Surviving the Crash: How a Near‑Death Experience Rewrote Motherhood with Laura Scarpati

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Welcome to Getting Grounded, the open and honest
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conversation about the transition of parenthood and everything that comes along with it.
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The joy, the chaos, the fulfillment, the challenge, the identity
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shifts, the relationship changes. Let's talk about it all.
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Welcome, Laura. Today we are joined by Laura Scarpatti,
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my friend now, who is so wonderful.
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And we have so, so many things to talk about, about your life and your
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experiences and obviously motherhood. But Laura is
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also a filmmaker, and she's the host of The Woo Report,
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which I would love to talk about everything you've ever talked about
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on that podcast, but we won't get into that today. So if anyone is interested
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in, like, all the spiritual things, all of the any just way to like
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kind of fix your nervous system, I feel like, and ground yourself and connect to
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something else, dive into The Woo Report. It is so amazing
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and wonderful. And I'm a new and big-time fan.
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So yeah, welcome, Laura. Let's chat. Thank you
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so much for having me. I love being your new bestie. I know.
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I'm so excited to chat. Okay, so to begin,
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I just want to like tell us, I mean, you have an unbelievable
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story, which I'm sure you've told many times before. And we'll
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get into some of the related to your family and motherhood and all of those
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things because it's wild during and after. But just
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let us learn a little bit more about you and your life, your views
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on parenting, like all of your day-to-day, and then of course,
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your whole story.
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Well, I was in Los Santos for a long time.
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With my husband and we were in the
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industry and we still are, I guess, in the entertainment industry. But we,
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during COVID we moved back to Rochester
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and 3 weeks after we got here, I got run over
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by a car and I was 18 weeks
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pregnant at the time. So my consciousness
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flew out of my body. And I saw myself laying on the ground.
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It was this little old lady that had pulled in.
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She had, I know she was going so slow
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because there's a video of this incident happening, um, from the security camera across
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the street. And she pulled in, she was going so slow and she mistakes the
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gas pedal for the brake. And she ran me over. I was sitting
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on the grass, crisscross applesauce.
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And so, I kind of was pushed forward
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and I flew out of my body. I saw myself
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laying on the ground. I saw myself ask for help. And when
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I went back in my body, I thought I was going to die.
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I thought, this is it. I was completely at peace
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with that. And I thought
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that was the end. Turns out it wasn't.
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Spoiler alert, here you are. Here we are. Here we are.
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Um, I, and the recovery was really hard. The baby
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is fine. He's just turned 5, so it's crazy. It was 5 years ago,
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but it was, um,
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a near-death experience, an out-of-body experience, and it completely changed
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my life. It completely changed my perspective on life. It changed everything
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about how I show up. Yeah. And Although,
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you know, from the outside, I think if we were friends beforehand, you'd be like,
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no, you're the same. But my internal world is a
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completely different, it's just completely different.
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My inside world versus what it was before. Before, my mind
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was really turbulent. And I, you know,
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you were asking about parenting, you mentioned like, how are you parenting? So I had
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a 2-year-old boy at the time, and my husband
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and I were working crazy hours and crazy Hollywood hours,
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uh, we were just not on the same page. We were
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not on the same page. And really, it was, it was me. I'm gonna take,
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I'm gonna take this one. Like, this was me. I was
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really on his case about how he was parenting, how he was showing up,
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and I was really pointing the finger at him. And I, I also was
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just, I was stressed out, I was turbulent, and I was in this really you
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know, ego-driven position as a producer at The
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Ellen Show, where if you didn't have an ego, who were
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you? If you weren't like, oh, I'm the best at this, like, who were you?
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What were you doing? And I brought— I
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was just turbulent. It was just— there was a lot going on in my head.
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And what this accident, one of the main things that it taught me was
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peace inside your head is the most
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important thing, the number one thing. And how do you get peace inside your head?
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You take responsibility for how you're showing up. And it's
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living outside of this victim mindset. Like, I could have taken this accident
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and been like, I got run over by a car, woe is me.
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But turning that pain into
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purpose has catapulted my life
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and created more joy,
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more peace, more love, more gratitude
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than I could ever imagine. And it's totally changed
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how I show up every single day, how I get up in the morning,
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how even if there's something that, how Matt's parenting, how I'm
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like, I would've done it differently. Like I am checking myself before
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I jump down his throat, before I say something that,
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you know, maybe I'll regret later. And so it's really,
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it's really changed everything and it sent me on this spiritual path that
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has also given me so much fulfillment and
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lights me up and makes me so excited to talk about all
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the things that I've learned with this work. With the, with the work being
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how to show up, how to better yourself, how to
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constantly be a better, higher version of yourself, and how
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to be light. Yeah. So A little bit
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about me. It's a light thing. Um, it's absolutely
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wild. So there's a million things I want to ask you, obviously,
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but how did the baby survive? Great question.
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I mean, there was definitely divine intervention that day. It's a total miracle.
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So, uh, a tire went over my,
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like, back and hips, and then a tire went over my shoulders.
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So, holy shit. I mean, 18 weeks, I wasn't, like, super big
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yet. Yeah. So also there was so much protection going on in the
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womb. Yeah. And, um, the— what really took
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the brunt was my hip socket because my hip socket shattered.
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Oh my God. And so now we have a plate and 6 screws in there
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and a large scar. But you know what? I kind
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of like the scar. I kind of like it. Yeah, it's quite the reminder.
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And I, I mean, I thought, I, I thought it was over. And the only
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reason why I, you know, right after they took us to the hospital,
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I, um, they had to put me out because
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they, they didn't give me any pain meds on the way
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there because I was pregnant. So they had to put me out when we first
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got there because they're like, you're this, you know, we have to put your hip
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back in. And so they, they put me out and I was like
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kind of coming to and there was so much going on.
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But I remember this woman kind of above me with an
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ultrasound on my stomach, and I didn't, I didn't know
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what she was saying, but she was like cooing as they do when you get
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an ultrasound. She's like, I see them, you know. And so
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I was like, okay, her tone means everything's okay,
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right? So it was just like, just by her tone, I knew it was all
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right. But it was kind of special, you know, with him
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being in there with me during this. Wes, who is—
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who, who came out the oldest soul of all of us, our whole family.
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Our youngest is like by far the oldest soul. And I've had,
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you know, I've had had plenty of mediums and healers tell me,
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you know, without obviously them not talking to each other, that he is,
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he is an old soul. Like, he's actually gonna come here to help all of
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us and not the other way around. You would have needed in all
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of this. Yes. Wow. That's wild.
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So the other question that struck, stuck out to me when you said that was
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you thought you, that was it and you were totally at peace with
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that. How, as a mother, because I feel like at
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least I think it's a universal experience, but after you become a mom, like,
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things are more— you're more fearful of things because of something.
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Like, you feel, you know, fearless when you're younger.
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Nothing's gonna happen to me. And then suddenly that shifts because you're
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like, well, now I have to be here. I have to be here for somebody
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else. That would be the driving force, right? So how can you feel at
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peace? Because you already had a child, and then obviously we're creating
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more life. I love this question. I love this
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question so much because I think that what I've
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learned through this whole journey and what I learned
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after I flew out of my body is that it's
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not over when we die. We are
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evolving into something else. It's an expansion basically of
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our consciousness and I
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felt at peace because it's a surrender.
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Yeah, that's what happens when we die. We end up surrendering. And I,
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you know, right after this, I don't think I even mentioned this to you,
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but I ended up doing a whole documentary on death and dying. I spent a
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lot of time at this nonprofit hospice and this here
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in Rochester. And you— I did this whole documentary. It's called The Isaiah
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House Project. You think it'd be sad because it's about death and dying. It is
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so inspiring. It's about love. It's about
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caring for someone at the end of their life. And you think, you just,
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people, society tells us that death is scary.
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And I actually think it's not. I know it's an
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unpopular opinion. I know death is sad.
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I know, of course, like, it's sad. We grieve
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those, but it's the people that are here on earth,
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that are suffering. The people that are dying are actually not suffering
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at all. Like, it is in this evolution, and you
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just move behind the veil. You slip through the veil. And so
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it's like, even if I wanted to have
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fear, like, you can't have it. It's like, it's not
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even what you experience on the
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other side. And that's like, that's the only explanation I can give, because I do
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feel like I slipped through the veil during that time. Yeah. And coming back
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in It just gives, it gives me so much peace about
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what happens when this is all over.
