Understanding Human Connections: A Candid Discussion

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Hey, love, how have you been?
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I know you're waiting on an update from my friend and let me tell you I've talked to her.
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She's doing wonderful, but y'all will never believe where this story is gonna take us.
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But before we get into that, I wanna talk about reason.
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Season lifetime.
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The first of fall is September 23rd, and making time to be reflective at the end of each season can be so important to your personal journey.
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It can show you where you've been and help you determine where you're growing or not, so let's talk about it.
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Are now tuning into love frequency, where love grows, so let's go.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to love frequency, the podcast that helps you transform your pain into power, and we do that through conversations that inspire an increased level of self-awareness.
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I'm your host, nia, and I've been told that I'm that friend that you need to talk to, but you don't wanna talk to often because it's a conversation you've been avoiding.
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So welcome, honey, and congratulations on finally choosing you.
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And thank you for choosing love frequency on whatever podcast platform you might be listening to me on.
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If you can go ahead and give us five stars, I appreciate it.
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It's free, takes a couple seconds, but what it does for others.
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It allows other people to see the show, it moves us up in ranking.
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We are here to do the work that we also desperately need, so go ahead.
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We are on Spotify, apple Music, deezer, Audible everywhere, pandora, ihr Radio, y'all.
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I could keep going.
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But wherever you might be listening, please make the time to give back, because when you know, you grow, and that's all we're trying to do here is help people grow.
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Get into the story of the week Now.
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These stories are conversations that have inspired this week's episode, and I don't know if you're like me, but when patterns start to resurface, I start to pay attention.
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I am far less hard headed than I used to be, and now I'm very aware that when things show up in repeat form, I need to start paying attention, baby, because I'm on to my next level, my next phase of learning myself a little bit better.
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Recently, a few people from my past have resurfaced, and I don't know about you or if this has happened to you, but every time that happens, I'm far more intrigued by the way they resurface.
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It always seems to start with some sort of apology, followed by an explanation, but with no indication of personal self-reflection, just attempts to explain.
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It should've way.
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What's even crazier is that in both of these scenarios I'm about to run down for you the explanation they provided is one that they had already tried back then, and I'm wondering why they think that a year or more has passed, and I'll just forget the specifics.
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Baby, you know what?
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Love frequency absolutely was born out of a breakup, but I have been collecting experiences leading up to this point.
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I was born to do this.
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I have experienced some very interesting encounters with people that have allowed me to grow and to be more reflective in a way that I never knew possible.
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But miss me with the bullshit.
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I've seen it and you've already tried it.
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So what makes you think trying it again is gonna change the outcome?
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Moreover, what's the outcome?
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What are you hoping to gain from popping back up?
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What was your hope?
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My dear, if you've ever been in a connection with somebody where you fucked up and you had time to reflect, and then you come back and you wanna tell that person hey, man, listen, shit happened, my bad, I just wanted you to know that that's it.
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My question for you, respectfully, is how do you hold yourself accountable to the frequency that you bring into your connections, or do you always look for an excuse to explain away your bullshit.
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Oh yeah, we gonna talk about it today.
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Sit down, get comfortable, cause this thought water about to be real good ["Sweet Love"].
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If you have a question for the Love Frequency podcast or a story you'd like to share, or if you wanna respond to some of the things that we're talking about here, come on, baby.
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I love to have open conversation and dialogue.
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Just know that that goes two ways.
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So if you getting ready to give, be ready to receive.
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In love.
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Of course, you can go ahead and email those to lovefreak at gmailcom that's L-V-E-F-R-E-Q at gmailcom.
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Or go ahead and inbox me on social media.
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I am on TikTok, instagram and Facebook at L-V-E-Frequency that's L-Frequency.
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But as always, I'll leave this information in the show notes.
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And for those of you who just live in your left mind cause you can't get right, I'm not asking you to slide into my DMs, okay.
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I'm asking you to send me an inbox.
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It's like an email, right?
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Okay?
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So let's get into this thought water For this episode.
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It's gonna be real good.
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I also believe we're probably gonna go beyond the 15, 20 minutes.
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I try to wrap each episode.
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I do it for me.
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I'm not gonna lie.
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Trying to manage a podcast by yourself can be a very big task if you're not set up properly with the right systems.
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So I kept mine at a certain time because editing is a bitch.
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I've been getting feedback from folks saying they wish that I would give a little bit more.
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You might be right.
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So if you don't have a story to share or a question, go ahead and email the show or inbox me if you are also someone who wouldn't mind longer episodes Cause I'mma be honest, man, 30 minutes just me, but this episode might get there, cause I got a lot of shit on my mind.
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If you are new here, baby, thought water is the part of the episode where I share my thoughts on what I've been thinking.
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And here is that verbal ass whooping that you've been needing but avoiding but don't.
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Would love Know that my intention here is to see you be your highest, most free, unedited self and nothing more.
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So let's get into it.
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Talking about reason season, lifetime and you know how we use that before Somebody comes into your life, don't work out the way it should, or something happens unexpectedly, and I think many of us have used this phrase to explain away shit.
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Let's take a different look at it.
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While some people come and go quickly from your life, others seem to stick around.
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The main idea behind this concept of reason season, lifetime is all about relationships, regardless of their length, having some sort of purpose.
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So let's break down this three-part theory.
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Reason is when a short-lived relationship brings you a benefit or helps you with a realization.
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It helps you with a specific difficulty you're facing, either intentionally or unintentionally.
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That's reason season.
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Now, this is when a relationship accompanies you through a certain period of your life.
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It lasts for some time and brings you joy and growth.
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You might learn a lot from this relationship, but it eventually ends.
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So that's season and lifetime.
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Well, this is a relationship that lasts a lifetime.
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Where did this idea come from?
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I'm not sure if a lot of you know but the origin of this phrase.
