Remembering Phil (Carolla Classics)

WEBVTT
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Welcome to Corolla Classics. I'm your host, superfan Giovanni.
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This is the podcast where we put the best moments, highlights,
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and fan-selected clips from all 17 years of The Adam
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Corolla Show. We have a companion podcast titled Corolla Classics.
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Check out podcast1. plus. There you'll find the ad-free archives. And
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to access the ad-free archives of The Adam Corolla Show,
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The Adam and Dr. Drew Show, as well as the
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podcast Beat It Out, Make sure to check out Adam
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Carolla's Substack, adamcarolla.substack.com. And if you'd like to request a clip,
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please email us, classics at adamcarolla.com.
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Let's get to the clips. Coming first, we have Adam.
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Carolla's show, 1728, featuring Cousin Sal, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop.
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This one's from 2016.
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All right. Where were we? Oh, yeah. I got Phil.
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Speaking of Phil, I got a dog.
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Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. You got the dog that
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was going to be sent out, right? From the other shop?
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It's a– Is that what happened? Well, what happened was is.
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I had a puppy many years ago, a German Shepherd
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puppy that was– when I was single, that drove me
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insane for– about five weeks and then died.
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Oh God. And I don't romanticize it.
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Yeah.
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The dog drove me so insane that when he died,
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I was not, I mean, I was sad, but it
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was almost like, okay, I can, I can, I can get.
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On with my life at least.
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And, uh, and I, and then I got a Molly
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girl and Molly girl was one when Molly girl showed
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up and Molly was not only good, For a one-year-old.
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She's good for a lab, but she's good for a person.
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Yeah.
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She literally is the sweetest, nicest, easiest.
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And all of a sudden, you have this dog that
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doesn't scratch, doesn't bark at the window, doesn't shit or
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piss in the house.
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Like, just one. It's like.
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Completely self realized, self, self autonomous dog that does nothing
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but eat in the morning, eat in the evening and
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go outside and take shit.
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And by the way, idealized dog, if she got locked.
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In the house for eight hours, she'd hold it until
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it was time to get outside. And, or one time,
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like literally got locked in the house all day and
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went upstairs and like shit on the tile in the bathroom.
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Like this is going to be the least intrusive place
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to shit. And, um, And I announced at that point, puppy,
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never again. Never again with the puppies. I want one-year-olds.
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And I've said it, and I mean it. People are like, oh,
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come on now.
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And I'm like, no, the puppy was much more work
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than my twins. And they're like, more work than twins?
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I'm like, Yeah, because I hired a heavyset woman of
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color to be the night nurse of the twins while
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I went and did a radio show.
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You can strap a diaper to the twins.
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Put a diaper on them, and guess who ain't changing
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that diaper? They got to pay somebody, but it wasn't me.
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Right. The dog, oh, no.
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Well, after the proclamation of no more puppies, and, of course,
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Natalia right in my face with she wants a puppy. So, no,
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we get a dog when they're a year old, and
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they're all coached up, and we enjoy them.
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They're still little.
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Yeah, I know.
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They're still essentially a new dog.
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Molly was the greatest. Well, smash cut two. Uh-oh. Well,
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let me tell you first. First, I'll put myself in
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a better mood.
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Blue Apron.
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Mmm. This stuff is good, healthy, strong. It's better than
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it needs to be. That's the.
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I think that's... That seems to be the common refrain
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with this. Better, better. Like you go, oh, they didn't
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have to make it this good. That stuff is great.
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And even the guy, I'm lowfalutin. This stuff sounds highfalutin,
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but it works. It all just works.
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They tread the line between falutin and none. Yeah.
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Shrimp scampi with a fresh linguine. There's nothing falutin about that.
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Three cheese calzones, seared cod, date vinaigrette. Everything is good.
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Everything's good. And what we.
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Do oftentimes is old guy will just like triple down
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on the recipe because there's a bunch of people in
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my house. So this is, you know, two people can
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eat this. Well, we got five people. So she'll just
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double down on it and make the exact same recipe.
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Pull the cards out. Keep the ones you like.
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It's great.
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And you don't have to go out, and you don't
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have to spend a bunch of money.
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It's about $ 10 a person, and it's about 500 to
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700 calories per portion.
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It's all great. You make it in under 40 minutes.
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Go to Blue Apron, blueapron.com forward slash Adam. You can
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get your first two meals for free. Blueapron.com forward slash Adam.
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I'm telling you, try it. If part of your New
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Year's reso is to eat a little better, eat a
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little fresher, eat a little healthier, Blue Apron.
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This is the way.
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It's coming right to your house.
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All right.
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Let's see.
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So my what happens? I announce no more puppies. We
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get the one year olds. And then Rob, who works
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in the other shop, gets a black lab puppy, which
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which I love. I mean, there's nothing better with the
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big paws and the big floppy ears and everything. And
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I say, okay, good for you, but I'm still going
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to just wait until I get a one-year-old, or I'm
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going to find it.
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And then Natalia's pushing, and she says.
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She senses you want something, so she goes the other way.
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Right.
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And she also never— she' ll grind you.
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She'll just grind you.
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She's like an Israeli at a Turkish bazaar. My friend,
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my friend, no.
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And I'm like saying to her, look, we'll get a
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one-year-old lab.
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My friend.
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No.
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No, no, no. No, no, no.
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It's no good.
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It's no good. That's my friend.
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Zygote.
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We get the zygote. We use an instrument. We pull
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it from the mother. Blastocyst.
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You want the blastocyst.
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Okay. All right. Nine months. Give me nine months.
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No.
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My friend.
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My friend. No good.
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No good.
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No, no.
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No, no.
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White lab. Newborn.
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Still a little cocoyed. Still wrapped around there.
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No, no.
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Sounds dangerous.
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My friend, my friend.
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Hey.
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I can go to one month.
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I'm really set on getting like a semi-grown puppy.
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I mean, I want an adult, but I'm saying a
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juvenile would be ideal.
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My friend, 10 months.
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I'm really looking more over the year mark. I mean,
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10 months is close, but 12 months plus, maybe a
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year and a half.
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Nope.
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No, no.
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No, my friend. My friend. Listen. Listen, my friend. 71 weeks.
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My friend. Okay, I'm doing the math real quick.
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71.
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It's just good. 71 weeks. Oh, no. Four weeks.
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No, two weeks.
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All right, I've lost it.
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We're going the wrong direction.
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Anyway, that's all she does is haggle, haggle, haggle, grind, grind, grind, and.
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Then rat me out when I yell at her with
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my dad voice, you know.
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Well, and by the way, speaking of that, at the
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Christmas party, she was singing like a canary.
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Oh, my God.
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She is quite the raconteur.
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Yes.
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A lot of great stories coming from that child.
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Yeah, she loves it. She loves ratting me out.
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It's her thing. It's her thing.
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Very entertaining.
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Anyway.
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Uh, there's this puppy and now Rob's landlord wants the
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puppy out of his place. And the deal is, so
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now I'm getting this. Now it's a perfect storm. Of course,
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he's got the puppy.
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Hmm. The landlord wants the dog out.
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ASAP.
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ASAP.
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And then there's a steady diet from Rob of, she's really, sorry,
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he's really good. He may have had one mistake in
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the house. One mistake and that's it.
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But that's it.
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Just one.
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One crap in the living room.
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But that's it.
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That's it. It's really good. I got him pretty well
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coached up and stuff. And I'm like, you do, huh?
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Yeah, yeah.
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Yeah, okay.
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So now it's like three, four weeks out of Christmas,
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and I'm basically saying, all right, can you hold the dog?
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Can you ask your landlord? Can you do something with
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the dog? It's a long story. Smash cut to Christmas morning,
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9 a.m. Rob shows up with the dog. Natalia is
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tearing every present open going, where's Phil? Where is Phil?
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Has she pre-named the dog she didn't know she was getting?
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Pre-named the dog Phil. We'll put some pictures of him
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up at AdamCarolla.com.
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Where's Phil?
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And I'm like, well, maybe he's in that box over there.
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And she's like, Phil! And she starts tearing open the box.
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Where's Phil? Where's Phil?
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And then she's saying stuff like, you know, Santa wouldn't
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put a dog in a box.
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That's too mean, you know? Well, maybe he's in that
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bag over there, that gift bag over there.
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Zip lock bag over there.
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Open everything.
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Where's Phil? Where's Phil?
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Well, anyway, Rob shows up. I do the thing that.
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Well, actually just waking up and getting, I was going
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to say, I do the thing my parents would have
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never done for me, but actually just getting out of
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bed every day and going to work would have been
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something they would have never done for their family.
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But there, so I meet Rob outside.
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It's like a drug deal going down, but with a dog,
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you know, like here's the crate, here's the dog, here's
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the bowl, here's the kibble, here's the whatever.
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And then of course Lynette's like, get the bowl, get
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the bowl.
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And Natalia, Natalia's like, We're looking around.
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Well, what kind of Christmas is this? Where is Phil?
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Where is Phil?
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And there's this hallway that just opens up into the
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living room. She's just sitting in the living room. And
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I did something that would never work if I tried
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a thousand more times. I put the big bow. on
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top of Phil, throw the strap sort of over his shoulders.
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It's bigger than he is. He goes walking down, wandering
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down the hall. I get him to just wander, goes
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into the thing. Natalia just comes running up and Natalia
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bursts into tears.
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And it's the.
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Greatest thing you've ever seen in your life. And Phil's
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just licking, licking the tears up. Gary, did Lynette send
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you that one?
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The bow.
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The bow and the tears and the whatever.
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I don't think so.
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Send her a tweet or a text or something. See
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if you can find it. But anyway.
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Will do.
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Hey, it's maybe worth mentioning why they named it Phil.
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I had two guesses and was wrong.
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Oh, okay.
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I had one guess. I figured it was Rosenthal.
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That's what I thought first.
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And then I saw someone tweet Philip the Juggler, which
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kind of warmed my heart.
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00:10:44.179 --> 00:10:46.039
Would have been nice. My old friend who died.
252
00:10:46.059 --> 00:10:46.129
Yes.
253
00:10:47.240 --> 00:10:51.649
Uh, no, Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. Yeah.
254
00:10:51.950 --> 00:10:53.570
Wait, Natalia picked that name?
255
00:10:53.590 --> 00:10:54.169
Yeah.
256
00:10:54.269 --> 00:10:55.929
You really did get her hooked on that show.
257
00:10:55.950 --> 00:10:56.669
Yeah, I did.
258
00:10:56.730 --> 00:11:00.509
Yeah. She, she loves it. And, uh, that's who, that's who, uh,
259
00:11:00.549 --> 00:11:02.009
she named him after. Oh, that's great.
260
00:11:02.330 --> 00:11:06.889
But it's, uh, so she, I actually started crying standing
261
00:11:06.909 --> 00:11:09.850
in the living room with her just, she's such a
262
00:11:09.909 --> 00:11:12.740
tough kid and she just bursts into tears and the
263
00:11:12.769 --> 00:11:15.519
dog was just like, jumping on her and licking her face.
264
00:11:15.539 --> 00:11:17.919
It was like licking away her tears. And it was
265
00:11:17.980 --> 00:11:20.039
a great, the first site, greatest thing ever.
266
00:11:20.059 --> 00:11:27.769
And an hour later, no, uh, somewhere between 48 and
267
00:11:27.769 --> 00:11:28.950
51 minutes later.
268
00:11:28.970 --> 00:11:31.129
And by the way, here's this thing.
269
00:11:31.149 --> 00:11:35.549
Uh, I have a, could this have gone any other way?
270
00:11:35.830 --> 00:11:38.850
Approach to life. Like I'm, I'm the guy. Here's all
271
00:11:38.909 --> 00:11:43.649
I am. Here's, here's my job, my position, my posture, my,
272
00:11:44.309 --> 00:11:45.210
This is what I do in life.
273
00:11:45.990 --> 00:11:49.529
I sit in the passenger seat of life as we
274
00:11:49.570 --> 00:11:53.360
go down the road of life. And everyone else seems
275
00:11:53.379 --> 00:11:56.519
to be having a good time, listening to the radio, talking,
276
00:11:56.820 --> 00:11:59.940
enjoying themselves. And I'm the guy who goes, that's a
277
00:11:59.940 --> 00:12:02.899
pretty big pothole coming up. It's way off in the distance,
278
00:12:02.940 --> 00:12:04.850
but it's coming up. And everyone goes, huh?
279
00:12:05.019 --> 00:12:05.649
They're shooting you.
280
00:12:05.789 --> 00:12:06.110
And I go.
281
00:12:06.870 --> 00:12:07.690
There's a pothole.
282
00:12:07.710 --> 00:12:08.750
It's way up there.
283
00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:09.029
Okay, Mr.
284
00:12:09.059 --> 00:12:09.399
Negativity.
285
00:12:09.460 --> 00:12:11.519
I can see it. They're like, shut.
286
00:12:11.279 --> 00:12:15.620
Up and turn up the radio. Don't stop believing. And
287
00:12:15.639 --> 00:12:17.610
I'm like, I don't like this song. It's not even
288
00:12:17.629 --> 00:12:18.090
a good song.
289
00:12:18.110 --> 00:12:21.289
We all love this song. So shut up. Get on board. Yeah.
290
00:12:21.309 --> 00:12:23.370
Speaking of pothole, why don't you shut your pie hole?
291
00:12:24.899 --> 00:12:26.779
Why are you bumming it? Why are you harshing our mail?
292
00:12:26.820 --> 00:12:29.259
And I go, look, the thing is, is if we
293
00:12:29.299 --> 00:12:32.200
hit this pothole, it's going to bend the rim. It
294
00:12:32.340 --> 00:12:33.960
might pop the tire. We're going to be off by
295
00:12:33.980 --> 00:12:35.580
the side of the road. And I don't even know
296
00:12:35.600 --> 00:12:37.960
if we have a spare in this car of life.
297
00:12:38.059 --> 00:12:39.620
And they go, ah, relax.
298
00:12:39.679 --> 00:12:40.460
Have a cigarette.
299
00:12:40.500 --> 00:12:41.080
Turn it up.
300
00:12:41.139 --> 00:12:45.070
Just a small town girl. Yeah.
301
00:12:45.179 --> 00:12:48.830
And then at a certain other point, at about a
302
00:12:48.870 --> 00:12:51.309
halfway point to the pothole, I go, now look.
303
00:12:52.070 --> 00:12:53.990
I'm not saying turn around and go home. I'm just
304
00:12:54.029 --> 00:12:55.990
saying let's just veer off to the left a little bit.
305
00:12:56.009 --> 00:12:59.330
Let's just– anything but hit the pothole. And they go,
306
00:13:00.070 --> 00:13:00.629
we got it.
307
00:13:01.049 --> 00:13:04.049
Now turn up the journey. That song has made some
308
00:13:04.090 --> 00:13:06.450
kind of crazy comeback. Like, fuck it.
309
00:13:06.490 --> 00:13:09.690
It'd be like if AIDS made a full-blown comeback. I mean,
310
00:13:09.710 --> 00:13:11.570
it's not– It'd be just like it. Well, it's not
311
00:13:11.649 --> 00:13:15.250
as– It wouldn't be– it's actually worse. But what I'm
312
00:13:15.289 --> 00:13:17.889
saying is like a new strain that we couldn't fight
313
00:13:17.929 --> 00:13:20.299
with AZT or whatever it is. It's back in a
314
00:13:20.379 --> 00:13:22.259
big way. I think I blame the Sopranos.
315
00:13:22.460 --> 00:13:23.659
I don't know why. Yeah, you definitely blame the Sopranos.
316
00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:24.220
My daughter was.
317
00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:26.639
Singing at karaoke the other night. Like it's all over
318
00:13:26.659 --> 00:13:29.529
the radio. It's songs 31 years old.
319
00:13:29.629 --> 00:13:30.309
It was gone.
320
00:13:30.350 --> 00:13:31.190
It was dormant.
321
00:13:31.549 --> 00:13:32.690
Your nine-year-old knows it?
322
00:13:33.460 --> 00:13:34.220
Sing it karaoke.
323
00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:35.539
It's full saturation.
324
00:13:35.559 --> 00:13:41.289
It was Don't Stop Believing was completely dormant in 1999
325
00:13:41.289 --> 00:13:42.289
to 2008.
326
00:13:42.289 --> 00:13:44.110
Now it's back.
327
00:13:44.490 --> 00:13:48.649
Like Legos. For a while, they're flatlining. Yes. And smoke shops.
328
00:13:49.169 --> 00:13:49.909
And now they're all back.
329
00:13:50.389 --> 00:13:54.889
So I'm just going to watch the bottle. Watch the bottle.
330
00:13:55.009 --> 00:13:56.970
And then now we're coming up on it. And I go.
331
00:13:58.950 --> 00:14:03.419
Hey, coming up on this pothole, we got, you know,
332
00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:06.220
we got 35 series tires on. They're like rubber bands.
333
00:14:06.240 --> 00:14:07.940
They're going to tent the rim. They're going to pop.
334
00:14:07.980 --> 00:14:09.879
We'll never make it to Phoenix.
335
00:14:10.120 --> 00:14:15.080
Just fear a little. Pothole, pothole, pothole. You're drowning in
336
00:14:15.159 --> 00:14:15.799
the sun.
337
00:14:16.919 --> 00:14:18.980
Then it's smash cut to us by the side of
338
00:14:19.019 --> 00:14:21.340
the road. And so I'm going, do we have a jack?
339
00:14:21.480 --> 00:14:22.019
I don't know.
340
00:14:22.039 --> 00:14:22.899
Do you have a jack?
341
00:14:23.299 --> 00:14:23.879
And then I say.
342
00:14:26.570 --> 00:14:28.710
The pothole, I was warning everyone about it.
343
00:14:28.710 --> 00:14:29.730
Everyone goes, huh?
344
00:14:29.990 --> 00:14:31.570
And then everyone looks at me and goes, will you
345
00:14:31.649 --> 00:14:34.429
shut up and stop complaining and help us fix this car?
346
00:14:38.850 --> 00:14:42.649
And that's essentially my life. So I make the proclamation,
347
00:14:42.860 --> 00:14:45.519
no more puppies. I don't want to clean up any shit.
348
00:14:45.659 --> 00:14:47.320
And then I could double back and I say to
349
00:14:47.360 --> 00:14:51.720
myself and to anyone who listened, this new house we
350
00:14:51.759 --> 00:14:55.879
moved in, I think when we bought it, Obviously, they
351
00:14:55.899 --> 00:14:57.379
were looking to sell it, but they were looking to
352
00:14:57.460 --> 00:15:03.200
spruce it up in a hurry. And they put this big, shitty, snap-together,
353
00:15:03.340 --> 00:15:06.759
floating Ikea floor in the house. And what it is
354
00:15:06.860 --> 00:15:16.309
is it's a fair-to-midland, lower-to-midland, cheap, veneered house. wood floor
355
00:15:16.389 --> 00:15:19.039
kind of thing. It looked good in pictures, but when
356
00:15:19.059 --> 00:15:21.860
you walked on it, especially as a guy who's used
357
00:15:21.899 --> 00:15:24.980
to the real oak TNG with the sand and the
358
00:15:25.019 --> 00:15:27.279
stain and stuff, it's a floating floor.
359
00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:29.899
They snap it together. They put it in place. They
360
00:15:29.919 --> 00:15:30.419
cut it around.
361
00:15:31.259 --> 00:15:33.500
It's a way to make your house look good for
362
00:15:33.779 --> 00:15:35.710
under five grand and do the whole house.
363
00:15:35.769 --> 00:15:36.809
It's not actually wood.
364
00:15:37.330 --> 00:15:37.929
No, no.
365
00:15:39.429 --> 00:15:41.029
Most stuff is just engineered now.
366
00:15:41.070 --> 00:15:41.610
It's got maybe.
367
00:15:41.970 --> 00:15:43.970
Maybe it has a thin veneer of wood at the top.
368
00:15:44.009 --> 00:15:45.789
The rest is just a bunch of plywood and chemicals
369
00:15:45.809 --> 00:15:46.629
and shit like that.
370
00:15:47.110 --> 00:15:50.590
And I announced sort of laughingly like the whole house.
371
00:15:50.629 --> 00:15:53.330
They did the whole house in this shit. The whole
372
00:15:53.669 --> 00:16:00.179
fucking house is done in this shitty, cheap Ikea wooden floor.
373
00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:04.340
And I'm laughing because I'm like, shit away, dog, because
374
00:16:04.399 --> 00:16:07.419
it's literally like just like shitting on a plastic wood
375
00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:08.799
floor that I don't even like.
376
00:16:09.559 --> 00:16:10.919
So I'm like, shit away.
377
00:16:10.940 --> 00:16:12.940
And by the way, the dog seems to be trained anyway,
378
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:19.210
at least according to Rob. Somewhere between 48 and 51
379
00:16:19.210 --> 00:16:22.509
minutes after the dog came into the house, the dog
380
00:16:22.549 --> 00:16:23.330
took a massive.
381
00:16:23.889 --> 00:16:25.710
Oh, look at that dog sleeping.
382
00:16:25.730 --> 00:16:29.309
The dog took a massive, massive sloppy dump.
383
00:16:31.129 --> 00:16:31.590
Where?
384
00:16:33.240 --> 00:16:33.529
Where?
385
00:16:34.269 --> 00:16:34.740
On your pillow.
386
00:16:38.019 --> 00:16:38.090
On.
387
00:16:38.549 --> 00:16:40.149
Natalia's.
388
00:16:39.830 --> 00:16:45.700
White novelty shag carpet that basically 92% of it is
389
00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:49.799
under her bed. And there's a small 8% corner that
390
00:16:49.879 --> 00:16:53.279
hangs out, that creeps out from a small bedroom. And
391
00:16:53.320 --> 00:16:58.690
the dog literally went and shat up the corner.
392
00:16:59.289 --> 00:17:00.559
Gary, I took a picture of it.
393
00:17:01.549 --> 00:17:04.170
The thing that's comical about it, it's in my phone.
394
00:17:05.410 --> 00:17:07.710
Max pad, I'll get it. The thing that's comical about
395
00:17:07.730 --> 00:17:10.970
it is, like, Lynette's like, oh, please don't take a,
396
00:17:11.069 --> 00:17:12.849
you know. And I was like, I have to. I
397
00:17:13.109 --> 00:17:13.369
have to.
398
00:17:13.390 --> 00:17:16.130
Because this is, this is, the dog showed.
399
00:17:16.009 --> 00:17:17.950
Up at 9. It's before 10 a.m.
400
00:17:18.210 --> 00:17:23.920
The dog found a corner of novelty white shag and
401
00:17:23.960 --> 00:17:27.980
took a sloppy, huge shit on it. Lynette was down
402
00:17:28.019 --> 00:17:30.579
there with the fucking bissel, like, you know, trying to
403
00:17:30.599 --> 00:17:33.180
get peanut butter out of Santa's beard kind of thing.
404
00:17:33.920 --> 00:17:37.720
Can you bleach it? What do you do at that point?
405
00:17:38.859 --> 00:17:40.160
Burn the house down and leave.
406
00:17:40.740 --> 00:17:43.720
What happened at that point? Line five. This goes along
407
00:17:43.740 --> 00:17:44.460
with line five.
408
00:17:44.880 --> 00:17:47.000
Remind me, because then I'll get back to my potholes
409
00:17:47.519 --> 00:17:48.319
scenario again.
410
00:17:50.710 --> 00:17:51.089
Janine?
411
00:17:52.309 --> 00:17:53.809
We're on line five. That's Frank. Oh, sorry.
412
00:17:53.890 --> 00:17:56.470
I screwed that up. Line five is the dog question. Sorry,
413
00:17:56.490 --> 00:17:59.829
I screwed that up. Yeah, dog question. Frank, 47, Beverly Hills. Oh,
414
00:18:00.049 --> 00:18:03.329
Beverly Hills, Florida. What's going on? Hey. What's going on, man?
415
00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:05.200
Hey, Adam. Nice to talk to you.
416
00:18:05.380 --> 00:18:05.799
Good, man.
417
00:18:06.319 --> 00:18:06.940
Happy New Year.
418
00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:08.200
Oh, yeah.
419
00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:12.359
No, I announced last night that this dog ruined my holiday.
420
00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:14.460
I spent the entire holiday cleaning up shit.
421
00:18:14.920 --> 00:18:15.740
That's all I did.
