Essential Relationship Advice When Partners Become Parents

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Grab a cup of tea or a
glass of wine and tune in for inspired
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conversations with publisher Linda Joy on Tuesday's
at two pm Eastern. Linda creates sacred
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space for leading female luminaries, empowering
authors, heart centered female entrepreneurs, coaches
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and healers. A soulful venue where
guests openly share the fears and obstacles they've
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overcome, wisdom and lessons learned,
and the personal journey that led them to
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the transformational work they do in the
world. Inspired conversations to empower you on
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your path to authentic, soulful living. Welcome to Inspired Conversations. I'm so
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happy that you are circling up today
for another transformational conversation. I'm Linda Joy,
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midlife mindset television coach, intentional living
guide and publisher of the beloved US
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Bio magazine. Since two thousand and
six, Aspire has been inspiring, empowering
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and supporting women and living their best
lives and living from the inside out and
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owning their authentic voice and power.
And if you haven't grabbed your free subscription,
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run to subscribe to Aspire dot com. So you know, my daughter
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is going to be thirty nine and
I can still remember when I came home
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from the hospital with her. You
know, as women, as moms,
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we all expect the sleepless nights,
the life changes that can bring on a
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little bit of stress, and even
at times we expect that hey, we
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may be touched by post toottum depression. Those are all things that new parents
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expect. But sometimes when the bay
becomes home, we can experience sudden relationship
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and personal challenges that maybecome as a
big surprise. And cath In O'Brien is
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a licensed marriage and family therapist and
the founder of Happy with Baby dot com.
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She created Happy with Baby in order
for new parents to discover the advice
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that she wishes she could have had
as a parent. She knows what it's
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like to be overwhelmed, out of
energy, in out of ideas as a
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new parent. She created Happy with
Baby in order for new and expecting parents
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to discover the advice she wishes she
could have had when managing the expectations of
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paymenthood and relationships. She's a certified
Gartman Educator, qualified to facilitate their Bringing
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Home Baby program and has postpartum support
internationals Heavy natal mood disorder certification in addition
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to acting as a volunteer as the
California State coordinator for PSI in the Greatest
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Sacramento area happin. I am so
excited to have you do well, I'm
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so excited to be here. And
well, I think it's such an important
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conversation. I was a single mom, so you're going to add a lot
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of layers on to that. But
even watching my daughter who became a who's
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thirty nine, who became a mom
going to be twelve years ago, and
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watching her journey in transition, there's
a lot of things I wish I knew
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at that time to help guide her. How I'd like to start the conversation
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is usually asking my clients what led
you to doing this work in the world,
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because I'm always curious if it comes
from their personal experience or not.
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Yes, it definitely came from personal
experience. I So, we have two
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children with my husband, they're fourteen
and ten this year, and you know,
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we've been together for quite a while
and I wasn't licensed marriage family therapist
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at the time we got married and
had our first son. And what felt
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so ill prepared for the impact it
was it had on our relationship, Like,
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you know, I thought we had
this strong, great relationship and I
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don't know why I didn't realize our
my naivity or whatever, that it would
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be so difficult like that someone moving
in that didn't do anything and took a
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lot and was very needy, would
you know, impact our relationship. I
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don't know how I didn't realize that, but it did. And you know,
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and then just looking around and watching
other new parents being part of different
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groups and stuff and realizing like,
okay, like I'm definitely not alone in
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this is this is common, And
just hearing other people tell stories, I
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was like, yeah, why why
are we not talking more about this?
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You know, this is like fourteen
years ago now, but we weren't talking
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about it as much as we talked
about it now. But of course,
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you know, social media wasn't what
it is now either, and I think
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that helps give voices and to other
people's stories, which is so is good
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right to know that we're not alone, but it definitely and I really wanted
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other people to know like this is
like, this is hard. There's ways
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to get support and get help around
these difficult moments. And I wanted to
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I wanted to be able to share
those so um those tips with others.
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And I think it's so important too, because you know, I'm sixty,
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like I said, my daughter is
thirty nine. Two different generations, and
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of course I have friends and nieces. I have a large family. One
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of the things I noticed in the
relationship section is we as women, once
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that baby comes home, it's like
our role completely changes, and it's hard
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sometimes for the partner, for the
partner to feel like this still in that
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same dine suddenly like sometimes the male's
Poe and I'm curious on your insight of
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um, you don't have time for
me anymore, but talanting this whole new
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role that you're trying to understand and
then that you have that dynamic. Is
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that what you've noticed too, Yes, I definitely notice that. And one
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of the other things I notice that
oftent are sometimes goes along with that is
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the partner is trying to help,
is trying to find ways to contribute to
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you know it, And it can
be depending on the baby's needs and how
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things are, like if you're breastfeeding
or not. You know, like sometimes
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there's a limit of what the partner
can do. So but really encouraging them
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is to like, yeah, get
involved, find other ways to help.
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But also a mom, you've got
to let them help you. You know,
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A struggle I'll see happen is they
don't do it quite the same way
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as the mom, and so Mom's
like I can get a little you know,
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judgmental or critiquing or micromanaging, whatever
you want to call it. And
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so then they'll start to pull back
because it's like, well, if I'm
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not doing it right, I might
as well not do it, and I'll
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go off and do these other things, you know, like that I can
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be competent at. And so then
there's like this this pull away from both
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and so it's like really working like
I like to work with couples, like
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how are you going to work together? How are you going to let each
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of you figure out how to do
things because we have different learning curves when
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it comes to you know, everything
right, and especially taking care of a
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new baby, our child, that
was a big one. I'm so glad
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that you said that, because,
like I said, they have a big
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extended family and when some of my
nieces became mums, I can remember having
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the conversations like he doesn't even hold
the same way I tell him ten times
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and I'm like, just let him
be. He has to find his way,
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to find you a way. But
when you judge him, he's going
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to pull away from the little one, yeah, because he's going to feel
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as if he's always doing it wrong. So as you were speaking, I'm
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like, oh, my goodness,
I can remember the conversations of the less
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ten years when their nieces and a
couple of friends. So that's a big
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one, right because I think as
a woman was so protective and nurture and
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they expect them to be us and
Leonadas. They don't want it the same
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way. No, no, not
at all, and it's and it really
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is good. I mean, there
is research out there that shows it's okay
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for the both parents to do things
differently. Like our children. It helps
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their their brains develop differently, like
you know, just even the way we
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play with them or nurture them or
whatever, it's going to be different.
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And that's that's actually good for them
and it's okay. And then they,
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you know, they get used to
the two different types of ways that people
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are. Of course people are more
than two two different types, but the
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multiple ways, and you know,
how you adapt and adjust to different people
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in different ways that they interact with
you in the world, it is okay
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and it's actually good for them.
So and yeah, like I could try
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exactly to do something exactly the way
my husband would do it, and it
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wouldn't work for me, but it
would work for him. Like I would
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have to find, you know,
I had to find my own ways to
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do things. And he just seemed
more competent. He had more baby experience
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when we got our first child,
and I was like, I was,
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how did they even send me home
with this baby? Like I literally do
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not know what I'm doing, So, you know, he had more experience.
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Oh you know, I did like
watch him and see, you know,
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how he was doing things to help
me. But then I would have
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to find I had to find my
own way too, you know. And
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how did you navigate those conversations?
I think that's what a lot of woman
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because I think a lot of women
keep quiet right in the resentment builds having
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authentic conversations about about the changes in
the relationships. So do a lot of
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women just swallow it until they explode? Yeah? Yeah, And honestly that
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was what that was what happened to
us, Like I'll never forget. I
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think it was like three or something
in the morning, and you know,
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we're both exhausted, and I'm sure, you know, our son had been
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up a couple of times, and
I was sure I had gotten up with
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him last, and my husband was
sure he had gotten up with him last.
