Target For Toothpaste, Home With A Lampshade

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Ooh, well, I figured this is getting close enough to Halloween that we could have a little bit of spooky music.
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Hope you're enjoying the fall and the holiday season and all the things that go along with it.
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I want to welcome everybody and welcome to Inside Marcy's Mind.
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I am Marcy with the mind, and I'm glad you're here.
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Come on in, settle down.
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If you put your glasses somewhere safe before we started, we may need to postpone this entire episode till you know what button to push.
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Before we get into today's foolishness, I'll catch up on my week.
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I'm doing great.
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For those of you that know, about a month ago I had a little issue.
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And uh it was a big issue actually, but I'm doing really good.
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I'm feeling normal.
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I'm back to life, doing things.
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Um have a couple of trips coming up, one to Connecticut for a conference on religious fundraising, fundraising for churches type of thing.
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And then I am headed to California.
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So I got a few things coming up and looking forward to all of that.
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Enjoying the fall here in Chicago.
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I don't know what it's like where you're at.
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I know parts of the country are cold, parts of them are hot, and parts of them are wet.
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But we've got beauty here.
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And it is the temperature is great, the weather is beautiful.
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Sunday early evening, Craig and I have tickets to Chicago Botanical Gardens to a thousand jack-o'-lanterns.
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It's supposed to be really beautiful, and the weather's gonna be great.
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You know, here you buy tickets and you plan things for the fall and the winter, never really knowing what the weather's gonna be like.
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But I'm grateful that it's gonna be beautiful and something that we can really enjoy.
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Okay, and there's one thing I can report with complete confidence.
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Life continues to provide material without consulting my schedule.
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Sometimes the material even comes with a receipt.
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You know, I just living my life, material lands in my lap.
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Uh, here's the question for today.
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And I want you to think about it while we're talking.
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What's something you tell yourself all the time, even though you know perfectly well it isn't true?
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Not a grand deception, the tiny little promise you make with a straight face.
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I'll remember that.
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I'll be ready in five minutes.
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I'm just gonna look.
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Do you ever say those things?
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I'm just going to look.
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There's a sentence that is paid for a lot of shopping centers.
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Today we're talking about the little lies that we tell ourselves every day.
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They're so familiar, they don't even knock anymore.
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They let themselves in, they put their feet up, and they tell us, we don't need a shopping list.
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We'll remember everything.
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Oh my God.
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And I think I did this the other day.
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I gotta check and see where I put my umbrella.
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I think I put it somewhere I wasn't supposed to.
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And I thought, I'll remember.
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And before anybody gets nervous, this is not a moral investigation.
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I'm not opening a commission on something.
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I don't have the filing system for that.
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We're laughing at the completely ordinary way we human beings can now better and still announce with conviction conviction, I won't forget where I parked.
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The parking lot would like a word with you, because that ain't true.
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Let's begin with the most desk dangerous destination in any home.
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Somewhere safe.
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Somewhere safe is not a location.
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All right.
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Now, a lot of you out there are.
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Oh, I gotta make sure I don't hit the space bar on my keyboard because it stops the recording, and I almost did it.
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So, but the someplace safe.
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Oh, I'm gonna put it someplace safe.
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I'm gonna put it someplace safe.
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Do you know where that is?
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You're gonna buy some Christmas gifts here in the next short while, and you're gonna put it someplace safe.
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And then when it comes to wrapping the gifts, are you gonna remember where you put it?
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Where you put the gift card, where you put those important papers.
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Let's say you move it off the counter.
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Now you've done the responsible thing and nobody can complete the transaction.
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We don't know where we put it.
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We took it off the counter because that's not where it belongs, but where did we put it?
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I love the confidence of the original decision.
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You hold the thing in your hand and you think this is perfect.
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The spot made so much sense when you put it there.
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How could I possibly forget this?
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Ha!
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Because the person who hides the object and the person who needs it are two people completely different women.
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One is a strategic genius, the other is opening a drawer full of batteries and asking the dog questions.
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Where did I put it?
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It's your job to remember, not mine.
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Looking at that poor dog.
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Did you see what I did with that envelope?
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The dog is working on his own long-term project involving a sock and where he put that.
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Then comes a search.
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First, you check the sensible places, then you check the places that suggest you no longer trust yourself, like the refrigerator.
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I remember Craig was going crazy.
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He has a favorite coffee mug.
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He's had it since we were married.
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It was a gift when we got married.
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He's used that coffee mug for 35 years.
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When we moved and I got rid of all the coffee mugs, I made sure I kept that one.
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He is going round and round and round in this house.
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He is looking in his closet, mind you, for this coffee mug.
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And then the accusatory tones that come my way, which I know better than to do anything with certain things.
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I don't.
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I don't.
