769
because it's such a deep roar on the Merlin. But
1261
00:49:19.789 --> 00:49:23.329
the belch of the burning aviation fuel is like completely overwhelming.
1262
00:49:23.349 --> 00:49:26.320
And off you go. You sit behind the pilot up
1263
00:49:26.360 --> 00:49:29.010
in the thing and you can't see past him. It's
1264
00:49:29.050 --> 00:49:30.539
got a wheel at the back so it drives around
1265
00:49:30.579 --> 00:49:33.320
like that so you can't see. And the pilot sort
1266
00:49:33.340 --> 00:49:35.599
of taxis sideways and you can't see anything. So it's like,
1267
00:49:35.860 --> 00:49:38.539
it's really weird to start with. And then you take
1268
00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:42.289
off and suddenly it's like, Oh my God, I'm in
1269
00:49:42.329 --> 00:49:45.429
a Spitfire for Christ's sake. And it was at Duxford,
1270
00:49:45.719 --> 00:49:48.079
which is near Cambridge. So we went up and it
1271
00:49:48.099 --> 00:49:51.320
was one of those days with tiny little white fluffy clouds,
1272
00:49:51.440 --> 00:49:55.780
completely perfect blue sky. And I basically, we were up
1273
00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:58.159
for about 10, 15 minutes, completely boggled. I get out
1274
00:49:58.179 --> 00:50:00.619
and the minute I get out of the plane, bloke
1275
00:50:00.639 --> 00:50:02.300
puts a mic in my face. He goes, what was
1276
00:50:02.320 --> 00:50:06.460
that like? Do you like it? I don't know. I'm overwhelmed.
1277
00:50:06.480 --> 00:50:09.199
I can't tell you what it was like. I'm completely overwhelmed.
1278
00:50:09.800 --> 00:50:12.320
It's also the thing, you know, when you're eight, you think, oh,
1279
00:50:12.400 --> 00:50:13.940
one day it wouldn't be great to go on a Spitfire.
1280
00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:16.420
And you actually do it and you're like, ah, fuck. Like,
1281
00:50:17.000 --> 00:50:19.000
what do I even think about this? Oh, God.
1282
00:50:19.039 --> 00:50:21.519
Because I'm not super into the war and into it
1283
00:50:21.539 --> 00:50:23.559
like that. But when I moved into it, the three
1284
00:50:23.599 --> 00:50:26.300
went over at once in like formation because they were
1285
00:50:26.340 --> 00:50:29.050
doing something nearby. And I still now, and they go
1286
00:50:29.110 --> 00:50:31.469
over a lot and I'm not, they're still, they're mesmerising.
1287
00:50:31.610 --> 00:50:31.789
Yeah.
1288
00:50:31.829 --> 00:50:34.110
And I'm not into it, but they're so low, they're
1289
00:50:34.150 --> 00:50:36.909
so loud, they're so distinctive. Yeah. And you imagine what
1290
00:50:36.929 --> 00:50:38.869
it was like when you saw hundreds going over.
1291
00:50:38.909 --> 00:50:40.849
Yeah, a whole squadron's coming out of Biggin Hill. But
1292
00:50:40.889 --> 00:50:43.250
that place is really... So that's a guy called Peter
1293
00:50:43.289 --> 00:50:46.570
Monk who owns it. In the summer, you get there.
1294
00:50:46.710 --> 00:50:49.690
They make you watch a video. You sign the waiver, obviously.
1295
00:50:50.230 --> 00:50:51.750
The minute you've signed the waiver, there's someone else watching
1296
00:50:51.769 --> 00:50:53.690
the video. There's someone else getting to play. There's someone
1297
00:50:53.809 --> 00:50:56.380
getting up. It's like a production line. It's absolutely amazing.
1298
00:50:56.989 --> 00:51:00.340
All these people on their birthday or anniversary or they're
1299
00:51:00.360 --> 00:51:03.659
treating themselves. It's so... It's a very jolly vibe there,
1300
00:51:03.820 --> 00:51:06.659
but you also get the feeling they are making some money.
1301
00:51:06.820 --> 00:51:10.079
Yeah, I bet it is. They sometimes send up another one,
1302
00:51:10.260 --> 00:51:12.900
not a Spitfire, but a smaller plane to fly alongside
1303
00:51:12.920 --> 00:51:14.840
and film them and take photos.
