WEBVTT
00:00:12.320 -->
00:00:13.679Laura, how are you?
00:00:13.839 -->
00:00:14.880I'm doing well.
00:00:15.039 -->
00:00:16.239How has your week?
00:00:16.399 -->
00:00:18.239Well, how's your day been, in fact?
00:00:18.480 -->
00:00:21.519Oh, my day's been very productive, actually, Laura.
00:00:21.600 -->
00:00:25.199And when I reflect back on it, well, that was very formal, Laura, wasn't it?
00:00:25.280 -->
00:00:30.079Um I just caught myself saying that.
00:00:30.160 -->
00:00:32.000I'm reflecting on what that was about.
00:00:33.280 -->
00:00:34.960Note to self, don't do it again.
00:00:39.119 -->
00:00:41.520Yeah, it's been a good, good week.
00:00:41.679 -->
00:00:45.840And um coming to the end of another month, which is madness, isn't it?
00:00:45.920 -->
00:00:48.799In the beginning of a new month, we've just wrapped them all up together.
00:00:49.039 -->
00:00:51.200Um, yeah, it's been really good.
00:00:51.520 -->
00:01:07.760And I've really thought a lot about our topic that we're going to be talking about today, because I think this is the one of the undervalued skills that we can give ourselves in order to just catch what we're doing and just build that level of understanding and wisdom within us.
00:01:08.079 -->
00:01:09.280I hear you.
00:01:09.519 -->
00:01:20.640So if this resonates, if it feels like all the weeks and the months are all sort of blending into one and it's tricky to work out, you know, what was the year that I then did that?
00:01:20.799 -->
00:01:25.439Because it all seemed to be a bit of a blur, then um, this is the episode for you.
00:01:25.519 -->
00:01:31.680This is the fifth and final in our five-part mini-series looking at quality thinking.
00:01:31.920 -->
00:01:36.079So we've had a look at well, what is the difference between human versus machine thinking?
00:01:36.159 -->
00:01:39.040Yeah, what does it mean to be compassionate?
00:01:39.280 -->
00:01:45.200What does it mean to be able to think your way around team dynamics, which might be a bit hairy and a bit complex?
00:01:45.359 -->
00:01:52.000And we've looked at, well, if we're in simple terms, what does it mean to bring strategic thinking to a situation or a scenario?
00:01:52.159 -->
00:02:01.280And this one, Debs, was uh the one that we just thought were really beautiful to wrap up on, which is reflective thinking, turning experience is to into wisdom.
00:02:01.519 -->
00:02:01.760Yeah.
00:02:01.920 -->
00:02:04.959So you mentioned this is the unsung kind of quality.
00:02:05.040 -->
00:02:07.599So what led you to make that link?
00:02:07.920 -->
00:02:20.000Oh, I think um I sort of wrote some notes down, and and the one that I came up with reflection isn't looking backwards to beat yourself up, it's looking backwards to pick up the wisdom you nearly walked past.
00:02:20.639 -->
00:02:27.120And for me, when we think about that, I think thinking, as we know, is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given.
00:02:27.280 -->
00:02:38.639Um, and we but we can't always choose what happens to us, but actually we can choose how we think about it and reflect on it and just take a moment to think, you know, what have I learned from that?
00:02:38.800 -->
00:02:39.919What's my experience?
00:02:40.240 -->
00:02:42.719Would I repeat it or not?
00:02:42.960 -->
00:02:45.199Because you get what you thought about, wanted or not, right?
00:02:45.280 -->
00:02:54.800So I think for me, it's the one that we underestimate as a skill that enables us to pause and just take moments to go, you know what, I was all right then.
00:02:54.960 -->
00:03:06.879And I did really well because I think it, you know, that experience doesn't always um make us wiser, I think, because we can keep repeating a pattern year and year and year and year in the hope we get a different result.
00:03:07.039 -->
00:03:09.439So it's just the definition of madness, is it not?
00:03:10.080 -->
00:03:12.240It is the definition of madness, you're quite right, Law.
00:03:12.479 -->
00:03:14.719Um but actually it does say asking for a friend.
00:03:14.960 -->
00:03:16.000Asking for a friend, yeah.
00:03:16.159 -->
00:03:17.919We go round and round in circles.
00:03:18.080 -->
00:03:23.680But um, yeah, so experience doesn't make us wiser per se, but the reflection of it does.
00:03:23.919 -->
00:03:27.439So, you know, we've all heard around hindsight's a wonderful thing.
00:03:27.599 -->
00:03:37.199Um, but actually, the more we stop and just take a moment um to really think and reflect back on what did I do well, what could I do even more?
00:03:37.360 -->
00:03:38.719What do I want to let go of?
00:03:38.879 -->
00:03:40.719What would challenge me in that moment?
00:03:40.879 -->
00:03:52.319We're always then in that learning space and awareness and raising our own self-awareness as to what we would do differently if we were faced with that situation again.
00:03:52.639 -->
00:03:59.280But it's one of the hardest things to do because you know, I often hear people say, Yeah, but I haven't got time to reflect.
00:03:59.439 -->
00:04:08.240Um, and that might be I always say to them, you probably don't have time not to, because if you're saying that, then you're already sort of caught up with whatever's going on.