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This isn't a scientific study.
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This isn't a philosophical quandary.
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It was a poem.
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It was the line to a poem.
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Now the author of this poem has been debated, but I'm gonna read to you all this poem so it can give you kind of further history into where reason, season, lifetime, originated, and I want you to tell me how it makes you feel.
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People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime when you figure out which you know exactly what to do.
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When someone is in your life for a reason, it's usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
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They've come to assist you through a difficulty or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally and even spiritually.
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They may even seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
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They are there for a reason.
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You need them to be Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or any inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
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Sometimes they die, sometimes they just walk away, sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
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What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, the work is done, the prayer you sent up has been answered and now it's time to move on.
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When people come into your life for a season, it's because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
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They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
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They may teach you something you have never done.
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They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
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Believe it, it's real, but only for a season.
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And, like spring turns to summer and summer to fall, the season eventually ends.
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Lifetime relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons, those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
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Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person or people and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
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It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
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Thank you for being a part of my life.
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Let us sit with that, because number one, I do believe if most of us knew the origins of where this phrase came from, we would stop applying our own definitions and really pay attention to the rationale and the logic in this poem.
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I'm even gonna go on to say I've read and researched a lot of articles on this topic and most of them, if not all, approached this conversation from a one-sided perspective.
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And I really think if you read this poem, you could see that there are two sides happening at the same time.
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Two things can be true at the same time.
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Now, there is a strong linkage between connections and their importance on our mental and physical health, but many have used reason season, lifetime to explain a way loss.
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I believe this phrase can also be used to explain the cause and effect of the energy we bring into relationships.
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Now I'm gonna explain this by looking at three concepts from this poem through my own lived experience.
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So, baby, let's jump in.
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And so, reason-based connections.
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These are connections that present themselves to show us something within us that we need to take heed to.
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The poem essentially mentioned there is something that you have called out to the universe, to the higher power that you believe in, and then the answer arrives, but it's not gonna arrive in the way that we think it will.
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Right, let me explain to you what I mean.
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I met this individual right around the time I was conceptualizing love frequency I don't believe I have started recording, and again, this is how long this was so I had been out of that very transformative breakup and knew that love frequency was the thing that was gonna come from that.
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That was the greatest lesson that I walked away with was understanding my frequency and connections.
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So I took the time that I thought I needed to be alone.
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And then what happens?
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You get tired of being alone, but not because you've actually healed or because you're doing better, you're just bored.
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Let's be real.
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You just want somebody to fill the void.
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Your nights are lonely, and for me, I'm not sure where the fear came from, but I think I guess I've always had a fear of being alone, and so I started to move with haste.
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And I remember this year vividly because at the top of the year I tried to talk to somebody, and that lasted for about two weeks, and then the next month, try to talk to somebody else, and that lasts about two weeks, and this person showed up probably in that third month where repeat pattern should have told me to stop, but stubbornness was like no, this is what dating's supposed to feel like.
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You're just going through the motions and just experimenting and then frequency will tell you when it's the right one.
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And while that might be a good way to go, it wasn't a good way to grow not for me.
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So I met this person on Facebook and I do believe I was drawn to their aesthetic and this person really drew me in with their conversation.
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Now I don't wait.
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I think post that breakup that really changed things for me.
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I learned so much that there were just certain shit I wouldn't allow for myself and I'm not going to wait on nobody to hit on me.
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Reach out to me.
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I want what I want and I like what I like, so I'm going to do what I do.
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So I slid into DMs, but I think I believe my message was very harmless hey, like to get to know you.
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Yada, yada.
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Very straightforward, and I can't remember exactly what the response was.
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But within that response there was a lot of fear and putting up walls and immediately just a block, and I sat with that for a little bit and it stirred my spirit so much that I remember making a video in response to that very awkward interaction and I also think I replied and said something like no, it's good.
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I can see that you answered with your fear.
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You got that Like that's all you.
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That should have been it.
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That should have been enough for me to say you know what this person has shown you, who they are, believed them the first time.
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Hardhead makes a soft ass and for anybody who has known me for any length of time, I am so good, if nothing more, at being stubborn.
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I gotta learn it.
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So I believe this person took a few days, reflected on what I had to say, and they were like you know what?
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You might have some truth to that, and so they were intrigued.
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So, as one does, we exchange information, we start to talk, and talking led to FaceTime and we felt at that moment a connection.
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So it's like okay, getting to know somebody.
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Now I do know that there was a pattern in my life where I felt mad, convicted, and I don't know if anybody else felt this way.
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Where you get into one connection doesn't work out.
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So when you talk to the next person, it almost feels like you're repeating some of the same phrasings or the same thoughts and ideas.
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You know how many motherfuckers are you gonna sit with and say God, I feel like you're the one until they're not.
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So then when you get with the next one, you might say it again.
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But then on that third one, you're gonna maybe think it but not say it, and then just kind of see where it goes.
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Or then when you foolishly say it, you're like, oh, I feel so shitty, why I keep telling folks this.
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Let me just figure out who gonna act right before I start sharing pet names and enticements and shit.
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But no, I'm a lover of love and I know that.
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We exchanged conversations.
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We talked about potentially building, because they were an artist and I was thinking about doing this love frequency thing, and so of course there was a connection there.
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But the behavior was still standoffish.
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There was still like there was something I couldn't put my finger on, and every encounter and every interaction just made that more apparent.
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Let's fast forward to the first time we met face to face Again.
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This happened so long ago.
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I'm speculating some of this, but I believe it was around my birthday.
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Something was happening.
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This person comes to visit and it's not really a planned visit, so it wasn't like we're gonna see each other, we're gonna spend from this day to this day and do these things so I can plan stuff.
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But it was also implied.
