WEBVTT
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Talking our kids through things they're exposed to is a challenge, especially when you're trying to be a loving parent who's modeling compassion and you're trying to be a discerning parent who's modeling thoughtfulness and telling the truth to your kids.
00:00:46.259 --> 00:00:57.299
There is pretty often situations where our kids, through no fault of ours, will be exposed to things that are unbiblical, whether it is all types of folly or perversion and otherwise.
00:00:57.460 --> 00:01:02.100
And so my own heart has changed by virtue of being a father.
00:01:02.179 --> 00:01:04.180
And I think that's by God's design.
00:01:04.340 --> 00:01:14.099
For example, before I had kids, if I saw someone who was trans, say a man presenting as a woman, the primary lens that I would see that person through is compassion.
00:01:14.259 --> 00:01:18.819
This is a person who is being oppressed by the spirit of the age.
00:01:19.140 --> 00:01:38.500
They're not necessarily victims, but they are uh victimizing themselves by going along with the lies of the spirit of the age that have told them that you can be born in the wrong body, that have sold them the lie that whatever the discomfort you're feeling with your body on the inside, that can be solved by presenting or lying about your gender.
00:01:38.659 --> 00:01:55.860
And so uh knowing the data, knowing the research, understanding the comorbidities of gender dysphoria or transgender things with other mental health issues, I would generally see a person and my personal reaction was compassion, like sheep without a shepherd, harassed and helpless, the spirit of the age got to them.
00:01:56.020 --> 00:02:09.219
And I, my first goal and motive was to represent Christ's love to them, perhaps build a relationship with them, and then desire to help them eventually come into congruence with their bodily design as came from God.
00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:12.500
But then once I had children, uh the game changed a bit.
00:02:12.659 --> 00:02:17.060
Now I have a different ordering of loves that I'm required to steward, right?
00:02:17.139 --> 00:02:19.860
So my I'm called to love the Lord Jesus first.
00:02:20.180 --> 00:02:24.740
My second order on my rung is my wife, my third order on my rung is my kids.
00:02:24.819 --> 00:02:28.500
Um, and then a stranger is somewhere else down that list.
00:02:28.659 --> 00:02:32.259
Maybe it's three, four, or five, depending on what you have going on.
00:02:32.419 --> 00:02:46.099
And so when I walk with my child, who, you know, at the time is four or five years old, and we're checking in at the zoo, and this man is trying to present as a woman with a sticker on their shirt that says she, her.
00:02:46.419 --> 00:02:52.340
Um, but my son, who's uh aware of reality, looks and is confused.
00:02:52.579 --> 00:02:54.340
He's maybe late four, early five.
00:02:54.419 --> 00:02:56.340
He kind of looks at me, looks at the person.
00:02:57.139 --> 00:03:02.340
You know, and I now as a father have a different type of reaction, right?
00:03:02.419 --> 00:03:15.539
So this person is not just having a personal struggle, but now with my child being in development, this person's is inviting my child to buy into their personal struggle.
00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:23.859
This is a different type of problem now, where uh this person is not just communicating I am she when in fact it is a he.
00:03:23.939 --> 00:03:32.819
So it's not just a lying, but now this person is asking my child to believe and participate in and testify the lie.
00:03:33.060 --> 00:03:36.259
Call me she, her, when in fact I am he, him.
00:03:36.579 --> 00:03:42.419
And so I can see the confusion merge or begin to emerge in my son.
00:03:42.739 --> 00:03:45.379
And I have a choice to make in that moment.
00:03:45.699 --> 00:03:52.900
Do I allow my child to be gaslit by the one who's trying to get them to confess that which is not reality?
00:03:53.139 --> 00:04:05.699
Or do I intervene and prioritize my child's sanity, uh, reinforce that they are smart and they are discerning and tell them the truth about what's going on in a way that's maybe socially unacceptable.
00:04:05.859 --> 00:04:14.500
And so my move is I want to tell my son, you know, this is a boy who's struggling and we should have compassion for him.
00:04:14.659 --> 00:04:18.579
Um, but he wants to be called girl, but he's not.
00:04:18.819 --> 00:04:29.300
Because my goal in that moment is to order, have my loves rightly ordered, which means I want to first bear witness to the truth of God in Christ, the creator, that there's an order to nature.
00:04:29.459 --> 00:04:34.019
But then I also in that moment am going, my first ministry is to my children.
