Shadow Work for Self-Liberation with Vee Asimov

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you So we're here today with Vee Asimov. Yeah,
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I'm also, well, a bit nervous, but also excited
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mostly to finally get the chance to sit down
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and have a chat with you and hear what's going
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on for you right now. What's going on for me
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right now, my goodness. I mean, the energy of
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the collective and the Earth and the ethers has
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just been so tumultuous lately. everyone feels
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like they're getting riled up and I'm just kind
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of like boxed off alone trying to get through
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it trying to pull myself more and more out of
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the I guess the the collective's matrix or the
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collective's expectations and Fully freeing myself
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up so you can just like move in the world. That's
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that's where I'm kind of like at And but it's
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been it's been messy. It's been ugly. Like I
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feel like rebirth is an ugly messy painful thing
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that's like no one really wants to look at it
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in the face, but It's just gonna be the way that
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we have to go. Yeah What's your process for like?
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How do you get back into yourself or into from
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that matrix or those energies and to center kind
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of Pulling myself out is always shatter work.
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It's always finding my integrity and understanding,
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like embodying the understanding deeper that
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all of us just have our own path. Like all of
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us are quite literally a fragment of like God
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or the universe and we all have our own path
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and encountering the hypothetical voices of the
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collective. that you kind of like personally
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argue with, or that I certainly personally argue
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with, and dismantling feeling like that's some
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kind of authority over me. Putting myself as
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the foremost authority in my life, trusting that
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I will not consciously hurt people, being okay
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with being confronted, you know, if there's grinding,
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if there's altercations with people. in terms
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of bringing myself back to a place of stability.
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I mean, there's so many different methods, but
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it's usually like if I I can I can feel inside
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of myself when I'm out of alignment, when there's
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something within me that feels painful or that
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needs to be expressed. And so it's more of a
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process of like being in touch with my body and
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just letting whatever needs to happen happen
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ultimately. Yeah and that's maybe I can provide
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some context for for our how we met and how our
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history for example you you really helped me
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to learn that idea to actually express those
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feelings or energies because I'm a person who
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tends to be so much in my mind and try to analyze
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which is fine to have that side too but I needed
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to balance it out with that whole getting the
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body to express it and so a year ago I booked
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a session with you you're a shadow worker an
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existential detective and then I felt like I
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had heard you speak on your podcast than the
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mystic mirror and I had really felt that okay
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this is a person who can hold the space for those
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steps of the kind of pain or those emotions that
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I had that I needed to get it out somehow and
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that was the first step was to actually just
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talk and share and that's that's a place where
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or there are moments when we really just need
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to ramble and get it out so we can see the shape
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of it and then things can start to kind of come
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out because maybe it's something that you've
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held in for long that you haven't let yourself
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even think or go into and then it's really helpful
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to have that space where you can just let it
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come out and that was And I remember the challenge,
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like in that moment when I had emotions coming
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up and you were trying to encourage me to scream
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or express it, and I wasn't able to do it in
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the session. This is so foreign. I think that
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idea is quite difficult for most who have learned
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to like, oh, you have to keep appearances, you
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have to hold it in. So for me, it was really
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confronting to see how, wow, like it's just...
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physically kind of felt impossible to do that
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and I tried to find ways that I could trick myself
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into thinking or it's productive for something
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else like I thought like oh I'm gonna make punk
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songs or these kind of screaming songs and that
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was my way that I got into it so I I was making
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some having a moment every week where I would
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play music and then it would be a lot of screaming
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but it would be a mix of like music and then
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slowly slowly I had a process where I could actually
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get into the place where I could start to kind
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of scream out the emotion that came through but
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I needed to do it through this kind of trick
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or this sneaky way of like oh it's it's music
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it's me practicing how to express you know, in
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a growl or those ways of singing or expressing.
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And then I think there was something that shifted
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when I started to let myself scream and for me
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it was very connected to the inner child, kind
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of the realization of how much pain that side
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of me or that had been kind of stuck there where
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I didn't... really acknowledge fully like everyone
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goes through those when you grow up that things
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happen and you shift into place of oh They don't
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accept this. So now I have to kind of suppress
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that and all of those kinds of things and Yeah,
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so I think it's helpful to provide that this
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perspective from me experiencing what you offer
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and then you can share more about what your methods
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and how you arrived it and your story and so
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on. So that was where we met a year ago and then
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it's been nice to kind of follow you and hear
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your insights through mainly TikTok where you
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share a lot of very insightful perspectives about
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different things, shadow work and also other
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things. So I'm curious to now hear more from
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you and how you arrived at these methods and
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well, share whatever you feel like. Well, I mean,
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first of all, I think it's freaking cool as heck
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that you used like screamo music to get into
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screaming. That's amazing. That's like I've got
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to use that as like a tip for people from now
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on, like scream, screamed as a music. um how
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did i get into this my moon's on my ascendant
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i couldn't possibly hold my emotions back if
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i tried and so it was very much um i i also like
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lived a lot in my head i was also trying to understand
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like i feel like i'm probably undiagnosed autistic
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i'm someone who I just needed to understand how
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everything worked, right? Like when you go, when
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you get brought into this world from a certain
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perspective, the rules here are backwards. The
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social expectations and conventions and how everyone's
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lying and masking and repressing and like saying
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one thing and doing another, it just, to me,
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it was like... Didn't know how to navigate the
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world. I had no idea. I couldn't figure it out
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I was constantly trying to fit in with people
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and it was never working and I think I found
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you know psychology probably Within the last
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ten years psychology really started to become
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like a mainstream thing Everyone was getting
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into therapy and like pop psychology happened
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and I was absorbing all of this and I was understanding
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more and more Oh like like the patterns that
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I have In my life have to do with my childhood,
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but I had nothing to It's still It didn't make
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a difference, you know, like it's it's one thing
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to understand I act like this because this happened
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or I had this relationship with my parent and
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it's another thing to actually fix the stuff
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it's another thing to actually be able to release
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yourself from those patterns and so I didn't
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have the release and Then I had a spiritual awakening
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I was reading a comic book and it just felt like
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a chunk of me or something like came crashing
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through the window and suddenly it was like I
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had psychology which I was always like interested
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in and good at conceptually but spirituality
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like made it all click together and then I was
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like oh the universe is a mirror of you like
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everything in your physical reality is a mirror
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of you and I followed my path. I followed first,
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it was Alan Moore, who wrote the comic book that
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I had The Spiritual Awakening to, Promethea.
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And he's a magician, but he hadn't written much
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about magic other than that comic book at the
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time. And so then I remembered the Midnight Gospel.
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There was an episode in Midnight Gospel where
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There's a fishbowl head guy and he's talking
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about magic. He's voiced by Damian Eccles, who's
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also a ceremonial magician who spent like 20
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years on death row or something for murders that
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he did not commit and followed him, became a
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Patreon of his. And then from his platform, I
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found Jessa Reed. who simplified magic into just
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understanding that it's reality is like a game,
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right? And she also kind of put me more onto
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the idea of tracking back these patterns and
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expressing the emotion about it. And it was like
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it all came together in this perfect storm over
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the course of like a year or two. And then I
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just I like had it I just had the concept and
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I sprinted out it like it was like Knowing that
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it's just like you get triggered from the outside
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you track it back to a childhood pattern you
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express all the emotion and you're free from
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that loop from that pattern and So I just did
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that for like years like hardcore Every single
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little thing in reality that triggered me was
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a reflection of me and so I found the thing and
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undid it and it's unlocked an amazing skill of
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being able to Reflect and Kind of like have psychic
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insights into what other people are also going
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through and so it's kind of a balancing act of
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being able to lead people very precisely into
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the pattern, but then the kind of trick, the
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trick to the whole thing is whether or not someone's
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willing to express the emotion, which is like
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you encountered and that can be a process in
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and of itself, like breaking down. the barriers
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and the limitations that we have just around
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expressing to start with and that's always where
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I recommend people start if they are like emotionally
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blocked off from themselves and then You can
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just go from there. You can run at it Yeah, and
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that's Expressing the emotion it can be done
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in so many ways like if just to offer more like
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tips is some kind of creative expression as well
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like I used with music or if you have art or
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I Realized I have used for most of my life like
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for example painting which is very physical and
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I could scratch up wooden boards and I would
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like Those things as well as a type of expressing
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but at the same time I felt like when I get to
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the voice of it like when I could actually start
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to use my voice more, there's something that
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opens up in a different way, maybe. That's like
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there's some power in the voice that it's really,
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really valuable to get in touch with. And I hope
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for everyone that they could get in touch with
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their own voice, which can also be the toughest
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or like quite tough in a different way than maybe
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like when I started to record myself talking.
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That's kind of where I started to realize like,
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oh, some things are coming up when I'm doing
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these voiceovers first for my Substack post.
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And then I started like a podcast, just a hidden
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podcast for myself for half a year and then later
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opened it called Dark Void Disco. That was actually
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about my own kind of shadow work process, but
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it still was a lot in the mental realm because
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it was just me talking. It wasn't really, it
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wasn't like screaming into the podcast or so.
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So then into years after that then with you when
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I was like, oh, I can actually use the voice
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for getting the emotion right away, like through
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or out. But something that I've been then a bit
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wondering about is like, how do you know when
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you're done expressing or how do you feel it
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somehow? Because for me, I haven't maybe fully
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arrived at that understanding or in some cases
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I can just see that something has shifted or
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I just for example that oh I'm not that triggered
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by something they do or say anymore that that's
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just gone I'm curious if you have something you
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can feel in your body or some signal otherwise
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than that like how you feel like oh that's alchemized
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or that's released now or yeah I just feel Like
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resolved is like the best word that I can come
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up with. I think it's Catharsis is another kind
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of expression around it. It feels It all it literally
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feels like if I have something to alchemize there's
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like a friction inside of me. There's an irritation
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There's either an avoidance or I'm doom -scrolling
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or I'm just feeling heavy And then once I've
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found the thing and expressed it, I just like,
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oh, it's like, oh, the sun comes out again. And
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I feel great. And sometimes like there are a
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lot of wounds that we have that will have to
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come off in layers. Like I have S .A. trauma,
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which I discovered after our meeting. But like
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taking taking it off in layers can sometimes
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be like. You know, your body might have to process
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something. I remember one night I just spent
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like almost like shaking and I had no idea why
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um And then doing all kinds of different emotional
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expressions grief anger fear and then I think
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you just get to a point where Yeah, you are responding
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differently to your external world, like the
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things that used to bother you don't bother you
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anymore, or they bother you in a different way,
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which is indicative of a different layer. So
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it's all just a matter of feeling yourself not
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reacting or reacting differently or just responding
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to whatever stimulus is going on in your outside
00:17:10.029 --> 00:17:14.109
world, you know. Yeah and that's I guess when
00:17:14.109 --> 00:17:18.269
it's available to actually respond instead of
00:17:18.269 --> 00:17:21.049
maybe go into an inner experience from somewhere
00:17:21.049 --> 00:17:23.710
else that's when you also know like oh I'm open
00:17:23.710 --> 00:17:26.369
to actually respond to what's going on now because
00:17:26.369 --> 00:17:29.150
if I've been going into some panic state like
00:17:29.150 --> 00:17:32.049
I can't fully see even what's going on around
00:17:32.049 --> 00:17:34.670
me I'm in that panic or in that bubble inside
00:17:34.670 --> 00:17:39.390
of that so yeah that's yeah very different and
00:17:39.390 --> 00:17:44.250
I wanted to focus a bit on something you said
00:17:44.250 --> 00:17:47.950
about like this the way that you grew up with
00:17:47.950 --> 00:17:50.670
observing the masking or things that you just
00:17:50.670 --> 00:17:53.910
wanted to understand and that things would make
00:17:53.910 --> 00:17:56.430
sense because that's something that I share in
00:17:56.430 --> 00:18:00.109
my own experience and Only just a few years back.
00:18:00.109 --> 00:18:03.450
I realized all the extents to which I had been
00:18:03.450 --> 00:18:07.099
doing masking myself realizing like oh actually
00:18:07.099 --> 00:18:11.200
I am I just am this way in some ways where my
00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:14.700
mind works in a particular way like and I cannot
00:18:14.700 --> 00:18:19.420
compute I cannot completely understand that some
00:18:19.420 --> 00:18:22.740
some person tells me for example a specific time
00:18:22.740 --> 00:18:26.079
or I'll do it in five minutes and I'm like five
00:18:26.079 --> 00:18:30.430
minutes that's that and that's if it's Most people
00:18:30.430 --> 00:18:33.029
just say those kinds of things because like five
00:18:33.029 --> 00:18:35.750
minutes in a little while that means the same
00:18:35.750 --> 00:18:38.450
thing but I get so stuck on that exact thing
00:18:38.450 --> 00:18:42.130
that you said that I could get really confused
00:18:42.130 --> 00:18:44.369
and then over time I realized like oh that's
00:18:44.369 --> 00:18:48.269
just something people say but well that's a kind
00:18:48.269 --> 00:18:51.809
of silly example maybe but it's still when you
00:18:51.809 --> 00:18:55.569
think about it how much that creates when you
00:18:55.569 --> 00:18:58.049
add everything together that creates quite a
00:18:58.049 --> 00:19:03.809
lot of energy use to just be in that that kind
00:19:03.809 --> 00:19:07.170
of experience of okay I have to be a bit more
00:19:07.170 --> 00:19:10.630
flexible than maybe I can or that I'm not maybe
00:19:10.630 --> 00:19:13.730
wired to be but there's something fascinating
00:19:13.730 --> 00:19:16.750
about that there I realized that maybe that's
00:19:16.750 --> 00:19:19.529
also a kind of power or some kind of skill you
00:19:19.529 --> 00:19:23.150
develop in seeing these inconsistencies or experiencing
00:19:23.150 --> 00:19:27.579
yourself as in between but But the tricky thing
00:19:27.579 --> 00:19:32.539
I felt with was navigating how to respect myself
00:19:32.539 --> 00:19:35.220
for the way I am or these things that seem to
00:19:35.220 --> 00:19:39.259
be quite hardwired and just somehow hold space
00:19:39.259 --> 00:19:43.559
for letting myself be that way. And how to then,
00:19:43.559 --> 00:19:46.059
on the other hand, see where there is a bit of
00:19:46.059 --> 00:19:50.740
space to learn or where that becomes a skill
00:19:50.740 --> 00:19:54.500
where I can let myself be or experience things
00:19:54.500 --> 00:19:58.430
the way I do. But that also provides me with
00:19:58.430 --> 00:20:03.049
a way of seeing those differences to others or
00:20:03.049 --> 00:20:06.029
the inconsistencies or the maskings or this kind
00:20:06.029 --> 00:20:08.529
of thing So I'm just curious to hear a bit more
00:20:08.529 --> 00:20:11.250
about your experience in that and how that has
00:20:11.250 --> 00:20:14.769
shaped like your ability to to see these things
00:20:14.769 --> 00:20:21.349
and emotions and For me, I think like those kinds
00:20:21.349 --> 00:20:25.490
of I guess inconsistencies or like turns of phrase
00:20:26.029 --> 00:20:29.690
they were never the issue for me, like the precision,
00:20:30.289 --> 00:20:32.890
literalness, certainly a thing, like if people
00:20:32.890 --> 00:20:36.410
have been sarcastic or joking or implied certain
00:20:36.410 --> 00:20:39.369
things, it's often gone over my head, especially
00:20:39.369 --> 00:20:41.630
if people are like cruel or mean to me. I've
00:20:41.630 --> 00:20:44.390
always just been like, like, what do you mean?
