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Nobody got married hoping to work on it.
That is where Ted Lowe starts. After a long day of working hard, the last thing anybody wants is to work some more, so telling a man his marriage needs more work tends to land like a chore. His alternative is a habit he calls serious fun, built on simple accounting: you cannot make withdrawals from a relational account you never deposited into. And the hard times come, and they require withdrawals.
Then he asks the question that gives this episode its name.
Jon takes the second half and gets honest about a six-month stretch where his own marriage went into a storm, and the realization that came out of it: he had become boring. Too routine, too practical. So he ran a thought experiment about what he would do if they split up, realized he would immediately become fun and kind and generous for someone else, and asked himself why he wasn't doing that for the person he loves most.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why "work on your marriage" is the wrong pitch to a tired man
- The relational bank account: deposits before withdrawals
- "Would you want to be married to you? Are you funny? Are you fun?"
- "We don't date each other. We date each other's PR department"
- Your best self, and why chasing the perfect couple is a trap
- Scheduling it, and why the anticipation is half of it
- Jon on becoming the boring one, and what he did about it
- Planning to win: your calendar fills with whatever has a who, what, when, where, and how, including root canals
- Looking at the days around the day, and marriage in seasons
- "Do you want me to fix it or feel it," and the minivan on the side of the road
- The scuba diving skins
FULL EPISODE
How to Not Make Marriage Complicated with Ted Lowe: https://frontrowdads.com/17
