Parenting Different: Welcome to the Parenting Different podcast. My name is Anna Bernacki and today I have with me Valerie Marble. She is with A Step Ahead Adoption. She has a super exciting announcement. She's been on our podcast before and we've heard her story and how she has been impacted by adoption, adopting three beautiful children. And now she is the owner of A Step Ahead Adoption. So we are so excited to have you here. And I'm really excited that you are going to share your exciting news with us. That's such a privilege.
Valerie Marble: Yeah, thanks for having me again, Anna. I'm super excited to be here. And yes, as Anna mentioned, new exciting things happening. When I visited here before, I talked a little bit about my husband and my story of adoption and then talked about a step ahead adoption services, our consultant company. But today I am super excited to talk about our new foundation that we just launched. It is a sister organization. to a step ahead and it is called Beyond the Match Foundation and specifically what our goal is going to be is supporting adoptive parents who have experienced a failed adoption. So our grants are going to specifically support them and one way it will be providing funds to help make up for any funds that were lost with that disruption. because it's huge right now. Adoption, the cost just keeps going up and up, unfortunately. And we see anywhere from 10 to 30, $35,000 that families are losing in disruptions. And it's wild, yes.
Parenting Different: Sure. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So define for us what exactly a failed adoption is. Because I think some people have all different views on what that actually looks like. So what is the actual definition of a failed adoption?
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yep, so failed adoption is going to be the adoptive parents were matched with an expectant mom a birth mom, know, she may be placing a child that's a little bit older and then ultimately They get to a point in the match or go to take placement after the child is born and the mom changes their mind so ⁓ You know it can look many different ways either They navigated a long match anywhere from four to five months with this expectant mom and then she delivered the baby and ultimately decided to parent. And you know, at the end of the day, that's great. I would never, I would never want anything else to happen. Like when a mother decides that yes, she is capable of parenting her own child, that's amazing. But on the other hand of things, for the adoptive parents, they are met with a lot of heartbreak. a lot of just emotional turmoil going on and then also the financial side of it. That's the biggest part. ⁓ So like I said, that first grant is going to help make up
Parenting Different: sure.
Valerie Marble: those funds that they've lost so then they can continue their adoption journey because I've seen it where families have you know they they put everything into a certain match or maybe it's like their second disruption that they've had and they've lost all this money and they can't afford to move forward so that's where this grant is going to come in. ⁓ The other grant that we are gonna offer is gonna be more of the emotional impact. So we are gonna be able to refer families to adoption competent therapists. with that, with that, they will be able to work on the mental health, emotional side of it all. ⁓ I've experienced a failed adoption and during that time, was rough. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah. I'm sure.
Valerie Marble: I don't think I would have made it through without my therapist, honestly. ⁓ She was a great support and just really helped bring everything, leveled everything out for me, I guess you could say. And I made it through. So I know how important the mental health piece is in all of it.
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: And so if families don't already have that connection where they live, we will help them with that. And then if their insurance doesn't cover the full cost of those sessions, they can apply for the mental health grant. ⁓ And we will pick up those costs, cover it for them, up to 10 sessions that they do with their therapist. And the foundation will take care of that so they don't have to worry about it.
Parenting Different: Amazing. Yeah, and I think too, there's some, we're getting better about mental health and struggles, right? We're getting better as a society, but there still is a stigma around it. Like if you're strong enough, you won't need it. And what the reality is, you are experiencing a loss. You've prepared for this child. You have hoped and dreamed of what a future with this child will look like. And when that doesn't happen, Yeah, it's the both and, right? You're thankful that a mom felt equipped to parent, yet you're grieving the loss of a life that you thought you would be starting. So I think it's so important to really stress, it's okay to struggle and that's normal. And it's okay to seek help too, because seeking that help is going to equip you to be a better adoptive parent next time when it does, you know, finalize and go through. So definitely, I mean, I'm not ashamed to say I'm an adoptive parent and I go to therapy every single week and I have for the last four years and it makes me a better parent. So there is no shame in it at all. Absolutely not. So yes you can be a really strong person and still need
Valerie Marble: Yep. Exactly. Exactly. ⁓ No.
Parenting Different: help processing the grief of a loss like that. And I think that you are providing something so, so important for these parents.
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Thank you. Yeah. You know, I've seen firsthand with parents to working on the consultant side of things where they carry all of those emotions and that grief that's been unhealed. They carry it forward. And, you know, when they're starting to review new expectant mom cases or they get into a new match with a mom, they can't let go of the grief and just all the emotions and the scaredness that they carried with that other match. And
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: You know, sadly, sometimes we see families that end up not continuing with their adoption journey just because they can't trust the process enough. They can't get past those hard emotions. And if we could help families get past that by providing that mental health piece, it's huge. So.
Parenting Different: Yeah, that's unfortunate. Right. For sure, absolutely. So what is next for the foundation? You have announced your launch, your missions, what's next?
Valerie Marble: Yes, yeah, so ⁓ brand new out there with that and we're just really starting to build our network, ⁓ social media, our website. We are hoping to award our first grant at the end of May, but in order to do so, yes, yes, in order to do so, ⁓ we have to have the funds available. So ⁓ we have recently launched our first fundraiser and keep in mind
Parenting Different: exciting.