00:20:44.410 --> 00:20:49.150
Like, it's never made sense to me. But the thing
00:20:49.150 --> 00:20:52.329
for me was like how people reacted to me, you
00:20:52.329 --> 00:20:56.500
know, just asking a question or being upbeat
00:20:56.500 --> 00:21:00.279
and chipper or looking on the bright side or
00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:02.980
coming up with a solution and then just having
00:21:02.980 --> 00:21:07.740
that like lash out response and just being like
00:21:07.740 --> 00:21:11.500
what that happened like you know that just kind
00:21:11.500 --> 00:21:15.160
of record scratch moment of like wait what reality
00:21:15.160 --> 00:21:17.980
am i operating in like what just went wrong like
00:21:17.980 --> 00:21:23.559
the analysis that my brain has run through a
00:21:23.559 --> 00:21:27.259
billion times in my head of social situations
00:21:27.259 --> 00:21:32.400
has given me such a nuanced way of interpreting
00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:37.059
the world. Like, I see it like all - every single
00:21:37.059 --> 00:21:39.720
conflict that happens online or in front of me
00:21:39.720 --> 00:21:42.519
or whatever, it's like I can see everyone's perspectives
00:21:42.519 --> 00:21:46.640
now because I've analyzed, because I've psychologically
00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:49.519
understood what mechanisms might be triggered.
00:21:49.640 --> 00:21:56.460
So I guess in a way it was more like a survival
00:21:56.460 --> 00:22:03.180
response like trying to understand like how it
00:22:03.180 --> 00:22:05.640
was that I like why it was that I was triggering
00:22:05.640 --> 00:22:08.380
people and I got to the point where I understood
00:22:08.380 --> 00:22:10.420
so deeply and I was like oh this is just their
00:22:10.420 --> 00:22:14.319
trauma and it's actually spiritually speaking
00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:17.200
it's kind of medicinal to trigger people to allow
00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:20.500
them to self -confront whether or not they actually
00:22:20.500 --> 00:22:23.690
take it and run with it or whether they regress
00:22:23.690 --> 00:22:26.990
and repress themselves or lash out or whatever,
00:22:27.210 --> 00:22:31.349
like you get to the point where you kind of just
00:22:31.349 --> 00:22:37.630
allow. I think that part of this spiritual awakening
00:22:37.630 --> 00:22:40.089
or the consciousness rising of the collective
00:22:40.089 --> 00:22:49.089
is kind of a transference of modes of thinking.
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:53.119
from the neurotypical kind of like surface level.
00:22:53.500 --> 00:22:56.400
We're all used to masking. We're all used to
00:22:56.400 --> 00:22:59.799
having personas. We all understand the social
00:22:59.799 --> 00:23:05.140
rules of allowing everyone to have shadow and
00:23:05.140 --> 00:23:10.140
to hide their true selves. And I think that the
00:23:10.140 --> 00:23:12.440
consciousness has kind of just tipped the scales
00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:15.960
into more openness, into more authenticity, which
00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:21.480
is what, to me, neurodivergent minds are more
00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:29.140
geared towards. It's almost like we're more tuned
00:23:29.140 --> 00:23:36.839
into the unseen and the energetic aspects. And
00:23:36.839 --> 00:23:39.319
so since we operate on that reality, it can be
00:23:39.319 --> 00:23:42.359
very triggering to people who are used to operating
00:23:42.359 --> 00:23:47.420
just through like social nicety or masks or personas.
00:23:48.359 --> 00:23:56.819
And so the consciousness rising is now geared
00:23:56.819 --> 00:24:03.299
towards neurodivergent thinking and operating.
00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:08.460
And now that authenticity is seen as a skill,
00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:13.079
a gift, something to aim towards and build towards,
00:24:13.119 --> 00:24:17.089
rather than something to... kind of like suppress
00:24:17.089 --> 00:24:23.450
amongst society. Yeah, and that brings up a lot
00:24:23.450 --> 00:24:27.589
of things from my own relationships and from
00:24:27.589 --> 00:24:30.369
like the realization I had over the years was
00:24:30.369 --> 00:24:34.309
that oh I have a different priority or a different
00:24:34.309 --> 00:24:38.130
approach to this than the people I'm relating
00:24:38.130 --> 00:24:40.910
with like for example in close relationships
00:24:40.910 --> 00:24:44.299
where I would always feel Be really sensitive
00:24:44.299 --> 00:24:46.740
to that shift that, okay, there's been a shift
00:24:46.740 --> 00:24:49.779
happening and us being together is not true.
00:24:50.500 --> 00:24:53.160
Like on a deep felt sense, it's not actually
00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:57.319
beneficial for our life path. So I can just see,
00:24:57.559 --> 00:25:00.480
I could just see where it went. And what's best
00:25:00.480 --> 00:25:03.000
for both of us in this moment is actually that
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.539
we both get to go on our own ways and evolve
00:25:05.539 --> 00:25:09.140
in our own ways because we're like, and then
00:25:09.140 --> 00:25:14.859
what you then can get from from the outside is
00:25:14.859 --> 00:25:17.640
like a judgement on like, oh, but you're not
00:25:17.640 --> 00:25:22.380
loyal or you're not like caring. Well, that was
00:25:22.380 --> 00:25:24.900
for me the most caring thing that I could really
00:25:24.900 --> 00:25:28.700
see that we're going to kind of suppress each
00:25:28.700 --> 00:25:31.059
other or kind of hold each other back or not.
00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:33.920
And then when I could feel that that was like
00:25:33.920 --> 00:25:39.359
the kindest thing is to kind of tell that person
00:25:39.359 --> 00:25:43.000
or then there's maybe some ways I could have
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.319
done things more gently and that's also part
00:25:45.319 --> 00:25:48.180
of the thing of me just saying things that it
00:25:48.180 --> 00:25:51.220
is which is maybe a bit also my type of neurodivergence
00:25:51.220 --> 00:25:54.779
that I've realized like I just say things and
00:25:54.779 --> 00:25:56.839
then someone else can get really hurt and like
00:25:56.839 --> 00:26:00.000
oh I'm not supposed to say that or in that way
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:02.420
and that's been something I had to learn also
00:26:02.420 --> 00:26:06.220
and then So that's very interesting that you
00:26:06.220 --> 00:26:09.079
point that out and that made me really remember
00:26:09.079 --> 00:26:14.240
some instances where I was actually just Perplexed
00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:17.160
and I was able to hold on to that sense that
00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:20.940
I had which I'm grateful for that There can be
00:26:20.940 --> 00:26:23.920
these stages of people -pleasing where we feel
00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:26.500
what the other person is expecting from us and
00:26:26.500 --> 00:26:29.559
we're trying to be that because for me I'm a
00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:33.900
very fluid personality kind of open identity
00:26:33.900 --> 00:26:37.559
center in human design kind of person if for
00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:40.740
people who understand that then I kind of am
00:26:40.740 --> 00:26:44.240
a person who becomes a bit similar to the people
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:47.460
I'm with or a chameleon type of thing so there
00:26:47.460 --> 00:26:50.940
it can be sometimes tricky to navigate that that
00:26:50.940 --> 00:26:54.059
where does it go too far and where do I feel
00:26:54.059 --> 00:26:57.779
like okay now actually where I should be going
00:26:57.779 --> 00:27:01.740
where I can feel that energy pulling me is in
00:27:01.740 --> 00:27:04.700
a different place or different direction and
00:27:04.700 --> 00:27:07.059
vice versa that other person should have a right
00:27:07.059 --> 00:27:10.200
to develop into their own. And there I could
00:27:10.200 --> 00:27:13.079
really feel that disconnect between what's expected
00:27:13.079 --> 00:27:17.200
of me or where I'm expected to kind of just be
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:21.920
so happy that you have this relationship and
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:26.059
just stay there and focus on like building that
00:27:26.059 --> 00:27:28.099
where I was like, but that's nothing to build
00:27:28.099 --> 00:27:31.759
when it has already shifted into a different
00:27:31.759 --> 00:27:35.000
place or it wasn't something to build. It was
00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:38.640
more about, is it like a authentic place of relating
00:27:38.640 --> 00:27:42.140
or if we keep relating, am I just trying to push
00:27:42.140 --> 00:27:44.880
myself into like a shape that it's not mine anymore?
00:27:45.759 --> 00:27:49.819
So that's one way that I experienced those themes
00:27:49.819 --> 00:27:55.339
and have been navigating that sense of authenticity
00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:59.660
is often very connected to these relational things.
00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:03.839
and that can be a good marker of like in what
00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:06.539
relationships do you feel like there is space
00:28:06.539 --> 00:28:12.900
for you to change and be that weird mutable thing
00:28:12.900 --> 00:28:16.019
that you are and that both people or all the
00:28:16.019 --> 00:28:19.460
parts can also change within it and that's something
00:28:19.460 --> 00:28:23.599
I feel it's like with these background frequencies
00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:27.700
or it's shifting more towards that kind of relating
00:28:27.700 --> 00:28:31.339
where the transformation is kind of embedded
00:28:31.339 --> 00:28:35.579
into it and where that's a deeper type of relating,
00:28:35.660 --> 00:28:40.039
but maybe that also means like some bonds are
00:28:40.039 --> 00:28:44.279
shifting or being broken or in that way. So everyone
00:28:44.279 --> 00:28:47.359
has more space to be their authentic self and
00:28:47.359 --> 00:28:52.559
develop. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It is that. It's
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:58.259
like, like I said, it feels like to me anyway.
00:29:00.639 --> 00:29:04.160
that we kind of just relate more to people's
00:29:04.160 --> 00:29:08.119
souls, we relate more to the energy of the thing
00:29:08.119 --> 00:29:11.359
rather than following the social conventions.
00:29:12.119 --> 00:29:15.460
You said that, you know, maybe you could say
00:29:15.460 --> 00:29:18.259
things gentler and things like that, but I'm
00:29:18.259 --> 00:29:23.460
actually learning to un -gentle myself. I was...
00:29:23.279 --> 00:29:26.859
pushed into gentling myself by my mother my whole
00:29:26.859 --> 00:29:29.460
life and like kind of fitting in with everyone
00:29:29.460 --> 00:29:33.019
else and being mutable and being like kind and
00:29:33.019 --> 00:29:37.039
empathetic in the ways that had me self -sacrificing
00:29:37.039 --> 00:29:42.319
my truth, like you said. And I think sometimes
00:29:42.319 --> 00:29:46.119
I hesitate to say this because I really feel
00:29:46.119 --> 00:29:53.250
like the next age is going to be more about saying
00:29:53.250 --> 00:29:57.869
things directly and And I'm I'm realizing more
00:29:57.869 --> 00:30:00.549
and more the further I go along my spiritual
00:30:00.549 --> 00:30:04.950
path is that it's it Feels very much like I've
00:30:04.950 --> 00:30:08.109
done people a huge disservice by not telling
00:30:08.109 --> 00:30:11.509
them the truth by avoiding triggering people
00:30:11.509 --> 00:30:15.170
by avoiding people's by voting like people shadows
00:30:15.170 --> 00:30:18.710
and and and hurting people's feelings and trying
00:30:18.710 --> 00:30:24.400
to be kind to their ego instead of being kind
00:30:24.400 --> 00:30:26.779
to their soul and their higher self who wants
00:30:26.779 --> 00:30:29.799
that expansion who wants that that trigger that
00:30:29.799 --> 00:30:34.160
feeling of rejection or that that projected self
00:30:34.160 --> 00:30:39.680
judgment in order to actually allow them to have
00:30:39.680 --> 00:30:41.940
that moment of like disruption and I've been
00:30:41.940 --> 00:30:45.599
so gentle Trying not to disturb people because
00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:49.319
of my own wounds my own triggers That I've kind
00:30:49.319 --> 00:30:51.900
of left people undisturbed and I think done them
00:30:51.900 --> 00:30:57.460
a disservice by not braving my own fears and
00:30:57.460 --> 00:30:59.779
Hurting people's feelings so to speak because
00:30:59.779 --> 00:31:02.359
every time my feelings have been hurt. I've evolved
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:08.059
I've transformed ultimately That's such a good
00:31:08.059 --> 00:31:12.940
point and has been part of my process to I like
00:31:12.940 --> 00:31:16.500
a year ago when when we spoke and when I was
00:31:16.500 --> 00:31:20.740
in the process of really last summer I realized
00:31:20.740 --> 00:31:24.440
the depths of my people -pleasing or like whoa,
00:31:24.440 --> 00:31:29.160
I'm just kind of bending all kinds of ways to
00:31:29.160 --> 00:31:34.039
to avoid the confrontation or avoid say having
00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:38.099
to say things out like honestly and then that
00:31:38.099 --> 00:31:42.480
really Yeah, it was something I actively was
00:31:42.480 --> 00:31:45.119
working with. Like, okay, how can I now express
00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:49.359
what I need to express? And then I had to do
00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:52.180
it over the phone, maybe, or I couldn't maybe
00:31:52.180 --> 00:31:54.859
do it yet, like in the presence or in the energies,
00:31:54.920 --> 00:31:58.599
because that would be so much of still taking
00:31:58.599 --> 00:32:02.619
on the other person's experience. So whatever
00:32:02.619 --> 00:32:06.819
works, like small, small steps at a time. And
00:32:06.819 --> 00:32:11.579
then then now this summer, a year later, where
00:32:11.579 --> 00:32:17.059
I then realized like, oh, now these relationships
00:32:17.059 --> 00:32:22.039
or this relating is so much cleaner and just
00:32:22.039 --> 00:32:25.000
it's like landed in a totally different place.
