00:00:17
Speaker 1: Hi guys. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom.
00:00:22
Speaker 2: We're here and we are so excited.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: A good episode for y'all today. So stay tuned.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: You better stay till the end.
00:00:30
Speaker 1: Stay tuned. San Francisco.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: San Francisco. See you soon.
00:00:37
Speaker 1: October 9th. Tickets and bio.
00:00:41
Speaker 2: Can all of y'all wear Halloween costumes?
00:00:44
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Yeah.
00:00:45
Speaker 2: Should we wear Halloween costumes?
00:00:46
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:00:48
Speaker 1: A hundred percent.
00:00:49
Speaker 2: Because there might be people who have amazing ideas that no gonna get seen unless I see. And you see. And we see.
00:01:00
Speaker 1: I see the way you see.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: I see you.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: I like the way you see. I like how the way you fuck.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: I like the way you think.
00:01:09
Speaker 1: You like how the way I fuck, Drew? I love the way you fuck. How the way I fuck?
00:01:13
Speaker 2: Josie, are you scared of aging? Josh was asking me that.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. So, yeah. Are you afraid of aging? I will not age. But like, you already have.
00:01:27
Speaker 3: Somebody on Omegle the other day said that I look like I'm 40.
00:01:33
Speaker 1: But I did. I was like, oh.
00:01:35
Speaker 3: I got very offended. I was like, fuck are you talking about? I look like I'm 40. I got so angry and that was me being ageist i really i'd rather not age i'd rather stay exactly where i am i'm like i'm i've finally accepted this and i'm just gonna have to keep doing that over and over again as i get gnarlier and gnarlier looking.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Like yeah why do you think about it like that though no what because it took me this long to finally like kind of accept like all right i guess this is what we're working with like well show me what you're working with this it's not much it's No, I think, I mean, I cannot argue with you in your perception of yourself. That's up to you and the man in the mirror. But I think you're beautiful.
00:02:19
Speaker 1: I'm beautiful. You're beautiful. I am not afraid of aging. Like, I think I'm only going to get hotter as I get older. Once this baby fat... comes out of my face i mean i'm only 16 after all so once i'm once i'm like 22 i feel like it's gonna be like really big.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: Yeah things are gonna start looking up yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker 1: Um but i am like really scared of my body not working i know not being able.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: To move but drew kept saying that and i was like there's nothing funny about drew losing his health or ability to like not be able to walk but the idea of us all being so old and you being the first one's legs to give out like.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: No like i'm gonna be like the one that's like.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: I need my ass why oh we were talking about nearly put a.
00:03:10
Speaker 1: Finger inside of it when you're up there that's me that's me and the old folks home i'm gonna say When you're wiping my ass, why don't you stick a couple fingers up there?
00:03:20
Speaker 2: Your ass is going to get kicked out. Well, no, I was saying to Drew is the beautiful thing is like in the real reality we live in, at one point we're going to have to.
00:03:29
Speaker 1: Kyle Mooney real reality.
00:03:30
Speaker 3: What?
00:03:33
Speaker 1: Kyle mooney real reality kinder.
00:03:34
Speaker 2: Egg just released a new mini series.
00:03:37
Speaker 3: And it's kinder scott kinder wait hold on hold on kinder egg kinder scott kinder lamar um well we were talking about getting near links also it's josiah me um me and any were talking about like eventually whenever like everyone has near links if that is possible um That you would be getting the most ads on yours.
00:04:01
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch. I get pop-up ads crazy.
00:04:02
Speaker 2: At one point, if everybody got Neuralink, obviously they'd make it about using money.
00:04:06
Speaker 1: They'd start monetizing it, yeah.
00:04:07
Speaker 2: I was saying to Josie, I was like, one day, free thinking is going to be a subscription-based plan. It's going to be, you can only use your real brain and turn off the Neuralink if you pay $ 50 a month. And then Josie was like, my broke ass wouldn't have uh would have ads and i was like drew's frugal ass would have the most ads like yeah he'd be like well that's actually how ellen is so he'd.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: Be getting viruses i was gonna say it would be like pirate bay like torrents like pop-up ads like you know i'd probably be that way too i'd be hacked boots like they would be like having me say crazy.
00:04:38
Speaker 3: The links that i will go to save money especially because the money's just not there yeah I would if I had an ear like I would be torrenting shit. If someone told me you could torrent, I'd be like, oh, why would I not just do that?
00:04:50
Speaker 1: I famously. Like what's in your brain?
00:04:51
Speaker 2: But what if you got a virus in your brain?
00:04:53
Speaker 1: I don't care, man. It's cheaper. I grew up here in America. If it's cheaper, it's better. Cheaper by the dozen.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Well, I heard that Ellen is asking for the day that she passes, which will be the end of me. The day she passes, she's asking for her head to be frozen with Walt Disney's.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say some shit about editors, bro.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: No, but she said that.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Had me fucking rolling my eyes.
00:05:19
Speaker 3: The day of Ellen's funeral, she said she wants her funeral shot, but she wants it edited very cheaply.
00:05:25
Speaker 1: Cheaply. She does not want to spend on editors that day. Fuck this shit, bro. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I was going to say something earlier. What were we talking about right before Ellen?
00:05:39
Speaker 2: We were talking about you being a geriatric home.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: I famously claimed that I would be the first to get a Neuralink. And still, yes, just not from Elon Musk anymore. He was already a bad person then.
00:05:53
Speaker 2: Oh, you think they're going to do... But I'm.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Really scared of him now. Elon? Yeah. Remember that time I showed you a video of Michael Jackson and you had a panic attack and you greened out and... shit all over my floor and threw up in my toilet. I did shit all over your floor and I threw up everywhere. Well, that's kind of how I feel about.
00:06:13
Speaker 2: Eating on musk now.
00:06:14
Speaker 3: What a blessing.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: I was just not around that day because I was in town.
00:06:17
Speaker 1: No, I think you were in Miami.
00:06:20
Speaker 2: Oh, did I come back the next day or something? Because I feel like I came back right after that happened.
00:06:25
Speaker 1: I don't think you were in town.
00:06:27
Speaker 3: Those days give me the warmest feeling ever.
00:06:29
Speaker 1: I was just telling someone, I was like, that's the dog days. Like, those are the salad days for real. I mean, Enya was very depressed. Yeah. But.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted to kill myself.
00:06:38
Speaker 1: But it's the happiest we were. Well, we had a very good time. Very good time. Like, a very good time. Respect, though.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: Respect.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: But you did, too, in ways. Like, 1304, it had its moments. That's when we met. That's when you met me. Think about that. And you hated me. And you did not get along with Josiah until, like, two years ago.
00:06:57
Speaker 2: Nuh-uh. No. No, no, no, no. By the time Chun-Li was out, we were pretty tight.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: That was pretty soon after.
00:07:04
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Yeah. 1304, wow. Belmont Station. I thought about moving there. It's very cheap. It's so cheap. That's why we lived there.
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: When I was looking at new places, I was like, maybe I'll fucking move there and just, like, surprise everybody. They do orgies there now. They do huge gay orgies there. And I'm not even joking.
00:07:29
Speaker 2: Now.
00:07:30
Speaker 1: I was going to say, I was setting up this bit, but they.
00:07:35
Speaker 1: I heard and learned from someone that, you know how there were like maybe like five apartments like ours in the whole building? One of those five apartments like ours did the orgies for the gay guys and he would lure them back from parties. Like be like, it's the afters, it's the afters. And then everyone would just start stripping naked and shit. Crazy. And the guy was you. Well, yes. Duh. But no, I think I did hook up with that guy before. The ringleader? I hooked up with people in the building.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: Oh, he thinks he's getting right to the boss. He thinks he's going and getting the top tier cookie.
00:08:14
Speaker 1: I'm a boss. I'm a bitch.
00:08:15
Speaker 2: I'm a boss. And I feel just like Ross.
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Hey. Wait, who is that? It's Doja Cat.
00:08:21
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:08:21
Speaker 1: It was like her doing her like Azalea song.
00:08:24
Speaker 2: Dude, that's not good.
00:08:25
Speaker 1: I'm a bitch.
00:08:26
Speaker 2: I'm a bop.
00:08:26
Speaker 1: And Azalea, surprisingly, when that came out, was like, no, I fuck with her. Like, you know what? Yeah, it's very inspired by me, but you know what? I fuck with her. And I was like, okay. Wasn't expecting that.
00:08:36
Speaker 2: The VMAs is devil work.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: Canceled. It's been canceled next year.
00:08:43
Speaker 2: Wait, has it actually?
00:08:44
Speaker 1: It didn't even show on MTV. Are you serious? I don't think so.
00:08:49
Speaker 2: I think it was on NBS or something.
00:08:52
Speaker 1: What the hell is going on?
00:08:54
Speaker 2: I think so. Well, OK, a few things I just have to say is if you're an artist.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: What's MBS?
00:09:02
Speaker 3: That's the National Basketball Section.
00:09:05
Speaker 1: Sexuality. Sorry. That's what you have.
00:09:07
Speaker 2: What is that?
00:09:08
Speaker 1: Carl Nassib, first openly gay NFL player right now. I don't think he's in the league anymore. He was really good in college, and he was kind of okay in the NFL. Oh, yeah, I remember that. But I think he kissed someone.
00:09:21
Speaker 2: Well, it's because you know how they say you choose gay or straight? It's you choose your career or being a gay guy in your 20s. You have to pick one of those.
00:09:30
Speaker 1: And I'm choosing.
00:09:32
Speaker 2: And if you're smart, you're choosing the gay guy.
00:09:33
Speaker 1: And maybe let's just say Drew is straight. Period. I'm choosing my career.
00:09:38
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:09:41
Speaker 1: So you were saying MTV Music Awards. I was saying a lot of things.
00:09:48
Speaker 2: Watching it this year just felt so fucking insane because I feel like I get to say this one because I do.
00:09:58
Speaker 1: Too.
00:09:58
Speaker 2: I love like music awards and live performances and stuff so much. MTV Music Awards feels like the most hollow shell of something it used to be. And if you're an artist out there and you're feeling down on yourself because you're like, oh my God, like, I wish I could get nominated for stuff like that. I don't know who won Best New Artist this year. But I do know that it was sponsored by the General Insurance. And that's all I can remember. It said Best New Artist and then just like the General.
00:10:32
Speaker 1: Go to the General.
00:10:33
Speaker 2: They won't tell you.
00:10:35
Speaker 1: They're telling that now? Dude, MTV is down.
00:10:38
Speaker 2: Like, is that not?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: That's insane.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Which all these shows have a sponsor.
00:10:43
Speaker 1: They're... The economy is not. General insurance.
00:10:47
Speaker 2: The general insurance. Who the fuck?
00:10:51
Speaker 1: But baby, but baby, baby, if y'all want to run ads on emergency intercom, general insurance, we'll take general insurance. We'll take anything.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: Baby, baby, baby, baby. Nobody wants.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: The bills have been affected. The bills have been affected. MTV's included. Kylie Jenner's vlogging, man. I know. Like shit is bad. But it's also like her walking from like a private jet. from a Rolls Royce to a house she's building. But it's recession indicator for sure. M. Night Shyamalan is vlogging. What?
00:11:21
Speaker 2: We're living in like a.
00:11:22
Speaker 1: Actually? Yes. You're joking. I'm not joking.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Well, didn't he make that movie about the old beach?
00:11:27
Speaker 1: His daughter? Oh, he did.
00:11:28
Speaker 2: Okay, so listen.
00:11:29
Speaker 1: And at the end, he was the twist. Are we shocked he's vlogging?
00:11:31
Speaker 2: Like, are we shocked it's gotten there? Like, he low-key had AI before anybody else did, and he's been in AI psychosis.
00:11:38
Speaker 1: Longer than anybody else. He made Sixth Sense, right? Yeah, he did. Okay. I see dead people.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: He only made Sixth Sense on that movie.
00:11:44
Speaker 1: Yes. He only made Sixth Sense.
00:11:45
Speaker 2: Six pennies. Yeah.
00:11:47
Speaker 3: Okay, also, I want to say something about the VMAs. I was thinking about posting this on my story, and it had me thinking for a second. I was like, damn, I wish Twitter was still a thing, because I just want to get this out, and I didn't think about doing the podcast this week. This is the perfect place. I actually think Somber and the Stella Lefty girl are the same person.
00:12:08
Speaker 2: Actually.
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Actually. Look at them.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Look at them and tell me that's not Somber in drag.
00:12:14
Speaker 1: And tell me that's not her in boy drag. I'm like... I saw something of... Well, she's a grandking baby. She was born that way. I saw someone say Stella Lefty and Hot Tua Girl are the same person. They could be... Oh, yeah. They look alike, bro.
00:12:28
Speaker 3: Dude, like, they have the same stature. They have the same attitude.
00:12:35
Speaker 1: See, the thing is, is, like, I don't know anything about Stella Lefty other than the hate that she has been... been getting like i don't know anything.
00:12:43
Speaker 2: About her is essentially but i feel like i could keep with her i could keep with her i mean dude well i always say that everyone's nice everyone can get along with everyone we do it every day we go into stores i don't think i.
00:12:55
Speaker 3: Get along with her oh wait who stella lefty i don't think she's well no i.
00:13:01
Speaker 2: Just don't want to hang out with the bitch like i i wouldn't do it well it's not an interview but like i you know what i'd like.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know her. But what I will say is I saw... Three crazy people. I feel like I could hang out with her. I'm not hanging out with her. I don't like her. Well, here's the thing. Okay, why does it matter? I asked... They asked her a question on the red carpet. Or the blue carpet. Sorry. Which I thought that was the most perfect color. Yeah, the blue... Oh, it's the warmest color.
00:13:25
Speaker 2: It was.
00:13:27
Speaker 3: And they asked her, they asked everybody, oh, what's your favorite Madonna? Also, what the fuck is going on with Madonna? Are we not going to talk about it? Because it feels like everyone's not talking about it.
