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Welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
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At Keystone, we believe exceptional organizations don't just happen.
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They are built by focused leaders that recognize their authentic leadership superpowers.
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Join us for a serious dose of inspiration.
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Welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
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We are back today with another leadership lesson, probably a little bit of therapy and coaching for me.
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This is why I bring coaches on so that they can coach me on the podcast and you guys can listen.
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Um, but today I've got Christy Cassette with me.
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She has, she'll tell her story, but she has a storied career in the corporate world.
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She is now a transformation consultant, which she will talk more about, but she helps businesses and individuals really up level their mindset and think about their problems in a different way because you can't use the same thinking when you created the problem to be able to solve the problem, right?
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That's the old Einstein quote.
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So, Chrissy, welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
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I'm excited to have you here and to have you drop all the wisdom bombs that I know you're gonna drop with our audience.
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Yeah, thanks so much for having me.
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I'm I'm excited to be here.
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So I want you to just start with, right?
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We don't do bios.
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I just want you to just share your journey.
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And I always say your success journey and success is in quotes.
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But like what has gotten you to this point?
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What's that looked like?
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Because for most of us, it's not a straight path.
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Definitely not.
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Um so I'll I'll try to keep it brief.
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But uh essentially, I've always been a really strong uh personality, a very leadership-minded from the time I was three.
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I was basically told to sit down and shut up my whole, my whole life because you know, you're a woman or a girl at the time.
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They're like, What could you possibly add to this conversation?
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You don't know anything, sit down and shut up.
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And um, so I've throughout my career journey, I've steadily tried.
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It started off just trying to prove myself.
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Um, so I have both a master's and an undergrad in finance and strategic management, started off my career in corporate finance, so financial planning and analysis, merges and acquisition modeling and research, uh, you name it, data analytics, and leading various team sizes.
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About 10 years in, I moved to operations and I found uh I have a passion on the edges of finance, operations, and technology.
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And so I've done really cool things like uh use uh data in order to change policies and processes to improve customer experience, uh, created a JD Power Certified Contact Center using the program that we built from scratch.
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Um, I've then taken that into the technology space.
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I've led many different teams of technology or product owners is what they're called in the business, where they write requirements and then we work with technology to implement them, streamline, optimize, et cetera.
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And then throughout my career, I'm either building departments or companies from scratch, or I am driving transformation.
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So think of it as your big problems.
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Customers aren't paying.
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50% of our accounts receivable is past due.
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Our bills don't get out on time.
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Um, we've been acquiring companies left and right, and we found out too late that it we are basically trying to bolt them on to a crappy system and a crappy process.
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So, how do we fix that?
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Streamline, automate, et cetera.
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And so I was in the corporate world for probably about two decades.
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And then I found that the higher I went, the lonelier it got being a female in leadership.
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And so I just have a passion for supporting women as they climb the ladder because um men have had their wife, their mom, their sister, their friend, whoever, their executive assistant.
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They plan everything from their, they schedule their haircuts, their dental appointments, they give, they put food in front of them.
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Here's your coffee.
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You need to be here and there at certain times.
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Um, and women are the ones doing all of that for their boss, their husband, their children, et cetera.
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And so I found that I was doing all of that and I was running a company or a large organization with a hundred people reporting to me, looking to me for guidance.
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And so uh it's just it's just a totally different challenge than what men in the business face.
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It's not, I wouldn't say what one is better or worse, just different.
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It's a societal difference.
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I mean, I think that really it's not that one is doing something wrong.
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It really is a societal difference, but most people don't talk about it.
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Right.
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And meanwhile, women are taught as it's from young girls that we're supposed to help everyone else.
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So we're so we're not supposed to have our own dreams, we're supposed to help other people reach theirs, right?
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And so um, I'm just super passionate about every woman that I've ever met has a dream in their heart of something they want to accomplish, but for whatever reason, it's not my time, or I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too thin, I'm too fat, whatever it is, there's always an excuse or a reason.
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And so um, I feel like my goal on this planet is to model the way forward, to inspire people to reach that and to step out and do the scary things so that other people will see that it can be done.
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Um, and so I started my own company uh about a year ago as an executive coach, author, and a speaker.
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Uh so I am a published author, excited about that, uh, which was a whole it's a whole nother story.
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I'm sure you know all about that, Jamie, of just the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting the message out and what are people gonna say.
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Um, but then from a company perspective, I found that I, no matter how high I went, that there was the freedom that I thought I was gonna get never really came.
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The more I, the higher I got, the more I had to travel, the more, the less I got to see my kids, the more hours I had to put in.
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And I'm willing to work hard.
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I've been doing it forever, but I want to make sure I'm working at the things I'm passionate about and that are driving the right outcomes.
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And so what's really cool about having a consulting business is I get to do the work that I love with the people that I want to work with.
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And um, I get to kind of coach them through the process because a lot of times companies think they they think they know what they want, but the the how of to get to get there, they might miss some really important things.
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Um, and so I love to work on the cusp of where the people, the process, the data, and the technology all come together across finance operations and technology.
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So that was probably more than you needed.
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I'm just there's so many parallels.
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I'm smiling because it's just like, you know, that freedom word is a word that really is a good trigger for me because of the personal values work that I've done in the last year with my coach and just the value of a coach, which you get.
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That's why you do it.
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Is um freedom changes what that means throughout seasons of your life.
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And like freedom for me at this point, right?
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My kids are almost all out of the house, like the business is kind of flourishing without me, with me, but without me.
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And freedom now looks different.
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It's the retreat that I did just did, and you know, and so you saying that it's like there's there's people listening, they're like, Yeah, I want freedom, but their freedom is gonna look different than yours, which is gonna look different than mine, depending on where we're at, but we still know what it feels like.
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Absolutely.
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So I think that's something we can dive into here too.
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Um, so I want to talk a little bit about your leadership journey because obviously you've got the leadership credibility, the people you've managed and the sizes of teams and the complexity of change that you've helped teams drive through.
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Is there a leadership moment?
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Most of us have a moment or two where we realized that's who I want to be as a leader, or that is definitely not what I want to be as a leader.
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Like, do you remember a moment in your career where you were like, oh, this is what leadership is?
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Yes, I do.
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Uh so uh one of the organizations I was at, I was in a um, I would say a mid-level level leadership role at the time.
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And the culture, I was asked to move over to bring a customer perspective in the technology space.
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And the leader at the time was known for having there was a difficult culture, it was a bit of a toxic environment.
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And they were like, go, go, you know, you can you can help her and show, you know, model what leadership looks like and you know, help change the culture and improve that team.
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And so I invested about two years on that team.
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And what I would say is, and and when I mean toxic environment, it was like situations where like my team members would go to a meeting, they would work really hard on a presentation and they'd show up and they would get their butt chewed, like in a public setting, like you're an idiot, like you screwed this up.
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And so it got to the point where I would coach her, she wouldn't acknowledge it, et cetera.
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I would go, um, I even went to HR, they didn't acknowledge it or take action.
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And so then I started going to meetings and blocking her from attacking my team, basically.
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And when she would start to get riled up, I would interrupt and be like, Yes, thank you for the feedback.
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I understand, we're gonna take this back, we're gonna do this.
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And so I would try to calm the situation and basically protect them from getting yelled at.
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And I had a mentor at the time, and over over the two-year time frame, he saw the process and he got to a point where I was explaining what I was doing.
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And and I was like, you know, I'd really like to leave, but I feel like my team needs me to protect them.
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And he said to me, Oh, that's so sweet.
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So you're the battered wife staying for the kids.
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And I was like, Oh my God, that's exactly what I'm doing.
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That is exactly what I'm doing.
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And I realized that I was becoming part of the, I was part of the problem, not the solution.
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And so then I essentially found a new job.
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I quit and I told them why I was leaving.
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Anyone else who had quit because of this person had just tried not to burn bridges and they just said, nope, I'm leaving that.
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It has nothing to do with her.
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I found this great opportunity, blah, blah, blah.
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And I was like, you know, I just have to draw a line in the sand and say, no, I coached and guided, I did everything you asked me to do.
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I went to HR, nothing changed.
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The culture is toxic and I'm now part of the problem and I can't do it anymore.
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And it was just, it was a horrible, it was really hard to do.
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Um, you know, I got people were mad at me.
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Obviously, I made the people look bad.
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You know, I could have burned a bridge.
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I don't, I don't know if they would ever want me back.
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I'm not sure.
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Um, and I hoped that my team eventually saw that I was being helped helping them through that change, not making it worse.
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Um, but at the time I didn't know what was good the outcome was going to be.
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Um, that leader did end up getting fired from the position two months after I left because they did an investigation and they found that it was accurate and she's no longer there.
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But um, but it was a really tough time and that it was a really tough lesson to learn that sometimes you can't change it.
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Um, there's not much you can do other than just say, you know what, I am not willing to put up with this.
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I value myself more than this, and it's time for me to go.
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And I'm gonna bring up your words that you said in in your first phase is model the way forward.
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Yeah.
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You're essentially modeling that a boundary of I tried, right?
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I'm not gonna give up too soon.
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But if I don't do this, I because I've had a similar experience where I knew if I left my words, the shit would come downhill to my team.
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I was literally holding it from them, right?
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And holding it, and it was exhausting.
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And at the same time, how you can't be the best for them or for anyone else in your life.
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And they also need to learn some of this.
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I mean, you don't want that to happen to them, but it's like it's also making them stronger.
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So I think it's that that opposite where we want to please and make it easy for everyone, and sometimes the hard stuff is what creates the resilience.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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As hard as that is to say um what's what do you think is the biggest, like how would you describe the leader you are today?
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I know it's different because you're leading from outside in, right, to an organization, and but you you've been that leader for how many years?
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How would your teams describe like what are your leadership superpowers?
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Like, this is just naturally innately who you are and how you show up because I think we all have our own.
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Yeah.
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So I think how you show up really could comes down to your personal values.
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And I, my biggest values are honesty, integrity, excellence, and you know, just can continuous improvement or growth, continuous learning.
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And so whenever I come into a leadership position, I want to get to know my team.
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I want to know what makes them tick.
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And to me, it's about how can I grow in them?
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Like, hey, what's your dream or goal?
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Like, where do you want to go?
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Do you want to stay in this company or do you want to go somewhere else?
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Like what, like, what is your passion?
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And then I want to help coach or develop them into that.
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So they I want them to be challenged.
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I want to give them new opportunities.