Valerie Marble: This is going to be huge for all you dads out there or hopeful dads, grandparents, friends, all the things. ⁓ It is a Mother's Day gift basket that we are selling. So with that, yes, yeah, with that. ⁓
Parenting Different: Hahaha Love it.
Valerie Marble: People who purchase this, there are four different baskets to choose from and we make it easy for you. So you make the purchase, you decide which basket, who it's going to go to. If you wanna include a personal note, by all means do so. And then we put it all together for you, hand write the note, make it personal, and then we're gonna ship it directly to that mom's doorstep. So.
Parenting Different: scene.
Valerie Marble: Yes, taking out all the headache of trying to figure out what to get your loved one for Mother's Day.
Parenting Different: Yeah, so what are the different, ⁓ the different mother, I know you said that there were different baskets, four different ones. So what are the four different baskets?
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yes. So first one is called the encouragement basket and it is going to be a gift for the woman who is waiting to become a mother. So although all adoptive moms out there, ⁓ what's going to be included in that one is my ⁓ book that I wrote living through the journey. it is
Parenting Different: Okay. I love this book. I'm gonna plug it again. You want the book? Get the basket for the book.
Valerie Marble: Yes, exactly. ⁓ It is ⁓ both an educational guide and journal for helpful adoptive parents. So comes in very handy during the waiting phase of your journey. There's also going to be affirmation cards. We call it the still becoming deck. And for those of you who don't know what affirmation cards ⁓ ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: They're just these little cards, pretty much as big as a card deck and in it, you know, each day you can pull one out. It either has like a positive mantra to get you through the day or something to reflect on. And they're just small enough that you can stick it up in your visor when you're driving. You can tape it on your mirror wherever you want it to just give you that positive reminder that there is light ahead and that you should continue the journey. ⁓ We also are going to have a little rainbow necklace. It is beautiful. then they will also get a sweet It is a spring cake loaf. So that is, ⁓ little mini ⁓ vanilla cake on bottom and then on top they have decorated it with beautiful spring colors, flowers. It is so good. So I'm excited that we could include it in our baskets.
Parenting Different: That's amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Valerie Marble: Yep. Option two going to be the healing basket. ⁓ And with that one, it will include that becoming affirmation card deck. It'll have that sweet treat in there. And then it will also have necklace. ⁓ It is the Morris code for And it's really pretty. It's hand beaded. It's very, very pretty. And then there will also be a journal in there. called Mindful Moments. moms can and in there as they continue through their healing journey.
Parenting Different: Okay, I love that. Yeah. ⁓
Valerie Marble: No, this one, it is specifically going to be for either a birth mom ⁓ or a mom who has experienced a loss, whether that be a failed adoption, a loss another way, you know, of a child, maybe a pregnancy. Anyone who is really just trying to continue forward with hope, trying to heal from whatever loss they experienced, to put the spin on it for a birth mother, to more gear it towards her. We have a separate affirmation card deck that is specifically for birth moms. It's called honoring your motherhood deck. Yes, so. If you choose to purchase this one for a birth mom in your life, ⁓ we will make sure it's to her by ⁓ birth mom's day, which is obviously the day before mother's day. And the cards that we include in it will be geared towards birth mother's day. I've already my order for one of our child's birth moms and I'm excited to send it to her. I think she's gonna love it. Yeah, as far as the third basket goes, ⁓ it is called the Basket ⁓ and it is going be for the moms out there who have recently finalized their adoption. So ⁓ a big milestone to celebrate during that time. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: This is not only for Mother's Day, but is also good for family members who maybe couldn't travel for the finalization or you just joined via Zoom or something and weren't able to be physically present. So this is a great way you can send it to her. And it's just another reminder like, hey, we see you, we acknowledge this exciting milestone in your life as you grow your family through adoption.
Parenting Different: Right.
Valerie Marble: So what's going to be included in that is a candle and it is the calming scent of a finalized adoption and it ⁓ and it just smells beautiful. I also found a local person that makes those and so she has whipped up our signature scent ⁓ and for it. Mm-hmm. Yep, so I'm excited about that.
Parenting Different: I love them. ⁓ I love that.
Valerie Marble: We are also gonna have another affirmation card deck. This one is going to be called Motherhood Inspired. And it comes with several different cards, know, some days for reflection, some days ⁓ just positive thoughts. And then there are some days that you actually like put it to use, you know, you go out and do something with it, ⁓ which.
Parenting Different: Okay.
Valerie Marble: I think is great for this because, you know, moms who are early in like the newborn life, you need that reminder to stay positive. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. This basket will also have that sweet treat in it. And then it will have ⁓ ⁓ adoption story baby book, which I am ⁓
Parenting Different: Yes, yes, and go do things and take care of yourself too, yes.
Valerie Marble: so excited about. Yes, yeah, we have a special designer who is collaborating with us on that. She is from Nuts and Bolts Paper Company and she makes these adoption books and what that is going to look like is there will be a coupon included in the box and the mom will be able to get online, order the book herself, she can personalize it however she wants to,
Parenting Different: ⁓ ⁓ I love that.
Valerie Marble: colors, put the name of your child on there, everything, and then they'll put it all together, ship it directly to her, shipping and everything is included. So she literally just has to go on and do the fun part of doing the design for it. Yes. Yeah.
