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Thou shalt double text yes, and even triple text. Welcome
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back to be How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I
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am your host dating coach, Connel Barrett. I'm here to
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help you flirt with authenticity and get more dates and
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get a great girlfriend. And this is all about being
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your true, real best self. You don't need tactical, weird
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pickup moves. You need to channel your most confident, authentic
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you because that's who women want. And I was just
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looking at my Instagram today. I think I get three
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out of four questions on Instagram are about texting. What
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do I say? What do I text? How do I text?
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Why do women ghost me? How can I get women
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messaging me back? And my clients too, I hear all
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the time from my guys. I've got about a dozen
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clients right now I'm actively working with, and at least
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three quarters of them ask me texting questions every week.
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So today's episode is about me helping you become much
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much more confident, flirtatious, and effective at texting. How are
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we going to do that? Well, maybe it's the Catholic
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boy inside of me who I used to be, But
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today I'm going to give you what I call the
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ten Commandments of texting. Imagine Moses has come down. I
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am Moses. I am the texting Moses, and I'm coming
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down from Mount Say and I to share with you
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my ten texting commandments. So here we go. Let's get
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right to it. I'll begin with the first texting commandment.
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I wish I could do a Charlton Heston impression. Let
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my people go. Here we go. The first texting commandment
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is this, thou shalt double text, Yes, and even triple text.
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That's right. I give you permission to double an even
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triple text. I can't tell you how many times I
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see guys on social media, through no fault of their own,
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good guys are just trying to do their best. But
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there's so much bad dating advice that says, never double text,
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don't double text. It's needy, It makes you a simp,
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it makes you try hard. No, sending a second or
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even a third text message does not make you needy.
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What makes you needy is Neediness is the way you text,
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not the amount, not the number of times you text.
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So you absolutely should follow up a second time and
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even a third time, as long as you're doing it
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with playfulness. Lightness, charm. Basically, this what I'm about to
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share with you blew my mind. The first one or
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two times had happened, then it happened five or six times,
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and it really rocked my world. Back when I was
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single and trying to figure all of this out, I said,
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you know what, I'm going to follow up a second
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or a third time. I'm going to keep messaging, and
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sometimes the second or third time got the woman to
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write me back. I remember there was a woman I
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matched with on Tinder a long time ago. She went quiet.
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I sent a second message, dear Diary, cute tender girl's
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gone quiet. Send search party. It's a little line I
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got from one of my coaches back in the day.
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No message. And then then I sent her a third message,
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and I just said, you know what, I'm going to
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have fun. If I'm going to go down swinging here,
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I may as well swing for the fences. And I
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wrote her a third message. It was something like, hey Mom,
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Hey dad, this cute girl Katie from Tinder has vanished.
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Do you think she found out I live in your basement?
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It was something like that, and then she wrote me back,
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l oh, what is it? What is rolling? On the floor,
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laughing rotfl Sorry, Connell, I'm sorry I missed your messages.
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I just got so busy. Plus I have to say
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I really like your persistence. Drinks on Friday, question Mark,
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and then all of a sudden we had a date
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lined up. I was breaking the rules, but it was
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working that second. That third message is really powerful. So
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you are absolutely allowed to double text. It's not how
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often you text, it's the way you text. So by
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the way, so yes, you can double text. You can
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even triple text. That's right. Triple texting something I give
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my clients. I say, follow the three times role. Don't
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consider yourself ghosted. Will you have sent three good, fun
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value messages after three or so? Fine, move on. I'm
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not saying I send twenty seven straight messages at all,
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but so many dates. I got so many dates from
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the second or third message. And a lot of women
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even explicitly pointed out I like your persistence, or I
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like that you followed up. Most guys give up too soon. Boom,
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here's my number. One woman even said to me recently,
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you have earned my phone number. You made me laugh,
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and I like that you followed up. Here's my number.
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So women notice that. So that's the first texting commandment,
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thou shalt double text, thou shalt even triple text. But
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it only works if you follow the next commandment. The
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second texting commandment is thou shalt text playfully. I'm getting
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into this. My Catholic, my Catholic grade school side is
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coming out. I'm a reform Catholic anyway. Second texting commandment
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thou shalt text playfully. Bottom line is flirting isn't complicated.
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It's about being playful. Flirting really the definition of flirting,
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not my definition, it's pretty much the definition if you
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really look at it. Flirting is light playfulness with clear interest.
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That's all flirting is. You're making it clear you like her,
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and you're expressing it in a light, playful way. The
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Oxford English Dictionary defines flirting in part as quote playing
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at love. I didn't make that up. That's Oxford. So
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let's play. And that's really the secret to playful texting.
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So make your text playful rather than plain. Plain texting
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is how's your day? Playful texting is how's your day?
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On a scale of root canal to won the powerball?
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You know, plain texting would be how was your weekend,
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What did you do? Texting? Would be pop quiz. Your
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weekend highlight was a yoga B cupcakes C eating cupcakes
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during yoga. Pencils down. See the inherent playfulness and that
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women are going to be so much faster to respond
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to the second one, the playful one. So that's the
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second texting commandment, thou shalt text playfully. Here is the
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third texting commandment, thou shalt ask flirty questions flirty questions.
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Notice I didn't say boring informational questions. Let's define the
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interview mode, right, you have you heard of interview mode?
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The dreaded interview mode. Oh, I get stuck in interview mode.
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I just asked her four or five, six, seven straight
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questions and then she went quiet. Well, yeah, but the
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problem isn't that you're asking questions. The problem is that
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you're asking informational, logical, boring questions as opposed to fun,
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flirty questions. I ask women tons of questions by text,
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but I'm making them fun or at least just flirtatious
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or somehow emotionally interesting to women. So thou shalt ask
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flirty questions? What might that look like? Well, basically, after
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a little bit of playful banter. You want to dial
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things up with a hint of romantic sexual attention. Here
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are four good flirty questions that you can ask. My
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clients use all of these questions and more. Number one,
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what's the most romantic place you've ever been? Now you're
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getting her thinking of romance. The most romantic place I've
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ever been. It was Malibu Beach with my then she
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wasn't my girlfriend, but we were falling for each other.
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Her name, I'll call her Alex. I co dedicated my
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book to her, Malibu Beach, eighteen sun is setting, We're
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falling in love. It was just the most romantic place
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I've ever been. Next flirty question, what was your first
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kiss like? That's a great question to ask women after
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a little bit of rapport, after a little banter, you
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can ask, hey, what was your first kiss like? Because
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now you're helping to focus her mind and your mind
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on light, fun, flirty topics that can help us both
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feel the feels. Most people have a good Most people,
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not all, but most people have an innocent, positive memory
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of their first kiss. Either it was really cute and
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sweet and adorable, or it was so bad it was good.
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So that's a good question. Now keep one thing in mind. Unfortunately,
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some women have a bad memory of their first kiss.
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If there was something, if there was something unfortunate happening there,
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So keep that in mind. Bringing up sexual topics you
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wanna tread lightly, But I have generally found that asking
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women about what was your first kiss, like it usually
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brings out stories like, oh, I was playing Spin the
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bottle or five minutes in Heaven, or it was my
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first date in high school. I was sixteen. Okay. Another
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great flirty question is are you the big spoon or
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the little spoon. That's an innocent way to bring the
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conversation into the bedroom, but not in a vulgar way,
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in an innocent way. And I like this one. The
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fourth flirty question brag a little bit. What's the sexiest
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thing about you? What is the sexiest thing about you?