00:13:38
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. I saw her walk up to the stage and it was really sad.
00:13:43
Speaker 2: My best bet.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: What's going on?
00:13:45
Speaker 2: This is my hopeful bet that I'm literally making up on the spot is I'm going to assume since she was such a big part of the MTV Music Awards, she's on a in still kind of like a pr moment like because her album just like more recently came i came out this year right confessions too yeah like a couple that came out so it like makes sense for her to be like kind of like have a light shown on her it may be her last album um and i feel like it it's because of like that that she was so heavily a part of it because it was like this may be the last time she has any reason to be involved in this seriously because she has an album out right now.
00:14:27
Speaker 1: It's like classic, like Oscars, like finally giving the actor or actress. Like the Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah.
00:14:35
Speaker 2: Giving the queen her flowers. We have so many like Madonna offspring specifically right now in terms of like sonically and aesthetically in some shape or form. Everybody is like, I mean, Pinterest shows the same thing to everybody. As much as it feels like an expansive world, it is kind of a bubble. And anything you look up kind of usually has, like, a Madonna or a Julia Fox, like, blah, blah, blah. And everybody's on an 80s bag right now. Madonna is 80s, 90s, quintessential, blah, blah, blah. Especially for the white girls.
00:15:08
Speaker 1: Madonna, do you see her call out Sabrina?
00:15:10
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. I love it.
00:15:13
Speaker 1: Your team didn't hit me back. Yeah, it took five days. Remember when she made out with Drake?
00:15:17
Speaker 2: Well, also, like, that's her age.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: When she made out with Drake? Who?
00:15:21
Speaker 2: Madonna.
00:15:22
Speaker 1: Drake, like, rapper Drake.
00:15:24
Speaker 3: She was sitting down in a chair on the stage and she grabbed his face and she was like.
00:15:29
Speaker 2: I think that was why she was so, like... She was getting her flowers.
00:15:35
Speaker 1: I mean, she is also... Oh, I see. She won, like, eight awards.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: Also, like, nobody actually gaffes about the MTV Music Awards right now for the most part. And, like, every year I feel like it's gone on a decline. So for people to even, like, find a reason to be mad about her winning a bunch is, like... Bro, this isn't, like... If the person you wanted to win won... Like, it wouldn't have actually changed your day because there's a high likelihood you didn't even know this was happening. Because I feel like I didn't know that the VMAs was happening.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: I didn't know until after.
00:16:10
Speaker 2: And I usually, I mean, check last year or whatever year that was where I accidentally spent $ 90 in total subscribing to a bunch of platforms trying to figure out where to buy it and where to watch it. I was good today. This time it was very chill. I was on my... I was, like, de-gaffing.
00:16:27
Speaker 1: Just, like, been watching hacks all day. That's how you gotta move through life.
00:16:29
Speaker 2: Finished the first season. Was like, oh, I need a little break. I need some brain rot, if you will. So I put on the VMAs. That's where you're sitting now. Unless you... Like, I'll come to the carpet and make your TikTok.
00:16:42
Speaker 1: Sponsored by the General.
00:16:43
Speaker 2: No, I'm kidding.
00:16:43
Speaker 1: I would not. Also, I will say the.
00:16:48
Speaker 1: Young Lean performance was sick. Dude, it was so sick. I don't understand why he threw the award. Was it just him being like, fuck award shows?
00:17:00
Speaker 2: I think it was just like, I was so punk.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I don't care.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: And then he spit that ice cream at the end. That kind of grossed me out. Because I was like, blue cream all over the ice cream.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: But Young Lean being on MTV Music Awards is like a dream. I know. That's so cheap.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: I watched the video and I saw him walking out and I was like, oh my god, this is so... He still like is the same little guy. Yeah.
00:17:21
Speaker 1: He'll always be ginseng strip. Yeah. Always sitting on that stoop. Vaporwave.
00:17:29
Speaker 2: That's boy culture. And I love that for you guys.
00:17:32
Speaker 1: Do you remember when they used to put tequila in the hand sanitizer? They tried to like pass it off. Why did they do that? Because they like ran out of vodka and then they put tequila in the hand sanitizer. Dude, yeah.
00:17:43
Speaker 2: Do you mean during COVID era when the hand sanitizer got all stinky?
00:17:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, it smelled.
00:17:48
Speaker 2: And it was sticky as shit.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: It smelled like bones. I mean, it was literally tequila.
00:17:53
Speaker 2: It was tequila and gelatin.
00:17:56
Speaker 1: Probably. To make it like jelly, squirty. It was so sour, like funky.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: Dude, those COVID tests hurt like fuck.
00:18:06
Speaker 1: Oh, the nose ones? Oh, when they would poke your brain. Dude, I've done so many.
00:18:11
Speaker 2: I don't understand, though, because now the test is the same, but I don't have to dig all up in there to get the fucking.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: They were just doing that shit to plant the chips, babe. That was the real chips being planted, not the fucking vaccines. They were putting them right up in there on your pineal gland. On your penis. That's why your pineal glands all calcified. Can you say penis on your pineal gland? Yeah, we can say penis. Penis, penis, penis.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: Ew.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: Do your best RuPaul after. That wasn't that bad. I'm sick. This is my flu game.
00:18:48
Speaker 2: Did that sound like a RuPaul laugh or a witch laugh?
00:18:51
Speaker 1: It sounded like a witch laugh. Okay, I was trying to do a witch laugh. Y'all know, was it Michael Jordan?
00:18:57
Speaker 2: No.
00:18:57
Speaker 1: Oh, Michael Jordan had a flu game. Dirk Nowitzki had a flu game. This is my flu game. I'm sick right now, guys. Sick as a dog.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: Did they win those flu games?
00:19:07
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: Okay, bitch, you better have if you're going to get all of us sick.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: We don't.
00:19:12
Speaker 2: Wait, but then the whole team is sick? So, Mitch, then the next game is a flu.
00:19:15
Speaker 1: Day for half a team? It was, like, finals, like, in the end of the season. Oh. For them. So, you're sick.
00:19:23
Speaker 2: Men can't get sick.
00:19:24
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm sick. Thick in the head. And twisted. I have dark, twisted thoughts. I'm twisted. Twisted tea. Dark, twisted thoughts. All right. Just anything I say today just gets met with brutal silence. It's crazy.
00:19:42
Speaker 2: What did you say?
00:19:49
Speaker 3: Earlier oh we're i was like oh we're gonna put anya in a daycare and drew was like that low-key would be like the life like you could just like watch tv all day watch movies all day and then you was like i mean that's kind of what we do we can do that and drew was like Drew was like, can't do that.
00:20:07
Speaker 1: You need money.
00:20:09
Speaker 3: And then everyone just felt very silent. And he was just kind of staring off. Like, bro, what?
00:20:16
Speaker 2: He was having a stroke. So don't laugh too hard.
00:20:18
Speaker 1: I'm stroking out. I'm stroking out. He was stuck inside the gym. Yes, I'm sick. I'm taking amoxicillin right now.
00:20:28
Speaker 2: He's taking antibiotics that Josh gave him.
00:20:32
Speaker 1: Because I didn't want to drive to the, like, emergency, minor emergency place.
00:20:36
Speaker 2: Which is crazy that, like, to be somebody who's... I'll let you pass. And I'm going to let you open that.
00:20:50
Speaker 1: Oh, look who it is. The Enya tax. Oh, no. Anytime Josiah gets any food, she fucks his food up. She's eating with two hands. She grabbed a fry. She went like. It's like those like rock, paper, scissors. Whoever wins runs away.
00:21:04
Speaker 2: I was like, I forgot I was on camera. So you just see me like. Hunched over, bro.
00:21:11
Speaker 1: And you locked in like fucking heat seeking missile every time. And then she always says, ew, gross. Like this is disgusting. And then she eats all of it.
00:21:20
Speaker 3: She is the number one fucking perpetrator. And Drew's the number two. But she does the thing where.
00:21:25
Speaker 1: She says, ew, y'all are ordering that. That's disgusting.
00:21:28
Speaker 3: And then when it gets there, baby, she's like a fucking fly to fruit.
00:21:33
Speaker 1: Fly to shit. Yeah, fly to shit. She is loving it.
00:21:38
Speaker 2: Well, actually, a sign of a mature person is somebody who's open-minded enough to change their mind.
00:21:44
Speaker 1: Oh, we got it wrong. You're mature.
00:21:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, y'all were misinterpolating that.
00:21:51
Speaker 1: It's all about the interpolation.
00:21:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, and people always interpolate things incorrectly. Oh, it's crazy that despite you being so hypochondriac, what is it called? Fuck, what were we talking about right before?
00:22:07
Speaker 1: Amoxicillin from Josh.
00:22:09
Speaker 2: Oh, for such a hypochondriac, it is insane that you, instead of going to a doctor while sick, ask your friend for antibiotics.
00:22:20
Speaker 1: No, he offered and I just took them. I didn't ask.
00:22:23
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:22:23
Speaker 1: That's not the problem, baby.
00:22:26
Speaker 2: The problem is the fact that you're taking antibiotics unprescribed by a doctor.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: It's the same thing. It's the same thing. And I definitely have a bacterial infection in my chest. From a viral infection in my body that I got in Las Vegas. Bitch, I literally flew to Las Vegas to lose $ 60, get sick, and fly home in 20 hours. I think you might have got Zika. Well, I was thinking maybe.
00:22:50
Speaker 2: I had West Nile. No, you got West Nile virus.
00:22:52
Speaker 1: Yuck. Yeah, because my skin is like really sensitive, guys.
00:22:55
Speaker 2: We can't get it, though. Actually? It doesn't transmit human to human.
00:23:00
Speaker 3: Oh, so we can't get it from him, but we could just get it from mosquitoes?
00:23:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, it dies in humans, I think. So, like, I think I might have it wrong, but I think, like, animals and mosquitoes can pass it back and forth to each other. But we're, like, there's a word for it when, like, a virus, like, can't be sent through us. So we're the last stop. We're the last stop. He's eating that apple. Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker 1: Yes, I did finally get my Wizard of Oz apple. Everyone doubted me, said I wasn't going to get one when it dropped from the ceiling. And look at me now. I got one. It dropped right into my lap.
00:23:40
Speaker 2: I need to see how many fall from the ceiling.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's a lot. I thought it was like 12. Bitch, it's like every single seat gets them.
00:23:50
Speaker 2: Well, and they make them... They make them out of such cheap materials to save money for the LEDs.
00:23:58
Speaker 1: And yeah, unironically did say that, by the way. She was like, and there's like so like, they have to make them cheap so they can make them for every show. I'm rubbing off on y'all.
00:24:07
Speaker 3: I just be thinking shit through too much.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Well, it is true because like I was saying that I was like, oh, I was kind of expecting a better Apple. I was like, yeah, I guess it has to be light enough to one not fall in like murder somebody.
00:24:20
Speaker 1: I did see a bunch of fucked up people like scalpers vibes, like running all around the arena, collecting like 20 apples. And I was like, y'all are so annoying and gay. Give them to the kids.
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Also, not only that, like, what the fuck are you on about?
00:24:35
Speaker 1: Like, you're going to make two dollars a sale. It's a foam apple.
00:24:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, hey, Apple.
00:24:43
Speaker 1: Annoying word. Hey, Apple.
00:24:45
Speaker 2: Hey, Apple. Apple. Why didn't they just name Siri Apple? I love that.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: Because they wanted to put a face to the name or like a name to the voice. A face to the name. There's no face to Siri, baby.
00:24:59
Speaker 2: She's like, Jesus, she'll be anything you want her to be.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I hate you, Siri. I fucking hate you, Siri. Dude, I do fucking hate Siri. She sucks dick.
00:25:08
Speaker 2: Siri has always been incredibly bummed.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: Like horrible. So unhelpful.
00:25:12
Speaker 2: She's never lived up to her expectations, which I can honestly, I live for that.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: She kept them low. She did keep them low until recently. She tried to rebrand herself as something she wasn't and it, tank yeah she was anti-ai for a long time she tried to switch it up and it was like ah this isn't really working out yeah go back to sucking yeah go back to sucking dick dick and balls dick and ass what does she say oh oh talking about sucking dick and cock.
00:25:37
Speaker 3: Yes talking about that comes up every single time i'm on this podcast.
00:25:46
Speaker 2: Wow did you travel with that in your bag or in your hand in my bag.
00:25:52
Speaker 1: I did take it out on the plane. I did take it out on the plane to show the people. To show who? Everyone around me. They probably thought it was a bomb. You got a bomb!
00:26:03
Speaker 2: Dude, did you see that guy freaking out on a flight from Spain to Miami because he... took a gummy that he says he doesn't know what was in it and like he just kept saying like i'm gonna meet god i'm gonna meet god and he was standing up he was like help help help i did not see that get me out of here get me out of here um i feel like that's how druid react if he had maybe three milligrams of an edible.
00:26:29
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah i think anything over 1.5 would kill me right.
00:26:33
Speaker 2: Now when's the last time you like years.
00:26:38
Speaker 1: Years, baby. Also, I forgot that I'm wearing shorts. And you can see my nasty, gross legs. I like your legs.
00:26:48
Speaker 2: That's what you thought about? You didn't think about the fact that your fucking feet are out and it looks like you're wearing a monitor? Don't.
00:26:55
Speaker 1: Ugh, my feet.
00:26:57
Speaker 2: They are dry as.
00:26:59
Speaker 1: I'm working on... Stop!
00:27:03
Speaker 2: No, no, no, because they are like.
00:27:05
Speaker 1: That feels too far. They're like gray. Why do you have an ankle monitor? You're making a damn mess. Why do you have an ankle monitor? Are you still on... Do you still have a P.O. for that one thing? Well, yes.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: A P.O.
00:27:23
Speaker 1: Like a parole officer. We have not talked about that on the episode yet, motherfucker. We'll cut this, but I tell them it's a Fitbit Air, but it's actually like my ankle monitor.
00:27:37
Speaker 3: Oh.