00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:28.519
And we didn't have those kinds of issues in those
00:32:28.519 --> 00:32:32.740
relationships because I had said things. And
00:32:32.740 --> 00:32:36.319
over time, that person had because they had been
00:32:36.319 --> 00:32:39.519
able to receive that, they had been able to then
00:32:39.519 --> 00:32:42.539
probably work through some things and shift and
00:32:42.539 --> 00:32:45.740
think through like how do I want to relate and
00:32:45.740 --> 00:32:48.839
then when we met again it was more of a mutual
00:32:48.839 --> 00:32:52.400
respect and a totally different place and me
00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:56.539
also. Well the place where I still practice kind
00:32:56.539 --> 00:33:00.700
of a kind of gentleness but with this also firmness
00:33:00.700 --> 00:33:05.880
is in the boundary setting for example like previously
00:33:05.880 --> 00:33:09.000
I would be if I would visit someone I would invite
00:33:09.000 --> 00:33:12.579
someone over to be a visitor I would be like
00:33:12.579 --> 00:33:15.680
sacrificing all my time like I'm here just for
00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:19.680
them to and the main goal of this time now is
00:33:19.680 --> 00:33:22.880
that they have a they have a good time or they
00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:24.880
feel good but I can't really control another
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:28.240
person's experience anyway and then I kind of
00:33:28.240 --> 00:33:32.200
totally dissolve myself or what's my experience
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:37.119
who am I I disappear or I sacrifice myself, which
00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:39.480
is also not the way to relate because what's
00:33:39.480 --> 00:33:42.579
there to relate with if I don't exist? And then
00:33:42.579 --> 00:33:46.859
I was practicing like, okay, I'm gonna need to
00:33:46.859 --> 00:33:50.220
have some time for myself and then we can meet
00:33:50.220 --> 00:33:53.480
and have some time to relate. And then I'm actually
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:57.400
present to relate because I filled my own batteries,
00:33:57.420 --> 00:34:01.119
I got some things done. And so that's been really
00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:05.400
like just... actively being in the process of
00:34:05.400 --> 00:34:08.039
taking those decisions or trying to communicate
00:34:08.039 --> 00:34:11.739
those things in a clear way, which I wasn't able
00:34:11.739 --> 00:34:14.760
to do before because I wasn't even able to allow
00:34:14.760 --> 00:34:18.019
myself to think of the possibility that I can
00:34:18.019 --> 00:34:22.159
assert that boundary or I can assert what I need.
00:34:23.000 --> 00:34:26.920
So that has been a big shift in like, I need
00:34:26.920 --> 00:34:29.760
this and... there it helped to use the rational
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:32.260
mind to be able to rationally explain why it
00:34:32.260 --> 00:34:35.639
makes sense. Because, yeah, if I feel good, then
00:34:35.639 --> 00:34:38.320
the moment of relating is going to feel good
00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:40.579
or there's going to be more value actually, even
00:34:40.579 --> 00:34:44.900
if there's less time. So it's quality over quantity
00:34:44.900 --> 00:34:48.699
in that way. But what does that quantity mean
00:34:48.699 --> 00:34:53.199
if I don't exist in that moment? So, yeah. So
00:34:53.199 --> 00:34:58.130
that's been a shift for me. It's like It's funny
00:34:58.130 --> 00:35:01.250
how the more honest you are and the more direct
00:35:01.250 --> 00:35:04.590
you are the better the relationship or the quicker
00:35:04.590 --> 00:35:06.769
it falls off if it's really not meant for you
00:35:06.769 --> 00:35:09.429
and the more that we are just like fully unbridled
00:35:09.429 --> 00:35:13.110
ourselves the more that we Genuinely attract
00:35:13.110 --> 00:35:16.309
people who are like like thrive off of our thriving
00:35:16.309 --> 00:35:19.050
and thrive in return and then we just end up
00:35:19.050 --> 00:35:22.789
surrounded by people who Genuinely really want
00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:24.889
to get in on our essence and we want to get in
00:35:24.889 --> 00:35:27.219
on theirs because it's just a good It's a good
00:35:27.219 --> 00:35:36.320
share. Yeah, exactly. Then I think it would be
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:39.119
interesting to hear more about your process,
00:35:39.639 --> 00:35:43.460
like you mentioned the whole awakening process
00:35:43.460 --> 00:35:47.340
and being kind of inspired by other people, expanding
00:35:47.340 --> 00:35:51.460
the perspective. I had a similar similar journey
00:35:51.460 --> 00:35:56.420
and but also we have our differences. I don't
00:35:56.420 --> 00:35:59.900
know if you're interested in sharing a bit more
00:35:59.900 --> 00:36:03.639
about like how you then took those influences
00:36:03.639 --> 00:36:08.940
or inspirations and started to work on your own
00:36:08.940 --> 00:36:12.280
approach or practice the shadow work approach
00:36:12.280 --> 00:36:14.900
that you have and share about it. Was it like
00:36:14.900 --> 00:36:18.059
an iterative process that you've been fine tuning
00:36:18.059 --> 00:36:21.460
or was it something that just already you kind
00:36:21.460 --> 00:36:25.659
of went for it as you described and It worked
00:36:25.659 --> 00:36:29.360
from the start or it's been more developing or
00:36:29.360 --> 00:36:34.099
how do you feel? It just worked from the start,
00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:38.159
honestly. The second I had, it was like I was
00:36:38.159 --> 00:36:43.079
given a small handful of keys through, you know,
00:36:43.260 --> 00:36:45.119
relating to different people or different people's
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:49.940
works and some of it was just synchronous and
00:36:49.940 --> 00:36:53.590
it's like as soon as I got those keys there's
00:36:53.590 --> 00:36:55.769
like, I'm sure you've had those moments where
00:36:55.769 --> 00:36:58.590
you just like get that zing of like, yes, oh,
00:36:58.650 --> 00:37:02.190
this feels so right. This feels so true. And
00:37:02.190 --> 00:37:03.809
I know how to use it. And you just like kind
00:37:03.809 --> 00:37:09.550
of roll into it. And so I've just, it's more
00:37:09.550 --> 00:37:13.750
like I've done the same shadow work since the
00:37:13.750 --> 00:37:18.570
start, like the same method, but through using
00:37:18.570 --> 00:37:22.030
that method. I've uncovered so much more depth
00:37:22.030 --> 00:37:26.550
in myself and so much more spiritual understanding
00:37:26.550 --> 00:37:33.230
of how the universe operates and it's more like
00:37:33.230 --> 00:37:40.250
it's been a development of my expression and
00:37:40.250 --> 00:37:51.480
expressing from a place of authenticity and Putting
00:37:51.480 --> 00:37:56.619
together Putting together the tools that work
00:37:56.619 --> 00:37:59.599
for me personally moving through the universe,
00:37:59.699 --> 00:38:05.019
which is very much like It feels like being able
00:38:05.019 --> 00:38:07.900
to opt in and out of whatever I need to opt in
00:38:07.900 --> 00:38:13.199
and out of to have interactions with people it's
00:38:13.199 --> 00:38:19.929
very much it feels like I have the range of being
00:38:19.929 --> 00:38:24.769
able to just be all the way up to just like like
00:38:24.769 --> 00:38:27.690
that everything is me and everything in between
00:38:27.690 --> 00:38:32.329
which has spirit guides and egregores and um
00:38:32.329 --> 00:38:36.550
dimensionality there's structure but there's
00:38:36.550 --> 00:38:39.429
also void amongst the universe and it's like
00:38:39.429 --> 00:38:44.909
what is applicable in this moment so it's kind
00:38:44.909 --> 00:38:49.610
of hard to describe but it's more like having
00:38:49.610 --> 00:38:55.150
a skeleton key, I guess. I've moved from having
00:38:55.150 --> 00:38:59.010
a rigid structure to the universe to having the
00:38:59.010 --> 00:39:01.269
ability to have either structure or complete
00:39:01.269 --> 00:39:05.250
fluidity at any given time. Does that make sense?
00:39:06.989 --> 00:39:09.849
Yeah, I think it does but these are the things
00:39:09.849 --> 00:39:13.909
that are really hard to explain or describe even.
00:39:15.369 --> 00:39:21.289
It is a fluid process and At the same time it's
00:39:21.289 --> 00:39:24.750
it's interesting to I think it helps at least
00:39:24.750 --> 00:39:28.710
me to have some kind of Concept of what would
00:39:28.710 --> 00:39:32.070
the structure be? What is what is the universe
00:39:32.070 --> 00:39:36.210
like you expressed this? the concept of us being
00:39:36.210 --> 00:39:42.530
kind of part of this all or or Well, we could
00:39:42.530 --> 00:39:45.730
continue with that. What is the place where you've
00:39:45.730 --> 00:39:48.170
kind of landed in your view of the universe?
00:39:48.750 --> 00:39:55.750
Even with all this structure and fluidity. I'm
00:39:55.750 --> 00:39:59.269
not sure I have landed. In fact, I feel like
00:39:59.269 --> 00:40:05.570
I had a very solid structure up until last year
00:40:05.570 --> 00:40:10.300
and I had a relationship with someone who kind
00:40:10.300 --> 00:40:13.739
of lied to me to get into my life, self -professed,
00:40:14.280 --> 00:40:18.659
was um, trying to dominate me, self -professed,
00:40:19.119 --> 00:40:23.619
was like they, they uh, technically sexually
00:40:23.619 --> 00:40:26.139
assaulted me by flashing me a couple of times,
00:40:26.679 --> 00:40:29.920
and what I had prior to this relationship was
00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:32.780
this very solid structure of understanding how
00:40:32.780 --> 00:40:37.150
the universe works and having this unbridled,
00:40:37.369 --> 00:40:40.610
unconditional love for everyone that I had, I
00:40:40.610 --> 00:40:43.309
guess, developed and continued to cultivate through
00:40:43.309 --> 00:40:47.230
doing my shadow work. And when I encountered
00:40:47.230 --> 00:40:53.070
this person, it completely shattered the unconditional
00:40:53.070 --> 00:40:55.409
love that I had, which I now refer to as rose
00:40:55.409 --> 00:41:00.090
-colored glasses, because I couldn't see... the
00:41:00.090 --> 00:41:03.369
predatory nature. I kept making excuses. I kept
00:41:03.369 --> 00:41:06.090
wanting to see the best in this person. I kept
00:41:06.090 --> 00:41:07.929
wanting to get on the same page. I kept wanting
00:41:07.929 --> 00:41:12.349
to try and connect with someone who was actively
00:41:12.349 --> 00:41:15.929
hurting me and didn't have integrity within the
00:41:15.929 --> 00:41:23.769
relationship and it shattered me so badly that
00:41:23.769 --> 00:41:29.809
it's almost like that's what Allows me now to
00:41:29.809 --> 00:41:32.610
like I still have that structure and I still
00:41:32.610 --> 00:41:35.929
believe it and I still understand it But it also
00:41:35.929 --> 00:41:38.190
allows me to like completely opt out of it at
00:41:38.190 --> 00:41:41.570
any given time and just go completely fluid as
00:41:41.570 --> 00:41:53.230
well It was a moment of It was like I had to
00:41:53.230 --> 00:42:00.650
heal the fear that I wasn't safe unless I saw
00:42:00.650 --> 00:42:04.349
everything through the lens of love and safety.
00:42:05.809 --> 00:42:08.610
It was a really interesting exchange and I'm
00:42:08.610 --> 00:42:13.730
still not sure how I fully sit about it because
00:42:13.730 --> 00:42:22.690
I preferred the... I preferred the comfort of
00:42:22.690 --> 00:42:27.360
the reality that I had and yet... now I find
00:42:27.360 --> 00:42:32.219
myself more effective in the world because now
00:42:32.219 --> 00:42:38.000
I care less about other people's experiences
00:42:38.000 --> 00:42:42.840
where before because I triggered people so much
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:48.539
and so frequently I would constantly be wrapped
00:42:48.539 --> 00:42:51.940
up in trying to get on the same page with people
00:42:51.940 --> 00:42:54.119
and it absorbed a lot of my energy and now it's
00:42:54.119 --> 00:43:01.179
like I I care less. And now I can just be like,
00:43:01.280 --> 00:43:03.699
OK, like, that's enough of that. I'm going to
00:43:03.699 --> 00:43:06.239
go do what I need to do. So it's like unlocked
00:43:06.239 --> 00:43:09.940
this almost like cardinal, masculine energy of
00:43:09.940 --> 00:43:12.159
just being effective in the world and getting
00:43:12.159 --> 00:43:17.980
my stuff done. But I don't know. I don't know.