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So I'm thinking Friday, saturday, sunday maybe, and that also gave me some concern, like there's so much behavior that's happening that is concerning.
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But I'm also voicing those concerns.
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We'll get to the responses here in a minute, but I just wanna paint the picture.
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So rock with me.
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So this person comes to visit very loose schedule.
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We hang out on Friday, we get ready to plan for Saturday, and then they start packing their shit up.
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I even made them a gift basket that had like travel goodies and stuff like that to make sure they were good on the road.
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And so they start packing up on Saturday and I'm perplexed.
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We didn't really talk about what you were doing.
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But now that you're here, you're just gonna bounce and you're gonna abruptly leave and not take the gift bag.
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You said to me oh no, no, I'll just leave it here and I'll pick it up on my way back.
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You're way back from where my ninja.
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You live all the way in the Southern States, I believe Georgia.
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I'm at this time living in Indiana.
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Where are you going?
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Oh, to see a family member, the same family member.
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You told me that y'all are strange, y'all don't talk.
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Oh yeah, I just thought, since I was out here, it'd be a good time to try to rekindle.
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Now let's pause here for a moment.
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Assuming good intent, this absolutely could be true.
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But the one thing that I think is very apparent is that in these situations, in these reason season lifetime connections, people don't look at the fact that there are two sides to every story.
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So your reason season lifetime may not be my reason season lifetime.
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We may have been brought into each other's lives for a specific intention, and it's up to us to define what that is.
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So this could have been your season to go see your family rekindle that connection.
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But you have no idea what I was going through, nor did you give a fuck.
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So when this happened, my spidey senses started to tingle.
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I did not feel comfortable about it.
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I called it out and when this individual gave me what I felt was a half-assed answer, I remember them leaving my back door.
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I closed the door and locked the door, and I stopped responding to calls, text messages.
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At that point I was done D-O-N-E.
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But no love lost.
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I set a boundary for myself.
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It wasn't putting up a wall.
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It was, over time, having this feeling that I didn't trust that I should have trusted from the first interaction.
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I didn't listen.
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I decided to trust somebody else other than myself.
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Another thing that was very telling and I think, was leading up to this inevitable end, and let's add to this, this is also a person that I was connected to who told me that they are dualed energy, which absolutely I receive, that I receive people where they are.
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If there's one thing that you gotta know about me, I'm not in the business of trying to judge folks.
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I have spent my whole life feeling like I've been judged and dismissed and discarded because people couldn't receive the human in me.
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And really the truth was I couldn't receive the human in me.
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But sitting in this space of loving myself so deeply, I love my idiosyncrasies.
00:21:26.116 --> 00:21:28.917
I love the things about me that people think are flaws.
00:21:28.917 --> 00:21:31.877
I love the things that people define as failures.
00:21:31.877 --> 00:21:38.040
I love me, but in that, I also respect the space that people move in.
00:21:38.040 --> 00:21:45.898
If you think you ain't shit baby, i'ma love you and receive you and your ain't shit energy, I am just gonna put boundaries around myself for me.
00:21:46.509 --> 00:21:54.097
So there was a conversation where a dualed energy person says you know, my masculine energy is still very in love with my ex.
00:21:54.097 --> 00:22:01.976
My feminine energy is really drawn to you and I need you to know that I have enough for both and I want you to be a part of that.
00:22:01.976 --> 00:22:13.190
Much respect for presenting that, for being authentically who you are and for offering me the opportunity to make a choice, and in that conversation I shared that.
00:22:13.190 --> 00:22:19.960
Nothing about that makes me feel comfortable and I will never be second to anybody, ever.
00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:25.420
I don't care how you explain it, that is not for me for several different reasons.
00:22:25.420 --> 00:22:33.135
So when that person walked out of that door and I closed that door and locked it, that was it for me.
00:22:33.135 --> 00:22:41.496
And then, after their weekend was done and they went back down to where they were residing, which I again, I believe is Georgia.
00:22:41.496 --> 00:22:43.536
So you took what a seven hour trip.
00:22:43.536 --> 00:22:48.512
You made two stops, game, recognized, game, much respect.
00:22:49.210 --> 00:23:01.113
I received several text messages back to back and they started out very kind and understanding and they eventually evolved into be very disrespectful, very mean hearted, so I blocked you.
00:23:01.113 --> 00:23:14.377
Then the messages move over to Facebook, lots of inbox messages, and this is where things got interesting, because threats started to come, so I blocked them on social media and then I continued on about my merry way.
00:23:14.377 --> 00:23:19.259
Now I realize what do they say?
00:23:19.259 --> 00:23:22.616
There's three parts to every story your side, my side, and the truth.
00:23:22.616 --> 00:23:28.201
What I can say is I have no issue with being 1,000.
00:23:28.730 --> 00:23:30.036
And what I was going through?
00:23:30.036 --> 00:23:34.076
Number one and we talked about it I needed to learn how to trust my instincts.
00:23:34.076 --> 00:23:37.534
I should have walked away in the beginning, but I did not.
00:23:37.534 --> 00:23:48.316
Two for some of us, it is so hard to remove yourself from situations that make you uncomfortable, but we're suffering in silence by going through this discomfort.
00:23:48.316 --> 00:23:51.137
If I would implore you to explore that.
00:23:51.137 --> 00:23:56.916
And then three I needed to learn how to establish and maintain firm boundaries.
00:23:56.916 --> 00:23:58.756
That was the lesson.
00:23:58.756 --> 00:24:06.518
Being in love with someone, liking somebody, getting to know somebody that doesn't mean that you need to turn into a yes person.
00:24:06.518 --> 00:24:10.074
That doesn't mean that you need to be agreeable all the damn time.
00:24:10.074 --> 00:24:17.075
You need to have a backbone, baby, and learn how to stand up for your fucking self, or you're gonna continue to allow people to tell you whatever they want to tell you.
