Elevating Your Conversational Game to Build True Partnerships With Mary Schmid (Ep. 436)

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Welcome to the Top
Advisor Marketing podcast,
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brought to you by Proud Mouth.
I'm your host, Matt Halleran.
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Being your own loud is not new
to marketing, but the mindset,
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strategies and resources to help you
get there are evolving faster than this
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industry is keeping up. It is time to
find a new perspective on what works, why,
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and how to move your
business forward. Listen,
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as I interview guests to help you learn
from them how to be your own loud,
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let's get to the show.
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Hello and welcome to another Top Advisor
marketing podcast. I am your host,
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Matt Halleran. I,
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I love nerding out with other people
who have the same passions as I do.
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And many of you have heard us,
not just me, but proud about,
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talk a lot about the importance
of communicating more
effectively. And in fact,
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I've also talked about the fact
that I'm, uh, writing a book, uh,
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about listening and making sure that you
use that will actually help you close
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more business and build deeper
relationships and trust faster. But see,
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here's the thing.
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Throughout all of this magnificent woman
popped into my world who actually has
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research based off this and also does
this and teach, is this for a living?
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So here's the ultimate outcome that I
want everybody to get from this show.
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Number one,
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to understand the neuroscience behind
what we're gonna be talking about today.
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So there's actual real science
behind this. Number two,
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identify some of the traps that a
lot of us fall into when it comes to
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communicating. And then
finally, what can you do, right?
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So how can you implement this stuff the
minute you get done with this podcast in
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order to make it so that you're gonna
be even more successful? So Mary,
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welcome to the show.
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Oh, I'm so thrilled to be here. I,
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and really excited to share with your
audience a different way to think about
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conversations and the way
that we communicate. Thank
you for having me. Where.
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Do we begin this? We have a lot
of landscape to cover, sister,
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so I wanna make sure that we hit
as much as we can in 30 minutes.
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Where do you want to
begin with your education,
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your research and what you
have done for a living?
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We'll begin with a, just a snippet,
a small snippet of my story.
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And that story goes is that I was an
executive for 30 years and some people I
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could talk easily with and
some people I couldn't.
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I did what we were supposed to do.
You're supposed to ask a few questions,
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listen and solve problems. And some
went well conversations and some,
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quite honestly just missed the mark.
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And I thought there's gotta be
a reason why. 'cause I'm a nerd,
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I'm a research nerd. So they say, do
this, do that. Don't talk too much.
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Listen more. It doesn't
work. It doesn't work.
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So I discovered the
neuroscience of conversation.
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That's what goes on in our brain when
we interact with one another because a
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good conversation does not
translate into a trust conversation,
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a trust-based conversation. And
we know what goes in our brain.
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We can tap into the goodness of
other people's brain and build trust.
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So on my way, I went to teaching
executives at this work, beautiful work.
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And one day a financial advisor came
and said, I'd like to do this work.
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Now Matt,
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I've had some experiences that were less
than than stellar and I was a little
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skeptical. I thought, I'm never
working with these guys again,
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these people again, because they don't,
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they don't get me when you're an
entrepreneur and when you're on your own.
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He's paying the bill this time, not
me. So I took him on and he was warm,
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competent, really practicing the
things that I was teaching him.
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And so one day he said, let me practice
on you. And I thought, bring it on.
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I'm the expert. Bring it on. Show me how
good you are. And you know what he did?
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He showed me how good he
was, which ended up in me,
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the skeptic that I was
becoming his client,
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which was so for so fortuitous.
And why did I become his client?
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Because he listened. He cared,
he understood, he helped me to,
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he was my partner and helped me navigate
the difficult decisions that I had to
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make. What was so ironic about
that things happened for a reason.
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Six months after we'd worked together,
my husband passed away unexpectedly.
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And from that, I remember distinctly
saying, who is gonna help me?
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Who is gonna be there for me?
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You do check the boxes and you do all
the things that you're supposed to do.
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And when I was thinking about it, you
know who came to my mind? Pat, my advisor.
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I knew he would be there. I knew
he would be my sounding board.
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I knew he would help me. And I thought
to myself, my light bulb went on. I said,
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what if I could teach other
people how to do this?
