00:00:00
Speaker 1: G'day, Bushy here.
00:00:01
Speaker 2: Now, a lot of you have been writing to me going, hey Bushy, really want to come to Australia, but I'm afraid I'm going to die, which is fair, because we do have a fair few critters that bite. But I'm here to prove today that Australia is still the safest country on the planet, and I am engaging the help of two completely random North American backpackers who have zero association with me whatsoever.
00:00:26
Speaker 1: Welcome Charlotte and Olivia. Welcome.
00:00:28
Speaker 3: Hello.
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Have you heard of Ivan Milat?
00:00:30
Speaker 4: No.
00:00:30
Speaker 1: No, he's our greeting company here in Australia.
00:00:33
Speaker 4: Chips. Chips. Chips.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: Or crisps.
00:00:36
Speaker 3: Crisps.
00:00:37
Speaker 2: We have chips and we have crisps, but we often call our crisps chips too, so we've got chips and chips. We've got some confusing signs in Australia. Crocodiles do not swim here. But what they mean is crocodiles do not swim here. I've never come out of an interview as the lady of the group.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: How do we say hello in Canadian?
00:01:04
Speaker 4: Oh, how you doing, bud? How you doing there, bud?
00:01:06
Speaker 1: Is that what you actually say?
00:01:08
Speaker 3: Hey, bud. No, it's much less gay moose-like. It's more, oh, hey, how are you doing?
00:01:14
Speaker 1: Oh, that sounds... Yeah.
00:01:15
Speaker 3: Hey, how you doing?
00:01:16
Speaker 4: How you doing, man? How you doing, bud?
00:01:18
Speaker 1: Can you say g'day?
00:01:19
Speaker 3: G'day.
00:01:20
Speaker 4: G'day, mate.
00:01:22
Speaker 2: Actually, that's probably what I sound like to most Australians. You've been in Australia for a few months. And you're not dead yet.
00:01:30
Speaker 3: No.
00:01:31
Speaker 4: No.
00:01:31
Speaker 1: No, so far so good. Now, for those people.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Who aren't watching or are blind or are listening to the audio podcast.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: Can you explain where you're from?
00:01:40
Speaker 3: Well, we're from the west coast of Canada in the Rocky Mountains. So about 45 minutes away from the Montana border, 45 minutes away from the Alberta border in the corner of BC.
00:01:52
Speaker 1: So you're in the mountains.
00:01:53
Speaker 4: Burning.
00:01:53
Speaker 3: But fuck nowhere.
00:01:54
Speaker 1: You're in the wild stuff though, right?
00:01:56
Speaker 4: Oh, right in it.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: You're in the danger zone.
00:01:59
Speaker 4: In the butt crack of the mountain.
00:02:01
Speaker 1: Really?
00:02:02
Speaker 4: You bet. Okay.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: So what's it called?
00:02:04
Speaker 4: Fernie. Fernie BC.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: Now, what's that most famous for? Oh, the skiing. Yeah. I thought it was Hot Tub Time Machine.
00:02:11
Speaker 3: Well, that, if you're that old.
00:02:13
Speaker 4: That probably comes second in mine.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: Shots fired from this one already.
00:02:17
Speaker 4: Fucking right off the bat.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: Careful, I'll chuck you back in the rainforest. Have you heard of Ivan Milat?
00:02:21
Speaker 4: No.
00:02:22
Speaker 1: No, he's our greeting company here in Australia. You're in Australia.
00:02:26
Speaker 2: Now, you haven't been killed yet. I want to prove... that Australia is not that dangerous, and that Canada is more dangerous.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: Gotcha. So, let's launch into it. Let's get into animals.
00:02:48
Speaker 4: All right. Have you ever seen a grizzly bear? Well, I know about grizzly bears.
00:02:55
Speaker 3: Well, they're f * * * ed.
00:02:56
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say.
00:02:58
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:02:58
Speaker 3: It's, like, not a good thing by any means to see in real life.
00:03:02
Speaker 4: Now, I just want you to imagine, just for a moment, you're going on a wilderness hike, okay? You're walking next to people. Every time you walk next to someone, you go, hi! And you keep walking, right? Because that's what you do when you're hiking.
00:03:15
Speaker 3: But in between the highs, you go, yodely, yodely, yahoo!
00:03:19
Speaker 4: Because that's what you do when you're trying to scare the bears away. Or you go, eh! the whole f * * * ing walk.
00:03:27
Speaker 1: So you have to do that everywhere you go.
00:03:29
Speaker 4: Everywhere you go. And you've got a packet of bear spray here. One of those stupid little water bottle sucky things there. Yeah. And two f * * * ing ski poles even though there's not an inch of snow.
00:03:41
Speaker 3: And a toddler just in case.
00:03:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
00:03:43
Speaker 4: You've got them here.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: Okay, so you've got to scare off bears by being noisy. And yet everyone is scared of snakes here in Australia.
00:03:50
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, f * * *. Have you seen a f * * * ing snake? Well, yes, I have seen a snake. Pretty scary too, eh, Bushy?
00:03:56
Speaker 1: Well, not really.
00:03:57
Speaker 3: Statistically, you're far more likely to survive a snake bite than you are a grizzly bear attack.
00:04:03
Speaker 4: Exactly.
00:04:03
Speaker 2: Because with snakes, even the worst snake that we've got, like the brown one, if it bites you, because we've got anti-venom, you'll only bleed from your eyeballs for like two hours.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: But then you come good.
00:04:16
Speaker 2: Whereas a bear, you could be taking out your rubbish and it'll bite your head off.
00:04:21
Speaker 3: Basically oh yeah and they got claws too yeah the claws and teeth combination and they can go up back on their hind legs and.
00:04:30
Speaker 4: People say when you run into a black bear yeah you got to get big and back away yeah and if you run into a brown bear i don't think they say anything because i think.
00:04:40
Speaker 1: You're Your lunch?
00:04:42
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:04:43
Speaker 2: How many people have been eaten by brown bears where you are?
00:04:46
Speaker 4: Where we are?
00:04:46
Speaker 3: Not really any as of recent, but within the same province, about 12 hours away, on the coast, a grade three class just got attacked by a grizzly bear.
00:04:58
Speaker 4: That's f * * * ing horrible.
00:04:59
Speaker 3: Nobody died, but the teachers were severely injured protecting the kids.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, see, that's another thing with bears. With snakes, they'll have a go at one person, and then bugger off.
00:05:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, you only get one of those kindy kids and then the rest are good.
00:05:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, whereas a bear could take a whole class.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: That could be an appetite.
00:05:14
Speaker 4: And speaking of bears, a polar bear.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:17
Speaker 1: Now, do you have polar bears?
00:05:18
Speaker 4: We don't have polar bears. We do.
00:05:21
Speaker 3: We have polar bears in Manitoba.
00:05:22
Speaker 4: But we don't have polar bears.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Not in our little corner.
00:05:25
Speaker 1: But up the top.
00:05:26
Speaker 3: But up north within Canada, there's polar bears. And there's actually bylaw within Churchill, Manitoba, where you have to leave your vehicles unlocked.
00:05:34
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: In case when somebody's walking to, like, either their vehicle or just walking down the street, if a polar bear comes at them, they can jump into an open vehicle. Because that's the only chance that you have against a polar bear.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: Is that an actual law?
00:05:46
Speaker 3: It's an actual law.