00:27:39
Speaker 1: From when I robbed the president. Oh, you stole his rubies? Yeah. Kidnapped his daughter? When I robbed the president.
00:27:50
Speaker 2: Dude remember the way the world reacted to kathy griffin holding that fake head of trump.
00:27:56
Speaker 1: Oh my god yes yes was.
00:27:59
Speaker 2: Is it because he was elected or he was the president already i think it was just.
00:28:03
Speaker 3: Like they were like too far man like you're covered in blood like you're saying you're gonna kill this man like.
00:28:08
Speaker 1: And now what's funny about that.
00:28:10
Speaker 2: Is every single tiktok comment you open about him is, like, just praying that he dies tomorrow, hoping he dies, die, die, die.
00:28:17
Speaker 1: She was a martyr.
00:28:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she got, like, the stories for that.
00:28:20
Speaker 1: She's also bald. I don't know from what, though. She may be sick. I really don't know.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: Wait, is she actually bald, or is she, like, Gracie Abrams?
00:28:27
Speaker 1: No, she... No, no, no, no. She is, like, actually bald. Like, she wears wigs. When Barbara Corcoran dies, I'm actually gonna be sad. Baby, you're going to be sad in about a year. Knock on wood. That's terrible. Yeah, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She is very, very old, though. She's extremely old. I'm going to be really sad.
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Well, her and Emma Chamberlain are being cast for Freaky Friday 3.
00:28:45
Speaker 1: Because they both have no hair?
00:28:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're going to switch. They're playing mother and daughter.
00:28:49
Speaker 3: Emma, if you can hear me, I love that you have no hair, but my question is, where.
00:28:53
Speaker 1: Is your hair? Where is your hair? Where is your hair? I'm Barbara, baby.
00:28:59
Speaker 3: Barbara and Emma are competing for the no hair contest.
00:29:03
Speaker 2: No, is Emma Stone still in that battle? Oh yeah, Chapel's catching up. She got rid of a lot of it. She showed up with a bob.
00:29:10
Speaker 1: She should get rid of more of it. See if she can win the competition. I'd like to see her bald.
00:29:14
Speaker 2: I'd like to see you with a shiny head.
00:29:16
Speaker 1: I'd like to see you with a polished head. I'd like to see Chapel Roan bald. Chapel Roan, I want to see you bald. Do you think she ever thought about the fact that her name was so close to Chaperone? Chaperone? Absolutely. Chaperone.
00:29:31
Speaker 2: Maybe like because she's a drag queen vibe, like that's her whole gag. Because remember at the beginning she was like, oh, I'm so inspired by drag queens. Maybe it's supposed to be a play on that, that it sounds like a chaperone.
00:29:45
Speaker 1: I'm a chaperone. What would be your drag name?
00:29:49
Speaker 2: Oh, Massive Huge Tits. But it would be spelled like Massachusetts. Wow.
00:29:55
Speaker 1: Did you just think of that?
00:29:57
Speaker 2: No, ever since me and Orion went to Massachusetts, I keep thinking Massachusetts.
00:30:05
Speaker 1: Drew, what would yours be? Carmen Winstead. That would be such a bar. That would be great. Or D.D.
00:30:11
Speaker 2: Megadudu.
00:30:12
Speaker 1: D.D. Megadudu would be mine.
00:30:14
Speaker 2: Oh, D.D. Megadudu is great.
00:30:16
Speaker 1: Because RuPaul would love saying that. RuPaul would be like, D.D. Megadudu. Exactly.
00:30:20
Speaker 2: D.D., Mega doo-doo.
00:30:24
Speaker 1: She would love it. You're safe.
00:30:26
Speaker 2: I literally, I'm thinking of the like, ding-ding.
00:30:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker 2: Ding-ding. Oh, my God.
00:30:31
Speaker 1: Or isopale.
00:30:33
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:30:34
Speaker 1: I-S-O-P-A-L-E. Isopale. Isopale.
00:30:37
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of another one. There was another one I had.
00:30:44
Speaker 1: You could do massive two shits.
00:30:51
Speaker 2: Oh, Nantucket was one.
00:30:52
Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
00:30:54
Speaker 2: Nanny McTucket.
00:30:54
Speaker 1: It's so good. Like, tuck the D. Yeah, and then, like, almost went over my... I had to think about it for a second. That's a really good one.
00:31:00
Speaker 3: Wow.
00:31:01
Speaker 1: You should go to school.
00:31:02
Speaker 2: I don't know why all of them are in Northeastern. Yeah. Yeah, that's my story. My drag name would be Old England.
00:31:12
Speaker 1: What's yours other than Didi Megadudu? Mine would be Didi Megadudu, Iso Pale, or.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I feel like it would be so fun to be Carmen instead.
00:31:25
Speaker 2: Remember when we were really trying to convince Josie to do drag?
00:31:29
Speaker 1: Yes. Like, we were really trying to convince you. We were dead ass, too. I can never do that shit. I can do it one day a year. You would be so good at it, bro. The makeup. You would win Drag Race. I'm fully confident that you would win. Oh, I think so, too. With the motley lot they'd be putting on.
00:31:41
Speaker 2: I think if they said, if we sent you to, like, beauty school or something, yeah. But if we sent there and you alone right now, like, bitch, you would get murdered in the dressing room if somebody looked over you.
00:31:50
Speaker 1: Maybe, like, to your makeup.
00:31:51
Speaker 2: Because I can't even lie if I was on a like competition show and I looked over and saw you doing your makeup with how I imagine you would do your makeup trying your best I'd be like oh hell no who the fuck's that who asked her to come yeah I'd be like whose kid is this and why are they here because this is crazy.
00:32:08
Speaker 3: Because I can't do makeup I don't have good fashion sense I don't have so much that a drag queen needs to have Yeah.
00:32:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, that's true. I think like the character parts, like the acting challenges you would body. Maybe I should just be an actor.
00:32:23
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so crazy.
00:32:25
Speaker 1: Just be a drag queen actor.
00:32:26
Speaker 2: It's so crazy how like. the people... Oh, wait. I was watching a Gia Gunn. The episode she got eliminated was, like, making me die laugh for some reason. Because who was she supposed to do?
00:32:41
Speaker 1: Oh, was it Snatch Game?
00:32:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the Snatch Game. I think she was supposed to do Selena. And then.
00:32:47
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, because she speaks Spanish.
00:32:49
Speaker 2: Does she?
00:32:50
Speaker 1: Fluently. Oh, why did she.
00:32:52
Speaker 2: Back out of it? Drew fell asleep.
00:32:54
Speaker 1: Y'all remember the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? Yes! I was talking about this last week. Yeah, well... Maybe that's why I thought of this, but when it was going around and you had to, like, nominate people for it, I never got nominated. So I just lied and said I got nominated. And I want to know how many people lied and said they got nominated and they actually didn't. Like, I felt like such a loser. I was like, who's going to nominate me? Like, is someone going to nominate me? No one nominated me. And you didn't nominate?
00:33:26
Speaker 2: No.
00:33:26
Speaker 1: Or when was that?
00:33:28
Speaker 2: That was so long ago. That was like 2016 or something.
00:33:32
Speaker 1: Y'all knew each other in 2016?
00:33:33
Speaker 2: No.
00:33:34
Speaker 1: I don't think any of you got nominated either.
00:33:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't.
00:33:37
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if anybody was like bothering with the ice bucket challenge in your neighborhood.
00:33:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think people were in your neighborhood either, though. Was that a local thing?
00:33:46
Speaker 1: It was a thing. In California, it was all the rage. The football players were getting nominated.
00:33:51
Speaker 2: Oh, what? I thought only celebrities were doing that. By the time I got around to it, I was like, period.
00:33:56
Speaker 3: I wanted to get nominated. I was like, damn, I never got nominated.
00:34:00
Speaker 1: No one nominated me. I was so excited to do it. Like, all for the attention. I mean... All for the gram.
00:34:05
Speaker 2: The attention part aside, at least you're spreading the word, girl.
00:34:08
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because that's the thing. I found out what ALS was recently, and I was like, Whoa. Wait, you didn't know what ALS was?
00:34:14
Speaker 2: Dude, no.
00:34:14
Speaker 1: It's fucking terrible. It's the worst shit ever. Just be killing people. It's so... I only found out.
00:34:20
Speaker 2: What it was like a few years ago.
00:34:23
Speaker 1: Did it raise money? The ice bucket shit?
00:34:24
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:34:25
Speaker 1: Or was that just like... It raised a shit ton of money for research.
00:34:27
Speaker 2: I think a bunch of the famous people who were involved were like doing it and then... nominate or donating or some shit. And then like the idea was to get it out.
00:34:35
Speaker 1: I actually think there was like a major breakthrough in the research recently, but like not like curing it or anything, but no, it's diabolical. I keep up with this guy on Tik TOK that, um, has like, uh, been documenting like his ALS journey. And it is so sad. It breaks my heart. I remember somebody nominated Floyd Mayweather.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: I can't remember who, But he was like, you don't have to do the Ice Bucket Challenge if you can read a full page of a book out loud. Because that's the whole thing with Floyd Mayweather.
00:35:06
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait.
00:35:07
Speaker 1: 50 Cent. Is he the one who nominated him? It might be. Yes, it was 50 Cent. It was 50 Cent.
00:35:11
Speaker 2: And there's all those Instagram videos.
00:35:14
Speaker 1: Lea Michele can't read either. Who? Oh, I forgot. Lea Michele. Oh, from Glee. We need to get her and Floyd Mayweather to see if they can read. They're probably made for each other. Oh, a fight? Yeah. Between the two of them? Exactly. You could be the.
00:35:26
Speaker 2: Referee because you're closest to the in-between.
00:35:28
Speaker 1: You're like the.
00:35:29
Speaker 2: Non-binary of being able to read.
00:35:31
Speaker 1: Reading and not being able to read. You're just somewhere in the middle. I can pseudo-read.
00:35:34
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm here and Drew, like, in.
00:35:36
Speaker 3: The middle of the day, say some shit to his Siri, like, fucking speech detect, like, explain.
00:35:45
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:35:46
Speaker 2: Fuck, I forgot who I was, whose TikTok I was watching. I think it was, it might have been someone, like, known or maybe it was just like a random teacher or something but there was someone damn it's crazy how much fucking bullshit I consumed that I can't remember a single goddamn thing that I did consume only snippets of it it's like inception or something like when they're trying to find like where they're all supposed to meet and it goes wrong What?
00:36:12
Speaker 1: Is that what happens in that movie?
00:36:15
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because they all go to sleep individually and some of them you can end up in upside down.
00:36:20
Speaker 3: Dude, if we were tasked with that situation of like, okay, fall asleep and meet in the same place, we got to find a place.
00:36:25
Speaker 1: Bitch, we would never find each other.
00:36:27
Speaker 2: We'd all end up in the Roblox keyboard game.
00:36:30
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:36:31
Speaker 2: Oh, wait.
00:36:32
Speaker 1: Say the same word on three.
00:36:33
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:36:34
Speaker 1: What's the category?
00:36:35
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:36:36
Speaker 1: Halloween. Halloween. He's been talking about this Halloween for hours. He's like, let's do Halloween.
00:36:41
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:36:42
Speaker 1: Halloween? One, two, three. Pumpkin. Oh, my God. We're literally the same person. Wait, do it again.
00:36:50
Speaker 2: Literally Walgreens every year when they think of what Teemu collection they're going to have down their aisle.
00:36:56
Speaker 1: Pumpkin. Wait, what's the next one?
00:37:01
Speaker 2: A dog. Like a dog.
00:37:04
Speaker 1: No. No, that one sucks. Like a singer.
00:37:08
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:37:08
Speaker 1: Three, two, one. Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, and Adele.
00:37:13
Speaker 2: Okay, so some of us were thinking.
00:37:15
Speaker 1: Lop stars.
00:37:17
Speaker 2: No, some of us were thinking of Queen. Some of us were.
00:37:20
Speaker 1: Katy Perry, you're a blop. I don't feel bad about it either. Fuck her. She stomped on my foot. She's stepping on that foot. She did, and she threw my phone on the floor.
00:37:28
Speaker 2: And she's always sharp blocking you.
00:37:29
Speaker 3: And she called me the F word, too. I was like, baby, you can't say that. And she's like, baby, I can. And I was like, oh, word, okay.
00:37:36
Speaker 2: And then she called Pink, and Pink said it to you over the phone as well.
00:37:40
Speaker 1: Dude, Pink, she came out in support of Ed Sheeran.
00:37:44
Speaker 2: Which is insane.
00:37:45
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, whoa. Pump the brake.
00:37:47
Speaker 2: The cheese touch.
00:37:48
Speaker 1: The cheese touch.
00:37:50
Speaker 3: I'm like, bro, you do not need any more heat right now. You already suck. And now you're coming out here being like, he should be able to say whatever he wants.
00:37:58
Speaker 1: How is Pink famous?
00:38:00
Speaker 3: She's a singer.
00:38:01
Speaker 1: She's doing stadium tours, though. But think of her catalog. I literally... You better get up and try, try, try.
00:38:10
Speaker 2: Or... Every recovering meth addict on the planet. That's the first thing they do when they get sober is go to that damn club.
00:38:20
Speaker 1: Get into pink immediately. Fergie. Fergie's a recovering meth addict. Did you know that? I didn't.
00:38:25
Speaker 2: And she's got to get up and try, try, try. That's why she was pissing herself.
00:38:30
Speaker 1: Those photos of her pissing herself. That's going to be me when I start touring next year. They're going to be crazy ass photos of me.
00:38:37
Speaker 3: Because the thing is with the band, I was very restrained.
00:38:41
Speaker 1: But this, there's going to be piss and shit all over that. You're going to be eating bats on stage.
00:38:47
Speaker 3: I'm going to be looking like Nadia Lee Cohen on stage, pissing all over the guitar pedals.
00:38:52
Speaker 1: Girl. There's going to be an explosion on stage.