Parenting Different: love that so much. That is so fantastic. And I love that you're partnering with all these other businesses and it's not, you know, you can always order the Amazon box or whatever and get it delivered. But this is so personalized. There's so much intention put into these. I love this. I absolutely love it. And there's ⁓ one right? You have one more.
Valerie Marble: Exactly. Thank you. Yes, one more, the final one. It's called the Growing Together Basket. And it is going to be for any mom who has taken placement. You know, maybe ⁓ hasn't finalized yet, so not quite ready for that celebration, ⁓ is still going through the motherhood journey ⁓ moms who have been deep in it for a really long time.
Parenting Different: Okay.
Valerie Marble: That was kind of, you know, the main focus with these baskets was to just acknowledge all mothers who have gone through. Adoption in some way. I feel like we kind of Get lost in Mother's Day we either don't feel like we are Deserving of it or motherhood came to us in a different way And so we just feel differently about the day At least that's how I personally feel about it. And so yeah Yeah, and so it's nice to be able to focus in on these moms that have become mothers through adoption. So
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah. Same, yeah.
Valerie Marble: This Growing Together basket, is going to include ⁓ little beaded stack bracelets. It'll mama on there and there will be ⁓ three that. Just colorful, cheerful, bright and springy. It'll have the motherhood affirmation card deck.
Parenting Different: I love that.
Valerie Marble: sweet treat and then it will have a book that was actually written by a previous ASA client. She is an adoptive mom. is called Beautiful Things Take Time by Colette Waters So It talks about, the journey of becoming specifically growing family and the journey you go on twists and turns and sometimes a wait that comes into all of it. But at the end, it does turn into something beautiful. And so she has partnered with us. I was super excited that because ⁓ no, it's not specifically for the mom, but In essence it is because she's going to be able to sit down with her child and read that book together.
Parenting Different: which, let's be honest, every mom likes something that ties their children into it. So, yes, I love that.
Valerie Marble: Definitely always. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, these on our social media We have the link to order Orders are going to be due by April 17th, so we have enough time to get everything packaged get it sent out so it arrives by Mother's Day. And do only have limited quantities of each basket, so anyone out there that is wanting to get your order in, get it done ⁓ so don't run out. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yes, for sure. That's so amazing. Yes, like you said, dads got ya covered. But I think you sometimes wonder what do we, what do we give? Or you said, distance. is a fantastic thing. Or you're sitting there going, I don't know what to get my child's birth mother.
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Parenting Different: for Mother's Day this year. It's complicated, I'm not sure, but you can do this and it's all, and now you're not only giving back to the adoption space and helping other adoptive families, but you're also providing a really special gift to your child's parents. So that's really special. I love that you're doing this right around Mother's Day and honoring all the different ways that we become mothers. So it's fantastic.
Valerie Marble: Yep. Yeah, I'm excited about it. And I hope that people notice too, just like the thoughtfulness, like you said, in each one. And it's hopefully giving them a taste for what the foundation is gonna be like and how intentional we plan to be and just thoughtful with everything moving forward.
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: kind of what's up next for the foundation after this fundraiser is over. Like I mentioned, we hope to award our first disruption grant to a lucky family. It will not just be for a step ahead families, is for, uh-huh, it's for ⁓ adoptive families out there. It does not matter where you come from.
Parenting Different: That was one of my questions.
Valerie Marble: We plan to, as we evaluate applications, we are going to do it blindly. So what that means is we will not have names, we will not have demographics of where they live. We will just have the information that truly matters, what their story is, what the situation was surrounding the disruption, how much money they lost, and what their plan is moving forward with their adoption journey.
Parenting Different: I love that. So then ⁓ after, ⁓ maybe I'm getting ahead of you here, but you've awarded your first grant. what comes next. You have other things down the pipeline, things that we can kind of look forward to from you guys.
Valerie Marble: Yes, yeah, so we are currently working to build our educational support platform. And what that's going to look like is we are going to offer a lot of free resources ⁓ ⁓ go along with the adoption weight ⁓ ⁓ emotions that come with disruptions and ⁓ getting through that emotional time. There will be different content for that. ⁓ any family can download for free and utilize. We will also have some education options that is specifically going to be for families like going through the home study process and just preparing to start their adoption journey. ⁓ We'll focus in on a lot of different education during that time, but then moving forward, know,
Parenting Different: like that.
Valerie Marble: once a family finalizes, moves on with life after adoption. ⁓ I don't know how you feel about this, but what I've personally noticed, like for myself and all the families we work with, is that education is key. And obviously you think that too, because the parenting different.
Parenting Different: Yes, yes, 100%.
Valerie Marble: Yes, so we are gonna continue to be there to just hold family's hands as like these Wild things come up that they never thought they would encounter Through parenthood, you know, maybe they need a referral to and another adoption competent therapist for their child or for themselves as they are navigating parenting their adopted child So we really are going to focus in on mental health as you know, they move throughout their parenthood journey. We are also going to partner with you guys and do some different educational options. And then, you know, just really be there to be the family support, remind them that they are not alone in this ⁓ I always take everything of, you know, okay, I wish I had this during this part of my journey, or, ⁓ man, I am currently navigating this with our birth mom or something, and how do I handle these conversations? I don't know who to reach out to. That's where the foundation could potentially come in to be that support.
