WEBVTT
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The greenhouse is saturated with steam, the air unbreathable.
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The carnivorous orchid needs to be watered.
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I approach it with the watering can.
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A beetle climbs along the leaf.
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The plant opens its jagged purple jaws rimmed with tiny white teeth and closes them tightly.
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As I water it, its tentacles stretch out as far as the eye can see, twisting around my arm.
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The flower opens its mouth wide and bites my right side.
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I try with all my energy to open its vegetable jaws.
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But my gestures are slowed down by a mysterious force.
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In the effort to free myself, I slam my temple against a beam.
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I feel a terrible twinge.
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I pull with all my strength, my eyes wide open, panting.
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There is half-light.
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The shutters are closed.
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I breathe a deadly mugginess.
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The pain in my side and head has not gone away.
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She holds my hand.
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I close my eyes and return to the greenhouse.
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The potatoes are very good with lard.
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The oil in the salad was not rancid.
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The oil from the grocer on the corner is of much better quality than the oil from the grocer opposite.
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And it is even better than the oil from the grocer at the foot of the hill.
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I do not mean, however, that the grocer's oil is bad.
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In any case, the oil of the grocer at the corner is still the best, still the best, still the best, still the best.
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The symptoms are varied and not always easy to detect.
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Even the sick person may not present any obvious symptoms, despite being able to transmit the disease.
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The onset of infection can sometimes be signaled by discoloration of the skin, such as jaundice, yellowish discoloration of the skin and mucous membrane, due to increased bilirubin in the blood, above 3 mg, 100 milliliters, fatigue, fever, itching, and possible small wounds due to scratching, nausea, and vomiting.
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Pain projected to the right hypochondrium, site of liver projection, and possibly to the right shoulder, pale stools, marsala-colored urine.
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Elevated transaminases and bilirubin are always present.
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The infection can evolve into four different outcomes, depending on the patient's immune condition.
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1.
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Acute course with complete recovery and acquisition of immunity from infection, 89% of cases.
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2.
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Fulminant hepatitis with 90% mortality.
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May require liver transplantation, 1% of cases.
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3.
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Chronic infection, i.e.
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persistence of the virus in the body with liver damage, 5-10% of cases.
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In this case, the disease has a chronic course and may impair liver function within 10 to 30 years, with the onset of cirrhosis or primary hepatocellular carcinoma, usually after cirrhosis is already present.
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4.
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Inactive carrier state, 5% of cases.
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The virus persists in the liver but does not cause liver damage.
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It can remain in this state all its life, without causing damage even in the long term.
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It is also not very contagious to others.
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Mrs.
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Parker knows a Romanian grocer called Papesco Rosenfeld, who has just arrived from Constantinople.
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He is a great yogurt specialist.
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He is a graduate of the yogurt makers school in Adrianople.
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Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianopoly.
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Mum, sit down.
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We need to talk.
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Michael, excuse me.
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I have to go out shopping and it's already late.
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I'll drop by Bianco and Marzano.
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I hope they can recommend a product to revitalize the wood.
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And in the meantime, I'll get some colors to paint the ceramic.
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I bought a beautiful vase and I want to make a lampshade out of it.
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Yes, I know you are very good at painting ceramics.
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I'll drive you.
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We have plenty of time.
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Sit down for a moment, please.
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Just ten minutes, huh?
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I really must choose my own furniture cleaning products from now on.
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Yesterday, Teresa ruined the mahogany sideboard by cleaning it with a glass sprayer.
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What idiocy.
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An ammonia-based product on wood.
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That woman is sometimes out of her mind.
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Lately, she seems dazed.
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I think she is worried about Emmanuel.
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Your brother scared me to death, you know.
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Thank goodness he's better now.
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Yeah.
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That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.
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Dad has his own work problems, and I'd rather leave him alone.
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But we have to face the situation.
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What situation?
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Have you seen the test results?
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Hepatitis B.
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I saw.
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But the doctor found him better.
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He has a strong fiber, and with the right treatment, he will heal perfectly.
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He is already healing.
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Unfortunately.
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The point, however, is another.
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Where did he get it and how?
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Who knows?
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He may even have got it from the dentist.
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We are doing badly.
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In all fields, it's the same story.
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Trade agriculture, just like fire this year.
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But there is sugar.
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It doesn't work.
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No grain, no fire.
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Not even floods.
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Floods.
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Floods.
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Yeah.
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Whatever.
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But can't you see he's confused out of his mind?
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Michael, my goodness, he has a fever of 39.
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It's normal to be confused.
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You were confused too when you had scarlet fever.
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Apart from the fact that I was eight and not eighteen, he is confused even when he is well.
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At school, he has four subjects down again.
