Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast
Finding Mr. Height: The Podcast
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232. The Navigating Feedback One

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OM DENNE EPISODE

Last week on our Patreon live, Ali shared about navigating feedback - both constructive and otherwise - in such a public sphere. This week, she’s bringing that conversation to the main pod in the spirit of transparency, accountability, and vulnerability. She’s working on focusing on the constructive and appreciates those of you who have shared your thoughts so openly. If you’d like to contribute to the podcast feedback survey, you can do so here: https://tinyurl.com/fmhsurvey25. And if you’d like to join a focus group, please shoot Ali a note on IG!


Before Topic Talk, this week’s Media Mention is an episode of NPR Life Kit, “How To Make Decisions You Won’t Regret.” Ali also chats a bit about an upcoming trip!


Timestamps: Topic talk begins at around minute 25.


If you'd like to hear our personal updates before everyone else as well as other exclusive content, join The Search Party on Patreon: www.patreon.com/findingmrheight . And, if you want to ask a question, submit a Storytime idea, or have general feedback, you can do it all at www.findingmrheight.com/podcast


Thanks to this week’s partners:

Homeaglow: Head to https://homeaglow.com/mrheight to get your first 3 hours of cleaning for only $19. Thanks so much to Homeaglow for sponsoring this episode!  

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WEBVTT
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm committed to the audience.
00:03.150 --> 00:15.826
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm committed to making this show as good as it can be while also having it be something that I love doing, which it is currently, but making sure that that continues because that's the way that it's going to be best.
00:27.335 --> 00:29.876
[SPEAKER_00]: Hello, and welcome to the episode of Finding The Star Hight the Podcast.
00:30.056 --> 00:38.260
[SPEAKER_00]: I am Ali Jackson, your host, and I am giving you my practical and positive dating advice that is built from my own life experience, my own dating life throughout the years.
00:39.180 --> 00:48.204
[SPEAKER_00]: This week, I have a little bit of a special episode for y'all, or a little bit of like a vulnerable kind of rod real episode.
00:48.224 --> 00:50.445
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm talking about feedback.
00:51.642 --> 00:58.870
[SPEAKER_00]: And I ended up talking about this on the live Patreon that I did last week.
00:58.930 --> 01:02.954
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you didn't know every month, I do a live with the patrons.
01:03.034 --> 01:04.235
[SPEAKER_00]: I move around what day it's on.
01:04.735 --> 01:08.399
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this past Sunday in this past live, I really got into
01:09.440 --> 01:18.753
[SPEAKER_00]: a tough topic for me honestly, which is feedback and feedback on my work and my work being this podcast and my channel and you know all of that.
01:19.714 --> 01:24.401
[SPEAKER_00]: And got really real with the patrons and wanted to talk about it on the main pod.
01:25.402 --> 01:39.033
[SPEAKER_00]: As I listened back to the Patreon live, I realized I really can't say it better than I did then, and I want you all to hear my very unfiltered raw thoughts about it and not in a sort of rehearsed way, having said it the second time.
01:39.573 --> 01:50.162
[SPEAKER_00]: So the topic talk portion of this pod is going to be that part of that live Patreon, because I just think that I set it the way exactly how I felt and what I wanted to say then.
02:00.977 --> 02:08.361
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'll give a little bit more of an intro to it right before we get to that part, but first, wanted to talk a little bit about last week's podcast episode.
02:08.881 --> 02:12.343
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my gosh, thank you all for the amazing feedback.
02:12.743 --> 02:18.667
[SPEAKER_00]: I loved my conversation with Kelty and it's I think a topic that doesn't get talked about very often.
02:19.738 --> 02:25.521
[SPEAKER_00]: the indecision of whether or not to have kids when I came across her content like I said last week I was like oh my god I've been waiting for this.
02:26.361 --> 02:31.664
[SPEAKER_00]: And so many of you clearly felt the same or even if you like know what you want one way or another.
02:31.684 --> 02:35.686
[SPEAKER_00]: The thought it was an important conversation and thought that she brought a lot to the table.
02:35.726 --> 02:37.607
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was just really excited about that because.
02:38.287 --> 02:50.052
[SPEAKER_00]: As you'll hear in the upcoming conversation about feedback, I know that I want me to and want to get back into a better groove with expert guests, especially now that I'm so low.
02:50.712 --> 02:59.997
[SPEAKER_00]: And now that I kind of have my feet under me a little bit from a solo podcasting perspective, which in all honesty took longer than I thought it would, I'm excited to really get into that.
03:00.017 --> 03:03.058
[SPEAKER_00]: I have six guest recordings scheduled in the next two weeks.
03:03.278 --> 03:07.080
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously they're not going to all air in the next two weeks, but I'm really getting after it.
03:07.100 --> 03:07.860
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm excited about it.
03:08.820 --> 03:16.274
[SPEAKER_00]: And after listening to that episode, a bunch of you pointed me in different directions of other content on this topic, which I really appreciate.
03:16.634 --> 03:19.259
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of those things is going to be our media mention for the week.
03:19.922 --> 03:22.604
[SPEAKER_00]: First of all, this is a new podcast recommendation.
03:22.745 --> 03:26.908
[SPEAKER_00]: It is obviously not a new podcast and I'm sure many, many, many of you have heard about it.
03:26.989 --> 03:28.250
[SPEAKER_00]: It's NPR's life kit.
03:28.910 --> 03:39.900
[SPEAKER_00]: I had never heard of this podcast, which is insane because I love things that NPR does typically speaking, and I also really like this format of podcast that's like short snippets.
03:40.841 --> 03:46.445
[SPEAKER_00]: varying topics like little things that you can take away that don't feel like huge commitments.
03:47.045 --> 03:48.546
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm here our life kit is basically that.
03:48.606 --> 03:50.448
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm excited to be tuning into it a lot.
03:50.548 --> 03:51.488
[SPEAKER_00]: I suspect that I will be.
03:51.889 --> 03:57.913
[SPEAKER_00]: So this one was actually from last month, it aired on June second, twenty twenty five and it's called how to make decisions you won't regret.
03:58.733 --> 04:07.396
[SPEAKER_00]: I thought the listener who pointed this out to me thought that it was so poignant and relevant given the conversation that Kelty and I had last week and I couldn't agree more.
04:07.856 --> 04:16.399
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually one of the examples given in the episode is about the decision of whether or not to have kids, but it's just a really great listen overall about decision making.
04:16.939 --> 04:26.122
[SPEAKER_00]: It's with a professional decision coach and the philosophy that is talked about in this episode is that most people know what they want, but they don't know that they know.
04:26.982 --> 04:33.946
[SPEAKER_00]: And I thought that that was such an interesting way of putting it because it's not like gaslighting you, right?
04:34.026 --> 04:35.607
[SPEAKER_00]: And saying like, no, you do know what you want.
04:35.627 --> 04:36.728
[SPEAKER_00]: You're just saying that you don't.
04:37.208 --> 04:40.310
[SPEAKER_00]: It's acknowledging that you don't know that you know.
04:40.791 --> 04:45.794
[SPEAKER_00]: So you're being like honest with yourself and with others that you're like, no, I don't know.
04:46.994 --> 04:50.637
[SPEAKER_00]: But like the knowing is somewhere in there.
04:51.401 --> 04:55.384
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know that's always the case, but I do really like that thought.
04:55.444 --> 04:58.586
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's a lot of what Kelty's work is to in her clarity coaching.
04:58.946 --> 05:06.230
[SPEAKER_00]: Something else that I thought was really interesting in this episode, which is true in different ways for different types of decision.
05:07.231 --> 05:14.796
[SPEAKER_00]: But it talked about the fact that people tend to regret the time they lost to in decision more than the occasional HD decision.
05:15.216 --> 05:20.800
[SPEAKER_00]: And to be so clear, the decision to have children should not be a HD decision in my opinion.
05:21.725 --> 05:27.233
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think that's an interesting point overall and one that I have very much experienced in my life.
05:27.834 --> 05:30.458
[SPEAKER_00]: I frankly tend to be an impulse chooser.
05:31.079 --> 05:33.823
[SPEAKER_00]: I am an impulse decision maker more often than not.
05:33.863 --> 05:36.367
[SPEAKER_00]: It is very rare that I will
05:38.231 --> 05:40.053
[SPEAKER_00]: agonize over a decision.
05:40.673 --> 05:43.916
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes I will decide not to decide, like I'm doing with the kids thing.
05:44.016 --> 05:46.078
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need to decide right now, and I'm not going to.
05:47.079 --> 05:51.983
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's rare that I will like truly agonize over a decision.
05:52.143 --> 05:53.865
[SPEAKER_00]: I am typically extremely
05:55.712 --> 05:57.954
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't impulsive might be the wrong word.
05:58.694 --> 06:08.862
[SPEAKER_00]: This goes back to the conversation that I had with Aaron Clare Jones about human design, but like impulsive might be the wrong word because I think that impulsive tends to have a negative connotation to it, but I tend to be very decisive.
06:10.163 --> 06:21.351
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really, really, really resonated with this concept that people regret their time of indecision more than they regret the decision itself, typically speaking.
06:23.925 --> 06:32.573
[SPEAKER_00]: Oftentimes also people have a sunk cost fallacy where they overvalue what they've already input into something.
06:32.953 --> 06:35.575
[SPEAKER_00]: We see this a lot in people who are hesitant to break up with someone.
06:36.116 --> 06:38.538
[SPEAKER_00]: Like they're, you know, they've been dating somebody for like two years.
06:38.578 --> 06:42.141
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's say, and they're like, man, I just don't think they're my person.
06:42.161 --> 06:47.766
[SPEAKER_00]: I think I don't think I want to be in this relationship, but do I want a quote unquote start over?
06:48.687 --> 06:53.670
[SPEAKER_00]: Am I willing to put in this same two years of work with somebody brand new?
06:54.030 --> 06:55.491
[SPEAKER_00]: I've already done these two years.
06:56.571 --> 06:57.652
[SPEAKER_00]: Should I just continue?