Parenting Different: Yes. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's fantastic too. And I mean, you and I have talked and somebody listening might be like, wait a minute, are they doing the same thing? No, we are not. We are definitely not doing the same thing. So I think parenting different is more on that educational side. And we're, you know, supporting families through that post adoption where you really are focusing on the mental health aspect of it. And I think we're going to work very well together and be able to.
Valerie Marble: Nope. Nope.
Parenting Different: we're doing different things and we'll be able to kind of refer back and forth and really support each other in it. So it's not a competition. It's... Yes.
Valerie Marble: Yep, definitely. Nope, we got each other's back, we're good. I am excited because, yeah, Parenting Different just offers so many amazing things already and it's gonna be great to kind of hold hands in all of it and give our families this option through you guys and the mental health through us and it's just gonna be a great combination. yeah.
Parenting Different: Absolutely, Yes. And I think the more organizations that can do this, because we, not one of us can do it all, right? We just can't. And you look out there and you go, well, who's trusted? do I trust? Who is it right way? Who is, you know, actually following through on their promises And so when you can partner ⁓ and have group of organizations eventually, that are like, no, we're all on the same team and we just do different things. And I think that's very powerful and really helps empower the parents to, to not have to search. You know, you're not going to have to like you and I had to search and go looking for resources and they didn't, they weren't available. So I think we're creating those resources that we needed, like you said, and then partnering with others so that we can really.
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yeah. Yep.
Parenting Different: support the whole post-adoption, family, ⁓ because a lot of layers to it. There's a of complexities and for some families it's easy, breezy, beautiful and great. I love that for you. ⁓ And for some, ⁓ it your world upside then ⁓ there's all the in-between. That's the majority of people is in-between.
Valerie Marble: Yep, yep, that's fabulous. Yes. Yes.
Parenting Different: So it's, you know, just finding the right help is so important. So I love that we can partner together and provide even more resources that just one of us couldn't do at all, but we can provide more for these families. So amazing.
Valerie Marble: Thank you. Yes. Yep, I am super excited about it. I have just taken my passion of working with families and just growing it, because for probably the last year, I have seen families experience failures and have lost so much money and just went through all the emotions of all of it. I am like a person who, know, if somebody's feeling a certain way, I'm feeling it too. Like I am losing sleep at night about it. And you know, I would just lay awake and what can I do for these families? Like, no, I can't just hand out this money to help them. can't, you know, I don't have all these connections for mental health therapy. How do I do this? So.
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: Eventually that's where Beyond the Match came in because it takes something bigger to make all of it happen, like you said.
Parenting Different: 100%. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: It takes partnerships, takes relationships, all the things. We all work together to make something happen. And so, you know, as I was thinking about Beyond the Match and specifically like, you know, okay, what am I going to name this? Who's going to be on the board? All of that. ⁓ Beyond the Match came from just like... My personal experience working with families of, know, when you think adoption journey, you're thinking about when am I going to get matched? Like matched being matched is like the big exciting thing. Yes. Yep. Yep. The two things. And so we are thinking beyond the match. There is so much more that comes with it than just, you know, having an expectant mom choose you like.
Parenting Different: matched and finalization. Those are the two things. Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: ⁓ so much more both before that happens and well well after it you know when I was looking at different options of okay Who's going to be a good support for all of this? First, you know partnered with you guys at parenting different for resources But then as far as the board goes, I am excited about the members that we have on there because everyone offers their expertise in different ways in the adoption world we have ⁓
Parenting Different: amazing.
Valerie Marble: an adoption attorney, we have an adoptive mom who experienced a failure before they brought home their daughter, we have a couple of our adoption consultants who have walked by families that have experienced failures, we have an adoptee, so there's just everyone out there, we're all working together, everyone brings a unique perspective to the board and I think we've just already grown so much.
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: with it all because each person is like, hey, yeah, that's a great idea, but what if we build off of it and do this with it? So, yeah. So I'm excited about what's to come with it all. We are brand new, just getting started here by all the support that, you know, anyone wants to step forward and give us in any way, cheering us on. Like, that's what we need during this time to help get us off the ground.
Parenting Different: That's incredible, yeah. Yeah, for sure. So if you are like if somebody doesn't want to necessarily purchase a basket, but they want to support you guys, do you have like a one time gift link on your website or even monthly donations that they can do to set up reoccurring? How does how do they go about that?
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yep, so they can go to our website. There is a donation link on there. We also have it on our social media handles. And yes, they have the option to just make a one-time donation ⁓ or they can do set something up monthly, you know, just a smaller amount that they are gifting each month. ⁓ And that's really what is going to get us going and being able to turn around and gift other families who are going through failures, helping them both financially and emotionally, and then also coming alongside those families well after they finalized and they need some extra help. All of those funds are going to be able to help us succeed in those categories.
Parenting Different: Yes. Yeah, and fundraisers are great, but what you really need is that predictable income and that continuous predictable income. yeah.
Valerie Marble: Yes, definitely, definitely. So yeah, I'm excited about what's to come with it all. Yep, it's gonna be great.
Parenting Different: So yeah, this is really exciting. Yeah, well thank you for joining me today and sharing all this with us. I'm really excited and I'll put all the links in the show notes so that people can just click and go and check you guys out and don't forget, order the baskets. You said April 17th? Okay, so definitely you're ordering by April 17th. The sooner the better though, because they might sell out, so.
Valerie Marble: Yes. Definitely. Yep. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you for having me and all the support and thank you to all of your listeners as well.
