WEBVTT
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Hey y'all, we are back.
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We're back, we're back, we're back.
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Thanks for tuning in.
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I'm your host, Brianna Williams, LAPC, and I thank you guys for tuning in to another mini-series.
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And this miniseries is called Healing Isn't Cute.
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And I'm very excited about this topic.
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But um, do me a favor if you haven't yet, go ahead and follow Reaching Minds on IG at Reaching Minds.
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It's all one word.
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Go ahead, type that in at Reaching Minds.
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Go ahead and do it now.
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All right, good luck, y'all.
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And listen, welcome to the Reaching Minds Circle.
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Um, as we're going on this journey of healing, I want to kick this conversation off with something beyond fear when it comes to healing.
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And if you can see by this title, that's losing people.
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Healing can feel like losing people.
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Ouch.
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Right when we hear the word healing, it sounds, it sounds really good, right?
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It sounds like this like magical journey, like this transformation, and you know, we look at the the finished product, but a lot of times it can get messy.
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A lot of times, healing, it can it can be uncomfortable.
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That that's join crazy, right?
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And it's it's not as easy as as we may think or or as me or as we may envision, right?
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There are parts that people don't talk about and they often avoid because in order to become you had to go through the dirt, you gotta go through the dirt.
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So let's unpack healing for a second.
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And y'all know if y'all don't know me by now, I love a good definition.
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And so I looked up what healing is because I was curious, and healing is the process of becoming healthy or whole again, covering physical recovery, emotional mending, and spiritual restoration.
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That's good, right?
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Healing is the process of becoming, recovering, mending, and restoring, and that's emotionally, physically, spiritually, right?
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This is healing.
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But in order to really get to the process of healing, you gotta realize something's unhealthy, right?
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You gotta realize that something, something, something is broken here.
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You gotta realize that something something needs to be restored here.
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Um and this is where where healing becomes a choice.
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Healing is the choice to pursue better.
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It's a mindset that says, I don't want, I don't want to, and I don't have to stay here, but I can become.
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Right, you can't become being the same person that you are right now, you can't become being the same way that you are right now.
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Then becoming things must change, right?
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And honestly, that's that's scary to think about.
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Like, what what do you mean?
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Things gotta change.
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What do you mean I can't do that no more?
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What do you mean?
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What do you mean in this case scenario that I gotta let go of them?
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Because the thought of losing the very people that was my was my day ones or the people that I envisioned forever with, that's crazy.
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That's crazy work.
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And I'm I'm talking on Philly, I'm talking a lot of Philly today, but um it's hard to think about that.
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But I think that the great question to ask yourself is but what if I don't become?
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What if I don't become roof or real?
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I'm here to tell you that you'll survive the loss of people.
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I'm here to encourage you and it's in this short, this short little little episode, right?
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I'm here to encourage you to embrace healing, even in its ugliness and its messiness and its uncomfortable nature.
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Embrace the process.
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Embrace the process.
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One thing for sure that that we think about when we think about like doing something different, and like people start to like switch up and leave, or things like that, the the thought that comes to our mind is that they don't love us anymore.
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Right?
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Or the thought that comes to your mind if you were to even even even leave people, right?
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That they're gonna think that I don't love them anymore, right?
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But the truth is that sometimes people just can't handle where you're going next.
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Sometimes they're not equipped for who you're about to become.
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Sometimes they don't have the capacity for who you're being made to be.
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And so when you think about like um when you think about leaving people or people leaving you, I want you to think about this when it comes when it comes to your healing, is this big B word that that is that is very so scary to us is is boundaries.
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It's boundaries.
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I think now today it's coming a little bit more prevalent and a little bit more accepted, but when we used to think about boundaries, it was like, no, you can't do that.
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I'm family.
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No, you you can't do that.
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I I know you too closely.
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No, I knew you for years, right?
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You I got access, right?
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And as soon as we start to set boundaries, right, it can feel like to somebody, it can feel like rejection, right?
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I don't know if you've been on that that that side of the coin where somebody was placing boundaries up, right?
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It could feel like rejection.
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And oftentimes, boundaries are associated with something negative, right?
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It can be viewed as a change in love, right?
