Turning Rejection into Resilience

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This is the Mindset Artistry.
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Podcast.
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I'm Amanda DeWoe, an actor or actress, per your reference and an inner voice life coach, and I'm Janelle Pulaski, an actor and career and mindset coach.
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We're your hosts and we're here to flip your mindset, to teach you the artistry of what we learned, to keep your mind in check Over the course of our lives.
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We've taken on the journey of healing, living and being authentically ourselves as we successfully built our individual careers in the entertainment industry.
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This podcast is designed for you so you can discover your goals and courageously reach them at your highest potential, while being a hundred and thousand percent yourself.
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What you'll get from us is real dirty and okay, a little more like a lot of quirky, along with special elite guests that nurture empathy and create a safe space without judgment.
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So get ready to build a mindset that is unapologetically you and excel beyond the stars.
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Welcome to the Mindset Artistry Podcast.
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That's good.
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Welcome everyone to another episode of Mindset Artistry, and I'm your host.
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If you don't know, now, you know Amanda Duvaux.
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And today we're going to dive into a topic that every creative experiences Rejection the lovely, lovely R word it's so fun which has been weighing on my mind this past year and like a hidden challenge that I didn't know I was experiencing.
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So, whether you're an actor, a writer or a musician or any other form of creativity or creative, rejection is a part of our process, whether it's something that we've experienced and done and rejected ourselves.
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Or we're putting out our creative expression and people are rejecting it.
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But how do we handle it?
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How do we bounce back and stay motivated, stay connected and stay inspired and continue to create without letting rejection define us?
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So that's what we're going to dive in today how to handle rejection, what is rejection teaching us, and a tool that can help you overcome rejection when those moments come up and creep in and start attacking, consuming our mind, body, soul and spirit around rejection.
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And we're going to also discuss a powerful tool the ABCDE model from a cognitive behavioral therapy practice, to help you reframe those negative thoughts and turn rejection into a source of strength, confidence and belief within yourself.
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So let's get started.
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Let's get real with rejection and how tough it is.
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It stings, it hurts, it beats you down, it tears you apart and it can feel personal.
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But is rejection really about us?
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This is a question that you need to ask yourself.
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Is rejection really about us, or is it just a part of the creative process?
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Is it just a part of a learning curve?
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So I am going to ask you, janelle, how do you personally cope with rejection in your creative life?
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At this point it's become easier, but when I started out I didn't realize how much it was part of the process and that if I could just focus on myself and being really good at my craft and just not giving up eventually, my time would come.
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So for anybody that's new to the industry, you're like, oh my gosh, just so much rejection.
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I mean, what really helped me was just being like I know if I just keep showing up, my time will come.
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And it's obviously harder if it's something you really want and you really worked for, like there's certain roles oh my God, I really wanted that or certain modeling jobs.
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It took me time to finally get comfortable with rejection.
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Exactly, seriously, exactly.
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Rejection.
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I don't think it ever is going to go away in your career because we're constantly learning about ourselves.
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We're constantly in your career because we're constantly learning about ourselves, we're constantly experiencing new things and we're constantly doing new things that we haven't done before.
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So rejection will come up and it can take a hit on our self-esteem.
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But here's the thing it doesn't have to be personal.
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It can be a lesson, it can be a learning curve, it can be a stepping stone for you to elevate yourself, for you to recognize that something subconsciously has been controlling you or stopping you or limiting you from moving forward.
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So when you address the fact that rejection is existing within our mindset, within our person, within our reality, we're no longer giving it power.
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We're identifying it and then we're choosing, actively, choosing to go.
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I can make a choice here.
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I can let rejection take the wheel of my life.
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I can take the back seat and just observe, or I can kick rejection out the car and I always do an analogy about driving a car.
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Or you're going to use a boat, a plane, whatever Right, but you are the captain, I'm the captain now.
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Kind whatever right, but you are the captain, I'm the captain.
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Now kind of thing right.
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You are the captain, you are the driver, you are the creator of your life and you have the choice.
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So kick that rejection out the car.
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You know rejection doesn't need or have to be where you're not good enough or it just means that, like, a particular opportunity or project wasn't meant for you, it just wasn't the right fit, and that's okay.
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And when you accept that and acknowledge that rejection no longer controls you and no longer holds you back, it's just a part of life, it's just a stepping stone, it's just something you kind of you know, when you're driving and you pass a billboard oh yeah, there, it's a passing billboard You're like, oh yeah, cool, all right.
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And you keep going.
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You look back at the rearview mirror like, oh shit, it's back there, it's no longer in the front seat, it's no longer controlling me, it's no longer holding my hand or gripping my voice.
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I rejected my truth and whenever I did, I really felt like someone was holding my throat like this Actively and constricting my tonsils and constricting my ability to speak up for myself, constricting my ability to speak my mind or to ask questions about something I didn't know.
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There was so much fear around it because I rejected my truth.
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I rejected my voice and it controlled every part of me and it limited me from taking control and honoring my voice, getting to know it, getting to love it, getting to nurture it.
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Now I love my voice.
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I don't mind speaking in front of people.
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I actually enjoy it.
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I recognize that the biggest thing in your life that you struggle with is your biggest strength.
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It just hasn't been pulled yet.
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So if you feel afraid of speaking to people, that's probably your biggest strength.
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Work on it, help, heal it, nurture it.
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I went to an acting coach and a voice acting coach, a voice accent coach as well, and we talked about dialect.
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We talked about the fact that I grew up in New York and I'm half Puerto Rican and half Black, and I grew up with Irish and Italian and Spanish people and so their accents, I adapted to them, and so I would swallow words like the it'll be the.
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You know, that's a New York thing and it comes out once in a while that I've embraced it.
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I've accepted it because it reminds me that I've lived.
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It reminds me of who I am, and so when I've looked at it that way, if you look at rejection or the thing that you're rejecting the most.
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Look at it from a different perspective.
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Look at it as an opportunity.
