Rebuilding Confidence After Leaving: Taking Up Space Again

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Kind: captions
Language: en
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Welcome everyone back to another episode
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of Pulling Threads. Today our guest is
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Cammy D. She didn't expect to be
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starting over at 40. She's a mother of
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three, a farmer, speaker, and stand-up
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comedian. And she's rebuilding her life
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after a divorce and leaving a business a
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business partner. was your husband your
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business partner? So really restarting
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everything and Cammy really just
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left that situation
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and she didn't wait to figure everything
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out like a lot of people do. And so
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we're going to talk about that and what
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healing looks like while you're still
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like living in it. how to get through
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the uncertainty,
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small winds, grief, laughter,
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>> and then I think we can relate on this.
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There often are some surprising ways
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that we find ourselves again and quickly
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realize that we didn't know we were
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lost, but wow, once you start seeing
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yourself again, you can't unsee it. So,
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I'm really excited to talk about how
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humor and storytelling and radical
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honesty got you to where you are now and
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how you're serving women and just all of
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the things. So, welcome Cammy. I'm so
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excited to have you here. Welcome to
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Bowling Threads.
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>> Thank you so much, Leslie. I'm really
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happy to be here. Yay. Well, tell me a
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little bit about life before you decided
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to leave. If you can tell me what you
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want to share, cuz I think it just kind
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of sets us up for understanding what you
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were walking away from. Like, so who
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were you before? Before I left, I was a
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really um active person in the community
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and held a lot of community leadership
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roles.
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>> Yeah.
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>> As well. So I had a farm. We had started
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together about in 2010
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and it had grown and developed and I'd
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really been the driving force behind
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that growth and we started with only
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three hens and honestly ended up with a
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thousand plus laying hens. So it was
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>> quite an operation.
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>> Yeah. And I really shephered that growth
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every step of the way. And to develop
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this business from selling eggs at a
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farmers market to being a major
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wholesale supplier of eggs in our local
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area. I it was quite the journey and we
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were recognized and awarded outstanding
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young farmers and I was really involved
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politically as well with agricultural
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policy and speaking on national and
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provincial agricultural boards and
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because of that I'd also really uh
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developed then a passion for politics
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>> and I actually ran in an election in
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2024.
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>> Wow. and had my face on a billboard for
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the better part of that year. And
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so really I was a very high performer.
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>> I had a lot of output was able to manage
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all of these things as well as I was I
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was really engaged in public speaking
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and public life. privately. I was being
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silenced and I was aware that I was
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being pushed out of the business that I
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had helped build and ran regularly. And
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part of it was intentional. Before I
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left, I'd been trying to create space
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and trying to create some separation
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because our life was so integrated
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between working together, the children.
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Uh we tried to create this equal
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division of labor which of course as a
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woman in a relationship that's really
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hard to do. Expectations still fell on
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me to do it all. And by the time I got
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to running the campaign, I was hearing
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about how sacrificial he was to take
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care of the kids and how much he was
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doing to support my my my career goals.
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And it was really during the campaign
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where I started to pick up on these
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control pieces that I' I'd missed or I
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thought I was immune to for so long
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because I had a really solid knowledge.
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I'd actually worked for a woman against
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violence organization in the earlier
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years. And I was well aware of what
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control looks like, but when you're
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actually living in it, it is so
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difficult to see. And I managed that
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image so well from the outside. The
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community of course has no idea. Like I
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I painted a pretty picture. My I'm still
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on the egg carton with the happy family
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and my children and the hens.
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>> Yeah. So when I left like and I left
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really abruptly. I was aware during the
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campaign that
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I needed that space in my marriage and
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losing the campaign. I think it was a
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really successful campaign. I had over a
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hundred volunteers but I didn't win the
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election.
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>> Right.
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>> So for me I was like oh no I missed the
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offramp.
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>> Yeah. I had to recalibrate. And as soon
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as there was a small tiny open window of
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opportunity to leave, I just ran for it.
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And it was only after I left that I
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started to figure things out and how bad
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it really was. And that was honestly
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because literally trauma was just
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pouring out of my body and I didn't know
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what was happening and I had to do the
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digging and the work to figure out what
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the relationship actually was. I think
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that's so common and I don't think we're
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maybe we're talking about it more and
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we're talking about it here and more
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people are talking about it, but so many
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women see themselves as the problem.
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There are so many other things that you
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blame when you're in it because it's
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really hard when you're in survival
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mode, right? And your brain and your
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nervous system are just trying to keep
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you safe 24/7.
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I sometimes describe it like a fog and
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it's like the fog starts lifting and
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you're like
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>> what? Wait a minute. So talk about that.
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Like what you're saying is you knew that
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you needed to find the window and the
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escape hatch,
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>> but you couldn't see exactly what was
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happening clearly until you were out. Is
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that
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>> until I was out? Yeah, that's correct.
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And I think a lot of it too that I
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blamed the farm, the chaos. there's
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always so much to do, always so much
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more that could be done.
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>> Yeah.
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>> But after leaving, I began to realize,
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no, maybe it wasn't the farm. And I
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think part of that was like I had
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carried so much and worked so well. And
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also in running the election, I I had
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orchestrated my own exit from the
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business. I'd made sure that everything
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that I had been managing was passed off
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as well as I could to staff, but it was
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always him that I couldn't figure out
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the way to pass off the responsibility
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to cuz it would always just end back on
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me.
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>> And I didn't quite see that pattern that
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it wasn't the farm that was putting it
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back on me, but that it was actually him
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putting it back on me,
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>> right?
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>> Until I'd left. And
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>> yeah, when I I left, he had actually
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gone away to his home country with it
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with his mom for just a 3-w week trip
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and I was fully managing the farm and
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January and early February and we had a
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terrible snowstorm, no power, and I was
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there on the tractor clearing 2
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kilometers of driveway by myself and we
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had one staff member um available at the
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time in winter to do everything as well
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as get the kids to school and back in
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the snow.
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>> And I honestly I managed all of that
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quite well and even done some extra
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jobs. But it was also the fact that he
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was gone where I started to email him
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and say the things that I really needed
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to say. And in that I got essentially I
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got back the Darvo, right? The
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>> Yeah.
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>> deny, attack, and reverse victim and
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offender. And I didn't have that
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language then, but I could see I could
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see the pattern and I could see it. And
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that's when I was like, I need to go and
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I need to go before he gets back. So I I
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was close to bringing my children,
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friends and family encouraged me to
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leave the children, but I flew to the
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other side of the country before he got
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back and stayed with my brother for 3
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weeks. And it was like that's how far I
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needed to get away. I couldn't just go
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to the next town. I had to go across the
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country and fly away. And then it was
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that's when I really started picking up
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on the fog. It was
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>> the clarity started.
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>> Yeah. The clarity came when I walked out
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the door. I knew in my heart that I was
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never coming back. But I couldn't I did
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not have the emotional capacity to
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engage with that. And it was only after
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I'd arrived across the country that
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decided very firmly, I'm not coming
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back. And I told him right away. Uh but
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leaving is a whole other thing,
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>> right? Telling them is one thing. But
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>> I think that it's something that I see
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often and that I also experienced. There
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is clarity when there's distance and you
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have no idea how much clarity you're
00:10:04.240 --> 00:10:07.190
going to have, right? like exit strategy
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was very similar in that my ex-husband
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went on a trip and we also had a reason
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why we had to leave the house. We live
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in Florida and there was mold in the
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ceilings and we had just found it
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>> and it was a similar feeling of
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>> okay this is my the door just opened
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>> and this is going to be the easiest way
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>> and then the fact that he was so far
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away on the other side of the world.
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>> It did something to my energy and it did
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give me that clarity and people would
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say you're glowing. I hadn't even told
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them yet. He was on vacation
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>> and they were like,
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>> "What's going on? You're glowing." A
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little bit of it was we had gotten out
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of the house and the house was making us
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sick because of the mold in the ceiling.
00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:02.949
But a lot of it was what you're
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describing. And I think for women who
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don't know how to go,
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>> it would be good to describe a little
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bit of the feeling that you had leading
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up where you made the decision. And I
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hear you. I think it was during the
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election when you were already getting
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some space.
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>> Am I right?
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>> Mhm.
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>> Yeah.
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>> And you were surrounding yourself with
00:11:23.920 --> 00:11:26.949
purpose and people and and there's
00:11:26.959 --> 00:11:29.670
definite points up to it. Right. Running
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the election and being involved with
00:11:31.760 --> 00:11:34.470
volunteers. One of the things he
00:11:34.480 --> 00:11:36.550
constantly told me was that I was a
00:11:36.560 --> 00:11:38.630
terrible communicator, that I mumbled,
00:11:38.640 --> 00:11:40.230
that I didn't speak clearly, that people
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walked away from me when I spoke, and
00:11:42.399 --> 00:11:45.269
that my ideas were terrible. And then
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when I ran in the election, I had so
00:11:48.160 --> 00:11:50.710
many people surrounding me telling me
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the exact opposite, telling me that I
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was a phenomenal communicator and that I
00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:58.710
had some really great ideas. And so that
00:11:58.720 --> 00:12:01.910
that built my confidence for sure. And
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there was also moments my team got
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really annoyed with him.
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>> And for me that was like the most
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validating thing because I was very much
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in the mentality of no, I have to
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protect my husband at all costs. Nobody
00:12:13.920 --> 00:12:16.550
can think badly of him. And here I was
00:12:16.560 --> 00:12:18.150
recognizing and seeing all these things
00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:21.509
and telling myself that I was a bad wife
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for noticing
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>> and not being able to do anything about
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it.
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>> So that that was part of it.
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>> Yeah,
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>> for sure was community. And there was
00:12:32.079 --> 00:12:33.829
definitely some other anchors that
00:12:33.839 --> 00:12:36.949
helped me. CBC Radio One up in Canada
00:12:36.959 --> 00:12:39.190
that's similar to our NPR
00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:41.190
>> and it's publicly funded which means
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there's no advertisements on it and I
00:12:44.800 --> 00:12:47.910
would constantly listen to CBC because I
00:12:47.920 --> 00:12:50.790
knew that even though I knew they were a
00:12:50.800 --> 00:12:52.870
little bit more leftleaning but there
00:12:52.880 --> 00:12:55.350
was no advertising and essentially like
00:12:55.360 --> 00:12:57.190
my Google search and my algorithms
00:12:57.200 --> 00:13:00.150
didn't dictate what was playing on the
00:13:00.160 --> 00:13:03.269
radio at all. So I knew that other
00:13:03.279 --> 00:13:05.030
people saw the world differently and
00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:06.790
other people saw the world this way. So
00:13:06.800 --> 00:13:09.750
it really that small act of listening to
00:13:09.760 --> 00:13:11.910
the radio really helped with the
00:13:11.920 --> 00:13:14.069
isolation that was there even when I was
00:13:14.079 --> 00:13:15.990
so involved in the community.
00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:18.629
>> It's interesting because I think the
00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:21.269
gaslighting term is overused and misused
00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:25.190
a lot. But what you're describing is
00:13:25.200 --> 00:13:27.509
that you were kind of living in a life
00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:30.550
where you were constantly being gaslit
00:13:30.560 --> 00:13:33.190
>> and told one thing, but because you had
00:13:33.200 --> 00:13:36.150
the courage to step out or the the
00:13:36.160 --> 00:13:38.470
desire to step out and do this other
00:13:38.480 --> 00:13:40.389
thing for yourself and for your
00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:44.389
community, it gave you an opportunity to
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:46.949
have other people say that's not your
00:13:46.959 --> 00:13:49.030
reality.
00:13:49.040 --> 00:13:51.990
that person is telling you a false
00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:53.670
reality.
00:13:53.680 --> 00:13:59.030
This is what you are feeling is real.
00:13:59.040 --> 00:14:00.230
And
00:14:00.240 --> 00:14:03.030
>> that's so important. It's so important.
00:14:03.040 --> 00:14:05.350
If you look back at like the origin of
00:14:05.360 --> 00:14:08.310
where the term gas lit came from,
00:14:08.320 --> 00:14:11.750
>> it the movie where he kept blowing out
00:14:11.760 --> 00:14:13.350
the gas light, right? like the light
00:14:13.360 --> 00:14:16.069
outside and telling her he didn't and
00:14:16.079 --> 00:14:17.509
that she didn't light it and all these
00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:19.750
things. That's what you're describing.
00:14:19.760 --> 00:14:22.710
He's telling you you are the you you're
00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:24.150
that
00:14:24.160 --> 00:14:27.670
>> and you do start believing it.
00:14:27.680 --> 00:14:31.030
>> And it does take other people. It's why
00:14:31.040 --> 00:14:32.949
one of the first things I tell people is
00:14:32.959 --> 00:14:35.030
like we talk about who's your support
00:14:35.040 --> 00:14:37.269
system, who are your people,
00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:39.110
>> can you trust them? Are they entangled
00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:41.350
with him? are cuz we're going to need
00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:44.230
them to be on your no,
00:14:44.240 --> 00:14:46.949
>> right? We need them to be on your team.
