Black Love - Single VS Married

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Okay, so we're going to switch it up a bit this time, our first two episodes were rather serious and, uh,
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Now it's gonna be a little bit funny.
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Yeah, I guess so.
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I mean, it, I think it's a little bit more lighter than what we have been talking about in the last two episodes, so.
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I can say the first two episodes was really about me.
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I'm more the political one.
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Yes, he is.
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And I'm more of the relationship self-help type of person.
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So yeah.
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So now we're going to see the collabo.
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And we're going to dive into some differences and, uh, similarities when it comes to the single life versus the married life.
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Especially being black in Atlanta.
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Yeah.
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Just what we experience, but anyway I think it's ready to get started.
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Let's go.
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Let's do it.
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Let's get into another episode of black relativity, where we discuss all topics, tribulations, and issues that are experienced within the black community.
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From the standard to the most controversial, no filters, no boundaries.
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Just real talk.
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This is black relativity with your hosts, Gary and Sharene Mariner.
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So, I don't know how many men in Atlanta have heard this or come across this.
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But I had a friend who said to me, you know, Gary, once you get married and you put that ring on your finger out here in Atlanta, you become a target because there's so many more women out there than there are heterosexual men who are interested in relationship.
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And so they're just going to be coming at you.
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This is true.
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So.
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We had to take a little bit of a deeper dive into that to find out why, what what's the reason behind this.
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So we looked up this statistic from the Atlanta journal, Atlanta journal constitution.
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I think this ajc.com.
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Always a statistic.
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Right?
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Always a statistic.
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Um, it says Atlanta has about 80,000 more single women between the ages of 18 to 64 than single men, which is one of the largest such gaps in the country, according to an analysis of the U S census data.
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And that's just crazy.
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I mean, and I mean, I wonder when it comes to that statistic, I'm wondering if it's looking at, single hetro, heterosexual males or just males in general.
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I'm wondering how that, uh, how that's being calculated.
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I had another friend who had a conversation with me and was like, you know what, when I first moved down here before me and Sharene got super, super serious and you know, all the stuff that we went through in our relationship, but they said to me, you know, here in Atlanta, And this, obviously this statistic wasn't real at the time, but this is what they said to me.
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He said that it's seven to one as far as women to men, but then they said, when you look at the whole LGBTQ situation with either men who were gay, bisexual, or in the closet.
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When you're talking about a man who wants to be with a woman and, and he's interested in a woman who likes women and only women and wants to be at home with a woman only, the number grows like 14 to one, which then made sense to me why women were so aggressive.
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Yeah.
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Because there's, it's going to be, it's hard to find somebody you're, you're basically throwing yourself in the competition pool to see who can win the man.
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Now, you know, as a heterosexual male here in Atlanta, one of the things, as far as how that plays a part in being a married man, is you gotta be real careful with who you talk to, what you say, what you do, where you go, because you can catch yourself in some sticky situations.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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There's a lot of things that you kind of can get yourself involved in and there's a lot of, uh, Things that you have to look at when you're out there in the dating world when you're single versus when you're married.
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So that kind of leads directly into the topic of this episode, which is the difference between being single and being married.
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Yep.
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One of the first things that I think we all should understand about being single is sexual diseases or STDs, as you want to call it, whatever.
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And it's just so much easier if you're not doing what you're supposed to do to catch a STD because you're out living the life.
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Well, I mean, if you, if you're sleeping around with multiple people, um, yeah, you're gonna run that higher risk of sexual diseases versus when you're married and provided that you're being faithful in your marriage, you don't really have, you don't have that issue.
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I'm a honest person.
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When I was single, I was a little bit careless, so to speak.
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Um, but that was because my love for the feminine persuasion was a little bit out of control.
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It's kind of like somebody who loves candy and they just can't get enough.
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And so.
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I know,
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I don't think you ever told me you were careless.
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That's news to me.
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I wouldn't say careless in, in regards to like the STD aspect, but, you know, I just, if I found you attractive and at the same time, you know, truth be told, I'm very shy.
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You'll never believe it.
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If you meet me, you will never believe it.
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Gary is shy when it comes to women and approaching women, but he is not a shy individual.
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Yeah.
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I am the life of the party.
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But when you, if Ciara was in front of me, I would be the turtle that shrivled up inside its shell.
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It has to do with women.
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I'm the definition of shy, probably more so than you are, because I'm not just that easy to just go and just talk to people randomly.
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I just, I just don't do that.
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Yeah.
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I don't care.
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I'm going to talk to you if there's nothing that's going to happen between me and you after this interaction, if it's just going to be platonic and I'll see you and be like, yo, what up, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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Or we're just friends then.
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Every conversation.
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I'll talk to you about anything on the planet, but if I know that I could get some, oh, there's a problem.
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I don't know.
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I don't know what to say.
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I have no game.
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But how are you going to know if you're, if you're able to get some, if you're not, even if you're too shy to talk to somebody?
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That, I think that has a lot to do with my ego.
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Oh Lord.
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Because I really thought I was the shiznit back in the day.
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Uh, I mean, I still think that now, but whatever, uh, you know.
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Oh my goodness.
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I just, I really felt like, like there was nothing that anyone could do to you that I couldn't do to you or learn how to do better.
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And because in my mind that was always there.
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There was nothing that made me feel as though I didn't have an option or I didn't have a opportunity until someone told me no.
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And then.
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You liked the, uh, the challenge like you like to be challenged.
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And before we go down that rabbit hole of that, because that can be a whole nother story in itself.
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For real.
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But I mean, you know, from, from a sexual disease standpoint or STD standpoint, there's so much that you have to be concerned about, especially now in, you know, people are a little bit.
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Well, some people are very careless and you don't necessarily know if let's say your the care, you're the one who's being careful but the person that you decide to deal with is, or isn't.
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Because
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I think that that also goes back to how.
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You go about your dating life.
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When you're trying to get to know people, um, there are some people who date and they like to date multiple people and that's fine when they let somebody know up front.
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Hey, I'm um, I like to date multiple people, so you're not the only one that I'm trying to get to know me personally.
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I prefer to just date one-on-one.
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And not have to think about you dating somebody else, because I don't know what you're doing with somebody else.
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And then you're coming in and talking to me, um, or whatever.
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And, and I just, just that unknown, I just don't like, I've, I just feel more comfortable if, if we're just dating each other and that's it for the, for that moment.
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And then if it doesn't work out, then you go on date, somebody else.
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See, I was kind of the same way.
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And that's only because, you know, and I'm gonna break this down to very simplistic terminology, but, you know, as an only child.
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I didn't really like sharing my toys.
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And so when I got something that I could play with, it was mine.
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That sounds very sexual.
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I don't know.
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I mean,
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I just mean it is what it is.
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I'm a very sexual person, so it is what it is.
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But anyway, uh, uh, my problem was I didn't like to share.
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And at the same time, because I also knew men who were bisexual.
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And I knew men who were gay.
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I wasn't friends with them at that time, but I did have a friend who was bisexual male friend, who was bisexual.
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And I knew that me and him operated the same way and because we did in my mind, I didn't want to have to get into a situation where I was tonguing down my girlfriend or getting real interactive.