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What can be joyful about it?
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What can you improve about it?
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I'm gonna put this onto you because we're gonna get more engaged here.
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I want y'all to get engaged with us.
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I want you to start opening up conversations with us, because we're life coaches, we're actors.
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We opening up conversations with us because we're life coaches, we're actors, we're human beings.
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We need the conversation to be nurtured.
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We need these conversations to be flowing so that we know what you want, what you're struggling with, and also that we can share our story.
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So I want you to take a moment to reflect on the last time you faced rejection in your creative work.
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How did it make you feel?
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And I'll answer it, and then, nell, I'll ask you to answer it too.
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So how did it make you feel?
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Was it personal, or did you feel and find ways to separate your self-worth from the rejection?
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I'll go first.
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I think the reason why I'm bringing this up is I've been rejecting myself this past year.
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I had to do some shadow work.
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I sat in front of the mirror, I pulled some cards because I actually do tarot for myself and one of the first things that came up was rejection and I couldn't understand why.
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I was like I don't understand why rejection is coming up.
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I'm nurturing myself, I nurture my self-love, I'm in a career that I love and I just couldn't understand.
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But I didn't realize that I was holding on to all the things that didn't work out, and I defined that with rejecting myself.
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I rejected myself because I was hyper-focusing internally on what wasn't working out.
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Why didn't I get that gig?
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Because I really loved it.
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I did a great job as an actor.
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Why can't I write a new project?
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Because I've written short films before?
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Why can't I write something now?
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So I started rejecting myself low-key and I had started moving that way in life.
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And because I was moving that way, I was also pushing away opportunities because I wasn't showing up as my true, authentic self.
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I was showing up as a rejected little child within me, although I had, like you know they say, put on the face and a smile and yeah, great, I was doing that, but inside I was rejecting.
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I was rejecting myself.
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Therefore, other people were picking up the energy and therefore, that thing that I wanted I could not receive.
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I could not accept because I didn't feel worthy of receiving it.
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I didn't feel or have the ability to accept it, to tell myself that I deserve this.
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There's also a lot of things going on this past year, where I had moved into a whole new stadium.
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I was experiencing new things, acclimating to just the energy here and leaving behind something that I held onto in my life, which was a past version of me.
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I had dependency around my family and my friends.
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They were there Not that it was a bad thing, but they were close by.
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It was dependent.
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I depended on them and I've been independent in my life for sure as far as pursuing my careers and my life and things like that but that nurturing dependence kept me from living in my power.
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So I moved.
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So there's no time like the present to do the thing that you fear the most, and I wanted to.
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There's no time like the present to do the thing that you fear the most and I wanted to, and it was the right timing.
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I was dealing with all of that, confronting a past version of myself, letting go of that old version of myself, confronting the rejection that I've been dealing with for probably years, that I've suppressed, and yeah, it just.
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It really hit me and I would say in the last maybe a month or so, it finally made sense.
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I finally recognized what the rejection was for me and I'll jump into that in a little bit, but now I want to pass it down to you.
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What was a recent rejection you faced in your creative work and how did you feel about it?
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And was it personal, or did you kind of separate that from your self worth?
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I would say, for this past year was more about modeling, which is one of my creative outlets, and I lost a couple of my biggest clients just because they closed.
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You know, a lot has been going on with our economy and then I was like, okay, this is my main source of income and it has been for a while.
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This is a little scary and my agency, a lot of the people that are working there now are newer.
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They didn't know me before the pandemic and that I had a full schedule and I was one of the top models at the agency.
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But the pandemic took my hours away and, even though I've gotten older, but my professionalism, my understanding of production fit modeling, my measurements haven't changed, and production fit is a specific type of modeling where you never lose or gain weight and you're just standard size for a lot of companies.
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And so I felt rejected not only by the industry, but also that it felt like my agency didn't really have my back and like forgot who I was and what I had done, and so I had to learn like, okay, you've been able to get comfortable, which is a wonderful thing, but you got to remind yourself and other people of who you are and that you're here to work and you're good at what you do.
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And so I found through that rejection that I had to find myself again and remember these things and it was a little uncomfortable.
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I had to hustle in ways I didn't feel like again.
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And now, finally, I would say a year and three or four months later, it seems like I'm going to get my clientele back, not the ones I had before, but I mean my hours, my workload, but I kept meeting a new client and they would like me and then I would work with them.
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I'm like, oh great, I can relax.
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Now I'm going to have this client every week and then a couple weeks would go by and they would go with a different model and I was like, okay, and it just kept happening, happening and the beauty of it was every week I still had enough work and I never knew that that would work out versus when I have my standard clients.
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You just know, every week you're going in at the same times in the same amount of hours, so you could kind of depend on that.
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So it had to teach me just let the universe hold you.
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And when you're being rejected, it's okay, and I wouldn't say I was really angry at anybody.
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I was just kind of like oh, like what is this?
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Or even going into.
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I did casting recently where I came in and the woman said Anna.
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I said no, I'm Janelle.
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And she said, oh.
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I was like, would you like me to stay?
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And then it come to found out that one person on her team wanted me and she didn't want me.
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But that person went behind her back and brought me in anyway, and so I had to stand there while this person was like, well, you don't really.
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You know, are you sure you do print?
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Are you sure you do e-commerce?
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I see you as this type of model, not the type of model people take pictures of, you know.
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And just saying this.
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And I was proud because me now, versus when I was 18, I definitely handled it differently.
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I, I was like, okay, haven't felt this in a while.
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And so then they kept going back and forth and finally, at one point I said you need to do what's best for your company.
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You know, I would love to work with you, but if it's not, it, it's not it.
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She's like okay, well, you know, when you come, you have to have a manicure.
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I was like, ma'am, I'm a professional.
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I got a manicure last night to come to this audition have a good day, you know so.
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And they hired me and I showed up on set early, moved through the poses and she was like I was wrong.
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And now we're friends, love that.
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But that was a long-winded story.
