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A few days ago, a meteor crash-landed smack in the middle of the Bawker's parking lot.
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Of course, Adam, Zoe, and me went to check it out because, well, what else are you going
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to do when space debris comes falling from the sky?
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But here's the kicker.
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It wasn't just a hunk of rock.
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No, from that meteor came a talking chicken.
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Yeah, you heard that right.
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He introduced himself as Commander Sarap, claiming to be part of some intergalactic group of
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Universal Protectors, and he didn't waste time getting to the weird part either.
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He looked straight at me and said I was one of the chosen ones.
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According to him, the fate of the universe is hanging by a thread, and for some bizarre
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reason we're the ones expected to save it.
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But with music.
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Yep, still trying to wrap my head around that one.
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I know it all sounds ridiculous, but I kind of want to believe him.
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I mean, how many chances do you get to talk to a sentient alien, or a talking chicken for
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that matter?
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Maybe it is crazy, but I kind of feel hopeful.
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Like this could be my shot.
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Everybody wants to leave their mark on the world, right?
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Everyone wants their life to mean something.
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Maybe this is the moment I've been waiting for.
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The one where I finally get the chance to do something big, something that matters.
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I'm supposed to save the universe?
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I never asked for that responsibility.
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Of all the people in the world, why was someone like me chosen?
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I'm nothing special.
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If I'm being honest, I'm probably below average in every area of my life.
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I guess it's kind of funny when you think about it.
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The fate of the universe in the hands of a guy like that?
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It's not like I'm some prodigy destined for greatness.
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I'm just a fry cook at Bawker's.
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Half the time I'm just coasting by, trying not to mess things up too badly, and now I'm
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supposed to be some cosmic savior?
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It's the kind of thing you'd see in a movie.
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Except this time it's real.
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And I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Did Sarap really pick the right guy for the job?
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What is he even seeing in me?
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I've got no skills, no ambitions.
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If anything, I'm the least qualified person to be thrown into this whole saving the universe
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situation.
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There's gotta be someone out there more capable.
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Whatever, you know what?
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I'm done stressing.
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Freaking out isn't gonna help, and worrying won't make me any more prepared for this mess.
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We'll get there when we get there.
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Saving the universe can wait for a little bit longer, right?
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It's kinda crazy how fast this year's gone by.
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I used to just spend days at home until the boys came along.
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Sure, people might call that coasting, but you know, had to mind it one bit.
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Besides, none of that matters now because I'm having so much fun.
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Kai can be a bit serious, but you know deep down he's looking out for us.
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And there's Adam, who makes me laugh with his weird jokes.
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Every day feels like an adventure, I didn't even know I wanted.
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Oh, and if that wasn't enough, we even found a new friend too.
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So tiny and fuzzy, and has the funniest little temper.
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But somehow, even with that attitude, he fits right in with us.
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Sometimes it all feels unreal.
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Having friends who are there every moment, it all happened so fast I can barely catch
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my breath.
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I wonder if we'll always stay this way.
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I really hope so.
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I wish I could just freeze times like this and keep them forever, just as they are.
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Mission log entry number three.
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Mission designation, Operation Plump W. Date August 3rd, location, Earth.
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I find myself up to my ass in a sea of cerebrally challenged individuals.
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This planet is a vacuum of self-awareness, where nobody knows how to express their feelings
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to one another.
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They all lie to themselves and spend their days lonely, even as they are surrounded by
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their friends and family.
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I'd say that pond scum could have chosen a better planet, but I know that's in subordination,
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so I will refrain.
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For now, I'll assess the situation on the ground.
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I've chosen three humans with unassuming personalities, but more baggage than an airport.
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For future mission logs, I will refer to them exclusively as Tryhard, Greaseball, and Headrest.
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My only solace is the knowledge that I am not the only one scraping this barrel.
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With hundreds of Gnorri scouting for talent, there's bound to be something worth salvaging
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on this ball of dirt.
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Commander Sarap, signing off.
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My rank is higher than that impudent fowl.
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So why have I caught wind of some secret mission that he's been assigned to?
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Not only is his insubordination insufferable, but he's a complete and total slacker.