00:05:47
Speaker 1: Oh, Jay, you wouldn't want to have a good sound system in that place.
00:05:50
Speaker 4: No.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: They'd be gone.
00:05:51
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:05:52
Speaker 1: Do they have crime rates there?
00:05:54
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:05:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:56
Speaker 4: That makes sense.
00:05:57
Speaker 3: But you just kind of, like, you know, don't leave stuff in your car.
00:06:00
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:06:00
Speaker 3: I don't think it's as bad up north, but, I mean, there's the opioid epidemic, which, like, f * * * s the cities.
00:06:05
Speaker 1: Opioids?
00:06:06
Speaker 4: Mm.
00:06:07
Speaker 2: You've got opioids overrunning the country as well.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, that. There's opioids everywhere. What else?
00:06:15
Speaker 1: You got wolves? Do wolves eat everybody?
00:06:17
Speaker 4: No, wolves aren't too bad.
00:06:18
Speaker 3: No? Wolves are fine. They kind of just go do their own thing.
00:06:21
Speaker 4: Got people out in South Country shooting them, so we're good.
00:06:23
Speaker 3: You're more f * * * ed if you run into a moose.
00:06:25
Speaker 1: Now, like head first or with a car?
00:06:28
Speaker 3: No, just like in general.
00:06:29
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter. Right.
00:06:31
Speaker 1: I read. She came prepared. Like in one place. Where's New Brunswick?
00:06:38
Speaker 3: That's on the East Coast.
00:06:40
Speaker 1: You don't know where New Brunswick is?
00:06:41
Speaker 4: I don't know where we live. You could show me a map.
00:06:44
Speaker 2: So in New Brunswick, they have over 400 moose collisions annually.
00:06:49
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
00:06:50
Speaker 4: And they're, like, f * * * ing mythical creature, horse, donkey, giant, antler, f * * *.
00:06:58
Speaker 3: The problem is, is if you run into a moose, it's not like a cage on the front of your vehicle where it's just going to, like, kill the deer. It's like you, like... sweep out the legs of the moose and then you just got bawd coming out.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the pointy bits come at you faster.
00:07:12
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
00:07:14
Speaker 4: Our dad was charged by a moose and he had to grab his mountain bike and hit it against the antlers. Like they were having a buck off.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: Did he smell like musk?
00:07:25
Speaker 4: Probably.
00:07:26
Speaker 1: Isn't that what they go for? Don't they have musk in their balls?
00:07:28
Speaker 3: Beer sweat.
00:07:29
Speaker 4: Beer sweat. Beer sweat. Bit of pot.
00:07:32
Speaker 2: You've got a lot of weed, don't you? Maybe that moose never existed. Maybe it was as high as a kite.
00:07:38
Speaker 1: You never know.
00:07:39
Speaker 4: He was fighting a moose. And this is the trouble with Australia. That's why everybody here is so fast. Everybody here is on runs all the time. And that's because they haven't damaged their lungs enough to go into a Bit of psychosis.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not on mushrooms either thinking that we're getting chased everywhere.
00:07:58
Speaker 4: I know. And what a shame that must be. What? To be fast?
00:08:01
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:08:02
Speaker 4: To be running everywhere that you go because your lungs aren't shit from all the weed.
00:08:08
Speaker 1: That you smoke.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: But is every Canadian, like, when do you start smoking weed in Canada?
00:08:13
Speaker 1: It sounds like kindergarten.
00:08:15
Speaker 3: Oh, that's secondhand smoke. But, like, you personally.
00:08:18
Speaker 4: Right. 14. 14?
00:08:18
Speaker 3: When is it legal?
00:08:20
Speaker 1: 19.
00:08:21
Speaker 4: 18 or 19, depending on the province. Did you know, according to my quick Google search before this year's vodcast, one in four Canadians partake in a little.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Wacky tobaccy?
00:08:34
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:08:35
Speaker 1: Really?
00:08:35
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. They engage in the devil's lettuce.
00:08:38
Speaker 2: Is that why America's going to end up absorbing you as its 51st state?
00:08:43
Speaker 3: So that's extremely offensive.
00:08:44
Speaker 2: Are you going to, like, fight them off, or are you all just going to go, we're too nice to them, bud?
00:08:50
Speaker 3: The Geneva Convention exists because Canadians were so.
00:08:53
Speaker 4: F * * * ed in.
00:08:54
Speaker 3: The First World War, right? Like, we're not to be f * * * ed with. We've been playing hockey since we were how old.
00:09:00
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: Our curling team is wild.
00:09:02
Speaker 3: Our curling team is just catty.
00:09:04
Speaker 1: So it's in you.
00:09:05
Speaker 4: Oh, it is.
00:09:05
Speaker 1: You've got fight in you.
00:09:07
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. But you've got to be provoked.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: But one in four of you was stoned.
00:09:11
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:09:12
Speaker 3: But they're, like, the ones that are in the kitchen making sure everyone's fed.
00:09:16
Speaker 4: Oh, okay. Have you ever heard of the munchies?
00:09:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard of the munchies.
00:09:20
Speaker 4: The munchies are a dangerous game. Really?
00:09:22
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Have you ever munched something you probably shouldn't munch after you've been little?
00:09:26
Speaker 4: Reese's Puffs. Marshmallows.
00:09:29
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker 4: Melted chocolate in the microwave.
00:09:32
Speaker 1: S'mores.
00:09:33
Speaker 4: With graham cracker bits on top. Yeah. Whipped cream.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: What are graham cracker bits?
00:09:38
Speaker 4: A scoop of vanilla ice cream. Graham cracker bits? You don't know what a graham cracker is?
00:09:42
Speaker 1: No, what's a graham cracker?
00:09:43
Speaker 4: You ever made a s'more? Yes. Well, bullshit if you don't know what a graham cracker is.
00:09:48
Speaker 1: Maybe we've got say-o?
00:09:50
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's like the top and the bottom.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: We used to have biscuits called gollywogs. Very inappropriate. Of course you did. Did you have them?
00:09:57
Speaker 3: That sounds like a racial slur.
00:09:59
Speaker 4: It is.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: It was.
00:10:00
Speaker 3: Oh, it is. Okay, well, do it.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:10:02
Speaker 1: In fact, have you had, like, we've had a lot of racist snacks. Pumas. What about pumas?
00:10:09
Speaker 3: Cougars?
00:10:10
Speaker 4: A puma?
00:10:11
Speaker 1: You don't have pumas?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: We don't have pumas. We have cougars.
00:10:14
Speaker 1: Oh, so do we. They tend to hang around the eastern suburbs in yoga studios.
00:10:19
Speaker 4: Real.
00:10:19
Speaker 1: And the Botox clinics.
00:10:21
Speaker 3: You got the ones where they get hungry and they get mangy and that's when they kind of go for you.
00:10:26
Speaker 1: What do they go for?
00:10:27
Speaker 2: Like dogs on a walk or like babies in a pram?
00:10:30
Speaker 1: Kids!
00:10:30
Speaker 3: So you can be being stalked by a cougar and you don't know. Like you can go for hunting trips like 12, like... 12 hours, 24 hours. You can be tracked by, you'll have no idea.
00:10:41
Speaker 1: Really?
00:10:42
Speaker 4: Yeah. It said, and I could be totally making this up.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: That's a lot.
00:10:46
Speaker 4: It said by me. Yeah. That every one cougar that you see, 10 have seen you.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Same with sharks.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Every man wants to be an Iron Man. But a powerful man has an Iron Man pan.