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The impact that one person had on me,
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he could create in all the clients that
he worked with and all the people that
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are important to him,
including his team, his staff,
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most importantly the loved ones.
'cause this is a universal language.
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The language of neuroscience
is the universal language.
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And it's true for all of
us, old young men, women,
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it doesn't make any difference.
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It's true for us because that's
how we're wired as human beings.
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And when we get that,
Matt, the world opens up.
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So you've said a lot. Okay,
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so I want to take a a
small step back. Wait,
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okay.
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How you just described what the fin,
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the personality of the financial
advisor is what 98% of our listeners
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think they're already doing.
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So how do you help people realize that
the way that they're communicating is
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not what you teach? And more importantly,
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what do their clients ultimately want?
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So we start with the neuroscience.
What goes on in your brain?
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We're having a good conversation.
What's really going on?
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It's not just a good conversation. We're
feeling warm, we're feeling connected,
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we're listening to one another. The
brain opens up, floods us with oxytocin,
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which is where trust resides.
And it opens up the conversation.
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I feel warm and accepted
and I can connect with you.
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Now consider a different conversation
where it's going along fine.
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Something different is said. Your
brain gets automatically triggered.
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Floods with cortisol, you
disconnect from what I'm saying.
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'cause you're worried about
what you're gonna say next.
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You're worried about how you're gonna
correct me or reject me or how you're
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gonna tell me and set me straight. And
so you're thinking about you and not me.
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And the thing is, if we're gonna lead
a trust-based conversation, we have to,
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as the leader of the conversation,
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operate from our prefrontal cortex
where we're open to listen, to create,
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to problem solve, to collaborate.
And here's the trick,
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when we get into the red cortisol,
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it cancels out the prefrontal
cortex. We can't even think.
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So have you been in a conversation
where something was said and that's the
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response? I don't know what to think. I
don't know what to say. I'm speechless.
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That's the effect. And so what I
teach people, here's the basis,
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the conversations that you lead trigger
the brain either to shut down and be
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overrun by cortisol. Or you can lead
from a place where the green light,
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I call it the green light, the
the prefrontal cortex is open up.
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You're open to influence
and the people get it.
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Clients read your energy
and your presence before
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you even say a word.
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So how do we create that calm
presence? And once we do,
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then how do we follow through with
presenting that to our clients? So how.
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Go back, how do we create
the calm presence? Let,
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let's start at the basis of walking in
the room so that we're setting ourselves
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up for success.
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Yes. And so it's, people laugh at
this and they say it's way too simple.
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But it starts with preparing yourself.
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You cannot lead a conversation when
you're busy as a busy professional.
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You have all these things going, all
this chatter going on in your mind.
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So you take what I call the
golden minute. You breathe deeply.
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More importantly to to reset. Your
brain breathing resets your brain.
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Secondly, you think about the other
person. What might they be like?
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What might be going on in their world?
What might be important to them?
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How do you think they're
feeling? Coming into sitting,
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coming into having a
conversation. 'cause we know Matt,
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that every time you have a conversation,
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there is angst or anxiety because we
don't know where the conversation is gonna
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go. And so we're all, as a client walking
in or as a team member walking in,
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I'm already on red, I'm already
hijacked a bit. So we realizing that.
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Then we next say, what's the
purpose of a conversation?
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What's the context and content?
Okay? Then you say to yourself,
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I got this.
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And the most important question we focus
on is how do I want the person to feel?
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The person who's sitting
across the desk from me,
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how do I want them to feel
as a result of talking to me?
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And what is it like for them to be in
front of me when we take that golden
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moment and we reset? That's the
key. Now people laugh and they say,
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that's too simple. I'm not, I I,
I know what I'm gonna talk about.
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I've had millions of these conversations.
And that's exactly the problem.
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You've had millions of
these conversations,
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particularly if you have a
particular niche, this population,
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these people backwards and forwards
and what they're gonna say,
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but you've not heard my story,
you've not heard what I have to say.
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And people say, this is too simple. It
doesn't work. So I said to my friend Bob,
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I said, okay, it's too simple. If
it's too simple, why don't you try it?