06:57.692 --> 06:58.933
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the Sun cost fallacy.
06:59.133 --> 07:01.414
[SPEAKER_00]: And then the last piece that I thought was super interesting.
07:01.434 --> 07:05.896
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think the whole thing's interesting, but at this point I've talked about it for like a third of the length of the actual episode itself.
07:07.297 --> 07:14.681
[SPEAKER_00]: The last piece that I found super interesting is that it talked about how people often need quote unquote permission to make the choice they already know is right.
07:16.090 --> 07:30.393
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of along the lines of like when you're trying to make a decision even low level like what do I want for dinner and you say to someone do I want sushi or Mexican and they say Mexican and then you're disappointed oh I wanted sushi actually now you know right now you know you wanted sushi
07:31.916 --> 07:37.641
[SPEAKER_00]: I think you did know that, but you were like looking for that permission to order the sushi subconsciously.
07:38.381 --> 07:40.203
[SPEAKER_00]: Obviously, that is a very low stakes decision.
07:40.263 --> 07:43.726
[SPEAKER_00]: And what we were talking about last week is a much higher stakes decision.
07:44.226 --> 07:52.733
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think it is still true to some extent that a lot of people are looking to have the permission to make the choice that they want.
07:53.374 --> 07:56.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And I hope that that is less and less true about choosing to be child free.
07:57.677 --> 08:08.391
[SPEAKER_00]: As that becomes more common and as it becomes as child free right choice specifically becomes more common and becomes more talked about Because I don't know the data on whether it's actually becoming more common.
08:08.472 --> 08:10.534
[SPEAKER_00]: I assume it is because I know the birth rate is declining, but
08:13.030 --> 08:15.151
[SPEAKER_00]: It's definitely more talked about.
08:15.371 --> 08:17.072
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have more places to talk about it.
08:17.132 --> 08:19.454
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's not, it's not just that it's more talked about it.
08:19.654 --> 08:25.877
[SPEAKER_00]: It's that the opinion of the everyday person is more accessible to us now than it was ten, fifteen, twenty years ago.
08:25.917 --> 08:28.559
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it was not accessible to us at that time.
08:29.560 --> 08:38.645
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think everything is more talked about now for that reason because we have access to the opinions of like random everyday people that we didn't have access to twenty years ago, even ten years ago.
08:40.135 --> 08:44.816
[SPEAKER_00]: But I thought it was really interesting, this like permission to choose what they think is right.
08:45.737 --> 08:55.059
[SPEAKER_00]: I see this a lot in my AMAs when I post weekly stories and people are like, this thing is happening is that normal or sometimes they don't even ask a question.
08:55.099 --> 09:07.343
[SPEAKER_00]: Like the one that I did this week, somebody asked me a question about, she's in a long distance relationship and sometimes her partner, long distance partner, goes over forty eight hours without calling her texting her.
09:07.383 --> 09:08.943
[SPEAKER_00]: Like she doesn't hear from them for over two days.
09:10.722 --> 09:18.714
[SPEAKER_00]: And she didn't actually say a question, like she didn't ask is that okay, she didn't ask what should I do, she didn't ask if that's normal, she just like said it.
09:20.108 --> 09:26.372
[SPEAKER_00]: And I find that a lot of times when people do that, they are looking for permission to feel the way that they feel.
09:26.392 --> 09:28.514
[SPEAKER_00]: And I often call that out.
09:28.594 --> 09:32.897
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, listen, like, you're asking this for a reason or you're submitting this for a reason.
09:33.377 --> 09:34.378
[SPEAKER_00]: It's probably bothering you.
09:34.398 --> 09:42.964
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, typically somebody who is super happy in a situation is not submitting that situation to an advice column or like an advice forum.
09:43.997 --> 09:45.037
[SPEAKER_00]: because they're happy with it, right?
09:45.077 --> 09:45.697
[SPEAKER_00]: They don't need advice.
09:45.717 --> 09:46.057
[SPEAKER_00]: They're good.
09:46.638 --> 09:52.059
[SPEAKER_00]: So usually, if somebody is asking me a question or they're submitting me their situation, usually it is one that they're not into.
09:52.639 --> 09:57.220
[SPEAKER_00]: And they are just looking even subconsciously for permission to feel the way that they feel.
09:58.160 --> 09:59.660
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this episode talked a lot about that.
09:59.780 --> 10:00.600
[SPEAKER_00]: I highly recommend it.
10:00.660 --> 10:01.280
[SPEAKER_00]: It was really good.
10:01.400 --> 10:05.281
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm also going to be continuing to listen to Empire Life Kit now that I know about it.
10:05.321 --> 10:08.322
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you to the listener who alerted me to this podcast.
10:08.762 --> 10:13.923
[SPEAKER_00]: And I will let you know, if I come across any other articles or articles, podcasts that seem interesting.
10:14.464 --> 10:17.369
[SPEAKER_00]: This week in my life, I'm pretty status quo.
10:17.609 --> 10:22.838
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm still in my several months of not or a couple months of not, you know, traveling anywhere major.
10:22.878 --> 10:26.604
[SPEAKER_00]: Skylin and I are going away for the weekend with a bunch of my friends to a volleyball tournament.
10:26.940 --> 10:29.621
[SPEAKER_00]: This is gonna be the first time that he's coming to a volleyball tournament with me.
10:29.661 --> 10:40.746
[SPEAKER_00]: Probably one of the only times I've mentioned before that I really personally like to experience volleyball tournaments like with my volleyball friends and it's very rare that non-vival people will come to these tournaments.
10:41.266 --> 10:43.907
[SPEAKER_00]: This one in particular though is like an all-weekend thing.
10:44.348 --> 10:50.190
[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost like a fair, like a state fair that has volleyball at it.
10:50.310 --> 10:56.413
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's food vendors and games and music and like a beer garden and it's just like a whole thing.
10:57.013 --> 10:58.874
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there are people coming that aren't playing.
10:59.854 --> 11:03.975
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I thought this would be a good opportunity for him to kind of see me in my element a little bit.
11:04.015 --> 11:05.755
[SPEAKER_00]: We're staying in a big house with a bunch of friends.
11:06.856 --> 11:08.436
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, with people that don't play also.
11:09.276 --> 11:14.078
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a good opportunity since like typically that's not the vibe of these tournaments.
11:14.598 --> 11:15.638
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm excited about that.
11:15.698 --> 11:18.079
[SPEAKER_00]: We did leave Emmy with a pet sitter for the weekend.
11:18.099 --> 11:23.100
[SPEAKER_00]: She's actually with her foster mom, my friend who was fostering her and her
11:23.820 --> 11:38.802
[SPEAKER_00]: siblings and that friend actually still is fostering her mom and he's mom so they got a little reunited reunion they got reunited they had a reunion this morning they were a little hesitant to first but then they jumped right back into it so so that's what's going on
11:39.443 --> 11:40.564
[SPEAKER_00]: with me on my end.
11:41.224 --> 11:44.706
[SPEAKER_00]: And so getting into this topic talk, I'll keep it short.
11:44.786 --> 11:49.108
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll just really kind of, you know, let my words speak for themselves.
11:50.029 --> 11:51.530
[SPEAKER_00]: I do want to note a couple things though.
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[SPEAKER_00]: One, this was a live Patreon, meaning that people were commenting in real time.
11:56.532 --> 11:57.973
[SPEAKER_00]: And I respond to those comments.
11:58.514 --> 12:05.858
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do my very best in almost all cases, I think I did this to like read the comments out loud, unless it's like a bunch of things at once.
12:06.818 --> 12:11.161
[SPEAKER_00]: so that the people listening via audio can know what the comment that I'm responding to said.
12:11.602 --> 12:15.145
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, even when I post a video on Patreon, the streaming platform doesn't show the comments.
12:15.985 --> 12:22.830
[SPEAKER_00]: I am, however, bleeping out the patrons first names, like on the Patreon, it's fine, but this is going public.
12:22.850 --> 12:25.773
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just, even though it's only their first names, I did bleep those out.
12:25.833 --> 12:30.096
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's a little clunky from an audio perspective, but I hope you'll understand why.
12:30.116 --> 12:35.100
[SPEAKER_00]: Unlike I said, I considered sort of re-recording my thoughts.
12:36.654 --> 12:39.876
[SPEAKER_00]: for a more quote unquote polished main pot episode.
12:40.416 --> 12:47.380
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think given the nature of the topic, I really just want it to be my raw unfiltered thoughts like I said off the cuff, how I really feel.
12:47.400 --> 12:54.064
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to say it exactly the way that I did say it on the live Patreon.
12:55.345 --> 12:59.287
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I, you know, I would rather use my sort of my first take if you will.
13:00.748 --> 13:04.129
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, though, because it is alive, I do get off track a lot.
13:04.830 --> 13:17.357
[SPEAKER_00]: So I cut out like the very beginning part of it where we're talking about other stuff, but I just want to acknowledge that I keep saying, like, in any case, or like my overarching point, and that's again because it's alive and people are commenting in real time, and I'm replying to them.
13:17.977 --> 13:19.839
[SPEAKER_00]: It's very different from a normal podcast episode.
13:21.140 --> 13:23.102
[SPEAKER_00]: So please just keep that in mind.
13:23.182 --> 13:32.432
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, the audio will be a little bit different because it is coming from a streaming platform and the streaming platform that connects to Patreon doesn't allow external microphones, which is what I'm speaking into right now.
13:32.792 --> 13:34.354
[SPEAKER_00]: That makes the audio sound nice and crisp.
13:35.355 --> 13:38.478
[SPEAKER_00]: It's not terrible with the streaming platform, but it's a little bit different.
13:38.518 --> 13:40.100
[SPEAKER_00]: So I wanted to note that for everyone.
13:40.975 --> 13:49.001
[SPEAKER_00]: So on all of these notes, I mentioned it in the upcoming live that you're going to hear, but I am launching a main pod feedback survey.
