How to Bulletproof Your Marriage: 4 Keys After 26 Years & 9 Kids

WEBVTT
00:00.111 --> 00:02.253
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, welcome back to the courageous parenting podcast.
00:02.273 --> 00:04.035
[SPEAKER_00]: We're so excited to have you here with us today.
00:04.115 --> 00:06.557
[SPEAKER_00]: We are talking about bulletproofing your marriage.
00:06.977 --> 00:09.079
[SPEAKER_01]: So important these days, unprecedented times.
00:09.500 --> 00:18.488
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to be proactive in the decisions to make the communication you have and the plan you have for making sure your marriage stays thriving and healthy and biblical.
00:19.075 --> 00:25.256
[SPEAKER_00]: not only that, but you need to have good communication about boundaries and a plan so that you don't give the devil a foothold.
00:25.736 --> 00:27.517
[SPEAKER_00]: So join us today for the episode.
00:27.597 --> 00:29.337
[SPEAKER_00]: All show notes are going to be at.
00:29.497 --> 00:33.278
[SPEAKER_01]: Greatgeistparency.com, full ministry, e-cragious ministry.org.
00:33.318 --> 00:36.019
[SPEAKER_01]: We get more grot and real than we have anticipated.
00:36.479 --> 00:39.879
[SPEAKER_01]: This is going to be healthy and important for every marriage to listen to.
00:40.139 --> 00:42.540
[SPEAKER_01]: So share it if you love it and enjoy the show.
00:42.740 --> 00:48.262
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it seems left and right, marriages are falling apart, notable people, even people in ministry and so forth.
00:48.582 --> 00:51.103
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just really important to protect our marriages.
00:51.563 --> 00:53.124
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to be proactive in this.
00:53.824 --> 01:00.586
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're reactive, you're like, you're marriage is going to get hurt, but you have to be proactive in your decision making and really lead this effort.
01:00.906 --> 01:02.207
[SPEAKER_01]: Make decisions before they're needed.
01:02.587 --> 01:05.568
[SPEAKER_01]: Have boundaries, some rules, and nurse your marriage in the right ways.
01:06.488 --> 01:16.273
[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting one of the most common conversations that we have with parents because we have this courageous parenting podcast is that parents want to leave a strong Christian legacy.
01:16.313 --> 01:17.933
[SPEAKER_00]: They want to raise their kids up.
01:17.973 --> 01:19.514
[SPEAKER_00]: They have dreams for their children.
01:19.934 --> 01:25.497
[SPEAKER_00]: They have dreams even of a legacy of grandkids and great grandchildren and that's a wonderful thing but here's the deal.
01:26.197 --> 01:45.889
[SPEAKER_00]: At the end of the day, we all know that one of the best gifts you can give your children a part from the most obvious one which is sharing your faith in Jesus with them so that they can experience a personal relationship with him is a great marriage so great marriage a strong marriage and actually not just a marriage.
01:46.309 --> 01:56.631
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a strong marriage showing them an example of what to strive for, right, to have hope in this day and age where divorce is rampant, it's everywhere, even in the church.
01:57.271 --> 01:59.532
[SPEAKER_00]: Sin exists because humans sin.
01:59.932 --> 02:06.914
[SPEAKER_00]: And the thing that we need to realize though is that marriage is probably the first place that the devil is going to try to attack.
02:06.954 --> 02:07.614
[SPEAKER_00]: How do we know this?
02:07.874 --> 02:09.774
[SPEAKER_00]: Go look at Genesis chapter 2 and 3.
02:10.334 --> 02:12.895
[SPEAKER_00]: He attacked and tried to create division.
02:14.197 --> 02:18.278
[SPEAKER_00]: and sin entered the world, and there is only two people in the world at the time.
02:18.696 --> 02:32.420
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and I think the first thing is to really understand the battle and the dangers that exist if you're not protecting your marriage, that is the spot where the enemy can really cause a lot of destruction.
02:33.000 --> 02:44.964
[SPEAKER_01]: And so you have to really solidify your marriage constantly, constantly and be recalibrating, constantly be making sure you're doing the right things, constantly be making sure you're encouraging one another, making sure we're growing in the Lord, all these things.
02:45.004 --> 02:47.165
[SPEAKER_01]: But understanding the danger, if you don't understand the danger,
02:47.605 --> 02:52.650
[SPEAKER_01]: then you become relaxed in an area and that can create a door for opportunity for destruction.
02:53.311 --> 03:03.502
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's interesting when we, there's a lot of phrases like door of opportunity for destruction, given the devil foothold, which obviously sin is giving the devil foothold in your life, right?
03:03.982 --> 03:08.447
[SPEAKER_00]: And when you're one in marriage, when one person is in sin,
03:09.188 --> 03:10.950
[SPEAKER_00]: it affects the marriage.
03:11.451 --> 03:25.029
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we see that every single day and truthfully when one person sends and it offends another person, then a lot of times that other person doesn't react in a godly way, they're in their sin on both parts, right?
03:25.049 --> 03:25.330
[SPEAKER_00]: And so
03:25.930 --> 03:32.033
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why God gives us instructions all throughout his word like in your anger, do not sin, right?
03:32.774 --> 03:36.176
[SPEAKER_00]: Be slow to speak and quick to listen.
03:36.616 --> 03:55.526
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's all these different guidelines that we have regarding conflict regarding how to forgive one another and there's so much and so really it comes down to this need for marriages to understand their desperate need for Christ's centredness for the word of God to actually lead them to be able to have a biblical marriage.
03:55.666 --> 04:07.793
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me ask you this, think of a church, your church, any church, and think of what percentage of the people in that church have marriages that actually pray in private together for each other.
04:08.253 --> 04:09.854
[SPEAKER_01]: But out loud, in front of each other.
04:10.814 --> 04:16.057
[SPEAKER_01]: What percentage of couples do you think actually pray together when no one else is around?
04:16.418 --> 04:17.138
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's low.
04:17.838 --> 04:22.041
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think there's some kind of barrier, and I would say that's
04:22.993 --> 04:26.518
[SPEAKER_01]: really nominal in a way, in terms of a Christian marriage.
04:27.039 --> 04:32.586
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say that if there's a lack of spiritual things happening together, then.
04:32.606 --> 04:35.230
[SPEAKER_00]: When you say spiritual things, what are the things you're talking about?
04:35.912 --> 04:52.975
[SPEAKER_01]: reading the word together, discussing theology, praying together, discussing the sermon together after Sunday and you know what you got out of it and what each other got out of it, what is God talking to you about right now, sharing, fasting together, sharing with the learning from the Lord.
04:53.395 --> 04:59.136
[SPEAKER_01]: and how that's impacting you as you're making decisions, praying about it first and spending some time in that.
04:59.337 --> 05:04.658
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that is a vibrant Christian marriage, and I think a lot of people don't have that.
05:04.678 --> 05:08.519
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't have that, don't be discouraged because that can happen.
05:08.699 --> 05:09.539
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what's beautiful.
05:09.879 --> 05:13.840
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything can change when God is a bigger part of your marriage.
05:14.364 --> 05:16.447
[SPEAKER_00]: when he's the center, everything changes, right?
05:16.487 --> 05:20.793
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's interesting we were talking about, what are the best ways?
05:20.833 --> 05:31.487
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if there were four encouragements that we could give people to bulletproof their marriage because when you look at just the hurt that is caused from division in families,
05:32.347 --> 05:38.629
[SPEAKER_00]: You see, today there's an epidemic of astrangement of adult children from their parents, right?
05:38.669 --> 05:41.891
[SPEAKER_00]: So then you've got a lot of grandkids that don't have grandparents in their lives.
05:41.931 --> 05:43.431
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just devastating.
05:43.551 --> 05:47.933
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure that that was not God's will or his intention for families, right?
05:48.373 --> 05:59.417
[SPEAKER_00]: We see the church, a weak church overall when you look at modern American church, or an even worldwide, it's like compared to the church in Acts.
06:00.037 --> 06:04.378
[SPEAKER_00]: there's this element of like a weakness even within the marriages, right?
06:04.398 --> 06:10.199
[SPEAKER_00]: Like people might be serving, but then are they the same in their homes and in their marriages as they are with people that are in church, right?
06:10.999 --> 06:14.520
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm sure that a lot of people would probably be convicted if they sat and they thought about that.
06:15.580 --> 06:21.761
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that, you know, understanding that when you're in ministry or even even when, and can I just say ministry?
