Everything’s Perfect… Except Our Childhood

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Here's golf ledgend John Daily.
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Casine a good chart. Part of my childhood was Collinwood,
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small Italian neighborhood. Everybody knew my dad. He had the
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local Italian restaurant. And then you go down like a
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big set of cement stairs and you're in the basement
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where like the laundry was. And I don't know how
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we all ended up down there, Like I don't know
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if we were running away from my dad and we
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all ran down there or what. But he was down
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there yelling at us and I was like seven, and
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he was yelling at us.
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It was the kind of neighborhood where all the kids
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would just play in each other's backyards. But two blocks
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down it's like, dun't down there. It's dangerous, you know
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what I mean? First time ever made handmade shorts out
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of random fabric that weren't even wasn't even fabric that
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shorts are supposed to be made out of.
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What's up you, guys? Welcome back to another episode of
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Everything's Perfect. We're kicking off today's episode with another five
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star review. This one is from Jess Mains. She says,
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thank you for this podcast. It is everything I love,
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the friendship, honesty, struggles, and just the real love you both.
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You're both amazing and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
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Keep this up. We're listening. Thank you, Jess, and thank
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you to everybody that's listening.
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Yes, thank you so much. I love it. Really is
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so encouraging reading those reviews, right.
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It's such a fun way to like kick it off,
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especially considering where we're about to go.
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Yeah, because today everything's perfect.
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Except our childhood.
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Except honestly, like whose childhood is perfect? Mine?
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You will learn today before we dive into this episode,
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d you were a little late getting here today.
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Oh my god, what you're abandoned my band and looking
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at my hands right now if you're listening, I was
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so First of all, I've been feeling so good because
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I decided that I need to be an early morning
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workout person and I've known that, but I've kind of
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lost it and I find myself trying to fit my
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workout in more convenient times so I get more sleep.
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So anyways, I got up early today. I was crushing
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the day I got my workout in. We had a meeting,
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I had a session with one of my clients, and
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I was making food like everything couldn't have been going
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more according to plan.
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Everything was perfect except yet except if you follow me,
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you know, I like to mix my energize and different
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supplements and stuff and a wineglass sometimes, and so I
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sat my wine glass in the sink and then I
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took I made some eggs and I put the pan
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in and it like knocked the wine glass over and
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the whole.
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Thing shattered literally in where the drain is and that's
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the garbage disposal one. And I was like, oh my god,
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it can't be garbage disposaling glass, but I don't know
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what you're supposed to do in that situation. So I
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just bare handed, like fisted my sink drain, hoping for
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the best. And honestly, I was like, I was like,
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I don't feel any I think we're good. I don't
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feel any glass in there, Like I got the pieces
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that were in the sink, and so I just go
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on about my breakfast and then I go over the
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table and I look at the table. I'm like, why
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is there red all over my table? And I was like,
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oh God, I'm bleeding. And I literally go back to
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the kitchen to like get a paper towel to clean
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it up, and I see blood all over the kitchen
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and I'm like, Jesus, it's by the air fiar where
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the turkey bacon was. I was like, oh my god.
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I'm curious how you missed it from one spot to
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the other.
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First of all, I had no idea that I cut myself,
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and so anyways, I was like whatever, So I put
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a band aid on and I go I'm like, let
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me eat my food, and I'm like chewing. And part
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of my veggie for breakfast was a salad from last
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night and there's hard boiled egg in it. Another weird
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thing about me is I love a wilted salad anyway.
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So I'm eating and there's this crunch in my mouth
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and I was like, is that eggshell? Oh my god,
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I can't believe it put eggshell in this thing. And
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then I'm biting. I'm like, it's really hard. So I
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reach in and it's ceramic from the plate that I'm
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eating on, and I was like, oh, my goodness. And
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you know what's crazy. I was thinking about this on
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my right here. Most people would probably at that point
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spit their food out. I just start taking really small
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bites so I can identify the glass, but still eat
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the left over wilted salad that did not bite because
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I was like, if it's so small that I don't
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feel it with my teeth, it probably won't hurt my
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digestive tracks.
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I feel like that's not a solid.
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Yeah, in hindsight, I'm like, spit it out.
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Yeah, only can't be that good.
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So yeah, it definitely wasn't. So so it set me
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back a little bit.
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Everything's perfect. He lost a pint of blood and a tube. Yeah,
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he might have pierce his insides.
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But other than that, crushing the day, but he.
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Got his work out it.
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Yeah, so how's your day.
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My day's been good. I'm happy to say that today
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is not one of those days where I'm dropping f bombs.
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The day is young, so who knows, who knows? But
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everything's good today.
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I love it.
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I might be fetal By the end of this episode.
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I was like, well, since everything's good, let's let's talk
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talk about everything that's been dramatic in our lives.
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We're talking about our childhood.
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Yeah, and it's not We're not just gonna like the
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fact is I like we all experience trauma and joy
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and all the things that shape us into the adults
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who need therapy that we all are today. And I
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just think it like it actually helps normalize that everyone
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goes through, has gone through struggles, or what. We all
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have difficulties growing up for different reasons. I think it'll
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be good to.
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Talk about, Yeah, these are the things that shape us,
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and it is. I think I've said this a lot
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about myself in the last few years. It's easy to
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look at somebody like me and where I'm at in
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life now and think that it must have been easy.
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It must have come easy. There's no problems, there's no trauma.
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What do you have to complain about? Blah blah blah blah,
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And their life is great. Like, there's a lot of
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things that are amazing about my life. But there's also
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been a lot of hard things that I've had to overcome,
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things that I've had to process, things that I haven't
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done a great job of processing things. I'm still working
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through this point in fact, when we were talking about
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doing this episode, even the topic like makes me clench
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because there are certain things that are just like God,
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am I really going to share that? Yeah, and we'll see. Okay,
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we both grew up in Ohio.
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I know. Yeah, and it's similar, Like I've seen pictures
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of where you grew up, and then neighborhoods are very similar.
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That's Ohio.
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Yeah, it's Ohio. But you know there's like the rich
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neighborhoods in Ohio and then yeah, the not ones and
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we grew up in the not the not one not ones.
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The haves and the have not.
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Yeah, we were in the have not absolutely. Okay, we
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had character, we have we're lively community around us.
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I did have a lively community too. We grew up
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first in like a good chart. Part of my childhood
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was Collinwood, small Italian neighborhood. Everybody knew my dad. He
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had the local Italian restaurant. My grandparents lived a few
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blocks away, my aunt lived one block away. We walked everywhere,
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Like I always tell people, like, if you ever saw
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the movie A Bronx Tail, that was my childhood, Like
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that's how I grew up. There was the train tracks
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on the other side of the tracks, and you didn't
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like there were landmarks in the neighborhood. You didn't go
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past this. That was very dangerous. You didn't go over here. Like,
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but we had the playground and we had like the
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neighborhood pool that was freezing and like when I say freezing,
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I think back now and I'm like that thing like
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that was prepping me for cold plunges back in the day.
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Like that see, like I'm pretty sure it was rain water.
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They never even filled it.
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And it was packed with so many kids. It was ridiculous,
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but but it was cool, Like that was the neighborhood
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I grew up in. But also a lot of times
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I was wearing Bobby's old pants because my dad would
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make me wear hand me downs, and like Kaylee was
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four years older than me, or is four years older
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than me, so her clothes didn't fit me. Really, Bobby's
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only like a year and a half older than me,
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and a lot of times this fool would make me
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wear Bobby's hand me down.
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Well, poor thing.
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Is the trauma we're talking about. It was not in
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you know, you know DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince,
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and it was he's talking about like parents just don't understand,
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and like he sings about like back to school shopping
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and his mom made it mine. I was not the
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cool kid popular like good clothes. Yeah, every once in
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a while I'd get something good.
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My mom said, you guys need some new shorts, and
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she took us Me and my I'm the oldest, so
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I didn't get hand me downs. But we didn't just
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go to a normal store and get the same shorts
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our friends were wearing at church. Or we went to
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a fabric store. And I like to think of myself
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as an artistic person, and sometimes I'm compliment on my style,
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but I didn't know what I was doing. And when
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I tell you, I picked this crazy pattern and my
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mom was like, Mom's going to make you some shorts
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out of and this woman at the time we went
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to this like small neighborhood Baptist church came and taught
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my mom how to sew. And next Sunday when we
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showed up at church, we had, on our first time
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ever made handmade shorts out of random fabric that weren't
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even wasn't even fabric that shorts are supposed to be
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made out of. Like it was great. We might not
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have had pockets, but we had creativity.
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You need to know if it was a photo, I'm going.
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I would be like, Mom, do we have pictures of this?
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Because this is a pretty iconic moment. We should take
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a picture.
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My mom sewed too, and I actually have an outfit
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that she sewed for me. Uh it was like I
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want to say, they were like Easter outfits, but I
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also wore it for I used to play violin at
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the Cleveland Institute of Music and I had to go
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on stage and perform, and I have the photo of
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me in the outfit that she made. She actually did
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a good job. Though my mom was a good zeer,
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I will give her a compliment on something till we
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get into this.
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That's something that I think I would have fun doing too,
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But I digress. I think it'd be fun to be
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able to go make and alter and stuff with your
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own clothes, but I wouldn't. I would do a little
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different than the short.
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Side cooks of the time I learned it. We learned
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how to sew technically in home ech back when there
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was home EC. I sewed a sweatshirt. It was like
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a maroon crew neck sweatshirt. I can't say it was fabulous,
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but I did wear it.
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That's cool.
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We're avoiding the hard stock, all right. So so how
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do we want to get into this, because we got
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to just dive in.
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Well, you how many places did you live in your adolescence,
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like we'll say sixteen or younger, Where did you move
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a lot?
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I did just in Ohio alone. We lived in Collinwood,
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We lived in Euclid, we lived in Lynhurst. I feel
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like there's one more in it that was like and
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then I think I think three or four different Well, no,
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then there was a different There was multiple places in Collinwood,
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and before I was old enough to remember, there was
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another place. I want to say at least five. But
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then when I was sixteen. Right before I turned sixteen,
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I went to go live with my mom in Saint Louis.
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I see, I lived the same house my entire life
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until I was an adult and started like got my
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first apartment, or I lived in two places other than
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my parents' house in Ohio. But we lived in Dayton,
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Ohio and in Dayton proper. Because everyone's like, what part
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we were in the east side of Dayton. And it's
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funny talking about landmarks, like you don't go past the
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train tracks or something. If someone's grown up in a
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neighborhood like this, you understand, like your block you feel
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so safe and protected. And it was the kind of
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neighborhood where all the kids would just play in each
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other's backyards, but two blocks down it's like, don't go
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down there, it's dangerous. Yeah, you know what I mean.