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And you're along the way, you're gonna find that some people don't always want to grow.
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And you know, you get to decide like, is that is there a place for them still on my team, or does that mean that I they need to go somewhere else so that they'll be better off, better served?
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Um, but it's also about modeling the how do you execute?
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Uh so my I would say my superpower is strategic execution.
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So I I I'm a visionary, I can see like what is necessary and what it's going to take to get to A from A to B or A to Z in this case, and like what are the steps involved to get there?
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And then mapping it out, um, assigning team members to do different parts, having them see the big picture, how do they fit into it?
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Why does what the what they do matter?
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Um, and of course, you know, KPIs are in there tracking the success of the of the way forward.
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Um, but that that's really how I look at it is I want to be the same person at home that I am at work.
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I want to live with integrity, I want to model what excellence looks like, and I want to coach and develop my team into their potential.
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I love that.
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And you hit on something that I want us to dig a bit deeper into just for because you're a coach, is you see the right the strategy, you see the vision and all the steps.
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And as a leader, I know a lot of really smart leaders that also have that in an organization, but they struggle to translate that and take a pace that the team can keep up.
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I call it the marathon effect, right?
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As leaders, and especially like my role, I'm always on mile 23 of the marathon.
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I all right.
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I'm I have to be way out in front.
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But if I don't ever turn around to see that one of my team members is at mile 15 and one's at mile five, and one's standing at the start line with their shoes untied.
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Yep.
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And I think leaders struggle when you do have that visionary or you have, you know, like what guidance would you give them?
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Like, how do you manage that to make sure you are translating that down to the team?
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Yeah.
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So this is a big challenge.
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I I think early on in my career, I found that I was, as I was leading, I would turn around and there would I felt like nobody was behind me and I would constantly pull people along, like, come on, guys, let's go.
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And then it I realized I see it.
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Like exactly.
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And I it's kind of funny because even in my marriage, I've had to like, wait a second, am I bringing my husband along?
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And so I have this plan, you know?
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Otherwise, it's it to them, it's like surprise, like now we're doing this.
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Um, so so what I've done is I I do I've become a verbal processor that as like when we like let's say we're in a meeting and there's like a problem that we're trying to solve, I start asking key questions to get people to think about what are the things that we need to know in order to be successful.
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And you know, some people might hone in and assume like what the outcome is going to be, and I'll be like, well, hold on a second, let's just make sure that we're solving the right problem.
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And then I'll start asking more questions.
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So I think teaching people how to think, which I don't know, maybe that sounds arrogant.
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No, it's a thing.
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Yeah, but it's like so not everybody thinks the way I do.
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So if they can see and model and through questions, and then if I verbally process, well, I can see that so-and-so is probably gonna do this, and then they're gonna be worried about how that makes them look.
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So we have to make sure that we can help them save face through this process.
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Um, at you know, there's a million different examples, but it's really guiding them through verbally processing as we go.
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I have I'm really great at project and program management.
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So there's a very clear, like, you know, these are the steps to get from A to B.
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There's very clear, these are the actions we need to take to hit certain targets.
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This is the the KPI, the key performance indicator we're working toward.
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Um, and who's accountable?
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When what do they need, when do they need to do it by?
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So it's literally giving them a task that they can focus on.
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And then, you know, let's say they're facilitating a meeting, it's guiding them through it, like immediate feedback, like, hey, you did a really great job on X, Y, and Z.
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Um, I noticed, you know, so-and-so didn't react very well to your comment when you said this.
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Like, let's talk about that.
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Like, how do you think that made them feel?
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Like, well, how can we say that differently?
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So it's kind of coaching them through the whole way.
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I think you hit on a couple of things that it's probably the biggest piece of leadership advice.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.919
And I cannot get any simpler than this, is you know, they say, What should we be doing?
00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:30.000
I just had this conversation this week with some high-level leaders, and I said, ask different questions.
00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:35.360
And that's what you're trying is like, it's not that people don't know how to think or how to be strategic.
00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:41.200
It's that that gets turned off and atrophies a little bit our brain, especially with what we've been through the last four years.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:49.279
I think so many of us were in execution mode and survival mode, and we didn't even realize that the strategy part of our thinking got turned off.
00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:56.240
And leaders' job is to ask questions that get people to think again, that get people away from the forest, right?
00:16:56.320 --> 00:17:00.159
Which is what their day-to-day is and they're in it and help them think differently.
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:04.880
And that's essentially how you overcame, you have that superpower, but how you translate it.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.720
Yeah, and it works personally too.
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:10.480
Like so many, I mean, pick any any issue that you're dealing with right now personally.
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.720
Like you can coach yourself through it by asking, like, well, what is the outcome I'm trying to drive here?
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:16.640
And what actions have I taken so far?
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:18.000
Did that work or didn't it?
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:19.519
What could I do differently next time?
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:23.200
If I was an outsider coaching me on what to do, what would I tell myself?
00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:23.680
Right.
00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:27.279
And almost always there's a path forward, or at least you have the next step.
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.799
So I don't have that skill built up on coaching myself yet.
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.519
So I have to hire a coach, but it works, right?
00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:36.319
I mean, it's just it's kind of but I totally get what you're saying.
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:38.799
So because you're in companies, right?
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:40.720
And you're just you're seeing like we are, right?
00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:46.079
You're seeing just the issues and and where the struggles are at, and you're seeing the roots, right?
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:48.160
More than the symptoms, which is what they're feeling.
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:53.680
And it's why they bring people like you and I in, because sometimes it's hard to see the root when you're so close to it.
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:54.240
Yeah.
00:17:54.400 --> 00:18:02.480
What are some of the biggest issues that you're seeing organizations or leaders face right now in this environment that we are all trying to lead and grow through?
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:04.480
What are some of the biggest themes?
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:13.359
Um, so I've seen of many companies who are heavy in acquisition mode and they acquire companies because the numbers on paper look really good.
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:21.440
And then the for whatever reason, the acquisition failed, largely because maybe they didn't think about how the culture would work with their company.
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.000
Maybe they came in and they were like, you know, we're big, bad so-and-so, and we're buying you out.
00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:28.960
So you need to do everything our way and listen to us and hear our systems.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:31.359
We'll we'll educate you on how to run your business.
00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:36.960
And of course, that offends people, and then they immediately start trying to sabotage you, whether they know it or not.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:49.519
Um, so I would say uh very fast acquisitions without understanding the impact to the culture, to the people, the process, the technology is a critical error that I've seen over and over.
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:50.559
And I and I get it.
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.640
They want to, you know, you're wanting to hit a number, you're wanting to grow as quickly as possible.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:56.640
But though there's some big pitfalls.
00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:05.119
So my feedback there would be make sure you have the right systems and processes in place first, specifically technology that it can scale.
00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:08.720
You need to make sure it can scale before you start bolting it on.
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:21.920
Um, the other thing that I've seen over and over is that um, so I think there's a difference, for example, between um like a large organization that had you know multi-billion dollars that has been around for a really long time.
00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:25.920
They will typically have a annual planning process.
00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.599
They'll have this very like their strategy process is documented.
00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:36.400
They have clear owners, and then they'll create like a five-year plan, a three-year plan, and then here's the one-year plan to get there, the quarterly plan.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:48.559
So they have it all mapped out, and they're they're genuinely trying to solve the problem because they know that they're gonna be here in 10, 20, 50 years and they want it solved so that they can just be done with it.
00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:58.799
A lot of smaller organizations, uh more entrepreneurs entrepreneurial and specifically like private equity, where they're expecting double-digit growth, they maybe don't want to even solve the root problem.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:02.799
They're just trying to put lipstick on a pig so that they can sell it in two to three years.
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:07.759
And so um, that's it's really about knowing your audience and what you're trying to accomplish.
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:16.000
Uh, but but you know, that that basically means you're probably not solving all the things and then you're giving it the you're passing the problem on to someone else.
00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:26.799
Some people care about that, some people don't, but it's just it's just a shift that even as a consultant, I've I've had to struggle my way through of like how I would want it to be done versus what does my client really need.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:30.240
Um, so there's it's awareness that needs to happen there.
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:38.400
Um, and then I would say the other one that I've heard a lot lately is people talk about like having the right seat, the right people and the right seats on the bus.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:41.680
Um, but I've I've and I I fully agree with that.
00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:44.319
I think it's really critical that you have the right team members.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:48.160
Um, but I've had companies use a term called best team wins.
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.559
And in theory, it sounds great.
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:51.519
Best team wins.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:53.920
Like if we have the right team, we're gonna be successful.
00:20:54.160 --> 00:21:00.079
But how I've seen it play out too often is that really just means that you're constantly on the chopping block.
00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:05.279
If somebody decides that you had a bad day and you didn't do well in a meeting or whatever, like anyone can be cut at any time.
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:06.720
Yeah.
00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:08.960
Or like, hey, funding got cut.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:10.799
Who's the who's the most expensive?
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:14.319
Let's just cut them um and we'll bring in somebody else, etc.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:24.000
And so what that does is it creates a culture where everyone lives in fear, and then the team can't really be successful because they're not taking risks, they're just trying to, you know, make it through the day.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:27.359
Uh and they're not being honest and vulnerable with each other at all, right?
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:29.759
There's no trust belief beneath the surface.
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:32.799
It's just they're all trying to survive and look good.
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:33.839
Exactly.
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.559
And and then tough conversations become hard because you don't want to make anybody mad.
00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:46.240
Um, and so it actually, in theory, sounds great and actually can really create a toxic culture that makes it hard to be successful.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:50.240
But yet we think we're doing it for the good of the business and because we want to win.
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.960
I I literally, this is bringing up in the last couple of weeks.
00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:59.599
I had a conversation with an executive that went to uh to take a job at a company that's very reputable.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:04.079
A company she'd been thinking about for years, and she was super excited about it.
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:09.359
And the first couple of days, she went to meetings and she was like, the interview process was amazing, right?
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:14.240
And then she got there and she went to meetings and she was like essentially describing what you just said.
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:19.039
And she said, I think I just made the biggest mistake of my career.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:21.519
And anyone would kill for the position I just got.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.279
So how do I back out of this?
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:29.759
I mean, like, be because she got in there and it was like, wait a minute, this is not what you talked about, right?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:31.519
It like it's dog eat dog.
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:42.799
And like, does anybody and she said I it was almost surreal in that the people that had been there for so long and had kind of created this almost like they weren't bad people, they almost didn't realize it.
00:22:42.880 --> 00:22:43.440
They don't even see it.