13:49.021 --> 13:54.404
[SPEAKER_00]: I did a Patreon feedback survey about a month ago and have implemented some changes over there.
13:55.005 --> 14:01.249
[SPEAKER_00]: I've talked about it a little bit, but we're, you know, not only do we start the monthly lives, but I've also added a bonus episode for the ten dollar tier.
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[SPEAKER_00]: also been amping up conversation in the discord.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Make us and changes over there.
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[SPEAKER_00]: But I want to bring that type of feedback survey to the main pod.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Kind of like we did last year with Erica and I will do a podcast episode about the feedback that I got and kind of shifts that I'm thinking about making.
14:19.161 --> 14:27.046
[SPEAKER_00]: On that note, I would love to get even more feedback or data.
14:27.066 --> 14:28.027
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know what the right word is.
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[SPEAKER_00]: in a more comprehensive way from people.
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[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would like to do a couple of focus groups, brainstorm sessions, whatever you want to call it, with some listeners.
14:39.633 --> 14:43.435
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reason that I want to do that is because I want to be able to ask more questions.
14:43.535 --> 14:50.319
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be able to say, you know, to be looking at my survey results and say, OK, most people want this type of content.
14:50.979 --> 14:51.820
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell me about that.
14:51.960 --> 14:53.721
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, tell me more about that.
14:54.081 --> 14:57.663
[SPEAKER_00]: And let me ask follow-up questions and let me be able to kind of
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[SPEAKER_00]: dig deeper into things that come up during those conversations in the same way that companies do when they're looking for feedback on new launches or what they're doing or whatever.
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[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to do that.
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[SPEAKER_00]: After I said this on the Patreon live, I've already gotten many messages from patrons about wanting to be a part of these.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I also want to include people who are not patrons.
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[SPEAKER_00]: I'm thinking maybe I'll do like one for patrons one for not.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Haven't quite decided that yet.
15:20.272 --> 15:24.777
[SPEAKER_00]: But if you're interested in this, please send me a DM on Instagram.
15:25.557 --> 15:29.441
[SPEAKER_00]: You can also message me on Patreon if you're a patron if you haven't done that already and you're listening now.
15:30.548 --> 15:48.069
[SPEAKER_00]: Semi a DM, the reason that I'm doing it that way is because the one thing that I want to make sure in these focus group sessions is that the people that are joining are wanting to have like a real person to person conversation in a small group, but a real person to person conversation.
15:50.215 --> 15:54.878
[SPEAKER_00]: I also want to make sure that it's not somebody who has mentioned me something horrible, although I have blocked a lot of those people.
15:54.958 --> 15:56.880
[SPEAKER_00]: They keep seem to keep seeming to pop up.
15:58.261 --> 16:04.706
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's the reason is because I want, you know, you to say, hey, I love to be in the focus group and then I can be like, hey, Sally, great.
16:04.786 --> 16:09.149
[SPEAKER_00]: Like we're about to have a human interaction and I want to start that off with a human interaction.
16:09.823 --> 16:17.088
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're interested in that, and you listening to this, shoot me a DM, regardless of that though, the survey, I'm going to post it in my stories.
16:17.108 --> 16:24.592
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to be posted in my stories all week, tagged or saved in the new podcast episode story highlight.
16:24.993 --> 16:28.995
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you don't see it on Monday, if you're not listening to this on Monday, don't worry.
16:29.015 --> 16:31.097
[SPEAKER_00]: It is still there, saved in that story highlight.
16:32.157 --> 16:40.040
[SPEAKER_00]: I will also put it in my link in bio, like in my, you know, link tree, if you will, it's my website, but like the link tree thing, I will have pod survey as a link there.
16:40.501 --> 16:47.784
[SPEAKER_00]: Or if you want to take down the URL right now, and I'll put this in the show notes, it is going to be tinyurl.com slash FMH survey, twenty five.
16:48.584 --> 16:52.769
[SPEAKER_00]: TinyURl.com slash FMH survey two five.
16:53.269 --> 16:54.330
[SPEAKER_00]: That'll also go on the show notes.
16:54.390 --> 16:55.632
[SPEAKER_00]: And again, you can go to my stories.
16:55.972 --> 16:57.193
[SPEAKER_00]: You can go to my link in bio.
16:57.694 --> 16:59.376
[SPEAKER_00]: The link will be in all of those places.
16:59.856 --> 17:02.859
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you'd like to be a part of these focus groups, shoot me a DM.
17:03.640 --> 17:10.427
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm not sure how many I'm going to do or like how many people, but I'm curious to kind of get a gauge of interest beyond the patrons who've already reached out.
17:11.388 --> 17:21.236
[SPEAKER_00]: And then last thing, one of the things I'm going to be asking about in the survey is thoughts on dating diaries, evolving it, keeping it, et cetera.
17:21.997 --> 17:25.560
[SPEAKER_00]: Currently leading towards keeping it though, but evolving it, as we said, we would with new daters.
17:25.920 --> 17:32.546
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you were interested in being a new participant in the dating diaries, you could apply for that at findinglistrhyde.com slash podcast.
17:32.866 --> 17:35.688
[SPEAKER_00]: That is where the suggestion and questions form for the pod always lives.
17:36.469 --> 17:39.712
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the options now is dating diaries application.
17:40.272 --> 17:41.432
[SPEAKER_00]: So you can head there.
17:41.932 --> 17:57.015
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you know anyone, I mentioned this in the live page around too, but if you know anyone who is not a straight woman, who might be interested, or if you are not a straight woman, who might be interested in doing the dating diary segment, I would love more diversity in the segment.
17:57.636 --> 17:59.576
[SPEAKER_00]: I only got applications from straight women last time.
17:59.696 --> 18:01.917
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love y'all, but I would love some more diversity.
18:02.317 --> 18:03.957
[SPEAKER_00]: So just keep that in mind.
18:04.777 --> 18:08.479
[SPEAKER_00]: And just, I think, high level overarching points.
18:08.920 --> 18:19.126
[SPEAKER_00]: I am very grateful for the constructive criticism and feedback that I've gotten on the pod that is coming from a very well-meaning place, even in criticism.
18:20.266 --> 18:31.073
[SPEAKER_00]: It was hard to read and as I acknowledge in the live, like I did get defensive reading a lot of it because it is hard to read feedback about you and your work, but ultimately,
18:32.365 --> 18:51.457
[SPEAKER_00]: I acknowledge and I want to take accountability that like feedback is needed and feedback is the way that anybody grows and it's the way that I will grow and I am really grateful for the people who took the time to submit well meaning even if very critical feedback.
18:51.777 --> 18:53.178
[SPEAKER_00]: I just I really do and
18:55.076 --> 19:08.238
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that that was not evident because I was very much being impacted by non-helpful, non-well-intentioned, can't even really call it feedback, that I let cloud
19:09.417 --> 19:35.181
[SPEAKER_00]: the very constructive good feedback that I was getting and that's on me to try to do a better job of it is so difficult and I won't go into details about it here because like right now because you will hear me talk about the difficulties of it while I did sign up for this and like this is part of what it means to be a public figure unfortunately I wish that weren't the case and by public figure I literally just mean like somebody who has a podcast not like a big deal but
19:36.667 --> 19:38.728
[SPEAKER_00]: It is part of it, and it shouldn't be.
19:39.269 --> 19:40.169
[SPEAKER_00]: It really shouldn't be.
19:40.229 --> 19:52.358
[SPEAKER_00]: It shouldn't be the case that somebody sharing their life means that they should be okay with receiving the kind of messages that I receive.
19:52.418 --> 19:56.901
[SPEAKER_00]: And that any creator that I've spoken to on any kind of level receives.
19:58.281 --> 19:59.162
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's gotten a lot worse.
19:59.922 --> 20:04.863
[SPEAKER_00]: It's gotten consistently worse since I started my platform and it's gotten a lot worse in the last couple of months.
20:05.283 --> 20:18.767
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to be so clear that I'm not talking about constructive feedback about the podcast and about the ways that people think it needs to get better or the ways that people think it's gotten worse or or anything like that.
20:18.807 --> 20:20.348
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not talking about any of that.
20:20.368 --> 20:26.930
[SPEAKER_00]: I am talking about really hateful words about me as a person and things that
20:28.456 --> 20:38.660
[SPEAKER_00]: You probably don't even see if you're listening because they either like get caught in filters that I see, but then they don't go anywhere or they're sent to me personally in DMs.
20:40.921 --> 20:41.781
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's bad.
20:42.542 --> 20:48.104
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm trying to figure out a way of compartmentalizing better.
20:50.366 --> 20:56.189
[SPEAKER_00]: in order to be able to not be so defensive of what is truly good feedback.
20:56.750 --> 21:03.914
[SPEAKER_00]: And when I say good, I mean like valid, not necessarily positive, because critical feedback is important too.
21:04.374 --> 21:10.517
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I'm looking for a way I'm working on, finding a way to be better at that compartmentalization.
21:10.617 --> 21:13.479
[SPEAKER_00]: I wish it weren't necessary, unfortunately it is.
21:14.700 --> 21:18.542
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just, to those people who have found
21:20.350 --> 21:27.692
[SPEAKER_00]: fault in that defensiveness and in that lack of accountability, I hear you when I see you and I'm trying to be better.
21:27.712 --> 21:33.293
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm thankful for your input because I know that it takes time to do that.
21:34.053 --> 21:37.454
[SPEAKER_00]: And you wouldn't do that if you didn't care about the show being better and getting better.
21:37.514 --> 21:38.515
[SPEAKER_00]: You would just move along.
21:39.295 --> 21:41.695
[SPEAKER_00]: So, or I hope that that's the case, right?
21:41.735 --> 21:43.056
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it makes sense that that'd be the case.
21:45.863 --> 21:52.967
[SPEAKER_00]: And to those people who are probably listening who have sent me some of the messages that I'm those other kind of messages that I'm talking about.
21:55.068 --> 21:57.430
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know that there's anything that I could say that would make you not do that.
21:59.471 --> 22:01.392
[SPEAKER_00]: But I really wish that you wouldn't.