1304
00:51:14.860 --> 00:51:17.199
It's mad. Then the second time I did it, it
1305
00:51:17.219 --> 00:51:18.929
was for a programme I was being filmed. So it's
1306
00:51:18.969 --> 00:51:21.650
that thing of we're flying along and you've been given
1307
00:51:21.670 --> 00:51:24.530
your lines to do. Yeah. So again, I'm thinking, am
1308
00:51:24.610 --> 00:51:29.429
I ever going to get to experience this for myself? Yeah. Yeah.
1309
00:51:29.960 --> 00:51:32.059
Still brilliant I'm up in a Spitfire. I'm not complaining here, right?
1310
00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:34.360
But you sat there and the pilot's going, oh, we're
1311
00:51:34.400 --> 00:51:36.559
just going to turn left here or whatever. Yeah, yeah, okay, fine.
1312
00:51:36.579 --> 00:51:38.179
I've got to do my lines. And they go, in 1942.
1313
00:51:38.179 --> 00:51:42.980
And then you go, I've got it wrong. Got to
1314
00:51:43.000 --> 00:51:45.179
do it again. But the worst one for that was
1315
00:51:45.239 --> 00:51:46.960
I did a, when I did this program called Why
1316
00:51:46.980 --> 00:51:49.639
Does Everyone Hate the English? The director's big idea is
1317
00:51:49.659 --> 00:51:53.920
that I would parachute into Germany for that. So. Right.
1318
00:51:54.260 --> 00:51:56.579
Do you have either of you parachuted downtown? No, I
1319
00:51:56.659 --> 00:51:58.420
couldn't deal with that. But again, because that's the thing
1320
00:51:58.440 --> 00:52:01.699
where it's like completely like, Your senses are going, ah, what?
1321
00:52:01.760 --> 00:52:04.840
I don't understand, right? And I'd done it before. I
1322
00:52:04.840 --> 00:52:06.320
did it years ago. I did it 20 years ago
1323
00:52:06.579 --> 00:52:08.320
for another program. Then I did it a couple more
1324
00:52:08.360 --> 00:52:10.119
times to sort of, again, because you do it for
1325
00:52:10.139 --> 00:52:12.159
a program, you think, I want to just do this,
1326
00:52:12.179 --> 00:52:14.409
see what it's like. We go to Germany, we go
1327
00:52:14.429 --> 00:52:16.929
to this airfield, and it's this tiny woman that I'm
1328
00:52:16.949 --> 00:52:21.909
then strapped to. Tiny woman. I mean, the whole head
1329
00:52:21.949 --> 00:52:24.369
and a half shorter than me. Who's a doctor? And
1330
00:52:24.389 --> 00:52:26.050
she goes, are you ready to jump? I'm like, yeah,
1331
00:52:26.070 --> 00:52:28.289
of course. You basically sit in her lap in the
1332
00:52:28.309 --> 00:52:31.489
aeroplane attached to her. And then you shuffle on your
1333
00:52:31.530 --> 00:52:34.489
bum over to the door. And another guy then climbs
1334
00:52:34.550 --> 00:52:36.429
out of the aeroplane with a camera. And then you
1335
00:52:36.630 --> 00:52:38.690
both jump at the same time. So he's filming you
1336
00:52:38.750 --> 00:52:41.429
as you go down. She had a GoPro on her wrist, right?
1337
00:52:41.940 --> 00:52:44.840
We're falling, falling, falling, falling, falling. Or I had a GoPro.
1338
00:52:44.880 --> 00:52:47.019
I can't remember on my wrist. Falling, falling, falling, falling.
1339
00:52:47.059 --> 00:52:49.639
And then the parachute opens. And I have to do
1340
00:52:49.679 --> 00:52:54.030
my piece to camera. And I'm thinking... I absolutely cannot
1341
00:52:54.170 --> 00:52:56.769
fuck this up, right? Because he'll make me do it again.
1342
00:52:56.789 --> 00:53:00.659
Dreadful will make me do this again. And I wasn't
1343
00:53:00.679 --> 00:53:03.480
really enjoying it much on that occasion because of the pressure.
1344
00:53:03.639 --> 00:53:05.440
And have you got your lines written down or have
1345
00:53:05.460 --> 00:53:07.360
you got to remember them while you're falling?
1346
00:53:07.400 --> 00:53:09.139
I've got to remember them. And they're not written on
1347
00:53:09.159 --> 00:53:11.139
my hand. And it's literally a piece of camera like this.