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But that was my rejection year and just a shift in the modeling world.
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And I am getting older and luckily they're accepting people of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages now, but there still is a little bit of ageism, there's still these things happening and I was like, at the end of the day, no matter who rejects you, you just need to know who you are and remember who you are and then the work will come.
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Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
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I am here for all that.
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Thank you for sharing.
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It made me think of I don't think I fully finished the story, but with my acting is that when I recognized that I was living in the rejection, what happened is I started letting it go on how much I was winning but I was not even paying attention to it, and how much I was holding myself back from actually doing the thing that I wanted.
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So when I did that, I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute.
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I had auditioned for a project back in November of 2023, got called in of January 2024 for a callback for a lead in a TV pilot, went for a chemistry read after that.
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So that's three auditions and I'm like, all right, I'm going to let it go.
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I'm not going to stress about it, I'm going to trust the process.
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Like Janelle said, trust the process Moving on.
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I was moving in all the things, didn't get it.
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Got the call from the casting director.
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You didn't get it.
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Sadly, you know we were rooting for you, but you didn't get get.
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I'm like, all right, well, you know what, I've accepted it.
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Then, shortly after, I got a call again in like a couple of days or less than a week and don't mind my timing, because I'm very bad with timing here I got a call saying that they wrote a character for me and I was like, oh yes, I don't have to audition.
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They're like absolutely not, you got it.
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I'm like great.
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So when I let go, I didn't live in the rejection of that.
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Something beautiful came out of it because I showed up for myself.
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I didn't hold and harp on that rejection.
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And then, sure enough, we were supposed to film in the summer.
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We did not.
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And then I got another call from them saying that we would like to actually audition for now, one of the series regulars for this project.
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I'm like, oh yes.
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And here's the thing that was really funny.
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I got sick like three days before that audition, like bed bound sick, bed bound sick, and I was like I'm still gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna show up in this audition.
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I'm not gonna not do it.
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That day.
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I remember you know taking the teas, doing all the things.
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In between I had told them like listen, I'm going to do this, I'm going to show up in this audition.
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I'm not going to not do it that day.
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I remember you know, taking the T's, doing all the things in between.
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I had told them like, listen, I may not say anything in the beginning, I apologize, but I had emailed them and said I'm a little sick, so just bear in mind that if I'm coughing nothing personal, I'm okay.
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I did the audition and I set an intention that I will not cough.
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I'll be in good health However long this audition lasts.
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In the minute that it's done, the sickness can do its thing and heal and take its time.
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One I did not cough once in that audition.
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My nose wasn't running.
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I set an intention.
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I connected with my body.
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I said we're not doing this, we're going to do this together.
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And I did amazing.
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At the audition they were even impressed that you're sick.
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You don't sound sick at all.
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I'm like, oh no, I am, trust me.
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If you look at my room tissues everywhere and all the things.
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And then I did it and I got the gig.
00:19:06.434 --> 00:19:18.945
I was upgraded even more perspective throughout my life going through all these things.
00:19:18.945 --> 00:19:21.032
There were so many wins in between that I was ignoring.
00:19:21.032 --> 00:19:23.118
There were so many wins in the between that I was really ignoring.
00:19:23.118 --> 00:19:27.970
That could have taken me out of this rejection mindset, this rejection subconscious thought.
00:19:27.970 --> 00:19:30.643
If I had just taken that moment to go.
00:19:30.663 --> 00:19:31.705
Amanda, you're winning.
00:19:31.705 --> 00:19:32.768
Take a pause.
00:19:32.768 --> 00:19:33.329
Look around.
00:19:33.329 --> 00:19:34.440
Great things are happening.
00:19:34.440 --> 00:19:40.809
You're surrounded by great people, you got a new agent, you booked a voiceover for a children's narrative book.
00:19:40.809 --> 00:19:43.034
I'm like whoa, all these things?
00:19:43.034 --> 00:19:44.421
Slow the fuck down.
00:19:44.421 --> 00:19:46.566
Amanda, take a look in the mirror.
00:19:46.566 --> 00:19:50.040
Live in your confidence, live in your authenticity and live in your truth.
00:19:50.201 --> 00:20:01.387
So all that to say is write in the comments, tell me and tell us the last time we faced rejection in creative work and how did it feel and what do you hope to learn from it?
00:20:01.387 --> 00:20:09.079
From the tool that I'm about to show you, which is, or tell you is, the resistance with ABCDE model.
00:20:09.079 --> 00:20:36.945
It's one of the most powerful tools you can use to build this resilience after feeling rejected, which is this model from CBT, and it's a simple but it's effective process that helps us and you reframe negative thoughts and build a stronger mindset, a more confident mindset, a more mindset that aligns with follow through, with stepping forward, with believing in yourself.
00:20:36.945 --> 00:20:37.647
So let's break it down.
00:20:37.647 --> 00:20:46.205
So the ABC process is A adversity, so that's the rejection.
00:20:46.205 --> 00:20:47.490
The adversity that you're coming across is the rejection.
00:20:47.509 --> 00:20:57.021
So this is a situation where you're facing the bad news your date didn't show up, the guy didn't text you back, I don't know, dating these days is a little difficult.
00:20:57.021 --> 00:20:59.423
Although Janelle, she's happily married now.
00:20:59.423 --> 00:21:02.490
You know, yes, congratulations, let's love this.
00:21:02.490 --> 00:21:04.142
Hope out there y'all, there's hope out there.
00:21:04.142 --> 00:21:05.565
There is a pure person for you.
00:21:05.565 --> 00:21:06.207
So believe in that.
00:21:06.207 --> 00:21:12.327
Or you know, you sent the emails to casting directors and agents and nobody has gotten back to you.
00:21:12.888 --> 00:21:27.214
Those moments and this is where B comes in what you're going to do is you're going to shift your belief, the negative thoughts like I'm not good enough, the story that you're telling yourself after that adversity, after that difficult, challenging thought.