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Giving a woman permission to brag about what she finds
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sexy about her. Who knows what she might say. She
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might talk about her lips, she might talk about another
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part of her body. She might talk about her intelligen,
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her humor, her confidence. Great, now you're talking about something
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that's going to make her probably feel pretty good. And
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if she's feeling pretty good about how she feels while
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texting you, there's an increased chance she's increased a chance
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she's going to feel good about you, all right. The
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fourth texting commandment, thou shalt show clear romantic interest. Flirting
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has two core elements that make it flirting, play playfulness,
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and clarity. If somebody doesn't know you're flirting, then you're
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not doing it right or you're not doing it clearly.
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So show that romantic interest. It can be as simple
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as I like you, Hey, I like you. Do you
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want to go on a date with me? I like you?
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You're charming? That is flirting. It's not fancy, but it's
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clear and it's very light and innocent. So soh yeah,
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keep that in mind. Playing it cool doesn't really work.
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I don't know if it ever worked, but maybe it
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worked in the pre tender era when people just didn't
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have as many options. But in the tender world, in
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the online dating world, the social media age, when everybody
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shouldn'tay everybody, when so many people and so many women
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have so many dating options. If you play it cool,
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if you try to play it mysterious, chances are she'll
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just find somebody else because she has so many options.
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So don't play it cool, play it clear, play it clear.
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It can be as simple as hey. I like you,
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just be careful because autocorrect might change it too. I
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like you save that till the fifth date. Okay, let's
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move to the next commandment. The fifth texting commandment is
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thou shalt not count thy texts. I hear this question
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so many times, at least once a week from at
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least one client. How often should I text her? While
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there's no magic number. In my single days, I texted
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some women I don't know once every couple days. I
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texted some women way more than that. When my girlfriend
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Jess and I first started talking, we texted literally fifteen
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twenty times a day, and that was before our first date.
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In the two or three days leading up to our
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first date, we texted dozens of times. Everybody has a
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different texting cadence. Here's the guideline to follow. Don't worry
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about counting texts. Think about it this way. Let your
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chemistry with her guide you. Do you and she both
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love to text, then text your brains out. If you're
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not that big of a text her and she is.
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Now we've got a little bit of a mismatch. Keep
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that in mind. She might want to text a lot,
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you might not want to text that much. Or maybe
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you love to text and she is not that texting.
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Everybody has their kind of texting style and blueprint, so
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let the chemistry guide you. Here's what you do want.
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Follow this guideline. Go for a fifty to fifty cadence
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roughly fifty to fifty forty sixty. In other words, don't
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send five texts if she sends you one. We don't
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want a five to one ratio. One to one. Fifty
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to fifty forty sixty either way is good, and that way,
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as long as you have that fifty to fifty cadence,
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you might text once a day, you might text twenty
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times a day. As long as the cadence is roughly equal,
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you'll be in a good place. And so yeah, don't
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worry about counting texts. Just think about cadence. Now. I
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rarely say always or never, but I'm pretty close to
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always saying text at least a little bit. At least
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a little bit leading up toward hopefully a first date.
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Remember the whole purpose of texting in my life, The
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ultimate end goal, of course, is a date you meet
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her in person, of course, so keep in mind, keep
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your eyes on the prize. The prize is the date,
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not the amount of text that you or she give
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or get. And so I'm almost always going to recommend
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some kind of cadence, even if it's once every couple days.
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My client Nick, had a first date lined up with
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a woman from Bumble. Everything was great, lots of good
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bumble bantering back and forth. He lined up a date
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with her on say, a Sunday. He got the date
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agreed to on a Sunday. Then their date was that Friday,
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so five days away. He went totally quiet. He just
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got busy. Nick's a busy guy doing his job, doing
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his job. I think it's in healthcare. He got busy.
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All of a sudden, Friday comes along, it's Friday morning,
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and he messages her and says, hey, by the way,
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we're still on for tonight. And she wrote back, sorry,
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but no, you went quiet on me. I just kind
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of lost interest. It's almost what she wrote him verbatim.
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So you do want to keep some kind of cadence.
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Doesn't have to be ten times a day. I would
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say once every couple days between a text. Say you
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agree to a date, or you get her off of
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a dating app, or you're messaging on each other's phones.
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However you got to that point. Let's say you have
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a date lined up four or five days out, at
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least one every couple days, so that you can keep
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both of you looking forward to the date. But it
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could be ten a day, it could be one a day.
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All that matters is the fifty to fifty cadence, So
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stop counting your text It's not that important. Okay, let's
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move on to the sixth texting commandment. Thou shalt be
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thy authentic self for yourself. The authentic it's one of
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my two or three cornerstone I teach. Don't put on
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a persona to impress her. You are enough right now
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as the man you are. Let her hear from the
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real you. Let her text with the real core you.
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If you're sweet, if you're quirky, let that come out.
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Be the guy your friends know and love. That might
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sound like an obvious thing to say, be yourself, be authentic. Well,
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so many guys put on a bit of a persona.
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They play it cool, They try to be extra, extra funny,
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extra bored, extra challenging, and look, I'm fine with a
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little bit of fun flirting shtick. I'm the flirting guy.
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I love flirting, one of the core things I teach.
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But bottom line is she's gonna find value in you,
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the man who's going to meet her on the date.
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It's not about your texts finds. She's going to find
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so much more worth in me. You not in the
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words you say. It's almost like the texting. The flirting
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is icing on a cake, but you're the cake. You
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so be who you are by text. If you are
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a dorky dad, to text her your dorky dad jokes,
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No judgment for me. I love dad jokes. I'm a
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cat dad, not a dad dad, but close enough. If
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you're a jock, talk about sports, or if you're a ballbuster,
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if you like to roast people, be a little bit roasty,
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be a little bit challenging. If that's you. If that's
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not you, don't do that. Women can smell in authenticity.
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They can smell a guy putting on airrors putting on
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a persona. They can they can smell that out like
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too much axe bodies ray. So we don't want to
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be that way. Here's a pro tip. Here's a good
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way for you to know your texting as your authentic self. Study.
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Go to your phone. Look at the text messages you send.
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A couple of really good friends or people you're very
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comfortable with, could be your friends, could be family. And
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basically look at how you text. Notice how loose you are,
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I assume. Notice you're not trying to gain points, and
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you're all probably not asking a bunch of logical, boring questions.
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You're probably being yourself. And however you text that person,
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you're closed to text women pretty much the same way.
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Just add a little bit of flirtatiousness and just and
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don't call her bro. Don't call her bro. But okay,
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let's move to the seventh texting commandment, number seven. This
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that makes me laugh. Number seven thou shalt not be
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a needy bitch boy. That's in quotes, by the way,
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needy bitch boy is in quotes. So I have a
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client named Aaron. Aaron I had an amazing date with
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a woman named Lisa. They went to a music festival
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here in New York or some kind of a day
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long music show, and it was a great date. It
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was her first date. I coached him through it. He
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was so excited about Lisa. She is a wow girl
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to Aaron, and they had a really good date. They danced,
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they kissed. I coached him on the art of going
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for that first kiss and everything went great, awesome first date.
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Then a week or two passes and he was so
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bummed out. He kept texting me, Oh, Connell, I'm so disappointed.