00:04:08.400 -->
00:04:36.079Um, and then we repeat stuff, um, we repeat conversations, we repeat mistakes, we repeat bad habits, um, we repeat patterns, and obviously through coaching and learning over the time, you can see how patterns develop within individuals because um we're on autopilot normally, so we haven't stopped that, come off of autopilot, gone on to let me have a choice, I have a choice here.
00:04:36.240 -->
00:04:43.199So, some thinking with intent enables us to gather the wisdom, the lessons along the way, whatever you want to call it.
00:04:43.360 -->
00:04:46.959So for me, I think it's just the best thing we could do.
00:04:48.240 -->
00:04:51.279Repeat to me that first sentence, the one that you'd come across.
00:04:51.600 -->
00:04:53.360The one I come across, it is this one.
00:04:53.519 -->
00:05:00.879Reflection isn't looking backwards to beat yourself up, it's looking backwards to pick up the wisdom you nearly walked past.
00:05:01.199 -->
00:05:05.920Oh, now you see, Debs, I got I got a little shiver of excitement when you say that.
00:05:06.079 -->
00:05:06.720Oh, go on, man.
00:05:07.040 -->
00:05:07.680Shall I tell you why?
00:05:07.759 -->
00:05:13.759Because it reminds me of now, you know, my most important thing to bang on about is robots and AI.
00:05:14.000 -->
00:05:14.879Yes, I do.
00:05:15.120 -->
00:05:17.839My second most favourite thing to bang on about is the Stoics.
00:05:18.079 -->
00:05:22.639Oh, yes, it wouldn't be a it wouldn't be a conversation without them coming somewhere in it.
00:05:22.879 -->
00:05:24.959No, because we do like a pattern, don't we?
00:05:25.279 -->
00:05:26.319We do like a pattern.
00:05:26.639 -->
00:05:30.639There is a familiarity in that content of uh that carousel of content.
00:05:31.040 -->
00:05:39.040Um, but of course, that's what the Stoics were practicing thousands of years ago, which is the art of savouring your past successes.
00:05:39.279 -->
00:05:48.160So if you're about to go into battle, the last thing you need is a whole group of people, you know, yourself included, worrying about all the things that you shoulda, woulda, coulda have done.
00:05:48.240 -->
00:05:56.160So focusing on regrets before you're about to go into a next challenge, it might propel you to change, but it might not set you up with a capability mindset.
00:05:56.399 -->
00:05:56.800That's true.
00:05:56.959 -->
00:06:05.680Whereas if you're savouring the sweet successes, if it's the wisdoms that you think, actually, that was a tough time, but I'm really proud of how I handled it.
00:06:05.920 -->
00:06:10.879So, what was it that I feel proud about that I can then bring forward to this next challenge?
00:06:10.959 -->
00:06:28.720So yeah, it just got me all excited there, Deb, because sometimes it's these these little truisms that can just help you see it clearly, you know, like that that life-changing little bit of motto you gave to me when I was in 2013 going through a really super tough time, and I I wrote it in Sharpie.
00:06:29.040 -->
00:06:30.240Oh, I love that.
00:06:30.560 -->
00:06:38.079On my metal, um, on my metal um pencil tin, which I learned not to have metal because as soon as you drop it, everything falls out.
00:06:38.959 -->
00:06:39.759That was a wisdom.
00:06:39.920 -->
00:06:41.439That's a wisdom, that's a wisdom.
00:06:41.600 -->
00:06:46.399But the motto I wrote that you gifted to me was aim with the heart, steer with the head.
00:06:46.639 -->
00:06:47.279Yeah.
00:06:47.600 -->
00:06:49.920God, yeah, that all that time ago.
00:06:50.160 -->
00:06:52.319Oh, and how has that helped you?
00:06:52.560 -->
00:06:54.879Oh my gosh, untold Debs.
00:06:55.040 -->
00:06:58.560Because it's not about not having the challenges and the things that hold you back, is it?
00:06:58.800 -->
00:06:59.680No, no, it isn't.
00:06:59.759 -->
00:07:03.839No, no one has a life that is completely frictionless and doesn't have any setbacks.
00:07:04.160 -->
00:07:07.839No, if somebody says that, oh, I've got nothing going on, I go, really though?
00:07:08.079 -->
00:07:14.160Um I'm what are you trying to mask or not let on or keep people at a distance for whatever reason?
00:07:14.319 -->
00:07:27.680Um, but yeah, because we all have we all have stuff going on, like we talked about, you know, if we can have that compassion like we talked about on um the other one of the other episodes, it's just saying, stopping for a moment and going, well, that what's going on for them?
00:07:27.839 -->
00:07:30.639But you know, that's again a lesson learnt, right?
00:07:30.800 -->
00:07:40.079Because I think it does, I think reflection enables you to build that bridge between, if you like, experience and then improvement.
00:07:40.319 -->
00:07:49.360And I know when we run workshops or we do coaching conversations, we always ask people to um tell us, you know, well, what happened when you did that?
00:07:49.439 -->
00:07:50.879You know, what did you learn from that?
00:07:51.040 -->
00:07:53.120And we might say, you know, was there anything in there?
00:07:53.279 -->
00:07:55.519What surprised you as you went through that?
00:07:55.680 -->
00:07:58.879So again, um, what would you do differently next time?
00:07:59.040 -->
00:08:00.800So we're we're bringing that out of them.
