WEBVTT
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A party at 79 Wistful Vista has left Fibber and
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Molly McGee with a measles quarantine and a house full
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of guests who cannot go home. Among them is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve,
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as the McGee household becomes a rather crowded address in
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Wistful Vista. From NBC, with Jim and Marion Jordan, Harold
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Peary and Harlow Wilcox, this is Fibber McGee and Molly,
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episode 278, Quarantined with Measles. First heard March 11th, 1941.
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It continues the circumstances set in motion by the McGee's
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party the week before. And now, the original broadcast.
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Fibber McGee and Molly!
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River McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur Q.
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Bryan, Dick Legrand, and me, Harlow Wilcox.
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The show opens with Love Is.
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Love Is. Thank you.
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Last week, a quarantine of measles bottled up the cream
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of Wistful Vista Society in the McGee home.
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During the week that has just passed, the cream has
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soured considerably.
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And here at 79 Wistful Vista, just one big unhappy family,
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we find a number of unwilling guests and Fibber McGee
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and Molly.
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Now, wait a minute, Gildersleeve. The doctor hasn't given permission
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to anybody to leave yet.
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Well, by George, I'm leaving anyway.
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My business is going to rack and ruin while I.
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Take your hand off of that doorknob, Mr. Gildersleeve, or
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you'll regret it. We'll all regret it.
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I won't do it. I've been cooped up here for
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a week, and I'm going to leave right now.
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Don't you dare open that door, Gildersleeve.
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I will, too.
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Got to straighten out that closet one of these days.
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Why didn't you tell me this was a closet?
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Say, you've been here a week, you should have known. Besides,
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I don't know why you're worried about your old factory.
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Your wife is taking charge of the Gildersleeve Girdle Company.
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Oh, what do women know about girdles?
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Oh, what do women know about girdles?
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Plenty, if they got the proper foundation. And background. Oh, Mr.
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McGee, when, oh, when are we going to get out
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of this horrible house?
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Oh, so this house is horrible, is it? Now, you
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listen to me, Abigail Uppington.
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I don't mind your sleeping in my bed or using
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my vanishing cream and my bobby pins. But when you
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say this is a horrible house... I agree with you.
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I've never spent such a week in my life.
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Life?
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Has this only been one life?
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But when can we leave, Mr. McGee?
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Surely they can't legally keep us chained up here like
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wild beasts, please.
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Yes, who's a wild beast?
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If the fur fits, wear it, Gildersleeve.
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Well, I'm sure it.
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Can't be much longer, Mrs.
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Duffy.
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We're just as anxious to have you leave as you
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are to go.
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McGee....
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May I have a private word with you, dearie?
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Why, sure. You mind if we have a minute alone, folks?
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If by alone you mean without me, McGee, you can
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have 3,000 years of us. Come on, Abigail. Let's go
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and sneer at their photograph album again.
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What's the matter, Molly?
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Look, we've all been getting in each other's hair here
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for a solid week. And the doctor hasn't been back once.
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I know, but he called me up right after he left, though.
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That night we got quarantined.
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Well, what'd he say?
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I can't remember. It was some big medical word. You
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know how doctors are.
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Heavenly days. If they quarantined doctors, too, they wouldn't be
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so anxious to keep people locked up like this.
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Where is everybody, dearie?
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Well, they're down in the basement. Boomer and Wilcox and
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the old-timer got a poker game going. Oh, they have,
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have they?
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Mm-hmm.
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It wasn't enough that I was running a boarding house
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in the hospital. Now I got a gambling joint on
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my hands.
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Oh, Molly, they're not doing any harm.
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Just the same, I'm not going to have my home
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turned into any Monte Cristo.
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You mean Monte Carlo. Monte Cristo was a count.
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Well, then he should have had more manners than to
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turn somebody's home into a gambling joint.
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He didn't gamble. He was just a guy in a book.
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Oh, he ran a book, too.
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Oh.
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Well, that's all I wanted to know. You go in
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and see how the little girl is getting along, McGee.
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And if you hear a riot downstairs, that's me breaking
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up the poker game.
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Goodbye, Mrs.
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Chips.
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Hi, Mr.
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McGee.
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Hi there, sis. How's everything? You got enough blankets or
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too many? Is the window open enough or too much?
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Is it too light in here or too dark?
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Yes.
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Huh?
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Hey, will you tell me a story, Mr.
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McGee?
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Will you please? Will you?
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No, okay, but now you stay tucked in bed there.
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I don't want you to catch cold. Now, what story
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do you want me to tell you? Goldilocks, I bet you.
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Goldilocks, huh? Okay.
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Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl
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named Goldilocks, and one day she started to take her
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grandmother a basket of delicious pies and cakes and sandwiches.
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I'm hungry.
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Huh?
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I'm hungry. Can I please have something to eat, Mr. McGee, please?
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Oh, I guess so, sis. How about an apple? Make
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you nice and strong to eat apples.
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Do you like Superman, huh?
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Yeah.
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Hey, will you get the paper and read me about Superman, Mr.
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McGee? Oh, for the... Okay, okay. Anything to.
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Anything to please. Here's the paper. Let's see where it's... Oh,
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here it is.
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Oh.
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Today, Superman is fighting for his life among the gangs
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that have mushroomed up in... Have what, mister?
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Mushroomed.
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I'm hungry.
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Look, will you make up your mind? First you want
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a story, and then you want something to eat. Now,
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which will it be?
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A story. Okay.
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Shall I tell you about the Pied Piper of Hamelin?
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Who's he?
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Well, he was a guy who got rid of all
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the rats by playing his flute.
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Oh, gee, I love flute. Stude flute and flute cello and.
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That's flute. And we haven't got any. And furthermore, if
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I detect them.
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I like detectives, too. Will you please read me about
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Dick Tracy?
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I thought you wanted something to eat.
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I know.
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That's why I want you to read me about Dick Tracy.
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I just eat that up, I bet you.
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All right.
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Well, it says here that Dick Tracy is on the
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trail of a crook that's just taken it on the land.
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On the what? Land.
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I'm hungry.
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I don't care how hungry you are, Dad Brad, if
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you're going to get Dick Tracy and like it.
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Oh, hey, hey, hey. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now.
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Now, wait a minute, sis. I'm sorry. I guess I'm
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just kind of on edge.
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Yeah.
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After all this quarantine. Excuse me for hollering at you,
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will you?
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Okay, mister. Oh, thanks.
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Now, I dare you. A big bloke like me shouting
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at a little kid like you.
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Yeah.
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Sick with the measles. I ought to be ashamed.
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Oh, sure you are, I bet you.
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Well, I am.
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Now, which do you want, honey? A story or something
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to eat?
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A story.
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Fine.
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And just so as I won't arouse any gastronomic yearnings
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in your little corpus delecti, I'll try and tell you
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one that ain't connected in any way with something to eat.
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All right.
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Now, here we go. Little Jack Horner sat in the
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corner eating his Christmas... Once upon a time there was
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a boy named Jack who lived with his poor old mother.
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And one day he went to town and sold the
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cow and all he got for it was.
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A handful of.
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Little Miss Muppet sat on a tuffet eating.
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Simple Simon met a pot.
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Mary had a little.
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Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Cinderella.
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Ah, now I got it.
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And one day, a fairy princess came to her and
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said she could go to the ball. And Cinderella said, yes,
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but how will I get there?
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Yeah, and the fairy princess made her a coach out
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of a big, juicy pumpkin.
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Yeah. I'm hungry.
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Thank you. Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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Now you look here, Nick DePopolis. Be reasonable, will you?
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Such I didn't impose this quarantine, and I don't... But for.
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Scrimshacks, Fizzer, I'm asking you once and for always, and
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my bended elbows with tears in my face. How long
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can this.
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Quorum prim last?
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Well.
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I'm getting so I hate everybody around here, including me,
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which I don't like, because I was always admired me
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very much, if you can understand that. And if not,
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I hate you, too.
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Well, believe me, Nick, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have had
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this happen for the world, but it did, and we've
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got to make the best of it. Can't you amuse
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yourself anyway?
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Can't you.
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Such as for instance?
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What?
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Well, do some crossword puzzles.
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No, sir. No crossword puzzles for me, Fischer. It's too
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much exercise, I'm saying.
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What do you mean? There isn't any exercise to working
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crossword puzzles. Oh, sure there is.
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Huh? First you lay down on the floor and do
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a word. Then you're standing up and doing a word.
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Then you're lying down and doing one.
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But why?
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Because that is what it is saying to do.
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Huh?
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Horizontal, perpendicular, horizontal, perpendicular.
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Up and down, up and down, all day long.
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That's being any way you do a puzzle, I've got
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a crossword for it that will make your hair stand
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on its hind feet.
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If I don't get out of here before long, I'll
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be trellis if I come around.
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Well, I know it takes all kinds of people to
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make a world, but sometimes I think they went to extremes.
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Ah, there you are, McGee.
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I've looked all over the house and I can't find anybody. No,
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and if I'd have seen you coming, you wouldn't have
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found me. Are you getting as tired of me as
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I am of you, Gildersleeve?
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At least, McGee. As soon as this quarantine is lifted,
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if it ever is, I'm going to move to San
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Francisco or someplace. I never want to see your face again.
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That's funny. That's exactly the way I feel about you.
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I'm getting so I detest you.
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I know.
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I despise you, too. It's a good thing we're friends, chum,
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or this would end up in hard feelings.
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I'll say so. It's nice we can hate each other
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in a sort of a chummy.
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Sort of a way. Yes, indeed.
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But where is everybody, McGee?
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All right, George, if you kept me here and let
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the rest of them go home, I'll.
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00:13:14.669 --> 00:13:17.350
Now, now, now, don't get your teeth in a turmoil, Gildersleeve.
256
00:13:17.830 --> 00:13:19.049
Everybody's down in the basement.