06:21.821 --> 06:26.022
[SPEAKER_00]: When I say when you're in ministry, yes, the devil is going to come after you.
06:26.062 --> 06:28.402
[SPEAKER_00]: There is a big red target on your back.
06:28.842 --> 06:34.786
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's say that you actually view being a parent and being married as two of your ministries.
06:34.986 --> 06:36.447
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you think your target just got bigger?
06:36.847 --> 06:38.148
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that your target got bigger.
06:38.468 --> 06:41.910
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're being an intentional parent, you have a huge target on your back.
06:41.970 --> 06:52.516
[SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's say that you are actually great commission minded and you're discipling your kids and you and your kids are activated in your local church and you are serving and you're trying to make disciples.
06:52.536 --> 06:52.976
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you think that
06:56.178 --> 07:08.304
[SPEAKER_00]: The whole point here is the more you make God known, the more you are about him and seeing that is actually your purpose in life and you're living your life differently where you're living it for him, right?
07:08.624 --> 07:11.865
[SPEAKER_00]: Then the target gets bigger and bigger as far as the enemy is concerned.
07:12.205 --> 07:21.910
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there is this reality that as Christian families, we need to recognize that there is a spiritual battle and at the least every day imagine if they prayed for the armor.
07:22.397 --> 07:43.291
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh yeah, so so the four things are spiritual disciplines, communication boundaries and intimacy, you know, I already kind of rabbled off this spiritual disciplines, but one thing I want to say is there is an element in many dads, many fathers may husbands of passivity that can enter in, we can be gregarious out in the world, but then in the homes.
07:43.391 --> 07:52.055
[SPEAKER_00]: It's almost time to get back to school, and as you're settling in for the fall, what better way to bring joy into cozy evenings than music, your children can play together.
07:52.215 --> 07:58.778
[SPEAKER_00]: Instead of driving your children to music lessons, the whole family can learn from the comfort of your home for less than one private lesson.
07:59.338 --> 08:05.240
[SPEAKER_00]: Choose from either guitar, piano, violin, ukulele, or mandolin, and get back valuable time in your day.
08:05.401 --> 08:18.686
[SPEAKER_00]: Your children will be self-motivated to practice by quarterly challenges, contest, cash prizes, and the Vogue Methods Proven Success Path where students work to learn new skills and songs on their instrument for badges mailed to your doorstep.
08:19.306 --> 08:23.888
[SPEAKER_00]: Students no longer have to wait a week to have their teacher correct in proper form or get help.
08:24.088 --> 08:39.335
[SPEAKER_00]: Expert via May instructors are accessible 24-7 for your students' live questions, coaching calls and student show cases, ensure that your student will have all the support that they need from unboxing their instrument to tuning it, to playing their first song all in their first week.
08:39.915 --> 08:52.250
[SPEAKER_00]: If you're looking to make your child's learning experience with music fun, affordable, effective, and efficient, check out vopergmusicacacademy.com and use my code courageous-25 for 25% off your first month.
08:52.710 --> 08:58.557
[SPEAKER_00]: Join thousands of other families learning music and a like-minded community that your children will love to be a part of.
08:58.998 --> 08:59.759
[SPEAKER_01]: Spiritual leading.
09:00.280 --> 09:01.181
[SPEAKER_01]: it can be challenging.
09:01.302 --> 09:07.851
[SPEAKER_01]: And one of those challenges lies, I believe, sometimes a lot of time in the marriage relationship.
09:08.612 --> 09:15.002
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's really important to think about what kind of negative impact the wife might be having.
09:15.462 --> 09:16.263
[SPEAKER_01]: in the man leading.
09:16.343 --> 09:17.824
[SPEAKER_01]: That's not excuse for him not leading.
09:18.064 --> 09:26.769
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think it's important to consider that and I think it's also important to consider on the man's side is, you know, what kind of pastivity are you doing or entertaining to not lead?
09:27.309 --> 09:30.691
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think if both are thinking about that, it can be really healthy.
09:30.811 --> 09:34.934
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the things after Bible time in the morning with the family this week,
09:35.374 --> 09:41.757
[SPEAKER_01]: that was like the best words I've heard from my wife in a while and she tells me good things so don't get me wrong.
09:42.137 --> 10:01.545
[SPEAKER_01]: Is thank you for reading the word to the family and I walked out of the door feeling like a million bucks meaning I felt so good I felt so empowered and so appreciated and and it was really encouraging it really made me want to do it more and more and more.
10:02.446 --> 10:17.038
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that sometimes wives can forget how much power and influence they have on a man, especially in an area that for some reason, we tend to move towards passivity in, we actually need words of affirmation and encouragement.
10:17.518 --> 10:21.481
[SPEAKER_01]: We should do it anywhere where the leaders, the worst passers of our home and so forth, don't get me wrong.
10:21.581 --> 10:22.662
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, amen to that.
10:23.403 --> 10:27.866
[SPEAKER_01]: But there is a massive influence on the life side when they're encouraging.
10:29.047 --> 10:32.128
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, it's interesting when we think about marriage, what is marriage?
10:32.348 --> 10:33.748
[SPEAKER_00]: It's oneness, right?
10:34.148 --> 10:39.569
[SPEAKER_00]: And the Bible says, let not man put a sender what therefore God has joined together.
10:40.009 --> 10:47.290
[SPEAKER_00]: So God, in his great divine deity, he has ordained a marriage to exist.
10:47.351 --> 10:55.092
[SPEAKER_00]: And there was a vow that was made on both parts that husband and wife to be committed to one another before God and before a body of people.
10:55.712 --> 11:10.922
[SPEAKER_00]: right and so that's a sacred covenant that is it is a unique covenant that is different than like when you when you have a child there's something that's so powerful so amazing about that but you're not making a covenant with your child the moment that they're born.
11:11.602 --> 11:13.043
[SPEAKER_00]: There are part of your flesh and blood.
11:13.063 --> 11:23.169
[SPEAKER_00]: There's this different kind of commitment because they are your flesh and blood that you're literally like, you don't have to make that commitment because it's like there, it's the innate instinct that we as parents have, right?
11:23.349 --> 11:27.352
[SPEAKER_00]: But that innate instinct is not in our human flesh to remain one.
11:27.532 --> 11:29.813
[SPEAKER_00]: We have to make choices every day.
11:30.694 --> 11:37.318
[SPEAKER_00]: And part of that is to also be humble and to recognize that there's a oneness and that the enemy wants to come up, break that oneness.
11:37.638 --> 11:40.901
[SPEAKER_00]: That's his main goal, because if he can break that oneness, what can he do?
11:40.941 --> 11:44.364
[SPEAKER_00]: He can destroy the family, and if he can destroy the family, what can he do?
11:44.424 --> 11:45.626
[SPEAKER_00]: He can destroy the church.
11:46.006 --> 11:50.790
[SPEAKER_00]: And if he can destroy the church, what is that impact on the world, on communities?
11:51.351 --> 11:52.372
[SPEAKER_00]: Just total chaos!
11:53.093 --> 11:58.220
[SPEAKER_00]: And so recognizing that the first tear, the first break in the devil is a skimmer.
11:58.300 --> 11:59.041
[SPEAKER_00]: He knows this.
11:59.361 --> 12:07.732
[SPEAKER_00]: He knows if he can go after a marriage, that he can, there's a ripple effect of consequences that are massive ramifications to many people.
12:08.333 --> 12:19.441
[SPEAKER_00]: and the more that you are living for Christ, the more influence, the more impact that you have for him, the more people you're breaking of that oneness will potentially impact in a negative way and the devil knows that.
12:19.901 --> 12:27.126
[SPEAKER_00]: And so recognizing that oneness is this thing, but what is the greatest sin that humans struggle with in oneness?
12:27.447 --> 12:29.188
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a competitive nature and it's pride.
12:29.688 --> 12:36.873
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, and so when you're one think about the things that you fell in love with with your spouse They were probably things that are not like you.
12:36.973 --> 12:51.843
[SPEAKER_00]: They're actually things that compliment you really well Likely and you're like, oh, I love this about him I love that about him or I love this about her I love that about her but then what happens over time is there can be this competitiveness that that's the reason why the man is passive
12:52.483 --> 13:07.253
[SPEAKER_00]: where he might have fallen in love with her desire for the Lord or her Bible knowledge or whatever it was, like he was biblically attracted to her, he may feel less than and then shut down rather than seeing the giftings that she has and
13:07.693 --> 13:12.497
[SPEAKER_00]: and utilizing that for strength in their marriage and for encouragement, right?
