S02 EP35: Iain Stirling

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Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe.
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And I'm Rob Beckett.
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Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob
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and I discuss what it's like to be a parent
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during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.
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Yeah!
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Yeah! So, in an effort to make some kind of
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sense of the current situation... And to.
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Make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills.
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Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about.
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How well they're coping. Or hopefully not.
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And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with
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your tales of lockdown parenting woe.
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Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello,
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and you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with.
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Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. And Josh Widdicombe. Josh Widdicombe. Oh,
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love that. There we go.
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Much better than that snide Max that was on earlier
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in the week.
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That is my new son. He's doing very well, Rob.
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He's very advanced for his age, actually.
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He is very advanced. Hello, loving the podcast. It's been
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getting me through many a 4.30pm Lazy Parents Club. That
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is FaceTime with grandparents and roll toys in the general
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direction of my child while I try and finish a
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warm cup of tea. So I thought I'd send in
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my Sproggs attempt at your names. This is Evie. Great name.
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Age three from Cardiff. That is Sarah Rattam.
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Evie Rattam.
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It is a nice name, isn't it? It is a
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nice name.
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How's it going, Josh, in the house of a newborn?
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It's fine. It's fine.
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We've got quite a full house at the moment, Rob.
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Really?
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Pat Sharpe and the Twins?
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Yeah but i enjoyed it it's my it's my wheelhouse your.
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World isn't it that yeah there's nothing more more i
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like than doing a very sort of quite a shit
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joke to someone but it's very much their wheelhouse and
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they love it exactly yeah i.
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Mean it's it's like it's when we do the arsenal
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jokes on here i always know this is going to
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be rob's scene i'm more than happy to bring up
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an analogy to uh you know.
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Teta yeah exactly oh don't actually it's quite depressing yeah Now, we've.
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Got a full house. We've got the community midwife is
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here at the moment.
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Oh, is she?
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Checking that we aren't... Terrible parents?
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Terrible parents.
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And also a builder who's putting up shelves in my
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daughter's room because, obviously, I've got a new son. So
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he is.
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And he's sleeping on the shelf.
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And he's sleeping on the shelf. So he can't sleep
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on the floor forever.
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Space is at a premium in Zone 2.
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We'll use zone three.
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We'll use that. We'll zone you. Two.
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Two.
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Expensive on the street, cheap on the tube.
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Well, do you know what, mate? I'll be honest with you.
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We live so far from a tube, we might as
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well be in zone three, mate.
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Okay, let's not get bogged down by that. You love it.
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Let's not worry about the future or the past. We're
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in the moment.
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I'll be honest with you, Rob. It's seven minutes on
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a bus to the tube and then into town. And
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the last time I did that, my life was very different.
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I miss it. I just miss people.
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You miss people. Your house is full. You've got the builder.
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What's your builder's name?
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Adrian, very nice man. Adrian?
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Adrian.
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He's Romanian. His son is seven.
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Yeah.
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He's playing for Crystal Palace under sevens.
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Oh.
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I knew that they could play. I said, what's it like?
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He said, the standard is unbelievable.
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Really? Yeah.
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And he was like, I was like, oh. And so
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he said, my son did play up front, but he
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lacks pace. Lacks pace?
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He's seven.
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All seven. They're all as fast as Usain Bolt at seven.
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Yeah.
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No, but you do notice it. Like my youngest is
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so fast. And then my eldest isn't slow, but she's
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quite normal pace. But youngest is like, she's like a
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bit like, you know, the little blonde kid in Incredibles.
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It's like mental.
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And it's so weird at how different like the kids
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can be where my eldest, right? If I take her
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to school on the scooter, sometimes if she's tired or
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can't be bothered, she goes, hold my hand. And she
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stands on the scooter and I drag her along.
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Yeah. Like I'm an ox or a horse cart, right?
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And then the other one, she's three, comes out and
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she's about 50 metres ahead of me in the street.
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And I'm like, slow down, stop, stop. She says, hold
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my hand. And then what she does is she holds
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my hand, but also holds the scooter and pushes off
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and drags me along at pace because I'm going too slow.
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It's so weird that two kids can be so different
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like that.
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People say this so much. So obviously it's difficult for
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me to tell four days in, Rob. But I'm fascinated
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because you just presume when you have your first kid, oh, well,
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that's what a kid that I create will be like.
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Do you know what I mean? That is, those bits
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of my personality.
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But you realise, when you've got two, some are more
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of you, and then some are ruined by your partner's genes. And,
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you know, that is, when you are breeding, it's something
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you need to take into consideration.
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Yeah, it is.
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It is wrong.
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Like, obviously, you know, with me and Lou, hopefully they
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get Lou's brains, but Let's face facts, fingers crossed, athletically wise,
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they get some of me.
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And that's not a great statement, but what?
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You are. I hate to do this.
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Go on.
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I think you're one of the sharpest people I know.
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You might not be what they would term, you know.
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Academic?
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Book smart.
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Book smart.
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Yeah, but I would say, do you know what, Rob?
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I'm tired, but I'll say this.
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Come on, baby.
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I was once drunk and I said to my friend,
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Will Briggs, you know.
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Yes, I know Will.
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I said, I think there's only two geniuses in my
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comedy generation. And you were one of them, Rob. And
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the other was Joe Licence.
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You really missed an opportunity there to say Romesh Ranganathan
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and Paul Chowdhury.
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I'm tired, Rob. I'm tired. Oh, that's very kind of you, Josh.
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You're very intelligent, Rob.
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You're very intelligent.
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Yes, I don't think.
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I always struggled with academia for a number of reasons
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and studying and reading. I think I was dyslexic or
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I've not had a proper test. So hopefully, though, they
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won't get the dyslexia part of me. Now it's gone
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weirdly deep. You've called me a genius and I'm talking
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about dyslexia, but.
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No, but I know what you mean. It is weird
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with what you think your children will inherit off you.
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Do you know what I mean?
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Yes.
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And seeing what part, and it's weird because you sort
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of think they'll either be me or your partner, but
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actually there are odd mix where they can be both
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at the same time where like I'm quite loud. So
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my kids can also be very loud, but also they
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can be very quiet and just sit like Lou would
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and study or play with something. But I could never
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imagine you could be both.
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No. No.
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No, exactly. It is weird, isn't it? And then you go,
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what am I of my parents? I'm on the loud thing, Rob.
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My new baby's very loud.
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Oh my God, you've got a working class Londoner kid.
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He was born in London.
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The sound of obels.
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The sound of obels. His cry is so loud that
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the midwives at the hospital were openly laughing about how
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loud he was. Oh, no.
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If a midwife notices anything, you know it's mental. Yeah.
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What you want when your child is born is for
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a midwife to not even batter an eyelid at anything
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that it does.
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But instead, they're like, whoa, listen to him.
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That happened to us where they went, oh, God, she's
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very alert. And I was like, oh, God, alert's not.
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Good, is it?
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What you want is them to go, bloody hell, he's
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laid back.
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You want a kid that's basically high on weed all
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the time, doesn't it?
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Exactly. They said he was really loud.
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He's got some fucking pipes on him, mate. He's like Adele,
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but without the tune.
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He's like Adele.
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You won't hear from him for three years, but then
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you won't fucking shut up for a year. And then
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off again.
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So he is like Adele. We'll call him Adele.
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Okay, right, let's get back on track. Oh, I need
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to talk about, I've done bad parenting this week.
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Oh, yes, please.
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Okay, so a couple of things. My kids are obsessed
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with Mamma Mia. I think I've spoken about this. They
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basically watch it three times a week.
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Oh, wow. Non-stop.
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And it's only recently, and I've been doing this for
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about a year, that I've realised at one point in
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the film, Meryl Streep calls someone a slut. So they
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have heard the word slut, On my calculations, three times
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a week for a year, which is about like 150 times.
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Yeah. See, I told you you're smart.
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156 times, wouldn't it?
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They take two weeks off for Christmas. They don't watch
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it on a Sunday sometimes.
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Yeah.
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God's day.
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So they've heard the word slut, but I've never heard
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them say it. But it's weird.
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It just sort of gets passed by. Slut is bad.
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Do you think they don't realize it's rude? So what
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you need to do is not flag it.
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Yeah. So I've just ignored the slut. Yeah.
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And they just sing the songs really.
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It's normal, the songs.
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But they were singing Super Troop at the top of
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their voice in the car the other day, like properly loud.
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And then we said, can you not sing so loud?
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And then the five-year-old went, my music teacher says I
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have to sing as loud as I can so everyone
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can hear. And I just don't know if that's good teaching.
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I think at some point you've got to teach children
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about PA systems. Because Adele isn't, you know, doing stages.
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She's not the loudest.
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No, she's not the loudest. She's just the best at singing.
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Yeah, she's the best at singing.
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Isn't she? It's not like, have you heard Adele? Oh
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my God, it was so loud. I could barely hear anything.
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Yeah, I just, do you know what? I love going
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to see a band and just seeing how loud they
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can be. It's not the Olympics.
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She started off in Slipknot. That's why she wore the mask.
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Because she wanted her own career after.
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Oh, the other thing is as well, Josh, I nearly
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i nearly think i think i nearly blew up the
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garden um because i've got a gas barbecue right and
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it was running out of i was running out of
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gas it was said low on the side of it
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so i did a thing my dad always used to
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do that i thought was fine i turned the gas
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upside down to get more gas out of it so
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that you know normally it sits on its base and
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then the tubes at the top so i turned it
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upside down so i thought oh that way you're allowed
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to do that well i don't know Well, I don't
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think so because I did do that and it was working.
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The flames went up higher, but when I went outside,
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the tube from the top of the gas canister to
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the barbecue had frosted. It had all frost and cold
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on it like it'd been in a freezer and I
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panicked and turned everything off.
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I don't know what that means.
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Oh my word.
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00:10:33.389 --> 00:10:34.889
What does that mean? Do I have to just.
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It means stop, Rob.
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00:10:36.029 --> 00:10:37.629
I stopped it, but now I don't know if I'm
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allowed to turn my barbecue back on. So if anyone's
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listening and understands what's happening, do.
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Let me know.
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Do let Rob know.
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It looked like Elsa had touched it. The whole tube
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was frozen. And I was like, fuck. What have I done?
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And then I was so scared.
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So I flipped it back over, turned it off at
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the gas tank thing, and then turned the barbecue off.
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And then nothing exploded. But I was ridden. And it
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00:10:57.850 --> 00:10:58.929
was so cold, mate.
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Rob, have you just invented something new?
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00:11:02.830 --> 00:11:06.169
I don't get why something so cold could power something
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so hot.
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00:11:07.169 --> 00:11:08.750
Yeah, I don't understand how that's happened.
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It feels like an Elon Musk experiment. I think it's
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how you mine Bitcoin.
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I didn't know. They mind. What the fuck is going on?
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I don't understand it.
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I don't understand it.
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Teenage boys telling me they're multimillionaires on TikTok and telling
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me to invest and follow their portfolio.
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Can I say something about having a baby, Rob?
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Yeah, go on, mate. You're here. If you're not going
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to do it here, where are you going to do it?
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00:11:31.950 --> 00:11:35.450
I have no ability as a winder.
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00:11:36.429 --> 00:11:37.980
A winder? You can't wind?
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00:11:38.600 --> 00:11:41.360
I can't win for love nor money. And I don't
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00:11:41.399 --> 00:11:44.279
believe anyone can. I just believe it's, I just don't
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00:11:44.320 --> 00:11:46.320
know how to do it, Rob. And I, I had
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00:11:46.360 --> 00:11:49.629
this last time and now it's back again and I
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don't know what I'm doing. And I've got, I just,
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I don't believe, can you do it?
295
00:11:54.330 --> 00:11:57.250
I think with wind, I think with winding is you
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need to, it's like each baby's difference. You need to
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find your technique. So I think maybe let's put a
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call out for some winding techniques.
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Some winding techniques. And I tell you which one doesn't work.
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lie them on their back, pedal their legs, and then
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lift up their ass, which I found myself doing the
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other day, someone had told me. It doesn't work.
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Has no stroking worked, or have you not needed to yet?
304
00:12:17.230 --> 00:12:17.730
The baby's too young.
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00:12:17.750 --> 00:12:18.690
I haven't needed to yet.
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Okay, well, keep us posted on the no stroke.
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00:12:20.549 --> 00:12:21.809
Yeah, yeah.
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I've got some Instagram messages, if you want to do
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them before we go into our guests this week.
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Here we go.
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Hi, Rob and Josh and sexy voice mystery man, Michael.
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Love the show and can't wait for Tuesdays and Fridays.
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I have a parenting hack recommendation I discovered after struggling
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to get my two kids to eat anything that are
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remotely healthy or different. For an entire year, my youngest
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refused to eat anything other than lemon curd sandwiches. Oh,
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00:12:43.779 --> 00:12:44.200
my God.
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00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:48.620
Is he an evacuee? What is that? Good night, Mr.
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Tom Sandwich.
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Where do you end up on lemon curd sandwiches?
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00:12:52.419 --> 00:12:54.370
Oh, God. I don't know. I think it's some sort
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of countryside thing, isn't it?
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Where are they from?
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She doesn't say.
325
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Anyway, and my eldest used to treat anything that resembles
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vegetables as kryptonite.
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But not any longer.
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Here is my life-changing tip. I now take a packet
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of stickers with me to the supermarket. Whenever I see
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something healthy or varied I want to purchase, I quickly
331
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distract them and stick a sticker of their favourite cartoon
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or show onto the product.
333
00:13:15.980 --> 00:13:17.220
Oh, that is clever.
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00:13:17.320 --> 00:13:19.899
I then trick them into thinking they discovered the item
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for themselves. And I put up a bit of resistance
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when they suggest it.
337
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Oh, yes.
338
00:13:24.019 --> 00:13:26.080
And they get it to seem like a treat and
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they get their own way. Tonight we are having Moana
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broccoli and Paw Patrol pie.
341
00:13:32.250 --> 00:13:33.210
Oh, yes, please.
342
00:13:33.250 --> 00:13:36.669
We had Octonauts porridge. It's an absolute game changer. This
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00:13:36.730 --> 00:13:39.379
is a great tip, Kat. thank you very much.