00:43:18.239 --> 00:43:22.659
I'm in this weird transition point between the
00:43:22.659 --> 00:43:26.789
maiden and the mother. the dark goddess who I
00:43:26.789 --> 00:43:30.050
think I've been following that journey of descent
00:43:30.050 --> 00:43:36.150
into the underworld and It's like I'm more stable
00:43:36.150 --> 00:43:39.349
in myself than I ever have been and I'm kind
00:43:39.349 --> 00:43:45.110
of pissed off that I ever had to be Hurt and
00:43:45.110 --> 00:43:55.349
I resent Not feeling The Purity is the wrong
00:43:55.349 --> 00:43:58.150
word, but I think it kind of is purity of that
00:43:58.150 --> 00:44:04.769
unconditional love that I had before That's a
00:44:04.769 --> 00:44:10.150
really yeah interesting Conversation and theme
00:44:10.150 --> 00:44:13.690
and really challenging or paradoxical to talk
00:44:13.690 --> 00:44:17.210
about and I will go through some similar themes
00:44:17.210 --> 00:44:21.900
in having that whole approach of the rose -tinted
00:44:21.900 --> 00:44:25.260
glasses and wanting to see the best in everyone
00:44:25.260 --> 00:44:34.340
and on the other hand then having to having to
00:44:34.340 --> 00:44:39.179
realize that I'm not I'm not for everyone or
00:44:39.179 --> 00:44:41.679
we're not for each other or we're gonna just
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:45.300
hurt each other and boundary setting as an act
00:44:45.300 --> 00:44:52.449
of love as well and just Yeah, recognizing that
00:44:52.449 --> 00:44:56.989
the whole issue of I guess light and dark or
00:44:56.989 --> 00:45:01.409
if there's evil or where previously I would say
00:45:01.409 --> 00:45:05.190
I would see it as and I still kind of see it
00:45:05.190 --> 00:45:09.170
all as part of the whole that everything has
00:45:09.170 --> 00:45:13.269
its place and that experience you had while really
00:45:13.269 --> 00:45:17.659
rough. and painful that it clearly had its own
00:45:17.659 --> 00:45:21.719
purpose in your life and your development and
00:45:21.719 --> 00:45:24.659
similarly I've experienced from my different
00:45:24.659 --> 00:45:27.840
challenging experiences I've gone through so
00:45:27.840 --> 00:45:31.099
I can see I can hold that kind of those both
00:45:31.099 --> 00:45:33.679
sides but there's also a side that finds it kind
00:45:33.679 --> 00:45:37.579
of uneasy or wishes it would be like more like
00:45:37.579 --> 00:45:40.639
because unconditional love is at the is kind
00:45:40.639 --> 00:45:43.260
of enveloping it all That's something I still
00:45:43.260 --> 00:45:46.539
kind of believe. But it's also enveloping all
00:45:46.539 --> 00:45:50.320
the dark sides and everything that we feel is
00:45:50.320 --> 00:45:54.900
bad or evil from our vantage point. It's enveloping
00:45:54.900 --> 00:45:58.300
everything. And that's really hard to as a human
00:45:58.300 --> 00:46:02.360
who still has this experience in this vulnerable
00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:06.099
body and wants to feel safe and protected and
00:46:06.099 --> 00:46:09.719
protecting my children. That's kind of really
00:46:09.719 --> 00:46:14.260
something that my mind probably can't fully accept
00:46:14.260 --> 00:46:19.639
or fully make sense of, but I can see it, see
00:46:19.639 --> 00:46:24.300
the concept of it and kind of let it be. But
00:46:24.300 --> 00:46:27.460
I can't maybe fully embody it or hold it because
00:46:27.460 --> 00:46:32.300
my human life needs to have that space of, you
00:46:32.300 --> 00:46:37.190
know, defending my family or kind of. Letting
00:46:37.190 --> 00:46:40.650
some things, letting myself have my human value
00:46:40.650 --> 00:46:42.710
system, which is like, no, I think that's wrong
00:46:42.710 --> 00:46:49.730
or I think that's evil in my view. It's funny.
00:46:49.769 --> 00:46:53.989
I almost went in the opposite direction because
00:46:53.989 --> 00:46:58.090
before I had this unconditional love and I was
00:46:58.090 --> 00:47:02.610
like, everything that is wrong in the universe
00:47:02.610 --> 00:47:06.900
is technically, even though it's out of alignment
00:47:06.900 --> 00:47:11.360
it's technically like it is unconditionally loved
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:13.840
you know there's no there's no god there's no
00:47:13.840 --> 00:47:16.300
spirit guides that are coming down here to smote
00:47:16.300 --> 00:47:21.139
the evil ones like everything just is existence
00:47:21.139 --> 00:47:26.860
just is and the the the concept that i had to
00:47:26.860 --> 00:47:33.780
grasp was that the unconditional love also involves
00:47:35.059 --> 00:47:37.880
being eaten, you know, like the gazelle being
00:47:37.880 --> 00:47:43.159
eaten by the the lion and the You know being
00:47:43.159 --> 00:47:47.219
being abused and it's like you can't be One thing
00:47:47.219 --> 00:47:49.460
without suffering the other side of the pole.
00:47:49.480 --> 00:47:53.920
So if I had this delusionalness to myself and
00:47:53.920 --> 00:47:56.440
this unconditional love and this boundarylessness
00:47:56.440 --> 00:48:01.210
and this absolute dedication to wanting to connect
00:48:01.210 --> 00:48:04.010
with everyone, inevitably I was going to continue
00:48:04.010 --> 00:48:08.369
to face, you know, people who wanted to take
00:48:08.369 --> 00:48:11.730
advantage of that, people who were the predator
00:48:11.730 --> 00:48:17.510
to my prey kind of energy. And it's, it was a
00:48:17.510 --> 00:48:21.510
very sad day for me to finally have that kind
00:48:21.510 --> 00:48:24.750
of illusion shattered where I had to embrace
00:48:24.750 --> 00:48:30.489
the predatory side of myself. or the dark side
00:48:30.489 --> 00:48:37.030
of myself to be able to survive in a world and
00:48:37.030 --> 00:48:44.570
or actually thrive in a world where without embracing
00:48:44.570 --> 00:48:49.469
that I was food for everyone instead of an autonomous
00:48:49.469 --> 00:48:54.920
being. So it's always about having balance. ultimately,
00:48:55.699 --> 00:48:58.739
and embracing the uncondition - like, the scariest
00:48:58.739 --> 00:49:03.019
part for me, the most contentious aspect of all
00:49:03.019 --> 00:49:08.280
of this, has been trying to reconcile the professed
00:49:08.280 --> 00:49:11.940
unconditional love of our spirit guides, or the
00:49:11.940 --> 00:49:15.840
extraterrestrials, whatever higher aspects of
00:49:15.840 --> 00:49:19.400
consciousness that we'd like to relate to, and
00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:25.110
trying to figure out how since since unconditional
00:49:25.110 --> 00:49:28.130
love is this neutral thing is this thing that
00:49:28.130 --> 00:49:31.289
allows people to be abused and hurt and all kinds
00:49:31.289 --> 00:49:36.489
of stuff and eaten like what's their version
00:49:36.489 --> 00:49:41.809
of unconditional love is it is it actually lovingness
00:49:41.809 --> 00:49:44.690
how we relate to it or is it just acceptance
00:49:44.690 --> 00:49:49.909
and neutralness that is being brought in because
00:49:49.909 --> 00:49:53.039
i've had a lot of experiences with kind of mystical
00:49:53.039 --> 00:49:55.539
moments where I have felt this kind of light
00:49:55.539 --> 00:49:59.320
loving energy. But I've also seen the darkest
00:49:59.320 --> 00:50:02.320
faces of the universe in in other mystical moments.
00:50:03.500 --> 00:50:08.400
And I'm I still I feel like I'm kind of as though
00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:10.860
I've spun a spinning top and it's starting to
00:50:10.860 --> 00:50:12.579
wobble like it's going to settle eventually.
00:50:12.579 --> 00:50:16.000
But I haven't quite haven't quite yet. Yeah.
00:50:16.639 --> 00:50:22.579
It's an ongoing process and. Interesting, there's
00:50:22.579 --> 00:50:25.719
many similarities in what I've been contemplating
00:50:25.719 --> 00:50:30.420
and also maybe accepted for now that maybe I'm
00:50:30.420 --> 00:50:33.360
not gonna land anywhere right now, it's just
00:50:33.360 --> 00:50:41.059
part of the process. But what I felt was previously
00:50:41.059 --> 00:50:44.380
I had more connection with also some kind of
00:50:44.380 --> 00:50:47.519
spirit guides or different forms or... And it
00:50:47.519 --> 00:50:49.880
was very clear to me that they were like their
00:50:49.880 --> 00:50:52.719
own beings with their own agendas or their own
00:50:52.719 --> 00:50:56.800
perspectives and then I started to connect more
00:50:56.800 --> 00:51:00.219
with like that universal energy or source and
00:51:00.219 --> 00:51:03.460
that always felt to me that that is like the
00:51:03.460 --> 00:51:08.760
extremist, neutralist, most just accepting and
00:51:08.760 --> 00:51:14.409
you can feel that kind of love energy. But it
00:51:14.409 --> 00:51:17.829
is that weird, weird for a human to grasp with
00:51:17.829 --> 00:51:21.409
the, that's just, yeah, the kind of love that
00:51:21.409 --> 00:51:27.070
just accepts all, like really all. And, and therefore
00:51:27.070 --> 00:51:30.130
it was, I realized it was a lot up to me. Like
00:51:30.130 --> 00:51:33.670
if I would go, go up there or deeper there or
00:51:33.670 --> 00:51:36.550
wherever it is, we often conceptualize it like
00:51:36.550 --> 00:51:39.469
it's the highest power, but maybe it's the deepest
00:51:39.469 --> 00:51:43.130
or. Whatever. So when I would go there and I
00:51:43.130 --> 00:51:46.809
realized like I would have conversations with
00:51:46.809 --> 00:51:50.590
this source or energy of life or I call it the
00:51:50.590 --> 00:51:56.690
creative force and and and it was so much just
00:51:56.690 --> 00:51:59.969
like going along with me or where I was going
00:51:59.969 --> 00:52:03.230
and there's it's nothing that tells me you have
00:52:03.230 --> 00:52:06.989
to do that or That's something different. And
00:52:06.989 --> 00:52:09.710
that's that can feel tough if you have a concept
00:52:09.710 --> 00:52:14.150
of kind of like a Receiving divine guidance or
00:52:14.150 --> 00:52:17.869
like a God that would help you see the way But
00:52:17.869 --> 00:52:22.289
here it's actually like the way is That you have
00:52:22.289 --> 00:52:26.369
so the respect for your life that you have full
00:52:26.369 --> 00:52:29.329
autonomy Which is you have full autonomy to experience
00:52:29.329 --> 00:52:33.679
all sides to be an asshole or to be like And
00:52:33.679 --> 00:52:38.400
that's the whole essence of that type of accepting
00:52:38.400 --> 00:52:42.579
love. It's like, yeah, go for it. What do you
00:52:42.579 --> 00:52:46.460
want to do? Go for it. But it can feel so like
00:52:46.460 --> 00:52:49.860
you're left out. If you're looking for something
00:52:49.860 --> 00:52:53.260
to show you the way or guide you in that type
00:52:53.260 --> 00:52:56.739
of way that we maybe have been taught from some
00:52:56.739 --> 00:52:59.400
religious context, it's very different because
00:52:59.400 --> 00:53:03.889
it feels like... that freedom can be really terrifying
00:53:03.889 --> 00:53:07.650
that you're left to your own devices and at the
00:53:07.650 --> 00:53:09.869
same time that is the most accepting thing of
00:53:09.869 --> 00:53:13.710
all and to work with that and then I still felt
00:53:13.710 --> 00:53:16.989
like when I had some experiences that I wanted
00:53:16.989 --> 00:53:20.250
to get the overview on or clarity on I could
00:53:20.250 --> 00:53:24.090
always go to that place of that creative force
00:53:24.090 --> 00:53:26.989
or that source energy and I could actually just
00:53:26.989 --> 00:53:30.559
ask like hey can can you you or whatever you
00:53:30.559 --> 00:53:34.760
well it's easier for me to say you to it to have
00:53:34.760 --> 00:53:37.300
some relationship but it's like everything but
00:53:37.300 --> 00:53:40.360
anyway i could like ask oh can you show me that
00:53:40.360 --> 00:53:42.980
like an overview of this day but from outside
00:53:42.980 --> 00:53:45.519
perspective so i can see like my actions and
00:53:45.519 --> 00:53:48.840
understand from different views and that would
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:52.380
really help me and i would see overviews of oh
00:53:52.510 --> 00:53:55.250
today you acted in that way and you had like
00:53:55.250 --> 00:53:57.829
angry outburst five times and I could see it
00:53:57.829 --> 00:54:01.170
more objectively and on some level that helped
00:54:01.170 --> 00:54:04.550
me but it's not helping in the way that I'm gonna
00:54:04.550 --> 00:54:08.309
let you know what to do it's more like getting
00:54:08.309 --> 00:54:13.630
into that space or being attuned to that neutral
00:54:13.630 --> 00:54:16.989
accepting perspective and being in that energy
00:54:16.989 --> 00:54:20.090
and that's very different than what we in our
00:54:20.090 --> 00:54:23.409
human lives. And I don't think we're meant to
00:54:23.409 --> 00:54:25.789
be in that energy all the time. We can sometimes
00:54:25.789 --> 00:54:28.730
go and have a bit of a higher perspective, but
00:54:28.730 --> 00:54:32.150
me personally, at least me who is like, I feel
00:54:32.150 --> 00:54:34.389
like my purpose is to be a bit in the thick of
00:54:34.389 --> 00:54:38.269
things or in interacting with humans here. And
00:54:38.269 --> 00:54:40.690
then I can have some overview too, but that's
00:54:40.690 --> 00:54:43.449
not where I'm meant to be all the time. So for
00:54:43.449 --> 00:54:49.030
me, I've landed somewhere in that. acceptance
00:54:49.030 --> 00:54:51.750
of like I can use that perspective as a tool
00:54:51.750 --> 00:54:55.070
sometimes but I can't my mind is not meant for
00:54:55.070 --> 00:54:58.449
maybe fully understanding all of that and who
00:54:58.449 --> 00:55:01.750
knows what happens after this human life ends
00:55:01.750 --> 00:55:04.949
and so on but I mean that's not for me to contemplate
00:55:04.949 --> 00:55:07.329
because I'm having this experience or this life
00:55:07.329 --> 00:55:10.489
that's but I'm a pragmatic person I think at
00:55:10.489 --> 00:55:13.309
the core so I kind of accepted like okay like
00:55:13.309 --> 00:55:15.809
if I can't know that then I'm gonna focus on
00:55:16.079 --> 00:55:19.460
Maybe what I feel like I can know or learn here.