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Or you knew who was like the neighborhood person's house
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that you were supposed to stay away from it like
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they're the trouble.
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Yes. Yeah, it was really cool and so it felt
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very home to me. And actually my mom lived on
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the same street that she grew up on, right across
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the street my grandparents lived there, so I never moved
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and I was homeschooled. I might it might have been
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in prison. Now that I look, you're back. They didn't
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let me leaved.
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Hold on there was a lock on the door.
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Yeah.
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Uh, Colinwood, I would say. Was that because my dad
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grew up in Collinwood like his young adult like all
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the way up. And then we were there for a
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long time, but then the neighborhood started to go not
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as safe, probably by the time I was like eight
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or nine. And then we moved to Euclid. But then
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it was crazy because we still had our restaurant. It
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was a to go restaurant in Collinwood, so and we
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went to school in Collinwood, but Yu Club was like
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twenty minutes away, so we'd have to drive to it.
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But on the weekends, my dad would take Bobby with
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him to the restaurant and Kayley and I would have
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to stay home and clean, like literally, Cinderella, that house
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better be clean topped bottom. And I'm telling you, I
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was like eight or nine, and he would come home
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and check like, did you use saft scrub in that tub?
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There's still a ring? Did you scrub that toilet properly?
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I knew how to do laundry when I was seven
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years old. That is not a joke. That is not
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in stage ration, like which you.
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00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:29.960
Were the youngest in your household. So that's pretty interesting
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00:14:30.000 --> 00:14:31.679
because I had to make my brother's peanut butter and
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jellies until he was fifteen. So literally, I was like,
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00:14:36.919 --> 00:14:39.679
are you serious. He's got his temporary license and he
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can't make his own freaking.
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Sandwich, can't use a butter night.
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Yeah no, I'm just kidding, but he did feel like that.
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I was like, y'all, being the oldest I had to
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learn and now you just I'm just doing it all
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for you.
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00:14:51.120 --> 00:14:52.559
But no, we had to do all the things, like
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we would have to get up in the morning before
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school because we for a while we lived above the restaurant,
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and like we had chores, but they weren't like the
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normal well we had normal chores too, of like laundry
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all that kind of stuff, but we also had to
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get up at like the ass crack of dawn, and
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Bobby would help my dad make the dough Kayleye and
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I would have to make all the salads for the
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to go container. We'd have to stalk the cooler with
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like the sodas and the pies and the chips all
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before we left for the day. But this was also
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00:15:20.519 --> 00:15:22.120
just normal, Like you also hear about, you know, like
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00:15:22.200 --> 00:15:23.919
kids that lived on farms and things and they get
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00:15:23.960 --> 00:15:25.440
up and do their chores. Like this is not like
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00:15:25.600 --> 00:15:27.279
this is not the woe was me either, This is
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00:15:27.360 --> 00:15:30.879
just it was a different time. And when we got
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home from school, we guess we had to do our homework,
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but like we would have to make pizza boxes. I
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can put pizza box to real quick.
325
00:15:37.720 --> 00:15:42.159
So what would you say of that time like younger childhood,
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like maybe around ten years old nine, I don't know how,
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00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:48.759
Like my memory doesn't really start getting solid until around
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00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:51.480
eight or nine. I have clips of memories before that.
329
00:15:51.720 --> 00:15:55.320
So what would you say, is like you remember that
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part of your life with the most fondness is that
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00:15:58.480 --> 00:16:02.399
a word or fondly? Like? And then what was the
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00:16:02.440 --> 00:16:04.120
biggest challenge at that time for you?
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00:16:04.440 --> 00:16:07.799
In hindsight, I have a great memory, Like I can
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remember back to five. I think five is what I
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can remember back to solid many memories around five years old.
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00:16:18.919 --> 00:16:22.320
In general, I just loved our neighborhood and like again
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00:16:22.399 --> 00:16:24.960
it was very blue collar, but like everybody knew everybody.
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00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:27.840
It was the eighties. We were outside. My cousin lived
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down the street, My grandparents lived, you know, like I said,
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two blocks away. We did Sunday dinners at my grandma's house.
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00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:36.360
So it was like everybody went to church on Sunday
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00:16:36.440 --> 00:16:38.720
and then after church we walked over to Grandma's. Because
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again you're talking about a couple of blocks. And when
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00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:43.600
I say everybody, I'm talking like there was a minimum
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00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:49.200
of like twenty people and they would lock us kids outside.
346
00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:56.440
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The screen door was locked and the main door was
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00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:25.440
open so they could hear you if you needed to
358
00:17:25.519 --> 00:17:27.279
yell in that you needed to like use the bathroom,
359
00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:28.920
but they had to come unlock the door. Yes, they
360
00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:33.400
like legit were like the locked us outside, but we
361
00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:35.119
didn't care. We wanted to be outside. We were playing
362
00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:37.480
FREEZ Tag and TV Tag and hide and seek, and
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00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:40.039
like there was my grandma's house, and then there was
364
00:17:40.079 --> 00:17:42.039
two more houses, and then there was a lot on
365
00:17:42.119 --> 00:17:43.920
the end, like just this big grass lot that had
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00:17:43.960 --> 00:17:45.880
a big swing set in there. But my grandparents owned
367
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:48.839
that lot and we would we would go down there
368
00:17:48.839 --> 00:17:52.599
and play for hours. Like we just we were never inside.
369
00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:55.079
We were always doing something fun. My cousins were always
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00:17:55.119 --> 00:17:58.839
all around. So I think that is like the most
371
00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:03.519
fond memories of those times of just like the neighborhood
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00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:05.799
and it was fun and it was safe, and it
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just it was such a community. The hardest stuff. Look,
374
00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:18.240
here's the bottom line. I love my dad, but my
375
00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:23.000
dad is got a lot of his own baggage. A
376
00:18:23.119 --> 00:18:27.279
temper is one of them. And it's bad. At seventy
377
00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:29.640
three years old, now, has it mellowed out, Yes, But
378
00:18:29.680 --> 00:18:35.319
when I was a kid, it was bad. I mean,
379
00:18:35.359 --> 00:18:36.640
if we're gonna talk about it, I gots just talk
380
00:18:36.680 --> 00:18:38.960
about it. I would call my dad a functioning alcoholic,
381
00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:48.200
and there are some there's some pretty bad hard times.
382
00:18:48.240 --> 00:18:50.119
Not to mention he was working, like you know, he
383
00:18:50.279 --> 00:18:52.519
was a single dad taking care of three young kids.
384
00:18:52.599 --> 00:18:56.680
My mom had already gotten remarried, moved away, wasn't helping
385
00:18:56.680 --> 00:18:59.720
pay for us like anything. So my dad's got three
386
00:18:59.799 --> 00:19:01.400
kids that he's got to take care of. He's running
387
00:19:01.400 --> 00:19:03.960
his own business, a business that requires him to be
388
00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:06.799
up at four and five in the morning, and you know,
389
00:19:07.160 --> 00:19:10.960
not going to bed till super late at night. So exhaustion,
390
00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:16.400
you know, all that comes with it. I'm at a
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00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:18.799
place now where I can look at it and I
392
00:19:18.799 --> 00:19:22.680
can appreciate certain things, and I can understand certain things
393
00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:27.839
I don't I don't approve of certain things, and there
394
00:19:28.119 --> 00:19:30.880
there's reasons why I am the way I am now
395
00:19:30.920 --> 00:19:35.640
and why I'm not certain ways. But yeah, there was
396
00:19:35.640 --> 00:19:41.319
definitely some hard times in there. There was some trauma. Yeah,
397
00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.880
I mean, okay, I'll give you an example. My dad's temper,
398
00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:47.960
like I said, really bad. And uh, you know it's
399
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:49.759
for three young kids, me, Kaylee, and Bobby. We're all
400
00:19:49.759 --> 00:19:51.240
like two years apart. I don't know. We were probably
401
00:19:51.240 --> 00:19:53.680
goofing around doing something and we pissed him off, and
402
00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:56.240
he was probably exhausted. And the way our restaurant was
403
00:19:56.240 --> 00:19:58.960
was like there was two stories that were living so
404
00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:01.599
like amost like full ont apartment, but my dad owned
405
00:20:01.599 --> 00:20:03.519
the whole building. It was just us and then there
406
00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:05.200
was the restaurant. Was the main floor that was just
407
00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:07.839
to go a restaurant, two little steps and you were
408
00:20:07.839 --> 00:20:10.599
down into this thing that we referred to as the playroom.
409
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:12.480
Wasn't really a playroom. We didn't have a lot of
410
00:20:12.519 --> 00:20:14.200
toys as kids. And then you go down like a
411
00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:16.119
big set of cement stairs and you're in the basement
412
00:20:16.119 --> 00:20:19.279
where like the laundry was, which was every bit as
413
00:20:19.319 --> 00:20:23.640
scary as you would imagine a cellar stone, dirty basement
414
00:20:24.079 --> 00:20:26.519
to be. And I don't know how we all ended
415
00:20:26.599 --> 00:20:27.920
up down there, Like I don't know if we were
416
00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:30.200
running away from my dad and we all ran down
417
00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:33.440
there or what. But he was down there yelling at us,
418
00:20:34.359 --> 00:20:36.200
and I was like seven, and he was yelling at
419
00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:40.319
us bad, you know, like loud in our face, and
420
00:20:40.319 --> 00:20:42.279
we were kind of there was like this nasty, dirty
421
00:20:42.279 --> 00:20:44.279
old chair down there from like the seventies, and we were
422
00:20:44.279 --> 00:20:46.640
kind of like Bobby and Kaylee were huddled on either
423
00:20:46.680 --> 00:20:48.519
side of it, and I was sitting on it, but
424
00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:50.599
he was yelling at us so bad that I peed myself,
425
00:20:51.640 --> 00:20:56.039
Like I was that scared, because yes, there were times
426
00:20:56.039 --> 00:21:02.440
that we got hit pretty regularly. Yeah, so we should
427
00:21:02.440 --> 00:21:04.599
have done this with like some alcohol or something. I
428
00:21:04.599 --> 00:21:06.440
don't know. No, that's not a good way to handle it.
429
00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:10.720
But it's a fun way sometimes out way out.
430
00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:16.119
Okay, what about you like fondest memory, hardest memory?