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00:13:39.279 --> 00:13:42.100
Yeah that is really good that's really strong.
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Um and oh another and then i've got another one
346
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here just a quick message to say i love the
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podcast you have changed my life been listening since day
348
00:13:48.860 --> 00:13:50.679
one and you've helped me through the bad and the
349
00:13:50.759 --> 00:13:53.519
awful times of lockdown but even more so now as
350
00:13:53.639 --> 00:13:55.220
last week you really changed my life we have a
351
00:13:55.250 --> 00:13:57.470
little boy called ewan age four and his behavior had
352
00:13:57.509 --> 00:13:59.970
gotten worse and worse over lockdown he thought he rude
353
00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:02.149
the roost but a very embarrassing moment when we took
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00:14:02.169 --> 00:14:03.889
him to see a new school all the other children
355
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were well behaved ours was running around crawling under the
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00:14:06.870 --> 00:14:10.789
tables and we literally couldn't stop him. Even the headteacher said, oh,
357
00:14:11.029 --> 00:14:14.100
that's one to watch. And my heart sank as this
358
00:14:14.129 --> 00:14:15.980
was my old primary school and the thought of bringing
359
00:14:16.220 --> 00:14:18.100
up a brat destroyed me. Well, I thought of you
360
00:14:18.139 --> 00:14:20.960
guys and finally purchased some pom-poms and a jar. It's
361
00:14:21.000 --> 00:14:21.919
a game changer.
362
00:14:21.940 --> 00:14:23.620
Oh, there we go.
363
00:14:23.639 --> 00:14:24.210
He's loving it.
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00:14:24.259 --> 00:14:26.860
We don't have a toddler who runs around and hides
365
00:14:26.899 --> 00:14:29.059
whilst we try and get him dressed or take him
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00:14:29.080 --> 00:14:32.759
food shopping. He says, please and thank you. He tries
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00:14:32.779 --> 00:14:34.519
hard at nursery and he's a pleasure to be with.
368
00:14:34.830 --> 00:14:36.809
The pom-pom jar has given me new hope that you
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can be a lovely, kind, and calm child. He stays
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in his own.
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Bed at night.
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He no longer cries when going out food shopping or
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nursery or anywhere. Let's just hope this lasts. Any tips
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00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:48.679
if the kid gets bored?
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00:14:48.940 --> 00:14:50.299
What I would say is, Josh, you have to use
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00:14:50.340 --> 00:14:55.799
it in fits and bursts. Kids get pom-pom jar fatigue.
377
00:14:55.860 --> 00:14:56.860
It's like lockdowns.
378
00:14:57.179 --> 00:14:59.240
You don't want to have to use a lockdown, but
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00:14:59.279 --> 00:15:01.379
you know it's effective. I just think keep it a
380
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bit separate. So stop it for a bit if he's not,
381
00:15:05.629 --> 00:15:07.340
you know, listening to it and then start it up again,
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00:15:07.629 --> 00:15:09.899
especially if there's something he wants in particular and then
383
00:15:09.940 --> 00:15:11.399
you can use it as a goal, can't you?
384
00:15:11.820 --> 00:15:12.179
Yes.
385
00:15:12.340 --> 00:15:14.580
We're not on pom-pom jars at the moment. I find
386
00:15:14.600 --> 00:15:16.940
pom-pom jars are more needed when there's no structure in
387
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the day. So like in the summer holidays or lockdown
388
00:15:19.659 --> 00:15:21.919
or half term, half term's not too bad, it's a week.
389
00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.409
But yeah, when they're in schools or nursery, they come
390
00:15:24.429 --> 00:15:26.169
home quite tired after being engaged.
391
00:15:26.210 --> 00:15:28.750
So they're quite happy to chill. And I think, yeah,
392
00:15:28.769 --> 00:15:29.720
that's probably what it is, isn't it?
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00:15:29.769 --> 00:15:31.649
If he's four and he's only one of them and
394
00:15:31.669 --> 00:15:33.070
he's at home in lockdown, you're going to go mental,
395
00:15:33.090 --> 00:15:33.330
aren't you?
396
00:15:33.730 --> 00:15:37.379
It's mad, isn't it, when you realise the things that...
397
00:15:37.980 --> 00:15:41.139
When there's a lack of structure to the day, it's
398
00:15:41.279 --> 00:15:43.320
so much more difficult, do you know what I mean?
399
00:15:43.340 --> 00:15:43.919
Yeah, exactly.
400
00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:44.919
For everyone concerned.
401
00:15:45.019 --> 00:15:46.820
And for the kids. Kids like rules.
402
00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:48.460
And they like to do stuff.
403
00:15:48.620 --> 00:15:49.830
The secret stiffnecks.
404
00:15:50.429 --> 00:15:52.009
The secret stiffnecks rule.
405
00:15:52.029 --> 00:15:54.049
They give it a loose one, don't they? But, you know,
406
00:15:54.070 --> 00:15:55.750
if they're not getting their nap on time, they're fuming.
407
00:15:56.210 --> 00:15:59.049
Exactly. Oh, wow, we're back into napping these days in
408
00:15:59.090 --> 00:15:59.509
my life.
409
00:15:59.629 --> 00:16:01.470
Oh, you've got a nap master general.
410
00:16:02.070 --> 00:16:07.149
Yeah, stuff like snacks. My daughter, if we go out,
411
00:16:07.210 --> 00:16:10.649
will never think about a snack because she's engaged in
412
00:16:10.889 --> 00:16:11.710
whatever we're doing.
413
00:16:11.909 --> 00:16:12.169
Yeah.
414
00:16:12.730 --> 00:16:16.029
But if we're at home, she'll always be thinking about
415
00:16:16.110 --> 00:16:18.070
snacks because it's just something to do. Do you know
416
00:16:18.090 --> 00:16:18.429
what I mean?
417
00:16:18.590 --> 00:16:20.529
Yeah, exactly, because they get bored and stuff like that.
418
00:16:20.549 --> 00:16:22.570
But yeah, pom-pom, jar it up in the summer holidays,
419
00:16:22.610 --> 00:16:22.850
I think.
420
00:16:23.269 --> 00:16:24.269
Oh, the summer holidays.
421
00:16:24.750 --> 00:16:25.350
Oh, my God.
422
00:16:25.370 --> 00:16:27.850
Is your daughter off for the whole summer holidays?
423
00:16:28.330 --> 00:16:30.629
No, but this will be the last one ever because
424
00:16:30.669 --> 00:16:35.399
this is... She's still at nursery next year. She's just
425
00:16:35.419 --> 00:16:37.600
the oldest in her year, more or less. She's October.
426
00:16:37.860 --> 00:16:40.529
So she's got one more year at nursery, so no
427
00:16:40.690 --> 00:16:41.669
summer holidays this year.
428
00:16:42.470 --> 00:16:42.870
Oh, yes.
429
00:16:42.950 --> 00:16:43.230
Oh, yes.
430
00:16:43.289 --> 00:16:44.889
Oh, yeah, because she's the same year as my daughter,
431
00:16:44.950 --> 00:16:48.889
isn't she? So she starts not this September, next September.
432
00:16:49.269 --> 00:16:49.889
Next September.
433
00:16:49.960 --> 00:16:54.200
Yes. So we start at the same time. Exciting, Josh. Right.
434
00:16:54.259 --> 00:16:55.159
Guess this week. It's Mr.
435
00:16:55.240 --> 00:17:01.830
Ian Sterling, comedian, voiceover guy, Twitch megastar, and married to
436
00:17:01.870 --> 00:17:04.150
Laura Whitmore, got a new baby a couple of months old.
437
00:17:04.369 --> 00:17:05.440
And good chat, this, wasn't it?
438
00:17:05.630 --> 00:17:07.470
Yeah, it was brilliant. Ian is such a nice man.
439
00:17:07.509 --> 00:17:10.509
And let's be honest, Rob. He didn't sound as fatigued
440
00:17:10.549 --> 00:17:11.970
as we thought he was going to, but then he
441
00:17:12.009 --> 00:17:13.369
always sounds fatigued, doesn't he?
442
00:17:13.390 --> 00:17:14.190
Yeah, he does.
443
00:17:14.210 --> 00:17:15.769
He's sort of a bit, you know, he does sound
444
00:17:15.789 --> 00:17:17.930
like he's just got in from a night out. So that,
445
00:17:18.170 --> 00:17:20.210
you know, is how people sound when they have children.
446
00:17:20.410 --> 00:17:21.119
Yeah, exactly.
447
00:17:21.150 --> 00:17:23.210
It makes no difference to his Scottish drawl.
448
00:17:23.559 --> 00:17:25.119
Enjoy it, Ian Stirling, guys.
449
00:17:27.099 --> 00:17:30.859
Ian Stirling, thank you for coming on the podcast. New father,
450
00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:32.960
we hear that you listened to the Tom Parry one
451
00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:33.700
before coming on.
452
00:17:33.799 --> 00:17:37.180
I did. I immediately text him afterwards, like the second
453
00:17:37.240 --> 00:17:40.789
it finished. I said, I know you'll be asleep when
454
00:17:40.809 --> 00:17:42.549
you get this because it's two in the afternoon.
455
00:17:42.569 --> 00:17:49.029
Yeah, so how old's your baby? A month.
456
00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.769
Basically, we're right on the month mark, yeah. Oh, bloody hell.
457
00:17:52.319 --> 00:17:52.559
I know.
458
00:17:52.579 --> 00:17:53.079
That's so soon.
459
00:17:53.410 --> 00:17:55.079
And I was talking to... When you were talking to
460
00:17:55.140 --> 00:17:59.420
Tom and yourself, Rob, and Josh, we don't really remember
461
00:17:59.480 --> 00:18:03.480
that period. I really just wanted something to sort of...
462
00:18:03.319 --> 00:18:06.220
As a memento, and I'm terrible at writing and keeping
463
00:18:06.259 --> 00:18:09.259
a journal, and I'm not good at taking photos or anything,
464
00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:11.220
but I suppose I'm all right at chatting, so I
465
00:18:11.240 --> 00:18:13.380
thought this would be a nice way to... Do you
466
00:18:13.400 --> 00:18:16.390
know what I mean? Just keep it forever. OK, well,
467
00:18:16.789 --> 00:18:17.650
I'm going to say it now.
468
00:18:18.569 --> 00:18:22.170
Happy 18th birthday to Ian's baby.
469
00:18:22.289 --> 00:18:26.910
Happy birthday. Happy birthday. You've already been drinking for 11 years.
470
00:18:26.930 --> 00:18:32.619
I haven't found that the last month, you sound pretty fresh,
471
00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:34.500
to be honest. I feel like, I don't know if
472
00:18:34.539 --> 00:18:37.079
you had this, the first couple of weeks, me and
473
00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:39.650
Laura were like, because we sort of teed ourself up
474
00:18:39.690 --> 00:18:42.150
that this is going to be absolutely mad, and obviously
475
00:18:42.190 --> 00:18:43.170
it's absolutely mad.
476
00:18:43.230 --> 00:18:44.869
Also, for anyone that doesn't know, we should explain that
477
00:18:44.910 --> 00:18:48.519
your partner's Laura Whitmore... the TV presenter, Love Island and
478
00:18:48.579 --> 00:18:49.460
Celeb Juice and stuff.
479
00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:52.440
So yeah, it's us two, those people that you've just
480
00:18:52.579 --> 00:18:55.500
described one of them and I'm the other one. And
481
00:18:56.440 --> 00:18:58.519
the first two weeks was like, do you know what?
482
00:18:58.559 --> 00:19:01.329
This isn't as bad as we thought. I'm like, when
483
00:19:01.369 --> 00:19:03.250
you hear someone else's child cry.
484
00:19:03.509 --> 00:19:06.730
It's horrific and the thought of it.
485
00:19:07.109 --> 00:19:08.869
And then when it's your own, it's sort of all right.
486
00:19:08.890 --> 00:19:13.559
And sometimes when she gets like really sad or whatever, like, well, like,
487
00:19:14.230 --> 00:19:17.289
it like cries a lot there's something quite sort of
488
00:19:17.630 --> 00:19:19.089
I don't know if you should go mad but it's
489
00:19:19.109 --> 00:19:22.539
like quite is this your daughter or Laura? both both
490
00:19:24.200 --> 00:19:26.660
you just sort of find it quite endearing and then
491
00:19:26.700 --> 00:19:29.299
you just you just think they're so great you don't
492
00:19:29.359 --> 00:19:32.559
mind so it's but then I feel like I'm now
493
00:19:32.619 --> 00:19:34.779
getting to the stage where I'm like oh we're trying
494
00:19:34.799 --> 00:19:38.069
to go back to work slowly little bits and what
495
00:19:38.130 --> 00:19:40.509
not and I'm starting to realise oh yeah this is
496
00:19:40.630 --> 00:19:42.910
it this is forever now yeah.
497
00:19:43.049 --> 00:19:47.569
Yeah I remember that. That feeling of going, I've signed
498
00:19:47.630 --> 00:19:48.369
up to something here.
499
00:19:48.410 --> 00:19:49.970
Yeah. I remember.
500
00:19:50.099 --> 00:19:53.339
Getting back from work one day at about 6pm, sitting
501
00:19:53.380 --> 00:19:56.529
on the sofa and thinking, that's not my day.
502
00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:03.670
That's it. That's not done. I'm just beginning. This podcast,
503
00:20:03.730 --> 00:20:06.789
this bit of my day right now is the break.
504
00:20:09.240 --> 00:20:10.960
So what's your schedule at the moment? How are you
505
00:20:10.980 --> 00:20:14.640
splitting the shifts with Laura? It's working out quite well
506
00:20:14.660 --> 00:20:18.519
at the minute. So at the minute, we're doing the
507
00:20:18.539 --> 00:20:22.559
old breastfeeding. Yeah. Wee. Wee's a bold statement. Yeah, the
508
00:20:22.619 --> 00:20:28.980
royal wee there. The good old royal wee. Every father's
509
00:20:29.049 --> 00:20:30.930
favourite wee, the royal wee.