Parenting Different: Of course. Thank
Valerie Marble: Yeah, thanks for having me again, Anna. I'm super excited to be here. And yes, as Anna mentioned, new exciting things happening. When I visited here before, I talked a little bit about my husband and my story of adoption and then talked about a step ahead adoption services, our consultant company. But today I am super excited to talk about our new foundation that we just launched. It is a sister organization. to a step ahead and it is called Beyond the Match Foundation and specifically what our goal is going to be is supporting adoptive parents who have experienced a failed adoption. So our grants are going to specifically support them and one way it will be providing funds to help make up for any funds that were lost with that disruption. because it's huge right now. Adoption, the cost just keeps going up and up, unfortunately. And we see anywhere from 10 to 30, $35,000 that families are losing in disruptions. And it's wild, yes.
Parenting Different: Sure. Yeah. Wow. Wow. So define for us what exactly a failed adoption is. Because I think some people have all different views on what that actually looks like. So what is the actual definition of a failed adoption?
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yep, so failed adoption is going to be the adoptive parents were matched with an expectant mom a birth mom, know, she may be placing a child that's a little bit older and then ultimately They get to a point in the match or go to take placement after the child is born and the mom changes their mind so ⁓ You know it can look many different ways either They navigated a long match anywhere from four to five months with this expectant mom and then she delivered the baby and ultimately decided to parent. And you know, at the end of the day, that's great. I would never, I would never want anything else to happen. Like when a mother decides that yes, she is capable of parenting her own child, that's amazing. But on the other hand of things, for the adoptive parents, they are met with a lot of heartbreak. a lot of just emotional turmoil going on and then also the financial side of it. That's the biggest part. ⁓ So like I said, that first grant is going to help make up
Parenting Different: sure.
Valerie Marble: those funds that they've lost so then they can continue their adoption journey because I've seen it where families have you know they they put everything into a certain match or maybe it's like their second disruption that they've had and they've lost all this money and they can't afford to move forward so that's where this grant is going to come in. ⁓ The other grant that we are gonna offer is gonna be more of the emotional impact. So we are gonna be able to refer families to adoption competent therapists. with that, with that, they will be able to work on the mental health, emotional side of it all. ⁓ I've experienced a failed adoption and during that time, was rough. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah. I'm sure.
Valerie Marble: I don't think I would have made it through without my therapist, honestly. ⁓ She was a great support and just really helped bring everything, leveled everything out for me, I guess you could say. And I made it through. So I know how important the mental health piece is in all of it.
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: And so if families don't already have that connection where they live, we will help them with that. And then if their insurance doesn't cover the full cost of those sessions, they can apply for the mental health grant. ⁓ And we will pick up those costs, cover it for them, up to 10 sessions that they do with their therapist. And the foundation will take care of that so they don't have to worry about it.
Parenting Different: Amazing. Yeah, and I think too, there's some, we're getting better about mental health and struggles, right? We're getting better as a society, but there still is a stigma around it. Like if you're strong enough, you won't need it. And what the reality is, you are experiencing a loss. You've prepared for this child. You have hoped and dreamed of what a future with this child will look like. And when that doesn't happen, Yeah, it's the both and, right? You're thankful that a mom felt equipped to parent, yet you're grieving the loss of a life that you thought you would be starting. So I think it's so important to really stress, it's okay to struggle and that's normal. And it's okay to seek help too, because seeking that help is going to equip you to be a better adoptive parent next time when it does, you know, finalize and go through. So definitely, I mean, I'm not ashamed to say I'm an adoptive parent and I go to therapy every single week and I have for the last four years and it makes me a better parent. So there is no shame in it at all. Absolutely not. So yes you can be a really strong person and still need
Valerie Marble: Yep. Exactly. Exactly. ⁓ No.
Parenting Different: help processing the grief of a loss like that. And I think that you are providing something so, so important for these parents.
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Thank you. Yeah. You know, I've seen firsthand with parents to working on the consultant side of things where they carry all of those emotions and that grief that's been unhealed. They carry it forward. And, you know, when they're starting to review new expectant mom cases or they get into a new match with a mom, they can't let go of the grief and just all the emotions and the scaredness that they carried with that other match. And
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: You know, sadly, sometimes we see families that end up not continuing with their adoption journey just because they can't trust the process enough. They can't get past those hard emotions. And if we could help families get past that by providing that mental health piece, it's huge. So.
Parenting Different: Yeah, that's unfortunate. Right. For sure, absolutely. So what is next for the foundation? You have announced your launch, your missions, what's next?
Valerie Marble: Yes, yeah, so ⁓ brand new out there with that and we're just really starting to build our network, ⁓ social media, our website. We are hoping to award our first grant at the end of May, but in order to do so, yes, yes, in order to do so, ⁓ we have to have the funds available. So ⁓ we have recently launched our first fundraiser and keep in mind
Parenting Different: exciting.
Valerie Marble: This is going to be huge for all you dads out there or hopeful dads, grandparents, friends, all the things. ⁓ It is a Mother's Day gift basket that we are selling. So with that, yes, yeah, with that. ⁓
Parenting Different: Hahaha Love it.
Valerie Marble: People who purchase this, there are four different baskets to choose from and we make it easy for you. So you make the purchase, you decide which basket, who it's going to go to. If you wanna include a personal note, by all means do so. And then we put it all together for you, hand write the note, make it personal, and then we're gonna ship it directly to that mom's doorstep. So.