422
00:18:16.599 --> 00:18:16.779
Oh.
423
00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:18.039
Oh.
424
00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:19.200
All right, sorry.
425
00:18:19.220 --> 00:18:20.019
We're looking at the shit.
426
00:18:20.039 --> 00:18:23.119
Could the carpet get any whiter or any shaggier? And
427
00:18:23.160 --> 00:18:26.420
that shitty wood floor is the entire house.
428
00:18:26.109 --> 00:18:29.710
Except for that one spot. All right. Anyway, comical. We're
429
00:18:29.730 --> 00:18:30.569
moving on. Sorry.
430
00:18:32.230 --> 00:18:32.490
Okay.
431
00:18:33.690 --> 00:18:37.049
Just so happens my wife and I have been arguing
432
00:18:37.809 --> 00:18:38.309
for the last.
433
00:18:38.349 --> 00:18:40.269
Gary, take the shit picture down. I'm going to throw
434
00:18:40.289 --> 00:18:42.940
up in my coffee. Yes.
435
00:18:44.039 --> 00:18:46.119
For the last couple days, all of a sudden she
436
00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:48.960
wants a dog, and she's sending me pictures of the dogs,
437
00:18:49.039 --> 00:18:51.480
and she's showing me, isn't this cute, isn't this great?
438
00:18:51.500 --> 00:18:54.380
I'm like, I just don't really want the responsibility of
439
00:18:54.460 --> 00:18:57.549
a dog. And I saw on Facebook a couple days
440
00:18:57.630 --> 00:18:59.410
ago that you had gotten a dog, so I'm like,
441
00:18:59.450 --> 00:19:01.210
I'm going to call Adam and see what he thinks.
442
00:19:01.309 --> 00:19:03.680
Ah. Well, I will not.
443
00:19:03.740 --> 00:19:04.109
I'll tell you.
444
00:19:04.119 --> 00:19:04.500
I'll tell you.
445
00:19:04.539 --> 00:19:05.109
I'll tell you what.
446
00:19:05.890 --> 00:19:09.390
Not only the dog at Christmas seems like the most
447
00:19:09.509 --> 00:19:10.450
awesome plan in the world.
448
00:19:10.490 --> 00:19:11.490
It's the worst plan in the world.
449
00:19:11.829 --> 00:19:12.009
First.
450
00:19:12.029 --> 00:19:13.470
All right. Fivefold.
451
00:19:15.029 --> 00:19:19.049
Fold number one. There are boxes, tinsel and ornaments and
452
00:19:19.150 --> 00:19:21.970
paper everywhere. It's a nonstop.
453
00:19:22.190 --> 00:19:23.839
What's the dog got in its mouth? What's it got
454
00:19:23.859 --> 00:19:25.019
in its mouth? It's got the box.
455
00:19:25.079 --> 00:19:25.759
It's got the thing.
456
00:19:25.819 --> 00:19:28.480
It's walking around with the thing in its mouth. It's
457
00:19:28.559 --> 00:19:30.579
trotting around. You're pulling because.
458
00:19:30.349 --> 00:19:32.289
The ornaments that hang low off the tree.
459
00:19:34.980 --> 00:19:37.900
Drank the Christmas water. Of course. And then shit all
460
00:19:37.980 --> 00:19:38.900
over the place. Sure.
461
00:19:39.480 --> 00:19:41.400
And this was sloppy. So the point is, like, you're
462
00:19:41.420 --> 00:19:45.890
drinking out of the Christmas water tub. You have cardboard
463
00:19:45.970 --> 00:19:48.549
chewed up everywhere. There's stuff all over the floor because
464
00:19:48.609 --> 00:19:53.029
it's Christmas. Also, for me... It's the only time of
465
00:19:53.069 --> 00:19:55.369
the year I'm actually at home in my bathrobe and
466
00:19:55.470 --> 00:19:57.930
trying to enjoy myself, and I'm chasing this dog around,
467
00:19:58.410 --> 00:20:01.769
and I have hypervigilance. So it's like everyone else is
468
00:20:01.829 --> 00:20:04.029
taken to the room in their iPads, and I'm like,
469
00:20:04.210 --> 00:20:07.009
the dog got fed, right? Yeah, that was an hour ago, right?
470
00:20:07.150 --> 00:20:09.410
Why is the dog inside? Dog needs to be outside, huh?
471
00:20:09.470 --> 00:20:12.259
Is the dog inside? Like, my hypervigilance, like, get the
472
00:20:12.299 --> 00:20:13.900
dog outside. Dog's had to be outside.
473
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:16.119
All right, sorry, Frank.
474
00:20:17.140 --> 00:20:17.500
Does that help?
475
00:20:17.519 --> 00:20:17.859
No, that's fine.
476
00:20:18.859 --> 00:20:19.400
Oh, geez.
477
00:20:19.500 --> 00:20:23.039
Well, well, I think my wife's going to be disappointed.
478
00:20:23.359 --> 00:20:29.210
Well, look, look, the deal is, is get a one
479
00:20:29.269 --> 00:20:32.559
year old dog that is already broken in and not
480
00:20:32.660 --> 00:20:35.500
neurotic and, you know, get a mellow one year old dog.
481
00:20:36.250 --> 00:20:37.630
Frank, let's ask Adam.
482
00:20:37.650 --> 00:20:40.670
Was it worth it all for that moment when Natalia
483
00:20:40.690 --> 00:20:42.289
saw the dog and the dog let her tears?
484
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:44.319
It was.
485
00:20:44.339 --> 00:20:47.500
That happened in the first 13 seconds and then the
486
00:20:47.720 --> 00:20:55.099
following two weeks. I mean, Lynette and I, we had
487
00:20:55.299 --> 00:20:58.380
one good date night. We had a let's go out
488
00:20:58.420 --> 00:21:03.269
to dinner. Let's go see Hateful Eight. Let's blah, blah, blah. And, uh,
489
00:21:03.309 --> 00:21:04.549
what are we going to do with the dog? The
490
00:21:04.589 --> 00:21:09.390
kids are staying with Ivy. That's, uh, that's cousin Sal's sister.
491
00:21:10.049 --> 00:21:13.089
And they're having a fun time over there. And, uh,
492
00:21:13.509 --> 00:21:15.609
Zoe Bell, by the way, from hateful eight, which I
493
00:21:16.069 --> 00:21:18.799
really enjoyed is going to be on tomorrow. She's, uh,
494
00:21:19.019 --> 00:21:19.769
one of the stars of it.
495
00:21:20.140 --> 00:21:21.079
Yeah.
496
00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:25.000
So we can enjoy that. Um, came home.
497
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:28.039
We decided to, it's a lot, it's a lot of
498
00:21:28.400 --> 00:21:33.230
what ends up, what is happening is this, um, The
499
00:21:33.289 --> 00:21:37.819
dog takes the huge dump on the side of the carpet.
500
00:21:38.519 --> 00:21:42.140
And then I'm the guy who goes, let's never let
501
00:21:42.200 --> 00:21:43.279
this happen again.
502
00:21:43.299 --> 00:21:44.319
Right. Never again.
503
00:21:44.559 --> 00:21:47.529
And poor Lynette's with the fucking handheld bissel down on
504
00:21:47.549 --> 00:21:49.309
her hands and knees for an hour in that room.
505
00:21:49.349 --> 00:21:52.049
And it smelled like fucking fried hell. And I'm like,
506
00:21:52.410 --> 00:21:54.970
let's not let this happen again. But then the next
507
00:21:55.009 --> 00:21:57.529
day goes around and it's like, all right, the dog's
508
00:21:57.569 --> 00:21:58.690
going to sleep with Natalia.
509
00:21:58.710 --> 00:21:59.130
And I'm like, what?
510
00:22:00.329 --> 00:22:03.009
Why don't we put like a beach towel down or
511
00:22:03.089 --> 00:22:05.849
something on that corner? Let's block that corner. And then
512
00:22:05.890 --> 00:22:09.589
Lynette's like, well, I got some puppy pads. And it's
513
00:22:09.630 --> 00:22:12.009
a lot of this. I feel like there's a lot
514
00:22:12.049 --> 00:22:14.230
of this in my life, which is, well, okay, we
515
00:22:14.250 --> 00:22:16.650
got to put the puppy pads down. Well, the dog
516
00:22:16.690 --> 00:22:18.609
chews the puppy pads. Yeah, but it'll be up on
517
00:22:18.630 --> 00:22:20.329
the bed. And then when he gets off the bed,
518
00:22:20.609 --> 00:22:23.049
instead of shitting on the carpet. Yeah, but the puppy
519
00:22:23.089 --> 00:22:24.250
pads get moved around.
520
00:22:25.089 --> 00:22:28.339
Yeah. No, but I'm always like, okay, we don't want
521
00:22:28.380 --> 00:22:30.500
the dog to shit on the carpet anymore. Can we agree?
522
00:22:30.599 --> 00:22:32.140
Can we agree on that?
523
00:22:32.339 --> 00:22:35.299
I'm glad everyone has taken a stand, but can we
524
00:22:35.380 --> 00:22:37.940
try to not have this happen again?
525
00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:42.470
And they said, fine, we'll put the puppy pads down
526
00:22:43.950 --> 00:22:46.549
that night for the dog goes in. And then we
527
00:22:46.589 --> 00:22:49.509
all went out to dinner and somehow they decided that
528
00:22:49.630 --> 00:22:51.579
my bathroom would be a good place to store the
529
00:22:51.619 --> 00:22:55.549
dog and the dog, uh, pulled my bathrobe down off
530
00:22:55.589 --> 00:22:58.089
the rack and like wiped its ass with it, shoved
531
00:22:58.109 --> 00:22:59.630
it in the corner, took a shit in there.
532
00:23:00.170 --> 00:23:01.769
And then later on the next day.
533
00:23:01.789 --> 00:23:04.490
He loves you. The next day I woke up.
534
00:23:04.710 --> 00:23:07.349
And there's a nice fresh shit on the carpet where
535
00:23:07.369 --> 00:23:10.390
the dog had shit in the shag. And I said
536
00:23:11.349 --> 00:23:14.349
to Lynette and my daughter, I said, what happened to
537
00:23:14.390 --> 00:23:15.069
the puppy pads?
538
00:23:15.109 --> 00:23:17.730
And they're like, yeah, we don't know. Sometimes the dog
539
00:23:17.769 --> 00:23:18.029
eats them.
540
00:23:18.690 --> 00:23:21.490
And I said, the dog just ate the puppy pad?
541
00:23:21.869 --> 00:23:23.079
There's no chewed puppy pad.
542
00:23:23.690 --> 00:23:26.289
I don't know. And I'm like, well, Lynette, get the
543
00:23:26.309 --> 00:23:28.170
missile out. And she's like, yep. And I'm like.
544
00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:32.900
And that's something I'd like to avoid in the new year,
545
00:23:32.940 --> 00:23:35.500
which is. I don't want to.
546
00:23:35.559 --> 00:23:38.789
Even watch you cleaning up the shit. You should not
547
00:23:39.170 --> 00:23:40.769
want to ever do this again.
548
00:23:40.829 --> 00:23:44.069
It's a shared goal. It's it. I, I swear to God, I.
549
00:23:44.069 --> 00:23:46.009
Think it's part of the mom gene where it's like, ah,
550
00:23:46.309 --> 00:23:48.269
thing shit again, got to clean it up again. And I'm,
551
00:23:48.470 --> 00:23:51.160
I'm the guy who does nothing, but I want everyone's
552
00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:53.000
face on a coffee mug. Cause I don't want any
553
00:23:53.019 --> 00:23:54.720
more weird coffee spittle dried up in.
554
00:23:54.680 --> 00:23:57.119
The body ever again. Like I do this, I have
555
00:23:57.160 --> 00:23:58.880
this thing where it's like.
556
00:24:00.559 --> 00:24:06.240
Anybody who as an adult, searches around for their car
557
00:24:06.279 --> 00:24:08.759
keys or their sunglasses is a fucking fool. That's just
558
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:11.740
wasting their time. You're just wasting your time. Just put
559
00:24:11.779 --> 00:24:14.680
something in place. Never again. That's the way to work.
560
00:24:15.019 --> 00:24:17.859
Don't it's, it's the weird, the weird thing is, is.
561
00:24:19.759 --> 00:24:21.500
It's the greatest.
562
00:24:22.700 --> 00:24:27.009
Verbally, probably the greatest thing you could do for somebody,
563
00:24:27.589 --> 00:24:31.069
which is what I'm, what I'm saying is, is if
564
00:24:31.269 --> 00:24:35.210
I say to my wife, wow, you look great.
565
00:24:35.930 --> 00:24:36.609
God bless you.
566
00:24:36.630 --> 00:24:37.099
I love you.
567
00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:38.839
She'd probably get suspicious.
568
00:24:38.990 --> 00:24:39.920
I probably shouldn't say that.
569
00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:40.880
All right.
570
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:44.000
If I said, sweetie, you're doing a great job raising
571
00:24:44.019 --> 00:24:46.180
these kids. You're the best. She'd say, she'd love it.
572
00:24:46.339 --> 00:24:47.000
She'd say, thank you.
573
00:24:47.740 --> 00:24:50.500
If I said, put a beach towel down so you
574
00:24:50.519 --> 00:24:51.960
don't have to get the bissel out for an hour
575
00:24:52.000 --> 00:24:54.920
and clean the sloppy shit out of the shag, she'd
576
00:24:54.940 --> 00:24:58.240
take that as sort of an attack. But actually, in
577
00:24:59.180 --> 00:25:03.839
terms of practicality, in terms of words, It's much better
578
00:25:03.859 --> 00:25:08.920
because I'm trying to avoid her having to do all
579
00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:10.539
this horrible work again.
580
00:25:11.140 --> 00:25:11.759
So anyway, no.
581
00:25:14.980 --> 00:25:17.089
Beach towel, no puppy pads, and the dog just shit.
582
00:25:17.180 --> 00:25:20.289
And then, again, the weird conversation, where is the pad?
583
00:25:20.549 --> 00:25:21.049
I don't know.
584
00:25:21.369 --> 00:25:22.289
Is it still at large?
585
00:25:23.210 --> 00:25:25.289
No, we figured it out later that when they put
586
00:25:25.329 --> 00:25:28.329
the dog in my bathroom, they put the puppy pads there,
587
00:25:28.369 --> 00:25:29.990
and then they left the puppy pads there, and then
588
00:25:30.009 --> 00:25:32.369
the dog shit up the thing. And then I do
589
00:25:32.430 --> 00:25:36.529
this one. All right, we're heading toward the pothole of life.
590
00:25:37.250 --> 00:25:39.009
And I do the one where it's the third night.
591
00:25:39.670 --> 00:25:42.940
I make the announcement in the afternoon, let's get those
592
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:47.089
pads down so that dog doesn't shit up the corner
593
00:25:47.509 --> 00:25:53.130
ever again. I do this move where I go, puppy
594
00:25:53.150 --> 00:26:21.880
pad down. You don't have to clean up the shit
595
00:26:22.039 --> 00:26:22.740
out of the shag.
596
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:23.569
Yeah.
597
00:26:23.589 --> 00:26:28.069
Okay. Then of course, 11 o'clock that night.
598
00:26:28.130 --> 00:26:28.569
No way.
599
00:26:28.589 --> 00:26:30.970
Am I not getting out of it? No, no, no way.
600
00:26:30.990 --> 00:26:32.569
Am I not getting out of my office and going
601
00:26:32.589 --> 00:26:33.089
to check it?
602
00:26:34.549 --> 00:26:35.829
I go to check. Yeah.
603
00:26:36.029 --> 00:26:36.190
Nope.
604
00:26:36.509 --> 00:26:36.630
Nope.
605
00:26:36.890 --> 00:26:37.130
Nothing.
606
00:26:37.430 --> 00:26:39.069
Carp is just sitting there. Then I walk in.
607
00:26:39.430 --> 00:26:39.730
Lynette.
608
00:26:40.089 --> 00:26:40.250
Yeah.
609
00:26:40.970 --> 00:26:41.529
Puppy pads.
610
00:26:41.789 --> 00:26:43.319
We put them around. Oh, what?
611
00:26:44.059 --> 00:26:47.319
The pads for the dog shit. Oh, where are those?
612
00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:49.799
Great question.
613
00:26:50.319 --> 00:26:53.160
Lynette's always texting, so she's always a little annoyed. Like, huh?
614
00:26:53.640 --> 00:26:56.259
What do you want? I don't know.
615
00:26:56.400 --> 00:27:00.269
And I'm like, I'm just trying to avoid the third
616
00:27:00.829 --> 00:27:02.369
pass with the Bissell.
617
00:27:02.089 --> 00:27:04.569
On the hands and knees and the fucking vomit bag.
618
00:27:04.589 --> 00:27:05.710
And the poop. And the poop.
619
00:27:05.750 --> 00:27:06.569
That's all.
620
00:27:06.950 --> 00:27:08.029
That's just me.
621
00:27:08.130 --> 00:27:08.769
That's what I'm trying to do.
622
00:27:08.769 --> 00:27:10.970
Now, have you told us exactly how old the puppy
623
00:27:11.210 --> 00:27:12.240
is or was when you got him?
624
00:27:13.299 --> 00:27:13.880
Ish, even?
625
00:27:14.819 --> 00:27:15.240
We did.
626
00:27:16.279 --> 00:27:18.759
I think that that's a very good question. The dog
627
00:27:18.799 --> 00:27:22.099
was about 11 weeks coming up on 12 weeks or
628
00:27:22.160 --> 00:27:23.099
something like that.
629
00:27:23.180 --> 00:27:25.460
But way, way too young to know any better.
630
00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:30.269
And the fourth night or whatever, we did put some
631
00:27:30.329 --> 00:27:32.910
newspaper down or the puppy pads and then the dog
632
00:27:32.950 --> 00:27:34.069
shit on the puppy pad.
633
00:27:34.109 --> 00:27:37.329
And then I said, wasn't that better? And then I
634
00:27:37.369 --> 00:27:39.349
got the don't stop believing.
635
00:27:39.630 --> 00:27:39.910
Yeah.
636
00:27:39.950 --> 00:27:42.470
Yeah. So the dog shit on the pad. So we
637
00:27:42.490 --> 00:27:44.339
don't have to do that.
638
00:27:44.380 --> 00:27:44.859
Yeah.
639
00:27:45.059 --> 00:27:46.180
Whatever.
640
00:27:46.200 --> 00:27:49.640
Shit on the pad. Relax, old man.
641
00:27:50.180 --> 00:27:50.599
Yeah.
642
00:27:50.619 --> 00:27:51.319
We heard you.
643
00:27:51.339 --> 00:27:54.559
Puppy pads. Puppy pads. Hey, set up a floor.
644
00:27:57.269 --> 00:27:58.769
Poor Lynette has been cleaning up this.
645
00:27:58.809 --> 00:28:01.829
So we went out to see Hateful Eight and we're like,
646
00:28:01.950 --> 00:28:04.329
we're going out to dinner where the kids are gone.
647
00:28:04.349 --> 00:28:04.890
We're going to.
648
00:28:04.890 --> 00:28:07.470
Have a margarita. We're going to see Hateful Eight. We're
649
00:28:07.490 --> 00:28:09.690
going to have a great time. This is going to
650
00:28:09.730 --> 00:28:11.589
be awesome. And they're like, what do we do with
651
00:28:11.609 --> 00:28:16.670
the dog? And normally I'd just say, put the dog outside.
652
00:28:16.690 --> 00:28:18.650
We've got a fenced off yard and blah, blah, blah.
653
00:28:19.170 --> 00:28:22.150
It has been insanely cold. And where I live, it
654
00:28:22.190 --> 00:28:26.420
has actually been frost. SoCal, I'm up in the foothills.
655
00:28:26.920 --> 00:28:29.740
It's dropping down in the 30s at night. And it's insanely,
656
00:28:29.859 --> 00:28:30.839
insanely cold.
657
00:28:31.710 --> 00:28:33.000
And El Nino's starting soon, too.
658
00:28:33.009 --> 00:28:35.430
Lynette thinks a coyote's going to get him or whatever.
659
00:28:35.809 --> 00:28:37.250
By the way, she's cleaned up so much shit.
660
00:28:37.269 --> 00:28:39.049
She's like, now she's like, put the dog outside. I
661
00:28:39.329 --> 00:28:40.089
hope a vulture gets him.
662
00:28:40.109 --> 00:28:41.359
A lamb chop around his neck.
663
00:28:41.410 --> 00:28:42.359
Yeah. Turkey.
664
00:28:42.380 --> 00:28:45.779
What do turkey vultures eat? Anyway.
665
00:28:47.500 --> 00:28:49.039
So. So.
666
00:28:49.640 --> 00:28:50.039
We're out.
667
00:28:50.059 --> 00:28:53.019
We're having a great time. I mean, the kids are gone.
668
00:28:53.400 --> 00:28:55.740
We're out at like Nobu.
669
00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:58.640
We're eating sushi. We did this thing that I've never
670
00:28:58.700 --> 00:28:59.420
done in my life.
671
00:29:00.380 --> 00:29:03.589
Which has ordered the exact right amount of sushi. Oh, wow.
672
00:29:03.609 --> 00:29:04.170
How does that even happen?
673
00:29:04.190 --> 00:29:05.349
I've never pulled that off.
674
00:29:05.470 --> 00:29:06.250
Was it by accident?
675
00:29:06.710 --> 00:29:09.849
I said, Lynette, you order, and she ordered.
676
00:29:10.210 --> 00:29:12.609
And I do know this thing of like, oh, it
677
00:29:12.630 --> 00:29:14.890
starts to pile up real fast. And then also you're
678
00:29:14.910 --> 00:29:16.990
going to see a three-hour movie after this. You're going
679
00:29:17.029 --> 00:29:20.029
to be smelling like rotting fish while you're sitting in
680
00:29:20.069 --> 00:29:22.710
the theater. But also it's 50 bucks of sushi you're
681
00:29:22.730 --> 00:29:26.289
not going to leave behind. Lynette ordered the perfect amount.
682
00:29:26.430 --> 00:29:30.099
The chef came by. The chef brought, like, oh, it's
683
00:29:30.160 --> 00:29:32.680
a little something that our chef whipped up. It was incredible.
684
00:29:33.730 --> 00:29:34.779
I love the movie.
685
00:29:35.160 --> 00:29:35.980
Everything was good.
686
00:29:36.740 --> 00:29:38.660
And did not feel like a three hour movie, by
687
00:29:38.680 --> 00:29:38.859
the way.
688
00:29:38.920 --> 00:29:39.180
No.
689
00:29:39.619 --> 00:29:42.549
And when we got home and opened the door to
690
00:29:42.589 --> 00:29:45.529
the bathroom that the pup was set up in, I said.
691
00:29:45.549 --> 00:29:47.930
Oh, my God, it's like the end of Hateful Eight.
692
00:29:48.750 --> 00:29:50.690
The dog had managed to shit on itself and roll
693
00:29:50.769 --> 00:29:52.609
in it and roll all over the place and all
694
00:29:52.710 --> 00:29:53.740
over its bed and all.
695
00:29:53.690 --> 00:29:54.190
Over its everything.
696
00:29:54.339 --> 00:29:56.519
And there's this great moment where Lynette's like, come now.
697
00:29:56.579 --> 00:29:57.500
It's this weird thing.
698
00:30:11.930 --> 00:30:14.390
So it's like midnight. We roll through the door.
699
00:30:14.410 --> 00:30:18.869
Lynette's riding a mild margarita buzz, and it's going to
700
00:30:18.910 --> 00:30:21.440
be great.
701
00:30:21.500 --> 00:30:22.059
What a night.
702
00:30:22.220 --> 00:30:26.529
And it's like all of a sudden. come stand, come
703
00:30:26.549 --> 00:30:29.170
through the door. And I'm like, the dog's trying to
704
00:30:29.210 --> 00:30:30.589
get out. The dog's covering shit.
705
00:30:31.230 --> 00:30:33.630
Lynette, Lynette. So I'm doing this thing with, I'm doing
706
00:30:33.650 --> 00:30:33.859
the thing.
707
00:30:34.190 --> 00:30:36.259
Take the dog. You put the dog in the shower.
708
00:30:36.420 --> 00:30:39.099
You shut the shower door. Then the dog's in the shower.