00:08:00.879 -->
00:08:08.000So the lessons they've had, but we're actually acknowledging the lessons so they're they're not going to get buried and forgotten.
00:08:08.160 -->
00:08:13.120There's an element, I think, which is why coaching is just some of the best stuff for reflective thinking.
00:08:13.360 -->
00:08:16.480It enables you to know, well, what you did really, really well.
00:08:16.639 -->
00:08:21.360So because we've also got to reflect on what we, as you said, what we are doing well, savouring those great moments.
00:08:21.519 -->
00:08:26.560But we also need some time where we go, okay, I wouldn't want to repeat that.
00:08:26.720 -->
00:08:28.319So what will I do differently?
00:08:28.560 -->
00:08:38.720And I think that is when you take that moment, either you write stuff down, um, you might have two or three questions, you that your prompt questions, um, and they're normally the same.
00:08:38.799 -->
00:08:44.879You know, what went well, what challenged me in that moment, what have I learned about myself today?
00:08:45.039 -->
00:08:56.720And then what will I do differently tomorrow, or the next time I'm I'm coming up against this, so that when it happens, we are able, we're more aware of it rather than, as we said, just be on autopilot.
00:08:56.879 -->
00:08:58.639Um, and it's a choice, I think.
00:08:58.720 -->
00:09:07.840You know, we have a choice to continue down that same route and then wonder why it's not working or why we're not changing or why we're not getting what we think we deserve.
00:09:08.000 -->
00:09:14.080Um, so we have a choice to either do something different, which as you know is really hard sometimes.
00:09:14.240 -->
00:09:22.559Um, and I know, Law, when you've been speaking to people, they go, um, they might say to you, Oh, no, I've been doing this for years, yeah, I can't change it now.
00:09:22.799 -->
00:09:26.960And I and I know we both love that when somebody chucks that back in the room, right?
00:09:27.039 -->
00:09:32.960Because you know, how I suppose that's one of the things I love when working with you, it's that ability to then challenge back.
00:09:33.120 -->
00:09:39.039Yeah, and yeah, and that's the bit that enables us to go, oh, uh, okay, because we're reflecting all the time.
00:09:39.200 -->
00:09:41.759Yeah, Debs, one of the favourites, right?
00:09:41.840 -->
00:09:48.080That I love the fact because I can feel when someone says that, and we think, right, which one's gonna, which one of us is gonna step in?
00:09:48.159 -->
00:09:53.679And and one of my faves, I've I've heard you say a number of times over the years, and and how's that working for you?
00:09:56.559 -->
00:09:57.759It's true, right?
00:09:57.840 -->
00:09:58.480Yeah.
00:09:58.960 -->
00:10:00.080Let me ask you that.
00:10:00.240 -->
00:10:06.960And it's it's such a because it's not a disrespectful question, but it's one of those mirror moment questions of, you know, and how's that working for you?
00:10:07.120 -->
00:10:16.399And I guess if someone responds back saying every single person I've ever worked with is a complete nightmare, oh, what might be going on?
00:10:16.639 -->
00:10:18.320Yeah, what's going on for you then?
00:10:18.480 -->
00:10:18.879Yeah.
00:10:19.200 -->
00:10:21.679So give us some practical things, right?
00:10:21.919 -->
00:10:37.120So is this something that we do every five years and we lock ourselves in a room and we, you know, we invest loads of money in getting some swanky notebook and you know, a£500 remarkable that we're not going to use as a mouse mouse pad that we're actually going to use.
00:10:37.279 -->
00:10:40.960Um, so what would be some practical suggestions or recommendations?
00:10:41.120 -->
00:10:44.000And what might be some simple things to not get too hung up on?
00:10:44.080 -->
00:10:46.320So give us like some practical aspects around this.
00:10:46.879 -->
00:10:52.799Yeah, I think that it can be done how how often, how often as you want it to be done.
00:10:53.039 -->
00:11:03.679I always think that that taking the moment at the end of the day, and you you will always you know talk about, you know, do connect it with something that's a ritual or routine, so it becomes more of a habit for you.
00:11:03.759 -->
00:11:08.159Um, like when you clean your teeth, think about what I want well today, what could I do differently?
00:11:08.399 -->
00:11:23.519I I personally think that reflection should happen every day in some form of another, not for hours and not sitting there contemplating it too much, but maybe just in five minutes of peace where you go, yeah, what did I do well there?
00:11:23.679 -->
00:11:40.399You know, especially if you've had a tricky conversation in the moment, or you've dealt with something that was particularly hard, or you overcame something, or you're celebrating something, by just taking that moment and pausing and going, Oh, what did I do well then that made that happen?
00:11:40.639 -->
00:11:42.639And that's enough sometimes.
00:11:42.799 -->
00:11:54.720Um, people write, people do write it down, people journal, um, and I think it can build confidence as well because it can remind you of what you are able to do rather than unable to do.
00:11:54.879 -->
00:12:05.679Um, and I think it's that bit where the tiny moments of reflection that we do definitely don't do it every five years because that's too far and too much happens in our life.
00:12:05.840 -->
00:12:22.320But if we're taking up five minutes every day, every other day, whatever works for you, um over time, that little incremental building of what you've acknowledged yourself for, what you've reflected on about what you did well, what you could do even better, how do you want to improve?
00:12:22.480 -->
00:12:23.759How did it make you feel?