00:21:27.214 --> 00:21:33.009
You know I didn't get the role, so I must not be a talented actor, I must not be good enough.
00:21:33.009 --> 00:21:35.173
That is the belief system.
00:21:35.173 --> 00:21:36.646
So acknowledge that belief system.
00:21:36.646 --> 00:21:36.988
So you have this.
00:21:36.988 --> 00:21:37.932
You have adversity, which is the belief system.
00:21:37.932 --> 00:21:38.616
So acknowledge that belief system.
00:21:38.616 --> 00:21:38.958
Do you have this?
00:21:38.958 --> 00:21:42.448
You have the adversity, which is the, the gig that you didn't get, the situation.
00:21:42.448 --> 00:21:51.265
Then the belief that comes from that right, that consequence that comes from it, and then it's the consequence after, but the belief that come, that came from now.
00:21:52.366 --> 00:21:53.809
The third thing is the c.
00:21:53.809 --> 00:21:54.692
This is consequences.
00:21:54.692 --> 00:21:57.644
This is where your low self-esteem, the doubt, the depression comes in.
00:21:57.644 --> 00:21:59.146
This is the emotional.
00:21:59.146 --> 00:21:59.769
This is consequences.
00:21:59.769 --> 00:22:02.253
This is where your low self-esteem, the doubt, the depression comes in.
00:22:02.253 --> 00:22:03.096
This is the emotional impact.
00:22:03.096 --> 00:22:03.997
How do you feel after the rejection?
00:22:03.997 --> 00:22:05.259
It could be self-doubt.
00:22:05.259 --> 00:22:06.261
You're going to identify it.
00:22:06.301 --> 00:22:15.846
I want you to identify what that feeling is Fear, lack of worthiness, feeling defeated, feeling depressed.
00:22:15.846 --> 00:22:19.292
Anxiety, low energy, a lack of motivation.
00:22:19.292 --> 00:22:22.846
What is it that is identifying with that thought?
00:22:22.846 --> 00:22:33.553
Because I want you to get clear on this the only way to get to let go of these thoughts is to identify them, because then you can let them go.
00:22:33.553 --> 00:22:38.327
You know where it lives in your body, your mind and your soul and how you navigate throughout the world.
00:22:38.327 --> 00:22:42.681
So you've got the A, b, c right the adversity, the belief, and then the consequence.
00:22:42.681 --> 00:22:47.280
Then this is where the beauty comes in, and a little bit of a difficulty is you're going to dispute it.
00:22:47.280 --> 00:22:55.586
You're going to dismantle that belief, that emotion, and you're going to give yourself permission to let that bitch go.
00:22:55.586 --> 00:22:58.993
Pardon my French here, but you're going to let that bitch go.
00:22:58.993 --> 00:23:02.989
Okay, you're going to let it go, release it from your body, your mind.
00:23:02.989 --> 00:23:04.381
So you're going to acknowledge it.
00:23:04.381 --> 00:23:05.522
Yeah, it's there.
00:23:05.522 --> 00:23:12.664
Fine, you showed up and you're going to challenge that negative thought, that negative belief.
00:23:12.664 --> 00:23:19.884
This is where you're going to challenge it, literally say remind yourself that this rejection is not a reflection of you.
00:23:19.884 --> 00:23:22.212
It is a part of the process.
00:23:22.734 --> 00:23:26.204
It was that job was meant for someone else great, but I did this.
00:23:26.204 --> 00:23:28.790
It made I walked into that room and I felt so confident.
00:23:28.790 --> 00:23:29.560
I did the audition.
00:23:29.560 --> 00:23:30.663
I kicked ass.
00:23:30.663 --> 00:23:33.048
Look at the, the gig that I did.
00:23:33.048 --> 00:23:35.993
I auditioned, I I let it go as far as that.
00:23:35.993 --> 00:23:37.226
I didn't get the the lead.
00:23:37.226 --> 00:23:38.230
Oh crap, you know I didn't get the lead.
00:23:38.230 --> 00:23:40.221
Oh crap, you know, I didn't get the lead.
00:23:40.221 --> 00:23:41.022
And then what happened?
00:23:41.022 --> 00:23:44.491
I showed up and I did the best work that I could do.
00:23:44.511 --> 00:23:46.023
We talked about this in a past episode.
00:23:46.023 --> 00:23:48.049
It was like do your best, I did the best that I can do.
00:23:48.049 --> 00:23:49.121
But what happened?
00:23:49.121 --> 00:23:52.846
They saw it and they said we love you so much.
00:23:52.846 --> 00:23:55.730
We're going to create something for you, no matter how small it is.
00:23:55.730 --> 00:23:58.414
Recognize that as a win.
00:23:58.414 --> 00:24:00.467
That means you're moving in the right direction.
00:24:00.487 --> 00:24:03.663
So you're going to challenge that negative thought with something positive.
00:24:03.663 --> 00:24:06.269
Tell yourself and create a fact in your life.
00:24:06.269 --> 00:24:13.519
Find a fact in your life that is going to contradict that negative belief, that limiting belief, that block, okay.
00:24:13.519 --> 00:24:15.320
And then this is where E comes in.
00:24:15.320 --> 00:24:20.203
So we've done A, b, c, d, so we did adversity, belief, the consequences.
00:24:20.203 --> 00:24:21.045
We're going to dispute it.
00:24:21.045 --> 00:24:22.445
And then here E comes in.
00:24:22.445 --> 00:24:23.326
It's the effect.
00:24:23.326 --> 00:24:24.988
You're going to increase your resilience.
00:24:24.988 --> 00:24:26.188
This is the better mindset.
00:24:26.489 --> 00:24:30.871
So you found a fact, you discredited that negative belief.
00:24:30.871 --> 00:24:32.873
It's now you can create a positive one.
00:24:32.873 --> 00:24:36.555
You're going to fill in that space Because what happens is you've acknowledged it.
00:24:36.555 --> 00:24:40.417
You know where it lives in your body, the real estate in your mind.