00:14:46.959 --> 00:14:49.670
And another thing, I had a client who
00:14:49.680 --> 00:14:51.829
journaled everything and that was her
00:14:51.839 --> 00:14:54.949
way. So when there was abuse, she would
00:14:54.959 --> 00:14:56.790
journal about it
00:14:56.800 --> 00:14:58.550
>> and she would write everything down
00:14:58.560 --> 00:15:00.069
because then he would say, "I didn't do
00:15:00.079 --> 00:15:00.710
that."
00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:01.910
>> And she'd be like,
00:15:01.920 --> 00:15:03.990
>> "No, I wrote it on." Well, he ended up
00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:06.389
burning her journal
00:15:06.399 --> 00:15:08.790
because it were evidence. It was
00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:09.829
evidence. Yeah.
00:15:09.839 --> 00:15:13.030
>> That what actually happened happened and
00:15:13.040 --> 00:15:16.629
he knew she was so vulnerable after
00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:17.990
years of this
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:20.150
>> that she would eventually believe his
00:15:20.160 --> 00:15:22.230
side of the story if she didn't have
00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:24.389
that journal. It's
00:15:24.399 --> 00:15:27.670
>> very powerful to have those things, the
00:15:27.680 --> 00:15:30.629
people, the journals. But when we're in
00:15:30.639 --> 00:15:32.550
it, it's really hard.
00:15:32.560 --> 00:15:35.350
>> It's really Go ahead. I just like the
00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:38.949
origins of gaslighting and the word with
00:15:38.959 --> 00:15:41.110
the movie you're describing. I had a
00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:44.069
moment where I was driving into town.
00:15:44.079 --> 00:15:46.230
and I needed to go to the bank and I was
00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:47.670
listening to the radio and they were
00:15:47.680 --> 00:15:49.509
also talking about the origins of
00:15:49.519 --> 00:15:51.110
gaslighting
00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:53.990
and I went into the bank and the bank
00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:56.310
had like all these posters of the local
00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:59.189
theater that they sponsored and I was
00:15:59.199 --> 00:16:02.470
looking at the one and it actually was
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:05.509
Gaslight and it was the play that they
00:16:05.519 --> 00:16:08.389
had sponsored and I remember I was
00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:12.069
looking at it and I was I was like my
00:16:12.079 --> 00:16:14.150
brain was making the connection that
00:16:14.160 --> 00:16:15.749
this was this story that I'd just been
00:16:15.759 --> 00:16:17.430
listening to on the radio, but I know
00:16:17.440 --> 00:16:19.509
there was something deeper going on as
00:16:19.519 --> 00:16:20.230
well.
00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.470
>> And the bank teller, she just looked at
00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:25.670
me and she said, "Are you okay, Cammy?"
00:16:25.680 --> 00:16:27.990
And of course, in that moment, I'm like,
00:16:28.000 --> 00:16:31.509
"Oh, yeah. No, I'm fine." But I there
00:16:31.519 --> 00:16:33.350
was something so strong about that
00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:35.590
moment that stuck with me. The fact that
00:16:35.600 --> 00:16:37.749
she noticed the look on my face and
00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:40.629
noticed that I wasn't okay. Y
00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:42.310
>> and the fact that my brain was actually
00:16:42.320 --> 00:16:44.470
putting it together at that time,
00:16:44.480 --> 00:16:48.069
>> right? Putting and I mean I believe in
00:16:48.079 --> 00:16:50.310
I'm a therapist. I have, you know, all
00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:52.069
the degrees and all the science, but I
00:16:52.079 --> 00:16:55.990
also believe in spiritually and whatever
00:16:56.000 --> 00:17:00.150
else. The universe drops these things in
00:17:00.160 --> 00:17:02.389
front of us, right? They're like
00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:03.910
billboards
00:17:03.920 --> 00:17:04.789
>> saying,
00:17:04.799 --> 00:17:05.429
>> "Yeah,
00:17:05.439 --> 00:17:09.189
>> like there's it's not a coincidence that
00:17:09.199 --> 00:17:13.110
you listen to the story and then you see
00:17:13.120 --> 00:17:16.069
the actual play." Incredible. Like the
00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:19.510
universe was saying, "Okay, it's okay to
00:17:19.520 --> 00:17:22.789
>> see things differently." And
00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:24.309
>> so
00:17:24.319 --> 00:17:25.990
>> you've said like you never expected to
00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:28.230
be starting over at 40. What did
00:17:28.240 --> 00:17:30.870
starting over actually mean for you
00:17:30.880 --> 00:17:34.789
>> to leave him? I had to leave
00:17:34.799 --> 00:17:37.669
everything and and for a time it was my
00:17:37.679 --> 00:17:40.390
kids. I'd initially planned for them to
00:17:40.400 --> 00:17:42.470
come and visit me where I was, but it
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:43.830
was very clear that wasn't going to
00:17:43.840 --> 00:17:45.430
happen. I'd planned to be there for
00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:48.549
about 3 months to start and develop a
00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:51.830
new business, but without my kids, I was
00:17:51.840 --> 00:17:55.029
like, this is not okay. So I I went back
00:17:55.039 --> 00:17:58.549
and I was really fortunate to to get
00:17:58.559 --> 00:18:02.950
into second stage housing right away. So
00:18:02.960 --> 00:18:04.549
I took the spot that they had available
00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:06.470
which was amazing. It was a three
00:18:06.480 --> 00:18:10.070
three-bedroom apartment and I flew back.
00:18:10.080 --> 00:18:12.789
I I got my kids from school, picked them
00:18:12.799 --> 00:18:15.669
up, orchestrating all of that, making
00:18:15.679 --> 00:18:18.310
sure that he was out of the house when I
00:18:18.320 --> 00:18:21.350
came back. And I had one friend pick me
00:18:21.360 --> 00:18:25.270
up from the airport. Got just a couple
00:18:25.280 --> 00:18:28.710
basics from the house and my dog. I had
00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:32.390
two dogs and I can only bring one. got
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:36.150
them and went straight to the housing
00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:39.190
and had to return the kids to him within
00:18:39.200 --> 00:18:40.950
a certain time frame and really had to
00:18:40.960 --> 00:18:44.390
try and manage that well because at that
00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:46.789
point I was starting to understand and
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:49.590
figure out more about family court and
00:18:49.600 --> 00:18:52.950
the difficulty there and sorry now I'm
00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:54.950
lost what was the initial
00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:58.070
>> well it's okay it was just talking about
00:18:58.080 --> 00:19:00.150
what that looked like the leaving part
00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:01.270
and
00:19:01.280 --> 00:19:03.270
>> I I think another question.
00:19:03.280 --> 00:19:05.350
>> Oh, go ahead.
00:19:05.360 --> 00:19:08.789
>> Yeah, cuz the leaving part was I had to
00:19:08.799 --> 00:19:11.990
leave everything about my life to to
00:19:12.000 --> 00:19:15.430
leave his control and including the farm
00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:19.190
which I own 50% and I was clearly a
00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:20.549
major force in all the driving
00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:22.630
operations and did so much of the
00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:27.110
bookkeeping and the finances and so much
00:19:27.120 --> 00:19:29.909
of that. But the progression was a
00:19:29.919 --> 00:19:31.909
little bit slower. I was still in touch
00:19:31.919 --> 00:19:34.549
over that summer with some of the staff
00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:37.190
from the farm, but as things became more
00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:40.310
and more involved with lawyers, I needed
00:19:40.320 --> 00:19:43.909
to let go more and more. And it was to
00:19:43.919 --> 00:19:47.029
the point where my diet had to
00:19:47.039 --> 00:19:49.909
completely change as well. Right? As I
00:19:49.919 --> 00:19:51.029
said, it was a very integrated
00:19:51.039 --> 00:19:52.789
lifestyle. And I would go out and I'd
00:19:52.799 --> 00:19:55.909
literally harvest for dinner that
00:19:55.919 --> 00:19:57.110
evening
00:19:57.120 --> 00:19:59.830
>> and I'd it was all our own meat, all our
00:19:59.840 --> 00:20:02.310
own eggs that that I would typically
00:20:02.320 --> 00:20:05.110
cook with. So being separated from that
00:20:05.120 --> 00:20:07.510
and also having a trigger as ubiquitous
00:20:07.520 --> 00:20:08.150
as eggs,
00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:11.430
>> right, was really difficult. And and I
00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:15.029
also began to pick up too on that is
00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:17.590
honestly really hard is that my nervous
00:20:17.600 --> 00:20:21.270
system recognized that anybody who
00:20:21.280 --> 00:20:24.950
purchased from my farm was a threat
00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:28.950
>> and and that was a really and anyone who
00:20:28.960 --> 00:20:32.070
was still in contact with him even
00:20:32.080 --> 00:20:33.669
marginally through like a market
00:20:33.679 --> 00:20:37.669
transaction was a threat uh to me. So I
00:20:37.679 --> 00:20:40.950
I essentially like I I hid and I'm still
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:42.870
feel like I'm hiding in my own
00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:45.750
community. Even though I know there's so
00:20:45.760 --> 00:20:49.110
much support, I'm not ready
00:20:49.120 --> 00:20:53.669
>> to engage in in conversations with my
00:20:53.679 --> 00:20:55.350
community yet.
00:20:55.360 --> 00:20:58.310
So rebuilding has looked like me going
00:20:58.320 --> 00:21:02.390
to neighboring communities to develop a
00:21:02.400 --> 00:21:06.710
career and looking online to develop and
00:21:06.720 --> 00:21:08.710
not looking locally.
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:09.830
>> Right.
00:21:09.840 --> 00:21:12.870
>> Yeah, that's been different. But it was
00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:15.190
yeah just that whole separation of
00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.390
realizing I have to leave everything and
00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:20.789
it does include the other supporting
00:21:20.799 --> 00:21:22.470
communities like the farmers market
00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:24.470
community as well as the church
00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:26.950
community and you know how it is when
00:21:26.960 --> 00:21:28.230
you go through this and you start
00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:30.789
getting into deep healing you end up
00:21:30.799 --> 00:21:32.710
realizing that a lot of relationships in
00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:34.630
your life are unhealthy
00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:37.590
>> and it's hard to you know access the
00:21:37.600 --> 00:21:39.669
support and then realize oh I need to
00:21:39.679 --> 00:21:42.310
cut this off as well. develop it for
00:21:42.320 --> 00:21:43.110
myself.
00:21:43.120 --> 00:21:45.669
>> Yeah. There are so many people who are
00:21:45.679 --> 00:21:47.990
playing a role keeping you in that
00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:51.669
relationship that you don't even realize
00:21:51.679 --> 00:21:54.070
until you've left and you try to keep
00:21:54.080 --> 00:21:57.350
those people and you're like, "Oh, they
00:21:57.360 --> 00:22:00.950
weren't good for me either." It's hard.
00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:04.789
>> It is. I've also my whole life is now a
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:06.470
healing journey for myself and other
00:22:06.480 --> 00:22:11.350
people. And I realized like I probably
00:22:11.360 --> 00:22:13.909
brought in a lot of those people to hold
00:22:13.919 --> 00:22:15.990
me back a little that including him,
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:19.909
right? It was somewhat
00:22:19.919 --> 00:22:23.590
unconsciously intentional that I was
00:22:23.600 --> 00:22:25.909
surrounding myself with people who were
00:22:25.919 --> 00:22:29.990
very opinionated about what I did and I
00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:32.710
would seek out advice from people
00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:35.909
without trusting myself. And now that I
00:22:35.919 --> 00:22:38.310
have found my voice and I trust myself,
00:22:38.320 --> 00:22:41.350
I would never have had a podcast in that
00:22:41.360 --> 00:22:43.430
marriage or with those people in my
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:45.190
life, it wouldn't have felt safe at all
00:22:45.200 --> 00:22:47.669
and they wouldn't have supported it.
00:22:47.679 --> 00:22:50.390
>> So, what is something that has really
00:22:50.400 --> 00:22:53.909
surprised you about beginning again in
00:22:53.919 --> 00:22:55.190
addition to everything you've already
00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:57.909
shared, which there's so many things
00:22:57.919 --> 00:22:59.270
that you've mentioned that I wouldn't
00:22:59.280 --> 00:23:01.190
have thought about, but are so
00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:03.750
important. Honestly, there's been a lot
00:23:03.760 --> 00:23:06.390
that's been surprising.