13:12.957 --> 13:26.568
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's this element of like for both the husband and the wife, there needs to be encouragement, like you were just talking about, but it goes both ways and it can look different based upon like the wiring of the people that are in the marriage, right?
13:26.908 --> 13:31.472
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, just take for a moment, just think about your marriage and think about who is stronger in the prayer life.
13:32.072 --> 13:34.314
[SPEAKER_01]: Think about you, your spouse, okay?
13:34.641 --> 13:39.366
[SPEAKER_01]: Think about who is stronger and biblical knowledge in your marriage team.
13:39.386 --> 13:40.587
[SPEAKER_01]: These are hard things to think about.
13:40.627 --> 13:42.349
[SPEAKER_01]: We're going to just talk about the pink elephant, right?
13:42.609 --> 13:43.270
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
13:43.290 --> 13:46.112
[SPEAKER_01]: So who is listening to God more?
13:46.493 --> 13:48.475
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe is another thing like hearing from the Lord.
13:49.042 --> 13:51.343
[SPEAKER_01]: talking about that and so forth.
13:51.663 --> 13:52.584
[SPEAKER_00]: Who's more discerning?
13:52.764 --> 13:53.724
[SPEAKER_01]: Who's more discerning?
13:53.984 --> 14:00.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Who seems to gravitate towards biblical wisdom first versus our own strength?
14:00.367 --> 14:07.170
[SPEAKER_01]: So think about some of those things in your marriage and I think a lot of times, wives,
14:08.133 --> 14:33.278
[SPEAKER_01]: might have a few more check marks on what they're strong and actually it could be a could be wrong but it seems like that happens a lot or it maybe isn't true but in the perception of the dad they perceive that and we know we're supposed to lead and when we perceive that we're weaker in some areas than our wife spiritually it can cause a real
14:35.951 --> 14:43.215
[SPEAKER_01]: The wife should never lessen her walk with the Lord or strength or any of her giftings and so forth.
14:43.935 --> 14:46.296
[SPEAKER_01]: But men, we need to buck up.
14:46.416 --> 14:49.918
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, really, it's important you are so much more than provision.
14:50.510 --> 14:53.771
[SPEAKER_01]: your role is paramount, especially today in a person at times.
14:54.332 --> 14:56.112
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to rise up.
14:56.313 --> 14:59.034
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to stop even subconsciously for thinking this.
14:59.134 --> 15:00.374
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, she's so good at that.
15:01.095 --> 15:01.875
[SPEAKER_01]: That's her thing.
15:01.895 --> 15:02.875
[SPEAKER_01]: She's so good at prayer.
15:02.895 --> 15:04.356
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to let just her do that.
15:04.716 --> 15:06.797
[SPEAKER_01]: You are hurting your family.
15:07.564 --> 15:09.965
[SPEAKER_01]: and it's vital that you rise up.
15:10.465 --> 15:13.025
[SPEAKER_01]: And we can appreciate the gifts in our wives.
15:13.325 --> 15:22.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, at the same time, growing in our own spiritual walk and discovering the gifts God has for us and we can compliment each other.
15:22.487 --> 15:28.248
[SPEAKER_01]: It's not that leading a family doesn't have to be that you're the best at everything.
15:28.548 --> 15:31.429
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, leading a family is encouraging the gifts
15:31.999 --> 15:33.221
[SPEAKER_01]: and other people in the family.
15:33.502 --> 15:45.922
[SPEAKER_01]: And rejoicing in those and not causing the giftedness and strength in our family and our wives to cause us to be passive and not activated for Christ in leading spiritually.
15:45.982 --> 15:46.643
[SPEAKER_01]: Did that make sense?
15:47.187 --> 15:47.747
[SPEAKER_00]: It did.
15:47.947 --> 15:48.667
[SPEAKER_00]: It's interesting.
15:48.708 --> 15:52.729
[SPEAKER_00]: You said something that I think is a confusing thing for women.
15:53.689 --> 15:59.151
[SPEAKER_00]: I know this is confusing because I've dealt with confusion in the past in this, especially in the first 10 years we were married.
15:59.171 --> 16:05.633
[SPEAKER_00]: It was this navigating, had me having been a Christian for a really long time and you were a new believer when we first got married.
16:06.193 --> 16:14.136
[SPEAKER_00]: and knowing like, okay, and expecting you to be the spiritual leader, but then they're just was this, like, it was difficult at times.
16:14.256 --> 16:29.362
[SPEAKER_00]: And I know from ministry, for many years, that's one of the most common questions we get is how do I encourage my husband to be a spiritual leader in the home without me leading him to do that, because by speaking it to him and saying, I want you to lead the Bible time in the morning.
16:29.742 --> 16:45.042
[SPEAKER_00]: then that woman feels like she's being disrespectful to the husband by even just coming to him and saying that and and what we've shared you know we've talked about this in the courageous marriage series that's in the be courageous app which is six hours of biblical marriage advice and tips and conversations.
16:45.522 --> 16:48.023
[SPEAKER_00]: and talking a lot about Scripture, which I highly recommend.
16:48.523 --> 16:50.763
[SPEAKER_00]: But there's this little section that we talk about this.
16:50.783 --> 16:53.504
[SPEAKER_00]: And we talk about biblical gender roles in a whole video.
16:54.204 --> 16:57.285
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that for women, we need to be honest.
16:57.445 --> 16:59.226
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't even matter if you're a woman or a man.
16:59.266 --> 17:02.007
[SPEAKER_00]: This would actually be advice for any human being.
17:02.567 --> 17:11.849
[SPEAKER_00]: What is selfless in your marriage is to sit back and look at how you're wired and to evaluate MI-dominary all the time.
17:14.870 --> 17:37.094
[SPEAKER_00]: am I controlling am I more passive am I weak am I viewed as weak am I not exerting my gifts am I like there's there's really good questions that any human regardless of whether they're male or female should be asking ourselves personally and and not just asking ourselves but asking God
17:37.434 --> 17:42.999
[SPEAKER_00]: to reveal if there's any way we're way in us and to ask him to reveal if there's actual sin.
17:43.039 --> 17:48.403
[SPEAKER_00]: Like if there's pride and that's why we're constantly, you know, pushing our agenda, if you will.
17:48.643 --> 17:52.826
[SPEAKER_01]: I think what really helps guys just thinking about our story is, um,
17:53.567 --> 17:56.249
[SPEAKER_01]: there's a different vibe and I've experienced both of these.
17:56.349 --> 17:57.190
[SPEAKER_01]: We're getting candid here.
17:57.630 --> 18:08.459
[SPEAKER_01]: I've experienced both of these vibes where Angie's just really supportive and encouraging and exciting to have me, you know, teach the vibe or or prayer or whatever it is.
18:09.099 --> 18:15.284
[SPEAKER_00]: But then times where she really wants to be, you know, I want a certain thing spoken about specifically.
18:15.384 --> 18:16.605
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can feel that energy.
18:16.885 --> 18:18.407
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I feel that energy,
18:23.583 --> 18:25.644
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's two things that are about that, right?
18:25.704 --> 18:26.624
[SPEAKER_00]: No, that is interesting.
18:26.644 --> 18:34.406
[SPEAKER_00]: I think this is an important thing that we're talking about because there's actual sin on both the my part in that scenario, but there's sin on your part also, right?
18:34.466 --> 18:41.388
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's the sin of pride of, oh, she's right, but I don't want to talk about it because it wasn't my idea.
18:42.228 --> 18:44.651
[SPEAKER_00]: or I might not say it the way she would say it.
18:44.691 --> 18:54.182
[SPEAKER_00]: So she's going to think I'm not doing it right in that fear of pride of that's really blood that is right or there's pride on the woman's side of I know what's best.
18:54.423 --> 18:56.085
[SPEAKER_00]: Why isn't this being said this way?
18:56.105 --> 18:57.747
[SPEAKER_00]: That or that, right?
18:58.247 --> 19:13.656
[SPEAKER_00]: And so a thriving marriage team that would be able to communicate and husband would be able to have I want to hear what's on my bride's heart because the Lord might have revealed some things to her and a drawing out and will you tell me what you're observing here?
19:13.716 --> 19:15.597
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you do you see what's going on?
19:15.617 --> 19:18.319
[SPEAKER_00]: I want to know what got us revealing to you in this scenario.
19:18.379 --> 19:19.600
[SPEAKER_00]: What do you believe?
19:19.640 --> 19:23.342
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you believe you're saturated in the word I trust your advice in this.