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And I didn't know who you were doing that with when you left me and how that could then impact me.
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And so I had to close that situation down.
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Yeah.
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So that was that's, and that's to me, that's the biggest benefit with being married?
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I don't have to worry about that.
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My wife is my wife.
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That's everything that's with her is just shared between me and her.
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And there's no.
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So there's no worries about STDs, unless one of us steps out, but we've had long conversations about that because of how that may have impacted us when people did it in the past and how we're not going to do that to each other, just because we know how much it hurt.
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Exactly.
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So moving past sexual diseases, you also have crime.
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Another one of those aspects that I would say.
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A huge, I mean.
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And I guess, I guess you're, you're referring to crime in the sense of.
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Like rape people getting,
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I mean, yeah.
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I mean now when you look at that, in the aspect of single versus married yeah.
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You have a higher risk of say rape or something like that.
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If you're out there dating people that you don't really know too well, you know, you're, you're trying to get to know them and, and you may not know their past history or, um, a good example is, um, oh gosh, that's a Tyler Perry movie.
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Um, It had the seven, it had all the women in there.
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Oh, um, the Brewster place.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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That's that's that's the whole movie.
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You know those movies better than I do.
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Um, it I'll look it up, but, um, it's, uh, Basically in the movie, the one of the women, she was a dancer.
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She went on a date with a guy and he was very sweet.
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The actor that played the guy was Khalil Kain who I was obsessed with when I was younger.
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Um, Khalil Kain, played in the movie juice.
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Um, he was Rahim and she went out on a date with him, had a really good time.
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And she.
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Had a second day decided to have a second date with the guy.
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And he asked if she could cook for him.
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And, uh, she agreed and she invited him over to her place because she had a good time that first time.
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And didn't realize that when she invited him over that he was actually going to rape her.
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And I'm still trying to find that, uh,
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Don't worry about it, once we find it, we will definitely link this in, on this episode.
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So that way, if you haven't seen the movie, you can watch it yourself and get an understanding of it because this is something that.
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You know, we've had to deal with, you know, as black people.
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And it's a constant thing that we have to worry about, especially, you know, going back to my, the point that I was trying to make.
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O, For colored girls, that's what it's called for colored girls.
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Yes.
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So I have a problem, a very big beef, and this has to do with trauma from when I was a child.
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I have a problem with people who abuse, mentally physically, emotionally women, as far as men who do that to women, I have a big, big gripe when it comes to disrespecting women, but that's also because I lived in a house with seven women and that's, you know, the thing that I held most dear in my life.
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So, you know, when you speak about crime, you can also speak about abuse.
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You can also speak about rape and how all of those things.
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You know, are either things to be wary of and to go back to the point that you were saying about how she didn't really know the guy and for colored girls, and then all of a sudden he ends up raping her in the house.
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The problem that I have with a lot of people, it doesn't matter whether it be I'm interested in you or, you know, we're just friends.
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You really don't know the person that you're dealing with.
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Unless you've had time with them.
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And, you know, I always say, I've said to my children, the mask that people put on when they meet you.
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They're representative.
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You're all, that's who you meet is the representative.
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You never meet the real person behind the mask until you've either lived with them or been through some ish with them, because they're not going to show you their true colors, because it's the thing that either hurt.
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People when people peak well it hurts them the most, or it could be, they just don't want to scare you off at first.
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I mean, everybody's going to have some downfalls that they may view as negative within themselves, but that's not something that they want to put out on front street right away, because they don't want to, you know, make somebody run in the opposite direction.
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Uh, right.
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I, at the beginning.
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At the same time, I don't want you to have a negative opinion about me or judge me.
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And one of the biggest problems that we have is being judgmental.
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Yeah.
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You know, most of the people in this world is super judgmental before even really getting to understand you.
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And that's, you know, a big issue in the black community, just being black were judged every single day.
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So how do you get over that fear that you have.
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Automatically just because of the color of your skin.
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Oh, and, and a good, uh, good story of me judging Gary.
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And, uh, in the beginning of our relationship is, and an a good example of him putting a representative, uh, uh, out there at first.
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Uh, Gary told me in the beginning how he loved to cook and I hate cooking.
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I just, I, don't not that, I don't know how, I just don't really like cooking.
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It's just not a, not a thing that I like to do.
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So to meet somebody like Gary, to tell me that he loves cooking and loves cooking for people, you know, you, you get the, the notion that he actually knows how to cook a whole lot of different things.
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So I was extremely excited that, you know, I hadn't met somebody that can actually cook me a whole bunch of food and I ain't gotta worry about cooking.
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Come to find out.
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Gary cooks cooked like three of the same meals over and over and over.
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And at the time.
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It wasn't three.
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It was more like seven.
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No, I don't think it was not seven.
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It was like three or four.
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And that expanded over time as he developed his taste palette for different things.
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But, you know, he, he loved to cook, but he loved to cook those three to four different meals.
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And I was like, well, what happened here?
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See the problem with that was we didn't really have the conversation about how, how much of a picky eater I was.
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And because of how much of a picky eater I am, or I was at the time, there wasn't a lot of things that I was going to cook because I wouldn't eat them.
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Well, we don't want to go down that list of what you would not eat.
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That is yeah.
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That shoot.
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We can be on that for a whole nother episode.
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Anyway.
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Um, because of that fact, you can't, you don't really know when to fully trust someone to know whether they're going to be what they show you, or something different.
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And because of that, there's a lot of angst and anxiety and mistrust in the single world.
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And that's something that always shied me away from being single.
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I was always the type of person who ended up in long relationships.
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I was with you between six months to two years because I just didn't like dealing with a whole bunch of new faces.
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And, and another good example, I have a lot of exams, but a good example of, you know, with Gary mentioning that, you know, you don't really know who you're actually dealing with.
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Something that I didn't realize was actually a part of Gary was, you know, in, in the beginning, you know, a lot of us women will watch a lot of these romantic movies and things like that.
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And we'll see all these different things that the men will say to women that are just so highly romantic and, you know, they just make you melt and this, that, and the other, you know, those, those movie script type of lines.
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And Gary used to say these things to me all the time.
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A lot of times I would kind of give a side eye because I was like, you know, this sounds like something that will come from a movie, but not realizing that that was who Gary was.
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That was that wasn't a representative that was actually him, but I just, didn't never heard anybody talk to a woman that way and it surprised me.
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So keynotes to all the women out there who are listening to this podcast.
00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:31.394
Don't push us romantic fellows to the side.
00:18:32.835 --> 00:18:34.065
We're good for a long run.
00:18:34.065 --> 00:18:35.144
You got to put stock in us.
00:18:35.144 --> 00:18:35.625
You know what I'm saying?
00:18:35.625 --> 00:18:38.234
We, we flip after the, after we mature.
00:18:38.474 --> 00:18:38.865
Yes.
00:18:39.944 --> 00:18:41.144
So you gotta, you gotta give us time.
00:18:41.234 --> 00:18:57.775
But, um, anyway, because of those differences, it's really hard being single to understand what you have in front of you, whether you're safe, whether it's something that's gonna really be worth it for the long run.
00:18:57.775 --> 00:18:59.515
And it's confusing.