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And that we can, we're, we're here, we're still here. Like our consciousness is
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still here. I still saw myself there. Right. Like, so we're still
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there. Like your brother, I think about your brother now. We just talked about him.
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Like he's still here. He's probably with us right this,
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in right this moment. Like he can still be with us, but he is not
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suffering in any way. It's us that is like, we're, we miss,
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we miss them. We miss people that we lost. But, but, you know,
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we also are, we also are taught fear as mothers.
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Like we are taught to fear so many other things. And I, I also
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think that when we can check ourselves in
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that fear and shift that fear into
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love, how can we best love during the situation? Like we're all showing, we're all
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trying to do our best, right? We're all doing our best, but when we show
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any type of fear, is going to keep us small,
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and it's going to keep us in a space where it's harder to make the
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decisions that we want to make that are clear-headed and not out of
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fear, but that are based out of love.
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Oh my God, so inspiring. There's— we could go so many places.
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I have— I want to ask you a lot of questions about the fear and
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the mothering stuff. Yes. Before I do, I'm curious, because now
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that you have this experience from the other person,
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As a human, have you lost someone close to you since this happened?
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Yes, I have. How does that— did that reshape
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your grief now knowing, or how did you process it different, do you feel?
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Absolutely. I mean, it's still devastating.
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I think it's still devastating, and there's still a lot of
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tears, and it's just— you still miss them every— all
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the time. Like, it's, it's really my— it's my— I'm thinking about my friend's mom.
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Okay. Who was like a second mother to me. And she
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died last year. And she just, you know,
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when she moved, when we moved to Rochester, she took care of us. She was
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like our mom here. She was my mom here. And yeah,
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it was really, it's really hard to lose her. But I also, you know,
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we keep her alive. We share, we share videos with
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her and pictures of her. And I just sent my friend the other day
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picture of us together as we were like looking through pictures. And so
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yeah, I mean, the— there's still grief, but there's a peace
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about where they are. And then I also talk to her.
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Yeah, yeah, I also talk to her. Like, I talk to my gram all
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the time, but she's like my— she's like my go-to. But I mean,
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I just— I feel like I'm just like, hey, remember this? Yeah, I know
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you're here. And it feels good.
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It feels good. I— and you— I can ask for signs and get
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them, right? Do you ever do that? Oh yeah.
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So I, similarly with going through a
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highly different traumatic experience than you, but having a traumatic experience
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in losing my brother, it sent me on the same spiritual path.
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Um, but also I've like— I told you I was down a rabbit hole with
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your videos. Like, there's a lot of things you've done that I haven't done that
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I am like so wanting to and so wanted to back
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then. And now I'm like, who has the time? But you have the time,
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so I'll be asking you how you do it. Oh my gosh, yes.
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It also sent me down that same, like, path that really—
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it just— it changed your connection, and it does feel
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so much different. So there is— of course, I grieve my brother still.
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I don't think I fully have. I don't think I ever fully will, right?
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Like, it's there constantly, and there's a lot of things that I wonder.
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But knowing— like, needing to find some sort of connection and
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knowing that it is still there, like, there's wild medium stories,
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wild connection that we've— I've had with him,
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that does give you a little bit of a sense of peace of peace
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with after. Like you said, our society, like, we see death and
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it's sad. And that's, you know, true. I was so afraid of death
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when I was little, like crippling fear, but mostly about my own death.
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Weird kid, weird adult, like weird human. It's okay.
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I don't think that's that uncommon. Yeah. Well, just like I would kind of lie
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awake at night thinking like, do you just— it's just a black box? Like what
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happens? You know, as like a 5-year-old girl, like I told you, all my thoughts
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are existential. They always have been. But I almost—
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when this happened, I was like— 'cause I also saw a lot of death when
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I was younger. Like, I was born with a bunch of great-grandparents, so I was
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like— it was around me. Like, I wasn't a kid
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that was shielded from that. And I think that's probably
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why I thought so deeply about it. And now, coming here,
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I'm like— or coming to the place that I was 10 years ago, like,
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was I prepped for that? Was this in my space for a reason?
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Or, like, now I just have to find the meaning? Um, so I don't have—
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the same fear around it. But I do have a crippling fear of
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losing another person close to me. Like, now it would be like my children,
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which I've worked through a lot. I don't have anxiety around it like
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I first did because it was all like, I know how this feels and I
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don't want to experience it again. But I still like,
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I still have a thought occasionally, like, if I don't
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know how I would go on if I lost one of them, you know,
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because of— so it's It's totally different. Like, I don't have the perspective you
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have. I do from a connection standpoint, but from that loss standpoint,
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it's, it's scary to like think about, okay, I know how
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this feels. I don't want to do it again. But we're going to have to,
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right? Because we all have these like deep connections in our lives. It's the beauty
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of being human. It is. Yeah, it is.
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And feeling it also is beautiful too. I know. If you can,
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if you can, if you can like muster the courage to believe that, you know,
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it doesn't make it any easier though to have that love. Of worse, then you
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also can feel that pain. But I, I have a weird relationship with that
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too, because I'm— I deeply feel for other people. Like,
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I, I am so— I can— if I see something or hear something
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related to you, I have to avoid the news because of it. I have like
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these— I— it's definitely in my astrological chart, my Human Design,
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all the things. But I'm like deeply, deeply feeling— I'm a Pisces.
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But I— when it relates to other people, not when it relates to me.
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When it relates to me, I close off from it. I probably— from this fear.
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But like, to that point, I think I said to you when I was looking
17:30.450 --> 17:34.269
at all of your posts, watching your 5-year anniversary post, like, I was
17:34.382 --> 17:38.204
at the gym and I was just tears streaming down
17:38.704 --> 17:42.635
my face. I'm like, people are probably like, is she okay? Like, she's doing
17:42.668 --> 17:44.867
squats and crying. Like, what's happening here?
17:46.120 --> 17:49.139
But it was just so emotional. And I was like,
17:49.155 --> 17:52.720
man, like, what you've been through, what you've come out on the other
17:53.220 --> 17:56.782
side, like, all of these things, it was— it's beautiful. It's so beautiful.
17:56.879 --> 18:01.369
And I think Especially the baby stuff. Like, that really is just
18:01.754 --> 18:06.228
unbelievable. And so I am curious to segue
18:06.260 --> 18:08.969
into that because I don't even know where we're going with half of this,
18:08.985 --> 18:12.337
but it's your— that's okay— motherhood perspective. Like,
18:13.218 --> 18:16.858
obviously, 2 postpartum experiences are— your first is always a little
18:17.358 --> 18:20.802
scarier because the first kid is— there's so much around that, and versus—
18:21.302 --> 18:24.891
totally. So of course you have that experience, but I'm sure all
18:24.939 --> 18:28.549
of this shaped it tremendously. So like, how was your— what
18:29.049 --> 18:32.288
was your— the difference in your experience from one to the next? And then also,
18:32.336 --> 18:34.968
how old was your son when this happened? You said like 2? He was 2.
18:35.209 --> 18:38.867
Yeah. So then also, like, I'm sure your perspective on parenting,
18:39.124 --> 18:42.847
other than your husband's parenting, but your own also probably shifted.
18:42.911 --> 18:46.763
So tell me more about that. Yes. So my
18:47.263 --> 18:50.373
first was a real gut punch.
18:50.758 --> 18:53.085
Yeah. Like, it was like— I was like, oh shoot,
18:54.065 --> 18:57.324
No one can prepare you. No words can prepare you. No mental thing. I was
18:57.340 --> 19:00.535
not ready. I wasn't ready. Nobody is. Nobody is. I was not
19:00.567 --> 19:02.943
ready. You think you are, you are not. I thought I was ready. I was
19:02.959 --> 19:06.218
definitely not ready. And it was really, really hard.
19:06.266 --> 19:09.926
I was super stressed out and I definitely had
19:10.344 --> 19:13.555
what I thought was postpartum, but it also could have just been like months of
19:14.055 --> 19:16.974
sleep deprivation. So it's unclear,
19:17.103 --> 19:21.371
but it was really, really difficult. And you know, He was, he was also challenging.
19:21.419 --> 19:24.849
When I, when I compare them, I'm like, was he challenging?