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And you know, you both just
lay there hoping the other person moves
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first to go, you know,
because you're just so and you're just like
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in an exhaustion you didn't know you
never experienced before. It's not the same
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as like cramming for you know,
final exams in college or anything like that.
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It's a total different kind of like
body you know, paying level.
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But anyway, so we you know, it's like three in the morning and
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he, uh, you know,
we've gotten like do you want to get
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him? And it would be like
do I want to? No, I
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do not want to. I want
you to do it. I had tired.
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You know, we just were so
like it's funny now, but at
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the moment, it was like and
you know, we're like both so mad
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at each other, which does not
help, you know, calm a baby
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down when you're both have all this
tension, and so we're just like Okay,
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we need to figure something else out, Like we've got to talk about
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this tomorrow. But this isn't working. You know, how we're doing this
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isn't working, and you know,
and we were able to have a conversation
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the next day when we had had
a little bit of rest, right and
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we're in that moment and we're like, this is like I'm you know,
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he's going through the litany of things
he thought he was doing, and I
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shared my things, and you know, it is like I call it,
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like this wall of resentment. We
had so much resentment towards each other.
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It's like you can't let that wall
get too high because it's going to be
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hard to you know, tear it
down and then you have to rebuild that
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foundation, you know, like you
don't want to have to. You don't
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want it to get out of control, like you need to start addressing it.
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So then it became like we can't
let these things go because it's not
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working. We need each other in
a way we didn't need each other prior
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to having children. We're dependent on
each other, you know, for help
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because I can't do it all,
he can't do it all, and we've
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got to figure out how are we
working together? So you know, that's
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when we're like, we've got to, you know, start having these check
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in conversations and on a regular basis
and and talk about like where you're at,
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where I'm at, you know,
and how we can support each other
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and if we both need support,
like where are we getting extra help from
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other people? Because this is like, this is really taking a toll on
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us. And you know, I
had had like anger towards him that I
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had never had before. And I'm
like, I don't like this because I
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really really like you and I don't
like being mad at you all the time.
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Yeah, And I really love your
honesty because even you with your background
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and tools, you're still a woman, right, You're still going through all
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the feelings in transitions that a lot
of women have to go through and having
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a baby. Yeah, So I
really appreciate your vulnerability and in truthtelling there
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because I know from conversations in my
own experience that when we're in it,
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we think something's wrong with us,
yes, And that always breaks my get
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emotional. That always breaks my heart, mostly because I remember what it felt
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like for me. But I can
remember my nieces and friend's daughter is coming
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up in the self judgment. Yeah, it was so damaging. So could
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you talk about that for a few
moments. Yeah, you know, and
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I think especially becoming a mom,
right, Like that's what we're you know,
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that's what we're supposed to do.
We're supposed to become a mom.
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We're supposed to enjoy every moment.
You know, it's this wonderful time and
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it's like yes, and it's so
hard. It's it's life changing. It's
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it's impossible to enjoy every moment,
and you know, it does it completely
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like changes our identity and everything,
and like we've got to figure out how
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we're doing things, out how to
do things differently, and who we are
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and and and get the support from
other people because like I think it's like
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if we have a difficult time doing
something, we think that there is something
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wrong with us, and there isn't. We're just learning how to how to
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do how to navigate, and so
like where, you know, where do
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we get the help and get the
support and me learning like I learned how
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like I needed to reach out to
my friends and especially my friends that had
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kids that were older, like and
hearing their them tell me stories or them
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validate like yeah, yeah, Catherine, that's exactly. That's You're on par
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for what it's like to be a
parent. You know, it's like,
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oh, okay, good, like
because I'm thinking I'm doing something wrong in
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this and like I just I wish
we could support each other more in the
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world of like the different challenges and
difficulties like different people have for different reasons,
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you know, we have kids with
different needs. And having two kids,
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now I know what it's like to
like they're our kids and they're completely
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different. Like they're you know,
in so many ways, and like what
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one needs, the other one does
it, and like learning how to to
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manage and navigate that it's difficult as
well. So it's like, you know,
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so it'd be like, oh,
what what's wrong with me? Now?
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Like this isn't working? This work
before. It's like now like this
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is a kid that has their own
needs and I'm having to figure you know,
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figure out a different way. And
so like how do we support how
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do we work on that? How
do we you know, how do we
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like stop making our you know,
ourselves feel bad when we have a difficult
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time, Like of course we are
going to have a difficult time. We're
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dealing with people, right, we're
dealing with you know, you know,
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different moods and different different things like
it's going to be it's not always going
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to be seamless. I really appreciate
that, and it's so much wisdom and
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insight just from men, journeybody in
the work that you do with women.
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We're going to take a first break
and when we come back, we will
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00:15:52.559 --> 00:15:56.080
be back in a moment with Captain
O'Brien, author of Happy with Baby,
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Essential relationship advice when it has become
parents, and you can learn more at
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Happy with Baby dot com. We'll
be right back, my friends. Connecting
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00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:11.480
you with the best of the conscious
minds in the world. Home Times Radio
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I own FM. Inspiration for a
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Welcome all spiritual coaches, leaders, healers,
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light workers and practitioners to a show
that turns you on in your business
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and amplifies your magnetisms. I'm host
Catalysts and spiritual business coach Rosalind Fung,
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and I'm hear the journey with you
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language activation and let's magnetize and money
ties your conscious lifestyle on Steroids Own Times
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00:18:04.519 --> 00:18:10.440
Radio, I Own that fam.
Welcome back. Y're listening to inspired conversations
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with me Today is licensed marriage and
family therapist Katherine O'Brien. She's also the
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author of Happy with Baby, Essential
Relationship Advice when potterers become parents. So
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let's let's talk about the book for
a moment. I love that we hear
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about a lot of baby books right
about how to take care of the baby
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and all that. But you chose
to focus on supporting the potters and a
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relationship to navigate that change. Was
that choice to go down that path because
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of all the work you've done with
your clients in your practice. Yeah?
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Yeah, So, like I said, when I was fresh, and I
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was like, what, like,
how was I not prepared for this,
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Like, especially as you know,
a Merriton family therapist, Like how I
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not prepared for the impact on my
relationship? And you know, and like
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I said, I was hearing other
stories from other moms and these groups I
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was in, like different mom groups, workout groups and stuff, and so
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I just started like mentally like putting
this a list together, Like I wish
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I would have known this. I
wish I wouldn't known that. I wish
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someone had said, you know,
X, Y and Z and um.
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And so then I got this opportunity. I was talking to my childbirth educator.
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She was opening up a new little
store where she was going to be
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teaching classes and you know, prenatal
yoga and it was part of you know,
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workout classes and everything. And she's
like, you know, what do
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you do And I was like,
oh, I'm married to telm me therapist.
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She's like, oh, you should
come teach a class at my you
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know, new store. And I
was like, I have the perfect idea.
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I'm like, was just like almost
like waiting for someone to ask me
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to share. I'm like, I
have this like perfect idea. Like what
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do you think about? Like we
do so much birth prep, Like there's
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you know, there's all these classes
we're preparing for the day the baby is
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born, but they're it's not really
there's more now. I see more and
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more now, which makes me so
happy. But there wasn't really anything about
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what happens after the baby comes home. You know. We did take like
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a CPR class in an electation class, but no one ever said anything about
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like, Okay, what the what
the impact would be on the relationship.
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And I really wanted to talk about
that. I wanted to talk about like
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the impact and like how you know, some communication things or just even things
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like Okay, this is what you're
in for. And so when this is
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happening, like, it's okay,
this is normal, and here are some
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things you can do about it.