257
00:13:19.129 --> 00:13:19.690
What for?
258
00:13:19.929 --> 00:13:21.690
Well, they had a poker game going down there, but
259
00:13:22.009 --> 00:13:22.730
Molly went down to.
260
00:13:22.710 --> 00:13:23.250
Bust it up.
261
00:13:24.110 --> 00:13:26.049
She's probably got them all locked in the coal bin
262
00:13:26.090 --> 00:13:27.889
by now. Come on, let's get out of here.
263
00:13:27.909 --> 00:13:28.350
All right, McGee.
264
00:13:28.370 --> 00:13:31.350
How many cards for you, Glowcoat?
265
00:13:32.149 --> 00:13:32.529
Three, Boomer.
266
00:13:32.549 --> 00:13:43.549
Give me two, Horatio. Two for me, too.
267
00:13:44.149 --> 00:13:45.629
Here you are, my little Toscanini.
268
00:13:45.769 --> 00:13:47.250
How many for you?
269
00:13:47.269 --> 00:13:47.370
None.
270
00:13:47.429 --> 00:13:53.360
I'm standing past. Well, Mrs. Uffington, you opened.
271
00:13:53.379 --> 00:13:54.159
What are you doing?
272
00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:57.500
The membership fee for this round will be three blue ones.
273
00:13:57.620 --> 00:13:58.799
I can't be in there.
274
00:13:59.580 --> 00:14:01.730
Say, do you mind if I put in five more?
275
00:14:01.830 --> 00:14:03.110
I seem to have so many.
276
00:14:04.090 --> 00:14:04.470
I'm out.
277
00:14:04.950 --> 00:14:06.750
I'll see you, daughter. Don't say you got him.
278
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:07.269
Mr.
279
00:14:07.289 --> 00:14:07.629
Boomer?
280
00:14:07.850 --> 00:14:10.009
Sorry, my dear, I'm out. I'm shy two feathers on
281
00:14:10.049 --> 00:14:11.039
a bob-tailed slug.
282
00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:14.440
I'm going to call.
283
00:14:14.139 --> 00:14:15.139
You, Miss McGee.
284
00:14:15.419 --> 00:14:16.700
But why? I'm right here.
285
00:14:17.879 --> 00:14:19.899
Oh, no, I mean, let's see your card.
286
00:14:20.070 --> 00:14:21.169
Oh, sure.
287
00:14:21.429 --> 00:14:23.029
But they don't amount to anything, really.
288
00:14:23.769 --> 00:14:24.470
I was bluffing.
289
00:14:25.549 --> 00:14:27.570
All I got is a five spot and four wands.
290
00:14:30.690 --> 00:14:33.549
Is that good?
291
00:14:33.610 --> 00:14:35.450
Hey, what's going on here? I thought you were going
292
00:14:35.470 --> 00:14:38.830
to bust up this game, Molly. Believe me, she did, skee-ball. Huh?
293
00:14:38.990 --> 00:14:41.720
You've heard about the chicken in every pot. Well, she's
294
00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:42.279
the chicken.
295
00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:44.700
Isn't it wonderful, dearie?
296
00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:46.740
Look at all the pretty chips I've won. I'm going
297
00:14:46.759 --> 00:14:49.200
to punch holes through them and string them together for
298
00:14:49.220 --> 00:14:49.600
a necklace.
299
00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:50.539
No, no, no, no.
300
00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:51.080
Don't do that.
301
00:14:51.340 --> 00:14:51.860
Cash them in.
302
00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:53.539
They're worth money. Don't be silly.
303
00:14:53.559 --> 00:14:56.230
They were only worth $ 1. 98 when we bought them. And
304
00:14:56.259 --> 00:14:58.190
I even doubt if the drugstore would take them back.
305
00:14:58.309 --> 00:14:58.629
No.
306
00:14:59.230 --> 00:15:01.269
Didn't anybody else learn anything? How about you, Wilcox?
307
00:15:01.289 --> 00:15:01.929
Did you lose?
308
00:15:02.230 --> 00:15:03.929
Oh, I'm not hurt much. I just like to play.
309
00:15:03.970 --> 00:15:05.250
It's useful to me and my business.
310
00:15:05.350 --> 00:15:06.769
Well, how can that be, Mr.
311
00:15:06.789 --> 00:15:07.350
Wilcox?
312
00:15:07.809 --> 00:15:10.669
I wish you hadn't asked that question, Uppy. It's just
313
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:12.679
like waving a bull in front of a red rag.
314
00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:13.179
Oh.
315
00:15:14.860 --> 00:15:17.580
Well, I've always had a suspicion that poker was invented
316
00:15:17.620 --> 00:15:18.350
by a salesman.
317
00:15:18.590 --> 00:15:20.019
Now, you see what you've done, Uppy?
318
00:15:20.610 --> 00:15:22.009
Well, explain yourself, Mr.
319
00:15:22.110 --> 00:15:22.610
Wilkow.
320
00:15:22.649 --> 00:15:23.409
All right, look.
321
00:15:23.809 --> 00:15:27.070
Suppose a housewife has a full house and somebody spills
322
00:15:27.129 --> 00:15:30.370
a tray on the kitchen linoleum. Does he raise the deuce?
323
00:15:31.549 --> 00:15:34.419
It's aces when it comes to protecting and beautifying linoleum.
324
00:15:34.820 --> 00:15:35.980
And it takes very little jack.
325
00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:41.419
And what's more, it puts old-fashioned floor scrubbing in the discard.
326
00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:43.279
Call your dealer today.
327
00:15:52.610 --> 00:15:53.909
That's pretty good, Waxy.
328
00:15:54.250 --> 00:15:55.789
But that ain't the way I heard it.
329
00:15:55.830 --> 00:16:01.750
The way I heard it, one fella says to another fella, say, say, say.
330
00:16:01.970 --> 00:16:07.250
Any of you kids got a good joke to fill
331
00:16:07.269 --> 00:16:10.029
in here with?
332
00:16:10.049 --> 00:16:11.570
Say, if you haven't got a joke, why did you
333
00:16:11.590 --> 00:16:12.250
start that thing?
334
00:16:12.789 --> 00:16:15.330
Ah, don't give me that, Johnny. I've heard you start
335
00:16:15.370 --> 00:16:19.500
a whole show without one. Hey, we gonna play any
336
00:16:19.539 --> 00:16:21.799
more rummy, kids? Oh, it's an old time where we
337
00:16:21.820 --> 00:16:22.909
haven't been playing rummy.
338
00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:25.690
We've been playing poker. Hey, we have.
339
00:16:26.149 --> 00:16:27.789
No wonder I ain't been having any luck.
340
00:16:29.169 --> 00:16:30.450
What I want to know is, when are we gonna
341
00:16:30.470 --> 00:16:32.639
get out of here? Now, what did the doctor say, McGee?
342
00:16:32.700 --> 00:16:35.159
Oh, you heard what the doctor said, Gildersleeve. Anyway, what
343
00:16:35.179 --> 00:16:37.539
are you squawking about? You ain't any worse off than the.
344
00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:37.940
Rest of us.
345
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:38.639
No, that's right.
346
00:16:38.659 --> 00:16:41.679
Certainly not, tall, dark, and dumpy. Matter of fact, I'm
347
00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.990
thinking of starting suit against McGee for making me miss
348
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:45.230
an important board meeting.
349
00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:47.350
What do you mean, starting suit against me? What board
350
00:16:47.370 --> 00:16:48.149
meeting did you miss?
351
00:16:48.389 --> 00:16:50.889
Show you in just a minute, chiseled chin. Have the
352
00:16:50.909 --> 00:16:54.149
notice right here in my pocket. Notice, notice, notice. Had
353
00:16:54.169 --> 00:16:56.210
it here just a minute ago where I put that notice.
354
00:16:56.629 --> 00:16:59.509
I think I shall start suit myself for false imprisonment,
355
00:16:59.750 --> 00:17:04.259
malicious mischief, and sleeping on the ironing board. Quiet, Abigail,
356
00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:08.799
my dear. I've been trying to find the notice that meeting.
357
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:13.259
Here's an income tax blank. Got me in the middle there.
358
00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:15.720
If I don't show the source of my income, I
359
00:17:15.740 --> 00:17:18.180
go to prison. If I do show it, I go
360
00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:22.700
to jail. Here's a Confederate $ 100 bill.
361
00:17:22.859 --> 00:17:24.269
What good is a Confederate bill?
362
00:17:24.289 --> 00:17:24.990
You can't spend it.
363
00:17:25.420 --> 00:17:27.569
I can spend this one, my boy. I was a
364
00:17:27.609 --> 00:17:32.829
Confederate in a bank robbery. There's two. Now, let me see.
365
00:17:32.910 --> 00:17:35.009
Here's a small package of sleeping powder.
366
00:17:35.029 --> 00:17:35.509
Go on.
367
00:17:35.549 --> 00:17:36.490
That's a blackjack.
368
00:17:36.890 --> 00:17:42.119
Don't be crude, liver lip. Here's a postcard from Sheila
369
00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:45.319
the shoplifter. Says she tried to get away with an accordion,
370
00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:50.029
but it squealed on her. Letter from my brother, McClellan Boomer,
371
00:17:50.140 --> 00:17:52.069
the portrait painter. Unfortunate fellow.
372
00:17:52.390 --> 00:17:53.930
Oh, what happened to him, Mr. Boomer?
373
00:17:54.130 --> 00:17:55.549
He shot down on his palate.
374
00:17:56.190 --> 00:17:57.470
Poor lad.
375
00:17:58.250 --> 00:18:00.390
Yes, indeed. I always said he'd get caught with his
376
00:18:00.450 --> 00:18:06.490
paints down. Except for short beer.
377
00:18:07.009 --> 00:18:08.190
Well, well, imagine that.