19:25.106 --> 19:28.135
Was he just absorbing all of
19:28.168 --> 19:31.502
my stress? Because he also, I've noticed he definitely
19:31.614 --> 19:34.868
is, he takes on every, the energy of the room. If the
19:34.884 --> 19:38.571
energy of the room is chaotic, he, you can't even, like, he,
19:38.731 --> 19:42.082
he's 8 now and he's just like, he can't even focus. And so
19:42.274 --> 19:45.849
that was really hard. And also, you know, Matt working in the industry, he was
19:46.025 --> 19:49.295
off for like 4 days. I know my husband was the same. I was
19:49.391 --> 19:52.389
like, totally, like, then he had to go, we had no choice, right? And then
19:52.438 --> 19:55.901
I was alone with 2 kids. I'm like, uh, what am I supposed to do
19:56.401 --> 19:59.991
now? It's so— it's just, it's just, it's just wild what
20:00.491 --> 20:03.936
they expect of like a new mom. There's so much put on you. Yeah.
20:04.224 --> 20:08.314
Um, so I felt like it was really challenging. My first
20:08.814 --> 20:12.355
was really challenging. When I found out I was having a second boy, we were
20:12.855 --> 20:15.754
still in Los Angeles, and I was like, we can't live here anymore. We have
20:15.770 --> 20:19.556
to go. We have to go somewhere where we have help. Yeah, because— yes,
20:19.717 --> 20:23.328
I can relate. Because I was just like, we, we have one that's— he's
20:23.828 --> 20:26.875
insane. Like, he literally is flying off the walls. Like, even I have friends now
20:27.019 --> 20:30.293
where, like, their little girls are like, they have— they are sitting and
20:30.614 --> 20:33.824
eating and coloring and reading. And even
20:34.324 --> 20:37.082
like my friends who have just girls now, I'm just like, their household, when their
20:37.195 --> 20:40.084
girls come over and they're just like sitting at the afternoon, meanwhile mine are like
20:40.806 --> 20:44.786
just screaming, wrestling, pulling things
20:45.286 --> 20:48.230
down, can't stop touching anything. It's just like, it's chaos. So I was like,
20:48.730 --> 20:51.890
if it's gonna be chaos, like I'm gonna need another set of hands.
20:52.390 --> 20:56.290
Yeah. So, so, you know, it really propelled us to,
20:56.790 --> 21:00.630
to move. But, but after the accident and,
21:01.130 --> 21:03.570
you know, I was pregnant, so then I couldn't walk for 3 months. I was
21:04.070 --> 21:07.970
getting more pregnant. Then I had gestational diabetes. Oh my God.
21:08.470 --> 21:11.210
Pile it on. Pile it on. Probably because you couldn't move. So your body was
21:11.710 --> 21:14.450
just like, well, who knows? My body was like, yeah, you're not, you're not moving.
21:14.950 --> 21:17.130
Like when I look back at pictures, I was like the skinniest pregnant woman.
21:17.630 --> 21:20.412
I was like gaunt. I saw you. Your legs in one of them. And I
21:20.912 --> 21:24.108
was like, I don't know how she's holding that baby up. Like, I,
21:24.205 --> 21:27.259
yeah, I was barely, I was barely, I mean, I was like basically just like
21:27.759 --> 21:30.203
laying down for, I mean, I was like on a walker, but I was,
21:30.460 --> 21:33.598
I was jumping around. It was crazy. Um,
21:34.418 --> 21:38.412
but yeah, then January
21:38.686 --> 21:41.746
I had a baby. So I, so it was like 4 months later. Wow.
21:41.826 --> 21:45.267
And, but there was just at, by that point there was so much gratitude
21:45.527 --> 21:48.814
in surviving this and being able to walk again. And then we had moved
21:49.314 --> 21:52.932
into a house. And I was just—
21:53.494 --> 21:57.283
there was so much gratitude. It was like, oh, he was an angel baby.
21:57.749 --> 22:01.345
Yeah, he was. He slept. And I also— quite literally, he's an
22:01.845 --> 22:05.697
angel baby. But also, he like, he slept. He slept way
22:05.857 --> 22:09.068
more than like my first one slept. It's like, that was everything, you know?
22:09.149 --> 22:11.702
And then I knew the things. I knew the things that I didn't know the
22:11.718 --> 22:14.849
first time around, like that they're supposed to sleep— newborns are supposed to sleep
22:15.349 --> 22:18.500
every 90 minutes. I know. No one told me that. The amount of
22:19.000 --> 22:22.220
stress you can remove from yourself. But even if someone told you that, you'd be
22:22.720 --> 22:25.820
like, something's wrong. This is too much sleeping. I don't know. You know, like you
22:26.320 --> 22:29.820
tell yourself all these things like that are not, that don't matter. It's so
22:30.320 --> 22:33.540
true. But of course they matter. Yes. No. So yeah, I mean,
22:34.040 --> 22:37.040
like he, the beginning of him was just easier.
22:37.540 --> 22:39.920
And I think Matt and I were just, you were just ready.
22:40.720 --> 22:43.920
You were, we were, we were ready. And like the pain also wasn't that bad
22:44.420 --> 22:48.514
either. I had 2 C-sections and the pain from the first one was so horrific.
22:49.958 --> 22:52.060
I was 8 weeks before I was, I was like, okay.
22:52.669 --> 22:55.573
And this one, I was like up and walking that day,
22:56.135 --> 22:58.702
didn't really have that much pain. And I was like, is it because I just
22:59.202 --> 23:01.349
got run over by a car? And I know that's what I'm wondering. Did your
23:01.849 --> 23:05.344
pain tolerance shift, or was it just like something was different that time?
23:05.424 --> 23:08.088
I also think something was, something was up with my first one.
23:08.392 --> 23:11.585
Um, he was very, very breech, and they had to use like one of those
23:11.617 --> 23:14.908
tire clamps to like take opened me up. And when
23:15.408 --> 23:18.346
I showed it to a friend who's a doctor, he was like, yeah, usually they
23:18.846 --> 23:22.282
use those for people that are really overweight. And, you know, I wasn't. And so
23:22.539 --> 23:25.993
I just like, it just, it was really, it was really a
23:26.493 --> 23:29.848
hard recovery. Wow. But yeah, I mean, then the spiritual part,
23:29.864 --> 23:33.527
I mean, everything, it's, I have to still check
23:34.027 --> 23:37.351
myself because I revert back into how
23:37.479 --> 23:40.146
I was conditioned to parent, which is kind of like,
23:40.916 --> 23:44.395
Um, it was not like, not a whole lot of yelling, but a
23:44.895 --> 23:48.226
lot of like, well, if you don't do this, then this is
23:48.726 --> 23:51.929
the consequence. Like, it's a lot, it's a lot of that. Okay. And,
23:52.137 --> 23:54.894
um, one thing that I do,
23:55.984 --> 23:59.383
I, I mean, I definitely talk about spirituality with them, and we talk
23:59.883 --> 24:02.156
about death and dying with them, and it is not an elephant in the room.
24:03.438 --> 24:06.709
Um, how do you talk about it? Like, what are you—
24:06.741 --> 24:10.155
what is the language you're using? Well, they've now ex— they've now experienced it.
24:10.331 --> 24:13.971
Um, they've now had— they've had a great-grandma mother die. They've had,
24:14.661 --> 24:18.222
you know, Sharon, who is like I said, my second mom, like, they used
24:18.366 --> 24:20.852
to call her Shasha. They've had her,
24:21.397 --> 24:25.487
they've had her die too. And, um, we just, we like
24:25.504 --> 24:29.080
don't shy away from it anymore. It's, she, where did she go?
24:29.209 --> 24:32.513
She, she went to the other side of the veil. She's still with
24:32.641 --> 24:36.074
us. She's with us in our heart. And we can talk to
24:36.574 --> 24:39.907
her at any time and we can always think about her and remember
24:39.923 --> 24:42.938
her. She's not physically here,
24:43.146 --> 24:47.717
but she's still with us. And honestly, it's like when kids hear
24:47.781 --> 24:51.341
things like this and they don't feel your fear, it's okay
24:51.841 --> 24:54.933
for them to feel your sadness. It's okay to be sad.
