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Speaker 1: This is Intimate Knowledge with Megan King. It's a show about sex. Hi, everybody, welcome back to Intimate Knowledge. I'm your host to Megan King. Where you can find me on Instagram at Megan King or check out my retreats at guyahaven Experience dot com. I want to update you guys on what's happening in my life lately. There's been a lot that's gone down. I feel like I've been traveling NonStop lately. My most recent trip was to Scottsdale, and oh my gosh, I have so many stories about that trip. So my girlfriend get this, my best friend, her boyfriend. They work dating long distance for a while. It's actually kind of a romantic love story. So they reconnected. She lost her virginity this guy when she was like, you know, nineteen or twenty, and they dated when she was right out of college or something like that and just had a great connection, but you know, kind of fade apart, and that's exactly what happened. And he was never on social media or anything, so it was hard for her to kind of like keep up with him and know what's going on. So she lives in Austin. She's on a dating app. He pops up on her dating app in Austin. They connect. He calls her the sweet name that he's always called her from, you know, back when they were teenagers. So they start dating. Everything is wonderful. It's like the most romantic reconnection ever. I'm totally rooting for them, even though he lives in Colorado and she lives in Texas. Well, she finds out through her sleuthing that and then through you know, like extracting information from him that this guy went to a strip club and decided to get busy with a stripper. Not okay. So it was her birthday weekend coming up, and she's like, my please come to Scottsdale with me. Like, let's just go balls to the walls, let's have a great time. So I kind of moved a couple of things around go to Scott's. Still, I um, she has like all these dates lined up, right. So the first date comes over and he's sitting on the couch. He's wearing a stonewashed jean jacket with short sleeves and it's unbuttoned. It's like it's like a wannabe jean jacket. So like, no, automatically, then we can see his like Hyundai keep poking out from the side of his his m his shorts because well, yeah, anyways, we're like Hundai, no way. But that was that was after the jean jacket. He was already disqualified. Um, but the way he leaves, like you could tell there was no connection there, and he was really cool about it. He was just like all right, um, you know, have fun whatever. The whole date lasted like ten minutes, thank you, and goodbye. So then I had met this person on a plane down to Scottsdale and he was going for a bachelorette party or a bachelor party. So I was like, well, I have a friend who's single, like, let's join. So I end up going to the bachelor party. I'm at the club. I'm like, there's these guys are just like a bunch of nerds, and I'm like, do you want some girls over here? What's going on? And they're like no, not really because they're like I'll taken. Nobody's really single, boring. And my girlfriend Courtney is on a date and so she's like, doesn't come to the bachelor party. So I'm there solo. I'm like what am I doing? I grab an uber I get in the Uber, I go back to the hotel that where we're staying. By the way, the hotel is insane. We have like sixteen hundred square feet. And Courtney is a baller and got this. And then I had to pretend like I got it, because you know, I was on TV and stuff and like people have certain expectations. Because she didn't want any of her dates to think she was like some sugar mama or something, which is fucking hilarious and I love the irony of it that, like a woman has to do it that way so the man isn't intimidated, but like the man does it the other way around. Pretty interesting social experiment if you ask me. So I go back to the hotel in my Uber and the Uber drivers like, that's thirty eight dollars. He asked me to venmo him because it's not really Uber, it was like a taxi, and I venmo him thirty eight hundred dollars. I added two zeros because I was used to like the period and then after you know, the zeros after that. So I'm freaking out right, I've been drinking. I call Will, who I'm sort of dating. I'm crying there's Mescara everywhere. I tell him it's an emergency. He's with his family. He leaves his family to go talk to me. Talk me off the ledge for emailing or venmoing this guy thirty one hundred dollars. It was such a disaster. We got over it. Super nice guy, by the way, which is why I brought it up. My guy for kind of putting up with me with that, and that's when I knew he really loves me. He dealt with me for like two hours on the phone, like freaking out and nothing was accomplished. Got my thirty one hundred dollars back, by the way, I had to escalate it to Venmo. Okay, So during this trip, I get on Riya. My I have Rya, I have the data Knapriya, and I'm like looking to see who's available for Courtney. Well, I had, like I guess, I paid for a month of this like subscription feature where you can see who likes you on Riya so that you kind of can sift through easier. This one guy liked me, and I'm on there for just friends, and I connect with this guy he founded comic Con, and then I'm feeling a little weird, you know, because I'm on a dating app, but I connected as friends. Well, he and I finally spoke yesterday for the first time. He is so respectful of the fact that I want to be friends and that I want to connect with him for business purposes. He connected me with some of his friends with how to grow my retreat business, and he said that he would do whatever it takes to help me grow that. So it's so interesting how we've come full circle. You know, I was on Riya to try to meet someone, by the way, I met Will on Riyah three years ago, who I'm seeing now and and now I'm using Riya for business connections and that's being respected. So you just, I guess the point of the story is you never really know, and then you know who you're going to meet on a dating app and how they could help you. It doesn't have to just be for romantic purposes. I literally have zero interest in romantic purposes with anyone on a dating app right now because I'm totally content. But my friend, on the other hand, she has all these dates lined up and she's like, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. And then at the end of the trip. She just ended up feeling deflated, as many of us do when we go through a breakup, and then we go out there and we're balls of the walls and we're like, we're hot, we're successful, were we have our ship together, We're gonna have a great, great time this beautiful place. And then it's just deflated because you know what, ultimately things don't matter and how you know successful and how well you have your shit together, it doesn't really matter if you're not emotionally fulfilled. And that's what happened with her. She was in this committed relationship. The emotional fulfillment wasn't there once she found out that he cheated on her with a stripper, and and then you know, these guys, these dates, they can't fill that void, and it just ultimately leaves us, her, me, the collective us feeling deflated and really used, even though we do it to ourselves. So I don't have any answers here and I don't have any morals to the story because I don't know where to go. And it's and it's also interesting. I want to point out again the fact that like we as women, when we do have our ship together and we are, you know, successful and and take care of ourselves and we're single. It's almost intimidating to some of these men, which sucks. And you know that kind of brings me into our guests today. So I'm so excited to bring Stacy Rickiser on the show. She kind of broke the glass ceiling. She's been a writer on many different shows but this one, and she's spoken outwardly and openly about how there's a gender gender pay gap, oppressive work environment's lack of reasonable maternity leaves. She's standing up for women, and Stacy explains how having more women in writing and writing these shows is where we need to start making changes in how we see women in the workplace. But the show, it is steamy. I like to say, it's kind of like the updated fifty Shades of Gray. This is this is the adult version of fifty Shades of Gray. Enough set there, so let's bring Stacy in and get to it. Stacy, it's so nice to meet you. Hi Igan you too great to meet you. Welcome to intimate knowledge, Thanks for being with it. Thank you so much. It's my pleasure. I'm so excited to have you on the show today because I was. I loved sex Life straight out the gate. The second that it was on Netflix, I had to watch it and I just kind of told everybody in intro and the way I like to see sex Life is will explain it to people who haven't heard of it. Is kind of like the adult version of Fifty Shades of Gray. Well, or I would say the female person active of fifty Shades of Gray, because I feel that, you know, look, is that that movie series did incredibly well to who am I to say to have a problem with it? But it really was about the kind of sex that the man wanted and whether or not the woman was going to agree to have that kind of sex too, and then oh, she's into that kind of sex. And I feel like for us, right out of the gate, we were like, this is the kind of sex we're interested in, and if there are some guys who were interested in that, then you can come along for the ride. It's like flipping the tables the other way one And I