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School doesn't matter now.
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The important thing is that he is well.
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Of course, the important thing is that he is well.
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The point is that he is not well.
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I don't understand what you are getting at.
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Mom, think about it.
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You're giving him a lot of money.
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In fact, excuse me for saying so.
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Too much for a boy his age.
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Don't you wonder what happens to that money?
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He is dating Kirschbaumer's daughter.
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I don't want to make him look bad.
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Because they bring it from abroad.
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For fires, it would be more difficult.
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Too many taxes.
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So what?
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Does he spend money to make a good impression on her?
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Or what?
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Why, what would you find strange if he wanted to give her presents?
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Emmanuel is not one for expensive gifts.
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You know that better than I do.
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You don't expect her to pay for the restaurant.
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At their age, you don't go to restaurants, if ever to the pub.
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You can tell you don't know her.
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She is older than him, and certainly not the pub type.
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Right.
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How stupid was I not to think of that?
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He must have got viral hepatitis at the Cambio or the black cat.
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The fact that it is not probable does not mean that it could not have happened.
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There is something ambiguous about that girl.
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I wouldn't be surprised if she frequents strange circles.
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Don't be absurd, Michael.
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Absurd me?
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You are talking about one of the most prominent families in Turin.
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Oh, sure, that's a guarantee.
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Your father and hers are old friends.
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Do you think dad might be friends with a disreputable character?
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Okay, mum, let's end it here.
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I have understood your point of view perfectly.
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From now on, I'll take the situation into my own hands.
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I'll keep an eye on him, and if he keeps screwing up, I'll have him admitted to Maurizio's father's private clinic.
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But what are you talking about?
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Never mind, never mind.
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I'll take care of it.
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I already agreed with Maurizio.
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I'll have him do a complete checkup.
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You just can't think positive, can you, Michael?
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I'm glad you're worried about your brother.
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You've always been a good guy, and I love you for that.
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But you don't have to worry.
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He's already on the mend within a week, he'll be on his feet.
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All right, come on.
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Put your coat on.
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It's cold.
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I'll drive you to the shop.
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He is a good doctor.
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One can trust him.
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He never orders remedies without first trying them out on himself before having Parker operate.
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He wanted to have liver surgery himself, even though he was not sick at all.
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How then is it explained that the doctor got away with it while Parker died?
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He died.
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He died.
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He died.
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He died.
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He died.
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He died.
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He died.
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The twinge in my stomach was the prelude to a rather serious illness, doctor.
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I was bedridden for almost two weeks, tormented by a hepatitis that the doctors, unable to understand its origin, ended up attributing to the HBV virus.
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Which was true, but as Thucydides put it, it was not the truest cause.
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Violent stomach cramps, intestinal colic, vomiting, intermittent fever, confused nightmares in infrared colors, exhausted my limbs and my brain for days.
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I listened in silence to the suffering immersed in an icy sweat without being able to explain to anyone that it was neither only nor primarily the illness that tormented me.
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You cannot know, until you have experienced it, how easy it is to fall and how difficult it is to rise again.
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I know it is trivial, but for those who experience it, it is always the first time.
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You don't need to know it from books, otherwise, you would only have to read Dante to already know everything.
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Well, it doesn't work like that.
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In spiritual growth, everyone always starts from scratch.
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It is not possible to climb on the shoulders of giants and go further, as happens in mathematics or science.
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A child prodigy can afford to start from Einstein and go beyond him.
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But no one can ever afford to start from Socrates, Jesus, or Buddha and go further.
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They will always remain a point of arrival, an impossible goal to reach.
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This is why catechism is useless.
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It puts it on a mechanical level, as if following rules was enough to be a man.
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That long interlude of stillness allowed me to reflect on many things.
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For instance, on the fact that scientific progress, without moral progress, produces monsters.
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Technological progress has made us regress, mentally and morally, to a level similar to that of childhood.
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None of the adults I know, myself included, are really adults.
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As I have already said somewhere, we are all children playing at being adults, destined to collapse under the weight of the first serious difficulties.
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People like that cannot be counted on.
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They will inevitably betray you, not so much out of malice as out of an inability to understand the consequences of their behavior.
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Unlike Judas, such people do not even feel remorse.
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Such individuals are incapable of protecting anyone.
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I shudder to think how much harm these fake adults can do to children, even though they are convinced they love them.
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Antonia is the clearest proof of this, but my mother is no exception either.
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It seems to me that Hesiod speaks of such a phenomenon.
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Children who grow old without ever becoming adults, and are therefore exterminated by the gods.
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It will come to the point, Doctor, where an individual with the moral maturity of a child will playfully unleash his latest genius invention, a lethal weapon capable of exterminating mankind.