24:55.334 --> 24:57.868
But when they don't feel your fear around it,
24:58.541 --> 25:02.374
then they don't think there's anything to be afraid
25:02.874 --> 25:06.287
of. Right. I mean, truly, it's like, I mean, this is a real
25:06.383 --> 25:10.760
big turn, but like, Like, when we talk about, like, about gender today,
25:11.850 --> 25:15.344
like, girl or a boy, and like, I feel like I've been telling
25:15.376 --> 25:17.701
my kids since they were little, like, you can be a girl, you can be
25:17.717 --> 25:21.099
a boy, or you can be a mix of both. Like, yeah, it's, it's how
25:21.308 --> 25:24.209
we learned it. It's the conditioning that we came up with that makes it more
25:24.337 --> 25:29.227
confusing for people who are our age or older to take
25:29.727 --> 25:31.888
you out of the box that we put you in. But if we don't put
25:31.952 --> 25:35.558
anything in a box, then it's not there to begin with. Like, we're just conditioning
25:35.639 --> 25:38.925
them differently to be more open-minded about it. Yeah, just like
25:39.425 --> 25:43.107
you more open-minded about death. And I've taken them into this hospice because it's a
25:43.607 --> 25:47.001
beautiful place where people show up to love
25:47.770 --> 25:51.247
someone, to take care of someone at the end
25:51.279 --> 25:55.573
of their life. Which is like, when you think about having—
25:55.829 --> 25:59.290
when you think about dying, when you think our time here is finite,
25:59.771 --> 26:03.632
doesn't it become more precious? Doesn't it make you want to like
26:03.696 --> 26:07.045
take each day and do something with it instead
26:07.545 --> 26:10.557
of You know, not, I mean, it's okay to rest too, but I just mean
26:10.573 --> 26:15.335
like to have gratitude in the wind,
26:15.639 --> 26:19.391
the breeze against your face. Yeah. Is just something that
26:19.891 --> 26:23.689
you take for granted, but people that are dying don't. And I've
26:24.189 --> 26:27.392
just learned so much. They're such great teachers, people who are dying.
26:27.889 --> 26:30.920
Yeah. And if we can allow ourselves to be open to it,
26:31.914 --> 26:35.169
we, those lessons can carry on to anyone, including our kids.
26:36.550 --> 26:40.114
I have so many thoughts. My God. Oh my gosh. Oh my God. I'm like,
26:40.243 --> 26:43.807
oh, where do I go? Um, well, first the conditioning piece. I think
26:44.307 --> 26:47.774
about that a lot lately. Yeah. Um, especially because like I took this Human Design
26:47.870 --> 26:51.387
course and that's big on like conditioning. But I, I've always
26:51.419 --> 26:55.369
worried about societal conditioning for like
26:55.433 --> 26:59.222
before I was even gonna become a mom. Like I, which is actually one
26:59.722 --> 27:01.727
of the things that I want to ask you with this experience too, but I
27:02.081 --> 27:05.562
had like, I used to be I had really bad body image issues,
27:05.610 --> 27:09.104
but I've also had an eating disorder, like all these things in my long,
27:09.152 --> 27:12.887
long, long time ago. And one of the driving forces around healing
27:12.919 --> 27:16.029
it, because I healed it all on my own. Now it's been— feels like forever,
27:16.109 --> 27:19.075
like it's a past life, even though it's a current life.
27:20.357 --> 27:24.237
And was that I never wanted to put this on a child.
27:24.301 --> 27:28.661
Like I never wanted children to grow up around me
27:28.773 --> 27:32.156
having these thoughts or speaking this way and then put it on them.
27:32.300 --> 27:36.132
Right. And so that was like, that's a palpable example. Of conditioning,
27:36.228 --> 27:40.046
right? But even now, like, more subtle things, because I do— I still
27:40.239 --> 27:43.384
go to therapy and I do all this healing totally driven around
27:43.884 --> 27:46.496
the way I show up as a mother, because I think it's such a big
27:46.996 --> 27:49.528
responsibility that some people don't take and look at it that way, which is fine,
27:49.641 --> 27:54.197
right? To each their own. But that's how I see it. And I— but
27:54.277 --> 27:57.759
then I think so, especially like lately,
27:57.887 --> 28:02.202
there's such a drive around outward appearance,
28:02.234 --> 28:06.081
as there always has been, but in this like very augmented way that's
28:06.386 --> 28:09.864
alarming. And it's for girls. And like, I worry— I'm
28:10.364 --> 28:13.904
a girl and I worry about it for my daughter, but it impacts men,
28:14.080 --> 28:18.008
of course, the same, and little boys too. So that's a whole nother tangent.
28:18.424 --> 28:22.320
But I'm, I'm like working on the—
28:22.336 --> 28:26.375
why I have not— I don't do any of the augmentation. That's a belief
28:26.423 --> 28:29.758
that I have. And again, I don't judge people who do, but I
28:29.950 --> 28:32.787
think about it. You see it, you're faced with it, you're thinking about like,
28:33.332 --> 28:36.218
Do I need to do this or show up this way or be this way,
28:36.394 --> 28:39.889
et cetera, et cetera? And so I worry about any sort
28:40.389 --> 28:44.457
of external conditioning that I am inadvertently putting on my children. And then
28:44.957 --> 28:48.625
I think like, okay, great, I'm going to clear up everything that I do to
28:49.125 --> 28:51.511
make sure that I don't condition them in any way and let them show up
28:52.011 --> 28:56.143
as themselves. And yet they are still going to be people in society
28:56.400 --> 28:59.574
and be faced with those things and faced with friends.
28:59.622 --> 29:02.780
And there's so little that I can control there.
29:03.469 --> 29:07.080
And so there's like an acceptance piece of it too. And then the last piece
29:07.580 --> 29:11.560
of that is like last night, this actually was a prevalent experience where I
29:12.060 --> 29:14.940
was like, the kids weren't listening, they were being crazy.
29:15.000 --> 29:18.040
And I was like, who's going to be my big helper first? You know,
29:18.540 --> 29:21.180
who's going to let me change their clothes for bedtime and help me out first?
29:21.680 --> 29:23.420
And both of them were like, I don't want to do it. And I was
29:23.920 --> 29:26.580
like, oh man, I guess I don't have any helpers. And then I saw my,
29:27.080 --> 29:30.440
like, my daughter decided she was going to help. And she got like,
29:30.940 --> 29:32.780
put her up on the changing table. And I saw her eyes starting to well
29:33.280 --> 29:34.820
up. And I was like, honey, what's the matter? Like, what's wrong? And so I
29:35.320 --> 29:38.415
picked her up. Up and held her because I was like, I don't know why
29:38.915 --> 29:42.086
she was crying. I thought something happened. And she didn't have a reason. She like
29:42.586 --> 29:45.661
snapped out and she snapped out of it. And then she was like, well,
29:45.885 --> 29:49.796
sometimes I— she's 2 and a half— sometimes I make you feel sad and sometimes
29:50.296 --> 29:52.666
I make Daddy feel sad and sometimes I can make Maddox feel sad. And I
29:53.166 --> 29:56.385
was like, whoa, like slow our roll here. Like we need to figure out
29:56.593 --> 30:00.120
how to make sure that A, you understand you are not what's making me sad
30:00.620 --> 30:04.031
and this is not your responsibility. But like at 2 and a half, you're already
30:04.063 --> 30:07.397
picking that up on like how you can— how you personally
30:07.413 --> 30:10.977
are impacting other people's emotions, like, it really freaked me out.
30:11.186 --> 30:14.880
I was like, oh my God, the conditioning and the, like, putting the boxes and
30:15.380 --> 30:17.739
all that stuff around these little kids. Um,
30:18.590 --> 30:21.770
so I'm curious with this experience, you know, like, like,
30:21.787 --> 30:25.111
how do you work with that and think about that? And how did this reshape
30:25.611 --> 30:29.191
your experience around that? And like, what are some things you
30:29.255 --> 30:32.949
left behind after, you know, like, did that— how does that have
30:33.449 --> 30:36.756
that impact here? And give us like your thoughts and how you
30:37.479 --> 30:40.554
Basically, help me, help me not, not do this.
30:42.027 --> 30:46.671
I mean, I feel like that's a real tough one because if
30:46.785 --> 30:50.585
you, if you look at it like, oh, you just learned something though about
30:50.909 --> 30:54.677
how your daughter takes in the world. You know, you just
30:54.710 --> 30:58.794
learned that she is very
30:59.294 --> 31:02.764
attuned to your and your husband's emotions.