00:19:00.779 --> 00:19:22.634
And I think that, that, you know, when you look at how confusing it can be and looking at how the dating scene is out there now, versus I would even say, even though we're not old or anything, uh, you know, when we were going through the dating world, you know, we didn't have a lot of this social media that was going on.
00:19:22.634 --> 00:19:25.244
And I mean, it feels like I feel kind of old saying that because.
00:19:25.845 --> 00:19:31.335
You know, Facebook started when I was, oh gosh, I had to have been maybe a sophomore or junior in college.
00:19:31.575 --> 00:19:34.664
So, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't out that long.
00:19:34.684 --> 00:19:34.865
Yeah.
00:19:34.865 --> 00:19:37.684
When facebook was college email invite only.
00:19:38.045 --> 00:19:38.585
Exactly.
00:19:39.003 --> 00:19:43.565
And so we didn't, we didn't have all that social media where we could sit there and meet people.
00:19:43.565 --> 00:19:52.164
We had to actually meet people organically and meet them in common circles that we may have been in, uh, at that time compared to now.
00:19:52.224 --> 00:19:54.214
Shout out to Myspace, Black planet.
00:19:54.869 --> 00:19:55.200
Yeah.
00:19:55.589 --> 00:20:03.089
In Myspace or whatever, because you know, that's how I've met Gary and ha how I met a couple of people that, that I knew and have dated.
00:20:03.309 --> 00:20:15.750
If you know, anything about Myspace, comment because that's going to really show how, how, you know, how much you had to deal with, because all these people nowadays, you know, they get around sliding in people's DM'S and it's like, oh, you're whack.
00:20:15.779 --> 00:20:15.869
Yeah.
00:20:16.009 --> 00:20:21.259
Well put, well, if you're commenting about my space, put what your song was when your page opened up.
00:20:21.769 --> 00:20:26.930
That's that that'll kind of really tell you, uh, how old you are.
00:20:27.349 --> 00:20:27.799
Um.
00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:29.119
Did you have graphics in your background?
00:20:29.569 --> 00:20:32.750
I don't remember what my, my space page looked like at all.
00:20:34.279 --> 00:20:36.019
I didn't put all that effort into mine.
00:20:36.019 --> 00:20:38.148
I had a song, I think, but I don't remember.
00:20:38.269 --> 00:20:39.390
I thought I was a coder.
00:20:40.420 --> 00:20:41.409
Oh my gosh.
00:20:41.470 --> 00:20:42.970
Anyway, anyway, getting back to the topic.
00:20:44.230 --> 00:20:47.920
So, so when you look at, you know, how people.
00:20:48.585 --> 00:20:49.845
Get to know each other.
00:20:50.085 --> 00:20:57.404
Um, and the way that we got to know each other, uh, when we were younger and how we got to know people that we wanted to date.
00:20:57.434 --> 00:21:06.285
Me and Gary had different, very different ways of getting to know somebody that we wanted to date.
00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:12.000
So I'll start with mines, uh, just because I'm weird, whatever.
00:21:12.299 --> 00:21:32.059
Um, most of the time, if I ended up meeting someone or getting into a relationship with someone, it was that someone that I knew either my sister or my friend hooked me up with you, because they already knew I was interested and I wasn't, I didn't have the testicular fortitude to step up to you my own myself.
00:21:32.210 --> 00:21:33.650
So they made it happen.
00:21:33.769 --> 00:21:35.839
Other than that, you danced.
00:21:36.884 --> 00:21:39.794
And that was the only way that I hooked you.
00:21:40.404 --> 00:21:41.644
But when they intro.
00:21:41.704 --> 00:21:44.194
But when they introduced you, what, what happened then?
00:21:45.095 --> 00:21:52.825
So the first time, first, ever time that someone hooked me up with somebody, it was Gary kiss her.
00:21:54.055 --> 00:21:54.464
I mean.
00:21:54.494 --> 00:21:54.795
Okay.
00:21:54.795 --> 00:21:57.615
So they, they just introduce you to somebody that you like and say, yes, sir.
00:21:57.934 --> 00:22:02.134
We knew each other because we used to play, you know, like hang out and chill.
00:22:02.134 --> 00:22:05.253
And there was a part of the whole crew, whatever, and they knew that I was sleeping.
00:22:05.585 --> 00:22:10.535
You knew of the person and they knew you, but they didn't y'all didn't you, they didn't know that you liked them.
00:22:10.773 --> 00:22:11.224
Absolutely.
00:22:11.224 --> 00:22:12.744
Most people, most people never knew.
00:22:12.954 --> 00:22:13.354
Ok.
00:22:13.664 --> 00:22:17.815
And then all of a sudden it's just like, Gary, I dare you to kiss her.
00:22:18.545 --> 00:22:19.214
And then that was that.
00:22:19.784 --> 00:22:20.534
And that's how it happened.
00:22:20.744 --> 00:22:21.105
Um,
00:22:21.105 --> 00:22:21.894
How what happened?
00:22:21.894 --> 00:22:22.934
And then ya'll started dating.
00:22:23.085 --> 00:22:23.444
Yeah.
00:22:23.503 --> 00:22:27.184
I mean, that's how, no, that was my, that was my F my first sweetheart.
00:22:27.184 --> 00:22:27.664
You know what I'm saying?
00:22:27.994 --> 00:22:30.934
Um, but other than that, you met me on the dance floor.
00:22:30.964 --> 00:22:35.904
And the only time that I would say that my shyness went away was on the dance floor.
00:22:36.125 --> 00:22:37.595
I didn't say nothing to you.
00:22:37.595 --> 00:22:38.345
I was the guy.
00:22:38.865 --> 00:22:47.684
And you know, any girls who are listening to this podcast right now, you're going to sit there and die laughing at me because I was the guy who just walked up behind you, thinking that I was the shit.
00:22:47.954 --> 00:22:52.125
And I was, I was super sexy and I would just come up and slide up, you know, and dance with you.
00:22:52.394 --> 00:22:59.355
And if you didn't like me dancing with you, like behind you, cause you notice how as guys we did it, you know, we walked up and started grinding on you from behind.
00:22:59.684 --> 00:23:05.724
But if you didn't like that then I would step to the side and I would two step with you, or I would dance with you and your crew.
00:23:05.724 --> 00:23:07.404
So everybody thought that I was cool.
00:23:07.404 --> 00:23:12.954
And then after they thought that I was cool, the one who was paying too much attention to me, and this was the problem.
00:23:13.194 --> 00:23:15.295
If you look me in my eyes, I got you.
00:23:15.474 --> 00:23:16.394
O my Lord.
00:23:17.234 --> 00:23:20.634
You don't don't don't look me in my eyes because now you flirting with me.
00:23:20.875 --> 00:23:22.035
And if you flirting with me.
00:23:22.240 --> 00:23:23.269
Oh, something about to happen.
00:23:23.589 --> 00:23:24.009
So.
00:23:24.980 --> 00:23:27.069
You wouldn't have gotten me either one of those ways.
00:23:30.099 --> 00:23:31.839
And that is definitely not how I work.
00:23:32.559 --> 00:23:42.329
So that's, that's the reason why it's so weird, how me and serene came together because everything about what I did being single is nothing that would have attracted her.