00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:53.599
Yeah, it's almost like having like it being in an abusive relationship, and then you leave and it takes you about three to six months of processing to realize wow, that was really horrible.
00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.960
Now I know what normal feels like, and I never want to go back to that.
00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:01.680
But when you're in it, it's just how it's it's what you know, and it's it's really hard to see.
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:03.119
Yes, it's so true.
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:11.599
So, I mean, there I I also think that that even more, not to just constantly plug coaching, but I I mean everyone who listens to this podcast knows I'm an advocate for this.
00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:15.440
I think every executive should have a coach and every coach should have a coach.
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:18.720
So if you're gonna hire a coach and they don't have a coach, also question that.
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:24.559
But like, and it's because we need to be challenged in our own windshield, right?
00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:28.240
What we're seeing and what we're not seeing, and what we believe and what we don't believe.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:33.440
And because constantly, otherwise, I don't know how growth happens.
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:37.200
And and so that was a the question I wanted to ask you next.
00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:42.720
You know, being in this world of you're helping other people grow, clearly you care about that.
00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:48.079
What do you do to ensure you're growing as well to outpace, right?
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:50.240
Whatever dreams and whatever things you're trying to build.
00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:53.599
What's what's your personal growth kind of strategy and philosophy?
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:54.079
Yeah.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:23:56.000
So my husband thinks I'm a nut.
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:58.000
Uh so I'm I'm first of all, I love to read.
00:23:58.079 --> 00:24:01.920
I'm constantly, I read at least a book a month, sometimes a book a week.
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:04.079
I listen to podcasts all the time.
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:07.279
I'm constantly taking like training courses.
00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:11.119
Um, I have I have a coach, of course, and I have coaches for different things.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:15.039
Like I have a health coach, I have a life coach, I have a business coach.
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:25.920
Um, I just signed up for a$25,000 10X business coaching program so that I can you know learn how to grow my business exponentially and how do I build systems better?
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:31.920
Um, so it to me it's all about investing in yourself because um that no one can ever take that from you.
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:33.920
Like you can never, you can never lose it.
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.759
You never, it's not a certification that you it can expire, whatever it is, like you're gonna take that with you everywhere.
00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:45.599
No one can steal it from you, and it app you can apply it anywhere in any situation.
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:54.559
So you're just you're making me think just there's so much of what we do that we feel that this Italy retreat.
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:56.559
I just went on this is kind of triggering for me.
00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:58.880
One of the women, like three days before, right?
00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:02.240
So we had we decided it was women's executive, like this amazing retreat.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:08.720
And yes, it's in Italy, so it feels a little more glamorous than right, just like going to the Hilton Garden and down the street.
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:09.359
I get it.
00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:10.720
But she said, I don't know.
00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:15.599
I'm I'm so filled with guilt for leaving my kids, for doing this, for spending the money, whatever it was.
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:16.960
And it was like three days before.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:18.400
I'm like, well, it's already done.
00:25:18.559 --> 00:25:37.680
Like, and I said, instead of being still selfish, I said, maybe it is selfish, but I see I look at selfishness in a different way because selfishness is me putting up boundaries for what I need and still making sure other people have what they need, but that might mean they need to do it themselves, like my kids, right?
00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:43.359
The resiliency you can build by not being there all the time and doing it all for them as a working mom.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:53.279
I celebrate that now because I'm sending kids off to college who are better cooks than I am, who know how to do laundry, who have been doing their own laundry since they were eight.
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:56.240
I haven't done a piece of laundry for my kids since they were eight.
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:03.920
And some people could look at that and judge, but I look at it and go, I'm setting them up by me setting boundaries, I'm setting them up for success.
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:09.839
And so I think it's a very different look at selfishness that some of us need to examine differently.
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.279
Because it doesn't mean someone else.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.400
Yeah, you're touching on something I'm really passionate about.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:18.640
I've actually uh spoken on this topic of how important it is to put yourself first.
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:20.400
Because again, it sounds super selfish.
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:25.440
What how could you, especially as a woman, we're taught to put everyone before ourselves from a very young age.
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:25.920
Right.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:30.960
And but what I've found is if I I mean, I'll just be very direct.
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:48.000
If I don't get enough sleep, if I don't drink enough water, if I don't eat healthy foods, if I don't take my supplements, um, and I just keep running and running and running and running, if sooner or later I'm gonna turn into a crazy person, I'm gonna start yelling and screaming at everybody, I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my perspective and nobody's gonna want to be around, right?
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.920
So that it's that whole like happy wife, happy life thing that people joke about all the time.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:05.119
But truly, as be if I'm the one who's managing the household and I'm running a company and I'm, you know, making sure my kids get to their appointments and I'm making sure they have everything they need and I'm doing the meal plan, that's a lot to manage.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:10.160
And so it's like it's kind of like cracks in in yeah, anywhere.
00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:14.799
It's like it's like it starts as a crack and then it eventually you can crumble if you don't take care of yourself.
00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:19.519
So um every besides everything I just mentioned, I make sure I get a monthly two-hour massage.
00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:24.720
And I'll tell you, I've gotten a lot of flack for that over the years, but I've been doing it for the better part of a decade.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:31.440
And it's the most important thing I do for my health to just truly relax and unwind and you know, have someone work out my muscles and off we go.
00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:35.519
I also do strength training twice a week, um, which is, I mean, I have three boys.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:39.200
So, and I'm still man, I mean, there's they're six, uh, six, seven, and twelve.
00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:43.759
And so I'm still manhandling them all the time, like picking, you know, you have to you have to come with me.
00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:44.880
You know what I mean?
00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:52.480
So I wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't strength train and then going for walks or I do I do the Peloton two or three days a week on top of that.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.160
So those are things that keep my mental health great.
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:56.559
Right.
00:27:56.640 --> 00:28:00.319
Um go on dates with my husband at least, at least every other week.
00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:01.680
We like weekly.
00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:06.880
I get away for an annual vacation with him for a whole week alone with the kid without the kids.
00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:09.759
Um, we do a family trip together, of course, too.
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:20.400
But and then I take a personal retreat by myself alone every year for at least a three to four-day weekend just to refresh and regroup and like I just want to be alone and do my thing.
00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:25.680
So you have to know what those things are that really make you tick so that you can be your best for other people.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:30.000
And and even like what you touched on, Jamie, was you're you're right.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:36.240
Like my kids, if I'm there all the time hovering over them like a helicopter parent, they're never gonna learn anything, they're never gonna accomplish anything.
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:39.359
They'll be coming back to me, relying on me the rest of their lives.
00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:41.039
And that's not what my job is.
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:50.319
My job is to teach them to be contributing members of society, to get out on their own, to think critically, to handle challenges, to ask good questions.
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.559
Um, and to your point, be a good cook, be a good my case, three boys.
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:57.759
I want them to be wonderful husbands and fathers one day.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:01.359
And just me doing everything for them is definitely not going to help them get there.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:01.839
Right.
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:05.119
So it's that skewed sense of like you think you're doing it for the person.
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:07.839
And this can apply to your employees too.
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:20.319
If we don't let them figure some things out, if we don't let them trip and fall and figure out how to get back up, if we don't, and I I I've said this and it's been a long time, but like I've shared the story of when I went through my divorce, right?
00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:23.519
There was a ton of guilt and shame as a mom.
00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:29.519
And my daughter was uh nine at the time, and I she was struggling.
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.039
And I put her in therapy and she she went through therapy.
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:37.759
And so I would kind of come at the beginning and the end of the therapy session to kind of and then let her do her thing.
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:40.960
And she was crying at the end of one of the therapy sessions.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:46.480
And I was like, I think the therapist could see the guilt and the shame on my face.
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:52.319
And she turned to me and put her hand while my daughter's crying, put her hand on my knee, and I'll never forget this moment.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:58.799
And she looked at me and said, She needs to know what it feels like to be sad and how to make herself feel better.
00:29:59.920 --> 00:30:04.240
And I'll never forget that because this is the same child I'm sending off to college in four weeks.
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:06.079
Yeah, a flight away.
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:10.400
I'm not gonna be able to drive there, I'm not gonna be able to come and fix it for her.
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:15.680
And I keep going back to that moment of she knows how to feel sad because sadness is real.
00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:21.759
Life is going to do things to you that make you feel sad or make you feel angry or frustrated.
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:27.519
And how much what my life has happened, right, that I thought was the worst thing.
00:30:27.839 --> 00:30:32.559
Is there an opportunity to look at that and say, what if that was a good thing?
00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:33.119
Right.
00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:42.799
Not saying you want your kids to have to go through that, but but what if you not being there to pick up the pieces when they forget something for school every time or they is the best thing for them?
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:43.759
Yeah.
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:48.640
Well, now you're getting you're you're talking about we could do a whole nother podcast on this.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:50.480
Yeah, but it but you're absolutely right.
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:54.079
Sometimes the hardest things you go through make you the best, the the best you could be.
00:30:54.400 --> 00:31:02.079
I mean, as an example, uh maybe a morbid one, my mom passed away when I was 16 and it was devastating, like absolutely devastating.
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:12.480
Um, but I'll tell you what, going through that at such a young age and knowing that I can survive, I know that I am really strong and that there, if I can get through that, I can do, I can get through anything.
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:12.880
Right.
00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:17.119
And so anytime that I'm struggling with something, I'm like still nothing compared to that.
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.559
Like I can do anything.
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.599
And it it's it just builds so much resilience.
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:22.960
And of course, it was horrible.
00:31:23.119 --> 00:31:24.240
It was horrible years and years.
00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:25.920
You wouldn't wish it on anybody.
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:27.519
You wouldn't like, yeah.
00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:28.480
Yeah.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:29.759
But yeah, you're right.
00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:35.359
No one, I wouldn't put that on anyone, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but man, like I've benefited from it.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:40.079
It sounds horrible, but I've I've benefited from it because I know what I'm capable of.
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:41.119
Totally.
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:47.839
And so reframing our mindset around hard things, to why is this happening to me?
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:53.359
Because there's somebody listening right now that is dealing with a death, going through a divorce, right?
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:56.000
Add it to the list, whatever, a health issue.
00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:58.559
And they're thinking, why is this happening to me?
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:03.200
And the question I always say is, what is this preparing me for?
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:16.880
If we can just even reframe in the moment, as hard as it is, I think it's such an important thing as leaders to help model the behavior of how to get through change, how to right, drive through something that's really hard.