510
00:20:30.990 --> 00:20:37.119
LAUGHTER Do you still like wake up and sort of
511
00:20:37.220 --> 00:20:40.569
sit near the breastfeeding encounter to look like you're helping
512
00:20:40.589 --> 00:20:42.430
when in reality you're doing nothing? Because I sort of
513
00:20:42.450 --> 00:20:44.130
did that for a bit at the start and then
514
00:20:44.150 --> 00:20:46.089
eventually you just go to sleep because you're not helping.
515
00:20:46.369 --> 00:20:48.650
The mornings are now very much I wake up at 10,
516
00:20:48.650 --> 00:20:50.509
I go, have you fed her yet? Yep, twice.
517
00:20:50.529 --> 00:20:51.470
All right, okay.
518
00:20:51.970 --> 00:20:56.660
I apologise. so it's a quite good schedule so Laura
519
00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:59.660
pumps in the morning at night which gives me enough
520
00:20:59.720 --> 00:21:02.430
milk to do this sort of night time feed so
521
00:21:02.470 --> 00:21:07.049
we'll feed through to about midnight sleep time then baby
522
00:21:07.109 --> 00:21:11.339
wakes up sort of three half three oh I do
523
00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.660
that feed, Laura can stay in bed, and then baby
524
00:21:14.700 --> 00:21:18.119
wakes up about half six, seven, Laura does that feed,
525
00:21:18.359 --> 00:21:20.519
I stay in bed. So we're still getting sort of...
526
00:21:20.680 --> 00:21:22.490
That's a nice system.
527
00:21:22.730 --> 00:21:25.450
Do you know what's mental? That is actually pretty good,
528
00:21:25.589 --> 00:21:27.450
but it still sounds horrific said.
529
00:21:27.369 --> 00:21:28.440
Out loud, doesn't it?
530
00:21:28.769 --> 00:21:32.460
Yeah, if you're listening without children, you're going... What is
531
00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:35.359
wrong with these things? That sounds like a nice system.
532
00:21:35.400 --> 00:21:37.400
Do you know how mad I've gone all day coming
533
00:21:37.440 --> 00:21:40.140
up to this podcast, right? I was genuinely thinking, Josh
534
00:21:40.160 --> 00:21:42.140
and Rob are going to be so impressed by how
535
00:21:42.220 --> 00:21:43.720
amazing mine and Laura's.
536
00:21:43.500 --> 00:21:44.259
Sleep patterns are.
537
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:47.940
And then because it's lockdown and we've got a newborn baby,
538
00:21:47.980 --> 00:21:49.490
I've told you, and then you've gone, yeah, but that's
539
00:21:49.509 --> 00:21:51.390
still really bad. And I've just realised, oh yeah, that
540
00:21:51.430 --> 00:21:54.470
is still horrific. What's that?
541
00:21:54.569 --> 00:21:57.029
Even at the best, you've nailed it, but it's still
542
00:21:57.049 --> 00:21:58.269
a horrific thing to go through.
543
00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:00.779
Yeah, so that's what we're doing at the minute. So
544
00:22:00.839 --> 00:22:03.990
I still, you know, we try, we optimistically try to
545
00:22:04.069 --> 00:22:07.230
watch an episode of Line of Duty last night after
546
00:22:07.289 --> 00:22:12.109
last night's sort of midnight feed. And it's not until
547
00:22:12.150 --> 00:22:15.789
you're so tired you realise how many characters are in
548
00:22:15.849 --> 00:22:22.099
Line of Duty. Anagrams in people's names. You're like, I
549
00:22:22.140 --> 00:22:27.160
have honestly no fucking clue who shot who, who is who,
550
00:22:27.240 --> 00:22:28.279
who's related to who.
551
00:22:29.160 --> 00:22:31.599
And you're both too polite to say, I'm exhausted, let's
552
00:22:31.640 --> 00:22:33.160
go to bed. Because you're trying to create like a
553
00:22:33.220 --> 00:22:35.920
couples moment. But in reality, you're just trying to stay awake.
554
00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:39.210
Well, this is just like watching it. No, I'm on it.
555
00:22:39.230 --> 00:22:39.890
It's great, this.
556
00:22:39.910 --> 00:22:42.690
This is exactly like how we used to watch it. Yeah,
557
00:22:42.710 --> 00:22:44.690
midnight on four hours sleep. Let's watch a bit of
558
00:22:44.710 --> 00:22:46.170
Line of Duty. Why not?
559
00:22:46.349 --> 00:22:47.609
Honestly, honestly.
560
00:22:47.869 --> 00:22:50.640
Just going back to the stuff. We watched the recap
561
00:22:50.759 --> 00:22:52.900
three times. That's all the important bits. And we just
562
00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:56.319
take that in. It'll be fine. The TV we ended
563
00:22:56.380 --> 00:22:58.700
up watching... at that point.
564
00:22:59.039 --> 00:23:02.500
Was just anything that didn't involve any sort of mental
565
00:23:02.519 --> 00:23:05.180
engagement at all. Do you know what I mean? So
566
00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:07.160
the line of duty would have been completely out of
567
00:23:07.180 --> 00:23:07.789
the question.
568
00:23:07.900 --> 00:23:08.220
Oh, yeah.
569
00:23:08.380 --> 00:23:10.529
It was The Apprentice, it was MasterChef, it was all
570
00:23:10.589 --> 00:23:11.250
that kind of stuff.
571
00:23:11.269 --> 00:23:12.769
Can I give you a suggestion?
572
00:23:12.789 --> 00:23:16.269
Yeah. Bargain Brits Abroad, Channel 5.
573
00:23:16.269 --> 00:23:18.569
I watched Bargain Brits Abroad once, and it was a
574
00:23:18.609 --> 00:23:21.930
guy that had gone over there to be an artist because, like, quote-unquote,
575
00:23:21.950 --> 00:23:25.970
his art wasn't appreciated in the UK. Yeah! Yes, I'm remembering. Right,
576
00:23:26.029 --> 00:23:28.150
and then do you remember, it was him just walking
577
00:23:28.210 --> 00:23:33.130
about a sort of city centre, pointing at different restaurants going,
578
00:23:33.369 --> 00:23:35.750
they don't do chips. They don't do chips.
579
00:23:38.390 --> 00:23:40.289
I quite like watching that, Shadow, because it saves me
580
00:23:40.309 --> 00:23:41.650
having to do, who do you think you are?
581
00:23:41.789 --> 00:23:43.069
I get to see all my relations.
582
00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:51.960
What's the plan at the moment because of lockdown and stuff?
583
00:23:52.819 --> 00:23:55.079
You both work loads, but you're both two of the
584
00:23:55.099 --> 00:23:58.549
busiest people in telly. So what's your plan going forward?
585
00:23:58.569 --> 00:24:00.869
Just sort of working it out week by week with
586
00:24:00.890 --> 00:24:03.509
the babies? It's sort of a 50-50 split of the parenting.
587
00:24:03.549 --> 00:24:05.329
Is that the plan or have you not worked it
588
00:24:05.410 --> 00:24:05.690
out yet?
589
00:24:05.890 --> 00:24:07.690
I think the plan will be to sort of like
590
00:24:07.710 --> 00:24:10.769
50-50 and just sort of streamline what it is we
591
00:24:10.829 --> 00:24:15.049
do and whatnot. Are you heading to the Love Island, Ian? Well, exactly, yeah.
592
00:24:15.089 --> 00:24:16.309
That's my next big thing.
593
00:24:16.470 --> 00:24:18.470
So you're going to take the baby to the Island
594
00:24:18.509 --> 00:24:20.289
of Love? Well, this is the thing.
595
00:24:20.509 --> 00:24:22.549
From the Island of Love to the Island of Love.
596
00:24:23.609 --> 00:24:27.509
What a ten months. Trying to remember all the people's
597
00:24:27.549 --> 00:24:32.910
names in the voiceover booth. What is going on? Craig's
598
00:24:33.019 --> 00:24:37.289
coupled up with... What's her name again? With the baby
599
00:24:37.349 --> 00:24:39.569
crying in the background. You can make a thing of
600
00:24:39.630 --> 00:24:40.890
it though, on the voiceover.
601
00:24:40.910 --> 00:24:42.980
So is the plan, because obviously I imagine Laura's be
602
00:24:43.000 --> 00:24:45.539
hosting it. So you're all going to go to the,
603
00:24:45.819 --> 00:24:47.680
like wherever you're filming it together then. Well, this is
604
00:24:47.700 --> 00:24:49.440
the thing about COVID as well though, isn't it?
605
00:24:49.460 --> 00:24:53.750
Like. We don't actually know where we'll be for it.
606
00:24:53.789 --> 00:24:56.329
You might just do it remotely. It's a lovely mixture
607
00:24:56.710 --> 00:25:00.829
of COVID and Brexit means that going abroad has become
608
00:25:01.190 --> 00:25:03.130
all the more... You've got a lot of forms to
609
00:25:03.150 --> 00:25:05.380
fill in and a load of jabs to get. Who
610
00:25:05.400 --> 00:25:07.940
would have thought politics would have an impact on Love Island?
611
00:25:09.460 --> 00:25:12.839
Who would have thought? It reminds me, the Brexit vote
612
00:25:12.880 --> 00:25:15.849
happened during series two of Love Island. And a guy
613
00:25:15.890 --> 00:25:18.329
called Terry... Don't feel like you have to take responsibility
614
00:25:18.369 --> 00:25:19.490
for it, though, Ian. Don't blame yourself.
615
00:25:19.509 --> 00:25:21.029
I didn't get my postal vote in time. I was
616
00:25:21.069 --> 00:25:23.289
absolutely gutted.
617
00:25:23.430 --> 00:25:26.410
Terry said, amazing man, he said it didn't... Because we
618
00:25:26.450 --> 00:25:28.670
offered them the postal votes. I don't know how many
619
00:25:28.690 --> 00:25:30.839
of them took it. Terry said, doesn't bother me that
620
00:25:30.859 --> 00:25:33.299
much because I spend six months of the year in Ibiza.
621
00:25:33.740 --> 00:25:42.990
LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Amazing. I had a mate who voted to
622
00:25:43.049 --> 00:25:45.829
leave and they had a place in Spain. And I went, yeah,
623
00:25:45.930 --> 00:25:47.569
but you've got a place in Spain, mate, so it's
624
00:25:47.609 --> 00:25:48.789
much better for us to be in the EU so
625
00:25:48.809 --> 00:25:50.319
you can get back and forth. And he went, nah,
626
00:25:50.339 --> 00:25:51.839
I went, and also, you know, the exchange rates can
627
00:25:51.859 --> 00:25:55.119
be affected. I've already changed all my money up. As if, like,
628
00:25:56.420 --> 00:25:57.619
it'll never need any more.
629
00:25:58.839 --> 00:26:00.960
That's him sort of. I've got a load of pesetas
630
00:26:01.019 --> 00:26:05.180
under the bed, I'll be fine. So you've got no
631
00:26:05.240 --> 00:26:07.140
idea what's going on yet then, I imagine. Yeah, you might.
632
00:26:07.829 --> 00:26:10.529
Just be at home with the baby. Little microphone in
633
00:26:10.549 --> 00:26:11.680
the corner of the nursery.
634
00:26:11.700 --> 00:26:13.319
Yeah, I think they'll definitely put me into some sort
635
00:26:13.359 --> 00:26:17.019
of booth because, I mean, you know, it feels too
636
00:26:17.099 --> 00:26:19.549
official to record. It's TV. It's not this kind of shit,
637
00:26:19.660 --> 00:26:22.150
is it? It's proper. I don't know. I've done some...
638
00:26:22.009 --> 00:26:22.650
Have you recorded.
639
00:26:22.690 --> 00:26:25.609
I've recorded some TV from my house.
640
00:26:26.410 --> 00:26:27.069
You don't need to.
641
00:26:27.190 --> 00:26:29.069
I've always thought it's so, Ian. No offence, but you
642
00:26:29.089 --> 00:26:30.890
don't need to be in Spain, do you?
643
00:26:30.990 --> 00:26:34.029
Oh, no, no, no. Every time I tell someone I'm
644
00:26:34.049 --> 00:26:36.250
going to Spain to do the voiceover, they're like, well, what?
645
00:26:36.410 --> 00:26:41.170
Those ones, why are they in their sentence together? It
646
00:26:41.230 --> 00:26:45.049
is mad, isn't it? It is absolutely mad. Oh, they've
647
00:26:45.069 --> 00:26:48.069
not got any microphones in central London, sadly. Yeah, so
648
00:26:48.109 --> 00:26:50.089
are you. You can't record anything. I stay in a
649
00:26:50.109 --> 00:26:51.210
hotel for eight weeks. Why?
650
00:26:51.230 --> 00:26:55.259
Just so I can speak into a microphone. In defence though, Ian,
651
00:26:55.279 --> 00:26:57.079
because when I worked on I'm a Celebrity, which is
652
00:26:57.119 --> 00:26:59.839
a similar turnaround of like record it the day before
653
00:26:59.880 --> 00:27:03.220
and then the next day, stuff does get dropped and
654
00:27:03.279 --> 00:27:04.420
changed at the last minute.
655
00:27:04.460 --> 00:27:06.930
So you're sort of like, you're like a fireman for VO.
656
00:27:06.970 --> 00:27:09.690
You're on call at any point. You can be rushed in.
657
00:27:10.130 --> 00:27:13.369
That is exactly, and actually I do have a pole
658
00:27:13.670 --> 00:27:19.240
installed that I do sort of fly down. LAUGHTER But
659
00:27:19.339 --> 00:27:22.099
it is that thing of, in a way, it's sort of,
660
00:27:22.420 --> 00:27:24.339
the best thing about it, the first two series, it
661
00:27:24.380 --> 00:27:26.660
was definitely better be in Spain because I'm not a
662
00:27:26.740 --> 00:27:31.339
huge reality TV fan. At least I wasn't. So when
663
00:27:31.380 --> 00:27:34.279
you're in Spain and we stay in a sort of
664
00:27:34.299 --> 00:27:38.140
a very like, it's an old people part. It's basically
665
00:27:38.339 --> 00:27:42.690
German pensioners that are there exclusively. That's it. So there's
666
00:27:42.710 --> 00:27:44.309
not a lot to do. So you sort of find
667
00:27:44.329 --> 00:27:48.289
yourself engrossed in this TV show. or just there's what
668
00:27:48.369 --> 00:27:50.670
else is there to do, really. So it meant that
669
00:27:50.690 --> 00:27:53.130
I got well into it, which I suppose was quite good.