And so, you know, I put
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together this workshop with her. Actually
we put it together for the first time,
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and we taught it together. And
then she's like, yeah, you
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should keep teaching this. It was
you know, a great success, Like,
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but I can't teach it anymore,
but why don't you go ahead and
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do it yourself? And he's like, what if you think? What do
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you think of? My husband taught
it with me because he had helped me.
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I had talked to him as I
was preparing for it because I really
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wanted to have the other perspective too. I just didn't want mine as a
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mom and as you know, a
therapist like I wanted him as a dad.
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The partner like his perspective too.
So he gave me like so many
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good um, so much good advice, and so we yeah, we started
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teaching it together and have taught it
together now for well, let's see my
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Sun Sport team, so for like, it'll be thirteen years in October and
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that and then that's kind of where
the book came from It's like I kept
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getting requests like, oh, you
should share this more, and it's like,
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you know, it can only be
you know, so many places.
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So I kind of put together stories
where we've heard over the years and just
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you know, the advice in different
scenarios we share in the workshop, and
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so we put it together in a
book and talk about that. But I
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really felt like that was so important
because I think it's like, it's so
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much easier when we work together then
when we're you know, trying to do
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it on our own or working in
different you know, silos and trying to
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are you know, how are we
doing this? It's like, how do
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we work and communicate together to make
things easier? You know? I mean
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it's not necessarily easy, but it's
like I think it's easier when we're supported
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by each other than when we're not. Oh my god. Yeah. And
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it's finding. It's remembering that they
love you had for each other, that
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that called you to bring a child
into the relationship. But we forget that
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women when women, right we're in
the market, why you and why are
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we here? I can remember all
that. Um, So I love it.
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I love that you also include stories
in the book because I'm an avid
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storyteller, and I think through hearing
other women's stories, it just reminds us
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that we're not alone, that we
don't have to judge ourselves. And I
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love that he has been co teaching
with you because I think it all the
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doors to men to attend and listen
and in because it's not a woman telling
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them how they should be in the
relationship. Once the baby comes, it's
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like the male perspective too, So
I think that must be powerful for the
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attendees. Yeah, I mean I
think so. And you know, we've
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gotten feedback back from other people and
I always kind of laugh because, you
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know, like I put together the
workshop and you know, I did you
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00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:30.119
know, research, and you know, have validated over more and more over
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time. And it's always so funny
because he'll just say something, you know,
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00:23:32.839 --> 00:23:34.200
off the cuff, and then we'll
run into, you know, a
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couple later on and they'll be like, oh, yeah, I remember when
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00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:41.559
you guys said you know whatever,
you know thing, and I'm like,
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00:23:41.640 --> 00:23:42.880
oh, yeah, that's why he
just said just off, you know,
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as just you know, a dad, you know, And so it's so
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funny the things that people remember.
It's not you know, I think we
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do want to know we're not alone. You know, I've run different you
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know, mom groups, parent groups
and stuff, and it's always like someone
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will share a story like there's your
hands, and I've never had anyone.
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I've never had someone be like,
oh, that's never happened. You know,
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you're the first that's ever happened too. It's usually it's almost every single
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time, so it's like, oh, my gosh, I totally know what
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00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:14.279
you're saying, Like that's that's how
I feel too, or that's that's been
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my experience, and I just think
it's so it's so important that we hear
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we hear that because it does feel
lonely. It feels harder if we feel
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like we're the only ones and that
no one understands, and we need that
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support. We need that support through
life with whatever we're doing, to know
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that we're not alone and their support
out there and other people have experienced it
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too and they've gotten through it,
and so what can we do, you
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know, how can we you know, get the help that we need to
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get through whatever challenging time that we're
going through. Yeah, I know for
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00:24:47.440 --> 00:24:49.960
me and I'm a book publisher,
so We've published two hundred and sixty woman's
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stories, So storytelling is part of
my life for thirteen years. And when
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I hear every time we publish a
book with these women's stories, is woman
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00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:03.440
read it going, oh my god, I thought it was alone. Yeah,
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God, it was so wrong to
have those thoughts. So I love
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that. Yeah. Also bring that
in give women opportunities to share their experiences,
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their truths, their fears, all
of it, because it always reminds
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of the woman that everything they feeling
is normal, so they can release the
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self judgment, which I believe causes
so much internal pressure right right, it
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does, it does, and then
you know, we hang on to gil,
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00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:34.759
We hang on to, you know, that feeling of not being good
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enough or you know everyone else seems
it seems to becoming easier to you know,
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all the moms we see on social
media. Not true. I know
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that to me, I know that
for a fact, for many of these
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moms that you see on social media
that like have these picture perfect lives,
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and then you know, they'll tell
me like, oh my gosh, you
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know it is hard, and you
know, I put this out there hoping
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that it, you know, it
does get easier. That it is better
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than I think it is. Or
that's what I'll remember, you know,
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00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:06.559
five years from now, ten years
from now, like it wasn't as hard
357
00:26:06.599 --> 00:26:08.720
as it feels right now in our
life. Like but I think also if
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we share the honesty of the difficulty
of it, that can even that's almost
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even more impactful and helpful to others. Oh yeah, yeah, when you
360
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when you show up in your full
truth or anything, whether it's about parenting
361
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or all that I show that,
especially like you mentioned social media, especially
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there, it's not all roses and
butterflies, right, that we go through
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difficult times and maybe share how we're
navigating it, like I have when I
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go through difficult times, I have
a strong gratitude practice, like focus on
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gratitude and to focus on gratitude,
And so I'll share the ups and the
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00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:52.200
downs always from the place of I
hope you can see that we all go
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through these transitions, right, and
that maybe my words will inspire someone.
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So I think that's really important too. We're going to take our next break.
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When we come back, I want
to talk about self care right for
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the overwhelmed care and especially the mom
because I know so many women, whether
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their mums, and not self care. Taking time for themselves. Prioritizing themselves
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is at the very end of their
to do list, and I think it's
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a big cause of overwhelmed, burnout, depression, etc. So with your
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permission, we'll talk about that when
we come back from our break. We'll
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be back in a moment. My
friends, be sure to visit happy with
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00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:37.079
baby dot com, grab a copy
of Cathan O'Brien's book, and stay tuned.
377
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:41.039
We'll be back in a moment.
The best of the holistic, spiritual
378
00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:48.240
and conscious world Home Time's Radio I
own FM. Do you wake up every
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Interrupted Radio to find out how to
live your life uninterrupted. Hey, I'm
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what're you doing with your fun taking
pictures? No? I'm asking questions like
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what, Hey, bobobo? Do
flowers have best friends? I'm sorry,
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I'm afraid I don't know that.
Hey follow me. I want to show
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you something. Look, flowers do
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find a trail near you. Brought
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and the AD Council. Free your
Mind with Home Times Radio I own FM.
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You're listening to inspire conversations. Thanks
for being here with us today.