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Like we talked about, but in reality, it's a shift in dynamics or a shift in access.
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Oftentimes, boundaries are taken personal, but in reality, it's just a choice.
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It's just a choice that I need to make for my life right now, right?
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So, what does this look like, Brie?
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So maybe your boundary is um, I can't call you every day, right?
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We can we can't talk all hours in the night.
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I I can't I can't be on the phone with you like that, right?
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Or maybe it's I can't bring up certain topics to you.
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I can't let you know my next moves.
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I can't, I can't go out to certain places with you anymore.
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Maybe, maybe you can't just pop over unannounced anymore.
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Maybe that's that has to change, right?
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The thing is, it's like I still love you the same, but I know I can't become by operating in the same capacity.
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So when you start healing, the honest thing is that some people won't understand, right?
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Some people they they're not gonna support it, they're not gonna support it.
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They're gonna say, yo, you you moving differently, you being weird, right?
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You not the same like you used to be, like, oh you acting funny, or you think you better then, right?
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All those things that that people start to say when you start moving different.
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And some people in your healing, they won't stick around.
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That's that's the honest truth.
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But don't let that cost you the desire to be healthy and whole.
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Because if they love you, they will adapt.
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If if if if they want to be in your life, they will respect your healing journey, even if the changes are uncomfortable, right?
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And so I want you to reflect real quick.
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Take a second, get your journal out, or you know, make a mental note if you're driving.
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What are some boundaries in your life that you need to set in order to begin your healing journey?
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And I really want you to reflect on that.
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But sometimes we lose because we release.
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I'm just speaking as Brianna, releasing is a lot harder for me.
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I I I personally rather somebody just just leave on their own will, right?
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Even though it hurts, but when I have to release somebody, like that hurts, that hurts a lot, right?
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Because this one right here is a conscious decision that that person is no longer good for my healing journey.
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It's a decision that says this person does not help push me towards becoming healthy and whole.
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But maybe they just keep me stagnant.
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Maybe, maybe they're not, you know, making you go down a bad path or whatever like that, but maybe they're just keeping you stagnant, maybe they're just holding you back, right?
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But there's power in releasing, even when it hurts, and even when it feels uncomfortable, and so I want you to take your journal again, right?
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You might as well just keep it out every time you you listen to a Reaching Minds podcast for this mini-series, right?
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You might as well keep it out.
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I want you to ask yourself this who or what are you holding on to in fear of what your life would be without them?
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I'm gonna repeat that.
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Who or what are you holding on to in fear of what your life would be without them?
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And then I want you to ask yourself this.
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What would it look like to choose me?
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Even if it means changing the room I'm in.
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What would it look like to choose me?
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Even if it means changing the room I'm in.
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Remember, healing is a choice, right?
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Healing is a choice, and then choosing is gonna cost you something.
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But I promise you, remaining is gonna cost you something even more.
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And understand the guilt is there, right?
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When you think about a person that you gotta release, or the second guessing comes into play, right?
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Because it's like if I move this way, if I say no to hanging out, or whatever, like that, they're not gonna want to be my friend no more.
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Where this is where the feeling of loneliness before the peace sets in.
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Start to think like, dang, I'm I'm gonna be alone.
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And so that's what's trying to keep us holding on.
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And then this is grief.
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Grief is the part of healing that we're afraid to embrace because it's messy, uncomfortable, lonely, and sometimes embarrassing.
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I ain't gonna hold you.
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However, this part of healing is necessary.
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So, what I want you to do is this your homework.
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I'm I'm a therapist that likes to get homework.
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It um I want you to reflect on who do you want to become and what's holding you back from becoming.
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Really sit with that and allow yourself to embrace the messiness, the uncomfortable nature, and the hardships of healing, even if it means losing people.
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Alright, y'all.
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We about to do hard things, and so I thank y'all for joining in on the conversation with me today.
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I know this is a heavy one, and it only gets heavier from up from here, to be honest, but um, reflect on those things.
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And so, listen, thanks for tuning in again.
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I'm your girl, Brianna Williams, LAPC.
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Listen, do me a favor, go ahead.
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If you didn't in the beginning, go follow Reach Your Minds on IG at Reach It Minds All1Word.