00:24:40.417 --> 00:24:43.449
Right, think about, like houses and stuff like that, the real estate.
00:24:43.449 --> 00:24:48.166
You dismantled that house, you dismantled that thought.
00:24:48.166 --> 00:24:50.525
Now you got the land.
00:24:50.525 --> 00:25:05.053
Then you nurtured that land with some love and some nutrients and care, which was challenging the negative belief, and then you're going to give it that positive thought, that flip of a side, because we all have dark and light in our lives.
00:25:05.140 --> 00:25:07.144
This is the shadow work, this is the rejection.
00:25:07.144 --> 00:25:09.330
But what's on the opposite of rejection?
00:25:09.330 --> 00:25:15.646
Acceptance, acceptance, confidence, joy, find the opposite.
00:25:15.646 --> 00:25:17.710
There is always two sides of the coin.
00:25:17.710 --> 00:25:19.093
Joy, find the opposite.
00:25:19.093 --> 00:25:19.953
There is always two sides of the coin.
00:25:19.953 --> 00:25:21.917
You can't have one without the other.
00:25:21.917 --> 00:25:27.703
So what is the other flip of that coin?
00:25:27.703 --> 00:25:28.547
What does it mean for you?
00:25:28.547 --> 00:25:29.550
It could be different.
00:25:29.550 --> 00:25:30.575
It doesn't have to necessarily be acceptance.
00:25:30.575 --> 00:25:35.807
It could be love, it can be awareness, it can be well, I'm going to use this to create a story and I'm going to write that short film.
00:25:36.028 --> 00:25:38.073
Great, that's what you tap into.
00:25:38.073 --> 00:25:47.688
You tap into the positive effect of what you want to achieve, which is an increase your resilience, learning from the experience and, ultimately, feeling stronger.
00:25:47.688 --> 00:25:51.321
You're claiming your power back from that rejection.
00:25:51.321 --> 00:26:07.191
All of this is allowing you to reclaim your power, because when we live in rejection, we give up our power, we give up ourselves, we give in and we let go and like, oh nothing, I can't, it doesn't happen.
00:26:07.191 --> 00:26:08.042
You know, we do that.
00:26:08.042 --> 00:26:12.585
You still have time, so flip it.
00:26:13.140 --> 00:26:15.707
So I hope that that helps, because it's one of the most powerful things.
00:26:15.707 --> 00:26:25.827
You know, I've never really put it into words, but it's something that I've done is I was aware of it, I acknowledged it and when I did that, I gave myself so much power.
00:26:25.827 --> 00:26:34.030
I was like, oh, I can shift my mindset, I can shift my reality, I can shift how I react to this.
00:26:34.030 --> 00:26:43.048
You're shifting a reaction, you're letting go of the need to control the situation, the need to control the outcome, and you're experiencing it.
00:26:43.048 --> 00:26:44.833
You're experiencing it.
00:26:44.833 --> 00:26:47.345
So now I want to pass it back to you.
00:26:47.345 --> 00:26:55.405
What are your thoughts on the ABCDE model and have you ever used it in your life, or something similar?
00:26:55.626 --> 00:26:58.093
Yes, I love cognitive behavioral therapy.
00:26:58.093 --> 00:27:00.304
I've been around it my entire life.
00:27:00.304 --> 00:27:05.563
My brother who has autism, we had therapists coming over doing CPT all the time.
00:27:05.563 --> 00:27:15.961
So I love that you're talking about this, because it's the worst thing to feel like you don't have tools and that you're just always going to be stuck in this way of thinking.
00:27:15.961 --> 00:27:25.207
And the first thing I have to say about it is don't feel shame that you go like this spiral, like I won't be good enough, because this happened and I wanted to share this tool that I use.
00:27:25.428 --> 00:27:26.089
It made me think of this.
00:27:26.089 --> 00:27:28.327
It's called Clarity app.
00:27:28.327 --> 00:27:35.846
It's literally called Clarity, and it's an app both on Apple Store and Google Play, and it's a CBT app.
00:27:35.846 --> 00:27:36.461
It's like that.
00:27:36.461 --> 00:27:37.182
And Google Play and it's a CBT app.
00:27:37.182 --> 00:27:37.564
It's like that.
00:27:37.564 --> 00:27:39.951
And then they even have like more options, which is great.
00:27:39.951 --> 00:27:45.779
Like you can have the thought and it makes you pause, like you're saying take the time and you choose.
00:27:45.779 --> 00:27:52.151
Am I catastrophizing all or nothing thinking, magnification of the negative, jumping to conclusions.
00:27:52.151 --> 00:27:57.463
It makes you pause and choose what you're actually doing, which is processes.
00:27:57.463 --> 00:28:05.963
You know, you know, and then you write it down and it guides you through and it gives you prompts to do, kind of the steps that you're saying, but in another way.
00:28:05.963 --> 00:28:19.369
So you know, do what Amanda said and also like, if you feel like this is something that you really struggle with, restructuring your thought process, the clarity app has changed my life and, seriously, for all these apps we keep talking about, y'all need to start paying us.
00:28:19.410 --> 00:28:20.471
Yes, attend our workshops.
00:28:20.471 --> 00:28:21.734
We have so many wonderful things.
00:28:21.734 --> 00:28:23.703
We have worksheets, online courses.
00:28:23.703 --> 00:28:24.586
Y'all need to.
00:28:24.586 --> 00:28:25.749
We're here.
00:28:25.749 --> 00:28:29.866
We're creating this from scratch Because it comes from our truth.
00:28:30.630 --> 00:28:37.113
It comes from our own experiences, and the reason why I'm bringing this up again is because I was struggling with it.
00:28:37.113 --> 00:28:40.403
No matter how successful you get, these things come up.
00:28:40.403 --> 00:28:45.174
They come up depending on what stage you are in your life.