404
00:29:57.000 --> 00:30:03.839
I'm with Captain O'Brien, license marriage
and family therapist and the founder of Happy
405
00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:08.000
with Baby dot com. So let's
talk about the self care aspect right in
406
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:17.200
giving ourselves permission to prioritize self care
has that it sounds like you experienced it
407
00:30:17.240 --> 00:30:19.240
in your own life. But is
that a pattern you kept seeing in your
408
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:26.160
private practice? Yeah, I mean, and yeah I continue I continue to
409
00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:30.039
see it. The first you know, my books divided into three sections and
410
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:34.079
they're based on three questions I ask
all my couples. And the first one
411
00:30:34.279 --> 00:30:37.799
is is about, like, what
are you doing to make sure that you're
412
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:44.000
taking care of yourself? Because I
feel like, you know the other everything
413
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:47.960
else, like if you're not doing
that on a regular basis, Like,
414
00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:51.839
yeah, maybe we can get by
here and there without putting into ourselves,
415
00:30:51.960 --> 00:30:55.759
but it's not a sustainable practice,
right, and in the long term it
416
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:59.319
hurts, well, it definitely hurts
ourselves, but it does it hurts our
417
00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:03.519
family, right if we're if we're
having difficulties, you know, showing up,
418
00:31:03.960 --> 00:31:06.319
you know, if we you know, because we're angry, because we're
419
00:31:06.359 --> 00:31:10.119
burnt out, because we get sick. Whatever it is, like you know,
420
00:31:10.319 --> 00:31:14.720
it affects everybody and so and especially
ourselves. So it's like what are
421
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:17.599
you doing? How A how are
you taking care of yourself? What does
422
00:31:17.960 --> 00:31:22.240
what does that look like for you? Um? And it because for everyone
423
00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:26.160
it's different, right, whether it's
like that, you know, a gratitude
424
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:30.279
practice. It's making sure you're getting
you know, however many hours of sleep
425
00:31:30.319 --> 00:31:33.599
that you need. It's making sure
you're drinking water. It's making sure you're
426
00:31:33.640 --> 00:31:37.079
moving your body, you know,
breathing, connecting with you know, friends
427
00:31:37.240 --> 00:31:41.799
or family, you know, people
that like help fill you up and whatever
428
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:45.759
that is, whatever you need,
like we need to do that. We
429
00:31:45.920 --> 00:31:48.480
need it. We need it,
you know, to get by. And
430
00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:55.960
I think it's um it's so important
that I think the hard part for moms
431
00:31:56.759 --> 00:31:59.680
that I hear is like if I'm
doing this, then I'm not then I'm
432
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:05.000
taking away time with my child,
and especially like working moms, I shouldn't
433
00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:07.920
say especially. I mean, even
stay at home moms a difficult time with
434
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:09.960
this. But I feel like if
you know, working moms will tell me
435
00:32:10.039 --> 00:32:12.519
like, oh, well, I
was at work all day. So now
436
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:14.799
if I go to the gym because
I know I need to do that,
437
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:16.559
it makes me feel better. You
know. If I take time to do
438
00:32:16.640 --> 00:32:21.759
that, then it's even more time
I'm away from my child. And so,
439
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:25.000
like I always try to remind parents, you know, the research shows
440
00:32:25.079 --> 00:32:29.759
it's not the quantity of time,
it's the quality of time that you're with
441
00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:32.559
your child. So if you're going
to work out a couple days a week
442
00:32:34.200 --> 00:32:37.640
helps you be more present and be
more in it because you feel better,
443
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:42.319
then you need you need to do
that for your family. You need to
444
00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:47.880
do that for you and um you
know, and everyone you know benefits you
445
00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:54.000
know in the end from that.
And I believe that too because that was
446
00:32:54.119 --> 00:33:01.359
something I struggled with before children and
after. Is the self care something you
447
00:33:01.480 --> 00:33:05.920
spoke to is if we don't if
Mamma don't take care of itself, it
448
00:33:06.119 --> 00:33:10.200
ripples out everywhere up to a relationship, our own sense of self worth,
449
00:33:10.279 --> 00:33:16.960
and then it continues to ripple out
everywhere. So how do when you're doing
450
00:33:17.000 --> 00:33:21.880
couples counseling. I'm sure it's not
just the moment that needs self care though
451
00:33:21.960 --> 00:33:24.440
I know she's actually the main care
given. Does it work both ways?
452
00:33:25.319 --> 00:33:29.599
Yeah? Yeah, I talk to
them like how are you both making sure
453
00:33:29.680 --> 00:33:35.119
that you're getting time for you?
And again, what each partner needs is
454
00:33:35.160 --> 00:33:37.920
often different, so it looks different, you know. So it's like,
455
00:33:38.319 --> 00:33:40.640
you know, like I, you
know, I headly encourage them. I
456
00:33:40.680 --> 00:33:45.480
have like these regular check in conversations, like making sure that they're they're each
457
00:33:45.519 --> 00:33:49.240
getting that quality time for themselves,
or like you know, whether they're going
458
00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:51.839
out with friends, like you know, I have some couples where it's like,
459
00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:53.759
oh, they each have a time
where or maybe it's they alternate a
460
00:33:53.839 --> 00:33:57.640
week, or they have a different
time during the week where they meet up
461
00:33:57.640 --> 00:34:00.400
with friends, or the day that
one of them gets sleep you know,
462
00:34:00.480 --> 00:34:02.920
one sleeps in on Saturday, the
next person sleeps in on Sunday, or
463
00:34:04.240 --> 00:34:07.559
you know, something like that,
like how are they helping each other you
464
00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:09.679
know, get the things that they
need to feel good or feel better,
465
00:34:10.159 --> 00:34:14.599
you know, or you know,
hey, it's a stressful season at you
466
00:34:14.679 --> 00:34:17.719
know, one of one parent's job
and so the other parents kind of stepping
467
00:34:17.800 --> 00:34:21.920
up and doing you know extra.
But then it's like, how, you
468
00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:23.760
know, do we need to bring
in more support so that I'm still getting
469
00:34:24.079 --> 00:34:29.000
you know, time from for myself
too, so that I can like be
470
00:34:29.199 --> 00:34:32.360
here and be you know more supportive
for you and for the children, you
471
00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:36.280
know, And what does that look
like? But yeah, we both need
472
00:34:36.360 --> 00:34:39.199
it. It's not like one needs
it more. I think what I see
473
00:34:39.480 --> 00:34:44.760
is oftentimes it's easier for dad to
take the time than it is for mom
474
00:34:45.800 --> 00:34:49.400
um. I mean just even this, Yes, it comes up all the
475
00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:51.559
time. It's like, you know, I'll have it like, well,
476
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:53.079
he always gets a shower in the
morning, and I was like I barely
477
00:34:53.119 --> 00:34:57.880
can get a shower. It's like
why is that? Well, because he
478
00:34:58.119 --> 00:35:00.920
goes to take a shower. It's
like we're waiting for like permission. I
479
00:35:01.039 --> 00:35:04.920
sometimes hear that from moms, like
we're waiting for permission to go take a
480
00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:07.079
shower. No, yes, go
take a shower, Like you don't need
481
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:10.840
permission, you need to just do
the things that you need to do for
482
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:15.920
yourself. Or here, if you
get your permission, I'm giving you permission
483
00:35:16.039 --> 00:35:19.960
right now, go take that shower, you know, or whatever. It's
484
00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:22.480
so funny that you said it.
It's like a guy will go, hey,
485
00:35:23.079 --> 00:35:27.679
i'll be back later. I'm gonna
go for you know, knocking golf.
486
00:35:28.320 --> 00:35:30.920
Yeah, we're just trying to get
to the grocery store. But see,
487
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:35.199
they just they just give themselves what
they need. Yeah, eat,
488
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:38.480
don't. And I love that the
story about the shower because I can remember
489
00:35:38.559 --> 00:35:45.000
going, excuse me, like and
they just they just do what they gonna
490
00:35:45.039 --> 00:35:50.280
do. And I think that is
a big part of healing a wound within
491
00:35:50.519 --> 00:35:53.400
us as women that we have to
be last on the list. Yeah,
492
00:35:53.559 --> 00:35:58.239
and we don't and we shouldn't be. And I'm like, I tell this
493
00:35:58.440 --> 00:36:00.159
is how I try to. It's
like, you know, you don't want
494
00:36:00.199 --> 00:36:04.280
your children to see you not taking
care of yourself because you don't want your
495
00:36:04.360 --> 00:36:07.639
kids growing up not knowing how to
care for themselves. Right, you need
496
00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:09.679
to model that for them. You
need to let them see what it's like.