22:01.732 --> 22:02.713
[SPEAKER_00]: I really wish that you wouldn't.
22:03.693 --> 22:06.415
[SPEAKER_00]: I really don't think it's deserved.
22:06.575 --> 22:11.958
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't think anyone deserves to be told that they shouldn't exist on this planet or like some of the things.
22:15.197 --> 22:18.779
[SPEAKER_00]: If you feel that way, I would really love for you to keep that to yourself.
22:22.120 --> 22:26.642
[SPEAKER_00]: That sounds like so silly to have to say hello, but here we are saying it out loud.
22:28.343 --> 22:39.468
[SPEAKER_00]: And, like I said, I don't think this is necessarily going to help because I just feel that the people who are saying that are probably not being reached by my guest plea that I am a human.
22:41.969 --> 22:44.290
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would be remiss not to try.
22:45.274 --> 22:47.616
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's my intro.
22:48.876 --> 22:55.100
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope that you all appreciate the conversation that I got into on the Patreon and the live Patreon to the patrons.
22:55.140 --> 22:57.542
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for being so supportive in that conversation.
22:57.562 --> 23:04.626
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm excited to bring another great new episode for you next week.
23:04.986 --> 23:05.607
[SPEAKER_00]: And we'll talk then.
23:15.323 --> 23:32.556
[SPEAKER_00]: This has been a really tough week for me in terms of really coming to terms with people starts on the pod and my own struggle with wanting to make the pod good and feeling like I'm not doing that.
23:34.917 --> 23:44.044
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I want to first of all take a moment to acknowledge all of the really constructive feedback that I received over the last week or so, although
23:44.755 --> 23:46.116
[SPEAKER_00]: Much of it was very difficult to read.
23:46.176 --> 23:48.236
[SPEAKER_00]: It was also really necessary, I think, for me to read.
23:49.897 --> 24:04.903
[SPEAKER_00]: As I'm continuing to think about how to one make the podcast into something that people want to listen to and two or more people want to listen to because I know some people still do, but like, and two, that's three in my, oh, my fingers too.
24:05.800 --> 24:08.742
[SPEAKER_00]: to continue to have it be something that I really love doing.
24:08.782 --> 24:14.785
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to find the intersection of those two things, because if it's not something that people want to listen to, then it's like, why is it there?
24:15.106 --> 24:17.967
[SPEAKER_00]: And if it's not something that I'm enjoying doing, then it's like, why am I doing it?
24:18.007 --> 24:20.028
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to be able to find the intersection of those two things.
24:21.109 --> 24:26.352
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think something that, I mean, feedback is hard to matter what.
24:26.452 --> 24:34.297
[SPEAKER_00]: I think something that is particularly hard in this line of work, unfortunately, comes with a territory, but like I
24:34.980 --> 24:39.723
[SPEAKER_00]: don't think we should just accept that it does, but it does is like hateful feedback.
24:40.523 --> 24:46.387
[SPEAKER_00]: And one of the things that I have struggled with in the last feedback is absolutely how a girl I grew with you.
24:46.887 --> 25:01.937
[SPEAKER_00]: One of the things that I have really struggled with more so in the last month or two than ever before is like a growing amount of, I can't even call it feedback frankly, but like just hate and
25:03.465 --> 25:09.968
[SPEAKER_00]: DMs that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy and scary things, frankly, scary things.
25:10.308 --> 25:26.135
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think something that I have found really hard is tuning that out to see the very valid constructive criticism that is well-intentioned and coming from people who really want me to succeed, that is mixed into it.
25:27.656 --> 25:32.018
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's on me to get better at in addition to, like, I just really wish that people
25:32.928 --> 25:35.770
[SPEAKER_00]: who hate me would just do that privately.
25:37.351 --> 25:41.773
[SPEAKER_00]: And bring things like my dad dad into it, for example.
25:43.074 --> 25:45.235
[SPEAKER_00]: But like, can I talk more about that?
25:45.275 --> 25:46.116
[SPEAKER_00]: How do I filter it out?
25:46.296 --> 25:48.017
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not good at it to be honest with you.
25:49.358 --> 25:53.981
[SPEAKER_00]: I think social media platforms do a really bad job of this.
25:54.521 --> 26:00.825
[SPEAKER_00]: They do a really bad job of filtering out or hate speech.
26:01.292 --> 26:05.994
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there are some words that they will catch, but they'll then go into like hidden requests.
26:06.734 --> 26:08.335
[SPEAKER_00]: This is on Instagram specifically.
26:08.895 --> 26:16.938
[SPEAKER_00]: And like, you can block somebody and it says that it's going to also block new accounts that they may, that they may create.
26:17.018 --> 26:18.239
[SPEAKER_00]: And like maybe that's true.
26:18.319 --> 26:20.780
[SPEAKER_00]: And if so, I just have like new people popping up all the time.
26:20.800 --> 26:25.462
[SPEAKER_00]: But anyway, within the hidden requests,
26:26.976 --> 26:29.999
[SPEAKER_00]: There are very legitimate things that fall there.
26:30.039 --> 26:32.521
[SPEAKER_00]: There are people that I really want to engage with.
26:32.601 --> 26:38.446
[SPEAKER_00]: People who are asking me questions or like brand opportunities or like other podcasts who have reached out.
26:38.486 --> 26:41.868
[SPEAKER_00]: Like their stuff has accidentally ended up in hidden requests.
26:41.888 --> 26:43.390
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't want to not look at it.
26:43.830 --> 26:45.511
[SPEAKER_00]: Also a lot of stuff doesn't get filtered out.
26:45.792 --> 26:47.653
[SPEAKER_00]: Like doesn't Instagram doesn't catch it.
26:50.075 --> 26:54.259
[SPEAKER_00]: And similarly with podcasts reviews, like there's some stuff that Apple doesn't catch.
26:54.379 --> 26:55.680
[SPEAKER_00]: And then I have to be like, you who
26:56.465 --> 26:59.687
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, my street name is in that review.
27:01.108 --> 27:03.969
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, that's gone now, thank God.
27:04.069 --> 27:09.613
[SPEAKER_00]: But like, so to answer your question about like how you how I filter that out, I don't.
27:10.973 --> 27:18.658
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wish that I could because I, I very much want to, I appreciate that.
27:19.118 --> 27:22.020
[SPEAKER_00]: I am loving this era of finding this right as well.
27:22.420 --> 27:25.402
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also really, really acknowledge that there are a lot of people who,
27:26.230 --> 27:28.231
[SPEAKER_00]: want it to be better and want to love it again.
27:28.251 --> 27:29.852
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to be there for those people too.
27:31.792 --> 27:34.694
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, you can put filters on IG for certain words.
27:34.754 --> 27:35.514
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think of them.
27:36.034 --> 27:42.857
[SPEAKER_00]: But again, those things don't just come through, sorry, the other way.
27:43.158 --> 27:52.121
[SPEAKER_00]: When you put a filter, like let's say I put a filter on a word on something, I don't even want to say a word out loud that I would put a filter on.
27:52.141 --> 27:55.463
[SPEAKER_00]: But I have some very bad words that I would never say out loud in filters.
27:57.256 --> 27:59.958
[SPEAKER_00]: Those things don't just never get sent to you.
28:00.559 --> 28:08.204
[SPEAKER_00]: If a message contains a word that you have filtered out, it goes to this hidden request folder.
28:08.284 --> 28:09.345
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't just never come.
28:10.606 --> 28:15.069
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, in that hidden request folder, there are a lot of like wonderful things that I want to see.
28:15.129 --> 28:16.730
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love engaging with you all.
28:16.750 --> 28:20.873
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's also a lot of opportunities that I've gotten that have somehow gotten in those hidden request folders.
28:21.314 --> 28:25.817
[SPEAKER_00]: So if there isn't a good way to do it, because I could just never look at that, but then I wouldn't
28:26.450 --> 28:30.692
[SPEAKER_00]: not get to engage with like so many of you, and I really like engaging with so many of you.
28:30.752 --> 28:44.917
[SPEAKER_00]: So like, all this to say, all this to say is that I am trying to get better at focusing on the constructive, and yeah, I will somebody ask, can you share more about the feedback you receive their constructive absolutely?
28:44.937 --> 28:53.780
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm trying to get better at focusing in on that and like trying to filter out people who
28:54.885 --> 28:56.606
[SPEAKER_00]: quite literally don't want me to exist on this planet.
28:57.486 --> 28:59.247
[SPEAKER_00]: And aren't afraid to tell me that.
29:00.127 --> 29:01.568
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that those aren't my people.
29:03.969 --> 29:05.590
[SPEAKER_00]: But it is really hard.
29:06.230 --> 29:16.215
[SPEAKER_00]: It is really hard to filter that out and to find the constructive with in that.
29:17.755 --> 29:23.858
[SPEAKER_00]: And then pick yourself up and work on that constructive and like not think about that other stuff.
29:24.690 --> 29:40.337
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's not I don't I'm like I've struggled all weekend actually coming into this live about like how to even talk about this because I want to share it with you all I want to be vulnerable and share with you where I'm coming from.
29:40.357 --> 29:42.578
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want.
29:44.265 --> 29:47.447
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want it to, I'm not trying to complain is what I mean.
29:47.487 --> 29:51.489
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like, I just am trying to contextualize, I guess.
29:52.330 --> 29:53.630
[SPEAKER_00]: It's on me to not be so defensive.
29:53.730 --> 29:54.331
[SPEAKER_00]: It truly is.
29:54.411 --> 30:10.840
[SPEAKER_00]: It's on me to see the constructive criticism for what it is and for people who really want to help the pod and who really are long time listeners and really want it to be better and want it to be what they want it to be, which there's also different schools of thought about what people want it to be, which is always going to happen.
30:10.880 --> 30:11.801
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can't place everyone.
30:12.980 --> 30:15.941
[SPEAKER_00]: But I want to focus it on that and try to compartmentalize more.
30:18.422 --> 30:19.402
[SPEAKER_00]: I have thought about that.