00:23:06.400 --> 00:23:08.710
And I think one of the things that's
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:11.909
been the most difficult is finding my
00:23:11.919 --> 00:23:13.590
voice
00:23:13.600 --> 00:23:16.870
from a different place. I feel when I
00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:19.430
ran the campaign in particular, I am a
00:23:19.440 --> 00:23:23.430
really strong speaker and the debates,
00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:26.630
it was my favorite part. And I I was
00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:28.950
able to do that from a place of
00:23:28.960 --> 00:23:30.789
confidence, but the confidence was built
00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:33.430
on like what I I had done
00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:37.590
>> and what I was capable of. And now this
00:23:37.600 --> 00:23:40.390
past year and a half has just completely
00:23:40.400 --> 00:23:43.430
stripped me back and broken it in a
00:23:43.440 --> 00:23:46.470
different way that I'm trying to get
00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:48.149
back to that confidence, but at the same
00:23:48.159 --> 00:23:51.590
time build that confidence out of who I
00:23:51.600 --> 00:23:54.789
actually am and showing up, taking up
00:23:54.799 --> 00:23:57.029
space and being allowed to take up space
00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:00.310
and wanting to take up space instead of
00:24:00.320 --> 00:24:02.870
trying to shrink and trying to point to
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:06.870
what I've done. Now I can come into a
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:09.750
room and I'm it's a skill that is taking
00:24:09.760 --> 00:24:12.710
a long time to build and just be happy
00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:14.710
to be there because of who I am.
00:24:14.720 --> 00:24:16.070
>> Right.
00:24:16.080 --> 00:24:18.470
>> So you talk about I think rebuilding
00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.070
without a platform. That's kind of what
00:24:20.080 --> 00:24:23.510
you're describing. Your platform was all
00:24:23.520 --> 00:24:25.669
of those old things and what you've done
00:24:25.679 --> 00:24:28.870
in the past and now
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.269
>> you're having to rebuild the platform, a
00:24:31.279 --> 00:24:33.350
platform
00:24:33.360 --> 00:24:35.269
>> and yourself. What does that look like
00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:37.909
on a dayto-day basis for you?
00:24:37.919 --> 00:24:39.909
>> What does that look like on a dayto-day
00:24:39.919 --> 00:24:43.110
dayto-day honestly I think is probably
00:24:43.120 --> 00:24:44.710
perhaps one of the hardest things I've
00:24:44.720 --> 00:24:47.750
ever done. But to actually just
00:24:47.760 --> 00:24:49.990
take care of myself
00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:53.029
is what it looks like, right? is eating,
00:24:53.039 --> 00:24:56.789
sleeping, going for a walk, and actually
00:24:56.799 --> 00:24:58.390
listening
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:02.310
to my body and being okay if I need to
00:25:02.320 --> 00:25:05.990
take a nap or two or sometimes just
00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:08.630
struggle to get out of bed and still
00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:10.390
believe
00:25:10.400 --> 00:25:14.230
that it's worth me doing that and that I
00:25:14.240 --> 00:25:17.269
have enough value to in and of myself
00:25:17.279 --> 00:25:20.390
that it's okay if I don't do anything.
00:25:20.400 --> 00:25:22.710
I'm still really I've just recently not
00:25:22.720 --> 00:25:25.909
that recently I set like 100 days to try
00:25:25.919 --> 00:25:28.230
and stop chasing and to be more present
00:25:28.240 --> 00:25:31.190
and to actually do this.
00:25:31.200 --> 00:25:32.470
>> It's not easy.
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:33.830
>> No, it's really not easy.
00:25:33.840 --> 00:25:35.590
>> Talk more about that though. What does
00:25:35.600 --> 00:25:40.870
that look like? Like I all I obviously
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:45.430
have unblocked the voice piece, but it's
00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:48.390
so hard not to chase. It's so hard not
00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:52.070
to buy into the hustle mentality, which
00:25:52.080 --> 00:25:54.870
doesn't work. It's hard. It's just hard.
00:25:54.880 --> 00:25:57.510
It's hard to show up online and not
00:25:57.520 --> 00:26:00.070
compare yourself, try to be authentic.
00:26:00.080 --> 00:26:01.669
What does that mean? It's always
00:26:01.679 --> 00:26:04.470
changing. What is that for somebody
00:26:04.480 --> 00:26:06.230
who's listening who's like, I want to
00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:08.789
leave or I've just left and I don't know
00:26:08.799 --> 00:26:11.830
what to do. What does it look like? One
00:26:11.840 --> 00:26:14.950
foot in just putting one foot in front
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:17.430
of the other. Honestly, like it's
00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:19.430
starting where you are. I think one of
00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:21.750
the most helpful things that I heard was
00:26:21.760 --> 00:26:23.909
on a podcast and it was just a lady who
00:26:23.919 --> 00:26:26.149
had left and she'd built a successful
00:26:26.159 --> 00:26:28.870
career and she was a number of years out
00:26:28.880 --> 00:26:31.029
and she mentioned but I had days where
00:26:31.039 --> 00:26:32.310
somebody actually had to coach me
00:26:32.320 --> 00:26:34.470
through eating a cup of yogurt and it's
00:26:34.480 --> 00:26:36.230
in those days sometimes you have to
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:38.070
coach yourself through eating the cup of
00:26:38.080 --> 00:26:42.070
yogurt. I've also really utilized AI to
00:26:42.080 --> 00:26:45.350
help me take those steps that I need to
00:26:45.360 --> 00:26:46.230
take.
00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:49.669
>> And like initially when I left to at the
00:26:49.679 --> 00:26:52.710
time I was in Toronto,
00:26:52.720 --> 00:26:55.110
I think someone had sent me like a Mel
00:26:55.120 --> 00:26:57.269
Robbins podcast about like doing 30 days
00:26:57.279 --> 00:27:00.149
no contact about breakups. And I
00:27:00.159 --> 00:27:02.070
listened to it and I'm like this is not
00:27:02.080 --> 00:27:04.870
my situation. This is not me. This is
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:06.870
not what I'm going through. there is no
00:27:06.880 --> 00:27:10.470
way he's going to allow me to do 30 days
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:12.710
no contact. This is not a mutuality
00:27:12.720 --> 00:27:13.029
thing,
00:27:13.039 --> 00:27:14.149
>> right?
00:27:14.159 --> 00:27:17.190
>> And then through that then algorithms
00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:18.630
started suggesting other things and
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:21.430
that's when I started figuring out more
00:27:21.440 --> 00:27:23.750
about what was actually going on in the
00:27:23.760 --> 00:27:27.190
relationship. But for a time there, I
00:27:27.200 --> 00:27:30.310
literally needed the headphones on
00:27:30.320 --> 00:27:33.269
all the time. Either with a podcast
00:27:33.279 --> 00:27:35.430
telling me that I was doing the right
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:37.590
thing, that I was on the right move
00:27:37.600 --> 00:27:40.789
>> or Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift. I don't
00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:42.870
know what I I would not be where I am
00:27:42.880 --> 00:27:44.549
without Taylor Swift.
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:45.990
>> She would love to hear that. She would
00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:46.950
love to hear that.
00:27:46.960 --> 00:27:47.830
>> Yeah.
00:27:47.840 --> 00:27:50.070
>> Yeah. And I thought like in hindsight
00:27:50.080 --> 00:27:52.070
I'm like it was honestly like it was
00:27:52.080 --> 00:27:55.110
like a soother. I just constantly needed
00:27:55.120 --> 00:27:59.510
this input that I was on the right track
00:27:59.520 --> 00:28:01.590
and something to help quiet my own
00:28:01.600 --> 00:28:04.149
thoughts cuz otherwise I'd be back on a
00:28:04.159 --> 00:28:05.830
plane immediately
00:28:05.840 --> 00:28:08.789
>> and just right back to it. So, it was
00:28:08.799 --> 00:28:11.110
those small steps and then now as I'm
00:28:11.120 --> 00:28:13.909
trying to rebuild, it's looking at what
00:28:13.919 --> 00:28:17.750
I can do each day to build and maybe
00:28:17.760 --> 00:28:20.149
perhaps more in a week because I if I'm
00:28:20.159 --> 00:28:22.310
honest, I am trying to do a lot. I'm
00:28:22.320 --> 00:28:25.430
trying to uh develop a keynote speaking
00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:28.549
career and have it be a regular solid
00:28:28.559 --> 00:28:31.190
income with continual booked gigs. And
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:34.789
I'm also I end up at comedy which is so
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:38.389
much fun. I like I decided to do the
00:28:38.399 --> 00:28:40.710
speaking just before I left and that was
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:42.710
the business I was trying to develop and
00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:44.549
going to Toronto I was like oh I'll just
00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:47.510
do open mics. So amazingly even in that
00:28:47.520 --> 00:28:50.549
I did some open mics in Toronto and then
00:28:50.559 --> 00:28:52.549
it's just keeping it regular because I
00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:54.950
recognize with standup comedy it's a
00:28:54.960 --> 00:28:57.750
grind for 8 to 10 years before before
00:28:57.760 --> 00:28:58.870
your career
00:28:58.880 --> 00:29:01.110
>> takes off like it's it takes a lot of
00:29:01.120 --> 00:29:03.110
practice and it's hard because
00:29:03.120 --> 00:29:05.190
>> your practice is always in front of an
00:29:05.200 --> 00:29:05.669
audience
00:29:05.679 --> 00:29:06.870
>> right and you don't know how they're
00:29:06.880 --> 00:29:10.230
going to respond right
00:29:10.240 --> 00:29:13.029
>> yeah that and then looking at okay so
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:16.149
now I need immediate income Um, and I
00:29:16.159 --> 00:29:19.110
for a while I'd picked up a waitressing
00:29:19.120 --> 00:29:22.230
job just because also it was in a
00:29:22.240 --> 00:29:24.630
different field and I knew that coming
00:29:24.640 --> 00:29:27.750
out I wasn't going to be able to any
00:29:27.760 --> 00:29:29.990
criticism or any sort of feedback. I
00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:31.830
knew I'd just crumble.
00:29:31.840 --> 00:29:34.149
>> Um, so I was trying to find an area of
00:29:34.159 --> 00:29:36.470
work that I could make some money in
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:40.549
quickly without or like feedback in an
00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:42.710
area that I really knew nothing about.
00:29:42.720 --> 00:29:44.630
So it it would be easier
00:29:44.640 --> 00:29:45.990
>> for me to take.
00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:46.630
>> Yeah.
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:48.470
>> But unfortunately with waitressing the
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:50.710
restaurant industry was ended up being
00:29:50.720 --> 00:29:53.830
quite toxic and I left that quickly and
00:29:53.840 --> 00:29:56.470
I'm trying to pick up sales now. So
00:29:56.480 --> 00:29:58.389
>> well you just keep trying like you're
00:29:58.399 --> 00:30:00.149
not a quitter, right? Like you just keep
00:30:00.159 --> 00:30:02.310
putting yourself out there and trying
00:30:02.320 --> 00:30:04.389
new things and I think that that is a
00:30:04.399 --> 00:30:06.870
huge testament to who you are.
00:30:06.880 --> 00:30:09.350
I would love to back up a little bit and
00:30:09.360 --> 00:30:11.269
talk about
00:30:11.279 --> 00:30:13.750
>> Okay, so I'm like looking for this
00:30:13.760 --> 00:30:16.389
thread and this authentic piece of you
00:30:16.399 --> 00:30:17.510
who you
00:30:17.520 --> 00:30:19.750
>> something about being on stage obviously
00:30:19.760 --> 00:30:21.590
really lights you up. Have you always
00:30:21.600 --> 00:30:24.549
known that? Have I known that? That's a
00:30:24.559 --> 00:30:27.029
good question. I think so. I think it's
00:30:27.039 --> 00:30:28.950
always been there. I remember doing a
00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:31.830
speech in grade 12 and I remember
00:30:31.840 --> 00:30:33.190
watching one of my classmates in the
00:30:33.200 --> 00:30:35.990
front row cry. It was a big tough guy,
00:30:36.000 --> 00:30:36.230
right?
00:30:36.240 --> 00:30:37.110
>> Yeah.
00:30:37.120 --> 00:30:39.110
>> And I remember doing that speech and
00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:40.389
thinking actually I'm quite good at
00:30:40.399 --> 00:30:42.710
this. And I've had other points honestly
00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:45.430
it's been a lot of eulogies at funerals
00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:49.269
that have really I think it's I've taken
00:30:49.279 --> 00:30:51.430
time to to really think about it and put
00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:53.909
the energy into it and it's really
00:30:53.919 --> 00:30:55.830
resonated with people. Every time I've
00:30:55.840 --> 00:30:57.830
been on stage I always have people
00:30:57.840 --> 00:30:59.830
coming up afterwards. That said though,
00:30:59.840 --> 00:31:02.710
standup comedy is a completely different
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:05.190
beast. Yeah, totally different. What is
00:31:05.200 --> 00:31:07.269
stepping on stage and making people
00:31:07.279 --> 00:31:08.549
laugh
00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:14.630
>> give you that being a keynote speaker or
00:31:14.640 --> 00:31:17.430
even a politician doesn't give you?
00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:21.029
>> So the thing with comedy is that it is
00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:23.750
really selffocused. Like other speeches
00:31:23.760 --> 00:31:26.070
you're really focused on the audience,
00:31:26.080 --> 00:31:28.389
what the audience needs from you.