431
00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:21.920
Mine is like we also had a very big family,
432
00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:27.000
like within four blocks. I had my grandparents right across
433
00:21:27.000 --> 00:21:31.960
the street, and then my uncle, and then another direction
434
00:21:32.119 --> 00:21:34.160
my aunt, and then I had another aunt who lived
435
00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:37.559
like twenty minutes away, and we all would get together.
436
00:21:37.920 --> 00:21:41.599
All the cousins are really close, and specifically with my family,
437
00:21:42.480 --> 00:21:46.319
we would go on like my my brothers and my parents.
438
00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:48.480
We would go on hikes. We'd bring the dogs. We
439
00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:52.359
went to a place called John Bryan or John Bryant,
440
00:21:52.440 --> 00:21:55.440
I'm actually not sure now, but it's was. It was
441
00:21:55.480 --> 00:21:58.200
a really fun hike with hills and there was like
442
00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:00.880
a river and stuff like that, and I loved that.
443
00:22:01.359 --> 00:22:06.640
And we also it's close to an area called Yellow Springs.
444
00:22:06.640 --> 00:22:09.559
It's actually Dave Chappelle lives there and we would see
445
00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:11.839
him all the time. It was really fun. Yeah, and
446
00:22:11.880 --> 00:22:14.519
there was this pizza place called Haha Pizza and we'd
447
00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:16.799
always go there after the hike. And the reason that
448
00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:20.079
was cool is because back then it was very rare
449
00:22:20.119 --> 00:22:24.359
to find like non dairy alternatives and stuff. And they
450
00:22:24.400 --> 00:22:27.279
had a vegan cheese, the soy cheese that they would
451
00:22:27.279 --> 00:22:29.359
put on their pizza, and we couldn't have dairy when
452
00:22:29.359 --> 00:22:32.039
we were little, so that was really fun. I also
453
00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:35.920
loved like the first snowfall because it's like everyone to
454
00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:38.640
get their sledgs sleds, and we were so like we
455
00:22:38.680 --> 00:22:40.480
did not have a lot of money. One year, my
456
00:22:40.599 --> 00:22:46.240
mom for Christmas, we didn't have snow boots and we
457
00:22:46.279 --> 00:22:48.519
only we didn't have a lot of shoes either, so
458
00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:50.960
we didn't ruin our shoes, but we wanted to go sledding.
459
00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:54.920
She tied bread bags around our shoes. But if you
460
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:58.039
ever tried to go up a steep, icy, snowy hill
461
00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.000
with bread bags on your feet, it's literally like you're
462
00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:03.839
just on your stomach crawling with your hands because there's
463
00:23:03.880 --> 00:23:06.720
nothing more slippery. But even though that's like.
464
00:23:06.720 --> 00:23:10.160
I'm dying because you literally just reminded me that we
465
00:23:10.200 --> 00:23:12.200
did the same thing. Yeah, and I would have never
466
00:23:12.240 --> 00:23:12.759
thought of this.
467
00:23:12.839 --> 00:23:17.640
It's like you put plastic bags to go on the ice.
468
00:23:19.079 --> 00:23:21.799
There's no it was. It was wild, but it was
469
00:23:21.839 --> 00:23:24.839
so much fun. And I just remember coming back physically
470
00:23:24.880 --> 00:23:28.680
exhausted from trying to climb an ice hill with plastic
471
00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:31.119
bags on my feet. And she'd make us this like
472
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.880
non dairy hot chocolate. We'd have movie nights. So it's
473
00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:38.160
just very simple times. Yeah, I remember so fondly and
474
00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:42.200
like just enjoying. But I think one of the difficult
475
00:23:42.279 --> 00:23:47.720
time things for me is I was the oldest, and
476
00:23:48.440 --> 00:23:53.759
I think when parents have kids really young, sometimes it
477
00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:57.000
feels like you're raising each other because you both. I mean,
478
00:23:57.000 --> 00:24:00.319
my parents had me and their frontal lobes weren't even developed. Yeah,
479
00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:02.839
so you know what I mean. So it's like, all right,
480
00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:07.480
let's slow down. So I think one of the challenging
481
00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:10.720
things for me when I was younger is I witnessed
482
00:24:11.119 --> 00:24:17.200
a lot of fighting and yelling and I can't imagine
483
00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:20.839
the kind of like now as an adult, who I'll
484
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:23.640
be forty this year, I'm like, oh my god. I
485
00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:25.880
was like when my parents were about to turn my age.
486
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:28.400
I was about to be twenty, you know what I mean.
487
00:24:28.599 --> 00:24:31.000
It's like so much living and I've been growing up
488
00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:33.119
the last twenty years, and they had to sort of
489
00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:35.880
when parents have kids so young, they have to pause
490
00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:38.799
some of their development to help kids develop, and it's
491
00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:41.559
this whole thing. So it was a very loud, very
492
00:24:42.759 --> 00:24:46.079
at times, very loving, but still the kid also very
493
00:24:46.119 --> 00:24:50.880
explosive and right. I've over the years have been accused
494
00:24:50.920 --> 00:24:55.279
of someone who like yells or gets loud, and I'm like, listen.
495
00:24:55.599 --> 00:24:58.839
I have never heard you yell.
496
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:01.519
I'm pretty good. I've gotten very good at it. But
497
00:25:01.640 --> 00:25:05.799
I do respond with that like why would you like,
498
00:25:05.960 --> 00:25:09.759
you know, raising my voice, And I just tell people
499
00:25:09.880 --> 00:25:12.359
it's a it's an emotional response. I'm really good about
500
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:15.720
not calling names and not saying things that I regret,
501
00:25:15.839 --> 00:25:18.599
but I still have to be very intentional not to
502
00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:22.240
let my volume go up. And so that's really the
503
00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:25.599
biggest thing. We did get spanked, and we got spanked
504
00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:29.240
in ways that I don't think is appropriate at all,
505
00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:35.319
like with weapons. Basically, we had my parents. I think
506
00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:36.880
I think if my mom and dad listened to this,
507
00:25:37.759 --> 00:25:42.720
I don't understand. Well they they had like this, we
508
00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:44.880
had this bunk bed, and so they took the bunk
509
00:25:44.920 --> 00:25:47.759
beds apart, and there was these pieces of wood that
510
00:25:47.920 --> 00:25:50.640
shut them together. And so my dad took that piece
511
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:53.200
of wood. We're talking like a two by four, like
512
00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:54.599
as long as a baseball bat.
513
00:25:54.839 --> 00:25:56.440
Donald They're going to go looking for our parents.
514
00:25:57.240 --> 00:26:01.079
He sawed a handle in it with his table saw
515
00:26:01.519 --> 00:26:04.599
so that it could be our paddle. And it was
516
00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:11.200
real like nowadays you would be in trouble, but we
517
00:26:11.359 --> 00:26:17.759
when most of the time, like you know, it was
518
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:19.680
just it's sort of like that line where back in
519
00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:21.960
the day you beat your kids, but I wouldn't say
520
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:25.559
it was like when people are literally throwing their children
521
00:26:25.640 --> 00:26:29.480
and like really hardcore abuse. That times were different. And
522
00:26:29.559 --> 00:26:33.960
my mom, I will give her props because again my
523
00:26:34.039 --> 00:26:38.039
mom is my favorite person in the world, but she
524
00:26:38.680 --> 00:26:43.000
also comes from a loud family that but when she
525
00:26:43.160 --> 00:26:45.960
was mad, she would take that paddle before if she
526
00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:49.559
was going to use it and hit herself to remember
527
00:26:50.359 --> 00:26:53.000
this is I could hurt someone with this, and so
528
00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:55.759
then if we got spanked by her. At that time,
529
00:26:56.839 --> 00:27:00.319
she was much more gentle because she loved a guess
530
00:27:00.359 --> 00:27:02.720
bruise on her leg. I was like, okay, let me
531
00:27:02.759 --> 00:27:03.720
not do that to my children.
532
00:27:03.880 --> 00:27:05.680
Really, she was like, they hit me first.
533
00:27:05.920 --> 00:27:10.000
Yeah, right, But so the biggest I think the biggest
534
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:12.720
thing for me was just there was a lot of yelling.
535
00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:15.400
And most of the yelling that was hard for me
536
00:27:15.559 --> 00:27:19.079
at the time was actually from my parents when they
537
00:27:19.119 --> 00:27:24.039
would be fighting with each other. So you know, when
538
00:27:24.039 --> 00:27:27.799
you're the oldest, you just kind of it's like watching
539
00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:29.759
it go down and you feel like what's going to happen.
540
00:27:29.839 --> 00:27:32.480
You're unsure, and you don't have a lot of context
541
00:27:32.599 --> 00:27:36.559
around adult conversations, and so that's probably was the hardest
542
00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:39.480
thing at that time that I.
543
00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:41.720
Get that because that same thing, like my dad didn't
544
00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:43.880
have anybody else to yell at because him and my
545
00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:46.680
mom got divorced when I was two, So we took
546
00:27:46.720 --> 00:27:50.880
a lot of that. And I'm like you too, where
547
00:27:53.279 --> 00:27:57.400
I have to be very careful about my response because
548
00:27:57.400 --> 00:28:00.640
I'm quick to yell, I'm quick to defend, uick to fight,
549
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:04.640
But that's the environment I grew up in. But also
550
00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:09.960
I'm the third so I'm the baby. I'm the fixer. Yeah,
551
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:12.559
I always want to make everything better, and I think
552
00:28:12.599 --> 00:28:15.160
even now you probably see that in my personality a lot.
553
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:18.960
Like when there's a problem, I don't really focus on
554
00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:21.720
the problem. I'm like, okay, but it's gonna be okay,
555
00:28:21.720 --> 00:28:23.599
and like here's what we could do to fix it,
556
00:28:23.640 --> 00:28:25.480
and like here's how it's gonna be better, and here's
557
00:28:25.480 --> 00:28:27.519
how we're gonna get by. But I think it's because
558
00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:30.079
I got very used to being the young one that
559
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:35.720
was always trying to calm things down. Make it better
560
00:28:37.319 --> 00:28:40.880
to divert the attention to something else, because we got
561
00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:45.720
spanked to the weapon was there was no weapon. It
562
00:28:45.720 --> 00:28:48.440
was my dad's hand. I got back handed quite a bit,
563
00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:51.480
got my hair pulled a lot. Backhanded when you have
564
00:28:51.519 --> 00:28:55.240
braces really sucks. Talk about a fat lip, but you
565
00:28:55.240 --> 00:28:58.960
want to talk about psychological warfare. Gave me laugh about
566
00:28:58.960 --> 00:29:02.839
this now, but I under listen. I'm not laughing, like
567
00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:07.000
this is funny. But if usually we all got in
568
00:29:07.039 --> 00:29:11.319
trouble together, me, Kayley and Bobby, so it would be like, oh,
569
00:29:11.319 --> 00:29:14.200
you're getting in trouble, you're gonna get spanked. My dad
570
00:29:14.200 --> 00:29:16.319
would make us bend over the couch, so you'd have
571
00:29:16.359 --> 00:29:18.519
to like put your hands on the couch and bend over,
572
00:29:18.799 --> 00:29:20.680
and he would tell you how many spankings you were
573
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:22.599
going to get. Are you getting two? Are you getting three?