709
00:30:39.359 --> 00:30:41.079
Now we can clean up with the dog and the
710
00:30:41.099 --> 00:30:41.839
dog's covering shit.
711
00:30:42.119 --> 00:30:43.640
Lynette's like, he's not going for the shower.
712
00:30:43.660 --> 00:30:44.339
He's not going.
713
00:30:44.559 --> 00:30:45.180
Get over here.
714
00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:45.829
Get over here.
715
00:30:46.069 --> 00:30:46.970
I go running over there.
716
00:30:46.990 --> 00:30:50.569
It's this great moment. Lynette's holding him by the top
717
00:30:50.609 --> 00:30:53.190
of the collar. And she goes, careful.
718
00:30:53.230 --> 00:30:53.690
Careful.
719
00:30:54.549 --> 00:30:58.509
The collar's got shit on it. And I'm like, OK.
720
00:30:58.769 --> 00:31:00.349
And she's holding the top of the collar.
721
00:31:00.589 --> 00:31:03.470
Don't shake. And I go, OK, OK. And I read.
722
00:31:03.970 --> 00:31:05.769
For some reason, I said, OK, she's holding the top.
723
00:31:05.789 --> 00:31:06.710
She's saying that shit on it.
724
00:31:07.109 --> 00:31:10.049
I reach under the collar to the bottom where his
725
00:31:10.150 --> 00:31:10.549
neck is.
726
00:31:10.569 --> 00:31:11.990
And I'm like, OK, I'm going to grab the clean part.
727
00:31:12.569 --> 00:31:14.750
Mash my hand into a huge ball of shit. I mean,
728
00:31:14.809 --> 00:31:17.279
it's like all over my hand. I'm trying to carry
729
00:31:17.319 --> 00:31:19.700
the dog out. I'm dragging shit everywhere.
730
00:31:19.940 --> 00:31:20.519
The dog's outside.
731
00:31:20.539 --> 00:31:20.960
I got shit.
732
00:31:21.019 --> 00:31:23.990
I'm holding my hand up like it's on fire, and
733
00:31:24.029 --> 00:31:26.240
I'm running around the house with it. She's screaming at me.
734
00:31:26.269 --> 00:31:28.230
There's shit smeared all over.
735
00:31:28.250 --> 00:31:30.069
You're like Jason Pierre Paul on Fourth of July.
736
00:31:30.089 --> 00:31:30.990
Yes.
737
00:31:31.009 --> 00:31:32.349
Trying to hold back the puke.
738
00:31:32.410 --> 00:31:33.230
I'm like, why is there my hand?
739
00:31:33.609 --> 00:31:35.690
Now it's like we got to get the dog back
740
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:38.160
in the house, and that's like I'm showering with the dog.
741
00:31:38.940 --> 00:31:40.490
Hose everyone down. Oh, my God.
742
00:31:40.950 --> 00:31:41.589
Romantic evening.
743
00:31:41.609 --> 00:31:43.809
It's like Pulp Fiction. Just hose them down in the yard.
744
00:31:44.150 --> 00:31:46.349
There's the shit that goes from the backyard to the
745
00:31:46.869 --> 00:31:49.150
thing and the thing and the poor Lynette's in there
746
00:31:49.190 --> 00:31:50.150
scrubbing away.
747
00:31:50.190 --> 00:31:51.390
All right.
748
00:31:51.630 --> 00:31:53.079
Does Sonny give a shit about the dog?
749
00:31:53.380 --> 00:31:59.000
Give a shit? No. Sonny's neither here nor there in Phil.
750
00:31:59.019 --> 00:32:00.119
I mean, he likes him okay.
751
00:32:00.140 --> 00:32:03.619
You want to watch this video? We'll post it at mcroll.com.
752
00:32:03.960 --> 00:32:07.710
It's just the puppy walking into the living room in Natalia.
753
00:32:08.069 --> 00:32:08.549
Jersey, what's up?
754
00:32:08.549 --> 00:32:09.079
I got a carousel for you.
755
00:32:10.759 --> 00:32:11.450
That's still fine.
756
00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:14.079
If I got CP3, Georgie, I could have gone to
757
00:32:14.099 --> 00:32:15.579
the Clippers game, but it's okay.
758
00:32:15.660 --> 00:32:16.299
It's okay.
759
00:32:16.359 --> 00:32:20.880
The dog just wandered in.
760
00:32:21.480 --> 00:32:22.299
Big Bo.
761
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:26.299
Who's that? And Lynette holding the camera landscape.
762
00:32:27.119 --> 00:32:27.359
Yeah.
763
00:32:27.380 --> 00:32:28.039
Look at us.
764
00:32:28.099 --> 00:32:29.720
What were you saying about a CP1?
765
00:32:29.740 --> 00:32:33.500
Sonny's just staring at the dog.
766
00:32:33.539 --> 00:32:34.140
Oh, man.
767
00:32:42.279 --> 00:32:43.880
It made me start crying.
768
00:32:44.000 --> 00:32:45.380
Merry Christmas.
769
00:32:46.140 --> 00:32:47.420
Merry Christmas.
770
00:32:47.500 --> 00:32:48.720
Oh, man.
771
00:32:48.980 --> 00:32:52.240
The dog's pawing at her. She's all down on her knees.
772
00:32:52.349 --> 00:32:54.630
Why are you crying?
773
00:32:54.690 --> 00:32:55.869
Tears of joy?
774
00:32:56.670 --> 00:32:58.750
That's pretty sweet.
775
00:32:59.089 --> 00:33:01.509
We'll post the video on Facebook.
776
00:33:01.630 --> 00:33:03.069
Oh, my God.
777
00:33:03.190 --> 00:33:03.410
Yeah.
778
00:33:06.980 --> 00:33:09.119
Oh, the dog exploring the room, sniffing everything.
779
00:33:09.160 --> 00:33:11.900
Look at that tail.
780
00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:14.519
Oh, he's looking at her face.
781
00:33:14.980 --> 00:33:15.859
I don't know.
782
00:33:16.460 --> 00:33:17.559
All right.
783
00:33:17.579 --> 00:33:19.839
Now, were you there to see the beginning of that,
784
00:33:19.859 --> 00:33:21.400
or were you fixing yourself a cup of joe?
785
00:33:21.740 --> 00:33:24.920
No, I had to stage the dog.
786
00:33:24.940 --> 00:33:26.640
Right, you were wrangling.
787
00:33:26.769 --> 00:33:28.380
I had to set the dog in the hall and
788
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:29.869
sort of push it forward.
789
00:33:30.390 --> 00:33:31.849
They never do what you want them to do, but
790
00:33:31.890 --> 00:33:34.410
the bow stayed on and the dog walked forward.
791
00:33:34.430 --> 00:33:35.450
Those were actually pretty perfect.
792
00:33:35.470 --> 00:33:35.670
Yeah.
793
00:33:36.289 --> 00:33:39.730
I circled around through the kitchen to then come out
794
00:33:39.750 --> 00:33:42.150
the other direction to see what the hell was going on.
795
00:33:42.170 --> 00:33:42.470
But, yeah.
796
00:33:42.490 --> 00:33:44.490
Because Natalia's sitting on the ground opening a present or something,
797
00:33:44.509 --> 00:33:45.829
sort of looking at Lynette, sort of looking off to
798
00:33:45.890 --> 00:33:46.309
the side.
799
00:33:46.609 --> 00:33:48.470
And the dog sort of wanders into frame.
800
00:33:48.509 --> 00:33:50.630
With long ribbons trailing it.
801
00:33:50.710 --> 00:33:51.329
It's pretty great.
802
00:33:52.549 --> 00:33:55.589
It's so, by the way, I've said this a million times,
803
00:33:55.650 --> 00:33:57.900
and the dog's been, the dog's the greatest dog in
804
00:33:57.910 --> 00:33:58.119
the world.
805
00:33:58.150 --> 00:33:59.490
It's been shitting all over the place.
806
00:33:59.539 --> 00:34:01.900
But we'll take care of that. And Natalia loves it.
807
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:03.779
It was worth it for that moment. But the point
808
00:34:03.819 --> 00:34:07.049
is this. To all the shit, shitty parents out there.
809
00:34:07.769 --> 00:34:12.170
I realize the difference. Brian, we were talking last year.
810
00:34:12.670 --> 00:34:15.090
You were saying, I don't know if we're rich or
811
00:34:15.130 --> 00:34:17.070
we're poor. I had to ask my parents.
812
00:34:17.170 --> 00:34:17.489
I did.
813
00:34:17.570 --> 00:34:18.170
Yeah, you did.
814
00:34:18.710 --> 00:34:22.780
Because when you're eight or nine, all you want to do,
815
00:34:23.159 --> 00:34:24.599
all my son wants to do is play catch with
816
00:34:24.659 --> 00:34:25.119
a Nerf ball.
817
00:34:25.260 --> 00:34:26.159
That's all he wants to do.
818
00:34:26.260 --> 00:34:27.059
So is he rich?
819
00:34:27.099 --> 00:34:28.860
Is he poor? I don't know. He's got $ 5 worth
820
00:34:28.900 --> 00:34:31.019
of Nerf ball and somebody to throw it back to him.
821
00:34:31.590 --> 00:34:33.489
That's about it. That's what he needs. My daughter wants
822
00:34:33.530 --> 00:34:35.760
a puppy. My son wants a basketball hoop.
823
00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:38.079
And he'll sit out there with that basketball hoop and
824
00:34:38.099 --> 00:34:40.099
it'll be three hours of him just sitting out there
825
00:34:40.159 --> 00:34:40.760
shooting around.
826
00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:42.400
And she wants a puppy.
827
00:34:42.800 --> 00:34:44.849
And, you know, later on you can, you know, if
828
00:34:44.869 --> 00:34:46.309
you want to get a little highfalutin, you can get
829
00:34:46.329 --> 00:34:47.110
into a swimming pool.
830
00:34:47.150 --> 00:34:50.619
But what separates... Your.
831
00:34:50.420 --> 00:34:56.010
Kids having a happy childhood versus a miserable childhood is
832
00:34:56.030 --> 00:34:59.829
like a Nerf football, a dog, and a basketball hoop.
833
00:34:59.889 --> 00:35:01.030
Catch a dad.
834
00:35:01.289 --> 00:35:03.250
I don't get it.
835
00:35:03.389 --> 00:35:07.510
It's insane. My dad's such a fucking idiot. He should
836
00:35:07.530 --> 00:35:08.460
have put a hoop up.
837
00:35:09.159 --> 00:35:09.920
For his sake.
838
00:35:10.440 --> 00:35:10.940
Yeah.
839
00:35:11.079 --> 00:35:14.579
He didn't want to do anything that burned a calorie.
840
00:35:14.820 --> 00:35:17.019
But on the other hand, he's got me moping around
841
00:35:17.059 --> 00:35:20.159
the house all day. If he, if he, my mom
842
00:35:20.179 --> 00:35:24.510
or my dad, no dogs, certainly no swimming pools, but
843
00:35:24.550 --> 00:35:27.349
no basketball hoops and no Nerf balls either. If they
844
00:35:27.389 --> 00:35:31.250
put a fucking $ 19, go down to big five and
845
00:35:31.269 --> 00:35:33.550
just fucking bolt the thing to a tree. I mean,
846
00:35:33.570 --> 00:35:36.639
the thing about kids is it doesn't have to be regulation,
847
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:41.690
anything or, plexiglass, anything. Just literally just fucking nail something
848
00:35:41.750 --> 00:35:44.010
up to the side of a garage and the kid
849
00:35:44.030 --> 00:35:45.449
will sit out there all fucking day.
850
00:35:45.570 --> 00:35:46.989
That's how you should have sold it to your mom
851
00:35:47.070 --> 00:35:48.489
or your dad back in the day as a little kid.
852
00:35:48.510 --> 00:35:49.869
Like here, $ 40 investment.
853
00:35:50.489 --> 00:35:52.130
I'll leave you alone forever. Do you know what they
854
00:35:52.150 --> 00:35:52.969
would have said to him?
855
00:35:52.989 --> 00:35:55.489
Do you know how many shrimp deveiners that is?
856
00:35:55.570 --> 00:35:59.570
It's like 18 shrimp deveiners. Those are form of currency.
857
00:35:59.969 --> 00:36:02.579
The idea of just having a dog when you're a
858
00:36:02.599 --> 00:36:06.440
kid that can be your friend, that you can take
859
00:36:06.500 --> 00:36:06.860
care of.
860
00:36:07.269 --> 00:36:10.300
Having a basketball hoop, just the little things.
861
00:36:10.510 --> 00:36:13.139
Because kids don't know.
862
00:36:14.820 --> 00:36:16.000
From the fancy cars.
863
00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:19.840
They're certainly more than happy to eat a Taco Bell
864
00:36:19.960 --> 00:36:22.659
every day. If you think about it, you don't really
865
00:36:22.739 --> 00:36:26.289
need money. The kids don't physically need money. They need
866
00:36:26.809 --> 00:36:29.630
somebody to throw the Nerf ball back to them and
867
00:36:29.650 --> 00:36:32.090
or somebody with just some initiative to fucking hang a
868
00:36:32.130 --> 00:36:34.170
basketball hoop up and then they'll go out and stay
869
00:36:34.190 --> 00:36:34.969
busy the whole time.
870
00:36:35.360 --> 00:36:37.699
Now, are the kids going to have responsibilities with the dog?
871
00:36:39.239 --> 00:36:39.659
Trying.
872
00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:41.340
Watch mommy and daddy rolling shit.
873
00:36:41.389 --> 00:36:45.269
Yeah. No, Natalia feeds the dog, which is good.
874
00:36:45.329 --> 00:36:45.670
It's good.
875
00:36:46.070 --> 00:36:49.610
But still this morning, I was the one going, why
876
00:36:49.630 --> 00:36:51.010
is the dog inside? The dog ate.
877
00:36:51.030 --> 00:36:53.550
The kids are all spread out. I'm like, put the dog,
878
00:36:53.730 --> 00:36:56.670
let the dog eat, then put outside. The dog doesn't
879
00:36:56.710 --> 00:36:58.360
move where it pisses while it jogs.
880
00:36:58.929 --> 00:36:59.489
In the house.
881
00:36:59.949 --> 00:37:01.050
Oh, a little leak.
882
00:37:01.090 --> 00:37:01.250
Yeah.
883
00:37:01.269 --> 00:37:02.010
A little dribble. Yeah.
884
00:37:02.050 --> 00:37:03.070
Molly was a girl.
885
00:37:03.170 --> 00:37:06.590
So Molly would just sit down and not in the house,
886
00:37:06.730 --> 00:37:09.329
but outside the house, just stop in one place, sort
887
00:37:09.369 --> 00:37:12.269
of squat it. The, uh, Phil's a boy and Phil
888
00:37:12.329 --> 00:37:15.289
jogs and pisses. So you find this long serpentine thing.
889
00:37:15.309 --> 00:37:16.489
You're going to have, you're going to work it out
890
00:37:16.530 --> 00:37:18.829
for you too. El Nino starting in the next couple
891
00:37:18.849 --> 00:37:19.170
of days.
892
00:37:19.789 --> 00:37:21.960
It's going to be a rant a lot.
893
00:37:21.989 --> 00:37:22.070
Yeah.
894
00:37:22.090 --> 00:37:23.750
With the, put the dog outside and everything. That's going
895
00:37:23.769 --> 00:37:24.550
to be a challenge.
896
00:37:24.610 --> 00:37:25.449
Snoopy dog house.
897
00:37:25.710 --> 00:37:26.070
All right.
898
00:37:26.130 --> 00:37:30.920
We got the news. I should tell everyone, um, State
899
00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:33.519
of the Union. Lynette, remind me. We've got to catch
900
00:37:33.559 --> 00:37:37.539
everyone up. I wasn't thinking about it because there's not
901
00:37:37.599 --> 00:37:41.929
that much to say. There'll be plenty of live shows
902
00:37:41.989 --> 00:37:43.289
this year, as there always are.
903
00:37:43.309 --> 00:37:45.530
Agenda item one, keep kicking ass.
904
00:37:45.550 --> 00:37:46.670
Keep kicking ass.
905
00:37:49.150 --> 00:37:53.289
Keep building. Keep growing. Thanks to you guys. I'll be
906
00:37:53.369 --> 00:37:54.389
in Westbury.
907
00:37:54.989 --> 00:37:57.969
New York, and Peekskill, New York, and Newton, New Jersey.
908
00:37:57.989 --> 00:38:00.590
That's coming up January 15th, 16th, and 17th.
909
00:38:00.659 --> 00:38:01.460
That's stand-up.
910
00:38:01.500 --> 00:38:05.739
But we'll do live shows. Irvine, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland.
911
00:38:05.960 --> 00:38:06.980
Taking the show international.
912
00:38:07.000 --> 00:38:07.820
I got my passport.
913
00:38:07.860 --> 00:38:10.900
Yeah, it's fun. Maybe looking to go to Europe this
914
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:12.780
year with the show as well.
915
00:38:12.989 --> 00:38:14.170
The royal we or we-we?
916
00:38:14.550 --> 00:38:21.750
We-we-we. We. All of us. That'll be good. Also, working.
917
00:38:23.139 --> 00:38:27.360
About halfway into the next documentary. So, uh, you can
918
00:38:27.380 --> 00:38:29.460
look forward to that. It's really coming out good. So
919
00:38:29.500 --> 00:38:33.400
I'm really excited about that. That'll be called the 24
920
00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:39.639
hour war. That is, um, based somewhat on the book, uh,
921
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:40.420
go like hell.
922
00:38:41.099 --> 00:38:44.340
AJ Bain, uh, BAME.
923
00:38:44.360 --> 00:38:47.280
I think it's BAME with an M a good guy. Anyway,
924
00:38:47.679 --> 00:38:51.000
wrote arsenal of democracy, really interesting guy. Anyway, it's the
925
00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:55.130
Ford versus Ferrari, uh, And Battle at Le Mans. And
926
00:38:55.170 --> 00:38:58.969
it's kind of interesting because it's funny how the zeitgeist works.
927
00:38:59.010 --> 00:39:01.809
Like you go, I want to make a documentary about
928
00:39:01.869 --> 00:39:04.329
this story. It was about a year, maybe a year
929
00:39:04.349 --> 00:39:06.170
and a half ago. Then all of a sudden I
930
00:39:06.190 --> 00:39:10.730
get these, you know, Dateline Hollywood. They're making a Ferrari biopic.
931
00:39:10.889 --> 00:39:12.929
And then I get one. Nick Santora sends me one
932
00:39:12.949 --> 00:39:15.159
the other day. They're making a Lamborghini biopic.
933
00:39:15.179 --> 00:39:15.260
Yeah.
934
00:39:15.909 --> 00:39:18.070
It's like, wow, this stuff has been kind of like
935
00:39:18.150 --> 00:39:20.150
I've spent the last few years going, these guys are
936
00:39:20.190 --> 00:39:22.739
super interesting dudes. These are super interesting stories.
937
00:39:22.800 --> 00:39:25.840
And everyone's like, then you start going down the path
938
00:39:25.900 --> 00:39:27.750
and all of a sudden it's like volcano movies.
939
00:39:27.769 --> 00:39:28.389
You know what it's like.
940
00:39:28.409 --> 00:39:29.690
Yeah.
941
00:39:30.760 --> 00:39:34.199
Dead for years. And then resurrection.
942
00:39:36.019 --> 00:39:38.039
But I can imagine those two things help each other.
943
00:39:38.079 --> 00:39:39.639
You want to know more. So you check out the other,
944
00:39:39.719 --> 00:39:40.460
you check out the other.
945
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:41.099
Yeah.
946
00:39:41.480 --> 00:39:47.690
And again, all very interesting stories. And it's all the execution,
947
00:39:47.769 --> 00:39:50.219
as I've always said. Mike August gave me one of these.
948
00:39:50.280 --> 00:39:52.480
Don't you hate when people do this? It's like during
949
00:39:52.500 --> 00:39:56.130
the break, and I said, I love Tarantino movies. I'm
950
00:39:56.170 --> 00:39:59.940
into Tarantino movies. Like, I want to see... I loved
951
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.760
Inglourious Bastards. I loved Django.
952
00:40:03.579 --> 00:40:04.239
Satisfying.
953
00:40:04.300 --> 00:40:06.369
Yeah, Jackie Brown, not as much, but I liked it.
954
00:40:06.380 --> 00:40:08.519
If you consider Jackie Brown the worst of his movies,
955
00:40:08.539 --> 00:40:09.420
you're doing pretty well.
956
00:40:09.480 --> 00:40:10.260
That's a pretty good movie.
957
00:40:10.300 --> 00:40:12.019
His movies make you think afterward.
958
00:40:12.059 --> 00:40:14.059
They leave you with a feeling of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
959
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:15.949
And then Mike did one of these things where he goes,
960
00:40:16.889 --> 00:40:18.369
I don't need three hours or a bunch of people
961
00:40:18.409 --> 00:40:22.590
locked up in a cabin. And you realize you can
962
00:40:22.610 --> 00:40:25.550
take any movie and just distill it down to nothing
963
00:40:25.869 --> 00:40:27.539
and then go, and now I don't want to see it.
964
00:40:28.369 --> 00:40:28.579
And I.
965
00:40:29.489 --> 00:40:35.289
It's all in the execution. So, you know, Ferrari's interesting, Lamborghini... Again,
966
00:40:35.650 --> 00:40:38.809
made tractors. Guy made tractors, and Ferrari threw him out
967
00:40:38.829 --> 00:40:40.800
of his office, and then he said, I'm going to
968
00:40:40.820 --> 00:40:41.550
make sports cars.
969
00:40:41.590 --> 00:40:43.820
But that's an interesting story. But again, they can screw
970
00:40:43.860 --> 00:40:44.139
it up.
971
00:40:44.559 --> 00:40:46.179
You can make an interesting story and fuck it up,
972
00:40:46.239 --> 00:40:48.579
or you can take a non-story and turn it into gold.
973
00:40:48.699 --> 00:40:50.519
I wish that Mike August would come up with reasons
974
00:40:50.599 --> 00:40:51.860
not to see classic movies.
975
00:40:52.300 --> 00:40:54.300
I don't need another princess locked in a tower. I
976
00:40:54.300 --> 00:40:55.820
was just thinking Glenn Gerrigan on Ross. I don't need
977
00:40:55.840 --> 00:40:57.579
to see two hours of guys trying to sell real estate.
978
00:40:58.860 --> 00:40:59.739
I guess you don't.
979
00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:03.949
I don't need to hear about some doctor and his Zhivago. Well,
980
00:41:03.969 --> 00:41:07.369
that's all you do with– that's all you do, right?
981
00:41:07.829 --> 00:41:08.650
That's all he had to do.
982
00:41:08.710 --> 00:41:10.269
And I was like, it's Tarantino.
983
00:41:10.349 --> 00:41:10.849
Come on.
984
00:41:10.909 --> 00:41:14.269
And he's like, nah, not interested. And then I said, well,
985
00:41:14.309 --> 00:41:16.969
it's that or Star Wars. He's like, no way.
986
00:41:17.750 --> 00:41:20.789
Never seen a Star Wars movie. He has with Star Wars,
987
00:41:20.849 --> 00:41:23.630
and I get it. He has with Star Wars what
988
00:41:23.670 --> 00:41:26.909
I have with lottery tickets, which is I must keep
989
00:41:26.969 --> 00:41:30.059
my streak alive of never buying a lottery ticket in
990
00:41:30.079 --> 00:41:32.900
this godforsaken piece of shit state that tries to fucking
991
00:41:32.940 --> 00:41:35.219
legalize– retarded gambling.
992
00:41:35.820 --> 00:41:36.980
All right. Where was I?
993
00:41:54.380 --> 00:41:57.280
With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls, and Gladiator.
994
00:41:57.519 --> 00:41:58.679
Why are you not entertained?
995
00:41:58.920 --> 00:42:03.239
And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly Odd Parents,
996
00:42:03.380 --> 00:42:03.780
and Ghosts.
997
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:06.739
Pluto TV is always free.
998
00:42:06.820 --> 00:42:07.340
Huzzah!
999
00:42:08.019 --> 00:42:10.300
Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.