497
00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:14.920
Like, Hey, when I'm tired, I like I rest my body
498
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:17.440
or you know, I make sure
that I'm eating, you know, drinking
499
00:36:17.519 --> 00:36:21.840
my water every day. I'm making
sure I'm eating nutritious meals. Like I'm
500
00:36:21.880 --> 00:36:24.440
not just making you food. I
make giving myself food. Like I've had
501
00:36:24.519 --> 00:36:28.360
moms do that, Like they make
all the best food for their kids,
502
00:36:28.400 --> 00:36:30.360
and then it's like, what are
they eating? Whatever? Leftovers? Their
503
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:34.400
kids don't eat. It's like,
no, when you make them a meal,
504
00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:37.639
you make yourself a meal too,
Like, don't stop putting yourself like
505
00:36:37.800 --> 00:36:42.440
on the bat burner, like,
because you can't keep making those meals if
506
00:36:42.519 --> 00:36:45.679
you're not if you're not you know, feeding yourself, like, don't don't
507
00:36:45.719 --> 00:36:49.960
have their scraps, you know that
you that are leftover, Like you're given
508
00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:52.000
them the organic berries. I mean, I've had moms do that. They
509
00:36:52.079 --> 00:36:55.480
get them the organic berries, and
they like blend their food and it's like,
510
00:36:55.599 --> 00:36:58.719
well, what have you eaten it? Oh? I you know,
511
00:36:58.840 --> 00:37:04.480
I grabbed you know, you know
whatever a bar or I ate some chips
512
00:37:04.599 --> 00:37:07.400
or something. It's like, oh
my goodness, Like if you want your
513
00:37:07.480 --> 00:37:10.360
kids to do these things, like
you've got a model for them, what
514
00:37:12.119 --> 00:37:17.039
you're you know, the same thing
exactly that was. I think that's what
515
00:37:17.199 --> 00:37:22.280
helped me change my life when I
was younger is oh my god, I'm
516
00:37:22.320 --> 00:37:27.559
a mirrors. So she's going to
grow up to be a young lady who
517
00:37:28.519 --> 00:37:32.280
puts herself laugh, like I'm doing
that. She was my catalyst, especially
518
00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:39.320
raising a daughter. She was my
catalyst tom to heal that, and I'm
519
00:37:39.400 --> 00:37:43.960
still healing it thirty nine years later. Right, Well, it's I think
520
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:46.239
it's always like an ongoing process,
right, like we you know, we
521
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:51.239
heal parts and then you know,
there's always there's always room for improvement and
522
00:37:51.320 --> 00:37:53.599
growth, and you know, I
think that's life. That's the beauty of
523
00:37:53.639 --> 00:37:58.079
life. It's like we always want
to grow and change and or if we,
524
00:37:58.320 --> 00:38:00.119
you know, hopefully we do so
that you know, we get to
525
00:38:00.199 --> 00:38:07.199
experience different things in the world.
Yeah, and you said your children of
526
00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:13.519
what ten and fourteen? Now?
Yeah, yeah, so you're going up
527
00:38:13.599 --> 00:38:19.039
to the team is the next?
Oh yeah? I like the laugh.
528
00:38:20.679 --> 00:38:23.719
She's like, and I know what's
coming. So there's another transition as a
529
00:38:23.800 --> 00:38:30.400
couple that you got right because I
noticed as at different times in a child's
530
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:35.599
life, different roles like one's either
the rule breaker and one's the rule keeper.
531
00:38:35.639 --> 00:38:39.679
Recipe. Um, I was always
the rule keeper in my honey has
532
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:43.719
always been he goes, come on, guys, I'm the rule breaker in
533
00:38:43.880 --> 00:38:51.880
love loving ways. But that is
our dynamic. So so there's always transitions
534
00:38:52.079 --> 00:38:58.280
that we couples have to navigate.
Yes, yeah, no, absolutely,
535
00:38:59.400 --> 00:39:00.840
you know they It's funny because my
kids will even say, like, oh,
536
00:39:00.880 --> 00:39:04.519
we know this is what we go
to you for a mom versus what
537
00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.159
we go to dad for, you
know. And so then again that's why
538
00:39:07.199 --> 00:39:12.760
it's so important that you know,
my husband and I are communicating with each
539
00:39:12.760 --> 00:39:17.159
other and talking to each other because
I don't want, like I I don't
540
00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:22.239
want them to like, you know, get in the middle of our relationship,
541
00:39:22.280 --> 00:39:27.880
like our communication is so important and
so that we can work together as
542
00:39:27.920 --> 00:39:30.159
a team so our kids see what
that's like, you know. And I
543
00:39:30.239 --> 00:39:34.280
didn't have that growing up, and
my husband didn't have that growing up.
544
00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:36.400
So a lot of it's been like, Okay, how do we want to
545
00:39:36.440 --> 00:39:39.280
do things differently so that we can
be you know, we can be good
546
00:39:39.360 --> 00:39:44.239
models, you know, for our
children. Then yeah, and I think
547
00:39:44.280 --> 00:39:47.039
that's key too, because like,
um, I've been with Dana for twenty
548
00:39:47.119 --> 00:39:52.000
nine years. So he came into
my daughter's life when she was ten and
549
00:39:52.000 --> 00:39:54.199
a half. And the bond is
even though her dad was in a life,
550
00:39:54.239 --> 00:39:58.599
the bond she had him walk her
down the aisle. She had her
551
00:39:58.679 --> 00:40:01.400
dad walk the first pot and she
wanted him to give her to Glenn that
552
00:40:01.599 --> 00:40:07.480
their bond is priceless and her father
is so at peace with that. Nice.
553
00:40:07.920 --> 00:40:10.840
Oh yeah, we've we've been co
creating. But the reason I bring
554
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:15.880
that up is him and I even
though we the family joke is he's the
555
00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:20.159
rule breaker, Like he's the fun
one. Let's jump talk and I'm like,
556
00:40:20.280 --> 00:40:25.960
get your life best and like the
stuff like that. Between him and
557
00:40:27.199 --> 00:40:34.280
myself we have parameters. We have
unspoken things that we agree to that they
558
00:40:34.400 --> 00:40:37.559
can't come up against. Does that
make sense? Like even now we have
559
00:40:37.639 --> 00:40:43.280
grandchildren, a twenty three year old
grandson, there's values and certain things that
560
00:40:43.400 --> 00:40:47.559
are non negotiable between him and I
that when the kids come, they can't
561
00:40:47.639 --> 00:40:53.320
play sides because we're excited right,
right, And honestly, I think that
562
00:40:53.519 --> 00:40:57.960
makes kids feel safe and then they
can't get into I'm going to run to
563
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:04.800
mom because I know that she won't
honor that. Yes, and honestly they
564
00:41:04.960 --> 00:41:08.000
learned from example, right, it's
not their fault, which at all times
565
00:41:08.119 --> 00:41:14.000
what works. Yeah, I think
for him and I that was that was
566
00:41:14.039 --> 00:41:17.840
a big thing. Actually, he
gave me the gift of becoming a more
567
00:41:19.239 --> 00:41:22.920
um more not I don't want to
say laid back mum. But I was
568
00:41:22.960 --> 00:41:27.280
so protective when I met him because
I was a single mom so it had
569
00:41:27.360 --> 00:41:30.360
only been me and her, so
it was very protective of her. And
570
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:32.880
he's like, baby, you got
to give us some wings or she's going
571
00:41:32.920 --> 00:41:36.760
to run like hell. And I
was like, well, I don't want
572
00:41:36.840 --> 00:41:40.320
to you know. Yeah, yeah, she hit like fourteen. But honestly,
573
00:41:40.400 --> 00:41:43.360
he was so right. He had
a lot, he had a lot
574
00:41:43.400 --> 00:41:49.440
of wisdom. Yeah. So for
you, I want to talk about a
575
00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:57.599
little bit about you believe that unshakable
communication, collaboration and connection and sharing the
576
00:41:57.800 --> 00:42:05.039
mental load is so important conflut.