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I suppose you know Doctor Strangelove, one of the most brilliant films I saw with Antonia during the period when we were binging on apple pie while lying in bed in front of the TV.
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I am almost certain that Antonia didn't understand its meaning.
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She laughed, I remember, amused by Sella's magnificent performance and those apparent paradoxes.
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Without realizing that the film was about our reality, I was not laughing at all.
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However, there is something wrong.
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We should tell the planner falling down is too easy and getting back up too difficult.
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The disproportion is frightening, the sense of impotence tremendous.
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The risk is that of not making it, of succumbing before having understood.
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Pateimatus.
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One can only grow through suffering, but the lesson only makes sense if it can be learned.
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In this I must agree with Sophocles.
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If the excess of suffering eliminates you from the game, then it is not a lesson.
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It is a demented joke.
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Realizing the irreparability of the evil done, if this evil is enormous, can shatter a man's psyche, can force him to commit suicide.
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Perhaps that is why life sends you signals from time to time, to warn you that you are passing the point of no return.
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I was probably experiencing one of those signals, so I was very careful to catch it.
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With each new crisis, I associated a memory with the pain, as in Simonides' mnemonics, mentally creating the stages of a kind of Via Crucis.
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Until at a certain point the nausea of those memories became so unbearable that I was forced to remove every image of my recent past from my memory.
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My soul had become virgin again.
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Tabula rasa.
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I no longer had the normal physical reactions of an adolescent.
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But is not desiring anything the antechamber of wisdom?
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Yeah.
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And of death too.
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I still couldn't get out of bed, but I almost felt good.
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Every time my mother came into the room, I tried to play the fool.
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I didn't want to worry her.
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And above all, I had to avoid Michael's checkup at all costs.
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The day my brother learns to mind his own fucking business will always be too late.
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And here we come to the point, Doctor.
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During my illness, Antonia had come to visit me every day.
00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:26.639
Every time I opened my eyes, I saw her sitting on my bed, intent on passing her hand over my forehead, whispering tender encouragements, whose only sound I perceived was muffled and distant, as if coming from the next room.
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Gradually, as I regained lucidity, my exhausted mind put the puzzle together.
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The illness had endowed me with a unique clairvoyance.
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I could see beyond appearances, I could see the deeper meaning beneath the fragile screen of words.
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I could see the unspoken truth.
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I had kicked her in the face, but she had always stood by me.
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She had made inexcusable mistakes.
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She had understood nothing of the evil she had done to me.
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But she had acted on instinct, and her instinct was love for me.
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In order not to lose me, she had turned into a devoted mother, pushed me down from the nest with loving pecs.
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Suffering terribly but always remaining by my side in good times and bad.
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Clinging to a branch over the abyss, unable to save herself without me.
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Antonia loved me.
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At the precise moment when my mind formulated this thought, the nervous tension that was stiffening my limbs suddenly slackened.
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I was overcome by the quiet feeling of a castaway lying at the bottom of his boat after the storm that ripped out his sails.
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Exhausted but calm, cradled by the waves, his gaze turned to the sky.
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There was, however, one doubt that still haunted me.
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I struggled to get up, turned on the stereo, and Kurt's voice, accompanied by his guitar, sang Do Rami for me, without it brutally squeezing my stomach at the thought of who had given it to me.
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Tears began to stream down my face, but they were liberating tears of joy and emotion, like those of someone who finds an old friend.
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At that moment, I realized that I was cured of my most serious illness, Michelle.
00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:24.240
I still believed in miracles.
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There had to be a way to break down the invisible diaphragm that separated me from Antonia.
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But what?
00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:32.879
She was now resigned to losing me.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:43.679
One morning when I woke up, floating in a zone of lucid unconsciousness, I felt the blood rush to my brain, and suddenly I realized there was only one way to reach her.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:45.759
And it was through her motherhood.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:49.600
It was a very difficult game, but I had to play it all the way.
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:51.120
Not right away though.
00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:53.200
I had to wait until I was better.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:00.159
I needed all my strength and also a certain amount of good humor so that I could put my acting talent back into play.
00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:17.200
In my relations with Antonia, especially in the early days, there had always been something naively histrionic and provocative, similar to the jumps, bites, and somersaults with which a kitten performs in front of its mother cat, trying to provoke her inevitable reaction.
00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:22.319
A tender and violent embrace that serves to keep the little imbecile still.
00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:25.359
That was exactly what I desperately needed.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:31.759
A conscientious doctor should die together with the sick person if they cannot heal together.
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.519
The captain of a ship perishes with the ship in the waves.
00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:37.039
He does not survive.
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:39.519
You cannot compare a sick person to a ship.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:40.640
And why not?
00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:42.640
Even the ship has its diseases.
