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Welcome to Positively Parenthood the podcast, your one-stop shop for non-judgmental, kind and knowledge-backed parenting advice to help you thrive rather than just survive on your parenting journey.
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I do hope you enjoy listening and find it helpful on this crazy roller coaster that we call Parenthood.
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Remember, listen to your guts and do what sits right for you.
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Your family, your way.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to episode 10 of Positively Parenthood the Podcast.
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I'm your host, Heidi, and today I'm going to be talking you through what to do when sleep feels difficult.
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Now, what I mean by this is you've tried sleep training, you've tried sleep coaching, you've maybe even worked with a sleep consultant, but sleep still just is not happening.
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What is going on for those babies and toddlers who this is the case for?
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Now, I'm sort of hoping that with my advice you're not listening to this, because that means obviously that whatever it is that I've been advising has worked and helped.
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However, I'm also very, very mindful that the sort of normal sleep stuff that we talk about, I talk about, sleep consultants, coaches talk about a lot of the time doesn't actually work for a portion of parents out there.
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Okay, so those of you are the ones that I'm addressing today, which in a way, when I was planning this episode, I was thinking, gosh, well, it's hopefully not many, so maybe I won't get the listens.
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But you know what?
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It's much more powerful for me to help you if you're in that position than it is for me to see my podcast flying up the charts, which I love seeing, and when it does happen, I love it and I think it's great.
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But the reality is I've always been about helping those of you who maybe have slightly trickier sleep situations, or like I said, find sleep difficult and nothing seems to be working.
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Now at Positively Parenthood, kind of accidentally, if I'm totally honest, we have become pretty specialist at helping those of you who need help with sleep on a deeper level.
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And what I mean by that is a lot of our clients have come to us already having taken advice from other people, done various online courses, and are reporting that it's not working.
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And the reason we've become a little bit specialist in that area is because of our knowledge and our understanding of the physiological causes of sleep that can impact sleep that are not always that obvious.
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You will know by now, if you don't, hi, I'm Heidi.
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I used to be the parent of baby coach, and I am basically essentially what I would call like a reflux specialist.
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So I actually started working with reflux babies when I first moved to London as a nanny in 2009.
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In fact, the first family I worked for in London had a reflux baby that was so severe, bless him, he had to have swallow tests.
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He was on neocate, which for those of you who don't know, it's a hypoallergenic milk.
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So, how many years ago was that now?
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Too many years ago, 15 years ago.
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I've been working with reflux babies for 15 years.
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I then did a whole lot of night nannying during which time I worked with, again, lots of reflux babies, and often I was helping the parents understand that that was what was happening.
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And then as if by magic, seven years ago, my little one's just turned seven, my little one, my biggest little one, I was gifted a baby with reflux from the very word go.
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And with my second, he also had reflux, and with my third, for those of you that are newer and to my platform and have watched my journey with Jemima, I was gifted the most refluxy baby.
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So I guess that's the universe's way of helping other parents out too by making my journey all that little bit more challenging.
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But it kind of just goes to show you that almost by accident, or let's call it universal, whatever it is, I've ended up knowing a ridiculous amount about underlying root causes of sleep.
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So when I first trained as a sleep consultant, what was that, maybe 14 years ago, it was very much about this is what you do and this is the outcome.
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They will sleep.
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Now, actually, for a lot of our clients, it's nothing to do with that.
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It's nothing to do with here's the plan, follow it, and sleep will come.
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It's about digging, it's about getting deeper, it's about knowledge of these things, symptoms, checking symptoms, listing out symptoms, bringing in other professionals.
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So, what I'm going to try and do on this episode is to give you that help and support for those of you who maybe can't access our one-on-one support, or haven't read our online course in which there are two sections about what to do if it's not working, or indeed have used other sleep help and are wondering why is this just not clicking?
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I have to cover this off as a very first topic on this podcast.
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It's really important that I do.
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Because ultimately, what I don't want to do and what I really struggle with is this idea of over-diagnosing.
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What we don't want to do is say, oh, there must be something going on for your baby because they're not sleeping and the sleep coaching plan you tried hasn't worked.
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And the reason that I don't want to over-diagnose is because obviously that's not good.
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We're talking about having to spend money on other professionals or having to change diets or milks or whatever else it is.
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And we only want to do that if we're sure that that's what needs to be done.
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And to be sure, we need to make sure that we have tried when we've worked on sleep, whatever approach it is that we've chosen, we've tried it consistently.
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So it's so boring.
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Now I'm talking about those cases here who you are not able to spot the red flags in advance and you've tried lots of different things and you don't actually know what's going on, but you've tried sleep coaching, it hasn't worked.
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My first question would be to you have you tried it consistently and have you stuck to one plan?
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Now it doesn't matter whose plan, it doesn't matter if it's mine, someone else's, obviously, ideally a professional and not sort of Jane down the road.
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But if you have stuck to a plan consistently and it hasn't worked for you, for your baby, for your toddler, that's when I'd move on to the next stage of well, what else could be going on?
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And the reason I'm throwing this in there is because it's so overwhelming right now to be a parent looking for sleep support because there's so much advice out there, and what's happening even more is parents are hopping around.
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They're trying this, didn't work.
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Try this, try this, take this bit from this bit.
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I looked at that lady's page and I did that, but then I didn't do that bit, and I thought I'd do this bit.
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And what's happening is there's mass confusion, and that is not helping anyone because then none of it will work.
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And I say this in my book, which is really, really important, I feel.
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It doesn't matter if it's not my approach, it doesn't matter if it's not our online courses, as long as you stick to one person's format, one person's plan, and obviously they vary and they have different levels of experience behind them.
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But if you chop and choose the whole entire time, that's when it things aren't going to improve, things aren't going to happen or work if you're constantly changing things.
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Okay, because babies and toddlers love consistency, and what consistency allows you to do is also keep a diary and work out if there is anything else going on.
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If you're changing multiple variables every day or every few days, that's when there can be a real issue.
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So on the overdiagnosis point, I think it's really, really important that I say if you have already tried sleep coaching or sleep training, if you want to call it that, and it has not worked, keep listening.
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If you've maybe tried it, but maybe not, but maybe not committed but sort of been a bit inconsistent with it, unless you believe there to be very obvious red flags for your baby or toddler, then it's worth giving it a go just to see.
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Okay, because I don't want you to jump to conclusions and go, my baby must have an allergy.
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If actually it's as simple as I've never really fully committed to that or I've never tried that nap plan or that sleep coaching technique.
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Now, if you're looking for guidance on what we call red flag symptoms and symptoms that your baby or toddler might be showing that could relate to there being something else underlying, I would actively encourage you to have a look at our website.
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On our website, we have lots of free downloads.
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I'm being told now by IT and Web Design that free downloads isn't really like down with the kids in terms of what I'm calling it.
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Free guides, free PDFs, I don't know what you want me to call them, but essentially there are two on the website that could be of interest to you.
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The first is reflux symptoms, and the second is tongue tie symptoms and sleep and how tongue tie relates to sleep.
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I'm not saying those are the only two reasons for broken sleep.
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However, if you have a gut feel, because lots of parents do, but they are dismissed often, if you have a gut feel that something else is going on, try the consistency piece.
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If you've done that, try the red flag piece.
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Even if you don't think there's anything else going on, just take a look at those lists.
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Okay, that's so important because so often when I'm helping get to the root cause of why sleep isn't happening, parents will be quite dismissive, which is absolutely fine because generally speaking, we still believe sleep to be very much behavioural all of the time.
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Whereas I would argue it's probably there's still a decent amount of the time, don't get me wrong, I've just literally come off a consultation with a one-year-old who has no red flags, and actually it's very likely down to the fact that he's not settling himself to sleep and doing all sorts at night time.
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I won't go into that.
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But the point being, if your gut feels says maybe there are red flags, great.
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If it doesn't and you don't know, don't dismiss them totally, because so often you can find there are parents that actually think that it's not that, but when they're shown the list in front of them and they read through it, they go, gosh, yeah, she shows half of those or all of those symptoms.
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So they're often quite surprised that I'm pointing out things that again we talk about this a lot, but things that are normalized, okay, things that in every day are normalized as normal, and actually those things are all relating to possible underlying physiological issues, which is stopping that baby or that toddler fall asleep easily or well on their own, and also obviously to stay asleep and do nice long naps and things like that.
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So let's move on to one of the main reasons as to why sleep might not be working as you feel it should.
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Now, I almost want to kind of put in here like unrealistic expectations, but the reality is, in my experience, which is so vast, I can't tell you how many clients and how many people I've sat in front of and done sleep consultations for over the years.
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For those one-to-one clients, they have all been capable of this sort of 11 to 12 hours that we talk about at night time.
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It really is, very honestly, very, very few of our clients.
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I'm talking about our personal clients, not anyone else's.
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It's very, very rare that we don't manage to make 11 hours during the night time.
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10 and a half, yeah, absolutely, maybe for a few.
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But the reality is those babies or toddlers who are often talked about as low sleep needs, for example, are often the ones that we have and end up unpicking and finding out that there is something else bothering them, and it's not just that they don't need much sleep.
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I would honestly put that hit rate, if you like, at 95%.
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And the ones that I have in my memory, I guess, like honestly, under 10 that I really remember that I've worked with one-on-one who haven't quite reached their goals, and actually a lot of them do end up coming back or have ended up coming back and saying, Do you know what we had done in the end?