But where did they started, like with
577
00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:08.599
counseling or with a conversation with because
sometimes they're in a pattern. How do
578
00:42:08.679 --> 00:42:13.920
they break the pattern without support?
Yeah? I mean yeah, I guess
579
00:42:13.960 --> 00:42:17.360
it depends on how bad the pattern
is, right or how you know,
580
00:42:17.599 --> 00:42:22.159
stuck in our ways that we are. But I mean one of the things,
581
00:42:22.480 --> 00:42:25.039
you know, I've said this already, but like is these like regular
582
00:42:25.159 --> 00:42:29.199
check in with each other, like
how you know, like how am I
583
00:42:29.320 --> 00:42:31.800
doing? You know? Like this
is what I you know, just even
584
00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:36.480
like what do I this is what's
working? Well in our relationship, this
585
00:42:36.599 --> 00:42:39.079
is what I'm struggling with, you
know, this is you know, and
586
00:42:39.199 --> 00:42:43.599
they you know, these are ways
I am grateful for how you're you're helping
587
00:42:43.639 --> 00:42:46.119
me. I think sometimes when we
are so stuck in like what they're not
588
00:42:46.280 --> 00:42:50.039
doing, well, what they're we
don't like that they're doing, that's what
589
00:42:50.159 --> 00:42:52.719
we're focusing on. So sometimes I
also like, is they but what is
590
00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:57.159
it that they are doing that you
do appreciate? You know, It's like
591
00:42:57.360 --> 00:42:59.880
reminding them to kind of like focus
and turn that around. Like if I
592
00:43:00.039 --> 00:43:04.000
I'm like really frustrated with my husband, usually it's a couple of things,
593
00:43:04.079 --> 00:43:07.400
like a we haven't spent enough quality
time together and so then it's like you
594
00:43:07.480 --> 00:43:09.159
know, and it's like, you
know, right now we're in the stage
595
00:43:09.159 --> 00:43:12.639
with our kids are in these activities
and stuff. It's a lot of running
596
00:43:12.679 --> 00:43:15.280
around and you know, going you
know, from one end of the town
597
00:43:15.360 --> 00:43:19.920
to the other. So it's like
making sure like, okay, we still
598
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:23.079
have like quality check in time with
each other, date nights, whatever that
599
00:43:23.280 --> 00:43:28.679
is. But then also like that
I noticed like the things I do appreciate
600
00:43:28.719 --> 00:43:30.599
about him, how he is helping
me, And then I'm not just focusing
601
00:43:30.639 --> 00:43:35.800
on what the ways that he's irritating
me or what I feel like he hasn't
602
00:43:35.880 --> 00:43:38.599
done, because he does more than
he doesn't do, and so if I
603
00:43:38.639 --> 00:43:43.079
can focus on that, it's much
easier, Like I have a much better
604
00:43:43.199 --> 00:43:47.239
time like feeling connected and feeling supported
by him, and then I say,
605
00:43:47.679 --> 00:43:52.159
hey, like I'm really struggling with
X, Y and Z or I feel
606
00:43:52.199 --> 00:43:54.159
like I need help in this area, and then we can have a better
607
00:43:54.280 --> 00:43:58.000
conversation than if I go to him
and be like, oh my gosh,
608
00:43:58.079 --> 00:44:00.599
you never are doing da da da
da da da. I always have to
609
00:44:00.679 --> 00:44:05.400
do this, you know. And
so it's like I've just found that to
610
00:44:05.480 --> 00:44:09.679
work so much better, um personally
but also professionally. So you know,
611
00:44:09.840 --> 00:44:14.280
having so having these regular check in
times with each other, you know,
612
00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:17.440
even having you know, meetings with
each other where we're looking at our schedules
613
00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:21.280
and like where you know, what
are the things that they're coming up,
614
00:44:21.360 --> 00:44:23.559
Like, you know, our kids
are still in schools, like they have
615
00:44:23.679 --> 00:44:27.920
like a couple more weeks a school
here, and so it's like, you
616
00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:30.960
know, there's a lot of different
activities and different things that we don't normally
617
00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:32.599
have. So it's like I can't. I can't take them to all this
618
00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:36.840
stuff. Um, And I used
to think for whatever reason, I used
619
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:38.360
to think I had to, until
finally he's like, no, I can.
620
00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:42.760
I can do these things too,
Like I can take time off work
621
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:45.800
to like go to doctor's appointments or
whatever it is, you know. And
622
00:44:45.920 --> 00:44:49.320
so it's like really like working together
to like, you know, manage our
623
00:44:49.400 --> 00:44:52.760
schedules to make sure these things are
being you know, being met and like,
624
00:44:53.400 --> 00:44:57.559
um, but having that time to
like look at that and do that
625
00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:00.239
and and check in with each other. Or it's like oh, like hey,
626
00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:04.360
I'm not going to be available because
I've got you know, these big
627
00:45:04.719 --> 00:45:07.679
meetings coming up or whatever it is. It's like, okay, so I
628
00:45:07.840 --> 00:45:10.320
know, you know, do I
need to adjust my schedule or do you
629
00:45:10.400 --> 00:45:15.239
know do I need to you know, employ some you know, family support
630
00:45:15.360 --> 00:45:17.360
or you know, friends or something
to help us? Do you know some
631
00:45:17.519 --> 00:45:22.199
things because like it's going to be
too difficult, Like but then I can
632
00:45:22.280 --> 00:45:24.599
know that and look at that and
then get the help that we need.
633
00:45:25.199 --> 00:45:29.280
But it's like love them. It's
it's about being a team. It's about
634
00:45:29.440 --> 00:45:32.039
yeah, yeah, because you you
do that at work, right. It's
635
00:45:32.079 --> 00:45:35.880
not like you know, you have
these teams or management or whatever. It's
636
00:45:35.880 --> 00:45:38.000
not like you're just doing it by
yourself. It's like you're having to check
637
00:45:38.039 --> 00:45:42.159
in with each other's like we need
to do that as a family. Like
638
00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:44.800
and now that my kids are older, it's also like okay, like how
639
00:45:44.840 --> 00:45:47.239
are they contributing? How are they
helping? And it's not like I just
640
00:45:47.239 --> 00:45:51.039
don't want to always be telling you
like do this, do that, do
641
00:45:51.320 --> 00:45:54.880
the you know, like you teaching
them like some responsibility along with that too,
642
00:45:55.639 --> 00:46:00.719
I think, But I think it's
so important to be who they're meant
643
00:46:00.760 --> 00:46:04.119
to be in this world. We're
going to take a final break and come
644
00:46:04.119 --> 00:46:07.519
back to the last segment and let's
talk about that more because I really think
645
00:46:07.559 --> 00:46:10.719
it needs to be a team and
I just loved how you said about planning.
646
00:46:12.280 --> 00:46:14.199
So we're going to be back in
a moment, my friends, I'm
647
00:46:14.239 --> 00:46:19.639
with Captain O'Brien. Grab her book
at Happy with Baby dot com. Will
648
00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:24.119
be right back. The best of
the Holistic, Spiritual and conscious world Home
649
00:46:24.239 --> 00:46:30.280
Times Radio IOMFM. Are you struggling
to grow your mission driven business in a
650
00:46:30.360 --> 00:46:36.880
way that feeds your soul and fulfills
your purpose? When you discover your unique
651
00:46:36.960 --> 00:46:42.760
human design and divine blueprint. You'll
feel empowered in your business, aligned with
652
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your inner wisdom, and open to
the flow of abundance and success. Nancy
653
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O'Keefe is a certified human design specialist
and intuitive business coach, successfully coaching entrepreneurs
654
00:46:55.119 --> 00:47:00.199
for over twenty five years. She
is passionate about helping you understand your divine
655
00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:07.079
design and your personal formula for success. She knows what it takes after creating
656
00:47:07.159 --> 00:47:12.800
her own multi seven figure firm.