00:55:20.079 --> 00:55:24.480
So Yeah, that's where I landed Yeah, it was very
00:55:24.480 --> 00:55:30.239
It can be very destabilizing if you don't feel
00:55:30.239 --> 00:55:32.800
Like a hundred percent secure in yourself and
00:55:32.800 --> 00:55:35.079
I think that's something that we really waver
00:55:35.079 --> 00:55:40.199
in and out of as humans as you know people who
00:55:41.159 --> 00:55:44.500
didn't necessarily have the most secure upbringings,
00:55:44.820 --> 00:55:48.239
didn't, you know, have been indoctrinated with
00:55:48.239 --> 00:55:50.559
self -depreciating voices and things like that.
00:55:50.559 --> 00:55:54.619
It can be very destabilizing to feel like you're
00:55:54.619 --> 00:55:57.940
the one who's piloting the boat. And it can be
00:55:57.940 --> 00:56:01.539
helpful to, like, lean on, you know, the concept
00:56:01.539 --> 00:56:04.719
of archetypes or spirit guides or agregals or
00:56:04.719 --> 00:56:08.199
whatever you like to feed you the guidance. And
00:56:08.199 --> 00:56:14.900
I think that that's... kind of an aspect of the
00:56:14.900 --> 00:56:17.139
spiritual evolution as well is like understanding
00:56:17.139 --> 00:56:19.739
that Well, I would refer to it as like being
00:56:19.739 --> 00:56:24.000
a shape -shifter being able to move up and down
00:56:24.000 --> 00:56:27.380
In the kind of dimensional hierarchy so to speak
00:56:27.380 --> 00:56:31.659
between yeah, like I am just a human I'm just
00:56:31.659 --> 00:56:34.900
a human full stop. I'm a human and there's spirit
00:56:34.900 --> 00:56:39.750
guides. There's et's I'm a human and literally
00:56:39.750 --> 00:56:44.030
the God, the central point of my reality. Like,
00:56:44.030 --> 00:56:49.389
it, like I said, like it's opting in and out
00:56:49.389 --> 00:56:52.969
of the structures. It's being able to completely
00:56:52.969 --> 00:56:57.769
dissolve through the layers to whatever is the
00:56:57.769 --> 00:57:00.969
most applicable, useful for you in the moment.
00:57:01.469 --> 00:57:06.349
That's, I think that's the art of... Reality
00:57:06.349 --> 00:57:11.510
creation at least for me and For other people
00:57:11.510 --> 00:57:14.030
I think they feel much more secure just having
00:57:14.030 --> 00:57:16.550
the idea that they're human and that there's
00:57:16.550 --> 00:57:18.710
something leading them outside of themselves
00:57:18.710 --> 00:57:20.690
full stop like there's something external whether
00:57:20.690 --> 00:57:23.989
it's God or their spirit guides or whatever and
00:57:23.989 --> 00:57:26.610
Then you know other people still will remain
00:57:26.610 --> 00:57:29.349
in that like I'm human and there is nothing else
00:57:29.349 --> 00:57:31.449
to reality because that's too confronting and
00:57:31.449 --> 00:57:35.239
for me It was too confronting to not have the
00:57:35.239 --> 00:57:39.099
spiritual aspect. Like, I used to refer to the
00:57:39.099 --> 00:57:41.500
human experience as monkeys on a space rock and
00:57:41.500 --> 00:57:45.800
it was depressing. It was an awful reality to
00:57:45.800 --> 00:57:48.699
sit in, like, we're just here and we, like, just
00:57:48.699 --> 00:57:51.480
slave and, like, pay rent and pay for all this
00:57:51.480 --> 00:57:54.980
stuff and then we just die. Like, what a horrific
00:57:54.980 --> 00:57:58.420
experience to encounter scientific materialism.
00:57:58.460 --> 00:58:01.480
And the second I got that spirituality view back...
00:58:02.559 --> 00:58:05.300
I got voracious, like whereas you're pragmatic
00:58:05.300 --> 00:58:06.860
and you're like, yeah, well, maybe it's not for
00:58:06.860 --> 00:58:08.960
me to know. I'm like, no, tell me everything.
00:58:09.780 --> 00:58:14.119
Explode my brain. I will be dissolved a thousand
00:58:14.119 --> 00:58:18.420
times by the night, you know, ending because
00:58:18.420 --> 00:58:22.320
I need to know more. And it's hugely detrimental
00:58:22.320 --> 00:58:27.099
and also insanely amazing to experience. Yeah.
00:58:27.599 --> 00:58:31.699
Is it all that Pisces or 12th house energy maybe
00:58:31.699 --> 00:58:35.599
you have? Yeah. It is. It's 100 % the 12th house
00:58:35.599 --> 00:58:42.000
energy. Just remaining as the void. That's something
00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:45.820
I needed to come to terms with in myself is actually
00:58:45.820 --> 00:58:49.699
my practical or more pragmatic stance that I
00:58:49.699 --> 00:58:53.659
liked to have an image of myself as a seeker
00:58:53.659 --> 00:58:57.369
or who's just... curious about learning anything
00:58:57.369 --> 00:58:59.929
and exploring everything but somewhere I realized
00:58:59.929 --> 00:59:03.030
like actually I don't feel like I need to know
00:59:03.030 --> 00:59:06.389
everything I feel like I want to know the things
00:59:06.389 --> 00:59:09.449
that I feel pulled to to know or explore and
00:59:09.449 --> 00:59:11.750
I'm gonna focus there and there is still quite
00:59:11.750 --> 00:59:15.389
a lot of focus to my approach of what I go into
00:59:15.389 --> 00:59:19.630
what I look into and well my process was maybe
00:59:19.630 --> 00:59:23.639
also shaped by experience I had over or this
00:59:23.639 --> 00:59:27.440
last last year where when I was in a state of
00:59:27.440 --> 00:59:30.360
trying to take in like everything from all kinds
00:59:30.360 --> 00:59:32.900
of sources all kinds of perspectives different
00:59:32.900 --> 00:59:37.519
views on reality I was terrified I was in this
00:59:37.519 --> 00:59:40.599
state where I was almost not able to act because
00:59:40.599 --> 00:59:43.940
I was just paranoid and experiencing this fear
00:59:43.940 --> 00:59:48.389
like what if there are are these these creatures
00:59:48.389 --> 00:59:50.769
that can like jump between the dimensions and
00:59:50.769 --> 00:59:54.190
they could come and come and just jump into like
00:59:54.190 --> 00:59:56.369
these kinds of weird stuff because I was really
00:59:56.369 --> 01:00:01.050
looking into weird or weird for some weird for
01:00:01.050 --> 01:00:04.110
not for others maybe but but you know those kinds
01:00:04.110 --> 01:00:10.429
of things or paranormal research or In the type
01:00:10.429 --> 01:00:12.809
of things that are written in a certain way that
01:00:12.809 --> 01:00:16.429
can leave you kind of alarmed and feel like whatever
01:00:16.429 --> 01:00:19.590
exists in a non -physical world is terrifying.
01:00:20.369 --> 01:00:24.869
And I had to sit down and be like, this is not
01:00:24.869 --> 01:00:28.090
actually productive. I'm gonna exist in my whole,
01:00:28.210 --> 01:00:32.349
my life just terrified. No, no. So I'm gonna
01:00:32.349 --> 01:00:37.010
shut that door. I'm gonna just unsubscribe, unsubscribe
01:00:37.010 --> 01:00:40.710
from everything. Like you said, opt out. Opt
01:00:40.710 --> 01:00:45.039
out from all of the things that. make me have
01:00:45.039 --> 01:00:47.579
a very fear -based perspective. That was my process.
01:00:48.159 --> 01:00:51.539
I was really observing my reactions, observing
01:00:51.539 --> 01:00:54.059
where is my mind going when I take in this thing.
01:00:54.840 --> 01:00:57.800
I'm getting fearful or I'm getting angry. It's
01:00:57.800 --> 01:01:00.699
like, no, opt out. Not that it's wrong, maybe
01:01:00.699 --> 01:01:03.099
sometimes it's good to learn something that makes
01:01:03.099 --> 01:01:05.340
you angry so you're like, oh, I want to change
01:01:05.340 --> 01:01:08.500
that or I'm not saying it's all bad. But in some
01:01:08.500 --> 01:01:11.460
cases for me, it was just like putting me into
01:01:11.460 --> 01:01:14.719
a very negative place. So that was a process
01:01:14.719 --> 01:01:18.440
I went through and I accepted that maybe I am
01:01:18.440 --> 01:01:21.699
at a place in my life where I really want to
01:01:21.699 --> 01:01:26.380
cultivate the space where my mind is and I have
01:01:26.380 --> 01:01:29.639
a bit of blinders on and I'm accepting that so
01:01:29.639 --> 01:01:32.699
that I can do what I'm here to do which is not
01:01:32.699 --> 01:01:35.420
to be terrified out of my mind the whole time
01:01:35.420 --> 01:01:39.690
but to then okay then I have to use or I want
01:01:39.690 --> 01:01:42.989
to use my energy in a way that I can bring something
01:01:42.989 --> 01:01:47.530
of value or help support others and live a life
01:01:47.530 --> 01:01:50.489
that I enjoy. So that was a process I had to
01:01:50.489 --> 01:01:53.630
go through and has landed in a more practical
01:01:53.630 --> 01:01:56.989
place or acceptance of myself as someone who
01:01:56.989 --> 01:01:59.409
has to a degree I have some blinders on that
01:01:59.409 --> 01:02:02.190
I can feel, I can know when something is for
01:02:02.190 --> 01:02:05.949
me when it's not. And I don't have to know everything
01:02:05.949 --> 01:02:10.500
because everything is not for me. And at the
01:02:10.500 --> 01:02:13.820
same time, I'm trying kind of holding that acceptance
01:02:13.820 --> 01:02:17.219
that everything exists, it can exist, but like
01:02:17.219 --> 01:02:19.760
I don't have to be involved in everything. So
01:02:19.760 --> 01:02:22.340
that's where, and that has felt really good.
01:02:23.019 --> 01:02:27.360
And I was scared to go to sleep. I was scared
01:02:27.360 --> 01:02:30.639
too. I had a nightlight on and now I've slept
01:02:30.639 --> 01:02:34.039
in total darkness for the last half a year or
01:02:34.039 --> 01:02:38.480
so. So that shift, it's just that sense of Just
01:02:38.480 --> 01:02:42.000
having some inner sense of or cultivating that
01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:46.519
sense of I know Whatever could happen you can't
01:02:46.519 --> 01:02:48.460
control everything, but I have some sense of
01:02:48.460 --> 01:02:52.719
safety I arrived at in myself and that I really
01:02:52.719 --> 01:02:58.300
treasure That's like a center point and it's
01:02:58.300 --> 01:03:02.579
connected to Just just really quite strictly
01:03:02.579 --> 01:03:06.739
opting out of the things that would Put me to
01:03:06.739 --> 01:03:10.440
the holes of fear or so I would advocate for
01:03:10.440 --> 01:03:13.340
that as well 100 % like I've definitely opted
01:03:13.340 --> 01:03:15.920
out of a lot of stuff coming on You know my reel
01:03:15.920 --> 01:03:17.920
on tik -tok and things like that. Like I also
01:03:17.920 --> 01:03:21.059
got into a super paranoid place after all that
01:03:21.059 --> 01:03:23.280
went down and my like unconditional love like
01:03:23.280 --> 01:03:30.019
my rose got shattered and I think I think there's
01:03:30.019 --> 01:03:33.039
an art to you know, being able to see things
01:03:33.039 --> 01:03:35.480
that are you promoted by people with very fear
01:03:35.480 --> 01:03:37.219
-based realities, you know, all the aliens are
01:03:37.219 --> 01:03:39.239
coming, but they're coming to like hurt us and
01:03:39.239 --> 01:03:41.639
abduct us and rule our realities and whatever
01:03:41.639 --> 01:03:44.440
it is. And being able to just be like, okay,
01:03:44.480 --> 01:03:46.159
well they're seeing it through a fear -based
01:03:46.159 --> 01:03:48.239
perspective. There is a truth at the core of
01:03:48.239 --> 01:03:50.239
it and it actually leans in the other direction.
01:03:50.239 --> 01:03:52.760
But at the same time, like you can't be transmuting
01:03:52.760 --> 01:03:55.920
all day. You can't be constantly taking in other
01:03:55.920 --> 01:03:58.239
people's fear and then like turning it positive
01:03:58.239 --> 01:04:01.559
and spitting it back out. Like the, and I've
01:04:01.559 --> 01:04:04.650
got an open Ajna as well. So I like really take
01:04:04.650 --> 01:04:06.769
in other people's perspective. Yeah, me too.