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We had adenoids removed, or we had tonsils removed, or whatever else, and now suddenly they are doing that longer stretch that you spoke about.
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And I find that so interesting.
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Obviously, I cannot account for people who do the online courses because they are self-led, they're self-help, and we can't diagnose things over an online course, which is why we always talk about if you want to do a top-up call or doing an upgrade to a one-to-one.
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Honestly, not because we need to worry about extra clients, more because we really want you to be able to understand that when things aren't working, there is always an answer for it.
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So today I'm going to run through what those answers might look like and what those answers might be.
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But very top level because I'm trying really hard to keep these podcasts very, very short and snappy, and I want you to be able to listen to them in a nap.
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And we've got a really exciting interview at the end of this podcast too, which is going to be really good fun.
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So, what we find is a lot of the time it is related to a baby or a toddler having undiagnosed or diagnosed but seemingly undiaged silent reflux.
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Okay, I'm going to put this at the top of the list, not necessarily because I think it's everyone's top answer, but it's one of the big answers.
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And when you really know what to look for in a little one who has reflux, it becomes a lot more obvious, especially when it comes to their sleep.
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So for this one, I do, or I did in the past at least have a whole entire podcast episode just talking through reflux symptoms.
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I haven't yet recreated that podcast under the new branding.
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But like I said, you can visit the website and have a look at the reflux symptoms checklist.
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So are they taking short naps?
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Have you taken away a dummy or feeding and they're struggling to settle without it?
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Which would tell me that that sucking was not just because they liked to suck, but because it was soothing something.
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Are they really early risers?
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Because often with reflux, they can be, they're on their backs all night, they can be more likely to wake up early as well.
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Do they show any other signs of reflux during the daytime?
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Now the answer to this, if I'm honest, post sort of five, six months is no.
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And I have a lot of babies who haven't responded well to sleep training or coaching who are 10, 11 months and it looks on paper like it can't possibly be reflux because they had that when they were a baby and it disappeared at say five months.
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But the reality is it can still be the case, and it often still is the case, and it shows up as difficulty sleeping.
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If you're experiencing regurgitation, that sort of acid burn, it also doesn't mean they're in pain and crying.
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They can just be wide awake.
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So we need to look at is that possible?
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And if it is, what are the triggers of that?
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So what does trigger that acid, that regurgitation?
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And the two main things can be air intake, which is less likely if I'm honest for an older baby, but still possible, or and or diet.
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And another big variable in what can stop a baby or toddler sleeping well is digestion, but also immune system-based allergies.
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So sensitivities and intolerances relate to the digestive system.
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So is the gut unhappy, struggling a little bit, not able to digest some of the foods that that baby or toddler is eating?
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The biggest two food groups being dairy and gluten, and or the immune system.
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So is there an allergy?
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Is there a delayed allergy, which again would not be necessarily tested for?
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There are some consultants in London that do do delayed allergy testing, but very few, and they often won't do it either.
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But is there a delayed allergy which means that the baby or toddler is therefore struggling with that food and therefore it's impacting their sleep?
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And again, the problem with these things is it doesn't look like pain, it doesn't look like crying, it just looks like being wide awake from 3 till 5am, or it just looks like reflux symptoms, which obviously, as we've suggested, means that they're not going to settle well without sucking, or they don't want to be on their back, or they do short naps and early wakes.
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So it really is piecing all of the pieces of the puzzle together.
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Tongue twister there for you, but piecing the pieces of the puzzle together to come up with what else might be going on for your baby or for your toddler.
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Now I really wish I could go into all of these in more detail, but I do have an episode of this podcast which talks about mouth breathing.
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And the reason I did that is because I get asked a lot of the time when I mention it on Instagram, can you give me some more information on mouth breathing?
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Where do I go and what can I do about it?
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So if your baby or toddler is mouth breathing, now it doesn't necessarily mean that that is the cause of them not sleeping well.
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Okay, and it also doesn't mean that it's mouth breathing and not reflux.
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The two can often and they do go hand in hand, so you can have both.
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But when you have a baby or toddler who breathes through their mouth, it's a clue as to what else could be going on for them.
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Now, if they are breathing through their mouth, is it the case that actually they're congested and bunged up?
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Now I'm a little bit congested and bunged up today, and I'm sort of stuttering on my words a lot more than normal because I can feel the congestion in my airways, especially in my nasal passage, and it's making me feel quite nasally and sound different, and therefore it's putting me off the way in which I'm talking, which is not ideal for you, or less ideal for the guy that's editing this podcast.
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But my point being, if we're mouth breathing, we're more congested, where is that congestion coming from?
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Is that something to do with blockages in the nose, which is obviously not my forte, and you would absolutely need to see someone like an ENT for that?
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Is the reason for the congestion that they are, for example, not tolerating dairy is a big one, causing inflammation and therefore also congested?
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So, one of my questions sometimes when I'm trying to unpick things with clients is is your little one snotty a lot of the time?
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Because that in my experience can relate to dairy.
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There's this sort of old wives tell, isn't there, about not having dairy when you have a cold.
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But it in some ways it's really true and actually can be a big trigger, the dairy, for congestion and being extra snotty.
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Then we might also want to think about is there something going on, for example, with adenoids or the tonsils that's causing the little one to mouth breathe?
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So again, it's not necessarily the mouth breathing that's stopping it working, but it is that that could be potentially contributing to them waking up or finding sleep more difficult.
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So maybe you've nailed the self-settling and they're able to settle themselves to sleep, but the reality is they still wake up frequently at night time.
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And we see this a lot with toddlers who've gone through the motions of everything.
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They've done all of the sleep coaching, they've done all of the love and attention and the rewards and everything possible.
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They've tried everything, but they are still getting up and wandering into mum and dad's room at night time.
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And it's not necessarily related to just want to see you comfort.
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It's just I keep being woken up by something, but they can't explain it.
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And as parents, we're not looking at the monitor all night, so we also can't see it.
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And sometimes the answer comes about when a parent is sharing a room with a toddler and they notice that in the night they're making funny noises, or they're snoring, or they even stop breathing and have some level of sleep apnea.
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Stop breathing for a few seconds, by the way, not completely.
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But it's really worth looking at these sorts of issues.
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And the other issue, maybe, or challenge I suppose I would sit in this category is ear infections, which unfortunately I am what's the word?
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I'm not going to say I'm a pro because I'm not an ENT, but my daughter has put me through, honestly, a huge amount of sleepless nights and drama when it comes to her ears.
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And I always knew that ears affected sleep.
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So we often still do have clients contact us and say sleep has gone completely off tangent for the last week.
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What can I do?
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And I'd always say two things, give it two weeks, but also have their ears checked, because the ears are pretty silent, almost like silent refluxes, and you can't see into them.
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You often, not always, but you often won't have a temperature with an ear infection.
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And there's often no other sign.
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It's just that pressure when they lie down at night time that makes it worse and causes all of the screaming.
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So always, always, always checking ears.
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Now the issue is it can take a lot of back and forth to various doctors and professionals to get the ears properly checked and looked at.
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And in my experience, that looks like me going, sleep shouldn't be this difficult.
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What is going on?
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I've done everything I should have done.
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I've done the diet, I've done her tongue dye, I've got the reflux under control.
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I didn't put her on reflux medication, we were very close at one point, but I've I've done everything.
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And I used to say to at the time, Vicki and Becky, who were my sleep coaches who worked with me, I just don't understand.
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I feel like I'm going mad.
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And the point being, my gut feel knew that this should be working.
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She should be sleeping consistently.
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:21.519
What's going on when she randomly starts to scream in the middle of the night for say three, four nights on a trot?
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:26.880
And it was only when I started to realise that it was her ears that things made sense.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:32.880
But even then, I would go to the doctor, they'd look, they're a bit red, it's nothing to worry about.
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:49.759
And this whole they're a bit red used to drive me mad because then I'd have a like an ears specialist, whoever they are, I can't remember the word or the job title, but messaging me on Instagram going, Heidi, a bit red still means there's an issue, just keep pushing thing, audiologist, that was the word.
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:57.119
And I really had to see a lot of different people, and I'm very privileged to be able to do that in order to get to the bottom of it.
00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.759
But I knew my gut feel was I've been doing this job for 50.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.400
Years.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:01.839
This is not about sleep coaching.
00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.799
I don't need to do a sleep method to get her to sleep.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:08.160
I need to keep going with getting to the root cause of it.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:11.200
And honestly, the difference is I can't even tell you.
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:15.119
Okay, so for the first 18 months, we had a lot going on.
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:21.839
But when we did finally get her grommets put in, I would say actually it's only in the last six weeks since it's been done.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:25.759
I think she's had the operation around two months ago now, maybe two and a half.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:30.240
In the last six weeks, once it had all settled post-op, her sleep is brilliant.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:32.480
She does up to 13 hours a night.
00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:34.480
It's just miles apart.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:40.000
She could always do it, but she just didn't do it as often as I would like or hope.
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:41.440
Or actually, do you know what?
00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:48.480
Not even like and hope, knew that she was capable of doing because I've had two children who slept well from four and six months.
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.039
I knew what consistent sleep looked like.
00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:55.279
And it nearly kills me, but I did get to the bottom of it in the end.