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:22.079
Um, given everything we've talked about today, which is a lot, right?
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:24.559
It's like leaders are going, yeah, I'd love to do that.
00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:27.599
And I'd love to, you know, be able to think this way.
00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:29.359
And just it's hard to start.
00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:30.960
What what advice would you give them?
00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:32.640
Where should they start?
00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:34.240
Where should they start?
00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:37.599
I think they should start by being okay with not knowing all the answers.
00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:39.759
Um, get a coach if it makes sense for you.
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.880
I mean, I think it makes sense for everybody, but some people aren't there yet.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:46.240
But ask better questions and be open to feedback.
00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:49.599
And I would say the most important thing is don't give up.
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:52.000
Like so many people self-censor themselves.
00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:53.839
They, they, you know, that will cancel culture.
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:58.160
Like they cancel themselves out far before they anyone else ever does.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:04.559
Like, I'm not gonna write the book, I'm not gonna start the company, I'm not gonna, you know, put myself out there in that relationship, whatever it is.
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:11.359
Um, and in a the organ in a company, like, oh, I don't want to put risk, I don't want to apply for that job, maybe I'm not qualified, whatever it is.
00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:16.079
Um, do it, just do it anyway and learn from it and and see it as a growth opportunity.
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:19.039
I can't tell you how many interviews I've taken that I didn't think I was qualified for.
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:20.880
And I was like, well, I'm gonna learn something from it.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:22.880
So I love that idea.
00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:24.559
I think it really it's self-censor.
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:31.279
Like we do it to ourselves and we think other people do it to us, but when it really comes down to it, we do it to ourselves.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.519
Because we're afraid of what they're gonna say.
00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:36.799
We didn't even give them the opportunity to say it.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:43.680
This is exactly why seven years into this podcast, it's a labor of love and it's exhausting sometimes.
00:33:43.759 --> 00:33:46.480
And some days I go, God, I'm gonna record another.
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.279
Like this just feels like it, it's because of this.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:34:00.880
Like these, we all know this, but these are the messages that we need to hear over and over again and in different ways from different people to help us as leaders, because this helped me today, which I knew it would.
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:03.359
I just knew talking to you would help me.
00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:08.719
Um, so I want to end with kind of a few a couple, a few fun questions that you don't know.
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:11.920
So I kind of want to know what your answers to these are gonna be.
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:22.400
So if you this one's kind of a traditional one, but I kind of I'm curious for you, if you could have coffee, you know, with anyone, who would you want to have coffee with and why?
00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:29.280
Well, for me, it would be my mom because I was wondering because I really want to know like what she thinks of everything that I've done.
00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:37.119
And, you know, I confirm is she proud of me, want to show her pictures of my kids and you know, fill her in on all the things that she's missed.
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:41.840
Um, and I she died very suddenly, so I never got to ask her advice on a lot of different things.
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:44.480
I was 16, I was a really crappy teenager.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:45.519
We were fighting all the time.
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:48.800
I want to say I'm sorry, like those types of things.
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:51.599
Like she would she would hands down be the person I would want to meet with.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:52.480
I love that.
00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:57.199
What do you hope the world looks like in five years?
00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:57.679
Right?
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.360
Someone who has kids, what what do you hope for our world in five years?
00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:04.320
I hope that it is more kind.
00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:19.039
I hope that um we I think as parents, we teach our kids to um in some way self-censor, we teach them to fit in, we teach them to be safe and secure because we are afraid.
00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:25.599
Um, I want my kids to do what they were put on this earth to do, even if it scares the crap out of me.
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.639
Um and I want them to be their full selves.
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:36.480
And so I think if everybody did that and we allowed our children to really spread their wings and be who they are, and we, you know, if you want to paint, paint.
00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:39.199
If you want, oh, that job's not gonna, that's you're not gonna make any money.
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:40.880
You can go to school for that or whatever.
00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:41.280
Right.
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:43.599
Um, there are some practical things, sure.
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:57.840
Like, but I think we can, I think it's the yes and if we can teach people of any age to step out and do what they're that goal or dream or vision that they have, and that they can do that, and like this is why people have a side hustle, right?
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:05.440
Like, yes, you have a secure job and you can be working on that book or that company or whatever that goal or dream of yours is.
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.360
Like, I want to help my kids do that.
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.719
And I think if if more people did that, we would have just a much more beautiful place to live.
00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:26.880
I think more companies need to do that for their people and not be afraid of them leaving, but instead create loyalty for them to stay because you support them in having a more robust life.
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:27.840
Absolutely.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:34.960
I'm actually a really weird boss in that when I'm having those coaching conversations with my team, I'll ask, like, what do you really want to do?
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:39.760
And then I'll if if let's say it's something that has nothing to do with the organization, I'll be like, I will help you do that.
00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:41.199
I'll introduce you to people.
00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:48.000
Um, I can put you on projects that'll help you learn a skill that you need to learn, but just so you know, this probably isn't your ultimate destination, and that's okay.
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:51.920
And I'll happily be a reference for you for any any other place that you apply.
00:36:52.159 --> 00:36:54.320
Um and they're like, Well, don't you want me to stay?
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:00.400
And I'm I'm like, I've seen too many leaders push somebody down because they had great potential and they wanted to keep them.
00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:02.400
You can't mind number two, you can't leave.
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:04.639
Like, then then I won't have your help anymore.
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:08.880
And it actually stifles both of them without them realizing it.
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:09.920
And the business.
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:11.039
I agree 100%.
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:20.800
So and I want to end today with what's your favorite quote mantra, that thing when you're having a day that you're like, this is the thing that just helps me get it back in perspective.
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:29.440
So for me, I'm getting a little religious on you right now, but um, it's the it's the Bible, the Bible verse of I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:36.159
Just I I come back to it over and over and over again of like, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:38.000
Yep, I love it.
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:39.679
Thank you for being here.
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:43.199
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably and open about your experience.
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:52.639
And I know this is going to have an impact for people listening, and it is a perfect representation of the kind of work you do and how you work with people because it's very authentic.
00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:54.320
And I appreciate that.
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:55.119
Awesome.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:56.079
Well, thanks for having me.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:57.119
I love being here.
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:01.599
Thanks everyone for continuing to listen, for being part of this community.
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:10.639
And my goal is to just bring people like Christy on so that we can learn together and get through this crazy journey that that is life.
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:12.400
So thanks everyone.
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:15.679
Thanks so much for listening.
00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:22.159
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and hit that subscribe button so you get the latest episodes as soon as we release them.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:26.800
And remember to keep maximizing your unique leadership superpowers.
00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:32.400
It truly is the key to building success, both in your career and in life.
00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:05.040
Welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:09.279
At Keystone, we believe exceptional organizations don't just happen.
00:00:09.519 --> 00:00:14.720
They are built by focused leaders that recognize their authentic leadership superpowers.
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Join us for a serious dose of inspiration.
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Welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
00:00:28.480 --> 00:00:35.359
We are back today with another leadership lesson, probably a little bit of therapy and coaching for me.
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This is why I bring coaches on so that they can coach me on the podcast and you guys can listen.
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Um, but today I've got Christy Cassette with me.
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She has, she'll tell her story, but she has a storied career in the corporate world.
00:00:48.719 --> 00:01:04.879
She is now a transformation consultant, which she will talk more about, but she helps businesses and individuals really up level their mindset and think about their problems in a different way because you can't use the same thinking when you created the problem to be able to solve the problem, right?
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:06.239
That's the old Einstein quote.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:09.840
So, Chrissy, welcome to the Superpower Success Podcast.
00:01:09.920 --> 00:01:14.879
I'm excited to have you here and to have you drop all the wisdom bombs that I know you're gonna drop with our audience.
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Yeah, thanks so much for having me.
00:01:16.640 --> 00:01:17.920
I'm I'm excited to be here.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:20.560
So I want you to just start with, right?
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We don't do bios.
00:01:21.680 --> 00:01:23.439
I just want you to just share your journey.
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And I always say your success journey and success is in quotes.
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But like what has gotten you to this point?
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What's that looked like?
00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:32.959
Because for most of us, it's not a straight path.
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Definitely not.
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Um so I'll I'll try to keep it brief.
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But uh essentially, I've always been a really strong uh personality, a very leadership-minded from the time I was three.
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I was basically told to sit down and shut up my whole, my whole life because you know, you're a woman or a girl at the time.
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They're like, What could you possibly add to this conversation?
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You don't know anything, sit down and shut up.
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And um, so I've throughout my career journey, I've steadily tried.
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It started off just trying to prove myself.
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Um, so I have both a master's and an undergrad in finance and strategic management, started off my career in corporate finance, so financial planning and analysis, merges and acquisition modeling and research, uh, you name it, data analytics, and leading various team sizes.
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About 10 years in, I moved to operations and I found uh I have a passion on the edges of finance, operations, and technology.
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And so I've done really cool things like uh use uh data in order to change policies and processes to improve customer experience, uh, created a JD Power Certified Contact Center using the program that we built from scratch.
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Um, I've then taken that into the technology space.
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I've led many different teams of technology or product owners is what they're called in the business, where they write requirements and then we work with technology to implement them, streamline, optimize, et cetera.
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And then throughout my career, I'm either building departments or companies from scratch, or I am driving transformation.
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So think of it as your big problems.
00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:01.439
Customers aren't paying.
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50% of our accounts receivable is past due.
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Our bills don't get out on time.
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Um, we've been acquiring companies left and right, and we found out too late that it we are basically trying to bolt them on to a crappy system and a crappy process.
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So, how do we fix that?
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Streamline, automate, et cetera.
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And so I was in the corporate world for probably about two decades.
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And then I found that the higher I went, the lonelier it got being a female in leadership.
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And so I just have a passion for supporting women as they climb the ladder because um men have had their wife, their mom, their sister, their friend, whoever, their executive assistant.
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They plan everything from their, they schedule their haircuts, their dental appointments, they give, they put food in front of them.
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Here's your coffee.
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You need to be here and there at certain times.
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Um, and women are the ones doing all of that for their boss, their husband, their children, et cetera.
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And so I found that I was doing all of that and I was running a company or a large organization with a hundred people reporting to me, looking to me for guidance.
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And so uh it's just it's just a totally different challenge than what men in the business face.
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It's not, I wouldn't say what one is better or worse, just different.
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It's a societal difference.
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I mean, I think that really it's not that one is doing something wrong.
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It really is a societal difference, but most people don't talk about it.
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Right.