30:19.422 --> 30:22.223
[SPEAKER_00]: About hiring someone to build through.
30:22.263 --> 30:24.324
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I'm probably there.
30:26.405 --> 30:26.725
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
30:26.985 --> 30:27.685
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you.
30:28.305 --> 30:30.546
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm probably there to answer your question.
30:33.647 --> 30:35.788
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want a lot of people don't even have.
30:35.948 --> 30:39.850
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of people that have pods or influence that are, I don't really have their DMs open like I do.
30:39.890 --> 30:41.030
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't want to do that.
30:41.434 --> 30:44.455
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, don't want to have somebody else managing my DMs, which people also do.
30:45.375 --> 30:45.836
[SPEAKER_00]: And they do it.
30:45.856 --> 30:46.916
[SPEAKER_00]: This is one of the reasons they do it.
30:47.676 --> 30:51.898
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do think that hidden request folder, not everything gets caught by them.
30:52.238 --> 30:55.159
[SPEAKER_00]: But I do think that hidden request folder is a place that I might sort of outsourcing.
30:57.360 --> 31:07.824
[SPEAKER_00]: So in any case, to talk about the constructive criticism, I'm working on a survey for the main pod, really helpful.
31:07.844 --> 31:09.865
[SPEAKER_00]: The feedback from the Patreon was super, super helpful.
31:11.937 --> 31:12.317
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
31:12.358 --> 31:15.220
[SPEAKER_00]: I also don't think we're meant to be able to handle so much hate.
31:15.260 --> 31:17.603
[SPEAKER_00]: No matter how much we compartmentalize or go to therapy or whatever.
31:17.743 --> 31:18.604
[SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree with you.
31:18.664 --> 31:34.380
[SPEAKER_00]: On that note, actually, I'm actually going to start looking into, I am really, very sure that there exists therapists who help people that are in more public roles, handle this kind of thing and like,
31:35.423 --> 31:45.273
[SPEAKER_00]: Also like executive coach kind of thing that can like help me compartmentalize and like implement feedback and try to filter out some of the stuff that's like not helpful.
31:47.476 --> 31:55.444
[SPEAKER_00]: And so looking into that too, because I think that that would be really helpful, but the my overarching point here, though, is that I really want to acknowledge.
31:56.422 --> 32:07.833
[SPEAKER_00]: how many well-intentioned people there are in my DMs, in the podcast reviews, et cetera, that like, are really disappointed in what the pod is now and want it to be good again in their estimation.
32:08.273 --> 32:10.455
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to acknowledge that because I want that too.
32:10.856 --> 32:15.520
[SPEAKER_00]: I want OG listeners who've been here for years to still love listening to the pod.
32:15.540 --> 32:16.921
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that many of you do.
32:17.021 --> 32:17.542
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that.
32:18.062 --> 32:21.926
[SPEAKER_00]: But I think, I want
32:22.690 --> 32:29.895
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to acknowledge that because these people are coming from the best of intentions and have like a lot of really, really good ideas as well.
32:32.077 --> 32:33.618
[SPEAKER_00]: Jared Cologne has a leadership coach.
32:33.858 --> 32:35.039
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, I will look into him.
32:35.079 --> 32:35.379
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.
32:37.381 --> 32:38.381
[SPEAKER_00]: And the things of that ilk.
32:38.482 --> 32:42.885
[SPEAKER_00]: So, in any case,
32:45.111 --> 32:58.058
[SPEAKER_00]: What I'm working on is a survey to sort of get a better sense of the numbers of people who are looking for the numbers of people who are looking for certain directions of the pot.
32:58.078 --> 33:03.080
[SPEAKER_00]: There's a lot of different directions that like the pot could take and have been suggested to take.
33:03.100 --> 33:05.602
[SPEAKER_00]: So like one, for example, some people are saying,
33:06.880 --> 33:31.285
[SPEAKER_00]: get back to date mostly dating content like that's why we started to follow you in the first place have more people who are in the trenches of dating talk more about dating specifically awesome right other people are saying that's not what you're doing now so perhaps pivot and you know maybe expand more broadly there's like a lot of different directions that the podcast could take and I'm
33:32.924 --> 33:39.290
[SPEAKER_00]: rather than kind of taking individual pieces and trying to decide for myself like, well, what is the majority thinking?
33:40.171 --> 33:42.113
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to get a broader sense of that.
33:43.018 --> 33:44.459
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm working on a survey there.
33:45.820 --> 33:52.986
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing that I am really concerned about based on the messages I'll say that I've been getting lately is free response in this survey.
33:53.027 --> 34:03.395
[SPEAKER_00]: So this survey is going to be multiple choice ranking, et cetera, because even the people that I've blocked on Instagram would be able to respond to a free response survey with the burner email.
34:04.276 --> 34:11.142
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I can get what I need more broadly from
34:12.827 --> 34:13.628
[SPEAKER_00]: what I'm thinking about.
34:14.648 --> 34:33.964
[SPEAKER_00]: So, in addition to that, something that I'm also really considering is more focused groups to like, if people are willing to like talk to me and I'm in a smaller group and like have me be able to ask follow up questions and like, like a company does, you know, of like, what do you think about this?
34:33.984 --> 34:39.529
[SPEAKER_00]: So what about this idea and rather than me kind of operating in a vacuum of different ideas and things like that?
34:39.549 --> 34:40.970
[SPEAKER_00]: So that's something else that I'm doing with.
34:42.111 --> 34:45.815
[SPEAKER_00]: and also just be able to connect with my audience as well.
34:45.955 --> 34:49.718
[SPEAKER_00]: I think would be really helpful in that sense.
34:50.899 --> 35:05.472
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think something that I've been kind of roominating about as like a large portion, I don't even know, I'm not static anything, but like a decent sized portion of feedback has talked about
35:06.813 --> 35:11.076
[SPEAKER_00]: the things like when I would share about dating versus what I'm sharing about my relationship.
35:11.656 --> 35:13.978
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was talking to Skylin about this a lot today, actually.
35:14.858 --> 35:24.404
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think something that was much easier about when I was dating is that those people were anonymous and fleeting.
35:26.065 --> 35:34.291
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that made it a lot easier for me to share things
35:35.874 --> 35:44.717
[SPEAKER_00]: And potentially things that people would talk about in online forums and like that kind of thing, but they're fleeting in terms of those relationships and those people.
35:45.638 --> 36:04.385
[SPEAKER_00]: I have found that is a lot harder when there is a consistent person or like, I've even, I've pulled back sharing things about my friends and things too because I don't want that for them for like things about them to be like, pervasively on the internet.
36:05.103 --> 36:11.964
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's interesting because I was not talking to a few of my friends about this this past week too.
36:12.865 --> 36:17.906
[SPEAKER_00]: And something that people have messaged me is that I don't see my friends anymore.
36:17.986 --> 36:19.666
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm like, only hanging out with a skyline.
36:19.706 --> 36:22.347
[SPEAKER_00]: And they were like, my friends were like, what are they talking about?
36:22.407 --> 36:26.587
[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, oh, it's because I don't really share about y'all as much anymore in specific.
36:27.067 --> 36:29.408
[SPEAKER_00]: And I do them on purpose as a protective measure.
36:31.250 --> 36:42.936
[SPEAKER_00]: but it's all this game games the wrong word, like this dance that I'm trying to play of like balancing all of these different things and navigating it, even though I've been doing this for a while, like it's ever a wrong thing.
36:44.036 --> 36:47.738
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it says the brainstorm and thought sessions would probably give you more meaningful info.
36:47.798 --> 36:48.518
[SPEAKER_00]: I totally agree.
36:48.558 --> 36:52.921
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why I had this idea today and I'm so corporate and I know I'm calling it a focus group.
36:55.062 --> 36:55.462
[SPEAKER_00]: But like,
36:56.909 --> 37:04.074
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the ability to really dig deep into, okay, and what did you like about that?
37:04.154 --> 37:07.917
[SPEAKER_00]: And let me ask a follow-up question about that and like, take up shit ton of notes.
37:07.957 --> 37:09.758
[SPEAKER_00]: I'll probably have my virtual system there with me to help.
37:10.518 --> 37:17.723
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that that would be really, really helpful for me to the extent that people are willing to do it, obviously.
37:17.743 --> 37:20.825
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that would be really helpful.
37:21.466 --> 37:25.769
[SPEAKER_00]: So I share all this to just one
37:27.020 --> 37:36.484
[SPEAKER_00]: acknowledge all of the really like I said really well meeting well-intentioned people who have given me constructive criticism in the last couple of weeks or ever but especially in the last week or two.
37:36.504 --> 37:45.869
[SPEAKER_00]: A lot of it was really hard to read not because it was bad but because it was tough but fair and I really want to acknowledge that.
37:47.269 --> 37:52.932
[SPEAKER_00]: Feedback is never easy but like I said it is how we grow and I'm just really grateful for
37:53.913 --> 37:57.575
[SPEAKER_00]: those people of being so willing to share that with me and so open.
38:02.117 --> 38:09.500
[SPEAKER_00]: And it is really hard that that is peppered in with stuff that I just don't think is necessary or helpful.
38:10.621 --> 38:19.805
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I actually, I was talking to, like I said, I was talking to my friends about this and I came up with this analogy that like, I can't from a very corporate background.
38:20.870 --> 38:21.851
[SPEAKER_00]: how to corporate job my whole life.
38:22.551 --> 38:23.752
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, my whole adult life.
38:23.932 --> 38:30.616
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, like, the only way that I could explain what is happening and how I'm feeling about it to them was like this.
38:31.697 --> 38:32.978
[SPEAKER_00]: But anybody uses slack out there.
38:33.138 --> 38:34.919
[SPEAKER_00]: I worked at a company where that's the only thing we use.
38:34.939 --> 38:35.740
[SPEAKER_00]: We didn't use email.
38:38.161 --> 38:40.903
[SPEAKER_00]: But even at my most recent company, like Microsoft Teams, chat, whatever.