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The idea of him being handed any kind of special order is absolute bollocks.
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I bet this is a shady scheme to slip past me in the chain of command.
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Or worse, maybe his loyalty lies elsewhere and he works toward a goal that's more sinister.
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I can picture his smug face right now, satisfied that nobody has proof.
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Well, I won't stand for it!
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I will find out what Plump W is, and when I do, I will use everything in my power to
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stifle your progress.
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You mark my words, Commander!
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In the meantime, the one million and one year cycle has passed, and we've been sent to
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a new planet to scout for potential candidates.
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The three chosen that I've selected have already awakened their powers.
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At the very least, I'm confident that they have what it takes to beat whatever rubbish
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he gathers together.
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Met an alien the other day.
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I thought I was bugging, but I started playing with its wings and stuff, and it bit me on
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the tricep.
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At first, I thought I'd turn into an alien, but then I remembered that's werewolf rules.
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So yeah, I'm still a humanoid.
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The alien did give me powers, though.
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If I flare my nostrils and flex my thigh muscles as hard as I can, it summons a drum set out
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of thin air.
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For it to appear, I also have to think about how bad I don't want people to get mad at
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me, and that I'm super worried about disappointing my friends.
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But I think it's mostly because of my thighs.
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I'm pretty stoked about it, though.
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I'm ready to do my part.
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In the beginning, I was all worried it'd be a big deal and stuff.
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Like, I felt this crushing weight of responsibility.
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But you kinda get over it after a while.
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Like it wears off easy.
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It's chill.
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Nothing the L-Dog can't handle.
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Do you know what it's like to be on top?
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Well, it's not just about stardom.
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It's walking into a room, and knowing every head will turn.
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It's about having that special something that makes you impossible to ignore.
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When I wake up, the first thing I see is my name blowing up.
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Hundreds of comments, new followers, brands begging to work with me.
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Oh sure, I have my haters, and they say some horrible things about me.
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But the one word they'll never use is forgettable.
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That's because my beauty and charisma are undeniable.
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They're jealous, and who can blame them?
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I'm everything they wish I could be.
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Some people pretend not to know this because it intimidates them, but the cold hard truth
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is that in this world, looks are what matter most.
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Well, it's only natural that I'm one of the chosen.
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I mean, I was barely even surprised when I found out.
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I don't need to be told to know I'm special, because I see it every single time I look
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in the mirror.
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Cosmic powers.
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Interesting.
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These are definitely something new.
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I'll figure out the best way to put them to use.
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Whatever happens though, I won't let it go to my head.
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Last week I encountered a cosmic being that granted me the ability to literally warp reality
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through music.
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But as it turns out, I'm not the only one.
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Hundreds of others, including Kai, stumbled upon this same deal.
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His own pet, his own powers, and apparently the same mission.
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But here's what bothers me.
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Why so many of us?
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It diminishes our strength, stifles our capacity to make the hard calls and do what needs to
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be done, and frankly, having someone like Kai thrown into the mix?
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That kind of unpredictability is our fast track to ruin.
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No, I'm starting to see the big picture.
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It's not enough to simply play along on some grand mission.
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We can't risk leaving our fate in idle hands.
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I'll take charge.
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That's the only way we'll ensure our survival.
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Do you know who you are?
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I mean truly?
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Humor me for just a moment.
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I want to know if you've ever found yourself in a situation where you ended up behaving
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differently than you thought you would.
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You might have imagined yourself as somebody who could handle a crisis, but when faced
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with unexpected chaos, you found yourself paralyzed, unable to take action.
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Perhaps you never imagined you could hurt the people you love most, but got overwhelmed
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and lashed out at one of them in a moment of weakness.
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What do you do with the things you're most ashamed of?
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Do you bury them away where they can't be found, or wear them on your sleeve?
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And why do you think that is?
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Your mind has created a story for itself about who you are and what you want.
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A pretty lie that allows you to carry on.
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It's just basic self-preservation.
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Who wants to think of themselves as a bad person?
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As irredeemable?
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We all intuitively know that such people exist, but not you, right?
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Oh no, never you.
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Well, it's just a thought.