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And meanwhile, women are taught as it's from young girls that we're supposed to help everyone else.
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So we're so we're not supposed to have our own dreams, we're supposed to help other people reach theirs, right?
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And so um, I'm just super passionate about every woman that I've ever met has a dream in their heart of something they want to accomplish, but for whatever reason, it's not my time, or I'm too old, I'm too young, I'm too thin, I'm too fat, whatever it is, there's always an excuse or a reason.
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And so um, I feel like my goal on this planet is to model the way forward, to inspire people to reach that and to step out and do the scary things so that other people will see that it can be done.
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Um, and so I started my own company uh about a year ago as an executive coach, author, and a speaker.
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Uh so I am a published author, excited about that, uh, which was a whole it's a whole nother story.
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I'm sure you know all about that, Jamie, of just the imposter syndrome and the fear of getting the message out and what are people gonna say.
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Um, but then from a company perspective, I found that I, no matter how high I went, that there was the freedom that I thought I was gonna get never really came.
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The more I, the higher I got, the more I had to travel, the more, the less I got to see my kids, the more hours I had to put in.
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And I'm willing to work hard.
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I've been doing it forever, but I want to make sure I'm working at the things I'm passionate about and that are driving the right outcomes.
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And so what's really cool about having a consulting business is I get to do the work that I love with the people that I want to work with.
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And um, I get to kind of coach them through the process because a lot of times companies think they they think they know what they want, but the the how of to get to get there, they might miss some really important things.
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Um, and so I love to work on the cusp of where the people, the process, the data, and the technology all come together across finance operations and technology.
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So that was probably more than you needed.
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I'm just there's so many parallels.
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I'm smiling because it's just like, you know, that freedom word is a word that really is a good trigger for me because of the personal values work that I've done in the last year with my coach and just the value of a coach, which you get.
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That's why you do it.
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Is um freedom changes what that means throughout seasons of your life.
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And like freedom for me at this point, right?
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My kids are almost all out of the house, like the business is kind of flourishing without me, with me, but without me.
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And freedom now looks different.
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It's the retreat that I did just did, and you know, and so you saying that it's like there's there's people listening, they're like, Yeah, I want freedom, but their freedom is gonna look different than yours, which is gonna look different than mine, depending on where we're at, but we still know what it feels like.
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Absolutely.
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So I think that's something we can dive into here too.
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Um, so I want to talk a little bit about your leadership journey because obviously you've got the leadership credibility, the people you've managed and the sizes of teams and the complexity of change that you've helped teams drive through.
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Is there a leadership moment?
00:07:14.000 --> 00:07:21.279
Most of us have a moment or two where we realized that's who I want to be as a leader, or that is definitely not what I want to be as a leader.
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Like, do you remember a moment in your career where you were like, oh, this is what leadership is?
00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:27.680
Yes, I do.
00:07:27.839 --> 00:07:35.279
Uh so uh one of the organizations I was at, I was in a um, I would say a mid-level level leadership role at the time.
00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:41.199
And the culture, I was asked to move over to bring a customer perspective in the technology space.
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And the leader at the time was known for having there was a difficult culture, it was a bit of a toxic environment.
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And they were like, go, go, you know, you can you can help her and show, you know, model what leadership looks like and you know, help change the culture and improve that team.
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And so I invested about two years on that team.
00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:13.600
And what I would say is, and and when I mean toxic environment, it was like situations where like my team members would go to a meeting, they would work really hard on a presentation and they'd show up and they would get their butt chewed, like in a public setting, like you're an idiot, like you screwed this up.
00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:19.279
And so it got to the point where I would coach her, she wouldn't acknowledge it, et cetera.
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I would go, um, I even went to HR, they didn't acknowledge it or take action.
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And so then I started going to meetings and blocking her from attacking my team, basically.
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And when she would start to get riled up, I would interrupt and be like, Yes, thank you for the feedback.
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I understand, we're gonna take this back, we're gonna do this.
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And so I would try to calm the situation and basically protect them from getting yelled at.
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And I had a mentor at the time, and over over the two-year time frame, he saw the process and he got to a point where I was explaining what I was doing.
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And and I was like, you know, I'd really like to leave, but I feel like my team needs me to protect them.
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And he said to me, Oh, that's so sweet.
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So you're the battered wife staying for the kids.
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And I was like, Oh my God, that's exactly what I'm doing.
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That is exactly what I'm doing.
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And I realized that I was becoming part of the, I was part of the problem, not the solution.
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And so then I essentially found a new job.
00:09:14.559 --> 00:09:17.279
I quit and I told them why I was leaving.
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Anyone else who had quit because of this person had just tried not to burn bridges and they just said, nope, I'm leaving that.
00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:24.399
It has nothing to do with her.
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I found this great opportunity, blah, blah, blah.
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And I was like, you know, I just have to draw a line in the sand and say, no, I coached and guided, I did everything you asked me to do.
00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:33.120
I went to HR, nothing changed.
00:09:33.279 --> 00:09:36.960
The culture is toxic and I'm now part of the problem and I can't do it anymore.
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:40.960
And it was just, it was a horrible, it was really hard to do.
00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:43.279
Um, you know, I got people were mad at me.
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Obviously, I made the people look bad.
00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:46.879
You know, I could have burned a bridge.
00:09:46.960 --> 00:09:48.799
I don't, I don't know if they would ever want me back.
00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:49.759
I'm not sure.
00:09:50.000 --> 00:09:58.159
Um, and I hoped that my team eventually saw that I was being helped helping them through that change, not making it worse.
00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.600
Um, but at the time I didn't know what was good the outcome was going to be.
00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:09.759
Um, that leader did end up getting fired from the position two months after I left because they did an investigation and they found that it was accurate and she's no longer there.
00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:16.480
But um, but it was a really tough time and that it was a really tough lesson to learn that sometimes you can't change it.
00:10:16.639 --> 00:10:21.919
Um, there's not much you can do other than just say, you know what, I am not willing to put up with this.
00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:26.960
I value myself more than this, and it's time for me to go.
00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:32.159
And I'm gonna bring up your words that you said in in your first phase is model the way forward.
00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:32.720
Yeah.
00:10:32.960 --> 00:10:37.360
You're essentially modeling that a boundary of I tried, right?
00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:39.200
I'm not gonna give up too soon.
00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:48.399
But if I don't do this, I because I've had a similar experience where I knew if I left my words, the shit would come downhill to my team.
00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:50.799
I was literally holding it from them, right?
00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:53.120
And holding it, and it was exhausting.
00:10:53.759 --> 00:11:00.240
And at the same time, how you can't be the best for them or for anyone else in your life.
00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:03.440
And they also need to learn some of this.
00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:07.200
I mean, you don't want that to happen to them, but it's like it's also making them stronger.
00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:16.879
So I think it's that that opposite where we want to please and make it easy for everyone, and sometimes the hard stuff is what creates the resilience.
00:11:17.360 --> 00:11:18.240
Yeah, absolutely.
00:11:19.039 --> 00:11:28.639
As hard as that is to say um what's what do you think is the biggest, like how would you describe the leader you are today?
00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:35.840
I know it's different because you're leading from outside in, right, to an organization, and but you you've been that leader for how many years?
00:11:36.000 --> 00:11:39.279
How would your teams describe like what are your leadership superpowers?
00:11:39.440 --> 00:11:44.639
Like, this is just naturally innately who you are and how you show up because I think we all have our own.
00:11:44.879 --> 00:11:45.279
Yeah.
00:11:45.519 --> 00:11:49.279
So I think how you show up really could comes down to your personal values.
00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:58.559
And I, my biggest values are honesty, integrity, excellence, and you know, just can continuous improvement or growth, continuous learning.
00:11:58.799 --> 00:12:03.200
And so whenever I come into a leadership position, I want to get to know my team.
00:12:03.360 --> 00:12:05.120
I want to know what makes them tick.
00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:08.399
And to me, it's about how can I grow in them?
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:10.480
Like, hey, what's your dream or goal?
00:12:10.639 --> 00:12:11.360
Like, where do you want to go?
00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:13.759
Do you want to stay in this company or do you want to go somewhere else?
00:12:13.919 --> 00:12:15.519
Like what, like, what is your passion?
00:12:15.759 --> 00:12:18.320
And then I want to help coach or develop them into that.
00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:20.480
So they I want them to be challenged.
00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:22.159
I want to give them new opportunities.
00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:25.360
And you're along the way, you're gonna find that some people don't always want to grow.
00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:33.519
And you know, you get to decide like, is that is there a place for them still on my team, or does that mean that I they need to go somewhere else so that they'll be better off, better served?
00:12:33.840 --> 00:12:38.399
Um, but it's also about modeling the how do you execute?
00:12:38.480 --> 00:12:41.840
Uh so my I would say my superpower is strategic execution.
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:52.480
So I I I'm a visionary, I can see like what is necessary and what it's going to take to get to A from A to B or A to Z in this case, and like what are the steps involved to get there?
00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:59.120
And then mapping it out, um, assigning team members to do different parts, having them see the big picture, how do they fit into it?
00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:01.440
Why does what the what they do matter?
00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:06.240
Um, and of course, you know, KPIs are in there tracking the success of the of the way forward.
00:13:06.399 --> 00:13:11.759
Um, but that that's really how I look at it is I want to be the same person at home that I am at work.
00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:18.960
I want to live with integrity, I want to model what excellence looks like, and I want to coach and develop my team into their potential.
00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:20.240
I love that.
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:30.480
And you hit on something that I want us to dig a bit deeper into just for because you're a coach, is you see the right the strategy, you see the vision and all the steps.
00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:43.200
And as a leader, I know a lot of really smart leaders that also have that in an organization, but they struggle to translate that and take a pace that the team can keep up.
00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:44.879
I call it the marathon effect, right?
00:13:45.039 --> 00:13:50.000
As leaders, and especially like my role, I'm always on mile 23 of the marathon.
00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:50.639
I all right.
00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:52.879
I'm I have to be way out in front.
00:13:53.120 --> 00:14:02.000
But if I don't ever turn around to see that one of my team members is at mile 15 and one's at mile five, and one's standing at the start line with their shoes untied.
00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:02.720
Yep.
00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:08.639
And I think leaders struggle when you do have that visionary or you have, you know, like what guidance would you give them?
00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:13.039
Like, how do you manage that to make sure you are translating that down to the team?
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:13.600
Yeah.
00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:14.960
So this is a big challenge.