1000
00:42:11.500 --> 00:42:13.260
All right, that was the origin story of how the
1001
00:42:13.300 --> 00:42:16.449
Corollas had Phil join their family. In light of the
1002
00:42:16.489 --> 00:42:19.050
passing of Phil and the beautiful episode that started out
1003
00:42:19.070 --> 00:42:21.019
the last week, I thought we'd compile a bunch of
1004
00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:24.070
clips of Phil and Adam's life to help new listeners
1005
00:42:24.090 --> 00:42:25.909
who don't have any memory of the dog, and for
1006
00:42:25.929 --> 00:42:27.889
people who are longtime listeners who remember.
1007
00:42:27.630 --> 00:42:28.969
These episodes very well.
1008
00:42:29.449 --> 00:42:32.650
Adam talked about his first dog, Lotzi, from 1997. What
1009
00:42:32.690 --> 00:42:35.289
he didn't mention was Billy, one of the guys Adam
1010
00:42:35.329 --> 00:42:37.449
worked with on the Adam Carolla Project, so one of
1011
00:42:37.489 --> 00:42:39.550
his builders. I think he was instructed maybe to drop
1012
00:42:39.590 --> 00:42:42.320
off and pick up Lotzi at the vet to be spayed,
1013
00:42:42.469 --> 00:42:45.360
and he was freaking out and having a really severe reaction.
1014
00:42:45.460 --> 00:42:48.260
This was told on Loveline back in 1997. before we
1015
00:42:48.320 --> 00:42:51.340
ever saw Billy in 2005 on The Alan Carolla Project.
1016
00:42:51.619 --> 00:42:53.570
There's a really cool bit of history, like, oh, that guy?
1017
00:42:54.010 --> 00:42:56.349
Apparently he loved dogs, and he was really sad for
1018
00:42:56.409 --> 00:42:59.650
Adam about Lottie. They never really determined what happened. Adam
1019
00:42:59.690 --> 00:43:01.690
at one point theorized maybe she got into some paint
1020
00:43:01.750 --> 00:43:04.670
or chemicals. Maybe it was a breeder thing. It was
1021
00:43:04.730 --> 00:43:07.070
a really sad story. And then Adam had Molly for
1022
00:43:07.110 --> 00:43:10.469
so many years. So many Molly stories. So much time
1023
00:43:10.510 --> 00:43:13.880
with Molly. The boarding show. The twins being born. Unfortunately,
1024
00:43:13.920 --> 00:43:16.059
we didn't have Carolla Classics back when Molly passed. Otherwise,
1025
00:43:16.099 --> 00:43:18.380
we would have probably created an episode... in remembrance of
1026
00:43:18.420 --> 00:43:20.489
her as well. Coming up next, we have Adam Curl's show, 1731.
1027
00:43:20.480 --> 00:43:24.570
Heather MacDonald, Matt Atchity, Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. And
1028
00:43:24.590 --> 00:43:26.309
like the rest of these clips, the guests may or
1029
00:43:26.329 --> 00:43:28.010
may not be in some of these portions. They're very
1030
00:43:28.050 --> 00:43:30.570
small chunks, just featuring stories about Phil.
1031
00:43:31.090 --> 00:43:32.929
O'Reilly Auto Parts.
1032
00:43:32.989 --> 00:43:35.050
Yeah, they're in the business of keeping your car on
1033
00:43:35.090 --> 00:43:39.320
the road. They offer friendly, helpful service, and all the
1034
00:43:39.420 --> 00:43:43.159
knowledge you need. And if you can't figure it out,
1035
00:43:43.239 --> 00:43:44.320
they can't figure it out.
1036
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:46.380
Well, they will.
1037
00:43:47.719 --> 00:43:50.139
that will help you find someone who can figure it out.
1038
00:43:50.159 --> 00:43:52.340
It's always my first call, by the way, O'Reilly. If
1039
00:43:52.400 --> 00:43:55.139
I can't figure something out, I head to O'Reilly. They
1040
00:43:55.159 --> 00:43:57.829
have thousands of parts in stock, and they can test
1041
00:43:57.849 --> 00:44:02.889
your battery for free. Need wipers, brake lights, quick fix,
1042
00:44:03.190 --> 00:44:07.050
engine light on? They're going to help you out. Everyone
1043
00:44:07.070 --> 00:44:10.269
who works there is knowledgeable, and they're friendly. Like, they
1044
00:44:10.309 --> 00:44:12.539
held the door for me last time I was there,
1045
00:44:13.260 --> 00:44:14.360
and they didn't know who I was.
1046
00:44:14.420 --> 00:44:16.239
They just said, here comes a customer.
1047
00:44:17.030 --> 00:44:22.840
Professional parts people at O'Reilly, well, they're a one-stop shop,
1048
00:44:23.119 --> 00:44:26.500
DIY stuff. You do it yourself, and you can check
1049
00:44:26.519 --> 00:44:29.980
them out online, or you can go down there in person.
1050
00:44:30.739 --> 00:44:34.619
Either way, they're the best. They're O'Reilly, right, Dawson? Stop
1051
00:44:34.659 --> 00:44:38.480
by O'Reilly Auto Parts today or visit us at OReillyAuto.com
1052
00:44:38.500 --> 00:44:41.760
slash Adam. That's OReillyAuto.com slash Adam.
1053
00:44:42.199 --> 00:44:45.489
Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.
1054
00:44:45.510 --> 00:44:46.090
You swear?
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With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls.
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And Gladiator.
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1061
00:45:15.980 --> 00:45:16.840
Good day, Gina Graham.
1062
00:45:16.880 --> 00:45:17.519
Good day to you.
1063
00:45:18.079 --> 00:45:21.030
And, Paul Bryan. You're ugly. You'll miss that, Gina. That
1064
00:45:21.050 --> 00:45:23.530
was Brandon Marshall yesterday. Not talking about you, obviously.
1065
00:45:23.550 --> 00:45:24.969
Oh, well, even if he was.
1066
00:45:24.989 --> 00:45:25.489
It's Marshall.
1067
00:45:25.530 --> 00:45:27.829
Matt Atchity, Rotten Tomatoes here.
1068
00:45:27.849 --> 00:45:28.809
Very glad to be here.
1069
00:45:29.150 --> 00:45:33.440
Spreading like wildfire. Seeing it everywhere now, Rotten Tomatoes. Love
1070
00:45:33.500 --> 00:45:34.460
just going on there.
1071
00:45:34.780 --> 00:45:40.579
Satisfying my curiosity. Saw Hateful Eight, or The Hateful Eight.
1072
00:45:40.599 --> 00:45:40.760
Mm-hmm.
1073
00:45:41.289 --> 00:45:43.989
And I enjoyed it quite a bit, but I don't
1074
00:45:44.010 --> 00:45:46.670
think Brian liked it quite as much. But I said
1075
00:45:46.789 --> 00:45:49.809
compared to Tarantino movies, but just not compared to movies.
1076
00:45:49.909 --> 00:45:51.409
Right. He sort of said, yeah.
1077
00:45:51.469 --> 00:45:51.650
Yeah.
1078
00:45:51.789 --> 00:45:54.010
In terms of the overall quality of every movie that's
1079
00:45:54.030 --> 00:45:55.449
released in the course of a year, it's in the
1080
00:45:55.489 --> 00:45:55.989
top half.
1081
00:45:56.050 --> 00:45:56.769
It's worth seeing.
1082
00:45:56.809 --> 00:46:00.070
It's not boring and it's not not totally boring and
1083
00:46:00.130 --> 00:46:01.570
not without merit.
1084
00:46:02.250 --> 00:46:03.590
I enjoyed it, I think, a bit more.
1085
00:46:03.960 --> 00:46:07.340
But it is, I think, on Rotten Tomatoes, shaken out
1086
00:46:07.420 --> 00:46:10.059
to be a little more like what we said, more
1087
00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:14.159
in the 70s and less in the 90s, and less
1088
00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:18.809
the Inglorious Bastards and Django and a little more Jackie
1089
00:46:18.829 --> 00:46:20.550
Brown or something like that.
1090
00:46:21.489 --> 00:46:23.530
I was bummed that I had missed the first seven,
1091
00:46:23.730 --> 00:46:25.289
so I kind of came into this one cold.
1092
00:46:25.340 --> 00:46:25.860
The sequels.
1093
00:46:26.219 --> 00:46:26.599
Part eight.
1094
00:46:27.119 --> 00:46:30.639
No, I liked it. I thought it was– it's too long.
1095
00:46:31.300 --> 00:46:32.619
Yeah, it is.
1096
00:46:32.659 --> 00:46:34.840
My biggest complaint is I don't feel like it– in
1097
00:46:34.860 --> 00:46:37.719
the moment as you're watching it, it's never boring. But
1098
00:46:37.739 --> 00:46:39.150
you come out of it and I couldn't help but
1099
00:46:39.170 --> 00:46:41.849
think like did this movie really need to be that long?
1100
00:46:41.889 --> 00:46:44.650
I felt like it didn't earn the right to be
1101
00:46:44.730 --> 00:46:47.570
that long. I also feel like– I don't want to
1102
00:46:47.590 --> 00:46:49.710
give anything away. But the way the movie is pitched
1103
00:46:49.789 --> 00:46:51.690
as being and what it ends up being are kind
1104
00:46:51.730 --> 00:46:53.309
of different things. And I think that that's one of
1105
00:46:53.329 --> 00:46:55.869
the great tricks that Tarantino does. And for those people
1106
00:46:55.909 --> 00:46:57.650
that haven't seen it, I'm not going to say anything.
1107
00:46:58.260 --> 00:47:00.929
But look, the dialogue's great. Great acting.
1108
00:47:01.909 --> 00:47:04.590
Walton Goggins is amazing in that.
1109
00:47:04.670 --> 00:47:05.230
I agree.
1110
00:47:06.349 --> 00:47:07.769
I liked it quite a bit.
1111
00:47:08.230 --> 00:47:12.760
And my whole thing is, is unless Quentin Tarantino comes
1112
00:47:12.860 --> 00:47:15.599
out with any other movies in that calendar year.
1113
00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:17.659
It'll usually be in my.
1114
00:47:17.559 --> 00:47:22.000
Top five just because it's him, it's his dialogue, and
1115
00:47:22.039 --> 00:47:26.619
it's his insanity. And, again, you get into that thing
1116
00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:29.960
that you get with Scorsese, you start comparing Casino to Goodfellas,
1117
00:47:30.019 --> 00:47:33.010
and now we're in trouble. Compare Casino to Casino or
1118
00:47:33.070 --> 00:47:35.130
the other movie that is in the cineplex, and we're
1119
00:47:35.150 --> 00:47:39.150
doing pretty good. So I definitely– and I also recommend–
1120
00:47:40.730 --> 00:47:44.289
I don't know why people do this– And it drives
1121
00:47:44.349 --> 00:47:44.750
me nuts.
1122
00:47:44.789 --> 00:47:45.929
I know we talk about a lot.
1123
00:47:46.829 --> 00:47:48.469
Gina, you're leaning in. You got something to say?
1124
00:47:48.489 --> 00:47:50.090
Well, I was just going to say that while I
1125
00:47:50.130 --> 00:47:52.550
was watching it, I had Phil Rosenthal's voice going through
1126
00:47:52.570 --> 00:47:52.869
my head.
1127
00:47:53.170 --> 00:47:56.329
Because about halfway through, I thought, this is a play.
1128
00:47:56.650 --> 00:47:57.210
This is a play.
1129
00:47:57.289 --> 00:47:59.230
And I can absolutely see this as a stage.
1130
00:47:58.969 --> 00:48:01.550
Play and might enjoy it more in some ways.
1131
00:48:01.769 --> 00:48:05.110
It's always interesting, though, and all the rules get broken.
1132
00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:09.699
But he doesn't get his due for being the craftsman
1133
00:48:09.739 --> 00:48:12.199
that he is when it comes to filming. The stuff
1134
00:48:12.219 --> 00:48:17.820
looks amazing. But either way, there's no way you can
1135
00:48:17.860 --> 00:48:19.199
make it through this movie at home.
1136
00:48:19.699 --> 00:48:20.039
No way.
1137
00:48:20.860 --> 00:48:21.539
There's just no way.
1138
00:48:21.860 --> 00:48:23.500
You can't. You have to get up. You have to
1139
00:48:23.539 --> 00:48:25.699
walk around. You have to use the bathroom. The phone
1140
00:48:26.030 --> 00:48:26.630
will ring.
1141
00:48:26.710 --> 00:48:27.269
There's nothing.
1142
00:48:27.289 --> 00:48:28.530
There's no three hours.
1143
00:48:29.030 --> 00:48:30.860
And you will. I guarantee it.
1144
00:48:33.050 --> 00:48:36.349
I would say the over-under on hitting the pause is
1145
00:48:36.369 --> 00:48:39.789
like 2.7 times for your average American in this thing,
1146
00:48:39.809 --> 00:48:41.889
just to get up and head to the kitchen. I
1147
00:48:41.960 --> 00:48:44.480
can't sit in my office for an hour getting a
1148
00:48:44.519 --> 00:48:47.659
blowjob without having to walk me and my mistress.
1149
00:48:47.360 --> 00:48:49.159
To the kitchen. Tell me about it.
1150
00:48:49.300 --> 00:48:54.889
I use a mechanic's creeper, so she's uninterrupted. You don't realize, like,
1151
00:48:54.929 --> 00:48:57.639
if you just put a nanny cam on.
1152
00:48:57.599 --> 00:49:01.800
Your office sofa while you're watching TV and sped it up,
1153
00:49:01.980 --> 00:49:04.079
you would get up. You don't realize how often you
1154
00:49:04.159 --> 00:49:05.619
get up to walk over.
1155
00:49:05.480 --> 00:49:05.920
And blah, blah.
1156
00:49:06.039 --> 00:49:06.980
Or just look at your phone.
1157
00:49:07.019 --> 00:49:08.719
It just never ends.
1158
00:49:08.739 --> 00:49:10.550
Or there's some noise that you have to pause it
1159
00:49:10.590 --> 00:49:13.010
because it's everybody else in the house, shut the hell up.
1160
00:49:13.150 --> 00:49:14.630
I'm trying to watch this goddamn movie.
1161
00:49:15.750 --> 00:49:18.389
Yes, I had that this morning.
1162
00:49:18.409 --> 00:49:19.710
Fucking adjective.
1163
00:49:20.059 --> 00:49:21.480
Cracked literally yeah.
1164
00:49:21.260 --> 00:49:22.659
You can see what it's like in my house i
1165
00:49:22.679 --> 00:49:23.840
was asleep.
1166
00:49:23.760 --> 00:49:26.820
And apparently my wife and daughter were having a panty
1167
00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:29.059
raid or a pillow fight i don't know just like.
1168
00:49:29.659 --> 00:49:31.289
Just outside of the door fight.
1169
00:49:33.030 --> 00:49:35.949
And I did this one, which is actually quite a
1170
00:49:35.949 --> 00:49:38.389
bit more effective than that move where you're laying in
1171
00:49:38.429 --> 00:49:39.369
bed and you just do that.
1172
00:49:39.690 --> 00:49:41.070
Would you please shut up?
1173
00:49:41.550 --> 00:49:44.980
That doesn't it works like it's it works, but you
1174
00:49:45.000 --> 00:49:48.900
don't score any negative points. You just it's just kind
1175
00:49:48.940 --> 00:49:50.960
of you screaming from the bed. But that's your impulse.
1176
00:49:51.639 --> 00:49:53.619
I just got up and walked outside the room and
1177
00:49:53.639 --> 00:49:58.010
I said, I'm sleeping. Could you please be more considerate?
1178
00:49:58.699 --> 00:50:00.150
And I just turned and walked back in.
1179
00:50:00.230 --> 00:50:02.130
Oh, that's right. And that's a good, that's.
1180
00:50:01.889 --> 00:50:02.429
Where you want to be.
1181
00:50:02.449 --> 00:50:04.309
I was going to say. That's where you want to be.
1182
00:50:04.329 --> 00:50:05.530
The pod people got to Adam.
1183
00:50:08.269 --> 00:50:10.449
That's a good guilt trip you laid down.
1184
00:50:10.650 --> 00:50:13.150
It's much better than the scream from the bed. Yeah.
1185
00:50:13.230 --> 00:50:14.760
Because that's just a tie.
1186
00:50:15.449 --> 00:50:18.960
Meaning we're having a pillow fight out here and you're
1187
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:20.659
screaming like a crazed person in there.
1188
00:50:20.880 --> 00:50:21.420
That's a tie.
1189
00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:25.340
But please be more considerate. That's a good one. Worked nicely.
1190
00:50:25.760 --> 00:50:26.280
Very well done.
1191
00:50:26.300 --> 00:50:26.500
Thank you.
1192
00:50:27.989 --> 00:50:29.110
Still had to get up to do it.
1193
00:50:29.110 --> 00:50:29.469
Sure.
1194
00:50:29.530 --> 00:50:29.710
Yeah.
1195
00:50:30.429 --> 00:50:31.969
How long did that keep the noise down for?
1196
00:50:32.349 --> 00:50:37.190
Well, the window was I went to bed late ish
1197
00:50:37.650 --> 00:50:40.030
and it was about seven thirty ish.
1198
00:50:40.429 --> 00:50:42.230
And I was looking forward to a little more of an.
1199
00:50:42.210 --> 00:50:45.130
Eight thirty ish wake up and the kids have to
1200
00:50:45.190 --> 00:50:49.250
head out about eight ish for school. And this is
1201
00:50:49.809 --> 00:50:52.389
more in the 743 department. So I knew all I
1202
00:50:52.409 --> 00:50:54.929
had to do is buy myself a good 18 minutes
1203
00:50:55.030 --> 00:50:58.090
and I could sleep-ish.
1204
00:50:57.880 --> 00:50:58.960
Until they went off to school.
1205
00:50:58.980 --> 00:51:00.019
You don't have time for that-ish.
1206
00:51:00.920 --> 00:51:05.980
Sonny, not in school. Sonny has a little tummy problem.
1207
00:51:06.219 --> 00:51:07.260
And it's great.
1208
00:51:08.179 --> 00:51:10.460
You know, we got.
1209
00:51:09.679 --> 00:51:15.070
Phil the puppy. Phil the Labrador puppy. And Phil listens
1210
00:51:15.130 --> 00:51:17.030
to no one. I don't even think Phil even follows
1211
00:51:17.070 --> 00:51:17.510
his heart.
1212
00:51:17.530 --> 00:51:17.849
Right.
1213
00:51:18.530 --> 00:51:21.949
He just does what he does. And when you have
1214
00:51:21.989 --> 00:51:26.409
a puppy, there's a lot of this. I tell you
1215
00:51:26.469 --> 00:51:28.940
guys all the time, I'm going to keep adding to
1216
00:51:28.980 --> 00:51:31.960
this list. Get a good bed. Get a good flat
1217
00:51:32.000 --> 00:51:34.699
panel TV. Get a good car. I don't mean a
1218
00:51:34.739 --> 00:51:37.320
Rolls Royce. I just mean a safe car with air
1219
00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:41.329
conditioning that works very nicely, that will actually be safe
1220
00:51:41.389 --> 00:51:42.230
if you get in an accident.
1221
00:51:42.269 --> 00:51:44.070
But you can drive it to Vegas and back. It's
1222
00:51:44.090 --> 00:51:46.969
not going to overheat. It'll be comfortable. Do that. Get
1223
00:51:47.010 --> 00:51:49.489
a good bathrobe and get a good pair of slippers.
1224
00:51:50.829 --> 00:51:51.429
I got.
1225
00:51:51.449 --> 00:51:52.929
Let's put on a brand new pair today.
1226
00:51:53.159 --> 00:51:58.679
I got the high top, like midway, fuzzy, fuzzy line,
1227
00:51:58.840 --> 00:51:59.179
you know.
1228
00:51:59.199 --> 00:51:59.840
Yeah, the Chelsea boot.
1229
00:51:59.860 --> 00:52:01.000
Sweet, sweet ones.
1230
00:52:01.300 --> 00:52:04.280
But when you get the dog, you run into situations like,
1231
00:52:05.900 --> 00:52:09.619
who took the inner piece for the slipper out of
1232
00:52:09.679 --> 00:52:10.320
the slipper?
1233
00:52:10.400 --> 00:52:13.340
And who would take one of my slippers, pull the
1234
00:52:13.500 --> 00:52:18.349
instep out? piece out of the slipper. So I'm now
1235
00:52:18.429 --> 00:52:20.809
riding on the rubber on one side, riding on the
1236
00:52:20.849 --> 00:52:24.769
fleece on the other side. And then, okay, the dog...
1237
00:52:24.969 --> 00:52:27.539
This is what the dog did. And then I have
1238
00:52:27.699 --> 00:52:30.579
no fucking idea in this house where this little strip
1239
00:52:30.619 --> 00:52:32.119
that's shaped like my foot is.
1240
00:52:32.139 --> 00:52:32.699
It could be under.
1241
00:52:32.739 --> 00:52:33.159
And you never will.
1242
00:52:33.480 --> 00:52:36.079
And I put the two slippers on and I just
1243
00:52:36.139 --> 00:52:37.059
walked in a circle.
1244
00:52:37.500 --> 00:52:38.159
Like, I literally.
1245
00:52:39.469 --> 00:52:43.989
I moved like if you ever put like a Lone
1246
00:52:44.050 --> 00:52:47.630
Ranger mask on your dog or antlers on your cat
1247
00:52:47.710 --> 00:52:48.230
or something.
1248
00:52:48.409 --> 00:52:49.190
You know how they move?
1249
00:52:49.230 --> 00:52:51.150
Like they walk sideways for a while and then they
1250
00:52:51.170 --> 00:52:52.630
start rubbing against something.
1251
00:52:52.889 --> 00:52:54.409
Or you put boots on the dog and it's like
1252
00:52:54.429 --> 00:52:56.690
all paws in the air. I put this slipper on.
1253
00:52:56.909 --> 00:53:00.309
One had just like the rubber sole and the other
1254
00:53:00.349 --> 00:53:02.519
had like the wool liner in it.
1255
00:53:02.659 --> 00:53:05.760
And I couldn't move. And I had to go find one.
1256
00:53:05.800 --> 00:53:06.219
But anyway.
1257
00:53:07.320 --> 00:53:09.960
I sit in my office on one side of the house,
1258
00:53:10.739 --> 00:53:12.820
and from the other side of the house, I just
1259
00:53:12.860 --> 00:53:14.269
hear Sonny yelling.
1260
00:53:15.429 --> 00:53:20.869
No, Phil, no, Philip, no, bad boy, no, Philip, no.
1261
00:53:21.150 --> 00:53:26.949
And the dog doesn't– Sonny gets just run over by
1262
00:53:27.010 --> 00:53:30.389
Phil because Phil weighs as much as Sonny. Sonny has
1263
00:53:30.590 --> 00:53:35.550
little to no authority in his voice. And poor Sonny.
1264
00:53:36.150 --> 00:53:39.650
Sonny– In this new house we're in, his mattress is
1265
00:53:39.869 --> 00:53:44.170
on the floor with his menagerie of stuffies on it,
1266
00:53:44.389 --> 00:53:47.230
which is all easy fucking pickings.
1267
00:53:47.289 --> 00:53:49.929
That is low-hanging fruit for Phil.
1268
00:53:49.989 --> 00:53:52.980
And Phil comes trotting in there with his big old paws,
1269
00:53:53.320 --> 00:53:54.960
and he's like, who do I want to eat first,
1270
00:53:55.039 --> 00:53:58.920
Malibu Marty or Allie Al? And Sonny's throwing his body
1271
00:53:58.960 --> 00:54:00.739
in front of him like, no.
1272
00:54:00.760 --> 00:54:01.539
Phil, no.
1273
00:54:01.619 --> 00:54:04.099
And all that yelling and screaming, and the dog's like, wow,
1274
00:54:04.119 --> 00:54:05.969
this just got a lot more fun.
1275
00:54:06.010 --> 00:54:06.949
Now the kid's playing with me.
1276
00:54:07.940 --> 00:54:11.320
I hear no Phil, no screamed about 10 times.
1277
00:54:11.920 --> 00:54:15.519
Sonny is a little bout of vomiting and diarrhea is
1278
00:54:15.579 --> 00:54:18.719
one of those perfect kid, you know, stomach flus on
1279
00:54:18.760 --> 00:54:22.630
his back. I say to him the other day, the
1280
00:54:22.670 --> 00:54:26.469
night before I go, listen, Dr. Drew says when you
1281
00:54:26.489 --> 00:54:28.710
get dehydrated and you're on the pot all day, you're
1282
00:54:28.730 --> 00:54:31.349
throwing up or anything, you need some Gatorade or Pedialyte
1283
00:54:31.369 --> 00:54:31.750
or whatever.