00:38:56
Speaker 3: I've always had the dream, actually, and tell me if this is too dark, to open the curtains at a show and I'm hanging there.
00:39:04
Speaker 1: Because I was like, bitch, that's a show they would never fucking forget.
00:39:08
Speaker 2: And then you get lower down and you like.
00:39:11
Speaker 1: You're like a puppet on strings. Like you leave it like burning. I'm not kidding. I've had that idea. I want to be like a. Melanie Martinez. But I was saying hanging like.
00:39:22
Speaker 2: Melanie meets Martinez. That's what you just said.
00:39:26
Speaker 1: Melanie Martinez middle name is meets. I didn't say that.
00:39:33
Speaker 2: That i wanted to.
00:39:35
Speaker 1: Take credit for that so bad but there's like a 200 000 people listening to this so i couldn't i i was saying hanging from the neck though yeah i think you should do that oh and y'all laughed and you agreed Lucas says when the day I die, there's going to be parades around the world celebrating. I'm like, fuck you, man. You piece of shit. Fuck you.
00:39:55
Speaker 2: Honestly.
00:39:56
Speaker 1: Go send him some hate.
00:39:57
Speaker 3: His ad on Instagram is boys rule. Go send him a bunch of fucking hate. Did you ever take an am I gay test, Drew?
00:40:03
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch, yes. Me too. Did you get gay? Of course. Were you like, oh, fuck. If you are taking an am I gay test, you're gay, bro. I took the test a lot. If you have an am I gay ad on your computer, you're gay, bro. And you can sit there on the Kinsey test and fucking lie because, baby, the first time I took it, I lied my ass off. And then I saw the results and I was like, thank god i'm not gay and it gave me like a little bit of like relief and then like a few months later i was like brave enough and i took it and i was like you know i'm gonna answer as truthfully as possible bitch i still lied and i was gay as fuck.
00:40:45
Speaker 3: I was gay as was gay as fuck look at you know in your little shorts you don't want to touch.
00:40:50
Speaker 1: Me oh you don't want to touch i've got gay i've got gay all over me.
00:40:55
Speaker 2: I have gay penis all over me.
00:40:57
Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I get a cock? Oh, y'all only have penis?
00:41:02
Speaker 2: Oh, wait, wait, wait. At Lucas's birthday, Drew so badly was like, um, but I think this was the issue is you tried to prep us last time.
00:41:11
Speaker 1: No, I didn't prep. I didn't prep. Josh prepped. I didn't want to say anything.
00:41:17
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, Josh fucking drove me to the bathroom and Josh was like, dude, Drew's going to say this thing to the waiter.
00:41:22
Speaker 1: You guys have to convince him not to. And he's asking me to film it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Not again. Because he's so hung up on the domestic beer thing. I'm like, girl.
00:41:30
Speaker 2: I know that was like I mean that's why Josh actually hasn't been on the podcast because of the domestic.
00:41:36
Speaker 3: Beer incident and now he's bringing it up again he's not having.
00:41:40
Speaker 2: Domestic beer like honestly me because I didn't think about that until you pointed it out and.
00:41:48
Speaker 1: Even then I was like what's wrong.
00:41:49
Speaker 2: With that also like I'm sorry I don't understand what does that mean like it's from the US like domestic beer Yeah, domestic beer. Is it from a year? Is that what it is?
00:42:00
Speaker 1: Who the fuck is drinking beer?
00:42:02
Speaker 2: Like, you can't get a Corona. A Corona wouldn't land under domestic.
00:42:04
Speaker 1: Beer, would it? What was I going to ask him? I can't even remember. Do y'all remember what I was going to ask the new waiter? Oh, dude, I don't know what it was.
00:42:13
Speaker 3: It was something to do with, like, it wasn't Spider- It was something to do with the Odyssey, I think.
00:42:19
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes. It was, can I get the Odyssey burger? Hold the siren sauce.
00:42:24
Speaker 2: Girl.
00:42:27
Speaker 1: Can I get the Odyssey burger, hold the siren sauce?
00:42:29
Speaker 3: Can I get the 49ers burger with the Peyton Manning sauce on the side, please? Lucas does the best ones of those. He does them really good.
00:42:36
Speaker 2: Like making up random combinations?
00:42:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's very good at it. If there was a job for that, he'd be the highest paid person. person actor but basically and you were saying i was gonna ask i was gonna do it to the waiter at red robin but i went to the bathroom right before and josh freaked out and panicked and told them so when i went like a.
00:42:57
Speaker 2: Virus through that table everybody was like no no.
00:43:00
Speaker 1: Yeah and so when it came around i was like oh they hate me they hate they know.
00:43:07
Speaker 2: They know they know they know they.
00:43:10
Speaker 1: Know How are they going to know? No one's going to know. No one's going to know. No one's going to know.
00:43:16
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait.
00:43:16
Speaker 1: You've been scrolling.
00:43:18
Speaker 3: Hey, it looks like you're scrolling instead of sleeping again. Shut the fuck up. Get off my fucking phone. I'm going to scroll as much as I fucking want to scroll.
00:43:29
Speaker 1: That drives me crazy.
00:43:30
Speaker 2: I blocked it.
00:43:30
Speaker 1: You want to see something crazy in you? I'll show you after, Joe. Farting a bunch.
00:43:38
Speaker 3: This room makes me fart. I think because I hold them in. That makes me want to part more.
00:43:44
Speaker 1: Being sick.
00:43:49
Speaker 2: What is that? 15 hour screen time. Two days in a row.
00:43:53
Speaker 1: Drew! And he said being sick.
00:43:56
Speaker 2: Oh, you know what happens. Oh, you know how it goes. Oh! In 48 hours, out of those 48 hours, 30 of them were.
00:44:08
Speaker 1: Spent on your phone. I slept for like eight hours a night too.
00:44:14
Speaker 3: So realistically, almost every waking moment of your day was on that damn phone.
00:44:21
Speaker 2: You know what's crazy is I remember, I think I might have said it on the podcast, but recently I had a day that felt like my screen time was going to be like in the double digits and it was... It had just barely like I don't even think it got to nine. It was like eight hours and like 15 minutes. And I said that to someone and they were like, oh, my God, that's awful. And I was like, what? No, it's not 12. So it's not bad. But 15 hours is still insane.
00:44:46
Speaker 1: Is 15 my record? Or did I get 16 before? Did I do 18? Oh, bitch. I have a lot to say. what's hers what's hers 1655 no she played in my face this entire time okay this is.
00:45:05
Speaker 2: Not fair it's counting my time of watching hacks i don't care since i was watching it on my ipad at one point mine counts but i was on tiktok for six hours mine's seven hours That's good. Okay, but I was on archive.org for 46 minutes. Like, I'm learning shit. I took a minute to learn and digest the news and the media.
00:45:28
Speaker 1: The last thing.
00:45:29
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. First pickup, 6.47 a.m. I got right to work. I got right to fucking work.
00:45:35
Speaker 1: Period. Okay. Drew's comedy.
00:45:40
Speaker 2: What? What a treat. It's been so long.
00:45:45
Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
00:45:47
Speaker 3: What?
00:45:47
Speaker 2: What?
00:45:47
Speaker 1: Are you all right or are you all left?
00:45:51
Speaker 2: Girl.
00:45:52
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:45:52
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm prolapsing.
00:45:56
Speaker 1: My prolapse is so big it looks like a grapefruit. I hope no one pops it.
00:46:02
Speaker 2: You don't pop a grapefruit.
00:46:04
Speaker 1: I want to pump Trump. Who's writing this shit? I want to start doing OnlyFans just to show a different side of myself. I hope it pays off for me this times. As long as I live, I will love Inya. But she does stink like a dumpster outside a fish factory. Thank you and good night, New York. Do y'all want an encore? Yes, one more joke, please. I hear about the new folding iPhone. If I break it in half, is it half off?
00:46:43
Speaker 3: Dude, that was good.
00:46:49
Speaker 2: That was a great set.
00:46:50
Speaker 1: Who wrote that? Who's writing that shit?
00:46:52
Speaker 2: Honestly, if I was drunk and there was a world where I was passing a comedy club and I heard some of that and they were like, oh, it's $ 5 to get in, I would pay $ 5 to receive that.
00:47:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, if I heard that iPhone joke, I'd.
00:47:03
Speaker 3: Be like, okay i gotta hear what's going on so you pay the five dollars just to walk in and realize that was the last.
00:47:11
Speaker 1: Joke wow tune in next week for when you hear me um talk about uh saving two young women's life oh my god saving two young women he actually did i did i'm not even kidding oh I'll tell you after, but they're going to learn next week.
00:47:28
Speaker 2: You want to just say it now or are you.
00:47:29
Speaker 1: I don't feel good enough to be silly about it.
00:47:32
Speaker 2: Sorry, guys, this episode's a bit short. Drew's sick, and he's definitely going to get Josie and I sick.
00:47:37
Speaker 1: Don't say that shit, man.
00:47:39
Speaker 3: He's been having cold sweats the whole fucking episode. It is sad to see you sick, Drew. I don't like it.
00:47:45
Speaker 1: It's okay. I'll survive. What's your media? I started watching 9-1-1, the show about the asteroids hitting New York City. It's pretty good. It's an ER show, right? Or like an ambulance show? It's like a cop show.
00:48:06
Speaker 2: Okay, I started.
00:48:07
Speaker 1: But yes, ambulance too.
00:48:09
Speaker 2: I started The Pit and I watched like maybe I binged like four episodes and then decided that that show... Everyone's great in it, but fuck that show because that show just feels like shit to watch. I'm just anxious the whole time. I'm fucking sweating. I'm worried about who's going to die.
00:48:29
Speaker 1: I started it one night while you were asleep in my bed. And it was this girl getting her leg cut off or something, screaming loud as fuck. And you woke up and you were like, can you turn.
00:48:41
Speaker 2: That shit off?
00:48:41
Speaker 1: What is that fucking screaming? And I never watched the show again.
00:48:46
Speaker 2: No, I guess, like, honestly, that reaction makes sense because I then tried to watch it because I've heard it's good. Everyone in it is great. It's a good show, but I'm like, oh, my gosh.
00:48:57
Speaker 1: Nurse Jackie's better. Oh, Nurse Jackie's the shit.
00:48:59
Speaker 2: Oh, my God, Nurse Jackie.
00:49:00
Speaker 1: Yo, Primetime wasn't that good. Sorry.
00:49:03
Speaker 2: I'm not going to.
00:49:04
Speaker 1: I'm probably. It was like, wait until it goes to DVD, baby.
00:49:06
Speaker 2: No, that's a plane. There's some movies that are made for me to watch on the plane. And that's always been.
00:49:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a plane movie.
00:49:12
Speaker 2: That was always going to be a plane movie. Yeah.
00:49:14
Speaker 1: Resident Evil was really honestly most of a 24 movies are plane movies.
00:49:18
Speaker 2: Yeah they have amazing hits but most of the pitches.
00:49:23
Speaker 3: Are like the filler movie I mean yeah they have like her that's not a bad thing I know cuz oh.
00:49:29
Speaker 1: Well Drew be watching moonlight and Lala or what did you watch the Great Gatsby and moonlight the gayest flight of all time and then.
00:49:37
Speaker 2: On the flight back home he watched cabaret It's Rocky Horror Picture Show.
00:49:43
Speaker 1: I love that, Drew. In Chicago. Immerse yourself in your culture. Yes. I love it. Thank you. My media is 911 and Dr. Insanity. Ooh, Dr. Insanity. What is that? The YouTube crime guy.
00:50:02
Speaker 2: Ooh.
00:50:04
Speaker 1: Also, Mr. Ballin's pretty good, too.
00:50:06
Speaker 2: Oh, Mr.
00:50:06
Speaker 1: Beast. Mr.
00:50:06
Speaker 2: Beast. My media of the week is I started Hacks. I finished Margo's Got Money Troubles. I really liked that. Hacks is awesome, duh, but everybody knows that I'm late. And that's it. I haven't been listening to anything. Still just listening to Olivia Rodrigo's album. That girl can sing.
00:50:34
Speaker 1: For real. She can write a fucking song, too.
00:50:36
Speaker 2: Has anybody heard her?
00:50:37
Speaker 1: Well, my media is.
00:50:39
Speaker 3: on wednesday night uh that's actually tomorrow so you can go and watch this there is a shark tank episode season premiere and mr beast is the guest investor wow he is yeah i'm not kidding that's my media that and um miniskirt by aoa.
00:50:59
Speaker 1: It's a great song Okay, thank you guys for tuning in. Bye. Sorry, I've been wanting to end this episode for like 30 minutes.
00:51:07
Speaker 3: I know, you've been rocking back and forth like that video of Beyonce where they sped it up and she's rocking there.
00:51:12
Speaker 1: Like, what do you think's wrong with her? That's you. Bye, guys. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Hi guys. Welcome back to Emergency Intercom.
00:00:22
Speaker 2: We're here and we are so excited.
00:00:24
Speaker 1: A good episode for y'all today. So stay tuned.
00:00:28
Speaker 2: You better stay till the end.
00:00:30
Speaker 1: Stay tuned. San Francisco.
00:00:34
Speaker 2: San Francisco. See you soon.
00:00:37
Speaker 1: October 9th. Tickets and bio.
00:00:41
Speaker 2: Can all of y'all wear Halloween costumes?
00:00:44
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Yeah.
00:00:45
Speaker 2: Should we wear Halloween costumes?
00:00:46
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:00:47
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:00:48
Speaker 1: A hundred percent.
00:00:49
Speaker 2: Because there might be people who have amazing ideas that no gonna get seen unless I see. And you see. And we see.
00:01:00
Speaker 1: I see the way you see.
00:01:01
Speaker 2: I see you.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: I like the way you see. I like how the way you fuck.
00:01:06
Speaker 2: I like the way you think.
00:01:09
Speaker 1: You like how the way I fuck, Drew? I love the way you fuck. How the way I fuck?