00:23:42.740 --> 00:23:45.660
And everything that she did, she would have never met me.
00:23:46.369 --> 00:23:47.000
Uh, yeah.
00:23:47.029 --> 00:23:51.710
Well, I mean, what, you know, we had a common element which was school, which was junior high school.
00:23:51.710 --> 00:24:05.640
So I mean that, that kind of initiated things, but my way of, uh, I wouldn't say getting somebody, but when it came to a point of actually dating somebody, I'm, I'm the type that always was friends first.
00:24:05.970 --> 00:24:16.920
And I just liked the whole process of getting to know somebody as a friend and not as a, not as a friend to say can be a friend, you know, be a friend for, you know, a month or two.
00:24:16.920 --> 00:24:22.619
And then we're going to start dating that, that wasn't even established at the beginning that we're going to be friends and then go into dating.
00:24:22.980 --> 00:24:26.940
I was always just organically a friend B and to the point where.
00:24:27.929 --> 00:24:45.710
We could have conversations about who you may be dating at the time, who I may be dating at the time, this way I can kind of see how you maneuver in those types of situations, without me actually being involved in it, myself and being friends and, and getting that closeness, uh, together.
00:24:46.559 --> 00:24:48.720
Then we can decide down the road.
00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:49.410
Hey, okay.
00:24:49.410 --> 00:24:50.759
We're really cool friends.
00:24:50.759 --> 00:24:59.490
And we may actually have a conversation about actually dating and then we would move on from, from being friends to dating or being in a relationship.
00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:02.609
And that's how I would get into a relationship generally.
00:25:02.819 --> 00:25:04.400
And if the relationship didn't work out.
00:25:04.954 --> 00:25:08.285
Most of the time in situations where I've been in relationships.
00:25:08.285 --> 00:25:12.275
And I say most, because they're always those few, that, that don't turn out this way.
00:25:12.275 --> 00:25:18.394
But most of those relationships that I would be in, if they didn't work out, we would just go back to being friends.
00:25:18.394 --> 00:25:20.134
We say the relationship part didn't work.
00:25:20.134 --> 00:25:22.625
So we go back to the friend part, that part works.
00:25:22.625 --> 00:25:25.805
So let's stay there and I would still maintain a friendship.
00:25:25.835 --> 00:25:30.875
And I loved doing that because there wouldn't be any hard feelings left or anything like that.
00:25:30.875 --> 00:25:35.424
I can kind of keep things in a, in a nice and simple place.
00:25:35.730 --> 00:25:38.789
See, I wish I had someone like Sharene when I was growing up.
00:25:38.789 --> 00:25:39.720
Who taught me that way?
00:25:40.079 --> 00:25:46.440
Because when the relationship ended, you were dead, I never heard from you again.
00:25:46.440 --> 00:25:56.609
You know, I mean, there, there's a couple of people that I may still talk to or whatever, whatever, but most of the people that I dated in my past or came across, they don't know me.
00:25:56.609 --> 00:25:57.240
I don't know them.
00:25:57.240 --> 00:25:58.949
I don't know them, nah don't talk to me.
00:25:59.960 --> 00:26:04.720
And then that's just how it was, you know, and, and I know a lot of people who are like that, you know, once it's over, it's over.
00:26:04.859 --> 00:26:05.730
But, why?
00:26:05.769 --> 00:26:09.779
Well, I think, I think that because you may not have that foundation there to go back to.
00:26:09.980 --> 00:26:11.230
And I agree, I agree.
00:26:11.250 --> 00:26:11.990
That was the whole thing.
00:26:11.990 --> 00:26:25.519
And that's, you know, I think that has a lot to do with maturity, you know, at the same time, you know, uh, and this is something that we're going to get into on a further episode where we're going to talk about, you know, communication and, you know, being open with each other.
00:26:25.789 --> 00:26:26.930
So that way you don't feel.
00:26:28.319 --> 00:26:43.710
That there's a need to be jealous about an ex or about a previous situation that may have more influence on your spouse or your significant other, or your girl or your man, then you do at the moment.
00:26:44.339 --> 00:26:46.500
But like I said, that's a whole nother topic.
00:26:46.679 --> 00:26:47.009
Yeah.
00:26:47.429 --> 00:26:59.263
Um, moving right along to go back to what I was saying about, you know, the own most of the time, the only way that I, you know, caught a girl or got a girl was in the club.
00:27:00.335 --> 00:27:04.714
One of the biggest differences right now to me is the club scene.
00:27:05.375 --> 00:27:09.304
And, you know, we, we really don't go to clubs anymore right now, primarily because.
00:27:10.724 --> 00:27:12.344
I don't have time for clubs.
00:27:12.344 --> 00:27:21.314
I mean, I for I'll fall asleep at like nine o'clock, so I'm not even up to even start getting ready for a club.
00:27:22.204 --> 00:27:23.974
I, I love to dance.
00:27:24.214 --> 00:27:25.663
I'm a huge dancer.
00:27:25.684 --> 00:27:28.354
I love being up three, four or five hours.
00:27:28.354 --> 00:27:29.284
I won't even drink.
00:27:29.284 --> 00:27:31.204
Just give me some ice and I'll be good.
00:27:31.204 --> 00:27:35.404
I'll be going, but too many dudes fight for no reason.
00:27:36.689 --> 00:27:37.888
Did you see that a lot in clubs?
00:27:37.888 --> 00:27:39.329
I didn't see that a lot in clubs.
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:41.599
Because I went to clubs a lot in new York and
00:27:41.599 --> 00:27:44.069
Well, I never went to clubs in New York, only in Atlanta.
00:27:44.929 --> 00:27:45.109
Yeah.
00:27:45.109 --> 00:27:47.809
They fought all the time for stupid reasons.
00:27:47.809 --> 00:27:52.069
You're you, you stepped on my kicks or you'll Yo, this is my girl.
00:27:52.069 --> 00:27:57.689
Or you wasn't here or you spilled my drink or some stupidity in it's like.
00:27:58.398 --> 00:28:00.529
I think that has a lot to do with maturity.
00:28:00.859 --> 00:28:01.250
So now.
00:28:02.714 --> 00:28:11.054
Like, I just recently went to a, um, a day party and that was the most mature party I've ever been to.
00:28:12.044 --> 00:28:18.075
And everybody was cool and nobody had any, you know, issues and everybody was talking and we were vibing.
00:28:18.085 --> 00:28:23.294
Like it was the nineties and I need more of that.
00:28:24.044 --> 00:28:26.865
So, if I was to ever go to anything, I would go to a day club.
00:28:26.894 --> 00:28:33.615
I would take my wife to a day club where we can go and we can chill and everybody can just be super friendly and she could exist.
00:28:34.305 --> 00:28:43.515
The way that she does, where she doesn't have to get up and dance and all of that, but it's also during the day where it's sunny outside and we're not sleepy because we got kids.
00:28:43.515 --> 00:28:45.605
We got adulting to do.
00:28:45.755 --> 00:28:56.795
Even though I am used to, you know, when I think about clubs, I'm always thinking about going there at night, you know, to go to a day club will be a little weird for me at first to try to do that because I don't know.