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No answer back. She didn't respond to my message. Oh,
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I'm so disappointed. I thought she was into me. And
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I looked at his phone. I looked at the exchanges
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between Lisa and Aaron, and she was messaging him back,
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just not as much as he wanted. He was messaging
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a lot, she was not messaging as much. That goes
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back to the whole cadence thing I talked about. And
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he was like he was bummed out, like she had
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dumped him and she hadn't. She was just not giving
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him the texting validation. And I said, dude, you made
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out with a total babe on date number one. And
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I think this was his first ever first date kiss.
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I think, and if it wasn't, it was his first
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ever kiss with a woman of this caliber. I know
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that because he was so excited. So I said, dude,
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you made out with a total wow girl, a total awesome,
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wonderful woman. What are you in this for? Are you
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in this? And oh? And he had a second date
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lined up, She had already agreed to a second date,
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and he was texting me. Oh, she's not messaging me back.
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I'm so disappointed, and I'm like, dude, are you in
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this for the dates or for the texts? What are
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you in this for? We had a heart tear and
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he laughed about it. He said, you're right, no, no,
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no more being a needy bitch boy. By the way,
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Aaron's not a quote needy bitch boy, but there are
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times when we become needy and secure. And bottom line
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is he's a guy who likes a woman to send
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him a lot of text messages. Lisa wasn't doing that.
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But remember we are in the whole texting game. At
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least I always was for the dates, for the relationship,
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for the meeting in person and letting that chemistry happen,
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letting that connection happen. So anyway, don't be a needy
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bitch boy. In other words, count dates, don't count texts.
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We're not in this to get a certain number of texts.
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We're in this too. Hopefully find a great girlfriend, meet
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her in person, and see if you guys become a
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couple or at least have a romantic connection. All right.
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The eighth texting commandment thou shalt use jiffs, photos, videos,
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and voice notes. Yeah, mix up the media. Mix up
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the media so that you're not just sending text messages only.
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This makes your texting feel so much more alive. You know.
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If she gets a raise, queue up the Leo Leonardo
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DiCaprio Champagne toast Jeff from I think it's from The
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Great Gatsby or no, maybe, oh, maybe it's from Maybe
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it's from Wolf Wall Street. Well, whatever it's from, there's
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a DiCaprio Champagne toast. She gets a raise, she gets
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a promotion, send her that, Send her the Jeff. You
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have an adorable cat who does backflips, Send her a video.
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As I record this podcast, I'm looking at my cat, Reggie,
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on my chair in front of me. He's on his back,
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his bellies in the air. He's just goofing around like
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the dumbest little orange tabby boom. If I was dating,
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I would take a video of this and send it
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to the girl I was texting. So, yeah, you have
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a cat, you have a dog, send a fun dog
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or cat video. I had this great little ten second
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video I took this years ago. I'm in Chelsea, New
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York City. These two cute, little fluffy dogs, like a
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little fluffy white shit su and a maybe a brownish
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shit sue. They're in a red convertible. Their owner was
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driving them around this little red convertible and it looked
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like the dogs were driving. These two little dogs roll
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by me on the sidewalk here in New York City,
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and I take my phone out and I take a
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ten second, twelve second video of these two dogs. And
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in the video, I'm like, WHOA, look out, crazy drivers
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in New York. I'm laughing. The dogs are adorable. I
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have sent that video to dozens of women and it
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invariably gets a big fat oh my god LLL. That's
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so cute adorable. So yeah, don't just settle for dry texting.
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If you got a dad joke, don't just text it.
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Maybe send her a voice note, you know, maybe you
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like dad jokes. I do. Why do cows have hoofs
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because they lack tose thank you. You're welcome for that.
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But maybe send that message to a woman by audio
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a voice note. Are you attracted to certain tones of voice?
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Do you love the sound of the right woman's voice,
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You know, the gravelly Demi Moore type voice or the
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smoky scarlet Johanson type voice. Well, guess what women are
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attracted to your voice? Women are attracted to men's voices,
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And so sending her sending her a voice note on
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occasion seeing if she responds to that, You never know,
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that might get her feeling the fuels for you. So yes,
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ape commandment, don't just use words and text, use jiffs, photos, videos,
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voice notes. Find out what works for you. Find out
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what women like, all right. The ninth texting commandment thou
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00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:12.480
shalt not ask her out in the very first text.
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Don't ask her out in the very first text that
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00:26:15.799 --> 00:26:20.000
you send. Let's say you get her number from bumble.
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00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:23.079
Even if you had a good ten to fifteen message
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back and forth, you send her that first message on bumble.
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Don't make it so drinks on Saturday, or you get
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a number at the bar. You actually get some courage
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approach a woman, get her number. That feels amazing. One
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of My favorite things to coach is helping guys approach
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get numbers in real life. But you send that first message.
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Don't make your first message so drinks on Saturday. It
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feels try hard. You want to build at least a
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little bit of rapport first, some of that playful banter
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that I talk about. So let's say I don't know.
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Say Amy gave you her number on Bumble. You match
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message a little bit, She's like, sure, shoot me a text.
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When you message her, don't start with drinks on Friday.
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You're asking before you've gotten the rapport, you've gotten the
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sense of connection and comfort that she likes. Go with
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something light and playful. Maybe this is your first message, Hey,
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is this Amy? Or did I accidentally text Papa John's again?
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Pizza emoji? And then sign your name you know, Ryan
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00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.000
from Bumble or whatever. That's just an example. You don't
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have to use my Papa John's one, but you can.
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Bottom line is the two biggest text mistakes that men make.
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Most men make one or both of these of these mistakes.
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The first mistake is just boring, logical boring text cliches
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or informational boring questions. How are you? How's your day?
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What did you do this weekend? The other mistake guys
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make is they ask before they've earned their right too.
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Not that you don't have the right to ask her out,
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but you want to. He's into it a little bit,
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at least a little bit of banter, a little bit
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of back and forth, even if it's literally two or
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three or four messages. So that is the ninth texting commandment.
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And here is the tenth. The tenth texting commandment, thou
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shalt ask her out the right way, the right way.
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What do I mean by that? I'm talking syntax here,
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I'm talking about the actual language you use. Here's the
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00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:34.559
wrong way to ask her out. We should maybe hang
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out sometime. If you want no that is meek and weak.
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Ask her out clearly and suggest something fun, and also
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ask when she's free. So you want to be clear.
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You want to suggest something that you think or know
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she'll find fun, and you also want to in the
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askout text find out when she's free. Here's how you
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00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:06.400
do it. Here's an example, something like this quote, I
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want to take you out, let's do mini golf. If
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that sounds good, What upcoming nights are you free? Could
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be that simple. I love. I love using the word
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I want. I want to take you out. I want
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to see you, I want to meet you. I want
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to find out if you're as charming in real life
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as you seem here by text, or if you as
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you seem here on the unhinge. Let's let's do mini
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golf if that sounds good to you. What nights are
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00:29:36.759 --> 00:29:39.680
you free this week? Here's what I don't want you
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to do or try to avoid this. This is me
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being pretty nitpicky, but it'll make the difference. It'll make
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the difference between you getting more or less dates. Try
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00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:51.839
to avoid asking her out for only one night. Specifically, Hey,
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we should meet up some time. Let's get a drink.