00:01:13
Speaker 2: Josie, are you scared of aging? Josh was asking me that.
00:01:16
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. So, yeah. Are you afraid of aging? I will not age. But like, you already have.
00:01:27
Speaker 3: Somebody on Omegle the other day said that I look like I'm 40.
00:01:33
Speaker 1: But I did. I was like, oh.
00:01:35
Speaker 3: I got very offended. I was like, fuck are you talking about? I look like I'm 40. I got so angry and that was me being ageist i really i'd rather not age i'd rather stay exactly where i am i'm like i'm i've finally accepted this and i'm just gonna have to keep doing that over and over again as i get gnarlier and gnarlier looking.
00:01:54
Speaker 2: Like yeah why do you think about it like that though no what because it took me this long to finally like kind of accept like all right i guess this is what we're working with like well show me what you're working with this it's not much it's No, I think, I mean, I cannot argue with you in your perception of yourself. That's up to you and the man in the mirror. But I think you're beautiful.
00:02:19
Speaker 1: I'm beautiful. You're beautiful. I am not afraid of aging. Like, I think I'm only going to get hotter as I get older. Once this baby fat... comes out of my face i mean i'm only 16 after all so once i'm once i'm like 22 i feel like it's gonna be like really big.
00:02:40
Speaker 2: Yeah things are gonna start looking up yeah.
00:02:42
Speaker 1: Um but i am like really scared of my body not working i know not being able.
00:02:48
Speaker 2: To move but drew kept saying that and i was like there's nothing funny about drew losing his health or ability to like not be able to walk but the idea of us all being so old and you being the first one's legs to give out like.
00:03:03
Speaker 1: No like i'm gonna be like the one that's like.
00:03:06
Speaker 3: I need my ass why oh we were talking about nearly put a.
00:03:10
Speaker 1: Finger inside of it when you're up there that's me that's me and the old folks home i'm gonna say When you're wiping my ass, why don't you stick a couple fingers up there?
00:03:20
Speaker 2: Your ass is going to get kicked out. Well, no, I was saying to Drew is the beautiful thing is like in the real reality we live in, at one point we're going to have to.
00:03:29
Speaker 1: Kyle Mooney real reality.
00:03:30
Speaker 3: What?
00:03:33
Speaker 1: Kyle mooney real reality kinder.
00:03:34
Speaker 2: Egg just released a new mini series.
00:03:37
Speaker 3: And it's kinder scott kinder wait hold on hold on kinder egg kinder scott kinder lamar um well we were talking about getting near links also it's josiah me um me and any were talking about like eventually whenever like everyone has near links if that is possible um That you would be getting the most ads on yours.
00:04:01
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch. I get pop-up ads crazy.
00:04:02
Speaker 2: At one point, if everybody got Neuralink, obviously they'd make it about using money.
00:04:06
Speaker 1: They'd start monetizing it, yeah.
00:04:07
Speaker 2: I was saying to Josie, I was like, one day, free thinking is going to be a subscription-based plan. It's going to be, you can only use your real brain and turn off the Neuralink if you pay $ 50 a month. And then Josie was like, my broke ass wouldn't have uh would have ads and i was like drew's frugal ass would have the most ads like yeah he'd be like well that's actually how ellen is so he'd.
00:04:27
Speaker 1: Be getting viruses i was gonna say it would be like pirate bay like torrents like pop-up ads like you know i'd probably be that way too i'd be hacked boots like they would be like having me say crazy.
00:04:38
Speaker 3: The links that i will go to save money especially because the money's just not there yeah I would if I had an ear like I would be torrenting shit. If someone told me you could torrent, I'd be like, oh, why would I not just do that?
00:04:50
Speaker 1: I famously. Like what's in your brain?
00:04:51
Speaker 2: But what if you got a virus in your brain?
00:04:53
Speaker 1: I don't care, man. It's cheaper. I grew up here in America. If it's cheaper, it's better. Cheaper by the dozen.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Well, I heard that Ellen is asking for the day that she passes, which will be the end of me. The day she passes, she's asking for her head to be frozen with Walt Disney's.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say some shit about editors, bro.
00:05:15
Speaker 2: No, but she said that.
00:05:16
Speaker 1: Had me fucking rolling my eyes.
00:05:19
Speaker 3: The day of Ellen's funeral, she said she wants her funeral shot, but she wants it edited very cheaply.
00:05:25
Speaker 1: Cheaply. She does not want to spend on editors that day. Fuck this shit, bro. Wait, hold on. Hold on. I was going to say something earlier. What were we talking about right before Ellen?
00:05:39
Speaker 2: We were talking about you being a geriatric home.
00:05:42
Speaker 1: I famously claimed that I would be the first to get a Neuralink. And still, yes, just not from Elon Musk anymore. He was already a bad person then.
00:05:53
Speaker 2: Oh, you think they're going to do... But I'm.
00:05:56
Speaker 1: Really scared of him now. Elon? Yeah. Remember that time I showed you a video of Michael Jackson and you had a panic attack and you greened out and... shit all over my floor and threw up in my toilet. I did shit all over your floor and I threw up everywhere. Well, that's kind of how I feel about.
00:06:13
Speaker 2: Eating on musk now.
00:06:14
Speaker 3: What a blessing.
00:06:14
Speaker 2: I was just not around that day because I was in town.
00:06:17
Speaker 1: No, I think you were in Miami.
00:06:20
Speaker 2: Oh, did I come back the next day or something? Because I feel like I came back right after that happened.
00:06:25
Speaker 1: I don't think you were in town.
00:06:27
Speaker 3: Those days give me the warmest feeling ever.
00:06:29
Speaker 1: I was just telling someone, I was like, that's the dog days. Like, those are the salad days for real. I mean, Enya was very depressed. Yeah. But.
00:06:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wanted to kill myself.
00:06:38
Speaker 1: But it's the happiest we were. Well, we had a very good time. Very good time. Like, a very good time. Respect, though.
00:06:45
Speaker 2: Respect.
00:06:45
Speaker 1: But you did, too, in ways. Like, 1304, it had its moments. That's when we met. That's when you met me. Think about that. And you hated me. And you did not get along with Josiah until, like, two years ago.
00:06:57
Speaker 2: Nuh-uh. No. No, no, no, no. By the time Chun-Li was out, we were pretty tight.
00:07:04
Speaker 1: That was pretty soon after.
00:07:04
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
00:07:06
Speaker 1: Yeah. 1304, wow. Belmont Station. I thought about moving there. It's very cheap. It's so cheap. That's why we lived there.
00:07:18
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:07:19
Speaker 1: When I was looking at new places, I was like, maybe I'll fucking move there and just, like, surprise everybody. They do orgies there now. They do huge gay orgies there. And I'm not even joking.
00:07:29
Speaker 2: Now.
00:07:30
Speaker 1: I was going to say, I was setting up this bit, but they.
00:07:35
Speaker 1: I heard and learned from someone that, you know how there were like maybe like five apartments like ours in the whole building? One of those five apartments like ours did the orgies for the gay guys and he would lure them back from parties. Like be like, it's the afters, it's the afters. And then everyone would just start stripping naked and shit. Crazy. And the guy was you. Well, yes. Duh. But no, I think I did hook up with that guy before. The ringleader? I hooked up with people in the building.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: Oh, he thinks he's getting right to the boss. He thinks he's going and getting the top tier cookie.
00:08:14
Speaker 1: I'm a boss. I'm a bitch.
00:08:15
Speaker 2: I'm a boss. And I feel just like Ross.
00:08:18
Speaker 1: Hey. Wait, who is that? It's Doja Cat.
00:08:21
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:08:21
Speaker 1: It was like her doing her like Azalea song.
00:08:24
Speaker 2: Dude, that's not good.
00:08:25
Speaker 1: I'm a bitch.
00:08:26
Speaker 2: I'm a bop.
00:08:26
Speaker 1: And Azalea, surprisingly, when that came out, was like, no, I fuck with her. Like, you know what? Yeah, it's very inspired by me, but you know what? I fuck with her. And I was like, okay. Wasn't expecting that.
00:08:36
Speaker 2: The VMAs is devil work.
00:08:40
Speaker 1: Canceled. It's been canceled next year.
00:08:43
Speaker 2: Wait, has it actually?
00:08:44
Speaker 1: It didn't even show on MTV. Are you serious? I don't think so.
00:08:49
Speaker 2: I think it was on NBS or something.
00:08:52
Speaker 1: What the hell is going on?
00:08:54
Speaker 2: I think so. Well, OK, a few things I just have to say is if you're an artist.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: What's MBS?
00:09:02
Speaker 3: That's the National Basketball Section.
00:09:05
Speaker 1: Sexuality. Sorry. That's what you have.
00:09:07
Speaker 2: What is that?
00:09:08
Speaker 1: Carl Nassib, first openly gay NFL player right now. I don't think he's in the league anymore. He was really good in college, and he was kind of okay in the NFL. Oh, yeah, I remember that. But I think he kissed someone.
00:09:21
Speaker 2: Well, it's because you know how they say you choose gay or straight? It's you choose your career or being a gay guy in your 20s. You have to pick one of those.
00:09:30
Speaker 1: And I'm choosing.
00:09:32
Speaker 2: And if you're smart, you're choosing the gay guy.
00:09:33
Speaker 1: And maybe let's just say Drew is straight. Period. I'm choosing my career.
00:09:38
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:09:41
Speaker 1: So you were saying MTV Music Awards. I was saying a lot of things.
00:09:48
Speaker 2: Watching it this year just felt so fucking insane because I feel like I get to say this one because I do.
00:09:58
Speaker 1: Too.
00:09:58
Speaker 2: I love like music awards and live performances and stuff so much. MTV Music Awards feels like the most hollow shell of something it used to be. And if you're an artist out there and you're feeling down on yourself because you're like, oh my God, like, I wish I could get nominated for stuff like that. I don't know who won Best New Artist this year. But I do know that it was sponsored by the General Insurance. And that's all I can remember. It said Best New Artist and then just like the General.
00:10:32
Speaker 1: Go to the General.
00:10:33
Speaker 2: They won't tell you.
00:10:35
Speaker 1: They're telling that now? Dude, MTV is down.
00:10:38
Speaker 2: Like, is that not?
00:10:40
Speaker 1: That's insane.
00:10:41
Speaker 2: Which all these shows have a sponsor.
00:10:43
Speaker 1: They're... The economy is not. General insurance.
00:10:47
Speaker 2: The general insurance. Who the fuck?
00:10:51
Speaker 1: But baby, but baby, baby, if y'all want to run ads on emergency intercom, general insurance, we'll take general insurance. We'll take anything.
00:10:58
Speaker 2: Baby, baby, baby, baby. Nobody wants.
00:11:01
Speaker 1: The bills have been affected. The bills have been affected. MTV's included. Kylie Jenner's vlogging, man. I know. Like shit is bad. But it's also like her walking from like a private jet. from a Rolls Royce to a house she's building. But it's recession indicator for sure. M. Night Shyamalan is vlogging. What?
00:11:21
Speaker 2: We're living in like a.
00:11:22
Speaker 1: Actually? Yes. You're joking. I'm not joking.
00:11:24
Speaker 2: Well, didn't he make that movie about the old beach?
00:11:27
Speaker 1: His daughter? Oh, he did.
00:11:28
Speaker 2: Okay, so listen.
00:11:29
Speaker 1: And at the end, he was the twist. Are we shocked he's vlogging?
00:11:31
Speaker 2: Like, are we shocked it's gotten there? Like, he low-key had AI before anybody else did, and he's been in AI psychosis.
00:11:38
Speaker 1: Longer than anybody else. He made Sixth Sense, right? Yeah, he did. Okay. I see dead people.
00:11:42
Speaker 2: He only made Sixth Sense on that movie.
00:11:44
Speaker 1: Yes. He only made Sixth Sense.
00:11:45
Speaker 2: Six pennies. Yeah.
00:11:47
Speaker 3: Okay, also, I want to say something about the VMAs. I was thinking about posting this on my story, and it had me thinking for a second. I was like, damn, I wish Twitter was still a thing, because I just want to get this out, and I didn't think about doing the podcast this week. This is the perfect place. I actually think Somber and the Stella Lefty girl are the same person.
00:12:08
Speaker 2: Actually.
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Actually. Look at them.
00:12:11
Speaker 3: Look at them and tell me that's not Somber in drag.
00:12:14
Speaker 1: And tell me that's not her in boy drag. I'm like... I saw something of... Well, she's a grandking baby. She was born that way. I saw someone say Stella Lefty and Hot Tua Girl are the same person. They could be... Oh, yeah. They look alike, bro.
00:12:28
Speaker 3: Dude, like, they have the same stature. They have the same attitude.
00:12:35
Speaker 1: See, the thing is, is, like, I don't know anything about Stella Lefty other than the hate that she has been... been getting like i don't know anything.
00:12:43
Speaker 2: About her is essentially but i feel like i could keep with her i could keep with her i mean dude well i always say that everyone's nice everyone can get along with everyone we do it every day we go into stores i don't think i.
00:12:55
Speaker 3: Get along with her oh wait who stella lefty i don't think she's well no i.
00:13:01
Speaker 2: Just don't want to hang out with the bitch like i i wouldn't do it well it's not an interview but like i you know what i'd like.
00:13:06
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know her. But what I will say is I saw... Three crazy people. I feel like I could hang out with her. I'm not hanging out with her. I don't like her. Well, here's the thing. Okay, why does it matter? I asked... They asked her a question on the red carpet. Or the blue carpet. Sorry. Which I thought that was the most perfect color. Yeah, the blue... Oh, it's the warmest color.
00:13:25
Speaker 2: It was.
00:13:27
Speaker 3: And they asked her, they asked everybody, oh, what's your favorite Madonna? Also, what the fuck is going on with Madonna? Are we not going to talk about it? Because it feels like everyone's not talking about it.
00:13:38
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. I saw her walk up to the stage and it was really sad.
00:13:43
Speaker 2: My best bet.