00:14:15.039 --> 00:14:24.320
I I think early on in my career, I found that I was, as I was leading, I would turn around and there would I felt like nobody was behind me and I would constantly pull people along, like, come on, guys, let's go.
00:14:24.480 --> 00:14:26.960
And then it I realized I see it.
00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:28.159
Like exactly.
00:14:28.399 --> 00:14:33.120
And I it's kind of funny because even in my marriage, I've had to like, wait a second, am I bringing my husband along?
00:14:33.279 --> 00:14:35.759
And so I have this plan, you know?
00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:39.679
Otherwise, it's it to them, it's like surprise, like now we're doing this.
00:14:39.840 --> 00:14:56.480
Um, so so what I've done is I I do I've become a verbal processor that as like when we like let's say we're in a meeting and there's like a problem that we're trying to solve, I start asking key questions to get people to think about what are the things that we need to know in order to be successful.
00:14:56.799 --> 00:15:04.000
And you know, some people might hone in and assume like what the outcome is going to be, and I'll be like, well, hold on a second, let's just make sure that we're solving the right problem.
00:15:04.240 --> 00:15:05.840
And then I'll start asking more questions.
00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:10.559
So I think teaching people how to think, which I don't know, maybe that sounds arrogant.
00:15:10.960 --> 00:15:12.159
No, it's a thing.
00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:16.000
Yeah, but it's like so not everybody thinks the way I do.
00:15:16.080 --> 00:15:25.519
So if they can see and model and through questions, and then if I verbally process, well, I can see that so-and-so is probably gonna do this, and then they're gonna be worried about how that makes them look.
00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:29.200
So we have to make sure that we can help them save face through this process.
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:36.240
Um, at you know, there's a million different examples, but it's really guiding them through verbally processing as we go.
00:15:36.399 --> 00:15:39.279
I have I'm really great at project and program management.
00:15:39.360 --> 00:15:42.879
So there's a very clear, like, you know, these are the steps to get from A to B.
00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:46.159
There's very clear, these are the actions we need to take to hit certain targets.
00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:50.639
This is the the KPI, the key performance indicator we're working toward.
00:15:50.799 --> 00:15:52.399
Um, and who's accountable?
00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:54.720
When what do they need, when do they need to do it by?
00:15:54.799 --> 00:15:58.000
So it's literally giving them a task that they can focus on.
00:15:58.159 --> 00:16:06.320
And then, you know, let's say they're facilitating a meeting, it's guiding them through it, like immediate feedback, like, hey, you did a really great job on X, Y, and Z.
00:16:06.480 --> 00:16:10.799
Um, I noticed, you know, so-and-so didn't react very well to your comment when you said this.
00:16:10.960 --> 00:16:12.000
Like, let's talk about that.
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:13.679
Like, how do you think that made them feel?
00:16:13.759 --> 00:16:15.200
Like, well, how can we say that differently?
00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:17.519
So it's kind of coaching them through the whole way.
00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:21.679
I think you hit on a couple of things that it's probably the biggest piece of leadership advice.
00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.919
And I cannot get any simpler than this, is you know, they say, What should we be doing?
00:16:26.159 --> 00:16:30.000
I just had this conversation this week with some high-level leaders, and I said, ask different questions.
00:16:30.159 --> 00:16:35.360
And that's what you're trying is like, it's not that people don't know how to think or how to be strategic.
00:16:35.519 --> 00:16:41.200
It's that that gets turned off and atrophies a little bit our brain, especially with what we've been through the last four years.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:49.279
I think so many of us were in execution mode and survival mode, and we didn't even realize that the strategy part of our thinking got turned off.
00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:56.240
And leaders' job is to ask questions that get people to think again, that get people away from the forest, right?
00:16:56.320 --> 00:17:00.159
Which is what their day-to-day is and they're in it and help them think differently.
00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:04.880
And that's essentially how you overcame, you have that superpower, but how you translate it.
00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.720
Yeah, and it works personally too.
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:10.480
Like so many, I mean, pick any any issue that you're dealing with right now personally.
00:17:10.559 --> 00:17:14.720
Like you can coach yourself through it by asking, like, well, what is the outcome I'm trying to drive here?
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:16.640
And what actions have I taken so far?
00:17:16.880 --> 00:17:18.000
Did that work or didn't it?
00:17:18.079 --> 00:17:19.519
What could I do differently next time?
00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:23.200
If I was an outsider coaching me on what to do, what would I tell myself?
00:17:23.359 --> 00:17:23.680
Right.
00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:27.279
And almost always there's a path forward, or at least you have the next step.
00:17:27.440 --> 00:17:30.799
So I don't have that skill built up on coaching myself yet.
00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.519
So I have to hire a coach, but it works, right?
00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:36.319
I mean, it's just it's kind of but I totally get what you're saying.
00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:38.799
So because you're in companies, right?
00:17:38.880 --> 00:17:40.720
And you're just you're seeing like we are, right?
00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:46.079
You're seeing just the issues and and where the struggles are at, and you're seeing the roots, right?
00:17:46.160 --> 00:17:48.160
More than the symptoms, which is what they're feeling.
00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:53.680
And it's why they bring people like you and I in, because sometimes it's hard to see the root when you're so close to it.
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:54.240
Yeah.
00:17:54.400 --> 00:18:02.480
What are some of the biggest issues that you're seeing organizations or leaders face right now in this environment that we are all trying to lead and grow through?
00:18:02.640 --> 00:18:04.480
What are some of the biggest themes?
00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:13.359
Um, so I've seen of many companies who are heavy in acquisition mode and they acquire companies because the numbers on paper look really good.
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:21.440
And then the for whatever reason, the acquisition failed, largely because maybe they didn't think about how the culture would work with their company.
00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:26.000
Maybe they came in and they were like, you know, we're big, bad so-and-so, and we're buying you out.
00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:28.960
So you need to do everything our way and listen to us and hear our systems.
00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:31.359
We'll we'll educate you on how to run your business.
00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:36.960
And of course, that offends people, and then they immediately start trying to sabotage you, whether they know it or not.
00:18:37.200 --> 00:18:49.519
Um, so I would say uh very fast acquisitions without understanding the impact to the culture, to the people, the process, the technology is a critical error that I've seen over and over.
00:18:49.680 --> 00:18:50.559
And I and I get it.
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.640
They want to, you know, you're wanting to hit a number, you're wanting to grow as quickly as possible.
00:18:54.799 --> 00:18:56.640
But though there's some big pitfalls.
00:18:56.799 --> 00:19:05.119
So my feedback there would be make sure you have the right systems and processes in place first, specifically technology that it can scale.
00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:08.720
You need to make sure it can scale before you start bolting it on.
00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:21.920
Um, the other thing that I've seen over and over is that um, so I think there's a difference, for example, between um like a large organization that had you know multi-billion dollars that has been around for a really long time.
00:19:22.079 --> 00:19:25.920
They will typically have a annual planning process.
00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.599
They'll have this very like their strategy process is documented.
00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:36.400
They have clear owners, and then they'll create like a five-year plan, a three-year plan, and then here's the one-year plan to get there, the quarterly plan.
00:19:36.480 --> 00:19:48.559
So they have it all mapped out, and they're they're genuinely trying to solve the problem because they know that they're gonna be here in 10, 20, 50 years and they want it solved so that they can just be done with it.
00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:58.799
A lot of smaller organizations, uh more entrepreneurs entrepreneurial and specifically like private equity, where they're expecting double-digit growth, they maybe don't want to even solve the root problem.
00:19:58.960 --> 00:20:02.799
They're just trying to put lipstick on a pig so that they can sell it in two to three years.
00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:07.759
And so um, that's it's really about knowing your audience and what you're trying to accomplish.
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:16.000
Uh, but but you know, that that basically means you're probably not solving all the things and then you're giving it the you're passing the problem on to someone else.
00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:26.799
Some people care about that, some people don't, but it's just it's just a shift that even as a consultant, I've I've had to struggle my way through of like how I would want it to be done versus what does my client really need.
00:20:26.960 --> 00:20:30.240
Um, so there's it's awareness that needs to happen there.
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:38.400
Um, and then I would say the other one that I've heard a lot lately is people talk about like having the right seat, the right people and the right seats on the bus.
00:20:38.720 --> 00:20:41.680
Um, but I've I've and I I fully agree with that.
00:20:41.759 --> 00:20:44.319
I think it's really critical that you have the right team members.
00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:48.160
Um, but I've had companies use a term called best team wins.
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:50.559
And in theory, it sounds great.
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:51.519
Best team wins.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:53.920
Like if we have the right team, we're gonna be successful.
00:20:54.160 --> 00:21:00.079
But how I've seen it play out too often is that really just means that you're constantly on the chopping block.
00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:05.279
If somebody decides that you had a bad day and you didn't do well in a meeting or whatever, like anyone can be cut at any time.
00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:06.720
Yeah.
00:21:07.039 --> 00:21:08.960
Or like, hey, funding got cut.
00:21:09.119 --> 00:21:10.799
Who's the who's the most expensive?
00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:14.319
Let's just cut them um and we'll bring in somebody else, etc.
00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:24.000
And so what that does is it creates a culture where everyone lives in fear, and then the team can't really be successful because they're not taking risks, they're just trying to, you know, make it through the day.
00:21:24.079 --> 00:21:27.359
Uh and they're not being honest and vulnerable with each other at all, right?
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:29.759
There's no trust belief beneath the surface.
00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:32.799
It's just they're all trying to survive and look good.
00:21:33.200 --> 00:21:33.839
Exactly.
00:21:34.000 --> 00:21:38.559
And and then tough conversations become hard because you don't want to make anybody mad.
00:21:38.720 --> 00:21:46.240
Um, and so it actually, in theory, sounds great and actually can really create a toxic culture that makes it hard to be successful.
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:50.240
But yet we think we're doing it for the good of the business and because we want to win.
00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:52.960
I I literally, this is bringing up in the last couple of weeks.
00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:59.599
I had a conversation with an executive that went to uh to take a job at a company that's very reputable.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:04.079
A company she'd been thinking about for years, and she was super excited about it.
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:09.359
And the first couple of days, she went to meetings and she was like, the interview process was amazing, right?
00:22:09.440 --> 00:22:14.240
And then she got there and she went to meetings and she was like essentially describing what you just said.
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:19.039
And she said, I think I just made the biggest mistake of my career.
00:22:19.200 --> 00:22:21.519
And anyone would kill for the position I just got.