00:28:56.795 --> 00:29:03.075
It just, I, I don't know if my mind will sink with being at a club during the day.
00:29:03.174 --> 00:29:05.595
Well see the day party that I went to wasn't at a club.
00:29:05.795 --> 00:29:08.704
It was at, it was at an Airbnb.
00:29:08.744 --> 00:29:09.355
It was at, is that,
00:29:09.825 --> 00:29:10.784
It was like a house party?
00:29:12.263 --> 00:29:15.664
Yes and no, because it was a, it was a real upper-class establishment.
00:29:15.694 --> 00:29:26.795
Like I know some day parties and, you know, shameless plug any day party, you know, announcers people who host day parties out here in Atlanta, you know holla at me, um, CEO GLM on Instagram, you already know the deal.
00:29:27.105 --> 00:29:30.434
Um, Day parties can be held at a mansion.
00:29:30.615 --> 00:29:32.325
They can be held at a pool.
00:29:32.355 --> 00:29:36.015
They can be held at, you know, really nice establishments.
00:29:36.015 --> 00:29:37.005
But the thing about it is.
00:29:37.724 --> 00:29:50.144
People who can go to that normally are entrepreneurs or people who have different work schedules, you know, because they're available during a day and their kids may be at school where they have free time.
00:29:50.585 --> 00:29:51.934
So basically I'm at well.
00:29:52.294 --> 00:30:02.105
And I don't know if that's generally just a day party thing, because to me it almost comes across as when you're going out to a club or anything like that.
00:30:02.105 --> 00:30:03.753
It's just a matter of the age group.
00:30:03.753 --> 00:30:04.234
That's there.
00:30:04.710 --> 00:30:14.849
When you look at, when you look at, excuse me, our age group, when we were younger, you know, we fit into the mold of how nightclubs may be.
00:30:15.029 --> 00:30:19.829
We'll see, I'm sorry to interrupt, but that also has to deal with the type of music that's played nowadays.
00:30:19.888 --> 00:30:22.179
And I can't get with some of this mumble rap.
00:30:22.489 --> 00:30:24.619
I don't like a lot of the rap out there.
00:30:24.740 --> 00:30:25.388
I'm so sorry.
00:30:26.420 --> 00:30:27.619
You got to come harder than that.
00:30:27.619 --> 00:30:28.039
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:28.039 --> 00:30:29.990
I got to actually understand what the heck you're saying.
00:30:30.289 --> 00:30:31.159
Well, it's not even that.
00:30:32.444 --> 00:30:40.515
I mean, yeah, I got to understand what you're saying, but also got the melody and everything has to make me want to dance and it doesn't, but that's a whole nother topic.
00:30:41.164 --> 00:30:42.724
Anyway, so we're gonna move right along.
00:30:42.845 --> 00:30:53.734
Um, so we kind of talked about a lot of different struggles that we've had being single, that kind of led us to being married, but I just want to get into.
00:30:54.644 --> 00:31:13.154
Some of the things that I feel have benefits that I found being in a long-term relationship, being married to my wife, you know, Sharene you can kind of tag in on that one too, because I feel personally there is, or I've been able to keep my sanity.
00:31:13.805 --> 00:31:14.075
Hm.
00:31:14.164 --> 00:31:14.644
Sanity.
00:31:14.644 --> 00:31:15.125
From what?
00:31:16.204 --> 00:31:19.474
So being a husband.
00:31:20.474 --> 00:31:25.275
That always likes to come home or likes to be home with his children, with his wife.
00:31:26.654 --> 00:31:28.305
And I see you every single day.
00:31:29.025 --> 00:31:34.934
There's no opportunity or time for you to turn around and go where you at?
00:31:35.384 --> 00:31:36.105
What you doing?
00:31:36.345 --> 00:31:37.034
Who you with?
00:31:37.454 --> 00:31:42.615
All of those questions that I might get from a girl that I'm dating, who may be insecure.
00:31:42.845 --> 00:31:44.105
There's some Yeah.
00:31:44.115 --> 00:31:47.644
Maybe there are some married people that are, that are saying those questions too.
00:31:47.763 --> 00:31:48.464
That's true.
00:31:48.494 --> 00:32:15.449
But then I think that also has a lot to do with three things, maturity, knowing your placement in the marriage, because there's a difference between a relationship that's just beginning where you haven't built up a foundation and then a relationship or marriage where you have built a foundation and you know, where you stand in that person's mind and heart where you don't have to worry.
00:32:15.869 --> 00:32:18.839
And a lot of times you have people who haven't built that up.
00:32:19.109 --> 00:32:21.509
And so they have a lot to question.
00:32:21.539 --> 00:32:29.329
And so then those questions become valid, you know, so I can understand it to a certain point, but, and that was the thing that I was searching for.
00:32:29.329 --> 00:32:34.319
Now me and Sharene, we talked about this in the past, you know, I, I had a problem.
00:32:35.369 --> 00:32:37.289
Not being Neo.
00:32:37.950 --> 00:32:39.089
I had to be the one.
00:32:40.660 --> 00:32:50.420
I have a big, the problem with not being the one in your life, because I put my women in that position from day one.
00:32:50.420 --> 00:32:52.160
You know, I even tell this to my kids.
00:32:52.160 --> 00:32:54.799
I'm like everybody who meets me gets a hundred from the jump.
00:32:55.369 --> 00:33:03.970
You start off with a hundred it's you who fucks it up, you bring the grade down and once you get to a point where you're failing.
00:33:05.134 --> 00:33:08.144
You got to go because I didn't do that to you.
00:33:08.144 --> 00:33:12.404
I'm not, I'm not the one who is, you know, pushing all this negativity on you.
00:33:12.404 --> 00:33:13.484
You're the one who's bringing it.
00:33:13.654 --> 00:33:14.355
O really?
00:33:17.884 --> 00:33:21.815
Well, at least I should say I give it my all and I try my best.
00:33:22.815 --> 00:33:23.434
That's better.
00:33:26.954 --> 00:33:28.934
You know, I'm not perfect.
00:33:29.295 --> 00:33:35.775
I never will be, you know, but I do try as hard as I can, as much as I can when I can.
00:33:36.015 --> 00:33:46.545
And you know, I'm a guy sometimes I just don't think as good as I need to because that's just not where my mind is at.
00:33:46.964 --> 00:33:48.674
And so I can forget.
00:33:48.765 --> 00:33:57.704
But when I do remember, or when it comes up and I make sure to pay attention and do what's right, I shine and I make sure of it.
00:33:58.154 --> 00:34:01.055
Yeah, I can, I can agree with it right now.
00:34:01.085 --> 00:34:14.014
One of the benefits that, that I really like, um, when it comes to being married and I don't know, I don't know if this is considered a good thing or a bad thing, but it's a benefit to me.
00:34:14.135 --> 00:34:41.003
Um, I love the fact that I can walk around looking like a ragamuffin and know that Gary still finds me beautiful and still is very attracted to me, even when I just, when I feel like I look like crap for whatever reason and, um, You know, of course, you know, in a marriage, you, you want to keep yourself up, you know, and, and do things to entice your spouse and everything like that.