31:03.338 --> 31:06.289
And how you feel. And so,
31:06.529 --> 31:09.753
I mean, that's real, that's really tricky because I
31:10.253 --> 31:13.521
mean, then, then it's, then it's you amending how you are.
31:13.842 --> 31:17.130
It's, it's hard because like saying like,
31:17.499 --> 31:20.385
oh, I guess mommy doesn't have a helper. It's like,
31:21.684 --> 31:25.293
that's a fact because nobody wants to help you. I know. You are
31:25.793 --> 31:29.222
not wrong in that. That is true. I know. I wasn't like crying or
31:29.722 --> 31:32.429
anything. I was just like, yeah. Oh man, I guess I don't have a helper.
31:32.814 --> 31:35.720
And then he's like, That is the result,
31:36.220 --> 31:39.480
right? Yeah. I'm like, that's just what's happening. Because she— and she's also— her and
31:39.980 --> 31:41.860
I are very similar. My husband and my son are very similar. So I,
31:42.360 --> 31:45.760
I do this too. I take on everyone else's emotions. I feel responsible for
31:46.260 --> 31:49.200
other people. Like, I've done this my whole life. So I'm like, watch, she's clearly
31:49.700 --> 31:52.320
picking this stuff up from me, I assume subconsciously.
31:52.430 --> 31:55.640
Um, and also maybe it's just how we're wired. But even in the
31:56.140 --> 31:58.860
car today, I was like, let's have a chat about emotions. Like, you know,
31:59.360 --> 32:02.400
you don't make anyone feel a certain way. Like, you don't make Mommy sad.
32:02.900 --> 32:06.575
But also, Mommy's gonna be sad sometimes. And that's okay. Like, it's okay
32:07.075 --> 32:09.939
to be sad. It's okay to be happy. It's okay to— you're also having this
32:10.439 --> 32:14.249
conversation with a 2-and-a-half-year-old. So I'm like, I don't know what's landing and what's not
32:14.749 --> 32:19.168
and like how to do this, you know? I also feel like with
32:19.668 --> 32:22.677
a 2-and-a-half-year-old, it's like you're both— you're learning about each other.
32:23.222 --> 32:27.003
And I don't think that there's— you did anything wrong in that
32:27.503 --> 32:31.377
scenario. And I think that it led to this beautiful
32:31.409 --> 32:33.990
conversation you can then have with her about how,
32:34.455 --> 32:38.452
yes, it's like all these things can be true. She is not
32:38.952 --> 32:43.026
responsible for your emotions, and she is responsible
32:43.042 --> 32:46.461
for how she decides whether or not she's gonna be your helper
32:46.961 --> 32:50.313
or not, you know? True, true. So much choice. And I'll say, that is
32:50.425 --> 32:53.988
one thing that I talk to my kids a lot about is choice,
32:54.197 --> 32:57.905
and choosing how we think, and choosing what we
32:58.405 --> 33:01.243
say, and choosing our words well. And like, my kids, I think, are a little
33:01.324 --> 33:04.824
older than yours. Your, your daughter's 2. How old is yours? I have twins.
33:04.872 --> 33:07.844
They're both 2 and a half. Oh my gosh.
33:07.924 --> 33:11.618
Okay. Yes. So it's like, it's at this age, I think
33:12.118 --> 33:15.248
it's also, that's, it's, it's hard because they're so little. So they're picking up on
33:15.376 --> 33:19.006
all the things that you're not saying also. Yeah. Because they also haven't been taught
33:19.070 --> 33:22.202
out of that. Um, you know, as my kids get older,
33:22.218 --> 33:26.120
what I've realized, especially now, even like with
33:26.136 --> 33:29.315
my friends' kids who are girls, who are, are in,
33:29.363 --> 33:33.212
you know, first, second, third grade, they're having a lot of issues with like
33:33.276 --> 33:37.414
girls fighting. Like, these girls are like being catty in
33:37.914 --> 33:41.086
first, second, third grade. You think mean girls, like, can't we get over that?
33:41.150 --> 33:44.806
Like, where— I know, years ago, were we— I know, girls were mean.
33:44.855 --> 33:48.623
Why are girls still mean? Well, and I, I've— what I— one thing
33:48.671 --> 33:51.029
that I realized that Matt and I don't do,
33:52.199 --> 33:55.631
um, which I'm really— and we really just, we This really
33:55.647 --> 33:59.593
isn't, it's not really in our nature, but we like don't talk crap
33:59.673 --> 34:03.650
about other people. Yeah, we're like that too. Especially like in front of our kids.
34:04.083 --> 34:07.371
But you know, I've been in situations where there's like a, you know,
34:07.451 --> 34:11.253
a bunch of moms around a bunch of kids and there people are talking about
34:11.605 --> 34:14.027
other women, like women talking about other women. Mm-hmm.
34:15.374 --> 34:18.502
And maybe this woman did something that was, you know, out of the norm and
34:19.002 --> 34:21.341
people were talking about it, but the way they're talking about it, these young girls
34:21.841 --> 34:24.884
are picking up on it. Right. And so it's like, that is It's like we
34:24.996 --> 34:28.827
being so aware of what we're saying, even when our kids
34:28.843 --> 34:32.482
are like watching TV. Yeah. Right. Even when they're just in earshot.
34:32.610 --> 34:35.736
Because they do, like they will, they are picking up
34:36.236 --> 34:39.487
on all the things. And, um, and so now, now as
34:39.583 --> 34:42.806
they're old, as they get older, it's like I really am just talking to them
34:43.306 --> 34:46.380
a lot about their choices and how they're choosing their words.
34:46.797 --> 34:49.506
And when I mess up, which I do all the time,
34:50.083 --> 34:54.251
I'm like, mommy did not choose her words correctly. And I'm
34:54.751 --> 34:57.716
really sorry about that. I'm going to make this choice now to tell you that
34:58.216 --> 35:01.614
I love you and I'm so happy and proud to be your mom. I love
35:01.630 --> 35:04.581
being your mom. That's one thing I say all the time is I love being
35:04.597 --> 35:08.110
your mom. Um, because I, they, I want them
35:08.142 --> 35:11.912
to also know that I love them, but like being a
35:12.412 --> 35:16.211
mom, what a privilege it is, even though it is so freaking
35:16.307 --> 35:19.179
hard and the day is full of so many emotions,
35:19.516 --> 35:22.916
ups and downs. It's chaos. You're trying to get them in and out the door.
35:23.350 --> 35:27.295
Like, don't recommend doing it in Rochester where there's lots of snow and
35:27.795 --> 35:30.438
they need like 18 layers and they need help with all of them.
35:31.560 --> 35:35.008
But at the end of the day, it's like in those quiet moments before
35:35.088 --> 35:38.376
bed, I just feel like as long as you are
35:38.841 --> 35:41.728
showing, like, as long as you're doing your best and saying that you love them,
35:41.808 --> 35:45.560
like, you're really not doing anything wrong. Like, you're only learning.
35:45.913 --> 35:49.473
And when I think about when, when you mentioned the piece about, uh, your fear
35:50.725 --> 35:54.014
earlier, I thought about Kabbalah,
35:54.480 --> 35:58.090
the tikkun. Do you know, are you familiar with Kabbalah? Like,
35:58.186 --> 36:01.412
at all? A little bit. But I highly doubt that anyone listening is.
36:01.476 --> 36:04.781
So please. It's very new. It's very new for me,
36:04.845 --> 36:09.691
but I'm just like, I'm super into it. But yeah, yeah, Kabbalah is— it's
36:10.060 --> 36:13.847
an old sacred teachings.
36:14.056 --> 36:18.388
And essentially the teaching is they— there's
36:18.888 --> 36:22.513
2 pieces to it. One, there is a creator. Something you could call God
36:23.013 --> 36:26.815
or Source or light, and the other is the vessel. We are
36:27.315 --> 36:31.936
the vessel, and our job as the vessel is to embody
36:32.033 --> 36:35.500
as much light, be like the Creator as much as we can. That's our
36:36.000 --> 36:39.032
job. That's our whole job. That's why we show up to Earth school, to be
36:39.532 --> 36:43.013
here, to be able to be like the Creator in everything.