00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:46.319
On the other hand, your doctor is as healthy as a fish.
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:51.279
All the more reason, then, to perish with the sick man as the doctor with his ship.
00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:53.200
Ah, I hadn't thought of that.
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:55.039
Thought of that, thought of that.
00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:02.000
I had ended up in an Ionesco drama, poorly acted and worse directed by an incompetent director.
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.480
All the actors were dogs, including me.
00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:11.039
There was nothing worth seeing, nothing to keep me from going to the cashier to get my ticket money back.
00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:12.640
That was not my life.
00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:13.759
That was not me.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:20.319
My whirling around in the void had brought me back to the starting point, from which I had never really moved.
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:22.000
I wanted her.
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:24.160
I had never stopped wanting her.
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:28.000
Antonia was the only real thing in my life.
00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:16.079
The greenhouse is saturated with steam, the air unbreathable.
00:00:16.320 --> 00:00:18.640
The carnivorous orchid needs to be watered.
00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:20.800
I approach it with the watering can.
00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:22.719
A beetle climbs along the leaf.
00:00:22.800 --> 00:00:28.000
The plant opens its jagged purple jaws rimmed with tiny white teeth and closes them tightly.
00:00:28.160 --> 00:00:33.840
As I water it, its tentacles stretch out as far as the eye can see, twisting around my arm.
00:00:38.079 --> 00:00:40.960
The flower opens its mouth wide and bites my right side.
00:00:41.119 --> 00:00:44.640
I try with all my energy to open its vegetable jaws.
00:00:44.880 --> 00:00:48.320
But my gestures are slowed down by a mysterious force.
00:00:48.479 --> 00:00:52.159
In the effort to free myself, I slam my temple against a beam.
00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:54.000
I feel a terrible twinge.
00:00:54.159 --> 00:00:58.079
I pull with all my strength, my eyes wide open, panting.
00:00:58.320 --> 00:00:59.600
There is half-light.
00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:01.200
The shutters are closed.
00:01:01.359 --> 00:01:03.359
I breathe a deadly mugginess.
00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:06.319
The pain in my side and head has not gone away.
00:01:06.560 --> 00:01:07.920
She holds my hand.
00:01:08.159 --> 00:01:11.519
I close my eyes and return to the greenhouse.
00:01:12.239 --> 00:01:14.400
The potatoes are very good with lard.
00:01:14.560 --> 00:01:16.959
The oil in the salad was not rancid.
00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:23.359
The oil from the grocer on the corner is of much better quality than the oil from the grocer opposite.
00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:27.920
And it is even better than the oil from the grocer at the foot of the hill.
00:01:28.079 --> 00:01:31.200
I do not mean, however, that the grocer's oil is bad.
00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:37.920
In any case, the oil of the grocer at the corner is still the best, still the best, still the best, still the best.
00:01:47.280 --> 00:01:50.799
The symptoms are varied and not always easy to detect.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:57.040
Even the sick person may not present any obvious symptoms, despite being able to transmit the disease.
00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:19.039
The onset of infection can sometimes be signaled by discoloration of the skin, such as jaundice, yellowish discoloration of the skin and mucous membrane, due to increased bilirubin in the blood, above 3 mg, 100 milliliters, fatigue, fever, itching, and possible small wounds due to scratching, nausea, and vomiting.
00:02:19.280 --> 00:02:28.000
Pain projected to the right hypochondrium, site of liver projection, and possibly to the right shoulder, pale stools, marsala-colored urine.
00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:31.919
Elevated transaminases and bilirubin are always present.
00:02:32.159 --> 00:02:37.360
The infection can evolve into four different outcomes, depending on the patient's immune condition.
00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:38.159
1.
00:02:38.400 --> 00:02:44.400
Acute course with complete recovery and acquisition of immunity from infection, 89% of cases.
00:02:44.639 --> 00:02:44.960
2.
00:02:45.280 --> 00:02:48.400
Fulminant hepatitis with 90% mortality.
00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:52.080
May require liver transplantation, 1% of cases.
00:02:52.400 --> 00:02:52.879
3.
00:02:53.199 --> 00:02:54.960
Chronic infection, i.e.
00:02:55.199 --> 00:03:00.240
persistence of the virus in the body with liver damage, 5-10% of cases.
00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:13.599
In this case, the disease has a chronic course and may impair liver function within 10 to 30 years, with the onset of cirrhosis or primary hepatocellular carcinoma, usually after cirrhosis is already present.
00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:14.400
4.
00:03:14.639 --> 00:03:17.840
Inactive carrier state, 5% of cases.
00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:21.680
The virus persists in the liver but does not cause liver damage.