378
00:18:08.230 --> 00:18:09.549
No notice of the board meeting.
379
00:18:09.589 --> 00:18:10.910
What board meeting was it, Boomer?
380
00:18:10.970 --> 00:18:16.000
The parole board, Scrimshank. Ah, well, there wasn't much choice anyway.
381
00:18:16.059 --> 00:18:17.519
They're a measly bunch, too.
382
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.400
The king's men sing, there's a tavern in the town.
383
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:33.539
I went strolling in the cold night air. I met
384
00:18:33.660 --> 00:18:38.180
Nellie with the flaxen hair. She was brokenhearted and a
385
00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:39.579
tear was in her eye.
386
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.279
When I tried to comfort her, she gave me this reply.
387
00:18:43.579 --> 00:18:45.640
There is a tavern in the.
388
00:18:45.579 --> 00:18:49.019
Town, in the town. And there my true love sits
389
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:49.519
him down.
390
00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:51.640
Sits him down where he can drink.
391
00:18:51.420 --> 00:18:54.220
His wine mid-lasser free.
392
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:56.759
And never, never thinks of me.
393
00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.500
He led me.
394
00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:03.450
For a damsel dark, damsel dark. On Tuesday night they
395
00:19:03.529 --> 00:19:05.089
always spark, always spark.
396
00:19:05.170 --> 00:19:08.869
And now my love, who once was true to me.
397
00:19:09.230 --> 00:19:12.410
Takes that dark damsel on his knee.
398
00:19:12.670 --> 00:19:13.349
Fairly well.
399
00:19:13.450 --> 00:19:14.470
Oh, I must leave thee.
400
00:19:14.490 --> 00:19:17.380
Do not let the parting grieve thee. Just remember that
401
00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:19.859
the best of friends must part, must part.
402
00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:23.640
Adieu, adieu, my friend, adieu. Adieu, adieu, adieu.
403
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.000
I can no.
404
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:25.839
Longer stay with you.
405
00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:26.099
Say.
406
00:19:26.579 --> 00:19:26.980
With you.
407
00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:30.920
I'll hang my house on a weeping willow tree.
408
00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:34.890
And may the world go well with thee. Then she
409
00:19:34.950 --> 00:19:37.210
turned away and said no more.
410
00:19:37.250 --> 00:19:38.250
Said no more.
411
00:19:38.410 --> 00:19:40.890
But then stood through the tavern door.
412
00:19:40.930 --> 00:19:43.650
Tavern door and from within there came a.
413
00:19:43.609 --> 00:19:45.170
Loud voice of angry shout.
414
00:19:45.309 --> 00:19:47.910
And then a pistol shot rang out.
415
00:19:48.009 --> 00:19:42.230
I saw I saw her through the open door. Open door.
416
00:19:42.250 --> 00:19:44.690
She held a smoke in 44. 44 and at her
417
00:19:44.730 --> 00:19:47.650
feet her lover fell down dead. And here's the very
418
00:19:47.690 --> 00:19:48.809
word she said.
419
00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:06.099
Oh, fare thee well, for you must leave me nevermore.
420
00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:07.480
Will you deceive me.
421
00:20:07.339 --> 00:20:08.740
If you can't be true to me?
422
00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:11.440
Then we must part, must part.
423
00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:13.259
Adieu, my love, adieu.
424
00:20:13.400 --> 00:20:16.779
Yes, adieu. I can no longer stay with you.
425
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:27.130
Stay with you, I'll hang my heart on a weeping wall. Agree.
426
00:20:28.049 --> 00:20:30.309
And may the world go well with thee.
427
00:20:43.210 --> 00:20:48.359
Uppington, Gildersleeve, DePopulus, Wilcox, the old-timer.
428
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:51.119
Little girl. That's seven.
429
00:20:51.819 --> 00:20:55.660
Seven times five is 35, times seven is 245. Say,
430
00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:58.220
that ain't bad at all, Molly. What are you talking about?
431
00:20:58.259 --> 00:21:00.769
What isn't bad? Well, look, there's seven people here besides us.
432
00:21:01.309 --> 00:21:04.349
All of them eating and sleeping at our expense. So
433
00:21:04.410 --> 00:21:06.349
I figured if I charged them a nominal five bucks
434
00:21:06.390 --> 00:21:09.390
apiece a day, that comes to $ 245 bucks a week.
435
00:21:09.789 --> 00:21:12.549
Why, McGee, you can't charge them for staying here. They
436
00:21:12.569 --> 00:21:13.210
couldn't help it.
437
00:21:13.309 --> 00:21:14.789
Well, Dad read it. I couldn't help it either.
438
00:21:14.930 --> 00:21:15.880
Well, then it's even.
439
00:21:15.950 --> 00:21:16.880
Okay, so it is even.
440
00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:18.460
So I'll split the difference and make it two and
441
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:23.619
a half a day. That'll come to $ 102. Oh, McGee,
442
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.460
stop it.
443
00:21:24.980 --> 00:21:27.380
Why, that's taking advantage of people when they're helpless.
444
00:21:28.019 --> 00:21:29.259
Well, shucks.
445
00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:35.890
That's the best time, ain't it? Now, just the same,
446
00:21:35.970 --> 00:21:37.170
I won't let you do it now.
447
00:21:37.210 --> 00:21:39.319
We're all quarantined here together, and we just got to
448
00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:40.059
make the best of it.
449
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:41.900
Yeah, but think of the expense. We're going to have
450
00:21:41.940 --> 00:21:44.099
a grocery bill that'll make the defense program look like
451
00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:47.380
matching pennies. Why, when you start to think of the.
452
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:49.779
Pardon me. May I have a word with you, please?
453
00:21:49.900 --> 00:21:50.859
Why, certainly, Mrs.
454
00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:52.089
Uppington. Do come in.
455
00:21:52.549 --> 00:21:55.650
What's the trouble? Mrs. McGee, I demand to know how
456
00:21:55.690 --> 00:21:57.609
long we are to be incarcerated here.
457
00:21:58.190 --> 00:22:00.069
Now, you look here, Uppy. We don't like to be
458
00:22:00.089 --> 00:22:03.710
incapacitated here any more than you do. But a quarantine
459
00:22:03.750 --> 00:22:06.299
is a quarantine. You don't want the measles to spread
460
00:22:06.339 --> 00:22:08.259
all over town, do you? You don't want to start
461
00:22:08.299 --> 00:22:09.319
an epidermis, do you?
462
00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:12.460
You mean hypodermic, McGee.
463
00:22:13.940 --> 00:22:15.160
He means epidemic.
464
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:16.460
Well, then what's epidermis?
465
00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:18.200
Epidermis refers to the skin.
466
00:22:18.339 --> 00:22:20.380
That's what I say. You want to skin out of
467
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:21.920
here and spread the measles all over town?
468
00:22:24.619 --> 00:22:26.619
I wish to do no such thing, Mr. McGee, and
469
00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:28.440
I bitterly resent the insinuation.
470
00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:30.660
But I do demand, as an American citizen.
471
00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:31.220
See your papers.
472
00:22:31.240 --> 00:22:31.599
Papers?
473
00:22:33.259 --> 00:22:34.799
Yes, your citizenship papers.
474
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:37.980
Why? Why, you speak as if I were an ordinary immigrant.
475
00:22:38.460 --> 00:22:42.160
Look, Uppy, the only Americans that ain't immigrants, or descended
476
00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:45.900
from immigrants, are Indians. And you wouldn't know a teepee.
477
00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:46.299
From a toupee.
478
00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:50.279
So don't give us that Mayflower malarkey.
479
00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:56.519
Oh! I have never been so impotent in all my life.
480
00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:00.119
You must have led a pretty sheltered life, Abigail. But
481
00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:01.740
I agree with you that we ought to find out
482
00:23:01.799 --> 00:23:02.079
how long.
483
00:23:02.099 --> 00:23:03.940
Hey, Fibber, how long is this going on?
484
00:23:04.019 --> 00:23:05.519
How long is it going to be until I can
485
00:23:05.559 --> 00:23:07.349
have a reunion with my wife and kidneys?
486
00:23:07.740 --> 00:23:12.269
That's what I want to know, Fibber.
487
00:23:12.490 --> 00:23:13.730
Me too, I betcha.
488
00:23:13.750 --> 00:23:14.190
No.
489
00:23:14.410 --> 00:23:16.750
Oh, for goodness sakes, little girl, you get right back
490
00:23:16.829 --> 00:23:17.430
in bed there.
491
00:23:17.609 --> 00:23:19.210
Yeah, she'll catch her death of cold, sis.
492
00:23:20.819 --> 00:23:25.680
Hey, now, look here, Johnny. I've missed five rumba lessons
493
00:23:25.700 --> 00:23:28.839
since I've been here, and I want to get it going.
494
00:23:28.920 --> 00:23:30.109
What can we do?
495
00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:30.720
Well, Mr.
496
00:23:30.740 --> 00:23:33.309
McGee, what do you propose to do about this situation?
497
00:23:33.410 --> 00:23:35.009
I'll tell you what we're going to do, folks. I'm
498
00:23:35.049 --> 00:23:36.710
just as anxious as you are to know how long
499
00:23:36.750 --> 00:23:39.789
they quarantine for measles. I'm going to call the health department.
500
00:23:40.309 --> 00:23:43.009
All right, dearie, here's the phone.
501
00:23:43.450 --> 00:23:43.670
Thanks.
502
00:23:44.349 --> 00:23:49.230
Hello, operator. Give me the health department... Oh, is that you, Mert?
503
00:23:50.630 --> 00:23:52.289
Oh, that's us.
504
00:23:52.299 --> 00:23:56.240
How's every little thing, Mert? Yeah, we're quarantined. What's A, Mert?
505
00:23:56.859 --> 00:23:57.279
Your brother.