01:04:07.030 --> 01:04:10.150
Through my whole system. I would love to have
01:04:10.150 --> 01:04:15.210
a closed Ajna. I think that would be a much more
01:04:15.210 --> 01:04:20.389
stable experience to life. But yeah, like like
01:04:20.389 --> 01:04:24.030
certainly certainly getting rid of fear being
01:04:24.030 --> 01:04:27.090
injected into your realities. I would advocate
01:04:27.090 --> 01:04:31.659
for that as well. I wouldn't say that You know
01:04:31.659 --> 01:04:38.599
living with being exposed to constant fear is
01:04:38.599 --> 01:04:41.699
necessarily like knowing everything and certainly
01:04:41.699 --> 01:04:46.480
I Want to know everything that's relevant to
01:04:46.480 --> 01:04:49.719
me, you know, I don't need to know about how
01:04:49.719 --> 01:04:54.639
Spaceship engines work or whatever like like
01:04:54.639 --> 01:04:57.460
science mechanical kind of base things. I just
01:04:57.460 --> 01:05:01.739
want to know everything universal spiritual I
01:05:01.739 --> 01:05:05.780
guess I want to experience more but I feel like
01:05:05.780 --> 01:05:15.940
I've been locked out from I don't know I guess
01:05:15.940 --> 01:05:20.400
like astral traveling or lucid dreaming or you
01:05:20.400 --> 01:05:22.500
know I could sit and meditate for an hour and
01:05:22.500 --> 01:05:29.510
still be staring at the back of my eyelids I
01:05:29.510 --> 01:05:32.449
access the universe in certain ways and I crave
01:05:32.449 --> 01:05:35.650
the other ways as well, you know, I kind of want
01:05:35.650 --> 01:05:41.530
all Masteries What I would what I would say,
01:05:41.570 --> 01:05:43.909
but yeah, it is it is my 12th house energy. It
01:05:43.909 --> 01:05:48.289
is my relentless pursuit of the unseen and just
01:05:48.289 --> 01:05:51.690
wanting to Experience more and understand more
01:05:51.690 --> 01:05:54.170
that that drives me towards it and it certainly
01:05:54.170 --> 01:05:58.000
isn't a productive lifestyle and having to build
01:05:58.000 --> 01:06:01.260
something in the physical means coming down from
01:06:01.260 --> 01:06:05.460
that you know and putting the exploration in
01:06:05.460 --> 01:06:10.039
a box for a while or you know kind of sitting
01:06:10.039 --> 01:06:14.559
more in a practical standpoint and you've got
01:06:14.559 --> 01:06:18.699
kids as well like um you want to be grounded
01:06:18.699 --> 01:06:22.099
for them you know like my parents were checked
01:06:22.099 --> 01:06:24.199
out and even though they were checked out into
01:06:24.480 --> 01:06:28.699
physical things, you kind of got to be present
01:06:28.699 --> 01:06:31.019
for the people around you. So it's very much
01:06:31.019 --> 01:06:38.519
like a duality between the lifestyle of still
01:06:38.519 --> 01:06:42.179
wanting to remain connected in the physical world
01:06:42.179 --> 01:06:44.880
and present with the people around you that you
01:06:44.880 --> 01:06:49.000
love. And I've just had the blessing, debatably
01:06:49.000 --> 01:06:52.980
also the curse of not having kids and not having
01:06:52.980 --> 01:06:58.289
a partner for... a couple of years and being
01:06:58.289 --> 01:07:02.289
isolated and going full hermit mode for like
01:07:02.289 --> 01:07:05.230
five plus years. I'm like crawling out of the
01:07:05.230 --> 01:07:07.570
muck at the moment, trying to build something
01:07:07.570 --> 01:07:11.489
into the physicals. It's just different paths,
01:07:11.489 --> 01:07:15.630
I guess. But I still certainly consider you to
01:07:15.630 --> 01:07:21.170
be a seeker. Like you're always seeking internally,
01:07:21.449 --> 01:07:26.920
from what I can tell. Yeah, maybe it's more like
01:07:26.920 --> 01:07:32.719
that, that I'm seeking through my life or through
01:07:32.719 --> 01:07:37.679
the experiences and there are still the other
01:07:37.679 --> 01:07:40.539
dimensions or the spiritual realm, it's still
01:07:40.539 --> 01:07:44.059
kind of, but it has become much more centered
01:07:44.059 --> 01:07:47.480
into myself as the portal and less maybe the
01:07:47.480 --> 01:07:49.820
other sources and sometimes that can still be
01:07:49.820 --> 01:07:52.920
fun to find like a book or a resource and take
01:07:52.920 --> 01:07:57.429
in others. perspectives, but it is a big shift
01:07:57.429 --> 01:08:01.389
in becoming a parent. I also had a few years
01:08:01.389 --> 01:08:06.030
before I became a parent and that I lived alone
01:08:06.030 --> 01:08:08.750
and that was the time when I had my most kind
01:08:08.750 --> 01:08:12.110
of intense seeking and hour -long meditations
01:08:12.110 --> 01:08:14.969
and going inwards and just trying to feel into
01:08:14.969 --> 01:08:18.989
or connect with different spirits or energies
01:08:18.989 --> 01:08:24.329
and that was really also kind of a beautiful
01:08:24.329 --> 01:08:27.489
time and valuable in its own right and after
01:08:27.489 --> 01:08:31.649
a lifetime of in my life when I had also come
01:08:31.649 --> 01:08:34.409
to similarly that you described that place where
01:08:34.409 --> 01:08:37.810
life is just paying the bills and being a responsible
01:08:37.810 --> 01:08:40.529
adult and trudging through the day and nothing
01:08:40.529 --> 01:08:45.029
else. No magic, nothing exists anymore. Then
01:08:45.029 --> 01:08:48.850
I was also kind of slept. Slept awake by a dream
01:08:48.850 --> 01:08:52.909
that I had and the dream showed me that, hey,
01:08:53.149 --> 01:08:55.609
maybe you could live your life by actually feeling
01:08:55.609 --> 01:08:59.890
alive. And in that dream, I felt more alive than
01:08:59.890 --> 01:09:03.010
in my like daily existence. I was like, oh shit,
01:09:03.750 --> 01:09:07.470
I have to shift things around. And then that
01:09:07.470 --> 01:09:10.069
resulted in me then being alone for a few years
01:09:10.069 --> 01:09:13.890
to kind of get back to myself and go into like,
01:09:14.050 --> 01:09:17.630
what if there is magic? What if there is something
01:09:17.630 --> 01:09:22.439
that's not just the boring layer of And that
01:09:22.439 --> 01:09:24.800
process led to understanding that this boring
01:09:24.800 --> 01:09:28.960
layer can also be magical. But that's its own
01:09:28.960 --> 01:09:33.880
process. And so I think everyone has their own
01:09:33.880 --> 01:09:36.979
journeys or everyone has their own roles or purposes.
01:09:36.979 --> 01:09:39.800
And it's up to you, to everyone, to kind of feel
01:09:39.800 --> 01:09:45.859
into that themselves or connect with that sense.
01:09:46.560 --> 01:09:50.140
And while I was in my journey of looking inwards,
01:09:51.610 --> 01:09:56.789
In the end, I started to kind of feel that something
01:09:56.789 --> 01:10:00.630
was pushing me out of that way of being. I felt
01:10:00.630 --> 01:10:05.130
like I was existing in a crone existence when
01:10:05.130 --> 01:10:09.130
I was in my late 20s. And I felt like for me,
01:10:09.250 --> 01:10:12.189
for my life, there's something I need to do first.
01:10:12.470 --> 01:10:14.430
There's some kind of life I need to live first.
01:10:14.489 --> 01:10:18.210
I can't be a crone yet. That was what I felt.
01:10:19.149 --> 01:10:22.670
I'm not saying that people who are just in their
01:10:22.670 --> 01:10:25.350
own space and seeking that that's not the crone
01:10:25.350 --> 01:10:28.149
experience for everyone. That was how I experienced
01:10:28.149 --> 01:10:31.789
it in my case because I started really feeling
01:10:31.789 --> 01:10:35.430
that pull towards like I want to be in this messy
01:10:35.430 --> 01:10:40.069
human interactions and that's what I'm here for
01:10:40.069 --> 01:10:42.649
to an extent. I also have the other side of me
01:10:42.649 --> 01:10:46.630
that's very much maybe in an earlier life I was
01:10:46.630 --> 01:10:50.850
some kind of... hermit oracle or i have speculated
01:10:50.850 --> 01:10:54.890
as much because that feels so natural to me also
01:10:54.890 --> 01:11:00.949
to be in that place and that's the thing that
01:11:00.949 --> 01:11:04.970
i feel like i came to this particular human experience
01:11:04.970 --> 01:11:08.010
to have that human experience because i didn't
01:11:08.010 --> 01:11:11.909
have it yet or not in this way and that's why
01:11:11.909 --> 01:11:16.229
i'm in the thick of things a baby, a child, all
01:11:16.229 --> 01:11:19.149
the relational, like those kind of dramas in
01:11:19.149 --> 01:11:24.869
this place, not like this spiritual or dimensional
01:11:24.869 --> 01:11:28.390
or like this very human experience because that's
01:11:28.390 --> 01:11:32.109
the thing that my spirit wanted to experience
01:11:32.109 --> 01:11:35.699
this time around, I feel. And the thing that
01:11:35.699 --> 01:11:38.899
it creates for me is a huge conflict of, on the
01:11:38.899 --> 01:11:42.039
other hand, I'm like, I want to just delve deep
01:11:42.039 --> 01:11:45.659
into, for example, this podcast, like speculating
01:11:45.659 --> 01:11:50.960
and seeking and learning about these more rural
01:11:50.960 --> 01:11:54.220
things are out there. While at the same time,
01:11:54.539 --> 01:11:57.720
I'm constantly being pulled back, like, OK, OK,
01:11:58.180 --> 01:12:01.920
come back here, be with your kids and like. And
01:12:01.920 --> 01:12:04.619
just, it has been actually challenging at times
01:12:04.619 --> 01:12:07.380
to find the joy in that when I have some kind
01:12:07.380 --> 01:12:11.279
of natural inclination to go out there. And that's
01:12:11.279 --> 01:12:14.640
gonna be a tension in my life, in this life I
01:12:14.640 --> 01:12:18.340
feel, or it has been. And I'm starting to be
01:12:18.340 --> 01:12:22.020
able to dance between those opposites of how
01:12:22.020 --> 01:12:25.779
can I have this very mundane kind of human life
01:12:25.779 --> 01:12:29.460
and also have that side of me or that tendency
01:12:29.460 --> 01:12:33.800
to... going beyond it or and that some some places
01:12:33.800 --> 01:12:38.619
I've seen that it has also created a way of actually
01:12:38.619 --> 01:12:41.619
taking that spirit into the human life or seeing
01:12:41.619 --> 01:12:46.640
how that's that is like hey there's a lot of
01:12:46.640 --> 01:12:50.460
magical stuff here but it's so much about shifting
01:12:50.460 --> 01:12:52.800
the perspective because that's another case where
01:12:52.800 --> 01:12:56.600
we get in a way brainwashed into oh parenting
01:12:56.600 --> 01:12:59.720
is so hard and so tough you use so much effort
01:12:59.720 --> 01:13:02.600
and energy and if you get into those states or
01:13:02.600 --> 01:13:04.279
thinking that way everything is going to feel
01:13:04.279 --> 01:13:08.420
like a huge like just an obstacle or that child
01:13:08.420 --> 01:13:10.420
is just going to be feel like it's in the way
01:13:10.420 --> 01:13:16.659
to what to doing something else and it's natural
01:13:16.659 --> 01:13:19.539
to fall into those or experience those different
01:13:19.539 --> 01:13:22.619
emotions or states but There's also a range where
01:13:22.619 --> 01:13:24.840
it's possible to challenge or question like,
01:13:24.920 --> 01:13:26.920
okay, where did I get that story? Does it have
01:13:26.920 --> 01:13:30.380
to be that way? And maybe in some ways, my kids
01:13:30.380 --> 01:13:35.220
are my teachers or a part of also teaching these
01:13:35.220 --> 01:13:37.939
very spiritual things, but in a different way
01:13:37.939 --> 01:13:41.779
than maybe reading the Corpus Hermeticum or whatever,
01:13:42.399 --> 01:13:46.939
like these kind of things. So that's... Yeah,
01:13:47.159 --> 01:13:51.670
I feel like... I've had so many experiences in
01:13:51.670 --> 01:13:55.569
life and I used to live almost every day like
01:13:55.569 --> 01:14:01.210
this where I would be kind of internally exploring
01:14:01.210 --> 01:14:06.409
whilst living and the answers would come either
01:14:06.409 --> 01:14:09.449
as kind of downloads or just like synchronicities.