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Let's have some wine. That's good. By the way, are
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you free Friday? If she's not free Friday, she has
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to shoot you down for Friday, And then you're in
466
00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:07.200
the position of saying, okay, well, how about Saturday. Oh,
467
00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:10.640
your grandma's in town Saturday. How about Sunday? Oh you're
468
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:15.079
babysitting your niece on Sunday. How about Monday? Oh? Too bad?
469
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:18.400
You have that thing, don't Every time you ask a
470
00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:21.319
woman out and she has to say no, because she's busy,
471
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:24.640
you lose a little bit of currency. We don't want
472
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:26.720
that to happen. So it's such a simple fix. Just
473
00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:31.119
say what upcoming nights are you free. Here's how I
474
00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:34.359
asked out a million women. I mean I did it
475
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:36.680
in different ways, but I basically did it this way
476
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:39.839
over and over again. I would message and banter with
477
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:43.000
them a little bit. I would find something genuine, authentic
478
00:30:43.079 --> 00:30:45.960
about them that I liked. I would compliment her. I'd say,
479
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:49.200
by the way, you're really funny. I like your dorky
480
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:52.640
sense of humor. I feel like we're both similarly dorks.
481
00:30:54.039 --> 00:30:55.960
I'd like to find out if you're charming in real
482
00:30:56.000 --> 00:31:00.960
life as you've seen here on Hinge. Let me plan
483
00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:05.039
a date for us. I'm thinking karaoke if you're up
484
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:07.200
for it. What nights are good for you this week?
485
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:11.359
Something like that. By the way, I'm probably not going
486
00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:14.200
to suggest karaoke unless I know she likes it or
487
00:31:14.200 --> 00:31:20.240
we've talked about it, but regardless, think ask her out, clearly,
488
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:23.279
make it clear it's a date. None of this week borshed,
489
00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:26.759
none of this week's do. Hey, we should maybe hang
490
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:31.079
out sometime if you want balls in your court. No
491
00:31:31.960 --> 00:31:37.160
don't do the balls in your court philosophy, you are
492
00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:41.839
making the woman do the man's job. That's not her job.
493
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:48.400
Your job is to ask. You lead, women follow, they
494
00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:50.839
say yes or no, and it's all good either way.
495
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:53.279
Dating is a dance. You're just asking her to dance.
496
00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:57.160
Ask clearly, hey, let's go on a date. You're charming,
497
00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:58.680
you're cute. I want to say, if you're as cool
498
00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:02.400
as I think you are, let's do tapus this week,
499
00:32:02.440 --> 00:32:05.559
because I know you and I both love tapas. What
500
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:08.319
nights are you free? And then by saying what nights
501
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:11.240
are you free, she goes into her calendar and says, oh,
502
00:32:11.279 --> 00:32:14.960
well I'm free Tuesday or Friday. Boom aswimming, you're free
503
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:17.720
one of those nights. There you go, set the date
504
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.319
up now. If you just have a crazy busy schedule.
505
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:25.000
If you literally only have one free night, fine, suggest
506
00:32:25.079 --> 00:32:27.720
the one night you have that's free. But just try
507
00:32:27.759 --> 00:32:29.920
to give her as much notice as you can, at
508
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:32.680
least three or four days, if not four or five days.
509
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:35.000
Another way you can do it if you're a busy
510
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.559
guy is say okay, well you know what, I'd love
511
00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:41.279
to take you out. There's a Spanish place that I'm
512
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:43.680
dying to check out. I'd love to bring you there.
513
00:32:44.359 --> 00:32:48.480
I could do I could do a Tuesday or Friday,
514
00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:50.039
which is better for you? You could give her a
515
00:32:50.079 --> 00:32:53.200
binary choice. That's almost as good. Most women would be
516
00:32:53.240 --> 00:32:56.440
free for one or the other. All right, Those are
517
00:32:56.440 --> 00:33:01.319
the ten texting commandments from a raging atheist, from a
518
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:09.160
recovering Catholic. But I love my Charlton husband Moses movie past,
519
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:12.559
watching that every East year with my family. Anyway, thank
520
00:33:12.599 --> 00:33:14.559
you so much for listening. Oh, by the way, gosh,
521
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:17.440
I'm so bad at remembering to plug my coaching. I'm
522
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:21.400
a dating coach. I coach men in the very one
523
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:24.359
on one personalized way. And if you would like to
524
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:27.519
talk with me about how my coaching works. And you
525
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:31.160
have a job, because I'm not cheap. But if you
526
00:33:31.160 --> 00:33:35.480
have a job and you're looking to really change your confidence,
527
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:38.880
get a great girlfriend, become amazing at texting, at flirting,
528
00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:43.000
at approaching, and basically becoming incredible with women and doing
529
00:33:43.000 --> 00:33:47.640
it in a real, genuine, classy cool way, not some
530
00:33:48.039 --> 00:33:52.319
sketchy pickup nonsense. Go to my website, Dating transformation dot
531
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:56.720
com and book a free call with yours truly, go
532
00:33:56.799 --> 00:34:04.599
out use your ten commandments, let my people go. I
533
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:07.440
became the king of who. I became the King of
534
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:10.039
Egypt for some reason. Anyway, thank you for listening. Until
535
00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:10.440
next time.
1
00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:14.759
Thou shalt double text yes, and even triple text. Welcome
2
00:00:14.839 --> 00:00:17.039
back to be How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I
3
00:00:17.079 --> 00:00:19.960
am your host dating coach, Connel Barrett. I'm here to
4
00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:24.519
help you flirt with authenticity and get more dates and
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get a great girlfriend. And this is all about being
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your true, real best self. You don't need tactical, weird
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00:00:31.199 --> 00:00:35.640
pickup moves. You need to channel your most confident, authentic
8
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you because that's who women want. And I was just
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looking at my Instagram today. I think I get three
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out of four questions on Instagram are about texting. What
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do I say? What do I text? How do I text?
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Why do women ghost me? How can I get women
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messaging me back? And my clients too, I hear all
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the time from my guys. I've got about a dozen
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clients right now I'm actively working with, and at least
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three quarters of them ask me texting questions every week.
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So today's episode is about me helping you become much
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much more confident, flirtatious, and effective at texting. How are
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we going to do that? Well, maybe it's the Catholic
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boy inside of me who I used to be, But
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today I'm going to give you what I call the
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ten Commandments of texting. Imagine Moses has come down. I
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am Moses. I am the texting Moses, and I'm coming
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down from Mount Say and I to share with you
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my ten texting commandments. So here we go. Let's get
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right to it. I'll begin with the first texting commandment.
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I wish I could do a Charlton Heston impression. Let
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my people go. Here we go. The first texting commandment
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is this, thou shalt double text, Yes, and even triple text.
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That's right. I give you permission to double an even
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triple text. I can't tell you how many times I
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see guys on social media, through no fault of their own,
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good guys are just trying to do their best. But
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there's so much bad dating advice that says, never double text,
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don't double text. It's needy, It makes you a simp,
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it makes you try hard. No, sending a second or
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even a third text message does not make you needy.
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What makes you needy is Neediness is the way you text,
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not the amount, not the number of times you text.
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So you absolutely should follow up a second time and
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even a third time, as long as you're doing it
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with playfulness. Lightness, charm. Basically, this what I'm about to
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share with you blew my mind. The first one or
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two times had happened, then it happened five or six times,
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and it really rocked my world. Back when I was
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single and trying to figure all of this out, I said,
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you know what, I'm going to follow up a second
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or a third time. I'm going to keep messaging, and
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sometimes the second or third time got the woman to
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write me back. I remember there was a woman I
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matched with on Tinder a long time ago. She went quiet.