506
00:23:57.299 --> 00:24:00.400
Oh, the one that works in the airplane plant? Caught
507
00:24:00.420 --> 00:24:03.640
a spy, eh? Heaven, days are thrilling. Oh, I don't know.
508
00:24:03.660 --> 00:24:05.920
He knocked over his lunch pail, spilled all the sandwiches,
509
00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:15.769
but he caught his pie. What's A, Mert? Oh, no answer, eh? Okay,
510
00:24:15.809 --> 00:24:16.769
I'll try the Board of Trade.
511
00:24:18.670 --> 00:24:19.589
Wait a minute, McGee.
512
00:24:19.650 --> 00:24:20.130
Look at this.
513
00:24:20.569 --> 00:24:21.630
What's the matter with you, Gildersleeve?
514
00:24:21.670 --> 00:24:22.930
Look what I found in the almanac.
515
00:24:23.150 --> 00:24:24.529
What are you doing with the almanac?
516
00:24:24.710 --> 00:24:26.690
Well, the only thing there is to read around here
517
00:24:26.750 --> 00:24:29.359
except Black Beauty and the Peoria High School Annual for 1911.
518
00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:33.160
Well, what about the almanac, Mr.
519
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:33.660
Gildersleeve?
520
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.099
Well, listen to this. It's an article on contagious diseases.
521
00:24:36.579 --> 00:24:39.200
And it says that quarantining for measles is obsolete.
522
00:24:40.349 --> 00:24:44.019
Absolutely. Oh, I remember now. That's what the doctor told
523
00:24:44.059 --> 00:24:47.220
me over the phone. It's obsolete and there's no getting
524
00:24:47.259 --> 00:24:47.599
around it.
525
00:24:47.599 --> 00:24:48.359
Oh, good heavens.
526
00:24:48.660 --> 00:24:51.019
I believe the man doesn't know what the word obsolete means.
527
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:52.220
That's what I do, too.
528
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:54.130
Obsolete means.
529
00:24:54.490 --> 00:24:55.369
Oh.
530
00:24:56.410 --> 00:24:58.069
My gosh. I was thinking of absolute.
531
00:24:58.950 --> 00:24:59.069
Oh!
532
00:25:12.619 --> 00:25:17.400
Vibber and Molly.
533
00:25:18.529 --> 00:25:20.950
Will be back in just a moment.
534
00:25:51.210 --> 00:25:52.380
Is everybody gone, Molly?
535
00:25:52.470 --> 00:25:55.900
Yes, they're gone. And a good riddance, too. Come on,
536
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:56.599
let's go to bed.
537
00:25:56.759 --> 00:25:59.680
Okay. Oh, McGee!
538
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:03.930
Dad, grab what you want, Gildersleeve.
539
00:26:04.049 --> 00:26:06.609
My wife's gone away and I can't get into the house.
540
00:26:06.690 --> 00:26:07.730
Well, what do you want with us?
541
00:26:08.269 --> 00:26:09.210
I'm hungry.
542
00:26:09.269 --> 00:26:12.029
Good night. Good night, all.
543
00:26:38.410 --> 00:26:42.619
That was Fibber McGee and Molly, quarantined with measles. Follow
544
00:26:42.660 --> 00:26:45.319
Fibber McGee and Molly for more classic broadcasts.
1
00:00:00.190 --> 00:00:03.950
A party at 79 Wistful Vista has left Fibber and
2
00:00:03.990 --> 00:00:07.400
Molly McGee with a measles quarantine and a house full
3
00:00:07.419 --> 00:00:12.960
of guests who cannot go home. Among them is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve,
4
00:00:13.400 --> 00:00:16.410
as the McGee household becomes a rather crowded address in
5
00:00:16.460 --> 00:00:21.550
Wistful Vista. From NBC, with Jim and Marion Jordan, Harold
6
00:00:21.589 --> 00:00:25.370
Peary and Harlow Wilcox, this is Fibber McGee and Molly,
7
00:00:25.850 --> 00:00:31.449
episode 278, Quarantined with Measles. First heard March 11th, 1941.
8
00:00:31.449 --> 00:00:35.969
It continues the circumstances set in motion by the McGee's
9
00:00:36.030 --> 00:00:39.969
party the week before. And now, the original broadcast.
10
00:00:40.750 --> 00:00:42.030
Fibber McGee and Molly!
11
00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:52.130
River McGee and Molly with Bill Thompson, Gail Gordon, Arthur Q.
12
00:00:52.170 --> 00:00:54.270
Bryan, Dick Legrand, and me, Harlow Wilcox.
13
00:00:54.450 --> 00:00:56.469
The show opens with Love Is.
14
00:00:56.630 --> 00:01:21.959
Love Is. Thank you.
15
00:01:46.939 --> 00:01:50.480
Last week, a quarantine of measles bottled up the cream
16
00:01:50.540 --> 00:01:53.099
of Wistful Vista Society in the McGee home.
17
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:56.420
During the week that has just passed, the cream has
18
00:01:56.549 --> 00:01:57.769
soured considerably.
19
00:01:58.969 --> 00:02:02.870
And here at 79 Wistful Vista, just one big unhappy family,
20
00:02:03.170 --> 00:02:06.530
we find a number of unwilling guests and Fibber McGee
21
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:07.099
and Molly.
22
00:02:12.569 --> 00:02:15.150
Now, wait a minute, Gildersleeve. The doctor hasn't given permission
23
00:02:15.169 --> 00:02:16.050
to anybody to leave yet.
24
00:02:16.069 --> 00:02:17.550
Well, by George, I'm leaving anyway.
25
00:02:17.969 --> 00:02:19.810
My business is going to rack and ruin while I.
26
00:02:19.810 --> 00:02:22.250
Take your hand off of that doorknob, Mr. Gildersleeve, or
27
00:02:22.270 --> 00:02:23.949
you'll regret it. We'll all regret it.
28
00:02:24.030 --> 00:02:26.009
I won't do it. I've been cooped up here for
29
00:02:26.030 --> 00:02:27.610
a week, and I'm going to leave right now.
30
00:02:27.650 --> 00:02:29.460
Don't you dare open that door, Gildersleeve.
31
00:02:29.569 --> 00:02:30.159
I will, too.
32
00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:51.289
Got to straighten out that closet one of these days.
33
00:02:51.469 --> 00:02:54.750
Why didn't you tell me this was a closet?
34
00:02:55.129 --> 00:02:58.009
Say, you've been here a week, you should have known. Besides,
35
00:02:58.090 --> 00:03:00.150
I don't know why you're worried about your old factory.
36
00:03:00.569 --> 00:03:03.080
Your wife is taking charge of the Gildersleeve Girdle Company.
37
00:03:03.439 --> 00:03:05.080
Oh, what do women know about girdles?
38
00:03:05.780 --> 00:03:07.439
Oh, what do women know about girdles?
39
00:03:09.229 --> 00:03:16.530
Plenty, if they got the proper foundation. And background. Oh, Mr.
40
00:03:16.889 --> 00:03:19.289
McGee, when, oh, when are we going to get out
41
00:03:19.310 --> 00:03:20.550
of this horrible house?
42
00:03:20.710 --> 00:03:23.689
Oh, so this house is horrible, is it? Now, you
43
00:03:23.729 --> 00:03:25.340
listen to me, Abigail Uppington.
44
00:03:25.560 --> 00:03:28.060
I don't mind your sleeping in my bed or using
45
00:03:28.099 --> 00:03:31.060
my vanishing cream and my bobby pins. But when you
46
00:03:31.099 --> 00:03:36.159
say this is a horrible house... I agree with you.
47
00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:38.039
I've never spent such a week in my life.
48
00:03:38.520 --> 00:03:38.860
Life?
49
00:03:38.919 --> 00:03:40.280
Has this only been one life?
50
00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:42.819
But when can we leave, Mr. McGee?
51
00:03:43.060 --> 00:03:45.699
Surely they can't legally keep us chained up here like
52
00:03:45.780 --> 00:03:46.800
wild beasts, please.
53
00:03:46.819 --> 00:03:48.280
Yes, who's a wild beast?
54
00:03:49.090 --> 00:03:50.909
If the fur fits, wear it, Gildersleeve.
55
00:03:50.939 --> 00:03:54.229
Well, I'm sure it.
56
00:03:54.210 --> 00:03:55.250
Can't be much longer, Mrs.
57
00:03:55.349 --> 00:03:55.889
Duffy.
58
00:03:56.310 --> 00:03:58.389
We're just as anxious to have you leave as you
59
00:03:58.490 --> 00:03:58.949
are to go.
60
00:04:00.129 --> 00:04:00.629
McGee....
61
00:04:01.960 --> 00:04:03.680
May I have a private word with you, dearie?
62
00:04:03.800 --> 00:04:07.159
Why, sure. You mind if we have a minute alone, folks?
63
00:04:08.020 --> 00:04:10.259
If by alone you mean without me, McGee, you can
64
00:04:10.300 --> 00:04:13.819
have 3,000 years of us. Come on, Abigail. Let's go
65
00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:15.539
and sneer at their photograph album again.
66
00:04:15.560 --> 00:04:20.899
What's the matter, Molly?
67
00:04:21.220 --> 00:04:23.959
Look, we've all been getting in each other's hair here
68
00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.800
for a solid week. And the doctor hasn't been back once.
69
00:04:26.920 --> 00:04:28.899
I know, but he called me up right after he left, though.
70
00:04:29.180 --> 00:04:30.220
That night we got quarantined.
71
00:04:30.259 --> 00:04:31.050
Well, what'd he say?
72
00:04:31.310 --> 00:04:34.209
I can't remember. It was some big medical word. You
73
00:04:34.250 --> 00:04:35.430
know how doctors are.