00:31:28.399 --> 00:31:32.310
Whereas my comedy set doesn't change
00:31:32.320 --> 00:31:34.950
based on who is in the audience. It will
00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:38.070
land differently for sure. But like one
00:31:38.080 --> 00:31:42.230
of my first sets I I did I I remember
00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:44.070
getting up on stage and going, "Okay, I
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:45.830
did not write these jokes for this
00:31:45.840 --> 00:31:48.389
audience. There's what? One other girl
00:31:48.399 --> 00:31:50.470
and a lesbian and the rest of you are
00:31:50.480 --> 00:31:50.870
men."
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:56.470
>> Right. Right. So it's that of my own
00:31:56.480 --> 00:32:00.630
story in it that that kind of it places
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:03.669
the power back on myself. And it also
00:32:03.679 --> 00:32:05.750
like it's practice because I can shape
00:32:05.760 --> 00:32:09.830
it however I want to and I can find I
00:32:09.840 --> 00:32:11.509
think honestly the greatest thing is
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:13.190
being able to find the laugh and find
00:32:13.200 --> 00:32:15.669
the joke in literal maybe not literal
00:32:15.679 --> 00:32:17.590
things that were designed to hurt me and
00:32:17.600 --> 00:32:19.669
designed to pull me down and to be able
00:32:19.679 --> 00:32:22.070
to turn it around and make it funny is
00:32:22.080 --> 00:32:25.750
like the best power move ever. I love
00:32:25.760 --> 00:32:28.230
that because you're refraraming that as
00:32:28.240 --> 00:32:30.630
not self-deprecating
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:33.029
but selfowering
00:32:33.039 --> 00:32:35.830
through retelling the stories of things
00:32:35.840 --> 00:32:37.830
that were supposed to tear you down,
00:32:37.840 --> 00:32:38.870
>> right?
00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:42.389
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's abuse really is
00:32:42.399 --> 00:32:44.789
like when you take a step back and you
00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:46.549
can take yourself out of it and look at
00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:49.430
it, you're like this is absolutely
00:32:49.440 --> 00:32:51.509
ridiculous how anybody could think this
00:32:51.519 --> 00:32:53.830
way. So when you just have the
00:32:53.840 --> 00:32:55.830
opportunity to highlight it
00:32:55.840 --> 00:32:58.389
>> and say, "Hey, this is not okay."
00:32:58.399 --> 00:32:58.789
>> Wow.
00:32:58.799 --> 00:33:01.590
>> And funny because it's so not okay.
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:02.230
>> Right.
00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:03.909
>> It it totally was it.
00:33:03.919 --> 00:33:05.909
>> Yes. Yes.
00:33:05.919 --> 00:33:09.110
>> Oh, serve women now who
00:33:09.120 --> 00:33:10.870
have spent years like taking care of
00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:12.950
everyone else and have lost touch with
00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:15.750
their own voice. And that's so common.
00:33:15.760 --> 00:33:18.389
And it's definitely something I would
00:33:18.399 --> 00:33:20.230
say I didn't lose my voice from taking
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:23.990
care of other people, but I lost it from
00:33:24.000 --> 00:33:26.070
constantly wanting to make other people
00:33:26.080 --> 00:33:28.310
comfortable and feeling like the things
00:33:28.320 --> 00:33:32.470
I needed and wanted to say or share made
00:33:32.480 --> 00:33:34.230
people uncomfortable. And I think that
00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:37.590
happened very early for me. Did that
00:33:37.600 --> 00:33:40.389
first of all, do you feel you lost your
00:33:40.399 --> 00:33:44.470
voice in that relationship? And what
00:33:44.480 --> 00:33:47.750
does reclaiming a voice look like for
00:33:47.760 --> 00:33:49.350
you or for the women that you're working
00:33:49.360 --> 00:33:51.190
with helping?
00:33:51.200 --> 00:33:55.269
>> Yeah. So for me, yeah, I do hide my
00:33:55.279 --> 00:33:58.789
voice in that relationship and oddly
00:33:58.799 --> 00:34:02.070
enough, he kept asking for my voice, but
00:34:02.080 --> 00:34:05.269
then would interrupt every time I tried
00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:06.710
to speak.
00:34:06.720 --> 00:34:08.790
>> I think that was also a big part of the
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:09.589
gaslight.
00:34:09.599 --> 00:34:13.829
>> Yeah. But being able to recognize that
00:34:13.839 --> 00:34:17.669
and step away from it and slowly reclaim
00:34:17.679 --> 00:34:21.030
my voice has been like that is the work
00:34:21.040 --> 00:34:24.149
that I'm still doing. And part of what I
00:34:24.159 --> 00:34:26.710
do actually practicing in front of a
00:34:26.720 --> 00:34:30.230
mirror and that
00:34:30.240 --> 00:34:32.550
oddly enough you'd you'd think that's
00:34:32.560 --> 00:34:35.990
easy and that's safe but that
00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:38.470
actual witnessing of myself and being
00:34:38.480 --> 00:34:41.990
okay with myself is also one of the
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:44.710
hardest parts and is the time where I've
00:34:44.720 --> 00:34:47.589
broken down the most has been alone in
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:49.510
front of a mirror witnessing myself.
00:34:49.520 --> 00:34:53.510
>> Yeah. And that's I think that's I think
00:34:53.520 --> 00:34:56.869
what a lot of women miss. It's it really
00:34:56.879 --> 00:34:58.950
does come back to the relationship with
00:34:58.960 --> 00:34:59.990
yourself
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.870
>> and being okay with yourself and who you
00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:07.109
are at being able to take up that space
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:09.430
in your own bedroom first.
00:35:09.440 --> 00:35:11.910
>> Yeah. before not necessarily going on
00:35:11.920 --> 00:35:13.430
stage because I've definitely have I've
00:35:13.440 --> 00:35:15.270
in conjunction and certain and certainly
00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:17.190
it's the stage practice that informed
00:35:17.200 --> 00:35:18.790
the mirror practice but the mirror
00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:22.310
practice is more difficult I think yeah
00:35:22.320 --> 00:35:23.589
it really is more difficult than the
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:24.310
stage practice
00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:26.310
>> yeah when you're looking in the mirror
00:35:26.320 --> 00:35:29.190
you are you look at yourself which I
00:35:29.200 --> 00:35:31.030
feel like we have an issue with beyond
00:35:31.040 --> 00:35:33.349
our voice right like just looking at
00:35:33.359 --> 00:35:36.710
ourselves and liking what we see is hard
00:35:36.720 --> 00:35:38.470
for many of us
00:35:38.480 --> 00:35:40.870
>> and then the next up is hearing your
00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:43.109
voice. It's not the same, but when I
00:35:43.119 --> 00:35:45.109
first started the podcast and I would
00:35:45.119 --> 00:35:47.270
edit, I wouldn't publish because I'd be
00:35:47.280 --> 00:35:49.750
like, "Oh, my voice terrible." Like,
00:35:49.760 --> 00:35:50.790
>> and then,
00:35:50.800 --> 00:35:52.630
>> yeah, I sound like that.
00:35:52.640 --> 00:35:55.030
>> I was like, "Oh, and I hate way I have
00:35:55.040 --> 00:35:57.670
like two my eyes blink different. Oh, I
00:35:57.680 --> 00:35:59.430
don't like the way my eyes sometimes
00:35:59.440 --> 00:36:02.710
blink differently." Like, so I had to
00:36:02.720 --> 00:36:05.910
work through a lot of that. It's funny
00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:10.310
how subtle things can take away our
00:36:10.320 --> 00:36:13.190
voice. So, I think I said before like as
00:36:13.200 --> 00:36:15.030
a little girl, I I definitely feel like
00:36:15.040 --> 00:36:17.750
I was too much and I was a lot.
00:36:17.760 --> 00:36:19.670
>> I had a big voice and a big presence.
00:36:19.680 --> 00:36:24.150
And I think that as things evolved in my
00:36:24.160 --> 00:36:26.550
childhood for my family, for my parents,
00:36:26.560 --> 00:36:29.589
for my mother, it was too much. And so I
00:36:29.599 --> 00:36:32.550
learned to just how do I make people
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:34.150
comfortable? how do I make people like
00:36:34.160 --> 00:36:37.109
me or tolerate me because I'm very
00:36:37.119 --> 00:36:39.829
opinionated and I have a lot of thoughts
00:36:39.839 --> 00:36:43.510
and so but then I evolved in it I think
00:36:43.520 --> 00:36:47.109
in my 20s I was like I've got this right
00:36:47.119 --> 00:36:50.550
I got it back and then
00:36:50.560 --> 00:36:54.150
>> when I fast forward into my 40s when I
00:36:54.160 --> 00:36:56.790
started therapy and I started realizing
00:36:56.800 --> 00:36:58.310
I'm in a fog I don't know what happened
00:36:58.320 --> 00:37:01.109
to me where am I who is this person and
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:03.349
I don't even like her One of the first
00:37:03.359 --> 00:37:05.430
things that started happening were
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:08.310
flashbacks. So I would have flashbacks
00:37:08.320 --> 00:37:12.470
of moments in time when something
00:37:12.480 --> 00:37:16.069
happened that created a belief in me.
00:37:16.079 --> 00:37:19.589
>> One of those things was very early in my
00:37:19.599 --> 00:37:22.069
relationship, he pointed out and he
00:37:22.079 --> 00:37:24.390
would say, "You have a co a cahoka
00:37:24.400 --> 00:37:26.390
vocabulary. I'm from a really small town
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:29.990
in northeast Missouri." And
00:37:30.000 --> 00:37:31.990
then it was,
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:34.950
well, it's not your fault. You're you
00:37:34.960 --> 00:37:38.069
have a Koka education. I at that point
00:37:38.079 --> 00:37:41.270
was working in a research lab in a
00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:43.670
neuroscience research lab at Washington
00:37:43.680 --> 00:37:46.630
University, the number two educational
00:37:46.640 --> 00:37:50.069
medical school in the country with
00:37:50.079 --> 00:37:51.910
extremely intelligent people, a room
00:37:51.920 --> 00:37:54.310
full of PhDs. I was hoping to go back
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:57.670
and get my PhD. I developed a stutter
00:37:57.680 --> 00:38:01.190
and I would sit in rooms with those men
00:38:01.200 --> 00:38:04.069
in that lab and I couldn't put words
00:38:04.079 --> 00:38:06.230
together because I developed this
00:38:06.240 --> 00:38:07.910
complex like why I have a kahoka
00:38:07.920 --> 00:38:09.829
education and my pedigree isn't good.
00:38:09.839 --> 00:38:12.550
Those were the words I didn't realize at
00:38:12.560 --> 00:38:14.710
the time why it was happening. I was
00:38:14.720 --> 00:38:17.990
like I'm stammering. I can't talk. But
00:38:18.000 --> 00:38:19.990
that was the beginning. That was the
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:22.230
beginning. That was this the initial cut
00:38:22.240 --> 00:38:26.150
down. Was it done on purpose? Was he
00:38:26.160 --> 00:38:28.550
consciously thinking? No, I don't
00:38:28.560 --> 00:38:31.670
believe so. But it was happening. And
00:38:31.680 --> 00:38:34.790
the flashbacks of those moments started
00:38:34.800 --> 00:38:37.190
when I started healing. And I was like,
00:38:37.200 --> 00:38:39.589
"Oh, those are significant." And
00:38:39.599 --> 00:38:41.910
thankfully the therapist I had
00:38:41.920 --> 00:38:44.470
>> was also kind of introducing me to this
00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:47.670
idea of complex PTSD. And so I started
00:38:47.680 --> 00:38:50.870
logging the flashbacks and it was like,
00:38:50.880 --> 00:38:57.510
>> "Wow." So for me reclaiming my voice was
00:38:57.520 --> 00:39:01.030
unprogramming using EMDR internal family
00:39:01.040 --> 00:39:03.510
system like unprogramming
00:39:03.520 --> 00:39:07.030
that voice that said you don't kahoka
00:39:07.040 --> 00:39:09.750
education you're doing your best right
00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:12.790
>> no I have five degrees I have a JD two
00:39:12.800 --> 00:39:15.829
master's degree like now three like wow
00:39:15.839 --> 00:39:18.630
>> like no I'm good
00:39:18.640 --> 00:39:20.470
>> I'm good
00:39:20.480 --> 00:39:22.950
>> yeah So,
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:26.310
I'm curious. Like, for me, it took
00:39:26.320 --> 00:39:29.030
another year and a half and another
00:39:29.040 --> 00:39:32.069
master's degree to get my voice back
00:39:32.079 --> 00:39:34.790
enough to make a podcast, right? And now
00:39:34.800 --> 00:39:37.510
I'm still evolving and I too hope to be
00:39:37.520 --> 00:39:41.349
speaking someday. Like, it lights me up.