00:34:41.003 --> 00:34:56.065
But to know on those days where you're just not with it, and you want to walk around with the infamous bonnet on your head or a head wrap or something, or whatever sweats and a t-shirt, you know, you know that your spouse still finds you attractive.
00:34:56.065 --> 00:35:04.634
And that's something that I love because, you know, you hear about women out there who are dating guys that may have guys sleep over or go sleep over at a guy's house.
00:35:04.664 --> 00:35:09.494
And they're trying to keep themselves looking at a hundred, uh, when they wake up in the morning.
00:35:09.585 --> 00:35:12.193
And that is just entirely too much work for me.
00:35:13.085 --> 00:35:13.894
I'll be honest with you.
00:35:14.764 --> 00:35:26.014
I know guys, uh, you know, not anybody that I'm close close with now, but I know guys who were married, who were like, yo, if she don't do what she gotta do, man.
00:35:26.193 --> 00:35:27.364
There's somebody else who will.
00:35:28.605 --> 00:35:28.875
Yeah.
00:35:28.965 --> 00:35:31.784
I mean, yes.
00:35:31.875 --> 00:35:33.735
I mean that, that, that can be a whole nother topic.
00:35:33.735 --> 00:35:35.445
I mean, yeah.
00:35:35.474 --> 00:35:36.315
Like I see a lot of that.
00:35:37.445 --> 00:35:54.755
Number one that goes back to the base that you have as far as, you know, knowing your position in that person's heart and mind in the relationship and the union that you all have created.
00:35:55.144 --> 00:35:59.653
And if you haven't built that up, all types of things can go down.
00:35:59.684 --> 00:36:08.224
But that also, that also goes in to, and this is something that we'll speak about in the next episode, when in regards to communication, communication is a big thing.
00:36:08.224 --> 00:36:26.653
So it needs to be communicated as to why that woman is not doing what a guy feels she should be doing to try to get to, to the root of whatever the issue may be, uh, that may be causing the guy to not get what he feels that he should be having.
00:36:27.074 --> 00:36:46.065
You know I've learned, you know, from dealing with, you know, different women from my past, who've either been raped or who've had horrible sexual experiences or, you know, just have horrible experiences with males, from family or friends or whatever the case may be.
00:36:46.485 --> 00:37:15.750
That until you actually sit down and have a real heart to heart communication with the woman, Or for any women who are out there for the man that you're dealing with until, you know, what's eating at their heart that makes them not do what it is that you want them to do for you to make you feel good, or to make you feel wanted, feel desired, give you the ingredients that you need to light that fire, until you figure it out.
00:37:16.048 --> 00:37:16.949
You're never going to get it.
00:37:17.568 --> 00:37:18.769
Yeah, exactly.
00:37:19.579 --> 00:37:22.278
And that's something that I had to learn.
00:37:23.190 --> 00:37:27.659
In our relationship, you know, my communication was horrible.
00:37:28.528 --> 00:37:29.579
Absolutely horrible.
00:37:29.639 --> 00:37:30.509
And yeah.
00:37:30.559 --> 00:37:30.739
Yeah.
00:37:30.769 --> 00:37:41.509
We, we both had to kind of work on our communication in the sense of knowing how to get what we needed out of the other person to get across our point to that other person.
00:37:41.509 --> 00:37:46.818
We had to figure out how that person interprets certain things and actually.
00:37:47.548 --> 00:37:49.048
Work to communicate in that way.
00:37:49.409 --> 00:37:58.849
And I think one of the things that, the differences between my mindset, when being single when I didn't put a ring on your finger, I wasn't trying to be married to you.
00:37:58.849 --> 00:38:00.139
Another thing, nothing like that.
00:38:00.139 --> 00:38:02.509
I was just, you know, we was just in a relationship.
00:38:03.378 --> 00:38:06.318
I didn't have a need to do all of that.
00:38:06.679 --> 00:38:14.869
I didn't have to put all at work or at least at that time, you know, my male mindset was why do I have to put all of this work into you?
00:38:14.869 --> 00:38:16.309
If I don't know if you're going to be around.
00:38:17.219 --> 00:38:21.780
But now that I'm married and I know my wife is going to be around.
00:38:22.289 --> 00:38:26.639
There's more of a reason for me to try and figure things out.
00:38:27.389 --> 00:38:47.925
And that to me is also a really big benefit, but negative on the single side, but benefit for the married side, because I just really don't need to know all of those things about your woes and yo yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, you know because, yo the Uber's outside.
00:38:49.045 --> 00:38:54.164
And you're talking about during the single life, bout to say you're not doing that now.
00:38:55.235 --> 00:39:01.594
But that's that's when, when you think about it, if you only meeting with somebody.
00:39:02.295 --> 00:39:05.414
On a date here and there, you may spend a night,
00:39:06.463 --> 00:39:08.193
but how are you going to get to know somebody?
00:39:08.193 --> 00:39:15.364
I mean, you know, it's, I think it's good to try to find out somebody's walls, even when you're single, because then you'll get to know what's going on with that person.
00:39:15.364 --> 00:39:20.074
And, and you can then further find out if you can see a future with that person or not.
00:39:20.074 --> 00:39:23.344
If you're not discussing it, then you're kind of just stuck in this loop.
00:39:23.704 --> 00:39:25.923
So that goes back to the point that I made earlier.
00:39:26.344 --> 00:39:30.724
I wish I had somebody who had talked to me like Sharene talks and how she believes.
00:39:31.545 --> 00:39:49.454
From the jump because then, and you know, a lot of women out there, you can also say there are a lot of men who do what I was talking about and don't do that other aspect until they find somebody that they want to give it a try, but that comes later on down in life.
00:39:49.844 --> 00:40:03.195
And if we all took the opportunity to really sit down and get to know each other and figure those things out, you may have, you may realize that you may have missed that person that was for you a while ago.
00:40:04.244 --> 00:40:07.664
Just because you didn't have your mind in the right place and you didn't take the time.
00:40:07.804 --> 00:40:11.554
In their mind, not being in the right place could also play a factor in their intentions.
00:40:11.733 --> 00:40:14.193
What is their intention when they're dating a person?
00:40:14.193 --> 00:40:18.273
Is it just to have sex with them or is it actually to try to build something with them?
00:40:18.273 --> 00:40:22.594
Because yeah, if you're just trying to have sex with them, you're not going to be doing much of anything.
00:40:22.594 --> 00:40:25.894
You're just trying to do whatever you need to, to reach that goal of getting them.
00:40:26.134 --> 00:40:27.394
And then you're going to move on.
00:40:27.394 --> 00:40:31.144
You're not going to care about their woes or whatever, because what, what does that have to do with anything.
00:40:31.670 --> 00:40:35.900
You know, I mean, unless you're trying to build something with them, then you're going to try to dig deeper.
00:40:36.429 --> 00:40:43.900
I will be the first guy out there who will say honestly, first thing that I ever wanted in a relationship was to have sex with you.
00:40:45.190 --> 00:40:48.730
And that doesn't, it doesn't matter what woman that came across me.
00:40:50.139 --> 00:40:54.280
The first thing that I see is something that I want to devour.
00:40:55.210 --> 00:41:01.550
And I, I, I would agree with that because when I, when, when Gary first came to visit.