00:12:23.919 -->
00:12:26.399Um, that shifts you over time.
00:12:26.480 -->
00:12:36.159And and it can be build more confidence within you because you've acknowledged it and then you're faced with it again, and you handle it differently, you get a better result.
00:12:36.399 -->
00:12:37.759Oh, it works, you know.
00:12:37.919 -->
00:12:42.799So I think confidence, it make it enables you to make um better decisions.
00:12:42.960 -->
00:12:46.720And I always think the question I say, so what would I do differently next time?
00:12:46.960 -->
00:12:57.679You might not, because it was the right thing to do in that moment, but it might also give you time to think about, yeah, if it if it went this way or that way, but it's not ruminating over it either.
00:12:57.840 -->
00:13:01.200Um, it's just literally raising your awareness to it.
00:13:01.360 -->
00:13:08.399And I suppose making more um it's more intentional, so therefore you there have a choice, like we said.
00:13:08.559 -->
00:13:28.799Um, if you're faced with it again two years later, the fact you reflected on it back then, it will be in your memory bank somewhere, and it might go, Oh, I think I'm sure I came across, I'm sure I did something similar a while back, and then your brain is very good at bringing that piece of information forward, and then you can go, oh yeah, well, I'm not gonna do it that way, but I will do it this way.
00:13:28.960 -->
00:13:41.759So that wisdom sits within us, um, as you know, in our memory bank somewhere and in our little filing system that we have, um, and therefore it enables us to make more intentional choices if we want to.
00:13:42.320 -->
00:13:43.519It's a choice.
00:13:44.320 -->
00:13:45.679You've got me thinking.
00:13:46.080 -->
00:13:51.120So um, I was lucky enough to do some um work over in Montreal this year.
00:13:51.200 -->
00:13:56.480So the throw to Montreal flight is about seven hours, I think.
00:13:56.639 -->
00:13:57.759Yeah, seven or eight hours.
00:13:57.840 -->
00:13:57.919Yeah.
00:13:58.240 -->
00:13:59.679We were there travelling as part of a team.
00:13:59.759 -->
00:14:05.840So I was the facilitator for the for the um the summit, and then um some of the clients were there on the flight as well.
00:14:06.000 -->
00:14:07.360Anyway, so I turned around.
00:14:07.519 -->
00:14:16.720Obviously, I'd already planned right what am I gonna watch, what am I gonna drink, and how do I absolutely optimize um this uh this flight that I'm gonna kind of be on.
00:14:16.879 -->
00:14:25.120And I turned around and I could see one of the uh clients just sort of staring out of the window, and I thought, oh, I wonder what Ben's gonna be watching.
00:14:25.200 -->
00:14:27.519And I kind of went over to him, I went, what are you gonna be watching?
00:14:27.679 -->
00:14:29.039And he said, nothing.
00:14:29.200 -->
00:14:40.320And I went, Oh, and he said, It's actually a rule that I set many years ago, because he's always had a job that required a lot of US to the UK and back again um travel.
00:14:40.480 -->
00:14:50.240And it was a little rule that he set them that whenever he's on a flight, he doesn't consume entertainment, he just sits there with his thoughts and does a big old reflection.
00:14:50.399 -->
00:14:58.960And he said, That's what he found, just helped him almost be able to just catch up with where I'm landing, where have I come from, and having some of that reflection time.
00:14:59.120 -->
00:15:06.480And I remember it was just prompted by you saying about actually it's almost turning into that into a ritual where you almost like connect it with something.
00:15:06.639 -->
00:15:10.159I think that's the um role that swimming used to do for me.
00:15:10.399 -->
00:15:12.399Yes, because you used to do that a lot, didn't you?
00:15:13.039 -->
00:15:16.399They were your moments of thinking, yeah, reflective thinking.
00:15:16.960 -->
00:15:18.320Do you remember I was chatting with a neighbour?
00:15:18.399 -->
00:15:20.559Yeah, and I was saying to the neighbour, what do you do?
00:15:20.639 -->
00:15:22.240What do you think about when you swim?
00:15:22.799 -->
00:15:27.360And um, and I would uh I would tend to swim like 10 lengths at a time, whatever.
00:15:27.519 -->
00:15:33.919So I would plan January and then that's right, yes, and then March and April, and I would first of all reflect.
00:15:34.000 -->
00:15:35.759So, what was I doing last January?
00:15:35.919 -->
00:15:38.799So I, you know, I had a busy old sort of reflective thought that was going.
00:15:39.039 -->
00:15:40.799Well, it wasn't busy, but reflective thought.
00:15:40.879 -->
00:15:41.039Yeah.
00:15:41.200 -->
00:15:45.919And then she looked at me like I was mad, and I said, Well, what do you think about when you swing?
00:15:46.240 -->
00:15:54.720She goes, Literally, my brain is going doopy doopy do brilliant.
00:15:54.879 -->
00:16:00.159It was so funny, and I couldn't quite work out, and I still don't know, devs, who's who's got it cracked?
00:16:00.320 -->
00:16:06.000Because actually, there was something quite mind and body connected for me to use that as a moment of reflection.
00:16:06.080 -->
00:16:17.919And I think I kind of do that with driving now, actually, because basically I can't swim so much because it hurt my neck, so now I have to do a different exercise, and I'll not be counting to 30 in some, you know, doing less than a minute, yeah.