00:04:34.180 --> 00:04:51.699
And if I allow him to be gaslit by someone who is bearing false witness about their bodily sex, then I am actually hanging my son out to dry and causing him to uh begin to question himself and his rational faculties and his ability to discern things.
00:04:51.860 --> 00:04:56.259
And so I'm in that moment gonna pull him aside and say, like, hey, were you confused?
00:04:56.339 --> 00:04:59.300
And he's gonna say, Yeah, and yeah, that was a boy who thinks he was a girl.
00:04:59.379 --> 00:05:00.339
That's pretty hard.
00:05:00.500 --> 00:05:08.019
Uh, it's not dissimilar from when he has maybe a kid in one of his classes or we read a book that talks about a child with two moms.
00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:13.860
And I want to be able to say, okay, son, okay, now my daughter, she's uh mid-four years old.
00:05:14.019 --> 00:05:23.620
I want to be able to say, listen, God made it such that whenever any mammal is reproducing, it requires a male and a female, a man and a woman.
00:05:23.779 --> 00:05:27.139
And when those two come together, that's how you have offspring.
00:05:27.219 --> 00:05:28.099
That's how you have children.
00:05:28.259 --> 00:05:32.740
And so every person has a biological mom and a biological dad.
00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:37.540
And so, what do you think when you hear that someone has two moms?
00:05:37.779 --> 00:05:43.300
And my son already at the age of five or six, late five, early six at this time, is able to go, like, where's their dad?
00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:44.420
I go, that's a great question.
00:05:44.579 --> 00:05:47.300
Isn't it so sad that someone would be raised apart from their father?
00:05:47.459 --> 00:05:51.459
Now that's true for all adoptions, that's true for all of these types of situations.
00:05:51.620 --> 00:06:03.939
But my goal is to reinforce to them reality, God's design, congruence with creation, and compassion for the one whose it's not their fault or the one who's been taken captive by the spirit of the age.
00:06:04.099 --> 00:06:08.819
So the girl in your class or the girl that you saw at the library that has two moms, is that kind of sad?
00:06:08.899 --> 00:06:10.180
She doesn't have a where's her dad?
00:06:10.259 --> 00:06:10.659
We don't know.
00:06:10.819 --> 00:06:11.860
We don't know where her dad is.
00:06:11.939 --> 00:06:15.060
Or that wouldn't it be a bummer if you only didn't, if you didn't have a dad?
00:06:15.139 --> 00:06:15.939
Yeah, that'd be dad.
00:06:16.019 --> 00:06:16.980
What would be sad about that?
00:06:17.060 --> 00:06:27.699
And so trying to reinforce some measure of compassion while at the same time, uh, clearly and unapologetically, and not beating around the bush on what I know to be true and what I know to be real.
00:06:27.860 --> 00:06:30.899
And so we're trying to do conviction and compassion.
00:06:30.980 --> 00:06:42.899
Uh, but what happens when you do conviction and compassion, those who are in error or who are in sin will only hear your conviction and say you are heartless or that you're bigoted or you're transphobic or anything like that.
00:06:43.060 --> 00:06:53.459
And I want to go, I'm okay with this person thinking I'm hateful, if that means that my child looks back and says, my dad told me the truth and taught me to love, and some people hated him for it.
00:06:53.620 --> 00:07:00.659
And so I am choosing to prioritize ministry to my child over ministry to the other in that moment.
00:07:00.740 --> 00:07:02.899
And I feel no shame or guilt about that.
00:07:03.060 --> 00:07:09.779
Now, if I could perfectly thread the needle every single time and make sure everybody felt perfectly seen and understood, I would, but that's not how it works.
00:07:09.860 --> 00:07:10.899
It's never how it works.
00:07:11.139 --> 00:07:16.500
But I want my children to remember the fact that I told them the truth, that I acknowledge reality.
00:07:16.579 --> 00:07:20.659
And sometimes dad was hated for telling the truth, but he was willing to tell the truth.
00:07:20.740 --> 00:07:22.899
And he did so as best as he could compassionately.
00:07:22.980 --> 00:07:26.019
And not everyone always thought it was compassionate, but he was kind of trying to do that.
00:07:26.180 --> 00:07:32.500
And so I want to prioritize truth telling to my kids over and against compassion to the other.
00:07:32.819 --> 00:07:41.540
Uh, not a complete expense over, but if I'm gonna have an emphasis, I'm gonna emphasize my responsibility to my kids over my responsibility to a stranger every time.