love that you were able to explore some otherwise taboo topics, like when you when a woman who is otherwise happy in her marriage gets out of the flow sexually. Because we have sexual needs emotionally needs, um, financial needs. You know, there's all sorts of different needs and the big question and the show is can one person fulfill it all? Yeah? Totally? And you know this, I think it's a very specific thing that happens for mothers in particular. I mean, what's great is that this show resonates, you know, across the broad spectrum, because I feel like everybody has put a part of themselves aside at one time or another and a thought like, oh, I can't do it all or be it all at one time. But with mothers in particular, you know, we are sort of taught that sacrifice is the ideal, that martyrdom is the ideal, and those are the kinds of mothers that we sort of hold up in high regard. And so giving up your own needs sacrific by seeing your own needs for your children is what you are expected to do. And so you know, there are a lot of people who would look at Billy, our main character, and just say, like, you know, you got a rich husband, a handsome, rich husband, and to healthy yeah, to healthy, beautiful children, So shut your mouth like that should be enough and and you should be satisfied. And I think, well, we're trying to say or ask, even with the show is is to say, you know that doesn't You should be able to experience all parts of yourself, and all parts of yourself should be honored and nurtured by yourself and your partner. Yeah, so I see I relate to this so much. I'm a working mother, a single working mother, which is often hard to balance with, you know, my own needs versus the needs of my children, and like, you know, the financial needs of the household. And I but I see so much of this even within myself, but also within my friends. I'm almost I'm nearing forty, and my friends who've decided to be stay at home mothers are like, wait a minute, my kids are in school. What do I do now? Where's my identity outside of this? Did I lose myself? Like? What's happening here? Maybe the marriage is okay, maybe it's not. It doesn't really matter. It's just I think it's about trying to find purpose and feel fulfilled in all aspects of our life. Yeah. And look, this is a tall order that that we're that we're giving you and many other women to say, you gotta, you know, make the money, take care of your kids, you know, do all the things, exercise, do all the things that you're supposed to do in your life, but also like be like a rabbit aus sex goddess and make sure you satisfy that part of your life too. But I would say it's worth it. You know, it's gonna be hard, your hands are going to be full, and not everything is going to get as much time as the other stuff. But but yeah, there's got to be a way to not Darren wonder where did that other girl go? You know, I want to talk to you a little bit about why you decided, you know, to write this show, and but before that, I want to tell you that one of my favorite things that you did in casting this show is that you chose when you chose to cast Sarah as Billy, the main character. I love that you casted a mother. She was already a mother in real life, and she's not a mother, you know, just on TV. She's a mother in real life. And I love that because a woman's body changes after and she is hot. Do not get me wrong, but there's certain things like that I noticed that um I don't know, okay, for instance, after having a baby and um, I don't know if this happens to all mothers after having a baby or just after nursing, but nipples remain a little bit harder after that. And I noticed that that was one thing, and I'm like, oh, this is this is awesome because in the flashbacks to her when you know, when she's um seeing Brad before she had children in the show, she still had that same motherly body because that's she still has kids in real life. And I love that that's being exalted and shown a sexy That's so cool. Well, I I love that you noticed that. I mean, what's what's exciting in the first season. I mean, now we're getting into some of the nitty gritty, but um so as a mom myself and especially you know, I did breastfeed myself, so I knew that in real life, Sarah Shaw he boobs, she was not going to look like she was currently breastbeeding her children in real life. So those are prosthetic breasts that are on her in the first season. Yeah, when she is in the present time of the first season, which is when she's breastfeeding her babies, those are prosthetics to look like oh yeah, because this is you know, like this is all about the female perspective, the female base. So we know, we know, I y yeah, and so then um, and in the past it was not the breastfeeding boobs like when she went back to that, you know. And then in the second season, now you'll see because it goes on, you know, in the present. And there's a scene in particular, um, where she's and I guess this is gonna be after the shows as are so I can say, but there's a scene where she's having sex for the first time or being naked with the man for the first time with someone who isn't her husband since she's had kids, And it's not just about the boobs anymore. It's about the belly and everything, you know. And I had a great conversation with Sarah where I said, um, I would like to I mean, first of all, Sarah shahe is so gorgeous. Yeah, it's like it's it's stunning and and you know, all of us who have had three kids should look like that. My god. But but I did say to her, I said, I would like to show just some of the reality, you know, the tiny minor imperfections that are there even on Sarah Shahi and and to have that be part of the reality. And that's what we did because you know, these days in TV, like it's like VFX is such a thing, everybody does a beauty pass on everything, and we are really adamant about not doing that, and I hope people notice those little details because it's so much a part of the story for us. Yeah, I mean, I certainly did. Does she does. Does she grapple with that at all her character? Yeah, I mean she's sees I mean she says like, you're the first person who see me naked, and and and when he looks at her, you know, she has like a hand, like a little bit of an embarrassed hand to her belly, you know, and then he says to her, he sort of traces down and touches it and touches her belly and tells her you are so so beautiful, you know. Yeah. And so they're dating in real life, right, Sarah and Adam are Yeah, Sarah and Sarah. I don't know, yeah, you know, yeah, we're talking about about Sarah and Adam, the sexy sexy couple and well one former couple in the first season. So what it what was that like having them dating in real life and then going into season two and filming, well, you know, I've I've I've known Adam for a long time because we did another show together before Sex Life. He was Unreal, which was the last show that I was running, and UM, and I thought of him for Brad when I was first writing the script and UM, and then so then when he was Cats and I can tell you the story about casting Sarah. But it wasn't like we thought we're going to get these people together in real life. Like then when it happened, I was like, you're welcome, right. I brought these guys together because they are really deeply in love. Um, but uh, it wasn't something that we knew right away. Certainly, I don't think it happened right away. We shot for a few days, we shut down for COVID for five months, we came back, so you know, it evolved. But it's undeniable that they have incredible chemistry together, you know, And and I know that that was exciting to be sort of discovering their roles as they were discovering this new love for each other. And that's got to come across on screen. You know. It's like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward or whatever. You know. Um, yeah, so they actually having sex? Oh god, oh my god, now god, I mean these sex seems are so steamy. And if there are a couple already like how and you're you're attracted to your costar who's also your boyfriend, how do you not? Well, that's a different type of Bethel about that. I want to know about this ex sine that is Yeah, that is a film that none of our camera camera crew or any of our other crew signed up for. So that is not something we're gonna let them. Yeah, so we have Casey as are in our intimacy coordinator. Who oh yeah, we've had an intimacy coordinator from the beginning. In Casey is also um, you know, she comes from the world of fight choreography, and so it's really a similar skill in a lot of ways because exactly because you're choreographing, you know what you're going to do to make it look real, to make it look real enough for you to ask is that real or not? You know, but it never I mean, there are layers of protection, their intimacy garments, there are you know, all of all of all of these things that it's movie magic, maybe not interesting. I could use some of those garments for a first sece send them my way. So I do want to talk about, you know, this sex scenes and the soft porn scenes. What why were those important for you to include? Well, I wouldn't categorize it that way. I always categorize that it's intimidities. I wouldn't call it sophomorn. I think you know, um what pretty sex, what it's hot like, it turns me on. That's good, that's very good. You know, from the beginning this uh, you know, Netflix was interested in and pushing me to um create a show that was really see me. I mean they you know. Irenely is the name