00:16:18.159 -->
00:16:18.639Exactly.
00:16:18.799 -->
00:16:24.559Yeah, so I haven't got time to think about anything else other than enduring some kind of awful hit exercise, anyway.
00:16:25.120 -->
00:16:27.279But um, I think I'll try and use driving as that now.
00:16:27.360 -->
00:16:41.120But I was inspired by then is there are some moments where actually can I disconnect from being entertained and stimulated and just think for a bit, just be some of those questions you gave, I think are really useful, reflective questions.
00:16:41.440 -->
00:16:47.200I think, and I think that's a really good catch, actually, Law, because we are on 24-7.
00:16:47.519 -->
00:16:51.840And I know we talked about this when we were doing our healthy coping mechanisms workshop.
00:16:52.080 -->
00:16:54.639That when do we ever turn off now?
00:16:54.799 -->
00:17:10.000Yeah, and and going back to what you said, your stoics or your cave people, they did switch off and just reflected or reminisced of the day or paused for a moment, and because we are um so for we're always on, always.
00:17:10.079 -->
00:17:23.200We're like a Juracell bunny sometimes, but we've got to top up ourselves each time to go in order for me to keep going, I need to stop at some point and plug myself back in and re-energize.
00:17:23.359 -->
00:17:35.920But it's it's doing the things that bring you joy, so I don't think there's any right or wrong, like you said, you you use that time for you because it made you feel better when you got out, and it and it's that it's the what does it give you?
00:17:36.079 -->
00:17:38.559What's the feeling it creates within you?
00:17:38.720 -->
00:17:43.599Um, and if that's a good feeling and sets you up for success, why would you not?
00:17:43.759 -->
00:17:47.920But on the other hand, just going dooby dooby doob and just doing that, fine.
00:17:48.000 -->
00:17:51.200If that works for you, then I don't think there's any rules around it.
00:17:51.279 -->
00:18:05.920And I think this is where people can get caught up, because especially in coaching, somebody says, you know, I always say, look, keep your own journal, keep your coaching experience, write down what you're thinking, what's come up, what are you learning, because we can always use that if you want in a session.
00:18:06.079 -->
00:18:09.599And then I normally get people say to me, Well, do I have to do that every day?
00:18:09.759 -->
00:18:12.480And I go, do it when you feel you want to.
00:18:12.640 -->
00:18:16.079And they go, Yeah, but if I don't do it every day, then I won't create that habit.
00:18:16.319 -->
00:18:24.799And it that's always an interesting conversation because that's obviously a pattern, then that they, in order for them to get good at it, they have to repeat it, repeat it, and do it every single day.
00:18:24.880 -->
00:18:27.359But that's again putting more pressure on ourselves.
00:18:27.599 -->
00:18:34.799So whilst we give people choice, initially we might be steering them to go, I'd like you to do a weekly reflection.
00:18:34.960 -->
00:18:54.880Um, and they go, Oh, okay, and then it might be a daily, but again, so there's you know, there's no right or wrong in this, but I would not leave it at the end of five years, then sit down and contemplate the last five years of your life because you won't you will never recall it and you'll be there forever, probably, you know, so little and often.
00:18:55.200 -->
00:19:01.200Dev to tell me about it when you do your um blimming vat return, trying to work out uh what was that receipt for?
00:19:02.880 -->
00:19:12.079I know I my shout out to anybody who's bookkeeper accountant gets on the phone to whoever they're working with and says, Could you go through and tell me what these were for?
00:19:12.319 -->
00:19:16.559I take my hat off and I give a shout out to my bookkeeper, my family.
00:19:16.720 -->
00:19:18.960How she does it and keeps me on track.
00:19:19.440 -->
00:19:21.759I go, Oh, and she said, you know what, Deb?
00:19:21.839 -->
00:19:23.039She always says to me, You know what?
00:19:23.119 -->
00:19:25.200What could you do better next year?
00:19:27.759 -->
00:19:28.799Anyway, enough of that.
00:19:28.880 -->
00:19:29.680Thank you, my family.
00:19:30.160 -->
00:19:33.759I just want a uh I just want to be processed, not a service.
00:19:33.839 -->
00:19:34.799Thank you very much.
00:19:35.359 -->
00:19:41.279But it is that even so we can do it in any given moment, you know, what would you do differently next time?
00:19:41.440 -->
00:19:48.000I mean, there is a time and a place if you know someone has just done something really stupid, you don't go, well, what would you do next time?
00:19:48.079 -->
00:19:52.880You know, it's it has to be the right moment to explore that.
00:19:53.119 -->
00:19:59.119And sometimes people want to reflect on their own, they don't want somebody else to do it for them or with them.
00:19:59.359 -->
00:20:01.680So, again, we've got to read the room.
00:20:01.920 -->
00:20:13.680Because of course, in the world of incident response, yes, anyone that has like a um kind of a role where you stand up and you have to deal with something, they call it a hot debrief and a cold debrief.
00:20:14.319 -->
00:20:14.640Yes.
00:20:15.039 -->
00:20:22.720So the hot right, yes, so the hot debrief is um, you know, uh, oh my god, that was the most horrendous meeting I've ever been part of.
00:20:22.880 -->
00:20:23.759Hot debrief, right?
00:20:23.920 -->
00:20:24.720Where's my head at?