36:43.061 --> 36:45.614
It's like— and people can call it other things. You can pull down the version
36:46.114 --> 36:49.209
of your highest self. You can, you know, reach for your highest self, whatever,
36:49.225 --> 36:52.674
whatever it is. It's kind of like, it's kind of like the same. But what
36:53.174 --> 36:57.336
I love about Kabbalah is that every day we are working
36:57.464 --> 37:01.085
to expand our vessel. Because our vessel can have— it can
37:01.585 --> 37:05.027
be like a bucket, and it can have some holes in it. And those holes
37:05.527 --> 37:09.401
are meant to be there because that is like our tikkun, which is our soul's
37:09.901 --> 37:12.766
correction. Like how we are going to correct. What are we going to show up?
37:12.846 --> 37:15.730
What are we— what is our work here? We are not going to show up
37:15.890 --> 37:18.918
all light because then we would not be able to feel anything, and there would
37:18.950 --> 37:22.766
be nothing to work on. Like, we're showing up with holes, with pieces of darkness
37:22.942 --> 37:26.582
in us, and our job is to figure out how to expand our vessel
37:27.082 --> 37:29.405
to include and be able to hold more light.
37:30.239 --> 37:33.398
And something like the fear piece is like, when you first said
37:33.898 --> 37:35.691
that, the first thing I thought was, oh, that might be one of her tycoons,
37:35.707 --> 37:39.139
which is like amazing that you could figure out like what it
37:39.639 --> 37:42.250
is. Like, what are the things that we need to correct? Like, that's one thing
37:42.266 --> 37:46.227
you already— you're already— you're aware of it. The awareness is like 95%
37:46.435 --> 37:49.724
of like the battle. Yeah. Because once you are aware of
37:50.224 --> 37:52.756
it, then you can figure out how to work with it and you can,
37:53.109 --> 37:56.848
and you can, you know, pause in the moment instead of being reactive
37:56.880 --> 38:00.329
to the fear and see if you can like shift that in some way.
38:00.955 --> 38:04.116
And that is the daily work. It's just like, and it's,
38:04.164 --> 38:07.244
these are all big concepts for our kids right now. Sure.
38:07.405 --> 38:11.175
But, um, but it impacts how we parent. But they impact,
38:11.239 --> 38:14.528
yeah, they impact how we show up in every moment because if we,
38:14.689 --> 38:18.573
and I literally like Like, my son
38:18.622 --> 38:22.401
Will just got a Nintendo Switch. He like purchased
38:22.901 --> 38:25.614
it with his own money, which is a big deal. That is.
38:26.196 --> 38:28.386
Because I didn't want to get it for him because I was like kind of
38:28.886 --> 38:32.412
like against the video game thing. I don't know. And he
38:32.976 --> 38:36.285
was like, he gets really frustrated around it. It's like this whole, it's like
38:36.785 --> 38:41.097
there's this tension around it. And I get angry. I get angry with his frustration
38:41.597 --> 38:44.889
is like the biggest trigger for me. Okay. And so that's one thing
38:45.389 --> 38:49.277
that's like, I know mine is, and my husband
38:49.309 --> 38:54.018
is like, he is chill. He is calm
38:54.714 --> 38:58.244
in the face of chaos all the time. And that annoys
38:58.357 --> 39:00.866
me sometimes. I'm like,
39:02.482 --> 39:05.569
can you have a reaction? But like, it's so much better to not have a
39:06.069 --> 39:09.318
reaction. I'm realizing in this work, it's better to like, and respond.
39:09.880 --> 39:13.185
But, you know, I don't know what I'm doing either. So basically, like, I wish
39:13.685 --> 39:17.037
I could— I wish I could help. I wish I could help. But the one
39:17.537 --> 39:21.338
thing that helps me is that, like, I know that I want to do everything
39:21.386 --> 39:24.772
out of love. Yeah. And so when I start to feel myself being
39:24.820 --> 39:28.415
triggered, I start to think, oh, this is teaching me something.
39:28.671 --> 39:31.817
And if I can in the moment, I can try and, you know, dial it
39:32.317 --> 39:35.267
back. Because at the end of the day, it's how— it's, it's,
39:35.428 --> 39:38.541
it's how we are reacting and how That it's not, it's not even anything that,
39:38.622 --> 39:41.993
that's around us. It's like taking our own power back and recognizing that it's,
39:42.089 --> 39:45.460
we have the power to choose how we
39:45.960 --> 39:48.799
are gonna show up. And our kids,
39:49.538 --> 39:53.551
giving, giving them that lesson that
39:54.051 --> 39:57.339
it, it's not you did this, or this person did this, or this person did
39:57.839 --> 40:01.047
this on the bus. And so it makes me upset. Okay, they did that,
40:01.657 --> 40:04.932
but what can you do about it? How can you change how you're reacting
40:04.964 --> 40:09.022
to it? How can you make, not make you angry?
40:09.679 --> 40:11.746
How can we change that anger into something else?
40:12.980 --> 40:16.024
So I don't know, Sam, I don't know what I'm doing either. I know none
40:16.524 --> 40:19.053
of us do. But I think that made me think about a lot of different
40:19.553 --> 40:23.427
things. One, to reflect on this gift that is motherhood,
40:23.539 --> 40:27.705
parenting, like the— because I see it, I've seen it the same way since
40:28.205 --> 40:31.567
the day I had them. Like the beginning struggles, there was nothing like it.
40:31.663 --> 40:35.188
Nothing, nothing will ever be like that. But even And
40:35.413 --> 40:38.073
once the— over the initial hump, I would say, in the very beginning, I was
40:38.573 --> 40:41.213
like, I don't know, man. But then after that, it was like, okay, I see
40:41.245 --> 40:44.386
this, the beauty in what this is. Because to your point, like,
40:44.770 --> 40:48.841
it is so full of joy and love
40:49.017 --> 40:52.782
and these deeply fulfilling experiences and challenge
40:52.862 --> 40:56.243
and struggle and confusion. And there's nothing that
40:56.743 --> 41:00.265
you'll ever experience like it. Like, there's nothing that opens you up and shows you
41:00.890 --> 41:04.465
the, like, polar ends of the spectrum of all of these feelings
41:04.561 --> 41:08.568
and life experiences and this depth. Like, it is just— it's
41:09.068 --> 41:12.159
unreal. It's inexplicable. Like, it is just— it's wild.
41:12.416 --> 41:16.343
And I think this is also reminding me that we
41:16.439 --> 41:20.271
overcomplicate it a lot. So, of course, it's the most important thing we'll ever
41:20.771 --> 41:23.893
do. Like, I believe that so much. So, of course, we overcomplicate
41:24.393 --> 41:27.628
it. But in the very beginning, what would drive me insane
41:28.221 --> 41:30.882
is because you're so lost and you're so looking for answers,
41:31.331 --> 41:35.565
and you're kind of— I would get on this soapbox soapbox about like preying
41:35.661 --> 41:38.259
on new parents. 'Cause I think a lot of companies do it. I think a
41:38.759 --> 41:42.751
lot of social media does it. Like, I think it's
41:43.280 --> 41:46.729
just, it's natural 'cause it's like, of course everybody's in these phases that need
41:47.229 --> 41:50.467
help, but it blocks our intuition and our like ability to
41:50.659 --> 41:53.787
understand our kids and ourselves in those phases. So once
41:54.287 --> 41:57.942
I kind of turned off the outside noise, I had an easier time with newborns.
41:58.359 --> 42:00.957
And I think you're reminding me that, you know,
42:01.504 --> 42:05.078
We could go down these spirals of overcomplicating all
42:05.287 --> 42:09.054
of it, but we're never gonna be perfect. We're never gonna show up exactly right.
42:09.231 --> 42:11.942
We're never gonna know exactly what it is that we're doing,
42:12.363 --> 42:16.328
but doing our best with this intention of love and trying our best
42:16.828 --> 42:21.707
and, you know, doing the outside work so that we show up better is
42:21.820 --> 42:25.716
it, right? That's the point. And I think it's easy for me to
42:25.781 --> 42:29.050
relate to do that as a mother, but I forget to do that in
42:29.066 --> 42:31.016
other spaces of my life. Like, now I'm curious, which we're not done with parenting,
42:32.970 --> 42:35.807
stuff, because I have so many other things that I want to ask you about
42:36.307 --> 42:40.488
it. But I'm curious how I don't do it well in
42:40.536 --> 42:44.223
showing up in my relationship. One, because we're stretched too thin
42:44.723 --> 42:48.471
right now. Like, there's, there's minimal, minimal time for our relationship
42:48.971 --> 42:52.414
component. So we're like skating by. Like, sometimes we're great, sometimes we're not so great.