00:11:15
Speaker 1: He can cook in the bush or crushing cans. Or wow the ladies.
00:11:20
Speaker 4: Cooking up a plan.
00:11:21
Speaker 2: It's an Aussie pan, not a bullshit scam. It's raw iron, ma'am, like his muscles, bam.
00:11:28
Speaker 3: Iron Man pan, Iron Man pan.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: The offense-free PTF pan.
00:11:33
Speaker 4: Iron Man pan, Iron Man pan.
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Build tough in your hand.
00:11:40
Speaker 1: Even he's a fan.
00:11:42
Speaker 4: RFK!
00:11:44
Speaker 3: Of this Iron Man pan. Want iron in your.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Food instead of plastics, man? Then, mate, you are worthy of this Iron Man pan.
00:11:58
Speaker 4: Yeah!
00:11:59
Speaker 3: Yeah!
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Crocodiles? Have you got alligators?
00:12:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, but, like, that's, like, down south, you know?
00:12:14
Speaker 1: You can kind of punch them, too. Punch them in the face.
00:12:17
Speaker 3: Crocodiles are the real f * * * ed ones.
00:12:19
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:12:19
Speaker 4: You guys, that.
00:12:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: And they're a bit like bears because they can walk. Yeah.
00:12:24
Speaker 1: Not just swim.
00:12:25
Speaker 3: They can. And it's, like, pick one, man.
00:12:28
Speaker 2: Have you seen, because we've got some confusing signs in Australia.
00:12:32
Speaker 4: No shit.
00:12:33
Speaker 2: And a few tourists have been caught out by this one sign that says, crocodiles do not swim here.
00:12:39
Speaker 1: But what they mean is crocodiles. Do not swim here.
00:12:44
Speaker 4: Do not swim here, period.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't swim here with you, period.
00:12:47
Speaker 3: That's a tough one.
00:12:48
Speaker 4: Then you're double f * * * ed.
00:12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, then the sharks will come get you too.
00:12:52
Speaker 2: So what I've established through your stories is it's way more dangerous in Canada because I'm looking, you know, we've only covered off a couple of your dodgy animals.
00:13:01
Speaker 1: You've also got the black widow spider. You've got orcas. You've got the Portuguese man o' wolf. That's like the angry blue bottle.
00:13:09
Speaker 4: And we've got sharks too.
00:13:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got sharks, but to be fair, they're not really bitey.
00:13:14
Speaker 3: Well, no, you just don't go in the water because you'll die of hypothermia before you die of a shark attack.
00:13:19
Speaker 1: Oh, so then you'd just be like a frosty fruit.
00:13:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, you'd just be like cold, nice.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing with sharks as well. Everyone's terrified of sharks, but you've got to remember to be eaten by a shark, you've got to be wet. So if you stay dry, you're fine.
00:13:32
Speaker 2: And the sharks don't stalk you like your cougars, and the bears can't chase you up a tree.
00:13:37
Speaker 1: No, the bears do chase you up a tree. The snakes can't.
00:13:40
Speaker 3: No, and sharks can't either, I don't think.
00:13:42
Speaker 4: No, sharks.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: Oh, and Sharknado, maybe. Oh, you have tornadoes as well. All right, let's get into environmental.
00:13:47
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:13:48
Speaker 1: Okay, so we've established your mushrooms are dangerous.
00:13:50
Speaker 4: No, we're team mushroom. That's like a perk. It just slows your brain function.
00:13:57
Speaker 2: All right.
00:13:58
Speaker 1: So the mushroom's a good environment. What else have you got? Avalanches.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Because in Australia, our land doesn't just spontaneously collapse on top of you.
00:14:08
Speaker 3: Well, the fucked up thing is that we have avalanches, but we also have forest fires.
00:14:14
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're stuck in between. That's not fair.
00:14:16
Speaker 3: We got negative 30. We got plus 30. You guys kind of just have this, like, happy range thing. We kind of do.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: And don't say in the desert because we don't go to the desert. Unless you want to be like the star of Wolf Creek. You don't go anywhere too far out back. Not even I go in the desert. What happens, because if it's minus 40, now I've felt minus 40 before and I nearly died. moving from a coffee shop to the trinket shop next door to buy a Christmas ornament.
00:14:47
Speaker 3: Your eyes kind of freeze, your nostrils freeze.
00:14:50
Speaker 1: Yes, and it feels like needles going through the zipper.
00:14:53
Speaker 2: Now, let's say you're driving home at night, and you hit a moose, and your car's totaled, and you're on the side of the road now in minus 40.
00:15:02
Speaker 1: How long do you have?
00:15:03
Speaker 3: Probably about a couple hours.
00:15:04
Speaker 4: It depends. Hours?
00:15:05
Speaker 3: If your heating turns on, you're okay. And if you're smart enough to have a blanket in your boot.
00:15:10
Speaker 4: Which you always should... Cut that moose open and climb inside. Zombie apocalypse style.
00:15:16
Speaker 1: Oh, you'd do that, would you?
00:15:17
Speaker 4: Gnarly, but yeah.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: I actually believe you and that's the scariest part.
00:15:22
Speaker 4: Gotta survive.
00:15:23
Speaker 2: We're playing a game called I'll touch on yours if you touch on mine. So I'm gonna say one of your Canadian words and you've got to say the Australian equivalent or you've got to guess.
00:15:34
Speaker 1: It, okay? Cilantro.
00:15:36
Speaker 4: Coriander.
00:15:37
Speaker 3: Fries. Chips. Cheese.
00:15:39
Speaker 4: Chips.
00:15:40
Speaker 3: Chips.
00:15:41
Speaker 4: Chips.
00:15:42
Speaker 1: Or crisps.
00:15:43
Speaker 4: Crisps.
00:15:44
Speaker 3: They're different, aren't they?
00:15:45
Speaker 2: We have chips and we have crisps, but we often call our crisps chips too, so we've got chips and chips.
00:15:50
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:15:51
Speaker 1: Poutine, that's a weird name because we have poontang. Do you have poontang?
00:15:54
Speaker 3: We don't got poontang.
00:15:54
Speaker 4: What is poontang?
00:15:56
Speaker 1: Jiggery pokery, sexy time. It's when you get a bit of punani, you know what I mean? Supper.
00:16:01
Speaker 3: Dinner?
00:16:01
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: Pickup.
00:16:03
Speaker 4: Truck.
00:16:03
Speaker 3: Ute.
00:16:04
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:16:05
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:16:05
Speaker 1: Cart. Trolley.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: Trolley.
00:16:08
Speaker 4: Trolley.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: Washroom.
00:16:10
Speaker 4: Toilet.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: What did you say?
00:16:12
Speaker 3: Laundry?
00:16:12
Speaker 1: No.
00:16:13
Speaker 4: Toilet. Flip-flops.
00:16:14
Speaker 3: Thongs.
00:16:15
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:16:16
Speaker 4: I said thongs.
00:16:17
Speaker 3: Thongs. Thongs.
00:16:18
Speaker 4: Root. Root.
00:16:21
Speaker 1: Well, that's our equivalent.
00:16:23
Speaker 4: Oh.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: You're quick for that.
00:16:24
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: I thought you rooted for your hockey team.
00:16:27
Speaker 4: Cheer. Yeah.
00:16:29
Speaker 1: That's it.