of the development executive at Netflix who I think was sort of the prime mover of sex Life. And she's really smart TV executive who saw what a huge market there is in the book world for erotica and wanted to bring that to Netflix and break the Internet, she said. And what was important to me though, was that at no matter how big, juicy and erotic, which are the words that Irene would use. No matter how big, juicy and erotic, we made it, it it was always being told from an empowered female point of view, and and it was so much about the female gaze, and we hired all female directors, and we had, you know, a majority of women in our writer's room, and it was really a chance to sort of turn the tables on, you know, what we normally see in film and television, which is so much of the male gaze, so much about, you know, objectifying the woman as opposed to centering the story on the woman and her experience and her pleasure and what do we find exciting or escapist. And it's it's important from a character perspective too for Billy, because this is what she's missing. She's longing for this, and you had to see what it was in order to understand why she's missing it so much. Yeah. Absolutely, and you guys do a great job of that. I you know, I love that it's from the female perspective, and I love that it's a female perspective of intimacy because I've seen this shift, you know, just within the last few years with COVID. I've talked about this on the show several times. In how women talk about sex and see sex. It's much more open just in the last few years than it ever has been. Thanks to shows like sex Life. Truly, that was a huge game changer in the industry. And you've talked about how important it is to have female writers in the you know, writing shows and then directing and all of you know, getting um females more involved in general, in order to to break that glass ceiling. So can you talk to me more about that and the changes that you've seen. Yeah, well, I mean, look, it's it's exciting to have a show that is about the female experience with a female protagonistist and it's it hasn't there haven't always been networks or and now it's streamers who are interested in telling those kinds of stories. You know. I can I've been a TV writer for over twenty years, and i can tell you there's been a lot of times where I've pitched shows to networks and I'm told it's two female. Wow. Even though women are such huge TV consumers, you know, we're such a huge part of the market, not to mention where the people who buy products that are being advertisement out right for the buying group. But yeah, and and I but also on other existing TV shows I've I've I you know, particularly towards the beginning of my career. I was the only woman on the writing staff with like eleven guys, and you would try to pitch stories for the female characters that came from in a really personal and authentic place, and you wouldn't always get traction with those, you know, because they don't Guys don't see like, you know, how that's a thing or how that's important. You know. So it's really it is an exciting time in television where where women are getting of a chance to tell our stories, but also all all kinds of other diversity is happening and you're hearing, you know, different stories. But it's it's look, the show comes from an incredibly personal place for me as a wife and mom, and um, and I put my you know, all this sort of truth into it. I mean, you know, billy single girl life with Brad in New York City is a thinly veiled version of my single girl life. Let's go out and then yeah, the impossibly sexy guys that I dated there. But um, but what I had to just sort of trust was that if I told a story that was really personal to me and really authentic and meaningful to me, that it would resonate with other people and um, and I think that that that is true, and those are the kinds of stories to resonate, But it really does require networks and streamers to to to value that. You know, it's still if you look at the shows that get the biggest marketing push, the biggest award push, it's not always those female shows. You know, there's still something ingrained in our society that says these are the kinds of shows that are important, and they're often with a male protagonist. I would just point out another thing that I love about sex Life is that you wrote with you know, through your writing you were able to create characters who are so real that there's never there's not an obvious villain. There's not just an obvious antagonist. There's layers to all of these individuals where you're like, you might dislike someone, but then you see a different side to them and you're like, I understand. You know, you have empathy for all of these characters, and so it's really not about what's wrong and right. It's just about like us grappling with you know, our internal emotions. Ah. Well, that's so great that that came across. I mean that, Yeah, it's something that I believe deeply is that we are all complicated women and men, you know, and that that is real life. And uh and and and look, the moment at the end of season one when Billy decides to run to her ex boyfriend was very controversial moment, you know, and so well, first of all, I knew, I knew it would be. I knew it was like running away from her husband. And it's like she's tried to make it work, she's tried to be good all of those things, but she can't stop thinking about this and she is not enough, and she runs to her boyfriend. And so I knew what I wanted, in fact, was that half the audience would be screaming at their TVs and saying, now you do, lady, what are you doing? Go back to your husband, and that half of the audience would be cheering her on and living vicariously through her, and and I and I wanted that noisiness, you know. And then it's interesting though, because there are a lot of people in the wake of that who did want Billy to be punished for what she did. And I said, that is not that is not this show, you know, And particularly in the second season, we are telling a fairy tale, not a morality tale, because if you would like to see a morality tale about a woman who has sexual desire, all you need to do is look at the entire canon of film and television that has come in the last fifty years. Because what happens you have a woman with sexual desires, so she either goes crazy, or she becomes the bad girl or the bitch, or she's punished for it, or she's killed, which is the ultimate punishment. And we're telling a story that says there is hope, there are second chances, and everyone deserves to find happiness, regardless of the mistakes they've made along the way, and everybody deserves to keep trying to find only arrive at their own happy ending, whatever that is. I mean, at the end of season one, I remember because you don't she is running away from her husband or like you know, that's what it looks like, and like that she's running to you know, the ex boyfriend, the former fling that she wants to be current, but you don't really know what then happens after that, Like do they know sex, Like are they hooking up? Or like does she go back to her husband? Does she do both like what's going on? We don't know, but what do you Okay, So if you're just judging from season one as the writer and watching this play out, you know, your words come to life. Who do you think Billy should be with? Well you'll see in season two who I think Jilly should do it? But you know, um, I mean, look, I'm a drama writer, so I always am going for what's the most exciting right now, and it's certainly it would certainly, well, I don't think just where season one ended, where she was like, I want to get it together and try and be with you. I mean, look, I'm also married. I'm happily married, and so and so I I there is a version of the show where she goes out and does whatever she does, and Cooper goes out and does whatever he does, and then they do end up coming back together and they sort of say, okay, God, let's never do that again, and they and they come together. But in the course of writing season one, you know, we had to make Brad really undeniable, the ex boyfriend really undeniable, so that it was justifiable why she was so had such a choice such a will she or won't she? And so you know, here, here is this guy who had such a huge pull on her before, who has handled all of his baggage, all of the issues that were the reason that they couldn't be together in the past. It's like every woman's fantasy, you know, he's back here, he's still desperately in love with her and could give her everything that she wants in the way that her husband isn't able to. And so Anne want to raise the kids. Yeah exactly. I'm like, where is this unicorn? Yeah exactly. Well that's why, you know, it's TV and we that is also a big part of the show too. Aside from sort of you know, showing us, you know, talking about the reality of our lives, it's also giving us that escapist fantasy of what if. You know, what if this could happen for me? I like, I mean, I think Billy should be with the ex boyfriend, okay, because I just like the passion there. But I don't know if he can change his ways, Like I want her to have both and I know you can't have your cake and eat it too, Like that's just not going to work long term, but maybe in the short term. So I'm I don't know, they have a throuttle. I don't know. Maybe maybe yeah, maybe they could have a thruttle, or she could just, like, I don't know, do her thing with both of them. I don't know how that