42:52.542 --> 42:56.454
We're managing it all, but it's not this priority
42:56.790 --> 43:00.798
of showing up the best I can there or overcomplicating that or doing whatever
43:01.298 --> 43:04.469
work, etc. So I'm curious with your experience, I know you mentioned
43:04.805 --> 43:08.289
that your mind was turbulent on the way that your husband parented, but did it
43:08.789 --> 43:12.962
have an impact on how you show up in your relationship, your marriage, your— Yeah,
43:13.154 --> 43:17.185
in that way. I mean, for sure, every— it
43:17.685 --> 43:22.322
impacted everything, like every relationship that I have. But it,
43:23.189 --> 43:27.300
it made me— I mean, when you are like
43:27.444 --> 43:30.559
laid up and unwell in a bed
43:31.558 --> 43:35.860
and then your husband comes and like does things like
43:37.622 --> 43:41.319
shave your legs for you. Oh my God. Wipe your butt.
43:41.980 --> 43:46.256
I know we're going there. It's just like he really— and he
43:46.756 --> 43:50.054
took on everything else. Like, I was like, I couldn't
43:50.554 --> 43:53.017
put Will to bed for months. I couldn't go up the stairs.
43:53.842 --> 43:57.619
And he showed up. So it's like there is there
43:57.667 --> 44:01.204
was— and a lot of that happens when you first have a baby too,
44:01.220 --> 44:05.548
because, you know, childbirth is not pretty. Yeah. And there's
44:05.644 --> 44:08.687
a lot of medical stuff that goes on on the other side of that,
44:08.864 --> 44:12.544
and there's a lot of pain, and it's not cute.
44:13.058 --> 44:16.047
And so, you know, most— if you have kids,
44:16.632 --> 44:19.108
like, most couples will experience that. But,
44:20.499 --> 44:25.580
um, but yeah, I mean, the gratitude that I felt for him
44:26.080 --> 44:28.430
showing up for me like that. And when I say that to him, he's like,
44:28.735 --> 44:32.125
well, we weren't dating. Like, of course I'm there. I was like,
44:32.591 --> 44:35.996
yeah, but like, it doesn't matter. Like, you know, there are still people that would
44:36.496 --> 44:40.044
be like, not for me. Like, get someone else to do it. Like,
44:40.703 --> 44:44.558
and no, that's one thing that
44:45.233 --> 44:49.233
society tells us is that— and this is maybe
44:49.733 --> 44:53.052
an unpopular opinion too— but is that we need to show up for our kids
44:53.565 --> 44:55.264
first. Our kids are number one.
44:56.434 --> 44:59.544
And the one of the— a year after my accident,
44:59.560 --> 45:02.782
I worked with this energy healer, Valerie Maya, who I love so much,
45:02.798 --> 45:06.756
and she's given me so much. She— the first thing she said was,
45:07.975 --> 45:10.956
no, you put yourself first.
45:11.821 --> 45:15.588
You are number one. If you are running on
45:16.088 --> 45:19.419
empty, then you cannot show up for your kids.
45:19.900 --> 45:23.174
Yeah. In the right way. You need to put yourself first. And then guess what's
45:23.674 --> 45:27.557
second? It's not your kids. It's your relationship.
45:27.862 --> 45:31.426
Wow. It's your relationship is number 2. Oh my God.
45:31.490 --> 45:34.300
I'm tearing up over here. It's like you first. I know I was doing that
45:34.800 --> 45:36.708
out of order too. I was doing that out of order too. But it's like,
45:37.013 --> 45:39.533
because they are looking at you,
45:40.400 --> 45:44.044
they're looking at you and guess what? They're gonna model themselves after how
45:44.237 --> 45:46.837
you showed up and where you're at. You are like,
45:48.251 --> 45:52.267
empty, tired, you haven't slept, you haven't like done your
45:52.767 --> 45:54.388
workout, you haven't done your meditation, you haven't done what you need to do,
45:54.934 --> 45:58.645
and you are showing up, guess what? You are, you are, you're quick
45:59.127 --> 46:02.067
to be more angry. It's like you're hangry. It's like you're,
46:02.548 --> 46:05.408
you, it's like you can't show up in the best way.
46:05.681 --> 46:08.894
And, um, and I thought that, I was like,
46:08.990 --> 46:12.974
it can't be. And it took me a long time to really
46:13.247 --> 46:16.939
kind of rework It's very slight. It's not like I'm
46:17.439 --> 46:20.583
leaving my kids out to dry. It's not like I'm leaving them with no food.
46:21.677 --> 46:24.978
Yeah. It's like, it's really more, it's really more energetic.
46:25.171 --> 46:29.003
It's really like, oh, I could do, I could take 5 minutes and close
46:29.503 --> 46:33.901
my eyes and take some deep breaths while
46:34.598 --> 46:38.051
maybe my kid, you know, maybe they need,
46:39.173 --> 46:41.606
uh, maybe they just woke up and they're in their crib and they like,
46:42.598 --> 46:46.276
I'm, instead of running in there, I'm gonna take 5 minutes
46:47.256 --> 46:50.052
for me and then I'm gonna go in there and I am gonna be able
46:50.084 --> 46:52.574
to like be the best version. Yeah.
46:52.719 --> 46:56.253
And that really, that has really helped me.
46:56.494 --> 47:00.044
And cuz moms are gonna be told that they're selfish for
47:00.544 --> 47:02.759
showing up for themselves, but oof,
47:03.579 --> 47:07.916
did that near-death experience really show me how to
47:08.416 --> 47:11.658
finally receive love for the first time,
47:11.754 --> 47:15.190
really. Because we— you said it yourself,
47:15.223 --> 47:18.370
like, you can feel everyone else's emotions, but like, once it's on you,
47:18.498 --> 47:22.127
you're like, you close up a little bit. I mean, that is like,
47:22.432 --> 47:25.419
it's so hard for us to be a receiver, but we are.
47:25.740 --> 47:28.967
Kabbalah will teach you we are meant to be receivers.
47:29.095 --> 47:32.403
We are meant to receive this light. We're meant to be open to receive
47:32.903 --> 47:36.482
the light. And the first thing is being able to like take our— put
47:36.982 --> 47:40.351
ourselves first. But it's so hard, and I know we
47:40.851 --> 47:44.349
see it everywhere, and it's such an important reminder. And I've like,
47:44.590 --> 47:47.753
I've always been the person that puts the oxygen mask on someone else. Like,
47:47.817 --> 47:51.205
I have never put myself first, even before being a
47:51.705 --> 47:54.947
mom. Um, and so I'm working on it, but then there's like layers of guilt,
47:55.027 --> 47:58.977
right? And there's like figuring out— you gotta release that. That guilt is wasted energy.
47:59.202 --> 48:02.570
That guilt is wasted energy. But because you have to put your— you have
48:03.070 --> 48:05.210
to put your oxygen mask on first. I mean, like, that's the first thing they
48:05.710 --> 48:08.810
say on an airplane. I know. I remember, I remember even when I was younger
48:09.310 --> 48:13.220
thinking like, that's crazy. Wow, you got totally the person who— the kid first.
48:13.450 --> 48:16.150
Yeah. But then like, think about it, like, you don't, and you are just like—
48:16.650 --> 48:18.970
then you're just passed out next to your baby, and then what's your baby gonna
48:19.470 --> 48:22.480
do? Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's just like, this is not okay,
48:22.590 --> 48:26.130
right? I know. We do— we have to show up for ourselves first.
48:26.170 --> 48:29.858
I love that. I remember I did a Um, I did this series with Kristen
48:29.890 --> 48:32.492
Bell for Ellen. It was called Momsplaining.
48:33.006 --> 48:35.287
Okay. And it's on YouTube.
48:35.415 --> 48:39.013
It's like, honestly, as for any new mom,
48:39.029 --> 48:42.499
it's like worth a watch. There's 6 seasons of it. But, um,
48:42.579 --> 48:46.128
it's funny. It's like funny humor about new moms.
48:46.177 --> 48:49.517
And it's Kristen Bell and she's amazing. She's the best. But I remember
48:49.662 --> 48:53.549
she did this, she had this conversation with, um, Katie Lowes.
48:54.847 --> 48:58.245
Of like Scandal fame, if I'm not sure if you ever watch that show.