38:41.844 --> 38:46.927
[SPEAKER_00]: So, like, imagine that there is, and I also, I want to grab this by saying that I know I signed up for this.
38:47.468 --> 38:57.638
[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm just, I don't want to show this metaphor with you about how I explain to my friends and they were like, oh, imagine that there's this like at your company, there's this public Slack channel.
38:58.599 --> 39:04.504
[SPEAKER_00]: And anyone can give you feedback in that channel, your manager, anyone, coworkers, peers, people who work for you, anyone.
39:05.065 --> 39:08.288
[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of it is really constructive and it's hard to read, but it's fair.
39:08.767 --> 39:10.207
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, yes, I can work on that.
39:10.287 --> 39:11.708
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I've been doing a bad job at that.
39:12.008 --> 39:13.228
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, I can get better at that.
39:13.488 --> 39:14.849
[SPEAKER_00]: These people really want me to succeed.
39:15.669 --> 39:20.570
[SPEAKER_00]: But there are also people that are messaging in this Slack channel that are like, you should quit your job.
39:21.290 --> 39:24.171
[SPEAKER_00]: You're a horrible person, or maybe they're emailing you on the side.
39:24.271 --> 39:27.492
[SPEAKER_00]: And they're saying, like, it's a good thing your dad's dead.
39:27.532 --> 39:28.752
[SPEAKER_00]: He would be ashamed of what you're doing.
39:29.773 --> 39:31.233
[SPEAKER_00]: Imagine that that was happening.
39:32.433 --> 39:35.534
[SPEAKER_00]: But your boss was like, but only focus on the constructives.
39:35.754 --> 39:37.215
[SPEAKER_00]: People are trying to help you.
39:37.255 --> 39:37.715
[SPEAKER_00]: And you're like, OK,
39:38.588 --> 39:50.819
[SPEAKER_00]: Also, so like that's the, that's the metaphor that I gave to my friends of like how hard it is as much as I want to only focus on the constructive.
39:51.700 --> 39:52.781
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are really examples, by the way.
39:55.884 --> 40:00.548
[SPEAKER_00]: As much as I want to focus on the constructive like how hard it is and again, I don't say this to like.
40:02.746 --> 40:04.767
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not meant to be a woe as me.
40:05.127 --> 40:06.287
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, three, six to reviews.
40:06.307 --> 40:07.548
[SPEAKER_00]: There's such another good example.
40:07.888 --> 40:16.532
[SPEAKER_00]: So, it says, I almost thought you were going to invoke three, six to reviews because Dan Harris is writing a book inspired by how difficult it was to receive feedback from his at a corporate job.
40:16.732 --> 40:17.092
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes.
40:19.193 --> 40:19.933
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my God.
40:19.953 --> 40:23.174
[SPEAKER_00]: I am flashing back to the first three, six to review I ever received.
40:25.575 --> 40:26.836
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so brutal.
40:29.335 --> 40:30.556
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so brutal.
40:30.837 --> 40:37.905
[SPEAKER_00]: Somebody said that I'm all smoking mirrors, and I was like, oh my god, that was a very toxic work environment that didn't work.
40:39.126 --> 40:41.629
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm more recent cover, or three, six year reviews were just fine.
40:41.709 --> 40:42.450
[SPEAKER_00]: Still difficult though.
40:45.113 --> 40:47.796
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm interested to look into this book that Dan Harris is writing.
40:50.068 --> 40:51.709
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh god, I'm glad you love the corporate metaphor.
40:52.069 --> 40:57.693
[SPEAKER_00]: So anyway, I say this not to complain, but more to sort of like contextualize.
40:58.714 --> 41:08.120
[SPEAKER_00]: Because this world is something that I never thought I would understand because I never, you know, ten years ago didn't think I would be sitting here doing this now.
41:08.940 --> 41:11.822
[SPEAKER_00]: And so weird and different.
41:11.962 --> 41:14.324
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so, so lucky to do it.
41:14.804 --> 41:16.105
[SPEAKER_00]: And I love doing it.
41:16.886 --> 41:18.567
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are things about it that are difficult.
41:19.632 --> 41:32.621
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I am trying to do a better job of keeping my ears open to the constructive feedback and allowing that to help me grow and my eyes closed to the vitriol.
41:34.022 --> 41:37.244
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's a lot easier said than done.
41:37.264 --> 41:43.308
[SPEAKER_00]: But I am committed to working on it because I'm really committed to this podcast.
41:43.348 --> 41:45.049
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm committed to you all as an audience.
41:45.990 --> 41:49.092
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really want
41:50.190 --> 41:51.451
[SPEAKER_00]: this show to be good.
41:52.351 --> 41:59.994
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really want to enjoy doing it, which I do currently, but I want to continue to enjoy doing it for a long time.
42:00.674 --> 42:05.236
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to continue to grow and to have my audience growing with me.
42:05.256 --> 42:06.197
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate that.
42:06.497 --> 42:07.477
[SPEAKER_00]: And this is my real life.
42:08.518 --> 42:12.379
[SPEAKER_00]: Skylin said to me that said that to me earlier today, actually, he was like, you're a person.
42:12.399 --> 42:13.600
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, yeah, I know.
42:16.012 --> 42:17.613
[SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, I'm a very sensitive person.
42:17.673 --> 42:18.974
[SPEAKER_00]: I have really thin-fuckin' skin.
42:19.154 --> 42:21.696
[SPEAKER_00]: I probably shouldn't be doing this to be totally honest with you all.
42:21.796 --> 42:25.880
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, I'm not the person who should be doing this quite frankly.
42:26.120 --> 42:27.401
[SPEAKER_00]: I am very sensitive.
42:27.421 --> 42:32.024
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, am I a papaya set?
42:32.044 --> 42:32.905
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm a sensitive gangster.
42:32.925 --> 42:34.927
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually think Cardi B set that before she did.
42:35.707 --> 42:39.951
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's where I'm at right now.
42:42.118 --> 42:45.219
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so glad that so many of you were into this potential focus group idea.
42:45.359 --> 42:46.319
[SPEAKER_00]: I definitely want to do it.
42:46.859 --> 42:55.200
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm working through like how to figure out how to figure out like engage or like inviting people into that.
42:58.161 --> 42:59.121
[SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully not.
42:59.281 --> 43:03.082
[SPEAKER_00]: And hopefully have it all be like very well-meeting people.
43:03.142 --> 43:11.283
[SPEAKER_00]: But I also want people in there who are going to push me and give me feedback and like, you know, push my way of thinking.
43:11.764 --> 43:13.825
[SPEAKER_00]: but in a kind-well-intentioned way.
43:15.546 --> 43:19.688
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, the reward is absolutely greater than the risk overall for doing this.
43:20.829 --> 43:28.473
[SPEAKER_00]: I think for me it's about figuring out where that balance between reward and risk lies for each element to doing it.
43:28.513 --> 43:31.514
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I had to figure that out when I was deciding how much to share about my life.
43:33.850 --> 43:40.713
[SPEAKER_00]: and sometimes I've gone too far and realized like, oh no, like I actually need to keep some things that are just for me.
43:41.354 --> 43:48.237
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, I've really pulled back on sharing about my friends, not because they asked me to, but because I want some things that just be for me.
43:49.517 --> 43:58.762
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also want to limit as much as possible the people that are getting talked about in the way that I get talked about.
44:03.290 --> 44:09.656
[SPEAKER_00]: So that ends up being, I now realize that that has ended up making my world look a lot smaller than it is.
44:09.676 --> 44:12.598
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm kind of reckoning with that.
44:13.779 --> 44:20.084
[SPEAKER_00]: But yeah, that's, that's where I'm at with it.
44:20.105 --> 44:24.188
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going to be working on the survey in the next couple of weeks.
44:24.208 --> 44:28.712
[SPEAKER_00]: Let me talking about this in my next episode of the pod and like,
44:30.327 --> 44:42.256
[SPEAKER_00]: I might actually pull from this episode here as well, but like really talking about this because I want that, it's scary, right?
44:42.316 --> 44:59.088
[SPEAKER_00]: It's scary because I want to do the work on the podcast and I know that there are so many people that either fell off from listening or are still listening, but aren't as into it anymore and that like, are really rooting for it.
45:00.479 --> 45:04.622
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to hear those people and see those people and do the work for those people.
45:05.483 --> 45:15.651
[SPEAKER_00]: And I am really scared about riling up a subset of people who can do some pretty scary shit.
45:15.831 --> 45:18.433
[SPEAKER_00]: But we're going to put a big group, we're going to put our big group hands on.
45:19.694 --> 45:20.655
[SPEAKER_00]: And we're going to go to work.
45:21.655 --> 45:22.356
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the plan.
45:23.136 --> 45:27.700
[SPEAKER_00]: As my mom texts me, pops up on the screen, and I'm like, oh, she would be so panicked.
45:27.740 --> 45:29.041
[SPEAKER_00]: If she knew what I was talking about right now.
45:32.359 --> 45:42.605
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just, I'm especially grateful for all of you, all of the patrons that are listening right now in the audio, who weren't able to join the live, all of you who are here in the live.
45:45.327 --> 45:52.852
[SPEAKER_00]: My discord peeps, another example of like, I got some tough but fair feedback on my engagement in the discord, like a month ago.
45:53.817 --> 46:04.968
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that since then, I've really been able to, from that tough but fair feedback, I was able to reframe how I was thinking about the discord and how I was engaging with the discord.
46:05.309 --> 46:16.740
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm open to opinions on whether that's been working or not, but I feel like the way that I've been thinking about how I engage with the discord has completely changed.
46:16.780 --> 46:17.981
[SPEAKER_00]: And I have been really loving it.
46:19.403 --> 46:20.764
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's an example.
46:20.844 --> 46:25.046
[SPEAKER_00]: I really am thankful for that feedback, even though it was tough to hear and tough to read.
46:25.066 --> 46:32.730
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it ultimately is helping me grow.
46:32.890 --> 46:34.571
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I really appreciate that.
46:36.772 --> 46:42.534
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also want to acknowledge that like it is on me to grow the show, right?