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:59.680
So I'm going to add ears into that kind of list of sort of ENT issues.
00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:04.640
So we've got tonsils, we've got being snotty, we've got airways, we've got ears, we've got adenoise.
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:13.839
And actually, what we're kind of seeing in the wellness world is these things are getting more attention for one reason because we're starting to focus on mouth breathing more.
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.720
And when we focus on mouth breathing, we realise that there is so much more to it.
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:19.599
Okay, yeah.
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:29.839
Now recently I've been working with over the past sort of two years a lovely lady called Vicky, who is a sensory, I think she's the sensory occupational therapist on Instagram, but she's great.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:44.319
And what we have done together is unpicked for the other sleep coaches that I trained, we've unpicked this idea that actually there's a sensory part to sleep, which obviously we all know because different children have different temperaments.
00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:52.240
However, when they're very, very little, those temperaments in my experience often relate back to how happy their gut is and how happy they are in terms of comfort.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:58.240
However, that said, what we also need to look at is sleep.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:25.680
And again, this starts to show up, but I would say more in the toddler years in my experience, because when you've done all things and sleep still doesn't seem to be kind of clicking and falling into place, it's worth looking at is it because they find sleep difficult because there's other stuff going on in their body that makes it feel hard, for example, different senses processing things differently to maybe what a normal child would do.
00:24:26.079 --> 00:24:30.160
Okay, so sometimes they can have a preference for one sense or find something overwhelming.
00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:41.759
So for example, they might find it being quiet really overwhelming, they might find noise or, for example, white noise really overwhelming, they might find the texture of their pajamas, a label on their pajamas overwhelming.
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:46.079
There are so many different things that they can find difficult about sleep.
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:55.920
And what Vicky does brilliantly is step in and help parents put a plan into place as to how maybe we can improve sleep on a sensory level.
00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:00.880
So there are some clients that again they've looked at lots of different things, they've tried everything.
00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:05.920
They do tend to be, like I said, the sort of toddlers slash moving up to school age children.
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:14.880
Where parents have done all of the normal things, all of the usual things, and they have still ended up struggling with sleep.
00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:27.920
And it's when they speak to someone like Vicky, who's an amazing occupational therapist, that they then understand that there's she calls it a sensory diet, which I think is fair, but other things that you can do around sleep to make it easier.
00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:30.319
And for some that might be like a weighted duvet.
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:32.319
There are so many different techniques.
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:36.799
I personally am not going to run through them with you because I'm not qualified to do so.
00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:48.079
But what I will do is try and make sure that Vicky comes onto an episode in the near future because I think it will be so useful for those of you who are struggling with sleep again and thinking it just feels difficult.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:26:00.480
Like sleep with my toddler feels extra difficult because then we can unpick it on a different level, and that is whether or not there's anything else sensory going on that could maybe help that child move in the right direction.
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:06.000
But as ever, if you have found this episode of my podcast useful, please do leave a review.
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:11.200
It's so important and it really helps form future seasons and episodes of the podcast.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:13.440
And also don't forget to subscribe.
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:22.160
The more subscribers, the easier it is to do my job of getting a sponsor, which means I can continue putting these podcasts out into the world.
00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:36.000
Now, this episode is sponsored by Biogaia, my favourite multi-award-winning probiotic drops, providing your baby or child with good bacteria to aid their guts.
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:47.920
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00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:58.640
So, as I said today, I am joined by Em and Cam, and I'm going to be asking them three questions when it relates to their parenting journey so far.
00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:00.559
Guys, thank you so much for coming on.
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:02.079
Oh, thanks for having us.
00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:02.720
Thank you.
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:06.480
With little Reggie, who's there grinning away, having his bedtime box.
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:08.559
Yeah, we have a special guest of us today.
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:10.480
Talk about multitasking parents.
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:11.920
I'm like, can you do 7:30?
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:14.960
Yeah, sure, in the middle of the bedtime routine, but let's do it.
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:17.599
You just get used to multitasking, that's what happens.
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:18.799
Yeah, you've gotten better at it actually.
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:20.480
I've got so much better multitasking, yeah.
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:23.200
I used to be dreadful, but now I can do like five things at once.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:24.480
He's not as dreadful.
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:25.599
That's good.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:29.039
That's a plus, isn't it, of becoming a dad or becoming a mum, even.
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:32.079
So, guys, tell me with your parenting journey so far.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:33.759
He's five months old, is that right?
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:34.720
Yeah, five months.
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:35.039
Yeah.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:38.559
So you're quite new to it, but still in the thick of it.
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:42.319
So, what has been your biggest challenge for each of you to date?
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:46.160
I'd say, and I'm I think we're probably quite similar in this.
00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:49.440
It's you have no room for procrastination anymore when you become a parent.
00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:53.839
And I think we've had times, there's been some weeks where we've gone, we haven't done anything this week.
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:58.480
We've obviously we've been parents, and that's our main priority, and we obviously want to be the best parents we can.
00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:00.000
So that always takes precedent.
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:02.799
So sometimes we're literally like we'll we don't get anything done.
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:14.160
Yeah, I think not even procrastinate, I think even work and just time to socialize and friends and family and eating and self-care, that's all been put on the back burner.
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:20.880
So finding time to do all those things has definitely been the most challenging, especially in the line of work that we do.
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:21.759
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:26.720
And then you get to four o'clock and we both look at each other and we're like, we've got anything today.
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:27.279
Well, we have.
00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:29.440
I always forget, and I'm like, No, you have done something today.
00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:30.480
You've been a good dad.
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:33.519
I have to reframe it sometimes, just like you have done stuff today.
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:37.200
We may not have done the social thing you want to do or the work-related thing you want to do.
00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:40.079
So I say, yeah, for would you say that's been yeah, exactly?
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:43.839
So just like adapting to parent life, that's been the most challenging.
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:46.960
But reframe it like you have done amazing things today.
00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:48.400
Like you kept a baby alive.
00:28:48.559 --> 00:28:49.039
Hello.
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:50.160
Exactly.
00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:50.960
Exactly.
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:52.319
Exactly.
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:53.839
And you have you managed all?
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:59.519
Because obviously, you're what I would imagine to be like the prime of your career is you're really busy.
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:00.799
Do you have childcare?
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:01.759
Do you have family?
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.680
How have you managed to fit it all in?
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:04.480
My mum.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:05.759
Yeah, we are very lucky.
00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:07.279
We've got Em's mum close by.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:08.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:10.240
And she loves him as much as we do.
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:17.279
So whenever we drop him off, we don't have to worry, we can fully switch off or get things done that we need to do.
00:29:17.519 --> 00:29:19.599
So yeah, we're very fortunate in that sense.
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:21.440
Yeah, that's been an absolute blessing.
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:28.640
Everything I drop him off, I just think in my head, if we didn't have Em's mum close by, because all my family are back in Wales, so they're obviously too far.
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:31.759
If we didn't have Em's mum, I don't think we'd get anything done.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:34.960
Because I have trust issues, I wouldn't just get a nanny round.
00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:35.920
It's hard, isn't it?
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:36.400
It's so hard.
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:39.680
And as you say, like so many people don't have that support network.
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:44.799
So we're really grateful when you do have it like family locally because it makes such a big difference.
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:45.680
100%.
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:52.160
But we find whenever we drop it off, even it's for a night or two, we have a worse night's sleep when he's not here.
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:54.319
We find it so hard to switch off.
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:55.440
Yeah, no, we do.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:30:01.839
Sometimes we wake up the next day and I'm like, I'm almost more tired now than I was in six hours sleep.
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:04.079
When you catch up on it, you feel more tired.
00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:06.480
It's so weird.
00:30:06.720 --> 00:30:07.359
Very weird.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:16.559
Thinking about family then, so other people's opinions, unsolicited advice, you've been through it with him when it comes to that reflux and stuff.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:22.559
So I'm sure you've had a lot of this everyone giving you their opinion of what's normal and what he should be doing.
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:25.839
How have you dealt with that as new parents?
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:29.680
First of all, everyone's an expert when it comes to parenting on Instagram.
00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:30.559
Let me tell you that.
00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:34.799
So that's great.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:41.039
Vice is great, but ultimately it's that cliche thing is no one knows your child better than you do.
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:47.440
So we I would read the comments, I'll take on advice, but that won't be like the be all end or take it with a pinch of salt.
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:47.920
Exactly.
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:48.559
Clearly, yeah.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:53.119
I think every what I didn't realize, I think the first few weeks I was looking at Google all the time for everything.
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:55.599
He was the one that I was like, that's gonna tell me what to do.
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:59.759
But then over time, I just realized Reggie is Reggie, he's gonna be so different to every other baby.
00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:04.079
So we've got to take, yeah, take all the advice with a little pinch of salt and go, what can apply to my children.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.559
Exactly.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:10.480
Yeah, and we've taken all different bits of advice and all tiny different bits of it to with him, haven't we?
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:11.039
Oh yeah.
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:14.960
So like we've made an accumulation of things, so it's just whatever works for him.
00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:16.559
But um it's taken a long time.
00:31:16.720 --> 00:31:19.279
Yeah, we're at the point now where we're just comfortable in that decision.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:20.160
Got and sorry.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.319
Yeah, you're raised online, aren't you?
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:30.079
It's that like how much do you share because you know you're gonna get people messaged and say you should try this, this, and this, but at the same time, it's quite useful and it helps other people.