00:03:21.919 --> 00:03:26.960
It can remain in this state all its life, without causing damage even in the long term.
00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:29.919
It is also not very contagious to others.
00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:30.719
Mrs.
00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:37.439
Parker knows a Romanian grocer called Papesco Rosenfeld, who has just arrived from Constantinople.
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:39.759
He is a great yogurt specialist.
00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:43.520
He is a graduate of the yogurt makers school in Adrianople.
00:03:43.759 --> 00:03:47.360
Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianople, Adrianopoly.
00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:50.400
Mum, sit down.
00:03:50.800 --> 00:03:51.520
We need to talk.
00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:53.439
Michael, excuse me.
00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:55.840
I have to go out shopping and it's already late.
00:03:56.319 --> 00:03:58.560
I'll drop by Bianco and Marzano.
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:01.840
I hope they can recommend a product to revitalize the wood.
00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:05.680
And in the meantime, I'll get some colors to paint the ceramic.
00:04:06.080 --> 00:04:09.680
I bought a beautiful vase and I want to make a lampshade out of it.
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:12.639
Yes, I know you are very good at painting ceramics.
00:04:13.039 --> 00:04:13.840
I'll drive you.
00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:15.039
We have plenty of time.
00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:16.879
Sit down for a moment, please.
00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:19.120
Just ten minutes, huh?
00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:23.120
I really must choose my own furniture cleaning products from now on.
00:04:23.519 --> 00:04:28.160
Yesterday, Teresa ruined the mahogany sideboard by cleaning it with a glass sprayer.
00:04:28.720 --> 00:04:29.519
What idiocy.
00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:32.160
An ammonia-based product on wood.
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:34.160
That woman is sometimes out of her mind.
00:04:34.480 --> 00:04:36.000
Lately, she seems dazed.
00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:38.160
I think she is worried about Emmanuel.
00:04:38.639 --> 00:04:40.480
Your brother scared me to death, you know.
00:04:40.800 --> 00:04:42.319
Thank goodness he's better now.
00:04:42.959 --> 00:04:43.279
Yeah.
00:04:43.759 --> 00:04:46.000
That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:49.519
Dad has his own work problems, and I'd rather leave him alone.
00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:51.519
But we have to face the situation.
00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:52.800
What situation?
00:04:53.199 --> 00:04:54.639
Have you seen the test results?
00:04:55.199 --> 00:04:56.160
Hepatitis B.
00:04:57.040 --> 00:04:57.839
I saw.
00:04:58.160 --> 00:04:59.839
But the doctor found him better.
00:05:00.240 --> 00:05:04.959
He has a strong fiber, and with the right treatment, he will heal perfectly.
00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:06.720
He is already healing.
00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:07.920
Unfortunately.
00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:10.000
The point, however, is another.
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:12.160
Where did he get it and how?
00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:13.279
Who knows?
00:05:13.759 --> 00:05:15.920
He may even have got it from the dentist.
00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:17.519
We are doing badly.
00:05:17.600 --> 00:05:19.600
In all fields, it's the same story.
00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:23.040
Trade agriculture, just like fire this year.
00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:24.560
But there is sugar.
00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:25.600
It doesn't work.
00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:27.040
No grain, no fire.
00:05:27.199 --> 00:05:28.240
Not even floods.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:29.040
Floods.
00:05:29.360 --> 00:05:29.759
Floods.
00:05:34.160 --> 00:05:34.480
Yeah.
00:05:34.959 --> 00:05:35.439
Whatever.
00:05:35.839 --> 00:05:38.800
But can't you see he's confused out of his mind?
00:05:39.519 --> 00:05:42.560
Michael, my goodness, he has a fever of 39.
00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:44.879
It's normal to be confused.
00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:47.920
You were confused too when you had scarlet fever.
00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.759
Apart from the fact that I was eight and not eighteen, he is confused even when he is well.
00:05:54.160 --> 00:05:56.720
At school, he has four subjects down again.
00:05:57.279 --> 00:05:58.639
School doesn't matter now.
00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:01.199
The important thing is that he is well.
00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:04.240
Of course, the important thing is that he is well.
00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.160
The point is that he is not well.
00:06:06.639 --> 00:06:08.480
I don't understand what you are getting at.
00:06:08.800 --> 00:06:09.920
Mom, think about it.
00:06:10.079 --> 00:06:11.439
You're giving him a lot of money.
00:06:11.600 --> 00:06:13.279
In fact, excuse me for saying so.
00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:14.720
Too much for a boy his age.
00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.639
Don't you wonder what happens to that money?
00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:19.040
He is dating Kirschbaumer's daughter.
00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:20.639
I don't want to make him look bad.
00:06:20.959 --> 00:06:22.959
Because they bring it from abroad.