00:39:41.359 --> 00:39:44.470
>> But I'm curious for you, like when did
00:39:44.480 --> 00:39:46.710
you first notice your voice starting to
00:39:46.720 --> 00:39:48.950
come back and what did that feel like
00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:52.790
for you? I'm not sure if I noticed it
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:56.310
coming back in the same way. It's
00:39:56.320 --> 00:39:58.630
interesting about the stutter because
00:39:58.640 --> 00:40:00.630
when you said that I'm like, "Oh, I had
00:40:00.640 --> 00:40:02.390
a stutter." But that was when I was a
00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:04.470
kid.
00:40:04.480 --> 00:40:07.589
>> There's something back there. In fact, I
00:40:07.599 --> 00:40:10.710
ended up in that situation
00:40:10.720 --> 00:40:12.150
>> because of
00:40:12.160 --> 00:40:14.230
>> things that happened to me early on,
00:40:14.240 --> 00:40:15.990
right? like and the environment and the
00:40:16.000 --> 00:40:18.310
culture and the family dynamics very
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:19.349
much so.
00:40:19.359 --> 00:40:22.069
>> So yeah, I think it's been like
00:40:22.079 --> 00:40:25.270
reconnecting with that voice
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:28.310
>> and really that having that shift of
00:40:28.320 --> 00:40:30.390
having it come from okay, this is what
00:40:30.400 --> 00:40:32.630
I've done. I've built the farm. I've
00:40:32.640 --> 00:40:35.910
been involved in politics to no this is
00:40:35.920 --> 00:40:39.270
who I am. this is where I want my voice
00:40:39.280 --> 00:40:41.910
coming from and and perhaps that
00:40:41.920 --> 00:40:45.030
reclamation and that uh trying to
00:40:45.040 --> 00:40:48.069
deeproot it differently instead of on
00:40:48.079 --> 00:40:50.710
the surface level.
00:40:50.720 --> 00:40:54.390
>> Yeah. So I don't I I was I know I was
00:40:54.400 --> 00:40:58.550
silenced in the marriage but I wasn't
00:40:58.560 --> 00:41:01.270
silenced publicly
00:41:01.280 --> 00:41:03.109
>> and it would have trajectory it would
00:41:03.119 --> 00:41:05.349
have happened for sure
00:41:05.359 --> 00:41:07.670
>> and it's also a dangerous position to be
00:41:07.680 --> 00:41:09.270
in politics.
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:09.910
>> Yes.
00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:12.150
>> Yeah. a controlling relationship in the
00:41:12.160 --> 00:41:13.349
background,
00:41:13.359 --> 00:41:13.750
>> right?
00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:15.030
>> Because
00:41:15.040 --> 00:41:18.390
>> I could see he saw it as his way in too,
00:41:18.400 --> 00:41:20.309
>> and thought, you know, I could tell like
00:41:20.319 --> 00:41:21.910
that's exactly what he was thinking. And
00:41:21.920 --> 00:41:25.430
it was in politics when I started to
00:41:25.440 --> 00:41:27.990
vary from what he thought
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:30.309
to and it wasn't that I started to, it's
00:41:30.319 --> 00:41:32.390
that I actually started speaking it out
00:41:32.400 --> 00:41:34.630
and when my views didn't align with his
00:41:34.640 --> 00:41:38.309
any longer, that's really when he the
00:41:38.319 --> 00:41:40.390
control right up. So
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:41.430
>> yeah.
00:41:41.440 --> 00:41:43.750
>> Yeah. So yeah, I think it's more to do
00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:46.470
with that reclamation.
00:41:46.480 --> 00:41:47.589
>> Yeah.
00:41:47.599 --> 00:41:49.829
>> Rather than a rediscovery.
00:41:49.839 --> 00:41:50.230
>> Yeah.
00:41:50.640 --> 00:41:55.109
>> Yeah. You said earlier like listening to
00:41:55.119 --> 00:41:58.710
the podcasts and recognizing yourself in
00:41:58.720 --> 00:42:01.270
those is really important. I get
00:42:01.280 --> 00:42:03.109
frustrated when I hear people say like
00:42:03.119 --> 00:42:04.870
we don't want people to have a victim
00:42:04.880 --> 00:42:07.109
mentality or a survivor mentality. And
00:42:07.119 --> 00:42:10.309
I'm like, it's part of the process to
00:42:10.319 --> 00:42:12.710
not to hear other people's stories of
00:42:12.720 --> 00:42:14.390
what they went through and see yourself
00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:16.550
in it and say, "Oh, that's what
00:42:16.560 --> 00:42:19.270
happened. That happened to me, too."
00:42:19.280 --> 00:42:21.109
Okay. So, you don't want to sit in it
00:42:21.119 --> 00:42:24.230
too long, right? But there is
00:42:24.240 --> 00:42:28.710
>> a window of time where you to
00:42:28.720 --> 00:42:31.990
>> you see what happened to you enough to
00:42:32.000 --> 00:42:33.910
say, "I'm not going to let that happen
00:42:33.920 --> 00:42:37.670
to me anymore without M having like
00:42:37.680 --> 00:42:39.430
seeing yourself as a victim for a little
00:42:39.440 --> 00:42:41.349
while or a survivor or whatever word you
00:42:41.359 --> 00:42:42.870
want to use.
00:42:42.880 --> 00:42:45.349
>> You can't really get out until you do
00:42:45.359 --> 00:42:47.430
that. You have to accept, okay, I did
00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:48.390
that.
00:42:48.400 --> 00:42:51.829
>> I I I role right in how it all played
00:42:51.839 --> 00:42:53.750
out, but I'm never going to let that
00:42:53.760 --> 00:42:55.510
happen again. And now I'm going to
00:42:55.520 --> 00:42:57.349
educate myself and I'm going to heal and
00:42:57.359 --> 00:42:58.950
I'm going to do
00:42:58.960 --> 00:43:02.470
>> everything I can. We talked about you
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:05.190
said you hinted that you're doing a lot
00:43:05.200 --> 00:43:06.710
and
00:43:06.720 --> 00:43:10.550
>> I'm curious how you know when to rest
00:43:10.560 --> 00:43:13.510
versus when to push forward.
00:43:13.520 --> 00:43:15.750
>> Honestly, that is definitely something
00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:19.030
I'm still trying to figure out. But it
00:43:19.040 --> 00:43:23.510
is like learning to listen to my body.
00:43:23.520 --> 00:43:24.790
Learning
00:43:24.800 --> 00:43:27.670
>> I think it was described really well. I
00:43:27.680 --> 00:43:29.670
think it was actually Drew Barrymore who
00:43:29.680 --> 00:43:32.870
said it. Just considering
00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:34.870
you have one job, you have to take care
00:43:34.880 --> 00:43:38.150
of your human, which is you. And it's a
00:43:38.160 --> 00:43:39.829
little bit easier when you separate it
00:43:39.839 --> 00:43:41.670
out and you think of yourself like your
00:43:41.680 --> 00:43:43.510
own pet. Be like, "Okay,
00:43:43.520 --> 00:43:46.710
>> right. My human
00:43:46.720 --> 00:43:50.710
needs needs today every day." And trying
00:43:50.720 --> 00:43:52.950
to make sure that you're doing that for
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:56.230
yourself. So, it's like recognizing when
00:43:56.240 --> 00:43:59.990
to rest is like learning to listen to my
00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.790
body and part of that has been like
00:44:04.800 --> 00:44:07.030
going through going the interviews
00:44:07.040 --> 00:44:08.790
around custody and things like that.
00:44:08.800 --> 00:44:12.470
Those are in court dates. Like
00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:14.950
before in my before life, I would have
00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:16.630
just been like, "Oh, that's just one
00:44:16.640 --> 00:44:18.790
more thing to do." And I would have been
00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:20.870
in the waiting room, whatnot, scrolling
00:44:20.880 --> 00:44:23.030
on my phone, answering emails, doing all
00:44:23.040 --> 00:44:26.150
this business stuff. And just recently,
00:44:26.160 --> 00:44:28.069
like last week, where I had one of
00:44:28.079 --> 00:44:30.150
these, and it was such an emotional
00:44:30.160 --> 00:44:31.750
drain. I did okay for the rest of the
00:44:31.760 --> 00:44:35.270
afternoon, but the following day, I just
00:44:35.280 --> 00:44:37.750
completely crashed. Like my head hurt,
00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:39.829
my neck was so sore. I could get out of
00:44:39.839 --> 00:44:41.910
bed, but I just
00:44:41.920 --> 00:44:46.309
>> didn't want to. And it was in those
00:44:46.319 --> 00:44:48.870
moments where I'm like I immediately
00:44:48.880 --> 00:44:51.109
start like going to chat GPT. How long
00:44:51.119 --> 00:44:54.390
does healing usually take?
00:44:54.400 --> 00:44:56.710
>> I'm like we're going to be here forever.
00:44:56.720 --> 00:44:58.790
>> But it always it's the body keep score
00:44:58.800 --> 00:45:00.870
is one of my favorite like absolute
00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:04.309
favorite. It's like a a trauma bible but
00:45:04.319 --> 00:45:07.190
it catches up to you. You can try your
00:45:07.200 --> 00:45:09.270
canvas to bypass
00:45:09.280 --> 00:45:10.950
>> what you're going through,
00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:12.630
>> but it's going to come out in your body
00:45:12.640 --> 00:45:15.349
one way or another. And so, yeah, then
00:45:15.359 --> 00:45:17.190
giving yourself that time.
00:45:17.200 --> 00:45:19.030
>> And I think
00:45:19.040 --> 00:45:20.950
>> even as a therapist, like I'm learning
00:45:20.960 --> 00:45:23.910
this, too. I learned Do you Are you with
00:45:23.920 --> 00:45:25.430
human design at all?
00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:25.910
>> No.
00:45:25.920 --> 00:45:27.109
>> Okay. It's a
00:45:27.119 --> 00:45:28.550
>> But now that you've said it, my
00:45:28.560 --> 00:45:30.470
algorithms I'm sure will be all over it.
00:45:30.480 --> 00:45:30.710
So,
00:45:30.720 --> 00:45:31.910
>> find out what you are. You might be a
00:45:31.920 --> 00:45:35.270
manifesttor. So, um, I'm a manifesttor
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:37.750
in human design, and by reading about
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:40.550
that and studying it, it's very woowoo.
00:45:40.560 --> 00:45:41.910
So, I don't care what people think about
00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:43.589
that anymore. I,
00:45:43.599 --> 00:45:46.710
>> it's spot-on for me. So, I'm doing my
00:45:46.720 --> 00:45:49.349
research and I follow some podcasts of
00:45:49.359 --> 00:45:50.950
>> I am what's called the manifesttor.
00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:54.470
There are five different types. And
00:45:54.480 --> 00:45:57.589
manifesttor energy is not constant. Most
00:45:57.599 --> 00:45:59.829
other types are.
00:45:59.839 --> 00:46:03.270
>> We go in waves. And my whole life I've
00:46:03.280 --> 00:46:05.430
struggled because I can't I'm in all the
00:46:05.440 --> 00:46:08.870
time. When I'm on I'm on like I am also
00:46:08.880 --> 00:46:11.270
running three businesses trying like I'm
00:46:11.280 --> 00:46:13.349
going to a speaker convention in two
00:46:13.359 --> 00:46:15.589
weeks to learn how to speak. like I'm on
00:46:15.599 --> 00:46:18.069
it, right? But
00:46:18.079 --> 00:46:21.510
>> when my juice is out, I have to rest.
00:46:21.520 --> 00:46:24.790
And my body just if I don't take the
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:27.270
rest when I get the warning signs, then
00:46:27.280 --> 00:46:28.790
my body's going to fully shut down with
00:46:28.800 --> 00:46:32.309
a migraine or an back injury or
00:46:32.319 --> 00:46:34.950
something like out of nowhere.
00:46:34.960 --> 00:46:39.030
>> So, we all have these different energy
00:46:39.040 --> 00:46:40.790
patterns. I'm hearing
00:46:40.800 --> 00:46:43.190
>> and very few of us have taken the time
00:46:43.200 --> 00:46:45.510
to like learn our pattern and figure it
00:46:45.520 --> 00:46:46.790
out.
00:46:46.800 --> 00:46:50.309
>> But our body is gonna definitely
00:46:50.319 --> 00:46:52.710
>> tell us. And the other thing is in my
00:46:52.720 --> 00:46:55.829
group, I work with women either
00:46:55.839 --> 00:46:58.309
individually or in a group with a in a
00:46:58.319 --> 00:47:00.390
program. This is outside of my therapy
00:47:00.400 --> 00:47:03.270
practice, but it's very therapeutic.
00:47:03.280 --> 00:47:06.230
>> And part of it is
00:47:06.240 --> 00:47:09.109
>> prep. We have one whole week where you
00:47:09.119 --> 00:47:12.150
have videos and mantras and meditations
00:47:12.160 --> 00:47:15.829
and lessons on how to prepare for
00:47:15.839 --> 00:47:18.470
meetings, court dates, like medi
00:47:18.480 --> 00:47:22.069
mediation, whatever you're doing. And in
00:47:22.079 --> 00:47:24.950
that it's like, okay, the day before
00:47:24.960 --> 00:47:26.309
you're going to do all these things.