574
00:29:22.640 --> 00:29:24.880
Or you getting five? But mind you, if you're the
575
00:29:24.960 --> 00:29:27.079
third one, you have to watch the first two getting
576
00:29:27.119 --> 00:29:28.519
hit because we all had to bend over at the
577
00:29:28.519 --> 00:29:30.079
same time and you had to just put your hands
578
00:29:30.079 --> 00:29:30.960
on the couch and wait.
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To get hit. And you know he wasn't gentle about it,
590
00:30:07.559 --> 00:30:10.559
and so you know, you're watching the first one whack cry,
591
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:12.960
and you got to bend over again and take the
592
00:30:13.079 --> 00:30:15.599
second or the third, and then the next person. And
593
00:30:15.680 --> 00:30:18.079
if you flinch and he missed you, you got hit again.
594
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:20.640
And if you put your hands back there to cover
595
00:30:20.680 --> 00:30:23.400
your butt, you'd get hit again. And so it was like, well,
596
00:30:23.440 --> 00:30:25.920
these are normal reactions.
597
00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:28.480
Like, yeah, you're asking me to fight human instinct.
598
00:30:30.319 --> 00:30:33.079
I'm going to try to protect us, try to protect
599
00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:39.400
myself a little bit, like give me some credit. So, yes,
600
00:30:39.759 --> 00:30:44.400
those things are all. There's so much that you know,
601
00:30:44.480 --> 00:30:46.599
has been had to be unpacked over the years, and
602
00:30:46.680 --> 00:30:49.119
I don't think I really started to unpack it for
603
00:30:49.200 --> 00:30:53.559
myself until maybe three or four years ago, and when
604
00:30:53.559 --> 00:30:55.559
I started doing more of the personal development and going
605
00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:59.680
to the seminars and stuff, like, something was said that
606
00:30:59.720 --> 00:31:01.640
was really profound. It was like, it's not that your
607
00:31:01.680 --> 00:31:05.880
parents don't love you. They can only love you like
608
00:31:05.960 --> 00:31:07.720
the best that they were loved or the way that
609
00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:11.160
they were taught. And like you said, different generation, but
610
00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:14.519
then you go back another generation to their generation and
611
00:31:14.559 --> 00:31:16.720
their parents growing up through the Great Depression and what
612
00:31:16.799 --> 00:31:19.240
was that like and all that, and again it's not excuses,
613
00:31:19.319 --> 00:31:26.839
but it was like, yeah, you're having expectations, You're wanting
614
00:31:26.920 --> 00:31:33.240
them to be something that they're just not capable of being.
615
00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:36.559
That they didn't grow up with that. And so it's
616
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:40.359
really made me try even more. I mean with Dom,
617
00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:43.480
I'm always you know, hugs and tell them how much
618
00:31:43.519 --> 00:31:45.359
I love them and tell them how proud I am.
619
00:31:45.720 --> 00:31:52.640
But I do yell sometimes, like ah, and I try
620
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:54.640
to be better about that, and the second it happens,
621
00:31:54.759 --> 00:31:58.319
I try to catch myself doing it and I'm sorry,
622
00:31:58.319 --> 00:32:02.400
dom honey, Okay, mom's having a frustrating day. Let me
623
00:32:02.400 --> 00:32:04.039
take a week. Let's talk about this.
624
00:32:04.880 --> 00:32:09.359
You know what's interesting the whole yelling thing, which was
625
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:13.319
hard as a kid. And by the way, like, I
626
00:32:13.480 --> 00:32:16.960
really have such a good relationship with my parents now,
627
00:32:17.000 --> 00:32:18.880
and I think they did an amazing job. There was
628
00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:23.160
a lot complicated, but the yelling and the loudness that
629
00:32:23.319 --> 00:32:27.119
was difficult when it was over those like emotional things
630
00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:30.599
that they were experiencing. Also, what I loved about my
631
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:33.400
family is when we were happy, we were together, we
632
00:32:33.400 --> 00:32:38.079
were loud, like ha ha, everybody talking. Just the noise
633
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:40.640
level was so up, and I loved that. It made
634
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:43.720
me feel like that's what I associated with family coming
635
00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:46.240
together and love. So in a way, it's like the
636
00:32:46.279 --> 00:32:51.319
same characteristic. It's just how it's how someone expresses those feelings.
637
00:32:51.359 --> 00:32:54.480
If it's if it's happiness, they're loud. If it struggle,
638
00:32:54.519 --> 00:32:57.799
they're loud. And you know, and now I get that,
639
00:32:59.519 --> 00:33:01.400
but at the time time it was just like, yeah,
640
00:33:01.440 --> 00:33:05.359
when someone's upset, you're like, please don't be upset. Yeah.
641
00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:08.359
Same by the way my Grandma's house on Sundays holidays,
642
00:33:08.720 --> 00:33:12.359
like you don't even know what they got, Somebody saying
643
00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:14.160
one thing, somebody else tries to join in, You're like,
644
00:33:14.200 --> 00:33:16.839
that's not even what is being talked about. But the
645
00:33:16.920 --> 00:33:18.880
decibel was always.
646
00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:22.559
Yeah, through the charts. I think for me. Another unique
647
00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:25.920
thing about my childhood well two things, honestly. One is
648
00:33:25.960 --> 00:33:30.519
my mom homeschooled all three of us and so anyone
649
00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:34.640
who and we did meet homeschoolers growing up who were
650
00:33:34.680 --> 00:33:39.519
all like, very well behaved, but it was also kind
651
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:43.160
of like are you guys robots because missing that loud
652
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:47.200
like yeah, because you know, we were just very free
653
00:33:47.480 --> 00:33:49.720
in some ways. Some people might think we weren't as
654
00:33:49.759 --> 00:33:52.720
disciplined because my mom was like done. I'd be like
655
00:33:52.839 --> 00:33:55.720
what you know what I mean? Where my with the
656
00:33:55.720 --> 00:33:58.319
homeschool friends I know, would get in trouble if they
657
00:33:58.319 --> 00:34:01.920
said what to their parent, you show up next by
658
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:04.039
their side, you know. So it was just sort of
659
00:34:04.039 --> 00:34:08.360
that liveliness that I appreciated. But being homeschooled with my brothers.
660
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:12.400
That put strain on the family dynamic because I really
661
00:34:12.440 --> 00:34:19.719
do think an educational teacher, like a proper teacher, and
662
00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:22.800
a parent kind of played two different roles, and so
663
00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:25.280
the lines were so blurred and my mom would be like,
664
00:34:25.880 --> 00:34:30.920
why aren't you respecting me as your teacher? And it's like,
665
00:34:30.960 --> 00:34:33.719
because you're my mom, you know what I mean? You know,
666
00:34:33.800 --> 00:34:36.400
it's like you just think you get away with things
667
00:34:36.400 --> 00:34:38.719
like kids always act a little bit worse with their
668
00:34:38.760 --> 00:34:42.800
parents than their babysitter or something like that. Yeah, So
669
00:34:43.400 --> 00:34:47.119
that was that was a dynamic that made it challenging.
670
00:34:47.199 --> 00:34:51.559
But we worked through over time because my mom because
671
00:34:51.599 --> 00:34:54.480
I because I finished schooling and my mom put my
672
00:34:54.519 --> 00:34:57.320
brothers in school. Like ethics I've done.
673
00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:59.440
I couldn't imagine. I mean, Don's homeschool, but like I'm
674
00:34:59.440 --> 00:35:03.280
not his teacher. Sure, yeah, first of all, good luck
675
00:35:03.320 --> 00:35:06.280
in the real world. Kid.
676
00:35:05.760 --> 00:35:07.000
I like to work out.
677
00:35:07.119 --> 00:35:09.800
Yeah you should learn about weightlifting, because that's all I
678
00:35:09.800 --> 00:35:14.719
got geometry, What are you nuts? But yeah, he has
679
00:35:14.760 --> 00:35:18.559
a teacher, and it is a very different relationship. I
680
00:35:18.599 --> 00:35:21.239
will say though, going back to like cause I'm talking
681
00:35:21.239 --> 00:35:22.920
a lot about my dad's side of the family because
682
00:35:23.039 --> 00:35:24.880
my dad raised us, and that's who we lived with.
683
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:28.320
Because my mom got remarried, she moved away. But there
684
00:35:28.400 --> 00:35:31.119
was a time when we were little before she had
685
00:35:31.159 --> 00:35:34.000
other kids that like, or I should I shouldn't say
686
00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:36.000
other kids, my little brother and sister who I love dearly.
687
00:35:36.719 --> 00:35:38.800
But there was a time like when it was just me,
688
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:42.119
Bobby and Kaylee that we did like so many fun
689
00:35:42.119 --> 00:35:44.719
things like I just think back, like Saturday Morning cartoons
690
00:35:44.880 --> 00:35:47.519
or like I mean, depending on how old you are
691
00:35:47.519 --> 00:35:50.519
listening to this, we had VHS tapes, but we didn't
692
00:35:50.559 --> 00:35:53.079
even have I think I've talked about this in other episodes,
693
00:35:53.119 --> 00:35:54.880
Like we didn't have a VHS player, so we would
694
00:35:55.079 --> 00:35:57.639
like on Saturdays, we would go to the movie store.
695
00:35:57.760 --> 00:35:59.760
Wasn't even Blockbuster, it was like some family owned thing,
696
00:35:59.800 --> 00:36:02.360
and we would rent the VHS player. We would rent
697
00:36:02.760 --> 00:36:05.440
the VHS tape, like what movie are we gonna watch?