1284
00:54:31.809 --> 00:54:33.949
So I pour him some Gatorade. Of course, all we
1285
00:54:33.969 --> 00:54:36.300
have is the red Gatorade. colored Gatorade.
1286
00:54:36.619 --> 00:54:40.480
When did we need 72,000 flavors of Gatorade? But anyway,
1287
00:54:40.500 --> 00:54:43.190
I got the red Gatorade. I pour it in a
1288
00:54:43.250 --> 00:54:47.170
plastic cup. And the next morning, I just see Phil
1289
00:54:47.269 --> 00:54:50.440
trotting down the hall. with the Gatorade in his... He's
1290
00:54:50.480 --> 00:54:52.260
got the cup. I don't even know how he does it,
1291
00:54:52.280 --> 00:54:53.619
but the cup is in his mouth.
1292
00:54:53.780 --> 00:54:54.860
It's not spilled over.
1293
00:54:54.889 --> 00:54:55.469
It's not turned over.
1294
00:54:55.489 --> 00:54:58.590
He's holding it upright, and it's in his mouth, and
1295
00:54:58.630 --> 00:55:00.440
he's just trotting down the hall with it.
1296
00:55:00.489 --> 00:55:01.030
Like, hey, kid.
1297
00:55:01.190 --> 00:55:01.769
Like a frat boy.
1298
00:55:01.889 --> 00:55:02.250
Yeah, all right.
1299
00:55:02.429 --> 00:55:05.369
Go ahead and protect Malibu Marty. I'll be taking the Gatorade.
1300
00:55:05.789 --> 00:55:07.110
I'll be rehydrating over here.
1301
00:55:07.210 --> 00:55:08.090
He got the mail prize.
1302
00:55:08.110 --> 00:55:10.300
Yeah, and he's just trotting down the hall with it,
1303
00:55:10.380 --> 00:55:13.420
and it's splashing this red stuff, leaving this trail of
1304
00:55:13.500 --> 00:55:15.400
red shit. And at a certain point, of course, it
1305
00:55:15.460 --> 00:55:18.480
falls out and then goes up the wall. With the
1306
00:55:18.500 --> 00:55:23.750
red thing. So we're going full shining elevator scene here.
1307
00:55:23.809 --> 00:55:25.030
And it's all over the wall.
1308
00:55:25.710 --> 00:55:31.150
And I'm doing this move where, you know, Sonny's the
1309
00:55:31.190 --> 00:55:33.530
worst at cleaning shit up. Like he doesn't know. He
1310
00:55:33.550 --> 00:55:36.099
starts padding stuff with a hat and stuff like that.
1311
00:55:36.139 --> 00:55:36.980
Like he doesn't know what to.
1312
00:55:36.960 --> 00:55:37.699
Do or anything.
1313
00:55:38.320 --> 00:55:40.460
I do my move, which is my quick fix move
1314
00:55:40.480 --> 00:55:42.519
for everything, which is, I show up with a little
1315
00:55:42.579 --> 00:55:44.800
water bottle and just sort of sprinkle it around like
1316
00:55:44.840 --> 00:55:45.860
the Pope or something.
1317
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:47.519
I'm going to knock it down.
1318
00:55:47.539 --> 00:55:49.360
I'm blessed this much.
1319
00:55:49.579 --> 00:55:52.239
Lynette comes walking in through the garage door like four
1320
00:55:52.280 --> 00:55:56.230
minutes later to see this weird red soupy pile of stuff.
1321
00:55:56.309 --> 00:55:58.789
I'm like, what the fuck? She's not doing the math.
1322
00:55:58.809 --> 00:56:00.230
The dog's having a period.
1323
00:56:00.269 --> 00:56:01.090
Are they peeing?
1324
00:56:01.110 --> 00:56:04.710
What's his blood? What's going on? It's going up the wall.
1325
00:56:05.670 --> 00:56:07.989
But that's... That's Phil.
1326
00:56:08.829 --> 00:56:11.949
Okay. So Phil's doing nice to you.
1327
00:56:12.010 --> 00:56:12.949
He's doing the Lord's work.
1328
00:56:13.230 --> 00:56:15.150
I like the idea that he just torments the shit
1329
00:56:15.190 --> 00:56:15.750
out of Sonny.
1330
00:56:15.789 --> 00:56:15.969
Yeah.
1331
00:56:15.989 --> 00:56:17.449
That's going to be a fun relationship to watch over
1332
00:56:17.469 --> 00:56:18.039
the next few years.
1333
00:56:18.119 --> 00:56:19.900
Well, and speaking of which, in the last 48 hours,
1334
00:56:19.940 --> 00:56:20.960
who shit on the carpet more?
1335
00:56:20.980 --> 00:56:23.000
Sonny or Phil?
1336
00:56:23.019 --> 00:56:26.860
Sonny makes it to the sink. Sonny makes it to
1337
00:56:26.880 --> 00:56:29.829
the toilet. Sonny has the bag in the bucket like
1338
00:56:29.869 --> 00:56:32.329
next to the bed. He's just the most considerate little
1339
00:56:32.610 --> 00:56:33.369
guy in the world.
1340
00:56:40.449 --> 00:56:42.989
All right, this is Adam Krulishow, 1731. Coming up next,
1341
00:56:43.010 --> 00:56:46.239
we have Adam Krulishow, 1747. Matt Besser, Gina Grad, and
1342
00:56:46.280 --> 00:56:48.039
Brian Bishop. More stories of Phil.
1343
00:56:52.289 --> 00:56:53.090
Good day, Gina Grad.
1344
00:56:53.110 --> 00:56:53.650
Good day to you.
1345
00:56:53.670 --> 00:56:54.769
And Bob Ryan.
1346
00:56:54.889 --> 00:56:58.030
A churro is nothing but a donut that's here illegally.
1347
00:56:58.369 --> 00:56:59.789
I've been saying that for three days.
1348
00:56:59.829 --> 00:57:02.050
You got so many people on Twitter and elsewhere saying,
1349
00:57:02.469 --> 00:57:03.210
who is that guy?
1350
00:57:03.230 --> 00:57:04.670
What's up with that guy? That guy's crazy.
1351
00:57:04.690 --> 00:57:05.329
They're enraged.
1352
00:57:05.369 --> 00:57:06.630
Yeah, they thought he was out of line.
1353
00:57:06.650 --> 00:57:06.909
Incensed.
1354
00:57:07.389 --> 00:57:10.989
Out of line for spouting his views. It's Tuttle's opinion, people.
1355
00:57:11.269 --> 00:57:14.969
Yeah, I read a lot of very positive stuff about
1356
00:57:14.989 --> 00:57:15.369
Richard Martin.
1357
00:57:15.429 --> 00:57:16.989
The vast majority was positive.
1358
00:57:17.409 --> 00:57:19.630
They were incensed that such a man would be let
1359
00:57:19.650 --> 00:57:21.070
on the air.
1360
00:57:21.230 --> 00:57:22.090
Such extreme views.
1361
00:57:22.130 --> 00:57:23.289
And how he treats jazz.
1362
00:57:24.690 --> 00:57:25.130
His wife.
1363
00:57:25.750 --> 00:57:26.170
All right.
1364
00:57:26.570 --> 00:57:29.190
We've got a baldy wood coming up, which is good.
1365
00:57:29.409 --> 00:57:30.190
I'm interested.
1366
00:57:30.210 --> 00:57:32.929
Is it Brooklyn? Yep. Best picture nominee.
1367
00:57:34.090 --> 00:57:37.239
Also, I can tell you that the only thing I
1368
00:57:37.260 --> 00:57:40.139
didn't like about my last dog, Molly, was not a
1369
00:57:40.179 --> 00:57:43.000
water dog. And I got a lab because I wanted
1370
00:57:43.519 --> 00:57:44.980
that dog in the pool, man.
1371
00:57:45.000 --> 00:57:46.960
The pool you don't have? There's two things, yes.
1372
00:57:46.980 --> 00:57:49.079
There's two things I didn't have growing up, which was
1373
00:57:49.159 --> 00:57:52.599
the dog and the pool. Also, did you guys notice
1374
00:57:52.780 --> 00:57:56.980
when we were talking to Cliff– a.k.a. Koozie last week
1375
00:57:57.059 --> 00:58:01.840
after I was reunited with him, he said, what I've said,
1376
00:58:01.860 --> 00:58:04.929
the fucking reason number 128 I want to knee my
1377
00:58:04.949 --> 00:58:07.190
dad in the fucking old nuts is, he said his
1378
00:58:07.250 --> 00:58:09.650
dad just put up a basketball hoop like on the
1379
00:58:09.670 --> 00:58:12.150
garage and he'd just be out there all day.
1380
00:58:12.170 --> 00:58:12.710
He built it.
1381
00:58:13.349 --> 00:58:15.949
Yeah, it's I mean, I could remember as a kid
1382
00:58:16.010 --> 00:58:18.750
seeing like just a big piece of plywood that was
1383
00:58:18.849 --> 00:58:22.010
up there. And it was had like a carriage bolt
1384
00:58:22.070 --> 00:58:24.659
going through to be bolted to the fascia off at
1385
00:58:24.679 --> 00:58:27.639
a little weird angle. And just a basketball hoop, no net.
1386
00:58:28.300 --> 00:58:30.300
They'd go down to the big five, the sporting goods store.
1387
00:58:30.340 --> 00:58:32.519
They buy the hoop for eight ninety nine and then
1388
00:58:32.559 --> 00:58:34.300
they get some plywood and some whatever.
1389
00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:35.469
And they just put it up.
1390
00:58:35.510 --> 00:58:35.610
Yeah.
1391
00:58:35.929 --> 00:58:36.989
It'd just be in the driveway.
1392
00:58:37.090 --> 00:58:40.389
Not to NCAA specifications, but it'll do for a driveway hoop.
1393
00:58:40.510 --> 00:58:43.469
Definitely do. And the kid will just stay out there
1394
00:58:43.630 --> 00:58:44.750
and have a fun summer.
1395
00:58:44.769 --> 00:58:45.630
That's all it is.
1396
00:58:45.929 --> 00:58:48.809
Or a dog or many other things that could have
1397
00:58:48.829 --> 00:58:52.369
been purchased and or received when I was young.
1398
00:58:52.570 --> 00:58:53.750
For a $ 20 investment.
1399
00:58:53.909 --> 00:58:56.469
I wanted a dog and I wanted a swimming pool.
1400
00:58:56.800 --> 00:58:58.539
And now I got a dog and I'm building a
1401
00:58:58.559 --> 00:58:59.159
swimming pool.
1402
00:58:59.460 --> 00:59:00.900
And I'm going to get that damn dog to go
1403
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:03.119
in it. Because that dog is climbing into the shower
1404
00:59:03.159 --> 00:59:03.980
when you're in the shower.
1405
00:59:04.260 --> 00:59:06.489
So Phil's a water dog. Phil's a water dog.
1406
00:59:06.590 --> 00:59:11.860
Phil, it was pouring rain today and Phil went out
1407
00:59:11.880 --> 00:59:14.340
in the backyard and was putting his head up trying
1408
00:59:14.360 --> 00:59:17.400
to drink the water out of the sky and just plowing.
1409
00:59:17.420 --> 00:59:19.260
You know, there's always that part of your roof when
1410
00:59:19.280 --> 00:59:21.699
it rains real hard where it all just comes spilling
1411
00:59:21.800 --> 00:59:24.239
off that one point. He just hit that one point
1412
00:59:24.260 --> 00:59:27.460
and just started hitting it hard. Just digging, just digging
1413
00:59:27.519 --> 00:59:28.380
on the rain.
1414
00:59:28.400 --> 00:59:31.380
So Now, who cleaned him up before he was let
1415
00:59:31.420 --> 00:59:31.960
back inside?
1416
00:59:33.280 --> 00:59:37.360
Well, Natalia's instructed to do everything, but Natalia doesn't do anything.
1417
00:59:37.400 --> 00:59:38.960
But she went and got the towel and threw the
1418
00:59:39.000 --> 00:59:41.389
towel over him and did that cool move where they
1419
00:59:41.429 --> 00:59:41.840
walk around.
1420
00:59:41.889 --> 00:59:42.409
I don't know why.
1421
00:59:42.429 --> 00:59:43.989
Like a horse, you put the whole thing over him.
1422
00:59:44.409 --> 00:59:46.530
Towel just spills right over it. You can't see their
1423
00:59:46.550 --> 00:59:48.730
head or the tail. Then they start walking around.
1424
00:59:48.789 --> 00:59:49.170
Nothing more.
1425
00:59:49.230 --> 00:59:50.489
It's just a moving towel. The ghost.
1426
00:59:50.630 --> 00:59:56.190
Nothing more entertaining for the kids than that. On another
1427
00:59:56.269 --> 01:00:01.269
happy note, saw Sonny. Had a basketball game last night.
1428
01:00:01.289 --> 01:00:02.440
You just ran into him?
1429
01:00:02.849 --> 01:00:04.369
Just ran into him. Entry hall.
1430
01:00:04.389 --> 01:00:05.050
Just like old times.
1431
01:00:05.070 --> 01:00:09.400
Shat him up. He's walking around before the game. He's
1432
01:00:09.440 --> 01:00:12.280
holding a brick. I don't know where he got the brick.
1433
01:00:12.300 --> 01:00:13.400
Sounds about right for Sonny in basketball.
1434
01:00:13.420 --> 01:00:14.119
He's holding a brick.
1435
01:00:14.559 --> 01:00:15.260
And he's throwing it.
1436
01:00:15.480 --> 01:00:17.219
He's kind of holding it and tossing it to himself.
1437
01:00:17.480 --> 01:00:20.420
He's walking around in his old basketball uniform. And I said,
1438
01:00:20.840 --> 01:00:24.099
what's the brick for, Sonny? And he said, Jerry Rice's
1439
01:00:24.239 --> 01:00:25.800
dad was a Mason.
1440
01:00:26.780 --> 01:00:29.780
And we saw this story together some months ago on
1441
01:00:29.820 --> 01:00:33.030
like a 30 for 30 or whatever and football life.
1442
01:00:33.070 --> 01:00:36.670
And his dad would toss him the bricks. Bricks are
1443
01:00:36.789 --> 01:00:42.650
quite brittle. They break very easily. No elasticity. And his
1444
01:00:42.690 --> 01:00:44.329
dad would toss in the bricks. He had to catch
1445
01:00:44.389 --> 01:00:45.570
it with the soft hands.
1446
01:00:46.389 --> 01:00:47.380
Like give. Yeah.
1447
01:00:47.880 --> 01:00:50.699
By the way, the number one gig for the old
1448
01:00:50.780 --> 01:00:55.219
school dudes who are in the NFL who know their
1449
01:00:55.239 --> 01:00:56.639
dad is Mason.
1450
01:00:57.550 --> 01:00:59.429
Important asterisk at the end.
1451
01:00:59.690 --> 01:01:00.369
Yes, yes.
1452
01:01:00.769 --> 01:01:03.530
It really is.
1453
01:01:03.550 --> 01:01:07.380
There's a weird thing, but it's an old school black
1454
01:01:07.460 --> 01:01:08.900
dude thing, which is Mason.
1455
01:01:08.960 --> 01:01:09.920
Not SoCal.
1456
01:01:10.179 --> 01:01:12.719
SoCal is Hispanic, Mason.
1457
01:01:12.739 --> 01:01:13.239
Nationwide.
1458
01:01:13.570 --> 01:01:17.050
Yeah, like in Atlanta, it's a black dude thing.
1459
01:01:17.550 --> 01:01:20.710
So Sonny realizes the key to success, athletic dominance, is
1460
01:01:20.730 --> 01:01:21.710
being able to catch a brick.
1461
01:01:21.730 --> 01:01:23.090
He's having a black father in Atlanta.
1462
01:01:23.130 --> 01:01:23.969
Right, right.
1463
01:01:23.989 --> 01:01:24.409
So he's screwed.
1464
01:01:24.590 --> 01:01:24.849
Yep.
1465
01:01:25.369 --> 01:01:28.380
I said, later on, when I'm done with that swimming pool,
1466
01:01:28.389 --> 01:01:31.059
I'm going to need that brick to toss into Natalia's bikini.
1467
01:01:31.079 --> 01:01:31.659
Oh, wow.
1468
01:01:31.920 --> 01:01:33.780
That's right, because that chick's a handful.
1469
01:01:33.980 --> 01:01:35.179
He probably shouldn't telegraph that.
1470
01:01:35.360 --> 01:01:35.880
Maybe not.
1471
01:01:40.420 --> 01:01:43.090
All right, this is Adam Kulish of 1747. Coming up next,
1472
01:01:43.110 --> 01:01:46.849
we have Adam Carolla's show, 1759. Jillian Michaels, David Wild,
1473
01:01:46.929 --> 01:01:49.789
Gina Grad, and Brian Bishop. We have a caller asking
1474
01:01:49.829 --> 01:01:51.809
about what she should name her dog and some more
1475
01:01:51.829 --> 01:01:52.329
Phil stories.
1476
01:01:57.010 --> 01:02:00.030
Molly, 26, Baltimore. Molly?
1477
01:02:00.840 --> 01:02:01.219
Hi.
1478
01:02:01.300 --> 01:02:02.039
What's going on?
1479
01:02:03.519 --> 01:02:04.000
Nothing.
1480
01:02:04.219 --> 01:02:06.400
I'm a big fan. Hello, everyone.
1481
01:02:06.480 --> 01:02:06.840
Thanks.
1482
01:02:07.039 --> 01:02:08.179
What's going on in Baltimore?
1483
01:02:08.199 --> 01:02:12.599
I'm a fan since Loveline. You know, the crime rate's down.
1484
01:02:12.659 --> 01:02:13.599
Everything's going great.
1485
01:02:13.980 --> 01:02:18.420
All right. It's like it's 94 degrees here. It honestly is.
1486
01:02:19.039 --> 01:02:23.559
We are setting records all over the place. What's it
1487
01:02:23.619 --> 01:02:24.739
like in Baltimore today?
1488
01:02:25.639 --> 01:02:28.590
Today it actually warmed up. We had ice this morning,
1489
01:02:28.869 --> 01:02:31.730
but now it's about 50.
1490
01:02:31.730 --> 01:02:33.610
Okay. You got a question?
1491
01:02:34.650 --> 01:02:39.389
Yeah, I got a black pug male, and we don't
1492
01:02:39.429 --> 01:02:40.469
know what to name him.
1493
01:02:41.639 --> 01:02:43.340
Well, I'll tell you this.
1494
01:02:43.360 --> 01:02:45.809
I put up this picture on Twitter and tagged everyone
1495
01:02:45.849 --> 01:02:46.690
if you need a picture.
1496
01:02:46.929 --> 01:02:47.789
All right.
1497
01:02:48.989 --> 01:02:52.110
I'm not suggesting you name him Sloppy Seconds. I'm going
1498
01:02:52.130 --> 01:02:57.000
to give him a Sloppy Seconds name. When I got Phil,
1499
01:02:57.679 --> 01:03:02.250
my daughter named Phil, his original name was Dozer. I
1500
01:03:02.289 --> 01:03:05.309
then called him Phil Dozer for a while because it
1501
01:03:05.349 --> 01:03:07.869
made me laugh. I remember the TV movie Kill Dozer.
1502
01:03:08.349 --> 01:03:13.090
But now Phil Dozer has given away to just Phil.
1503
01:03:14.070 --> 01:03:15.230
But I like Dozer.
1504
01:03:15.489 --> 01:03:16.170
What is Dozer?
1505
01:03:17.070 --> 01:03:21.250
Bulldozer. Yeah, it's sort of the end part of Bulldozer.
1506
01:03:21.289 --> 01:03:23.190
But it's also, I don't know, someone who may nod
1507
01:03:23.309 --> 01:03:25.170
off at any given time.
1508
01:03:25.190 --> 01:03:26.949
I like the doozers on the Fraggle Rocks.
1509
01:03:27.130 --> 01:03:31.199
And I like the name Dozer. I didn't have a pug,
1510
01:03:31.239 --> 01:03:34.639
but I had a black Lab and Dozer seem to
1511
01:03:34.719 --> 01:03:37.739
fit Phil Dozer pretty well.
1512
01:03:37.760 --> 01:03:39.800
So I'm going to put a vote in for Dozer.
1513
01:03:40.199 --> 01:03:41.139
Can I make a suggestion?
1514
01:03:42.920 --> 01:03:43.360
No?
1515
01:03:43.440 --> 01:03:44.000
All right.
1516
01:03:44.019 --> 01:03:44.219
Thanks.
1517
01:03:45.400 --> 01:03:47.900
I don't know why, but pugs, they're just so little
1518
01:03:47.980 --> 01:03:51.079
and weird that I always think it's funny when people
1519
01:03:51.539 --> 01:03:55.789
give them a title like Sir So-and-So or His Highness blah, blah, blah.
1520
01:03:55.829 --> 01:03:56.989
But I don't know if that's your style.
1521
01:03:57.010 --> 01:03:58.849
That's too fancy. No, she's going to get her ass kicked.
1522
01:03:59.010 --> 01:04:00.630
Can I make a suggestion?
1523
01:04:00.650 --> 01:04:01.750
Colonel. General.
1524
01:04:01.789 --> 01:04:03.050
How about Justice Scalia?
1525
01:04:03.269 --> 01:04:04.849
It's an adorable name.
1526
01:04:04.710 --> 01:04:06.670
For a puppy. Molly?
1527
01:04:07.510 --> 01:04:07.889
Yeah?
1528
01:04:08.329 --> 01:04:09.530
What were you leaning toward?
1529
01:04:09.989 --> 01:04:14.179
Cunt bumper. Buck, after Uncle Buck, the movie.
1530
01:04:14.570 --> 01:04:14.960
Uh-huh.
1531
01:04:15.420 --> 01:04:16.960
But those are cute.
1532
01:04:17.139 --> 01:04:21.019
You want to make John Candy's 27th best movie and
1533
01:04:21.059 --> 01:04:21.440
name your.
1534
01:04:21.360 --> 01:04:22.059
Dog after him?
1535
01:04:25.010 --> 01:04:26.110
That or the great outdoors.
1536
01:04:27.090 --> 01:04:30.719
Yeah, all right.
1537
01:04:31.440 --> 01:04:35.380
Dozer the Dozerian. Yeah. You could call it planes, trains,
1538
01:04:35.519 --> 01:04:36.199
or automobiles.
1539
01:04:36.239 --> 01:04:37.480
That would be another option.
1540
01:04:37.780 --> 01:04:39.719
All right, stop talking now.
1541
01:04:40.159 --> 01:04:41.019
Go with Dozer.
1542
01:04:41.760 --> 01:04:42.219
Dozer.
1543
01:04:42.260 --> 01:04:45.590
Dozer's cute because he does fall asleep wherever he wants.
1544
01:04:45.869 --> 01:04:46.389
Of course he does.
1545
01:04:46.449 --> 01:04:48.530
There you go. Dozer the Dozerian. All right.
1546
01:04:48.769 --> 01:04:51.269
Are you going to come to the East Coast anytime soon?
1547
01:04:51.349 --> 01:04:55.030
Yeah, we're working on it. We're always working on it.
1548
01:04:55.800 --> 01:04:58.239
I'll continue to work on it. You can get out.
1549
01:04:58.940 --> 01:05:01.539
How long does it take you to get to New
1550
01:05:01.579 --> 01:05:02.159
York City?
1551
01:05:04.519 --> 01:05:06.679
Not that long. I've thought about making it out to
1552
01:05:06.739 --> 01:05:09.320
one of those shows. Maybe I will.
1553
01:05:09.599 --> 01:05:10.920
How long is not that long?
1554
01:05:12.079 --> 01:05:14.980
I think the train's like four hours or something like that.
1555
01:05:15.019 --> 01:05:15.559
We're not worth it.
1556
01:05:16.260 --> 01:05:18.789
I'll tell you, the train's oddly expensive, but you can
1557
01:05:18.809 --> 01:05:21.090
get a lot done on a train. Yeah, a lot
1558
01:05:21.190 --> 01:05:22.650
of downtime.