00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:11.359
And listen, let's keep this conversation going.
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Send me a DM, comment on stuff on IG, or send me a message.
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There's a link in the show notes that says send me a message, ask me questions, let's keep this conversation going.
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Tell me your story, whatever like that.
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I would love to chat with you.
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And also, if you want to support the show, please go ahead and send a monetary donation by clicking the link in the show notes that says support the show.
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I thank y'all, and I'll see y'all next week.
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All right, let's go.
00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:14.000
Hey y'all, we are back.
00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:15.839
We're back, we're back, we're back.
00:00:16.000 --> 00:00:17.199
Thanks for tuning in.
00:00:17.359 --> 00:00:24.239
I'm your host, Brianna Williams, LAPC, and I thank you guys for tuning in to another mini-series.
00:00:24.480 --> 00:00:28.399
And this miniseries is called Healing Isn't Cute.
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:31.920
And I'm very excited about this topic.
00:00:32.159 --> 00:00:41.200
But um, do me a favor if you haven't yet, go ahead and follow Reaching Minds on IG at Reaching Minds.
00:00:41.280 --> 00:00:42.320
It's all one word.
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:45.759
Go ahead, type that in at Reaching Minds.
00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:47.359
Go ahead and do it now.
00:00:49.119 --> 00:00:51.119
All right, good luck, y'all.
00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:55.119
And listen, welcome to the Reaching Minds Circle.
00:00:55.439 --> 00:01:04.959
Um, as we're going on this journey of healing, I want to kick this conversation off with something beyond fear when it comes to healing.
00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:11.599
And if you can see by this title, that's losing people.
00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:19.280
Healing can feel like losing people.
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Ouch.
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Right when we hear the word healing, it sounds, it sounds really good, right?
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It sounds like this like magical journey, like this transformation, and you know, we look at the the finished product, but a lot of times it can get messy.
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A lot of times, healing, it can it can be uncomfortable.
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That that's join crazy, right?
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And it's it's not as easy as as we may think or or as me or as we may envision, right?
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There are parts that people don't talk about and they often avoid because in order to become you had to go through the dirt, you gotta go through the dirt.
00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:15.840
So let's unpack healing for a second.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:20.240
And y'all know if y'all don't know me by now, I love a good definition.
00:02:20.800 --> 00:02:46.800
And so I looked up what healing is because I was curious, and healing is the process of becoming healthy or whole again, covering physical recovery, emotional mending, and spiritual restoration.
00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:50.080
That's good, right?
00:02:50.400 --> 00:03:05.919
Healing is the process of becoming, recovering, mending, and restoring, and that's emotionally, physically, spiritually, right?
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This is healing.
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But in order to really get to the process of healing, you gotta realize something's unhealthy, right?
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You gotta realize that something, something, something is broken here.
00:03:22.639 --> 00:03:26.719
You gotta realize that something something needs to be restored here.
00:03:27.520 --> 00:03:32.400
Um and this is where where healing becomes a choice.
00:03:33.520 --> 00:03:37.759
Healing is the choice to pursue better.
00:03:38.800 --> 00:03:50.080
It's a mindset that says, I don't want, I don't want to, and I don't have to stay here, but I can become.
00:04:36.399 --> 00:04:51.040
Right, you can't become being the same person that you are right now, you can't become being the same way that you are right now.
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Then becoming things must change, right?
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And honestly, that's that's scary to think about.
00:05:02.800 --> 00:05:04.879
Like, what what do you mean?
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Things gotta change.
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What do you mean I can't do that no more?
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What do you mean?
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What do you mean in this case scenario that I gotta let go of them?
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Because the thought of losing the very people that was my was my day ones or the people that I envisioned forever with, that's crazy.
00:05:36.879 --> 00:05:38.160
That's crazy work.
00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:47.040
And I'm I'm talking on Philly, I'm talking a lot of Philly today, but um it's hard to think about that.
00:05:47.839 --> 00:05:53.920
But I think that the great question to ask yourself is but what if I don't become?
00:05:56.480 --> 00:06:02.879
What if I don't become roof or real?
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:12.240
I'm here to tell you that you'll survive the loss of people.