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So he said, I did it. And he said,
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I can't believe that that
doesn't even take a minute.
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I can now just relax and breathe into
being totally present because when I show
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up, I'm relaxed, I'm calm. My
body language follows my thoughts,
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my shoulders are back,
I'm calm, nice smile.
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Warmly greet people whether
it's on zoom or in person,
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extend a welcome to them
that's heartful and sincere.
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And all of a sudden you see people like
literally melt because the next thing
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that we do is simply saying, I
call it the million dollar opener.
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We open with an emotional
connection that is a simple as
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I'm really happy to see you.
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Oh, so pause there. You
didn't ask a question there.
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You made a statement.
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Because most people are gonna
default to how are you doing today?
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Everybody expect, they'll either
say, how are you doing today?
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Or start into the small chit chat. I
say, why waste that precious moment?
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Why not start by an emotional
connection that's heartfelt and sincere?
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'cause you know what that does to the
person's brain? It triggers the green,
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it triggers them to be open. Like they
might not say anything, but they'll,
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they'll look at you and simply
think that's really nice.
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We start to set the stage for set
the conversational stage for safety,
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security, and comfort.
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And is that simple million dollar
opening my client's nickname that
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it seems too simple. We don't prepare,
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we don't open with something so
simple as, I'm happy to see you.
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I'm looking forward to
sharing this time with you.
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What's going on in your world
about them is all about them.
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And people are like, that's
nice. No one ever does that.
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Stand out, be proud. Be loud.
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Do something different because that's
what's gonna set you apart. I believe.
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One of the things that
I love to talk about is,
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and I challenge advisors
on this all the time,
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when is the last time you practiced
what you do for a living, right?
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You look at professional basketball
players, professional athletes,
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professional, everything. They
all practice before the game.
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And advisors have done it a million times.
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So they don't think they need to practice.
And part of that practice would in,
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and what we're talking about here is a
mindfulness practice to make it so that
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you are recentering.
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So no matter what just happened
with the appointment you just left,
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you aren't carrying that baggage with
you into that. Because as you said,
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Marian, I love that you said it,
they're going to feel that right now.
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So I have a whole bunch of podcasting
and interviewing heroes and I have
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interviewing heroes for
different reasons. So I,
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I love Oprah Winfrey because Oprah Winfrey
can make you feel like it's only you
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and Oprah when there's an audience of
500 people and a billion people watching,
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right? People say to
Oprah all the time, gosh,
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I never thought I would say
that on television, right?
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Then you have somebody like Larry King
who really rarely prepared for anything,
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but he always came to every
interview with an eyes of child.
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Then you have Phil Donahue, which
was actually one of my favorites.
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I'm aging myself. There's some people
who this is, might not know who that is,
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Google him.
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He used silent so well in live television
that it just really blew people away.
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But what happens with a lot of advisors
is what I refer to as the Terry Gross
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Paradox. Now Terry Gross runs fresh air,
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which she's actually interviewed like
everybody who's ever been famous in the
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world and she knows so much. So
Mary, here's where we're going.
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She knows so much that sometimes
she talks more than she should
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in her interview. And advisors
fall into this trap a lot.
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I know that there's neuroscience
behind this and you talk about this.
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How can we start teaching advisors that
silence is as important as talking?
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We start with simply saying,
why do you talk so much?
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Because what I have dis simple questions
because what I have discovered is we,
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we tell people don't talk too
much. Listen, you've got two ears,
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one mouth talk 80, listen, 80%
of the time talk 20% of the time.
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So they know that, but they
don't know why they talk so much.
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And why do they talk so much?
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Because something is triggered in
their brain and they sense that people
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aren't getting it.
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They sense that they have something more
that's more important to say than what
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the client says. And that automatic
trigger makes 'em talk more.
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And what happens is the more
we talk, the more we talk,
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we get a dopamine hit and we talk more.
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And so we talk and outcome the charts
and the graphs and it's all about us and
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how important we are
and all the work we do.
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And here's our value statement and that.
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And so the person sitting across you
is sort of thinks like, oh my God,
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I didn't come here, get preached at.
So what we do is recently say, okay,
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so this is going on. What's the
trigger that makes you talk so much?