19:23.802 --> 19:24.844
[SPEAKER_00]: and it's being the helper.
19:24.884 --> 19:26.125
[SPEAKER_00]: That is actually being a helper.
19:26.246 --> 19:28.869
[SPEAKER_00]: And what does God call a wife a help meet a helper?
19:29.210 --> 19:29.931
[SPEAKER_00]: But here's the deal.
19:30.672 --> 19:40.585
[SPEAKER_00]: One way that I send is that sometimes I'll see things and I'll go to him and be like, this and this and this and this and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not super helpful, right?
19:40.665 --> 19:40.765
[SPEAKER_00]: It's
19:41.246 --> 19:45.790
[SPEAKER_00]: being patient to wait for them and trusting and even praying as a wife.
19:45.830 --> 19:56.558
[SPEAKER_00]: Lord, would you have my husband come to me and ask as someone who wants what's best for him, who wants what's best for us, who also has an opinion and sees things through a spiritual lens.
19:57.018 --> 20:00.361
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's that utilizing the gifts,
20:00.781 --> 20:15.792
[SPEAKER_00]: the good leaders going to utilize the gifts and we talk about the so much I feel like we've talked about this in many podcast episodes how important it is to do that when you do that with your wife, what are you modeling for your kids, like if you have sons, you're modeling that for your sons, like this is how you lead a wife.
20:16.232 --> 20:20.355
[SPEAKER_00]: This is how you attract a strong woman of the God and you lead her.
20:20.836 --> 20:21.116
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
20:21.356 --> 20:29.462
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so I love that and I love getting intel from Angie and she has a really good sense for what's going on in the behaviors of the children and
20:29.988 --> 20:35.092
[SPEAKER_01]: the atmosphere of the home, the culture of the home, and she has a really amazing Bible knowledge and so forth.
20:35.172 --> 20:38.495
[SPEAKER_01]: So it getting that intel is invaluable.
20:39.056 --> 20:43.720
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think that an encouragement and you're so good at this these days, especially.
20:44.160 --> 20:53.568
[SPEAKER_01]: But an encouragement for the wives is when a man opens the Bible and he's taking that stuff to read it and so forth, don't jump in so fast.
20:54.088 --> 20:56.571
[SPEAKER_01]: Be just let him go his pace.
20:57.391 --> 20:59.093
[SPEAKER_01]: and contribute absolutely.
20:59.654 --> 21:11.569
[SPEAKER_01]: But if he feels jumped on and he's trying to lead in front of the kids, it can feel disrespectful and it can feel it can rattle in a little bit when he's trying to do something new.
21:12.130 --> 21:14.213
[SPEAKER_01]: And so that encouragement is super important.
21:14.488 --> 21:23.530
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and I also think of like let's bring up prayer for a second, like if a husband is having a hard time because maybe they haven't had a prayer life together, right?
21:23.550 --> 21:23.670
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
21:23.710 --> 21:32.393
[SPEAKER_00]: And he sees his wife praying in church groups that they're in or whatever and he's like, wow, she's really great at praying and then he feels intimidated.
21:32.453 --> 21:33.833
[SPEAKER_00]: So he doesn't even want to try.
21:34.313 --> 21:53.152
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I would say like I know that you said that as women should not like be less spiritual or I don't know how you would I know you've said that many times but I but my I actually have an encouragement for the wise because I have had to hold myself back and it's not being less spiritual it's exercising a different spiritual gift and I think it takes strength
21:53.813 --> 21:59.596
[SPEAKER_00]: to hold back and not just jump on and lead for a strong woman.
22:00.077 --> 22:01.898
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it takes itself control.
22:01.938 --> 22:02.918
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a fruit of the spirit.
22:03.739 --> 22:07.181
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that being slower to speak is self-control.
22:08.021 --> 22:12.604
[SPEAKER_00]: Being quick to listen is self-control, being one, like, and here's the deal.
22:12.624 --> 22:18.367
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, if you know that your man is wired in a way where he needs more time to process, for example.
22:19.203 --> 22:21.745
[SPEAKER_00]: and you are calm and quiet for a moment.
22:22.065 --> 22:27.749
[SPEAKER_00]: And you aren't just diving in and jumping in with all the answers right away, and you let them, you just wait.
22:27.909 --> 22:29.530
[SPEAKER_00]: You're gonna see so much more growth.
22:29.611 --> 22:33.894
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it's interesting to me to see where our marriage has come in 27 years.
22:33.914 --> 22:36.636
[SPEAKER_00]: We're about to celebrate 20 years of marriage.
22:37.056 --> 22:40.398
[SPEAKER_00]: We've been together for 28, almost 29 years.
22:40.919 --> 22:44.261
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's this element of like, where are we?
22:44.661 --> 22:45.342
[SPEAKER_00]: Where are we?
22:45.862 --> 22:48.405
[SPEAKER_00]: and auditing that and going, whoa.
22:48.645 --> 23:06.544
[SPEAKER_00]: And even though we are still Isaac and Angie and who we were in our giftedness, our gifts have grown because we've allowed each other to grow, we've encouraged each other to grow, but we also have chosen in those times when we have not been in that mode, we repent and we turn away from it.
23:07.225 --> 23:10.246
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the spiritual growth actually, is choosing not to be.
23:10.747 --> 23:16.469
[SPEAKER_00]: It's rare when a homeschool curriculum works for all different personalities, but when it does, it makes homeschooling children so much easier.
23:16.889 --> 23:22.852
[SPEAKER_00]: In my home, everyone is wired so differently, and for the first time ever, everyone loves and is excelling in math.
23:23.252 --> 23:27.253
[SPEAKER_00]: A year ago, I switched all of my children 10 to 17 to CTC math.
23:27.633 --> 23:33.115
[SPEAKER_00]: The online interface and the way it works makes it easy for everyone to excel and makes progress so much faster.
23:33.555 --> 23:36.096
[SPEAKER_00]: I love them so much we asked them to sponsor the show.
23:36.536 --> 23:38.536
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you ready to take stress out of math?
23:38.656 --> 23:41.937
[SPEAKER_00]: Visit ctcmath.com and start your free trial today.
23:42.257 --> 23:45.098
[SPEAKER_00]: That's CTC math, the online curriculum that works for everyone.
23:46.453 --> 23:51.038
[SPEAKER_00]: is there a more biblical way to do health care that's more effective than insurance and saves you money?
23:51.478 --> 24:00.207
[SPEAKER_00]: For the last six years, we've experienced a resounding yes by joining Samaritan Ministries health care sharing, and have even switched to the recently launched redeemed health share ministry.
24:00.667 --> 24:06.013
[SPEAKER_00]: In the past, we paid more monthly for health insurance and extra medical bills than we do now with a bigger family.
24:06.453 --> 24:13.216
[SPEAKER_00]: With Redeem, we love the efficient way our medical burdens are handled and the seamless digital dashboard to manage our membership.
24:13.636 --> 24:22.220
[SPEAKER_00]: This trusted Christian organization has been around for over 30 years and we love being a part of the difference they make to redeem health sharing in our culture.
24:23.040 --> 24:26.822
[SPEAKER_00]: Learn more at redeemhealthshare.org or click on the link in our show notes.
24:27.202 --> 24:28.422
[SPEAKER_00]: That's redeemhealthshare.org.
24:31.023 --> 24:33.263
[SPEAKER_00]: the one, which was what I had to choose.
24:33.604 --> 24:38.605
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I had to choose to not participate as much in family, but I will time for a season.
24:39.185 --> 24:45.466
[SPEAKER_00]: And then eventually within a few months, you started bringing me into it more and I started seeing that I was like, oh, okay, there is going to be this.
24:45.846 --> 24:51.487
[SPEAKER_00]: But you had to like exercise that gift and that practice on your own to get confident in it.
24:51.547 --> 24:54.608
[SPEAKER_00]: And if I would have just done it, it probably would have broke your confidence.
24:54.888 --> 24:55.468
[SPEAKER_01]: I think so.
24:55.548 --> 24:57.990
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I think it's just a little bit of discouragement.
24:58.010 --> 25:03.453
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, we, we, unfortunately, we can so easily go, wow, they're just so gifted at it.
25:03.493 --> 25:04.674
[SPEAKER_01]: They're with the kids all the time.
25:04.814 --> 25:05.995
[SPEAKER_01]: They seem to know what's best.
25:06.415 --> 25:07.015
[SPEAKER_01]: Let them do it.
25:07.095 --> 25:07.656
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's wrong.