698
00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:09.199
And we loved all those like Caddie Shack and like
699
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:13.000
I would care Bears and like the Great Outdoors, like
700
00:36:13.079 --> 00:36:16.440
just those really fun funny I'm pretty sure they let
701
00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:19.800
us watch porky things that we probably allowed to watch,
702
00:36:20.039 --> 00:36:22.559
but you know, like getting those in giant bag of
703
00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:26.559
stale popcorn and like huddling around because when my mom
704
00:36:26.599 --> 00:36:28.280
would come in town because my mom didn't live there
705
00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:31.239
in Ohio anymore, she moved away, she would stay at
706
00:36:31.239 --> 00:36:32.880
my grandma's house. So we would be at my grandma's
707
00:36:32.920 --> 00:36:35.280
house and we would sleep on like the pull out
708
00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:38.320
bed and just like fun. Like there was definitely fun,
709
00:36:39.760 --> 00:36:42.760
so much fun. There was so much fun in it. Yeah,
710
00:36:43.000 --> 00:36:48.039
but there's also just a lot of growing up faster.
711
00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:52.199
There were struggles with money. There was getting jobs younger
712
00:36:52.199 --> 00:36:56.000
than most kids would need a job. There was just
713
00:36:56.719 --> 00:37:01.599
a lot more like latchkey kid mm hmm, with you know,
714
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:04.519
like okay, you're you guys are on your own. I
715
00:37:04.519 --> 00:37:07.480
mean even my dad. That restaurant would close, my dad
716
00:37:07.519 --> 00:37:10.000
would send us upstairs because we lived above it and
717
00:37:10.039 --> 00:37:13.199
there was a bar next door mm hmm, and my
718
00:37:13.239 --> 00:37:15.880
dad would be over there like me Kayley and Bobby
719
00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:18.599
was like, I remember, this is crazy. I remember when
720
00:37:18.679 --> 00:37:23.440
nine one one was invented, invented, invented, like it wasn't
721
00:37:23.480 --> 00:37:28.280
a thing until what did people call operator?
722
00:37:30.119 --> 00:37:30.880
It's so funny.
723
00:37:31.559 --> 00:37:33.639
I'm serious, Like I remember it was like a thing,
724
00:37:33.719 --> 00:37:35.800
and I remember my dad showing us like if there's
725
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.559
an emergency. What number do you dial? And we had
726
00:37:38.559 --> 00:37:40.280
like a sticker that was put on the phone that
727
00:37:40.360 --> 00:37:44.000
was like nine to one one like. But my dad
728
00:37:44.000 --> 00:37:45.719
would go on dancing in the flats till like three
729
00:37:45.719 --> 00:37:48.320
o'clock in the morning with his friend me Kayle and
730
00:37:48.320 --> 00:37:49.559
Bobby just put ourselves in bed.
731
00:37:49.800 --> 00:37:50.239
Mm hmm.
732
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:53.519
I think back about it now, Dom's sixteen and I'm like,
733
00:37:53.559 --> 00:37:55.119
I'm gonna go to the grocery store. Are you good?
734
00:37:55.239 --> 00:37:57.280
You want to come with me? M m like.
735
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:03.639
Yeah. My parents were mostly they didn't really do that,
736
00:38:04.000 --> 00:38:05.880
but when my dad put us to bed, they were.
737
00:38:07.239 --> 00:38:08.800
But my dad put us to bed, it was like
738
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:10.480
these kids need to go to bed. I'm talking the
739
00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:15.880
street lights warning. I'm like, Dad, are you serious? My
740
00:38:16.000 --> 00:38:18.159
dinner plates only half been. It's just like time to
741
00:38:18.199 --> 00:38:22.119
go to bed. But my mom would let us stay up,
742
00:38:22.599 --> 00:38:25.079
and my parents were cool. I started negotiated with them
743
00:38:25.119 --> 00:38:26.559
pretty young because I was the oldest, so I was like,
744
00:38:26.599 --> 00:38:29.639
I should get an older later bedtime than my brothers.
745
00:38:29.960 --> 00:38:33.320
But my mom, when we were little, we'd always like
746
00:38:33.400 --> 00:38:36.320
pulled up, we're hungry, and my dad would be so
747
00:38:36.440 --> 00:38:40.000
mad if she'd give us anything. So when he left
748
00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.519
the room, she started sneaking, this is so disgusting mayonnaise sandwiches,
749
00:38:44.519 --> 00:38:48.760
because that's what we loved, probably back to the episode,
750
00:38:48.800 --> 00:38:55.719
and I was like, why do I like cheap sandwiches?
751
00:38:56.840 --> 00:38:59.119
But we were a miracle whip family for some reason.
752
00:38:59.159 --> 00:39:03.960
But yeah, so it like all that was really just
753
00:39:04.239 --> 00:39:06.239
for some reason. I remember that so fondly, and just
754
00:39:06.280 --> 00:39:08.519
laying there in your bed with the crumbs on your
755
00:39:08.559 --> 00:39:10.360
bellow of your mayonnaise sandwich.
756
00:39:11.639 --> 00:39:14.320
My dad is a clean freak. Actually, both my parents
757
00:39:14.360 --> 00:39:20.079
are like clean freaks that would have never flown.
758
00:39:20.559 --> 00:39:23.920
Yeah, I'm lucky that my parents weren't. Our house was.
759
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:28.480
Our house was the fun loose house. Like kids would
760
00:39:28.480 --> 00:39:32.360
come over and I'm talking walk in our door without
761
00:39:32.400 --> 00:39:35.559
knocking and walk in the kitchen and say hi to
762
00:39:35.639 --> 00:39:37.320
my mom and open the fridge and grab.
763
00:39:37.119 --> 00:39:38.559
An app Oh okay, I get it.
764
00:39:38.599 --> 00:39:40.400
And my mom loved that though she wanted to be
765
00:39:40.480 --> 00:39:42.920
a house where the neighborhood everyone felt, all the kids
766
00:39:42.920 --> 00:39:46.519
felt comfortable, and she actually so, I have two younger brothers,
767
00:39:46.519 --> 00:39:52.760
but she started homeschooling two other kids who were having
768
00:39:52.760 --> 00:39:56.440
trouble in school. Wow, and some one of them would
769
00:39:56.519 --> 00:39:59.360
take to our grandparents on the holidays and everything because
770
00:39:59.360 --> 00:40:01.920
they didn't have a great family life, and so it
771
00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:07.000
was sort of like a little like half adopted, you know, sister.
772
00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:09.960
I never had a sister, and so she was she
773
00:40:10.119 --> 00:40:12.480
was always there, so it was cool. There's a lot
774
00:40:12.480 --> 00:40:16.960
of love in that house, a lot of it's funny.
775
00:40:17.000 --> 00:40:19.239
Like I said, it's sort of like they say, the
776
00:40:19.400 --> 00:40:23.119
same well that you pull, like you can only feel
777
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:26.960
a deep emotion of love and joy as deep as
778
00:40:27.000 --> 00:40:29.639
you felt pain and sorrow, like you pull from the
779
00:40:29.679 --> 00:40:31.800
same well. And I feel like that I just am
780
00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:33.920
realizing in real time while we're talking about it, that
781
00:40:34.079 --> 00:40:37.960
intense like sometimes arguing or how you react, that's also
782
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:40.559
how we express love and passion in that way for
783
00:40:40.639 --> 00:40:41.000
each other.
784
00:40:41.119 --> 00:40:43.840
So I think that carries through now though, even in
785
00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:46.599
relationships that we have now. Like I think both of
786
00:40:46.679 --> 00:40:50.039
us are just very like passionate people. Like so you
787
00:40:50.119 --> 00:40:52.840
love hard, yeah, but that means when you love hard
788
00:40:52.840 --> 00:40:54.039
and you're passionate.
789
00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:54.719
Sometimes you fight hard.
790
00:40:54.760 --> 00:40:57.400
Sometimes you fight hard, yeah, and that's unfortunate.
791
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801
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But hopefully the love comes out on top. Obviously.
802
00:41:33.639 --> 00:41:37.199
Yeah, I think I would say the biggest struggle for
803
00:41:37.320 --> 00:41:41.679
me as a teenager. We were very religious and I
804
00:41:41.760 --> 00:41:45.039
was gay, and I didn't know I was gay, So
805
00:41:45.119 --> 00:41:49.280
there was this like thing about me that just wasn't
806
00:41:49.360 --> 00:41:52.880
fitting and didn't I didn't. There was a lot of
807
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:57.480
turmoil there, and so I think really my part of
808
00:41:57.480 --> 00:42:01.960
my childhood was confusing, and then I had all kinds
809
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:03.719
of growing up to do when I became an adult
810
00:42:03.760 --> 00:42:06.920
and started to understand and accept who I was. But
811
00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:08.679
I kind of feel like a lot of people, whether
812
00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:12.079
even if they're not gay or it's something like that,
813
00:42:12.119 --> 00:42:15.960
there's this point of growing up when you're being raised
814
00:42:15.960 --> 00:42:19.119
by your parents and then you enter the real world
815
00:42:19.239 --> 00:42:20.760
and you grow up in a whole new way.
816
00:42:20.880 --> 00:42:24.840
Growing up as you like really finding you.
817
00:42:25.599 --> 00:42:29.320
Yeah, yeah, so your teen years.
818
00:42:29.639 --> 00:42:32.880
Well, so once Kaylee left for college, it was really
819
00:42:32.960 --> 00:42:34.599
hard because it was like it was just me and
820
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:36.599
the house with my dad and my brother and my dad,
821
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:38.440
like I said, he was really strict, like that just
822
00:42:38.639 --> 00:42:41.360
is what it was. And I had never lived with
823
00:42:41.400 --> 00:42:43.480
my mom, like I said, they got divorced when I
824
00:42:43.519 --> 00:42:45.400
was two. We would go back and forth a little bit,
825
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:47.079
but then she moved to another state by the time
826
00:42:47.079 --> 00:42:50.920
I was seven. So right before, like two months before
827
00:42:50.920 --> 00:42:53.519
my sixteenth birthday, I got in a big fight with
828
00:42:53.519 --> 00:42:54.800
my dad and I was like, I want to go
829
00:42:54.880 --> 00:42:56.519
live with mom. And that was a hard one and
830
00:42:56.559 --> 00:42:59.039
I look back on it, and that's hard because I
831
00:42:59.119 --> 00:43:01.960
was pretty brutal to my dad about like I don't
832
00:43:01.960 --> 00:43:03.719
want to be with you. I want to go live
833
00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:07.639
with mom, because you know, it was just I had
834
00:43:07.639 --> 00:43:10.239
been through it for all the love and all the stuff,
835
00:43:10.320 --> 00:43:14.960
like I just there was no female in the house.
836
00:43:16.079 --> 00:43:16.320
Ever.
837
00:43:16.400 --> 00:43:21.360
Remarry he did, and that didn't last long. He married
838
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:27.119
my sister's best friend's mom. We got episodes for Days Dye.