Nancy helps women peel back the layers of
657
00:47:12.880 --> 00:47:16.079
who they've been taught to be to
reveal who they truly are so they can
658
00:47:16.159 --> 00:47:22.559
build an abundant and sustainable business that
feeds their soul. Schedule your complimentary call
659
00:47:22.679 --> 00:47:30.079
today at Nancy o'keefecoaching dot com.
Host your show on IOMFM, the radio
660
00:47:30.199 --> 00:47:35.079
network of Home Times Media, one
of the more recognized brand names in the
661
00:47:35.159 --> 00:47:39.239
conscious community and is backed by the
extensive marketing reach of Home Times. Hosting
662
00:47:39.280 --> 00:47:45.719
a show on IOMFM immediately connects you
with our extensive, dedicated community. This
663
00:47:45.960 --> 00:47:52.639
is Kathy Beale, host of Celestial
Compass featuring astrology. You can use Celestial
664
00:47:52.719 --> 00:47:57.360
Compass points you to what's going on
in the sky and what you can do
665
00:47:57.519 --> 00:48:02.119
with it down here on Earth.
We also explore fun, effective and cosmic
666
00:48:02.239 --> 00:48:07.599
tools for navigating this adventure we call
life. Join me the first and third
667
00:48:07.679 --> 00:48:13.480
Monday of the month at five pm
Eastern Time for a celestial compass. It's
668
00:48:13.599 --> 00:48:22.039
enlightening, entertaining, and empowering your
conscious lifestyle on Steroids. Home Times Radio
669
00:48:22.519 --> 00:48:25.559
I own FM. Welcome back,
thanks for listening. I mean host Linda
670
00:48:25.639 --> 00:48:31.280
joining with me today as Catherine O'Brien, and we're talking about parenting and some
671
00:48:31.440 --> 00:48:36.079
of the difficulties that may arise when
the new baby comes into the home.
672
00:48:36.719 --> 00:48:38.679
I love what you were saying before
the last break, So in this last
673
00:48:39.119 --> 00:48:44.960
segment in a few minutes, I'd
love to talk about how we went into
674
00:48:45.079 --> 00:48:49.440
that last segment about also bringing that
in for the children, that they're part
675
00:48:49.480 --> 00:48:52.480
of the team too, that they're
part of a family unit and all of
676
00:48:52.559 --> 00:48:55.679
us have to work together to make
it flow right. It can't just be
677
00:48:55.760 --> 00:49:00.440
a mama and daddy once they get
to certain ages, because I believe we
678
00:49:00.599 --> 00:49:02.559
need to prepare them for the real
world, and the real world isn't a
679
00:49:02.639 --> 00:49:08.360
mommy and daddy that's gonna be taking
care of everything far right. Um,
680
00:49:09.440 --> 00:49:13.199
So did you stop them from a
young age? Do you believe in just
681
00:49:13.440 --> 00:49:16.400
you know, giveing them responsibilities right
from a young age. Yes, And
682
00:49:16.559 --> 00:49:21.320
also from a young age they want
to help. So I think you've got
683
00:49:21.400 --> 00:49:23.119
to seize those moments. Like I
mean, I remember, you know,
684
00:49:23.199 --> 00:49:28.719
our our kids like liking to you
know, line up the shoes and put
685
00:49:28.760 --> 00:49:31.039
those away, you know, do
like little organization things from a really young
686
00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:34.639
age. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna and our our you know,
687
00:49:34.760 --> 00:49:38.119
our oldest used to love to like
vacuum um and just thought that was
688
00:49:38.199 --> 00:49:42.239
just the funnest thing, you know. So it's like, uh, you
689
00:49:42.320 --> 00:49:45.639
know, so like really seizing that
and getting in the habit of like,
690
00:49:45.760 --> 00:49:49.559
yeah, these are our responsibilities and
you know, of course age appropriate things
691
00:49:49.599 --> 00:49:52.239
that they can actually handle and do, and then they you know, they
692
00:49:52.320 --> 00:49:55.559
can they continue to do that,
and we you know, we just had
693
00:49:55.599 --> 00:49:59.719
a conversation last night with our kids. It's like, yeah, like sometimes
694
00:49:59.760 --> 00:50:04.079
you have different things going on in
you know, your schedule, like our
695
00:50:04.280 --> 00:50:07.599
you know, our son's finishing up
his eighth grade year and has some tests
696
00:50:07.599 --> 00:50:09.840
and stuff like that, so maybe
it's hard to do some of your your
697
00:50:09.920 --> 00:50:13.599
chores, and then how do we
help each other? How do we ask
698
00:50:13.719 --> 00:50:15.280
for help and not just expect like, well, I don't have to do
699
00:50:15.360 --> 00:50:17.800
it because you know, I'm doing
these other things. It's like no,
700
00:50:17.920 --> 00:50:21.320
it's like, you know, maybe
you're not able to do it, but
701
00:50:21.400 --> 00:50:24.440
then you communicate and we're more than
happy to help out. But don't expect
702
00:50:24.480 --> 00:50:28.480
like that's just how it's going to
be, and that it's going to fall
703
00:50:28.559 --> 00:50:30.679
on somebody else, like because I
think this is important too as they go
704
00:50:30.719 --> 00:50:35.639
into the workforce, it's like,
no, you're responsible for your your job
705
00:50:36.000 --> 00:50:38.280
and you need to do a good
job at that. But also like sometimes
706
00:50:38.320 --> 00:50:42.320
like maybe too much comes on,
and how do you ask for help in
707
00:50:42.440 --> 00:50:45.639
those moments, you know, or
how do you notice somebody else's struggling and
708
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:49.559
can you reach out and offer help
and support. So it's like trying to
709
00:50:49.639 --> 00:50:53.000
model it, like let me be
honest, like this is sometimes it's easier
710
00:50:53.079 --> 00:50:59.199
than others. You know, it's
not always great, but you know,
711
00:50:59.360 --> 00:51:02.280
trying to like just even having those
conversations, even if it's not working out,
712
00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:07.039
they've heard it and they keep hearing
it and that eventually it's going to
713
00:51:07.159 --> 00:51:09.480
click, you know, even if
they're not doing it, eventually it does
714
00:51:09.639 --> 00:51:15.119
click. And how you like apologized, like you know young children even you
715
00:51:15.159 --> 00:51:17.800
know people who are like telling them
to say sorry, they don't know what
716
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:22.280
they're saying sorry if we're about things
like that. But now, like as
717
00:51:22.360 --> 00:51:27.320
I've like modeled like how you know
to make you know, apologies and like
718
00:51:27.440 --> 00:51:30.119
when I've done wrong and notice that, like I know my kids will do
719
00:51:30.239 --> 00:51:31.719
that now, like when they you
know, had a moment of upset.
720
00:51:31.760 --> 00:51:34.639
Like I said, I have a
fourteen year old, so you know,
721
00:51:34.719 --> 00:51:37.119
there's moments where you know he's upset. Does I don't even know sometimes if
722
00:51:37.159 --> 00:51:40.159
he knows why he's upset. It's
like the hormones and all that stuff right
723
00:51:40.239 --> 00:51:46.679
that you know teenagers go through.