Parenting Different: scene.
Valerie Marble: Yes, taking out all the headache of trying to figure out what to get your loved one for Mother's Day.
Parenting Different: Yeah, so what are the different, ⁓ the different mother, I know you said that there were different baskets, four different ones. So what are the four different baskets?
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Yep. Yes. So first one is called the encouragement basket and it is going to be a gift for the woman who is waiting to become a mother. So although all adoptive moms out there, ⁓ what's going to be included in that one is my ⁓ book that I wrote living through the journey. it is
Parenting Different: Okay. I love this book. I'm gonna plug it again. You want the book? Get the basket for the book.
Valerie Marble: Yes, exactly. ⁓ It is ⁓ both an educational guide and journal for helpful adoptive parents. So comes in very handy during the waiting phase of your journey. There's also going to be affirmation cards. We call it the still becoming deck. And for those of you who don't know what affirmation cards ⁓ ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: They're just these little cards, pretty much as big as a card deck and in it, you know, each day you can pull one out. It either has like a positive mantra to get you through the day or something to reflect on. And they're just small enough that you can stick it up in your visor when you're driving. You can tape it on your mirror wherever you want it to just give you that positive reminder that there is light ahead and that you should continue the journey. ⁓ We also are going to have a little rainbow necklace. It is beautiful. then they will also get a sweet It is a spring cake loaf. So that is, ⁓ little mini ⁓ vanilla cake on bottom and then on top they have decorated it with beautiful spring colors, flowers. It is so good. So I'm excited that we could include it in our baskets.
Parenting Different: That's amazing. Absolutely amazing.
Valerie Marble: Yep. Option two going to be the healing basket. ⁓ And with that one, it will include that becoming affirmation card deck. It'll have that sweet treat in there. And then it will also have necklace. ⁓ It is the Morris code for And it's really pretty. It's hand beaded. It's very, very pretty. And then there will also be a journal in there. called Mindful Moments. moms can and in there as they continue through their healing journey.
Parenting Different: Okay, I love that. Yeah. ⁓
Valerie Marble: No, this one, it is specifically going to be for either a birth mom ⁓ or a mom who has experienced a loss, whether that be a failed adoption, a loss another way, you know, of a child, maybe a pregnancy. Anyone who is really just trying to continue forward with hope, trying to heal from whatever loss they experienced, to put the spin on it for a birth mother, to more gear it towards her. We have a separate affirmation card deck that is specifically for birth moms. It's called honoring your motherhood deck. Yes, so. If you choose to purchase this one for a birth mom in your life, ⁓ we will make sure it's to her by ⁓ birth mom's day, which is obviously the day before mother's day. And the cards that we include in it will be geared towards birth mother's day. I've already my order for one of our child's birth moms and I'm excited to send it to her. I think she's gonna love it. Yeah, as far as the third basket goes, ⁓ it is called the Basket ⁓ and it is going be for the moms out there who have recently finalized their adoption. So ⁓ a big milestone to celebrate during that time. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: This is not only for Mother's Day, but is also good for family members who maybe couldn't travel for the finalization or you just joined via Zoom or something and weren't able to be physically present. So this is a great way you can send it to her. And it's just another reminder like, hey, we see you, we acknowledge this exciting milestone in your life as you grow your family through adoption.
Parenting Different: Right.
Valerie Marble: So what's going to be included in that is a candle and it is the calming scent of a finalized adoption and it ⁓ and it just smells beautiful. I also found a local person that makes those and so she has whipped up our signature scent ⁓ and for it. Mm-hmm. Yep, so I'm excited about that.
Parenting Different: I love them. ⁓ I love that.
Valerie Marble: We are also gonna have another affirmation card deck. This one is going to be called Motherhood Inspired. And it comes with several different cards, know, some days for reflection, some days ⁓ just positive thoughts. And then there are some days that you actually like put it to use, you know, you go out and do something with it, ⁓ which.
Parenting Different: Okay.
Valerie Marble: I think is great for this because, you know, moms who are early in like the newborn life, you need that reminder to stay positive. Yes. Exactly. Exactly. This basket will also have that sweet treat in it. And then it will have ⁓ ⁓ adoption story baby book, which I am ⁓
Parenting Different: Yes, yes, and go do things and take care of yourself too, yes.
Valerie Marble: so excited about. Yes, yeah, we have a special designer who is collaborating with us on that. She is from Nuts and Bolts Paper Company and she makes these adoption books and what that is going to look like is there will be a coupon included in the box and the mom will be able to get online, order the book herself, she can personalize it however she wants to,
Parenting Different: ⁓ ⁓ I love that.
Valerie Marble: colors, put the name of your child on there, everything, and then they'll put it all together, ship it directly to her, shipping and everything is included. So she literally just has to go on and do the fun part of doing the design for it. Yes. Yeah.
Parenting Different: love that so much. That is so fantastic. And I love that you're partnering with all these other businesses and it's not, you know, you can always order the Amazon box or whatever and get it delivered. But this is so personalized. There's so much intention put into these. I love this. I absolutely love it. And there's ⁓ one right? You have one more.