00:47:26.319 --> 00:47:27.589
You're going to eat right, you're going
00:47:27.599 --> 00:47:29.829
to rest, you're going to exercise,
00:47:29.839 --> 00:47:31.670
you're going to do these meditations the
00:47:31.680 --> 00:47:32.870
night before, you're going to do them
00:47:32.880 --> 00:47:34.390
the morning before, and this is what
00:47:34.400 --> 00:47:36.950
you're going to do after. And it's to
00:47:36.960 --> 00:47:40.069
prevent and to build awareness that we
00:47:40.079 --> 00:47:42.470
have to have a lot of compassion for
00:47:42.480 --> 00:47:45.190
ourselves around these days. Nobody's
00:47:45.200 --> 00:47:46.790
prepping you. Your lawyer's not going to
00:47:46.800 --> 00:47:48.390
tell you what to do about your nervous
00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:51.430
system, right? But if I have a client
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:54.870
who had a meeting a week ago, very high
00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:58.069
conflict situation, it was
00:47:58.079 --> 00:48:00.069
a mess, right? wasn't even a necessary
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:03.190
meeting, but it was being to her because
00:48:03.200 --> 00:48:05.990
of her high conflict acts and she was so
00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:07.510
worried about it. But she did all the
00:48:07.520 --> 00:48:09.990
things. Like we prepped before her, she
00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:12.630
did all the things. And we got on a call
00:48:12.640 --> 00:48:14.470
2 days later and she was like, "Oh." And
00:48:14.480 --> 00:48:16.230
I got on the stand and I said this and
00:48:16.240 --> 00:48:17.910
this happened and it was so good and my
00:48:17.920 --> 00:48:19.910
lawyer took over and
00:48:19.920 --> 00:48:21.829
>> I didn't go into fight or flight. And I
00:48:21.839 --> 00:48:23.030
was like, "Yeah."
00:48:23.040 --> 00:48:23.510
>> Like,
00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:24.150
>> "Wow."
00:48:24.160 --> 00:48:25.270
>> But
00:48:25.280 --> 00:48:28.390
>> but most people aren't getting that
00:48:28.400 --> 00:48:31.510
>> kind of preparation or having that.
00:48:31.520 --> 00:48:33.430
>> And most people don't know. It sounds
00:48:33.440 --> 00:48:35.589
like you have an not enough awareness to
00:48:35.599 --> 00:48:38.950
say, "Oh, my body is feeling this way
00:48:38.960 --> 00:48:42.390
because of yesterday." It's after that.
00:48:42.400 --> 00:48:43.829
>> So,
00:48:43.839 --> 00:48:45.270
>> one of the things you say is like the
00:48:45.280 --> 00:48:46.710
bravest thing you
00:48:46.720 --> 00:48:49.030
>> can do is like make a cup of tea, take a
00:48:49.040 --> 00:48:49.750
breath,
00:48:49.760 --> 00:48:51.589
>> and keep going.
00:48:51.599 --> 00:48:53.670
>> But also, it's really brave to make a
00:48:53.680 --> 00:48:56.069
cup of tea, take a breath, and just sit
00:48:56.079 --> 00:48:57.430
down,
00:48:57.440 --> 00:48:57.990
>> right?
00:48:58.000 --> 00:48:59.030
>> Yeah.
00:48:59.040 --> 00:49:00.790
>> Yeah. Absolutely.
00:49:00.800 --> 00:49:05.190
And it can it a lot more difficult. And
00:49:05.200 --> 00:49:07.750
it's to me it's just so strange to say
00:49:07.760 --> 00:49:11.109
as well because what I was doing before
00:49:11.119 --> 00:49:13.109
like between running a campaign and a
00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:15.430
farm and literally running up a mountain
00:49:15.440 --> 00:49:17.589
in the morning like that was part of the
00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:19.430
routine is I'm like yeah if I can crush
00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:20.950
a mountain at 7 a.m. like there's
00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:23.910
nothing I can't do. And now I'm in a
00:49:23.920 --> 00:49:25.750
place where I'm like yeah no it's it's
00:49:25.760 --> 00:49:27.829
really just to make a cup of tea.
00:49:27.839 --> 00:49:31.190
>> Yeah. Yeah. important to step back and
00:49:31.200 --> 00:49:33.829
recognize that and just also just be
00:49:33.839 --> 00:49:37.190
what it needs to be for the season.
00:49:37.200 --> 00:49:39.109
>> I love that. Say more about that because
00:49:39.119 --> 00:49:41.589
I think that's important for people. So
00:49:41.599 --> 00:49:43.190
many people who listen to the podcast
00:49:43.200 --> 00:49:45.190
and so many of my clients are going
00:49:45.200 --> 00:49:47.750
through this and
00:49:47.760 --> 00:49:49.910
just allowing and having compassion.
00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:52.309
Like what does that look like? How do
00:49:52.319 --> 00:49:54.549
you do that? How do you remind yourself
00:49:54.559 --> 00:49:57.030
to just
00:49:57.040 --> 00:49:59.910
everything is okay?
00:49:59.920 --> 00:50:03.750
Well, part of it I think comes from
00:50:03.760 --> 00:50:07.030
farming and it is it's the things that I
00:50:07.040 --> 00:50:09.750
miss about it and that continue to
00:50:09.760 --> 00:50:15.349
grieve for is that farming was all about
00:50:15.359 --> 00:50:17.829
grieving with the seasons
00:50:17.839 --> 00:50:21.109
>> and you live it in a very different way
00:50:21.119 --> 00:50:25.190
running a farm and it smallcale organic
00:50:25.200 --> 00:50:27.349
farm right where
00:50:27.359 --> 00:50:30.950
>> a spring was unbelievably
00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:34.309
busy with not enough income. Like things
00:50:34.319 --> 00:50:35.829
are just starting and things are growing
00:50:35.839 --> 00:50:38.549
and then the work explodes exponentially
00:50:38.559 --> 00:50:41.430
into summer. But in summer there's
00:50:41.440 --> 00:50:44.549
enough energy for it because the sun is
00:50:44.559 --> 00:50:48.309
there for longer and you find that it
00:50:48.319 --> 00:50:51.990
like it really had impacts on my own
00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:55.270
daily rhythms. Like the amount of energy
00:50:55.280 --> 00:50:58.790
I had in the summer was vastly different
00:50:58.800 --> 00:51:01.430
to what was available in the winter. And
00:51:01.440 --> 00:51:04.230
then as you move into the winter and
00:51:04.240 --> 00:51:07.829
into the fall, like you you feel need to
00:51:07.839 --> 00:51:10.309
prepare, right, and to score and to
00:51:10.319 --> 00:51:11.349
gather
00:51:11.359 --> 00:51:13.270
>> and bring everything in. And then in the
00:51:13.280 --> 00:51:18.470
winter, it is a hunker down and a and
00:51:18.480 --> 00:51:20.790
rest extra.
00:51:20.800 --> 00:51:24.630
But also with with the daylight being so
00:51:24.640 --> 00:51:27.750
short, you had to rest. Like there you
00:51:27.760 --> 00:51:30.309
couldn't work when it wind was frozen
00:51:30.319 --> 00:51:31.910
and you can't dig and you put anything
00:51:31.920 --> 00:51:35.670
in it. Like when the jobs would be so
00:51:35.680 --> 00:51:37.349
much more difficult because there was so
00:51:37.359 --> 00:51:40.150
much more around them. So you just
00:51:40.160 --> 00:51:43.270
instead of to do it in the winter, we
00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:44.390
would wait
00:51:44.400 --> 00:51:47.589
>> and just wait until there was the thaw
00:51:47.599 --> 00:51:49.670
and that the ground was workable and
00:51:49.680 --> 00:51:52.549
that we could plant. So I think that
00:51:52.559 --> 00:51:55.030
living and breathing with the natural
00:51:55.040 --> 00:51:57.829
seasons on a farm. I haven't quite
00:51:57.839 --> 00:52:00.150
translated that yet to personal life,
00:52:00.160 --> 00:52:02.870
but I could I where it lands and where
00:52:02.880 --> 00:52:07.589
>> winter you have to hunker down and leave
00:52:07.599 --> 00:52:11.750
those jobs and just focus on survival.
00:52:11.760 --> 00:52:13.750
And there's other times then where it's
00:52:13.760 --> 00:52:16.309
spring and you're planting and you
00:52:16.319 --> 00:52:17.750
putting all these seeds in the ground
00:52:17.760 --> 00:52:20.309
and then later where it exponentially
00:52:20.319 --> 00:52:22.150
explodes and you're like, "Oh, okay. Now
00:52:22.160 --> 00:52:23.829
I have to take care of everything that I
00:52:23.839 --> 00:52:24.390
planted."
00:52:24.400 --> 00:52:27.349
>> Right. Right. Yeah. the flowers return
00:52:27.359 --> 00:52:28.950
and
00:52:28.960 --> 00:52:30.950
give more sunlight
00:52:30.960 --> 00:52:34.710
and yeah, I think that's beautiful thing
00:52:34.720 --> 00:52:37.990
for you to explore and like really weave
00:52:38.000 --> 00:52:39.670
into
00:52:39.680 --> 00:52:42.549
your talks and it makes
00:52:42.559 --> 00:52:43.910
>> Yeah, I think so. It's the first time
00:52:43.920 --> 00:52:46.470
I've said that that seasonal piece out
00:52:46.480 --> 00:52:48.950
loud, but yeah, it's something I loved
00:52:48.960 --> 00:52:51.990
about the farm so much and that that was
00:52:52.000 --> 00:52:55.349
of it too, right? was I the farm was a
00:52:55.359 --> 00:52:57.270
very complicated relationship because I
00:52:57.280 --> 00:53:00.390
it was honestly about the only place I
00:53:00.400 --> 00:53:03.510
could find joy. So I I did I found a
00:53:03.520 --> 00:53:06.470
moment of joy running a farm I could
00:53:06.480 --> 00:53:09.190
>> Well, you're in nature right there like
00:53:09.200 --> 00:53:11.829
looking at it and everything happening
00:53:11.839 --> 00:53:14.710
and that's so healing. I mean, there's
00:53:14.720 --> 00:53:17.829
no doubt being outside, getting our
00:53:17.839 --> 00:53:21.030
hands dirty, but I have no doubt you
00:53:21.040 --> 00:53:24.870
will find your way back to some sort of
00:53:24.880 --> 00:53:27.349
farming or nature task. One of the
00:53:27.359 --> 00:53:30.470
things I had at my married house were
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:32.630
multiple gardens. And I started raising
00:53:32.640 --> 00:53:35.109
butterflies, monarch butterflies. I
00:53:35.119 --> 00:53:37.270
built a huge butterfly house. It was
00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:39.829
amazing. And then, and I'm in Florida,
00:53:39.839 --> 00:53:41.430
so we get a lot of sunlight here. We
00:53:41.440 --> 00:53:43.589
don't have the seasons quite the same,
00:53:43.599 --> 00:53:48.710
but we also planted mango trees. And I
00:53:48.720 --> 00:53:50.390
was actually just talking to the
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:51.990
landscaper of the people next door to me
00:53:52.000 --> 00:53:55.030
this morning because my my mango is in
00:53:55.040 --> 00:53:57.750
my new home that I planted a year and a
00:53:57.760 --> 00:54:00.150
half to two years ago from babies,
00:54:00.160 --> 00:54:02.390
right, have really grown. And I was
00:54:02.400 --> 00:54:05.190
telling him, yeah, like I actually
00:54:05.200 --> 00:54:07.670
probably one of the things I hated
00:54:07.680 --> 00:54:11.589
leaving about my house the most was
00:54:11.599 --> 00:54:13.270
leaving my mango trees because we
00:54:13.280 --> 00:54:14.710
planted them when they were little and
00:54:14.720 --> 00:54:17.030
they were finally producing fruit and we
00:54:17.040 --> 00:54:19.750
watched all of that. But I I couldn't
00:54:19.760 --> 00:54:22.150
the butterfly house with me. I couldn't
00:54:22.160 --> 00:54:25.109
take the mango trees with me. But now I
00:54:25.119 --> 00:54:29.910
have my own house. And this winter we
00:54:29.920 --> 00:54:33.030
finally planted the front garden and
00:54:33.040 --> 00:54:34.950
it's beautiful. It's a butterfly garden.