48:58.373 --> 49:01.514
But, um, Katie Lowes was like new mom at the time. She had like a
49:02.014 --> 49:05.263
4-week-old, and we went to her house. Like, Kristen Bell
49:05.763 --> 49:09.157
came over, and they just sat at the kitchen table talking about all
49:09.446 --> 49:13.132
the things. This is like, honestly, it's before podcasts were a big
49:13.632 --> 49:15.984
thing. And I was like, this is literally like, this is like the first pod.
49:16.080 --> 49:19.429
This was like my 101. I was pregnant at the time, and I was just
49:19.929 --> 49:23.350
like, Like, this is everything. Like, I'm learning so much
49:23.850 --> 49:27.570
about what to expect. But I remember, I remember Kristen saying that guilt
49:28.070 --> 49:31.450
is wasted energy, and it just is. It's just wasted energy. I know, because who
49:31.950 --> 49:35.350
is it doing anything for? Literally nobody. No one. It's just bringing you
49:35.850 --> 49:38.730
down. Yeah, I was just talking to my therapist about this because I was like,
49:39.230 --> 49:42.070
I'm getting better at— I'm really bad at asking for help too. Let me just
49:42.570 --> 49:43.990
tell you all the things that I do wrong in this episode. Yeah, and that's
49:44.490 --> 49:47.670
what this space is for, right? Yeah, but I'm really bad at asking for help,
49:48.170 --> 49:49.650
and I like take on doing everything and think I can handle it all.
49:51.410 --> 49:54.857
'Cause I kind of can, but then a whole podcast. I understand.
49:55.194 --> 49:58.609
Um, and so, but I've done a decent
49:58.641 --> 50:02.489
job about asking my husband for help recently, or I'll
50:02.989 --> 50:06.562
just be like, I need— like, the mornings he's already gone
50:06.594 --> 50:10.330
because his job starts super early. So like 90%
50:10.442 --> 50:13.778
of the mornings are just me by myself with these 2 kids. Sometimes I'm getting
50:13.874 --> 50:17.081
out the door for school, sometimes they're still home, and then it's just the whole
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day. Like, it's kind of crazy. And I finally was like, on your day off,
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I think I need to just not be in the house. Like, it's because otherwise
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then I'm here and I'm helping and I'm doing something else. And so it's still
50:28.142 --> 50:31.284
on me in a different way. And then the first morning that I went to
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do it, I was like, oh, I feel bad. Oh, are they going to be
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sad that I wasn't there to take them to school? Are they going to think
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I'm not here? Like, just feeling terrible about needing like this hour to
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not have that morning responsibility. It's not like they didn't have help.
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They had their dad who's perfectly capable. Totally. So it's
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just like, why? Like, why waste that time? And that space and that mental
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capacity versus just being like, okay, I'm away now. I'm going to take this
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1 hour and actually use it and to do something better with it.
51:01.485 --> 51:04.995
So, and that's also so common though. That's a very common
51:05.027 --> 51:09.083
response to the first time you're like doing something for yourself and
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like you freaking deserve that. Good for you. I hope you're doing
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that more than 1 morning a week. I know, right? I mean,
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the morning, weekend day, take a weekend day too, please. But then it's
51:20.259 --> 51:22.148
like we're together and it's nice and I'm like, I like because he's like,
51:22.244 --> 51:25.004
yeah, do it on the weekend. And I'm like, but that's our family time.
51:25.052 --> 51:28.745
So I don't know. I don't know. He wants to be helpful. I'm like
51:29.245 --> 51:32.454
allowing small, small, small space. But I will say we used to think that we
51:32.954 --> 51:36.196
needed to be together all the time. And it is,
51:36.709 --> 51:40.964
there's a magic that happens on, we call it daddy adventure or
51:41.464 --> 51:45.685
like mommy adventure when like we just like take them out of the house and
51:45.781 --> 51:48.591
do something with them for a couple hours and come back and it's like,
51:49.217 --> 51:52.743
then mom or dad, whoever's at home, like, they are like ready, right?
51:52.839 --> 51:56.270
They're ready to step back in. And then even if like that person needs a
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beat, there's like that— you— and then you just like, you both are basically
52:01.495 --> 52:05.006
then there for each other, you know? Right. I'm— you come back
52:05.506 --> 52:09.735
at 15%, but your husband's gonna be at 95%. So I know
52:10.235 --> 52:12.444
this— well, this is making me think of— we've only done this once. I mean,
52:12.460 --> 52:15.217
they're only 2 and a half, so yeah, like how many— how much opportunity have
52:15.265 --> 52:18.942
we But, um, one of my friends, my best friend
52:18.974 --> 52:22.555
from growing up, recently had a baby. But right before, like, she was still very
52:22.651 --> 52:26.200
pregnant, and, um, it was like we had last-minute
52:26.700 --> 52:30.021
plans. She invited us to come, and I just— for a night. And she's in
52:30.053 --> 52:33.682
Philly, actually, so she's a couple hours from here. And I was like,
52:33.811 --> 52:37.183
you know what, all of us packing everything up to come
52:37.279 --> 52:40.507
for a couple hours like that, it— I, I don't have it in me
52:40.635 --> 52:42.947
to do that. Like, I really want to see you. I was like, but bringing
52:43.044 --> 52:46.444
one doesn't sound so hard. So, I'm,
52:46.588 --> 52:49.474
let's just do it. And so, I just like threw a couple things in the
52:49.974 --> 52:52.921
kid, in the car for the one kid. And then my husband was with my
52:53.421 --> 52:56.513
daughter for the, like, I mean, it wasn't even, I'd say weekend, but it wasn't
52:57.013 --> 53:00.136
a full weekend. And I only had the responsibility of my son. And it was
53:00.636 --> 53:03.343
the funniest text exchange between the two of us, like the walk in the park
53:03.843 --> 53:07.319
that it was to just be responsible for one child.
53:07.511 --> 53:10.782
But it was also so special. Like my daughter talked about that
53:11.282 --> 53:14.824
weekend or that time, like, her mommy and Maddox went on a trip and her
53:14.888 --> 53:17.375
time with daddy and how they went to the park and they went on a
53:17.456 --> 53:20.825
little date to the restaurant and how special it was. And so
53:21.325 --> 53:25.125
exactly, like similarly, mommy adventure, like they get special time with you and
53:25.141 --> 53:27.644
then your husband gets to recharge and then they get special time with him.
53:27.724 --> 53:30.949
Like the, I think it's, we again, we like overcomplicate
53:31.449 --> 53:34.815
it. We put so much pressure on ourselves. And in the reality, like the simplification
53:34.863 --> 53:37.286
is actually like such special moments for them.
53:37.976 --> 53:40.960
Totally. I love that so much. So sweet. Yeah.
53:41.410 --> 53:44.894
Thank you for sharing. You are wonderful. Oh,
53:44.910 --> 53:48.411
Sam, we are besties. I know it
53:48.911 --> 53:52.136
happened so fast, but you're fantastic. I thank you, Sam.
53:52.265 --> 53:55.348
Keep in touch as buds. Um, but let's— okay,
53:55.589 --> 53:59.764
so obviously The Woo Report Instagram is @theworeport.
54:00.214 --> 54:03.169
Yeah, link the podcast in the notes. Um,
54:03.666 --> 54:07.424
that, that's where everyone can find you, and there's so much nuggets of goodness
54:07.536 --> 54:11.033
and perspective that people can take. So thank you for having
54:11.065 --> 54:14.881
me, Sam. Thank you for coming. Thank you so much. So fun.
54:15.073 --> 54:18.568
So much fun. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening,
54:18.680 --> 54:21.886
for joining today. I'm so happy to have you. If you
54:22.386 --> 54:26.230
liked this episode or any of the episodes before, please consider
54:26.679 --> 54:30.205
rating and reviewing the podcast or sending the episode to a friend who it might
54:30.222 --> 54:33.748
help. Um, for important takeaways that you
54:34.248 --> 54:38.012
don't want to forget, I write a little recap on Substack along with
54:38.140 --> 54:41.847
other articles about motherhood, marriage, spirituality, everything that
54:42.347 --> 54:46.384
falls in between. So you can head there to Soul Love with Sam,
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same as my Instagram, and subscribe.
54:50.132 --> 54:52.497
And I'll see you next week. Thank you!