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I sent a second message, dear Diary, cute tender girl's
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gone quiet. Send search party. It's a little line I
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got from one of my coaches back in the day.
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No message. And then then I sent her a third message,
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and I just said, you know what, I'm going to
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have fun. If I'm going to go down swinging here,
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I may as well swing for the fences. And I
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wrote her a third message. It was something like, hey Mom,
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Hey dad, this cute girl Katie from Tinder has vanished.
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Do you think she found out I live in your basement?
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It was something like that, and then she wrote me back,
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l oh, what is it? What is rolling? On the floor,
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laughing rotfl Sorry, Connell, I'm sorry I missed your messages.
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I just got so busy. Plus I have to say
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I really like your persistence. Drinks on Friday, question Mark,
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and then all of a sudden we had a date
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lined up. I was breaking the rules, but it was
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working that second. That third message is really powerful. So
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you are absolutely allowed to double text. It's not how
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often you text, it's the way you text. So by
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the way, so yes, you can double text. You can
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even triple text. That's right. Triple texting something I give
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my clients. I say, follow the three times role. Don't
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consider yourself ghosted. Will you have sent three good, fun
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value messages after three or so? Fine, move on. I'm
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not saying I send twenty seven straight messages at all,
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but so many dates. I got so many dates from
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the second or third message. And a lot of women
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even explicitly pointed out I like your persistence, or I
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like that you followed up. Most guys give up too soon. Boom,
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here's my number. One woman even said to me recently,
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you have earned my phone number. You made me laugh,
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and I like that you followed up. Here's my number.
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So women notice that. So that's the first texting commandment,
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thou shalt double text, thou shalt even triple text. But
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it only works if you follow the next commandment. The
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second texting commandment is thou shalt text playfully. I'm getting
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into this. My Catholic, my Catholic grade school side is
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coming out. I'm a reform Catholic anyway. Second texting commandment
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thou shalt text playfully. Bottom line is flirting isn't complicated.
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It's about being playful. Flirting really the definition of flirting,
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not my definition, it's pretty much the definition if you
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really look at it. Flirting is light playfulness with clear interest.
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That's all flirting is. You're making it clear you like her,
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and you're expressing it in a light, playful way. The
97
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Oxford English Dictionary defines flirting in part as quote playing
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at love. I didn't make that up. That's Oxford. So
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let's play. And that's really the secret to playful texting.
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00:06:40.560 --> 00:06:45.800
So make your text playful rather than plain. Plain texting
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is how's your day? Playful texting is how's your day?
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On a scale of root canal to won the powerball?
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00:06:54.519 --> 00:06:58.000
You know, plain texting would be how was your weekend,
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What did you do? Texting? Would be pop quiz. Your
105
00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:10.480
weekend highlight was a yoga B cupcakes C eating cupcakes
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during yoga. Pencils down. See the inherent playfulness and that
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women are going to be so much faster to respond
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to the second one, the playful one. So that's the
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second texting commandment, thou shalt text playfully. Here is the
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third texting commandment, thou shalt ask flirty questions flirty questions.
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Notice I didn't say boring informational questions. Let's define the
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interview mode, right, you have you heard of interview mode?
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The dreaded interview mode. Oh, I get stuck in interview mode.
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I just asked her four or five, six, seven straight
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questions and then she went quiet. Well, yeah, but the
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problem isn't that you're asking questions. The problem is that
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you're asking informational, logical, boring questions as opposed to fun,
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flirty questions. I ask women tons of questions by text,
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but I'm making them fun or at least just flirtatious
120
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or somehow emotionally interesting to women. So thou shalt ask
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flirty questions? What might that look like? Well, basically, after
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a little bit of playful banter. You want to dial
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things up with a hint of romantic sexual attention. Here
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are four good flirty questions that you can ask. My
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clients use all of these questions and more. Number one,
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what's the most romantic place you've ever been? Now you're
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getting her thinking of romance. The most romantic place I've
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ever been. It was Malibu Beach with my then she
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wasn't my girlfriend, but we were falling for each other.
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00:08:52.679 --> 00:08:56.200
Her name, I'll call her Alex. I co dedicated my
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book to her, Malibu Beach, eighteen sun is setting, We're
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00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:05.799
falling in love. It was just the most romantic place
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I've ever been. Next flirty question, what was your first
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kiss like? That's a great question to ask women after
135
00:09:13.480 --> 00:09:16.639
a little bit of rapport, after a little banter, you
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can ask, hey, what was your first kiss like? Because
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now you're helping to focus her mind and your mind
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on light, fun, flirty topics that can help us both
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feel the feels. Most people have a good Most people,
140
00:09:34.799 --> 00:09:37.840
not all, but most people have an innocent, positive memory
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of their first kiss. Either it was really cute and
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sweet and adorable, or it was so bad it was good.
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So that's a good question. Now keep one thing in mind. Unfortunately,
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some women have a bad memory of their first kiss.
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If there was something, if there was something unfortunate happening there,
146
00:09:58.679 --> 00:10:03.279
So keep that in mind. Bringing up sexual topics you
147
00:10:03.480 --> 00:10:08.840
wanna tread lightly, But I have generally found that asking
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women about what was your first kiss, like it usually
149
00:10:11.679 --> 00:10:13.879
brings out stories like, oh, I was playing Spin the
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bottle or five minutes in Heaven, or it was my
151
00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:21.320
first date in high school. I was sixteen. Okay. Another
152
00:10:21.320 --> 00:10:24.000
great flirty question is are you the big spoon or
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the little spoon. That's an innocent way to bring the
154
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conversation into the bedroom, but not in a vulgar way,
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in an innocent way. And I like this one. The
156
00:10:36.679 --> 00:10:41.480
fourth flirty question brag a little bit. What's the sexiest
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thing about you? What is the sexiest thing about you?
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Giving a woman permission to brag about what she finds
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sexy about her. Who knows what she might say. She
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00:10:52.679 --> 00:10:57.320
might talk about her lips, she might talk about another
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part of her body. She might talk about her intelligen,
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her humor, her confidence. Great, now you're talking about something
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that's going to make her probably feel pretty good. And
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if she's feeling pretty good about how she feels while
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texting you, there's an increased chance she's increased a chance
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she's going to feel good about you, all right. The
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fourth texting commandment, thou shalt show clear romantic interest. Flirting
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has two core elements that make it flirting, play playfulness,
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and clarity. If somebody doesn't know you're flirting, then you're
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not doing it right or you're not doing it clearly.
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So show that romantic interest. It can be as simple
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as I like you, Hey, I like you. Do you
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want to go on a date with me? I like you?
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You're charming? That is flirting. It's not fancy, but it's
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clear and it's very light and innocent. So soh yeah,
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keep that in mind. Playing it cool doesn't really work.
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I don't know if it ever worked, but maybe it
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worked in the pre tender era when people just didn't
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have as many options. But in the tender world, in
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the online dating world, the social media age, when everybody
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shouldn'tay everybody, when so many people and so many women
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have so many dating options. If you play it cool,
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if you try to play it mysterious, chances are she'll
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just find somebody else because she has so many options.
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So don't play it cool, play it clear, play it clear.