00:28:45.174 --> 00:28:55.362
I'm grateful that I was able to acknowledge that I was holding on to that rejection subconsciously, because it gave me more power and I was like all right, great.
00:28:55.362 --> 00:28:57.846
Once I did that, the field opened up for me.
00:28:57.846 --> 00:29:01.730
I was in my own way.
00:29:03.272 --> 00:29:05.355
You are your own worst enemy.
00:29:05.355 --> 00:29:07.303
Let me say that again.
00:29:07.303 --> 00:29:09.730
You are your own worst enemy.
00:29:09.730 --> 00:29:13.263
Forget the external people and the validation and all that stuff.
00:29:13.263 --> 00:29:14.749
You are your own worst enemy because you can talk yourself out of success.
00:29:14.749 --> 00:29:15.432
You can talk yourself out of love.
00:29:15.432 --> 00:29:16.896
You can talk the external people and the validation and all that stuff.
00:29:16.896 --> 00:29:19.807
You are your own worst enemy because you can talk yourself out of success.
00:29:19.807 --> 00:29:21.654
You can talk yourself out of love.
00:29:21.654 --> 00:29:27.388
You can talk yourself out of a goal and achieving it, just like Janelle.
00:29:27.469 --> 00:29:31.404
In a past episode she talked about someone just going to the gym for five minutes.
00:29:31.404 --> 00:29:44.744
Going to the gym for five minutes, that was creating a little bit of a habit that started becoming ingrained in her body, her friend's body and then it turned into 10 minutes and I'm pretty sure that it turned to half an hour and she was like, yeah, this is great.
00:29:44.744 --> 00:29:46.810
And it kept being consistent with it.
00:29:46.810 --> 00:29:48.682
This is the consistency.
00:29:48.682 --> 00:29:50.728
This is what happens.
00:29:50.728 --> 00:29:52.011
Thank you for sharing the fact that.
00:29:52.071 --> 00:29:53.583
Don't feel shame that these come up.
00:29:53.583 --> 00:29:55.988
Don't feel guilty about it.
00:29:55.988 --> 00:29:57.170
You're only human.
00:29:57.170 --> 00:29:58.760
You're meant to experience these things.
00:29:58.760 --> 00:30:05.525
You're meant to experience it in order to overcome it, to see the other side, to get through that tunnel and see the light.
00:30:05.525 --> 00:30:13.540
You can't know what light is without the dark, because if you've been living in the dark so long, it's become familiar, it's become your everyday thing.
00:30:13.540 --> 00:30:14.363
You know nothing else.
00:30:14.363 --> 00:30:17.991
So if you're living in the shame, you're living in the guilt everyday thing.
00:30:17.991 --> 00:30:18.432
You know nothing else.
00:30:18.432 --> 00:30:27.008
So if you're living in the shame, if you're living in the guilt, if you're living in the fear, you will only know the guilt, the fear and the shame.
00:30:27.008 --> 00:30:28.733
So it's your responsibility and I know it could be hard.
00:30:28.733 --> 00:30:30.057
I'm not saying it's easy.
00:30:30.057 --> 00:30:31.280
I've cried a lot, a lot, a lot.
00:30:31.821 --> 00:30:40.095
I recently had a breakdown because I had scratched my right cornea eye and my eye and it was excruciatingly painful.
00:30:40.095 --> 00:30:48.665
And I broke down one day because my doctor gave me some steroid drops and I had been on it for three weeks and my eye was still One.
00:30:48.665 --> 00:30:53.261
It looked like it popped out of my eye Like I looked like I should have been Frankenstein's sister.
00:30:53.261 --> 00:30:57.471
It was red and I was sensitive to dark.
00:30:57.471 --> 00:31:00.102
I was sensitive to light, I was sensitive to blinking.
00:31:00.102 --> 00:31:01.685
I didn't understand why it was so painful.
00:31:01.726 --> 00:31:04.673
After three weeks I just broke down.
00:31:04.673 --> 00:31:07.546
I physically broke down, emotionally I broke down.
00:31:07.546 --> 00:31:09.980
I was like is this a representation of my life?
00:31:09.980 --> 00:31:11.124
What am I not seeing?
00:31:11.124 --> 00:31:12.346
God help me.
00:31:12.346 --> 00:31:13.369
It was so painful.
00:31:13.369 --> 00:31:18.465
At the same time, it was like I was waiting for the ibuprofen to kick in and it took too long.
00:31:18.465 --> 00:31:34.585
It was like 30 minutes, I'm like, and it was like four o'clock in the morning and I was suffering because I had been going through this for three weeks and it was a representation of life, of that moment of like rejection.
00:31:34.585 --> 00:31:37.827
And I just woke up after the ibuprofen kicked in.
00:31:38.288 --> 00:31:45.215
I started having clarity, which is what you do with the ABCDE model and the CBCT.
00:31:45.215 --> 00:31:51.148
I keep saying this, the cognitive behavioral therapy.
00:31:51.148 --> 00:31:53.558
I should just say that it's fine.
00:31:53.558 --> 00:32:02.609
But once you do that, you get that sense of clarity and I end up going to the hospital, going to another doctor, and they're like, yeah, you have a scratching or right cornea.
00:32:02.609 --> 00:32:03.291
I'm like what?
00:32:03.291 --> 00:32:04.463
Why did no one tell me?
00:32:04.463 --> 00:32:06.009
For three weeks I've been suffering.
00:32:06.009 --> 00:32:10.050
Within five days the medication helped.
00:32:12.381 --> 00:32:14.848
This ABCD model is your medication.
00:32:14.848 --> 00:32:18.025
Think of it as your medication.
00:32:18.025 --> 00:32:19.990
Think of it as your healing tool.
00:32:19.990 --> 00:32:37.410
If we acknowledge the injury, the pain, then we can find the solution, the medicine, the prescription to help you through that and eventually heal it.
00:32:37.410 --> 00:32:47.624
But we don't know until we acknowledge it, until we actually confront it and go oh, my back is hurting, or I am procrastinating, I'm living in the failure of it.