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And once you know what that is,
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how do we begin to either ask a question,
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how do we begin to catch ourselves?
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It starts with the awareness of how
we're res the trigger about the awareness
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and then how do we respond? And then
craft something in your own words,
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voice and personality. That stops that.
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I've found that when advisors know
that it's many times they say,
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well you shouldn't do this, you
should do that, you should do that.
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They feel bad. We're judging, we're
criticizing. I don't do any of that.
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I simply say, we as human beings
do this. We talk all the time.
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And then we talk about our most important
con conversational topic, which is us.
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So let's figure out how now we know why.
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Let's connect the dots backwards
and figure out what triggers you
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or what you can do when you notice that
you're triggered so that you can turn
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the tables. And how do you do that?
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You're awareness that you're talking
all the time and then you take a breath
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recenter and you come back with
something that's incredibly
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clear and vulnerable, such as, now people
aren't gonna like this, but such as,
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oh my god, client, I know I've
been doing all the talking.
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You didn't come here to listen to me.
You came here for me to listen to you.
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I apologize. So let's get back to,
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let's get back on track that vulnerability
and ability to be human and point out
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where you slipped up because we all do.
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We'll get a smile every time from
your client. It's, oh my God,
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this guy gets it, this woman gets it.
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They understand and we
refocus and get back on track.
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We call it arc aware.
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Take a breath to reset and come
back with refocus back on them.
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So your comeback is always refocus on
them and what you were talking about and
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what that means to them, not
about you. It's sounds so simple.
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I know it's not.
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It does sound very simple.
Execution is entirely the other.
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E it's very easy to throw a ball
into a hoop Mary, right? .
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It's when you're under pressure and you're
on accord and there's people and fans
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all, alright,
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I love the idea of the focus on the other.
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And, and I really do believe, and
I love your centering thing to,
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to be able to get the advisor to
stop. And, and I love the apology and,
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and I'm, I'm gonna give them just a
little bit of a script with that and,
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and say, Hey look, you know what?
I, I know that this Mrs. Klein,
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but I love this so much
and I'm so passionate about
it. And I just realized I,
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I just went off on a
tangent. I'm so sorry.
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Let's get back onto what is
the most important thing,
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which is what you need today. I
absolutely think that's utterly vi in,
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in in incredibly powerful. I studied
with a guy named George Kinder.
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You and I talked a little
bit about this before,
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but he talks about something
called the five second rule, right?
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Which is when somebody
gets done saying something,
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you just take a deep breath count slowly
to five to give that person the space
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to continue the conversation.
And when you do that,
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all of a sudden you get
deeper and deeper really fast.
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And I think there's some
neuroscience behind this.
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The more quiet you are and the more
focus you put on the other person,
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the faster you build trust.
Is that a fair statement?
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Yeah. Because when we jump in,
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we always jump in and we don't create
what I call the conversational space
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so that we think that when people
are quiet, they didn't hear us,
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they don't understand us, they
don't know what we're talking about.
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But the truth of the matter is,
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some people just might be
internally processing it.
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It's what I call the one
four nine rule of listening.
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We speak at a hundred words
a minute, we listen at 400,
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but we process at 900.
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And so as I am the client speaking to you,
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I get a little bit out
of what I wanna say,
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but I've got so much more back here
that I wanna say that doesn't come out
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necessarily in a clear pathway.
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But when you pause for a second,
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it gives me a time to regroup and think
about the other things that I wanna say.
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It's absolutely true. That's
the neuroscience behind it.
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Hey, it's Matt jumping in for just
a second. If you're an advisor,
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you work in the expertise economy
where influence is like oxygen
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influence is how you prove your expertise.
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00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:49,840
So more people want to work with you
without you having to convince them to
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00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:51,840
find out how much influence
you have. Right now,
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00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,800
take our free five minute test
and get your influence scorecard.
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00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:56,720
Just go to proud mouth.com to start.
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I, when I was growing up in this industry,
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one of the first things that I heard from
the first real sales-based advisor is
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meant you never ask a question
you don't know the answer to.