But he'll come back and he'll make those
724
00:51:46.719 --> 00:51:51.719
apologies and it's like okay, like
he's really understandingly, Yeah, my impact
725
00:51:51.800 --> 00:51:54.320
and how it affects other people,
and how do I make that better?
726
00:51:54.760 --> 00:51:58.400
You know, like I want them
to see that, Like how do we
727
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:01.000
work together? How do we you
know, even when we're upset with each
728
00:52:01.039 --> 00:52:04.480
other, because we will. I
mean, there's no way to be in
729
00:52:04.519 --> 00:52:07.280
a relationship with somebody and that you're
not going to be disappointed at some point
730
00:52:07.440 --> 00:52:10.400
or get upset with them. But
how do you fix that? How do
731
00:52:10.519 --> 00:52:15.280
you how do you fix it when
things don't work? Well? I think
732
00:52:15.320 --> 00:52:21.000
that's key and and and I love
that and that was me as a team,
733
00:52:21.079 --> 00:52:24.239
so I can relate to your son. Um, it's it's I love
734
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:28.639
that he comes back, you know, because in the moment, at that
735
00:52:28.840 --> 00:52:31.719
age, they're just in the moment, they're just reacting. But his heart
736
00:52:31.840 --> 00:52:35.719
comes back, you know, and
circles back like Hey moms. However,
737
00:52:36.079 --> 00:52:38.119
because I've always told my daughter,
even at a young age, and um
738
00:52:39.320 --> 00:52:44.599
a grand children, the same thing. You can feel everything, you can
739
00:52:44.760 --> 00:52:50.280
feel anything, You can express what
you need to express, but you always
740
00:52:50.320 --> 00:52:53.960
do it with respect, right right. So, Um, there's nothing wrong
741
00:52:54.000 --> 00:52:58.719
with any of your feelings. But
I've always basically said, you can say
742
00:52:58.880 --> 00:53:01.599
anything to me, just always be
aware of how you're saying it, right,
743
00:53:01.840 --> 00:53:06.960
right, because it's it's a it's
a an energy exchange. It's yeah,
744
00:53:07.000 --> 00:53:12.039
I believe in like you know,
words have energy and you can't take
745
00:53:12.119 --> 00:53:15.400
the words back, right, um. And and that leaves an energetic imprint
746
00:53:15.480 --> 00:53:20.320
on someone. So when you're coming
from a place of reaction, um,
747
00:53:22.360 --> 00:53:27.400
you can cause pain when you're reacting
instead of responding and just to be conscious
748
00:53:27.440 --> 00:53:30.159
of the words. But as a
teenager, that's hard. They can't regulate.
749
00:53:30.760 --> 00:53:32.719
Yeah, And I think it's like, you know, I and I
750
00:53:32.840 --> 00:53:36.880
hear that from other parents too.
It's like it's and he's even so like
751
00:53:36.920 --> 00:53:38.199
Whendy, he was like upset,
you know, he wasn't taking I'm like,
752
00:53:38.440 --> 00:53:40.840
what's going on. He's like,
I don't know, like just my
753
00:53:42.039 --> 00:53:45.199
body feels like I don't know,
I don't know what's wrong, you know.
754
00:53:45.280 --> 00:53:47.400
And I'm like, exactly, oh, I feel you like and I
755
00:53:47.519 --> 00:53:50.960
I and I think it's like we
just got to give them that space,
756
00:53:51.079 --> 00:53:55.280
so like have that like you know, that's like you have to because they
757
00:53:55.400 --> 00:54:00.559
can't regulate, like at that age, I'm not talking about the little older
758
00:54:00.599 --> 00:54:04.480
At that age, they can't regulate, and it is frustrating for them when
759
00:54:04.519 --> 00:54:07.880
they have an outburst. Absolutely absolutely, they feel in a lot of tech
760
00:54:08.000 --> 00:54:12.719
cases, sometimes they feel shame.
Yeah, like I can't believe I just
761
00:54:12.840 --> 00:54:17.000
said that. I don't even know
why I said it. Upset. Given
762
00:54:17.079 --> 00:54:23.360
that compassion back to them while holding
the container of expectations. Absolutely absolutely,
763
00:54:23.480 --> 00:54:27.760
And yeah, because like like you
said, I think it helps them feel
764
00:54:27.800 --> 00:54:30.760
safe and like, okay, like, yes, I get that you're upset,
765
00:54:30.840 --> 00:54:34.719
and there's certain ways that we handle
it, and I'm here and I'm
766
00:54:34.760 --> 00:54:38.519
supportive and i'm you know, you
know, I'll give you that, I'll
767
00:54:38.559 --> 00:54:43.800
give you that space there and yeah, and it's like and if I've found
768
00:54:43.880 --> 00:54:46.039
that, if I you know,
because sometimes it's it's upsetting, like especially
769
00:54:46.159 --> 00:54:50.559
you know from my young age,
when they're upset acting like about something and
770
00:54:50.599 --> 00:54:53.119
you're like, this is ridiculous.
But if I get upset about it or
771
00:54:53.199 --> 00:54:57.559
whatever, it's gonna drag it out
longer than if I'm like, okay,
772
00:54:57.639 --> 00:55:00.840
I'm just gonna And this is where
it came back to the self care,
773
00:55:00.960 --> 00:55:05.800
like if I'm not taking care of
myself, I have less patience for when
774
00:55:05.880 --> 00:55:10.760
they have their moments and pens compassion
and yes, I mean it's like yeah,
775
00:55:12.239 --> 00:55:15.679
so it's like I if I and
you need a lot, like you
776
00:55:15.800 --> 00:55:20.639
need a lot throughout parenting, right, So that's why it's like we have
777
00:55:20.760 --> 00:55:23.320
to be giving to ourselves too,
because it's it's hard to have that when
778
00:55:23.360 --> 00:55:30.239
we're not. When we don't we
Catherine, you shoard so much wisdom during
779
00:55:30.280 --> 00:55:36.239
this conversation, I want to invite
everyone to please visit Happy with Baby dot
780
00:55:36.280 --> 00:55:40.800
com. There are so many resources
that you can tap into, grab a
781
00:55:40.880 --> 00:55:45.920
copy of her book, Happy with
Baby, stay connected with her, visit
782
00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:50.320
all her around, all her social
media channels because we only love and support
783
00:55:50.400 --> 00:55:53.840
on this parenting journey no matter how
old the children are. And Catherine,
784
00:55:53.840 --> 00:55:57.360
I want to thank you for just
being such a light in the world and
785
00:55:57.480 --> 00:56:04.159
supporting families and navigate eating difficult challenges
as they parent. So thank you,
786
00:56:04.280 --> 00:56:08.400
my friend. Thank you so much
for having me. And until next time,
787
00:56:08.480 --> 00:56:13.400
my friends, choose love, Choose
joy, Choose happiness, blessings.
788
00:56:15.039 --> 00:56:21.400
Thanks for listening to Inspired Conversations with
publisher Linda Joy. Join our Sacred Space
789
00:56:21.519 --> 00:56:27.320
every Tuesday at two pm Eastern and
meet leading female visionaries, empowering authors,
790
00:56:27.719 --> 00:56:34.599
heart centered female entrepreneurs, coaches,
and healers. Inspired Conversations with Linda Joy
791
00:56:35.079 --> 00:56:39.519
is a soulful venue where guests share
the obstacles they've overcome, along with wisdom
792
00:56:39.639 --> 00:56:45.039
and lessons learned on their personal journey
that led them to the transformational work they
793
00:56:45.119 --> 00:56:51.199
do in the world. Inspired Conversations
to empower you on your path to authentic
794
00:56:51.719 --> 00:56:52.000
and soulful living,