00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:33.519
So I think it's a really fine balance when you're out there in the public.
00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:34.400
Yeah, definitely.
00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:39.119
I think we're like we're actually quite extremely lucky where the majority of it's just really positive.
00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:40.480
Everyone loves Reggie.
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:42.799
I don't see much negativity at all.
00:31:43.119 --> 00:31:50.000
The one thing I will say is I've recently started putting him in a walker, so I've had some Karen's come out about that.
00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:50.880
I get it.
00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:52.799
He's not six months old yet.
00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:57.599
I get it, but he likes what he likes, and he is so happy in that thing.
00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:02.079
It's not like I leave him in there for hours, it'll be like 10 or 15 minutes at a time.
00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:02.880
Not the end of the one.
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:08.319
So yeah, I've had all these osteopaths come out of the woodworks that follow me apparently.
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:11.359
So oh no, it's so hard, isn't it?
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:14.720
Like you say, what works for you and your baby, and that's so important.
00:32:14.880 --> 00:32:15.279
Yeah.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:17.519
Oh look at him, he's so sweet.
00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:18.480
Okay, interesting.
00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:22.319
So you you should just take it with a pinch of salt, pick the bits that work for you.
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:25.440
And how do you feel about this idea of a gut instinct?
00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:28.319
You both have it when someone's telling you it could be this, you could do this.
00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:31.680
Do you have a gut instinct as to I think this is what's gonna work best for us?
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:32.720
Yeah, definitely.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:41.200
Because I remember like with his reflux, everyone was like, Oh no, it's just like normal baby stuff, but I just had this gut instinct that something wasn't right, it's not right.
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:44.720
Sorry, yeah, everyone was always like, it will pass, it will pass.
00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:51.119
But yeah, that's fair enough, it's gonna pass, but I don't want to sit here and watch him in pain if there's something I can do about it.
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:56.000
So that was one of the actually frustrating things, but everyone was being like, Oh, it's just a phase, it's just a phase.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:56.799
Yeah, I don't care.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:04.160
If I can see my son's in pain, I can do something about it, then I don't care how much money it's gonna cost me, I don't care how long it's gonna take, I want to get sorted.
00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:12.480
And if you think about it, obviously I've spoken to you several times in the last four or five months, whatever it's been, each time you've made a change, he's improved.
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:20.319
And therefore, if you hadn't have done any of those things and he was still with a tongue tie having the wrong milk or whatever, you'd just be miserable, right?
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:21.440
Because that would be it.
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:22.160
Exactly.
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:24.799
And I'd have guilt that I didn't even try.
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:27.279
Yeah, but I know that it's different for everybody, you know.
00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:33.119
Some people, it's different circumstances, but we were fortunate enough that we could see a pediatrician or whatever.
00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:34.799
Yeah, we wanted to get to the bottom of it.
00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:37.279
So hard, you've done so well, he's so happy.
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:40.000
God, I want a snuggle, you're so cute.
00:33:40.319 --> 00:33:43.759
You'll have to come over because now we've got his diet all sorted out, his milk.
00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:46.880
We feel like the sleeping is now the cherry on the cake.
00:33:47.039 --> 00:33:47.759
Yeah, exactly.
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:53.359
And he's what five months you said, kind of get to that six-month mark where they can sleep pretty well, actually.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:56.559
I thought you were gonna say sleep on his own, then I was like, oh no.
00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:58.960
Oh, bless him.
00:33:59.119 --> 00:34:02.000
And then just finally, oh gosh, where to start with this.
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:12.719
But if you could both of you give any advice to anyone out there who's either a parent already and maybe is confused by all the different advice they're getting, or just a new parent starting out.
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:16.719
Like, what would be some of your best advice to give out?
00:34:17.199 --> 00:34:22.559
I would say what we've touched upon, and just understand your baby.
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:26.159
Understand maybe doing a poo.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:30.000
No, you just that's basically his cry is the grunt.
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:31.920
I'd say just understand your baby.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:36.400
I think that's what we spoke on, is that your baby's gonna be so different to everyone else's baby.
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:39.360
So I think I would understand your baby as much as possible.
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:40.639
Is that my best advice?
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:40.960
I don't know.
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:42.559
No, it's not what you're trying to say.
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:43.360
It's not what you're trying to say.
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:44.320
Start that again.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:50.400
I would say actually, you know what my best advice is I think the relationship you have with your partner, I think communicate.
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:54.800
It's gonna be chaotic and it's gonna be tough and it's gonna be stressful, and you're gonna be sleep deprived.
00:34:54.880 --> 00:35:00.079
But I think the one thing we've done very well is we've worked as a team and we've communicated, we've helped each other out as much as possible.
00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:06.559
Understand when one of us is having a down day or one of us isn't fully with it and just stepping in and doing as much as we can.
00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:10.960
Like the thought of me trying to raise Reggie with an M would be I wouldn't know where to start.
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:11.519
Do you know what I mean?
00:35:11.599 --> 00:35:14.800
It's like we work as a team and I'd say by side, hope you say by space.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:18.480
Yes, I just have a strong partnership.
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:19.199
Nice.
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:19.519
Yeah.
00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:20.800
Ten points.
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:22.159
Thank you.
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:29.920
I would say that nothing, no amount of preparation is gonna prepare you for having a baby.
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:33.920
You just gotta get stuck in with it and you figure things out as you go.
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:38.800
So you just gotta learn to be like this is what your problem wasn't it?
00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:48.400
You're very much like textbook, like checking it with things off the list, but you just gotta let it go and you just gotta just go with the flow because that's the only way you're gonna get through it.
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:49.599
Yeah, that's great advice.
00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:54.239
I remember when I saw you when you were heavily pregnant, you were like, I've read this book and I've read this book.
00:35:55.039 --> 00:36:01.679
I know, but it was pointless because each book I read, I skipped past the c section part, thinking I'm not gonna have a c-section.
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:05.599
So I actually didn't read them properly, but yeah.
00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:07.599
But you can't prepare for it, right?
00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:09.840
You there's only this is what I'm saying.
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:13.840
So I try, I read every book that was under sun, but failed to read this lead section part.
00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:16.480
So even though I thought I was prepared, you're not prepared.
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.119
Oh dear, guys.
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:20.000
Thank you so much.
00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:22.639
And Reggie, of course, going off to bed now.
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:25.760
Hey big guy, thank you so much for coming on.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:26.480
I really appreciate it.
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:29.599
So refreshing.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.599
Of course.
00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:35.440
Thank you for listening to Positively Parenthood the podcast.
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:43.599
We love to say here at Positively Parenthood that knowledge is power, and really hope that you found this episode super useful.
00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:55.039
Please do hit subscribe to be the first to find out about new episodes, and visit our website positivelyparenthood.com for more information on our one to ones and online courses.
00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:56.800
See you next time.
00:00:06.879 --> 00:00:20.480
Welcome to Positively Parenthood the podcast, your one-stop shop for non-judgmental, kind and knowledge-backed parenting advice to help you thrive rather than just survive on your parenting journey.
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I do hope you enjoy listening and find it helpful on this crazy roller coaster that we call Parenthood.
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Remember, listen to your guts and do what sits right for you.
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Your family, your way.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to episode 10 of Positively Parenthood the Podcast.
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I'm your host, Heidi, and today I'm going to be talking you through what to do when sleep feels difficult.
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Now, what I mean by this is you've tried sleep training, you've tried sleep coaching, you've maybe even worked with a sleep consultant, but sleep still just is not happening.
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What is going on for those babies and toddlers who this is the case for?
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Now, I'm sort of hoping that with my advice you're not listening to this, because that means obviously that whatever it is that I've been advising has worked and helped.
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However, I'm also very, very mindful that the sort of normal sleep stuff that we talk about, I talk about, sleep consultants, coaches talk about a lot of the time doesn't actually work for a portion of parents out there.
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Okay, so those of you are the ones that I'm addressing today, which in a way, when I was planning this episode, I was thinking, gosh, well, it's hopefully not many, so maybe I won't get the listens.
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But you know what?
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It's much more powerful for me to help you if you're in that position than it is for me to see my podcast flying up the charts, which I love seeing, and when it does happen, I love it and I think it's great.
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But the reality is I've always been about helping those of you who maybe have slightly trickier sleep situations, or like I said, find sleep difficult and nothing seems to be working.
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Now at Positively Parenthood, kind of accidentally, if I'm totally honest, we have become pretty specialist at helping those of you who need help with sleep on a deeper level.
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And what I mean by that is a lot of our clients have come to us already having taken advice from other people, done various online courses, and are reporting that it's not working.
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And the reason we've become a little bit specialist in that area is because of our knowledge and our understanding of the physiological causes of sleep that can impact sleep that are not always that obvious.
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You will know by now, if you don't, hi, I'm Heidi.
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I used to be the parent of baby coach, and I am basically essentially what I would call like a reflux specialist.
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So I actually started working with reflux babies when I first moved to London as a nanny in 2009.
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In fact, the first family I worked for in London had a reflux baby that was so severe, bless him, he had to have swallow tests.
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He was on neocate, which for those of you who don't know, it's a hypoallergenic milk.
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So, how many years ago was that now?
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Too many years ago, 15 years ago.
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I've been working with reflux babies for 15 years.