00:41:02.010 --> 00:41:07.144
Well, when I reconnected with him one face, not on Facebook, excuse me, on Myspace.
00:41:08.818 --> 00:41:15.509
And I met up with him because he happened to be in Atlanta for a job or something like that at interview or something.
00:41:15.509 --> 00:41:20.278
And I met up with him at the hotel that he was at when I went there.
00:41:20.369 --> 00:41:24.838
My intention was to see somebody that I hadn't seen in 10 years.
00:41:24.838 --> 00:41:35.938
You know, let me give a big hug, sit down and talk with you and get to know you just, you know, everything that I said earlier about how I get to know somebody, because yeah, I used to be obsessed with you, but let me see what you got going on now.
00:41:36.389 --> 00:41:39.278
And as soon as I came in there, he was trying to get me.
00:41:40.210 --> 00:41:43.420
So let me, let me, let me let y'all understand what happened.
00:41:43.539 --> 00:41:53.949
As far as in my mind, this model hit me up talking about yo, I used to, you know, swoon over you and I used to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:41:54.509 --> 00:41:55.559
10 years ago though.
00:41:55.670 --> 00:41:56.940
Yeah that's, that's all cool.
00:41:57.179 --> 00:42:00.690
But the way you started it was yo, I'm super interested.
00:42:00.690 --> 00:42:04.349
I wanted you blah, blah, blah, blah and I'm looking at the pictures I'm going through.
00:42:04.349 --> 00:42:08.505
I'm like, yo, this chick is a dime I got to have that.
00:42:09.315 --> 00:42:14.974
So predator mode comes on and as, and, and most women, this is what you meet in the beginning.
00:42:14.974 --> 00:42:16.264
You meet predator mode.
00:42:16.594 --> 00:42:30.525
We are the lion, the king of the jungle who just saw prey and we finna go ham and we going to do everything in our minds and our power to let you break down your guard so we can go ham.
00:42:31.445 --> 00:42:33.105
And then what are we going to do?
00:42:33.105 --> 00:42:37.574
Like a kid with a brand new piece of candy that tastes the best that they ever had.
00:42:37.875 --> 00:42:41.695
If you ever listened to Eddie Murphy and you listened to him, talk about.
00:42:41.875 --> 00:42:47.914
O Gosh, the cracker cracker, when you're starving on a Eddie Murphy raw.
00:42:48.284 --> 00:42:50.315
Is that a ritz?
00:42:50.713 --> 00:42:52.505
That's how that's how a guy is.
00:42:52.835 --> 00:42:53.764
Understand this.
00:42:53.764 --> 00:42:59.159
I want every woman to know this is exactly what you meeting, first scenario.
00:42:59.820 --> 00:43:07.579
We're looking at this ritz cracker and we want a bite and we're going to do everything in our power to get a bite.
00:43:08.000 --> 00:43:08.130
Yeah.
00:43:08.130 --> 00:43:09.195
And that was not cool with me.
00:43:09.255 --> 00:43:10.304
I wasn't cool with that.
00:43:10.304 --> 00:43:11.625
I was just like, what is going on?
00:43:11.635 --> 00:43:12.315
No, no, no.
00:43:12.315 --> 00:43:13.635
I did not want that.
00:43:13.635 --> 00:43:15.105
I was turned off by that.
00:43:15.105 --> 00:43:24.255
I was just like, no I'm because my intention was something else, because I wanted to see what was going on with him to see if there was something that could be developed further.
00:43:24.405 --> 00:43:28.394
But I'm not gonna, that doesn't happen with me trying to have sex with you.
00:43:28.394 --> 00:43:28.605
Right.
00:43:28.605 --> 00:43:29.264
When I see you.
00:43:29.264 --> 00:43:29.715
Like no.
00:43:29.715 --> 00:43:31.175
Now see here's the difference.
00:43:31.204 --> 00:43:31.565
Okay.
00:43:33.514 --> 00:43:37.139
I know, men who will do that, get their rocks off.
00:43:37.170 --> 00:43:38.340
They may do it a couple of times.
00:43:38.340 --> 00:43:40.650
And then they dumb with you and then throw you away.
00:43:40.650 --> 00:43:41.400
Like you ain't nothing.
00:43:42.269 --> 00:43:43.289
I was never like that.
00:43:43.650 --> 00:43:44.340
I'm the type of guy.
00:43:44.340 --> 00:43:48.269
The first time that I do something, because I'm a very emotional person.
00:43:48.269 --> 00:43:49.289
I lead with my heart.
00:43:49.590 --> 00:43:57.809
Although the other head may talk in the beginning and take control the moment that I actually do something, my heart comes into play.
00:43:57.809 --> 00:43:59.519
I'm a very, very emotional person.
00:43:59.539 --> 00:44:10.500
But a woman would not get that if the first thing that you're trying to get is trying to have sex with her that because they're going to automatically think, okay, this is what you want from me, you know?
00:44:10.500 --> 00:44:13.679
And then their whole intention is now, okay, this is not what I want.
00:44:13.679 --> 00:44:13.980
Let me leave.
00:44:14.329 --> 00:44:15.318
That's true now.
00:44:15.528 --> 00:44:22.590
And this is the reason why I'm saying this, because I want women to understand that there's guys who are like this, and then there's a different aspect.
00:44:22.608 --> 00:44:31.369
There's other guys who are not, that's all, I'm trying to give you all a perspective from a guy who was not like that, you know, because yes, I did go for the cat.
00:44:31.934 --> 00:44:42.855
However, the moment that I do, I'm the type of person, like I said, I don't like to go around and do stuff with any and everybody, oh, you know, have new people all the time.
00:44:42.855 --> 00:44:43.485
I'm not like that.
00:44:43.485 --> 00:44:44.744
I like to be locked down.
00:44:45.135 --> 00:44:49.545
I like to know that the person that I'm doing something with is the person that I'm a do it with for a long time.
00:44:49.934 --> 00:44:54.344
And because of that fact, I get emotionally tied real quick.
00:44:54.675 --> 00:44:56.864
My emotions get sparked immediately.
00:44:57.224 --> 00:44:58.905
And then I start to develop things.
00:44:58.905 --> 00:45:01.235
I start to, you know, do.
00:45:01.804 --> 00:45:02.653
Sharene will tell you.
00:45:03.329 --> 00:45:04.530
That's a rarity though.
00:45:05.579 --> 00:45:08.699
See, that's the thing it's not, and that's, that's the problem.
00:45:08.699 --> 00:45:12.030
Most women think that it's a rarity, but it's, it really isn't.
00:45:12.030 --> 00:45:16.590
There's a lot of guys out there who are really emotional down home.
00:45:16.590 --> 00:45:23.929
But when you have 90 out of a hundred guys that are not doing that in the way that you describe it.
00:45:23.929 --> 00:45:25.369
Then 10 are like.
00:45:25.469 --> 00:45:28.429
Well see, here that, that goes back to the aspect that we were talking about.
00:45:29.869 --> 00:45:30.469
Trauma.
00:45:31.710 --> 00:45:44.250
Expectations, your friend circle in society, make you think that what you're doing is acceptable and it's the right thing to do.