1559
01:05:22.750 --> 01:05:24.250
Molly, you work on that crime rate, and we'll work
1560
01:05:24.269 --> 01:05:25.190
on getting out to Baltimore.
1561
01:05:25.510 --> 01:05:28.610
Jillian Michaels is here, so we'll put you on hold.
1562
01:05:29.530 --> 01:05:34.989
All right, that was Adam Carolla Show 1759.
1563
01:05:34.980 --> 01:05:37.559
Coming up next, we have Adam Carolla Show episode 2000
1564
01:05:37.559 --> 01:05:38.760
with the Try Guys from 2017.
1565
01:05:38.760 --> 01:05:39.280
More Phil stories.
1566
01:05:46.659 --> 01:05:47.480
Good day, Gina Graham.
1567
01:05:47.500 --> 01:05:47.980
Good day to you.
1568
01:05:48.079 --> 01:05:48.820
Ann Balbrun.
1569
01:05:49.840 --> 01:05:51.119
Congratulations, everyone.
1570
01:05:51.800 --> 01:05:58.019
I want to say this. Things in life creep along.
1571
01:05:58.260 --> 01:05:58.820
We're getting heavy.
1572
01:05:59.019 --> 01:06:03.340
And they happen very gradually. And the very gradual part
1573
01:06:03.550 --> 01:06:06.429
is the part that makes it difficult to.
1574
01:06:06.570 --> 01:06:08.269
Wrap your mind around or understand.
1575
01:06:08.590 --> 01:06:13.010
The person who you see on a daily basis who
1576
01:06:13.190 --> 01:06:19.099
loses 80 pounds, that's... Understandable, but never jarring. It's that
1577
01:06:19.179 --> 01:06:21.510
same person you haven't seen since last year. And then
1578
01:06:21.530 --> 01:06:22.170
you see them like.
1579
01:06:22.199 --> 01:06:23.730
Oh, my God, the wait. What happened?
1580
01:06:23.889 --> 01:06:24.389
What happened?
1581
01:06:24.429 --> 01:06:25.010
It's amazing.
1582
01:06:25.070 --> 01:06:25.389
Oh, great.
1583
01:06:26.030 --> 01:06:29.750
It just elicits a different response because it's all at once.
1584
01:06:30.840 --> 01:06:34.420
versus the very slow, I've lost four pounds a week
1585
01:06:34.519 --> 01:06:37.449
for the last 17 weeks, and now here we are.
1586
01:06:38.050 --> 01:06:42.329
So that never really gets any response because sometimes it
1587
01:06:42.369 --> 01:06:44.670
gets looking good or whatever, but it doesn't really get,
1588
01:06:44.769 --> 01:06:47.050
not from the day in and day out, because those
1589
01:06:47.090 --> 01:06:48.469
people see every day, hard to tell.
1590
01:06:49.329 --> 01:06:50.070
And it's a human thing.
1591
01:06:51.909 --> 01:06:55.210
What we've been able to do here and come to
1592
01:06:55.230 --> 01:06:58.030
a place and come to a studio, I had to
1593
01:06:59.179 --> 01:07:02.159
As I was floating around in my freezing cold pool
1594
01:07:02.219 --> 01:07:06.070
the other day and looking at Philly Cheesesteak, who does
1595
01:07:06.090 --> 01:07:10.710
this great move, which is he gets on the side
1596
01:07:10.730 --> 01:07:12.690
of the pool and looks down at me like, hey,
1597
01:07:12.730 --> 01:07:13.550
I'm not fucking nuts.
1598
01:07:13.590 --> 01:07:15.639
I'm not going in there. I have a three IQ,
1599
01:07:15.659 --> 01:07:16.599
but I'm still not going in there.
1600
01:07:17.219 --> 01:07:20.449
But he's all jowl when he looks down at me.
1601
01:07:20.829 --> 01:07:22.389
You don't get that POV of your.
1602
01:07:22.289 --> 01:07:25.590
Dog that often, or hopefully if you do, you've used
1603
01:07:25.610 --> 01:07:28.489
plenty of water-soluble lube that'll come off in the pool.
1604
01:07:28.530 --> 01:07:32.309
But that dog just looking down, his jowls start surrounding
1605
01:07:32.349 --> 01:07:34.929
his eye sockets, which is funny when the jowls spill
1606
01:07:35.070 --> 01:07:36.789
up into the eyes. And he just looks at me.
1607
01:07:37.190 --> 01:07:38.889
And he does this weird move where he takes one
1608
01:07:38.949 --> 01:07:40.510
paw and he just puts it out.
1609
01:07:40.690 --> 01:07:41.070
Not really.
1610
01:07:41.090 --> 01:07:42.829
He's not sure what he's getting out of it. He's
1611
01:07:42.849 --> 01:07:45.329
not sure what he's doing. Are we high-fiving? Is he
1612
01:07:45.349 --> 01:07:46.070
trying to pull me in?
1613
01:07:46.090 --> 01:07:46.210
Like.
1614
01:07:46.630 --> 01:07:48.750
I don't have anything he needs. He just does the
1615
01:07:48.789 --> 01:07:50.389
thing with his paw. Is there a little of like,
1616
01:07:50.449 --> 01:07:51.150
is he okay?
1617
01:07:51.550 --> 01:07:54.070
Should I check him to make sure he's moving? I wish.
1618
01:07:54.969 --> 01:07:55.489
There's not.
1619
01:07:56.260 --> 01:07:58.820
But I was just floating in my freezing cold pool,
1620
01:07:58.900 --> 01:08:03.139
and I was thinking to myself, you know, you've been
1621
01:08:03.159 --> 01:08:05.860
able to carve out a life where you have a warehouse,
1622
01:08:05.900 --> 01:08:10.000
where you've built a studio in your warehouse. You've surrounded
1623
01:08:10.019 --> 01:08:11.960
yourself with people you want to work with, and you
1624
01:08:11.980 --> 01:08:14.719
get to go in there every day, and that's your job.
1625
01:08:15.260 --> 01:08:19.750
And I was thinking– That is insane. That's an insane notion.
1626
01:08:19.810 --> 01:08:23.270
I mean, look, it's insane enough that you're able to
1627
01:08:23.289 --> 01:08:26.029
get a job on Spike TV or you get a
1628
01:08:26.069 --> 01:08:29.090
job on whatever radio station or whatever that is.
1629
01:08:29.590 --> 01:08:31.869
But the idea that you just get to go to.
1630
01:08:31.850 --> 01:08:35.029
That warehouse you bought to put a couple of cars
1631
01:08:35.149 --> 01:08:37.859
in back in the day and go sit in your
1632
01:08:37.899 --> 01:08:43.039
studio and talk into your microphone as a job is
1633
01:08:43.920 --> 01:08:50.020
pretty outrageous, right? Now, it's been done incrementally and for
1634
01:08:50.119 --> 01:08:54.560
so long that it doesn't feel like it would feel
1635
01:08:54.659 --> 01:08:58.010
if I was just in high school or swinging a
1636
01:08:58.069 --> 01:09:01.180
hammer or whatever it was. my former life was. If
1637
01:09:01.220 --> 01:09:04.319
I just woke up here, I'd be like, oh, my God,
1638
01:09:04.720 --> 01:09:09.090
this is insane. And it's important, I think, for everybody
1639
01:09:09.149 --> 01:09:11.289
to sort of see if you can dunk yourself in
1640
01:09:11.310 --> 01:09:13.909
the freezing, frigid waters of life every once in a
1641
01:09:13.909 --> 01:09:16.029
while and think, wait a minute, here I am.
1642
01:09:16.189 --> 01:09:16.649
Look at this.
1643
01:09:16.909 --> 01:09:19.069
I mean, it's so easy to with the kids and
1644
01:09:19.090 --> 01:09:21.810
the schedule and everything. So if everything just kind of
1645
01:09:22.449 --> 01:09:25.810
passed you by, we're at the, you know, we're capable
1646
01:09:25.890 --> 01:09:30.420
as humans of marveling at, you know, you took me,
1647
01:09:30.720 --> 01:09:36.079
take me in TiVo or DVR. I went from, wait
1648
01:09:36.159 --> 01:09:39.640
a minute, you can't stop TV. You can't pause a
1649
01:09:39.680 --> 01:09:40.279
live show.
1650
01:09:40.500 --> 01:09:42.220
I'm not a god. I'm not a warlock.
1651
01:09:42.399 --> 01:09:45.430
That's alchemy. We can't do this stuff.
1652
01:09:45.470 --> 01:09:48.590
How do you do it to, Jesus Christ, I recorded
1653
01:09:48.670 --> 01:09:49.710
a goddamn playoff game.
1654
01:09:49.750 --> 01:09:53.050
I didn't do the spillover. I didn't see the fourth quarter.
1655
01:09:53.369 --> 01:09:54.850
I didn't see the last three minutes of the fourth quarter.
1656
01:09:55.090 --> 01:09:56.970
Now I'm ripped shit.
1657
01:09:57.270 --> 01:10:00.189
That's what we're able to do as human beings. From the,
1658
01:10:00.470 --> 01:10:01.149
oh my God.
1659
01:10:03.939 --> 01:10:09.359
I could have traded a five-year-old DVR to Elvis for
1660
01:10:09.420 --> 01:10:13.239
his house in 1975.
1661
01:10:13.239 --> 01:10:15.239
Possibly two of them. Possibly two of them.
1662
01:10:15.600 --> 01:10:15.840
Yes.
1663
01:10:16.319 --> 01:10:17.680
And a couple of his lady friends.
1664
01:10:18.399 --> 01:10:22.220
But now I'm yelling at mine because it wasn't smart
1665
01:10:22.260 --> 01:10:25.170
enough or I wasn't smart enough to hit the extend and.
1666
01:10:25.119 --> 01:10:27.189
Record the rest of the fourth quarter of the football game.
1667
01:10:29.149 --> 01:10:31.500
So. that's where we're at.
1668
01:10:31.819 --> 01:10:34.340
And I am going to tell you right now that
1669
01:10:34.399 --> 01:10:37.569
I do appreciate this, that I do think about this,
1670
01:10:38.329 --> 01:10:40.569
that I, I realize that.
1671
01:10:40.470 --> 01:10:42.250
It can't be done without you guys.
1672
01:10:42.350 --> 01:10:46.680
And it can't be done with, um, out the, uh, sharing. I, uh,
1673
01:10:47.479 --> 01:10:51.659
took Philly cheesesteak for a walk on Friday night when
1674
01:10:51.880 --> 01:10:56.840
everybody was somewhere other than home. And, uh, I just
1675
01:10:56.899 --> 01:10:59.479
called the guy, Matt from Chicago, who had lost his
1676
01:10:59.520 --> 01:11:02.470
dad and his sister in the plane crash. And we
1677
01:11:02.489 --> 01:11:07.470
had nice chat and, uh, he's 24. And, uh, my God,
1678
01:11:08.510 --> 01:11:11.930
I mean, you know, talking to him about his tool
1679
01:11:11.989 --> 01:11:14.149
room and him and his dad had his tool room
1680
01:11:14.189 --> 01:11:16.210
and they had the tool room in the basement. And
1681
01:11:16.250 --> 01:11:18.210
I was asking what he had. And he did this
1682
01:11:18.909 --> 01:11:21.880
part where he said, um, We have a band saw.
1683
01:11:21.920 --> 01:11:24.699
There's a band saw, but we have to put it.
1684
01:11:24.859 --> 01:11:25.800
I have to put it together.
1685
01:11:25.819 --> 01:11:26.899
It's still in the box kind of thing.
1686
01:11:26.920 --> 01:11:28.720
And I sort of realized, oh, he got that while
1687
01:11:28.779 --> 01:11:31.039
his dad was around and they had planned on putting
1688
01:11:31.060 --> 01:11:32.229
it together and using it.
1689
01:11:32.319 --> 01:11:35.020
But we had a very nice conversation.
1690
01:11:35.050 --> 01:11:36.989
It meant a lot to him that you called.
1691
01:11:37.369 --> 01:11:39.949
Well, it meant a lot to me because I sang
1692
01:11:40.109 --> 01:11:42.630
our fans. He said, oh, we saw you in Chicago
1693
01:11:42.689 --> 01:11:44.670
and we saw you doing stand up and we saw
1694
01:11:44.689 --> 01:11:45.970
you doing a live podcast.
1695
01:11:46.189 --> 01:11:48.100
I took my dad. My dad took me, whatever it is.
1696
01:11:49.390 --> 01:11:50.069
That's why we're here.
1697
01:11:50.340 --> 01:11:53.260
And we never lose sight of that. So I want
1698
01:11:53.279 --> 01:11:56.460
to thank all of you for listening for all these
1699
01:11:56.479 --> 01:11:59.899
years and being a part of these 2000 episodes.
1700
01:12:00.220 --> 01:12:04.479
So I appreciate it. And now we'll move forward with
1701
01:12:04.539 --> 01:12:05.920
our 2000th episode.
1702
01:12:06.939 --> 01:12:11.739
Let's see. We got our Rich Banks song, Gary. Brian
1703
01:12:11.770 --> 01:12:12.149
has it.
1704
01:12:12.229 --> 01:12:12.510
I do.
1705
01:12:12.529 --> 01:12:14.869
All right. I have not either.
1706
01:12:14.890 --> 01:12:15.569
Let's check it out.
1707
01:12:15.590 --> 01:12:16.329
Let's give it a listen.
1708
01:12:16.470 --> 01:12:19.810
This could be the beginning of something great, or it
1709
01:12:19.829 --> 01:12:22.670
could be painful, humiliating 20 minutes.
1710
01:12:23.350 --> 01:12:24.750
Let me tell you about it. First off, I've got
1711
01:12:24.770 --> 01:12:25.170
to say this.
1712
01:12:25.329 --> 01:12:28.869
I'm nervous. I don't know why, but I've never done
1713
01:12:28.890 --> 01:12:29.449
this before.
1714
01:12:30.189 --> 01:12:34.329
Jimmy Kimmel, pets on plane. Adam's magic crystal brain. Backup beepers,
1715
01:12:34.369 --> 01:12:38.890
Brian's cancer, lazy hippie mom. Seth MacFarlane, Gavin Newsom, asshole
1716
01:12:38.930 --> 01:12:39.710
patent troller.
1717
01:12:39.750 --> 01:12:50.890
Sue and Brian Cranston, Brian Bishop, both spell with a Y. Blah, blah, blah,
1718
01:12:50.949 --> 01:12:54.069
Ken Burns at your T. No red turns, Jay Moore,
1719
01:12:54.109 --> 01:12:56.939
the deaf right guy. Brian Cranston does gay eye. No
1720
01:12:56.949 --> 01:12:58.420
more showers, high G.
1721
01:12:58.460 --> 01:13:00.060
Pissed off the Philippines.
1722
01:13:00.220 --> 01:13:01.760
Alec Baldwin, real Hoffer.
1723
01:13:01.800 --> 01:13:03.460
Don is right, goodbye.
1724
01:13:03.560 --> 01:13:04.670
He's the 2000 Podcast.
1725
01:13:06.390 --> 01:13:12.250
And you'll keep complaining, anger never waning. He's done 2,000 podcasts.
1726
01:13:13.010 --> 01:13:16.289
And you'll keep on going, cause it's hard, he's blowing.
1727
01:13:16.750 --> 01:13:19.890
Oval power makes you sick, 50 years we'll all be chicks.
1728
01:13:19.989 --> 01:13:22.770
Max or Pat, a half-tart, Gary jerking on a flight.
1729
01:13:23.319 --> 01:13:24.359
Fitz, Doug, Dr.
1730
01:13:24.479 --> 01:13:26.640
Spaz, Richard Martin, NY Jazz.
1731
01:13:26.680 --> 01:13:31.600
Larry Miller's road trips occupy Wall Street. K-Rock, Road Hot,
1732
01:13:31.640 --> 01:13:35.340
Newman's got a winning dot font. Delirious dropping turds. Harlan
1733
01:13:35.380 --> 01:13:38.899
Williams doing bird struts. Sir, we can rage podcast on
1734
01:13:38.979 --> 01:13:39.840
a cruise ship.
1735
01:13:40.000 --> 01:13:40.699
Endless rant.
1736
01:13:40.859 --> 01:13:43.220
IPA. Turn them into roses.
1737
01:13:43.380 --> 01:13:45.640
He's the 2000 podcast.
1738
01:13:45.659 --> 01:13:46.180
Wow.
1739
01:13:46.199 --> 01:13:50.289
Keep complaining. Anger never waning.
1740
01:13:50.350 --> 01:13:51.350
He's the 2000 podcast.
1741
01:13:51.409 --> 01:13:54.390
There's going to be 10 more versions. Keep on going.
1742
01:13:54.409 --> 01:13:58.289
Because his heart is blowing. Oh, my God.
1743
01:14:13.090 --> 01:14:17.250
Sunny Bono, Yoko, Beastie Boys, Hall & Oates, Buell, Hauser,
1744
01:14:17.310 --> 01:14:21.859
Mike Rowe, Mayo, Via, Retardo, Dawson, President B, Made of
1745
01:14:21.880 --> 01:14:26.359
peanut allergies, retards at the HuffPo, Kevin Smith's an asshole.
1746
01:14:26.399 --> 01:14:27.659
He's the 2000 Podcast.
1747
01:14:27.739 --> 01:14:30.420
And you keep complaining.
1748
01:14:29.579 --> 01:14:32.460
If you're never waiting.
1749
01:14:32.520 --> 01:14:33.720
He's the 2000 Podcast.
1750
01:14:36.050 --> 01:14:38.090
And he'll keep on going Cause his.
1751
01:14:38.029 --> 01:14:40.350
Heart is blowing Alvin.
1752
01:14:40.130 --> 01:14:44.449
Brooks has best guests Lynette kicked off Southwest Molly, Philly,
1753
01:14:44.470 --> 01:14:48.369
Big Mama got it all Sonny and Natalia, not Taco
1754
01:14:48.430 --> 01:14:53.609
Bell material Olga, cheap calls, chain-spoken baby doll No beer
1755
01:14:53.649 --> 01:14:57.939
in first class, dag-ass titty Pendergrass DFG, not JV, what
1756
01:14:58.079 --> 01:14:59.420
else do you want from me?
1757
01:14:59.699 --> 01:15:01.380
He's the 2000 hardcast.
1758
01:15:02.640 --> 01:15:05.239
I hope it goes another hour.
1759
01:15:05.340 --> 01:15:06.060
Yeah, me too.
1760
01:15:27.359 --> 01:15:30.510
Tweets, red bracelet for eating beets, do his best, not
1761
01:15:30.550 --> 01:15:34.409
your best, window of negligence, he sold out Seattle's more,
1762
01:15:34.489 --> 01:15:37.430
Mangria's in your liquor store, what can he complain about,
1763
01:15:37.750 --> 01:15:39.550
mama's chanting freak.
1764
01:15:39.390 --> 01:15:44.239
Out, he's the 2000 podcast, and he'll keep complaining, and
1765
01:15:44.300 --> 01:15:49.399
you're never waiting, he's the 2000 podcast, and if the
1766
01:15:49.439 --> 01:15:51.739
mics were gone, he'd still get.
1767
01:15:51.600 --> 01:16:00.850
It on and on, Yeah, Rich Banks with, I'm guessing,
1768
01:16:00.909 --> 01:16:02.109
an assist from Mike Lynch.
1769
01:16:02.270 --> 01:16:03.529
That is their opus.
1770
01:16:03.609 --> 01:16:04.590
That is amazing.
1771
01:16:04.810 --> 01:16:05.970
Absolutely amazing.
1772
01:16:06.109 --> 01:16:07.630
We should play that on stage in Fresno.
1773
01:16:07.930 --> 01:16:08.649
Oh, that's fun.
1774
01:16:08.670 --> 01:16:11.810
People would love that. That bears repeated listening. There's a lot.
1775
01:16:12.050 --> 01:16:13.210
I need to unpack that song.
1776
01:16:13.909 --> 01:16:17.310
I agree, and we'll pack it with us.
1777
01:16:17.409 --> 01:16:19.949
We can unpack and bring it with us to Fresno.
1778
01:16:20.550 --> 01:16:22.710
By the way, that'll be Saturday, Tower Theater. Come on
1779
01:16:22.770 --> 01:16:23.310
out and say hi.
1780
01:16:24.729 --> 01:16:27.409
Let's see. I will tell you. Where do we go
1781
01:16:27.430 --> 01:16:27.850
from there?
1782
01:16:27.989 --> 01:16:28.449
I don't know.
1783
01:16:28.640 --> 01:16:29.189
Downhill.
1784
01:16:34.100 --> 01:16:34.380
All right.
1785
01:16:34.399 --> 01:16:36.579
That's Adam Carolla Show, episode 2000. Coming up next, we
1786
01:16:36.600 --> 01:16:41.359
have Adam Carolla Show 2148. Also from 2017, more Phil anecdotes.
1787
01:16:41.899 --> 01:16:42.560
Philly Cheesesteak.
1788
01:16:42.920 --> 01:16:43.340
Check it out.
1789
01:16:47.699 --> 01:16:53.250
A man with more grit than Hoffa. Adam Carolla. Oh,
1790
01:16:53.270 --> 01:16:54.590
that's a good joke, too.
1791
01:16:55.670 --> 01:16:56.329
Yeah, man.
1792
01:16:57.010 --> 01:17:00.960
Halva is gritty. More grit than Halva.
1793
01:17:02.180 --> 01:17:05.420
Mike Lynch has had some time to write some openings lately,
1794
01:17:05.439 --> 01:17:08.020
because we always tell when he's pressed, he puts a
1795
01:17:08.060 --> 01:17:09.380
song lyric in, right?
1796
01:17:09.500 --> 01:17:11.659
A man who won't be fooled again.
1797
01:17:11.800 --> 01:17:12.680
Ramblin' man.
1798
01:17:12.720 --> 01:17:14.840
Whatever song's playing. Gypsy Queen from New Orleans.
1799
01:17:14.859 --> 01:17:17.399
Yeah, all he's doing is driving to his next appointment
1800
01:17:17.500 --> 01:17:20.680
in Lowell, and whatever song comes on, he just writes down. Ding.
1801
01:17:20.699 --> 01:17:23.279
Let's be streaming consciousness soon. Take a ride on First Street.
1802
01:17:23.619 --> 01:17:24.279
Adam Carolla.
1803
01:17:24.979 --> 01:17:27.859
Sorry I messed that one up. Well, take another shot
1804
01:17:27.939 --> 01:17:31.579
at it. And now, a man with more grit than Halva.
1805
01:17:32.619 --> 01:17:33.479
Adam Carolla.
1806
01:17:33.560 --> 01:17:33.939
Yeah.
1807
01:17:34.500 --> 01:17:37.430
The Jews are like, we haven't punished ourselves enough. We
1808
01:17:37.470 --> 01:17:41.529
need to invent a dessert that's sand-based. There's so many
1809
01:17:41.710 --> 01:17:46.560
ones that are custard-based. And nougat-based, but we want that sand-based.
1810
01:17:46.899 --> 01:17:49.210
A little taste of the desert in your mouth.
1811
01:17:49.550 --> 01:17:51.789
You know that thing when you fall asleep with your
1812
01:17:51.850 --> 01:17:55.689
mouth open and it's windy and dry? A dessert that
1813
01:17:55.750 --> 01:17:58.810
tastes like that with just a little silica sand sprinkled
1814
01:17:58.909 --> 01:17:59.329
on top.
1815
01:17:59.350 --> 01:17:59.729
Tell me more.
1816
01:17:59.760 --> 01:18:00.399
It's a drop of honey.
1817
01:18:01.619 --> 01:18:02.579
Good day, Gina Grad.
1818
01:18:02.640 --> 01:18:04.119
Good day to you. And Bald Brian.
1819
01:18:05.399 --> 01:18:09.680
The other Brian from the other shop and the duo will...
1820
01:18:10.159 --> 01:18:12.479
Andrew and Brian eat it now that Andrew has gone
1821
01:18:12.539 --> 01:18:16.430
back to the Massachusetts area. We have one man holding
1822
01:18:16.470 --> 01:18:18.409
down the fort, and that's Brian with a Y.
1823
01:18:19.369 --> 01:18:19.689
Is that true?
1824
01:18:19.710 --> 01:18:20.470
Brian with a Y? No.
1825
01:18:20.670 --> 01:18:21.350
Brian with an I.