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A few days ago, a meteor crash-landed smack in the middle of the Bawker's parking lot.
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Of course, Adam, Zoe, and me went to check it out because, well, what else are you going
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to do when space debris comes falling from the sky?
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But here's the kicker.
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It wasn't just a hunk of rock.
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No, from that meteor came a talking chicken.
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Yeah, you heard that right.
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He introduced himself as Commander Sarap, claiming to be part of some intergalactic group of
9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:34,000
Universal Protectors, and he didn't waste time getting to the weird part either.
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He looked straight at me and said I was one of the chosen ones.
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According to him, the fate of the universe is hanging by a thread, and for some bizarre
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reason we're the ones expected to save it.
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But with music.
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Yep, still trying to wrap my head around that one.
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I know it all sounds ridiculous, but I kind of want to believe him.
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I mean, how many chances do you get to talk to a sentient alien, or a talking chicken for
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that matter?
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Maybe it is crazy, but I kind of feel hopeful.
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Like this could be my shot.
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Everybody wants to leave their mark on the world, right?
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Everyone wants their life to mean something.
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Maybe this is the moment I've been waiting for.
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The one where I finally get the chance to do something big, something that matters.
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I'm supposed to save the universe?
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I never asked for that responsibility.
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Of all the people in the world, why was someone like me chosen?
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I'm nothing special.
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If I'm being honest, I'm probably below average in every area of my life.
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I guess it's kind of funny when you think about it.
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The fate of the universe in the hands of a guy like that?
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It's not like I'm some prodigy destined for greatness.
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I'm just a fry cook at Bawker's.
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Half the time I'm just coasting by, trying not to mess things up too badly, and now I'm
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supposed to be some cosmic savior?
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It's the kind of thing you'd see in a movie.
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Except this time it's real.
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And I have no idea what I'm doing.
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Did Sarap really pick the right guy for the job?
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What is he even seeing in me?
40
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I've got no skills, no ambitions.
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If anything, I'm the least qualified person to be thrown into this whole saving the universe
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situation.
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There's gotta be someone out there more capable.
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Whatever, you know what?
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I'm done stressing.
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Freaking out isn't gonna help, and worrying won't make me any more prepared for this mess.
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We'll get there when we get there.
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Saving the universe can wait for a little bit longer, right?
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00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,600
It's kinda crazy how fast this year's gone by.
50
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I used to just spend days at home until the boys came along.
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Sure, people might call that coasting, but you know, had to mind it one bit.
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Besides, none of that matters now because I'm having so much fun.
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Kai can be a bit serious, but you know deep down he's looking out for us.
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And there's Adam, who makes me laugh with his weird jokes.
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Every day feels like an adventure, I didn't even know I wanted.
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Oh, and if that wasn't enough, we even found a new friend too.
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So tiny and fuzzy, and has the funniest little temper.
58
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But somehow, even with that attitude, he fits right in with us.
59
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Sometimes it all feels unreal.
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Having friends who are there every moment, it all happened so fast I can barely catch
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my breath.
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I wonder if we'll always stay this way.
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I really hope so.
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I wish I could just freeze times like this and keep them forever, just as they are.
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Mission log entry number three.
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Mission designation, Operation Plump W. Date August 3rd, location, Earth.
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I find myself up to my ass in a sea of cerebrally challenged individuals.
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This planet is a vacuum of self-awareness, where nobody knows how to express their feelings
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to one another.
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They all lie to themselves and spend their days lonely, even as they are surrounded by
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their friends and family.
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I'd say that pond scum could have chosen a better planet, but I know that's in subordination,
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so I will refrain.
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For now, I'll assess the situation on the ground.
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I've chosen three humans with unassuming personalities, but more baggage than an airport.
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For future mission logs, I will refer to them exclusively as Tryhard, Greaseball, and Headrest.
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My only solace is the knowledge that I am not the only one scraping this barrel.
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With hundreds of Gnorri scouting for talent, there's bound to be something worth salvaging
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on this ball of dirt.
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Commander Sarap, signing off.
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My rank is higher than that impudent fowl.
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So why have I caught wind of some secret mission that he's been assigned to?
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Not only is his insubordination insufferable, but he's a complete and total slacker.