00:00:32.100 --> 00:00:46.019
Talking our kids through things they're exposed to is a challenge, especially when you're trying to be a loving parent who's modeling compassion and you're trying to be a discerning parent who's modeling thoughtfulness and telling the truth to your kids.
00:00:46.259 --> 00:00:57.299
There is pretty often situations where our kids, through no fault of ours, will be exposed to things that are unbiblical, whether it is all types of folly or perversion and otherwise.
00:00:57.460 --> 00:01:02.100
And so my own heart has changed by virtue of being a father.
00:01:02.179 --> 00:01:04.180
And I think that's by God's design.
00:01:04.340 --> 00:01:14.099
For example, before I had kids, if I saw someone who was trans, say a man presenting as a woman, the primary lens that I would see that person through is compassion.
00:01:14.259 --> 00:01:18.819
This is a person who is being oppressed by the spirit of the age.
00:01:19.140 --> 00:01:38.500
They're not necessarily victims, but they are uh victimizing themselves by going along with the lies of the spirit of the age that have told them that you can be born in the wrong body, that have sold them the lie that whatever the discomfort you're feeling with your body on the inside, that can be solved by presenting or lying about your gender.
00:01:38.659 --> 00:01:55.860
And so uh knowing the data, knowing the research, understanding the comorbidities of gender dysphoria or transgender things with other mental health issues, I would generally see a person and my personal reaction was compassion, like sheep without a shepherd, harassed and helpless, the spirit of the age got to them.
00:01:56.020 --> 00:02:09.219
And I, my first goal and motive was to represent Christ's love to them, perhaps build a relationship with them, and then desire to help them eventually come into congruence with their bodily design as came from God.
00:02:09.379 --> 00:02:12.500
But then once I had children, uh the game changed a bit.
00:02:12.659 --> 00:02:17.060
Now I have a different ordering of loves that I'm required to steward, right?
00:02:17.139 --> 00:02:19.860
So my I'm called to love the Lord Jesus first.
00:02:20.180 --> 00:02:24.740
My second order on my rung is my wife, my third order on my rung is my kids.
00:02:24.819 --> 00:02:28.500
Um, and then a stranger is somewhere else down that list.
00:02:28.659 --> 00:02:32.259
Maybe it's three, four, or five, depending on what you have going on.
00:02:32.419 --> 00:02:46.099
And so when I walk with my child, who, you know, at the time is four or five years old, and we're checking in at the zoo, and this man is trying to present as a woman with a sticker on their shirt that says she, her.
00:02:46.419 --> 00:02:52.340
Um, but my son, who's uh aware of reality, looks and is confused.
00:02:52.579 --> 00:02:54.340
He's maybe late four, early five.
00:02:54.419 --> 00:02:56.340
He kind of looks at me, looks at the person.
00:02:57.139 --> 00:03:02.340
You know, and I now as a father have a different type of reaction, right?
00:03:02.419 --> 00:03:15.539
So this person is not just having a personal struggle, but now with my child being in development, this person's is inviting my child to buy into their personal struggle.
00:03:15.620 --> 00:03:23.859
This is a different type of problem now, where uh this person is not just communicating I am she when in fact it is a he.
00:03:23.939 --> 00:03:32.819
So it's not just a lying, but now this person is asking my child to believe and participate in and testify the lie.
00:03:33.060 --> 00:03:36.259
Call me she, her, when in fact I am he, him.
00:03:36.579 --> 00:03:42.419
And so I can see the confusion merge or begin to emerge in my son.
00:03:42.739 --> 00:03:45.379
And I have a choice to make in that moment.
00:03:45.699 --> 00:03:52.900
Do I allow my child to be gaslit by the one who's trying to get them to confess that which is not reality?
00:03:53.139 --> 00:04:05.699
Or do I intervene and prioritize my child's sanity, uh, reinforce that they are smart and they are discerning and tell them the truth about what's going on in a way that's maybe socially unacceptable.
00:04:05.859 --> 00:04:14.500
And so my move is I want to tell my son, you know, this is a boy who's struggling and we should have compassion for him.
00:04:14.659 --> 00:04:18.579
Um, but he wants to be called girl, but he's not.
00:04:18.819 --> 00:04:29.300
Because my goal in that moment is to order, have my loves rightly ordered, which means I want to first bear witness to the truth of God in Christ, the creator, that there's an order to nature.
00:04:29.459 --> 00:04:34.019
But then I also in that moment am going, my first ministry is to my children.