00:06:23.120 --> 00:06:25.360
For fires, it would be more difficult.
00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:26.639
Too many taxes.
00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:27.519
So what?
00:06:27.680 --> 00:06:30.079
Does he spend money to make a good impression on her?
00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:30.639
Or what?
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:34.000
Why, what would you find strange if he wanted to give her presents?
00:06:34.399 --> 00:06:36.800
Emmanuel is not one for expensive gifts.
00:06:36.959 --> 00:06:38.160
You know that better than I do.
00:06:38.639 --> 00:06:40.639
You don't expect her to pay for the restaurant.
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:43.600
At their age, you don't go to restaurants, if ever to the pub.
00:06:44.079 --> 00:06:45.600
You can tell you don't know her.
00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:48.879
She is older than him, and certainly not the pub type.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:49.600
Right.
00:06:49.839 --> 00:06:51.600
How stupid was I not to think of that?
00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:55.519
He must have got viral hepatitis at the Cambio or the black cat.
00:06:56.079 --> 00:06:59.600
The fact that it is not probable does not mean that it could not have happened.
00:07:00.160 --> 00:07:01.920
There is something ambiguous about that girl.
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:04.560
I wouldn't be surprised if she frequents strange circles.
00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:06.240
Don't be absurd, Michael.
00:07:06.639 --> 00:07:07.439
Absurd me?
00:07:07.839 --> 00:07:10.959
You are talking about one of the most prominent families in Turin.
00:07:11.600 --> 00:07:13.040
Oh, sure, that's a guarantee.
00:07:13.600 --> 00:07:15.360
Your father and hers are old friends.
00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.560
Do you think dad might be friends with a disreputable character?
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:20.639
Okay, mum, let's end it here.
00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:23.040
I have understood your point of view perfectly.
00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:26.000
From now on, I'll take the situation into my own hands.
00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:31.839
I'll keep an eye on him, and if he keeps screwing up, I'll have him admitted to Maurizio's father's private clinic.
00:07:32.319 --> 00:07:33.600
But what are you talking about?
00:07:34.079 --> 00:07:35.040
Never mind, never mind.
00:07:35.120 --> 00:07:35.839
I'll take care of it.
00:07:36.079 --> 00:07:37.600
I already agreed with Maurizio.
00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:39.120
I'll have him do a complete checkup.
00:07:39.519 --> 00:07:41.839
You just can't think positive, can you, Michael?
00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:44.079
I'm glad you're worried about your brother.
00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:46.399
You've always been a good guy, and I love you for that.
00:07:46.480 --> 00:07:47.600
But you don't have to worry.
00:07:47.839 --> 00:07:50.800
He's already on the mend within a week, he'll be on his feet.
00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:52.000
All right, come on.
00:07:52.079 --> 00:07:52.800
Put your coat on.
00:07:52.879 --> 00:07:53.360
It's cold.
00:07:53.439 --> 00:07:54.560
I'll drive you to the shop.
00:07:56.560 --> 00:07:57.680
He is a good doctor.
00:07:57.839 --> 00:07:59.120
One can trust him.
00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:05.360
He never orders remedies without first trying them out on himself before having Parker operate.
00:08:05.519 --> 00:08:10.000
He wanted to have liver surgery himself, even though he was not sick at all.
00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:14.879
How then is it explained that the doctor got away with it while Parker died?
00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:15.759
He died.
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:16.560
He died.
00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:17.279
He died.
00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:18.079
He died.
00:08:18.399 --> 00:08:18.879
He died.
00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:19.680
He died.
00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:20.480
He died.
00:08:35.679 --> 00:08:40.480
The twinge in my stomach was the prelude to a rather serious illness, doctor.
00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:50.799
I was bedridden for almost two weeks, tormented by a hepatitis that the doctors, unable to understand its origin, ended up attributing to the HBV virus.
00:08:50.960 --> 00:08:55.840
Which was true, but as Thucydides put it, it was not the truest cause.
00:08:56.080 --> 00:09:06.480
Violent stomach cramps, intestinal colic, vomiting, intermittent fever, confused nightmares in infrared colors, exhausted my limbs and my brain for days.
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:18.000
I listened in silence to the suffering immersed in an icy sweat without being able to explain to anyone that it was neither only nor primarily the illness that tormented me.
00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:24.720
You cannot know, until you have experienced it, how easy it is to fall and how difficult it is to rise again.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:29.759
I know it is trivial, but for those who experience it, it is always the first time.
00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:36.000
You don't need to know it from books, otherwise, you would only have to read Dante to already know everything.
00:09:36.320 --> 00:09:38.159
Well, it doesn't work like that.
00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:41.840
In spiritual growth, everyone always starts from scratch.