1348
00:53:11.159 --> 00:53:13.889
So you're coming down on the parachute going, I'm parachuting
1349
00:53:13.949 --> 00:53:17.349
into Germany like this, right? And luckily I got them right.
1350
00:53:17.369 --> 00:53:18.889
But you know that thing where you've got lines you
1351
00:53:19.070 --> 00:53:23.150
absolutely must not screw up? They're the ones you screw
1352
00:53:23.210 --> 00:53:26.070
up because you start thinking about screwing them up and
1353
00:53:26.090 --> 00:53:27.949
you think about, got to get it right this time
1354
00:53:27.989 --> 00:53:30.269
and all that. And we come down and luckily I
1355
00:53:30.309 --> 00:53:34.690
think I got one clean take. You land and Henning
1356
00:53:35.070 --> 00:53:36.869
Vang was at the bottom going, ah, there he is,
1357
00:53:36.909 --> 00:53:41.389
the great big fat show off. Thanks, Henning. Actually, I
1358
00:53:41.409 --> 00:53:46.059
didn't enjoy that very much. It's scary. God, I couldn't
1359
00:53:46.099 --> 00:53:46.360
do it.
1360
00:53:46.460 --> 00:53:49.179
I couldn't do it. Al, it's been an absolute pleasure
1361
00:53:49.199 --> 00:53:49.840
to talk to you.
1362
00:53:49.860 --> 00:53:50.940
Sorry, I wang on.
1363
00:53:51.059 --> 00:53:51.880
No, brilliant.
1364
00:53:51.920 --> 00:53:52.480
Loved it.
1365
00:53:53.119 --> 00:53:56.619
I think we've never covered a broader selection of topics
1366
00:53:57.079 --> 00:53:57.940
from drums.
1367
00:53:58.199 --> 00:54:02.139
NHS waiting times to get your daughter seen. Charities.
1368
00:54:02.389 --> 00:54:03.670
The war. Yeah.
1369
00:54:03.730 --> 00:54:05.369
The Perrier Award. Car boots.
1370
00:54:05.389 --> 00:54:07.769
Don't forget the charity, everyone. The car boot.
1371
00:54:07.789 --> 00:54:08.550
Try it once more.
1372
00:54:11.139 --> 00:54:12.159
No, it goes silent.
1373
00:54:12.380 --> 00:54:13.880
It goes silent every time.
1374
00:54:13.900 --> 00:54:15.820
It's so weird. Wait, wait, does this work?
1375
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:18.150
Can you give us some sound effects?
1376
00:54:18.170 --> 00:54:20.150
I'll do a car boot opening for you if you want. Yeah,
1377
00:54:20.170 --> 00:54:20.650
I want to hear this.
1378
00:54:20.670 --> 00:54:23.389
Do you want to hear this? It goes like this.
1379
00:54:23.409 --> 00:54:26.539
You can just about hear it.
1380
00:54:26.690 --> 00:54:27.769
Yeah.
1381
00:54:28.329 --> 00:54:30.860
One final question, Al, we always leave on. The one
1382
00:54:30.889 --> 00:54:34.440
thing your partner does parenting-wise that really annoys you, and
1383
00:54:34.460 --> 00:54:37.460
if she were to listen, she'd go, fair enough. And
1384
00:54:37.480 --> 00:54:38.960
what's the one thing she does when you go, oh,
1385
00:54:39.019 --> 00:54:42.119
she's an amazing parent? I'm so lucky to have a child.
1386
00:54:42.280 --> 00:54:45.460
Well, they're the same thing. Taking my daughter to swimming.
1387
00:54:45.940 --> 00:54:48.570
She's amazing for doing that. And I admire her so much.
1388
00:54:49.269 --> 00:54:53.349
And it shames me for not doing it. The amount,
1389
00:54:53.449 --> 00:54:56.789
the identical, you know, the reciprocal bearing of each other.
1390
00:54:57.050 --> 00:54:58.849
It's horrible though. And it's sat in a swimming pool.
1391
00:54:58.869 --> 00:54:59.969
I can't bear it.
1392
00:54:59.969 --> 00:55:01.780
The worst. I can't bear it.
1393
00:55:01.820 --> 00:55:03.699
And there's a video screen. This one, there's like a
1394
00:55:03.719 --> 00:55:05.280
video screen you're meant to sit and like watch. I
1395
00:55:05.780 --> 00:55:10.019
can't bear it. I don't like swimming myself, so it
1396
00:55:10.099 --> 00:55:12.519
really feels like a full-bore chore.