670
00:27:53.150 --> 00:27:55.390
Do you know what I mean? It became my world,
671
00:27:55.490 --> 00:27:57.950
which is quite good when you're working on it. And then, yeah,
672
00:27:57.990 --> 00:28:02.559
like you said, things do change fairly quick. So we
673
00:28:02.599 --> 00:28:05.059
all know what it's like turning on a Zoom call
674
00:28:05.099 --> 00:28:06.660
for somebody to tell you, oh, can you record that
675
00:28:06.700 --> 00:28:09.730
word again? And you're just there for seven minutes. Go
676
00:28:09.849 --> 00:28:11.319
and click the microphone.
677
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:15.079
But I mean, that's quite stressful, though, because I've got
678
00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:17.759
jobs coming up work-wise where I don't really know where
679
00:28:17.779 --> 00:28:18.940
I'm going to be or how to do it. But
680
00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:22.200
I'm not sort of transporting my wife and child there
681
00:28:22.220 --> 00:28:23.700
and one of you is doing one thing or the other.
682
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:25.319
So you can't get too stressed.
683
00:28:25.339 --> 00:28:28.220
At this point, it could be like you just don't
684
00:28:28.259 --> 00:28:29.779
know what's going to happen and how it's going to work.
685
00:28:29.819 --> 00:28:31.769
So you just have to sort of improvise a bit,
686
00:28:31.789 --> 00:28:32.230
I suppose.
687
00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:35.250
And see how you get on. Pre-COVID, this would have been,
688
00:28:35.269 --> 00:28:38.829
and rightfully so, driven us absolutely mad. But now you have,
689
00:28:38.849 --> 00:28:40.369
haven't we all just got to that stage.
690
00:28:40.150 --> 00:28:42.230
Where we're like, oh, do you know what? It'll all
691
00:28:42.269 --> 00:28:43.069
work out in the end.
692
00:28:43.289 --> 00:28:44.109
What'll happen?
693
00:28:44.210 --> 00:28:45.869
Or if it doesn't, if it doesn't, I've got a
694
00:28:45.890 --> 00:28:48.750
day off. Have you been on your own with the
695
00:28:48.789 --> 00:28:51.859
baby yet? Or Laura been on her own with the baby? Like,
696
00:28:51.880 --> 00:28:54.200
have you had sole charge of the baby.
697
00:28:53.980 --> 00:28:56.200
Yet, Ian? I've had, well, again, because of the whole
698
00:28:56.240 --> 00:29:00.799
breastfeeding situ, I can get, I once looked after the
699
00:29:00.839 --> 00:29:04.990
baby for three hours. Okay. It was a fabulous time.
700
00:29:05.730 --> 00:29:07.690
You put her in that bouncy chair thing. Have you
701
00:29:07.710 --> 00:29:10.599
got one of them? A bouncy chair? Oh, not the
702
00:29:10.640 --> 00:29:11.779
one on the door. I was like, she's a bit
703
00:29:11.799 --> 00:29:16.960
young for that. No, not it. Come on. The Bjorn
704
00:29:17.000 --> 00:29:19.019
Borg one. Is it Bjorn? Not Bjorn Borg. It's not
705
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:21.720
Bjorn Borg. What is it? Baby Bjorn. Well, we've gone
706
00:29:21.779 --> 00:29:23.799
maxi cozy. Oh, classic.
707
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:26.029
You can't go wrong with a cozy maxi maxi cozy,
708
00:29:26.049 --> 00:29:26.349
can you?
709
00:29:26.789 --> 00:29:27.009
No.
710
00:29:27.460 --> 00:29:29.670
I put her in that. And then you could just
711
00:29:29.690 --> 00:29:32.240
sort of... And I've also worked out how to... If you.
712
00:29:32.019 --> 00:29:33.180
Put them in the pram.
713
00:29:33.180 --> 00:29:35.579
Yeah. And then you can put your feet on the
714
00:29:35.579 --> 00:29:37.910
back two wheels and sort of get a sort of
715
00:29:37.910 --> 00:29:40.430
left to right motion. I've got for an entire half
716
00:29:40.470 --> 00:29:43.289
a football with them in there. Yeah. A little rocking.
717
00:29:43.309 --> 00:29:46.109
A little bit of rocking. Love movement. I used to
718
00:29:46.130 --> 00:29:47.750
love taking... They do love movement.
719
00:29:47.769 --> 00:29:49.329
I used to love taking them for walks and listening
720
00:29:49.349 --> 00:29:52.109
to podcasts because the fresh air keeps them quiet and stuff.
721
00:29:52.269 --> 00:29:53.980
It's so counterintuitive, isn't it?
722
00:29:53.990 --> 00:29:57.950
Like, you just think, don't move them, don't make any noise,
723
00:29:57.990 --> 00:29:59.930
and they actually love a bit of noise and they
724
00:29:59.950 --> 00:30:02.710
love a bit of a... Yeah. Sometimes when our baby
725
00:30:02.730 --> 00:30:04.710
starts crying, we go from the pavement onto, like, we
726
00:30:04.750 --> 00:30:07.250
go off-road onto, like, the grass. She's out like a light.
727
00:30:08.789 --> 00:30:09.289
Off-road!
728
00:30:09.900 --> 00:30:12.380
We off-road it. Can I just check? You mean in
729
00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:14.140
the pram, not when you're driving, right? Oh, yeah, no, no.
730
00:30:14.220 --> 00:30:17.769
I'm not like Colin McRae rallying it about. How do
731
00:30:17.789 --> 00:30:18.329
you feel about.
732
00:30:18.410 --> 00:30:20.829
I was very nervous changing them when they're that small.
733
00:30:20.869 --> 00:30:22.640
And obviously I did it and I did the nappies and.
734
00:30:22.970 --> 00:30:23.970
put them in different clothes.
735
00:30:24.019 --> 00:30:26.519
But like Lou would love like getting him into, oh,
736
00:30:26.539 --> 00:30:27.799
let's put them in that outfit. I was like, they're
737
00:30:27.819 --> 00:30:29.920
in an outfit. Let's not risk it again. That arm
738
00:30:29.980 --> 00:30:30.779
is so little.
739
00:30:31.140 --> 00:30:33.599
I've had it so hard. I'm quite good at nappies.
740
00:30:33.759 --> 00:30:36.279
I'm very good at socks. I'm all right at trousers.
741
00:30:36.799 --> 00:30:39.769
I fall apart. It's anything that has to go over
742
00:30:39.809 --> 00:30:42.009
their head and put their arms in. I'm like, I
743
00:30:42.049 --> 00:30:46.130
am going to pull, I'm going to dislocate their shoulder. Yeah,
744
00:30:46.210 --> 00:30:47.869
I'm just like, you're going to hold up like a
745
00:30:47.910 --> 00:30:50.930
turkey drumstick. Like, oh no, I've pulled too hard. That's
746
00:30:50.970 --> 00:30:53.490
exactly that. I don't know how people do it.
747
00:30:53.819 --> 00:30:56.400
My main fear was the soft bit on top of
748
00:30:56.420 --> 00:30:56.799
the head.
749
00:30:56.839 --> 00:30:58.140
Yeah, it's like an avocado.
750
00:30:58.200 --> 00:30:59.079
It's rank.
751
00:30:59.099 --> 00:31:01.640
And support the neck. You are in peak support the
752
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:02.980
neck territory.
753
00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:05.680
And then that's all we do. We sort of ruin
754
00:31:05.700 --> 00:31:10.009
the fun of anyone else. Obviously, COVID very rarely happens.
755
00:31:10.630 --> 00:31:15.250
Anyone else that holds our baby just gets... Support the neck. Yeah,
756
00:31:15.269 --> 00:31:17.130
but some people don't, do they?
757
00:31:17.269 --> 00:31:19.200
And even parents of other kids, they pick them up,
758
00:31:19.210 --> 00:31:21.769
their head's rolling around like a bowling ball, and you're like,
759
00:31:21.809 --> 00:31:22.809
what are they doing?
760
00:31:23.369 --> 00:31:25.799
I hate someone that's got... I mean, hate.
761
00:31:25.859 --> 00:31:26.390
No, do you know what?
762
00:31:26.890 --> 00:31:31.700
Fuck it, I hate. People that have got like six, seven-year-olds,
763
00:31:31.920 --> 00:31:34.500
so they think there's still no babies and they've completely
764
00:31:34.539 --> 00:31:37.359
forgotten everything and they pick up your kid like it's
765
00:31:37.380 --> 00:31:43.039
an Ikea shopping bag. And they just think they know everything.
766
00:31:43.160 --> 00:31:46.000
At least if your kid's like 10, 11, they're like, oh,
767
00:31:46.140 --> 00:31:48.420
I've not done this for a while. And they take
768
00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:51.829
some advice. The owner of a five-year-old throws your kid
769
00:31:51.869 --> 00:32:00.309
about like a bowling ball. LAUGHTER Have you had many visitors, Ian?
770
00:32:00.470 --> 00:32:03.400
We've had the old six people in the garden. It
771
00:32:03.420 --> 00:32:06.180
was nice. And one of the couples expecting them, one
772
00:32:06.200 --> 00:32:07.880
of the couples has got a two-year-old. It was this
773
00:32:07.900 --> 00:32:12.019
nice sort of like rites of passage moment. And all
774
00:32:12.059 --> 00:32:13.799
the dads had a little beer in the garden and
775
00:32:13.819 --> 00:32:16.269
discussed where they were at, which is really nice. And
776
00:32:16.309 --> 00:32:18.339
I've noticed that every parent says to me, because we're like, oh,
777
00:32:18.349 --> 00:32:20.069
it's all right apart from the sleep. It's actually not
778
00:32:20.109 --> 00:32:24.319
too bad. It's really like, she's just, such a brilliant baby.
779
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:25.960
And like, I mean, you think they're so beautiful and
780
00:32:26.000 --> 00:32:27.460
I have such a lovely time. You know, it's not
781
00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:28.980
as bad as I thought. And they're like, wait till this,
782
00:32:29.160 --> 00:32:31.990
everyone's like, wait till they start moving. Yeah, I know.
783
00:32:32.029 --> 00:32:35.049
But you've got, everyone is so pessimistic and it is
784
00:32:35.130 --> 00:32:36.660
a bit harder when they're running about.
785
00:32:36.980 --> 00:32:39.680
But, You can't live in fear like that.
786
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.640
If they're good at the moment, just blank that out.
787
00:32:42.980 --> 00:32:46.299
You'll always find some miserable bastard. And then they'll be like, oh,
788
00:32:46.319 --> 00:32:47.980
I think they're all right. Or you wait till they
789
00:32:48.000 --> 00:32:49.799
start school. And then they start school and it's fine.
790
00:32:49.920 --> 00:32:51.119
Or wait till they're a teenager.
791
00:32:51.140 --> 00:32:53.420
Why don't you fuck off? I can't wait for you
792
00:32:53.440 --> 00:32:56.569
to shut your mouth, mate. You're not helping. My kid's fine.
793
00:32:56.809 --> 00:32:58.170
Give me a break.
794
00:32:58.190 --> 00:32:59.190
Well, you know what it is?
795
00:32:59.410 --> 00:33:01.829
It's no one ever wants to hear that someone else
796
00:33:01.890 --> 00:33:03.170
is having a good time with their children.
797
00:33:03.190 --> 00:33:04.109
Yeah, that's the problem.
798
00:33:04.309 --> 00:33:05.269
No one wants that.
799
00:33:05.349 --> 00:33:08.509
I find, honestly, I find that we've been, I think
800
00:33:08.529 --> 00:33:11.460
we've been really lucky. They took to the boob really
801
00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:13.559
well and took to the bossel really well. And I
802
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:16.359
think that's a big, those are the two of the big,
803
00:33:17.079 --> 00:33:17.960
big ones, aren't they?
804
00:33:17.980 --> 00:33:19.119
When they're small.
805
00:33:19.759 --> 00:33:22.369
And then sleep, none of them sleep. No, that's the thing.
806
00:33:22.450 --> 00:33:24.950
I think as well, it depends how stressful, like what
807
00:33:25.009 --> 00:33:26.150
else is going on at the time.
808
00:33:26.170 --> 00:33:27.130
If it's, you know.
809
00:33:27.470 --> 00:33:28.809
I think you get in a role. If it's going
810
00:33:28.869 --> 00:33:30.910
quite well, it sort of carries on going well. But
811
00:33:31.990 --> 00:33:33.529
out of your friendship group, are you one of the
812
00:33:33.569 --> 00:33:35.170
last ones to have kids or one of the first
813
00:33:35.250 --> 00:33:35.829
or about the middle?
814
00:33:35.849 --> 00:33:37.150
Because it does change.
815
00:33:37.289 --> 00:33:39.519
I had groups of friends that I just stopped seeing
816
00:33:39.880 --> 00:33:41.660
when they didn't have kids. And then now they started
817
00:33:41.700 --> 00:33:42.099
having kids.
818
00:33:42.119 --> 00:33:44.539
You see them more. But have you found that with
819
00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:47.440
your friendship groups and stuff? I find, and a lot
820
00:33:47.460 --> 00:33:51.480
of people I know agree, notice this. My friends from
821
00:33:51.539 --> 00:33:53.119
back home, I'm.
822
00:33:52.980 --> 00:33:54.220
Sort of the last one.
823
00:33:54.680 --> 00:33:59.019
They're all babied up. poo, free, you name it, little
824
00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:02.779
house outside, slow cooker chat, all that, the whole shebang, right?
825
00:34:02.839 --> 00:34:06.220
How old are you? I'm 33 years old.
826
00:34:06.599 --> 00:34:09.300
Which is like, you know, that's like 50 in Scotland.
827
00:34:09.340 --> 00:34:14.519
Isn't it? I'm nearly done, mate. People say things like this,
828
00:34:14.699 --> 00:34:21.320
iPhone's been in our family for five generations. And so Scotland,
829
00:34:21.480 --> 00:34:24.000
I'm quite far, not far behind, but I'm the back
830
00:34:24.079 --> 00:34:27.409
end of the curve. And then London, my mates, some
831
00:34:27.449 --> 00:34:29.130
of whom are older than me, look at me with
832
00:34:29.170 --> 00:34:33.070
my baby. like, I am an absolute maniac, and you
833
00:34:33.090 --> 00:34:35.329
can't believe I've made this decision, and why am I
834
00:34:35.349 --> 00:34:36.829
not waiting until I'm 50 like everyone else?