00:32:47.624 --> 00:32:52.521
I feel rejected in my career, I don't feel like I have any sense of worth.
00:32:52.521 --> 00:32:57.236
Find the prescription for it.
00:32:57.236 --> 00:33:00.969
Share in the comments.
00:33:00.969 --> 00:33:02.433
What are your thoughts on this model?
00:33:02.433 --> 00:33:05.061
What are your thoughts on cognitive behavioral therapy?
00:33:05.061 --> 00:33:06.204
Have you done it before?
00:33:06.204 --> 00:33:06.886
Share with us.
00:33:06.886 --> 00:33:12.847
What are some other tools that you've used in any moment in your life where you face rejection?
00:33:12.847 --> 00:33:13.789
Share with us.
00:33:13.789 --> 00:33:15.461
Share it with your community.
00:33:15.461 --> 00:33:17.907
Share it with the next person.
00:33:17.948 --> 00:33:24.287
Because you've overcome it, you have the ability to share that story and relate to someone.
00:33:24.287 --> 00:33:25.210
You're human.
00:33:25.210 --> 00:33:28.067
We do not let go of the humanity of all of us.
00:33:28.067 --> 00:33:28.667
We connect.
00:33:28.667 --> 00:33:30.813
We are experiencing this all together.
00:33:30.813 --> 00:33:33.105
We've all got a story that we're going through.
00:33:33.105 --> 00:33:42.285
We've all got a life that we're going through, people that we're meeting every single day jobs, careers, all the families, friends, all of that and I'll quickly leave this with you.
00:33:42.285 --> 00:33:47.189
If you are living in a sense of a negative thought, give yourself the compassion.
00:33:47.189 --> 00:33:52.786
Give yourself compassion to acknowledge it, heal it and know that you can overcome it.
00:33:52.786 --> 00:33:55.291
Be kind to yourself throughout this process.
00:33:55.759 --> 00:34:01.209
It's not easy, but it could be Just like practice, right?
00:34:01.209 --> 00:34:02.289
This is a practice.
00:34:02.289 --> 00:34:05.174
Once you practice it enough, it becomes easy.
00:34:05.174 --> 00:34:09.166
You have the ability to make it easy.
00:34:09.166 --> 00:34:10.791
You gotta practice.
00:34:10.791 --> 00:34:16.025
And if you're curious on self-compassion, we did an episode about self-compassion and your thoughts on it.
00:34:16.025 --> 00:34:24.384
We also teach that in our course the circle back here in our course, the path to empowerment in business we teach that.
00:34:24.384 --> 00:34:25.581
We teach compassion.
00:34:25.882 --> 00:34:31.181
Janelle is amazing in career and marketing and all the things that is career mindset.
00:34:31.181 --> 00:34:36.061
She is so incredible with that and she lays it out for you y'all, so you can watch these pre-recorded videos.
00:34:36.061 --> 00:34:38.306
They're digestible videos.
00:34:38.306 --> 00:34:41.922
They don't feel like you're in school and in the classroom.
00:34:41.922 --> 00:34:48.608
No, you have the ability to take it at your own pace, absorb it as you want, and there's worksheets.
00:34:48.608 --> 00:34:53.210
And when you do join that course, you also get coaching from us.
00:34:53.210 --> 00:34:56.528
So take advantage of that.
00:34:56.931 --> 00:34:57.815
It's the new year.
00:34:57.815 --> 00:34:58.820
These are new opportunities.
00:34:58.820 --> 00:35:01.927
These are the opportunities that you have at your disposal.
00:35:01.927 --> 00:35:03.371
Forget about the money.
00:35:03.371 --> 00:35:05.884
This is investing in your future.
00:35:05.884 --> 00:35:10.702
This is investing in what's behind the door, what's at the end of that tunnel the light.
00:35:10.702 --> 00:35:17.907
Because in order to get out of that dark, you got to acknowledge it and know that the light is there.
00:35:17.907 --> 00:35:19.030
It always is there.
00:35:19.030 --> 00:35:20.777
It's just like the sun and the sky.
00:35:20.777 --> 00:35:22.903
Even though the clouds are there, the sun ain't going nowhere.
00:35:22.903 --> 00:35:23.485
The sun's there.
00:35:23.485 --> 00:35:23.967
The sun is always there.
00:35:23.967 --> 00:35:24.668
It's just like the sun and the sky.
00:35:24.668 --> 00:35:26.132
Even though the clouds are there, the sun ain't going nowhere.
00:35:26.132 --> 00:35:26.474
The sun's there.
00:35:26.474 --> 00:35:27.096
The sun is always there.
00:35:27.096 --> 00:35:28.179
It's just, you know, covered.
00:35:28.179 --> 00:35:28.880
So drop in the comments.
00:35:28.920 --> 00:35:31.628
If you're interested in the course, we can send it to you.
00:35:31.628 --> 00:35:32.371
It's pre-recorded.
00:35:32.371 --> 00:35:37.625
You can jump in any time you want and take your time with it.
00:35:37.625 --> 00:35:42.028
You can download the worksheets and it's also connected to all the other episodes we have.
00:35:42.028 --> 00:35:45.291
That is targeted and with each of the topics that we have.
00:35:45.291 --> 00:35:49.215
You have a library of resources that we have.
00:35:49.215 --> 00:35:50.742
It's at your disposal.
00:35:50.742 --> 00:35:52.487
Take advantage of it.
00:35:52.728 --> 00:35:58.601
Stop letting life slip by you, stop letting life literally trample you.
00:35:58.601 --> 00:36:07.755
You have the ability to put your boots on, put your big pants on or whatever it is, your stretchy pants, whatever you need, and get going.
00:36:07.755 --> 00:36:15.706
We all deal with rejection in many different ways, and it can come up as fear, it can come up as not feeling good enough, it can come up as anxiety.
00:36:15.706 --> 00:36:17.407
It's okay.