00:24:17.075 --> 00:24:25.318
So the question that I should have been asking myself back then was why do you feel like you have to prove to people why they should love you correctly.
00:24:25.318 --> 00:24:27.303
Stop explaining that shit.
00:24:28.872 --> 00:24:33.751
My reflections on why this person reached out, which they did.
00:24:33.751 --> 00:24:41.276
They sent an email to my new email address, which lets me know that they're listening to the show, and I truly appreciate that.
00:24:41.276 --> 00:24:53.998
It was very important for me to share this message in this way, because my boundary is still very firm and it hasn't wavered, but I do think it's very important If you find yourself in a situation like this.
00:24:53.998 --> 00:25:01.211
Lack of accountability to others' feelings is something that maybe you might wanna take a look at Now.
00:25:01.211 --> 00:25:03.077
This person was going through their own shit.
00:25:03.077 --> 00:25:07.155
They had some stuff that was happening at that time but that had nothing to do with me.
00:25:07.155 --> 00:25:17.135
So, too, there's also lack of accountability to their personal actions, and probably because they were going through their own shit, but it's kinda selfish, right.
00:25:17.135 --> 00:25:22.440
So my question for you would be what did you learn about yourself from this interaction?
00:25:22.440 --> 00:25:32.054
The apologies and the revelations should really teach you more about yourself than trying to extend a presumptive apology to somebody else.
00:25:32.054 --> 00:25:42.096
What you're feeling, what you've been ruminating over, what you've been thinking about, that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.
00:25:43.029 --> 00:25:44.335
Reason-based connections.
00:25:44.335 --> 00:25:53.958
In summary, I believe there are four ways to identify if you've been in a reason-based connection or if you are in a reason-based connection.
00:25:53.958 --> 00:25:57.159
One they're short-lived, with early signs of concern.
00:25:57.159 --> 00:25:58.654
Trust your instincts.
00:25:58.654 --> 00:26:05.255
Two, there is a deep connection to these relationships to pending shadow work.
00:26:05.255 --> 00:26:14.078
Go back to the poem you all have presented to each other as a means for you to see something deeper within yourself.
00:26:14.078 --> 00:26:17.855
This was never about the relationship, it was about personal growth.
00:26:17.855 --> 00:26:21.839
Three, these connections rarely end ambitably.
00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:27.321
And four, this is often where repeat patterns resurface.
00:26:27.321 --> 00:26:33.413
If you feel like you've been in these types of connections before, what did Jamie Foxx say?
00:26:33.413 --> 00:26:35.358
I always fall for your type.
00:26:35.358 --> 00:26:38.117
Yes, baby, that's a reason-based connection.
00:26:42.029 --> 00:26:46.737
So now that we've talked about reason-based connections, let's get into these seasonal connections.
00:26:46.737 --> 00:26:47.430
Now.
00:26:47.430 --> 00:26:54.518
These connections appear when we reach a pivotal moment in our personal journey and they're there to help propel us forward.
00:26:54.518 --> 00:26:58.576
I call it leveling up, and you know I have another example for y'all.
00:26:58.576 --> 00:27:03.415
So you think I would have learned from that previous example.
00:27:03.415 --> 00:27:05.593
But let's fast forward.
00:27:06.214 --> 00:27:11.996
Maybe a year and a half after that, I get on TikTok.
00:27:11.996 --> 00:27:24.259
And it was truly a blessing in disguise, because I got on TikTok at a time when everybody was forced to have to sit with themselves, my presence on that platform blew up.
00:27:24.259 --> 00:27:30.234
I was almost at 100K followers and I had one shorty who reached out, gave me a little bit of energy.
00:27:30.234 --> 00:27:33.740
I wasn't used to that in that format.
00:27:33.740 --> 00:27:38.317
So I bit the bait and got bit back and right after that, embarrassment happened.
00:27:38.317 --> 00:27:40.317
It wasn't embarrassing, it really did.
00:27:40.317 --> 00:27:43.720
Again, another lesson that I don't wanna talk about.
00:27:43.720 --> 00:27:48.298
That one was an experiment, but right after that ended, this motherfucker shows up.
00:27:48.869 --> 00:28:13.593
Now, if you have followed me on my old page or are following me on my new TikTok account, I have had this theme of being a lady and waiting, and what that means is, as I explained it in one of my videos I'm waiting for somebody to inhale my exhales because I'm tired of holding my breath and really, more definitively, what that represented for me is God damn.
00:28:13.593 --> 00:28:17.433
I have been through so many relationship ups and downs.
00:28:17.433 --> 00:28:26.053
I feel like I am the poster child for what the fuck not to do when it comes to being someone who identifies as I love harder.
00:28:26.053 --> 00:28:28.038
I'm a lover of lover.
00:28:28.038 --> 00:28:29.761
I love so big.
00:28:29.761 --> 00:28:31.996
No, baby, we love stupid.
00:28:31.996 --> 00:28:33.734
Let's just be honest.
00:28:34.329 --> 00:28:40.815
I had gotten to this space of a deep level of understanding without practical application.
00:28:40.815 --> 00:28:49.316
I've said it before, the shit I say sometimes sound real good, but when you actually have to apply it, that's when the struggle happens.
00:28:49.316 --> 00:29:04.338
So I'm expecting and it has always been this vision of mine that being a lady and waiting meant that when the right frequency connected with mine, there wasn't gonna be a lot of trepidation and maybe we gotta see and let's move slow.
00:29:04.338 --> 00:29:10.718
And my masculine energy, like someone else, my feminine energy, likes you A motherfucker, was just gonna see me and go you.
00:29:10.718 --> 00:29:12.313
I know it's you.