works. I kind of I relate to Billy right now because I don't have a husband or and I'm not in a stable relationship with a man who's you know, acting as the father of my children. But I do. I am seeing a guy who been seen on and off for three years, and he reminds me of Brad. He's like that party guy who, like, you know, has everything in his fingertips and kind of like does he want to settle down? Doesn't he want to say? Does he not? Like? Who know? Who really knows? Doesn't really matter? Actually, is it okay? The way things are? Like? Why are we always trying to push for something different and more? Or do is that when ultimately you're like, that's what you know? Billy's running away from in a way right well, And we look at a lot of this in season two, you know, because she starts dating a new guy, who I mean, am I spoiling things for people? But but there's a version where your sex and your life are separate where the guy who gives you all of the juicy, fun, escapist deep is not the guy who's the father to your children or taking them to baseball games or whatever it is your kids are doing, you know, and um, and you have those parts of your life separate. And frankly, I know a lot of divorced women who love living their lives that way. They love having I mean, this is where they have an X two is sharing you know, parenting time or whatever, and they love having that break. And then during those three days a week or whatever it is when they don't have the kids, they're very productive at work and then they're having a good job, going out to dinner or whatever. But for Billy, at least our character, you know, it was most important for her to be able to be all things at once and with one person, you know. And and like they said, it's a fairy tale. So then you can see for yourself, is broad able to actually do and be all of those things. So I don't know, show the guy you're dating the second season and see where. So I had a gust on recently and she said that she defined intimacy as a little bit dirty and a little bit emotional and that's, like them the perfect combination of the ultimate act of intimacy. Do you do you ascribe to that? Yeah? I mean, I think so much of intimacy is about being seen and being seen fully and not only accepted for all of those things, but you know, devoured for all of those things, like yeah, and then and to feel like you are seeing the other person in their full truth and you know it's it's there's you know, it's It takes a lot of vulnerability and frankly courage to be um that open. And I think that's why there's often emotion in sects. I mean, you'll see in one of the episodes, Billy gets very emotional um right after having an orgasm, and I always think that's interesting to look at why that happens. I can't be the only woman on the planet that happened. But because it is such a release, there's so much that we're holding onto as a protective mechanism, really um and and it's so much of a release and that sort of feeling of openness and relaxation and to be able to be seen and accepted. I think is um is so much a part of it. You know, maybe that's part of the reason why the show has done so well. I mean, I hope. So, look, there's a lot of there's a lot of candy to bring people under the tent, as we call it. There's a lot of a lot of candy. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly, and then once they're under the tent, there's some real truths that we're talking, you know. And and I think that's the part that's the most important to me, and to get women to look at like, what the heck am I doing in my life? And is this what I want to be doing with my life? Right? Get people thinking, Yeah, So you went from working on shows like Greek in One Tree Hill to sex Life, and not immediately there were there were a bunch of shows that in the middle there, um. But yeah, there was a time I was doing a lot of ya shows, um, and and then I went to work on Unreal, which was the last show that I was doing right before Sex Life. And what was amazing about Unreal is that it also had a lot of candy, you know. Um. Sarah Shapiro, one of the co creators of that show, used to call it a poison cupcake, which is that you know, you had a lot of frosting and and everything because it was about It was a show that was sort of set in the behind the scenes of The Bachelor, like that kind of a reality dating show, and so you had sparkly dresses and romance and all of that, but then you would bite into the cupcake or the show and there was something, you know, very real and very dark that we were saying about feminism and women in Hollywood and and and a million other things and um, and it was really exciting to write that kind of television where you could give people a really good time and you know, fun and crazy twists and turns and big, oh my god moments and all of that, but that it was also really about something. And I just feel like after that, there's no going back, Like those are the kinds of shows that I'm just gonna make forever now. So when you do make shows like this with bigger you know, social questions like feminism like you said, or you know, sex from a woman's point of view and intimacy from a woman's point of view. Are you answering these deep questions that you're asking or or are they left open ended? Do you even have the answers. I have all the answers to just come over and we'll have it. I'll explain it, I'll do you. Yeah, thank you, I was yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, I certainly have a point of view. Um. I have a point of view that appetite is good and desire is good, and that you know, all of that should be nurtured as as I'm saying, and that that women deserve to have what they want and to go after what they want and they shouldn't be sacrificing and all of that. Um. But I think we're all just continue you really asking questions, and this is why there are always more seasons and more stories to be told, because it just it keeps on going. But I mean, I am you know, I do use the F word to say feminism, you know, which is a dirty word in some circles. But I'm very out loud and proud about um putting out stories that feel real for women and then encourage women to to go for what they want and to feel empower. That's sort of, you know, the bottom line for me. So and you you just you spoke earlier about how you have all female directors and you're a writer and um, you have other female writers as well. Have you gotten any pushback from you know, Hollywood and general entertainment industry in general by trying to only employ females, Not so much, you know, I mean, it's interesting. Uh, we do have a couple of male writers on the staff. And and I remember when we were hiring the writing staff, I talked to my executive and Netflix. I wasn't sure if she was going to be upset that I wanted to hire a couple of men. And these are men that I've worked with from unreal like, you know, people who are sort of in my tribe and who I know are such talented people. And she was like, no, no, absolutely, Like we have all these male characters. We want to make sure we're speaking to them from a truthful perspective. But I think that Look, I think there are a bunch of male directors who have said they would really like to direct on sex Life and are disappointed that we only hire women. But if you look at the numbers in Hollywood, the numbers are still so heavily male, and frankly so heavily white male. That the little inroads that our show, and there are a few other shows that are only hiring female directors. The inroads that we're making are are great, but but they're not like, oh my god, you know, guys can't get a job anymore. But even more importantly, like it's it's we're doing something really different with this show with the female gaze, particularly with those intimate scenes, and it's time. It's time to give women the chance to say, this is what it looks like for me, this is what the experiences is for me, you know. And so for this brief moment in time, you know, yeah, we are being exclusive. But and you know, like I said, there are guys who just want to come to the party and they're just bumbed because you know, this party, this one, this one particular party, is not for them. Right. Well, I love that. I love what you're doing, you know, not only with sex Life, but with behind the scenes, with promoting females and women and breaking that glass ceiling. So thank you on behalf of all women. Thank thank you truly. So okay, so um, season two Sex Life Netflix, It's out. It's ready to go. Yeah, it's out as of March second. It's on your service though, all right, let's do it. I'm so I can't. I'm gonna binge it. I don't have my kids this weekend. I'm getting surgery. I'm going to binge watch the whole thing once my eyes are recovered. Yeah, we take the bandages off or whatever they do. Well, thank you so much, Stacy. I appreciate you coming on the show. Can't wait to watch. I'll be in touch. I'll let you know. Oh yeah, I want to hear. I definitely want to hear, so circle back. Oh I will okay, Thank you so much, Bye bye, Stacy Rickaiser. She was so interesting to talk to, easy to talk to you. I felt like she was a girlfriend of mine. I'm literally gonna watch the whole season this weekend. I'm so excited. The show is so good. It's so sexy and steamy, and I relate to it so much. I can't wait to watch it. I will let you guys know how it goes, because if I know, you know. Okay until next week on Intimate Knowledge by subscribe to Intimate Knowledge on