1826
01:18:21.670 --> 01:18:22.970
Oh, that's Brian with an I.
1827
01:18:23.010 --> 01:18:23.319
How dare you?
1828
01:18:23.329 --> 01:18:25.199
Who's the other Brian with a Y that I eat?
1829
01:18:25.390 --> 01:18:27.810
Brian Cranston, your best friend. He comes to the airport
1830
01:18:27.840 --> 01:18:28.270
to you all the time.
1831
01:18:28.300 --> 01:18:29.560
That must be the other one.
1832
01:18:29.579 --> 01:18:31.380
Yeah. I thought it was with a Y.
1833
01:18:31.439 --> 01:18:32.939
I'm trying to think of who else had the Y
1834
01:18:33.060 --> 01:18:35.119
in there, but maybe I was laughing about Cranston.
1835
01:18:35.300 --> 01:18:35.539
Anyway.
1836
01:18:36.069 --> 01:18:41.100
Good. Glad that you guys don't share the same spelling. Alright,
1837
01:18:41.140 --> 01:18:47.050
so Brian is here now. Brian is equally as... No,
1838
01:18:47.229 --> 01:18:51.350
no one's as picky as Andrew was, but he's erratic.
1839
01:18:52.140 --> 01:18:56.520
So he's a rogue. He's like a CIA agent gone rogue.
1840
01:18:56.560 --> 01:19:00.979
And now he's in deep culinary cover. You don't know
1841
01:19:01.039 --> 01:19:02.500
where he's going with his food.
1842
01:19:02.619 --> 01:19:04.619
And don't you think what he lacks in finickiness, he
1843
01:19:04.640 --> 01:19:05.539
makes up for in anger?
1844
01:19:05.619 --> 01:19:09.569
He's angry at the food. I just experienced him cracking a,
1845
01:19:09.560 --> 01:19:14.729
I believe in my refrigerator at the other shop, there
1846
01:19:14.810 --> 01:19:15.779
was a ginger ale.
1847
01:19:16.310 --> 01:19:18.529
Yeah, it was a Jamaican ginger ale.
1848
01:19:18.590 --> 01:19:20.829
Which had actual ginger in it. Oh, I didn't see
1849
01:19:20.850 --> 01:19:21.229
that coming.
1850
01:19:21.350 --> 01:19:24.289
So he cracked that bad boy and then announced pretty quickly,
1851
01:19:24.350 --> 01:19:24.949
not a fan.
1852
01:19:25.069 --> 01:19:25.149
Oh.
1853
01:19:26.609 --> 01:19:27.220
You did see that coming.
1854
01:19:27.229 --> 01:19:28.819
That's how I get rich, by the way. I buy
1855
01:19:28.859 --> 01:19:31.220
ginger ales. People take one hit off them and go,
1856
01:19:31.279 --> 01:19:31.880
not a fan.
1857
01:19:32.039 --> 01:19:33.340
Artisanal ginger ale.
1858
01:19:33.640 --> 01:19:36.420
Yeah, no, the expensive stuff. That's how I get rich.
1859
01:19:36.460 --> 01:19:36.680
Yeah.
1860
01:19:36.720 --> 01:19:38.659
No, if I was just getting the Canada Dry stuff,
1861
01:19:38.720 --> 01:19:41.859
it'd take me years to amass this empire. No, I
1862
01:19:41.859 --> 01:19:44.380
have to get the high-end, top-shelf ginger ale and then
1863
01:19:44.420 --> 01:19:46.180
have guys crack it and hand it off to people.
1864
01:19:46.239 --> 01:19:47.340
Did anyone drink that?
1865
01:19:48.159 --> 01:19:50.359
Sam drank it, and then Jacob drank mine.
1866
01:19:50.380 --> 01:19:51.750
All right. So he finished it.
1867
01:19:51.779 --> 01:19:51.939
Yeah.
1868
01:19:52.020 --> 01:19:53.500
So my wiring is this.
1869
01:19:53.819 --> 01:19:57.310
I walked into the lunch area while everyone was eating lunch.
1870
01:19:59.109 --> 01:20:02.350
Brian announced that he's not a fan of my ginger ale,
1871
01:20:03.050 --> 01:20:05.350
and I have zero problems with that as long as
1872
01:20:05.470 --> 01:20:08.069
somebody in that table drinks it. If that thing's going
1873
01:20:08.090 --> 01:20:09.630
down the drain, then I'm pissed.
1874
01:20:09.770 --> 01:20:10.069
No.
1875
01:20:10.390 --> 01:20:11.909
If it was going to no one, I would have
1876
01:20:11.949 --> 01:20:12.520
just finished it.
1877
01:20:12.739 --> 01:20:13.079
Oh, really?
1878
01:20:13.100 --> 01:20:13.260
Yeah.
1879
01:20:14.520 --> 01:20:15.479
I don't want.
1880
01:20:15.399 --> 01:20:16.289
To waste food.
1881
01:20:16.590 --> 01:20:17.350
No, I'm with you.
1882
01:20:17.390 --> 01:20:18.949
I just don't necessarily like it all.
1883
01:20:19.250 --> 01:20:20.409
I have the thought.
1884
01:20:21.029 --> 01:20:24.460
I have this insane thing, but it's again, it's where
1885
01:20:24.500 --> 01:20:28.199
you come from can make almost anything seem insane.
1886
01:20:28.260 --> 01:20:30.020
Like when I sit around.
1887
01:20:30.619 --> 01:20:35.859
And I'm having these discussions slash arguments with my daughter about, look,
1888
01:20:35.920 --> 01:20:37.899
just have Starbucks deliver the stuff.
1889
01:20:37.939 --> 01:20:38.380
Just why?
1890
01:20:38.500 --> 01:20:39.899
Just deliver it. I'm going to get in the pool.
1891
01:20:39.939 --> 01:20:42.520
I'm like, no, no. And she's like, why not? Why
1892
01:20:42.560 --> 01:20:43.890
wouldn't you have Starbucks just deliver?
1893
01:20:43.909 --> 01:20:44.609
They deliver.
1894
01:20:44.649 --> 01:20:46.850
And I'm like, because it's the middle of the week
1895
01:20:46.890 --> 01:20:48.890
in the middle of the day and you don't have Starbucks.
1896
01:20:48.930 --> 01:20:51.670
And she's her point. My point of view is this
1897
01:20:51.729 --> 01:20:54.069
is insane. I can't believe this is where we're at.
1898
01:20:54.289 --> 01:20:56.270
I'm not going to be this person. Her thing is,
1899
01:20:56.750 --> 01:20:58.430
what the fuck is wrong with you.
1900
01:20:58.489 --> 01:20:59.029
Old man?
1901
01:20:59.050 --> 01:21:00.439
We have a problem.
1902
01:21:00.760 --> 01:21:05.060
Starbucks closed at 8 p.m. It's 730 and I want
1903
01:21:05.079 --> 01:21:08.359
to go night swimming, but I want a shake from Starbucks.
1904
01:21:08.439 --> 01:21:12.020
So this will solve that problem. Why are you breaking
1905
01:21:12.079 --> 01:21:15.350
down in front of me? So I realize that's how
1906
01:21:15.550 --> 01:21:16.229
that's how I am.
1907
01:21:16.239 --> 01:21:16.319
And.
1908
01:21:17.720 --> 01:21:21.159
When somebody cracks a beer or soda and God forbid,
1909
01:21:21.199 --> 01:21:24.220
like the four dollar smoothie and they take two hits
1910
01:21:24.359 --> 01:21:25.840
off it and then just leave it on the counter
1911
01:21:25.859 --> 01:21:28.520
to sweat out and die and they just leave.
1912
01:21:29.319 --> 01:21:30.630
It's insane to me like that.
1913
01:21:30.729 --> 01:21:35.430
The notion of ordering a malt. or a milkshake or something,
1914
01:21:35.590 --> 01:21:38.590
and not pulling the cap off and working the bottom
1915
01:21:38.710 --> 01:21:46.840
spittle with the– using the straw like a monkey attacks
1916
01:21:46.899 --> 01:21:49.560
an anthill when he holds the thing and lets the
1917
01:21:49.760 --> 01:21:50.960
ants crawl up the.
1918
01:21:51.079 --> 01:21:52.930
Stick, and then he puts a stick in his mouth.
1919
01:21:52.970 --> 01:21:53.590
That's what I do.
1920
01:21:53.609 --> 01:21:56.170
I'm like a monkey on an anthill with that straw
1921
01:21:56.189 --> 01:21:59.250
because I can't– I have the notion of a drop
1922
01:21:59.289 --> 01:22:01.689
of this going into the garbage seems insane. And when
1923
01:22:01.729 --> 01:22:05.890
I see people buying shakes and smoothies and IPA beers
1924
01:22:05.970 --> 01:22:07.880
and stuff and just taking like a hit or draw
1925
01:22:07.899 --> 01:22:09.640
and then like setting it down and moving on, it
1926
01:22:10.100 --> 01:22:10.859
drives me insane.
1927
01:22:11.239 --> 01:22:12.739
Is that a poor person thing, Brian?
1928
01:22:14.359 --> 01:22:14.539
Yeah.
1929
01:22:14.779 --> 01:22:15.619
Did you grow up poor?
1930
01:22:16.500 --> 01:22:18.319
No, I grew up fine, but I just learned to
1931
01:22:18.380 --> 01:22:19.119
not waste food.
1932
01:22:19.680 --> 01:22:21.100
It's ugly, right?
1933
01:22:22.039 --> 01:22:24.100
Always find someone else to take it.
1934
01:22:24.670 --> 01:22:30.670
I just handed Chris Maxipata– what was our last exchange, Maxipata,
1935
01:22:30.670 --> 01:22:31.590
10 minutes ago?
1936
01:22:32.010 --> 01:22:33.729
You brought in a thing of green beans and you
1937
01:22:33.750 --> 01:22:34.989
just said, where's Maxipata?
1938
01:22:35.289 --> 01:22:38.170
And I walked out and you said, here's some green beans.
1939
01:22:38.210 --> 01:22:39.750
And I took them and I put them in my bag.
1940
01:22:40.449 --> 01:22:44.510
That's how we worked. He's my goat. I don't want
1941
01:22:44.630 --> 01:22:46.609
to waste anything. And I had green beans at the
1942
01:22:46.640 --> 01:22:50.380
other shop and there's no way. No, anyone over there
1943
01:22:50.399 --> 01:22:50.880
is eating green.
1944
01:22:50.939 --> 01:22:53.939
I think this instinct can be instilled via poorness and
1945
01:22:54.000 --> 01:22:57.699
also via teaching because I was fairly middle of class,
1946
01:22:57.739 --> 01:23:01.340
but my grandpa would make us– he put out the ice.
1947
01:23:01.260 --> 01:23:02.659
Cream, right, when he made us ice cream. He's like,
1948
01:23:02.880 --> 01:23:04.439
you can have as much as you want, but finish
1949
01:23:04.460 --> 01:23:06.859
whatever you take. And to a young, fat, bald Brian,
1950
01:23:06.899 --> 01:23:09.140
like balding Brian, that was music to my ears. So
1951
01:23:09.359 --> 01:23:10.340
there was none wasted.
1952
01:23:10.659 --> 01:23:10.899
Right.
1953
01:23:10.939 --> 01:23:12.189
He was like, have as much as you want. Just
1954
01:23:12.229 --> 01:23:12.850
don't waste a drop.
1955
01:23:12.859 --> 01:23:13.590
Eat what you take.
1956
01:23:13.619 --> 01:23:14.439
Can't do, Gramps.
1957
01:23:14.630 --> 01:23:17.050
I wonder how you would do in certain parts of
1958
01:23:17.210 --> 01:23:21.670
Asia because– It's considered rude to clean your whole plate
1959
01:23:21.729 --> 01:23:24.270
because that means that the chef didn't provide enough food
1960
01:23:24.329 --> 01:23:24.630
for you.
1961
01:23:24.710 --> 01:23:26.659
So you want to leave a little– yeah. So they
1962
01:23:26.699 --> 01:23:28.819
know you had just enough and they did their job.
1963
01:23:29.260 --> 01:23:32.159
I would not do well in certain parts of Asia
1964
01:23:32.220 --> 01:23:34.800
for a multitude of reasons.
1965
01:23:35.000 --> 01:23:37.489
But– Hitting your head in every doorway.
1966
01:23:38.510 --> 01:23:41.869
Thoughts about certain people from certain parts of Asia that
1967
01:23:41.909 --> 01:23:45.569
are very pronounced and very strong. I not only finish
1968
01:23:45.689 --> 01:23:49.350
my plate, but when I'm done with my plate, I
1969
01:23:49.390 --> 01:23:51.680
call in Philly cheesesteak. I set the plate on the
1970
01:23:51.689 --> 01:23:55.079
ground and Phil laps it all up. Now, there was
1971
01:23:55.119 --> 01:23:59.979
a there was a problem because Phil had another seizure.
1972
01:24:00.579 --> 01:24:04.380
So he's had two seizures in like six weeks.
1973
01:24:04.399 --> 01:24:05.899
Is it heat related? It's very hot.
1974
01:24:06.470 --> 01:24:08.489
No, it's middle of the night with like the air
1975
01:24:08.529 --> 01:24:11.149
conditioning running and he just wakes up in the middle
1976
01:24:11.170 --> 01:24:11.470
of the night.
1977
01:24:11.529 --> 01:24:14.949
And it's always this thing. The good news is it's gotten.
1978
01:24:14.750 --> 01:24:17.270
Me to wear shorts to bed because I'm tired of
1979
01:24:17.449 --> 01:24:21.289
nude frantic activities at 430 in the morning. Because there's
1980
01:24:21.329 --> 01:24:23.449
a party that wants to tend to fill and another
1981
01:24:23.489 --> 01:24:24.029
party wants.
1982
01:24:23.930 --> 01:24:25.010
To cover your junk up.
1983
01:24:25.170 --> 01:24:26.310
Boy, has life changed for you.
1984
01:24:26.369 --> 01:24:28.710
You're not looking forward to nude frantic activities at 4
1985
01:24:28.710 --> 01:24:29.189
in the morning.
1986
01:24:29.329 --> 01:24:30.949
It's just weird to be in weird.
1987
01:24:31.510 --> 01:24:35.289
Hunched over paramedic mode with your ball sack swinging against
1988
01:24:35.369 --> 01:24:41.890
Phil's head. He's foaming from the mouth and I'm teabagging him.
1989
01:24:42.069 --> 01:24:43.850
I just said, I'm going to throw some shorts on
1990
01:24:43.869 --> 01:24:44.689
before I go to bed.
1991
01:24:44.729 --> 01:24:44.989
You know?
1992
01:24:45.270 --> 01:24:45.970
So what's up?
1993
01:24:46.250 --> 01:24:49.229
I don't know what's up, but he's had his second
1994
01:24:49.289 --> 01:24:52.140
seizure and he, you know, lays on his side. A
1995
01:24:53.119 --> 01:24:54.539
lot of people have a lot of pets that have
1996
01:24:54.560 --> 01:24:59.640
seizures and that's fine. And if you have a lap dog,
1997
01:24:59.880 --> 01:25:03.189
it's a nightmare. But when you have a 110-pound dog,
1998
01:25:03.270 --> 01:25:08.270
it's potentially destructive. Like, Phil's falling over. His legs are
1999
01:25:08.289 --> 01:25:11.539
moving as fast as he can. His mouth is foaming. And,
2000
01:25:11.649 --> 01:25:15.789
of course, Lynette, who's always the voice of reason, is screaming, oh,
2001
01:25:15.810 --> 01:25:16.970
my God, we're all going to die.
2002
01:25:17.439 --> 01:25:18.859
Like, over and over again.
2003
01:25:19.380 --> 01:25:25.020
Did you make the best hostage negotiator? Yeah. literally crisis counselor.
2004
01:25:25.159 --> 01:25:29.899
Here comes the letter. Hurricane Harvey. Yeah. Yeah. I actually,
2005
01:25:30.140 --> 01:25:31.439
that piece of advice would be very helpful.
2006
01:25:32.550 --> 01:25:32.789
Yeah.
2007
01:25:32.810 --> 01:25:33.390
Her first yet.
2008
01:25:33.409 --> 01:25:35.670
She'd be great with hostage. She'd be like, first things first.
2009
01:25:36.270 --> 01:25:39.090
I know you wanted the meat lovers pizza delivered. I
2010
01:25:39.289 --> 01:25:40.670
ordered the veggie lovers and I ate it.
2011
01:25:40.670 --> 01:25:41.409
All right.
2012
01:25:41.470 --> 01:25:43.590
That's first thing. Number two, we're all going to die.
2013
01:25:45.399 --> 01:25:47.840
So that's what I've been saying since we have the gun.
2014
01:25:48.220 --> 01:25:53.979
So the, uh, Phil is like, you know, running frantically
2015
01:25:54.000 --> 01:25:57.159
and panting and some sort of fugue state and foams
2016
01:25:57.199 --> 01:26:01.229
coming out of his mouth. I have Lynette's going nuts.
2017
01:26:02.010 --> 01:26:06.039
I have the dual thought of Lynette's going nuts. The
2018
01:26:06.079 --> 01:26:08.359
dog may be dying, but if he's going to die,
2019
01:26:08.399 --> 01:26:10.199
let's not die on the carpet with the foam in
2020
01:26:10.220 --> 01:26:13.140
the mouth. Let's hit the tile. Much easier to whack up.
2021
01:26:13.260 --> 01:26:16.140
And then also the teabagging problem.
2022
01:26:17.100 --> 01:26:17.699
Right in the eyes.
2023
01:26:17.770 --> 01:26:18.850
Phil had another seizure.
2024
01:26:18.930 --> 01:26:19.930
And then the other night.
2025
01:26:19.949 --> 01:26:20.829
So the other night.
2026
01:26:25.779 --> 01:26:29.369
I got Olga the nanny to make chicken paprikash, which
2027
01:26:29.409 --> 01:26:32.489
was my grandfather's best dish, and it's nothing better than
2028
01:26:32.510 --> 01:26:34.970
the creamy sauce, and you ladle it over the whatever.
2029
01:26:35.939 --> 01:26:39.060
And I took the potatoes home that I announced to
2030
01:26:39.260 --> 01:26:42.840
James at the other shop. Would you like some potatoes, James?
2031
01:26:42.920 --> 01:26:45.659
And he announced he does not like baked potatoes. So
2032
01:26:45.699 --> 01:26:47.449
I then took the baked, which I did not know
2033
01:26:47.489 --> 01:26:48.109
was an option.
2034
01:26:48.130 --> 01:26:50.170
Brian's nodding solemnly. I did not know.
2035
01:26:50.189 --> 01:26:50.810
Am I nodding?
2036
01:26:50.930 --> 01:26:51.770
I thought I was just staring.
2037
01:26:51.789 --> 01:26:53.510
You can't nod. Poker face.
2038
01:26:53.989 --> 01:26:57.329
So I brought the potato home and I was ladling
2039
01:26:57.350 --> 01:27:03.279
the chicken paprikash over the potato. And when I was done...
2040
01:27:03.819 --> 01:27:05.460
I do what I always do, which is I set
2041
01:27:05.520 --> 01:27:10.649
the plate down for Philly cheesesteak to lick off. But Lynette,
2042
01:27:10.750 --> 01:27:14.510
who now has a degree in veterinarian science, screamed, no.
2043
01:27:15.250 --> 01:27:17.729
I said, why not? She said, because he had the
2044
01:27:17.789 --> 01:27:19.470
chicken paprikash tonight.
2045
01:27:19.590 --> 01:27:23.640
He had the seizure. And then I do what I
2046
01:27:24.189 --> 01:27:25.840
always do. And I go, all right.
2047
01:27:26.159 --> 01:27:28.000
Now we got to find a virgin and we got
2048
01:27:28.020 --> 01:27:30.380
to throw her in a volcano to stop all the
2049
01:27:30.460 --> 01:27:31.460
rain in Houston.
2050
01:27:31.939 --> 01:27:32.479
You know what I mean?
2051
01:27:32.500 --> 01:27:35.779
Because this is just, well, obviously there's a correlation between
2052
01:27:35.810 --> 01:27:36.399
the logic.
2053
01:27:36.439 --> 01:27:36.729
Yeah.
2054
01:27:36.930 --> 01:27:39.649
Let's be, let's be smart about this life here.
2055
01:27:40.069 --> 01:27:43.390
But it's really hard to argue with somebody whose dog
2056
01:27:43.649 --> 01:27:46.829
did finish off the chicken paprikash and then did have
2057
01:27:46.869 --> 01:27:49.869
a seizure at four in the morning too. It's hard
2058
01:27:49.909 --> 01:27:53.149
to tell that person. Nah, I think they need more
2059
01:27:53.229 --> 01:27:56.949
chicken paprikash. That's what the doctor ordered. So that's tough.
2060
01:27:56.989 --> 01:27:57.710
Fool me once.
2061
01:27:58.449 --> 01:28:01.729
Yeah, so I had to lift the plate up. But
2062
01:28:02.250 --> 01:28:07.060
between Max Apata at the job and Phil at home,
2063
01:28:07.079 --> 01:28:11.779
it's like we followed around. Yeah, it's like somebody bred
2064
01:28:11.800 --> 01:28:17.699
a goat with a pelican and then just sort of
2065
01:28:17.979 --> 01:28:20.750
mashed it up with a garbage disposal and then got
2066
01:28:20.770 --> 01:28:23.449
it super high and then just had it follow you around.
2067
01:28:23.510 --> 01:28:26.470
And you could just throw... shrimp tails and bits and
2068
01:28:26.569 --> 01:28:29.020
gristle and bones and stuff just over your shoulder and
2069
01:28:29.039 --> 01:28:30.079
just gobble it up.
2070
01:28:30.220 --> 01:28:31.479
Yeah, I don't know what Phil's doing here.
2071
01:28:31.600 --> 01:28:32.380
He's in my territory.
2072
01:28:32.539 --> 01:28:32.899
Oh, yeah.
2073
01:28:32.920 --> 01:28:33.460
That's true.
2074
01:28:33.720 --> 01:28:35.439
Yeah. Phil's funny.
2075
01:28:35.779 --> 01:28:39.569
Phil's favorite spot in my house and here is splayed
2076
01:28:39.750 --> 01:28:42.479
out in a very high traffic zone. He likes to
2077
01:28:42.560 --> 01:28:45.520
find the corridor that leads where everyone's walking back and
2078
01:28:45.560 --> 01:28:47.539
forth and then he plops right there.
2079
01:28:48.340 --> 01:28:51.220
And I'm assuming it's to be petted, right?
2080
01:28:52.319 --> 01:28:54.300
He likes to be where the humans are.
2081
01:28:54.340 --> 01:28:55.380
Everyone stops.
2082
01:28:55.520 --> 01:28:59.699
Well, it's like the guy who's rattling the can and
2083
01:28:59.770 --> 01:29:02.750
playing the acoustic guitar has to find the crowded subway
2084
01:29:03.510 --> 01:29:05.149
where everyone walks down to the subway.
2085
01:29:05.229 --> 01:29:07.489
We can't go in the desert. You don't get any change.
2086
01:29:07.550 --> 01:29:11.170
Phil, people stop and pet Phil as they walk past him.
2087
01:29:11.210 --> 01:29:12.649
And that's why he doesn't go to the back.
2088
01:29:12.710 --> 01:29:12.930
Sure.
2089
01:29:12.989 --> 01:29:14.800
And there's other cool areas he could go.
2090
01:29:14.899 --> 01:29:15.069
Right.
2091
01:29:15.340 --> 01:29:15.439
Yeah.
2092
01:29:15.460 --> 01:29:16.199
Let me ask you a question.
2093
01:29:16.340 --> 01:29:19.960
Is his head able to point toward the main exit
2094
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:21.399
or entrance to the house at any time?
2095
01:29:21.859 --> 01:29:22.479
From where he is?
2096
01:29:23.260 --> 01:29:25.979
He does like to lay in the middle of the
2097
01:29:26.079 --> 01:29:29.689
entry hall with his head pointed at the door. He
2098
01:29:29.729 --> 01:29:31.789
does two moves. He does a toward the move and
2099
01:29:31.810 --> 01:29:33.170
a wave the move. He likes to be around the
2100
01:29:33.210 --> 01:29:35.189
front door and it's also in the high traffic area.