00:16:30
Speaker 2: Oh, really?
00:16:31
Speaker 1: We're getting the cut of your cloth here.
00:16:32
Speaker 4: Hoodie. Jumper.
00:16:34
Speaker 1: Very good. Double-fisted.
00:16:37
Speaker 3: Oh. Uh-huh. Double parked.
00:16:40
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes.
00:16:42
Speaker 3: Now, what does that mean?
00:16:43
Speaker 2: I got it from her. She said with a white claw, oh, I'm double fisted.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I hope not.
00:16:48
Speaker 1: Oh, double fisting, not double fisted.
00:16:50
Speaker 4: Sounds like something you don't want to happen.
00:16:52
Speaker 2: Sounds like something you could enjoy after Mardi Gras if you met the right lady. All right, so people.
00:16:59
Speaker 1: Let's compare dangerous people, rednecks versus bogans. Do you know what a bogan is?
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I do know what a bogan is. Yep. I would say that they are fairly equivalent. The only difference is that Canada does have slightly more lax gun laws.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: So are rednecks nice?
00:17:15
Speaker 3: Rednecks are nice.
00:17:15
Speaker 1: And they're armed.
00:17:16
Speaker 3: And they're armed. And they're the good ones. They're the ones that are going to, like our rednecks and our hicks are the ones that are going to hold down fort if ever Trump.
00:17:23
Speaker 4: Comes for us. Exactly.
00:17:24
Speaker 2: If there's ever a war in Australia, the Bogans, they never let you down. In fact, all my friends that are Bogans, they're my rock. And they're always there for me.
00:17:34
Speaker 1: You know why? Because they don't have jobs. They don't have jobs.
00:17:37
Speaker 3: And if you can survive a farmer's wrap double-double combo from Tim's.
00:17:42
Speaker 1: You can survive anything. Is that a burger?
00:17:45
Speaker 4: It's a drink.
00:17:45
Speaker 3: Double-double, that's a drink. So that's a large drip coffee with two creams, two sugars.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: You drink a lot of coffee. I think that's going to kill half of you too.
00:17:52
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:17:53
Speaker 3: And then a farmer's wrap is like eggs with hash browns, with sausages, with chipotle mayo. And then you eat it and then you poop.
00:18:03
Speaker 1: That'd be big shit.
00:18:04
Speaker 4: You don't just poop. No.
00:18:06
Speaker 3: It's like a cleanse.
00:18:07
Speaker 1: Is it like a Taco Bell kind of poop?
00:18:09
Speaker 3: Kind of. So it's like, well, you guys do your juice cleanses here in the sun. Yeah. We just rip through the Timmy's line.
00:18:16
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Grab ourselves farmer wrap double-double combo. Yep. And shit.
00:18:19
Speaker 1: And the chipotle, that's the ring stinger at the end.
00:18:23
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: That's if you want to be healthy. But if you're a realist and you're Canadian and you know you're a hick or you're a redneck, you do that and it's like, why even go for the colonoscopy?
00:18:35
Speaker 4: Do you ever shit liquid?
00:18:37
Speaker 1: Have I ever?
00:18:38
Speaker 4: Shit liquid.
00:18:39
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I've had the odd dodgy burrito at 2am.
00:18:42
Speaker 4: And a farmer's wrap will change your world on shit and liquid.
00:18:46
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I can ass force it.
00:18:48
Speaker 3: It's like how you guys have gas station pies.
00:18:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, never have a Monday morning pie because it means that they've been sitting there all week and the new delivery hasn't arrived yet. So you never have a Monday morning pie.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: I like to play with my luck a little bit. Really?
00:19:02
Speaker 4: Yeah. I love a good gas station sushi roll.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: Oh, no. Oh, yeah. That'll finish you off. 24 hours, you're done.
00:19:11
Speaker 4: I like to keep myself on edge a little bit, yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker 1: Well, you put you in skinny jeans.
00:19:15
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. oh yeah all right that was fun but one more thing rapid fire questions so I ask everyone on my show these questions palmy or palmer.
00:19:27
Speaker 1: Palmer yes what's the capital of Australia Canberra.
00:19:30
Speaker 4: Don't even know what I was gonna.
00:19:32
Speaker 2: Say Canberra she's gonna say Sydney you bet I was yeah can you sing the second verse of your national anthem.
00:19:41
Speaker 3: From far and wide, oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
00:19:47
Speaker 1: What gives you the ick?
00:19:50
Speaker 3: Oh australian men um when they'll yeah nah yeah nah i'm like all right so pick one.
00:19:57
Speaker 1: Yeah or nah that's my slogan it's okay when you.
00:20:00
Speaker 3: Do it because you're hot but when it's an australian man looking at me doing it i just kind of want to get a little bit violent have you ever.
00:20:06
Speaker 4: Seen someone walk on an uneven sidewalk Yes, I have, and now I'm seeing it.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: He makes me want to.
00:20:12
Speaker 3: F * * *.
00:20:12
Speaker 4: Ing get real violent. Yeah, real fast.
00:20:17
Speaker 1: Another one?
00:20:18
Speaker 4: A man on a boogie board.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
00:20:22
Speaker 2: I've never come out of an interview as the lady of the group. This is actually being, I feel like I'm in my feminine mode. What disease do koalas carry?
00:20:33
Speaker 3: Chlamydia.
00:20:33
Speaker 4: Chlamydia.
00:20:34
Speaker 1: All right, this is the big one. And this tricks a lot of people.
00:20:38
Speaker 2: Would you rather eat shit that tastes like lollies or lollies that taste like shit?
00:20:45
Speaker 4: Well.
00:20:46
Speaker 3: Would you rather watch your dad f * * * your dog or your dog f * * * your dad?
00:20:53
Speaker 4: Oh, what?
00:20:54
Speaker 3: Because if you're going to ask a question, I'm going to ask a question like that.
00:20:57
Speaker 4: Hey, I got one. Would you rather swim through a lake of shit or dead bodies of people that you know?
00:21:03
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Well, what would you do?
00:21:06
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm not answering. I don't like hypotheticals. They make me antsy.
00:21:10
Speaker 1: On that note, it's been a pleasure. Lovely having you, Charlotte.
00:21:16
Speaker 3: Thank you, Bushy.
00:21:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, lovely having you, Olivia.
Speaker 1: G'day, Bushy here.
00:00:01
Speaker 2: Now, a lot of you have been writing to me going, hey Bushy, really want to come to Australia, but I'm afraid I'm going to die, which is fair, because we do have a fair few critters that bite. But I'm here to prove today that Australia is still the safest country on the planet, and I am engaging the help of two completely random North American backpackers who have zero association with me whatsoever.
00:00:26
Speaker 1: Welcome Charlotte and Olivia. Welcome.
00:00:28
Speaker 3: Hello.
00:00:29
Speaker 1: Have you heard of Ivan Milat?
00:00:30
Speaker 4: No.
00:00:30
Speaker 1: No, he's our greeting company here in Australia.
00:00:33
Speaker 4: Chips. Chips. Chips.
00:00:35
Speaker 1: Or crisps.
00:00:36
Speaker 3: Crisps.
00:00:37
Speaker 2: We have chips and we have crisps, but we often call our crisps chips too, so we've got chips and chips. We've got some confusing signs in Australia. Crocodiles do not swim here. But what they mean is crocodiles do not swim here. I've never come out of an interview as the lady of the group.