Valerie Marble: Exactly. Thank you. Yes, one more, the final one. It's called the Growing Together Basket. And it is going to be for any mom who has taken placement. You know, maybe ⁓ hasn't finalized yet, so not quite ready for that celebration, ⁓ is still going through the motherhood journey ⁓ moms who have been deep in it for a really long time.
Parenting Different: Okay.
Valerie Marble: That was kind of, you know, the main focus with these baskets was to just acknowledge all mothers who have gone through. Adoption in some way. I feel like we kind of Get lost in Mother's Day we either don't feel like we are Deserving of it or motherhood came to us in a different way And so we just feel differently about the day At least that's how I personally feel about it. And so yeah Yeah, and so it's nice to be able to focus in on these moms that have become mothers through adoption. So
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah. Same, yeah.
Valerie Marble: This Growing Together basket, is going to include ⁓ little beaded stack bracelets. It'll mama on there and there will be ⁓ three that. Just colorful, cheerful, bright and springy. It'll have the motherhood affirmation card deck.
Parenting Different: I love that.
Valerie Marble: sweet treat and then it will have a book that was actually written by a previous ASA client. She is an adoptive mom. is called Beautiful Things Take Time by Colette Waters So It talks about, the journey of becoming specifically growing family and the journey you go on twists and turns and sometimes a wait that comes into all of it. But at the end, it does turn into something beautiful. And so she has partnered with us. I was super excited that because ⁓ no, it's not specifically for the mom, but In essence it is because she's going to be able to sit down with her child and read that book together.
Parenting Different: which, let's be honest, every mom likes something that ties their children into it. So, yes, I love that.
Valerie Marble: Definitely always. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, these on our social media We have the link to order Orders are going to be due by April 17th, so we have enough time to get everything packaged get it sent out so it arrives by Mother's Day. And do only have limited quantities of each basket, so anyone out there that is wanting to get your order in, get it done ⁓ so don't run out. ⁓
Parenting Different: Yes, for sure. That's so amazing. Yes, like you said, dads got ya covered. But I think you sometimes wonder what do we, what do we give? Or you said, distance. is a fantastic thing. Or you're sitting there going, I don't know what to get my child's birth mother.
Valerie Marble: Mm-hmm. Yes.
Parenting Different: for Mother's Day this year. It's complicated, I'm not sure, but you can do this and it's all, and now you're not only giving back to the adoption space and helping other adoptive families, but you're also providing a really special gift to your child's parents. So that's really special. I love that you're doing this right around Mother's Day and honoring all the different ways that we become mothers. So it's fantastic.
Valerie Marble: Yep. Yeah, I'm excited about it. And I hope that people notice too, just like the thoughtfulness, like you said, in each one. And it's hopefully giving them a taste for what the foundation is gonna be like and how intentional we plan to be and just thoughtful with everything moving forward.
Parenting Different: Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: kind of what's up next for the foundation after this fundraiser is over. Like I mentioned, we hope to award our first disruption grant to a lucky family. It will not just be for a step ahead families, is for, uh-huh, it's for ⁓ adoptive families out there. It does not matter where you come from.
Parenting Different: That was one of my questions.
Valerie Marble: We plan to, as we evaluate applications, we are going to do it blindly. So what that means is we will not have names, we will not have demographics of where they live. We will just have the information that truly matters, what their story is, what the situation was surrounding the disruption, how much money they lost, and what their plan is moving forward with their adoption journey.
Parenting Different: I love that. So then ⁓ after, ⁓ maybe I'm getting ahead of you here, but you've awarded your first grant. what comes next. You have other things down the pipeline, things that we can kind of look forward to from you guys.
Valerie Marble: Yes, yeah, so we are currently working to build our educational support platform. And what that's going to look like is we are going to offer a lot of free resources ⁓ ⁓ go along with the adoption weight ⁓ ⁓ emotions that come with disruptions and ⁓ getting through that emotional time. There will be different content for that. ⁓ any family can download for free and utilize. We will also have some education options that is specifically going to be for families like going through the home study process and just preparing to start their adoption journey. ⁓ We'll focus in on a lot of different education during that time, but then moving forward, know,
Parenting Different: like that.
Valerie Marble: once a family finalizes, moves on with life after adoption. ⁓ I don't know how you feel about this, but what I've personally noticed, like for myself and all the families we work with, is that education is key. And obviously you think that too, because the parenting different.
Parenting Different: Yes, yes, 100%.
Valerie Marble: Yes, so we are gonna continue to be there to just hold family's hands as like these Wild things come up that they never thought they would encounter Through parenthood, you know, maybe they need a referral to and another adoption competent therapist for their child or for themselves as they are navigating parenting their adopted child So we really are going to focus in on mental health as you know, they move throughout their parenthood journey. We are also going to partner with you guys and do some different educational options. And then, you know, just really be there to be the family support, remind them that they are not alone in this ⁓ I always take everything of, you know, okay, I wish I had this during this part of my journey, or, ⁓ man, I am currently navigating this with our birth mom or something, and how do I handle these conversations? I don't know who to reach out to. That's where the foundation could potentially come in to be that support.
Parenting Different: Yes. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's fantastic too. And I mean, you and I have talked and somebody listening might be like, wait a minute, are they doing the same thing? No, we are not. We are definitely not doing the same thing. So I think parenting different is more on that educational side. And we're, you know, supporting families through that post adoption where you really are focusing on the mental health aspect of it. And I think we're going to work very well together and be able to.