iHeart Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1: This is Intimate Knowledge with Megan King. It's a show about sex. Hi, everybody, welcome back to Intimate Knowledge. I'm your host to Megan King. Where you can find me on Instagram at Megan King or check out my retreats at guyahaven Experience dot com. I want to update you guys on what's happening in my life lately. There's been a lot that's gone down. I feel like I've been traveling NonStop lately. My most recent trip was to Scottsdale, and oh my gosh, I have so many stories about that trip. So my girlfriend get this, my best friend, her boyfriend. They work dating long distance for a while. It's actually kind of a romantic love story. So they reconnected. She lost her virginity this guy when she was like, you know, nineteen or twenty, and they dated when she was right out of college or something like that and just had a great connection, but you know, kind of fade apart, and that's exactly what happened. And he was never on social media or anything, so it was hard for her to kind of like keep up with him and know what's going on. So she lives in Austin. She's on a dating app. He pops up on her dating app in Austin. They connect. He calls her the sweet name that he's always called her from, you know, back when they were teenagers. So they start dating. Everything is wonderful. It's like the most romantic reconnection ever. I'm totally rooting for them, even though he lives in Colorado and she lives in Texas. Well, she finds out through her sleuthing that and then through you know, like extracting information from him that this guy went to a strip club and decided to get busy with a stripper. Not okay. So it was her birthday weekend coming up, and she's like, my please come to Scottsdale with me. Like, let's just go balls to the walls, let's have a great time. So I kind of moved a couple of things around go to Scott's. Still, I um, she has like all these dates lined up, right. So the first date comes over and he's sitting on the couch. He's wearing a stonewashed jean jacket with short sleeves and it's unbuttoned. It's like it's like a wannabe jean jacket. So like, no, automatically, then we can see his like Hyundai keep poking out from the side of his his m his shorts because well, yeah, anyways, we're like Hundai, no way. But that was that was after the jean jacket. He was already disqualified. Um, but the way he leaves, like you could tell there was no connection there, and he was really cool about it. He was just like all right, um, you know, have fun whatever. The whole date lasted like ten minutes, thank you, and goodbye. So then I had met this person on a plane down to Scottsdale and he was going for a bachelorette party or a bachelor party. So I was like, well, I have a friend who's single, like, let's join. So I end up going to the bachelor party. I'm at the club. I'm like, there's these guys are just like a bunch of nerds, and I'm like, do you want some girls over here? What's going on? And they're like no, not really because they're like I'll taken. Nobody's really single, boring. And my girlfriend Courtney is on a date and so she's like, doesn't come to the bachelor party. So I'm there solo. I'm like what am I doing? I grab an uber I get in the Uber, I go back to the hotel that where we're staying. By the way, the hotel is insane. We have like sixteen hundred square feet. And Courtney is a baller and got this. And then I had to pretend like I got it, because you know, I was on TV and stuff and like people have certain expectations. Because she didn't want any of her dates to think she was like some sugar mama or something, which is fucking hilarious and I love the irony of it that, like a woman has to do it that way so the man isn't intimidated, but like the man does it the other way around. Pretty interesting social experiment if you ask me. So I go back to the hotel in my Uber and the Uber drivers like, that's thirty eight dollars. He asked me to venmo him because it's not really Uber, it was like a taxi, and I venmo him thirty eight hundred dollars. I added two zeros because I was used to like the period and then after you know, the zeros after that. So I'm freaking out right, I've been drinking. I call Will, who I'm sort of dating. I'm crying there's Mescara everywhere. I tell him it's an emergency. He's with his family. He leaves his family to go talk to me. Talk me off the ledge for emailing or venmoing this guy thirty one hundred dollars. It was such a disaster. We got over it. Super nice guy, by the way, which is why I brought it up. My guy for kind of putting up with me with that, and that's when I knew he really loves me. He dealt with me for like two hours on the phone, like freaking out and nothing was accomplished. Got my thirty one hundred dollars back, by the way, I had to escalate it to Venmo. Okay, So during this trip, I get on Riya. My I have Rya, I have the data Knapriya, and I'm like looking to see who's available for Courtney. Well, I had, like I guess, I paid for a month of this like subscription feature where you can see who likes you on Riya so that you kind of can sift through easier. This one guy liked me, and I'm on there for just friends, and I connect with this guy he founded comic Con, and then I'm feeling a little weird, you know, because I'm on a dating app, but I connected as friends. Well, he and I finally spoke yesterday for the first time. He is so respectful of the fact that I want to be friends and that I want to connect with him for business purposes. He connected me with some of his friends with how to grow my retreat business, and he said that he would do whatever it takes to help me grow that. So it's so interesting how we've come full circle. You know, I was on Riya to try to meet someone, by the way, I met Will on Riyah three years ago, who I'm seeing now and and now I'm using Riya for business connections and that's being respected. So you just, I guess the point of the story is you never really know, and then you know who you're going to meet on a dating app and how they could help you. It doesn't have to just be for romantic purposes. I literally have zero interest in romantic purposes with anyone on a dating app right now because I'm totally content. But my friend, on the other hand, she has all these dates lined up and she's like, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it. And then at the end of the trip. She just ended up feeling deflated, as many of us do when we go through a breakup, and then we go out there and we're balls of the walls and we're like, we're hot, we're successful, were we have our ship together, We're gonna have a great, great time this beautiful place. And then it's just deflated because you know what, ultimately things don't matter and how you know successful and how well you have your shit together, it doesn't really matter if you're not emotionally fulfilled. And that's what happened with her. She was in this committed relationship. The emotional fulfillment wasn't there once she found out that he cheated on her with a stripper, and and then you know, these guys, these dates, they can't fill that void, and it just ultimately leaves us, her, me, the collective us feeling deflated and really used, even though we do it to ourselves. So I don't have any answers here and I don't have any morals to the story because I don't know where to go. And it's and it's also interesting. I want to point out again the fact that like we as women, when we do have our ship together and we are, you know, successful and and take care of ourselves and we're single. It's almost intimidating to some of these men, which sucks. And you know that kind of brings me into our guests today. So I'm so excited to bring Stacy Rickiser on the show. She kind of broke the glass ceiling. She's been a writer on many different shows but this one, and she's spoken outwardly and openly about how there's a gender gender pay gap, oppressive work environment's lack of reasonable maternity leaves. She's standing up for women, and Stacy explains how having more women in writing and writing these shows is where we need to start making changes in how we see women in the workplace. But the show, it is steamy. I like to say, it's kind of like the updated fifty Shades of Gray. This is this is the adult version of fifty Shades of Gray. Enough set there, so let's bring Stacy in and get to it. Stacy, it's so nice to meet you. Hi Igan you too great to meet you. Welcome to intimate knowledge, Thanks for being with it. Thank you so much. It's my pleasure. I'm so excited to have you on the show today because I was. I loved sex Life straight out the gate. The second that it was on Netflix, I had to watch it and I just kind of told everybody in intro and the way I like to see sex Life is will explain it to people who haven't heard of it. Is kind of like the adult version of Fifty Shades of Gray. Well, or I would say the female person active of fifty Shades of Gray, because I feel that, you know, look, is that that movie series did incredibly well to who am I to say to have a problem with it? But it really was about the kind of sex that the man wanted and whether or not the woman was going to agree to have that kind of sex too, and then oh, she's into that kind of sex. And I feel like for us, right out of the gate, we were like, this is the kind of sex we're interested in, and if there are some guys who were interested in that, then you can come along for the ride. It's like flipping the tables the other way one And I love that you were able to