835
00:34:36.949 --> 00:34:39.250
Yeah, but there'll be the 45-year-old on a skateboard in
836
00:34:39.289 --> 00:34:40.869
Finsbury Park with a two-year-old going.
837
00:34:40.929 --> 00:34:43.030
Come on, mate. That's the one thing, when you have
838
00:34:43.070 --> 00:34:45.110
a baby, I'm like, with the sleep and all that,
839
00:34:45.150 --> 00:34:47.409
I'm like, I don't think I'd be able to, like,
840
00:34:47.530 --> 00:34:49.449
I mean, again, now I'm being negative.
841
00:34:49.489 --> 00:34:51.389
You absolutely could. If you're an older dad here, of
842
00:34:51.409 --> 00:34:52.019
course you can.
843
00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:54.179
Maybe I just don't look after myself enough, but there
844
00:34:54.219 --> 00:34:56.619
is a thought of, like, doing night feeds when you're
845
00:34:56.639 --> 00:34:57.559
in your 40s or something.
846
00:34:57.619 --> 00:34:59.349
I'd be like, oh, I'd be... I don't know if
847
00:34:59.369 --> 00:35:00.030
I'd manage it.
848
00:35:00.570 --> 00:35:03.670
Yeah, like, get your back going as you get up. Like, oh, God,
849
00:35:03.829 --> 00:35:06.170
and all that. Trying to take your son to, like,
850
00:35:06.489 --> 00:35:09.610
five-a-size when you're, like, in your 60s. Yeah.
851
00:35:09.699 --> 00:35:12.280
I mean, I'm 35, and I make a noise putting
852
00:35:12.300 --> 00:35:13.820
socks on. It's certainly going to get worse.
853
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:15.500
Yeah, but, Rob, let's be honest. You make a noise
854
00:35:15.519 --> 00:35:19.440
doing anything, don't you? No, I know what you mean.
855
00:35:19.519 --> 00:35:22.880
It's weird, isn't it, that kind of age of... Because, like,
856
00:35:23.380 --> 00:35:26.969
I always think that footballers have... the children of any
857
00:35:27.260 --> 00:35:30.440
type of people, footballers have kids. They're always like, yeah,
858
00:35:30.460 --> 00:35:31.860
I've got three kids and I'm 22.
859
00:35:31.860 --> 00:35:34.980
It's always like that, isn't it? Like Jamie, Jamie Vahardy's
860
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:36.639
got about a hundred. Yeah, I know.
861
00:35:36.860 --> 00:35:38.639
Do you think it's just that they've got nothing to do?
862
00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:39.860
I think they've got nothing to do.
863
00:35:39.860 --> 00:35:41.400
Because they work two hours a day and they've got
864
00:35:41.440 --> 00:35:42.119
millions of pounds.
865
00:35:42.159 --> 00:35:46.019
We once saw Ross Barkley at a sushi restaurant midweek
866
00:35:46.199 --> 00:35:47.159
and he looked.
867
00:35:47.219 --> 00:35:49.400
I know you move in celebrity circles, Ian, but you
868
00:35:49.420 --> 00:35:51.340
don't have to hammer it into our face with these
869
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:52.239
kind of anecdotes.
870
00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:54.940
He was sat at a table across from us.
871
00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:58.769
He's He just looked so bored, man.
872
00:36:01.869 --> 00:36:04.340
Because, like, it's... I think... Was he on his own?
873
00:36:04.380 --> 00:36:06.420
He was with... It looked like he was with his agent.
874
00:36:07.059 --> 00:36:10.880
He was with his agent or a friend that, you know,
875
00:36:10.900 --> 00:36:12.920
they hadn't had a lot to say in a long time.
876
00:36:12.980 --> 00:36:14.059
How do you know it was his agent? Did he
877
00:36:14.079 --> 00:36:15.860
keep giving him 15% of his sushi?
878
00:36:16.059 --> 00:36:17.760
Yeah, that.
879
00:36:17.960 --> 00:36:20.599
It's the last bit of his miso soup.
880
00:36:20.739 --> 00:36:23.000
It's that thing. I think.
881
00:36:23.460 --> 00:36:25.010
I think I've heard you guys talk about this before.
882
00:36:25.030 --> 00:36:27.730
It's like... remember being a footballer it's like you've got
883
00:36:27.809 --> 00:36:29.889
all this money and all this time but you're not
884
00:36:29.929 --> 00:36:32.150
allowed to do anything with it i'd rather not have
885
00:36:32.190 --> 00:36:34.130
the money or time yeah it's like when you have
886
00:36:34.170 --> 00:36:36.349
a like having a baby in lockdown is great because
887
00:36:36.610 --> 00:36:39.210
i'm not missing out on anything at the minute no
888
00:36:39.349 --> 00:36:41.409
it's when my whatsapp groups start going like oh do
889
00:36:41.429 --> 00:36:44.190
you want to just pop to the pub on sunday
890
00:36:44.210 --> 00:36:45.530
and they give you like a now where's notice and
891
00:36:45.550 --> 00:36:47.170
you're like what am i going to do with this
892
00:36:47.230 --> 00:36:49.150
information I.
893
00:36:49.170 --> 00:36:50.449
Actually find that quite offensive.
894
00:36:50.730 --> 00:36:52.239
It's so rude.
895
00:36:53.199 --> 00:36:55.039
Just don't invite me. You know that I'm not going
896
00:36:55.059 --> 00:36:56.260
to be able to come to the pub with an
897
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:58.719
hour's notice. My mate texts me saying, oh, by the way,
898
00:36:58.800 --> 00:37:00.860
I've got a last minute concert. A rooftop bar, like
899
00:37:00.900 --> 00:37:03.079
this nice rooftop bar in London. The day pub's open.
900
00:37:03.119 --> 00:37:04.619
I've just had a cancellation. Do you want to come?
901
00:37:04.800 --> 00:37:08.110
It was like in 40 minutes. I'm like, that's awful
902
00:37:08.119 --> 00:37:11.940
what you've done to me. And also, he's got a
903
00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:14.699
four-year-old kid and I had a two-week-old. I'm like, you know.
904
00:37:16.460 --> 00:37:19.480
I need a month anyway for the baby to be
905
00:37:19.539 --> 00:37:20.760
old enough for me to leave.
906
00:37:21.380 --> 00:37:23.360
How are you feeling about June the 21st? Do you
907
00:37:23.860 --> 00:37:25.590
think you'll go out for June the 21st?
908
00:37:25.769 --> 00:37:26.570
No, absolutely not.
909
00:37:27.050 --> 00:37:33.210
Phone off. I'm going to throw my internet router in
910
00:37:33.250 --> 00:37:34.289
the sea, I think.
911
00:37:37.789 --> 00:37:41.210
Happening yeah yeah because it's what i found was because
912
00:37:41.289 --> 00:37:43.619
when your babies are young you actually if you go
913
00:37:43.659 --> 00:37:46.739
to work that's seen as a treat i remember you
914
00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:48.300
know so it's like well you went out yesterday i
915
00:37:48.300 --> 00:37:50.230
was like yeah to work well yeah but i've not
916
00:37:50.250 --> 00:37:53.079
been out yet this week like i hope So I just, baby,
917
00:37:53.119 --> 00:37:53.579
you're work.
918
00:37:53.699 --> 00:37:56.260
That's life now. Yeah. I know. And it is quite
919
00:37:56.320 --> 00:38:00.860
lucky that our work is bored. Like this is work now. Yes, true.
920
00:38:00.920 --> 00:38:02.679
And to be fair, I have noticed that you've started
921
00:38:02.739 --> 00:38:07.090
streaming and playing computer games as work, which I've do
922
00:38:07.110 --> 00:38:08.570
that as well. I've tried to do that on YouTube
923
00:38:08.590 --> 00:38:10.510
a little bit and it is a good way just
924
00:38:10.550 --> 00:38:12.010
to get to play computer games, isn't it?
925
00:38:12.050 --> 00:38:14.030
But I just, I'll be honest with you. I do
926
00:38:14.070 --> 00:38:17.010
not earn enough to warrant. I don't earn it. I'll
927
00:38:17.030 --> 00:38:20.250
say enough. I earned zero pounds streaming on YouTube. So
928
00:38:20.269 --> 00:38:22.659
it's hard. to tell Lou.
929
00:38:22.699 --> 00:38:24.800
No, but you need to use phrases like the long
930
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:27.800
game when you're talking to Lou about the long game.
931
00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:31.880
I'm breaking into a new fan base. No one's earning
932
00:38:31.920 --> 00:38:33.139
money on YouTube yet.
933
00:38:33.239 --> 00:38:37.239
It's just going to take off soon. KSI's all not bollocks.
934
00:38:37.280 --> 00:38:39.969
He's earning nothing. Logan Paul, fuck off.
935
00:38:40.369 --> 00:38:42.989
No one's earning. I'm just putting the groundwork in.
936
00:38:43.110 --> 00:38:45.110
Yeah, it's just paper talk, isn't it?
937
00:38:46.090 --> 00:38:47.989
All those figures that are being thrown around.
938
00:38:48.449 --> 00:38:49.110
It's imaginary money.
939
00:38:49.130 --> 00:38:51.070
How many views are you getting, Rob? I don't think
940
00:38:51.090 --> 00:38:54.179
that's the point, Louise. Yeah, it was 80. Yes, you're right.
941
00:38:54.260 --> 00:38:55.860
I would have been better off just to shout in
942
00:38:55.880 --> 00:38:56.320
the street.
943
00:38:56.480 --> 00:39:00.199
You're sure? But no, I'm doing my best. How are
944
00:39:00.219 --> 00:39:02.530
you feeling about the Euros, Ian?
945
00:39:02.869 --> 00:39:05.730
Oh, yes. Scotland in the Euros for the first time.
946
00:39:06.150 --> 00:39:08.349
Since 1996.
947
00:39:08.719 --> 00:39:11.000
Yeah, and 98 World Cup was the last time we.
948
00:39:10.980 --> 00:39:13.420
Were in anything. 98 World Cup was the last time
949
00:39:13.440 --> 00:39:15.460
we were in anything. The other day I looked up
950
00:39:15.480 --> 00:39:17.610
who was the last person to score for Scotland. It's
951
00:39:17.679 --> 00:39:19.530
amazing who it is. I can't remember now.
952
00:39:19.550 --> 00:39:20.110
I'm so annoyed.
953
00:39:21.010 --> 00:39:23.869
Do you feel like the fact you've got a baby
954
00:39:23.949 --> 00:39:26.150
means you're going to get to watch loads of the Euros?
955
00:39:27.510 --> 00:39:29.530
It's not like I'm just asking this because that's exactly
956
00:39:29.550 --> 00:39:29.969
what's happened.
957
00:39:30.119 --> 00:39:30.840
In my own head.
958
00:39:30.940 --> 00:39:33.340
Or do you think, oh, this is really going to
959
00:39:33.400 --> 00:39:37.079
cramp my style when it comes to Scotland games? What
960
00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:39.840
if the baby's not going down and it's England v
961
00:39:39.900 --> 00:39:42.000
Scotland at 8pm on a Friday night?
962
00:39:42.039 --> 00:39:43.179
Yeah, what's your plan?
963
00:39:43.750 --> 00:39:46.449
Right, this is at the minute, and this is genuinely true.
964
00:39:46.610 --> 00:39:48.260
This is a podcast.
965
00:39:48.280 --> 00:39:50.119
Scotland are going to have three games there.
966
00:39:50.159 --> 00:39:55.059
Scotland have got three games, guaranteed. Guaranteed maximum of three games, yeah.
967
00:39:56.480 --> 00:40:00.900
Was it Craig Burley? Craig Burley! Against Norway in a
968
00:40:00.900 --> 00:40:04.780
1-0 draw. It was 1-0 draw, it was. We nearly
969
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:07.469
didn't lose to Brazil. Do you remember that? I remember
970
00:40:07.489 --> 00:40:10.670
when you nearly didn't lose to Brazil. Oh, what a day.
971
00:40:10.769 --> 00:40:14.400
Tommy Boyd scored an own goal. Yeah, he did. And
972
00:40:14.420 --> 00:40:16.829
then John Collins used to wink down the camera at
973
00:40:16.869 --> 00:40:19.550
his babies, his kids at home. It was such a
974
00:40:19.570 --> 00:40:21.400
lovely touch and I thought it was pathetic and now
975
00:40:21.420 --> 00:40:22.460
I think, oh, I'd love to be able to do that.
976
00:40:22.480 --> 00:40:31.510
LAUGHTER So what's your strategy about this? Love Island, contract negotiations.
977
00:40:31.690 --> 00:40:34.469
You hear about them all the time. I wonder what
978
00:40:34.550 --> 00:40:39.469
demands people make. Genuinely true. I said that I need
979
00:40:39.949 --> 00:40:43.599
to leave early on June the 18th. That was the
980
00:40:43.619 --> 00:40:45.360
only thing I told my agent to negotiate with Love
981
00:40:45.420 --> 00:40:46.780
Island this year. That is hand on my heart, the
982
00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:49.719
honest truth. Because that's Scotland, England. Oh yeah, you've got
983
00:40:49.739 --> 00:40:52.079
to see that. So that one's in the bag. That
984
00:40:52.119 --> 00:40:56.449
has always been, between me and Laura, that'll be my first...
985
00:40:57.690 --> 00:41:01.530
I'm out the house. You are properly out watching it somewhere.
986
00:41:01.849 --> 00:41:04.050
But you might be out watching it with some German
987
00:41:04.070 --> 00:41:05.030
tourists in Spain.
988
00:41:05.230 --> 00:41:09.780
Who knows? I'm hoping by about 10pm, I won't care.
989
00:41:10.300 --> 00:41:11.960
So you don't really care where you are if you
990
00:41:11.980 --> 00:41:13.480
have to be in Spain for it, but you have
991
00:41:13.519 --> 00:41:16.219
got a pass that day to watch that game.