74
00:04:36.370 --> 00:04:39.850
Heavenly days. If they quarantined doctors, too, they wouldn't be
75
00:04:39.889 --> 00:04:41.730
so anxious to keep people locked up like this.
76
00:04:42.470 --> 00:04:43.629
Where is everybody, dearie?
77
00:04:43.689 --> 00:04:45.790
Well, they're down in the basement. Boomer and Wilcox and
78
00:04:45.810 --> 00:04:49.350
the old-timer got a poker game going. Oh, they have,
79
00:04:49.389 --> 00:04:49.750
have they?
80
00:04:49.769 --> 00:04:49.970
Mm-hmm.
81
00:04:50.329 --> 00:04:52.230
It wasn't enough that I was running a boarding house
82
00:04:52.269 --> 00:04:54.680
in the hospital. Now I got a gambling joint on
83
00:04:54.709 --> 00:04:56.000
my hands.
84
00:04:56.500 --> 00:04:58.279
Oh, Molly, they're not doing any harm.
85
00:04:58.339 --> 00:05:00.160
Just the same, I'm not going to have my home
86
00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:01.579
turned into any Monte Cristo.
87
00:05:04.540 --> 00:05:06.860
You mean Monte Carlo. Monte Cristo was a count.
88
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:08.939
Well, then he should have had more manners than to
89
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:10.779
turn somebody's home into a gambling joint.
90
00:05:11.560 --> 00:05:13.689
He didn't gamble. He was just a guy in a book.
91
00:05:14.509 --> 00:05:15.509
Oh, he ran a book, too.
92
00:05:15.550 --> 00:05:15.649
Oh.
93
00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:19.759
Well, that's all I wanted to know. You go in
94
00:05:19.800 --> 00:05:21.930
and see how the little girl is getting along, McGee.
95
00:05:22.170 --> 00:05:24.649
And if you hear a riot downstairs, that's me breaking
96
00:05:24.689 --> 00:05:25.769
up the poker game.
97
00:05:26.189 --> 00:05:26.910
Goodbye, Mrs.
98
00:05:26.970 --> 00:05:27.329
Chips.
99
00:05:31.870 --> 00:05:32.709
Hi, Mr.
100
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:33.129
McGee.
101
00:05:33.240 --> 00:05:36.060
Hi there, sis. How's everything? You got enough blankets or
102
00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:38.519
too many? Is the window open enough or too much?
103
00:05:38.819 --> 00:05:40.699
Is it too light in here or too dark?
104
00:05:41.339 --> 00:05:41.579
Yes.
105
00:05:42.269 --> 00:05:42.490
Huh?
106
00:05:42.569 --> 00:05:45.250
Hey, will you tell me a story, Mr.
107
00:05:45.290 --> 00:05:45.709
McGee?
108
00:05:45.730 --> 00:05:47.610
Will you please? Will you?
109
00:05:47.709 --> 00:05:50.209
No, okay, but now you stay tucked in bed there.
110
00:05:50.410 --> 00:05:52.430
I don't want you to catch cold. Now, what story
111
00:05:52.449 --> 00:05:55.290
do you want me to tell you? Goldilocks, I bet you.
112
00:05:55.389 --> 00:05:56.810
Goldilocks, huh? Okay.
113
00:05:57.550 --> 00:05:59.529
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl
114
00:05:59.569 --> 00:06:02.810
named Goldilocks, and one day she started to take her
115
00:06:02.879 --> 00:06:06.879
grandmother a basket of delicious pies and cakes and sandwiches.
116
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:08.279
I'm hungry.
117
00:06:09.060 --> 00:06:09.319
Huh?
118
00:06:11.620 --> 00:06:16.110
I'm hungry. Can I please have something to eat, Mr. McGee, please?
119
00:06:16.389 --> 00:06:18.970
Oh, I guess so, sis. How about an apple? Make
120
00:06:18.990 --> 00:06:20.389
you nice and strong to eat apples.
121
00:06:20.649 --> 00:06:22.329
Do you like Superman, huh?
122
00:06:22.389 --> 00:06:22.689
Yeah.
123
00:06:22.730 --> 00:06:25.750
Hey, will you get the paper and read me about Superman, Mr.
124
00:06:25.769 --> 00:06:28.769
McGee? Oh, for the... Okay, okay. Anything to.
125
00:06:28.829 --> 00:06:32.089
Anything to please. Here's the paper. Let's see where it's... Oh,
126
00:06:32.110 --> 00:06:32.610
here it is.
127
00:06:33.649 --> 00:06:33.769
Oh.
128
00:06:34.069 --> 00:06:37.250
Today, Superman is fighting for his life among the gangs
129
00:06:37.290 --> 00:06:39.870
that have mushroomed up in... Have what, mister?
130
00:06:40.410 --> 00:06:40.990
Mushroomed.
131
00:06:41.689 --> 00:06:46.209
I'm hungry.
132
00:06:46.529 --> 00:06:48.600
Look, will you make up your mind? First you want
133
00:06:48.620 --> 00:06:50.439
a story, and then you want something to eat. Now,
134
00:06:50.459 --> 00:06:51.040
which will it be?
135
00:06:51.060 --> 00:06:52.519
A story. Okay.
136
00:06:53.079 --> 00:06:54.980
Shall I tell you about the Pied Piper of Hamelin?
137
00:06:55.160 --> 00:06:55.759
Who's he?
138
00:06:56.139 --> 00:06:57.759
Well, he was a guy who got rid of all
139
00:06:57.779 --> 00:06:59.189
the rats by playing his flute.
140
00:06:59.579 --> 00:07:03.689
Oh, gee, I love flute. Stude flute and flute cello and.
141
00:07:03.910 --> 00:07:07.740
That's flute. And we haven't got any. And furthermore, if
142
00:07:07.819 --> 00:07:08.399
I detect them.
143
00:07:08.500 --> 00:07:11.279
I like detectives, too. Will you please read me about
144
00:07:11.319 --> 00:07:12.060
Dick Tracy?
145
00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:14.199
I thought you wanted something to eat.
146
00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:15.660
I know.
147
00:07:15.699 --> 00:07:17.920
That's why I want you to read me about Dick Tracy.
148
00:07:17.980 --> 00:07:20.040
I just eat that up, I bet you.
149
00:07:22.199 --> 00:07:22.600
All right.
150
00:07:23.740 --> 00:07:25.899
Well, it says here that Dick Tracy is on the
151
00:07:25.939 --> 00:07:28.019
trail of a crook that's just taken it on the land.
152
00:07:28.560 --> 00:07:30.209
On the what? Land.
153
00:07:31.470 --> 00:07:36.329
I'm hungry.
154
00:07:36.350 --> 00:07:38.189
I don't care how hungry you are, Dad Brad, if
155
00:07:38.209 --> 00:07:39.779
you're going to get Dick Tracy and like it.
156
00:07:40.949 --> 00:07:44.189
Oh, hey, hey, hey. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now.
157
00:07:44.209 --> 00:07:47.129
Now, wait a minute, sis. I'm sorry. I guess I'm
158
00:07:47.170 --> 00:07:48.029
just kind of on edge.
159
00:07:48.069 --> 00:07:48.490
Yeah.
160
00:07:48.810 --> 00:07:52.810
After all this quarantine. Excuse me for hollering at you,
161
00:07:52.829 --> 00:07:53.110
will you?
162
00:07:53.670 --> 00:07:55.230
Okay, mister. Oh, thanks.
163
00:07:55.350 --> 00:07:59.519
Now, I dare you. A big bloke like me shouting
164
00:07:59.560 --> 00:08:00.680
at a little kid like you.
165
00:08:00.740 --> 00:08:01.220
Yeah.
166
00:08:01.660 --> 00:08:04.189
Sick with the measles. I ought to be ashamed.
167
00:08:04.579 --> 00:08:06.269
Oh, sure you are, I bet you.
168
00:08:06.490 --> 00:08:08.610
Well, I am.
169
00:08:08.670 --> 00:08:11.209
Now, which do you want, honey? A story or something
170
00:08:11.230 --> 00:08:11.470
to eat?
171
00:08:11.709 --> 00:08:12.410
A story.
172
00:08:12.769 --> 00:08:13.110
Fine.
173
00:08:13.790 --> 00:08:16.750
And just so as I won't arouse any gastronomic yearnings
174
00:08:16.810 --> 00:08:21.149
in your little corpus delecti, I'll try and tell you
175
00:08:21.209 --> 00:08:23.439
one that ain't connected in any way with something to eat.
176
00:08:23.629 --> 00:08:24.300
All right.
177
00:08:24.459 --> 00:08:29.139
Now, here we go. Little Jack Horner sat in the
178
00:08:29.180 --> 00:08:35.299
corner eating his Christmas... Once upon a time there was
179
00:08:35.340 --> 00:08:37.840
a boy named Jack who lived with his poor old mother.
180
00:08:38.299 --> 00:08:40.179
And one day he went to town and sold the
181
00:08:40.200 --> 00:08:42.149
cow and all he got for it was.
182
00:08:42.049 --> 00:08:42.679
A handful of.
183
00:08:46.509 --> 00:08:50.870
Little Miss Muppet sat on a tuffet eating.
184
00:08:50.929 --> 00:08:52.210
Simple Simon met a pot.
185
00:08:53.750 --> 00:08:54.610
Mary had a little.
186
00:08:54.629 --> 00:08:58.690
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Cinderella.
187
00:08:59.429 --> 00:09:00.149
Ah, now I got it.
188
00:09:00.389 --> 00:09:02.850
And one day, a fairy princess came to her and
189
00:09:02.909 --> 00:09:05.960
said she could go to the ball. And Cinderella said, yes,
190
00:09:06.269 --> 00:09:07.320
but how will I get there?
191
00:09:07.500 --> 00:09:10.299
Yeah, and the fairy princess made her a coach out
192
00:09:10.340 --> 00:09:12.120
of a big, juicy pumpkin.