25:07.856 --> 25:09.577
[SPEAKER_01]: We should not think that way.
25:09.677 --> 25:10.537
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to step up.
25:10.597 --> 25:14.580
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to lead regardless of the situation, but there is truth that we're humans.
25:15.120 --> 25:17.742
[SPEAKER_01]: And what are wives say?
25:18.422 --> 25:20.804
[SPEAKER_01]: has the biggest influence of anybody on the world.
25:21.465 --> 25:30.334
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's read their words and their non-verbals, frankly, are really, really powerful and influential, influential, influential.
25:30.974 --> 25:33.056
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's super, super important to think about that.
25:33.117 --> 25:34.978
[SPEAKER_01]: And by the way, men and women do
25:35.859 --> 25:36.639
[SPEAKER_01]: React differently.
25:36.699 --> 25:38.040
[SPEAKER_01]: We do process differently.
25:38.400 --> 25:40.361
[SPEAKER_01]: Women have so many more words than men.
25:40.861 --> 25:51.986
[SPEAKER_01]: And so yeah, giving a little pause for your husband to articulate, to share the word, to lead, to engage, to initiate prayer, and so forth is going to be really helpful.
25:52.286 --> 25:57.889
[SPEAKER_01]: What seems like an eternity might just be three seconds of silence to some of you women.
25:58.569 --> 26:00.430
[SPEAKER_01]: But three seconds of silence might be what's
26:03.431 --> 26:11.302
[SPEAKER_01]: But if you felt like that was forever and you just chime in, he might have been intending to do the very thing, but now he feels like you're leading.
26:11.662 --> 26:14.126
[SPEAKER_01]: So just be careful because that can be discouraging.
26:14.647 --> 26:17.130
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, they can feel shot down in a sense, right?
26:17.250 --> 26:19.694
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think especially from the children, it...
26:20.514 --> 26:43.008
[SPEAKER_00]: then you see the consequences of that or the fruits of that if that's happening in your home over time because the children have less and less respect of the dad which is something that's modeled and portrayed in every modern day TV show and every media and I think it's because this is literally the problem of being daughters of Eve and sons of Adam because you have the original
26:46.290 --> 26:49.292
[SPEAKER_00]: and then the woman taken charge and going for it, right?
26:49.352 --> 26:51.794
[SPEAKER_00]: And then tempting him to also eat of it.
26:51.834 --> 26:55.977
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there's this need for us to recognize like what is our human nature sin?
26:56.118 --> 26:57.659
[SPEAKER_00]: And we have to fight against that.
26:58.139 --> 27:08.167
[SPEAKER_00]: I also see that when it comes to spiritual disciplines, for some reason, I think that women tend to navigate towards trying to cultivate their spiritual giftings.
27:08.627 --> 27:17.251
[SPEAKER_00]: Whereas men, especially if they're providing for many hours a day, they have less time on their hands and opportunity to actually practice finding out what their spiritual gifts are.
27:17.831 --> 27:30.216
[SPEAKER_00]: And one thing that I have observed just even working in church ministry over the years is when we ask women like what are your spiritual gifts, most of them have at least one thing that they would say, if they know what the spiritual gifts are.
27:30.596 --> 27:33.297
[SPEAKER_00]: When you ask men, most of them say, I don't really know.
27:33.937 --> 27:34.258
[SPEAKER_00]: actually.
27:34.538 --> 27:43.386
[SPEAKER_00]: And there are a lot of women that also say that, especially newer believers, but if we're sitting with a group of people who've maybe been Christians for 10 years, a lot of the men will say I don't really know.
27:43.867 --> 27:55.798
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think that that is a reflection of a lot of things, but one specifically is that they make room for their wives to go serve because their wives know what their gift is, but they're helping with the kids, and they're not cultivating their gifts.
27:55.878 --> 27:56.219
[SPEAKER_00]: And so,
27:56.659 --> 28:13.228
[SPEAKER_00]: I think a thriving marriage is recognizing that you both need to make time for each other to grow in the spiritual disciplines, have both having time for the word alone, both having time to pray together and separately, but also both having time to practice the gifts that God's given you.
28:13.248 --> 28:19.752
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I'm man taking initiative, pray with your wives, initiate that prayer, you're going to hear each other's hearts in a whole new way, you're going to draw closer.
28:20.347 --> 28:23.169
[SPEAKER_01]: And we've got about 10 minutes to give her other three points.
28:23.949 --> 28:26.271
[SPEAKER_01]: So we're gonna rattle them quick, but you know what?
28:26.291 --> 28:27.111
[SPEAKER_01]: The spirit's leading.
28:27.471 --> 28:28.972
[SPEAKER_01]: That first point, things came out.
28:28.992 --> 28:30.613
[SPEAKER_01]: We got candid more than we thought.
28:31.194 --> 28:34.436
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think I hope that was helpful, but communication is so important.
28:34.836 --> 28:44.262
[SPEAKER_01]: Talking all the time regularly about how you're doing, what you need help with, how's your walk with the Lord?
28:44.702 --> 28:50.503
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, how can we recalibrate some things and change some things so that we fix some things in your marriage.
28:50.683 --> 28:54.724
[SPEAKER_01]: Auditing your marriage husband's listening long versus trying to fix things.
28:54.764 --> 28:57.625
[SPEAKER_01]: You probably heard that before, but it's so important to listen long.
28:57.665 --> 28:59.045
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes your wife is just venting.
28:59.085 --> 29:00.286
[SPEAKER_01]: She doesn't want you to say anything.
29:00.706 --> 29:07.167
[SPEAKER_01]: Just understanding those different situations, but communication is really, really vital and spending that time.
29:07.187 --> 29:10.348
[SPEAKER_01]: We stay up to late a lot because we communicate a lot.
29:11.188 --> 29:13.749
[SPEAKER_01]: And I would rather communicate more and get less sleep.
29:14.170 --> 29:17.511
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just the way we've been and it's really served as well.
29:17.851 --> 29:20.072
[SPEAKER_00]: Nice and marriage, but it's also with our family.
29:20.252 --> 29:25.635
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, and sometimes I'm like, hey, Anne, can we get a time on the porch or you're like, hey, can we talk for a little bit?
29:25.995 --> 29:29.397
[SPEAKER_01]: And we'll just cut out for 10 or 15 minutes and recalibrate.
29:29.557 --> 29:31.478
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's going to walks together.
29:31.878 --> 29:32.698
[SPEAKER_01]: We want to do that more.
29:33.238 --> 29:34.859
[SPEAKER_01]: It's so important to do that stuff.
29:34.879 --> 29:36.420
[SPEAKER_01]: So communication, anything else on that edge?
29:36.944 --> 29:46.589
[SPEAKER_00]: No, I think that a lot of our conversation in the podcast episode before was actually talking about spiritual gifts, talking about building one another up with words of affirmation.
29:46.669 --> 29:49.591
[SPEAKER_00]: All of that is actually about communication, right?
29:50.051 --> 29:56.534
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would say, I actually want to say a little something to the wives who are potentially struggling with their husband's not leading.
29:57.015 --> 30:03.338
[SPEAKER_00]: It is not leading your husband to come respectfully to him in an encouraging way and share
30:03.898 --> 30:09.244
[SPEAKER_00]: that you would love to see him using his gifts more in your marriage and family.
30:09.745 --> 30:10.345
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a good thing.
30:10.405 --> 30:11.827
[SPEAKER_00]: I think that it is.
30:11.927 --> 30:13.809
[SPEAKER_00]: It's actually being a helper.
30:14.130 --> 30:16.672
[SPEAKER_00]: It is using words of affirmation to encourage your spouse.
30:17.073 --> 30:23.260
[SPEAKER_00]: So for example, when I said, hey, thanks so much for opening the Bible with the kids today or whatever it was that by said, I
30:23.720 --> 30:28.384
[SPEAKER_00]: I remember saying something because it really means a lot to me when we prioritize that.
30:28.504 --> 30:34.830
[SPEAKER_00]: It changes the day, literally calibrates the whole day, sets the atmosphere and tone, because that's what God's word does.
30:35.511 --> 30:37.673
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like super necessary.
30:37.993 --> 30:39.334
[SPEAKER_00]: And when it doesn't happen,
30:40.235 --> 30:42.897
[SPEAKER_00]: we suffered the bad fruit from that actually.
30:43.257 --> 30:51.221
[SPEAKER_00]: And so like for me it's literally a night and day in my own attitude if we're starting out the day and God's word together or not.