992
00:41:16.500 --> 00:41:22.110
That's good to get that back. Gordon Smart, the radio DJ,
993
00:41:22.469 --> 00:41:25.619
he's all over it. He'll organise something, I hope, where
994
00:41:25.639 --> 00:41:28.869
there's just going to be just every single Scottish celebrity
995
00:41:28.889 --> 00:41:31.090
you can imagine in a room together.
996
00:41:31.590 --> 00:41:31.929
Oh, wow.
997
00:41:31.969 --> 00:41:35.250
I want Lorraine Kelly on Martin Compton's shoulders. Lorraine Kelly.
998
00:41:35.369 --> 00:41:40.159
Ian Sterling, Kevin Bridges, Nicola Sturgeon. Nicola Sturgeon will be there.
999
00:41:40.440 --> 00:41:42.440
I think you've done well there, because there's no point
1000
00:41:42.460 --> 00:41:44.719
doing some of it half-hearted. You know you've got one
1001
00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:46.400
day that you go mental for, and that's it.
1002
00:41:46.760 --> 00:41:48.980
Yeah, that's my big day. I'm so excited about that.
1003
00:41:49.079 --> 00:41:51.360
I think, yeah, we'll try and make something work out.
1004
00:41:51.469 --> 00:41:55.670
Because obviously you're from Scotland and Laura's from Ireland.
1005
00:41:55.929 --> 00:41:57.210
You've done your research, Rob.
1006
00:41:57.269 --> 00:42:00.929
Well, you know, I'd like to leave no stone unturned.
1007
00:42:01.150 --> 00:42:04.300
So you're away from parents and help.
1008
00:42:04.320 --> 00:42:06.219
So have you got a support network? Have you had
1009
00:42:06.559 --> 00:42:12.280
family come down and stuff? We've had people come down. Again,
1010
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:15.050
it's sort of like my parents came down, but again,
1011
00:42:15.090 --> 00:42:18.349
because of COVID, this is for me so lovely, because
1012
00:42:18.409 --> 00:42:22.570
obviously they weren't allowed in the house. My mum was
1013
00:42:22.590 --> 00:42:25.349
looking for something to do and ended up getting like
1014
00:42:25.429 --> 00:42:26.889
an old brush that we didn't even know we had
1015
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:30.300
and just brushed all the patio in our back garden
1016
00:42:30.480 --> 00:42:32.760
because she just wanted to do like housework or anything
1017
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:36.019
she could do to help out. That's so sweet. Because she,
1018
00:42:36.039 --> 00:42:37.360
do you know what I mean? She was just staring
1019
00:42:37.380 --> 00:42:39.710
in at the dishwasher going, I should probably get, I
1020
00:42:39.750 --> 00:42:43.210
can't believe I can't do that. Oh, bless her. That's
1021
00:42:43.250 --> 00:42:45.429
so sweet. If the dice hadn't had the long enough wire,
1022
00:42:45.449 --> 00:42:49.409
she'd have ended up hoovering the lawn already. Yeah. Because
1023
00:42:49.449 --> 00:42:50.650
I know you've got a pub in a shed at
1024
00:42:50.670 --> 00:42:52.070
the end of your garden. Is she allowed in there?
1025
00:42:52.130 --> 00:42:53.780
It's hard to know the rules. She's not even allowed
1026
00:42:53.820 --> 00:42:55.760
in there, just in the garden bit. We've got loads
1027
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:57.940
of windows open. We've got loads of windows open. She
1028
00:42:57.960 --> 00:43:00.199
can go in there. She might buff a few glasses
1029
00:43:00.280 --> 00:43:01.840
for me. You know what I mean?
1030
00:43:01.880 --> 00:43:02.920
Mop the floor or whatever.
1031
00:43:03.260 --> 00:43:04.659
That sounds like you were leaving a dog in a
1032
00:43:04.699 --> 00:43:06.760
car rather than letting your mum go into a building.
1033
00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:08.320
We'll crack the window open.
1034
00:43:08.340 --> 00:43:10.579
She'll be fine. She won't get hot in there.
1035
00:43:11.019 --> 00:43:14.559
And obviously, like I said, with Irish and Scottish combining
1036
00:43:14.599 --> 00:43:17.260
and now you've got this child that's been born in London.
1037
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:21.300
So what's the vibe? Have you settled on an English?
1038
00:43:21.440 --> 00:43:24.360
Is your child English? How do you feel? The accent's
1039
00:43:24.380 --> 00:43:25.179
going to be different?
1040
00:43:25.579 --> 00:43:30.440
I think she'll have a strong Irish heritage, I imagine. Like,
1041
00:43:30.500 --> 00:43:33.619
Laura's got much more family than me. The Irish people
1042
00:43:33.639 --> 00:43:36.300
have got loads of family. I mean, I know it's
1043
00:43:36.340 --> 00:43:37.940
a bit of a generalisation, but it's sort of true.
1044
00:43:38.280 --> 00:43:41.099
And as a Scottish person, all your family are, like, well, dead.
1045
00:43:41.119 --> 00:43:45.500
LAUGHTER don't worry about it bit of a generalisation but
1046
00:43:45.519 --> 00:43:48.739
like yeah I've not got any family mum and dad
1047
00:43:48.980 --> 00:43:50.719
and my sister but then that's it so that you
1048
00:43:50.760 --> 00:43:52.570
go to I remember going to like a wedding and
1049
00:43:52.630 --> 00:43:53.889
Laura was like oh you'll meet the family I was
1050
00:43:53.909 --> 00:43:56.190
like oh brilliant there was about 90 of them I
1051
00:43:56.230 --> 00:43:58.849
was like do you want to meet my family well
1052
00:43:58.869 --> 00:44:02.070
there's my sister done yeah go home yeah I think
1053
00:44:02.090 --> 00:44:05.590
she'll have a lot of like Irish Irish heritage in
1054
00:44:05.630 --> 00:44:07.809
her and I love Ireland myself so we're trying to
1055
00:44:07.829 --> 00:44:08.969
get out there as much as possible we're trying to
1056
00:44:08.989 --> 00:44:10.889
get her up I just find it mad I'm going
1057
00:44:10.909 --> 00:44:14.050
to I've made someone that's going to have, like, this
1058
00:44:14.070 --> 00:44:17.690
sort of, like, little posh English accent. Yeah. Yeah, that
1059
00:44:17.769 --> 00:44:21.190
is odd. Do yours speak posh? Well, mine have started
1060
00:44:21.289 --> 00:44:24.800
correcting my speech. No, have they actually? Because I say Walter,
1061
00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:27.360
and they'll be like, no, Daddy, it's Walter. Does it ever, like,
1062
00:44:27.380 --> 00:44:28.800
have they got a bit older, but look like you, like,
1063
00:44:28.820 --> 00:44:29.360
work for them?
1064
00:44:32.760 --> 00:44:35.039
It does feel a little bit like I'm like the
1065
00:44:35.059 --> 00:44:38.219
little oik that the rich father's got to look after
1066
00:44:38.239 --> 00:44:40.530
to ferry these little kids around. Why is there a
1067
00:44:40.530 --> 00:44:41.659
mechanic bringing them to school?
1068
00:44:41.739 --> 00:44:43.230
I know. But that's the thing, it'd.
1069
00:44:43.139 --> 00:44:46.369
Be so funny when they're like, bye-bye to all their friends,
1070
00:44:46.409 --> 00:44:48.030
see you next week. And then you turn up with
1071
00:44:48.050 --> 00:44:49.969
your accent going, come here, like, that's your dad. Do
1072
00:44:50.329 --> 00:44:51.050
you know what I mean?
1073
00:44:51.130 --> 00:44:53.269
I can't imagine my kids having a Scottish accent.
1074
00:44:53.610 --> 00:44:54.150
Do you know what I mean?
1075
00:44:54.170 --> 00:44:55.929
Yeah, I know. Well, that's what I'm saying. It feels
1076
00:44:55.949 --> 00:44:57.989
like they're someone else's kids. Yeah. Do you know what
1077
00:44:58.010 --> 00:44:58.369
I mean? Yeah.
1078
00:44:58.710 --> 00:45:01.210
Yeah, I don't know how I'll feel about it. Do
1079
00:45:01.250 --> 00:45:01.889
you know what, again.
1080
00:45:02.030 --> 00:45:04.420
But do you think that for the first.
1081
00:45:04.719 --> 00:45:07.199
The main voices she'll hear for the first couple of
1082
00:45:07.239 --> 00:45:08.809
years will be you and Laura, right?
1083
00:45:08.829 --> 00:45:09.090
Yeah.
1084
00:45:09.429 --> 00:45:09.889
Oh, my God.
1085
00:45:09.929 --> 00:45:12.590
So she'll have quite a nice kind of... celtic twang
1086
00:45:12.610 --> 00:45:14.150
but then she'll totally.
1087
00:45:13.670 --> 00:45:15.489
Lose it but it's one of those things well before
1088
00:45:15.510 --> 00:45:17.670
you have a kid it's so cliche but it's genuinely
1089
00:45:17.690 --> 00:45:19.309
true before you have a kid you're like oh i
1090
00:45:19.349 --> 00:45:22.849
want a wee scottish baby he's gonna wear tartan every
1091
00:45:22.889 --> 00:45:26.449
day get the english and the nuts and that and
1092
00:45:26.489 --> 00:45:28.739
then yeah i'm not she just do whatever she likes
1093
00:45:29.099 --> 00:45:30.980
i do find that you ever find that mad thing
1094
00:45:31.000 --> 00:45:33.940
where someone's from like like yorkshire or something and they
1095
00:45:33.980 --> 00:45:36.730
just say oh yeah i I went to school and
1096
00:45:36.750 --> 00:45:39.150
I just started speaking posh. And they've got this, like,
1097
00:45:39.250 --> 00:45:41.909
mad posh accent. You're like, that blows my mind. Yeah.
1098
00:45:42.809 --> 00:45:43.750
Well, do you know.
1099
00:45:43.769 --> 00:45:48.610
I know this is very... Andy Leitch, who works for
1100
00:45:48.650 --> 00:45:53.010
Off The Curve. It's very niche. Yeah. He's Scottish. So
1101
00:45:53.030 --> 00:45:55.380
this is a person... Yeah. But he grew up in Leicester.
1102
00:45:56.239 --> 00:45:58.179
He doesn't sound like that at all. Did he? He's
1103
00:45:58.199 --> 00:46:00.440
got a Scottish accent from his family, but he grew
1104
00:46:00.480 --> 00:46:02.119
up in Leicester. I thought he grew up in Scotland.
1105
00:46:02.139 --> 00:46:05.139
I've known Andy for years. No, he grew up in Leicester.
1106
00:46:05.199 --> 00:46:09.420
He sounds so Scottish. Yeah. I mean, this means absolutely
1107
00:46:09.500 --> 00:46:12.900
nothing to anyone else. I know. I thought I was worried.
1108
00:46:12.980 --> 00:46:14.519
I was genuinely at the start of this podcast and
1109
00:46:14.539 --> 00:46:16.780
I hope Rob doesn't ask too much about Twitch because
1110
00:46:16.800 --> 00:46:19.119
I just don't think enough people know what it is.
1111
00:46:19.619 --> 00:46:22.289
And then we talked about Andy Leitch for seven minutes.
1112
00:46:22.329 --> 00:46:24.489
He's a lovely guy, but I wouldn't say he's... He's
1113
00:46:24.550 --> 00:46:27.170
a lovely bloke. Famous enough. He used to... Well, I
1114
00:46:27.210 --> 00:46:29.289
think everyone will remember when he was the live booker
1115
00:46:29.309 --> 00:46:33.809
for the Leicester Comedy Festival in 2012, actually. If you
1116
00:46:33.849 --> 00:46:36.179
wanted to get into the cookie, he was your man.
1117
00:46:36.800 --> 00:46:39.340
He brought some big names to the cookie, formerly known
1118
00:46:39.380 --> 00:46:42.059
as the Crumbling Cookie, but I'm probably teaching all the
1119
00:46:42.099 --> 00:46:43.980
listeners how to suck eggs at this point.
1120
00:46:44.000 --> 00:46:47.820
LAUGHTER Can we get on to something? I feel like
1121
00:46:47.840 --> 00:46:49.559
we've gone over this before on other episodes.
1122
00:46:49.590 --> 00:46:51.849
Yeah, I think we did this on the Robbie Williams episode.
1123
00:46:51.889 --> 00:46:52.550
We covered this.
1124
00:46:52.690 --> 00:46:56.869
I've got a parenting question, Ian. Has your baby still
1125
00:46:56.909 --> 00:46:59.150
got the umbilical cord thing? Has it fallen off yet?
1126
00:46:59.469 --> 00:47:04.300
It fell off. It fell off. A weekend early doors.
1127
00:47:04.739 --> 00:47:05.260
Oh, really?
1128
00:47:05.840 --> 00:47:09.440
Yeah, but we got the original. Well, we kept that
1129
00:47:09.500 --> 00:47:11.920
little bit for a book, but we got the actual
1130
00:47:11.940 --> 00:47:14.579
umbilical cord framed. Oh, really?
1131
00:47:14.699 --> 00:47:15.099
Really?
1132
00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:16.519
Yeah.
1133
00:47:16.539 --> 00:47:19.639
I'm not going to lie to you, Ian. Where'd you
1134
00:47:19.659 --> 00:47:21.269
hang that? Don't be blunt, but where the fuck are
1135
00:47:21.309 --> 00:47:22.309
you putting that, mate?
1136
00:47:22.489 --> 00:47:24.840
In her room, which now that I think about it,
1137
00:47:24.849 --> 00:47:28.090
I know, I know. Oh, absolute nightmare territory that is.
1138
00:47:28.340 --> 00:47:30.199
There's a bit of you that fell off. Anyway, good night.
1139
00:47:32.039 --> 00:47:34.760
And do you know what's next to it? What? The
1140
00:47:34.820 --> 00:47:36.769
scissors that I used to cut the umbilical cord.
1141
00:47:36.969 --> 00:47:38.630
Did you take your own scissors or did you steal
1142
00:47:38.650 --> 00:47:40.070
them from the hospital?