00:54:34.960 --> 00:54:38.069
Literally, my daughter complained the
00:54:38.079 --> 00:54:39.750
other day. She said, "Mom, the
00:54:39.760 --> 00:54:41.589
butterflies are like attacking me when I
00:54:41.599 --> 00:54:43.910
come in and out of the front." That's
00:54:43.920 --> 00:54:47.670
>> so you will get whatever you want,
00:54:47.680 --> 00:54:49.910
whatever version of the farm or whatever
00:54:49.920 --> 00:54:51.829
parts of the farm, the
00:54:51.839 --> 00:54:55.190
>> life that you want back, you may get in
00:54:55.200 --> 00:54:59.270
the future. Just don't don't forget
00:54:59.280 --> 00:55:01.270
that. Like you can always get it back. I
00:55:01.280 --> 00:55:03.670
have three mango trees. They all
00:55:03.680 --> 00:55:05.750
produced fruit this summer. In a month
00:55:05.760 --> 00:55:07.589
we'll be able to have the fruit. It's
00:55:07.599 --> 00:55:10.390
not a lot cuz they're still adolescent.
00:55:10.400 --> 00:55:10.950
>> Yeah.
00:55:10.960 --> 00:55:13.030
>> One of them, which actually didn't
00:55:13.040 --> 00:55:16.470
produce much fruit, has grown. Like it
00:55:16.480 --> 00:55:17.990
looks like a real tree. I was looking at
00:55:18.000 --> 00:55:19.510
it today. I'm like, "Oh my god, in the
00:55:19.520 --> 00:55:21.750
last 3 months it's really taken off."
00:55:21.760 --> 00:55:24.309
All the things that I had that I hated
00:55:24.319 --> 00:55:27.430
leaving, I've just recreated my own
00:55:27.440 --> 00:55:31.030
version, my own. And no one's telling me
00:55:31.040 --> 00:55:33.190
what I can't with them.
00:55:33.200 --> 00:55:36.150
>> And they're beautiful and wild. And like
00:55:36.160 --> 00:55:40.230
the garden out front is just incredible.
00:55:40.240 --> 00:55:42.150
So, you'll find
00:55:42.160 --> 00:55:44.870
>> whatever is missing or whatever you had
00:55:44.880 --> 00:55:47.270
to leave behind, you'll find it again.
00:55:47.280 --> 00:55:49.030
I'm sure of it.
00:55:49.040 --> 00:55:52.390
>> Yeah. I've taken like the just so much
00:55:52.400 --> 00:55:54.710
miss. I feel like they're just like
00:55:54.720 --> 00:55:56.870
pieces of myself and I've just I've a
00:55:56.880 --> 00:55:59.430
piece of paper and I put them in a box
00:55:59.440 --> 00:56:01.270
and I put them away and I'm like, you
00:56:01.280 --> 00:56:03.510
know what, that's fine. Like you would
00:56:03.520 --> 00:56:06.309
take anything and put it in storage.
00:56:06.319 --> 00:56:07.990
It's just like I don't have space in my
00:56:08.000 --> 00:56:09.510
life for this right now. Things like
00:56:09.520 --> 00:56:11.910
buying local perform that I loved or
00:56:11.920 --> 00:56:15.750
like the farm aesthetic. I just put it
00:56:15.760 --> 00:56:18.069
on a shelf and go, you know what? One
00:56:18.079 --> 00:56:20.230
day I can take it out and I can decide
00:56:20.240 --> 00:56:22.069
then if I want to keep it or not. And
00:56:22.079 --> 00:56:22.870
that's okay.
00:56:22.880 --> 00:56:26.630
>> Yeah. Yeah. And your building
00:56:26.640 --> 00:56:29.750
>> will be bigger and better someday. We
00:56:29.760 --> 00:56:31.510
just have to be patient and get through
00:56:31.520 --> 00:56:33.670
this season like you said and this
00:56:33.680 --> 00:56:36.470
season will pass. You talk about healing
00:56:36.480 --> 00:56:38.150
while you're still living in it. Like
00:56:38.160 --> 00:56:40.069
there's a lot of uncertainty. There are
00:56:40.079 --> 00:56:42.069
a lot of small winds.
00:56:42.079 --> 00:56:43.990
>> There's a lot of grief. A lot of
00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:45.030
laughter
00:56:45.040 --> 00:56:47.270
>> if you allow it. Right.
00:56:47.280 --> 00:56:48.549
What? Yeah.
00:56:48.559 --> 00:56:50.870
>> What do you wish more people understood
00:56:50.880 --> 00:56:52.549
about healing in real time? Because
00:56:52.559 --> 00:56:54.230
you're in the thick of it right now. A
00:56:54.240 --> 00:56:55.990
lot of times I interview people who are
00:56:56.000 --> 00:56:58.390
on the other side. You're in the thick
00:56:58.400 --> 00:56:59.270
of it,
00:56:59.280 --> 00:57:00.870
>> but you're finding the laughter and
00:57:00.880 --> 00:57:02.630
you're finding the small wins.
00:57:02.640 --> 00:57:06.069
>> I think it's being able to stop and just
00:57:06.079 --> 00:57:09.430
celebrate it for even just a moment.
00:57:09.440 --> 00:57:11.829
Recently, I just in the past two days
00:57:11.839 --> 00:57:14.470
actually, I got a job and I'm really
00:57:14.480 --> 00:57:17.430
excited about it. And even still, I can
00:57:17.440 --> 00:57:19.349
feel myself going, "Oh, but I don't have
00:57:19.359 --> 00:57:21.589
a paycheck yet. Oh, I haven't actually."
00:57:21.599 --> 00:57:23.750
It's also a 100% commission job. So,
00:57:23.760 --> 00:57:25.030
it's not
00:57:25.040 --> 00:57:26.630
>> not like I put in the hours and get a
00:57:26.640 --> 00:57:28.630
paycheck. So, I I like pulling myself
00:57:28.640 --> 00:57:30.630
back where I'm like, "No, I should I
00:57:30.640 --> 00:57:32.230
need to just
00:57:32.240 --> 00:57:35.589
>> celebrate and go, you know what? I got a
00:57:35.599 --> 00:57:39.510
job and I can do that." Yeah. And I can
00:57:39.520 --> 00:57:42.150
go through the interview process and I
00:57:42.160 --> 00:57:46.549
can be myself and I need to stop and
00:57:46.559 --> 00:57:48.710
celebrate that. So I did go and have
00:57:48.720 --> 00:57:50.630
champagne with a friend yesterday and a
00:57:50.640 --> 00:57:51.990
shakuderie board.
00:57:52.000 --> 00:57:55.190
>> So So yeah, I think it's that stopping
00:57:55.200 --> 00:57:58.069
and recognizing that these steps are
00:57:58.079 --> 00:57:59.510
important
00:57:59.520 --> 00:58:03.349
>> that even if they're small, even if it
00:58:03.359 --> 00:58:06.710
is getting out of bed, that's worth
00:58:06.720 --> 00:58:09.990
celebrating. Yeah. Mhm. Yeah. I think
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:12.549
that's so important. And allowing
00:58:12.559 --> 00:58:14.150
yourself like allowing yourself the
00:58:14.160 --> 00:58:16.230
champagne and the shakuderie board,
00:58:16.240 --> 00:58:18.309
allowing celebration to look different
00:58:18.319 --> 00:58:20.630
when maybe we can't afford the one we
00:58:20.640 --> 00:58:24.150
had before. I'm actually going through a
00:58:24.160 --> 00:58:27.430
lot of that transitional part myself
00:58:27.440 --> 00:58:29.990
right now. Like accepting, okay, I'm a
00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:34.069
business owner. I'm building a a several
00:58:34.079 --> 00:58:37.190
companies here and it takes time for
00:58:37.200 --> 00:58:39.510
them to start paying you back. You're
00:58:39.520 --> 00:58:41.270
doing a lot of investing in the
00:58:41.280 --> 00:58:43.270
beginning. My friend and I were walking
00:58:43.280 --> 00:58:47.349
last night and I said, I'm my ex-husband
00:58:47.359 --> 00:58:49.829
was a physician so there was a lot of
00:58:49.839 --> 00:58:52.230
security. I didn't grow up with any
00:58:52.240 --> 00:58:53.910
financial security
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:57.829
>> and then I had a lot and now I'm having
00:58:57.839 --> 00:59:01.270
to make my own. And I start, you know, I
00:59:01.280 --> 00:59:02.950
really have to be careful. Like I
00:59:02.960 --> 00:59:05.910
invested a lot so far. I'm still
00:59:05.920 --> 00:59:08.390
building, but I've been doing some
00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:10.549
abundance work with like Gabby Bernstein
00:59:10.559 --> 00:59:12.150
and some stuff online, which has been
00:59:12.160 --> 00:59:14.870
really cool because the minute I started
00:59:14.880 --> 00:59:16.950
doing those abundance meditations and
00:59:16.960 --> 00:59:19.510
like looking at where am I holding
00:59:19.520 --> 00:59:22.630
myself back, instantly clients started
00:59:22.640 --> 00:59:24.549
more calling and people signing up for
00:59:24.559 --> 00:59:26.230
my programs. I'm like, "Okay, this is
00:59:26.240 --> 00:59:27.270
cool."
00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:28.789
>> But
00:59:28.799 --> 00:59:32.309
I have to still be careful. And spending
00:59:32.319 --> 00:59:34.789
time with friends looks different.
00:59:34.799 --> 00:59:36.390
Spending with my boyfriend looks
00:59:36.400 --> 00:59:39.109
different. Golfing, like
00:59:39.119 --> 00:59:41.430
>> there are ways to do things though. Like
00:59:41.440 --> 00:59:43.349
we golf after three because it's less
00:59:43.359 --> 00:59:47.190
expensive. We went on a walk last night
00:59:47.200 --> 00:59:49.030
>> instead of going to dinner and a drink
00:59:49.040 --> 00:59:51.589
and drinks and both of us agreed. The
00:59:51.599 --> 00:59:54.710
walk along the bay in Tampa Bay was
00:59:54.720 --> 00:59:56.630
incredible and much better than sitting
00:59:56.640 --> 00:59:59.030
at a table in a busy restaurant. Like,
00:59:59.040 --> 01:00:01.670
>> so sometimes the alternate line that you
01:00:01.680 --> 01:00:04.069
get on a budget
01:00:04.079 --> 01:00:07.750
>> is like million times better. We just
01:00:07.760 --> 01:00:09.829
have to we just have to get out of our
01:00:09.839 --> 01:00:13.349
head and notice the small wins, the
01:00:13.359 --> 01:00:13.910
gift.
01:00:13.920 --> 01:00:14.470
>> Yeah.
01:00:14.480 --> 01:00:16.309
>> And
01:00:16.319 --> 01:00:19.750
Yeah. and stay stay and compassionate
01:00:19.760 --> 01:00:22.950
and kind and all the things.
01:00:22.960 --> 01:00:25.750
>> Yeah. And even when those moments come,
01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:28.309
like I I had a moment where I just where
01:00:28.319 --> 01:00:31.589
I was trying to do a Zoom training and I
01:00:31.599 --> 01:00:32.789
was there and I'm trying to take notes
01:00:32.799 --> 01:00:35.270
and I'm like I just I this and I had to
01:00:35.280 --> 01:00:36.630
I think I still kept the computer
01:00:36.640 --> 01:00:39.349
running but listening to it but I went
01:00:39.359 --> 01:00:42.470
to bed instead and I was
01:00:42.480 --> 01:00:44.150
>> upset with myself and that's where I'm
01:00:44.160 --> 01:00:46.549
like no I have to be okay with this and
01:00:46.559 --> 01:00:49.910
it's a it to recognize nope I need to
01:00:49.920 --> 01:00:53.270
stop I need to rest and you know what
01:00:53.280 --> 01:00:56.630
tomorrow is a new day and doing that
01:00:56.640 --> 01:01:00.069
then brought more hope the following day
01:01:00.079 --> 01:01:02.309
even in the moment where I just like I
01:01:02.319 --> 01:01:04.549
felt like I was drowning completely. So
01:01:04.559 --> 01:01:06.309
much of going through this right is
01:01:06.319 --> 01:01:08.630
sometimes like I just feel like you you
01:01:08.640 --> 01:01:11.190
expand so you can eat more crap
01:01:11.200 --> 01:01:13.030
>> right right from
01:01:13.040 --> 01:01:15.190
like you develop all these things just
01:01:15.200 --> 01:01:18.630
so that there's more thrown your way and
01:01:18.640 --> 01:01:20.549
>> have more capacity for what's coming.
01:01:20.559 --> 01:01:23.430
Yeah. Yeah.
01:01:23.440 --> 01:01:26.150
You just find your people, find the next
01:01:26.160 --> 01:01:27.670
breath, and just
01:01:27.680 --> 01:01:28.069
>> Yeah.