explore some otherwise taboo topics, like when you when a woman who is otherwise happy in her marriage gets out of the flow sexually. Because we have sexual needs emotionally needs, um, financial needs. You know, there's all sorts of different needs and the big question and the show is can one person fulfill it all? Yeah? Totally? And you know this, I think it's a very specific thing that happens for mothers in particular. I mean, what's great is that this show resonates, you know, across the broad spectrum, because I feel like everybody has put a part of themselves aside at one time or another and a thought like, oh, I can't do it all or be it all at one time. But with mothers in particular, you know, we are sort of taught that sacrifice is the ideal, that martyrdom is the ideal, and those are the kinds of mothers that we sort of hold up in high regard. And so giving up your own needs sacrific by seeing your own needs for your children is what you are expected to do. And so you know, there are a lot of people who would look at Billy, our main character, and just say, like, you know, you got a rich husband, a handsome, rich husband, and to healthy yeah, to healthy, beautiful children, So shut your mouth like that should be enough and and you should be satisfied. And I think, well, we're trying to say or ask, even with the show is is to say, you know that doesn't You should be able to experience all parts of yourself, and all parts of yourself should be honored and nurtured by yourself and your partner. Yeah, so I see I relate to this so much. I'm a working mother, a single working mother, which is often hard to balance with, you know, my own needs versus the needs of my children, and like, you know, the financial needs of the household. And I but I see so much of this even within myself, but also within my friends. I'm almost I'm nearing forty, and my friends who've decided to be stay at home mothers are like, wait a minute, my kids are in school. What do I do now? Where's my identity outside of this? Did I lose myself? Like? What's happening here? Maybe the marriage is okay, maybe it's not. It doesn't really matter. It's just I think it's about trying to find purpose and feel fulfilled in all aspects of our life. Yeah. And look, this is a tall order that that we're that we're giving you and many other women to say, you gotta, you know, make the money, take care of your kids, you know, do all the things, exercise, do all the things that you're supposed to do in your life, but also like be like a rabbit aus sex goddess and make sure you satisfy that part of your life too. But I would say it's worth it. You know, it's gonna be hard, your hands are going to be full, and not everything is going to get as much time as the other stuff. But but yeah, there's got to be a way to not Darren wonder where did that other girl go? You know, I want to talk to you a little bit about why you decided, you know, to write this show, and but before that, I want to tell you that one of my favorite things that you did in casting this show is that you chose when you chose to cast Sarah as Billy, the main character. I love that you casted a mother. She was already a mother in real life, and she's not a mother, you know, just on TV. She's a mother in real life. And I love that because a woman's body changes after and she is hot. Do not get me wrong, but there's certain things like that I noticed that um I don't know, okay, for instance, after having a baby and um, I don't know if this happens to all mothers after having a baby or just after nursing, but nipples remain a little bit harder after that. And I noticed that that was one thing, and I'm like, oh, this is this is awesome because in the flashbacks to her when you know, when she's um seeing Brad before she had children in the show, she still had that same motherly body because that's she still has kids in real life. And I love that that's being exalted and shown a sexy That's so cool. Well, I I love that you noticed that. I mean, what's what's exciting in the first season. I mean, now we're getting into some of the nitty gritty, but um so as a mom myself and especially you know, I did breastfeed myself, so I knew that in real life, Sarah Shaw he boobs, she was not going to look like she was currently breastbeeding her children in real life. So those are prosthetic breasts that are on her in the first season. Yeah, when she is in the present time of the first season, which is when she's breastfeeding her babies, those are prosthetics to look like oh yeah, because this is you know, like this is all about the female perspective, the female base. So we know, we know, I y yeah, and so then um, and in the past it was not the breastfeeding boobs like when she went back to that, you know. And then in the second season, now you'll see because it goes on, you know, in the present. And there's a scene in particular, um, where she's and I guess this is gonna be after the shows as are so I can say, but there's a scene where she's having sex for the first time or being naked with the man for the first time with someone who isn't her husband since she's had kids, And it's not just about the boobs anymore. It's about the belly and everything, you know. And I had a great conversation with Sarah where I said, um, I would like to I mean, first of all, Sarah shahe is so gorgeous. Yeah, it's like it's it's stunning and and you know, all of us who have had three kids should look like that. My god. But but I did say to her, I said, I would like to show just some of the reality, you know, the tiny minor imperfections that are there even on Sarah Shahi and and to have that be part of the reality. And that's what we did because you know, these days in TV, like it's like VFX is such a thing, everybody does a beauty pass on everything, and we are really adamant about not doing that, and I hope people notice those little details because it's so much a part of the story for us. Yeah, I mean, I certainly did. Does she does. Does she grapple with that at all her character? Yeah, I mean she's sees I mean she says like, you're the first person who see me naked, and and and when he looks at her, you know, she has like a hand, like a little bit of an embarrassed hand to her belly, you know, and then he says to her, he sort of traces down and touches it and touches her belly and tells her you are so so beautiful, you know. Yeah. And so they're dating in real life, right, Sarah and Adam are Yeah, Sarah and Sarah. I don't know, yeah, you know, yeah, we're talking about about Sarah and Adam, the sexy sexy couple and well one former couple in the first season. So what it what was that like having them dating in real life and then going into season two and filming, well, you know, I've I've I've known Adam for a long time because we did another show together before Sex Life. He was Unreal, which was the last show that I was running, and UM, and I thought of him for Brad when I was first writing the script and UM, and then so then when he was Cats and I can tell you the story about casting Sarah. But it wasn't like we thought we're going to get these people together in real life. Like then when it happened, I was like, you're welcome, right. I brought these guys together because they are really deeply in love. Um, but uh, it wasn't something that we knew right away. Certainly, I don't think it happened right away. We shot for a few days, we shut down for COVID for five months, we came back, so you know, it evolved. But it's undeniable that they have incredible chemistry together, you know, And and I know that that was exciting to be sort of discovering their roles as they were discovering this new love for each other. And that's got to come across on screen. You know. It's like Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward or whatever. You know. Um, yeah, so they actually having sex? Oh god, oh my god, now god, I mean these sex seems are so steamy. And if there are a couple already like how and you're you're attracted to your costar who's also your boyfriend, how do you not? Well, that's a different type of Bethel about that. I want to know about this ex sine that is Yeah, that is a film that none of our camera camera crew or any of our other crew signed up for. So that is not something we're gonna let them. Yeah, so we have Casey as are in our intimacy coordinator. Who oh yeah, we've had an intimacy coordinator from the beginning. In Casey is also um, you know, she comes from the world of fight choreography, and so it's really a similar skill in a lot of ways because exactly because you're choreographing, you know what you're going to do to make it look real, to make it look real enough for you to ask is that real or not? You know, but it never I mean, there are layers of protection, their intimacy garments, there are you know, all of all of all of these things that it's movie magic, maybe not interesting. I could use some of those garments for a first sece send them my way. So I do want to talk about, you know, this sex scenes and the soft porn scenes. What why were those important for you to include? Well, I wouldn't categorize it that way. I always categorize that it's intimidities. I wouldn't call it sophomorn. I think you know, um what pretty sex, what it's hot like, it turns me on. That's good, that's very good. You know, from the beginning this uh, you know, Netflix was interested in and pushing me to um create a show that was really see me. I mean they you know. Irenely is the name of the development executive