46:42.574 --> 46:44.795
[SPEAKER_00]: Like this is not on y'all, this is not on.
46:46.802 --> 46:47.862
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not at any of you.
46:47.882 --> 46:55.604
[SPEAKER_00]: It is on me to do this and I'm so grateful for your help in helping me find the direction that is going to work the best for all of you.
46:55.984 --> 46:59.605
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh yeah, I'm so happy to hear you think that about the discord has been some nice changes.
46:59.645 --> 47:01.405
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate that.
47:03.226 --> 47:07.227
[SPEAKER_00]: And I mentioned that before on a previous Patreon episode about how like I shifted my perspective on that.
47:11.888 --> 47:13.529
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I hear that, too.
47:13.669 --> 47:22.072
[SPEAKER_00]: So I see you asking for a lot of feedback, but I hope you also prioritize what you want to do and what you like doing, because that's what drew us in in the first place of thousand percent.
47:22.632 --> 47:26.153
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's, I appreciate you saying that first, huh?
47:27.714 --> 47:29.555
[SPEAKER_00]: And oh, I'm glad you liked dating diaries.
47:31.796 --> 47:33.056
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate you saying that.
47:33.816 --> 47:37.758
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I meant in the beginning about wanting to find that intersection of
47:39.371 --> 47:45.459
[SPEAKER_00]: what can like grow the show in a direction that people are into with what I really enjoy doing.
47:46.200 --> 47:51.507
[SPEAKER_00]: Like it wouldn't make sense for me to try to grow the show in a direction that people want if it's not what I like.
47:54.155 --> 48:10.219
[SPEAKER_00]: And but also it wouldn't make sense for me to just like only do what I'm into and like not take any feedback from what other people are looking for because eventually then I'll just be talking to myself and like not helping people and reaching people in the way that I want to.
48:10.579 --> 48:17.681
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think it's like an intersection of those two things that I'm really trying to figure out.
48:21.018 --> 48:30.666
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think also potentially like an evolution of what the Patreon on is versus what the main pod is, you know, where like I don't intend on the Patreon.
48:30.766 --> 48:35.250
[SPEAKER_00]: I already did the reset on like what are y'all looking for from the Patreon, all that stuff.
48:36.151 --> 48:37.812
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't intend for that to change at all.
48:38.593 --> 48:43.857
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it sounds to me and I want to do like I said, I want to do more deep diets, focus groups, surveys, et cetera.
48:43.877 --> 48:47.480
[SPEAKER_00]: It sounds to me like people are looking for more like
48:49.907 --> 48:53.348
[SPEAKER_00]: expert heavy structured content from the main pod.
48:53.568 --> 48:56.688
[SPEAKER_00]: And potentially like dating diaries dating in the trenches that kind of thing.
48:56.768 --> 48:59.009
[SPEAKER_00]: Again, I'm going to do a broader look.
48:59.409 --> 49:01.169
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's what it's seeming like to me.
49:01.989 --> 49:08.850
[SPEAKER_00]: And maybe I then grow out the Patreon in, you know, chatting us gals kind of way.
49:09.770 --> 49:13.811
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, and I appreciate that.
49:14.151 --> 49:15.751
[SPEAKER_00]: My authenticity is what group the pod.
49:15.851 --> 49:17.892
[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't tend to be not, right?
49:20.027 --> 49:31.531
[SPEAKER_00]: But you know, I also, I want to hear what OG listeners and people who've been here a long time and people who really love the potter are saying, you know?
49:31.551 --> 49:42.576
[SPEAKER_00]: And like a lot of you are saying, if it ends up being the thing that everyone wants is something that I have no interest in doing, I'm not going to do it just because it's whatever one wants, because that won't be actually a good show.
49:43.856 --> 49:46.137
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I agree with you, I think the thing that made that
49:46.814 --> 49:55.979
[SPEAKER_00]: Has made this show my account, et cetera, what it is is the fact that I really love it and I'm authentically loving what I'm doing and I never want that to change ever.
49:57.119 --> 50:00.161
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would be happy if I did that so.
50:01.239 --> 50:06.580
[SPEAKER_00]: And then ultimately, if I'm not happy doing it, and I'm not invested in doing it, it's not going to be good.
50:06.840 --> 50:10.361
[SPEAKER_00]: So I guess it's going to be neither of both worlds and not the best of both worlds.
50:10.381 --> 50:14.021
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I'll f*** up the daily recap for the first thing you check what you'll get to check.
50:14.061 --> 50:15.701
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that actually reminds me of what I was going to say.
50:15.721 --> 50:29.244
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that's one of the things that is hard is that, like, the thing that I was talking about so much on my account and so much on the podcast is very different now.
50:32.528 --> 50:50.698
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I said, it's so different also to open up about a date with a guy that I'm never going to see again, or a date with a guy that I've seen three or four times versus like my long term partner, you know, Skyline loves being a guest on the pot.
50:50.838 --> 50:57.141
[SPEAKER_00]: And actually on the in the Patreon survey, high high high high ranking.
50:57.787 --> 50:58.987
[SPEAKER_00]: for Skylin on the Patreon.
50:59.468 --> 51:03.949
[SPEAKER_00]: So I'm going to add that into the main pod survey too, just to see where they're at, but yes, he loves it.
51:04.089 --> 51:06.090
[SPEAKER_00]: So, oh, this is what I was going to say about like dating.
51:06.170 --> 51:10.932
[SPEAKER_00]: So a bunch of people have suggested the idea of bringing in another co-host.
51:10.992 --> 51:20.355
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wanted to talk a little bit about the reason that I decided not to do that, and then I'm like still probably not going to a couple different reasons.
51:21.756 --> 51:22.436
[SPEAKER_00]: So one,
51:24.987 --> 51:31.230
[SPEAKER_00]: The original, obviously, relationship that work and I had was like, oh, we are friends who talk about our dating life.
51:31.290 --> 51:32.811
[SPEAKER_00]: Let's bring that on to a podcast.
51:32.831 --> 51:35.712
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a very organic growth on to a pod.
51:35.732 --> 51:37.072
[SPEAKER_00]: It was works I need to start the pod.
51:37.473 --> 51:39.474
[SPEAKER_00]: We already were talking about our dating life all the time.
51:39.874 --> 51:44.296
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was like a translation of conversations that were already happening onto a podcast.
51:45.096 --> 51:47.157
[SPEAKER_00]: And talking about our own dating lives.
51:47.177 --> 51:48.658
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there was a lot of magic in that.
51:49.558 --> 51:53.480
[SPEAKER_00]: And I got so lucky that when worked decided that she
51:53.947 --> 51:57.670
[SPEAKER_00]: didn't want to be a public podcaster anymore in that way talking about her own personal life.
51:57.890 --> 52:03.974
[SPEAKER_00]: I got so lucky that I had developed a friendship with somebody who wanted to do that in Erka.
52:04.494 --> 52:19.725
[SPEAKER_00]: And that we could kind of continue that sort of like very natural friend vibe that we were already doing because she and I had already been developing a friendship and talking about our dating lives and translated into that.
52:19.785 --> 52:22.727
[SPEAKER_00]: I got so lucky and I got so lucky that it worked out.
52:24.494 --> 52:28.416
[SPEAKER_00]: And so the first reason is that one, there isn't that person right now.
52:30.737 --> 52:41.723
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, but the second thing is that most of the feedback that I've gotten about bringing a co-host back has been about bringing somebody back who was like in the trenches of dating.
52:42.844 --> 52:52.629
[SPEAKER_00]: And the reason that I don't want to do that is because I think that I would be setting that person up to fail because if I'm bringing a co-host on the pond because they are dating and I am not.
52:53.627 --> 53:00.612
[SPEAKER_00]: implicitly, that means that in order for the pod, the co-hosting relationship to continue being successful, that person has to stay single.
53:01.233 --> 53:03.134
[SPEAKER_00]: Otherwise, the dynamic is often we got to replace them.
53:03.615 --> 53:07.778
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would never want to bring somebody into a business partnership, because that's what it is, right?
53:08.178 --> 53:16.444
[SPEAKER_00]: Into a business partnership where like their success is predicated on them actually not succeeding at the thing they're trying to do.
53:16.464 --> 53:17.025
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you know what I mean?
53:18.568 --> 53:21.189
[SPEAKER_00]: So that was where the dating diary segment was born.
53:21.629 --> 53:24.929
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to continue that and going to be looking to evolve it as well.
53:24.989 --> 53:28.430
[SPEAKER_00]: And like I said, at some point, going to be looking for new daters.
53:28.490 --> 53:30.391
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, like we said, we were going to that.
53:30.451 --> 53:34.211
[SPEAKER_00]: Those are the core reasons why I'm not looking to bring a co-host on right now.
53:34.311 --> 53:39.173
[SPEAKER_00]: Although I do miss that two person dynamic the same way that a lot of y'all do like I really do.
53:41.013 --> 53:45.754
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's like more layers to it than there would seem to be at first glance.
53:47.177 --> 53:48.818
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, some comments that I missed while I was talking about that.
53:51.459 --> 53:55.062
[SPEAKER_00]: I am the sharing the hate with Skyline and he can just like a fucking champ.
53:55.182 --> 53:57.523
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's nothing he can really do, right?
53:57.583 --> 53:58.344
[SPEAKER_00]: But he's just there.
53:58.764 --> 54:00.845
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's, it gives great hugs.
54:02.286 --> 54:08.670
[SPEAKER_00]: And talking about, you know, just, yeah, it's, he's very even.
54:09.271 --> 54:11.672
[SPEAKER_00]: Something that I like a lot about him is that he is very even.
54:11.772 --> 54:14.054
[SPEAKER_00]: And I tend to be a little bit nut.
54:17.012 --> 54:19.333
[SPEAKER_00]: So, in any case.
54:19.793 --> 54:25.715
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I have, is wondering if it's possible to try to connect to other podcasters with dating focus content.
54:25.835 --> 54:30.577
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually do have a great community of dating podcasters that I talk to a lot.