00:01:02
Speaker 1: How do we say hello in Canadian?
00:01:04
Speaker 4: Oh, how you doing, bud? How you doing there, bud?
00:01:06
Speaker 1: Is that what you actually say?
00:01:08
Speaker 3: Hey, bud. No, it's much less gay moose-like. It's more, oh, hey, how are you doing?
00:01:14
Speaker 1: Oh, that sounds... Yeah.
00:01:15
Speaker 3: Hey, how you doing?
00:01:16
Speaker 4: How you doing, man? How you doing, bud?
00:01:18
Speaker 1: Can you say g'day?
00:01:19
Speaker 3: G'day.
00:01:20
Speaker 4: G'day, mate.
00:01:22
Speaker 2: Actually, that's probably what I sound like to most Australians. You've been in Australia for a few months. And you're not dead yet.
00:01:30
Speaker 3: No.
00:01:31
Speaker 4: No.
00:01:31
Speaker 1: No, so far so good. Now, for those people.
00:01:34
Speaker 2: Who aren't watching or are blind or are listening to the audio podcast.
00:01:39
Speaker 1: Can you explain where you're from?
00:01:40
Speaker 3: Well, we're from the west coast of Canada in the Rocky Mountains. So about 45 minutes away from the Montana border, 45 minutes away from the Alberta border in the corner of BC.
00:01:52
Speaker 1: So you're in the mountains.
00:01:53
Speaker 4: Burning.
00:01:53
Speaker 3: But fuck nowhere.
00:01:54
Speaker 1: You're in the wild stuff though, right?
00:01:56
Speaker 4: Oh, right in it.
00:01:58
Speaker 1: You're in the danger zone.
00:01:59
Speaker 4: In the butt crack of the mountain.
00:02:01
Speaker 1: Really?
00:02:02
Speaker 4: You bet. Okay.
00:02:03
Speaker 1: So what's it called?
00:02:04
Speaker 4: Fernie. Fernie BC.
00:02:06
Speaker 1: Now, what's that most famous for? Oh, the skiing. Yeah. I thought it was Hot Tub Time Machine.
00:02:11
Speaker 3: Well, that, if you're that old.
00:02:13
Speaker 4: That probably comes second in mine.
00:02:15
Speaker 1: Shots fired from this one already.
00:02:17
Speaker 4: Fucking right off the bat.
00:02:18
Speaker 1: Careful, I'll chuck you back in the rainforest. Have you heard of Ivan Milat?
00:02:21
Speaker 4: No.
00:02:22
Speaker 1: No, he's our greeting company here in Australia. You're in Australia.
00:02:26
Speaker 2: Now, you haven't been killed yet. I want to prove... that Australia is not that dangerous, and that Canada is more dangerous.
00:02:38
Speaker 1: Gotcha. So, let's launch into it. Let's get into animals.
00:02:48
Speaker 4: All right. Have you ever seen a grizzly bear? Well, I know about grizzly bears.
00:02:55
Speaker 3: Well, they're f * * * ed.
00:02:56
Speaker 1: That's what I was going to say.
00:02:58
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:02:58
Speaker 3: It's, like, not a good thing by any means to see in real life.
00:03:02
Speaker 4: Now, I just want you to imagine, just for a moment, you're going on a wilderness hike, okay? You're walking next to people. Every time you walk next to someone, you go, hi! And you keep walking, right? Because that's what you do when you're hiking.
00:03:15
Speaker 3: But in between the highs, you go, yodely, yodely, yahoo!
00:03:19
Speaker 4: Because that's what you do when you're trying to scare the bears away. Or you go, eh! the whole f * * * ing walk.
00:03:27
Speaker 1: So you have to do that everywhere you go.
00:03:29
Speaker 4: Everywhere you go. And you've got a packet of bear spray here. One of those stupid little water bottle sucky things there. Yeah. And two f * * * ing ski poles even though there's not an inch of snow.
00:03:41
Speaker 3: And a toddler just in case.
00:03:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
00:03:43
Speaker 4: You've got them here.
00:03:44
Speaker 2: Okay, so you've got to scare off bears by being noisy. And yet everyone is scared of snakes here in Australia.
00:03:50
Speaker 4: Yeah. Well, f * * *. Have you seen a f * * * ing snake? Well, yes, I have seen a snake. Pretty scary too, eh, Bushy?
00:03:56
Speaker 1: Well, not really.
00:03:57
Speaker 3: Statistically, you're far more likely to survive a snake bite than you are a grizzly bear attack.
00:04:03
Speaker 4: Exactly.
00:04:03
Speaker 2: Because with snakes, even the worst snake that we've got, like the brown one, if it bites you, because we've got anti-venom, you'll only bleed from your eyeballs for like two hours.
00:04:15
Speaker 1: But then you come good.
00:04:16
Speaker 2: Whereas a bear, you could be taking out your rubbish and it'll bite your head off.
00:04:21
Speaker 3: Basically oh yeah and they got claws too yeah the claws and teeth combination and they can go up back on their hind legs and.
00:04:30
Speaker 4: People say when you run into a black bear yeah you got to get big and back away yeah and if you run into a brown bear i don't think they say anything because i think.
00:04:40
Speaker 1: You're Your lunch?
00:04:42
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:04:43
Speaker 2: How many people have been eaten by brown bears where you are?
00:04:46
Speaker 4: Where we are?
00:04:46
Speaker 3: Not really any as of recent, but within the same province, about 12 hours away, on the coast, a grade three class just got attacked by a grizzly bear.
00:04:58
Speaker 4: That's f * * * ing horrible.
00:04:59
Speaker 3: Nobody died, but the teachers were severely injured protecting the kids.
00:05:02
Speaker 2: Yeah, see, that's another thing with bears. With snakes, they'll have a go at one person, and then bugger off.
00:05:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, you only get one of those kindy kids and then the rest are good.
00:05:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, whereas a bear could take a whole class.
00:05:13
Speaker 1: That could be an appetite.
00:05:14
Speaker 4: And speaking of bears, a polar bear.
00:05:16
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:17
Speaker 1: Now, do you have polar bears?
00:05:18
Speaker 4: We don't have polar bears. We do.
00:05:21
Speaker 3: We have polar bears in Manitoba.
00:05:22
Speaker 4: But we don't have polar bears.
00:05:24
Speaker 3: Not in our little corner.
00:05:25
Speaker 1: But up the top.
00:05:26
Speaker 3: But up north within Canada, there's polar bears. And there's actually bylaw within Churchill, Manitoba, where you have to leave your vehicles unlocked.
00:05:34
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:05:35
Speaker 3: In case when somebody's walking to, like, either their vehicle or just walking down the street, if a polar bear comes at them, they can jump into an open vehicle. Because that's the only chance that you have against a polar bear.
00:05:45
Speaker 1: Is that an actual law?
00:05:46
Speaker 3: It's an actual law.
00:05:47
Speaker 1: Oh, Jay, you wouldn't want to have a good sound system in that place.
00:05:50
Speaker 4: No.
00:05:51
Speaker 1: They'd be gone.
00:05:51
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:05:52
Speaker 1: Do they have crime rates there?
00:05:54
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:05:55
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:05:56
Speaker 4: That makes sense.
00:05:57
Speaker 3: But you just kind of, like, you know, don't leave stuff in your car.
00:06:00
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:06:00
Speaker 3: I don't think it's as bad up north, but, I mean, there's the opioid epidemic, which, like, f * * * s the cities.