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I then did a whole lot of night nannying during which time I worked with, again, lots of reflux babies, and often I was helping the parents understand that that was what was happening.
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And then as if by magic, seven years ago, my little one's just turned seven, my little one, my biggest little one, I was gifted a baby with reflux from the very word go.
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And with my second, he also had reflux, and with my third, for those of you that are newer and to my platform and have watched my journey with Jemima, I was gifted the most refluxy baby.
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So I guess that's the universe's way of helping other parents out too by making my journey all that little bit more challenging.
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But it kind of just goes to show you that almost by accident, or let's call it universal, whatever it is, I've ended up knowing a ridiculous amount about underlying root causes of sleep.
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So when I first trained as a sleep consultant, what was that, maybe 14 years ago, it was very much about this is what you do and this is the outcome.
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They will sleep.
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Now, actually, for a lot of our clients, it's nothing to do with that.
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It's nothing to do with here's the plan, follow it, and sleep will come.
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It's about digging, it's about getting deeper, it's about knowledge of these things, symptoms, checking symptoms, listing out symptoms, bringing in other professionals.
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So, what I'm going to try and do on this episode is to give you that help and support for those of you who maybe can't access our one-on-one support, or haven't read our online course in which there are two sections about what to do if it's not working, or indeed have used other sleep help and are wondering why is this just not clicking?
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I have to cover this off as a very first topic on this podcast.
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It's really important that I do.
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Because ultimately, what I don't want to do and what I really struggle with is this idea of over-diagnosing.
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What we don't want to do is say, oh, there must be something going on for your baby because they're not sleeping and the sleep coaching plan you tried hasn't worked.
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And the reason that I don't want to over-diagnose is because obviously that's not good.
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We're talking about having to spend money on other professionals or having to change diets or milks or whatever else it is.
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And we only want to do that if we're sure that that's what needs to be done.
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And to be sure, we need to make sure that we have tried when we've worked on sleep, whatever approach it is that we've chosen, we've tried it consistently.
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So it's so boring.
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Now I'm talking about those cases here who you are not able to spot the red flags in advance and you've tried lots of different things and you don't actually know what's going on, but you've tried sleep coaching, it hasn't worked.
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My first question would be to you have you tried it consistently and have you stuck to one plan?
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Now it doesn't matter whose plan, it doesn't matter if it's mine, someone else's, obviously, ideally a professional and not sort of Jane down the road.
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But if you have stuck to a plan consistently and it hasn't worked for you, for your baby, for your toddler, that's when I'd move on to the next stage of well, what else could be going on?
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And the reason I'm throwing this in there is because it's so overwhelming right now to be a parent looking for sleep support because there's so much advice out there, and what's happening even more is parents are hopping around.
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They're trying this, didn't work.
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Try this, try this, take this bit from this bit.
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I looked at that lady's page and I did that, but then I didn't do that bit, and I thought I'd do this bit.
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And what's happening is there's mass confusion, and that is not helping anyone because then none of it will work.
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And I say this in my book, which is really, really important, I feel.
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It doesn't matter if it's not my approach, it doesn't matter if it's not our online courses, as long as you stick to one person's format, one person's plan, and obviously they vary and they have different levels of experience behind them.
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But if you chop and choose the whole entire time, that's when it things aren't going to improve, things aren't going to happen or work if you're constantly changing things.
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Okay, because babies and toddlers love consistency, and what consistency allows you to do is also keep a diary and work out if there is anything else going on.
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If you're changing multiple variables every day or every few days, that's when there can be a real issue.
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So on the overdiagnosis point, I think it's really, really important that I say if you have already tried sleep coaching or sleep training, if you want to call it that, and it has not worked, keep listening.
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If you've maybe tried it, but maybe not, but maybe not committed but sort of been a bit inconsistent with it, unless you believe there to be very obvious red flags for your baby or toddler, then it's worth giving it a go just to see.
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Okay, because I don't want you to jump to conclusions and go, my baby must have an allergy.
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If actually it's as simple as I've never really fully committed to that or I've never tried that nap plan or that sleep coaching technique.
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Now, if you're looking for guidance on what we call red flag symptoms and symptoms that your baby or toddler might be showing that could relate to there being something else underlying, I would actively encourage you to have a look at our website.
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On our website, we have lots of free downloads.
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I'm being told now by IT and Web Design that free downloads isn't really like down with the kids in terms of what I'm calling it.
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Free guides, free PDFs, I don't know what you want me to call them, but essentially there are two on the website that could be of interest to you.
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The first is reflux symptoms, and the second is tongue tie symptoms and sleep and how tongue tie relates to sleep.
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I'm not saying those are the only two reasons for broken sleep.
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However, if you have a gut feel, because lots of parents do, but they are dismissed often, if you have a gut feel that something else is going on, try the consistency piece.
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If you've done that, try the red flag piece.
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Even if you don't think there's anything else going on, just take a look at those lists.
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Okay, that's so important because so often when I'm helping get to the root cause of why sleep isn't happening, parents will be quite dismissive, which is absolutely fine because generally speaking, we still believe sleep to be very much behavioural all of the time.
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Whereas I would argue it's probably there's still a decent amount of the time, don't get me wrong, I've just literally come off a consultation with a one-year-old who has no red flags, and actually it's very likely down to the fact that he's not settling himself to sleep and doing all sorts at night time.
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I won't go into that.
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But the point being, if your gut feels says maybe there are red flags, great.
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If it doesn't and you don't know, don't dismiss them totally, because so often you can find there are parents that actually think that it's not that, but when they're shown the list in front of them and they read through it, they go, gosh, yeah, she shows half of those or all of those symptoms.
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So they're often quite surprised that I'm pointing out things that again we talk about this a lot, but things that are normalized, okay, things that in every day are normalized as normal, and actually those things are all relating to possible underlying physiological issues, which is stopping that baby or that toddler fall asleep easily or well on their own, and also obviously to stay asleep and do nice long naps and things like that.
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So let's move on to one of the main reasons as to why sleep might not be working as you feel it should.
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Now, I almost want to kind of put in here like unrealistic expectations, but the reality is, in my experience, which is so vast, I can't tell you how many clients and how many people I've sat in front of and done sleep consultations for over the years.
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For those one-to-one clients, they have all been capable of this sort of 11 to 12 hours that we talk about at night time.
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It really is, very honestly, very, very few of our clients.
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I'm talking about our personal clients, not anyone else's.
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It's very, very rare that we don't manage to make 11 hours during the night time.
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10 and a half, yeah, absolutely, maybe for a few.
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But the reality is those babies or toddlers who are often talked about as low sleep needs, for example, are often the ones that we have and end up unpicking and finding out that there is something else bothering them, and it's not just that they don't need much sleep.
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I would honestly put that hit rate, if you like, at 95%.
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And the ones that I have in my memory, I guess, like honestly, under 10 that I really remember that I've worked with one-on-one who haven't quite reached their goals, and actually a lot of them do end up coming back or have ended up coming back and saying, Do you know what we had done in the end?
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We had adenoids removed, or we had tonsils removed, or whatever else, and now suddenly they are doing that longer stretch that you spoke about.
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And I find that so interesting.
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Obviously, I cannot account for people who do the online courses because they are self-led, they're self-help, and we can't diagnose things over an online course, which is why we always talk about if you want to do a top-up call or doing an upgrade to a one-to-one.
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Honestly, not because we need to worry about extra clients, more because we really want you to be able to understand that when things aren't working, there is always an answer for it.
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So today I'm going to run through what those answers might look like and what those answers might be.
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But very top level because I'm trying really hard to keep these podcasts very, very short and snappy, and I want you to be able to listen to them in a nap.
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And we've got a really exciting interview at the end of this podcast too, which is going to be really good fun.
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So, what we find is a lot of the time it is related to a baby or a toddler having undiagnosed or diagnosed but seemingly undiaged silent reflux.
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Okay, I'm going to put this at the top of the list, not necessarily because I think it's everyone's top answer, but it's one of the big answers.
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And when you really know what to look for in a little one who has reflux, it becomes a lot more obvious, especially when it comes to their sleep.
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So for this one, I do, or I did in the past at least have a whole entire podcast episode just talking through reflux symptoms.
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I haven't yet recreated that podcast under the new branding.
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But like I said, you can visit the website and have a look at the reflux symptoms checklist.
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So are they taking short naps?
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Have you taken away a dummy or feeding and they're struggling to settle without it?
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Which would tell me that that sucking was not just because they liked to suck, but because it was soothing something.
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Are they really early risers?
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Because often with reflux, they can be, they're on their backs all night, they can be more likely to wake up early as well.
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Do they show any other signs of reflux during the daytime?
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Now the answer to this, if I'm honest, post sort of five, six months is no.
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And I have a lot of babies who haven't responded well to sleep training or coaching who are 10, 11 months and it looks on paper like it can't possibly be reflux because they had that when they were a baby and it disappeared at say five months.
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But the reality is it can still be the case, and it often still is the case, and it shows up as difficulty sleeping.
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If you're experiencing regurgitation, that sort of acid burn, it also doesn't mean they're in pain and crying.
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They can just be wide awake.
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So we need to look at is that possible?
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And if it is, what are the triggers of that?
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So what does trigger that acid, that regurgitation?
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And the two main things can be air intake, which is less likely if I'm honest for an older baby, but still possible, or and or diet.