00:29:12.313 --> 00:29:30.458
That was very presumptive on my part, but I will admit that this person showed up in that energy and they started out just sending me a message on TikTok and thanking me that my videos have really helped them when they were going through a very pivotal moment in their life and it was transformative for them.
00:29:30.458 --> 00:29:43.459
This person also, mind you, is very poetic in their dialogue and how they move, and y'all know me, my former poetry name was I see in poetry, because that was a truth, that was an affirmation.
00:29:44.029 --> 00:29:45.134
I moved life like this.
00:29:45.134 --> 00:29:47.936
We're friends outside of this here podcast.
00:29:47.936 --> 00:29:57.752
Y'all know this isn't just the act I put on, this is me and all of my learning experiences, oh gosh.
00:29:57.752 --> 00:30:10.018
So this person reached out and from that one conversation it kind of catapulted into a lot of beautiful interactions, but nothing that indicated they were trying to hit on me directly but overtly.
00:30:10.018 --> 00:30:16.875
So I started becoming smitten a little bit and reaching out a little bit more and showing shared interest.
00:30:16.875 --> 00:30:19.878
Now, mind you, this was on the backs of.
00:30:19.878 --> 00:30:25.598
For some reason, this person shows up always the day after I end something with someone.
00:30:25.598 --> 00:30:32.228
So the first time, um, I thought and I was gonna engage.
00:30:32.228 --> 00:30:46.670
And then I decided to do some research, as one does on social media, and I go to their profile and I see a recent post that they shared of them and their girlfriend Not just girlfriend, but they have children together.
00:30:46.670 --> 00:30:52.710
They have family Christmas pictures and this is a home a home.
00:30:52.710 --> 00:30:54.564
I'm not the one.
00:30:55.359 --> 00:31:02.769
Matter of fact, what makes some of y'all motherfuckers think that love frequency is a joke, like the fact that I come on this platform to talk about love?
00:31:02.769 --> 00:31:06.144
Did y'all think that y'all will exempt from this conversation?
00:31:06.144 --> 00:31:07.628
I hope not.
00:31:07.628 --> 00:31:12.326
I really hope not, because some of y'all don't move with the sense that God gave you.
00:31:12.326 --> 00:31:13.746
You knew I was gonna talk about it.
00:31:13.746 --> 00:31:20.227
You show your ass, you come to try to hit on me and now I'm furious how it's ego talking.
00:31:20.227 --> 00:31:22.567
How dare you come and talk to me?
00:31:22.567 --> 00:31:23.984
You know what I'm about.
00:31:23.984 --> 00:31:30.125
You know how I'm trying to move and I thought out of anybody you would understand me because you speak in poetry like I do.
00:31:30.125 --> 00:31:32.906
We're of a different, creative mindset.
00:31:32.906 --> 00:31:35.267
No, girl, that was the ignorance talking.
00:31:35.267 --> 00:31:37.728
That was that I'm a lover of love talking.
00:31:37.728 --> 00:31:40.886
This is those hard lessons for your ass.
00:31:41.460 --> 00:31:46.446
So I politely reached back out and told her to respectfully stop fucking contacting me.
00:31:46.446 --> 00:31:53.443
How dare you you have an entire family and I have been the woman who has been on the other side of thinking that they're in some connection.
00:31:53.443 --> 00:32:00.047
That's not real, cause you're out here entertaining shit, cause you don't feel full, so you need other motherfuckers to give you that.
00:32:00.047 --> 00:32:02.586
No, no, ma'am, wrong one.
00:32:02.586 --> 00:32:05.508
I did it that as soon as I found out.
00:32:05.508 --> 00:32:17.529
So I would say our first connection maybe lasted five days, because, no, I just went through a interesting experience with another person and now you miss me.
00:32:17.529 --> 00:32:27.368
Then I started talking to someone else and me and this person talked for about eight or nine months and I have nothing bad to say about this human.
00:32:27.368 --> 00:32:37.944
It was two great people who connected, but possibly at the wrong time, or two people who were looking for two different things, but I don't feel there was love lost in that connection, but it just didn't grow.
00:32:37.944 --> 00:32:45.448
As soon as that connection ended, y'all, the very next day, this motherfucker show back up again.
00:32:45.448 --> 00:32:52.788
But when they showed up this time I felt like something was different, or maybe it's because I saw what I wanted to see.
00:32:52.788 --> 00:32:54.424
That's hindsight bias.
00:32:54.424 --> 00:33:09.666
It's unfair of me to say that I really did believe that this person has showed up twice in my life, and both at times when my frequency is open Cause, as y'all remember, if we're gonna go back to the relaunch episode, only broken people go through breakups.
00:33:09.666 --> 00:33:28.748
Really, that loss that I experienced, that really created love frequency, was a huge gain because this has been one of the most transformative things I've ever done for myself in my life, and so many of you all who listen share with me how transformative these conversations are for you.
00:33:28.748 --> 00:33:31.688
I've had and have met some great people through this.
00:33:31.688 --> 00:33:35.789
So I really thought, wow, this is also a pattern.
00:33:35.789 --> 00:33:36.923
You've come back twice.
00:33:36.923 --> 00:33:41.346
Now we're talking on the phone, we have more conversations.
00:33:41.346 --> 00:33:46.943
Our conversations are fruitful and really excited and ignorant y'all.
00:33:47.023 --> 00:33:50.788
I went to work one day and said y'all, I'm going on my first last date.
00:33:50.788 --> 00:33:59.986
I uttered those damn words With a person who I had one rocky encounter with and I was only on probably week two or three of this new reconnection.
00:33:59.986 --> 00:34:02.847
So I planned a glamping trip.
00:34:02.847 --> 00:34:08.331
I found a beautiful outdoor tent that had all the setup.
00:34:08.331 --> 00:34:10.487
I made a Shakuturi board.
00:34:10.487 --> 00:34:15.146
I knew their favorite candy and they travel a lot for their work, or they used to.