00:06:05
Speaker 1: Opioids?
00:06:06
Speaker 4: Mm.
00:06:07
Speaker 2: You've got opioids overrunning the country as well.
00:06:10
Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, that. There's opioids everywhere. What else?
00:06:15
Speaker 1: You got wolves? Do wolves eat everybody?
00:06:17
Speaker 4: No, wolves aren't too bad.
00:06:18
Speaker 3: No? Wolves are fine. They kind of just go do their own thing.
00:06:21
Speaker 4: Got people out in South Country shooting them, so we're good.
00:06:23
Speaker 3: You're more f * * * ed if you run into a moose.
00:06:25
Speaker 1: Now, like head first or with a car?
00:06:28
Speaker 3: No, just like in general.
00:06:29
Speaker 4: Doesn't matter. Right.
00:06:31
Speaker 1: I read. She came prepared. Like in one place. Where's New Brunswick?
00:06:38
Speaker 3: That's on the East Coast.
00:06:40
Speaker 1: You don't know where New Brunswick is?
00:06:41
Speaker 4: I don't know where we live. You could show me a map.
00:06:44
Speaker 2: So in New Brunswick, they have over 400 moose collisions annually.
00:06:49
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
00:06:50
Speaker 4: And they're, like, f * * * ing mythical creature, horse, donkey, giant, antler, f * * *.
00:06:58
Speaker 3: The problem is, is if you run into a moose, it's not like a cage on the front of your vehicle where it's just going to, like, kill the deer. It's like you, like... sweep out the legs of the moose and then you just got bawd coming out.
00:07:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, so the pointy bits come at you faster.
00:07:12
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:07:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
00:07:14
Speaker 4: Our dad was charged by a moose and he had to grab his mountain bike and hit it against the antlers. Like they were having a buck off.
00:07:23
Speaker 1: Did he smell like musk?
00:07:25
Speaker 4: Probably.
00:07:26
Speaker 1: Isn't that what they go for? Don't they have musk in their balls?
00:07:28
Speaker 3: Beer sweat.
00:07:29
Speaker 4: Beer sweat. Beer sweat. Bit of pot.
00:07:32
Speaker 2: You've got a lot of weed, don't you? Maybe that moose never existed. Maybe it was as high as a kite.
00:07:38
Speaker 1: You never know.
00:07:39
Speaker 4: He was fighting a moose. And this is the trouble with Australia. That's why everybody here is so fast. Everybody here is on runs all the time. And that's because they haven't damaged their lungs enough to go into a Bit of psychosis.
00:07:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're not on mushrooms either thinking that we're getting chased everywhere.
00:07:58
Speaker 4: I know. And what a shame that must be. What? To be fast?
00:08:01
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:08:02
Speaker 4: To be running everywhere that you go because your lungs aren't shit from all the weed.
00:08:08
Speaker 1: That you smoke.
00:08:09
Speaker 2: But is every Canadian, like, when do you start smoking weed in Canada?
00:08:13
Speaker 1: It sounds like kindergarten.
00:08:15
Speaker 3: Oh, that's secondhand smoke. But, like, you personally.
00:08:18
Speaker 4: Right. 14. 14?
00:08:18
Speaker 3: When is it legal?
00:08:20
Speaker 1: 19.
00:08:21
Speaker 4: 18 or 19, depending on the province. Did you know, according to my quick Google search before this year's vodcast, one in four Canadians partake in a little.
00:08:33
Speaker 1: Wacky tobaccy?
00:08:34
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:08:35
Speaker 1: Really?
00:08:35
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah. They engage in the devil's lettuce.
00:08:38
Speaker 2: Is that why America's going to end up absorbing you as its 51st state?
00:08:43
Speaker 3: So that's extremely offensive.
00:08:44
Speaker 2: Are you going to, like, fight them off, or are you all just going to go, we're too nice to them, bud?
00:08:50
Speaker 3: The Geneva Convention exists because Canadians were so.
00:08:53
Speaker 4: F * * * ed in.
00:08:54
Speaker 3: The First World War, right? Like, we're not to be f * * * ed with. We've been playing hockey since we were how old.
00:09:00
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
00:09:00
Speaker 1: Our curling team is wild.
00:09:02
Speaker 3: Our curling team is just catty.
00:09:04
Speaker 1: So it's in you.
00:09:05
Speaker 4: Oh, it is.
00:09:05
Speaker 1: You've got fight in you.
00:09:07
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. But you've got to be provoked.
00:09:09
Speaker 1: But one in four of you was stoned.
00:09:11
Speaker 4: Yeah.
00:09:12
Speaker 3: But they're, like, the ones that are in the kitchen making sure everyone's fed.
00:09:16
Speaker 4: Oh, okay. Have you ever heard of the munchies?
00:09:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've heard of the munchies.
00:09:20
Speaker 4: The munchies are a dangerous game. Really?
00:09:22
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
00:09:22
Speaker 2: Have you ever munched something you probably shouldn't munch after you've been little?
00:09:26
Speaker 4: Reese's Puffs. Marshmallows.
00:09:29
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker 4: Melted chocolate in the microwave.
00:09:32
Speaker 1: S'mores.
00:09:33
Speaker 4: With graham cracker bits on top. Yeah. Whipped cream.
00:09:37
Speaker 1: What are graham cracker bits?
00:09:38
Speaker 4: A scoop of vanilla ice cream. Graham cracker bits? You don't know what a graham cracker is?
00:09:42
Speaker 1: No, what's a graham cracker?
00:09:43
Speaker 4: You ever made a s'more? Yes. Well, bullshit if you don't know what a graham cracker is.
00:09:48
Speaker 1: Maybe we've got say-o?
00:09:50
Speaker 3: I don't know. It's like the top and the bottom.
00:09:53
Speaker 1: We used to have biscuits called gollywogs. Very inappropriate. Of course you did. Did you have them?
00:09:57
Speaker 3: That sounds like a racial slur.
00:09:59
Speaker 4: It is.
00:09:59
Speaker 1: It was.
00:10:00
Speaker 3: Oh, it is. Okay, well, do it.
00:10:02
Speaker 2: Yeah.
00:10:02
Speaker 1: In fact, have you had, like, we've had a lot of racist snacks. Pumas. What about pumas?
00:10:09
Speaker 3: Cougars?
00:10:10
Speaker 4: A puma?
00:10:11
Speaker 1: You don't have pumas?
00:10:12
Speaker 3: We don't have pumas. We have cougars.
00:10:14
Speaker 1: Oh, so do we. They tend to hang around the eastern suburbs in yoga studios.
00:10:19
Speaker 4: Real.
00:10:19
Speaker 1: And the Botox clinics.
00:10:21
Speaker 3: You got the ones where they get hungry and they get mangy and that's when they kind of go for you.
00:10:26
Speaker 1: What do they go for?
00:10:27
Speaker 2: Like dogs on a walk or like babies in a pram?
00:10:30
Speaker 1: Kids!
00:10:30
Speaker 3: So you can be being stalked by a cougar and you don't know. Like you can go for hunting trips like 12, like... 12 hours, 24 hours. You can be tracked by, you'll have no idea.
00:10:41
Speaker 1: Really?
00:10:42
Speaker 4: Yeah. It said, and I could be totally making this up.
00:10:46
Speaker 1: That's a lot.
00:10:46
Speaker 4: It said by me. Yeah. That every one cougar that you see, 10 have seen you.