00:13:44
Speaker 1: What's going on?
00:13:45
Speaker 2: This is my hopeful bet that I'm literally making up on the spot is I'm going to assume since she was such a big part of the MTV Music Awards, she's on a in still kind of like a pr moment like because her album just like more recently came i came out this year right confessions too yeah like a couple that came out so it like makes sense for her to be like kind of like have a light shown on her it may be her last album um and i feel like it it's because of like that that she was so heavily a part of it because it was like this may be the last time she has any reason to be involved in this seriously because she has an album out right now.
00:14:27
Speaker 1: It's like classic, like Oscars, like finally giving the actor or actress. Like the Jamie Lee Curtis. Yeah.
00:14:35
Speaker 2: Giving the queen her flowers. We have so many like Madonna offspring specifically right now in terms of like sonically and aesthetically in some shape or form. Everybody is like, I mean, Pinterest shows the same thing to everybody. As much as it feels like an expansive world, it is kind of a bubble. And anything you look up kind of usually has, like, a Madonna or a Julia Fox, like, blah, blah, blah. And everybody's on an 80s bag right now. Madonna is 80s, 90s, quintessential, blah, blah, blah. Especially for the white girls.
00:15:08
Speaker 1: Madonna, do you see her call out Sabrina?
00:15:10
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. I love it.
00:15:13
Speaker 1: Your team didn't hit me back. Yeah, it took five days. Remember when she made out with Drake?
00:15:17
Speaker 2: Well, also, like, that's her age.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: When she made out with Drake? Who?
00:15:21
Speaker 2: Madonna.
00:15:22
Speaker 1: Drake, like, rapper Drake.
00:15:24
Speaker 3: She was sitting down in a chair on the stage and she grabbed his face and she was like.
00:15:29
Speaker 2: I think that was why she was so, like... She was getting her flowers.
00:15:35
Speaker 1: I mean, she is also... Oh, I see. She won, like, eight awards.
00:15:38
Speaker 2: Also, like, nobody actually gaffes about the MTV Music Awards right now for the most part. And, like, every year I feel like it's gone on a decline. So for people to even, like, find a reason to be mad about her winning a bunch is, like... Bro, this isn't, like... If the person you wanted to win won... Like, it wouldn't have actually changed your day because there's a high likelihood you didn't even know this was happening. Because I feel like I didn't know that the VMAs was happening.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: I didn't know until after.
00:16:10
Speaker 2: And I usually, I mean, check last year or whatever year that was where I accidentally spent $ 90 in total subscribing to a bunch of platforms trying to figure out where to buy it and where to watch it. I was good today. This time it was very chill. I was on my... I was, like, de-gaffing.
00:16:27
Speaker 1: Just, like, been watching hacks all day. That's how you gotta move through life.
00:16:29
Speaker 2: Finished the first season. Was like, oh, I need a little break. I need some brain rot, if you will. So I put on the VMAs. That's where you're sitting now. Unless you... Like, I'll come to the carpet and make your TikTok.
00:16:42
Speaker 1: Sponsored by the General.
00:16:43
Speaker 2: No, I'm kidding.
00:16:43
Speaker 1: I would not. Also, I will say the.
00:16:48
Speaker 1: Young Lean performance was sick. Dude, it was so sick. I don't understand why he threw the award. Was it just him being like, fuck award shows?
00:17:00
Speaker 2: I think it was just like, I was so punk.
00:17:02
Speaker 1: I don't care.
00:17:03
Speaker 3: And then he spit that ice cream at the end. That kind of grossed me out. Because I was like, blue cream all over the ice cream.
00:17:08
Speaker 1: But Young Lean being on MTV Music Awards is like a dream. I know. That's so cheap.
00:17:13
Speaker 3: I watched the video and I saw him walking out and I was like, oh my god, this is so... He still like is the same little guy. Yeah.
00:17:21
Speaker 1: He'll always be ginseng strip. Yeah. Always sitting on that stoop. Vaporwave.
00:17:29
Speaker 2: That's boy culture. And I love that for you guys.
00:17:32
Speaker 1: Do you remember when they used to put tequila in the hand sanitizer? They tried to like pass it off. Why did they do that? Because they like ran out of vodka and then they put tequila in the hand sanitizer. Dude, yeah.
00:17:43
Speaker 2: Do you mean during COVID era when the hand sanitizer got all stinky?
00:17:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, it smelled.
00:17:48
Speaker 2: And it was sticky as shit.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: It smelled like bones. I mean, it was literally tequila.
00:17:53
Speaker 2: It was tequila and gelatin.
00:17:56
Speaker 1: Probably. To make it like jelly, squirty. It was so sour, like funky.
00:18:03
Speaker 2: Dude, those COVID tests hurt like fuck.
00:18:06
Speaker 1: Oh, the nose ones? Oh, when they would poke your brain. Dude, I've done so many.
00:18:11
Speaker 2: I don't understand, though, because now the test is the same, but I don't have to dig all up in there to get the fucking.
00:18:16
Speaker 1: They were just doing that shit to plant the chips, babe. That was the real chips being planted, not the fucking vaccines. They were putting them right up in there on your pineal gland. On your penis. That's why your pineal glands all calcified. Can you say penis on your pineal gland? Yeah, we can say penis. Penis, penis, penis.
00:18:37
Speaker 2: Ew.
00:18:42
Speaker 1: Do your best RuPaul after. That wasn't that bad. I'm sick. This is my flu game.
00:18:48
Speaker 2: Did that sound like a RuPaul laugh or a witch laugh?
00:18:51
Speaker 1: It sounded like a witch laugh. Okay, I was trying to do a witch laugh. Y'all know, was it Michael Jordan?
00:18:57
Speaker 2: No.
00:18:57
Speaker 1: Oh, Michael Jordan had a flu game. Dirk Nowitzki had a flu game. This is my flu game. I'm sick right now, guys. Sick as a dog.
00:19:06
Speaker 2: Did they win those flu games?
00:19:07
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:19:08
Speaker 2: Okay, bitch, you better have if you're going to get all of us sick.
00:19:11
Speaker 1: We don't.
00:19:12
Speaker 2: Wait, but then the whole team is sick? So, Mitch, then the next game is a flu.
00:19:15
Speaker 1: Day for half a team? It was, like, finals, like, in the end of the season. Oh. For them. So, you're sick.
00:19:23
Speaker 2: Men can't get sick.
00:19:24
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm sick. Thick in the head. And twisted. I have dark, twisted thoughts. I'm twisted. Twisted tea. Dark, twisted thoughts. All right. Just anything I say today just gets met with brutal silence. It's crazy.
00:19:42
Speaker 2: What did you say?
00:19:49
Speaker 3: Earlier oh we're i was like oh we're gonna put anya in a daycare and drew was like that low-key would be like the life like you could just like watch tv all day watch movies all day and then you was like i mean that's kind of what we do we can do that and drew was like Drew was like, can't do that.
00:20:07
Speaker 1: You need money.
00:20:09
Speaker 3: And then everyone just felt very silent. And he was just kind of staring off. Like, bro, what?
00:20:16
Speaker 2: He was having a stroke. So don't laugh too hard.
00:20:18
Speaker 1: I'm stroking out. I'm stroking out. He was stuck inside the gym. Yes, I'm sick. I'm taking amoxicillin right now.
00:20:28
Speaker 2: He's taking antibiotics that Josh gave him.
00:20:32
Speaker 1: Because I didn't want to drive to the, like, emergency, minor emergency place.
00:20:36
Speaker 2: Which is crazy that, like, to be somebody who's... I'll let you pass. And I'm going to let you open that.
00:20:50
Speaker 1: Oh, look who it is. The Enya tax. Oh, no. Anytime Josiah gets any food, she fucks his food up. She's eating with two hands. She grabbed a fry. She went like. It's like those like rock, paper, scissors. Whoever wins runs away.
00:21:04
Speaker 2: I was like, I forgot I was on camera. So you just see me like. Hunched over, bro.
00:21:11
Speaker 1: And you locked in like fucking heat seeking missile every time. And then she always says, ew, gross. Like this is disgusting. And then she eats all of it.
00:21:20
Speaker 3: She is the number one fucking perpetrator. And Drew's the number two. But she does the thing where.
00:21:25
Speaker 1: She says, ew, y'all are ordering that. That's disgusting.
00:21:28
Speaker 3: And then when it gets there, baby, she's like a fucking fly to fruit.
00:21:33
Speaker 1: Fly to shit. Yeah, fly to shit. She is loving it.
00:21:38
Speaker 2: Well, actually, a sign of a mature person is somebody who's open-minded enough to change their mind.
00:21:44
Speaker 1: Oh, we got it wrong. You're mature.
00:21:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, y'all were misinterpolating that.
00:21:51
Speaker 1: It's all about the interpolation.
00:21:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, and people always interpolate things incorrectly. Oh, it's crazy that despite you being so hypochondriac, what is it called? Fuck, what were we talking about right before?
00:22:07
Speaker 1: Amoxicillin from Josh.
00:22:09
Speaker 2: Oh, for such a hypochondriac, it is insane that you, instead of going to a doctor while sick, ask your friend for antibiotics.
00:22:20
Speaker 1: No, he offered and I just took them. I didn't ask.
00:22:23
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:22:23
Speaker 1: That's not the problem, baby.
00:22:26
Speaker 2: The problem is the fact that you're taking antibiotics unprescribed by a doctor.
00:22:30
Speaker 1: It's the same thing. It's the same thing. And I definitely have a bacterial infection in my chest. From a viral infection in my body that I got in Las Vegas. Bitch, I literally flew to Las Vegas to lose $ 60, get sick, and fly home in 20 hours. I think you might have got Zika. Well, I was thinking maybe.
00:22:50
Speaker 2: I had West Nile. No, you got West Nile virus.
00:22:52
Speaker 1: Yuck. Yeah, because my skin is like really sensitive, guys.
00:22:55
Speaker 2: We can't get it, though. Actually? It doesn't transmit human to human.
00:23:00
Speaker 3: Oh, so we can't get it from him, but we could just get it from mosquitoes?
00:23:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, it dies in humans, I think. So, like, I think I might have it wrong, but I think, like, animals and mosquitoes can pass it back and forth to each other. But we're, like, there's a word for it when, like, a virus, like, can't be sent through us. So we're the last stop. We're the last stop. He's eating that apple. Yeah.
00:23:29
Speaker 1: Yes, I did finally get my Wizard of Oz apple. Everyone doubted me, said I wasn't going to get one when it dropped from the ceiling. And look at me now. I got one. It dropped right into my lap.
00:23:40
Speaker 2: I need to see how many fall from the ceiling.
00:23:42
Speaker 1: It's a lot. It's a lot. I thought it was like 12. Bitch, it's like every single seat gets them.
00:23:50
Speaker 2: Well, and they make them... They make them out of such cheap materials to save money for the LEDs.
00:23:58
Speaker 1: And yeah, unironically did say that, by the way. She was like, and there's like so like, they have to make them cheap so they can make them for every show. I'm rubbing off on y'all.
00:24:07
Speaker 3: I just be thinking shit through too much.
00:24:10
Speaker 2: Well, it is true because like I was saying that I was like, oh, I was kind of expecting a better Apple. I was like, yeah, I guess it has to be light enough to one not fall in like murder somebody.
00:24:20
Speaker 1: I did see a bunch of fucked up people like scalpers vibes, like running all around the arena, collecting like 20 apples. And I was like, y'all are so annoying and gay. Give them to the kids.
00:24:31
Speaker 2: Also, not only that, like, what the fuck are you on about?
00:24:35
Speaker 1: Like, you're going to make two dollars a sale. It's a foam apple.
00:24:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, hey, Apple.
00:24:43
Speaker 1: Annoying word. Hey, Apple.
00:24:45
Speaker 2: Hey, Apple. Apple. Why didn't they just name Siri Apple? I love that.
00:24:54
Speaker 1: Because they wanted to put a face to the name or like a name to the voice. A face to the name. There's no face to Siri, baby.
00:24:59
Speaker 2: She's like, Jesus, she'll be anything you want her to be.
00:25:02
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I hate you, Siri. I fucking hate you, Siri. Dude, I do fucking hate Siri. She sucks dick.
00:25:08
Speaker 2: Siri has always been incredibly bummed.
00:25:10
Speaker 1: Like horrible. So unhelpful.
00:25:12
Speaker 2: She's never lived up to her expectations, which I can honestly, I live for that.
00:25:17
Speaker 1: She kept them low. She did keep them low until recently. She tried to rebrand herself as something she wasn't and it, tank yeah she was anti-ai for a long time she tried to switch it up and it was like ah this isn't really working out yeah go back to sucking yeah go back to sucking dick dick and balls dick and ass what does she say oh oh talking about sucking dick and cock.
00:25:37
Speaker 3: Yes talking about that comes up every single time i'm on this podcast.
00:25:46
Speaker 2: Wow did you travel with that in your bag or in your hand in my bag.
00:25:52
Speaker 1: I did take it out on the plane. I did take it out on the plane to show the people. To show who? Everyone around me. They probably thought it was a bomb. You got a bomb!
00:26:03
Speaker 2: Dude, did you see that guy freaking out on a flight from Spain to Miami because he... took a gummy that he says he doesn't know what was in it and like he just kept saying like i'm gonna meet god i'm gonna meet god and he was standing up he was like help help help i did not see that get me out of here get me out of here um i feel like that's how druid react if he had maybe three milligrams of an edible.
00:26:29
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah i think anything over 1.5 would kill me right.
00:26:33
Speaker 2: Now when's the last time you like years.
00:26:38
Speaker 1: Years, baby. Also, I forgot that I'm wearing shorts. And you can see my nasty, gross legs. I like your legs.
00:26:48
Speaker 2: That's what you thought about? You didn't think about the fact that your fucking feet are out and it looks like you're wearing a monitor? Don't.
00:26:55
Speaker 1: Ugh, my feet.
00:26:57
Speaker 2: They are dry as.