00:45:44.250 --> 00:45:58.800
Like if you, if you think about it, any kid from the, from the eighties and the nineties, we grew up with them talking all types of stuff about sex and gang bangs and shoot them up and blah, blah, blah.
00:45:58.829 --> 00:46:02.639
And there was no real emphasis or focus on treating women, right?
00:46:03.420 --> 00:46:03.840
It was.
00:46:04.724 --> 00:46:10.423
Calling a woman this and then B and C word and so on and so forth.
00:46:10.704 --> 00:46:13.844
There was no real respect for women from a man standpoint.
00:46:14.114 --> 00:46:18.693
And from a man standpoint, if you was sitting there being all emotional, it was a bitch.
00:46:18.693 --> 00:46:21.014
She was, you know, use, use, you know, use a punk.
00:46:21.014 --> 00:46:22.454
You always pussy you, blah, blah, blah.
00:46:22.693 --> 00:46:27.344
So the guys who were like that had to push all of that to the side.
00:46:28.125 --> 00:46:30.824
And if you look at current day, it's even worse.
00:46:31.949 --> 00:46:37.949
Ain't no guy letting his emotions come out because how does how's that going to look with my, or with the boys?
00:46:38.250 --> 00:46:39.750
What's that going to look like with my crew?
00:46:39.750 --> 00:46:40.710
What's that going to look like?
00:46:40.739 --> 00:46:47.039
Uh, you know, the only person who gets to see that is my lady and it takes time for you to become my lady.
00:46:47.400 --> 00:46:54.090
And you only see that behind closed doors and the moment that door opens up and I'm back in front of the boys, all of that's gone.
00:46:55.530 --> 00:46:59.869
And you have to realize going back to the original point that we made.
00:47:00.460 --> 00:47:11.235
The representative that you put on when you walk out the door, the same person that that's, cause you remember you got different faces that you put on everyday.
00:47:11.235 --> 00:47:13.005
You got the face that you put on at work.
00:47:13.425 --> 00:47:16.005
You got to face that you got to put on in front of your family.
00:47:16.485 --> 00:47:18.974
You got the face that you got to put on in front of your crew.
00:47:19.474 --> 00:47:27.239
You got the face that you got to put on in front of you know uh, when you go for an interview, when you go out into general public, you know what I'm saying.
00:47:27.239 --> 00:47:27.960
Even in front of your kids.
00:47:28.108 --> 00:47:28.409
Yeah.
00:47:28.418 --> 00:47:32.159
You got so many different hats and faces that you got to put on.
00:47:32.369 --> 00:47:40.079
The only person who really gets to know you is either your ride or die, your best friend or your spouse.
00:47:41.039 --> 00:47:45.329
And sometimes those three people know three different people.
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:46.230
Yeah.
00:47:46.588 --> 00:47:48.599
So it's really hard.
00:47:49.378 --> 00:47:50.338
It's really hard.
00:47:52.155 --> 00:47:58.905
Because we don't take the time to really invest break down those walls.
00:47:59.144 --> 00:48:03.914
And sometimes you really got to do the work on yourself, you know, which is why therapy is such a big thing.
00:48:03.914 --> 00:48:13.304
You really need to deal with your own trauma, your own problems and your own situation so that you can learn how to love yourself because you can't love anyone else until you first know how to love you.
00:48:13.364 --> 00:48:13.994
Love yourself.
00:48:14.885 --> 00:48:15.215
Yeah.
00:48:15.574 --> 00:48:15.875
Yeah.
00:48:16.204 --> 00:48:17.445
I, I totally agree.
00:48:18.273 --> 00:48:36.043
Like we said, you know, with this episode, you know, we wanted to focus on a single life versus married life, and that's gonna continue into our next episode, dealing with communication and just the different aspects of communication that are definitely needed in a relationship.
00:48:36.304 --> 00:48:40.384
We're going to run through a couple of episodes dedicated to this understanding.
00:48:40.833 --> 00:48:44.054
I'm just giving you a deeper dive into
00:48:44.474 --> 00:48:45.344
our opinions,
00:48:45.704 --> 00:49:03.934
Our thoughts, our minds as a married couple here in Atlanta and what we have to deal with, what we've come across, what has impacted us, what has kind of made us into the people that we are in the relationship that we have and the respect and love that we have for each other.
00:49:04.355 --> 00:49:12.744
And, you know, I, I met someone not too long ago, who had said to me, you know, a lot of times when you're single.
00:49:13.869 --> 00:49:26.869
You take relationship advice from people who are single or people who are from broken relationships or people who have been divorced, who really don't know how to make a relationship work.
00:49:27.980 --> 00:49:34.744
And you need to have somebody that you can go to who's been in a long-term relationship and still in a relationship who knows how to deal.
00:49:34.855 --> 00:49:38.605
.
00:49:34.855 --> 00:49:49.014
Sharene: Well, you, you want to get that, uh, is in a relationship that is working and that exemplifies what it is that you may want for yourself.
00:49:49.375 --> 00:49:55.105
One of the things that I've always, uh, envied from Sharene you know, her parents.
00:49:56.900 --> 00:49:58.039
Still ongoing
00:49:58.190 --> 00:50:00.259
48, 40 something years.
00:50:00.650 --> 00:50:01.099
I don't remember.
00:50:03.009 --> 00:50:07.179
It's kind of hard to come across something that's been around for that long.
00:50:07.239 --> 00:50:12.039
And you not have any anxst or issues between each other, you know?
00:50:12.309 --> 00:50:12.639
Yes.
00:50:12.639 --> 00:50:15.820
My mother is married, my father's married, you know what I'm saying?
00:50:15.820 --> 00:50:22.480
But to have that length and you know, even my grandparents, my grandparents have been together since I was born.
00:50:23.795 --> 00:50:40.625
They just got married recently, you know, love him to death, but what it took to get through all of those years and everything that they went through, you got to speak to somebody who has that wealth of knowledge.
00:50:41.704 --> 00:50:45.335
So, uh, we're gonna wrap this thing up here.
00:50:45.753 --> 00:50:47.554
I appreciate you guys for hanging out with us.
00:50:47.793 --> 00:50:52.344
And I hope you, you enjoyed this, uh, this switch up that, uh, that we did.
00:50:52.614 --> 00:50:59.063
And I mean, there'll be more of that because there, you know, there are just a lot of different topics that we can, uh, discuss.
00:50:59.659 --> 00:51:04.400
I mean on the, on the very first episode where we let you guys get to know us, just the introduction to us.
00:51:04.670 --> 00:51:15.530
We talked about a lot of different topics that we're going to touch on, but this one we're going to focus on is black love for a little while, just because there's a lot that we can dive into and you'll see that in the next coming episodes, but appreciate you.
00:51:16.759 --> 00:51:17.659
We'll see you next time.
00:51:17.719 --> 00:51:18.230
Peace out.
00:51:18.670 --> 00:51:19.079
Peace!
00:51:20.739 --> 00:51:21.880
Enjoyed this episode.
00:51:22.028 --> 00:51:23.048
Make sure to subscribe.
00:51:23.048 --> 00:51:30.190
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00:51:30.548 --> 00:51:35.739
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