00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:23.279
So how do I back out of this?
00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:29.759
I mean, like, be because she got in there and it was like, wait a minute, this is not what you talked about, right?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:31.519
It like it's dog eat dog.
00:22:31.599 --> 00:22:42.799
And like, does anybody and she said I it was almost surreal in that the people that had been there for so long and had kind of created this almost like they weren't bad people, they almost didn't realize it.
00:22:42.880 --> 00:22:43.440
They don't even see it.
00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:53.599
Yeah, it's almost like having like it being in an abusive relationship, and then you leave and it takes you about three to six months of processing to realize wow, that was really horrible.
00:22:53.759 --> 00:22:56.960
Now I know what normal feels like, and I never want to go back to that.
00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:01.680
But when you're in it, it's just how it's it's what you know, and it's it's really hard to see.
00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:03.119
Yes, it's so true.
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:11.599
So, I mean, there I I also think that that even more, not to just constantly plug coaching, but I I mean everyone who listens to this podcast knows I'm an advocate for this.
00:23:11.759 --> 00:23:15.440
I think every executive should have a coach and every coach should have a coach.
00:23:15.680 --> 00:23:18.720
So if you're gonna hire a coach and they don't have a coach, also question that.
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:24.559
But like, and it's because we need to be challenged in our own windshield, right?
00:23:24.720 --> 00:23:28.240
What we're seeing and what we're not seeing, and what we believe and what we don't believe.
00:23:28.319 --> 00:23:33.440
And because constantly, otherwise, I don't know how growth happens.
00:23:33.680 --> 00:23:37.200
And and so that was a the question I wanted to ask you next.
00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:42.720
You know, being in this world of you're helping other people grow, clearly you care about that.
00:23:43.039 --> 00:23:48.079
What do you do to ensure you're growing as well to outpace, right?
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:50.240
Whatever dreams and whatever things you're trying to build.
00:23:50.319 --> 00:23:53.599
What's what's your personal growth kind of strategy and philosophy?
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:54.079
Yeah.
00:23:54.319 --> 00:23:56.000
So my husband thinks I'm a nut.
00:23:56.079 --> 00:23:58.000
Uh so I'm I'm first of all, I love to read.
00:23:58.079 --> 00:24:01.920
I'm constantly, I read at least a book a month, sometimes a book a week.
00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:04.079
I listen to podcasts all the time.
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:07.279
I'm constantly taking like training courses.
00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:11.119
Um, I have I have a coach, of course, and I have coaches for different things.
00:24:11.200 --> 00:24:15.039
Like I have a health coach, I have a life coach, I have a business coach.
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:25.920
Um, I just signed up for a$25,000 10X business coaching program so that I can you know learn how to grow my business exponentially and how do I build systems better?
00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:31.920
Um, so it to me it's all about investing in yourself because um that no one can ever take that from you.
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:33.920
Like you can never, you can never lose it.
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.759
You never, it's not a certification that you it can expire, whatever it is, like you're gonna take that with you everywhere.
00:24:39.920 --> 00:24:45.599
No one can steal it from you, and it app you can apply it anywhere in any situation.
00:24:46.880 --> 00:24:54.559
So you're just you're making me think just there's so much of what we do that we feel that this Italy retreat.
00:24:54.640 --> 00:24:56.559
I just went on this is kind of triggering for me.
00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:58.880
One of the women, like three days before, right?
00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:02.240
So we had we decided it was women's executive, like this amazing retreat.
00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:08.720
And yes, it's in Italy, so it feels a little more glamorous than right, just like going to the Hilton Garden and down the street.
00:25:08.799 --> 00:25:09.359
I get it.
00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:10.720
But she said, I don't know.
00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:15.599
I'm I'm so filled with guilt for leaving my kids, for doing this, for spending the money, whatever it was.
00:25:15.759 --> 00:25:16.960
And it was like three days before.
00:25:17.039 --> 00:25:18.400
I'm like, well, it's already done.
00:25:18.559 --> 00:25:37.680
Like, and I said, instead of being still selfish, I said, maybe it is selfish, but I see I look at selfishness in a different way because selfishness is me putting up boundaries for what I need and still making sure other people have what they need, but that might mean they need to do it themselves, like my kids, right?
00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:43.359
The resiliency you can build by not being there all the time and doing it all for them as a working mom.
00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:53.279
I celebrate that now because I'm sending kids off to college who are better cooks than I am, who know how to do laundry, who have been doing their own laundry since they were eight.
00:25:53.440 --> 00:25:56.240
I haven't done a piece of laundry for my kids since they were eight.
00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:03.920
And some people could look at that and judge, but I look at it and go, I'm setting them up by me setting boundaries, I'm setting them up for success.
00:26:04.079 --> 00:26:09.839
And so I think it's a very different look at selfishness that some of us need to examine differently.
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.279
Because it doesn't mean someone else.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:14.400
Yeah, you're touching on something I'm really passionate about.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:18.640
I've actually uh spoken on this topic of how important it is to put yourself first.
00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:20.400
Because again, it sounds super selfish.
00:26:20.480 --> 00:26:25.440
What how could you, especially as a woman, we're taught to put everyone before ourselves from a very young age.
00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:25.920
Right.
00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:30.960
And but what I've found is if I I mean, I'll just be very direct.
00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:48.000
If I don't get enough sleep, if I don't drink enough water, if I don't eat healthy foods, if I don't take my supplements, um, and I just keep running and running and running and running, if sooner or later I'm gonna turn into a crazy person, I'm gonna start yelling and screaming at everybody, I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my perspective and nobody's gonna want to be around, right?
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.920
So that it's that whole like happy wife, happy life thing that people joke about all the time.
00:26:52.079 --> 00:27:05.119
But truly, as be if I'm the one who's managing the household and I'm running a company and I'm, you know, making sure my kids get to their appointments and I'm making sure they have everything they need and I'm doing the meal plan, that's a lot to manage.
00:27:05.279 --> 00:27:10.160
And so it's like it's kind of like cracks in in yeah, anywhere.
00:27:10.319 --> 00:27:14.799
It's like it's like it starts as a crack and then it eventually you can crumble if you don't take care of yourself.
00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:19.519
So um every besides everything I just mentioned, I make sure I get a monthly two-hour massage.
00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:24.720
And I'll tell you, I've gotten a lot of flack for that over the years, but I've been doing it for the better part of a decade.
00:27:24.880 --> 00:27:31.440
And it's the most important thing I do for my health to just truly relax and unwind and you know, have someone work out my muscles and off we go.
00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:35.519
I also do strength training twice a week, um, which is, I mean, I have three boys.
00:27:35.680 --> 00:27:39.200
So, and I'm still man, I mean, there's they're six, uh, six, seven, and twelve.
00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:43.759
And so I'm still manhandling them all the time, like picking, you know, you have to you have to come with me.
00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:44.880
You know what I mean?
00:27:45.039 --> 00:27:52.480
So I wouldn't be able to do that if I didn't strength train and then going for walks or I do I do the Peloton two or three days a week on top of that.
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.160
So those are things that keep my mental health great.
00:27:56.319 --> 00:27:56.559
Right.
00:27:56.640 --> 00:28:00.319
Um go on dates with my husband at least, at least every other week.
00:28:00.480 --> 00:28:01.680
We like weekly.
00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:06.880
I get away for an annual vacation with him for a whole week alone with the kid without the kids.
00:28:07.119 --> 00:28:09.759
Um, we do a family trip together, of course, too.
00:28:09.920 --> 00:28:20.400
But and then I take a personal retreat by myself alone every year for at least a three to four-day weekend just to refresh and regroup and like I just want to be alone and do my thing.
00:28:20.559 --> 00:28:25.680
So you have to know what those things are that really make you tick so that you can be your best for other people.
00:28:25.920 --> 00:28:30.000
And and even like what you touched on, Jamie, was you're you're right.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:36.240
Like my kids, if I'm there all the time hovering over them like a helicopter parent, they're never gonna learn anything, they're never gonna accomplish anything.
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:39.359
They'll be coming back to me, relying on me the rest of their lives.
00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:41.039
And that's not what my job is.
00:28:41.200 --> 00:28:50.319
My job is to teach them to be contributing members of society, to get out on their own, to think critically, to handle challenges, to ask good questions.
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.559
Um, and to your point, be a good cook, be a good my case, three boys.
00:28:54.640 --> 00:28:57.759
I want them to be wonderful husbands and fathers one day.
00:28:58.000 --> 00:29:01.359
And just me doing everything for them is definitely not going to help them get there.
00:29:01.599 --> 00:29:01.839
Right.
00:29:01.920 --> 00:29:05.119
So it's that skewed sense of like you think you're doing it for the person.
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:07.839
And this can apply to your employees too.
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:20.319
If we don't let them figure some things out, if we don't let them trip and fall and figure out how to get back up, if we don't, and I I I've said this and it's been a long time, but like I've shared the story of when I went through my divorce, right?
00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:23.519
There was a ton of guilt and shame as a mom.
00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:29.519
And my daughter was uh nine at the time, and I she was struggling.
00:29:29.680 --> 00:29:33.039
And I put her in therapy and she she went through therapy.
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:37.759
And so I would kind of come at the beginning and the end of the therapy session to kind of and then let her do her thing.
00:29:38.000 --> 00:29:40.960
And she was crying at the end of one of the therapy sessions.
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:46.480
And I was like, I think the therapist could see the guilt and the shame on my face.
00:29:47.119 --> 00:29:52.319
And she turned to me and put her hand while my daughter's crying, put her hand on my knee, and I'll never forget this moment.
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:58.799
And she looked at me and said, She needs to know what it feels like to be sad and how to make herself feel better.
00:29:59.920 --> 00:30:04.240
And I'll never forget that because this is the same child I'm sending off to college in four weeks.
00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:06.079
Yeah, a flight away.
00:30:06.240 --> 00:30:10.400
I'm not gonna be able to drive there, I'm not gonna be able to come and fix it for her.
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:15.680
And I keep going back to that moment of she knows how to feel sad because sadness is real.
00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:21.759
Life is going to do things to you that make you feel sad or make you feel angry or frustrated.
00:30:22.079 --> 00:30:27.519
And how much what my life has happened, right, that I thought was the worst thing.
00:30:27.839 --> 00:30:32.559
Is there an opportunity to look at that and say, what if that was a good thing?
00:30:32.880 --> 00:30:33.119
Right.