00:34:15.146 --> 00:34:17.206
So I mean I went all out.
00:34:17.206 --> 00:34:22.327
Because, again, lady in waiting doesn't mean once you meet them you move with hesitation.
00:34:22.327 --> 00:34:25.409
It means I am a person who is open.
00:34:25.409 --> 00:34:31.965
My personal goal is to be my highest, most free, unedited fucking self, and that also means with love.
00:34:31.965 --> 00:34:36.427
I'm not moving with caution, I'm moving with awareness but openness.
00:34:36.427 --> 00:34:40.565
So I did the thing set the tent up, got there early, decorated.
00:34:40.565 --> 00:34:43.949
She showed up and we had a really good time.
00:34:43.949 --> 00:34:48.231
The frequency was magnetic, if I'm being honest.
00:34:48.231 --> 00:34:50.807
But things that I noticed while I was there.
00:34:51.039 --> 00:34:55.764
Now, I made the Shakuturi board in front of this person so we could do it together.
00:34:55.764 --> 00:34:56.963
They didn't need anything.
00:34:56.963 --> 00:35:07.306
They were constantly on their phone and it almost felt like they wanted to be out of dodge, out of the way they didn't wanna be in any place where they could be identified.
00:35:07.306 --> 00:35:12.804
So again, my fucking Spidey sense is start to tingle and something's not right.
00:35:12.804 --> 00:35:17.230
We were supposed to glamp, which is sleep overnight.
00:35:17.230 --> 00:35:22.547
No, this motherfucker, in my opinion, made an excuse to leave and left.
00:35:22.547 --> 00:35:25.449
What they told me was oh my kids keep calling.
00:35:25.449 --> 00:35:26.824
Oh it's the kids again.
00:35:26.824 --> 00:35:27.668
Oh it's family.
00:35:27.668 --> 00:35:31.282
Oh it's my kids Bullshit Again y'all.
00:35:31.322 --> 00:35:32.487
I've been through this before.
00:35:32.487 --> 00:35:37.550
I have been played by some of the world's greatest champions.
00:35:37.550 --> 00:35:39.565
Even We'll get to those stories one day.
00:35:39.565 --> 00:35:46.228
But, mm and let's assume positive intent, let's assume that that's absolutely what was taking place.
00:35:46.228 --> 00:35:50.590
If that was the case, then we plan things differently.
00:35:50.590 --> 00:35:57.264
You communicate differently, but you're sneak looking at these messages and then when you notice that I'm noticing, that's when you're speaking up.
00:35:57.264 --> 00:35:58.885
It just ain't that nut partner.
00:35:58.885 --> 00:36:00.028
So you leave.
00:36:00.028 --> 00:36:03.706
You leave me in that fucking tent and I'm too tired to drive back home.
00:36:03.706 --> 00:36:10.867
So I stay overnight and I think to myself girl, you're so stupid Again, why do you keep getting played by frauds?
00:36:10.867 --> 00:36:18.652
What is it about me that keeps attracting this Breathe?
00:36:19.300 --> 00:36:26.103
The other thing, just if anybody's thinking about glamping and I'll see if they still have that Airbnb posted, if you're in the Georgia area.
00:36:26.103 --> 00:36:27.528
I would recommend this place.
00:36:27.528 --> 00:36:33.824
I think they were very accommodating and, as awkward as it sounds, yo, it was in somebody's backyard but it was so beautiful.
00:36:33.824 --> 00:36:43.489
But when you're going to be outside in Georgia in a tent all day it's hot, bring water and know that you're going to be tired the next day, I didn't know.
00:36:43.489 --> 00:36:50.365
But yeah, I slept there, I enjoyed it, I made the most of it, I meditated, I danced, I ate my Shakutiri.
00:36:50.365 --> 00:36:58.369
I had a great time and I packed my shit up and I left and I told myself I'm fucking done with this person.
00:36:59.019 --> 00:37:08.202
What was far more interesting than all of the weird things that were happening while we were there was she ghosted me Right after that date, I think.
00:37:08.202 --> 00:37:17.226
She went MIA for four, five days it could have even been two weeks, as quiet as it's kept and as bold as it's told.
00:37:17.226 --> 00:37:19.487
I did a whole TikTok about it.
00:37:19.487 --> 00:37:21.505
Hell yeah, two truths, one lie.
00:37:21.505 --> 00:37:26.668
And we went live and during that live, she popped up and wanted to explain it.
00:37:26.668 --> 00:37:40.786
And again, as I said, it always seems to be the case that when something like this happens, there's always some story or tragedy followed by explaining it away, but no concern or consideration for the other person's feelings.
00:37:40.786 --> 00:37:44.048
See, there's two sides to every situation.
00:37:44.820 --> 00:37:58.528
After that interaction, I think it was clear to me that, even though this person, I believe, may have great energy, they may be a wonderful person, I can confidently say that I have no idea who this human is.
00:37:58.528 --> 00:38:01.929
I think they presented a version of themselves.
00:38:01.929 --> 00:38:11.583
You know, I believe we're all Rubik's cubes and I got to see one side of that cube and unfortunately it was a side that just didn't marry or gel or vibe.
00:38:11.583 --> 00:38:12.766
With what reason?
00:38:12.766 --> 00:38:13.608
Season or lifetime?
00:38:13.608 --> 00:38:23.568
I was in Selfishly, this person was only thinking about themselves, and that theme didn't change when they decided to send me an inbox message a couple of weeks ago.
00:38:23.568 --> 00:38:33.047
It was still very self-absorbed and there wasn't apology, but the apology lacked accountability and true, genuine self-reflection.
00:38:33.047 --> 00:38:37.045
It just sounded like somebody trying to explain something away.