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And I remember hearing that Mary,
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and it made me so terribly uncomfortable
because my brain immediately went to
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God. You're not gonna learn
anything new, right? Alright.
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And I love that because the second thing
that I teach people is asking questions
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for which you do not
know the answer. .
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We didn't plan this. Everybody. All
right, keep going. Let's talk about that.
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This is what.
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Happens is many times we will ask a
question, we ask, make a statement like,
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you get this right? You understand that,
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but people aren't gonna say yes or no
because they don't wanna look stupid in
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front of you. So they'll just not,
or we'll make a statement like,
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here's what we've all talked
about. Now you would agree,
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we try and persuade them and influence,
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you would agree this is what you need
to do, right? Once again, people,
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75% of the people aren't gonna stand
up and speak out because you are the
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expert.
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So when we come in with a question we
don't know the answer for it sounds,
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how did this land for you?
What are you thinking about?
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How does this fit with what
we've already talked about?
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How does this align with,
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all of a sudden you get this look in
the people's eyes and the the smile and
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they go and you'll get the response.
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People fear because fear
doing that because you're
gonna get an answer that and
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you may not know what to do with
it. And if you're doing a good job,
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you're gonna get, you may
just get an emotional answer.
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And what do I do when people get
emotional? We want an emotional, you.
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Be emotional .
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But what do we do? We give 'em a box of
cleans. We say, oh, it's not that bad.
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Instead of growing with
simply saying, I hear you,
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I understand you. What
can I do to support you?
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What are others doing to support you?
How will this, how does this impact?
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00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:56,410
So we take the empathy that we're
feeling and turn it into compassion.
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And compassionate is simply
being witnessing other
people's story and standing
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with them to look at what the next
thing is and that we don't have the
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control they do.
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And that's what builds partnership
and that's what builds trust.
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When I know that I'm invited,
I'm included that you listen,
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that you ask questions that are relevant,
specific to me. People say, well,
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what are the 20 best questions
to ask? I look at them and I say,
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I don't know what was said before.
I don't know. You weren't listening.
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If you're not listening, you see
how it all starts connecting.
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00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,360
If you're not listening, you
don't know what was said.
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You resort to your list of 20
questions. They're not specific,
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they're not relevant. And people
are gonna look at you like,
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00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:42,160
what are you talking? You didn't
hear me, you didn't listen to me.
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And they check out. They're gone.
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00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:47,020
So one of the things that I used to do as,
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as a therapist is after I found myself
talking more than I should, I would say,
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what did you just hear?
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00:20:55,350 --> 00:20:59,050
And it was unbelievable what ended
up coming out. Because first of all,
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if communications message send is
not necessarily message received.
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00:21:01,510 --> 00:21:03,930
And I want to do one other
quick tip that I heard from,
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00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:07,610
from Jason Lehe at a PR
company called Street Cred.
368
00:21:07,750 --> 00:21:10,530
And I went through my first PR
training with him many moons ago.
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And one of the things that he said was,
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you should talk in three minute or three
sentence bursts depending on how you're
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00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:20,450
answering the question. And I
remember being on with a journalist,
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Mary early on in my career,
and I was, you know,
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if you give me parameters,
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I I'm gonna follow them 'cause I'm
going to test them to make sure that I'm
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doing it right. 'cause I, I wanna be
good, right? I always wanna improve.
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00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:34,090
And I remember doing a three, three,
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00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,210
I think it was like maybe
six or seven sentences,
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just much less than three
minutes. And I just got done.
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00:21:38,190 --> 00:21:39,330
And the journalist was like,
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00:21:39,670 --> 00:21:42,410
and I just stopped 'cause that's
what he told me to do. Stop.
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00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:46,350
And the journalist is like, well,
what's going on? I was like,
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00:21:46,510 --> 00:21:50,670
I was told that you might need to catch
up with your notes. And, and and I,
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00:21:50,870 --> 00:21:54,630
I answered your question, so I'm just
waiting to see where you want to go next.
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00:21:55,410 --> 00:21:58,310
And because of that, Mary,
I was in every major,
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00:21:58,510 --> 00:22:01,070
I started making friends with these
reporters 'cause oh my God, you're a gift.