193
00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:14.200
Yeah. I'm hungry.
194
00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:51.409
Thank you. Thank you.
195
00:10:10.250 --> 00:10:15.129
Thank you.
196
00:10:15.210 --> 00:10:15.870
Thank you.
197
00:10:28.899 --> 00:10:29.519
Thank you.
198
00:11:00.009 --> 00:11:02.389
Now you look here, Nick DePopolis. Be reasonable, will you?
199
00:11:02.629 --> 00:11:05.519
Such I didn't impose this quarantine, and I don't... But for.
200
00:11:05.320 --> 00:11:08.759
Scrimshacks, Fizzer, I'm asking you once and for always, and
201
00:11:08.799 --> 00:11:12.080
my bended elbows with tears in my face. How long
202
00:11:12.100 --> 00:11:12.600
can this.
203
00:11:12.460 --> 00:11:13.580
Quorum prim last?
204
00:11:13.740 --> 00:11:13.980
Well.
205
00:11:14.259 --> 00:11:16.879
I'm getting so I hate everybody around here, including me,
206
00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:19.649
which I don't like, because I was always admired me
207
00:11:19.690 --> 00:11:21.850
very much, if you can understand that. And if not,
208
00:11:21.929 --> 00:11:22.889
I hate you, too.
209
00:11:26.230 --> 00:11:28.779
Well, believe me, Nick, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have had
210
00:11:28.799 --> 00:11:30.379
this happen for the world, but it did, and we've
211
00:11:30.399 --> 00:11:32.320
got to make the best of it. Can't you amuse
212
00:11:32.340 --> 00:11:33.080
yourself anyway?
213
00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:33.480
Can't you.
214
00:11:33.659 --> 00:11:34.620
Such as for instance?
215
00:11:34.990 --> 00:11:35.179
What?
216
00:11:36.570 --> 00:11:38.009
Well, do some crossword puzzles.
217
00:11:38.230 --> 00:11:41.620
No, sir. No crossword puzzles for me, Fischer. It's too
218
00:11:41.639 --> 00:11:43.000
much exercise, I'm saying.
219
00:11:43.139 --> 00:11:45.080
What do you mean? There isn't any exercise to working
220
00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:46.940
crossword puzzles. Oh, sure there is.
221
00:11:47.059 --> 00:11:48.919
Huh? First you lay down on the floor and do
222
00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.240
a word. Then you're standing up and doing a word.
223
00:11:51.500 --> 00:11:52.950
Then you're lying down and doing one.
224
00:11:52.970 --> 00:11:53.799
But why?
225
00:11:53.870 --> 00:11:55.570
Because that is what it is saying to do.
226
00:11:55.639 --> 00:11:55.830
Huh?
227
00:11:56.159 --> 00:12:00.330
Horizontal, perpendicular, horizontal, perpendicular.
228
00:12:00.750 --> 00:12:03.049
Up and down, up and down, all day long.
229
00:12:04.899 --> 00:12:06.740
That's being any way you do a puzzle, I've got
230
00:12:06.799 --> 00:12:09.039
a crossword for it that will make your hair stand
231
00:12:09.100 --> 00:12:09.899
on its hind feet.
232
00:12:11.340 --> 00:12:12.960
If I don't get out of here before long, I'll
233
00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:21.500
be trellis if I come around.
234
00:12:21.740 --> 00:12:23.399
Well, I know it takes all kinds of people to
235
00:12:23.440 --> 00:12:25.899
make a world, but sometimes I think they went to extremes.
236
00:12:26.919 --> 00:12:28.110
Ah, there you are, McGee.
237
00:12:28.230 --> 00:12:30.340
I've looked all over the house and I can't find anybody. No,
238
00:12:30.350 --> 00:12:31.750
and if I'd have seen you coming, you wouldn't have
239
00:12:31.769 --> 00:12:34.919
found me. Are you getting as tired of me as
240
00:12:35.059 --> 00:12:36.379
I am of you, Gildersleeve?
241
00:12:36.840 --> 00:12:40.710
At least, McGee. As soon as this quarantine is lifted,
242
00:12:41.029 --> 00:12:43.049
if it ever is, I'm going to move to San
243
00:12:43.090 --> 00:12:46.129
Francisco or someplace. I never want to see your face again.
244
00:12:46.149 --> 00:12:51.590
That's funny. That's exactly the way I feel about you.
245
00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:54.299
I'm getting so I detest you.
246
00:12:54.320 --> 00:12:55.039
I know.
247
00:12:55.559 --> 00:13:01.679
I despise you, too. It's a good thing we're friends, chum,
248
00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:04.059
or this would end up in hard feelings.
249
00:13:04.220 --> 00:13:06.399
I'll say so. It's nice we can hate each other
250
00:13:06.440 --> 00:13:07.899
in a sort of a chummy.
251
00:13:07.620 --> 00:13:10.210
Sort of a way. Yes, indeed.
252
00:13:10.659 --> 00:13:11.850
But where is everybody, McGee?
253
00:13:11.870 --> 00:13:13.590
All right, George, if you kept me here and let
254
00:13:13.610 --> 00:13:14.629
the rest of them go home, I'll.
255
00:13:14.669 --> 00:13:17.350
Now, now, now, don't get your teeth in a turmoil, Gildersleeve.
256
00:13:17.830 --> 00:13:19.049
Everybody's down in the basement.
257
00:13:19.129 --> 00:13:19.690
What for?
258
00:13:19.929 --> 00:13:21.690
Well, they had a poker game going down there, but
259
00:13:22.009 --> 00:13:22.730
Molly went down to.
260
00:13:22.710 --> 00:13:23.250
Bust it up.
261
00:13:24.110 --> 00:13:26.049
She's probably got them all locked in the coal bin
262
00:13:26.090 --> 00:13:27.889
by now. Come on, let's get out of here.
263
00:13:27.909 --> 00:13:28.350
All right, McGee.
264
00:13:28.370 --> 00:13:31.350
How many cards for you, Glowcoat?
265
00:13:32.149 --> 00:13:32.529
Three, Boomer.
266
00:13:32.549 --> 00:13:43.549
Give me two, Horatio. Two for me, too.
267
00:13:44.149 --> 00:13:45.629
Here you are, my little Toscanini.
268
00:13:45.769 --> 00:13:47.250
How many for you?
269
00:13:47.269 --> 00:13:47.370
None.
270
00:13:47.429 --> 00:13:53.360
I'm standing past. Well, Mrs. Uffington, you opened.
271
00:13:53.379 --> 00:13:54.159
What are you doing?
272
00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:57.500
The membership fee for this round will be three blue ones.
273
00:13:57.620 --> 00:13:58.799
I can't be in there.
274
00:13:59.580 --> 00:14:01.730
Say, do you mind if I put in five more?
275
00:14:01.830 --> 00:14:03.110
I seem to have so many.
276
00:14:04.090 --> 00:14:04.470
I'm out.
277
00:14:04.950 --> 00:14:06.750
I'll see you, daughter. Don't say you got him.
278
00:14:07.029 --> 00:14:07.269
Mr.
279
00:14:07.289 --> 00:14:07.629
Boomer?
280
00:14:07.850 --> 00:14:10.009
Sorry, my dear, I'm out. I'm shy two feathers on
281
00:14:10.049 --> 00:14:11.039
a bob-tailed slug.
282
00:14:11.519 --> 00:14:14.440
I'm going to call.
283
00:14:14.139 --> 00:14:15.139
You, Miss McGee.
284
00:14:15.419 --> 00:14:16.700
But why? I'm right here.
285
00:14:17.879 --> 00:14:19.899
Oh, no, I mean, let's see your card.
286
00:14:20.070 --> 00:14:21.169
Oh, sure.
287
00:14:21.429 --> 00:14:23.029
But they don't amount to anything, really.
288
00:14:23.769 --> 00:14:24.470
I was bluffing.
289
00:14:25.549 --> 00:14:27.570
All I got is a five spot and four wands.
290
00:14:30.690 --> 00:14:33.549
Is that good?
291
00:14:33.610 --> 00:14:35.450
Hey, what's going on here? I thought you were going
292
00:14:35.470 --> 00:14:38.830
to bust up this game, Molly. Believe me, she did, skee-ball. Huh?
293
00:14:38.990 --> 00:14:41.720
You've heard about the chicken in every pot. Well, she's
294
00:14:41.759 --> 00:14:42.279
the chicken.
295
00:14:42.600 --> 00:14:44.700
Isn't it wonderful, dearie?
296
00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:46.740
Look at all the pretty chips I've won. I'm going
297
00:14:46.759 --> 00:14:49.200
to punch holes through them and string them together for
298
00:14:49.220 --> 00:14:49.600
a necklace.
299
00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:50.539
No, no, no, no.
300
00:14:50.580 --> 00:14:51.080
Don't do that.
301
00:14:51.340 --> 00:14:51.860
Cash them in.
302
00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:53.539
They're worth money. Don't be silly.
303
00:14:53.559 --> 00:14:56.230
They were only worth $ 1. 98 when we bought them. And
304
00:14:56.259 --> 00:14:58.190
I even doubt if the drugstore would take them back.
305
00:14:58.309 --> 00:14:58.629
No.
306
00:14:59.230 --> 00:15:01.269
Didn't anybody else learn anything? How about you, Wilcox?
307
00:15:01.289 --> 00:15:01.929
Did you lose?
308
00:15:02.230 --> 00:15:03.929
Oh, I'm not hurt much. I just like to play.
309
00:15:03.970 --> 00:15:05.250
It's useful to me and my business.
310
00:15:05.350 --> 00:15:06.769
Well, how can that be, Mr.
311
00:15:06.789 --> 00:15:07.350
Wilcox?