1143
00:47:40.510 --> 00:47:42.610
The doctor gave me the scissors and then let me
1144
00:47:42.679 --> 00:47:44.139
keep the scissors. Sort of like how, do you know,
1145
00:47:44.159 --> 00:47:47.440
you get a lolly once you've come at the doctors. Yep.
1146
00:47:48.079 --> 00:47:50.119
The guy sort of looked at me and thought, you
1147
00:47:50.139 --> 00:47:51.219
can have these scissors.
1148
00:47:50.940 --> 00:47:51.239
If you want.
1149
00:47:51.260 --> 00:47:54.480
I wonder, the NHS is underfunded. They keep giving out scissors, Willie, nearly.
1150
00:47:55.340 --> 00:47:57.099
In my head, you've got a big pair of scissors
1151
00:47:57.139 --> 00:47:58.460
like you're opening a supermarket.
1152
00:47:58.480 --> 00:47:59.699
That kind of.
1153
00:47:59.739 --> 00:48:04.050
They were cardboard. It took fucking ages. And the glitter
1154
00:48:04.090 --> 00:48:07.809
got everywhere. I streamed it on YouTube. There was only
1155
00:48:07.809 --> 00:48:08.269
70 people watching.
1156
00:48:08.289 --> 00:48:08.590
I'm scoffing.
1157
00:48:11.329 --> 00:48:13.929
So how do you preserve it then? Because obviously it's flesh,
1158
00:48:13.969 --> 00:48:18.739
isn't it? I didn't do it myself. We gave it
1159
00:48:18.780 --> 00:48:21.360
to someone. We gave it to an umbilical cord. Basically,
1160
00:48:21.380 --> 00:48:23.440
we gave the placenta to someone and they turned the
1161
00:48:23.480 --> 00:48:24.800
placenta into gummy bears.
1162
00:48:25.139 --> 00:48:27.579
Have you eaten it? I've eaten it, yeah. And was
1163
00:48:27.639 --> 00:48:30.320
it nice? Yeah, well, it's gummy bears, isn't it? So
1164
00:48:30.380 --> 00:48:31.800
is it supposed to be good for you then to
1165
00:48:31.840 --> 00:48:34.719
eat placenta? Yeah, I think so. So they take the
1166
00:48:34.739 --> 00:48:36.130
good bits from the placenta and put it into these
1167
00:48:36.190 --> 00:48:36.750
gummy bears.
1168
00:48:36.969 --> 00:48:39.360
What they've done now is they've taken the placenta... put
1169
00:48:39.380 --> 00:48:41.119
it in the bin and given you a pack of
1170
00:48:41.139 --> 00:48:41.880
gummy bears.
1171
00:48:41.940 --> 00:48:43.460
And charged me a hundred quid for a pair of
1172
00:48:43.480 --> 00:48:44.699
gummy bears. And charged you a hundred quid for the
1173
00:48:44.719 --> 00:48:45.139
gummy bears.
1174
00:48:45.159 --> 00:48:47.090
And then they felt so bad they'd gone, well, we've
1175
00:48:47.110 --> 00:48:48.670
bunged the umbilical cord in a frame.
1176
00:48:48.829 --> 00:48:49.730
That's a better way of.
1177
00:48:49.730 --> 00:48:51.809
Doing that because some people keep it like in the freezer,
1178
00:48:51.829 --> 00:48:53.150
but if you are going to eat it, I think
1179
00:48:53.409 --> 00:48:54.960
the gummy bear is how I'd want to take it.
1180
00:48:55.230 --> 00:48:56.909
What shapes it in? Because I've Googled it and some
1181
00:48:56.929 --> 00:48:57.889
people do them in like.
1182
00:48:57.840 --> 00:49:00.579
Hearts or write love with it, but it just sort of,
1183
00:49:01.300 --> 00:49:03.400
It looks a bit like beef jerky. It looks like
1184
00:49:03.420 --> 00:49:05.760
a set of headphones. I'll send you a picture. I
1185
00:49:05.780 --> 00:49:06.659
will send you a picture.
1186
00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:08.900
Yeah. But yeah, it's in a little frame and it
1187
00:49:08.920 --> 00:49:11.659
looks like headphones, but it has dried up loads now. Yeah.
1188
00:49:12.050 --> 00:49:13.469
So what happened to the little bit that fell off?
1189
00:49:13.489 --> 00:49:15.139
Because we had a nightmare where we lost it.
1190
00:49:15.469 --> 00:49:17.510
I think it was loose and it came off when
1191
00:49:17.550 --> 00:49:23.320
we were retrieving her from our... those slings, the front-facing slings. Oh, yeah.
1192
00:49:23.380 --> 00:49:26.340
It was just caught in Laura's clothes. Yeah. So we
1193
00:49:26.380 --> 00:49:28.539
managed to get it and it still had the little yellow...
1194
00:49:28.340 --> 00:49:31.590
The little... Did yours get clipped shut with like, do
1195
00:49:31.610 --> 00:49:35.030
you know those little clips you use for like seal pasta? Yeah,
1196
00:49:35.050 --> 00:49:36.800
like a freezer clip. Like you couldn't do a whole
1197
00:49:36.820 --> 00:49:39.659
bag of kettle chips. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah,
1198
00:49:39.679 --> 00:49:41.079
it felt like you could open, like if you hadn't
1199
00:49:41.119 --> 00:49:42.619
done it and you turned it on our side, loads
1200
00:49:42.679 --> 00:49:43.519
of rice would come out.
1201
00:49:45.880 --> 00:49:47.579
But yeah, that's where that freaked me out, that little thing.
1202
00:49:47.619 --> 00:49:50.800
I was desperate for that to come off. Yeah, it
1203
00:49:50.860 --> 00:49:53.750
happened quite fast for us. Yeah, that is, normally it
1204
00:49:53.769 --> 00:49:57.130
stays on for ages. I felt like it was haunting me. Yeah, no,
1205
00:49:57.170 --> 00:49:58.590
we were glad.
1206
00:49:58.659 --> 00:50:01.739
I thought that's how you got an outie, just by
1207
00:50:01.840 --> 00:50:03.000
getting pulled out too fast.
1208
00:50:03.460 --> 00:50:05.260
Oh, there was loads of myths about how you got
1209
00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:07.679
an outie, wasn't there? Like the way it was cut
1210
00:50:07.719 --> 00:50:09.199
initially and all that kind of stuff.
1211
00:50:09.239 --> 00:50:10.699
Yeah, I don't know. How did you get an outie?
1212
00:50:10.719 --> 00:50:13.219
I just think it is what it is, right? I
1213
00:50:13.260 --> 00:50:15.820
don't know. Bodies are just a body, yeah. Do you
1214
00:50:15.840 --> 00:50:17.869
know who's got an outie? Who's got an outie? Andy Leitch.
1215
00:50:17.889 --> 00:50:28.659
LAUGHTER Famously. Famously. Well, that's a great thing. When you
1216
00:50:28.679 --> 00:50:30.929
talk about someone no one's heard of, yeah, go on,
1217
00:50:30.940 --> 00:50:32.219
then he has. What are you going to do? You
1218
00:50:32.239 --> 00:50:34.980
can't even Google it. He'll probably get someone to ask him, going,
1219
00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:36.599
have you got an outie? Have you got an outie
1220
00:50:36.800 --> 00:50:38.860
or not? I would love that. I would love that
1221
00:50:38.880 --> 00:50:40.719
if just a few people off the curb just started
1222
00:50:40.760 --> 00:50:43.050
asking him and he didn't know why. He'll listen to this,
1223
00:50:43.070 --> 00:50:44.329
then he? Yeah, I think he does.
1224
00:50:44.389 --> 00:50:46.389
Well, there's one way of testing whether I listen to this.
1225
00:50:46.449 --> 00:50:48.409
There you go. Leave us then. That is a good
1226
00:50:48.449 --> 00:50:51.059
way to find out. Do you know what?
1227
00:50:51.320 --> 00:50:53.239
I think we lose the earlier bit and the first
1228
00:50:53.300 --> 00:50:55.070
reference is you saying that Andy Leitch has.
1229
00:50:54.989 --> 00:50:56.429
Got an outie. That's it, out of nowhere.
1230
00:50:57.599 --> 00:51:01.219
He would go, what the fuck is going on here?
1231
00:51:01.260 --> 00:51:03.610
How was the birth and how did you feel? Because
1232
00:51:03.989 --> 00:51:06.789
I felt such a spare part at the birth because
1233
00:51:06.829 --> 00:51:09.289
just Lou was amazing and just did everything, obviously. You
1234
00:51:09.309 --> 00:51:10.510
just sort of stand there not knowing what to do.
1235
00:51:10.530 --> 00:51:11.300
How did you find it?
1236
00:51:11.670 --> 00:51:15.230
All I remember really is Laura was like amazing. And
1237
00:51:15.250 --> 00:51:17.570
then all my job was, I was to get Laura,
1238
00:51:17.769 --> 00:51:19.489
I was to get Laura Lucozade. That was the one
1239
00:51:19.550 --> 00:51:21.840
thing to get her through. And then she went to me,
1240
00:51:21.860 --> 00:51:24.519
I need my Lucozade now. But I'd got her actual Lucozade.
1241
00:51:25.219 --> 00:51:27.320
which is too sugary. And I'm meant to get a
1242
00:51:27.360 --> 00:51:31.010
sort of isotonic Lucozade. Oh, okay. So not the actual
1243
00:51:31.030 --> 00:51:34.250
like medical medicine orangey one, like the yellowy orange.
1244
00:51:34.469 --> 00:51:36.429
That is the most working class thing you've said so
1245
00:51:36.469 --> 00:51:38.630
far today is the medical Lucozade.
1246
00:51:38.650 --> 00:51:39.949
You know the one that you get when you're ill?
1247
00:51:40.050 --> 00:51:42.250
That one, not that one, the sports one. The one
1248
00:51:42.289 --> 00:51:43.550
that you used to get when you had the flu
1249
00:51:43.949 --> 00:51:44.360
in the 90s.
1250
00:51:44.429 --> 00:51:46.789
You get a colouring book and then the orange Lucozade
1251
00:51:46.849 --> 00:51:48.610
and you drink that and you'd feel like Iron Man.
1252
00:51:48.869 --> 00:51:53.369
And I've got really bad wine gums. LAUGHTER So I
1253
00:51:53.409 --> 00:51:56.199
needed isotonic because apparently that's got all this stuff for
1254
00:51:56.739 --> 00:51:58.699
getting fluid back in the system. Yeah, that's the one.
1255
00:51:59.039 --> 00:52:01.199
We're at about four centimetres dilated.
1256
00:52:01.219 --> 00:52:03.420
I've got bags of time.
1257
00:52:03.860 --> 00:52:08.079
We? We. There we are. The dad's royal we. To
1258
00:52:08.099 --> 00:52:10.119
be fair, I was so scared. I think my arsehole
1259
00:52:10.139 --> 00:52:13.119
had dilated by about one centimetre. Well, I said to Laura,
1260
00:52:13.239 --> 00:52:15.039
are you sure you want me walking about? Because we
1261
00:52:15.139 --> 00:52:19.440
are four centimetres dilated. It's quite dangerous for me to
1262
00:52:19.460 --> 00:52:24.400
go anywhere. So I went. I went down and I
1263
00:52:24.420 --> 00:52:26.829
remember there was a lift that I get at the
1264
00:52:26.869 --> 00:52:27.829
front of the hospital.
1265
00:52:27.849 --> 00:52:28.590
So we get the lift down.
1266
00:52:29.530 --> 00:52:31.289
And then I go and pick up my isotonic drink
1267
00:52:31.329 --> 00:52:34.869
from a little Tesco Metro or something. Then I get
1268
00:52:34.889 --> 00:52:39.199
a text from Laura saying, I am now nine centimeters dilated.
1269
00:52:39.219 --> 00:52:41.579
You were holding her back. I know. I was literally
1270
00:52:41.599 --> 00:52:43.059
getting in the way. Well, did you know when you're
1271
00:52:43.079 --> 00:52:45.059
more relaxed? So when there wasn't a nervous man with
1272
00:52:45.079 --> 00:52:47.820
a pair of scissors, she really eased into it. So
1273
00:52:47.960 --> 00:52:50.880
I run back. And all I remember is I got
1274
00:52:51.219 --> 00:52:53.079
into the lift and it was the seventh floor. And
1275
00:52:53.099 --> 00:52:56.739
then three doctors get in the lift. And they also
1276
00:52:56.760 --> 00:52:59.199
having a conversation about what floor they want to go into.
1277
00:52:59.219 --> 00:53:01.159
And I just went, none of you press a fucking
1278
00:53:01.199 --> 00:53:04.519
button on that. Because I'm going up to seven. My
1279
00:53:04.559 --> 00:53:08.420
wife's nine centimeters dilated here. And then an actual doctor
1280
00:53:08.460 --> 00:53:09.739
turned around to me and went, oh, I'm only one
1281
00:53:09.800 --> 00:53:10.179
floor up.
1282
00:53:10.340 --> 00:53:11.760
I went, well, you're going to.
1283
00:53:11.760 --> 00:53:16.760
Be six floors up because there's no way. And then
1284
00:53:16.980 --> 00:53:19.429
I got there sweating and then we waited for about
1285
00:53:19.469 --> 00:53:20.969
another hour. But it's fine.
1286
00:53:21.940 --> 00:53:24.380
Were you sweating, tired, drunk the Lucozade back in the game,
1287
00:53:24.619 --> 00:53:25.480
ready to go?
1288
00:53:25.519 --> 00:53:29.480
Yeah, I had the actual one. Yeah. Proper Lucozade. But yeah,
1289
00:53:29.860 --> 00:53:33.599
nothing makes you feel more useless than someone having a
1290
00:53:33.619 --> 00:53:35.880
baby in front of you. Yeah. Especially because the midwives
1291
00:53:35.900 --> 00:53:38.570
are so amazing as well. Yeah. I remember just, I
1292
00:53:38.699 --> 00:53:40.630
got the playlist wrong, didn't I? I played the same
1293
00:53:40.670 --> 00:53:42.610
playlist twice and then Laura was going, I've heard this
1294
00:53:42.630 --> 00:53:45.170
song before and I'm trying to like find another playlist
1295
00:53:45.250 --> 00:53:48.090
and then she thought it was... It's an absolute nightmare.