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00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:03,550
So, and now that's pr, right? So
that's a little bit different,
387
00:22:03,730 --> 00:22:07,270
but that's so wildly applicable to
our industry as financial services
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00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:12,110
professionals. Just try to talk in those
sound bites and see what they hear.
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00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:14,510
And then the conversation guides itself.
390
00:22:14,570 --> 00:22:16,710
I'm gonna say one other quick thing that
I promise you I'm gonna shut up. Okay?
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00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:20,390
So here's the thing. I had a client
many moons ago who was so proud, Mary,
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00:22:20,410 --> 00:22:23,870
he had three hour client
meetings. And I said, really?
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00:22:23,930 --> 00:22:26,950
How long do you talk in the three
hour client meeting? He says, oh, oh,
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00:22:27,190 --> 00:22:30,930
probably three quarters of the time.
And I was like, are you, first off,
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00:22:31,120 --> 00:22:35,820
it's a terrible business model. Secondly,
it's not very profitable. And thirdly,
396
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:38,580
oh my God, you're trying
your client's crazy.
397
00:22:39,450 --> 00:22:43,820
Yeah. Because especially when
we are as financial people,
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00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,900
the people that are coming to us
don't know what they don't know.
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00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,140
And so we're trying to overload them
with all this information thinking that
400
00:22:51,140 --> 00:22:54,540
we're getting, giving them value. I
have a really different point of view.
401
00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:59,220
The value we give them is a
conversation that we lead where
402
00:22:59,220 --> 00:23:03,820
there's enough space that we can
succinctly and clearly three sentences,
403
00:23:03,820 --> 00:23:06,180
make a statement, let them respond.
404
00:23:06,570 --> 00:23:11,500
Because the truth of the matter
is our brain checks out after two
405
00:23:11,500 --> 00:23:12,700
or three minutes. It it,
406
00:23:13,170 --> 00:23:17,140
some people even say 90 after 90
seconds of on and on, it checks out,
407
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:21,220
it doesn't hear, and they're gone. But
more importantly, when it they check out,
408
00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:22,940
they're, when you're talking like that,
409
00:23:22,940 --> 00:23:25,140
people are already checking
out and what are they thinking?
410
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,380
You're leading a monologue.
What's this got to do about me?
411
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,890
Yeah. And I love the
question that you have,
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00:23:32,890 --> 00:23:35,570
and I'm gonna add that to my
repertoire. What did you hear me say?
413
00:23:36,430 --> 00:23:39,170
So often we say, does this make
sense to you? Do you get it?
414
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:42,490
What did you hear me say?
That's beautiful, Matt.
415
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:44,770
No, nobody's can answer those
other questions correctly. In,
416
00:23:44,770 --> 00:23:48,040
in advisors default to that all
the time. Do you understand? No,
417
00:23:48,230 --> 00:23:53,160
they don't understand. You just went over
the complex aspects of candle charts,
418
00:23:53,370 --> 00:23:54,320
right? , you know,
419
00:23:54,360 --> 00:23:57,640
I mean there's no way that they're
gonna understand that, right? Okay.
420
00:23:58,180 --> 00:24:01,160
And and they're not gonna tell you that
they don't understand 'cause they don't
421
00:24:01,210 --> 00:24:05,520
wanna look stupid because you're
the expert and I am the client.
422
00:24:05,620 --> 00:24:10,520
And what I propose is that we use our
conversations to level the playing field
423
00:24:10,690 --> 00:24:13,120
where we become partners. I need,
424
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,520
I have my life and my
money that I bring to you.
425
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,800
And you have all this expertise
and we meet in the middle.
426
00:24:18,220 --> 00:24:20,800
And that's where a trust
building conversation comes in.
427
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:23,840
Because if I know that you can
help me think through things,
428
00:24:24,270 --> 00:24:27,400
help me reason through things,
help me feel through things,
429
00:24:28,820 --> 00:24:32,720
you become my trusted partner
because you're my sounding board.
430
00:24:33,070 --> 00:24:35,600
Does that mean you don't give advice?
Of course not. You give advice,
431
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,520
but you set up the context
in a proper way to say,
432
00:24:39,260 --> 00:24:42,760
so this is where we're going next
because you said this was important.