30:51.521 --> 30:52.001
[SPEAKER_00]: It's huge.
30:52.442 --> 31:00.166
[SPEAKER_00]: And so when he does that to encourage him then it just it also reinforces the importance of it to him and he sees the difference in our day.
31:00.546 --> 31:00.766
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
31:00.946 --> 31:01.526
[SPEAKER_00]: You know what I mean?
31:01.847 --> 31:04.988
[SPEAKER_00]: And then that encourages you to do it the next day when you see the fruit is better.
31:05.428 --> 31:16.273
[SPEAKER_00]: But I just want to encourage the wives that communicating being a wife, being a biblical wife, does not mean that you're not sharing your desire for your husband to leap.
31:16.533 --> 31:24.897
[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, that's actually encouraging to say like, honey, I have just been really convicted lately that as a couple,
31:29.459 --> 31:33.802
[SPEAKER_00]: that's not leading your spouse in any way.
31:33.862 --> 31:36.904
[SPEAKER_00]: That's just you sharing your heart's desire and giving him permission.
31:36.945 --> 31:52.896
[SPEAKER_00]: It's kind of like if you're in biblical community with someone or you want to be and you need accountability and something, you go to a sister and Christ or a brother and Christ and you ask them for a candle and say, hey, I give you permission and I want you to hold me a candle if you ever see me being disrespectful to my husband, right?
31:53.116 --> 31:55.578
[SPEAKER_00]: Like I've done that before and what was, it was reciprocated.
31:55.658 --> 31:56.779
[SPEAKER_00]: It created a closeness.
31:56.879 --> 32:01.104
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, there's a reason there's always two people in the cockpit of a commercial airline.
32:01.304 --> 32:14.119
[SPEAKER_01]: Now there's a pilot and there's a copilot and there's a reason for that and it's because two mines are better than one and the copilot has every reason to give warnings to give ideas, give suggestions to exhort the
32:14.700 --> 32:37.041
[SPEAKER_00]: the captain if there's some problem and that's important and I think that that's super super important for for wives to be in a lot of times they're looking at totally different stats than the other one is right which is true for families so the third thing we want to talk about is boundaries which actually goes into protecting intimacy because today obviously we want to give you guys some specifics on how to pull up proof your marriage and so
32:37.441 --> 32:40.203
[SPEAKER_00]: Boundaries are a huge and important aspect.
32:40.604 --> 32:55.655
[SPEAKER_00]: For Isaac and I, we've had a few little rules, I don't know if you come rules of engagement, that has protected our marriage from even the accusation of anything, because I believe we both believe that in today's world,
32:56.055 --> 33:08.561
[SPEAKER_00]: that's like a post-me to world where accusations can happen like this and that, like the most important thing is actually to protect your life and your marriage from any opportunity or foothold of the devil, right?
33:08.641 --> 33:10.782
[SPEAKER_00]: And so boundaries are a huge part of that.
33:11.062 --> 33:13.023
[SPEAKER_00]: We have a couple of verses that we want to share with you.
33:13.183 --> 33:18.706
[SPEAKER_00]: The first one is second Timothy 4 through, sorry, second Timothy, chapter 3, verses 4 through 7.
33:18.806 --> 33:21.007
[SPEAKER_01]: It says treacherous, reckless, swollen with
33:23.828 --> 33:27.431
[SPEAKER_01]: Having the parents of Godliness, but denying its power, avoids such people.
33:27.791 --> 33:39.380
[SPEAKER_01]: For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and let astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at the knowledge of the truth.
33:39.781 --> 33:41.462
[SPEAKER_01]: And that calls out a couple examples.
33:41.912 --> 33:50.036
[SPEAKER_00]: So this is an interesting passage of scripture because it's talking about, it starts out saying, you know, be careful of godlessness in the last days, right?
33:50.056 --> 33:53.197
[SPEAKER_00]: Saying to understand this for the last days, there will come times of difficulty.
33:53.237 --> 33:54.718
[SPEAKER_00]: People will be lovers of self.
33:54.778 --> 33:56.138
[SPEAKER_00]: They will be these things, right?
33:56.178 --> 33:58.439
[SPEAKER_00]: And so, and then it gives you a boundary.
33:58.459 --> 34:00.160
[SPEAKER_00]: It says avoid such people first of all.
34:00.200 --> 34:06.523
[SPEAKER_00]: So there's like a certain type of person that you do want to avoid if it's going to be a temptation for you.
34:06.691 --> 34:13.637
[SPEAKER_01]: So, it's kind of talking about men who are seducers in a way, have women right there, and so women have to be in guard.
34:13.737 --> 34:18.361
[SPEAKER_01]: The unfaithfulness of women is growing, actually, it's not a great, a man problem.
34:18.381 --> 34:25.468
[SPEAKER_01]: And he'd look at the stats, and so it is really important that, you know, women are careful around other men that are married.
34:25.988 --> 34:34.075
[SPEAKER_00]: And then we have another scripture that's actually a warning to men about an adult trist woman or a seduct trist, which is in Proverbs chapter 5.
34:34.115 --> 34:37.198
[SPEAKER_00]: You know, this was awesome because we're going through Proverbs with our family.
34:37.238 --> 34:40.481
[SPEAKER_00]: You're actually doing the Resilute Manpodcast again.
34:40.541 --> 34:43.043
[SPEAKER_00]: It's relaunching actually very, very soon.
34:43.063 --> 34:45.405
[SPEAKER_00]: We're excited about that and you're taking guys through Proverbs.
34:45.425 --> 34:46.686
[SPEAKER_00]: So this was one that you were talking about.
34:46.706 --> 34:47.787
[SPEAKER_01]: How did you teach your family Proverbs?
34:47.947 --> 34:53.171
[SPEAKER_00]: This is when you had just read to us literally the other day with our boys because we have six boys at home.
34:53.671 --> 35:00.897
[SPEAKER_00]: And it says, um, so it's saying my son pay attention to my wisdom and lend your ear to my understanding that you may preserve discretion.
35:01.177 --> 35:04.380
[SPEAKER_00]: We know from Proverbs that it says discretion will guard you.
35:05.100 --> 35:13.123
[SPEAKER_00]: Actually, and that's kind of the same thing as what I'm saying like protect your reputation, don't allow any opportunity for any accusation to happen.
35:13.523 --> 35:15.083
[SPEAKER_00]: So here are some rules that we have done.
35:15.323 --> 35:21.085
[SPEAKER_00]: One, I don't meet with another guy, anyone of the opposite gender alone.
35:21.525 --> 35:25.186
[SPEAKER_00]: Isaac also doesn't ever meet with another gal alone.
35:25.546 --> 35:31.208
[SPEAKER_00]: If we have someone who needs to meet with us, we make sure the other person's present or another third party that is also there.
35:31.788 --> 35:32.649
[SPEAKER_00]: And we try to do those
35:34.229 --> 35:35.590
[SPEAKER_01]: that's the same with communication.
35:36.290 --> 35:44.574
[SPEAKER_01]: It's hard to be perfect in that, but we're trying to always try and CC Angie on an email communication with a female and vice versa.
35:44.675 --> 35:45.635
[SPEAKER_01]: And so forth.
35:46.035 --> 35:51.618
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've been able to run, you know, run business that way, be a pastor and on churches.
35:52.018 --> 35:54.220
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't meet one on one with another lady.
35:54.280 --> 35:55.040
[SPEAKER_01]: I just don't do that.
35:55.308 --> 35:55.568
[SPEAKER_00]: right.
35:55.949 --> 35:59.673
[SPEAKER_00]: And so I would say that that preserves discretion because discretion will garge, right?
36:00.013 --> 36:06.540
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it says in your lips may keep knowledge for the lips of the immoral women, woman, drip honey, honey.
36:06.580 --> 36:08.522
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's like sweet, it's tempting, right?
36:08.782 --> 36:11.906
[SPEAKER_00]: And it says in her mouth is smoother than oil.
36:12.346 --> 36:13.648
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the end, she is,
36:14.128 --> 36:25.414
[SPEAKER_00]: bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword, her feet go down to death and her steps lay a hold of hell, less you ponder her path of life, her ways are unstable, you do not know them.
36:25.914 --> 36:31.256
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it just continues on, he says, therefore, hear me now, my children like this is in exhortation.
36:31.276 --> 36:35.398
[SPEAKER_00]: He's literally my son listened to me and then he's warning his children, both men and women.
36:35.739 --> 36:42.202
[SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, hear me now and do not depart from my words of my mouth, remove your way far from her.