at Netflix who I think was sort of the prime mover of sex Life. And she's really smart TV executive who saw what a huge market there is in the book world for erotica and wanted to bring that to Netflix and break the Internet, she said. And what was important to me though, was that at no matter how big, juicy and erotic, which are the words that Irene would use. No matter how big, juicy and erotic, we made it, it it was always being told from an empowered female point of view, and and it was so much about the female gaze, and we hired all female directors, and we had, you know, a majority of women in our writer's room, and it was really a chance to sort of turn the tables on, you know, what we normally see in film and television, which is so much of the male gaze, so much about, you know, objectifying the woman as opposed to centering the story on the woman and her experience and her pleasure and what do we find exciting or escapist. And it's it's important from a character perspective too for Billy, because this is what she's missing. She's longing for this, and you had to see what it was in order to understand why she's missing it so much. Yeah. Absolutely, and you guys do a great job of that. I you know, I love that it's from the female perspective, and I love that it's a female perspective of intimacy because I've seen this shift, you know, just within the last few years with COVID. I've talked about this on the show several times. In how women talk about sex and see sex. It's much more open just in the last few years than it ever has been. Thanks to shows like sex Life. Truly, that was a huge game changer in the industry. And you've talked about how important it is to have female writers in the you know, writing shows and then directing and all of you know, getting um females more involved in general, in order to to break that glass ceiling. So can you talk to me more about that and the changes that you've seen. Yeah, well, I mean, look, it's it's exciting to have a show that is about the female experience with a female protagonistist and it's it hasn't there haven't always been networks or and now it's streamers who are interested in telling those kinds of stories. You know. I can I've been a TV writer for over twenty years, and i can tell you there's been a lot of times where I've pitched shows to networks and I'm told it's two female. Wow. Even though women are such huge TV consumers, you know, we're such a huge part of the market, not to mention where the people who buy products that are being advertisement out right for the buying group. But yeah, and and I but also on other existing TV shows I've I've I you know, particularly towards the beginning of my career. I was the only woman on the writing staff with like eleven guys, and you would try to pitch stories for the female characters that came from in a really personal and authentic place, and you wouldn't always get traction with those, you know, because they don't Guys don't see like, you know, how that's a thing or how that's important. You know. So it's really it is an exciting time in television where where women are getting of a chance to tell our stories, but also all all kinds of other diversity is happening and you're hearing, you know, different stories. But it's it's look, the show comes from an incredibly personal place for me as a wife and mom, and um, and I put my you know, all this sort of truth into it. I mean, you know, billy single girl life with Brad in New York City is a thinly veiled version of my single girl life. Let's go out and then yeah, the impossibly sexy guys that I dated there. But um, but what I had to just sort of trust was that if I told a story that was really personal to me and really authentic and meaningful to me, that it would resonate with other people and um, and I think that that that is true, and those are the kinds of stories to resonate, But it really does require networks and streamers to to to value that. You know, it's still if you look at the shows that get the biggest marketing push, the biggest award push, it's not always those female shows. You know, there's still something ingrained in our society that says these are the kinds of shows that are important, and they're often with a male protagonist. I would just point out another thing that I love about sex Life is that you wrote with you know, through your writing you were able to create characters who are so real that there's never there's not an obvious villain. There's not just an obvious antagonist. There's layers to all of these individuals where you're like, you might dislike someone, but then you see a different side to them and you're like, I understand. You know, you have empathy for all of these characters, and so it's really not about what's wrong and right. It's just about like us grappling with you know, our internal emotions. Ah. Well, that's so great that that came across. I mean that, Yeah, it's something that I believe deeply is that we are all complicated women and men, you know, and that that is real life. And uh and and and look, the moment at the end of season one when Billy decides to run to her ex boyfriend was very controversial moment, you know, and so well, first of all, I knew, I knew it would be. I knew it was like running away from her husband. And it's like she's tried to make it work, she's tried to be good all of those things, but she can't stop thinking about this and she is not enough, and she runs to her boyfriend. And so I knew what I wanted, in fact, was that half the audience would be screaming at their TVs and saying, now you do, lady, what are you doing? Go back to your husband, and that half of the audience would be cheering her on and living vicariously through her, and and I and I wanted that noisiness, you know. And then it's interesting though, because there are a lot of people in the wake of that who did want Billy to be punished for what she did. And I said, that is not that is not this show, you know, And particularly in the second season, we are telling a fairy tale, not a morality tale, because if you would like to see a morality tale about a woman who has sexual desire, all you need to do is look at the entire canon of film and television that has come in the last fifty years. Because what happens you have a woman with sexual desires, so she either goes crazy, or she becomes the bad girl or the bitch, or she's punished for it, or she's killed, which is the ultimate punishment. And we're telling a story that says there is hope, there are second chances, and everyone deserves to find happiness, regardless of the mistakes they've made along the way, and everybody deserves to keep trying to find only arrive at their own happy ending, whatever that is. I mean, at the end of season one, I remember because you don't she is running away from her husband or like you know, that's what it looks like, and like that she's running to you know, the ex boyfriend, the former fling that she wants to be current, but you don't really know what then happens after that, Like do they know sex, Like are they hooking up? Or like does she go back to her husband? Does she do both like what's going on? We don't know, but what do you Okay, So if you're just judging from season one as the writer and watching this play out, you know, your words come to life. Who do you think Billy should be with? Well you'll see in season two who I think Jilly should do it? But you know, um, I mean, look, I'm a drama writer, so I always am going for what's the most exciting right now, and it's certainly it would certainly, well, I don't think just where season one ended, where she was like, I want to get it together and try and be with you. I mean, look, I'm also married. I'm happily married, and so and so I I there is a version of the show where she goes out and does whatever she does, and Cooper goes out and does whatever he does, and then they do end up coming back together and they sort of say, okay, God, let's never do that again, and they and they come together. But in the course of writing season one, you know, we had to make Brad really undeniable, the ex boyfriend really undeniable, so that it was justifiable why she was so had such a choice such a will she or won't she? And so you know, here, here is this guy who had such a huge pull on her before, who has handled all of his baggage, all of the issues that were the reason that they couldn't be together in the past. It's like every woman's fantasy, you know, he's back here, he's still desperately in love with her and could give her everything that she wants in the way that her husband isn't able to. And so Anne want to raise the kids. Yeah exactly. I'm like, where is this unicorn? Yeah exactly. Well that's why, you know, it's TV and we that is also a big part of the show too. Aside from sort of you know, showing us, you know, talking about the reality of our lives, it's also giving us that escapist fantasy of what if. You know, what if this could happen for me? I like, I mean, I think Billy should be with the ex boyfriend, okay, because I just like the passion there. But I don't know if he can change his ways, Like I want her to have both and I know you can't have your cake and eat it too, Like that's just not going to work long term, but maybe in the short term. So I'm I don't know, they have a throuttle. I don't know. Maybe maybe yeah, maybe they could have a thruttle, or she could just, like, I don't know, do her thing with both of them. I don't know how that works. I kind of I relate