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The idea of him being handed any kind of special order is absolute bollocks.
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I bet this is a shady scheme to slip past me in the chain of command.
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Or worse, maybe his loyalty lies elsewhere and he works toward a goal that's more sinister.
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I can picture his smug face right now, satisfied that nobody has proof.
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Well, I won't stand for it!
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I will find out what Plump W is, and when I do, I will use everything in my power to
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stifle your progress.
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You mark my words, Commander!
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In the meantime, the one million and one year cycle has passed, and we've been sent to
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a new planet to scout for potential candidates.
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The three chosen that I've selected have already awakened their powers.
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At the very least, I'm confident that they have what it takes to beat whatever rubbish
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he gathers together.
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Met an alien the other day.
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I thought I was bugging, but I started playing with its wings and stuff, and it bit me on
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the tricep.
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At first, I thought I'd turn into an alien, but then I remembered that's werewolf rules.
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So yeah, I'm still a humanoid.
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The alien did give me powers, though.
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If I flare my nostrils and flex my thigh muscles as hard as I can, it summons a drum set out
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of thin air.
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For it to appear, I also have to think about how bad I don't want people to get mad at
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me, and that I'm super worried about disappointing my friends.
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But I think it's mostly because of my thighs.
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I'm pretty stoked about it, though.
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I'm ready to do my part.
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In the beginning, I was all worried it'd be a big deal and stuff.
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Like, I felt this crushing weight of responsibility.
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But you kinda get over it after a while.
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Like it wears off easy.
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It's chill.
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Nothing the L-Dog can't handle.
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Do you know what it's like to be on top?
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Well, it's not just about stardom.
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It's walking into a room, and knowing every head will turn.
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It's about having that special something that makes you impossible to ignore.
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When I wake up, the first thing I see is my name blowing up.
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Hundreds of comments, new followers, brands begging to work with me.
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Oh sure, I have my haters, and they say some horrible things about me.
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But the one word they'll never use is forgettable.
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That's because my beauty and charisma are undeniable.
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They're jealous, and who can blame them?
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I'm everything they wish I could be.
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Some people pretend not to know this because it intimidates them, but the cold hard truth
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is that in this world, looks are what matter most.
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Well, it's only natural that I'm one of the chosen.
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I mean, I was barely even surprised when I found out.
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I don't need to be told to know I'm special, because I see it every single time I look
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in the mirror.
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Cosmic powers.
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Interesting.
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These are definitely something new.
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I'll figure out the best way to put them to use.
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Whatever happens though, I won't let it go to my head.
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Last week I encountered a cosmic being that granted me the ability to literally warp reality
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through music.
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But as it turns out, I'm not the only one.
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Hundreds of others, including Kai, stumbled upon this same deal.
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His own pet, his own powers, and apparently the same mission.
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But here's what bothers me.
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Why so many of us?
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It diminishes our strength, stifles our capacity to make the hard calls and do what needs to
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be done, and frankly, having someone like Kai thrown into the mix?
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That kind of unpredictability is our fast track to ruin.
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No, I'm starting to see the big picture.
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It's not enough to simply play along on some grand mission.
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We can't risk leaving our fate in idle hands.
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I'll take charge.
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That's the only way we'll ensure our survival.
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Do you know who you are?
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I mean truly?
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Humor me for just a moment.
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I want to know if you've ever found yourself in a situation where you ended up behaving
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differently than you thought you would.
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You might have imagined yourself as somebody who could handle a crisis, but when faced
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with unexpected chaos, you found yourself paralyzed, unable to take action.
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Perhaps you never imagined you could hurt the people you love most, but got overwhelmed
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and lashed out at one of them in a moment of weakness.
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What do you do with the things you're most ashamed of?
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Do you bury them away where they can't be found, or wear them on your sleeve?
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And why do you think that is?
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Your mind has created a story for itself about who you are and what you want.
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A pretty lie that allows you to carry on.
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It's just basic self-preservation.
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Who wants to think of themselves as a bad person?
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As irredeemable?
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We all intuitively know that such people exist, but not you, right?
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Oh no, never you.
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Well, it's just a thought.