00:06:14.720 --> 00:06:22.639
I'm here to encourage you and it's in this short, this short little little episode, right?
00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:33.839
I'm here to encourage you to embrace healing, even in its ugliness and its messiness and its uncomfortable nature.
00:06:34.959 --> 00:06:36.879
Embrace the process.
00:06:40.399 --> 00:06:42.160
Embrace the process.
00:06:45.199 --> 00:07:04.079
One thing for sure that that we think about when we think about like doing something different, and like people start to like switch up and leave, or things like that, the the thought that comes to our mind is that they don't love us anymore.
00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:06.240
Right?
00:07:06.480 --> 00:07:13.279
Or the thought that comes to your mind if you were to even even even leave people, right?
00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:17.120
That they're gonna think that I don't love them anymore, right?
00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:27.199
But the truth is that sometimes people just can't handle where you're going next.
00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:34.480
Sometimes they're not equipped for who you're about to become.
00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:44.480
Sometimes they don't have the capacity for who you're being made to be.
00:07:48.160 --> 00:08:11.839
And so when you think about like um when you think about leaving people or people leaving you, I want you to think about this when it comes when it comes to your healing, is this big B word that that is that is very so scary to us is is boundaries.
00:08:12.879 --> 00:08:13.759
It's boundaries.
00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:23.920
I think now today it's coming a little bit more prevalent and a little bit more accepted, but when we used to think about boundaries, it was like, no, you can't do that.
00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:26.000
I'm family.
00:08:26.879 --> 00:08:28.480
No, you you can't do that.
00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:29.920
I I know you too closely.
00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:31.519
No, I knew you for years, right?
00:08:31.600 --> 00:08:33.679
You I got access, right?
00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:41.519
And as soon as we start to set boundaries, right, it can feel like to somebody, it can feel like rejection, right?
00:08:41.679 --> 00:08:48.720
I don't know if you've been on that that that side of the coin where somebody was placing boundaries up, right?
00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:50.879
It could feel like rejection.
00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:57.759
And oftentimes, boundaries are associated with something negative, right?
00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:02.000
It can be viewed as a change in love, right?
00:09:02.080 --> 00:09:11.039
Like we talked about, but in reality, it's a shift in dynamics or a shift in access.
00:09:13.360 --> 00:09:22.799
Oftentimes, boundaries are taken personal, but in reality, it's just a choice.
00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:28.639
It's just a choice that I need to make for my life right now, right?
00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:30.720
So, what does this look like, Brie?
00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:37.039
So maybe your boundary is um, I can't call you every day, right?
00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.679
We can we can't talk all hours in the night.
00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:42.879
I I can't I can't be on the phone with you like that, right?
00:09:43.519 --> 00:09:47.200
Or maybe it's I can't bring up certain topics to you.
00:09:47.440 --> 00:09:49.120
I can't let you know my next moves.
00:09:49.279 --> 00:09:55.039
I can't, I can't go out to certain places with you anymore.
00:09:55.440 --> 00:09:59.759
Maybe, maybe you can't just pop over unannounced anymore.
00:09:59.840 --> 00:10:02.320
Maybe that's that has to change, right?
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The thing is, it's like I still love you the same, but I know I can't become by operating in the same capacity.
00:10:17.759 --> 00:10:30.240
So when you start healing, the honest thing is that some people won't understand, right?
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Some people they they're not gonna support it, they're not gonna support it.
00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:41.120
They're gonna say, yo, you you moving differently, you being weird, right?
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You not the same like you used to be, like, oh you acting funny, or you think you better then, right?
00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:52.240
All those things that that people start to say when you start moving different.
00:10:54.559 --> 00:10:58.799
And some people in your healing, they won't stick around.
00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:02.960
That's that's the honest truth.
00:11:05.440 --> 00:11:14.399
But don't let that cost you the desire to be healthy and whole.
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Because if they love you, they will adapt.
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If if if if they want to be in your life, they will respect your healing journey, even if the changes are uncomfortable, right?
00:11:40.960 --> 00:11:43.200
And so I want you to reflect real quick.
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Take a second, get your journal out, or you know, make a mental note if you're driving.