433
00:24:42,830 --> 00:24:45,920
Here are some recommendations.
I'll go through them one by one.
434
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,790
Pause. Pause. High level view. If
they want more detail, they'll ask.
435
00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:55,870
And some people will ask for incredible
detail. Fine, you're prepared.
436
00:24:56,900 --> 00:25:01,590
When you and I had our
pre-record conversation, we
got wicked nerdy on stuff,
437
00:25:01,590 --> 00:25:04,190
right? Because this is something
we're both super passionate about.
438
00:25:04,410 --> 00:25:07,230
And when you're sitting across from a
client who wants that level of detail,
439
00:25:07,230 --> 00:25:10,510
give that to 'em, but understand
that the majority of people don't.
440
00:25:10,510 --> 00:25:11,130
Alright Mary,
441
00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:13,670
I'm gonna ask you my favorite question
that I love to ask in interviews,
442
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:17,500
which is, what should I have
asked you that I didn't?
443
00:25:18,910 --> 00:25:23,870
I think we've covered the basic premises
of what I want to share with your
444
00:25:24,150 --> 00:25:24,340
audience.
445
00:25:24,340 --> 00:25:29,200
Just enough to give them
an idea that there is
446
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:32,560
a different way to have a conversation.
It's scientific, it's evidence-based.
447
00:25:32,740 --> 00:25:36,640
But the most important thing that it
most important thing is that it works.
448
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:41,640
And what, when I was working with a
group a, a firm of financial advisors,
449
00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:43,360
that's exactly what they said. They said,
450
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:48,240
I know now how to quickly
and ethically build trust
451
00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:51,960
that's very honest and full of
integrity. 'cause those are the values.
452
00:25:52,020 --> 00:25:56,480
And I just thought that's what
I want to convey to encapsulate.
453
00:25:56,670 --> 00:26:00,080
This is not no quick, this is not a
quick trick. This is not a fancy thing.
454
00:26:00,270 --> 00:26:04,280
This takes some deep inner
work to understand yourself
and what goes on in your
455
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:05,200
brain. And when you do,
456
00:26:05,390 --> 00:26:10,080
then you can translate that to help
people to express themselves and
457
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:14,160
what's in their brain. And when you
do that, Matt, you become partners.
458
00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:17,520
But better yet, people walk away
saying, that's a good conversation.
459
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:19,280
That's the best
conversation they ever had.
460
00:26:19,580 --> 00:26:23,920
But you know that it's more than a good
conversation because you're building the
461
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:28,280
bridge of trust. And it's not just for
your first meeting, it's for a lifetime.
462
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:29,960
So every time you meet with people,
463
00:26:30,150 --> 00:26:33,480
they come to expect that
this is who you are,
464
00:26:33,730 --> 00:26:36,960
which I believe differentiates
you from everyone else.
465
00:26:38,270 --> 00:26:39,100
Alright, Mary,
466
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:41,680
I'm sure that there's gonna be people
who wanna reach out and find more about
467
00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:43,780
who you are and what you do. What's
the best, best way for them to do that?
468
00:26:43,780 --> 00:26:44,060
Well.
469
00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:47,980
Connect with me on LinkedIn
and that's the easiest way.
470
00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:51,420
And if people are interested in the
book, my my motto is to contribute.
471
00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,100
And if they're interested
in the book search,
472
00:26:53,370 --> 00:26:55,420
sure you can go buy it on
Amazon and that's fine,
473
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:56,700
but that's not the whole point.
474
00:26:56,700 --> 00:27:00,780
If you would like to connect with me
and request a complimentary copy, I'll,
475
00:27:00,890 --> 00:27:03,660
I'll mail you one. But what's
even more important, Matt,
476
00:27:03,660 --> 00:27:06,300
is that the people that are listening
may have a question or they may try
477
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:09,500
something and it maybe didn't miss it,
missed the mark, it didn't quite work,
478
00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:10,700
right? You know what I say,
479
00:27:11,290 --> 00:27:15,460
call connect with me and we'll go on a
call and we'll talk about what you tried
480
00:27:15,460 --> 00:27:18,460
and what didn't work and what are some
other ways that you can adapt that.