00:38:37.639 --> 00:38:42.905
So, as I sit in reflection of seasonal connections, what was I growing through?
00:38:42.905 --> 00:38:45.166
Everything that feels good ain't good for you.
00:38:45.166 --> 00:38:52.608
That was my repeat pattern and for some reason I was just so ignorant to the truth that was right in front of my face.
00:38:52.608 --> 00:38:57.063
So again, here's another lesson for Naya in setting boundaries.
00:38:57.063 --> 00:39:01.608
But not just setting boundaries, but setting boundaries and not wavering.
00:39:01.608 --> 00:39:05.202
This was the same advice I gave to my friend last week, and you wonder why.
00:39:05.202 --> 00:39:06.342
And then three.
00:39:06.342 --> 00:39:08.789
I really gotta learn to trust myself again.
00:39:08.789 --> 00:39:16.086
I really did think that this was gonna be my first, last date, but why would I think that?
00:39:16.086 --> 00:39:17.581
Fool me once.
00:39:17.581 --> 00:39:18.403
Shame on you.
00:39:18.403 --> 00:39:19.844
Fool me twice.
00:39:19.844 --> 00:39:20.547
Shame on me.
00:39:20.547 --> 00:39:22.253
Fold me three times.
00:39:22.253 --> 00:39:23.659
Get the fuck out of here.
00:39:24.672 --> 00:39:29.574
Now my reflections on Possibly what she could be going through.
00:39:29.574 --> 00:39:39.681
The situations change, but the story is really largely the same lack of accountability to other people's feelings, lack of accountability to their personal actions.
00:39:39.681 --> 00:39:43.614
Losing access to me was the lesson.
00:39:43.614 --> 00:39:50.802
You finding my videos, whatever video that you received, that helped you get through what you were growing through.
00:39:50.802 --> 00:39:51.804
That was it.
00:39:52.771 --> 00:40:07.873
What is most reflective, though this should have been a seasonal connection, and it ended up being a reason-based connection, all because when my spirit told me what it was, I didn't listen, poof.
00:40:07.873 --> 00:40:09.782
So you got to learn it the hard way.
00:40:09.782 --> 00:40:19.313
So it won't be a third time, but I do find it so interesting having these folks resurface and Not once them thinking.
00:40:19.313 --> 00:40:33.780
I wonder how this has impacted her, if it impacted her, because let me tell you this too both of those messages implied that Whatever they did hurt me or cause me to be withdrawn or pulled back.
00:40:33.780 --> 00:40:35.664
That can't be furthest from the truth.
00:40:35.664 --> 00:40:39.572
So let's recap seasonal connections Now.
00:40:39.572 --> 00:40:45.523
These connections often feel familiar and are deeply rooted in just a short amount of time.
00:40:45.523 --> 00:40:53.021
Because of this, they seem to organically flow and evolve naturally, but with resistance.
00:40:53.021 --> 00:41:06.311
Three, there are roadblocks and fears that begin to surface, that cause this friction and eventually distance and for separation is inevitable.
00:41:10.911 --> 00:41:13.873
Now let's talk about Lifetime connections.
00:41:13.873 --> 00:41:22.090
I feel like these are those connections that, no matter how long they last, they will always have a lasting impact on your life.
00:41:22.090 --> 00:41:26.630
And this is where I feel like my view differs the most from the poem.
00:41:26.630 --> 00:41:33.157
I think the poem talked about an individual Assessing relationships from their perspective.
00:41:33.157 --> 00:41:48.543
I think that that misses a great opportunity, because it takes two people to be in a connection, whether that's friendship, relationship, family, colleagues at work, any scenario you can think of, it's you and someone else or a group of someone else's.
00:41:48.543 --> 00:42:06.949
So I will say, when it comes to lifetime connections, sometimes they could last a few days and sometimes they can last a few weeks, but they change how we feel about ourselves and Ultimately can be a great catalyst for shifts that we need to take now.
00:42:06.949 --> 00:42:12.282
I'm not saying that lifetime connections change you, because you still have a choice to be the same.
00:42:12.282 --> 00:42:19.204
Something that should have been a potential lifetime connection can end up being seasonal or reason-based, based on the decisions we make.
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But a few things I know about me.
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I know that when people connect with me, especially if we've connected in a Intimate setting, in a more relationship based connection, you will never be the same.
00:42:33.514 --> 00:42:40.438
And I'm not saying this because I think I'm prettier than others, or I think my love is better than anybody, or I'm trying to compare myself to folks.
00:42:40.438 --> 00:42:42.789
I am not the prettiest, I am not perfect.
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I got shit all of us do but I know my love is Elevating.
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I know that I house the frequency to create safe spaces that make you first feel uncomfortable and then feel safest fuck.
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I know that it is difficult to engage in a connection with somebody who moves like that and not believe that it wasn't meant to be.
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How many people do you know that you rock with, who believe in you, believe in love, push you to be your best, accept and receive you where the fuck you are, without judgment, open themselves up vulnerably?
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Each situation I've been through, these two and others they Consistently show me a little bit more about myself and help me gain a deeper level of awareness.
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That was the gift.
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It was never about them.
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So from this, although I believe that the first connection was reason-based and the second connection Should have been a seasonal connection, that ended up being reason-based For me.
00:43:46.177 --> 00:43:49.150
In both of these connections I leveled up.
00:43:49.150 --> 00:43:54.722
I love myself, and no self-respecting person volunteers for bullshit.
00:43:54.722 --> 00:43:57.737
So know the frequency you bring to connections.
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If you got a whole bunch of baggage, why would you want somebody to carry that?
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That's for you to deal with.
00:44:05.831 --> 00:44:14.735
Learn to ask the right questions to before presupposing what you're feeling might be what you aren't facing, it may have nothing to do with the other person.
00:44:14.735 --> 00:44:16.257
It's time to level up.