01:01:28.079 --> 01:01:31.510
>> Yeah. But on the other side, I will say
01:01:31.520 --> 01:01:33.510
when you get to the other side of it and
01:01:33.520 --> 01:01:36.390
the process is over, the process itself
01:01:36.400 --> 01:01:40.630
is so brutal that there is a relief. And
01:01:40.640 --> 01:01:42.630
all those all that that's being thrown
01:01:42.640 --> 01:01:44.309
and all the capacity that you're
01:01:44.319 --> 01:01:47.030
building, the capacity is still there
01:01:47.040 --> 01:01:49.109
when you get to the other side,
01:01:49.119 --> 01:01:52.630
>> but there isn't as much crap. like
01:01:52.640 --> 01:01:54.630
good. I'm looking forward to that.
01:01:54.640 --> 01:01:57.510
>> Just having the process done and over
01:01:57.520 --> 01:01:59.750
with and having agree an agreement in
01:01:59.760 --> 01:02:02.470
place or an George judge's order,
01:02:02.480 --> 01:02:04.069
whichever way you're doing it, an
01:02:04.079 --> 01:02:08.549
immense amount of relief. I leading up
01:02:08.559 --> 01:02:10.470
my divorce papers being signed, we did
01:02:10.480 --> 01:02:14.309
everything privately, collaboratively.
01:02:14.319 --> 01:02:18.549
Those last those last few weeks were the
01:02:18.559 --> 01:02:21.670
worst most terrifying
01:02:21.680 --> 01:02:24.870
days of my life, not knowing what we
01:02:24.880 --> 01:02:26.150
were going to what we were going to land
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:29.190
on. And the fear that
01:02:29.200 --> 01:02:31.510
>> because it was in Florida, if you sign a
01:02:31.520 --> 01:02:32.789
collaborative agreement, you have to
01:02:32.799 --> 01:02:35.750
agree, but if anyone decides, no, I
01:02:35.760 --> 01:02:38.230
can't work together, everything gets
01:02:38.240 --> 01:02:40.390
scrapped and you go back to square one
01:02:40.400 --> 01:02:42.390
and then you have to go to court. So,
01:02:42.400 --> 01:02:45.109
just that like, oh my god, are we going
01:02:45.119 --> 01:02:46.870
to be able to agree? Is he going to
01:02:46.880 --> 01:02:49.349
sign? Is this where we're going to land?
01:02:49.359 --> 01:02:50.710
Like, what are these numbers going to
01:02:50.720 --> 01:02:52.309
look like? Am I going to be able to go
01:02:52.319 --> 01:02:55.030
back to school and rebuild? Like, the
01:02:55.040 --> 01:02:58.630
most terrifying days of my life,
01:02:58.640 --> 01:03:01.829
literally. But my kids went out to
01:03:01.839 --> 01:03:05.750
dinner with him and the papers had been
01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:08.230
sent for him to sign. And my son walked
01:03:08.240 --> 01:03:10.630
in the house with an envelope and said,
01:03:10.640 --> 01:03:14.630
he said, "Give me give you." And it was
01:03:14.640 --> 01:03:16.870
signed. I mean, it makes me want to cry.
01:03:16.880 --> 01:03:19.670
The relief I felt
01:03:19.680 --> 01:03:23.589
>> cuz now I know like how much support I'm
01:03:23.599 --> 01:03:25.670
going to get for how long. What my
01:03:25.680 --> 01:03:27.829
runway, I call it my runway. Like I got
01:03:27.839 --> 01:03:28.549
a runway.
01:03:28.559 --> 01:03:28.950
>> Yeah.
01:03:28.960 --> 01:03:30.789
>> To get myself on my feet. What's my
01:03:30.799 --> 01:03:32.470
runway look like?
01:03:32.480 --> 01:03:34.470
>> Will I be able to get at the home? Will
01:03:34.480 --> 01:03:36.069
I be able to take care of the kids and
01:03:36.079 --> 01:03:38.870
give them the life that they're used to?
01:03:38.880 --> 01:03:41.029
Yes. Yes, it worked out.
01:03:41.039 --> 01:03:43.430
>> And I know that it doesn't always work
01:03:43.440 --> 01:03:45.589
out as well as it did for me for
01:03:45.599 --> 01:03:48.710
everyone, but once you know what you've
01:03:48.720 --> 01:03:51.109
got to work with, it's a tremendous
01:03:51.119 --> 01:03:54.150
relief. Okay, I know I've got
01:03:54.160 --> 01:03:56.390
>> this amount of dollars and this is the
01:03:56.400 --> 01:03:59.029
custody agreement and this is what how
01:03:59.039 --> 01:04:01.829
we're move forward and coexist as
01:04:01.839 --> 01:04:03.670
parents for another this many years.
01:04:03.680 --> 01:04:04.630
Like
01:04:04.640 --> 01:04:06.309
>> you can start planning.
01:04:06.319 --> 01:04:09.190
>> So you're in a position of
01:04:09.200 --> 01:04:11.349
>> I always say like if you're not careful,
01:04:11.359 --> 01:04:13.029
you'll just hold your breath through
01:04:13.039 --> 01:04:15.750
this whole process and that's what it
01:04:15.760 --> 01:04:17.990
feels like some days. But when you get
01:04:18.000 --> 01:04:21.349
to the other side, there are sometimes
01:04:21.359 --> 01:04:22.950
disagreements and you still have to
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:26.710
co-parent and it's this is a controlling
01:04:26.720 --> 01:04:30.710
person. But there is
01:04:30.720 --> 01:04:34.309
on the other side and I say that with a
01:04:34.319 --> 01:04:36.789
lot of confidence for you that it will
01:04:36.799 --> 01:04:40.069
be a relief. There is a reason why
01:04:40.079 --> 01:04:42.470
divorce is up there with like losing a
01:04:42.480 --> 01:04:45.510
parent or losing a child and it just is
01:04:45.520 --> 01:04:46.390
hard.
01:04:46.400 --> 01:04:49.510
>> Yeah. I I said before like I just I
01:04:49.520 --> 01:04:52.390
there's a chain on my ankle, right? And
01:04:52.400 --> 01:04:54.230
I'm just there with an axe trying
01:04:54.240 --> 01:04:56.630
everything I can to break free
01:04:56.640 --> 01:04:58.630
>> and I
01:04:58.640 --> 01:05:00.710
have to wait for someone to come in like
01:05:00.720 --> 01:05:01.589
a judge,
01:05:01.599 --> 01:05:02.630
>> right?
01:05:02.640 --> 01:05:03.190
>> Yeah.
01:05:03.200 --> 01:05:05.829
>> And all I can do is keep going and keep
01:05:05.839 --> 01:05:07.750
trying to build something that's for
01:05:07.760 --> 01:05:08.390
myself.
01:05:08.400 --> 01:05:09.670
>> Yep. And you're doing all the right
01:05:09.680 --> 01:05:11.990
things and you're offering yourself a
01:05:12.000 --> 01:05:14.950
tremendous amount of compassion which is
01:05:14.960 --> 01:05:18.150
essential. the kindness and compassion
01:05:18.160 --> 01:05:20.630
>> and the rest and the taking care of
01:05:20.640 --> 01:05:24.630
yourself is it's all you can do. So
01:05:24.640 --> 01:05:25.589
>> yeah.
01:05:25.599 --> 01:05:28.630
>> Yeah. So for someone else who's in a
01:05:28.640 --> 01:05:31.670
similar situation, would you tell her? I
01:05:31.680 --> 01:05:33.750
tell her
01:05:33.760 --> 01:05:37.190
that you're worth it. You're really
01:05:37.200 --> 01:05:39.029
you're worth it. Whatever it is that you
01:05:39.039 --> 01:05:43.109
bring, whoever it is that you are, like
01:05:43.119 --> 01:05:47.190
it's it's worth you have to go through
01:05:47.200 --> 01:05:50.470
>> uncover that whether that's leaving the
01:05:50.480 --> 01:05:53.990
relationship or finding yourself in it
01:05:54.000 --> 01:05:56.390
and being able to put up boundaries
01:05:56.400 --> 01:05:58.390
within it so that you can be who you
01:05:58.400 --> 01:05:58.789
are.
01:05:58.799 --> 01:05:59.190
>> Yeah.
01:05:59.200 --> 01:06:03.270
>> Like it's worth it because you are here
01:06:03.280 --> 01:06:04.390
and you are worth it.
01:06:04.400 --> 01:06:05.349
>> Yeah.
01:06:05.359 --> 01:06:07.670
>> Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank for
01:06:07.680 --> 01:06:09.750
sharing all of this.
01:06:09.760 --> 01:06:11.990
>> Thanks much, Leslie. I really appreciate
01:06:12.000 --> 01:06:14.390
it. Honestly, I'm at the very beginning
01:06:14.400 --> 01:06:17.190
of being able to share my story more
01:06:17.200 --> 01:06:19.589
publicly, and it's it is the direction
01:06:19.599 --> 01:06:21.910
I'm going. I know it holds so much for
01:06:21.920 --> 01:06:22.390
people.
01:06:22.400 --> 01:06:22.950
>> It does.
01:06:22.960 --> 01:06:25.190
>> I know it was hearing other people's
01:06:25.200 --> 01:06:28.150
stories that helped me see my own.
01:06:28.160 --> 01:06:30.069
>> Yep. It's therapeutic for others. It's
01:06:30.079 --> 01:06:33.670
therapeutic for you. And yeah, people
01:06:33.680 --> 01:06:37.430
who you can't even imagine who will heal
01:06:37.440 --> 01:06:39.990
from your story will.
01:06:40.000 --> 01:06:42.630
>> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
01:06:42.640 --> 01:06:45.430
>> Want to just make sure that we know we
01:06:45.440 --> 01:06:47.029
share with everyone how they can find
01:06:47.039 --> 01:06:50.069
you. You are building a social media
01:06:50.079 --> 01:06:52.230
presence as we speak.
01:06:52.240 --> 01:06:52.549
>> Yeah.
01:06:52.559 --> 01:06:54.870
>> So, how can people find you online?
01:06:54.880 --> 01:06:58.630
>> Yeah. So online I'm Cammy Daks
01:06:58.640 --> 01:07:00.390
and I'm currently on Facebook and
01:07:00.400 --> 01:07:02.870
Instagram and it's my my Facebook and
01:07:02.880 --> 01:07:04.789
Instagram is very subtle. There's a
01:07:04.799 --> 01:07:06.789
little bit of subtle humor in there, but
01:07:06.799 --> 01:07:09.109
it's a very boundaries
01:07:09.119 --> 01:07:11.589
space and is very different from my
01:07:11.599 --> 01:07:14.069
stage presence for sure, especially when
01:07:14.079 --> 01:07:16.069
it comes to the comedy. So much of what
01:07:16.079 --> 01:07:19.190
I do on stage I will not share online.
01:07:19.200 --> 01:07:20.230
>> Don't blame you.
01:07:20.240 --> 01:07:21.829
>> Especially because I'm also wanting to
01:07:21.839 --> 01:07:23.349
be a keynote speaker in corporate
01:07:23.359 --> 01:07:24.309
spaces.
01:07:24.319 --> 01:07:26.309
I need to I've got good boundaries in
01:07:26.319 --> 01:07:27.589
different areas of my life.
01:07:27.599 --> 01:07:29.029
>> I love that you're doing all these
01:07:29.039 --> 01:07:30.710
different things and that you I'm a
01:07:30.720 --> 01:07:32.230
passionate obviously like I love
01:07:32.240 --> 01:07:34.870
butterflies and photography and I'm a
01:07:34.880 --> 01:07:37.750
therapist and a
01:07:37.760 --> 01:07:40.069
podcast and I actually teach therapists
01:07:40.079 --> 01:07:41.829
and coaches how to make their own
01:07:41.839 --> 01:07:43.510
YouTube channel and podcast. So I'm
01:07:43.520 --> 01:07:44.870
doing like
01:07:44.880 --> 01:07:46.309
>> I've got my hands in all these things
01:07:46.319 --> 01:07:49.430
and I love all of it. So I love that you
01:07:49.440 --> 01:07:51.670
do the same. So yes, check out your
01:07:51.680 --> 01:07:53.029
human design and see if you're a
01:07:53.039 --> 01:07:53.990
manifesttor.
01:07:54.000 --> 01:07:55.589
>> Okay, I will.
01:07:55.599 --> 01:07:57.990
>> Thank you so much. Everything, all your
01:07:58.000 --> 01:07:59.910
information will be in the con in the
01:07:59.920 --> 01:08:01.829
show notes so people can find you if
01:08:01.839 --> 01:08:03.750
they look in the show. But thank you for
01:08:03.760 --> 01:08:05.430
being here and sharing your story and
01:08:05.440 --> 01:08:07.670
your journey. I feel like we're probably
01:08:07.680 --> 01:08:09.430
going to have to check back in on the
01:08:09.440 --> 01:08:12.789
other side of things and and when you
01:08:12.799 --> 01:08:15.270
are all fully on your own and like free
01:08:15.280 --> 01:08:17.030
from everything you're going through
01:08:17.040 --> 01:08:18.070
right now.
01:08:18.080 --> 01:08:22.950
>> Yeah, for sure. Thank you so much.
01:08:22.960 --> 01:08:25.960
>> Bye.