00:09:42.080 --> 00:09:48.879
It is not possible to climb on the shoulders of giants and go further, as happens in mathematics or science.
00:09:49.120 --> 00:09:53.279
A child prodigy can afford to start from Einstein and go beyond him.
00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:58.799
But no one can ever afford to start from Socrates, Jesus, or Buddha and go further.
00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:03.200
They will always remain a point of arrival, an impossible goal to reach.
00:10:03.440 --> 00:10:05.519
This is why catechism is useless.
00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:10.639
It puts it on a mechanical level, as if following rules was enough to be a man.
00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:14.720
That long interlude of stillness allowed me to reflect on many things.
00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:20.799
For instance, on the fact that scientific progress, without moral progress, produces monsters.
00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:27.679
Technological progress has made us regress, mentally and morally, to a level similar to that of childhood.
00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:32.159
None of the adults I know, myself included, are really adults.
00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:40.879
As I have already said somewhere, we are all children playing at being adults, destined to collapse under the weight of the first serious difficulties.
00:10:41.120 --> 00:10:43.279
People like that cannot be counted on.
00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:51.840
They will inevitably betray you, not so much out of malice as out of an inability to understand the consequences of their behavior.
00:10:52.080 --> 00:10:55.600
Unlike Judas, such people do not even feel remorse.
00:10:55.840 --> 00:10:59.120
Such individuals are incapable of protecting anyone.
00:10:59.360 --> 00:11:06.080
I shudder to think how much harm these fake adults can do to children, even though they are convinced they love them.
00:11:06.399 --> 00:11:11.120
Antonia is the clearest proof of this, but my mother is no exception either.
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:14.559
It seems to me that Hesiod speaks of such a phenomenon.
00:11:14.799 --> 00:11:20.799
Children who grow old without ever becoming adults, and are therefore exterminated by the gods.
00:11:21.039 --> 00:11:33.200
It will come to the point, Doctor, where an individual with the moral maturity of a child will playfully unleash his latest genius invention, a lethal weapon capable of exterminating mankind.
00:11:33.360 --> 00:11:44.240
I suppose you know Doctor Strangelove, one of the most brilliant films I saw with Antonia during the period when we were binging on apple pie while lying in bed in front of the TV.
00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:48.159
I am almost certain that Antonia didn't understand its meaning.
00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:54.720
She laughed, I remember, amused by Sella's magnificent performance and those apparent paradoxes.
00:11:54.879 --> 00:12:00.240
Without realizing that the film was about our reality, I was not laughing at all.
00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:02.559
However, there is something wrong.
00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:08.559
We should tell the planner falling down is too easy and getting back up too difficult.
00:12:08.799 --> 00:12:13.120
The disproportion is frightening, the sense of impotence tremendous.
00:12:13.360 --> 00:12:17.759
The risk is that of not making it, of succumbing before having understood.
00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:19.360
Pateimatus.
00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:24.799
One can only grow through suffering, but the lesson only makes sense if it can be learned.
00:12:25.200 --> 00:12:27.200
In this I must agree with Sophocles.
00:12:27.519 --> 00:12:32.159
If the excess of suffering eliminates you from the game, then it is not a lesson.
00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:33.840
It is a demented joke.
00:12:34.080 --> 00:12:42.000
Realizing the irreparability of the evil done, if this evil is enormous, can shatter a man's psyche, can force him to commit suicide.
00:12:42.240 --> 00:12:48.879
Perhaps that is why life sends you signals from time to time, to warn you that you are passing the point of no return.
00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:54.000
I was probably experiencing one of those signals, so I was very careful to catch it.
00:12:54.159 --> 00:13:03.039
With each new crisis, I associated a memory with the pain, as in Simonides' mnemonics, mentally creating the stages of a kind of Via Crucis.
00:13:03.360 --> 00:13:12.559
Until at a certain point the nausea of those memories became so unbearable that I was forced to remove every image of my recent past from my memory.
00:13:12.720 --> 00:13:14.559
My soul had become virgin again.
00:13:14.799 --> 00:13:16.320
Tabula rasa.
00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:41.919
I no longer had the normal physical reactions of an adolescent.
00:13:42.080 --> 00:13:45.279
But is not desiring anything the antechamber of wisdom?
00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:45.919
Yeah.
00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:47.279
And of death too.
00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:50.480
I still couldn't get out of bed, but I almost felt good.
00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:54.320
Every time my mother came into the room, I tried to play the fool.
00:13:54.559 --> 00:13:56.000
I didn't want to worry her.
00:13:56.159 --> 00:14:00.000
And above all, I had to avoid Michael's checkup at all costs.
00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:05.039
The day my brother learns to mind his own fucking business will always be too late.