312
00:15:07.809 --> 00:15:10.669
I wish you hadn't asked that question, Uppy. It's just
313
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:12.679
like waving a bull in front of a red rag.
314
00:15:13.000 --> 00:15:13.179
Oh.
315
00:15:14.860 --> 00:15:17.580
Well, I've always had a suspicion that poker was invented
316
00:15:17.620 --> 00:15:18.350
by a salesman.
317
00:15:18.590 --> 00:15:20.019
Now, you see what you've done, Uppy?
318
00:15:20.610 --> 00:15:22.009
Well, explain yourself, Mr.
319
00:15:22.110 --> 00:15:22.610
Wilkow.
320
00:15:22.649 --> 00:15:23.409
All right, look.
321
00:15:23.809 --> 00:15:27.070
Suppose a housewife has a full house and somebody spills
322
00:15:27.129 --> 00:15:30.370
a tray on the kitchen linoleum. Does he raise the deuce?
323
00:15:31.549 --> 00:15:34.419
It's aces when it comes to protecting and beautifying linoleum.
324
00:15:34.820 --> 00:15:35.980
And it takes very little jack.
325
00:15:37.580 --> 00:15:41.419
And what's more, it puts old-fashioned floor scrubbing in the discard.
326
00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:43.279
Call your dealer today.
327
00:15:52.610 --> 00:15:53.909
That's pretty good, Waxy.
328
00:15:54.250 --> 00:15:55.789
But that ain't the way I heard it.
329
00:15:55.830 --> 00:16:01.750
The way I heard it, one fella says to another fella, say, say, say.
330
00:16:01.970 --> 00:16:07.250
Any of you kids got a good joke to fill
331
00:16:07.269 --> 00:16:10.029
in here with?
332
00:16:10.049 --> 00:16:11.570
Say, if you haven't got a joke, why did you
333
00:16:11.590 --> 00:16:12.250
start that thing?
334
00:16:12.789 --> 00:16:15.330
Ah, don't give me that, Johnny. I've heard you start
335
00:16:15.370 --> 00:16:19.500
a whole show without one. Hey, we gonna play any
336
00:16:19.539 --> 00:16:21.799
more rummy, kids? Oh, it's an old time where we
337
00:16:21.820 --> 00:16:22.909
haven't been playing rummy.
338
00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:25.690
We've been playing poker. Hey, we have.
339
00:16:26.149 --> 00:16:27.789
No wonder I ain't been having any luck.
340
00:16:29.169 --> 00:16:30.450
What I want to know is, when are we gonna
341
00:16:30.470 --> 00:16:32.639
get out of here? Now, what did the doctor say, McGee?
342
00:16:32.700 --> 00:16:35.159
Oh, you heard what the doctor said, Gildersleeve. Anyway, what
343
00:16:35.179 --> 00:16:37.539
are you squawking about? You ain't any worse off than the.
344
00:16:37.519 --> 00:16:37.940
Rest of us.
345
00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:38.639
No, that's right.
346
00:16:38.659 --> 00:16:41.679
Certainly not, tall, dark, and dumpy. Matter of fact, I'm
347
00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:43.990
thinking of starting suit against McGee for making me miss
348
00:16:44.000 --> 00:16:45.230
an important board meeting.
349
00:16:45.250 --> 00:16:47.350
What do you mean, starting suit against me? What board
350
00:16:47.370 --> 00:16:48.149
meeting did you miss?
351
00:16:48.389 --> 00:16:50.889
Show you in just a minute, chiseled chin. Have the
352
00:16:50.909 --> 00:16:54.149
notice right here in my pocket. Notice, notice, notice. Had
353
00:16:54.169 --> 00:16:56.210
it here just a minute ago where I put that notice.
354
00:16:56.629 --> 00:16:59.509
I think I shall start suit myself for false imprisonment,
355
00:16:59.750 --> 00:17:04.259
malicious mischief, and sleeping on the ironing board. Quiet, Abigail,
356
00:17:04.279 --> 00:17:08.799
my dear. I've been trying to find the notice that meeting.
357
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:13.259
Here's an income tax blank. Got me in the middle there.
358
00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:15.720
If I don't show the source of my income, I
359
00:17:15.740 --> 00:17:18.180
go to prison. If I do show it, I go
360
00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:22.700
to jail. Here's a Confederate $ 100 bill.
361
00:17:22.859 --> 00:17:24.269
What good is a Confederate bill?
362
00:17:24.289 --> 00:17:24.990
You can't spend it.
363
00:17:25.420 --> 00:17:27.569
I can spend this one, my boy. I was a
364
00:17:27.609 --> 00:17:32.829
Confederate in a bank robbery. There's two. Now, let me see.
365
00:17:32.910 --> 00:17:35.009
Here's a small package of sleeping powder.
366
00:17:35.029 --> 00:17:35.509
Go on.
367
00:17:35.549 --> 00:17:36.490
That's a blackjack.
368
00:17:36.890 --> 00:17:42.119
Don't be crude, liver lip. Here's a postcard from Sheila
369
00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:45.319
the shoplifter. Says she tried to get away with an accordion,
370
00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:50.029
but it squealed on her. Letter from my brother, McClellan Boomer,
371
00:17:50.140 --> 00:17:52.069
the portrait painter. Unfortunate fellow.
372
00:17:52.390 --> 00:17:53.930
Oh, what happened to him, Mr. Boomer?
373
00:17:54.130 --> 00:17:55.549
He shot down on his palate.
374
00:17:56.190 --> 00:17:57.470
Poor lad.
375
00:17:58.250 --> 00:18:00.390
Yes, indeed. I always said he'd get caught with his
376
00:18:00.450 --> 00:18:06.490
paints down. Except for short beer.
377
00:18:07.009 --> 00:18:08.190
Well, well, imagine that.
378
00:18:08.230 --> 00:18:09.549
No notice of the board meeting.
379
00:18:09.589 --> 00:18:10.910
What board meeting was it, Boomer?
380
00:18:10.970 --> 00:18:16.000
The parole board, Scrimshank. Ah, well, there wasn't much choice anyway.
381
00:18:16.059 --> 00:18:17.519
They're a measly bunch, too.
382
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:20.400
The king's men sing, there's a tavern in the town.
383
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:33.539
I went strolling in the cold night air. I met
384
00:18:33.660 --> 00:18:38.180
Nellie with the flaxen hair. She was brokenhearted and a
385
00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:39.579
tear was in her eye.
386
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:43.279
When I tried to comfort her, she gave me this reply.
387
00:18:43.579 --> 00:18:45.640
There is a tavern in the.
388
00:18:45.579 --> 00:18:49.019
Town, in the town. And there my true love sits
389
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:49.519
him down.
390
00:18:49.759 --> 00:18:51.640
Sits him down where he can drink.
391
00:18:51.420 --> 00:18:54.220
His wine mid-lasser free.
392
00:18:54.640 --> 00:18:56.759
And never, never thinks of me.
393
00:18:58.240 --> 00:18:59.500
He led me.
394
00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:03.450
For a damsel dark, damsel dark. On Tuesday night they
395
00:19:03.529 --> 00:19:05.089
always spark, always spark.
396
00:19:05.170 --> 00:19:08.869
And now my love, who once was true to me.
397
00:19:09.230 --> 00:19:12.410
Takes that dark damsel on his knee.
398
00:19:12.670 --> 00:19:13.349
Fairly well.
399
00:19:13.450 --> 00:19:14.470
Oh, I must leave thee.
400
00:19:14.490 --> 00:19:17.380
Do not let the parting grieve thee. Just remember that
401
00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:19.859
the best of friends must part, must part.
402
00:19:20.180 --> 00:19:23.640
Adieu, adieu, my friend, adieu. Adieu, adieu, adieu.
403
00:19:23.759 --> 00:19:25.000
I can no.
404
00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:25.839
Longer stay with you.
405
00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:26.099
Say.
406
00:19:26.579 --> 00:19:26.980
With you.
407
00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:30.920
I'll hang my house on a weeping willow tree.
408
00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:34.890
And may the world go well with thee. Then she
409
00:19:34.950 --> 00:19:37.210
turned away and said no more.
410
00:19:37.250 --> 00:19:38.250
Said no more.
411
00:19:38.410 --> 00:19:40.890
But then stood through the tavern door.
412
00:19:40.930 --> 00:19:43.650
Tavern door and from within there came a.
413
00:19:43.609 --> 00:19:45.170
Loud voice of angry shout.
414
00:19:45.309 --> 00:19:47.910
And then a pistol shot rang out.
415
00:19:48.009 --> 00:19:42.230
I saw I saw her through the open door. Open door.
416
00:19:42.250 --> 00:19:44.690
She held a smoke in 44. 44 and at her
417
00:19:44.730 --> 00:19:47.650
feet her lover fell down dead. And here's the very
418
00:19:47.690 --> 00:19:48.809
word she said.
419
00:20:03.240 --> 00:20:06.099
Oh, fare thee well, for you must leave me nevermore.
420
00:20:06.140 --> 00:20:07.480
Will you deceive me.
421
00:20:07.339 --> 00:20:08.740
If you can't be true to me?
422
00:20:08.799 --> 00:20:11.440
Then we must part, must part.
423
00:20:11.559 --> 00:20:13.259
Adieu, my love, adieu.
424
00:20:13.400 --> 00:20:16.779
Yes, adieu. I can no longer stay with you.
425
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:27.130
Stay with you, I'll hang my heart on a weeping wall. Agree.
426
00:20:28.049 --> 00:20:30.309
And may the world go well with thee.
427
00:20:43.210 --> 00:20:48.359
Uppington, Gildersleeve, DePopulus, Wilcox, the old-timer.
428
00:20:48.960 --> 00:20:51.119
Little girl. That's seven.