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It can be as simple as hey. I like you,
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just be careful because autocorrect might change it too. I
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like you save that till the fifth date. Okay, let's
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move to the next commandment. The fifth texting commandment is
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thou shalt not count thy texts. I hear this question
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so many times, at least once a week from at
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least one client. How often should I text her? While
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there's no magic number. In my single days, I texted
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some women I don't know once every couple days. I
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texted some women way more than that. When my girlfriend
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Jess and I first started talking, we texted literally fifteen
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twenty times a day, and that was before our first date.
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In the two or three days leading up to our
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first date, we texted dozens of times. Everybody has a
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different texting cadence. Here's the guideline to follow. Don't worry
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about counting texts. Think about it this way. Let your
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chemistry with her guide you. Do you and she both
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love to text, then text your brains out. If you're
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not that big of a text her and she is.
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Now we've got a little bit of a mismatch. Keep
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that in mind. She might want to text a lot,
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you might not want to text that much. Or maybe
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you love to text and she is not that texting.
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Everybody has their kind of texting style and blueprint, so
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let the chemistry guide you. Here's what you do want.
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Follow this guideline. Go for a fifty to fifty cadence
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roughly fifty to fifty forty sixty. In other words, don't
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send five texts if she sends you one. We don't
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want a five to one ratio. One to one. Fifty
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to fifty forty sixty either way is good, and that way,
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as long as you have that fifty to fifty cadence,
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you might text once a day, you might text twenty
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times a day. As long as the cadence is roughly equal,
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you'll be in a good place. And so yeah, don't
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worry about counting texts. Just think about cadence. Now. I
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rarely say always or never, but I'm pretty close to
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always saying text at least a little bit. At least
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a little bit leading up toward hopefully a first date.
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Remember the whole purpose of texting in my life, The
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ultimate end goal, of course, is a date you meet
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her in person, of course, so keep in mind, keep
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your eyes on the prize. The prize is the date,
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not the amount of text that you or she give
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or get. And so I'm almost always going to recommend
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some kind of cadence, even if it's once every couple days.
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My client Nick, had a first date lined up with
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a woman from Bumble. Everything was great, lots of good
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bumble bantering back and forth. He lined up a date
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with her on say, a Sunday. He got the date
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agreed to on a Sunday. Then their date was that Friday,
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so five days away. He went totally quiet. He just
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got busy. Nick's a busy guy doing his job, doing
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his job. I think it's in healthcare. He got busy.
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All of a sudden, Friday comes along, it's Friday morning,
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and he messages her and says, hey, by the way,
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we're still on for tonight. And she wrote back, sorry,
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but no, you went quiet on me. I just kind
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of lost interest. It's almost what she wrote him verbatim.
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So you do want to keep some kind of cadence.
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Doesn't have to be ten times a day. I would
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say once every couple days between a text. Say you
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agree to a date, or you get her off of
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a dating app, or you're messaging on each other's phones.
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However you got to that point. Let's say you have
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a date lined up four or five days out, at
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least one every couple days, so that you can keep
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both of you looking forward to the date. But it
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could be ten a day, it could be one a day.
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All that matters is the fifty to fifty cadence, So
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stop counting your text It's not that important. Okay, let's
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move on to the sixth texting commandment. Thou shalt be
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thy authentic self for yourself. The authentic it's one of
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my two or three cornerstone I teach. Don't put on
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a persona to impress her. You are enough right now
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as the man you are. Let her hear from the
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real you. Let her text with the real core you.
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If you're sweet, if you're quirky, let that come out.
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Be the guy your friends know and love. That might
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sound like an obvious thing to say, be yourself, be authentic. Well,
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so many guys put on a bit of a persona.
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They play it cool, They try to be extra, extra funny,
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extra bored, extra challenging, and look, I'm fine with a
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little bit of fun flirting shtick. I'm the flirting guy.
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I love flirting, one of the core things I teach.
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But bottom line is she's gonna find value in you,
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the man who's going to meet her on the date.
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It's not about your texts finds. She's going to find
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so much more worth in me. You not in the
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words you say. It's almost like the texting. The flirting
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is icing on a cake, but you're the cake. You
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so be who you are by text. If you are
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a dorky dad, to text her your dorky dad jokes,
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No judgment for me. I love dad jokes. I'm a
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cat dad, not a dad dad, but close enough. If
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you're a jock, talk about sports, or if you're a ballbuster,
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if you like to roast people, be a little bit roasty,
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be a little bit challenging. If that's you. If that's
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not you, don't do that. Women can smell in authenticity.
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They can smell a guy putting on airrors putting on
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a persona. They can they can smell that out like
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too much axe bodies ray. So we don't want to
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be that way. Here's a pro tip. Here's a good
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way for you to know your texting as your authentic self. Study.
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Go to your phone. Look at the text messages you send.
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A couple of really good friends or people you're very
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comfortable with, could be your friends, could be family. And
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basically look at how you text. Notice how loose you are,
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I assume. Notice you're not trying to gain points, and
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you're all probably not asking a bunch of logical, boring questions.
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You're probably being yourself. And however you text that person,
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you're closed to text women pretty much the same way.
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Just add a little bit of flirtatiousness and just and
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don't call her bro. Don't call her bro. But okay,
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let's move to the seventh texting commandment, number seven. This
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that makes me laugh. Number seven thou shalt not be
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a needy bitch boy. That's in quotes, by the way,
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needy bitch boy is in quotes. So I have a
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client named Aaron. Aaron I had an amazing date with
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a woman named Lisa. They went to a music festival
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here in New York or some kind of a day
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long music show, and it was a great date. It
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was her first date. I coached him through it. He
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was so excited about Lisa. She is a wow girl
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to Aaron, and they had a really good date. They danced,
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they kissed. I coached him on the art of going
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for that first kiss and everything went great, awesome first date.
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Then a week or two passes and he was so
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bummed out. He kept texting me, Oh, Connell, I'm so disappointed.
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No answer back. She didn't respond to my message. Oh,
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I'm so disappointed. I thought she was into me. And
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I looked at his phone. I looked at the exchanges
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between Lisa and Aaron, and she was messaging him back,
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just not as much as he wanted. He was messaging
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a lot, she was not messaging as much. That goes
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back to the whole cadence thing I talked about. And
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he was like he was bummed out, like she had
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dumped him and she hadn't. She was just not giving
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him the texting validation. And I said, dude, you made
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out with a total babe on date number one. And
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I think this was his first ever first date kiss.
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I think, and if it wasn't, it was his first
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ever kiss with a woman of this caliber. I know
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that because he was so excited. So I said, dude,
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you made out with a total wow girl, a total awesome,
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wonderful woman. What are you in this for? Are you
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in this? And oh? And he had a second date
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lined up, She had already agreed to a second date,
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and he was texting me. Oh, she's not messaging me back.
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I'm so disappointed, and I'm like, dude, are you in
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this for the dates or for the texts? What are
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you in this for? We had a heart tear and
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he laughed about it. He said, you're right, no, no,
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no more being a needy bitch boy. By the way,
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Aaron's not a quote needy bitch boy, but there are
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times when we become needy and secure. And bottom line
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is he's a guy who likes a woman to send
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him a lot of text messages. Lisa wasn't doing that.