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What are some boundaries in your life that you need to set in order to begin your healing journey?
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And I really want you to reflect on that.
00:12:18.639 --> 00:12:24.240
But sometimes we lose because we release.
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I'm just speaking as Brianna, releasing is a lot harder for me.
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I I I personally rather somebody just just leave on their own will, right?
00:12:55.279 --> 00:13:03.519
Even though it hurts, but when I have to release somebody, like that hurts, that hurts a lot, right?
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Because this one right here is a conscious decision that that person is no longer good for my healing journey.
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It's a decision that says this person does not help push me towards becoming healthy and whole.
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But maybe they just keep me stagnant.
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Maybe, maybe they're not, you know, making you go down a bad path or whatever like that, but maybe they're just keeping you stagnant, maybe they're just holding you back, right?
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:59.919
But there's power in releasing, even when it hurts, and even when it feels uncomfortable, and so I want you to take your journal again, right?
00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:06.080
You might as well just keep it out every time you you listen to a Reaching Minds podcast for this mini-series, right?
00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:07.759
You might as well keep it out.
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I want you to ask yourself this who or what are you holding on to in fear of what your life would be without them?
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I'm gonna repeat that.
00:14:25.279 --> 00:14:32.799
Who or what are you holding on to in fear of what your life would be without them?
00:14:36.399 --> 00:14:38.879
And then I want you to ask yourself this.
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What would it look like to choose me?
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Even if it means changing the room I'm in.
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What would it look like to choose me?
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Even if it means changing the room I'm in.
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Remember, healing is a choice, right?
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Healing is a choice, and then choosing is gonna cost you something.
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But I promise you, remaining is gonna cost you something even more.
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And understand the guilt is there, right?
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When you think about a person that you gotta release, or the second guessing comes into play, right?
00:15:48.799 --> 00:16:03.600
Because it's like if I move this way, if I say no to hanging out, or whatever, like that, they're not gonna want to be my friend no more.
00:16:06.559 --> 00:16:13.840
Where this is where the feeling of loneliness before the peace sets in.
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Start to think like, dang, I'm I'm gonna be alone.
00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:21.279
And so that's what's trying to keep us holding on.
00:16:24.639 --> 00:16:26.879
And then this is grief.
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Grief is the part of healing that we're afraid to embrace because it's messy, uncomfortable, lonely, and sometimes embarrassing.
00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:46.000
I ain't gonna hold you.
00:16:47.600 --> 00:16:52.159
However, this part of healing is necessary.
00:16:55.039 --> 00:16:59.039
So, what I want you to do is this your homework.
00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:02.320
I'm I'm a therapist that likes to get homework.
00:17:03.120 --> 00:17:13.599
It um I want you to reflect on who do you want to become and what's holding you back from becoming.
00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:35.200
Really sit with that and allow yourself to embrace the messiness, the uncomfortable nature, and the hardships of healing, even if it means losing people.
00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:38.079
Alright, y'all.
00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:44.640
We about to do hard things, and so I thank y'all for joining in on the conversation with me today.
00:17:45.119 --> 00:17:54.319
I know this is a heavy one, and it only gets heavier from up from here, to be honest, but um, reflect on those things.
00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:56.799
And so, listen, thanks for tuning in again.
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I'm your girl, Brianna Williams, LAPC.
00:17:59.519 --> 00:18:01.200
Listen, do me a favor, go ahead.
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If you didn't in the beginning, go follow Reach Your Minds on IG at Reach It Minds All1Word.
00:18:09.279 --> 00:18:11.359
And listen, let's keep this conversation going.
00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:16.799
Send me a DM, comment on stuff on IG, or send me a message.
00:18:16.960 --> 00:18:23.519
There's a link in the show notes that says send me a message, ask me questions, let's keep this conversation going.
00:18:23.680 --> 00:18:25.359
Tell me your story, whatever like that.
00:18:25.440 --> 00:18:27.279
I would love to chat with you.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:35.519
And also, if you want to support the show, please go ahead and send a monetary donation by clicking the link in the show notes that says support the show.
00:18:35.680 --> 00:18:38.160
I thank y'all, and I'll see y'all next week.
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All right, let's go.