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He opened the microwave.
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There it was.
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Yeah.
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We've all done it, right?
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You're looking for things that shouldn't be in the battery drawer.
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You're looking for it, then come you search everywhere, you check everywhere, and then you finally find it.
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And what do you say?
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Oh, now I remember.
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And then you can replay in your whole head the time you made the decision to put it there, right?
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But up until that moment you couldn't.
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The solution sounds simple.
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We have one designated spot: a dish for keys, a folder for important paper.
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That's lovely.
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But there is always the day you decide the designated spot is too obvious, or you just don't put it there for whatever reason.
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This item is special.
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I don't know.
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I did not put my umbrella back in the umbrella box.
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I know I didn't, and I know where I put it.
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And after this episode, I'm gonna go move it.
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And there we go again.
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The envelope has been upgraded to first class, and we have all lost contact with the flight.
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We have no idea where it is.
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The real comedy is that somewhere safe often means safe from the person who owns it.
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Burglars could care less.
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Burglars, first of all, how many of you are gonna be burglarized?
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I bet none of you.
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And burglars do what burglars do.
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You're never gonna outthink a burglar.
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It's like being at the beach and putting your keys in your shoe.
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Yeah, nobody's gonna look in your shoe for your wallet and your keys.
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That's where everybody puts it.
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Anyway.
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Then there's the story we tell ourselves.
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I'm just going into Target for one thing.
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I'm just gonna get this one thing at Target.
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One thing is the purpose of the trip.
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It is not a binding agreement with the cart.
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You walk in for toothpaste, you know the toothpaste exists, you have purchased toothpaste before.
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This should be brief, a dignified errand, but first you pass something seasonal.
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Something small, a little pumpkin, something that says, you need this.
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It's October.
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And that tiny pumpkin is looking at you, not a real pumpkin, a decorative pumpkin, made of something that cannot be washed.
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And suddenly you are responsible for giving it a home.
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Then this candle says, I smell like autumn.
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What does autumn smell like?
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Apparently, cinnamon, ambition, and$19.
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You didn't know your bathroom needed a little basket until you saw the little basket.
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Now the bathroom has a problem.
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Five minutes ago it was functioning perfectly.
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Now it lacks cohesion.
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Cohesion.
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Ha ha.
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I went out to clean my teeth and returned with a design consultation for my bathroom.
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The basket is particularly dangerous because you tell yourself it will organize things.
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Ah, right?
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Buying an organizing product feels so much like organizing that you can go home and rest.
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You've had a productive afternoon.
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The clutter is still there, but now you've brought in a container.
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Now I'm not gonna lie, I just had two giant rubber-made boxes delivered from Target today.
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Why?
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Because first of all, I can't drive until they give my brain the okay.
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And I think I need them to organize the bottom shelf in my bathroom.
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Yep, I got two of my own organizing things in the bathroom right now.
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What about you?
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What about when you get in the store refusing the cart?
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That's our little insurance policy.
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I won't get a cart, then I can't buy much.
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Excellent plan.
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Until you're carrying a lampshade under one arm and balancing two bottles of shampoo against your chest like a contestant on a game show nobody agreed to film, right?
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Have you done that one?
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Oh, I won't take a cart.
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Yeah.
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Now the toothpaste falls, you bend down, something else falls.
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A stranger offers you a cart, and you take it as though she has arrived with a disaster relief plan, right?
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Thank you.
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I was trying to avoid that cart.
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By checkout, we have revised the entire story.
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We no longer say, I only need one thing.
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We say, well, I was going to need all of this eventually.
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Eventually, is a very generous financial advisor.
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And the receipt is long enough to qualify as a scarf.
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Look, win-win.
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You inspect it like an investigator.
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How did this happen?
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That's what happens to us in Costco.
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I don't know about you.
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$357?
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What?
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I got a few meat sticks and some eggs.
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Like what three, three, our last bill was over$300.
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We live in a one-bedroom condo, people.
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Well, we've all done it.
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I know I am speaking to the choir, but when you think about it, it's pretty damn funny.
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Honestly.
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Oh, at home, we make another small confident announcement.
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I'm only going to watch one episode.
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One episode is a reasonable choice.
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It's entertainment with boundaries.
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We are grown people.
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We have things to do tomorrow.
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We can enjoy a little television and go to bed at an appropriate time.
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Then the episode ends.
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And these bewitching prop products like Netflix just keep putting on another episode, another episode, another episode, another episode.
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Next thing you know, you look at the clock and it's one in the morning.
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That's usually when I'm waking up from a first pee.
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You can stop it, of course.
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There's a little, there's a button that will come up and say, are you still watching?
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Well, yes, I am.
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Thank you for asking.
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I don't know about you, but I can get hooked on something and go episode after episode after episode after episode after episode.