54:31.737 --> 54:37.039
[SPEAKER_00]: No one has been as focused on their own dating life as I have been.
54:37.099 --> 54:41.160
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like a little bit different, but it has been really helpful.
54:41.180 --> 54:45.602
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually have a collab coming with a dating podcaster that you probably all heard of.
54:46.701 --> 54:48.762
[SPEAKER_00]: who's been on the pot of four and I'm very, very excited.
54:48.782 --> 54:49.963
[SPEAKER_00]: We're going to be doing something together.
54:50.084 --> 55:04.196
[SPEAKER_00]: So I have been doing that in that sense because what I'm loving about this new era is the self-reflection and the honest conversations about anxiety are so relatable and same with looking back on past relationships compared to, I appreciate that.
55:07.250 --> 55:10.992
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the burnout from somebody, I got burned out myself too.
55:11.012 --> 55:16.855
[SPEAKER_00]: I totally understand, bring out a co-host to make it then burned out by talking about their dating life.
55:16.975 --> 55:17.355
[SPEAKER_00]: You're right.
55:17.415 --> 55:19.956
[SPEAKER_00]: It was so difficult when Erica was going through that.
55:23.978 --> 55:36.925
[SPEAKER_00]: Feeling like, if you're not dating, you're letting the pod down or if you start to date someone seriously, you're also letting the pod down because the reason that you were there was to be someone who was dating, not about Erica, if I were to bring a new co-host on.
55:38.333 --> 55:45.679
[SPEAKER_00]: That's the real, that's like the main reason that I don't think it makes sense to bring a co-host on because it would be for that reason.
55:45.800 --> 55:53.707
[SPEAKER_00]: It would be to have a perspective of somebody who's dating, but like inherently that means that in order to succeed they must fail.
55:54.488 --> 55:56.730
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, and I would hate that construct.
55:58.531 --> 56:01.174
[SPEAKER_00]: So, in any case,
56:02.543 --> 56:04.104
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's mostly what I wanted to talk to y'all about.
56:04.124 --> 56:06.264
[SPEAKER_00]: So I appreciate you listening.
56:08.065 --> 56:12.686
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, like I said, I'm committed to the audience.
56:12.726 --> 56:22.950
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm committed to making this show as good as it can be while also having it be something that I love doing, which it is currently, but like making sure that that continues.
56:24.110 --> 56:25.851
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that's the way that it's going to be best, you know?
56:26.491 --> 56:28.552
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would rather
56:29.815 --> 56:41.404
[SPEAKER_00]: If the choice were to come to this, I would rather have a smaller show that I am super passionate about than a larger show where I'm like doing things that I'm not as into.
56:42.185 --> 56:49.291
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and that currently, like, I'm not that some decision that I need to make at the moment, but like, that is the decision that I would make.
56:50.292 --> 56:56.997
[SPEAKER_00]: And to staying authentic to myself and what I like to do and what I want to talk about and what gets me up
56:57.663 --> 56:58.484
[SPEAKER_00]: to the microphone.
56:58.584 --> 57:02.847
[SPEAKER_00]: I went to hold my mic, but I realized I'm not using one because this streaming platform doesn't allow mics.
57:05.309 --> 57:10.372
[SPEAKER_00]: What brings me to the mic every week is being excited about what I'm doing.
57:11.353 --> 57:14.495
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I'm not, then the show loses its roster.
57:15.196 --> 57:17.197
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get that for a lot of people that it has already.
57:18.038 --> 57:22.561
[SPEAKER_00]: And I want to bring that back for those people while keeping it for myself.
57:23.242 --> 57:27.345
[SPEAKER_00]: And for all of you, and for everybody who likes it still, I want to find that.
57:27.637 --> 57:28.097
[SPEAKER_00]: middle ground.
57:28.197 --> 57:29.197
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you can't please everyone.
57:29.978 --> 57:42.661
[SPEAKER_00]: I would never try because you cannot, but I would like to take more input in hopefully like a more robust way, which is why I'm thinking about kind of this focus group thing.
57:43.301 --> 57:50.463
[SPEAKER_00]: So there are a ton of opportunities to bring in guest speakers and friends and whatnot.
57:51.224 --> 57:55.245
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think I'm going to in with some help as well with
57:56.220 --> 58:01.205
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, even more research about who I can bring on the pot and have people come on.
58:01.285 --> 58:08.732
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also, like I said, I want to continue the dating diaries and evolve it and, you know, have different conversations with different kinds of data.
58:08.832 --> 58:18.882
[SPEAKER_00]: So like I said, in the previous Patreon too, if you know any data is who might be interested in being on the in the dating diary segment who are not straight women.
58:19.673 --> 58:22.194
[SPEAKER_00]: Please ask them if they might be interested.
58:22.254 --> 58:27.257
[SPEAKER_00]: And even if they don't know if they're interested and they're just willing to jump on a call with me, I would so appreciate that.
58:29.878 --> 58:33.160
[SPEAKER_00]: Because that was all of the applications that I got, we're in that demographic.
58:33.440 --> 58:39.183
[SPEAKER_00]: So, and I love so many of those people and there are a lot of people I'm going to talk to again for the new iteration whenever that happens.
58:39.683 --> 58:41.904
[SPEAKER_00]: But I would love to have some diversity within the group as well.
58:42.024 --> 58:43.045
[SPEAKER_00]: Somehow we've reached an hour.
58:43.865 --> 58:47.047
[SPEAKER_00]: When I originally started talking about this topic, I was like, man, I don't know.
58:48.468 --> 58:55.511
[SPEAKER_00]: If I'm going to be able to talk about this for the whole time, then I have questions to answer, but that I could answer if I needed to fill more time.
58:55.551 --> 59:04.416
[SPEAKER_00]: But I, here I am, still talking about this topic, does do what allows you to maintain your authenticity.
59:04.476 --> 59:05.256
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate that.
59:07.757 --> 59:08.758
[SPEAKER_00]: I really appreciate that.
59:10.233 --> 59:16.798
[SPEAKER_00]: that ultimately like is the most important thing for me with a very close second being like serving all of you.
59:17.779 --> 59:22.362
[SPEAKER_00]: Because the thing, somebody meant to get what you mentioned, like risk greater than reward earlier.
59:22.382 --> 59:24.964
[SPEAKER_00]: Or excuse me, reward greater than risk earlier in the chat.
59:26.425 --> 59:38.515
[SPEAKER_00]: Something that makes that true every day that I do this is that I'm connecting with people like you guys that I'm hearing stories from people who's
59:40.305 --> 01:00:09.130
[SPEAKER_00]: communication improved because of something that I said or who were able to think about dating in a different way or who just found some solidarity in my content or who laughed at a fucking silly face I made like the connections that I am able to make with so many of you on a daily basis is the reason that the reward is greater than the risk and it's not even close but damn that ratio get has gotten a little too close for comfort lately so I'm trying to figure out
01:00:10.055 --> 01:00:12.636
[SPEAKER_00]: how I best navigate that.
01:00:13.597 --> 01:00:14.537
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't really see that.
01:00:15.878 --> 01:00:16.778
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope it dies down.
01:00:16.898 --> 01:00:18.699
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe it's just a moment.
01:00:19.899 --> 01:00:22.440
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that some of it was driven by my own defensiveness.
01:00:23.981 --> 01:00:25.142
[SPEAKER_00]: I will take the blame on that.
01:00:26.622 --> 01:00:34.386
[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I have to blame because I don't think that I didn't anything to deserve some of the things that were said, but like I know that I poked the bear if you will.
01:00:37.287 --> 01:00:39.388
[SPEAKER_00]: Because of my defensiveness and like I need to work on that.
01:00:40.397 --> 01:00:41.337
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the does.
01:00:41.397 --> 01:00:42.598
[SPEAKER_00]: It has to be sustainable for me.
01:00:44.279 --> 01:00:48.681
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's, you know, important too.
01:00:48.781 --> 01:00:56.304
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think being freelance has been amazing and so much work.
01:00:56.364 --> 01:00:57.424
[SPEAKER_00]: And I really loved it.
01:00:58.165 --> 01:01:01.006
[SPEAKER_00]: But it's been a lot.
01:01:01.206 --> 01:01:04.967
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I think like figuring out that sustainability,
01:01:08.068 --> 01:01:14.072
[SPEAKER_00]: That figuring out that sustainability has just been... Harder balance than I thought it would be.
01:01:14.432 --> 01:01:15.613
[SPEAKER_00]: It's been harder than I thought it would be.
01:01:15.873 --> 01:01:18.094
[SPEAKER_00]: Anyway, thank you all for being here.
01:01:18.114 --> 01:01:19.535
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for your kind words.
01:01:19.635 --> 01:01:21.376
[SPEAKER_00]: I appreciate it more than you know.
01:01:21.396 --> 01:01:25.979
[SPEAKER_00]: And I also, again, want to thank everyone who has sent me
01:01:27.832 --> 01:01:33.794
[SPEAKER_00]: Like criticism, but well-intentioned criticism, because it's, although hard to read, important.
01:01:34.695 --> 01:01:37.076
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know that it's not hard to write or excuse me.
01:01:37.116 --> 01:01:38.296
[SPEAKER_00]: I know that it's not easy to write.
01:01:38.336 --> 01:01:39.376
[SPEAKER_00]: It is also hard to write.
01:01:40.337 --> 01:01:47.359
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I just want to thank the people who took the time to write really thoughtful critiques coming from a good place.
01:01:50.057 --> 01:01:50.978
[SPEAKER_00]: So thank you again.
01:01:51.399 --> 01:01:55.003
[SPEAKER_00]: With that, I will talk to you all next week.
01:01:55.263 --> 01:01:58.867
[SPEAKER_00]: And if you're listening to the audio, well, if you're listening to the audio, you already know that the audio is getting released.
01:01:58.987 --> 01:01:59.748
[SPEAKER_00]: So never mind.
01:02:00.709 --> 01:02:01.210
[SPEAKER_00]: Bye, everyone.

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