429
00:20:51.819 --> 00:20:55.660
Seven times five is 35, times seven is 245. Say,
430
00:20:55.700 --> 00:20:58.220
that ain't bad at all, Molly. What are you talking about?
431
00:20:58.259 --> 00:21:00.769
What isn't bad? Well, look, there's seven people here besides us.
432
00:21:01.309 --> 00:21:04.349
All of them eating and sleeping at our expense. So
433
00:21:04.410 --> 00:21:06.349
I figured if I charged them a nominal five bucks
434
00:21:06.390 --> 00:21:09.390
apiece a day, that comes to $ 245 bucks a week.
435
00:21:09.789 --> 00:21:12.549
Why, McGee, you can't charge them for staying here. They
436
00:21:12.569 --> 00:21:13.210
couldn't help it.
437
00:21:13.309 --> 00:21:14.789
Well, Dad read it. I couldn't help it either.
438
00:21:14.930 --> 00:21:15.880
Well, then it's even.
439
00:21:15.950 --> 00:21:16.880
Okay, so it is even.
440
00:21:17.039 --> 00:21:18.460
So I'll split the difference and make it two and
441
00:21:18.480 --> 00:21:23.619
a half a day. That'll come to $ 102. Oh, McGee,
442
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:24.460
stop it.
443
00:21:24.980 --> 00:21:27.380
Why, that's taking advantage of people when they're helpless.
444
00:21:28.019 --> 00:21:29.259
Well, shucks.
445
00:21:29.799 --> 00:21:35.890
That's the best time, ain't it? Now, just the same,
446
00:21:35.970 --> 00:21:37.170
I won't let you do it now.
447
00:21:37.210 --> 00:21:39.319
We're all quarantined here together, and we just got to
448
00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:40.059
make the best of it.
449
00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:41.900
Yeah, but think of the expense. We're going to have
450
00:21:41.940 --> 00:21:44.099
a grocery bill that'll make the defense program look like
451
00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:47.380
matching pennies. Why, when you start to think of the.
452
00:21:47.400 --> 00:21:49.779
Pardon me. May I have a word with you, please?
453
00:21:49.900 --> 00:21:50.859
Why, certainly, Mrs.
454
00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:52.089
Uppington. Do come in.
455
00:21:52.549 --> 00:21:55.650
What's the trouble? Mrs. McGee, I demand to know how
456
00:21:55.690 --> 00:21:57.609
long we are to be incarcerated here.
457
00:21:58.190 --> 00:22:00.069
Now, you look here, Uppy. We don't like to be
458
00:22:00.089 --> 00:22:03.710
incapacitated here any more than you do. But a quarantine
459
00:22:03.750 --> 00:22:06.299
is a quarantine. You don't want the measles to spread
460
00:22:06.339 --> 00:22:08.259
all over town, do you? You don't want to start
461
00:22:08.299 --> 00:22:09.319
an epidermis, do you?
462
00:22:11.000 --> 00:22:12.460
You mean hypodermic, McGee.
463
00:22:13.940 --> 00:22:15.160
He means epidemic.
464
00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:16.460
Well, then what's epidermis?
465
00:22:16.720 --> 00:22:18.200
Epidermis refers to the skin.
466
00:22:18.339 --> 00:22:20.380
That's what I say. You want to skin out of
467
00:22:20.400 --> 00:22:21.920
here and spread the measles all over town?
468
00:22:24.619 --> 00:22:26.619
I wish to do no such thing, Mr. McGee, and
469
00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:28.440
I bitterly resent the insinuation.
470
00:22:28.819 --> 00:22:30.660
But I do demand, as an American citizen.
471
00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:31.220
See your papers.
472
00:22:31.240 --> 00:22:31.599
Papers?
473
00:22:33.259 --> 00:22:34.799
Yes, your citizenship papers.
474
00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:37.980
Why? Why, you speak as if I were an ordinary immigrant.
475
00:22:38.460 --> 00:22:42.160
Look, Uppy, the only Americans that ain't immigrants, or descended
476
00:22:42.200 --> 00:22:45.900
from immigrants, are Indians. And you wouldn't know a teepee.
477
00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:46.299
From a toupee.
478
00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:50.279
So don't give us that Mayflower malarkey.
479
00:22:50.519 --> 00:22:56.519
Oh! I have never been so impotent in all my life.
480
00:22:56.880 --> 00:23:00.119
You must have led a pretty sheltered life, Abigail. But
481
00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:01.740
I agree with you that we ought to find out
482
00:23:01.799 --> 00:23:02.079
how long.
483
00:23:02.099 --> 00:23:03.940
Hey, Fibber, how long is this going on?
484
00:23:04.019 --> 00:23:05.519
How long is it going to be until I can
485
00:23:05.559 --> 00:23:07.349
have a reunion with my wife and kidneys?
486
00:23:07.740 --> 00:23:12.269
That's what I want to know, Fibber.
487
00:23:12.490 --> 00:23:13.730
Me too, I betcha.
488
00:23:13.750 --> 00:23:14.190
No.
489
00:23:14.410 --> 00:23:16.750
Oh, for goodness sakes, little girl, you get right back
490
00:23:16.829 --> 00:23:17.430
in bed there.
491
00:23:17.609 --> 00:23:19.210
Yeah, she'll catch her death of cold, sis.
492
00:23:20.819 --> 00:23:25.680
Hey, now, look here, Johnny. I've missed five rumba lessons
493
00:23:25.700 --> 00:23:28.839
since I've been here, and I want to get it going.
494
00:23:28.920 --> 00:23:30.109
What can we do?
495
00:23:30.200 --> 00:23:30.720
Well, Mr.
496
00:23:30.740 --> 00:23:33.309
McGee, what do you propose to do about this situation?
497
00:23:33.410 --> 00:23:35.009
I'll tell you what we're going to do, folks. I'm
498
00:23:35.049 --> 00:23:36.710
just as anxious as you are to know how long
499
00:23:36.750 --> 00:23:39.789
they quarantine for measles. I'm going to call the health department.
500
00:23:40.309 --> 00:23:43.009
All right, dearie, here's the phone.
501
00:23:43.450 --> 00:23:43.670
Thanks.
502
00:23:44.349 --> 00:23:49.230
Hello, operator. Give me the health department... Oh, is that you, Mert?
503
00:23:50.630 --> 00:23:52.289
Oh, that's us.
504
00:23:52.299 --> 00:23:56.240
How's every little thing, Mert? Yeah, we're quarantined. What's A, Mert?
505
00:23:56.859 --> 00:23:57.279
Your brother.
506
00:23:57.299 --> 00:24:00.400
Oh, the one that works in the airplane plant? Caught
507
00:24:00.420 --> 00:24:03.640
a spy, eh? Heaven, days are thrilling. Oh, I don't know.
508
00:24:03.660 --> 00:24:05.920
He knocked over his lunch pail, spilled all the sandwiches,
509
00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:15.769
but he caught his pie. What's A, Mert? Oh, no answer, eh? Okay,
510
00:24:15.809 --> 00:24:16.769
I'll try the Board of Trade.
511
00:24:18.670 --> 00:24:19.589
Wait a minute, McGee.
512
00:24:19.650 --> 00:24:20.130
Look at this.
513
00:24:20.569 --> 00:24:21.630
What's the matter with you, Gildersleeve?
514
00:24:21.670 --> 00:24:22.930
Look what I found in the almanac.
515
00:24:23.150 --> 00:24:24.529
What are you doing with the almanac?
516
00:24:24.710 --> 00:24:26.690
Well, the only thing there is to read around here
517
00:24:26.750 --> 00:24:29.359
except Black Beauty and the Peoria High School Annual for 1911.
518
00:24:29.359 --> 00:24:33.160
Well, what about the almanac, Mr.
519
00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:33.660
Gildersleeve?
520
00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.099
Well, listen to this. It's an article on contagious diseases.
521
00:24:36.579 --> 00:24:39.200
And it says that quarantining for measles is obsolete.
522
00:24:40.349 --> 00:24:44.019
Absolutely. Oh, I remember now. That's what the doctor told
523
00:24:44.059 --> 00:24:47.220
me over the phone. It's obsolete and there's no getting
524
00:24:47.259 --> 00:24:47.599
around it.
525
00:24:47.599 --> 00:24:48.359
Oh, good heavens.
526
00:24:48.660 --> 00:24:51.019
I believe the man doesn't know what the word obsolete means.
527
00:24:51.119 --> 00:24:52.220
That's what I do, too.
528
00:24:52.640 --> 00:24:54.130
Obsolete means.
529
00:24:54.490 --> 00:24:55.369
Oh.
530
00:24:56.410 --> 00:24:58.069
My gosh. I was thinking of absolute.
531
00:24:58.950 --> 00:24:59.069
Oh!
532
00:25:12.619 --> 00:25:17.400
Vibber and Molly.
533
00:25:18.529 --> 00:25:20.950
Will be back in just a moment.
534
00:25:51.210 --> 00:25:52.380
Is everybody gone, Molly?
535
00:25:52.470 --> 00:25:55.900
Yes, they're gone. And a good riddance, too. Come on,
536
00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:56.599
let's go to bed.
537
00:25:56.759 --> 00:25:59.680
Okay. Oh, McGee!
538
00:26:02.079 --> 00:26:03.930
Dad, grab what you want, Gildersleeve.
539
00:26:04.049 --> 00:26:06.609
My wife's gone away and I can't get into the house.
540
00:26:06.690 --> 00:26:07.730
Well, what do you want with us?
541
00:26:08.269 --> 00:26:09.210
I'm hungry.
542
00:26:09.269 --> 00:26:12.029
Good night. Good night, all.
543
00:26:38.410 --> 00:26:42.619
That was Fibber McGee and Molly, quarantined with measles. Follow
544
00:26:42.660 --> 00:26:45.319
Fibber McGee and Molly for more classic broadcasts.