00:26:59
Speaker 1: I'm working on... Stop!
00:27:03
Speaker 2: No, no, no, because they are like.
00:27:05
Speaker 1: That feels too far. They're like gray. Why do you have an ankle monitor? You're making a damn mess. Why do you have an ankle monitor? Are you still on... Do you still have a P.O. for that one thing? Well, yes.
00:27:22
Speaker 2: A P.O.
00:27:23
Speaker 1: Like a parole officer. We have not talked about that on the episode yet, motherfucker. We'll cut this, but I tell them it's a Fitbit Air, but it's actually like my ankle monitor.
00:27:37
Speaker 3: Oh.
00:27:39
Speaker 1: From when I robbed the president. Oh, you stole his rubies? Yeah. Kidnapped his daughter? When I robbed the president.
00:27:50
Speaker 2: Dude remember the way the world reacted to kathy griffin holding that fake head of trump.
00:27:56
Speaker 1: Oh my god yes yes was.
00:27:59
Speaker 2: Is it because he was elected or he was the president already i think it was just.
00:28:03
Speaker 3: Like they were like too far man like you're covered in blood like you're saying you're gonna kill this man like.
00:28:08
Speaker 1: And now what's funny about that.
00:28:10
Speaker 2: Is every single tiktok comment you open about him is, like, just praying that he dies tomorrow, hoping he dies, die, die, die.
00:28:17
Speaker 1: She was a martyr.
00:28:18
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she got, like, the stories for that.
00:28:20
Speaker 1: She's also bald. I don't know from what, though. She may be sick. I really don't know.
00:28:25
Speaker 2: Wait, is she actually bald, or is she, like, Gracie Abrams?
00:28:27
Speaker 1: No, she... No, no, no, no. She is, like, actually bald. Like, she wears wigs. When Barbara Corcoran dies, I'm actually gonna be sad. Baby, you're going to be sad in about a year. Knock on wood. That's terrible. Yeah, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. She is very, very old, though. She's extremely old. I'm going to be really sad.
00:28:41
Speaker 2: Well, her and Emma Chamberlain are being cast for Freaky Friday 3.
00:28:45
Speaker 1: Because they both have no hair?
00:28:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're going to switch. They're playing mother and daughter.
00:28:49
Speaker 3: Emma, if you can hear me, I love that you have no hair, but my question is, where.
00:28:53
Speaker 1: Is your hair? Where is your hair? Where is your hair? I'm Barbara, baby.
00:28:59
Speaker 3: Barbara and Emma are competing for the no hair contest.
00:29:03
Speaker 2: No, is Emma Stone still in that battle? Oh yeah, Chapel's catching up. She got rid of a lot of it. She showed up with a bob.
00:29:10
Speaker 1: She should get rid of more of it. See if she can win the competition. I'd like to see her bald.
00:29:14
Speaker 2: I'd like to see you with a shiny head.
00:29:16
Speaker 1: I'd like to see you with a polished head. I'd like to see Chapel Roan bald. Chapel Roan, I want to see you bald. Do you think she ever thought about the fact that her name was so close to Chaperone? Chaperone? Absolutely. Chaperone.
00:29:31
Speaker 2: Maybe like because she's a drag queen vibe, like that's her whole gag. Because remember at the beginning she was like, oh, I'm so inspired by drag queens. Maybe it's supposed to be a play on that, that it sounds like a chaperone.
00:29:45
Speaker 1: I'm a chaperone. What would be your drag name?
00:29:49
Speaker 2: Oh, Massive Huge Tits. But it would be spelled like Massachusetts. Wow.
00:29:55
Speaker 1: Did you just think of that?
00:29:57
Speaker 2: No, ever since me and Orion went to Massachusetts, I keep thinking Massachusetts.
00:30:05
Speaker 1: Drew, what would yours be? Carmen Winstead. That would be such a bar. That would be great. Or D.D.
00:30:11
Speaker 2: Megadudu.
00:30:12
Speaker 1: D.D. Megadudu would be mine.
00:30:14
Speaker 2: Oh, D.D. Megadudu is great.
00:30:16
Speaker 1: Because RuPaul would love saying that. RuPaul would be like, D.D. Megadudu. Exactly.
00:30:20
Speaker 2: D.D., Mega doo-doo.
00:30:24
Speaker 1: She would love it. You're safe.
00:30:26
Speaker 2: I literally, I'm thinking of the like, ding-ding.
00:30:29
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:30:30
Speaker 2: Ding-ding. Oh, my God.
00:30:31
Speaker 1: Or isopale.
00:30:33
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:30:34
Speaker 1: I-S-O-P-A-L-E. Isopale. Isopale.
00:30:37
Speaker 2: I'm trying to think of another one. There was another one I had.
00:30:44
Speaker 1: You could do massive two shits.
00:30:51
Speaker 2: Oh, Nantucket was one.
00:30:52
Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
00:30:54
Speaker 2: Nanny McTucket.
00:30:54
Speaker 1: It's so good. Like, tuck the D. Yeah, and then, like, almost went over my... I had to think about it for a second. That's a really good one.
00:31:00
Speaker 3: Wow.
00:31:01
Speaker 1: You should go to school.
00:31:02
Speaker 2: I don't know why all of them are in Northeastern. Yeah. Yeah, that's my story. My drag name would be Old England.
00:31:12
Speaker 1: What's yours other than Didi Megadudu? Mine would be Didi Megadudu, Iso Pale, or.
00:31:21
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I feel like it would be so fun to be Carmen instead.
00:31:25
Speaker 2: Remember when we were really trying to convince Josie to do drag?
00:31:29
Speaker 1: Yes. Like, we were really trying to convince you. We were dead ass, too. I can never do that shit. I can do it one day a year. You would be so good at it, bro. The makeup. You would win Drag Race. I'm fully confident that you would win. Oh, I think so, too. With the motley lot they'd be putting on.
00:31:41
Speaker 2: I think if they said, if we sent you to, like, beauty school or something, yeah. But if we sent there and you alone right now, like, bitch, you would get murdered in the dressing room if somebody looked over you.
00:31:50
Speaker 1: Maybe, like, to your makeup.
00:31:51
Speaker 2: Because I can't even lie if I was on a like competition show and I looked over and saw you doing your makeup with how I imagine you would do your makeup trying your best I'd be like oh hell no who the fuck's that who asked her to come yeah I'd be like whose kid is this and why are they here because this is crazy.
00:32:08
Speaker 3: Because I can't do makeup I don't have good fashion sense I don't have so much that a drag queen needs to have Yeah.
00:32:14
Speaker 1: Yeah. Actually, that's true. I think like the character parts, like the acting challenges you would body. Maybe I should just be an actor.
00:32:23
Speaker 2: Oh, it's so crazy.
00:32:25
Speaker 1: Just be a drag queen actor.
00:32:26
Speaker 2: It's so crazy how like. the people... Oh, wait. I was watching a Gia Gunn. The episode she got eliminated was, like, making me die laugh for some reason. Because who was she supposed to do?
00:32:41
Speaker 1: Oh, was it Snatch Game?
00:32:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, for the Snatch Game. I think she was supposed to do Selena. And then.
00:32:47
Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, because she speaks Spanish.
00:32:49
Speaker 2: Does she?
00:32:50
Speaker 1: Fluently. Oh, why did she.
00:32:52
Speaker 2: Back out of it? Drew fell asleep.
00:32:54
Speaker 1: Y'all remember the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge? Yes! I was talking about this last week. Yeah, well... Maybe that's why I thought of this, but when it was going around and you had to, like, nominate people for it, I never got nominated. So I just lied and said I got nominated. And I want to know how many people lied and said they got nominated and they actually didn't. Like, I felt like such a loser. I was like, who's going to nominate me? Like, is someone going to nominate me? No one nominated me. And you didn't nominate?
00:33:26
Speaker 2: No.
00:33:26
Speaker 1: Or when was that?
00:33:28
Speaker 2: That was so long ago. That was like 2016 or something.
00:33:32
Speaker 1: Y'all knew each other in 2016?
00:33:33
Speaker 2: No.
00:33:34
Speaker 1: I don't think any of you got nominated either.
00:33:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wasn't. I wasn't.
00:33:37
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if anybody was like bothering with the ice bucket challenge in your neighborhood.
00:33:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't think people were in your neighborhood either, though. Was that a local thing?
00:33:46
Speaker 1: It was a thing. In California, it was all the rage. The football players were getting nominated.
00:33:51
Speaker 2: Oh, what? I thought only celebrities were doing that. By the time I got around to it, I was like, period.
00:33:56
Speaker 3: I wanted to get nominated. I was like, damn, I never got nominated.
00:34:00
Speaker 1: No one nominated me. I was so excited to do it. Like, all for the attention. I mean... All for the gram.
00:34:05
Speaker 2: The attention part aside, at least you're spreading the word, girl.
00:34:08
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because that's the thing. I found out what ALS was recently, and I was like, Whoa. Wait, you didn't know what ALS was?
00:34:14
Speaker 2: Dude, no.
00:34:14
Speaker 1: It's fucking terrible. It's the worst shit ever. Just be killing people. It's so... I only found out.
00:34:20
Speaker 2: What it was like a few years ago.
00:34:23
Speaker 1: Did it raise money? The ice bucket shit?
00:34:24
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:34:25
Speaker 1: Or was that just like... It raised a shit ton of money for research.
00:34:27
Speaker 2: I think a bunch of the famous people who were involved were like doing it and then... nominate or donating or some shit. And then like the idea was to get it out.
00:34:35
Speaker 1: I actually think there was like a major breakthrough in the research recently, but like not like curing it or anything, but no, it's diabolical. I keep up with this guy on Tik TOK that, um, has like, uh, been documenting like his ALS journey. And it is so sad. It breaks my heart. I remember somebody nominated Floyd Mayweather.
00:34:57
Speaker 3: I can't remember who, But he was like, you don't have to do the Ice Bucket Challenge if you can read a full page of a book out loud. Because that's the whole thing with Floyd Mayweather.
00:35:06
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait.
00:35:07
Speaker 1: 50 Cent. Is he the one who nominated him? It might be. Yes, it was 50 Cent. It was 50 Cent.
00:35:11
Speaker 2: And there's all those Instagram videos.
00:35:14
Speaker 1: Lea Michele can't read either. Who? Oh, I forgot. Lea Michele. Oh, from Glee. We need to get her and Floyd Mayweather to see if they can read. They're probably made for each other. Oh, a fight? Yeah. Between the two of them? Exactly. You could be the.
00:35:26
Speaker 2: Referee because you're closest to the in-between.
00:35:28
Speaker 1: You're like the.
00:35:29
Speaker 2: Non-binary of being able to read.
00:35:31
Speaker 1: Reading and not being able to read. You're just somewhere in the middle. I can pseudo-read.
00:35:34
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:35:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm here and Drew, like, in.
00:35:36
Speaker 3: The middle of the day, say some shit to his Siri, like, fucking speech detect, like, explain.
00:35:45
Speaker 1: Come on.
00:35:46
Speaker 2: Fuck, I forgot who I was, whose TikTok I was watching. I think it was, it might have been someone, like, known or maybe it was just like a random teacher or something but there was someone damn it's crazy how much fucking bullshit I consumed that I can't remember a single goddamn thing that I did consume only snippets of it it's like inception or something like when they're trying to find like where they're all supposed to meet and it goes wrong What?
00:36:12
Speaker 1: Is that what happens in that movie?
00:36:15
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, because they all go to sleep individually and some of them you can end up in upside down.
00:36:20
Speaker 3: Dude, if we were tasked with that situation of like, okay, fall asleep and meet in the same place, we got to find a place.
00:36:25
Speaker 1: Bitch, we would never find each other.
00:36:27
Speaker 2: We'd all end up in the Roblox keyboard game.
00:36:30
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:36:31
Speaker 2: Oh, wait.
00:36:32
Speaker 1: Say the same word on three.
00:36:33
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:36:34
Speaker 1: What's the category?
00:36:35
Speaker 2: Oh.
00:36:36
Speaker 1: Halloween. Halloween. He's been talking about this Halloween for hours. He's like, let's do Halloween.
00:36:41
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:36:42
Speaker 1: Halloween? One, two, three. Pumpkin. Oh, my God. We're literally the same person. Wait, do it again.
00:36:50
Speaker 2: Literally Walgreens every year when they think of what Teemu collection they're going to have down their aisle.
00:36:56
Speaker 1: Pumpkin. Wait, what's the next one?
00:37:01
Speaker 2: A dog. Like a dog.
00:37:04
Speaker 1: No. No, that one sucks. Like a singer.
00:37:08
Speaker 2: Okay.
00:37:08
Speaker 1: Three, two, one. Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande, Katy Perry, and Adele.
00:37:13
Speaker 2: Okay, so some of us were thinking.
00:37:15
Speaker 1: Lop stars.
00:37:17
Speaker 2: No, some of us were thinking of Queen. Some of us were.
00:37:20
Speaker 1: Katy Perry, you're a blop. I don't feel bad about it either. Fuck her. She stomped on my foot. She's stepping on that foot. She did, and she threw my phone on the floor.
00:37:28
Speaker 2: And she's always sharp blocking you.
00:37:29
Speaker 3: And she called me the F word, too. I was like, baby, you can't say that. And she's like, baby, I can. And I was like, oh, word, okay.
00:37:36
Speaker 2: And then she called Pink, and Pink said it to you over the phone as well.
00:37:40
Speaker 1: Dude, Pink, she came out in support of Ed Sheeran.
00:37:44
Speaker 2: Which is insane.
00:37:45
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, whoa. Pump the brake.
00:37:47
Speaker 2: The cheese touch.
00:37:48
Speaker 1: The cheese touch.
00:37:50
Speaker 3: I'm like, bro, you do not need any more heat right now. You already suck. And now you're coming out here being like, he should be able to say whatever he wants.
00:37:58
Speaker 1: How is Pink famous?
00:38:00
Speaker 3: She's a singer.