00:10:52
Speaker 1: Same with sharks.
00:11:08
Speaker 2: Every man wants to be an Iron Man. But a powerful man has an Iron Man pan.
00:11:15
Speaker 1: He can cook in the bush or crushing cans. Or wow the ladies.
00:11:20
Speaker 4: Cooking up a plan.
00:11:21
Speaker 2: It's an Aussie pan, not a bullshit scam. It's raw iron, ma'am, like his muscles, bam.
00:11:28
Speaker 3: Iron Man pan, Iron Man pan.
00:11:31
Speaker 1: The offense-free PTF pan.
00:11:33
Speaker 4: Iron Man pan, Iron Man pan.
00:11:38
Speaker 2: Build tough in your hand.
00:11:40
Speaker 1: Even he's a fan.
00:11:42
Speaker 4: RFK!
00:11:44
Speaker 3: Of this Iron Man pan. Want iron in your.
00:11:48
Speaker 1: Food instead of plastics, man? Then, mate, you are worthy of this Iron Man pan.
00:11:58
Speaker 4: Yeah!
00:11:59
Speaker 3: Yeah!
00:12:09
Speaker 1: Crocodiles? Have you got alligators?
00:12:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, but, like, that's, like, down south, you know?
00:12:14
Speaker 1: You can kind of punch them, too. Punch them in the face.
00:12:17
Speaker 3: Crocodiles are the real f * * * ed ones.
00:12:19
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:12:19
Speaker 4: You guys, that.
00:12:20
Speaker 1: Yeah.
00:12:21
Speaker 2: And they're a bit like bears because they can walk. Yeah.
00:12:24
Speaker 1: Not just swim.
00:12:25
Speaker 3: They can. And it's, like, pick one, man.
00:12:28
Speaker 2: Have you seen, because we've got some confusing signs in Australia.
00:12:32
Speaker 4: No shit.
00:12:33
Speaker 2: And a few tourists have been caught out by this one sign that says, crocodiles do not swim here.
00:12:39
Speaker 1: But what they mean is crocodiles. Do not swim here.
00:12:44
Speaker 4: Do not swim here, period.
00:12:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't swim here with you, period.
00:12:47
Speaker 3: That's a tough one.
00:12:48
Speaker 4: Then you're double f * * * ed.
00:12:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, then the sharks will come get you too.
00:12:52
Speaker 2: So what I've established through your stories is it's way more dangerous in Canada because I'm looking, you know, we've only covered off a couple of your dodgy animals.
00:13:01
Speaker 1: You've also got the black widow spider. You've got orcas. You've got the Portuguese man o' wolf. That's like the angry blue bottle.
00:13:09
Speaker 4: And we've got sharks too.
00:13:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, you've got sharks, but to be fair, they're not really bitey.
00:13:14
Speaker 3: Well, no, you just don't go in the water because you'll die of hypothermia before you die of a shark attack.
00:13:19
Speaker 1: Oh, so then you'd just be like a frosty fruit.
00:13:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, you'd just be like cold, nice.
00:13:22
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing with sharks as well. Everyone's terrified of sharks, but you've got to remember to be eaten by a shark, you've got to be wet. So if you stay dry, you're fine.
00:13:32
Speaker 2: And the sharks don't stalk you like your cougars, and the bears can't chase you up a tree.
00:13:37
Speaker 1: No, the bears do chase you up a tree. The snakes can't.
00:13:40
Speaker 3: No, and sharks can't either, I don't think.
00:13:42
Speaker 4: No, sharks.
00:13:43
Speaker 1: Oh, and Sharknado, maybe. Oh, you have tornadoes as well. All right, let's get into environmental.
00:13:47
Speaker 3: Okay.
00:13:48
Speaker 1: Okay, so we've established your mushrooms are dangerous.
00:13:50
Speaker 4: No, we're team mushroom. That's like a perk. It just slows your brain function.
00:13:57
Speaker 2: All right.
00:13:58
Speaker 1: So the mushroom's a good environment. What else have you got? Avalanches.
00:14:03
Speaker 2: Because in Australia, our land doesn't just spontaneously collapse on top of you.
00:14:08
Speaker 3: Well, the fucked up thing is that we have avalanches, but we also have forest fires.
00:14:14
Speaker 1: Oh, so you're stuck in between. That's not fair.
00:14:16
Speaker 3: We got negative 30. We got plus 30. You guys kind of just have this, like, happy range thing. We kind of do.
00:14:24
Speaker 2: And don't say in the desert because we don't go to the desert. Unless you want to be like the star of Wolf Creek. You don't go anywhere too far out back. Not even I go in the desert. What happens, because if it's minus 40, now I've felt minus 40 before and I nearly died. moving from a coffee shop to the trinket shop next door to buy a Christmas ornament.
00:14:47
Speaker 3: Your eyes kind of freeze, your nostrils freeze.
00:14:50
Speaker 1: Yes, and it feels like needles going through the zipper.
00:14:53
Speaker 2: Now, let's say you're driving home at night, and you hit a moose, and your car's totaled, and you're on the side of the road now in minus 40.
00:15:02
Speaker 1: How long do you have?
00:15:03
Speaker 3: Probably about a couple hours.
00:15:04
Speaker 4: It depends. Hours?
00:15:05
Speaker 3: If your heating turns on, you're okay. And if you're smart enough to have a blanket in your boot.
00:15:10
Speaker 4: Which you always should... Cut that moose open and climb inside. Zombie apocalypse style.
00:15:16
Speaker 1: Oh, you'd do that, would you?
00:15:17
Speaker 4: Gnarly, but yeah.
00:15:19
Speaker 1: I actually believe you and that's the scariest part.
00:15:22
Speaker 4: Gotta survive.
00:15:23
Speaker 2: We're playing a game called I'll touch on yours if you touch on mine. So I'm gonna say one of your Canadian words and you've got to say the Australian equivalent or you've got to guess.
00:15:34
Speaker 1: It, okay? Cilantro.
00:15:36
Speaker 4: Coriander.
00:15:37
Speaker 3: Fries. Chips. Cheese.
00:15:39
Speaker 4: Chips.
00:15:40
Speaker 3: Chips.
00:15:41
Speaker 4: Chips.
00:15:42
Speaker 1: Or crisps.
00:15:43
Speaker 4: Crisps.
00:15:44
Speaker 3: They're different, aren't they?
00:15:45
Speaker 2: We have chips and we have crisps, but we often call our crisps chips too, so we've got chips and chips.
00:15:50
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:15:51
Speaker 1: Poutine, that's a weird name because we have poontang. Do you have poontang?
00:15:54
Speaker 3: We don't got poontang.
00:15:54
Speaker 4: What is poontang?
00:15:56
Speaker 1: Jiggery pokery, sexy time. It's when you get a bit of punani, you know what I mean? Supper.
00:16:01
Speaker 3: Dinner?
00:16:01
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:16:02
Speaker 3: Pickup.
00:16:03
Speaker 4: Truck.
00:16:03
Speaker 3: Ute.
00:16:04
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:16:05
Speaker 3: Yes.
00:16:05
Speaker 1: Cart. Trolley.
00:16:07
Speaker 3: Trolley.
00:16:08
Speaker 4: Trolley.
00:16:09
Speaker 1: Washroom.
00:16:10
Speaker 4: Toilet.
00:16:11
Speaker 1: What did you say?