01:14:09.529 --> 01:14:12.550
Like I remember one time I was cooking and I
01:14:12.550 --> 01:14:14.750
asked a question and a spoon fell and I knew
01:14:14.750 --> 01:14:18.819
that was a no. Like it was it's it is that blending,
01:14:18.819 --> 01:14:21.500
you know, the magic of synchronicity into the
01:14:21.500 --> 01:14:24.680
physical world that that to me also feels the
01:14:24.680 --> 01:14:27.380
best. Like out of all the experiences I have,
01:14:27.520 --> 01:14:31.859
it's it's sitting in those moments of. I guess
01:14:31.859 --> 01:14:34.319
like I guess it's the I am presence is probably
01:14:34.319 --> 01:14:38.920
the alpha brain state and just moving with flow
01:14:38.920 --> 01:14:43.199
in reality. I think that's that sounds like a
01:14:43.199 --> 01:14:48.510
a good path. Into that I I suppose or like an
01:14:48.510 --> 01:14:54.029
avenue into blending both worlds for sure Yeah,
01:14:54.710 --> 01:14:57.829
and that's that was something I learned in in
01:14:57.829 --> 01:15:00.750
gene key is like this whole approach of contemplation
01:15:00.750 --> 01:15:04.010
which is kind of a middle way between Meditation
01:15:04.010 --> 01:15:06.829
and concentration where it's like you don't have
01:15:06.829 --> 01:15:08.869
to get out of your mind You don't have to get
01:15:08.869 --> 01:15:11.210
so fully focused on something, but you can just
01:15:11.210 --> 01:15:15.050
kind of let things flow or evolve on its own
01:15:15.050 --> 01:15:18.130
while you're in your daily life and just doing
01:15:18.130 --> 01:15:21.649
living and having something in the background
01:15:21.649 --> 01:15:24.770
and then something will naturally kind of appear
01:15:24.770 --> 01:15:27.510
or synchronicities will show the way and that's
01:15:27.510 --> 01:15:32.289
also been a key for me like you spoke about keys
01:15:32.289 --> 01:15:36.050
before and maybe that was one key that I found
01:15:36.050 --> 01:15:39.750
during the last year that helped me reconcile
01:15:39.750 --> 01:15:45.229
a bit of those sides of the mundane or the family
01:15:45.229 --> 01:15:49.010
life with this seeker side that like, oh, maybe
01:15:49.010 --> 01:15:53.109
this avenue that I experience that is a central
01:15:53.109 --> 01:15:57.029
theme in my life, that is my the stage or the
01:15:57.029 --> 01:15:59.890
space where I explore and those things can also
01:15:59.890 --> 01:16:03.510
appear or that spirit can speak through family
01:16:03.510 --> 01:16:07.289
life through. And that was really valuable to
01:16:07.289 --> 01:16:11.390
get that perspective to activate that kind of
01:16:11.390 --> 01:16:18.289
lens in my life. the situation I have so Yeah,
01:16:18.289 --> 01:16:23.090
I have a question for you Your experience of
01:16:23.090 --> 01:16:26.850
living as the Krone would you tell me more about
01:16:26.850 --> 01:16:32.189
that because I've been Kind of pushed I guess
01:16:32.189 --> 01:16:35.510
by my guides by my reality to step into Krone
01:16:35.510 --> 01:16:40.289
energy and it is It's a it's a struggle for me
01:16:40.289 --> 01:16:42.729
because I feel I feel like I'm getting it wrong,
01:16:42.729 --> 01:16:46.489
but I it's almost like leaning into being for
01:16:46.489 --> 01:16:53.590
me more of a bitch is Like just being like more
01:16:53.590 --> 01:16:57.529
blunt saying things how I see them and I'm still
01:16:57.529 --> 01:17:01.649
trying to find the balance point or the The center
01:17:01.649 --> 01:17:04.430
center point in that but what's it? What's it
01:17:04.430 --> 01:17:07.930
been like for you? How do you relate to it? Well,
01:17:07.949 --> 01:17:12.270
maybe why I see it as the crone stage is because
01:17:12.270 --> 01:17:16.550
I had I had taken a preventative that you insert
01:17:16.550 --> 01:17:19.069
that you have for many years But then that my
01:17:19.069 --> 01:17:21.329
relationship ended so it was kind of useless
01:17:21.329 --> 01:17:26.069
But I still had it inserted and that meant that
01:17:26.069 --> 01:17:29.710
there was an aspect of me that shut down That
01:17:29.710 --> 01:17:32.210
wasn't in the focus or my energy wouldn't go
01:17:32.210 --> 01:17:37.399
to those things in that time period and instead
01:17:37.399 --> 01:17:40.420
it felt like more and more of the energy went
01:17:40.420 --> 01:17:44.359
towards that kind of exploration or inner inner
01:17:44.359 --> 01:17:47.939
world explorations or introspections and the
01:17:47.939 --> 01:17:50.500
relating happened through me walking in the woods
01:17:50.500 --> 01:17:54.220
and I felt like a very strong sense of relating
01:17:54.220 --> 01:17:59.260
with the trees the land the forest and and just
01:17:59.260 --> 01:18:03.659
in myself as the portal to and and with spirits
01:18:03.659 --> 01:18:07.420
of the kind of maybe more of that fairy dimension
01:18:07.420 --> 01:18:10.159
or kind of feeling the spirits of the land and
01:18:10.159 --> 01:18:12.260
interacting with them and doing simple actions
01:18:12.260 --> 01:18:15.020
like every time I would go to the forest if it
01:18:15.020 --> 01:18:17.739
was an area where people walked I would always
01:18:17.739 --> 01:18:20.119
pick up all the trash that I saw and just kind
01:18:20.119 --> 01:18:24.640
of nurture or take care of that area or the land
01:18:24.640 --> 01:18:27.500
and could really feel like the relationship through
01:18:27.500 --> 01:18:30.779
those on one hand very spiritual experiences
01:18:30.779 --> 01:18:33.539
on the other hand very like practical actions
01:18:33.539 --> 01:18:38.500
which go hand in hand and and with the Krone
01:18:38.500 --> 01:18:42.380
energy that was a time when I also often in my
01:18:42.380 --> 01:18:45.899
meditations I was relating with Hekate which
01:18:45.899 --> 01:18:50.859
is kind of like this I always saw her as an older
01:18:50.859 --> 01:18:57.119
like a grandma with a gray bun and this kind
01:18:57.119 --> 01:19:02.479
of like this quirky and cool grandma who has
01:19:02.479 --> 01:19:09.399
like dark sunglasses but also is is visibly a
01:19:09.399 --> 01:19:14.340
crone and like old and just sometimes she would
01:19:14.340 --> 01:19:16.680
transform into a black cloud so there was like
01:19:16.680 --> 01:19:20.920
this mutability and like but But that was a very
01:19:20.920 --> 01:19:23.520
supportive character and I think it was partly
01:19:23.520 --> 01:19:28.239
because I was I was in that energy myself a bit
01:19:28.239 --> 01:19:33.439
and from having been my 20s, my early 20s always
01:19:33.439 --> 01:19:36.979
in some kind of relationship with another then
01:19:36.979 --> 01:19:41.520
then it felt like I really needed that time period
01:19:41.520 --> 01:19:45.899
of detaching from that realm and through connecting
01:19:45.899 --> 01:19:49.899
with myself and it Opened up that connection
01:19:49.899 --> 01:19:54.579
that I could have directly to spirit or the spiritual
01:19:54.579 --> 01:19:58.800
through myself That wasn't open for me when that
01:19:58.800 --> 01:20:02.659
human relationship was there So that that's what
01:20:02.659 --> 01:20:07.119
I felt with the crone kind of energy was Like
01:20:07.119 --> 01:20:11.819
some areas that get silenced or like more silent
01:20:11.819 --> 01:20:17.680
or shut down a bit then opens up for that energy
01:20:18.159 --> 01:20:23.899
to go into that inner world or or those and it
01:20:23.899 --> 01:20:30.220
was like the energy was calmer or maybe not even
01:20:30.220 --> 01:20:33.760
calmer because Krone energy can be very like
01:20:33.760 --> 01:20:37.159
powerful in its own way, but it's this kind of
01:20:37.159 --> 01:20:41.239
calm or The power that the mountain has that's
01:20:41.239 --> 01:20:46.399
very still but very like solid and or or like
01:20:46.399 --> 01:20:50.579
the roots that that take in everything nurture
01:20:50.579 --> 01:20:53.039
everything but they create the stability for
01:20:53.039 --> 01:20:56.479
that tree or they hold it's like that kind of
01:20:56.479 --> 01:21:03.760
energy I guess I would feel and for me it then
01:21:03.760 --> 01:21:08.359
started to feel hollow or I wouldn't get as much
01:21:08.359 --> 01:21:15.590
of those mystical the mystical insights or it
01:21:15.590 --> 01:21:18.449
would always start to point towards like, okay,
01:21:18.729 --> 01:21:21.229
hey, it's time for a shift. You can't stay here
01:21:21.229 --> 01:21:23.789
forever. We know this is a comfortable place
01:21:23.789 --> 01:21:26.869
for you, but hey, let's push you out like into
01:21:26.869 --> 01:21:29.529
the human life now and let's let you have to
01:21:29.529 --> 01:21:32.390
start with the next stage here. So it felt like
01:21:32.390 --> 01:21:35.930
a place where I landed for those years. And I
01:21:35.930 --> 01:21:38.789
felt like I'm gonna come back to this place or
01:21:38.789 --> 01:21:42.250
this way of being. But for me, it's not yet.
01:21:42.430 --> 01:21:45.949
It's not right now. And maybe in other human
01:21:45.949 --> 01:21:48.810
lives or in your path, maybe it is a place where
01:21:48.810 --> 01:21:52.069
you're landing now or for a longer time. And
01:21:52.069 --> 01:21:54.970
maybe it's going to shift. Who knows? But that's
01:21:54.970 --> 01:21:57.930
something for everyone to feel for their own
01:21:57.930 --> 01:22:01.569
in their own life and where you're at or how
01:22:01.569 --> 01:22:07.489
you relate to that. Yeah. I've done a lot of
01:22:07.489 --> 01:22:11.479
exploration, but I was in this very like I guess
01:22:11.479 --> 01:22:14.159
maiden and mother energy for it. I was always
01:22:14.159 --> 01:22:16.800
like, oh my god, this is so exciting and curious
01:22:16.800 --> 01:22:19.220
and blah, blah, blah. And now I'm being kind
01:22:19.220 --> 01:22:25.060
of kicked out of the comfortability of doing
01:22:25.060 --> 01:22:27.840
that exploration and just being internal. That's
01:22:27.840 --> 01:22:31.399
where I'm comfortable in spirit. And like the
01:22:31.399 --> 01:22:34.119
crone is like. Forcing me out and they're like
01:22:34.119 --> 01:22:37.100
no now now you've you've got all this information.
01:22:37.279 --> 01:22:40.180
You have all this wisdom It'd be selfish as heck
01:22:40.180 --> 01:22:42.319
to keep it all to yourself and you have to go
01:22:42.319 --> 01:22:44.979
teach it now like you've got to go leave you
01:22:44.979 --> 01:22:47.380
got to go out there and like kick ass as the
01:22:47.380 --> 01:22:51.520
crone and stop Kind of playing into other people's
01:22:51.520 --> 01:22:54.279
projections or like letting people walk all over
01:22:54.279 --> 01:22:56.500
you or be boundaryless and so on so forth like
01:22:56.800 --> 01:22:59.359
the Krone energy, the way it's presenting itself
01:22:59.359 --> 01:23:01.140
to me anyway, because obviously we're all going
01:23:01.140 --> 01:23:03.279
to see it through our own perspectives and feel
01:23:03.279 --> 01:23:05.600
it differently. But it's presenting itself to
01:23:05.600 --> 01:23:11.840
me as very like, um, kicking ass and taking names
01:23:11.840 --> 01:23:15.340
kind of thing. Like, uh, no, we're not nurturing
01:23:15.340 --> 01:23:17.359
people anymore. And we're not being oblivious.
01:23:17.359 --> 01:23:19.399
We're not being like completely goo goo wide.
01:23:19.800 --> 01:23:24.539
We're being Direct and straightforward and getting
01:23:24.539 --> 01:23:29.100
our needs met and not Putting anyone above us
01:23:29.100 --> 01:23:32.000
anymore. Yeah, I do relate to that too. Yeah.
01:23:32.180 --> 01:23:36.640
Yeah Yeah That was an element for me too because
01:23:36.640 --> 01:23:39.039
I had been kind of still kind of people pleasing
01:23:39.039 --> 01:23:41.560
or masking so much in all this relationship and
01:23:41.560 --> 01:23:44.560
that was a space to land like whatever like now
01:23:44.560 --> 01:23:49.159
I'm me and who am I and like Not taking any shit
01:23:49.159 --> 01:23:53.850
or like that way Yeah, unapologetically kind
01:23:53.850 --> 01:23:58.529
of just getting pushed to speak my truth or even
01:23:58.529 --> 01:24:02.250
know my truth first. Having presence for sure.
01:24:03.590 --> 01:24:13.850
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So wonderful to talk to you.