839
00:43:27.880 --> 00:43:32.880
I go in so many places with these things, but
840
00:43:33.079 --> 00:43:36.320
I also just wanted to, like I knew my mom
841
00:43:36.360 --> 00:43:38.639
would let me have way more freedom, And so I
842
00:43:38.679 --> 00:43:41.960
did go live with my mom and I had a
843
00:43:41.960 --> 00:43:45.199
lot more freedom, but it was it was also it
844
00:43:45.239 --> 00:43:47.039
was still I have like, look, you know, I have
845
00:43:47.079 --> 00:43:49.280
a lot of abandonment issues. I have a lot of
846
00:43:51.559 --> 00:43:57.519
issues around feeling loved or feeling used to get love
847
00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:00.559
kind of things. So, like even living with my mom,
848
00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:06.159
very quickly became did she want me to come live
849
00:44:06.199 --> 00:44:08.320
with her because she really wanted her daughter to come
850
00:44:08.360 --> 00:44:10.280
live with her, or did she want to do it
851
00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:13.039
to piss my dad off? Because my parents always fought
852
00:44:13.119 --> 00:44:15.960
like from the time they got divorced, like they're a
853
00:44:15.960 --> 00:44:18.280
little bit more tolerable now, like they can be like
854
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:21.400
at like when we got married, you know, like they
855
00:44:21.440 --> 00:44:23.159
could be at the wedding together and stuff like that.
856
00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:25.360
But these are not people that get along. It's not
857
00:44:25.400 --> 00:44:27.559
like me and Kent. And so there was like this
858
00:44:27.599 --> 00:44:30.239
feeling of, oh, did she actually want me here or
859
00:44:30.679 --> 00:44:32.960
was this more of a f you to my dad
860
00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:34.800
of like, hash, she doesn't want to beat with you.
861
00:44:35.400 --> 00:44:39.239
And then also quickly became like am I the living
862
00:44:39.320 --> 00:44:44.039
housekeeper and nanny because like her and my stepdad would
863
00:44:44.079 --> 00:44:45.519
go do things and I would baby sit my little
864
00:44:45.519 --> 00:44:49.400
brother and sister. And I had no problem with chores,
865
00:44:49.480 --> 00:44:51.039
obviously my dad had been making me do it my
866
00:44:51.039 --> 00:44:54.239
whole life. But like coming home being at a friend's
867
00:44:54.239 --> 00:44:56.679
house having eaten dinner out, they ate dinner, but she
868
00:44:56.800 --> 00:45:00.480
left all the dishes for me to do, and I'm like, yeah,
869
00:45:00.519 --> 00:45:05.559
that's I do your dishes. Yeah, you know, like or
870
00:45:06.239 --> 00:45:09.039
just like again scrubbing all the bathrooms and then like
871
00:45:09.079 --> 00:45:10.960
my stepdad would come in and check it and be
872
00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:14.119
like it's not good enough, and you know, do you
873
00:45:14.199 --> 00:45:16.119
want to be good or do you want to be great?
874
00:45:16.280 --> 00:45:20.280
I'm like me, yes, literally, I don't know a fuck
875
00:45:20.360 --> 00:45:23.239
about this bathroom. Like it's not like dirt. I mean
876
00:45:23.360 --> 00:45:25.639
like I had cleaned it, but like it was one
877
00:45:25.679 --> 00:45:28.039
of those things where it was just like it felt
878
00:45:28.039 --> 00:45:30.199
like a control thing. And then even like when I
879
00:45:30.199 --> 00:45:33.519
got my driver's license, they had two cars. My stepdad
880
00:45:33.519 --> 00:45:35.960
did very well. My mom didn't work. They had a
881
00:45:36.000 --> 00:45:38.519
Porsche and my mom had a SOB. Those were the
882
00:45:38.519 --> 00:45:41.559
only two cars. So if I needed to drive, I
883
00:45:41.559 --> 00:45:43.440
would drive my mom sob. The Porsche was a stick.
884
00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:46.440
I didn't know how to drive that. But like they
885
00:45:46.480 --> 00:45:49.880
made me pay for insurance on both of those cars.
886
00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:52.199
I had to pay my own insurance on both of
887
00:45:52.239 --> 00:45:55.079
those cars. I couldn't drive that Porsche. Why am I
888
00:45:55.119 --> 00:45:57.639
even insured on that? Like I don't even know to
889
00:45:57.639 --> 00:45:59.280
this day if I actually was insured or if they
890
00:45:59.320 --> 00:46:03.719
just wanted me paying more money. Yeah, like crazy things
891
00:46:03.760 --> 00:46:07.039
like that, Like they had health insurance for my little
892
00:46:07.039 --> 00:46:09.159
brother and sister, but they wouldn't get me health insurance.
893
00:46:09.159 --> 00:46:12.239
And at one point I woke up one day, I
894
00:46:12.360 --> 00:46:15.480
was sixteen. I had come home from work. I worked
895
00:46:15.519 --> 00:46:17.320
at Steak and Shake, and I had like a couple
896
00:46:17.360 --> 00:46:19.199
of little bumps on my stomach and I was like, Mom,
897
00:46:19.239 --> 00:46:20.960
I've got like this rash. And she's like, oh, that's weird,
898
00:46:20.960 --> 00:46:22.719
and gave me ben drill and we put some cortisol
899
00:46:22.760 --> 00:46:25.760
on it, and it kind of kept getting worse, And
900
00:46:25.800 --> 00:46:27.880
when I woke up the next morning, my face was
901
00:46:27.920 --> 00:46:30.760
the size of a balloon and I was covered head
902
00:46:30.800 --> 00:46:35.480
to toe in bumps. That would probably be an indication
903
00:46:35.519 --> 00:46:38.239
to take your kid to the emergency room. She didn't.
904
00:46:38.280 --> 00:46:39.760
She gave me more bend a drill and kept me
905
00:46:39.800 --> 00:46:44.559
home from school. And the next day and the next day.
906
00:46:45.000 --> 00:46:47.440
It was my junior year. I couldn't miss school, and
907
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:50.280
it was homecoming week and I was missing all the
908
00:46:50.320 --> 00:46:52.599
fun and finally I was like fuck it, like I'm
909
00:46:52.639 --> 00:46:54.840
gonna go to school. And I made it through one
910
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:57.039
class and the itching was so bad I couldn't take it,
911
00:46:57.079 --> 00:46:58.760
and I went to the nurse's office and the nurse
912
00:46:58.800 --> 00:47:01.559
when I walked in was like and she was like,
913
00:47:02.679 --> 00:47:04.880
what is going on? Why haven't you been to a doctor.
914
00:47:04.880 --> 00:47:07.679
You have scarlet fever? And I was like what, because
915
00:47:07.719 --> 00:47:10.719
I didn't have any symptoms of like basically, she said
916
00:47:10.760 --> 00:47:12.360
I had. I don't know if it actually was scarlet
917
00:47:12.360 --> 00:47:13.920
fever or not, but I had the rash that goes
918
00:47:13.960 --> 00:47:15.800
along with strep throat, but I didn't have a sore
919
00:47:15.840 --> 00:47:21.079
throat or a fever. But still I went three days
920
00:47:21.119 --> 00:47:23.480
with my face swollen the size of a balloon, covered
921
00:47:23.760 --> 00:47:25.840
head to dot. The only places that didn't have bumps
922
00:47:25.840 --> 00:47:27.239
were the palms of my hand and the bottom of
923
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:30.039
my feet. And she was mad that she had to
924
00:47:30.039 --> 00:47:32.000
take me to the doctor. And it was a four
925
00:47:32.079 --> 00:47:36.039
hundred dollars doctor bill. Yeah, so it's stuff like that, that.
926
00:47:36.119 --> 00:47:39.440
Is like, and they had the money, so they had
927
00:47:39.480 --> 00:47:39.920
the money.
928
00:47:40.480 --> 00:47:42.920
This was not a I mean, my little brother and
929
00:47:42.920 --> 00:47:45.039
sister went to like the private little Montessori schools and
930
00:47:45.039 --> 00:47:46.960
weren't dressed so cute, and my mom was just like,
931
00:47:47.760 --> 00:47:52.639
this was not a struggle. H So yeah, there, like
932
00:47:52.679 --> 00:47:55.280
there are things like that. So I liked that I
933
00:47:55.320 --> 00:47:58.159
had more freedom and I had more friends and I
934
00:47:58.199 --> 00:48:00.360
was able to go do more things, but I still
935
00:48:00.400 --> 00:48:03.239
had this I could not wait to be on my own,
936
00:48:03.559 --> 00:48:06.400
like when I went to like I could like I
937
00:48:06.719 --> 00:48:08.599
went to college. I was seventeen when I went to college.
938
00:48:08.599 --> 00:48:10.280
I turned eighteen to college. I mean I got stories
939
00:48:10.280 --> 00:48:12.480
for days, like I would work my ass off, I
940
00:48:12.519 --> 00:48:14.239
saved all my money. I remember at one point my
941
00:48:14.280 --> 00:48:16.400
mom wanted to buy a wig for herself. Mind you,
942
00:48:16.519 --> 00:48:18.719
there was nothing wrong. She'd cut her hair, she wanted
943
00:48:18.760 --> 00:48:22.119
long care. She had all these tricks about like taking
944
00:48:22.159 --> 00:48:24.119
money out against the credit card at the grocery store
945
00:48:24.159 --> 00:48:25.760
because it just looked like it was the grocery bill,
946
00:48:26.360 --> 00:48:28.559
and then like even like borrowing cash for me to
947
00:48:28.559 --> 00:48:29.920
be able to buy this wig. And I'm like, bitch,
948
00:48:29.960 --> 00:48:32.320
I'm trying to save to go to college, and you're
949
00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:35.760
borrowing because you don't want your husband to see that
950
00:48:36.000 --> 00:48:38.880
you are buying a wig. That's like four hundred dollars,
951
00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:40.679
you know, Like people will say to me all the time,
952
00:48:40.719 --> 00:48:42.480
like you don't talk about your mom, or I can't believe,
953
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:43.960
like I even have people on Mother's Day like I
954
00:48:44.000 --> 00:48:46.880
can't believe you didn't. I'm like, look, I've got a
955
00:48:47.000 --> 00:48:51.480
very complicated relationship that got more complicated when I became
956
00:48:51.519 --> 00:48:54.000
a mom, because once I was a mom, that was like, oh,
957
00:48:54.039 --> 00:48:57.079
there's certain things I don't understand. Yeah, you know, like
958
00:48:57.199 --> 00:48:59.320
it's hard enough to understand it already, but then once
959
00:48:59.360 --> 00:49:03.639
you have a baby, You're like, there is nothing I
960
00:49:03.679 --> 00:49:08.360
wouldn't do for this child. Yeah, So I don't understand
961
00:49:08.360 --> 00:49:12.000
how you could be any how you could anything other
962
00:49:12.039 --> 00:49:12.280
than that.