36:42.782 --> 36:45.143
[SPEAKER_00]: Do not go near the door of her house.
36:45.983 --> 36:46.784
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't even go there.
36:47.184 --> 36:48.264
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't go where she is.
36:48.644 --> 36:50.865
[SPEAKER_00]: Last you give your honor to others.
36:51.185 --> 36:58.448
[SPEAKER_00]: And so here, what's interesting is, I'm not gonna read through all of verses nine through 15, but actually it goes all the way down to 19.
36:58.688 --> 37:03.730
[SPEAKER_00]: Versus, so 10 full verses, literally list out basic consequences of if you do.
37:04.310 --> 37:05.892
[SPEAKER_00]: that will affect the rest of your life.
37:05.912 --> 37:14.041
[SPEAKER_01]: And we have seven boys, so teaching are a couple aren't at home right now, but most of actually six of them are more.
37:14.081 --> 37:22.389
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so, but teaching them that is valuable, like everything the Bible is so valuable and discussing what are signs of this kind of lady.
37:23.010 --> 37:28.055
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, what are signs of the kind of ladies that, you know, have potential, right?
37:28.595 --> 37:29.576
[SPEAKER_01]: A for for marriage.
37:29.736 --> 37:31.298
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
37:31.358 --> 37:38.444
[SPEAKER_01]: In contrasting this and and they're navigating through a biblical lens, what kind of woman to pursue someday.
37:38.615 --> 37:39.515
[SPEAKER_00]: Because it's interesting.
37:39.535 --> 37:49.620
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, some of the warnings in here is like, if, if do not go to the door of our house the next verse is less to you, so if you do this, do not go to near the door of our house unless you give your honor to others.
37:50.160 --> 37:54.302
[SPEAKER_00]: And your years to the cruel one, less aliens be filled with your wealth.
37:54.522 --> 37:57.984
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, meaning you're literally going to lose your wealth, it's going to go to other people.
37:58.444 --> 38:03.847
[SPEAKER_00]: Your labor's go to the house of the foreigner, and you mourn at last when you're flushing your body or consumed.
38:04.327 --> 38:16.772
[SPEAKER_00]: and then just continues all the way down and it's saying like you basically disobeyed the voices of your teachers and the congregation and they assembly so it's again like pointing to what is God's words say what are the people in the household of God?
38:17.192 --> 38:30.277
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there is a standard of what you need to have and what you live by and then verse 20 it says for why should you my son be in traps or in raptured by an immoral woman and be embraced in the arms of a seductress?
38:30.977 --> 38:32.839
[SPEAKER_00]: And then it just talks, it continues on.
38:32.879 --> 38:39.264
[SPEAKER_01]: So the question people often have, well, how do you mean do little listen to you talk about this and read the Bible?
38:39.504 --> 38:41.906
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, our five-year-old zanders learning everything.
38:41.966 --> 38:43.627
[SPEAKER_01]: Our older kids are learning at the table.
38:44.328 --> 38:45.449
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't skip anything.
38:45.509 --> 38:47.070
[SPEAKER_01]: We talk about all things.
38:47.170 --> 38:51.153
[SPEAKER_01]: I do have discretion about how I talk about certain things.
38:51.173 --> 38:52.394
[SPEAKER_01]: So older kids will grab it.
38:52.575 --> 38:56.738
[SPEAKER_01]: Your kids won't on some some kind of topics.
38:56.798 --> 38:58.720
[SPEAKER_01]: But it's, you know what?
38:59.420 --> 39:06.007
[SPEAKER_01]: Unapologetically biblical, I want my kids to at a young age to understand the word of God and have the warnings.
39:06.288 --> 39:06.988
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
39:07.369 --> 39:10.993
[SPEAKER_01]: You want your children to have the warnings before they need to have the warning.
39:11.353 --> 39:16.779
[SPEAKER_01]: If you try and time it just when they need it, they're going to find out about it before you taught it.
39:17.289 --> 39:17.509
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
39:17.750 --> 39:20.674
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and even here like who's this address to it's my son.
39:20.714 --> 39:22.136
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, a son could be any age.
39:22.256 --> 39:22.477
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
39:22.857 --> 39:26.703
[SPEAKER_00]: And definitely is a teaching that is for like a be careful.
39:26.743 --> 39:30.008
[SPEAKER_00]: Don't choose to go with a wayward woman is essentially what it's saying, right.
39:30.068 --> 39:32.311
[SPEAKER_00]: But then it says, listen to me now my children.
39:32.992 --> 39:44.881
[SPEAKER_00]: like he's talking to his children like all children and he's giving them more warning about what the consequences, the lifelong consequences are going to be if they don't listen to this instruction.
39:44.961 --> 39:45.241
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
39:45.401 --> 39:54.788
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think about like the dangers that are out there today for little kids getting snatched, getting kidnapped, like being horrible things that can potentially happen to them.
39:55.148 --> 40:04.710
[SPEAKER_00]: This is very valuable to teach them and you can apply it to someone that is at age five like if someone is saying to you son, hey, you want to come look at my puppies, you don't go with them.
40:05.052 --> 40:10.634
[SPEAKER_01]: So on marriage, it's also edifying when you're teaching these and discussing these things as a family unit.
40:11.135 --> 40:14.116
[SPEAKER_01]: It's powerful for the marriage, right?
40:14.196 --> 40:15.136
[SPEAKER_01]: It's good lessons.
40:15.196 --> 40:18.658
[SPEAKER_01]: And when you're teaching, you're going to be living it out.
40:18.758 --> 40:19.939
[SPEAKER_01]: You never want to be a teacher.
40:19.959 --> 40:21.919
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a live out what they're teaching, right?
40:21.939 --> 40:23.860
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's an extra accountability.
40:24.280 --> 40:27.502
[SPEAKER_01]: You're being bathed in your own mind and the word when you're teaching Jens.
40:28.082 --> 40:35.329
[SPEAKER_01]: this stuff to your family, but it's also penetrating your heart and it's causing you to walk in the right ways.
40:36.050 --> 40:41.395
[SPEAKER_01]: And you don't want to be that hypocrite that teaches your kids one thing from the Bible and then goes and does the very thing.
40:42.856 --> 40:49.303
[SPEAKER_01]: There's an extra lay of accountability when you rise up to be a teacher and I think all men are called to be a teacher of their family.
40:49.703 --> 40:51.846
[SPEAKER_01]: and disciple their family, and women too.
40:52.126 --> 40:56.772
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's very important that we're doing that when you're doing that, you're already on safer ground.
40:57.273 --> 41:02.901
[SPEAKER_01]: So there's lots of, I think, ripple effects that are positive when you're discipling your family, opening the Bible, talking about it.
41:02.921 --> 41:05.144
[SPEAKER_01]: And so forth, this is bulletproofing your marriage.
41:06.726 --> 41:13.694
[SPEAKER_01]: Intimacy is so important too, and we're going to just a couple of minutes on it, but you have to come back together as often as possible.
41:13.894 --> 41:20.042
[SPEAKER_00]: So on Intimacy, it's important to come together as often as possible, but it's also important to have patience with your wife.
41:20.682 --> 41:23.286
[SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, we've had nine children, so you know, um,
41:24.146 --> 41:27.887
[SPEAKER_01]: We have to sometimes take a break from intimacy, honestly, right?
41:27.927 --> 41:29.968
[SPEAKER_01]: There's certain seasons, certain things going on.
41:29.988 --> 41:31.728
[SPEAKER_01]: You have to have patience with your bride.
41:32.448 --> 41:35.849
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think men, we need to be above reproach.
41:36.249 --> 41:45.012
[SPEAKER_01]: We need to be loving our wives in a way of understanding and to be encouraging.
41:45.032 --> 41:49.253
[SPEAKER_01]: But at the same time, we need to come together as often as possible not to let the temptation of sin.
41:49.573 --> 41:50.153
[SPEAKER_01]: The Bible says.
41:50.649 --> 42:05.642
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, and it's interesting, there is a scripture that talks about abstaining for prayer and fasting and then coming back together so that you don't give the devil a foe hold and that specific scripture is talking about intimacy and marriage and in making big decisions.
42:06.082 --> 42:06.362
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
42:06.482 --> 42:20.055
[SPEAKER_00]: Like one of the things that we have always shared with other people in other videos that we podcast episodes that we've done is that you don't make permanent decisions regarding like size of family when you're in a midst of transition, for example, right?