1397
00:55:12.900 --> 00:55:13.079
Yeah.
1398
00:55:13.119 --> 00:55:16.800
But she organises it, she makes it happen, my daughter's
1399
00:55:16.820 --> 00:55:18.619
really taking to it, and so on and so forth,
1400
00:55:18.719 --> 00:55:21.840
and it shames me. So they're the same thing.
1401
00:55:21.860 --> 00:55:24.360
Do you know what? I really hope your daughter goes
1402
00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:28.460
on and represents GB in the Olympics, and you'll be
1403
00:55:28.500 --> 00:55:30.909
sat there with your wife, and everyone will know he
1404
00:55:30.929 --> 00:55:32.699
didn't want to be there then, and he still doesn't
1405
00:55:32.719 --> 00:55:33.409
want to be there now.
1406
00:55:33.929 --> 00:55:34.530
And you know what?
1407
00:55:34.820 --> 00:55:36.849
If that were to happen, if she won a gold medal,
1408
00:55:36.869 --> 00:55:41.530
I'd be like... We've got a pool again, have we?
1409
00:55:44.849 --> 00:55:46.809
Cheers, that's been amazing. Thank you so much.
1410
00:55:46.869 --> 00:55:48.730
A total pleasure. Thanks, boys. Cheers, mate.
1411
00:55:48.750 --> 00:55:49.570
Good luck with the festival.
1412
00:55:50.989 --> 00:55:51.639
Al Murray.
1413
00:55:51.760 --> 00:55:52.639
Enjoyed that one there, Josh.
1414
00:55:52.659 --> 00:55:53.539
Yeah, really fun.
1415
00:55:53.840 --> 00:55:56.039
Oh, it's just another great one, Rob.
1416
00:55:56.079 --> 00:55:56.719
He loves war.
1417
00:55:57.239 --> 00:55:58.039
He loves war.
1418
00:55:58.199 --> 00:56:00.199
I just think, how can you talk about something where
1419
00:56:00.219 --> 00:56:01.619
there's no more new news?
1420
00:56:02.079 --> 00:56:02.679
Well, Rob.
1421
00:56:03.099 --> 00:56:04.909
But then it's just a deep, complex topic.
1422
00:56:05.199 --> 00:56:08.780
It's just such a deep, complex topic. I don't know. Yeah,
1423
00:56:08.800 --> 00:56:10.940
I suppose even if you're doing history, at least history
1424
00:56:11.000 --> 00:56:15.679
is going forward. Liz Truss is now history, if that
1425
00:56:15.699 --> 00:56:16.239
makes sense.
1426
00:56:16.440 --> 00:56:19.639
Yeah, but not war history. Lettuce history.
1427
00:56:19.699 --> 00:56:20.659
Yeah, lettuce history.
1428
00:56:21.039 --> 00:56:22.110
There might be a third world war.
1429
00:56:22.469 --> 00:56:24.250
No, I enjoyed it. Al Murray, go to the festival,
1430
00:56:24.269 --> 00:56:25.949
listen to the podcast, go and see him on tour.
1431
00:56:26.230 --> 00:56:26.449
Yeah.
1432
00:56:26.630 --> 00:56:28.750
Buy his history book. And if you're interested in all
1433
00:56:28.789 --> 00:56:31.309
those things, good luck to you. And buy his drum.
1434
00:56:31.329 --> 00:56:31.929
Drumming, drumming.
1435
00:56:32.090 --> 00:56:35.050
If you are the one person that has purchased every
1436
00:56:35.260 --> 00:56:37.019
one of Al Murray's avenues, let me know, because I
1437
00:56:37.019 --> 00:56:37.519
don't think there's many.
1438
00:56:37.539 --> 00:56:37.659
Yeah.
1439
00:56:37.969 --> 00:56:40.670
I think comedy and history bit, but the drum is
1440
00:56:40.710 --> 00:56:42.989
what's really going to separate the Al Murrayites from the
1441
00:56:43.050 --> 00:56:43.670
Al Murrayites.
1442
00:56:43.869 --> 00:56:46.889
Exactly. Do write in if you've bought everything Al Murray's
1443
00:56:46.929 --> 00:56:49.110
ever done. I'm an Al Murray completist.
1444
00:56:49.650 --> 00:56:52.489
Yes, let us know. Right, I'll see you next time, Josh.
1445
00:56:52.510 --> 00:56:53.550
See you on Tuesday. Bye.