00:20:24.880 -->
00:20:28.160Because I think if we catch it, it doesn't land as part of your self-belief.
00:20:28.400 -->
00:20:28.799Is that right?
00:20:28.960 -->
00:20:34.240Yeah, but you can treat it as like a situation rather than a personality thing.
00:20:34.400 -->
00:20:35.599And then a cool debrief.
00:20:35.839 -->
00:20:42.160So maybe you might say to yourself, actually, I just need to calm down a little bit because I'm I'm you know, I'm I'm I'm all over the place.
00:20:42.319 -->
00:20:50.079Let me calm down, and then at the end of the week, I'm gonna do a cool reflection, a cold, a cool reflection, once things have just kind of calmed down.
00:20:50.160 -->
00:21:05.599So, yeah, so maybe that reflective thing from reflective practice, if there's a lot of things that you bounce in in between on, your hot debrief captures your instant thoughts, and then you know, after a couple of sleeps, sometimes you feel completely different about something, or the storylines evolved and elapsed.
00:21:05.839 -->
00:21:06.240You're right.
00:21:06.400 -->
00:21:12.319Give it, yeah, as you said, if you sleep on it, then your mind would have had time to process it a bit more.
00:21:12.480 -->
00:21:18.160You would have probably looked at it from um, you mentioned about the perceptual positioning on one of our episodes.
00:21:18.319 -->
00:21:28.000So looking at it from all the different angles, and your brain isn't heightened to it, so therefore you are thinking more rationally rather than irrationally.
00:21:28.160 -->
00:21:33.920So I think it's really important that we don't, if we're reacting in the moment and going, oh, what did I do well?
00:21:34.079 -->
00:21:37.200Right, I'm gonna fix it now, that doesn't always help us.
00:21:37.359 -->
00:21:44.960So we need to again slow down to go faster, but just pause for a moment and go, okay, so what did I do okay there?
00:21:45.119 -->
00:21:46.480What would I not repeat?
00:21:46.640 -->
00:21:47.839That might be enough.
00:21:48.079 -->
00:21:51.279Um, the other question sometimes we ask is what gave you the energy?
00:21:51.440 -->
00:21:53.039Yeah, what gave you energy today?
00:21:53.200 -->
00:21:57.119So you can ask, as long as it's a what question, you know, what drained your energy?
00:21:57.279 -->
00:21:59.759Like we talk about was it radiators and drains.
00:22:00.240 -->
00:22:00.640Is that right?
00:22:00.960 -->
00:22:01.039Yes.
00:22:01.359 -->
00:22:02.480Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:22:02.880 -->
00:22:04.960Yeah, radiating drains.
00:22:05.279 -->
00:22:05.680Yeah.
00:22:05.839 -->
00:22:07.200So they come into the mix.
00:22:07.440 -->
00:22:07.680Yeah.
00:22:07.759 -->
00:22:10.000Who are the people that radiate energy for you?
00:22:10.079 -->
00:22:12.400And who are the people that drain your energy?
00:22:12.640 -->
00:22:13.279Um, yeah.
00:22:13.440 -->
00:22:23.440But also, I quite like the take that um it was either yourself or Lynn's that had added about actually there's if you are the radiator, how do you ensure you don't burn yourself out as well?
00:22:23.680 -->
00:22:24.720Oh, what's that phrase?
00:22:24.799 -->
00:22:27.599Oh, I'd want I had one of those memes and I was going through a tough time.
00:22:27.759 -->
00:22:30.799You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
00:22:31.839 -->
00:22:33.440Oh, that's neat.
00:22:33.599 -->
00:22:35.039So there's wisdom there, right?
00:22:35.359 -->
00:22:35.839In there, Deb.
00:22:36.480 -->
00:22:38.319That was written on the other side of the pencil case.
00:22:38.559 -->
00:22:39.440That was the other side.
00:22:39.519 -->
00:22:40.079I love that.
00:22:40.240 -->
00:22:47.680But I think look, I think this is where when we look back at language and where those saying comes from, I think they've come, yeah, it'd be all right.
00:22:47.759 -->
00:22:48.799It is what it is.
00:22:48.960 -->
00:22:54.240Um, you know, don't ever doubt yourself because one day you'll look back and be proud that you didn't give up.
00:22:54.400 -->
00:23:04.559All of these things, all of these uh sayings or quotes or inspirational have all come from somebody reflecting, and then they've put it out there as their reflection.
00:23:04.720 -->
00:23:11.200And it happens to be an inspirational quote, or it happens to be something that you go, oh yeah, that's true, actually.
00:23:11.440 -->
00:23:21.599Um, so we are doing it, and it is all around us where somebody has already experienced it and they've reflected on it and they put it out there for others as a way of helping.
00:23:21.680 -->
00:23:25.200Um, but it also would help them and other people.
00:23:25.279 -->
00:23:37.039And I think that's where you can really hone in on that because I think all of those quotes have come from somewhere, even your stoic quotes, you know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
00:23:37.279 -->
00:23:45.920Yeah, all of those have come from somebody reflecting and having the wisdom and building on their experience to then share it.
00:23:46.079 -->
00:23:52.000And then some people will take it on board, some people won't, but they definitely will because it's resonated with them.
00:23:52.400 -->
00:24:10.480Debs, what a glorious way to wrap up this focus looking at the power of reflective thinking and being able to convert the experience into wisdom that can help propel you forward or at least comfort yourself or someone else to whatever the next kind of uh stages are.