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And another big variable in what can stop a baby or toddler sleeping well is digestion, but also immune system-based allergies.
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So sensitivities and intolerances relate to the digestive system.
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So is the gut unhappy, struggling a little bit, not able to digest some of the foods that that baby or toddler is eating?
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The biggest two food groups being dairy and gluten, and or the immune system.
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So is there an allergy?
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Is there a delayed allergy, which again would not be necessarily tested for?
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There are some consultants in London that do do delayed allergy testing, but very few, and they often won't do it either.
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But is there a delayed allergy which means that the baby or toddler is therefore struggling with that food and therefore it's impacting their sleep?
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And again, the problem with these things is it doesn't look like pain, it doesn't look like crying, it just looks like being wide awake from 3 till 5am, or it just looks like reflux symptoms, which obviously, as we've suggested, means that they're not going to settle well without sucking, or they don't want to be on their back, or they do short naps and early wakes.
00:16:23.279 --> 00:16:28.480
So it really is piecing all of the pieces of the puzzle together.
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Tongue twister there for you, but piecing the pieces of the puzzle together to come up with what else might be going on for your baby or for your toddler.
00:16:38.480 --> 00:16:46.080
Now I really wish I could go into all of these in more detail, but I do have an episode of this podcast which talks about mouth breathing.
00:16:46.320 --> 00:16:53.919
And the reason I did that is because I get asked a lot of the time when I mention it on Instagram, can you give me some more information on mouth breathing?
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Where do I go and what can I do about it?
00:16:56.879 --> 00:17:02.720
So if your baby or toddler is mouth breathing, now it doesn't necessarily mean that that is the cause of them not sleeping well.
00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:05.599
Okay, and it also doesn't mean that it's mouth breathing and not reflux.
00:17:05.680 --> 00:17:09.519
The two can often and they do go hand in hand, so you can have both.
00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:16.480
But when you have a baby or toddler who breathes through their mouth, it's a clue as to what else could be going on for them.
00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:23.680
Now, if they are breathing through their mouth, is it the case that actually they're congested and bunged up?
00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:43.839
Now I'm a little bit congested and bunged up today, and I'm sort of stuttering on my words a lot more than normal because I can feel the congestion in my airways, especially in my nasal passage, and it's making me feel quite nasally and sound different, and therefore it's putting me off the way in which I'm talking, which is not ideal for you, or less ideal for the guy that's editing this podcast.
00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:49.920
But my point being, if we're mouth breathing, we're more congested, where is that congestion coming from?
00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:57.839
Is that something to do with blockages in the nose, which is obviously not my forte, and you would absolutely need to see someone like an ENT for that?
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Is the reason for the congestion that they are, for example, not tolerating dairy is a big one, causing inflammation and therefore also congested?
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:12.400
So, one of my questions sometimes when I'm trying to unpick things with clients is is your little one snotty a lot of the time?
00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:15.440
Because that in my experience can relate to dairy.
00:18:15.599 --> 00:18:19.200
There's this sort of old wives tell, isn't there, about not having dairy when you have a cold.
00:18:19.279 --> 00:18:27.119
But it in some ways it's really true and actually can be a big trigger, the dairy, for congestion and being extra snotty.
00:18:27.440 --> 00:18:36.079
Then we might also want to think about is there something going on, for example, with adenoids or the tonsils that's causing the little one to mouth breathe?
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:47.200
So again, it's not necessarily the mouth breathing that's stopping it working, but it is that that could be potentially contributing to them waking up or finding sleep more difficult.
00:18:47.519 --> 00:18:56.480
So maybe you've nailed the self-settling and they're able to settle themselves to sleep, but the reality is they still wake up frequently at night time.
00:18:56.880 --> 00:19:00.480
And we see this a lot with toddlers who've gone through the motions of everything.
00:19:00.559 --> 00:19:07.839
They've done all of the sleep coaching, they've done all of the love and attention and the rewards and everything possible.
00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:13.200
They've tried everything, but they are still getting up and wandering into mum and dad's room at night time.
00:19:13.359 --> 00:19:18.000
And it's not necessarily related to just want to see you comfort.
00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:21.759
It's just I keep being woken up by something, but they can't explain it.
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And as parents, we're not looking at the monitor all night, so we also can't see it.
00:19:25.920 --> 00:19:37.039
And sometimes the answer comes about when a parent is sharing a room with a toddler and they notice that in the night they're making funny noises, or they're snoring, or they even stop breathing and have some level of sleep apnea.
00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:39.519
Stop breathing for a few seconds, by the way, not completely.
00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:42.319
But it's really worth looking at these sorts of issues.
00:19:42.400 --> 00:19:51.359
And the other issue, maybe, or challenge I suppose I would sit in this category is ear infections, which unfortunately I am what's the word?
00:19:51.440 --> 00:20:01.279
I'm not going to say I'm a pro because I'm not an ENT, but my daughter has put me through, honestly, a huge amount of sleepless nights and drama when it comes to her ears.
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:04.799
And I always knew that ears affected sleep.
00:20:04.960 --> 00:20:10.559
So we often still do have clients contact us and say sleep has gone completely off tangent for the last week.
00:20:10.640 --> 00:20:11.519
What can I do?
00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:21.200
And I'd always say two things, give it two weeks, but also have their ears checked, because the ears are pretty silent, almost like silent refluxes, and you can't see into them.
00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:25.599
You often, not always, but you often won't have a temperature with an ear infection.
00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:27.440
And there's often no other sign.
00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:33.119
It's just that pressure when they lie down at night time that makes it worse and causes all of the screaming.
00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:35.519
So always, always, always checking ears.
00:20:35.680 --> 00:20:43.359
Now the issue is it can take a lot of back and forth to various doctors and professionals to get the ears properly checked and looked at.
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:48.799
And in my experience, that looks like me going, sleep shouldn't be this difficult.
00:20:49.039 --> 00:20:50.240
What is going on?
00:20:50.400 --> 00:20:52.000
I've done everything I should have done.
00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:56.319
I've done the diet, I've done her tongue dye, I've got the reflux under control.
00:20:56.880 --> 00:21:01.279
I didn't put her on reflux medication, we were very close at one point, but I've I've done everything.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:08.079
And I used to say to at the time, Vicki and Becky, who were my sleep coaches who worked with me, I just don't understand.
00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:09.920
I feel like I'm going mad.
00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:14.079
And the point being, my gut feel knew that this should be working.
00:21:14.240 --> 00:21:15.599
She should be sleeping consistently.
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:21.519
What's going on when she randomly starts to scream in the middle of the night for say three, four nights on a trot?
00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:26.880
And it was only when I started to realise that it was her ears that things made sense.
00:21:27.119 --> 00:21:32.880
But even then, I would go to the doctor, they'd look, they're a bit red, it's nothing to worry about.
00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:49.759
And this whole they're a bit red used to drive me mad because then I'd have a like an ears specialist, whoever they are, I can't remember the word or the job title, but messaging me on Instagram going, Heidi, a bit red still means there's an issue, just keep pushing thing, audiologist, that was the word.
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:57.119
And I really had to see a lot of different people, and I'm very privileged to be able to do that in order to get to the bottom of it.
00:21:57.200 --> 00:21:59.759
But I knew my gut feel was I've been doing this job for 50.
00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:00.400
Years.
00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:01.839
This is not about sleep coaching.
00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.799
I don't need to do a sleep method to get her to sleep.
00:22:05.359 --> 00:22:08.160
I need to keep going with getting to the root cause of it.
00:22:08.240 --> 00:22:11.200
And honestly, the difference is I can't even tell you.
00:22:11.359 --> 00:22:15.119
Okay, so for the first 18 months, we had a lot going on.
00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:21.839
But when we did finally get her grommets put in, I would say actually it's only in the last six weeks since it's been done.
00:22:21.920 --> 00:22:25.759
I think she's had the operation around two months ago now, maybe two and a half.
00:22:26.000 --> 00:22:30.240
In the last six weeks, once it had all settled post-op, her sleep is brilliant.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:32.480
She does up to 13 hours a night.
00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:34.480
It's just miles apart.
00:22:34.559 --> 00:22:40.000
She could always do it, but she just didn't do it as often as I would like or hope.
00:22:40.400 --> 00:22:41.440
Or actually, do you know what?
00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:48.480
Not even like and hope, knew that she was capable of doing because I've had two children who slept well from four and six months.
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.039
I knew what consistent sleep looked like.
00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:55.279
And it nearly kills me, but I did get to the bottom of it in the end.
00:22:55.440 --> 00:22:59.680
So I'm going to add ears into that kind of list of sort of ENT issues.
00:22:59.759 --> 00:23:04.640
So we've got tonsils, we've got being snotty, we've got airways, we've got ears, we've got adenoise.
00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:13.839
And actually, what we're kind of seeing in the wellness world is these things are getting more attention for one reason because we're starting to focus on mouth breathing more.
00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:18.720
And when we focus on mouth breathing, we realise that there is so much more to it.
00:23:18.880 --> 00:23:19.599
Okay, yeah.
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:29.839
Now recently I've been working with over the past sort of two years a lovely lady called Vicky, who is a sensory, I think she's the sensory occupational therapist on Instagram, but she's great.