00:36:17.407 --> 00:36:28.110
It is okay to feel these things, but what's not okay is to stay in it, because then you're letting again life slip by you.
00:36:28.110 --> 00:36:30.931
So use those tools, use the app.
00:36:30.931 --> 00:36:32.340
I didn't know about the app, so thank you, janelle.
00:36:32.340 --> 00:36:33.545
I didn't know about the app Clarity.
00:36:33.545 --> 00:36:35.608
I might have downloaded myself when I had these moments.
00:36:36.221 --> 00:36:57.411
Any last words, or encouraging words for our listeners, janelle, that you would like to share and about the struggle of rejection people that lack the courage to really go for what they want will love that you're being rejected and they will tell you about it, and that sometimes will make the rejection go deeper.
00:36:57.411 --> 00:36:58.860
Oh, they didn't propose yet.
00:36:58.860 --> 00:37:00.543
You're not married yet.
00:37:00.543 --> 00:37:02.106
You don't have kids.
00:37:02.106 --> 00:37:05.213
We booked a tv show years ago.
00:37:05.213 --> 00:37:06.414
Are you still acting?
00:37:06.414 --> 00:37:07.744
Oh, you're still acting.
00:37:07.744 --> 00:37:09.949
You're still modeling.
00:37:09.949 --> 00:37:15.748
Well, I don't know, you're making this much, but I thought you would make this much, you know.
00:37:15.748 --> 00:37:17.914
So it's just gonna happen.
00:37:17.914 --> 00:37:22.864
So, not only are you getting rejection from the actual thing you're pursuing, but you're being rejected by the people around you.
00:37:22.864 --> 00:37:41.190
And really and this is my resolution for 2025, to just not seek safety by the external validation of others and it's a subconscious thing I do, but I'm constantly rejected by others, and sometimes it's when I'm trying to love them the most.
00:37:41.190 --> 00:37:48.367
And that will happen, because if people are rejecting themselves, they sure as hell are not going to accept you and the love you're trying to give them.
00:37:48.367 --> 00:37:50.606
They're going to be like reject, reject, reject.
00:37:50.606 --> 00:37:51.568
I can't let that in.
00:37:51.568 --> 00:37:56.644
So just know it's your story, it's your path, you've got these tools.
00:37:57.139 --> 00:37:58.927
Amanda's given you this Clarity app.
00:37:58.927 --> 00:38:00.786
People don't have to understand it.
00:38:00.786 --> 00:38:03.900
People app.
00:38:03.900 --> 00:38:04.782
People don't have to understand it.
00:38:04.782 --> 00:38:05.605
People don't have to get it.
00:38:05.605 --> 00:38:07.329
They don't have to understand your dream and we all have a different path.
00:38:07.329 --> 00:38:08.952
And you know I'm a multi-hyphenate creative.
00:38:08.952 --> 00:38:12.931
Some people just do one thing and that's their bag.
00:38:12.931 --> 00:38:22.373
That's not my story, and sometimes I used to feel like, oh, but I really wanted to do acting the most and I'm sure one day acting will be all that I do.
00:38:22.373 --> 00:38:30.052
But I'm not going to close myself off because of the different ways I've been rejected that are redirecting me somewhere else.
00:38:30.052 --> 00:38:35.420
It's been a really cool, beautiful life because I've said yes to myself when other people have said no.
00:38:35.420 --> 00:38:43.364
So please do not deny yourself of this gorgeous, interesting life because you let the rejection stop you.
00:38:43.565 --> 00:38:46.688
Yes, do not let rejection define you.
00:38:46.688 --> 00:38:48.849
Let it redirect you.
00:38:48.849 --> 00:38:54.632
It is, at the end of the day, it is your stepping stone, it is your ability to move forward.
00:38:54.632 --> 00:39:10.224
So keep creating, keep improving and know that each no is leading to the right yes, and always be the yes that you need with yourself.
00:39:10.224 --> 00:39:11.527
Say yes to yourself even if they say no.
00:39:11.527 --> 00:39:12.248
Your yes matters the most.
00:39:12.248 --> 00:39:16.521
Trust me, as we end this episode, drop in the comments.
00:39:16.521 --> 00:39:22.929
We're really going to gauge this year is what's one thing you're going to do today to build that resilience.
00:39:22.929 --> 00:39:30.273
When you come across rejection or doubt, share it with us, share it on social media, start that conversation with a friend.
00:39:30.273 --> 00:39:32.603
This is your support system right here.
00:39:33.143 --> 00:39:36.751
Mindset Artistry Amanda Janelle got us.
00:39:36.751 --> 00:39:39.565
So thank you for joining us and tuning into this episode.
00:39:39.565 --> 00:39:53.125
I hope that today's conversation helped you reframe how you see rejection and gave you the tools to bounce back, to overcome and to feel stronger in your abilities and to know that it is not the end, it is just the beginning.
00:39:53.125 --> 00:39:58.039
And don't forget to subscribe, to rate us, to like us and leave comments.
00:39:58.039 --> 00:40:03.369
And how much you enjoyed this episode and how much it was challenging for you to confront the fact that these things exist?
00:40:03.369 --> 00:40:03.951
I want to know.
00:40:03.951 --> 00:40:07.088
I want to know because I told you how I felt about rejection.
00:40:07.088 --> 00:40:12.864
So again, keep creating, keep evolving and keep embracing the art of mindset.
00:40:12.864 --> 00:40:15.411
Love you all, until next time.
00:40:15.411 --> 00:40:20.003
Bye, and that's a wrap on this episode of Mindset.
00:40:20.063 --> 00:40:20.947
Artistry Podcast.
00:40:20.947 --> 00:40:23.367
Don't forget to like, share and subscribe.
00:40:23.367 --> 00:40:29.902
Catch us every Thursday for a new episode to help you master the art of your mindset.
00:40:29.902 --> 00:40:33.244
Got it?
00:40:33.244 --> 00:40:34.844
Yes, Okay, cool.