to Billy right now because I don't have a husband or and I'm not in a stable relationship with a man who's you know, acting as the father of my children. But I do. I am seeing a guy who been seen on and off for three years, and he reminds me of Brad. He's like that party guy who, like, you know, has everything in his fingertips and kind of like does he want to settle down? Doesn't he want to say? Does he not? Like? Who know? Who really knows? Doesn't really matter? Actually, is it okay? The way things are? Like? Why are we always trying to push for something different and more? Or do is that when ultimately you're like, that's what you know? Billy's running away from in a way right well, And we look at a lot of this in season two, you know, because she starts dating a new guy, who I mean, am I spoiling things for people? But but there's a version where your sex and your life are separate where the guy who gives you all of the juicy, fun, escapist deep is not the guy who's the father to your children or taking them to baseball games or whatever it is your kids are doing, you know, and um, and you have those parts of your life separate. And frankly, I know a lot of divorced women who love living their lives that way. They love having I mean, this is where they have an X two is sharing you know, parenting time or whatever, and they love having that break. And then during those three days a week or whatever it is when they don't have the kids, they're very productive at work and then they're having a good job, going out to dinner or whatever. But for Billy, at least our character, you know, it was most important for her to be able to be all things at once and with one person, you know. And and like they said, it's a fairy tale. So then you can see for yourself, is broad able to actually do and be all of those things. So I don't know, show the guy you're dating the second season and see where. So I had a gust on recently and she said that she defined intimacy as a little bit dirty and a little bit emotional and that's, like them the perfect combination of the ultimate act of intimacy. Do you do you ascribe to that? Yeah? I mean, I think so much of intimacy is about being seen and being seen fully and not only accepted for all of those things, but you know, devoured for all of those things, like yeah, and then and to feel like you are seeing the other person in their full truth and you know it's it's there's you know, it's It takes a lot of vulnerability and frankly courage to be um that open. And I think that's why there's often emotion in sects. I mean, you'll see in one of the episodes, Billy gets very emotional um right after having an orgasm, and I always think that's interesting to look at why that happens. I can't be the only woman on the planet that happened. But because it is such a release, there's so much that we're holding onto as a protective mechanism, really um and and it's so much of a release and that sort of feeling of openness and relaxation and to be able to be seen and accepted. I think is um is so much a part of it. You know, maybe that's part of the reason why the show has done so well. I mean, I hope. So, look, there's a lot of there's a lot of candy to bring people under the tent, as we call it. There's a lot of a lot of candy. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly, and then once they're under the tent, there's some real truths that we're talking, you know. And and I think that's the part that's the most important to me, and to get women to look at like, what the heck am I doing in my life? And is this what I want to be doing with my life? Right? Get people thinking, Yeah, So you went from working on shows like Greek in One Tree Hill to sex Life, and not immediately there were there were a bunch of shows that in the middle there, um. But yeah, there was a time I was doing a lot of ya shows, um, and and then I went to work on Unreal, which was the last show that I was doing right before Sex Life. And what was amazing about Unreal is that it also had a lot of candy, you know. Um. Sarah Shapiro, one of the co creators of that show, used to call it a poison cupcake, which is that you know, you had a lot of frosting and and everything because it was about It was a show that was sort of set in the behind the scenes of The Bachelor, like that kind of a reality dating show, and so you had sparkly dresses and romance and all of that, but then you would bite into the cupcake or the show and there was something, you know, very real and very dark that we were saying about feminism and women in Hollywood and and and a million other things and um, and it was really exciting to write that kind of television where you could give people a really good time and you know, fun and crazy twists and turns and big, oh my god moments and all of that, but that it was also really about something. And I just feel like after that, there's no going back, Like those are the kinds of shows that I'm just gonna make forever now. So when you do make shows like this with bigger you know, social questions like feminism like you said, or you know, sex from a woman's point of view and intimacy from a woman's point of view. Are you answering these deep questions that you're asking or or are they left open ended? Do you even have the answers. I have all the answers to just come over and we'll have it. I'll explain it, I'll do you. Yeah, thank you, I was yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, I certainly have a point of view. Um. I have a point of view that appetite is good and desire is good, and that you know, all of that should be nurtured as as I'm saying, and that that women deserve to have what they want and to go after what they want and they shouldn't be sacrificing and all of that. Um. But I think we're all just continue you really asking questions, and this is why there are always more seasons and more stories to be told, because it just it keeps on going. But I mean, I am you know, I do use the F word to say feminism, you know, which is a dirty word in some circles. But I'm very out loud and proud about um putting out stories that feel real for women and then encourage women to to go for what they want and to feel empower. That's sort of, you know, the bottom line for me. So and you you just you spoke earlier about how you have all female directors and you're a writer and um, you have other female writers as well. Have you gotten any pushback from you know, Hollywood and general entertainment industry in general by trying to only employ females, Not so much, you know, I mean, it's interesting. Uh, we do have a couple of male writers on the staff. And and I remember when we were hiring the writing staff, I talked to my executive and Netflix. I wasn't sure if she was going to be upset that I wanted to hire a couple of men. And these are men that I've worked with from unreal like, you know, people who are sort of in my tribe and who I know are such talented people. And she was like, no, no, absolutely, Like we have all these male characters. We want to make sure we're speaking to them from a truthful perspective. But I think that Look, I think there are a bunch of male directors who have said they would really like to direct on sex Life and are disappointed that we only hire women. But if you look at the numbers in Hollywood, the numbers are still so heavily male, and frankly so heavily white male. That the little inroads that our show, and there are a few other shows that are only hiring female directors. The inroads that we're making are are great, but but they're not like, oh my god, you know, guys can't get a job anymore. But even more importantly, like it's it's we're doing something really different with this show with the female gaze, particularly with those intimate scenes, and it's time. It's time to give women the chance to say, this is what it looks like for me, this is what the experiences is for me, you know. And so for this brief moment in time, you know, yeah, we are being exclusive. But and you know, like I said, there are guys who just want to come to the party and they're just bumbed because you know, this party, this one, this one particular party, is not for them. Right. Well, I love that. I love what you're doing, you know, not only with sex Life, but with behind the scenes, with promoting females and women and breaking that glass ceiling. So thank you on behalf of all women. Thank thank you truly. So okay, so um, season two Sex Life Netflix, It's out. It's ready to go. Yeah, it's out as of March second. It's on your service though, all right, let's do it. I'm so I can't. I'm gonna binge it. I don't have my kids this weekend. I'm getting surgery. I'm going to binge watch the whole thing once my eyes are recovered. Yeah, we take the bandages off or whatever they do. Well, thank you so much, Stacy. I appreciate you coming on the show. Can't wait to watch. I'll be in touch. I'll let you know. Oh yeah, I want to hear. I definitely want to hear, so circle back. Oh I will okay, Thank you so much, Bye bye, Stacy Rickaiser. She was so interesting to talk to, easy to talk to you. I felt like she was a girlfriend of mine. I'm literally gonna watch the whole season this weekend. I'm so excited. The show is so good. It's so sexy and steamy, and I relate to it so much. I can't wait to watch it. I will let you guys know how it goes, because if I know, you know. Okay until next week on Intimate Knowledge by subscribe to Intimate Knowledge on iHeart Radio or wherever you listen to podcasts.