963
00:49:12.679 --> 00:49:19.920
Yeah, I always I feel yeah, And I really empathize
964
00:49:19.960 --> 00:49:24.400
with everyone who's gone through that split, like parents who separate,
965
00:49:24.480 --> 00:49:27.519
because I didn't have to deal with that, and it
966
00:49:27.760 --> 00:49:31.000
seems like something that would be so hard.
967
00:49:31.719 --> 00:49:33.719
I was two when it happened, so I don't really
968
00:49:33.719 --> 00:49:37.599
remember my parents getting divorced, like I don't. Kaylee remembers that,
969
00:49:37.719 --> 00:49:40.400
Bobby remembers it a little bit more, and they've got
970
00:49:40.440 --> 00:49:44.000
all their own baggage around it. I don't remember that.
971
00:49:44.159 --> 00:49:47.320
I just know they didn't get along they never have.
972
00:49:48.199 --> 00:49:50.519
They kind of started getting along when Kaylee had my
973
00:49:50.679 --> 00:49:53.320
first nephew, when so their first grandkid. They kind of
974
00:49:53.320 --> 00:49:55.960
were like more tolerable towards each other, like you said,
975
00:49:56.000 --> 00:49:59.079
though they were young. Yeah, and again these are so
976
00:49:59.320 --> 00:50:01.360
I can I've gotten to the point I could say this,
977
00:50:02.079 --> 00:50:04.599
I've gotten to the point where I can forgive, but
978
00:50:04.679 --> 00:50:07.159
I can also recognize where I have to keep certain
979
00:50:07.159 --> 00:50:10.440
space because I've tried. We've tried to work through some things,
980
00:50:10.480 --> 00:50:14.400
my mom and I and it's like how many times
981
00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:16.519
am I going to get hurt? You know? It's like
982
00:50:16.559 --> 00:50:17.960
I try and then it's like a.
983
00:50:19.719 --> 00:50:19.760
No.
984
00:50:21.599 --> 00:50:25.800
So I can have love for the person that she is,
985
00:50:25.840 --> 00:50:27.440
but also acknowledge.
986
00:50:27.519 --> 00:50:29.320
That you need boundaries.
987
00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:34.000
Yeah, Like there's just certain things that that are never
988
00:50:34.039 --> 00:50:38.639
going to be okay that I can't get past or
989
00:50:38.679 --> 00:50:41.159
that even just right now, like even at this age
990
00:50:41.199 --> 00:50:43.880
and with what I do. And I mean again, I
991
00:50:43.920 --> 00:50:45.880
got stories for days and I'm not going down all
992
00:50:45.920 --> 00:50:46.760
these rabbit holes.
993
00:50:46.800 --> 00:50:50.239
But uh, how much of an impact do you think
994
00:50:50.599 --> 00:50:52.400
your childhood has on your life today?
995
00:50:52.880 --> 00:50:57.079
I think it has a huge impact, both positive and negative.
996
00:50:57.119 --> 00:51:01.519
But I would say ultimately more for the positive, meaning
997
00:51:02.760 --> 00:51:04.400
I love the way I grew up with my dad.
998
00:51:04.440 --> 00:51:06.119
I'm so happy that I was raised by my dad
999
00:51:06.159 --> 00:51:08.239
and my dad's side of the family. My dad's mom,
1000
00:51:08.360 --> 00:51:10.519
my grandma. She's not with us anymore, but that was
1001
00:51:10.519 --> 00:51:13.159
like my second mom. And my aunts are amazing and
1002
00:51:13.239 --> 00:51:16.480
like we have a family reunion. I'm so excited. When
1003
00:51:16.480 --> 00:51:17.800
when I was little, ILL tell you one quick story.
1004
00:51:17.840 --> 00:51:19.559
When I was little, my aunt Ange had a best
1005
00:51:19.559 --> 00:51:22.039
friend forever and ever and ever. Her name's Connie, and
1006
00:51:22.920 --> 00:51:26.400
they had this big, beautiful house in Florida, Jacksonville, and
1007
00:51:26.719 --> 00:51:28.440
all of us went and stayed at her house. And
1008
00:51:28.480 --> 00:51:30.239
when I say all of us, I mean like fifteen
1009
00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:33.320
of us. And it was utter chaos for a week
1010
00:51:33.400 --> 00:51:36.800
and it was the best time ever. And when I
1011
00:51:36.840 --> 00:51:39.920
bought my house in Florida, I bought a pretty big
1012
00:51:39.960 --> 00:51:42.320
house down there for a reason. I always had that
1013
00:51:42.360 --> 00:51:44.239
in my mind and I was like, I want my
1014
00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:45.960
family to come there. I want to be able to
1015
00:51:45.960 --> 00:51:48.360
have all my friends. You know, We've had multiple birthday
1016
00:51:48.360 --> 00:51:51.679
parties for friends there and stuff like that. And I'm
1017
00:51:51.679 --> 00:51:55.039
selling that house now. And I said to my family
1018
00:51:55.119 --> 00:51:58.199
a couple months ago, I was like one last one
1019
00:51:58.239 --> 00:52:00.840
because two years ago for Christmas. Bunch of them came,
1020
00:52:00.920 --> 00:52:03.639
but my dad's never seen that house. He's never he's
1021
00:52:03.679 --> 00:52:06.679
never been to it. A couple of times he was
1022
00:52:06.679 --> 00:52:08.400
supposed to come, and you know, he ended up with
1023
00:52:08.440 --> 00:52:12.679
medical issues and couldn't come. So June second through the
1024
00:52:12.719 --> 00:52:20.719
eighth we're doing this huge family trip aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings,
1025
00:52:21.679 --> 00:52:24.119
and I know it's going to be utter frigging chaos
1026
00:52:24.679 --> 00:52:27.920
and I cannot wait. Like so I think, for the
1027
00:52:27.960 --> 00:52:30.079
most part, like there's so much love and joy and
1028
00:52:30.119 --> 00:52:33.079
family and things that I like and good that they
1029
00:52:33.159 --> 00:52:35.440
gave me and how I want to be. And but
1030
00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:39.159
then there is from both of my parents, I very
1031
00:52:39.280 --> 00:52:42.280
much learned how I didn't want to be like as
1032
00:52:42.320 --> 00:52:44.519
a parent, I very much learned how I didn't want
1033
00:52:44.559 --> 00:52:46.280
to be and I don't want to do that. And
1034
00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:47.599
I want to be here for dom and I want
1035
00:52:47.599 --> 00:52:48.840
to be able to give him this and I want
1036
00:52:48.880 --> 00:52:52.639
to be able to look back and have these certain things.
1037
00:52:52.719 --> 00:52:54.639
But I also got my work ethic from my dad.
1038
00:52:54.679 --> 00:52:57.280
You know, he had restaurants and you know, there was
1039
00:52:57.320 --> 00:53:00.599
nothing that was above him in terms of making sure
1040
00:53:00.639 --> 00:53:04.119
he could take care of us. So I do think
1041
00:53:04.119 --> 00:53:07.280
my childhood shape very much the woman I am today,
1042
00:53:08.639 --> 00:53:10.360
and I think all of us are like that, and
1043
00:53:10.400 --> 00:53:12.239
there's going to be good and there's going to be bad.
1044
00:53:12.320 --> 00:53:15.599
And the more you dig into the all of it,
1045
00:53:16.000 --> 00:53:18.519
and the more you dig deeper into the hard and
1046
00:53:18.679 --> 00:53:22.840
at least like again, I'll use the word process it,
1047
00:53:22.880 --> 00:53:25.760
but like acknowledge it, learn from it, because sometimes we
1048
00:53:25.880 --> 00:53:28.880
just shove it in there and we don't really analyze
1049
00:53:28.960 --> 00:53:30.880
it and how it affects us. The more you can
1050
00:53:30.920 --> 00:53:33.480
do that and learn from it, then the better person
1051
00:53:33.519 --> 00:53:35.920
you get to come on the other side. Yeah, what
1052
00:53:36.039 --> 00:53:38.480
about you, How do you feel it affected?
1053
00:53:39.320 --> 00:53:45.159
I think really positively, like the struggle. The thing is,
1054
00:53:45.599 --> 00:53:48.199
you have so much more context as an adult because
1055
00:53:48.239 --> 00:53:50.079
all of a sudden you're like, oh, I'm my parents'
1056
00:53:50.079 --> 00:53:52.360
age when this is happening. I don't have as much
1057
00:53:52.480 --> 00:53:56.440
judgment and the way that something happened. But you know,
1058
00:53:56.519 --> 00:53:59.800
like the fact that the perfect words weren't always said
1059
00:54:00.119 --> 00:54:03.119
or whatever it might be, you really get like, Okay,
1060
00:54:03.159 --> 00:54:05.639
they needed time and space and they were surrounded by
1061
00:54:05.679 --> 00:54:09.039
three very close in age kids with the responsibilities. The
1062
00:54:09.039 --> 00:54:12.840
whole thing so really good. I don't have a kid,
1063
00:54:12.960 --> 00:54:17.199
so I don't have the how does it affect how
1064
00:54:17.239 --> 00:54:20.199
I raised someone. But it is interesting to look back
1065
00:54:20.239 --> 00:54:23.039
at pieces of me then that were misunderstood and see
1066
00:54:23.039 --> 00:54:26.079
how they represent I remembered I think I was ten.
1067
00:54:26.199 --> 00:54:30.440
I was ten years old and I wanted to carry
1068
00:54:30.599 --> 00:54:32.800
This is one of an example of how I was different.