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And yes, there's many a night I've looked up and it's one in the morning.
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Or I've fallen asleep and woken up and started watching again.
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Morning arrives and we promise to go to bed early tonight.
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It's a beautiful promise.
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It should be printed on the same stationery as I'll be ready in five minutes, because five minutes is another imaginary unit of measurement, and your children know that better than anyone.
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There are actually five minutes, and there are getting ready in five minutes.
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Getting ready five minutes can include changing shoes, finding earrings, deciding the first outfit was better, and remembering a thing that needed doing yesterday.
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When somebody asks, Are you ready?
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We say, Almost! Oh my God.
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It's terrible.
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Then the person waiting says, We're going to be late.
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And we get offended.
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Why are you bringing facts into this?
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I'm trying to find another earring.
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Perhaps we shouldn't start giving more specific updates.
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I am emotionally ready, but physically still in the closet.
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That would at least help people plan.
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What about the household negotiations?
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The kitchen that has its own little language of optimism.
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I'll rinse this off now and wash it properly later.
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I can't do that.
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Now, if you are a person that can leave dishes in the sink, God bless you, I cannot.
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So I'm talking about this as if I do this, I don't.
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Do not put dishes in the sink for just a second, but I know a lot of you do.
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And you have a plan to get it out of the sink and get it in wherever it needs to go.
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I don't know.
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But you don't.
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All right, now then there's things putting this here for a second.
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You put a piece of mail down, you put something down.
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I'm just gonna put this here for a second, I'll grab it on my way out.
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Some objects become furniture simply by not moving.
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A bag beside the door starts as an errand, and after a month, it's part of the room.
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You set things on it, you vacuum around it, you tell visitors to watch their step.
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You're basically the curator of an installation called returns.
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And every time you pass it, you think, I need to take that back with me.
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I need to take that with me.
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I should get that in the car.
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And then it gets in the car, and then it never gets where it needs to go.
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Now, the beauty of having a very small home, like I do, not putting things in the car because we walk things over to Whole Foods to return them.
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Um, because we're talking Amazon stuff, right?
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And uh you can't leave it there because there's not enough room.
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But when you got room, you can leave things everywhere.
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And then there's that household promise you make yourself to yourself.
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I'm going to declutter this weekend.
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Not a drawer, not a shelf, the entire house.
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We announce it as if it is a declaration.
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Then we open one box, we find a photograph, we're sitting on the ground, and we start going through the photographs.
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The next thing you know, it's three hours later and we haven't done anything, but we got a mess of photographs around us.
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Sound familiar?
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But it does.
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Oh.
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Decluttering has become a reunion.
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And frankly, the reunion is going very well.
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Honestly.
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But you know what?
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I'm gonna tell you something about that.
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I think there is something very cathartic.
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Even if you don't, I now I'm a declutterer, you all know this.
00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.399
I live the decluttering life.
00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:33.519
Sorry, I needed a sip there.
00:15:33.679 --> 00:15:41.840
Um, I don't believe in clutter, so I am a declutterer, but I have many a times found myself seated going through things, and I think it's cathartic.
00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:49.200
So if you never got it decluttered, but you feel really good about going through all that and shoving it back in a box, take that as a win.
00:15:51.039 --> 00:15:54.159
Now there's the things the phone has heard before.
00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.480
And this is, I'll answer that text in a minute.
00:15:58.639 --> 00:16:01.200
You read the message, you compose a thoughtful reply in your head.
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Such a lovely reply.
00:16:02.480 --> 00:16:06.960
It's warm, it's clear, it's appropriately punctuated.
00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:17.360
Then you go do something else, satisfied with the quality of your conversation that has taken place only inside your head three days later to discover the message again and think, didn't I answer this?
00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:19.919
Well, emotionally, yes, technologically, no.
00:16:20.080 --> 00:16:21.200
Have you ever done that?
00:16:21.440 --> 00:16:22.720
I'm gonna raise my hand.
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I've done it multitudes of times.
00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:28.720
The other person, for God's sakes, is waiting for a response.
00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:30.960
And I've given one just in my head.
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Then we say, I'm just going to check the weather.
00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:34.480
That's innocent.
00:16:34.639 --> 00:16:37.360
The next thing, I'm watching a family of raccoons.
00:16:38.799 --> 00:16:40.320
I uh doing what?
00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:40.960
I don't know.
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And a dog with the cutest little boots on in his rain hat.
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All I wanted to do was check the weather.
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Next thing, I am down a rabbit hole on my phone.
00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:56.720
Twenty minutes later, someone could ask me, is it going to rain?
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I'm gonna go, I don't know.
00:16:58.559 --> 00:17:04.160
I'm in the woods with John Smith and his axe watching him split logs.