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But remember we are in the whole texting game. At
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least I always was for the dates, for the relationship,
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for the meeting in person and letting that chemistry happen,
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letting that connection happen. So anyway, don't be a needy
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bitch boy. In other words, count dates, don't count texts.
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We're not in this to get a certain number of texts.
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We're in this too. Hopefully find a great girlfriend, meet
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her in person, and see if you guys become a
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couple or at least have a romantic connection. All right.
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The eighth texting commandment thou shalt use jiffs, photos, videos,
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and voice notes. Yeah, mix up the media. Mix up
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the media so that you're not just sending text messages only.
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This makes your texting feel so much more alive. You know.
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If she gets a raise, queue up the Leo Leonardo
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DiCaprio Champagne toast Jeff from I think it's from The
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Great Gatsby or no, maybe, oh, maybe it's from Maybe
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it's from Wolf Wall Street. Well, whatever it's from, there's
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a DiCaprio Champagne toast. She gets a raise, she gets
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a promotion, send her that, Send her the Jeff. You
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have an adorable cat who does backflips, Send her a video.
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As I record this podcast, I'm looking at my cat, Reggie,
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on my chair in front of me. He's on his back,
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his bellies in the air. He's just goofing around like
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the dumbest little orange tabby boom. If I was dating,
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I would take a video of this and send it
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to the girl I was texting. So, yeah, you have
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a cat, you have a dog, send a fun dog
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or cat video. I had this great little ten second
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video I took this years ago. I'm in Chelsea, New
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York City. These two cute, little fluffy dogs, like a
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little fluffy white shit su and a maybe a brownish
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shit sue. They're in a red convertible. Their owner was
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driving them around this little red convertible and it looked
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like the dogs were driving. These two little dogs roll
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by me on the sidewalk here in New York City,
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and I take my phone out and I take a
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ten second, twelve second video of these two dogs. And
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in the video, I'm like, WHOA, look out, crazy drivers
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in New York. I'm laughing. The dogs are adorable. I
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have sent that video to dozens of women and it
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invariably gets a big fat oh my god LLL. That's
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so cute adorable. So yeah, don't just settle for dry texting.
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If you got a dad joke, don't just text it.
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Maybe send her a voice note, you know, maybe you
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like dad jokes. I do. Why do cows have hoofs
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because they lack tose thank you. You're welcome for that.
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But maybe send that message to a woman by audio
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a voice note. Are you attracted to certain tones of voice?
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Do you love the sound of the right woman's voice,
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You know, the gravelly Demi Moore type voice or the
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smoky scarlet Johanson type voice. Well, guess what women are
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attracted to your voice? Women are attracted to men's voices,
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And so sending her sending her a voice note on
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00:25:47.440 --> 00:25:50.079
occasion seeing if she responds to that, You never know,
397
00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:54.000
that might get her feeling the fuels for you. So yes,
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00:25:54.279 --> 00:25:58.920
ape commandment, don't just use words and text, use jiffs, photos, videos,
399
00:25:59.000 --> 00:26:01.720
voice notes. Find out what works for you. Find out
400
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:06.880
what women like, all right. The ninth texting commandment thou
401
00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:12.480
shalt not ask her out in the very first text.
402
00:26:13.200 --> 00:26:15.720
Don't ask her out in the very first text that
403
00:26:15.799 --> 00:26:20.000
you send. Let's say you get her number from bumble.
404
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:23.079
Even if you had a good ten to fifteen message
405
00:26:23.079 --> 00:26:26.119
back and forth, you send her that first message on bumble.
406
00:26:26.559 --> 00:26:30.759
Don't make it so drinks on Saturday, or you get
407
00:26:30.759 --> 00:26:36.559
a number at the bar. You actually get some courage
408
00:26:36.720 --> 00:26:40.079
approach a woman, get her number. That feels amazing. One
409
00:26:40.119 --> 00:26:43.079
of My favorite things to coach is helping guys approach
410
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:46.960
get numbers in real life. But you send that first message.
411
00:26:47.039 --> 00:26:50.920
Don't make your first message so drinks on Saturday. It
412
00:26:50.960 --> 00:26:53.319
feels try hard. You want to build at least a
413
00:26:53.400 --> 00:26:56.640
little bit of rapport first, some of that playful banter
414
00:26:56.799 --> 00:26:59.720
that I talk about. So let's say I don't know.
415
00:27:00.119 --> 00:27:03.960
Say Amy gave you her number on Bumble. You match
416
00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:06.559
message a little bit, She's like, sure, shoot me a text.
417
00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:10.119
When you message her, don't start with drinks on Friday.
418
00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:14.119
You're asking before you've gotten the rapport, you've gotten the
419
00:27:14.160 --> 00:27:17.160
sense of connection and comfort that she likes. Go with
420
00:27:17.240 --> 00:27:21.799
something light and playful. Maybe this is your first message, Hey,
421
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:25.759
is this Amy? Or did I accidentally text Papa John's again?
422
00:27:26.359 --> 00:27:30.079
Pizza emoji? And then sign your name you know, Ryan
423
00:27:30.079 --> 00:27:33.000
from Bumble or whatever. That's just an example. You don't
424
00:27:33.039 --> 00:27:35.920
have to use my Papa John's one, but you can.
425
00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:40.799
Bottom line is the two biggest text mistakes that men make.
426
00:27:41.359 --> 00:27:44.359
Most men make one or both of these of these mistakes.
427
00:27:45.279 --> 00:27:51.079
The first mistake is just boring, logical boring text cliches
428
00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:55.880
or informational boring questions. How are you? How's your day?
429
00:27:55.960 --> 00:27:58.240
What did you do this weekend? The other mistake guys
430
00:27:58.240 --> 00:28:01.880
make is they ask before they've earned their right too.
431
00:28:02.799 --> 00:28:04.440
Not that you don't have the right to ask her out,
432
00:28:04.519 --> 00:28:07.319
but you want to. He's into it a little bit,
433
00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:09.039
at least a little bit of banter, a little bit
434
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:10.920
of back and forth, even if it's literally two or
435
00:28:10.960 --> 00:28:15.519
three or four messages. So that is the ninth texting commandment.
436
00:28:15.880 --> 00:28:20.400
And here is the tenth. The tenth texting commandment, thou
437
00:28:20.480 --> 00:28:24.920
shalt ask her out the right way, the right way.
438
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:27.559
What do I mean by that? I'm talking syntax here,
439
00:28:27.599 --> 00:28:30.359
I'm talking about the actual language you use. Here's the
440
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:34.559
wrong way to ask her out. We should maybe hang
441
00:28:34.599 --> 00:28:40.480
out sometime. If you want no that is meek and weak.
442
00:28:41.720 --> 00:28:47.519
Ask her out clearly and suggest something fun, and also
443
00:28:47.599 --> 00:28:49.880
ask when she's free. So you want to be clear.