00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:44.319
And what we have done together is unpicked for the other sleep coaches that I trained, we've unpicked this idea that actually there's a sensory part to sleep, which obviously we all know because different children have different temperaments.
00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:52.240
However, when they're very, very little, those temperaments in my experience often relate back to how happy their gut is and how happy they are in terms of comfort.
00:23:53.119 --> 00:23:58.240
However, that said, what we also need to look at is sleep.
00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:25.680
And again, this starts to show up, but I would say more in the toddler years in my experience, because when you've done all things and sleep still doesn't seem to be kind of clicking and falling into place, it's worth looking at is it because they find sleep difficult because there's other stuff going on in their body that makes it feel hard, for example, different senses processing things differently to maybe what a normal child would do.
00:24:26.079 --> 00:24:30.160
Okay, so sometimes they can have a preference for one sense or find something overwhelming.
00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:41.759
So for example, they might find it being quiet really overwhelming, they might find noise or, for example, white noise really overwhelming, they might find the texture of their pajamas, a label on their pajamas overwhelming.
00:24:42.079 --> 00:24:46.079
There are so many different things that they can find difficult about sleep.
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:55.920
And what Vicky does brilliantly is step in and help parents put a plan into place as to how maybe we can improve sleep on a sensory level.
00:24:56.799 --> 00:25:00.880
So there are some clients that again they've looked at lots of different things, they've tried everything.
00:25:01.119 --> 00:25:05.920
They do tend to be, like I said, the sort of toddlers slash moving up to school age children.
00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:14.880
Where parents have done all of the normal things, all of the usual things, and they have still ended up struggling with sleep.
00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:27.920
And it's when they speak to someone like Vicky, who's an amazing occupational therapist, that they then understand that there's she calls it a sensory diet, which I think is fair, but other things that you can do around sleep to make it easier.
00:25:28.079 --> 00:25:30.319
And for some that might be like a weighted duvet.
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:32.319
There are so many different techniques.
00:25:32.480 --> 00:25:36.799
I personally am not going to run through them with you because I'm not qualified to do so.
00:25:37.039 --> 00:25:48.079
But what I will do is try and make sure that Vicky comes onto an episode in the near future because I think it will be so useful for those of you who are struggling with sleep again and thinking it just feels difficult.
00:25:48.160 --> 00:26:00.480
Like sleep with my toddler feels extra difficult because then we can unpick it on a different level, and that is whether or not there's anything else sensory going on that could maybe help that child move in the right direction.
00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:06.000
But as ever, if you have found this episode of my podcast useful, please do leave a review.
00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:11.200
It's so important and it really helps form future seasons and episodes of the podcast.
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:13.440
And also don't forget to subscribe.
00:26:13.599 --> 00:26:22.160
The more subscribers, the easier it is to do my job of getting a sponsor, which means I can continue putting these podcasts out into the world.
00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:36.000
Now, this episode is sponsored by Biogaia, my favourite multi-award-winning probiotic drops, providing your baby or child with good bacteria to aid their guts.
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:47.920
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00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:58.640
So, as I said today, I am joined by Em and Cam, and I'm going to be asking them three questions when it relates to their parenting journey so far.
00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:00.559
Guys, thank you so much for coming on.
00:27:00.799 --> 00:27:02.079
Oh, thanks for having us.
00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:02.720
Thank you.
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:06.480
With little Reggie, who's there grinning away, having his bedtime box.
00:27:06.720 --> 00:27:08.559
Yeah, we have a special guest of us today.
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:10.480
Talk about multitasking parents.
00:27:10.559 --> 00:27:11.920
I'm like, can you do 7:30?
00:27:12.000 --> 00:27:14.960
Yeah, sure, in the middle of the bedtime routine, but let's do it.
00:27:15.440 --> 00:27:17.599
You just get used to multitasking, that's what happens.
00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:18.799
Yeah, you've gotten better at it actually.
00:27:18.960 --> 00:27:20.480
I've got so much better multitasking, yeah.
00:27:20.559 --> 00:27:23.200
I used to be dreadful, but now I can do like five things at once.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:24.480
He's not as dreadful.
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:25.599
That's good.
00:27:25.680 --> 00:27:29.039
That's a plus, isn't it, of becoming a dad or becoming a mum, even.
00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:32.079
So, guys, tell me with your parenting journey so far.
00:27:32.319 --> 00:27:33.759
He's five months old, is that right?
00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:34.720
Yeah, five months.
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:35.039
Yeah.
00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:38.559
So you're quite new to it, but still in the thick of it.
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:42.319
So, what has been your biggest challenge for each of you to date?
00:27:42.640 --> 00:27:46.160
I'd say, and I'm I think we're probably quite similar in this.
00:27:46.240 --> 00:27:49.440
It's you have no room for procrastination anymore when you become a parent.
00:27:49.599 --> 00:27:53.839
And I think we've had times, there's been some weeks where we've gone, we haven't done anything this week.
00:27:53.920 --> 00:27:58.480
We've obviously we've been parents, and that's our main priority, and we obviously want to be the best parents we can.
00:27:58.559 --> 00:28:00.000
So that always takes precedent.
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:02.799
So sometimes we're literally like we'll we don't get anything done.
00:28:02.960 --> 00:28:14.160
Yeah, I think not even procrastinate, I think even work and just time to socialize and friends and family and eating and self-care, that's all been put on the back burner.
00:28:14.400 --> 00:28:20.880
So finding time to do all those things has definitely been the most challenging, especially in the line of work that we do.
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:21.759
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:26.720
And then you get to four o'clock and we both look at each other and we're like, we've got anything today.
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:27.279
Well, we have.
00:28:27.519 --> 00:28:29.440
I always forget, and I'm like, No, you have done something today.
00:28:29.519 --> 00:28:30.480
You've been a good dad.
00:28:30.559 --> 00:28:33.519
I have to reframe it sometimes, just like you have done stuff today.
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:37.200
We may not have done the social thing you want to do or the work-related thing you want to do.
00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:40.079
So I say, yeah, for would you say that's been yeah, exactly?
00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:43.839
So just like adapting to parent life, that's been the most challenging.
00:28:44.000 --> 00:28:46.960
But reframe it like you have done amazing things today.
00:28:47.039 --> 00:28:48.400
Like you kept a baby alive.
00:28:48.559 --> 00:28:49.039
Hello.
00:28:49.440 --> 00:28:50.160
Exactly.
00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:50.960
Exactly.
00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:52.319
Exactly.
00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:53.839
And you have you managed all?
00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:59.519
Because obviously, you're what I would imagine to be like the prime of your career is you're really busy.
00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:00.799
Do you have childcare?
00:29:00.960 --> 00:29:01.759
Do you have family?
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.680
How have you managed to fit it all in?
00:29:03.920 --> 00:29:04.480
My mum.
00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:05.759
Yeah, we are very lucky.
00:29:05.920 --> 00:29:07.279
We've got Em's mum close by.
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:08.079
Yeah, yeah.
00:29:08.160 --> 00:29:10.240
And she loves him as much as we do.
00:29:10.480 --> 00:29:17.279
So whenever we drop him off, we don't have to worry, we can fully switch off or get things done that we need to do.
00:29:17.519 --> 00:29:19.599
So yeah, we're very fortunate in that sense.
00:29:19.839 --> 00:29:21.440
Yeah, that's been an absolute blessing.
00:29:21.599 --> 00:29:28.640
Everything I drop him off, I just think in my head, if we didn't have Em's mum close by, because all my family are back in Wales, so they're obviously too far.
00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:31.759
If we didn't have Em's mum, I don't think we'd get anything done.
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:34.960
Because I have trust issues, I wouldn't just get a nanny round.
00:29:35.119 --> 00:29:35.920
It's hard, isn't it?
00:29:36.000 --> 00:29:36.400
It's so hard.
00:29:36.480 --> 00:29:39.680
And as you say, like so many people don't have that support network.
00:29:39.839 --> 00:29:44.799
So we're really grateful when you do have it like family locally because it makes such a big difference.
00:29:45.359 --> 00:29:45.680
100%.
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:52.160
But we find whenever we drop it off, even it's for a night or two, we have a worse night's sleep when he's not here.
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:54.319
We find it so hard to switch off.
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:55.440
Yeah, no, we do.
00:29:55.599 --> 00:30:01.839
Sometimes we wake up the next day and I'm like, I'm almost more tired now than I was in six hours sleep.
00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:04.079
When you catch up on it, you feel more tired.
00:30:05.759 --> 00:30:06.480
It's so weird.
00:30:06.720 --> 00:30:07.359
Very weird.
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:16.559
Thinking about family then, so other people's opinions, unsolicited advice, you've been through it with him when it comes to that reflux and stuff.
00:30:16.640 --> 00:30:22.559
So I'm sure you've had a lot of this everyone giving you their opinion of what's normal and what he should be doing.
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:25.839
How have you dealt with that as new parents?
00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:29.680
First of all, everyone's an expert when it comes to parenting on Instagram.
00:30:29.759 --> 00:30:30.559
Let me tell you that.
00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:34.799
So that's great.
00:30:35.119 --> 00:30:41.039
Vice is great, but ultimately it's that cliche thing is no one knows your child better than you do.
00:30:41.200 --> 00:30:47.440
So we I would read the comments, I'll take on advice, but that won't be like the be all end or take it with a pinch of salt.
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:47.920
Exactly.