1069
00:54:32.800 --> 00:54:35.239
I was just thinking of this recently. I wanted to
1070
00:54:35.239 --> 00:54:38.519
carry a purse because I thought purses were so cool,
1071
00:54:38.960 --> 00:54:41.159
and I had these reasons. My mom was like, and
1072
00:54:41.199 --> 00:54:43.480
I'm really proud of my mom because we grew we
1073
00:54:43.480 --> 00:54:46.599
were in a very religious home. And that's another episode,
1074
00:54:47.880 --> 00:54:50.960
and it's something that might have really intimidated or scared
1075
00:54:51.000 --> 00:54:55.000
a lot of moms in her position. But I always
1076
00:54:55.039 --> 00:54:59.239
felt loved by her, even if not fully understood. She
1077
00:54:59.679 --> 00:55:02.480
did everything she could to love and understand me. So
1078
00:55:03.679 --> 00:55:06.679
she didn't know how to respond to me wanting to
1079
00:55:06.719 --> 00:55:10.719
carry a purse, and so she talked to this woman
1080
00:55:10.760 --> 00:55:12.440
in our church and she was like, well, why don't
1081
00:55:12.440 --> 00:55:12.880
you get.
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Bag like a backpack because it can carry things and
1092
00:55:47.719 --> 00:55:50.480
some more normal and people won't. And I was like, yeah, okay,
1093
00:55:50.559 --> 00:55:52.800
and my mom got me and my brother Kenny these
1094
00:55:52.840 --> 00:55:55.639
little and they were still, honestly kind of girly because
1095
00:55:55.639 --> 00:55:58.199
they were like the little miniature backpacks that oh kids
1096
00:55:58.239 --> 00:56:01.679
would wear. But it's funny now because I realize I
1097
00:56:01.719 --> 00:56:04.039
have a bag with me almost everywhere I go, and
1098
00:56:04.079 --> 00:56:08.119
I'm like, that was just me. And so I'm thankful
1099
00:56:08.159 --> 00:56:11.239
because there were things about myself that I really resented
1100
00:56:11.280 --> 00:56:15.159
when I was little, for being different where my parents
1101
00:56:15.199 --> 00:56:17.840
at the time couldn't understand, and just the world wasn't
1102
00:56:17.960 --> 00:56:20.440
I wasn't in a place in the world where it
1103
00:56:20.440 --> 00:56:24.079
could make sense then, But it makes sense now and
1104
00:56:24.679 --> 00:56:30.039
all of the trauma that happened in everyone's childhood, but
1105
00:56:30.039 --> 00:56:33.480
in my childhood learning who I am, I now can
1106
00:56:33.679 --> 00:56:36.599
see the pieces come together, and I feel like, all
1107
00:56:36.639 --> 00:56:40.840
things considered, I wouldn't change the way any of that happened,
1108
00:56:41.320 --> 00:56:44.559
right same, you know, like I really feel like it
1109
00:56:44.719 --> 00:56:47.039
shaped me. I feel like sometimes you need a couple
1110
00:56:47.079 --> 00:56:50.639
of hard knocks too, and that's good for you. I
1111
00:56:50.679 --> 00:56:55.320
think like understanding that people can get loud or people
1112
00:56:55.320 --> 00:56:57.880
can lose their temper and still love you is a
1113
00:56:57.880 --> 00:57:00.320
good thing that some people might not understand. This a
1114
00:57:00.320 --> 00:57:03.079
lot that I take from that. But I look back
1115
00:57:03.119 --> 00:57:05.880
at myself as a kid, and parts of me as
1116
00:57:05.920 --> 00:57:09.280
a kid that I didn't love, And now I'm like,
1117
00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:13.280
actually I just didn't understand. Now, right, look at me.
1118
00:57:13.400 --> 00:57:15.199
I love myself so well.
1119
00:57:15.239 --> 00:57:17.199
And that's all part of growing up. And you know,
1120
00:57:18.480 --> 00:57:22.360
I think you could probably look at anybody's childhood and go,
1121
00:57:23.679 --> 00:57:25.840
this is why I say we shouldn't judge people, right
1122
00:57:25.840 --> 00:57:27.960
because you just don't know. You don't know all the
1123
00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:30.400
pieces that led to who they are today or what
1124
00:57:30.480 --> 00:57:33.280
they're dealing with today. You know, I made the joke
1125
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:34.840
about the thing my dad's a pain of my ass,
1126
00:57:34.840 --> 00:57:37.360
and like all the stuff I'm dealing with with the
1127
00:57:37.559 --> 00:57:40.000
old condo, right Like, there's like and you know, there's
1128
00:57:40.039 --> 00:57:42.639
all this baggage around that and like taking care of
1129
00:57:42.719 --> 00:57:45.599
him now and you know, hurt feelings from the past,
1130
00:57:45.639 --> 00:57:47.760
but still love. And then you could probably look at
1131
00:57:47.760 --> 00:57:50.280
somebody that grew up very wealthy and they might they
1132
00:57:50.360 --> 00:57:53.719
might have trauma around that because maybe their parents weren't around,
1133
00:57:53.840 --> 00:57:56.239
or maybe it was colder, or maybe it was more
1134
00:57:56.280 --> 00:57:58.960
of a nanny taking care of them than it was
1135
00:57:59.000 --> 00:58:01.719
getting the love and attention and from their parents, you know, like,
1136
00:58:02.239 --> 00:58:05.440
or maybe the expectations are so high that like, I
1137
00:58:05.599 --> 00:58:08.400
achieve this, and you have to achieve this. And you
1138
00:58:08.400 --> 00:58:09.960
know what if somebody wants to be a teacher and
1139
00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:12.079
their parents like, no, you have the family business.
1140
00:58:12.079 --> 00:58:12.519
You know, like.
1141
00:58:13.000 --> 00:58:17.840
Everybody's got their stuff. And I hope one of the
1142
00:58:17.920 --> 00:58:20.760
messages that somebody could take listening to this right now
1143
00:58:20.840 --> 00:58:23.079
is like we're laughing about it, you know, we're sort
1144
00:58:23.119 --> 00:58:27.079
of reminiscing, but like a little more compassion, a little
1145
00:58:27.079 --> 00:58:33.199
bit more open mindedness about just not judging the book
1146
00:58:33.239 --> 00:58:38.159
by its cover, trying to understand somebody, and that we're
1147
00:58:38.199 --> 00:58:42.000
all just working from what we've got. Yeah, you know,
1148
00:58:42.000 --> 00:58:44.800
we're all just working to be better, and some of
1149
00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:47.119
us are at different places in the healing journey or
1150
00:58:47.159 --> 00:58:49.599
the learning about yourself journey. Like a lot of people,
1151
00:58:49.880 --> 00:58:52.360
I was one of them. I didn't want to dig in.
1152
00:58:52.400 --> 00:58:53.880
I didn't want to learn about that. A lot of
1153
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:59.079
it was too painful to go into. So you know,
1154
00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:01.920
it's a beautifull mess. That's how I look at it. Yeah,
1155
00:59:01.960 --> 00:59:04.000
it was a beautiful mess and it still is. And
1156
00:59:04.039 --> 00:59:06.119
I kent and I joke and I'm like, I don't
1157
00:59:06.119 --> 00:59:08.079
know how we messing them up today. You know, I'm
1158
00:59:08.079 --> 00:59:08.960
doing the best I can.
1159
00:59:10.199 --> 00:59:12.000
That's what I always encourage, Like I don't I don't
1160
00:59:12.039 --> 00:59:13.960
have a kid, but I encourage my friends who are
1161
00:59:14.079 --> 00:59:18.679
parents or just casually like clients. But it's not my
1162
00:59:18.840 --> 00:59:21.480
role as their coach. But if we're just chatting, it's
1163
00:59:21.519 --> 00:59:26.719
like everybody traumatizes their kid in some way, and it's
1164
00:59:26.760 --> 00:59:29.960
like what I know about my parents is and I'm
1165
00:59:30.039 --> 00:59:32.719
lucky because I know this isn't everyone's story, but that
1166
00:59:32.800 --> 00:59:36.360
they love me and as much as they might have
1167
00:59:36.480 --> 00:59:40.119
fought with me, they would fight for me also and
1168
00:59:40.159 --> 00:59:42.400
like throw down, So I'm happy to have that rowdy
1169
00:59:42.440 --> 00:59:42.920
throw down.
1170
00:59:44.119 --> 00:59:46.119
Sometimes you just got to go exactly for it.
1171
00:59:47.639 --> 00:59:51.639
So it's been I really I love talking about childhood
1172
00:59:51.800 --> 00:59:54.920
I've appreciated talking about it with you because it gives
1173
00:59:54.920 --> 00:59:58.679
so much context, Like even just for friends to open
1174
00:59:58.760 --> 01:00:02.280
up about where the came from, what that part of
1175
01:00:02.320 --> 01:00:04.440
their life looked like, how it might have shaped them.
1176
01:00:04.719 --> 01:00:07.280
Because all of our lives, I think there's gonna be
1177
01:00:07.280 --> 01:00:09.800
little pieces where it's like, oh, that's something that I
1178
01:00:09.840 --> 01:00:12.360
need to address from back then, you know.
1179
01:00:12.440 --> 01:00:14.760
Yeah, And it also helps you understand your friend that
1180
01:00:14.840 --> 01:00:19.599
much better. Like, like I said, I've never heard you yell. Literally,
1181
01:00:19.599 --> 01:00:22.039
I've never heard you yell, but I guess if I did,
1182
01:00:23.159 --> 01:00:27.639
I would probably, knowing how you grew up, I wouldn't
1183
01:00:27.679 --> 01:00:30.920
take it as a personal thing. I would just understand.
1184
01:00:31.000 --> 01:00:34.639
Like that's a innate response. I'm sure you probably feel
1185
01:00:34.639 --> 01:00:37.760
that you've seen it. I'm sure you've seen I know
1186
01:00:37.800 --> 01:00:40.840
you've seen me, like have my moments.
1187
01:00:40.960 --> 01:00:43.800
Yeah, and I understand them. I feel like because of
1188
01:00:43.840 --> 01:00:47.920
where I come from, yeah, understanding that volume. And it
1189
01:00:48.000 --> 01:00:49.760
is funny too, because when people are be like you
1190
01:00:49.840 --> 01:00:53.400
yelled at me, I'm like, bitch, you have not seen
1191
01:00:53.840 --> 01:00:57.559
Yeah you heard nothing yet, Honey.
1192
01:00:58.159 --> 01:01:04.119
That was okay? You want to go there?
1193
01:01:04.840 --> 01:01:06.920
Yeah, well this is fun.
1194
01:01:07.599 --> 01:01:10.599
This has been fun. I hope you guys enjoyed hearing
1195
01:01:10.639 --> 01:01:15.119
about our childhood, the good, the bad, the messy. If
1196
01:01:15.159 --> 01:01:18.280
something resonates with you, as always, you can write into
1197
01:01:18.360 --> 01:01:22.199
us at Everything's Perfect Podcast at gmail dot com. We'd
1198
01:01:22.239 --> 01:01:23.239
love to hear from you.
1199
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