00:44:16.257 --> 00:44:20.045
Y'all know that loss and knowing when to let go.
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That is the lesson.
00:44:21.596 --> 00:44:32.617
Sometimes people leave your life for various reasons and while some people may use this as an excuse to explain away in action, I think it's the perfect opportunity to be reflective.
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Ask the right questions first.
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Introspectively, this Apology has nothing to do with me and it's everything to do with you.
00:44:41.166 --> 00:44:47.543
You still ain't sitting with yourself, but for me, this is where the pattern stops.
00:44:48.811 --> 00:44:57.952
In thinking about what lifetime lesson could both of these people, these humans, these beautiful energies learned from Our time connecting.
00:44:57.952 --> 00:45:00.878
I don't care, and I don't say that heartlessly.
00:45:00.878 --> 00:45:03.204
I say that with all the love in my soul.
00:45:03.204 --> 00:45:08.623
We want so badly to direct blame instead of seeing the value in the interaction.
00:45:08.623 --> 00:45:10.510
Nothing more, nothing less.
00:45:10.510 --> 00:45:21.960
If it would not for the time I took to pause and reflect about these connections, love frequency would have never been conceptualized and I wouldn't have the opportunity to connect with you all.
00:45:21.960 --> 00:45:30.518
If it were not for these interactions, I wouldn't have learned the value of Getting what I give and accepting nothing less.
00:45:30.518 --> 00:45:43.181
And if it were not for myself Making time to understand the value of loss, then I might be sitting around believing that something was wrong with me, that I was unlovable.
00:45:43.181 --> 00:45:58.036
My lifetime connections have shown me who I am and in each phase, every time this happens to you too because I know I ain't the only one you are being presented with a reflection of yourself what you gonna do with that information.
00:45:58.036 --> 00:46:04.489
So when we think about lifetime connections, the impact is more important than the length of time.
00:46:04.489 --> 00:46:11.543
Those connections are a catalyst for the changes that you need to be making in your life.
00:46:11.543 --> 00:46:19.925
It's also important, with lifetime connections, to understand the importance of letting go let go of trying to control the outcomes.
00:46:30.893 --> 00:46:54.295
In reflection, I do think that there is some significance to reason, season lifetime, knowing that this theory came from a poem, but a poem that really truly breaks down how to look at friendships or relationships from an individualistic perspective.
00:46:54.295 --> 00:47:02.349
Reason are those connections that are meant to help us face shadows I believe that we're avoiding.
00:47:02.349 --> 00:47:26.190
Seasonal connections are those pivotal moments where we're about to level up, and Lifetime connections are those that, no matter the length, it's the lesson that is the most relevant and the most important In the two examples that I provided, although they both ended up being reason-based connections, I do hope that they are listening.
00:47:26.190 --> 00:47:33.389
I do hope that they know, with all the love in my heart, this wasn't intended to burn, but to grow.
00:47:33.389 --> 00:47:46.322
I believe when you know, you grow, and the one Disadvantage that both of these parties have had is, since they weren't asking the right questions, they're coming into this conversation only seeing things from one side.
00:47:46.322 --> 00:48:05.643
So, with that, the lifetime lessons that I have learned from every connection I have ever been in has only served to help me learn myself a little bit better, be reflective, realize that in every loss there is a lesson, and sometimes the lesson is one of accountability.
00:48:05.643 --> 00:48:09.958
So know the energy you bring into the connections that you're in.
00:48:10.541 --> 00:48:12.184
What is your ROI?
00:48:12.184 --> 00:48:16.900
What is the other person receiving by investing in connecting with you?
00:48:16.900 --> 00:48:22.599
Or are you somebody who just tends to leave people bankrupt the next steps?
00:48:22.599 --> 00:48:24.809
Well, what would you do with this information?
00:48:24.809 --> 00:48:38.929
Will you use it to make some necessary changes, to turn reasons and seasons into lifetime lessons, or will you ignore this message and the message is the universe is sending you and continue to repeat the same patterns?
00:48:38.929 --> 00:48:44.081
I Don't think reaching out to your past is always a solution.
00:48:44.081 --> 00:48:48.983
Sometimes you got to start with right now.
00:49:02.110 --> 00:49:05.947
Hey, love, I want to thank you so much for hanging out with me today.
00:49:05.947 --> 00:49:06.730
I love our talks.
00:49:06.730 --> 00:49:07.431
I do.
00:49:07.431 --> 00:49:09.791
We should do this more often, you know.
00:49:09.791 --> 00:49:12.835
Hang out and talk about things we've been feeling.
00:49:12.835 --> 00:49:17.083
If you like it, let's meet here again next Sunday and do this damn thing.
00:49:17.083 --> 00:49:19.594
Don't forget, give us five stars.
00:49:19.655 --> 00:49:25.204
If you like what you heard on any podcast platform that you may be listening to, go ahead and rank us.
00:49:25.204 --> 00:49:28.302
Listen, send your questions in, send your stories in.
00:49:28.302 --> 00:49:31.434
If you have a response to this episode, I'd love to hear it.
00:49:31.434 --> 00:49:36.590
You can email me or send me a message on social media and I'll leave the instructions in the show notes.
00:49:36.590 --> 00:49:40.121
I'm also excited tune in next week cuz we're gonna finish up.
00:49:40.121 --> 00:49:42.248
I do have to give y'all that update on my friend.
00:49:42.248 --> 00:49:49.297
Y'all I we thought it was one question and and this it's not she got that juice, I guess.
00:49:49.297 --> 00:50:00.702
Listen, honey, but also share this with one person who you know, who needs to be accountable To the shit that they bring into connection so that they can be better for themselves.
00:50:00.702 --> 00:50:11.043
Because here, on the frequency when you know you grow Until next time, I love you, but you really got to start sitting with you.