42:20.095 --> 42:29.083
[SPEAKER_00]: Like there's a time for prayer and fasting and for big decisions and that you're doing it together in an honoring way and seeking God's will, not your will.
42:29.606 --> 42:30.426
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it's so good.
42:30.486 --> 42:52.392
[SPEAKER_01]: I think another thing that happens to is manner so addicted to pornography, not all men, perhaps not you, but the percentages are really high and I think what happens then it's not what's going to happen in your marriage is it's not intimacy, it becomes idolatry and it becomes sex and that's not
42:52.772 --> 42:54.053
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, you want intimacy.
42:54.073 --> 42:55.014
[SPEAKER_01]: You want love.
42:55.034 --> 42:57.175
[SPEAKER_01]: You want to be coming one flash.
42:58.036 --> 43:01.378
[SPEAKER_01]: You want that beautiful thing that God has designed.
43:01.478 --> 43:06.661
[SPEAKER_01]: But when somebody's entrenched in pornography, it really does become idolatry.
43:06.821 --> 43:10.444
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's become something they crave and need all of the time.
43:10.464 --> 43:12.165
[SPEAKER_01]: And they lack understanding for their spouse.
43:12.765 --> 43:13.386
[SPEAKER_01]: And so forth.
43:13.446 --> 43:15.667
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's really, really dangerous in it.
43:15.687 --> 43:17.629
[SPEAKER_00]: And indulges selfishness really.
43:17.649 --> 43:20.090
[SPEAKER_00]: And that goes into the marriage, right?
43:20.130 --> 43:20.971
[SPEAKER_00]: And so that's why it's
43:22.692 --> 43:38.280
[SPEAKER_00]: That's why these two conversations actually go together because when you have boundaries in accountability within marriage, whether it's having access to emails, access to computers, phones, social media, things like that, then there is this accountability of like, oh, she's on my phone.
43:38.440 --> 43:39.480
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, he's on my phone.
43:39.580 --> 43:43.542
[SPEAKER_00]: And so there is way less opportunity for the devil to do something.
43:43.782 --> 43:44.883
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa, to the marriage.
43:45.507 --> 43:48.389
[SPEAKER_01]: that does not have access to each other's devices.
43:48.749 --> 43:48.909
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
43:48.969 --> 43:54.914
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa to the marriage that somebody has a platform and the other spouse doesn't know what's going on on that platform.
43:54.974 --> 44:00.918
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa to the marriage that can't seek all communication, the husband and wife are doing to all people.
44:01.298 --> 44:03.700
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa to the marriage that have private email accounts.
44:03.800 --> 44:07.623
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa to the marriage that has private meetings, the other spouse doesn't know about.
44:08.543 --> 44:13.547
[SPEAKER_01]: Whoa to the marriage where the husband's scared to talk to the wife and so things build up and they feel burdened
44:14.180 --> 44:22.603
[SPEAKER_01]: and challenged, and then they tell their wife to lay, and then it's a big blow up and all these things, and that could be having to do with challenge on the wife side, challenge on the husband side.
44:23.023 --> 44:32.587
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, there are so many problems and so many marriages right now, if this hits hard to your core, that's good, that's probably the Holy Spirit, convicting you, it's really important.
44:32.927 --> 44:37.691
[SPEAKER_01]: Be the marriage that are difference makers, pull up proof your marriage, make proactive decisions.
44:37.891 --> 44:50.880
[SPEAKER_01]: Every little step off course accumulates into a big step off course and pretty soon several big steps off course and pretty soon you're destroying your whole family so it's really really important just a minor step off course.
44:51.000 --> 44:53.262
[SPEAKER_01]: It is important not to give the enemy a foothold.
44:53.642 --> 45:00.127
[SPEAKER_01]: We understand that we understand this targets on our back and so everything we do we're trying to do the best we can.
45:00.620 --> 45:02.881
[SPEAKER_01]: as to not leave an opening for that.
45:02.941 --> 45:05.582
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't operate in fear, we operate in wisdom.
45:05.903 --> 45:18.569
[SPEAKER_01]: We're operating in trust in God, knowing God is all powerful, but at the same time, we're on the earth in the prince of the air as the enemy, and he is trying to cause destruction especially in families.
45:18.829 --> 45:22.811
[SPEAKER_01]: They're intentional and trying to do things for Christ, and so it's really important.
45:23.111 --> 45:26.913
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, can we just have the kid doesn't need to wear a seat belt?
45:27.333 --> 45:29.514
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, sleepovers are okay, no big deal.
45:30.214 --> 45:36.661
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you know, well, I can have this meaning it's totally safe with so-and-so with the opposite sex.
45:36.701 --> 45:37.501
[SPEAKER_01]: It's no big deal.
45:38.202 --> 45:41.085
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you start making those little decisions.
45:41.185 --> 45:50.093
[SPEAKER_01]: I believe those are little bad decisions that can blow up in your face because accusation, even if you're pure and everything's good, accusation can come and hit you.
45:50.474 --> 45:53.877
[SPEAKER_01]: I am so thankful, I've never had an accusation like that.
45:54.237 --> 46:01.026
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think it's because I've not given an opening for that to be possible even for accusation.
46:01.567 --> 46:03.349
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's how you need to be.
46:03.429 --> 46:07.615
[SPEAKER_01]: If you're going to do things big for the Lord because the enemy is going to try and attack your marriage.
46:08.013 --> 46:08.233
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
46:08.873 --> 46:22.458
[SPEAKER_00]: I think the ultimately, you know, we're our hope with this podcast episode is to encourage you guys in just these few things like have a discussion and communicate about the desires of your spiritual growth in your marriage, first of all.
46:22.638 --> 46:22.858
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
46:22.878 --> 46:28.860
[SPEAKER_00]: So we talked about spiritual disciplines, but you have to communicate about where you are and where you want to go as a couple.
46:28.880 --> 46:33.562
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a conversation where it's like not just the husband saying this is where we're going.
46:33.662 --> 46:33.762
[SPEAKER_00]: It's
46:35.062 --> 46:40.185
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you satisfied with our prayer life or intimacy life, our serving life?
46:40.285 --> 46:54.713
[SPEAKER_00]: Like talking about it, communicating about all these things, communicating also about boundaries, communicating also about intimacy, communicating about how you're feeling, your physical well-being is super important in regards to intimacy also.
46:55.313 --> 46:57.154
[SPEAKER_00]: That's something we didn't even really fully be.
46:57.234 --> 46:58.875
[SPEAKER_00]: We weren't able to get into as much, right?
46:58.935 --> 47:00.476
[SPEAKER_00]: But being able to have time,
47:00.936 --> 47:06.179
[SPEAKER_00]: together is something that you you have to make the choice to invest in your marriage date nights.
47:06.599 --> 47:14.885
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a huge thing like still pursuing your spouse so that you have, there is a desire, a genuine desire for intimacy, right?
47:15.265 --> 47:26.932
[SPEAKER_00]: Like you can't just like rest on the laurels of how you corded your wife 15 years ago or 30 years ago, you still have to pursue one another and invest in relationship.
47:27.572 --> 47:31.794
[SPEAKER_00]: And I would say that there's, that is a communication thing that you have to talk about, right?
47:32.115 --> 47:39.439
[SPEAKER_00]: Then there's communicating about boundaries and constantly like doing audits to make sure we get, we didn't leave a door open somewhere, did we?
47:39.759 --> 47:39.979
[SPEAKER_00]: Right?
47:40.339 --> 47:44.581
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's, it's not coming out of from an attacking perspective.
47:44.621 --> 47:49.184
[SPEAKER_00]: It's coming out of it from a, we need to make sure that we have protected our marriage.
47:49.504 --> 47:52.746
[SPEAKER_00]: God has given us his word, he's warned us about the our enemy.
47:53.126 --> 48:03.169
[SPEAKER_00]: He's warned us about the ways of the world because we just read two scriptures that talk about wicked men and that are seducing women and then wicked women that are seducing men.
48:03.529 --> 48:05.890
[SPEAKER_00]: And so this is not a just man problem.
48:05.910 --> 48:07.670
[SPEAKER_00]: This is not just a woman problem.
48:07.710 --> 48:09.411
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a human problem.
48:09.691 --> 48:11.291
[SPEAKER_00]: And we live in a world filled with humans.
48:11.351 --> 48:19.833
[SPEAKER_00]: And so you have to choose to guard your marriage in order to equip your kids to make the same wise decisions in their future.
48:20.113 --> 48:21.454
[SPEAKER_01]: So, thanks for joining us.