00:24:10.799 -->
00:24:12.400So um I've loved this.
00:24:12.559 -->
00:24:18.079So this is the final in our five-part focus looking at quality thinking.
00:24:18.319 -->
00:24:20.960And um I've absolutely enjoyed this.
00:24:21.039 -->
00:24:23.039It's been amazing hearing from Lindsay.
00:24:23.200 -->
00:24:28.480You and I then kind of tapping into each other's passions and beliefs around this stuff.
00:24:28.720 -->
00:24:33.839And um, you know, there are a couple of fantastic phrases that, you know, between us we've sort of shared.
00:24:33.920 -->
00:24:42.319And of course, what this means then is um this marks the end of one mini-series and the beginning of the next one.
00:24:42.400 -->
00:24:43.920So we'll share that in a moment.
00:24:44.160 -->
00:24:53.440Yeah, but of all the things we've covered on this episode, what would be your key call to action when thinking about the power of reflective thinking?
00:24:54.000 -->
00:25:00.960Oh, um I would say give yourself permission to notice.
00:25:01.839 -->
00:25:02.960That's what I would say.
00:25:03.119 -->
00:25:11.279So, you know, if there's something has happened, give yourself permission to just pause and take a moment and just ask yourself those questions.
00:25:11.440 -->
00:25:12.240What did I do well?
00:25:12.400 -->
00:25:13.759What didn't go as well as I hoped?
00:25:13.920 -->
00:25:15.359What will I do differently?
00:25:15.519 -->
00:25:18.720Um, and yeah, how am I gonna maybe make that happen?
00:25:18.880 -->
00:25:22.960So just be kind and yeah, give yourself permission to notice.
00:25:23.119 -->
00:25:29.599Um, because I think every experience is trying to teach you something, and it's whether you want to embrace it.
00:25:29.680 -->
00:25:36.559Um, so don't forget it, but actually it's about making sure you acknowledge it's happened, but this is what you're taking away from it.
00:25:37.839 -->
00:25:38.640Build that wisdom.
00:25:38.880 -->
00:25:44.559And I on that law, I think we can say, you know, we've seen people that go, Well, wisdom must come with age.
00:25:44.799 -->
00:25:54.720No, wisdom comes from having lived experiences, whether you're four, fourteen, twenty-four, sixty-four, um, yeah, it comes from experiences, wisdom.
00:25:55.359 -->
00:25:56.960Yeah, absolutely.
00:25:57.200 -->
00:26:05.759So, my share the secret would be I think sometimes taking a moment to reflect is super useful if you are on the brink of making a decision.
00:26:06.000 -->
00:26:22.480So, actually, just thinking about our share the secret on this one, my share the secret would be if you've got a friend who is considering a job move or considering some kind of life change, actually, your phrase slowed down to go faster before you kind of leap out of the frying pan into the fire, you know, another old phrase.
00:26:22.720 -->
00:26:34.720Another one to listen to this, because some of those reflective questions could really just help course correct to ensure we might catch any patterns, and then before we know it, we're just going through the same thing again, experiencing the same thing.
00:26:34.960 -->
00:26:47.839So, yeah, I think reflective thinking is, you know, just even taking five minutes to reflect um on whatever the decision is that you've got ahead of you, reflecting on the past could then just really shift the way that you kind of approach that.
00:26:47.920 -->
00:26:49.039So that would be my share the secret.
00:26:49.200 -->
00:26:58.720If you've got a mate or a colleague who's on the brink of making a decision, get them to listen to this just to ensure that they bring all of their wisdom into play when they're considering next steps.
00:26:58.880 -->
00:26:59.119Yeah.
00:26:59.279 -->
00:27:00.400Oh my god, I love that.
00:27:00.559 -->
00:27:01.839Oh, this has been so cool.
00:27:01.920 -->
00:27:03.119I really enjoyed this one.
00:27:03.200 -->
00:27:08.880Yeah, it's got me thinking all month, actually, in this series, um, about the different things we've covered.
00:27:09.039 -->
00:27:15.039And yeah, I've I've just really enjoyed it and I found I've been using bits of it in workshops or with people and me too.
00:27:15.200 -->
00:27:17.440Yeah, it's uh it's just been really powerful, actually.
00:27:17.680 -->
00:27:18.960Yeah, yeah, me too.
00:27:19.119 -->
00:27:31.680And I really hope from this mini-series, like all of our content, yeah, shorts, you know, uh, right here in the moment, we we want to be your cheerleaders, helping you to thrive and maximise your potential in the ever-evolving, rapidly changing world of work.
00:27:31.839 -->
00:27:35.119Yeah, but also all of these are nuggets that you can share with your teams, yeah.
00:27:35.759 -->
00:27:47.759Share with um, you know, anyone in your life really that is looking for these life skills to be able to bring them to life in whatever those scenarios are, whether it's paid employment or whatever work it is that is on your source to do.
00:27:48.000 -->
00:27:48.319True.
00:27:48.400 -->
00:27:51.759Um, but it does feel to me, Devs, like we need a bit of a rest.
00:27:51.920 -->
00:27:54.480Do you re I think we might do, actually, Laura?
00:27:54.640 -->
00:27:59.839I think we just need a bit of a doobie dooby-doo, dooby-dooby-do moment.