00:04:34.180 --> 00:04:51.699
And if I allow him to be gaslit by someone who is bearing false witness about their bodily sex, then I am actually hanging my son out to dry and causing him to uh begin to question himself and his rational faculties and his ability to discern things.
00:04:51.860 --> 00:04:56.259
And so I'm in that moment gonna pull him aside and say, like, hey, were you confused?
00:04:56.339 --> 00:04:59.300
And he's gonna say, Yeah, and yeah, that was a boy who thinks he was a girl.
00:04:59.379 --> 00:05:00.339
That's pretty hard.
00:05:00.500 --> 00:05:08.019
Uh, it's not dissimilar from when he has maybe a kid in one of his classes or we read a book that talks about a child with two moms.
00:05:08.180 --> 00:05:13.860
And I want to be able to say, okay, son, okay, now my daughter, she's uh mid-four years old.
00:05:14.019 --> 00:05:23.620
I want to be able to say, listen, God made it such that whenever any mammal is reproducing, it requires a male and a female, a man and a woman.
00:05:23.779 --> 00:05:27.139
And when those two come together, that's how you have offspring.
00:05:27.219 --> 00:05:28.099
That's how you have children.
00:05:28.259 --> 00:05:32.740
And so every person has a biological mom and a biological dad.
00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:37.540
And so, what do you think when you hear that someone has two moms?
00:05:37.779 --> 00:05:43.300
And my son already at the age of five or six, late five, early six at this time, is able to go, like, where's their dad?
00:05:43.459 --> 00:05:44.420
I go, that's a great question.
00:05:44.579 --> 00:05:47.300
Isn't it so sad that someone would be raised apart from their father?
00:05:47.459 --> 00:05:51.459
Now that's true for all adoptions, that's true for all of these types of situations.
00:05:51.620 --> 00:06:03.939
But my goal is to reinforce to them reality, God's design, congruence with creation, and compassion for the one whose it's not their fault or the one who's been taken captive by the spirit of the age.
00:06:04.099 --> 00:06:08.819
So the girl in your class or the girl that you saw at the library that has two moms, is that kind of sad?
00:06:08.899 --> 00:06:10.180
She doesn't have a where's her dad?
00:06:10.259 --> 00:06:10.659
We don't know.
00:06:10.819 --> 00:06:11.860
We don't know where her dad is.
00:06:11.939 --> 00:06:15.060
Or that wouldn't it be a bummer if you only didn't, if you didn't have a dad?
00:06:15.139 --> 00:06:15.939
Yeah, that'd be dad.
00:06:16.019 --> 00:06:16.980
What would be sad about that?
00:06:17.060 --> 00:06:27.699
And so trying to reinforce some measure of compassion while at the same time, uh, clearly and unapologetically, and not beating around the bush on what I know to be true and what I know to be real.
00:06:27.860 --> 00:06:30.899
And so we're trying to do conviction and compassion.
00:06:30.980 --> 00:06:42.899
Uh, but what happens when you do conviction and compassion, those who are in error or who are in sin will only hear your conviction and say you are heartless or that you're bigoted or you're transphobic or anything like that.
00:06:43.060 --> 00:06:53.459
And I want to go, I'm okay with this person thinking I'm hateful, if that means that my child looks back and says, my dad told me the truth and taught me to love, and some people hated him for it.
00:06:53.620 --> 00:07:00.659
And so I am choosing to prioritize ministry to my child over ministry to the other in that moment.
00:07:00.740 --> 00:07:02.899
And I feel no shame or guilt about that.
00:07:03.060 --> 00:07:09.779
Now, if I could perfectly thread the needle every single time and make sure everybody felt perfectly seen and understood, I would, but that's not how it works.
00:07:09.860 --> 00:07:10.899
It's never how it works.
00:07:11.139 --> 00:07:16.500
But I want my children to remember the fact that I told them the truth, that I acknowledge reality.
00:07:16.579 --> 00:07:20.659
And sometimes dad was hated for telling the truth, but he was willing to tell the truth.
00:07:20.740 --> 00:07:22.899
And he did so as best as he could compassionately.
00:07:22.980 --> 00:07:26.019
And not everyone always thought it was compassionate, but he was kind of trying to do that.
00:07:26.180 --> 00:07:32.500
And so I want to prioritize truth telling to my kids over and against compassion to the other.
00:07:32.819 --> 00:07:41.540
Uh, not a complete expense over, but if I'm gonna have an emphasis, I'm gonna emphasize my responsibility to my kids over my responsibility to a stranger every time.