00:30:48.079 --> 00:30:48.559
Clearly, yeah.
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:53.119
I think every what I didn't realize, I think the first few weeks I was looking at Google all the time for everything.
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:55.599
He was the one that I was like, that's gonna tell me what to do.
00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:59.759
But then over time, I just realized Reggie is Reggie, he's gonna be so different to every other baby.
00:30:59.839 --> 00:31:04.079
So we've got to take, yeah, take all the advice with a little pinch of salt and go, what can apply to my children.
00:31:04.240 --> 00:31:04.559
Exactly.
00:31:04.960 --> 00:31:10.480
Yeah, and we've taken all different bits of advice and all tiny different bits of it to with him, haven't we?
00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:11.039
Oh yeah.
00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:14.960
So like we've made an accumulation of things, so it's just whatever works for him.
00:31:15.039 --> 00:31:16.559
But um it's taken a long time.
00:31:16.720 --> 00:31:19.279
Yeah, we're at the point now where we're just comfortable in that decision.
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:20.160
Got and sorry.
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.319
Yeah, you're raised online, aren't you?
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:30.079
It's that like how much do you share because you know you're gonna get people messaged and say you should try this, this, and this, but at the same time, it's quite useful and it helps other people.
00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:33.519
So I think it's a really fine balance when you're out there in the public.
00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:34.400
Yeah, definitely.
00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:39.119
I think we're like we're actually quite extremely lucky where the majority of it's just really positive.
00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:40.480
Everyone loves Reggie.
00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:42.799
I don't see much negativity at all.
00:31:43.119 --> 00:31:50.000
The one thing I will say is I've recently started putting him in a walker, so I've had some Karen's come out about that.
00:31:50.319 --> 00:31:50.880
I get it.
00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:52.799
He's not six months old yet.
00:31:52.960 --> 00:31:57.599
I get it, but he likes what he likes, and he is so happy in that thing.
00:31:57.920 --> 00:32:02.079
It's not like I leave him in there for hours, it'll be like 10 or 15 minutes at a time.
00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:02.880
Not the end of the one.
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:08.319
So yeah, I've had all these osteopaths come out of the woodworks that follow me apparently.
00:32:08.480 --> 00:32:11.359
So oh no, it's so hard, isn't it?
00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:14.720
Like you say, what works for you and your baby, and that's so important.
00:32:14.880 --> 00:32:15.279
Yeah.
00:32:15.519 --> 00:32:17.519
Oh look at him, he's so sweet.
00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:18.480
Okay, interesting.
00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:22.319
So you you should just take it with a pinch of salt, pick the bits that work for you.
00:32:22.559 --> 00:32:25.440
And how do you feel about this idea of a gut instinct?
00:32:25.599 --> 00:32:28.319
You both have it when someone's telling you it could be this, you could do this.
00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:31.680
Do you have a gut instinct as to I think this is what's gonna work best for us?
00:32:31.920 --> 00:32:32.720
Yeah, definitely.
00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:41.200
Because I remember like with his reflux, everyone was like, Oh no, it's just like normal baby stuff, but I just had this gut instinct that something wasn't right, it's not right.
00:32:41.440 --> 00:32:44.720
Sorry, yeah, everyone was always like, it will pass, it will pass.
00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:51.119
But yeah, that's fair enough, it's gonna pass, but I don't want to sit here and watch him in pain if there's something I can do about it.
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:56.000
So that was one of the actually frustrating things, but everyone was being like, Oh, it's just a phase, it's just a phase.
00:32:56.160 --> 00:32:56.799
Yeah, I don't care.
00:32:57.200 --> 00:33:04.160
If I can see my son's in pain, I can do something about it, then I don't care how much money it's gonna cost me, I don't care how long it's gonna take, I want to get sorted.
00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:12.480
And if you think about it, obviously I've spoken to you several times in the last four or five months, whatever it's been, each time you've made a change, he's improved.
00:33:12.559 --> 00:33:20.319
And therefore, if you hadn't have done any of those things and he was still with a tongue tie having the wrong milk or whatever, you'd just be miserable, right?
00:33:20.400 --> 00:33:21.440
Because that would be it.
00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:22.160
Exactly.
00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:24.799
And I'd have guilt that I didn't even try.
00:33:24.960 --> 00:33:27.279
Yeah, but I know that it's different for everybody, you know.
00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:33.119
Some people, it's different circumstances, but we were fortunate enough that we could see a pediatrician or whatever.
00:33:33.279 --> 00:33:34.799
Yeah, we wanted to get to the bottom of it.
00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:37.279
So hard, you've done so well, he's so happy.
00:33:37.519 --> 00:33:40.000
God, I want a snuggle, you're so cute.
00:33:40.319 --> 00:33:43.759
You'll have to come over because now we've got his diet all sorted out, his milk.
00:33:44.400 --> 00:33:46.880
We feel like the sleeping is now the cherry on the cake.
00:33:47.039 --> 00:33:47.759
Yeah, exactly.
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:53.359
And he's what five months you said, kind of get to that six-month mark where they can sleep pretty well, actually.
00:33:53.680 --> 00:33:56.559
I thought you were gonna say sleep on his own, then I was like, oh no.
00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:58.960
Oh, bless him.
00:33:59.119 --> 00:34:02.000
And then just finally, oh gosh, where to start with this.
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:12.719
But if you could both of you give any advice to anyone out there who's either a parent already and maybe is confused by all the different advice they're getting, or just a new parent starting out.
00:34:12.880 --> 00:34:16.719
Like, what would be some of your best advice to give out?
00:34:17.199 --> 00:34:22.559
I would say what we've touched upon, and just understand your baby.
00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:26.159
Understand maybe doing a poo.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:30.000
No, you just that's basically his cry is the grunt.
00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:31.920
I'd say just understand your baby.
00:34:32.000 --> 00:34:36.400
I think that's what we spoke on, is that your baby's gonna be so different to everyone else's baby.
00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:39.360
So I think I would understand your baby as much as possible.
00:34:39.599 --> 00:34:40.639
Is that my best advice?
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:40.960
I don't know.
00:34:41.280 --> 00:34:42.559
No, it's not what you're trying to say.
00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:43.360
It's not what you're trying to say.
00:34:43.440 --> 00:34:44.320
Start that again.
00:34:44.559 --> 00:34:50.400
I would say actually, you know what my best advice is I think the relationship you have with your partner, I think communicate.
00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:54.800
It's gonna be chaotic and it's gonna be tough and it's gonna be stressful, and you're gonna be sleep deprived.
00:34:54.880 --> 00:35:00.079
But I think the one thing we've done very well is we've worked as a team and we've communicated, we've helped each other out as much as possible.
00:35:00.320 --> 00:35:06.559
Understand when one of us is having a down day or one of us isn't fully with it and just stepping in and doing as much as we can.
00:35:06.719 --> 00:35:10.960
Like the thought of me trying to raise Reggie with an M would be I wouldn't know where to start.
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:11.519
Do you know what I mean?
00:35:11.599 --> 00:35:14.800
It's like we work as a team and I'd say by side, hope you say by space.
00:35:15.119 --> 00:35:18.480
Yes, I just have a strong partnership.
00:35:18.880 --> 00:35:19.199
Nice.
00:35:19.280 --> 00:35:19.519
Yeah.
00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:20.800
Ten points.
00:35:21.679 --> 00:35:22.159
Thank you.
00:35:22.480 --> 00:35:29.920
I would say that nothing, no amount of preparation is gonna prepare you for having a baby.
00:35:30.079 --> 00:35:33.920
You just gotta get stuck in with it and you figure things out as you go.
00:35:34.159 --> 00:35:38.800
So you just gotta learn to be like this is what your problem wasn't it?
00:35:39.039 --> 00:35:48.400
You're very much like textbook, like checking it with things off the list, but you just gotta let it go and you just gotta just go with the flow because that's the only way you're gonna get through it.
00:35:48.559 --> 00:35:49.599
Yeah, that's great advice.
00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:54.239
I remember when I saw you when you were heavily pregnant, you were like, I've read this book and I've read this book.
00:35:55.039 --> 00:36:01.679
I know, but it was pointless because each book I read, I skipped past the c section part, thinking I'm not gonna have a c-section.
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:05.599
So I actually didn't read them properly, but yeah.
00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:07.599
But you can't prepare for it, right?
00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:09.840
You there's only this is what I'm saying.
00:36:09.920 --> 00:36:13.840
So I try, I read every book that was under sun, but failed to read this lead section part.
00:36:13.920 --> 00:36:16.480
So even though I thought I was prepared, you're not prepared.
00:36:17.440 --> 00:36:19.119
Oh dear, guys.
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:20.000
Thank you so much.
00:36:20.159 --> 00:36:22.639
And Reggie, of course, going off to bed now.
00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:25.760
Hey big guy, thank you so much for coming on.
00:36:25.840 --> 00:36:26.480
I really appreciate it.
00:36:28.480 --> 00:36:29.599
So refreshing.
00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:31.599
Of course.
00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:35.440
Thank you for listening to Positively Parenthood the podcast.
00:36:35.679 --> 00:36:43.599
We love to say here at Positively Parenthood that knowledge is power, and really hope that you found this episode super useful.
00:36:43.840 --> 00:36:55.039
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00:36:55.360 --> 00:36:56.800
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