00:38:01
Speaker 1: She's doing stadium tours, though. But think of her catalog. I literally... You better get up and try, try, try.
00:38:10
Speaker 2: Or... Every recovering meth addict on the planet. That's the first thing they do when they get sober is go to that damn club.
00:38:20
Speaker 1: Get into pink immediately. Fergie. Fergie's a recovering meth addict. Did you know that? I didn't.
00:38:25
Speaker 2: And she's got to get up and try, try, try. That's why she was pissing herself.
00:38:30
Speaker 1: Those photos of her pissing herself. That's going to be me when I start touring next year. They're going to be crazy ass photos of me.
00:38:37
Speaker 3: Because the thing is with the band, I was very restrained.
00:38:41
Speaker 1: But this, there's going to be piss and shit all over that. You're going to be eating bats on stage.
00:38:47
Speaker 3: I'm going to be looking like Nadia Lee Cohen on stage, pissing all over the guitar pedals.
00:38:52
Speaker 1: Girl. There's going to be an explosion on stage.
00:38:56
Speaker 3: I've always had the dream, actually, and tell me if this is too dark, to open the curtains at a show and I'm hanging there.
00:39:04
Speaker 1: Because I was like, bitch, that's a show they would never fucking forget.
00:39:08
Speaker 2: And then you get lower down and you like.
00:39:11
Speaker 1: You're like a puppet on strings. Like you leave it like burning. I'm not kidding. I've had that idea. I want to be like a. Melanie Martinez. But I was saying hanging like.
00:39:22
Speaker 2: Melanie meets Martinez. That's what you just said.
00:39:26
Speaker 1: Melanie Martinez middle name is meets. I didn't say that.
00:39:33
Speaker 2: That i wanted to.
00:39:35
Speaker 1: Take credit for that so bad but there's like a 200 000 people listening to this so i couldn't i i was saying hanging from the neck though yeah i think you should do that oh and y'all laughed and you agreed Lucas says when the day I die, there's going to be parades around the world celebrating. I'm like, fuck you, man. You piece of shit. Fuck you.
00:39:55
Speaker 2: Honestly.
00:39:56
Speaker 1: Go send him some hate.
00:39:57
Speaker 3: His ad on Instagram is boys rule. Go send him a bunch of fucking hate. Did you ever take an am I gay test, Drew?
00:40:03
Speaker 1: Oh, bitch, yes. Me too. Did you get gay? Of course. Were you like, oh, fuck. If you are taking an am I gay test, you're gay, bro. I took the test a lot. If you have an am I gay ad on your computer, you're gay, bro. And you can sit there on the Kinsey test and fucking lie because, baby, the first time I took it, I lied my ass off. And then I saw the results and I was like, thank god i'm not gay and it gave me like a little bit of like relief and then like a few months later i was like brave enough and i took it and i was like you know i'm gonna answer as truthfully as possible bitch i still lied and i was gay as fuck.
00:40:45
Speaker 3: I was gay as was gay as fuck look at you know in your little shorts you don't want to touch.
00:40:50
Speaker 1: Me oh you don't want to touch i've got gay i've got gay all over me.
00:40:55
Speaker 2: I have gay penis all over me.
00:40:57
Speaker 1: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Can I get a cock? Oh, y'all only have penis?
00:41:02
Speaker 2: Oh, wait, wait, wait. At Lucas's birthday, Drew so badly was like, um, but I think this was the issue is you tried to prep us last time.
00:41:11
Speaker 1: No, I didn't prep. I didn't prep. Josh prepped. I didn't want to say anything.
00:41:17
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, Josh fucking drove me to the bathroom and Josh was like, dude, Drew's going to say this thing to the waiter.
00:41:22
Speaker 1: You guys have to convince him not to. And he's asking me to film it. I can't do it. I can't do it. Not again. Because he's so hung up on the domestic beer thing. I'm like, girl.
00:41:30
Speaker 2: I know that was like I mean that's why Josh actually hasn't been on the podcast because of the domestic.
00:41:36
Speaker 3: Beer incident and now he's bringing it up again he's not having.
00:41:40
Speaker 2: Domestic beer like honestly me because I didn't think about that until you pointed it out and.
00:41:48
Speaker 1: Even then I was like what's wrong.
00:41:49
Speaker 2: With that also like I'm sorry I don't understand what does that mean like it's from the US like domestic beer Yeah, domestic beer. Is it from a year? Is that what it is?
00:42:00
Speaker 1: Who the fuck is drinking beer?
00:42:02
Speaker 2: Like, you can't get a Corona. A Corona wouldn't land under domestic.
00:42:04
Speaker 1: Beer, would it? What was I going to ask him? I can't even remember. Do y'all remember what I was going to ask the new waiter? Oh, dude, I don't know what it was.
00:42:13
Speaker 3: It was something to do with, like, it wasn't Spider- It was something to do with the Odyssey, I think.
00:42:19
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, yes. It was, can I get the Odyssey burger? Hold the siren sauce.
00:42:24
Speaker 2: Girl.
00:42:27
Speaker 1: Can I get the Odyssey burger, hold the siren sauce?
00:42:29
Speaker 3: Can I get the 49ers burger with the Peyton Manning sauce on the side, please? Lucas does the best ones of those. He does them really good.
00:42:36
Speaker 2: Like making up random combinations?
00:42:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's very good at it. If there was a job for that, he'd be the highest paid person. person actor but basically and you were saying i was gonna ask i was gonna do it to the waiter at red robin but i went to the bathroom right before and josh freaked out and panicked and told them so when i went like a.
00:42:57
Speaker 2: Virus through that table everybody was like no no.
00:43:00
Speaker 1: Yeah and so when it came around i was like oh they hate me they hate they know.
00:43:07
Speaker 2: They know they know they know they.
00:43:10
Speaker 1: Know How are they going to know? No one's going to know. No one's going to know. No one's going to know.
00:43:16
Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait.
00:43:16
Speaker 1: You've been scrolling.
00:43:18
Speaker 3: Hey, it looks like you're scrolling instead of sleeping again. Shut the fuck up. Get off my fucking phone. I'm going to scroll as much as I fucking want to scroll.
00:43:29
Speaker 1: That drives me crazy.
00:43:30
Speaker 2: I blocked it.
00:43:30
Speaker 1: You want to see something crazy in you? I'll show you after, Joe. Farting a bunch.
00:43:38
Speaker 3: This room makes me fart. I think because I hold them in. That makes me want to part more.
00:43:44
Speaker 1: Being sick.
00:43:49
Speaker 2: What is that? 15 hour screen time. Two days in a row.
00:43:53
Speaker 1: Drew! And he said being sick.
00:43:56
Speaker 2: Oh, you know what happens. Oh, you know how it goes. Oh! In 48 hours, out of those 48 hours, 30 of them were.
00:44:08
Speaker 1: Spent on your phone. I slept for like eight hours a night too.
00:44:14
Speaker 3: So realistically, almost every waking moment of your day was on that damn phone.
00:44:21
Speaker 2: You know what's crazy is I remember, I think I might have said it on the podcast, but recently I had a day that felt like my screen time was going to be like in the double digits and it was... It had just barely like I don't even think it got to nine. It was like eight hours and like 15 minutes. And I said that to someone and they were like, oh, my God, that's awful. And I was like, what? No, it's not 12. So it's not bad. But 15 hours is still insane.
00:44:46
Speaker 1: Is 15 my record? Or did I get 16 before? Did I do 18? Oh, bitch. I have a lot to say. what's hers what's hers 1655 no she played in my face this entire time okay this is.
00:45:05
Speaker 2: Not fair it's counting my time of watching hacks i don't care since i was watching it on my ipad at one point mine counts but i was on tiktok for six hours mine's seven hours That's good. Okay, but I was on archive.org for 46 minutes. Like, I'm learning shit. I took a minute to learn and digest the news and the media.
00:45:28
Speaker 1: The last thing.
00:45:29
Speaker 2: Oh, my God. First pickup, 6.47 a.m. I got right to work. I got right to fucking work.
00:45:35
Speaker 1: Period. Okay. Drew's comedy.
00:45:40
Speaker 2: What? What a treat. It's been so long.
00:45:45
Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
00:45:47
Speaker 3: What?
00:45:47
Speaker 2: What?
00:45:47
Speaker 1: Are you all right or are you all left?
00:45:51
Speaker 2: Girl.
00:45:52
Speaker 1: Okay.
00:45:52
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm prolapsing.
00:45:56
Speaker 1: My prolapse is so big it looks like a grapefruit. I hope no one pops it.
00:46:02
Speaker 2: You don't pop a grapefruit.
00:46:04
Speaker 1: I want to pump Trump. Who's writing this shit? I want to start doing OnlyFans just to show a different side of myself. I hope it pays off for me this times. As long as I live, I will love Inya. But she does stink like a dumpster outside a fish factory. Thank you and good night, New York. Do y'all want an encore? Yes, one more joke, please. I hear about the new folding iPhone. If I break it in half, is it half off?
00:46:43
Speaker 3: Dude, that was good.
00:46:49
Speaker 2: That was a great set.
00:46:50
Speaker 1: Who wrote that? Who's writing that shit?
00:46:52
Speaker 2: Honestly, if I was drunk and there was a world where I was passing a comedy club and I heard some of that and they were like, oh, it's $ 5 to get in, I would pay $ 5 to receive that.
00:47:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, if I heard that iPhone joke, I'd.
00:47:03
Speaker 3: Be like, okay i gotta hear what's going on so you pay the five dollars just to walk in and realize that was the last.
00:47:11
Speaker 1: Joke wow tune in next week for when you hear me um talk about uh saving two young women's life oh my god saving two young women he actually did i did i'm not even kidding oh I'll tell you after, but they're going to learn next week.
00:47:28
Speaker 2: You want to just say it now or are you.
00:47:29
Speaker 1: I don't feel good enough to be silly about it.
00:47:32
Speaker 2: Sorry, guys, this episode's a bit short. Drew's sick, and he's definitely going to get Josie and I sick.
00:47:37
Speaker 1: Don't say that shit, man.
00:47:39
Speaker 3: He's been having cold sweats the whole fucking episode. It is sad to see you sick, Drew. I don't like it.
00:47:45
Speaker 1: It's okay. I'll survive. What's your media? I started watching 9-1-1, the show about the asteroids hitting New York City. It's pretty good. It's an ER show, right? Or like an ambulance show? It's like a cop show.
00:48:06
Speaker 2: Okay, I started.
00:48:07
Speaker 1: But yes, ambulance too.
00:48:09
Speaker 2: I started The Pit and I watched like maybe I binged like four episodes and then decided that that show... Everyone's great in it, but fuck that show because that show just feels like shit to watch. I'm just anxious the whole time. I'm fucking sweating. I'm worried about who's going to die.
00:48:29
Speaker 1: I started it one night while you were asleep in my bed. And it was this girl getting her leg cut off or something, screaming loud as fuck. And you woke up and you were like, can you turn.
00:48:41
Speaker 2: That shit off?
00:48:41
Speaker 1: What is that fucking screaming? And I never watched the show again.
00:48:46
Speaker 2: No, I guess, like, honestly, that reaction makes sense because I then tried to watch it because I've heard it's good. Everyone in it is great. It's a good show, but I'm like, oh, my gosh.
00:48:57
Speaker 1: Nurse Jackie's better. Oh, Nurse Jackie's the shit.
00:48:59
Speaker 2: Oh, my God, Nurse Jackie.
00:49:00
Speaker 1: Yo, Primetime wasn't that good. Sorry.
00:49:03
Speaker 2: I'm not going to.
00:49:04
Speaker 1: I'm probably. It was like, wait until it goes to DVD, baby.
00:49:06
Speaker 2: No, that's a plane. There's some movies that are made for me to watch on the plane. And that's always been.
00:49:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a plane movie.
00:49:12
Speaker 2: That was always going to be a plane movie. Yeah.
00:49:14
Speaker 1: Resident Evil was really honestly most of a 24 movies are plane movies.
00:49:18
Speaker 2: Yeah they have amazing hits but most of the pitches.
00:49:23
Speaker 3: Are like the filler movie I mean yeah they have like her that's not a bad thing I know cuz oh.
00:49:29
Speaker 1: Well Drew be watching moonlight and Lala or what did you watch the Great Gatsby and moonlight the gayest flight of all time and then.
00:49:37
Speaker 2: On the flight back home he watched cabaret It's Rocky Horror Picture Show.
00:49:43
Speaker 1: I love that, Drew. In Chicago. Immerse yourself in your culture. Yes. I love it. Thank you. My media is 911 and Dr. Insanity. Ooh, Dr. Insanity. What is that? The YouTube crime guy.
00:50:02
Speaker 2: Ooh.
00:50:04
Speaker 1: Also, Mr. Ballin's pretty good, too.
00:50:06
Speaker 2: Oh, Mr.
00:50:06
Speaker 1: Beast. Mr.
00:50:06
Speaker 2: Beast. My media of the week is I started Hacks. I finished Margo's Got Money Troubles. I really liked that. Hacks is awesome, duh, but everybody knows that I'm late. And that's it. I haven't been listening to anything. Still just listening to Olivia Rodrigo's album. That girl can sing.
00:50:34
Speaker 1: For real. She can write a fucking song, too.
00:50:36
Speaker 2: Has anybody heard her?
00:50:37
Speaker 1: Well, my media is.
00:50:39
Speaker 3: on wednesday night uh that's actually tomorrow so you can go and watch this there is a shark tank episode season premiere and mr beast is the guest investor wow he is yeah i'm not kidding that's my media that and um miniskirt by aoa.
00:50:59
Speaker 1: It's a great song Okay, thank you guys for tuning in. Bye. Sorry, I've been wanting to end this episode for like 30 minutes.
00:51:07
Speaker 3: I know, you've been rocking back and forth like that video of Beyonce where they sped it up and she's rocking there.
00:51:12
Speaker 1: Like, what do you think's wrong with her? That's you. Bye, guys. Thank you.