Valerie Marble: Nope. Nope.
Parenting Different: we're doing different things and we'll be able to kind of refer back and forth and really support each other in it. So it's not a competition. It's... Yes.
Valerie Marble: Yep, definitely. Nope, we got each other's back, we're good. I am excited because, yeah, Parenting Different just offers so many amazing things already and it's gonna be great to kind of hold hands in all of it and give our families this option through you guys and the mental health through us and it's just gonna be a great combination. yeah.
Parenting Different: Absolutely, Yes. And I think the more organizations that can do this, because we, not one of us can do it all, right? We just can't. And you look out there and you go, well, who's trusted? do I trust? Who is it right way? Who is, you know, actually following through on their promises And so when you can partner ⁓ and have group of organizations eventually, that are like, no, we're all on the same team and we just do different things. And I think that's very powerful and really helps empower the parents to, to not have to search. You know, you're not going to have to like you and I had to search and go looking for resources and they didn't, they weren't available. So I think we're creating those resources that we needed, like you said, and then partnering with others so that we can really.
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yeah. Yep.
Parenting Different: support the whole post-adoption, family, ⁓ because a lot of layers to it. There's a of complexities and for some families it's easy, breezy, beautiful and great. I love that for you. ⁓ And for some, ⁓ it your world upside then ⁓ there's all the in-between. That's the majority of people is in-between.
Valerie Marble: Yep, yep, that's fabulous. Yes. Yes.
Parenting Different: So it's, you know, just finding the right help is so important. So I love that we can partner together and provide even more resources that just one of us couldn't do at all, but we can provide more for these families. So amazing.
Valerie Marble: Thank you. Yes. Yep, I am super excited about it. I have just taken my passion of working with families and just growing it, because for probably the last year, I have seen families experience failures and have lost so much money and just went through all the emotions of all of it. I am like a person who, know, if somebody's feeling a certain way, I'm feeling it too. Like I am losing sleep at night about it. And you know, I would just lay awake and what can I do for these families? Like, no, I can't just hand out this money to help them. can't, you know, I don't have all these connections for mental health therapy. How do I do this? So.
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: Eventually that's where Beyond the Match came in because it takes something bigger to make all of it happen, like you said.
Parenting Different: 100%. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: It takes partnerships, takes relationships, all the things. We all work together to make something happen. And so, you know, as I was thinking about Beyond the Match and specifically like, you know, okay, what am I going to name this? Who's going to be on the board? All of that. ⁓ Beyond the Match came from just like... My personal experience working with families of, know, when you think adoption journey, you're thinking about when am I going to get matched? Like matched being matched is like the big exciting thing. Yes. Yep. Yep. The two things. And so we are thinking beyond the match. There is so much more that comes with it than just, you know, having an expectant mom choose you like.
Parenting Different: matched and finalization. Those are the two things. Yeah. Yeah.
Valerie Marble: ⁓ so much more both before that happens and well well after it you know when I was looking at different options of okay Who's going to be a good support for all of this? First, you know partnered with you guys at parenting different for resources But then as far as the board goes, I am excited about the members that we have on there because everyone offers their expertise in different ways in the adoption world we have ⁓
Parenting Different: amazing.
Valerie Marble: an adoption attorney, we have an adoptive mom who experienced a failure before they brought home their daughter, we have a couple of our adoption consultants who have walked by families that have experienced failures, we have an adoptee, so there's just everyone out there, we're all working together, everyone brings a unique perspective to the board and I think we've just already grown so much.
Parenting Different: Yeah.
Valerie Marble: with it all because each person is like, hey, yeah, that's a great idea, but what if we build off of it and do this with it? So, yeah. So I'm excited about what's to come with it all. We are brand new, just getting started here by all the support that, you know, anyone wants to step forward and give us in any way, cheering us on. Like, that's what we need during this time to help get us off the ground.
Parenting Different: That's incredible, yeah. Yeah, for sure. So if you are like if somebody doesn't want to necessarily purchase a basket, but they want to support you guys, do you have like a one time gift link on your website or even monthly donations that they can do to set up reoccurring? How does how do they go about that?
Valerie Marble: Yes. Yep, so they can go to our website. There is a donation link on there. We also have it on our social media handles. And yes, they have the option to just make a one-time donation ⁓ or they can do set something up monthly, you know, just a smaller amount that they are gifting each month. ⁓ And that's really what is going to get us going and being able to turn around and gift other families who are going through failures, helping them both financially and emotionally, and then also coming alongside those families well after they finalized and they need some extra help. All of those funds are going to be able to help us succeed in those categories.
Parenting Different: Yes. Yeah, and fundraisers are great, but what you really need is that predictable income and that continuous predictable income. yeah.
Valerie Marble: Yes, definitely, definitely. So yeah, I'm excited about what's to come with it all. Yep, it's gonna be great.
Parenting Different: So yeah, this is really exciting. Yeah, well thank you for joining me today and sharing all this with us. I'm really excited and I'll put all the links in the show notes so that people can just click and go and check you guys out and don't forget, order the baskets. You said April 17th? Okay, so definitely you're ordering by April 17th. The sooner the better though, because they might sell out, so.
Valerie Marble: Yes. Definitely. Yep. Yes. Thank you so much. And thank you for having me and all the support and thank you to all of your listeners as well.
Parenting Different: Of course. Thank