00:30:33.279 --> 00:30:42.799
Not saying you want your kids to have to go through that, but but what if you not being there to pick up the pieces when they forget something for school every time or they is the best thing for them?
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:43.759
Yeah.
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:48.640
Well, now you're getting you're you're talking about we could do a whole nother podcast on this.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:50.480
Yeah, but it but you're absolutely right.
00:30:50.640 --> 00:30:54.079
Sometimes the hardest things you go through make you the best, the the best you could be.
00:30:54.400 --> 00:31:02.079
I mean, as an example, uh maybe a morbid one, my mom passed away when I was 16 and it was devastating, like absolutely devastating.
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:12.480
Um, but I'll tell you what, going through that at such a young age and knowing that I can survive, I know that I am really strong and that there, if I can get through that, I can do, I can get through anything.
00:31:12.720 --> 00:31:12.880
Right.
00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:17.119
And so anytime that I'm struggling with something, I'm like still nothing compared to that.
00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:18.559
Like I can do anything.
00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:21.599
And it it's it just builds so much resilience.
00:31:21.759 --> 00:31:22.960
And of course, it was horrible.
00:31:23.119 --> 00:31:24.240
It was horrible years and years.
00:31:24.799 --> 00:31:25.920
You wouldn't wish it on anybody.
00:31:26.000 --> 00:31:27.519
You wouldn't like, yeah.
00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:28.480
Yeah.
00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:29.759
But yeah, you're right.
00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:35.359
No one, I wouldn't put that on anyone, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but man, like I've benefited from it.
00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:40.079
It sounds horrible, but I've I've benefited from it because I know what I'm capable of.
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:41.119
Totally.
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:47.839
And so reframing our mindset around hard things, to why is this happening to me?
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:53.359
Because there's somebody listening right now that is dealing with a death, going through a divorce, right?
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:56.000
Add it to the list, whatever, a health issue.
00:31:56.319 --> 00:31:58.559
And they're thinking, why is this happening to me?
00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:03.200
And the question I always say is, what is this preparing me for?
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:16.880
If we can just even reframe in the moment, as hard as it is, I think it's such an important thing as leaders to help model the behavior of how to get through change, how to right, drive through something that's really hard.
00:32:17.119 --> 00:32:22.079
Um, given everything we've talked about today, which is a lot, right?
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:24.559
It's like leaders are going, yeah, I'd love to do that.
00:32:24.640 --> 00:32:27.599
And I'd love to, you know, be able to think this way.
00:32:27.680 --> 00:32:29.359
And just it's hard to start.
00:32:29.440 --> 00:32:30.960
What what advice would you give them?
00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:32.640
Where should they start?
00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:34.240
Where should they start?
00:32:34.400 --> 00:32:37.599
I think they should start by being okay with not knowing all the answers.
00:32:37.759 --> 00:32:39.759
Um, get a coach if it makes sense for you.
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.880
I mean, I think it makes sense for everybody, but some people aren't there yet.
00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:46.240
But ask better questions and be open to feedback.
00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:49.599
And I would say the most important thing is don't give up.
00:32:49.680 --> 00:32:52.000
Like so many people self-censor themselves.
00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:53.839
They, they, you know, that will cancel culture.
00:32:53.920 --> 00:32:58.160
Like they cancel themselves out far before they anyone else ever does.
00:32:58.319 --> 00:33:04.559
Like, I'm not gonna write the book, I'm not gonna start the company, I'm not gonna, you know, put myself out there in that relationship, whatever it is.
00:33:04.720 --> 00:33:11.359
Um, and in a the organ in a company, like, oh, I don't want to put risk, I don't want to apply for that job, maybe I'm not qualified, whatever it is.
00:33:11.519 --> 00:33:16.079
Um, do it, just do it anyway and learn from it and and see it as a growth opportunity.
00:33:16.240 --> 00:33:19.039
I can't tell you how many interviews I've taken that I didn't think I was qualified for.
00:33:19.119 --> 00:33:20.880
And I was like, well, I'm gonna learn something from it.
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:22.880
So I love that idea.
00:33:22.960 --> 00:33:24.559
I think it really it's self-censor.
00:33:24.640 --> 00:33:31.279
Like we do it to ourselves and we think other people do it to us, but when it really comes down to it, we do it to ourselves.
00:33:31.519 --> 00:33:33.519
Because we're afraid of what they're gonna say.
00:33:33.759 --> 00:33:36.799
We didn't even give them the opportunity to say it.
00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:43.680
This is exactly why seven years into this podcast, it's a labor of love and it's exhausting sometimes.
00:33:43.759 --> 00:33:46.480
And some days I go, God, I'm gonna record another.
00:33:46.640 --> 00:33:49.279
Like this just feels like it, it's because of this.
00:33:49.519 --> 00:34:00.880
Like these, we all know this, but these are the messages that we need to hear over and over again and in different ways from different people to help us as leaders, because this helped me today, which I knew it would.
00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:03.359
I just knew talking to you would help me.
00:34:03.599 --> 00:34:08.719
Um, so I want to end with kind of a few a couple, a few fun questions that you don't know.
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:11.920
So I kind of want to know what your answers to these are gonna be.
00:34:12.239 --> 00:34:22.400
So if you this one's kind of a traditional one, but I kind of I'm curious for you, if you could have coffee, you know, with anyone, who would you want to have coffee with and why?
00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:29.280
Well, for me, it would be my mom because I was wondering because I really want to know like what she thinks of everything that I've done.
00:34:29.360 --> 00:34:37.119
And, you know, I confirm is she proud of me, want to show her pictures of my kids and you know, fill her in on all the things that she's missed.
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:41.840
Um, and I she died very suddenly, so I never got to ask her advice on a lot of different things.
00:34:41.920 --> 00:34:44.480
I was 16, I was a really crappy teenager.
00:34:44.639 --> 00:34:45.519
We were fighting all the time.
00:34:46.800 --> 00:34:48.800
I want to say I'm sorry, like those types of things.
00:34:48.960 --> 00:34:51.599
Like she would she would hands down be the person I would want to meet with.
00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:52.480
I love that.
00:34:53.280 --> 00:34:57.199
What do you hope the world looks like in five years?
00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:57.679
Right?
00:34:57.840 --> 00:35:01.360
Someone who has kids, what what do you hope for our world in five years?
00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:04.320
I hope that it is more kind.
00:35:04.719 --> 00:35:19.039
I hope that um we I think as parents, we teach our kids to um in some way self-censor, we teach them to fit in, we teach them to be safe and secure because we are afraid.
00:35:19.199 --> 00:35:25.599
Um, I want my kids to do what they were put on this earth to do, even if it scares the crap out of me.
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:28.639
Um and I want them to be their full selves.
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:36.480
And so I think if everybody did that and we allowed our children to really spread their wings and be who they are, and we, you know, if you want to paint, paint.
00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:39.199
If you want, oh, that job's not gonna, that's you're not gonna make any money.
00:35:39.280 --> 00:35:40.880
You can go to school for that or whatever.
00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:41.280
Right.
00:35:41.360 --> 00:35:43.599
Um, there are some practical things, sure.
00:35:43.760 --> 00:35:57.840
Like, but I think we can, I think it's the yes and if we can teach people of any age to step out and do what they're that goal or dream or vision that they have, and that they can do that, and like this is why people have a side hustle, right?
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:05.440
Like, yes, you have a secure job and you can be working on that book or that company or whatever that goal or dream of yours is.
00:36:05.599 --> 00:36:07.360
Like, I want to help my kids do that.
00:36:07.440 --> 00:36:12.719
And I think if if more people did that, we would have just a much more beautiful place to live.
00:36:13.039 --> 00:36:26.880
I think more companies need to do that for their people and not be afraid of them leaving, but instead create loyalty for them to stay because you support them in having a more robust life.
00:36:27.199 --> 00:36:27.840
Absolutely.
00:36:28.000 --> 00:36:34.960
I'm actually a really weird boss in that when I'm having those coaching conversations with my team, I'll ask, like, what do you really want to do?
00:36:35.119 --> 00:36:39.760
And then I'll if if let's say it's something that has nothing to do with the organization, I'll be like, I will help you do that.
00:36:39.840 --> 00:36:41.199
I'll introduce you to people.
00:36:41.360 --> 00:36:48.000
Um, I can put you on projects that'll help you learn a skill that you need to learn, but just so you know, this probably isn't your ultimate destination, and that's okay.
00:36:48.159 --> 00:36:51.920
And I'll happily be a reference for you for any any other place that you apply.
00:36:52.159 --> 00:36:54.320
Um and they're like, Well, don't you want me to stay?
00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:00.400
And I'm I'm like, I've seen too many leaders push somebody down because they had great potential and they wanted to keep them.
00:37:00.639 --> 00:37:02.400
You can't mind number two, you can't leave.
00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:04.639
Like, then then I won't have your help anymore.
00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:08.880
And it actually stifles both of them without them realizing it.
00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:09.920
And the business.
00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:11.039
I agree 100%.
00:37:11.840 --> 00:37:20.800
So and I want to end today with what's your favorite quote mantra, that thing when you're having a day that you're like, this is the thing that just helps me get it back in perspective.
00:37:21.039 --> 00:37:29.440
So for me, I'm getting a little religious on you right now, but um, it's the it's the Bible, the Bible verse of I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
00:37:30.159 --> 00:37:36.159
Just I I come back to it over and over and over again of like, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
00:37:36.400 --> 00:37:38.000
Yep, I love it.
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:39.679
Thank you for being here.
00:37:39.840 --> 00:37:43.199
Thank you for sharing so vulnerably and open about your experience.
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:52.639
And I know this is going to have an impact for people listening, and it is a perfect representation of the kind of work you do and how you work with people because it's very authentic.
00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:54.320
And I appreciate that.
00:37:54.639 --> 00:37:55.119
Awesome.
00:37:55.199 --> 00:37:56.079
Well, thanks for having me.
00:37:56.159 --> 00:37:57.119
I love being here.
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:01.599
Thanks everyone for continuing to listen, for being part of this community.
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:10.639
And my goal is to just bring people like Christy on so that we can learn together and get through this crazy journey that that is life.
00:38:10.800 --> 00:38:12.400
So thanks everyone.
00:38:14.320 --> 00:38:15.679
Thanks so much for listening.
00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:22.159
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure and hit that subscribe button so you get the latest episodes as soon as we release them.
00:38:22.400 --> 00:38:26.800
And remember to keep maximizing your unique leadership superpowers.
00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:32.400
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