00:16:12
Speaker 3: Laundry?
00:16:12
Speaker 1: No.
00:16:13
Speaker 4: Toilet. Flip-flops.
00:16:14
Speaker 3: Thongs.
00:16:15
Speaker 1: Yes.
00:16:16
Speaker 4: I said thongs.
00:16:17
Speaker 3: Thongs. Thongs.
00:16:18
Speaker 4: Root. Root.
00:16:21
Speaker 1: Well, that's our equivalent.
00:16:23
Speaker 4: Oh.
00:16:23
Speaker 1: You're quick for that.
00:16:24
Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:16:25
Speaker 1: I thought you rooted for your hockey team.
00:16:27
Speaker 4: Cheer. Yeah.
00:16:29
Speaker 1: That's it.
00:16:30
Speaker 2: Oh, really?
00:16:31
Speaker 1: We're getting the cut of your cloth here.
00:16:32
Speaker 4: Hoodie. Jumper.
00:16:34
Speaker 1: Very good. Double-fisted.
00:16:37
Speaker 3: Oh. Uh-huh. Double parked.
00:16:40
Speaker 1: Yes. Yes.
00:16:42
Speaker 3: Now, what does that mean?
00:16:43
Speaker 2: I got it from her. She said with a white claw, oh, I'm double fisted.
00:16:47
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I hope not.
00:16:48
Speaker 1: Oh, double fisting, not double fisted.
00:16:50
Speaker 4: Sounds like something you don't want to happen.
00:16:52
Speaker 2: Sounds like something you could enjoy after Mardi Gras if you met the right lady. All right, so people.
00:16:59
Speaker 1: Let's compare dangerous people, rednecks versus bogans. Do you know what a bogan is?
00:17:03
Speaker 3: I do know what a bogan is. Yep. I would say that they are fairly equivalent. The only difference is that Canada does have slightly more lax gun laws.
00:17:13
Speaker 1: So are rednecks nice?
00:17:15
Speaker 3: Rednecks are nice.
00:17:15
Speaker 1: And they're armed.
00:17:16
Speaker 3: And they're armed. And they're the good ones. They're the ones that are going to, like our rednecks and our hicks are the ones that are going to hold down fort if ever Trump.
00:17:23
Speaker 4: Comes for us. Exactly.
00:17:24
Speaker 2: If there's ever a war in Australia, the Bogans, they never let you down. In fact, all my friends that are Bogans, they're my rock. And they're always there for me.
00:17:34
Speaker 1: You know why? Because they don't have jobs. They don't have jobs.
00:17:37
Speaker 3: And if you can survive a farmer's wrap double-double combo from Tim's.
00:17:42
Speaker 1: You can survive anything. Is that a burger?
00:17:45
Speaker 4: It's a drink.
00:17:45
Speaker 3: Double-double, that's a drink. So that's a large drip coffee with two creams, two sugars.
00:17:50
Speaker 1: You drink a lot of coffee. I think that's going to kill half of you too.
00:17:52
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:17:53
Speaker 3: And then a farmer's wrap is like eggs with hash browns, with sausages, with chipotle mayo. And then you eat it and then you poop.
00:18:03
Speaker 1: That'd be big shit.
00:18:04
Speaker 4: You don't just poop. No.
00:18:06
Speaker 3: It's like a cleanse.
00:18:07
Speaker 1: Is it like a Taco Bell kind of poop?
00:18:09
Speaker 3: Kind of. So it's like, well, you guys do your juice cleanses here in the sun. Yeah. We just rip through the Timmy's line.
00:18:16
Speaker 4: Yep.
00:18:16
Speaker 3: Grab ourselves farmer wrap double-double combo. Yep. And shit.
00:18:19
Speaker 1: And the chipotle, that's the ring stinger at the end.
00:18:23
Speaker 4: Yes.
00:18:23
Speaker 3: That's if you want to be healthy. But if you're a realist and you're Canadian and you know you're a hick or you're a redneck, you do that and it's like, why even go for the colonoscopy?
00:18:35
Speaker 4: Do you ever shit liquid?
00:18:37
Speaker 1: Have I ever?
00:18:38
Speaker 4: Shit liquid.
00:18:39
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I've had the odd dodgy burrito at 2am.
00:18:42
Speaker 4: And a farmer's wrap will change your world on shit and liquid.
00:18:46
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I can ass force it.
00:18:48
Speaker 3: It's like how you guys have gas station pies.
00:18:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, never have a Monday morning pie because it means that they've been sitting there all week and the new delivery hasn't arrived yet. So you never have a Monday morning pie.
00:19:00
Speaker 1: I like to play with my luck a little bit. Really?
00:19:02
Speaker 4: Yeah. I love a good gas station sushi roll.
00:19:06
Speaker 1: Oh, no. Oh, yeah. That'll finish you off. 24 hours, you're done.
00:19:11
Speaker 4: I like to keep myself on edge a little bit, yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker 1: Well, you put you in skinny jeans.
00:19:15
Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
00:19:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. oh yeah all right that was fun but one more thing rapid fire questions so I ask everyone on my show these questions palmy or palmer.
00:19:27
Speaker 1: Palmer yes what's the capital of Australia Canberra.
00:19:30
Speaker 4: Don't even know what I was gonna.
00:19:32
Speaker 2: Say Canberra she's gonna say Sydney you bet I was yeah can you sing the second verse of your national anthem.
00:19:41
Speaker 3: From far and wide, oh Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
00:19:47
Speaker 1: What gives you the ick?
00:19:50
Speaker 3: Oh australian men um when they'll yeah nah yeah nah i'm like all right so pick one.
00:19:57
Speaker 1: Yeah or nah that's my slogan it's okay when you.
00:20:00
Speaker 3: Do it because you're hot but when it's an australian man looking at me doing it i just kind of want to get a little bit violent have you ever.
00:20:06
Speaker 4: Seen someone walk on an uneven sidewalk Yes, I have, and now I'm seeing it.
00:20:11
Speaker 1: He makes me want to.
00:20:12
Speaker 3: F * * *.
00:20:12
Speaker 4: Ing get real violent. Yeah, real fast.
00:20:17
Speaker 1: Another one?
00:20:18
Speaker 4: A man on a boogie board.
00:20:19
Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
00:20:22
Speaker 2: I've never come out of an interview as the lady of the group. This is actually being, I feel like I'm in my feminine mode. What disease do koalas carry?
00:20:33
Speaker 3: Chlamydia.
00:20:33
Speaker 4: Chlamydia.
00:20:34
Speaker 1: All right, this is the big one. And this tricks a lot of people.
00:20:38
Speaker 2: Would you rather eat shit that tastes like lollies or lollies that taste like shit?
00:20:45
Speaker 4: Well.
00:20:46
Speaker 3: Would you rather watch your dad f * * * your dog or your dog f * * * your dad?
00:20:53
Speaker 4: Oh, what?
00:20:54
Speaker 3: Because if you're going to ask a question, I'm going to ask a question like that.
00:20:57
Speaker 4: Hey, I got one. Would you rather swim through a lake of shit or dead bodies of people that you know?
00:21:03
Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Well, what would you do?
00:21:06
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm not answering. I don't like hypotheticals. They make me antsy.
00:21:10
Speaker 1: On that note, it's been a pleasure. Lovely having you, Charlotte.
00:21:16
Speaker 3: Thank you, Bushy.
00:21:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, lovely having you, Olivia.