444
00:28:50.519 --> 00:28:52.960
You want to suggest something that you think or know
445
00:28:53.599 --> 00:28:58.279
she'll find fun, and you also want to in the
446
00:28:58.359 --> 00:29:02.759
askout text find out when she's free. Here's how you
447
00:29:02.799 --> 00:29:06.400
do it. Here's an example, something like this quote, I
448
00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:10.000
want to take you out, let's do mini golf. If
449
00:29:10.039 --> 00:29:14.319
that sounds good, What upcoming nights are you free? Could
450
00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:18.279
be that simple. I love. I love using the word
451
00:29:18.319 --> 00:29:20.799
I want. I want to take you out. I want
452
00:29:20.839 --> 00:29:23.200
to see you, I want to meet you. I want
453
00:29:23.200 --> 00:29:24.920
to find out if you're as charming in real life
454
00:29:24.920 --> 00:29:27.279
as you seem here by text, or if you as
455
00:29:27.319 --> 00:29:33.240
you seem here on the unhinge. Let's let's do mini
456
00:29:33.279 --> 00:29:36.720
golf if that sounds good to you. What nights are
457
00:29:36.759 --> 00:29:39.680
you free this week? Here's what I don't want you
458
00:29:39.759 --> 00:29:41.799
to do or try to avoid this. This is me
459
00:29:41.880 --> 00:29:44.200
being pretty nitpicky, but it'll make the difference. It'll make
460
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:47.799
the difference between you getting more or less dates. Try
461
00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:51.839
to avoid asking her out for only one night. Specifically, Hey,
462
00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:53.920
we should meet up some time. Let's get a drink.
463
00:29:54.920 --> 00:29:57.680
Let's have some wine. That's good. By the way, are
464
00:29:57.680 --> 00:30:01.720
you free Friday? If she's not free Friday, she has
465
00:30:01.759 --> 00:30:04.039
to shoot you down for Friday, And then you're in
466
00:30:04.039 --> 00:30:07.200
the position of saying, okay, well, how about Saturday. Oh,
467
00:30:07.279 --> 00:30:10.640
your grandma's in town Saturday. How about Sunday? Oh you're
468
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:15.079
babysitting your niece on Sunday. How about Monday? Oh? Too bad?
469
00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:18.400
You have that thing, don't Every time you ask a
470
00:30:18.440 --> 00:30:21.319
woman out and she has to say no, because she's busy,
471
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:24.640
you lose a little bit of currency. We don't want
472
00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:26.720
that to happen. So it's such a simple fix. Just
473
00:30:26.759 --> 00:30:31.119
say what upcoming nights are you free. Here's how I
474
00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:34.359
asked out a million women. I mean I did it
475
00:30:34.400 --> 00:30:36.680
in different ways, but I basically did it this way
476
00:30:36.720 --> 00:30:39.839
over and over again. I would message and banter with
477
00:30:39.880 --> 00:30:43.000
them a little bit. I would find something genuine, authentic
478
00:30:43.079 --> 00:30:45.960
about them that I liked. I would compliment her. I'd say,
479
00:30:46.000 --> 00:30:49.200
by the way, you're really funny. I like your dorky
480
00:30:49.240 --> 00:30:52.640
sense of humor. I feel like we're both similarly dorks.
481
00:30:54.039 --> 00:30:55.960
I'd like to find out if you're charming in real
482
00:30:56.000 --> 00:31:00.960
life as you've seen here on Hinge. Let me plan
483
00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:05.039
a date for us. I'm thinking karaoke if you're up
484
00:31:05.039 --> 00:31:07.200
for it. What nights are good for you this week?
485
00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:11.359
Something like that. By the way, I'm probably not going
486
00:31:11.400 --> 00:31:14.200
to suggest karaoke unless I know she likes it or
487
00:31:14.200 --> 00:31:20.240
we've talked about it, but regardless, think ask her out, clearly,
488
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:23.279
make it clear it's a date. None of this week borshed,
489
00:31:24.319 --> 00:31:26.759
none of this week's do. Hey, we should maybe hang
490
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:31.079
out sometime if you want balls in your court. No
491
00:31:31.960 --> 00:31:37.160
don't do the balls in your court philosophy, you are
492
00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:41.839
making the woman do the man's job. That's not her job.
493
00:31:42.319 --> 00:31:48.400
Your job is to ask. You lead, women follow, they
494
00:31:48.440 --> 00:31:50.839
say yes or no, and it's all good either way.
495
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:53.279
Dating is a dance. You're just asking her to dance.
496
00:31:53.680 --> 00:31:57.160
Ask clearly, hey, let's go on a date. You're charming,
497
00:31:57.200 --> 00:31:58.680
you're cute. I want to say, if you're as cool
498
00:31:58.680 --> 00:32:02.400
as I think you are, let's do tapus this week,
499
00:32:02.440 --> 00:32:05.559
because I know you and I both love tapas. What
500
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:08.319
nights are you free? And then by saying what nights
501
00:32:08.319 --> 00:32:11.240
are you free, she goes into her calendar and says, oh,
502
00:32:11.279 --> 00:32:14.960
well I'm free Tuesday or Friday. Boom aswimming, you're free
503
00:32:14.960 --> 00:32:17.720
one of those nights. There you go, set the date
504
00:32:17.839 --> 00:32:20.319
up now. If you just have a crazy busy schedule.
505
00:32:20.720 --> 00:32:25.000
If you literally only have one free night, fine, suggest
506
00:32:25.079 --> 00:32:27.720
the one night you have that's free. But just try
507
00:32:27.759 --> 00:32:29.920
to give her as much notice as you can, at
508
00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:32.680
least three or four days, if not four or five days.
509
00:32:33.480 --> 00:32:35.000
Another way you can do it if you're a busy
510
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:37.559
guy is say okay, well you know what, I'd love
511
00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:41.279
to take you out. There's a Spanish place that I'm
512
00:32:41.400 --> 00:32:43.680
dying to check out. I'd love to bring you there.
513
00:32:44.359 --> 00:32:48.480
I could do I could do a Tuesday or Friday,
514
00:32:48.519 --> 00:32:50.039
which is better for you? You could give her a
515
00:32:50.079 --> 00:32:53.200
binary choice. That's almost as good. Most women would be
516
00:32:53.240 --> 00:32:56.440
free for one or the other. All right, Those are
517
00:32:56.440 --> 00:33:01.319
the ten texting commandments from a raging atheist, from a
518
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:09.160
recovering Catholic. But I love my Charlton husband Moses movie past,
519
00:33:09.440 --> 00:33:12.559
watching that every East year with my family. Anyway, thank
520
00:33:12.599 --> 00:33:14.559
you so much for listening. Oh, by the way, gosh,
521
00:33:14.599 --> 00:33:17.440
I'm so bad at remembering to plug my coaching. I'm
522
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:21.400
a dating coach. I coach men in the very one
523
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:24.359
on one personalized way. And if you would like to
524
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:27.519
talk with me about how my coaching works. And you
525
00:33:27.599 --> 00:33:31.160
have a job, because I'm not cheap. But if you
526
00:33:31.160 --> 00:33:35.480
have a job and you're looking to really change your confidence,
527
00:33:35.880 --> 00:33:38.880
get a great girlfriend, become amazing at texting, at flirting,
528
00:33:38.920 --> 00:33:43.000
at approaching, and basically becoming incredible with women and doing
529
00:33:43.000 --> 00:33:47.640
it in a real, genuine, classy cool way, not some
530
00:33:48.039 --> 00:33:52.319
sketchy pickup nonsense. Go to my website, Dating transformation dot
531
00:33:52.359 --> 00:33:56.720
com and book a free call with yours truly, go
532
00:33:56.799 --> 00:34:04.599
out use your ten commandments, let my people go. I
533
00:34:04.680 --> 00:34:07.440
became the king of who. I became the King of
534
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:10.039
Egypt for some reason. Anyway, thank you for listening. Until
535
00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:10.440
next time.