2101
01:29:35.210 --> 01:29:36.029
He's protecting you guys.
2102
01:29:37.390 --> 01:29:37.729
Wow.
2103
01:29:38.409 --> 01:29:39.260
In his own way.
2104
01:29:39.489 --> 01:29:43.100
He's got to protect me from the full workup including
2105
01:29:43.220 --> 01:29:46.819
puppy cat scan. ironically, that he's going to need to
2106
01:29:46.899 --> 01:29:49.539
get with the blood test and everything else when Dr.
2107
01:29:49.579 --> 01:29:53.180
Drew gets hold of Lynette with the whole seizure situation.
2108
01:29:53.420 --> 01:29:55.359
Yeah. Yeah.
2109
01:29:59.800 --> 01:30:00.079
All right.
2110
01:30:00.100 --> 01:30:01.350
That's Adam Kruller Show 2148.
2111
01:30:01.340 --> 01:30:05.239
Coming up next, we have Adam Kruller Show 2263. Mark Gerges,
2112
01:30:05.739 --> 01:30:08.970
Gina Grad, Brian Bishop from 2018.
2113
01:30:12.680 --> 01:30:16.729
You know how I don't need much to go or
2114
01:30:17.229 --> 01:30:20.890
know about a person to know if I like them
2115
01:30:20.949 --> 01:30:22.670
or can hang with them or whatever with them?
2116
01:30:24.430 --> 01:30:25.270
You pick up an indicator.
2117
01:30:25.659 --> 01:30:26.420
Yeah, indicators.
2118
01:30:26.439 --> 01:30:31.000
And speaking of indicators, I'll talk about turn indicators. Today,
2119
01:30:31.020 --> 01:30:35.619
I was driving. The street that I used to get
2120
01:30:35.640 --> 01:30:38.560
to the freeway is a T. My street goes along.
2121
01:30:38.600 --> 01:30:40.439
That's the top of the T. And then the base
2122
01:30:40.479 --> 01:30:42.819
of the T sort of runs into it. And I
2123
01:30:42.880 --> 01:30:47.659
turn left. Today, there was a lady coming my direction,
2124
01:30:47.680 --> 01:30:50.439
the other direction on the top of the T, coming
2125
01:30:50.500 --> 01:30:51.020
toward me.
2126
01:30:51.180 --> 01:30:53.739
And we're both going to hit the base T at
2127
01:30:53.770 --> 01:30:54.470
the same time.
2128
01:30:55.109 --> 01:30:58.850
And there was also a woman crossing the street or
2129
01:30:58.909 --> 01:31:03.069
something at the same area, T intersection. And I put
2130
01:31:03.109 --> 01:31:06.199
my left turn signal on because I want them to
2131
01:31:06.260 --> 01:31:09.399
know that this is my plan. I feel like it's
2132
01:31:09.420 --> 01:31:12.439
going to factor into their plan. And I also want
2133
01:31:12.479 --> 01:31:15.680
the woman who's crossing the street knowing that I'm intending
2134
01:31:15.760 --> 01:31:20.819
on turning her direction and blah, blah, blah. The person
2135
01:31:20.840 --> 01:31:25.289
that was coming my direction said, didn't do anything. And
2136
01:31:25.329 --> 01:31:29.880
here's the thing about not signaling and the problem with
2137
01:31:29.920 --> 01:31:35.359
not signaling. Not signaling doesn't mean nothing. It means you're going.
2138
01:31:35.220 --> 01:31:37.199
Straight, bitch. That's the whole thing.
2139
01:31:37.340 --> 01:31:38.760
I wish it just meant nothing.
2140
01:31:38.899 --> 01:31:40.939
I wish I was going, hey, I don't know if
2141
01:31:40.960 --> 01:31:42.720
that person's turning right here or not.
2142
01:31:42.819 --> 01:31:43.890
I will toss a coin.
2143
01:31:44.279 --> 01:31:48.770
No, in this responsible driver's eyes, it means you are
2144
01:31:48.829 --> 01:31:52.949
going straight while I'm turning left, except for at the
2145
01:31:52.989 --> 01:31:55.479
last moment you turn right in front of me down
2146
01:31:55.529 --> 01:31:56.279
the same.
2147
01:31:56.069 --> 01:31:59.039
Street, which is fine. It's just it'd be nice.
2148
01:31:59.399 --> 01:31:59.720
Absolutely.
2149
01:31:59.739 --> 01:32:03.579
And then later on, we get to the signal and
2150
01:32:03.640 --> 01:32:07.119
I sit behind you and I'm going straight to get
2151
01:32:07.229 --> 01:32:09.850
on the freeway. And I assume you're going straight as
2152
01:32:09.909 --> 01:32:14.229
well because there's nothing you're doing to indicate anything other
2153
01:32:14.250 --> 01:32:16.909
than this. And then at some point the signal changes
2154
01:32:17.010 --> 01:32:18.890
and you move forward, stop to turn left.
2155
01:32:18.970 --> 01:32:20.369
And I just think.
2156
01:32:19.989 --> 01:32:20.560
That's the one.
2157
01:32:20.699 --> 01:32:25.380
What is it and why is it? And then how come?
2158
01:32:26.199 --> 01:32:29.859
It's neither here nor there. It's just never out of it.
2159
01:32:30.159 --> 01:32:30.659
It's never.
2160
01:32:31.100 --> 01:32:35.210
And all the freeway signs with all the useless information
2161
01:32:35.350 --> 01:32:35.710
on there.
2162
01:32:36.529 --> 01:32:41.930
And think about think about the fact that.
2163
01:32:41.949 --> 01:32:43.619
On my way home the other day, the freeway was
2164
01:32:43.659 --> 01:32:46.300
all jacked up because somebody got no fender bender and whatever.
2165
01:32:46.319 --> 01:32:47.500
It was pulled off by the side.
2166
01:32:47.520 --> 01:32:50.260
But they had the paramedics and blah, blah, blah. And
2167
01:32:50.279 --> 01:32:52.920
think about all the congestion, all the traffic, and all
2168
01:32:52.960 --> 01:32:58.039
the needless injuries and property damage and possibly lives lost
2169
01:32:58.539 --> 01:33:02.680
because on the freeway, somebody neglected to signal before they
2170
01:33:02.720 --> 01:33:03.859
started changing a lane.
2171
01:33:03.880 --> 01:33:06.060
Multiple times daily.
2172
01:33:06.810 --> 01:33:08.630
If you could say– so if.
2173
01:33:08.590 --> 01:33:12.109
You went and said to whomever who's running the signs,
2174
01:33:12.329 --> 01:33:17.149
the electronic signs, what percentage of people pass under these
2175
01:33:17.210 --> 01:33:20.899
signs– with their seatbelt off and then are called to
2176
01:33:21.100 --> 01:33:27.289
action to put the seatbelt on. Like, okay, who, who doesn't,
2177
01:33:27.689 --> 01:33:30.590
it's my land of the lost theory, which is there
2178
01:33:30.689 --> 01:33:31.609
are two groups.
2179
01:33:32.170 --> 01:33:34.350
There's two groups in Los Angeles.
2180
01:33:34.789 --> 01:33:40.310
They're the 92% who put the seatbelt on because it's
2181
01:33:40.409 --> 01:33:44.699
simply what we do. And also I will have an
2182
01:33:44.819 --> 01:33:48.340
epileptic seizure if I drive my car with With my
2183
01:33:48.420 --> 01:33:52.000
seatbelt off because the constant bong and chime and flashing light.
2184
01:33:52.619 --> 01:33:57.760
My 110-pound Philly cheesesteak the other day decided when I
2185
01:33:57.800 --> 01:34:01.939
was driving to work, he decided the backseat was no
2186
01:34:01.979 --> 01:34:05.260
good for him anymore. He decided he wanted to head
2187
01:34:05.319 --> 01:34:08.340
up into the front seat. So he walked across the
2188
01:34:08.399 --> 01:34:11.960
console and he set himself down in the passenger seat.
2189
01:34:12.039 --> 01:34:13.260
And then he just sat there.
2190
01:34:13.279 --> 01:34:17.460
And I... The bongs, the chimes started going off.
2191
01:34:17.479 --> 01:34:18.800
There's a smallish human there.
2192
01:34:18.840 --> 01:34:21.350
Now I'm driving, trying to figure out a way to
2193
01:34:21.390 --> 01:34:25.390
get the belt. Here's here's how committed I am to
2194
01:34:25.989 --> 01:34:29.649
avoiding this sound. I now have pulled the belt with
2195
01:34:29.689 --> 01:34:32.310
my right hand and I'm pulling it back. It feels
2196
01:34:32.449 --> 01:34:35.149
fat ass is blocking the female side of the belt,
2197
01:34:35.189 --> 01:34:38.189
the receptacle. So I'm trying to shove his fat ass
2198
01:34:38.369 --> 01:34:40.409
over and get it buckled in.
2199
01:34:40.430 --> 01:34:41.170
It's weird.
2200
01:34:41.229 --> 01:34:43.010
It's a weird angle to go at it because I'm
2201
01:34:43.050 --> 01:34:44.069
going straight across.
2202
01:34:44.109 --> 01:34:46.329
I'm not bowing. I'm not buckling.
2203
01:34:46.369 --> 01:34:48.350
No English on that. I'm going straight across.
2204
01:34:48.380 --> 01:34:48.430
So.
2205
01:34:50.720 --> 01:34:54.020
I'm belting, I'm putting this belt on. So here's how
2206
01:34:54.079 --> 01:34:59.180
effective the automobile is. In a world where I don't
2207
01:34:59.239 --> 01:35:02.270
care and I'm like, I'm the guy, by the way,
2208
01:35:02.430 --> 01:35:05.949
I'm the guy who's in, you know, when Dr. Drew
2209
01:35:06.010 --> 01:35:10.289
and I were traveling many years ago and at like
2210
01:35:10.289 --> 01:35:13.989
3 a.m. the fire alarm in the hotel went off
2211
01:35:14.649 --> 01:35:18.329
and everyone filed out under the lawn.
2212
01:35:18.010 --> 01:35:18.369
Of the hotel.
2213
01:35:18.390 --> 01:35:18.930
Screaming and naked.
2214
01:35:19.579 --> 01:35:21.680
Everyone just had like a bathrobe or a towel on
2215
01:35:21.739 --> 01:35:26.739
or sweatpants on. Everyone just exited the hotel and was
2216
01:35:26.779 --> 01:35:29.000
standing at the lawn. On the lawn, I was looking
2217
01:35:29.060 --> 01:35:32.020
out my window at all of them just going, suckers, suckers,
2218
01:35:32.079 --> 01:35:37.289
because they had a prom at the same hotel. I
2219
01:35:37.289 --> 01:35:39.789
was like coming back from the gig and I noticed
2220
01:35:39.869 --> 01:35:43.390
a lot of young troublemakers like running around with Mickey's
2221
01:35:43.489 --> 01:35:46.649
big mouth in their system. And I was like, some guy,
2222
01:35:46.829 --> 01:35:50.829
you know, 245, some drunk kid pulled the alarm. But
2223
01:35:50.850 --> 01:35:53.989
I also said, I remember thinking, and this is my
2224
01:35:54.010 --> 01:35:57.829
entire approach to life. I remember thinking, well, everyone else
2225
01:35:57.869 --> 01:35:59.670
thinks it's a fire or at least is doing what
2226
01:35:59.689 --> 01:36:02.850
they're supposed to do. I'm not because I think they're
2227
01:36:02.909 --> 01:36:05.069
suckers for going out there. It's cold and I'm in
2228
01:36:05.109 --> 01:36:07.090
my underpants and I don't feel like getting dressed and
2229
01:36:07.130 --> 01:36:07.770
going out there.
2230
01:36:08.109 --> 01:36:09.590
And I bet in 10 minutes they're all going to
2231
01:36:09.609 --> 01:36:11.510
turn around and come back in. But.
2232
01:36:12.750 --> 01:36:15.590
If I have to throw this chair through this window
2233
01:36:16.149 --> 01:36:18.859
and jump out, I'm on the second floor.
2234
01:36:18.880 --> 01:36:20.739
You can do that. I'm going to break a bone,
2235
01:36:20.779 --> 01:36:22.439
but I'm not going to die in this hotel if
2236
01:36:22.479 --> 01:36:23.520
there's a fire. So anyway.
2237
01:36:23.539 --> 01:36:24.579
It's a fair exchange.
2238
01:36:24.600 --> 01:36:27.560
I ignore stuff all the time, but I cannot ignore
2239
01:36:27.619 --> 01:36:28.239
my car.
2240
01:36:28.479 --> 01:36:29.430
Yeah.
2241
01:36:29.439 --> 01:36:30.029
It won't allow it.
2242
01:36:30.090 --> 01:36:33.609
It will not allow it. It's relentless. It's literally relentless.
2243
01:36:33.970 --> 01:36:39.640
So– The populace of Los Angeles can be broken down
2244
01:36:39.699 --> 01:36:40.399
into two groups.
2245
01:36:40.739 --> 01:36:43.340
People who do wear their seatbelt, which is everyone.
2246
01:36:43.720 --> 01:36:46.779
And then a small percentage of people who have just
2247
01:36:47.119 --> 01:36:48.159
chosen not to do it.
2248
01:36:48.180 --> 01:36:50.840
No amount of convincing. They have either.
2249
01:36:50.840 --> 01:36:54.260
Gotten themselves the female, I'm sorry, the male end of
2250
01:36:54.300 --> 01:36:56.470
the buckle just to snap into their thing.
2251
01:36:56.479 --> 01:36:58.600
Like you can just get it and snap it in
2252
01:36:58.649 --> 01:36:59.810
so it doesn't go off.
2253
01:37:00.250 --> 01:37:03.750
Or they're ignoring the pinball machine that is their dashboard
2254
01:37:03.810 --> 01:37:05.569
that is tilting when they're driving.
2255
01:37:05.970 --> 01:37:06.949
Driving whatever it is.
2256
01:37:06.970 --> 01:37:08.590
Or the car so old it's not built in with
2257
01:37:08.609 --> 01:37:10.590
the ding, ding, ding, which you probably do see a
2258
01:37:10.630 --> 01:37:11.390
few of in this town.
2259
01:37:11.409 --> 01:37:12.159
Couple of those in L.A.
2260
01:37:12.210 --> 01:37:12.949
There's a couple.
2261
01:37:13.189 --> 01:37:15.289
There's a couple in this town. Probably should be written
2262
01:37:15.329 --> 01:37:17.390
in Spanish. Hey, how do you do click it or
2263
01:37:17.430 --> 01:37:20.890
ticket in Spanish? Because that it's it never rhymes. That's
2264
01:37:20.949 --> 01:37:25.649
the problem. But God's honest. If there's someone driving around
2265
01:37:25.689 --> 01:37:30.750
this town and they're. Truck or car is so old
2266
01:37:31.270 --> 01:37:35.149
that they don't have the light going on. Although that
2267
01:37:35.329 --> 01:37:39.489
bong is like the placard on the front or the
2268
01:37:39.609 --> 01:37:41.170
light up thing and the bong.
2269
01:37:41.250 --> 01:37:41.810
I think.
2270
01:37:42.899 --> 01:37:47.310
It's from like 1974 or something. It's really old.
2271
01:37:47.359 --> 01:37:51.029
But if there is somebody in Los Angeles that's driving
2272
01:37:51.050 --> 01:37:55.670
around a pickup truck from 1971 and has no idea
2273
01:37:55.710 --> 01:37:59.170
about this thing known as the seatbelt, that person definitely
2274
01:37:59.229 --> 01:38:03.649
speaks some Spanish. May not be their first language, but
2275
01:38:03.689 --> 01:38:05.359
I definitely understand Spanish.
2276
01:38:05.899 --> 01:38:06.359
Definitely.
2277
01:38:06.380 --> 01:38:06.819
Can't get by.
2278
01:38:07.649 --> 01:38:09.539
Put that goddamn sign in Spanish.
2279
01:38:09.760 --> 01:38:10.819
You would affect you.
2280
01:38:11.319 --> 01:38:12.500
Honestly, God's honest.
2281
01:38:12.659 --> 01:38:16.260
If you love the brown people and we're looking for
2282
01:38:16.300 --> 01:38:20.239
the sliver of folks that aren't yet hip to the seatbelt,
2283
01:38:20.640 --> 01:38:22.800
you would get a much better return.
2284
01:38:22.430 --> 01:38:23.750
On your investment in Spanish.
2285
01:38:23.810 --> 01:38:24.630
Use of that sign.
2286
01:38:24.770 --> 01:38:27.770
Absolutely. And people go, oh, don't be racist.
2287
01:38:27.869 --> 01:38:28.409
Oh, I don't know.
2288
01:38:28.449 --> 01:38:29.869
Do you want to save the guys and have a seat?
2289
01:38:30.329 --> 01:38:30.810
On or not?
2290
01:38:31.569 --> 01:38:34.029
You get much more bang for your buck in this
2291
01:38:34.130 --> 01:38:36.840
town if that was written in Spanish.
2292
01:38:36.850 --> 01:38:38.449
Do you have a... What?
2293
01:38:38.529 --> 01:38:40.140
Click it or tick... No, wait.
2294
01:38:40.279 --> 01:38:41.670
Click it or tick it. Click it or tick it.
2295
01:38:41.720 --> 01:38:44.359
It's in Spanish. It's not going to sound good. It's
2296
01:38:44.420 --> 01:38:45.119
not going to rhyme.
2297
01:38:46.279 --> 01:38:46.600
Okay.
2298
01:38:46.739 --> 01:38:47.279
That's Ozzy.
2299
01:38:47.319 --> 01:38:47.539
Click.
2300
01:38:48.539 --> 01:38:51.689
So... How about.
2301
01:38:53.180 --> 01:38:57.920
Signal to save lives or signal on a lane change?
2302
01:38:57.979 --> 01:39:02.729
Just how about a general overall attempt? Attempt. to get
2303
01:39:02.770 --> 01:39:05.619
the populace of Los Angeles to signal.
2304
01:39:05.659 --> 01:39:06.640
To embrace the signal.
2305
01:39:06.680 --> 01:39:11.819
And then we could avoid many accidents, lots of injury,
2306
01:39:11.899 --> 01:39:15.079
life loss, and property damage, and then the holdups that
2307
01:39:15.140 --> 01:39:18.159
come from the accident taking up the three lanes and
2308
01:39:18.180 --> 01:39:19.659
the bottlenecking and everything else.
2309
01:39:19.689 --> 01:39:22.750
Why not just the simple? I think that's a lot.
2310
01:39:22.770 --> 01:39:23.689
I think you hit it on the head.
2311
01:39:23.750 --> 01:39:24.350
It's too simple.
2312
01:39:24.970 --> 01:39:26.670
It's something everyone could agree on and it would work,
2313
01:39:26.710 --> 01:39:27.770
so of course we're not going to do it.
2314
01:39:28.550 --> 01:39:32.010
Oh, it's abrochado o multado.
2315
01:39:32.510 --> 01:39:33.229
Click it or ticket.
2316
01:39:33.630 --> 01:39:34.850
No, Brian.
2317
01:39:35.649 --> 01:39:36.430
Yeah.
2318
01:39:36.710 --> 01:39:38.250
They all kind of rhyme, all Spanish words, right?
2319
01:39:38.270 --> 01:39:39.220
They end with an O.
2320
01:39:39.289 --> 01:39:39.630
Wow.
2321
01:39:39.750 --> 01:39:40.270
Wow.
2322
01:39:40.470 --> 01:39:41.090
How dare you?
2323
01:39:41.149 --> 01:39:41.430
Come on.
2324
01:39:41.590 --> 01:39:41.810
All right.
2325
01:39:42.810 --> 01:39:43.869
You're going to keep that in?
2326
01:39:44.430 --> 01:39:44.810
Yeah.
2327
01:39:45.109 --> 01:39:48.050
We'll edit that out, actually. Why?
2328
01:39:53.100 --> 01:39:53.439
All right.
2329
01:39:53.449 --> 01:39:54.520
Coming up for our last clip of the day, we
2330
01:39:54.529 --> 01:39:58.199
have Adam Carillo's show, 2311. It's featuring Paul Rodriguez, Gina Grad,
2331
01:39:58.220 --> 01:39:59.619
and Brian Bishop, also from 2018.
2332
01:39:59.619 --> 01:40:00.159
Check it out.
2333
01:40:05.479 --> 01:40:06.800
Oh, good day, Gina Graham.
2334
01:40:06.840 --> 01:40:11.119
Good day to you. And Bald Brian. Hey, now.
2335
01:40:11.430 --> 01:40:14.930
I notice, you know, with these Air Bud, Ear Bud
2336
01:40:15.270 --> 01:40:18.250
things they put in here, no one knows you're on
2337
01:40:18.289 --> 01:40:21.369
the phone anymore. You just walk down the street and
2338
01:40:21.390 --> 01:40:22.189
a guy pull over.
2339
01:40:22.409 --> 01:40:25.029
I'm from Canada, eh? Want to come by and look
2340
01:40:25.050 --> 01:40:25.510
at the cars?
2341
01:40:25.569 --> 01:40:28.909
And then the other woman who explained to me that
2342
01:40:29.449 --> 01:40:33.180
Phil is constantly walking around their house, Because he walks
2343
01:40:33.279 --> 01:40:35.819
out of the gate because they leave the gate open
2344
01:40:36.079 --> 01:40:38.060
and then Phil makes his way out and then they
2345
01:40:38.079 --> 01:40:41.310
go get Phil. I think people, they all like Phil.
2346
01:40:41.319 --> 01:40:43.569
So they chill with him a little bit and then
2347
01:40:43.750 --> 01:40:44.510
we go get him back.
2348
01:40:45.010 --> 01:40:45.369
I don't know.
2349
01:40:45.390 --> 01:40:47.489
I always feel like a bad owner, but it's the
2350
01:40:47.529 --> 01:40:49.710
other guy's fault. I mean, it's the guys at the
2351
01:40:49.729 --> 01:40:51.390
other shop. They got to shut that gate, right?
2352
01:40:51.689 --> 01:40:52.390
He's the mayor.
2353
01:40:52.590 --> 01:40:53.260
He's the mayor.
2354
01:40:53.310 --> 01:40:54.029
Survey his land.
2355
01:40:55.060 --> 01:40:57.119
He's the mayor.
2356
01:40:58.079 --> 01:40:58.539
Cruisewrecked.
2357
01:41:02.850 --> 01:41:05.289
All right, that's Adam Carolla Show 2311. This is just
2358
01:41:05.310 --> 01:41:08.550
a small assortment of really hilarious Phil stories and anecdotes
2359
01:41:08.569 --> 01:41:11.939
throughout the years. The entire Carolla family really loved that dog,
2360
01:41:12.039 --> 01:41:13.760
and you could tell with Adam's reaction at the beginning
2361
01:41:13.779 --> 01:41:14.000
of the week.
2362
01:41:14.439 --> 01:41:16.640
Rest in peace, Phil. Mahalo, and get it on.
2363
01:41:40.119 --> 01:41:43.619
Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.
2364
01:41:43.640 --> 01:41:44.399
You swear?
2365
01:41:44.420 --> 01:41:45.520
If I'm lying, I'm dying.
2366
01:41:46.060 --> 01:41:47.079
This is the mindset.
2367
01:41:47.100 --> 01:41:47.359
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2368
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2370
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2371
01:41:52.180 --> 01:41:52.359
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Mindset.
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01:41:53.340 --> 01:41:56.300
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2374
01:41:56.560 --> 01:41:57.680
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01:41:57.880 --> 01:42:02.229
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01:42:02.350 --> 01:42:02.750
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2378
01:42:05.789 --> 01:42:06.310
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01:42:13.720 --> 01:42:15.579
You swear? If I'm lying, I'm dying.
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01:42:16.140 --> 01:42:17.159
This is the mindset.
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01:42:17.180 --> 01:42:17.300
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01:42:19.020 --> 01:42:19.460
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01:42:19.859 --> 01:42:21.739
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2387
01:42:21.779 --> 01:42:22.699
Mindset, mindset.
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01:42:23.430 --> 01:42:26.319
With movies like Interstellar, Dreamgirls, and Gladiator.
2389
01:42:26.350 --> 01:42:27.770
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01:42:27.970 --> 01:42:32.289
And TV shows like Survivor, SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly OddParents,
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01:42:32.430 --> 01:42:32.829
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