481
00:27:18,460 --> 00:27:20,260
Because I know that this,
482
00:27:20,780 --> 00:27:25,260
I know that this works and I wanna help
other people to take bits and pieces,
483
00:27:25,910 --> 00:27:30,300
embed that in the conversations that
they're currently leading so that they can
484
00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:34,300
be better when they're better, they have
better clients, they have better teams,
485
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,220
and the world is a better place and.
486
00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:39,300
The world is a better
place. All men sister are,
487
00:27:39,300 --> 00:27:42,460
we're gonna make sure that we have a link
to your LinkedIn profile and to buy a
488
00:27:42,460 --> 00:27:44,340
copy of your book. 'cause you
know what? They can afford it.
489
00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:46,420
They should buy it too.
And please take advantage.
490
00:27:46,530 --> 00:27:50,940
This is actually how Mary and I began
our relationship is we had started a
491
00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:52,180
conversation over LinkedIn.
492
00:27:52,290 --> 00:27:55,180
That conversation over LinkedIn
through messages ended up, uh,
493
00:27:55,180 --> 00:27:57,380
going to a phone call. That
phone call was like, holy crap,
494
00:27:57,380 --> 00:27:59,900
I want you on the podcast.
And now you are here.
495
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,100
And I'm hoping that a lot of
advisors really do wake up.
496
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:05,660
So there's a couple of calls to
action I want for all of you advisors.
497
00:28:05,660 --> 00:28:09,420
Number one, you need to learn how
to communicate more effectively.
498
00:28:09,540 --> 00:28:11,980
I don't care who you are, what you
do, there's always ways to get better.
499
00:28:12,330 --> 00:28:15,580
This is your job. This is your job,
500
00:28:15,580 --> 00:28:17,780
is to learn how to listen and
communicate more effectively.
501
00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:20,020
And Mary can really help you
with that. And number two,
502
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:24,500
if you are a conference organizer or
somebody who wants to do a really kick ass
503
00:28:24,500 --> 00:28:25,240
webinar,
504
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:30,140
you need to hire Mary to go
teach this stuff to your people
505
00:28:30,210 --> 00:28:34,340
because you're going to have a better
organization, a better business, which,
506
00:28:34,340 --> 00:28:37,580
because all great businesses are built
off great culture, relationships,
507
00:28:37,580 --> 00:28:38,413
and communication,
508
00:28:38,470 --> 00:28:42,380
which is exactly what Mary has an
unbelievable amount of experience, ed,
509
00:28:42,520 --> 00:28:44,660
and she's also a really
freaking cool person. So Mary,
510
00:28:44,670 --> 00:28:46,300
thank you very much for
being on the show today.
511
00:28:46,610 --> 00:28:49,940
Matt, thank you for the privilege to
address your audience and to have another
512
00:28:49,940 --> 00:28:51,380
beautiful conversation with you.
513
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,860
Listen, if you really truly want
to have beautiful conversations,
514
00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:56,740
if you want to not only
be a better advisor,
515
00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,300
but be a better person on this planet,
516
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:01,740
the best way for you to do that is learn
how to communicate more effectively and
517
00:29:01,740 --> 00:29:05,100
most importantly, learn
how to shut up and listen.
518
00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,380
The faster that you accept, that
is the greatest way to build trust,
519
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:12,500
the more successful you're gonna be and
the happier your clients are gonna have.
520
00:29:12,530 --> 00:29:14,540
Alright, for Mary and all
of us here at Proud Mouth,
521
00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:17,580
this is Matt Hallard and we'll see you
on the other side of the mic very soon.
522
00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:22,780
Thanks for listening to the Top Advisor
Marketing podcast brought to you by
523
00:29:22,830 --> 00:29:26,300
Proud Mouth. If you wanna know more
about how you can be your own loud,
524
00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:31,060
visit us@proudmouth.com and sign up for
the Pod Rocket Academy through courses
525
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,700
and office hours led by professional
podcast producers and digital marketers.
526
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:38,580
You will learn everything you need to
know to become the trusted subject matter
527
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:40,100
expert you are meant to be.