00:27:59.920 -->
00:28:00.559I love that.
00:28:00.720 -->
00:28:05.519Yes, a bit like your friend doobie-dooby-doo moment where we have nothing going on in our heads.
00:28:05.680 -->
00:28:07.599It's like a Homer Simpson moment, isn't it?
00:28:08.000 -->
00:28:11.119Absolutely, just like a couple of flies going around and stuff.
00:28:11.359 -->
00:28:17.519Um, but what's wonderful is we are gonna create some guilt-free relaxation.
00:28:17.759 -->
00:28:19.359So picture the scene.
00:28:19.519 -->
00:28:29.599You've got a bit of time in between one commitment and another, and the sun is shining, or the weather is optimum, whatever is optimum for you, and you're thinking, shall I just take a moment for myself?
00:28:29.839 -->
00:28:30.880Oh no, I can't.
00:28:30.960 -->
00:28:31.680I'm really busy.
00:28:31.839 -->
00:28:42.720Well, hold that pause there because you can say, I'm gonna take a moment for myself, and I am gonna put on a sun hat and I'm gonna have some uh continuing professional development from CPD.
00:28:42.880 -->
00:28:57.440And we are delighted to um be starting to get ready for our far four-part summer relax and unwind, our four mini episodes for the next month, which at the time of recording is August.
00:28:57.519 -->
00:29:00.559So, what a perfect time to just chill, relax, and unwind.
00:29:00.640 -->
00:29:14.319Yeah, and we're gonna be hearing from our incredible team members around different shift tips to shift into holiday mode, relax your mind, de stress your body, and reframe a heavy workload.
00:29:14.400 -->
00:29:22.160So, all those things that can help you enjoy the weather, enjoy a bit of me time, but also knowing that you're having some uh things that are gonna help moving forward.
00:29:22.240 -->
00:29:23.359So, can't wait for that.
00:29:23.599 -->
00:29:26.720No, me neither, Law, and I'll go better go and get my sun hat.
00:29:26.799 -->
00:29:27.599That's all I'm saying.
00:29:29.359 -->
00:29:32.640Get that written, reinforce my bikini.
00:29:36.319 -->
00:29:37.279I love these wines.
00:29:38.880 -->
00:29:44.720I literally put them on in the charity shops because I thought there's no way this body is gonna get in them ever again.
00:29:44.799 -->
00:29:49.279So nothing says classy lady like a second hand bikini, Debs.
00:29:54.799 -->
00:29:56.640But then the pool, and you went in there.
00:29:56.880 -->
00:30:01.200You said, Oh, I forgot my sequence, and I said, Well, I've got a spare one.
00:30:02.000 -->
00:30:09.519He looked at me, and there was that real moment of lover, and we do call each other work wives, but there isn't been money.
00:30:10.079 -->
00:30:12.000That was wisdom talking there, Laura, wasn't it?
00:30:13.039 -->
00:30:14.079That was wisdom.
00:30:14.319 -->
00:30:17.680Hanging around with all those dodgy other women at the uh to impulse.
00:30:17.759 -->
00:30:26.079Yes, so I won't be doing that, Laura, but they yeah, you know, when you buy them in the hope that you can fit into them, and it never happens.
00:30:26.160 -->
00:30:30.240So they've still got the labels on, so I haven't had second-handing them.
00:30:30.480 -->
00:30:42.400Now I don't want to get all mug fan we here about the crass on, but there is a little bit of reflective wisdom sometimes we can bring to these ideas of there's my ideal wardrobe and then my real wardrobe.
00:30:42.640 -->
00:30:45.599Exactly, and I know which one brings me joy and comfort.
00:30:45.680 -->
00:30:49.680Is my and you've only lived once, and we've got to practice self-compassion.
00:30:49.759 -->
00:30:50.720So exactly.
00:30:50.799 -->
00:30:51.839Let's do that then, Law.
00:30:52.079 -->
00:30:53.920Yeah, I'll have an apple with a crash on chaser.
00:30:54.000 -->
00:30:54.400Thank you very much.
00:30:54.559 -->
00:30:55.440There we go.
00:30:57.440 -->
00:30:58.319I love it.
00:30:58.559 -->
00:31:00.640Oh my god, on that note, have a good week.
00:31:01.279 -->
00:31:02.799Yes, you two Debs.
00:31:03.200 -->
00:31:03.680All right, lovely.
00:31:03.839 -->
00:31:07.839Yeah, have a really good one, and I'll see you um see you for a relaxing unwind series.
00:31:08.079 -->
00:31:08.960Yes, I can't wait.
00:31:09.039 -->
00:31:10.720All right, take it easy, you love you.
00:31:11.920 -->
00:31:12.319Bye.
00:31:15.200 -->
00:31:17.119We hope you've enjoyed this podcast.
00:31:17.279 -->
00:31:18.720We'd love to hear from you.
00:31:18.960 -->
00:31:25.599Email us at contact at Secretstoma Coach.com or follow us on Insta or Facebook.
00:31:25.759 -->
00:31:30.079If you're a Spotify listener, give us the rating as it's easier for people to find us.
00:31:30.240 -->
00:31:42.720And if you want to know more, visit our website www.seecrets from a coach.com and sign up for our newsletter here to cheer you on and help you thrive in the ever-changing world of work.