1296
00:53:48.110 --> 00:53:50.349
So you've got the wrong Lucas, the wrong playlist. I'm
1297
00:53:50.389 --> 00:53:50.590
an idiot.
1298
00:53:50.610 --> 00:53:52.329
The thing is, you've got to remember what me is.
1299
00:53:52.369 --> 00:53:52.929
I'm an idiot.
1300
00:53:52.969 --> 00:53:54.730
You've got to remember that.
1301
00:53:55.130 --> 00:53:58.050
Do you know what, Ian? Your daughter's heading for an outie.
1302
00:53:58.110 --> 00:53:58.929
There's no way.
1303
00:53:58.780 --> 00:54:02.460
You've come back correctly. I know. I feel honestly terrible
1304
00:54:02.480 --> 00:54:04.519
about it, but there will be at least one time.
1305
00:54:05.010 --> 00:54:07.679
In our lives, where Laura goes, where's the baby? And
1306
00:54:07.739 --> 00:54:09.599
it'll just be me going, oh, shit. And I'll just
1307
00:54:09.659 --> 00:54:13.340
run out the house. Like, I sort of know that's
1308
00:54:13.400 --> 00:54:15.780
going to happen. And it's like a bit gutting, really.
1309
00:54:15.800 --> 00:54:19.219
Because I don't want to be that person, but I am. Yeah.
1310
00:54:19.239 --> 00:54:22.780
The only thing that consoled me when I was in
1311
00:54:22.800 --> 00:54:24.840
the delivery room and I was doing nothing, all I
1312
00:54:24.860 --> 00:54:27.320
was thinking was, about 50 years ago, I would have
1313
00:54:27.340 --> 00:54:29.260
been in the pub. So I'm doing well to be here.
1314
00:54:29.659 --> 00:54:30.539
We were all changing.
1315
00:54:30.579 --> 00:54:32.920
I mean, my dad, when his first kid was born,
1316
00:54:33.219 --> 00:54:36.360
he was in the pub. How many? Imagine that thought.
1317
00:54:36.460 --> 00:54:40.260
Imagine that thought. Well done, mate. Congratulations. Cheers. Yeah, she's
1318
00:54:40.320 --> 00:54:40.599
all right.
1319
00:54:40.619 --> 00:54:43.699
Imagine not being there. Imagine going to a pub. I mean,
1320
00:54:43.800 --> 00:54:45.880
you know, I think I'd be more stressed at the pub.
1321
00:54:46.300 --> 00:54:53.130
No, I don't know. Fair enough. Ian, one more question. Yeah. Well,
1322
00:54:53.210 --> 00:54:55.130
this is called Crosby's Law.
1323
00:54:55.170 --> 00:54:56.909
If there's one thing, it's difficult because you've only been
1324
00:54:56.949 --> 00:54:58.929
into it a month, but if there's one thing that
1325
00:54:58.949 --> 00:55:01.170
your partner does parenting-wise that annoys you a little bit
1326
00:55:01.190 --> 00:55:02.869
but you can't really say but you think it's a
1327
00:55:02.909 --> 00:55:05.369
fair point, because if you do bring it up, it
1328
00:55:05.409 --> 00:55:07.719
will be an argument that you probably will lose. Is
1329
00:55:07.739 --> 00:55:11.500
there something that frustrates you about the way your partner parents? And,
1330
00:55:11.519 --> 00:55:13.599
you know, it's difficult at this stage, I imagine, Ian.
1331
00:55:13.619 --> 00:55:17.460
It's the... I don't know if it's about necessarily parenting,
1332
00:55:17.760 --> 00:55:22.260
but the other day, right, we've got a nursery for
1333
00:55:22.280 --> 00:55:26.579
the child who keep the baby stuff in. Laura purchased
1334
00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:31.460
a toy hammock, a hammock for toys. Okay. Oh, okay.
1335
00:55:31.659 --> 00:55:32.579
While she was away.
1336
00:55:32.780 --> 00:55:34.280
I'm glad you explained that because it was a very
1337
00:55:34.300 --> 00:55:36.349
different thing in my head before you said it.
1338
00:55:36.360 --> 00:55:38.650
Yeah, I know, like a sex swing for a Furby
1339
00:55:38.710 --> 00:55:42.320
or something. LAUGHTER And it was when I was looking
1340
00:55:42.380 --> 00:55:44.360
after the, it's my first time, three hours on my
1341
00:55:44.420 --> 00:55:48.210
own with a baby, right? Now, when I was well,
1342
00:55:48.349 --> 00:55:50.610
I'm going to hang this hammock for you. So I
1343
00:55:50.650 --> 00:55:52.250
put my fingers on the wall and I said, do
1344
00:55:52.269 --> 00:55:56.469
you want it about here? She said, yes. I hung
1345
00:55:56.510 --> 00:56:00.699
the hammock. She came back and said, that's too low.
1346
00:56:00.900 --> 00:56:02.659
And I said, that's exactly what you told me. That's
1347
00:56:02.679 --> 00:56:04.559
what I said. And that's where I put the screws.
1348
00:56:04.599 --> 00:56:07.150
And she said, no. I didn't think you were going
1349
00:56:07.170 --> 00:56:09.159
to mark where you were putting the screws. I thought
1350
00:56:09.179 --> 00:56:11.039
you were marking where the bottom of the hammock was
1351
00:56:11.099 --> 00:56:13.599
going to be. Oh, no, no, no, no. Now, come on.
1352
00:56:14.019 --> 00:56:16.519
And that is, we've had, it was one of those
1353
00:56:16.559 --> 00:56:18.280
days where we hadn't had much sleep. That is the
1354
00:56:18.599 --> 00:56:21.590
nearest we've come to a proper, proper argument. And we
1355
00:56:21.610 --> 00:56:24.050
just had 20 minutes on. Well, obviously, I meant that's
1356
00:56:24.070 --> 00:56:26.070
where the screws go. And she went, that's where I
1357
00:56:26.110 --> 00:56:28.550
meant the bottom of the hammock went. But also, even a.
1358
00:56:28.530 --> 00:56:32.019
Hammock, you can't predict the... hang on a hammock you
1359
00:56:32.059 --> 00:56:34.940
can't I've always said that you cannot predict the hang
1360
00:56:34.960 --> 00:56:36.199
of a hammock it's just.
1361
00:56:36.099 --> 00:56:39.989
Pot luck maybe that was more me asking you have
1362
00:56:40.030 --> 00:56:40.690
you put.
1363
00:56:40.510 --> 00:56:42.550
Your hand on a wall where were you stood were
1364
00:56:42.570 --> 00:56:45.150
you touching the wall Ian I was touching the.
1365
00:56:45.090 --> 00:56:47.469
Wall with one finger in a sort of screw like
1366
00:56:47.530 --> 00:56:51.780
fashion Yeah, I think that's... I'd argue, though, but then, yeah,
1367
00:56:51.800 --> 00:56:54.500
it would be hard to know where the hammock would hang, though,
1368
00:56:54.519 --> 00:56:55.380
wouldn't it, from there?
1369
00:56:55.980 --> 00:57:01.260
Exactly. It's a tricky one, Ian. And the real question is... Oh, no, Rob,
1370
00:57:01.320 --> 00:57:03.760
are we going to fall out? I think I'm on
1371
00:57:03.780 --> 00:57:06.820
Laura's side. I don't want to be that guy. Unbelievable.
1372
00:57:07.039 --> 00:57:08.039
Because if you say.
1373
00:57:08.539 --> 00:57:11.360
You would never know how the hammock would hang if
1374
00:57:11.380 --> 00:57:13.579
you pick where the screw goes. But if you know
1375
00:57:13.619 --> 00:57:15.679
where the bottom of the hammock is going to go,
1376
00:57:15.719 --> 00:57:17.050
then it doesn't matter where the screw goes because you
1377
00:57:17.070 --> 00:57:18.219
know where the hammock needs to end up.
1378
00:57:19.030 --> 00:57:22.980
Do you know what? I'm sorry. No, no, I genuinely
1379
00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:26.159
think I've got to end this podcast, go downstairs and
1380
00:57:26.199 --> 00:57:30.539
apologise to my wife. I'm sorry. I really wanted to
1381
00:57:30.579 --> 00:57:31.980
be on your side, Ian. We go way back. It
1382
00:57:32.019 --> 00:57:33.760
was about a week ago and she'll be like, what
1383
00:57:33.780 --> 00:57:36.960
are you talking about? That hammock thing. Have you heard
1384
00:57:37.019 --> 00:57:42.130
of Andy Leitch? LAUGHTER Ian, thanks so much. It's been
1385
00:57:42.150 --> 00:57:42.630
a pleasure.
1386
00:57:42.670 --> 00:57:44.090
We'll have to get you back on when you're a
1387
00:57:44.090 --> 00:57:48.550
bit further in and you're welcome back anytime. I'd love
1388
00:57:48.590 --> 00:57:49.929
to come back on at some point.
1389
00:57:49.949 --> 00:57:51.909
Yeah, yeah. And also maybe it would be nice to
1390
00:57:51.929 --> 00:57:54.550
come back on when I've done stand-up and talked to
1391
00:57:54.570 --> 00:57:58.340
like another. I've really struggled to talk to you two today.
1392
00:57:58.360 --> 00:57:59.260
You've been brilliant.
1393
00:57:59.280 --> 00:58:02.380
I've enjoyed it, Ian. It's been great. Funniest you've ever been, mate.
1394
00:58:02.860 --> 00:58:07.380
Thank you very much. I wish I was more awake
1395
00:58:07.420 --> 00:58:10.860
to have a comeback to that. You need to be
1396
00:58:10.900 --> 00:58:12.659
doing this on four hours sleep, Ian.
1397
00:58:12.679 --> 00:58:14.199
This is when you're at your best.
1398
00:58:14.260 --> 00:58:17.219
It's great, Ian. Thank you very much, mate. Appreciate it. Cheers, lads.
1399
00:58:17.239 --> 00:58:19.710
Thank you very much. Well done to all the parents
1400
00:58:19.750 --> 00:58:22.130
listening to this. You're all doing a great job. Oh,
1401
00:58:22.190 --> 00:58:24.130
that's a nice message, Ian. Look at you. You're on
1402
00:58:24.289 --> 00:58:32.550
fire today. We'll edit that bit out. Ian Sterling. Good man, Ian,
1403
00:58:32.570 --> 00:58:35.280
isn't he? I love Ian. Really funny. Really good fun.
1404
00:58:35.360 --> 00:58:35.960
Really funny.
1405
00:58:36.500 --> 00:58:40.880
You kind of forget how funny Ian Sterling is. because
1406
00:58:41.360 --> 00:58:43.559
you just remember that he's the guy who does the
1407
00:58:43.599 --> 00:58:45.559
kind of wry voiceover to Love Island.
1408
00:58:45.579 --> 00:58:47.780
You know what I mean? It's a proper comic. Yeah, no,
1409
00:58:47.800 --> 00:58:48.429
it's a great comic.
1410
00:58:48.469 --> 00:58:51.130
And also as well, he's just like, him day to day,
1411
00:58:51.289 --> 00:58:55.530
like he's so, something's always just happened or about to happen.
1412
00:58:55.590 --> 00:58:57.909
It's a bit of a nightmare. Like before we started recording,
1413
00:58:57.929 --> 00:59:00.690
he was talking about Twitch, but he's got great energy.
1414
00:59:01.130 --> 00:59:02.829
And I think he'll be such a great dad. I
1415
00:59:02.869 --> 00:59:04.929
know he is already a dad, but like as the
1416
00:59:04.949 --> 00:59:07.250
kid gets older and stuff, because he's so positive and
1417
00:59:07.289 --> 00:59:09.960
so energetic and and keen which i think is always
1418
00:59:09.980 --> 00:59:12.039
a great thing for a dad isn't it to sort
1419
00:59:12.099 --> 00:59:14.960
of be interested in that but um Yeah, that's interesting.
1420
00:59:14.980 --> 00:59:18.559
Because when I do notice when a child's breastfed, the
1421
00:59:18.599 --> 00:59:20.940
dad doesn't, you know, it's hard for them to get
1422
00:59:20.980 --> 00:59:24.289
involved and do stuff. And I think the real difference
1423
00:59:24.329 --> 00:59:26.030
in the early stages between a breastfed baby and a
1424
00:59:26.050 --> 00:59:26.909
bottle fed baby for.
1425
00:59:26.829 --> 00:59:28.750
The dad, because they can't get involved.
1426
00:59:28.909 --> 00:59:31.699
I mean, so it's interesting to hear him and it'll
1427
00:59:31.719 --> 00:59:33.210
be good and interesting when he comes back on.
1428
00:59:33.219 --> 00:59:33.920
Oh, Rob.
1429
00:59:34.489 --> 00:59:36.429
Oh, it just all makes it feel so like it's
1430
00:59:36.469 --> 00:59:37.550
about to happen again.
1431
00:59:37.730 --> 00:59:38.429
Oh, my God.
1432
00:59:39.070 --> 00:59:39.449
Oh, my God.
1433
00:59:39.469 --> 00:59:41.199
You'll be fine, Josh. You'll be fine.
1434
00:59:41.409 --> 00:59:41.659
Anyway.
1435
00:59:42.079 --> 00:59:43.860
Oh, my God. We'll be back on. I've got to
1436
00:59:43.880 --> 00:59:45.599
go to nursery, Rob. Pick your daughter up from nursery.
1437
00:59:45.619 --> 00:59:45.880
All right.
1438
00:59:46.699 --> 00:59:48.119
I'm probably just going to kick back with a beer
1439
00:59:48.159 --> 00:59:49.940
and watch a telly because mine two are playing on
1440
00:59:49.960 --> 00:59:51.480
a trampoline together and I don't have to look after
1441
00:59:51.519 --> 00:59:52.139
babies anymore.
1442
00:59:52.300 --> 00:59:53.199
Unbelievable.
1443
00:59:53.340 --> 00:59:53.619
Wow.
1444
00:59:53.909 --> 00:59:56.489
Christmas Eve was worth it after all. It was worth it. Right.
1445
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See you on Tuesday. Cheers. Bye.