01:24:14.109 --> 01:24:18.829
So I'm glad we got to meet and then you have
01:24:18.829 --> 01:24:22.159
also this course that you have developed. Yeah,
01:24:22.399 --> 01:24:27.560
yeah the mystics guide to shadow work which is
01:24:27.560 --> 01:24:32.420
hopefully shadow work without a lot of psycho
01:24:32.420 --> 01:24:38.699
babble and more leaning into just relating to
01:24:38.699 --> 01:24:41.680
reality and doing your shadow work in real time
01:24:41.680 --> 01:24:43.859
rather than you know sitting in journaling which
01:24:43.859 --> 01:24:49.380
I find exhausting and typically kind of fruitless
01:24:49.380 --> 01:24:51.789
because it's it leads you more into intellectualizing
01:24:51.789 --> 01:24:54.689
rather than just feeling and expressing and being
01:24:54.689 --> 01:24:59.210
and being present and like um bringing consciousness
01:24:59.210 --> 01:25:02.449
to the moment rather than consciousness retroactively
01:25:02.449 --> 01:25:07.569
or preemptively yeah and i got a chance to see
01:25:07.569 --> 01:25:11.470
many of the modules and i went through what i
01:25:11.470 --> 01:25:14.579
could but at the same time I felt like whoa this
01:25:14.579 --> 01:25:17.460
is so dense there's so much here that I would
01:25:17.460 --> 01:25:20.779
want to give it a bit more time to actually sink
01:25:20.779 --> 01:25:23.520
in because typical for me is like I just take
01:25:23.520 --> 01:25:25.840
in taking and learn learn learn want to go through
01:25:25.840 --> 01:25:28.539
it so quickly and I decided like okay I'm gonna
01:25:28.539 --> 01:25:33.060
give it time and then then move when I can integrate
01:25:33.060 --> 01:25:38.279
a bit too there's so much so much beautiful depths
01:25:38.279 --> 01:25:42.050
to that material and I would really encourage
01:25:42.050 --> 01:25:46.289
everyone to go and look into it but also reminding
01:25:46.289 --> 01:25:48.550
that like take it in your own time, feel into
01:25:48.550 --> 01:25:51.670
your body because that's something that can be
01:25:51.670 --> 01:25:54.930
kind of overlooked when you're so excited about
01:25:54.930 --> 01:25:58.289
taking in information and like particularly in
01:25:58.289 --> 01:26:02.329
shadow work what I realized that is an element
01:26:02.329 --> 01:26:05.170
for me and I'm curious to hear your perspective
01:26:05.170 --> 01:26:08.210
too but like sometimes it's not even the time
01:26:08.210 --> 01:26:11.890
to maybe go deeper into certain things and maybe
01:26:11.890 --> 01:26:15.050
we need to just kind of live in a bubble or detach
01:26:15.050 --> 01:26:18.069
a bit to let things land or let our body kind
01:26:18.069 --> 01:26:23.470
of flow through things on its own time and not
01:26:23.470 --> 01:26:26.630
push yourself to do it if it doesn't resonate
01:26:26.630 --> 01:26:29.270
in the moment then maybe take a step back and
01:26:29.270 --> 01:26:32.329
detach a bit or do these very typical or human
01:26:32.329 --> 01:26:36.569
or or do these mundane things instead in between
01:26:36.569 --> 01:26:39.949
or for me I took the time to in the evenings
01:26:39.949 --> 01:26:42.609
I would just watch some movies now because I
01:26:42.609 --> 01:26:45.329
just needed to do something like like this more
01:26:45.329 --> 01:26:50.630
light and kind of silly and shallow as a counterpoint
01:26:50.630 --> 01:26:55.550
to to having gone much deeper and more processed
01:26:55.550 --> 01:27:00.850
things and yeah so what would you encourage like
01:27:00.850 --> 01:27:07.289
a approach to to go into this and as tips for
01:27:07.289 --> 01:27:10.189
people who are new to shadow work, what would
01:27:10.189 --> 01:27:16.989
you tell them? I would tell them, and I've included
01:27:16.989 --> 01:27:20.930
it in the course, to kind of follow, either follow
01:27:20.930 --> 01:27:23.489
your curiosity or excitement, your passion, and
01:27:23.489 --> 01:27:26.310
just literally do whatever feels right in the
01:27:26.310 --> 01:27:30.510
moment. Or there's Bashar's formula, which I've
01:27:30.510 --> 01:27:32.770
put a whole module about in the course, because
01:27:32.770 --> 01:27:36.119
I feel like... Shadow work is a very introspective
01:27:36.119 --> 01:27:41.720
thing. It's us retreating inwards and that's
01:27:41.720 --> 01:27:44.039
a very feminine energy and you also need the
01:27:44.039 --> 01:27:47.619
count about balance of the cardinal energy of
01:27:47.619 --> 01:27:50.899
moving outwards and pursuing things in the real
01:27:50.899 --> 01:27:54.420
world and the real world, the physical world
01:27:54.420 --> 01:28:00.119
and kind of like also having the active, you
01:28:00.119 --> 01:28:04.279
know, I did So much passive. I did so much feminine
01:28:04.279 --> 01:28:08.619
energy and I barely moved on anything active
01:28:08.619 --> 01:28:12.420
in the world and I certainly would recommend
01:28:12.420 --> 01:28:15.859
that most people would Kind of pursue it like
01:28:15.859 --> 01:28:18.920
a seesaw, you know, like just finding finding
01:28:18.920 --> 01:28:25.840
the balance I Wouldn't like I'm someone who I
01:28:25.840 --> 01:28:31.029
couldn't force myself to learn things or do things
01:28:31.029 --> 01:28:36.229
that felt like a task and felt like a chore so
01:28:36.229 --> 01:28:41.470
if there's any resistance for me unless it's
01:28:41.470 --> 01:28:43.710
like a negative belief where I'm making myself
01:28:43.710 --> 01:28:47.289
anxious about something instead of just you know
01:28:47.289 --> 01:28:50.069
not feeling like doing it it's like always always
01:28:50.069 --> 01:28:54.789
follow um whatever lights you up moment to moment
01:28:54.890 --> 01:28:58.369
and in terms of like beginners to shadow work
01:28:58.369 --> 01:29:03.949
just start thinking of reality as a reflection
01:29:03.949 --> 01:29:08.010
of yourself so whatever it is that that gets
01:29:08.010 --> 01:29:12.170
churned up in you is a response to an aspect
01:29:12.170 --> 01:29:15.109
of you we just externalize it we just project
01:29:15.109 --> 01:29:21.109
it um that's it like i i guess like starting
01:29:21.109 --> 01:29:25.520
to understand that you're in a very interesting,
01:29:26.000 --> 01:29:31.760
beautiful, complex, highly advanced, kind of
01:29:31.760 --> 01:29:36.000
almost like a simulation or mirror -like bubble.
01:29:37.500 --> 01:29:41.539
That's the beauty of mysticism, I guess, at the
01:29:41.539 --> 01:29:48.420
end of the day. Wow, I think that's a really
01:29:48.420 --> 01:29:54.319
good, good place to kind of land in. And that's
01:29:54.319 --> 01:29:59.199
a really good advice with treating reality as
01:29:59.199 --> 01:30:03.220
a mirror. And for me, it's been realizing that
01:30:03.220 --> 01:30:05.899
when I get annoyed or triggered by something,
01:30:06.560 --> 01:30:09.880
that's kind of like an alarm bell going on that's
01:30:09.880 --> 01:30:13.420
like, hey, look inwards, what's this in you?
01:30:13.840 --> 01:30:16.420
Or is this something you would actually want
01:30:16.420 --> 01:30:20.359
as well? Or is this some behavior you actually
01:30:20.359 --> 01:30:27.119
do as well? There's also space to be gentle with
01:30:27.119 --> 01:30:30.359
that and you know in a curious way I would say
01:30:30.359 --> 01:30:34.159
or kind of open it interesting that you say that
01:30:34.159 --> 01:30:38.920
because I I very very rarely approach shadow
01:30:38.920 --> 01:30:42.199
work from that perspective of Well, if I'm, you
01:30:42.199 --> 01:30:43.659
know, annoyed at someone else doing something
01:30:43.659 --> 01:30:48.380
then I do that. It feels very Almost like self
01:30:48.380 --> 01:30:51.350
-punishing I go straight to pattern, I go straight
01:30:51.350 --> 01:30:55.210
to the childhood, I go straight to this is just
01:30:55.210 --> 01:31:00.930
kind of replicating something that happened in
01:31:00.930 --> 01:31:04.109
my youth and then expressing it and then it just
01:31:04.109 --> 01:31:06.970
resolves itself without the need for that, like
01:31:06.970 --> 01:31:10.270
oh well I'm being a hypocrite and you know therefore
01:31:10.270 --> 01:31:13.329
I'm just as bad as them or you know whatever
01:31:13.329 --> 01:31:17.960
it is, it kind of like if you unfurl it without
01:31:17.960 --> 01:31:22.500
necessarily needing to do that very like self
01:31:22.500 --> 01:31:26.659
-confrontational aspect. And then after you unfurl
01:31:26.659 --> 01:31:31.159
it, after you kind of like process out, you just
01:31:31.159 --> 01:31:36.600
see it anyway. But there's less kind of self
01:31:36.600 --> 01:31:39.520
- tendency to self -flagellate or self -punish
01:31:39.520 --> 01:31:44.460
or see the self as ugly or bad or something like
01:31:44.460 --> 01:31:48.899
that. and instead it's like a because you reach
01:31:48.899 --> 01:31:52.399
the resolution ahead of time then it's very easy
01:31:52.399 --> 01:31:55.199
to kind of just go oh okay like now I empathize
01:31:55.199 --> 01:32:00.140
with this person instead of you know having that
01:32:00.140 --> 01:32:03.100
point of like oh but I really like it's irritating
01:32:03.100 --> 01:32:06.520
me but I guess yeah that about myself yeah now
01:32:06.520 --> 01:32:09.760
I'm really happy that you I'm happy that I said
01:32:09.760 --> 01:32:12.399
that comment so that you could add this whole
01:32:12.399 --> 01:32:16.029
thing because that's also really helpful to have
01:32:16.029 --> 01:32:19.050
or that also shifting for me and that makes me
01:32:19.050 --> 01:32:22.170
think about like my own approach how much of
01:32:22.170 --> 01:32:26.729
that is embedded into my way of approaching things
01:32:26.729 --> 01:32:30.430
is kind of there is like a kind of self -punishing
01:32:30.430 --> 01:32:34.430
or self -judging aspect that I have had for a
01:32:34.430 --> 01:32:37.489
long time it's taken a long long time also for
01:32:37.489 --> 01:32:40.750
me to kind of learn to observe it and shift it
01:32:41.130 --> 01:32:43.630
and the sneaky ways that it can still come up
01:32:43.630 --> 01:32:47.590
like this example where it can be like annoyed
01:32:47.590 --> 01:32:50.350
at something and then just instead go in and
01:32:50.350 --> 01:32:52.470
pointing that annoyance at me that's maybe not
01:32:52.470 --> 01:32:55.609
going to solve anything but if I go directly
01:32:55.609 --> 01:32:58.770
to a pattern instead of like having to take it
01:32:58.770 --> 01:33:01.590
on or identify with it that makes so much sense
01:33:01.590 --> 01:33:06.180
to be like That's something in having studied
01:33:06.180 --> 01:33:09.140
rapid resolution therapy. It's a very central
01:33:09.140 --> 01:33:12.399
theme there. It's like you take away those negative
01:33:12.399 --> 01:33:15.939
self -talk or identifications from the person
01:33:15.939 --> 01:33:19.079
themselves and like show how okay that's just
01:33:19.079 --> 01:33:22.020
like an aspect or an element or maybe some mechanic
01:33:22.020 --> 01:33:24.359
that your mind is doing. Makes sense your mind
01:33:24.359 --> 01:33:27.699
is doing that but it's not you. So that was a
01:33:27.699 --> 01:33:31.289
really good good point and I'm happy you You
01:33:31.289 --> 01:33:35.390
could expand on that and add that there. Yeah,
01:33:35.430 --> 01:33:39.010
I think that's what makes shadow work so heavy
01:33:39.010 --> 01:33:42.390
for so many people, is both the lack of emotional
01:33:42.390 --> 01:33:45.890
expression and the fact that, you know, they're
01:33:45.890 --> 01:33:49.270
kind of just having to identify with all of these
01:33:49.270 --> 01:33:55.989
villains in their reality. It's almost a... It's
01:33:55.989 --> 01:33:58.489
almost, I don't want to say bypassing, but it's
01:33:58.489 --> 01:34:03.430
almost like a... You're forcing yourself to do
01:34:03.430 --> 01:34:06.010
something that your your gut and your instinct
01:34:06.010 --> 01:34:09.149
and your energy and your emotions are just Rejecting,
01:34:09.189 --> 01:34:11.390
you know kicking back against and if we can just
01:34:11.390 --> 01:34:15.109
slip straight into the straight into the childhood
01:34:15.109 --> 01:34:19.090
and just find the empathy for yourself Then the
01:34:19.090 --> 01:34:21.449
empathy comes for the other person naturally.
01:34:22.029 --> 01:34:25.050
So If there's if there's anything I can do for
01:34:25.050 --> 01:34:27.630
this world, it's make a shadow work less heavy
01:34:27.630 --> 01:34:32.670
and less arduous and more like an instant hack
01:34:32.670 --> 01:34:41.510
for self -liberation and making reality more
01:34:41.510 --> 01:34:44.189
fluid and seamless and moving through it feel
01:34:44.189 --> 01:34:50.029
less like friction with people or self. Yeah.
01:34:50.569 --> 01:34:55.869
And you're doing it. So well done. You can keep
01:34:55.869 --> 01:35:00.960
doing it. It's gorgeous. Thanks. I've got to
01:35:00.960 --> 01:35:05.359
find more ways to put myself out there at the
01:35:05.359 --> 01:35:08.600
moment, I think. I need another podcast. I need
01:35:08.600 --> 01:35:13.039
more avenues. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. I was
01:35:13.039 --> 01:35:15.939
listening to all the episodes in the last one.
01:35:16.619 --> 01:35:23.159
So let me know when life falls into that shape.
01:35:23.739 --> 01:35:25.979
I'll find another podcast partner eventually.
01:35:28.709 --> 01:35:32.390
And where can people find you if they want to
01:35:32.390 --> 01:35:36.390
work with you or take part in your insights in
01:35:36.390 --> 01:35:40.600
other ways? So I've got my course on my website.
01:35:40.880 --> 01:35:44.020
I do one -on -one sessions. I have a kind of
01:35:44.020 --> 01:35:46.619
like a an underworld deep dive where we could
01:35:46.619 --> 01:35:49.319
work together for a month. We do four sessions
01:35:49.319 --> 01:35:54.300
one a week and I do like live chat support where
01:35:54.300 --> 01:35:56.140
we can like really just get it you know what
01:35:56.140 --> 01:35:58.560
I mean like and I've given a big warning that
01:35:58.560 --> 01:36:02.590
this is a full dismantling of the old self that
01:36:02.590 --> 01:36:04.750
it could be disruptive for life potentially.
01:36:05.270 --> 01:36:08.369
And I've got my TikTok. I do absolutely nothing
01:36:08.369 --> 01:36:11.729
on Instagram because I hate it. And then I'll
01:36:11.729 --> 01:36:17.050
be running some real life in the physical, in
01:36:17.050 --> 01:36:20.170
the flesh sessions locally to myself and I live
01:36:20.170 --> 01:36:22.189
in Melbourne. So if you live in Melbourne and
01:36:22.189 --> 01:36:24.649
you're listening, I will be running some of those
01:36:24.649 --> 01:36:30.960
sessions soon in Belgrave. Oh, cool. Yeah. So,
01:36:31.479 --> 01:36:35.640
thanks so much. Thank you. Thank you for having
01:36:35.640 --> 01:36:40.100
me. This was a great chat. Yeah. And maybe we'll
01:36:40.100 --> 01:36:44.560
talk soon, another time. Yeah, I hope so. Thank
01:36:44.560 --> 01:36:44.800
you.