00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:06.000
I don't have any clue what the weather is.
00:17:06.079 --> 00:17:07.359
Well, I thought you were looking it up.
00:17:07.519 --> 00:17:10.720
Well that ship sailed.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:19.359
I don't know about you, but I can fall down the rabbit hole of my phone faster than Alice fell down her hole.
00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:21.200
Ugh.
00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:25.920
But am I mad at it?
00:17:26.160 --> 00:17:26.480
No.
00:17:26.880 --> 00:17:27.839
Do I love my life?
00:17:28.000 --> 00:17:28.240
Yes.
00:17:28.319 --> 00:17:32.240
Do I love that family of raccoons in the woods that have the cutest little hats on?
00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:33.359
Yes, I do.
00:17:33.599 --> 00:17:39.119
The rabbit that has a family and all these, there's now all these AI-generated things.
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Love them all.
00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:44.880
Not mad at it, but man, sometimes, I'm telling you.
00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:46.799
Oh.
00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:51.920
Here's what I like about all these lies that we tell ourselves.
00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:55.039
Underneath most of them is a hopeful person.
00:17:56.400 --> 00:17:59.279
We think we'll remember, we think we're gonna get organized.
00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:01.519
We think one television episode is fine.
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We think we could look up the weather on our phone without following a band of gypsies through the woods.
00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:10.480
I don't know.
00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:16.000
I'd like to keep the hope and improve the instructions.
00:18:16.240 --> 00:18:21.759
Instead of, I'll do the whole house, maybe just declutter one shelf.
00:18:21.920 --> 00:18:25.119
Today, I'm decluttering the bottom shelf of my bathroom.
00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:26.000
That's it.
00:18:26.160 --> 00:18:28.079
That's what I'm doing today.
00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:37.119
And instead of saying I won't buy anything, say I'm allowed toothpaste and one tiny pumpkin.
00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.279
But the pumpkin cannot have a friend.
00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:46.559
Instead of, I'll remember where this is, perhaps take a picture of where you put it.
00:18:46.799 --> 00:18:48.079
Isn't that a great one?
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:52.160
If you have thanked me for nothing in this episode, you're gonna thank me for that.
00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:56.480
When you hide those Christmas presents, take a picture of where you put them.
00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:02.480
Take a picture of where you park your car.
00:19:02.720 --> 00:19:05.680
Use your camera like your own little memory.
00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:10.400
We don't have to become efficient machines.
00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:13.279
I don't want that kind of pressure, and neither do you.
00:19:13.519 --> 00:19:19.759
I just want a few conversations with myself that end in, well, where would I have put that?
00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:21.279
You put it there, Marcy.
00:19:21.359 --> 00:19:22.960
Remember you took a picture?
00:19:23.680 --> 00:19:24.319
Yeah.
00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:27.759
So here's the question again.
00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:34.720
What's something you tell yourself all the time, even though you know perfectly well it isn't true?
00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:38.640
Oh, and I, you know, I here's a couple more.
00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:39.440
Food.
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:41.920
I'll just have one bite of that cake.
00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:42.319
Yeah.
00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:45.839
I just fork it to death until the cake is gone.
00:19:46.880 --> 00:19:52.960
Sometimes I'll finish something going, I might as well just finish it now because I know I'm gonna eventually finish it.
00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:54.000
Right?
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:56.240
I don't want to tell myself that lie.
00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:01.519
Ugh, we're just gonna keep lying to ourselves, aren't we?
00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:10.000
And you know, let's protect everybody's secret except for the location of the good scissors.
00:20:10.559 --> 00:20:13.440
Never gonna tell anybody where my good scissors are.
00:20:13.759 --> 00:20:15.119
Craig doesn't know.
00:20:15.359 --> 00:20:16.720
He's never gonna know.
00:20:16.880 --> 00:20:19.599
I never told the kids where my good scissors were.
00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:24.640
I had plenty of scissors in the house that they didn't need to find my good scissors.
00:20:24.960 --> 00:20:27.839
Thank you for spending a little time with me inside my mind.
00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:29.759
I know it can be a scary place.
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:36.400
But if this sounds suspiciously familiar, share it with the person that says, we won't be in the store long.
00:20:37.119 --> 00:20:39.519
Let them listen before you hand them the cart.
00:20:39.680 --> 00:20:40.720
I'm Marcy.
00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:42.240
Until next time, take care of yourself.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:44.640
Enjoy the ordinary ridiculousness.
00:20:44.880 --> 00:20:50.960
And if you say you'll remember something, give yourself a finding chance, write it down or take a picture.
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:54.319
And then don't put that somewhere safe.
00:20:54.880 --> 00:20:55.599
Love you all.
00:20:55.759 --> 00:20:56.799
Talk to you soon.