00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:07.440
And here we come to the point, Doctor.
00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:11.600
During my illness, Antonia had come to visit me every day.
00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:26.639
Every time I opened my eyes, I saw her sitting on my bed, intent on passing her hand over my forehead, whispering tender encouragements, whose only sound I perceived was muffled and distant, as if coming from the next room.
00:14:38.240 --> 00:14:44.000
Gradually, as I regained lucidity, my exhausted mind put the puzzle together.
00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:47.519
The illness had endowed me with a unique clairvoyance.
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:53.600
I could see beyond appearances, I could see the deeper meaning beneath the fragile screen of words.
00:14:53.840 --> 00:14:55.840
I could see the unspoken truth.
00:14:56.080 --> 00:15:00.000
I had kicked her in the face, but she had always stood by me.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:02.480
She had made inexcusable mistakes.
00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:06.000
She had understood nothing of the evil she had done to me.
00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:10.080
But she had acted on instinct, and her instinct was love for me.
00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:19.120
In order not to lose me, she had turned into a devoted mother, pushed me down from the nest with loving pecs.
00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:24.000
Suffering terribly but always remaining by my side in good times and bad.
00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:28.320
Clinging to a branch over the abyss, unable to save herself without me.
00:15:28.559 --> 00:15:30.320
Antonia loved me.
00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:38.240
At the precise moment when my mind formulated this thought, the nervous tension that was stiffening my limbs suddenly slackened.
00:15:38.399 --> 00:15:45.759
I was overcome by the quiet feeling of a castaway lying at the bottom of his boat after the storm that ripped out his sails.
00:15:45.919 --> 00:15:50.960
Exhausted but calm, cradled by the waves, his gaze turned to the sky.
00:15:51.200 --> 00:15:54.720
There was, however, one doubt that still haunted me.
00:15:54.879 --> 00:16:06.799
I struggled to get up, turned on the stereo, and Kurt's voice, accompanied by his guitar, sang Do Rami for me, without it brutally squeezing my stomach at the thought of who had given it to me.
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:16.480
Tears began to stream down my face, but they were liberating tears of joy and emotion, like those of someone who finds an old friend.
00:16:16.720 --> 00:16:22.159
At that moment, I realized that I was cured of my most serious illness, Michelle.
00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:24.240
I still believed in miracles.
00:16:24.399 --> 00:16:29.519
There had to be a way to break down the invisible diaphragm that separated me from Antonia.
00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:30.320
But what?
00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:32.879
She was now resigned to losing me.
00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:43.679
One morning when I woke up, floating in a zone of lucid unconsciousness, I felt the blood rush to my brain, and suddenly I realized there was only one way to reach her.
00:16:43.840 --> 00:16:45.759
And it was through her motherhood.
00:16:45.919 --> 00:16:49.600
It was a very difficult game, but I had to play it all the way.
00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:51.120
Not right away though.
00:16:51.279 --> 00:16:53.200
I had to wait until I was better.
00:16:53.440 --> 00:17:00.159
I needed all my strength and also a certain amount of good humor so that I could put my acting talent back into play.
00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:17.200
In my relations with Antonia, especially in the early days, there had always been something naively histrionic and provocative, similar to the jumps, bites, and somersaults with which a kitten performs in front of its mother cat, trying to provoke her inevitable reaction.
00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:22.319
A tender and violent embrace that serves to keep the little imbecile still.
00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:25.359
That was exactly what I desperately needed.
00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:31.759
A conscientious doctor should die together with the sick person if they cannot heal together.
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:35.519
The captain of a ship perishes with the ship in the waves.
00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:37.039
He does not survive.
00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:39.519
You cannot compare a sick person to a ship.
00:17:39.680 --> 00:17:40.640
And why not?
00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:42.640
Even the ship has its diseases.
00:17:42.799 --> 00:17:46.319
On the other hand, your doctor is as healthy as a fish.
00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:51.279
All the more reason, then, to perish with the sick man as the doctor with his ship.
00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:53.200
Ah, I hadn't thought of that.
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:55.039
Thought of that, thought of that.
00:17:55.680 --> 00:18:02.000
I had ended up in an Ionesco drama, poorly acted and worse directed by an incompetent director.
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:04.480
All the actors were dogs, including me.
00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:11.039
There was nothing worth seeing, nothing to keep me from going to the cashier to get my ticket money back.
00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:12.640
That was not my life.
00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:13.759
That was not me.
00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:20.319
My whirling around in the void had brought me back to the starting point, from which I had never really moved.
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:22.000
I wanted her.
00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:24.160
I had never stopped wanting her.
00:18:24.480 --> 00:18:28.000
Antonia was the only real thing in my life.
