Asking for Help – How Do I Ask for Advice, an Introduction, or a Favor?

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Hello, everybody.
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Welcome to your favorite podcast, Aren't You Tired Of?
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And today we are going to get into the topic of asking for help.
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Maybe you need some advice.
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Maybe you want an introduction.
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Maybe you just need a favor.
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It can be hard to do.
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And since Mark and I have been both the askers and the asky, we're going to dive into this topic, give you some good tips, good ideas.
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Now, I want to welcome my co-host, Mark Benton.
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Mark Benton.
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Hello.
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Mark.
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Okay.
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For those of you who are watching on video and Spotify or YouTube, you might notice that our friend Mark has had a little makeover.
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Here you go.
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Hairs change a little.
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Tell tell the listeners what we have going on.
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Well, if you've seen our image, uh, I've had locks um for about seven years and they, you know, kind of a little beyond my shoulder.
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And I guess at the end of August, I made a change.
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I cut them off.
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You went to Harry Styles and you just decided I'm going to go.
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I went to New York to see Harry and had a great time and was tooling around New York and it was hot.
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Yes.
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And I kept having to put the hair up, and I was like, you know what?
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It might be time.
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Now, before we go to our topic, there was one other shocking thing you told me about your hair.
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Yes.
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And that was that you that I cut it myself.
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I thought you'd gone to this like when you said you posted this picture.
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I thought, oh, you've gone to some just amazing stylist in New York.
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No.
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Not what happened.
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Not what happened.
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I got home after that long weekend and just was looking in the mirror and been thinking about it for a little bit.
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Like maybe it might be time for a change.
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Yeah, hair can grow back.
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And uh I just picked up a pair of scissors and started and then didn't have a plan.
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That's the problem.
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Well, it looks great.
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Thank you.
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Thank you.
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It looks great.
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Yeah, thank you.
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I had a trusty doll when I was growing up that you know, you push the button and her hair grew.
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I cut her hair.
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It did not grow back.
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It did not grow back.
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No.
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Not even if you hit the button and turned it, it didn't grow back.
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Trusty ended up with just a little, just a little plume.
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Just trust.
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Trusty.
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Trusty.
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Trusty.
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Anyway, sorry for the diversion.
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But now let's get back to the topic, everybody.
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So you want to ask for advice, an introduction, or a favor, or if you might be on the other end of that too.
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How do you manage it?
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We're talking a little bit of both.
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Yeah.
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So let's start off with how people think about this topic.
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And Mark, we're gonna kick this around.
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I don't know about you, but I've always I've always been flattered.
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I've been happy to help people.
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Yeah.
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Tons of people help me.
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I always felt like that you're kind of supposed to help.
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So nobody has ever I've never been annoyed by a request.
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Have you for advice?
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Um I'm thinking you had a face, right?
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I had a face.
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Yeah.
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No, I'm always happy to um, when asked, offer advice, um, counsel, guidance.
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In fact, it's actually where I get most of my energy.
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Absolutely.
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Like, you know, if if someone comes to me or they need some help and I'm in that moment of being able to help, then absolutely.
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And someone told me a long time ago that if you have the time to give, be generous.
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Yeah.
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A good leader, um a good human is is generous with their time if they have it.
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So I I think my reaction was that I am good to give my time if the person is um I'm going to use my time and use my advice.
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And use it wisely.
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Yeah, I think that's one of the things we want to talk about.
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Yeah how can you make sure that that is a productive and helpful, helpful conversation.
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I also think when you have a demanding schedule and you're going full blast, like you're talking about where you get energy, there have been many times I have felt, yeah, huh, this is a nice breather for me.
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This is a good break for me from all of the other just full throttle meetings.
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Yeah.
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I can have a nice chat with somebody and it's a good break and it gives you a little bit of energy.
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And it's not a problem.
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Yeah.
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Well, and and I think we'll we'll probably get into this, but I think it's interesting that you're saying it's a nice breather because I also think based on your schedule, when I'm probably most stressed and pressed and don't have a lot of time, when the ask comes in, I used to say yes, and then I probably wasn't at my best.
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And I didn't I didn't mean to rhyme that there for a second.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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You know, but I think I've also now become very close to those times and I I know when to say, you know what, not now.
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Yes.
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Or can I later refer you to someone else who might that I know will do the job, you know, and do the work well and and you know, be a thought partner with you.
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So uh we can get into it, but I I think I've been on both sides of I'm happy to do it, or where it feels a little burdensome.
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It can.
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And I think too, you if you're asking for advice, you got to realize you are not going to be at the top of the list.
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You're gonna have to be patient and get that.
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You know, the other thing too, and I'm curious what you think about this, is I have found the most common reason why people don't want to ask is they think they are going to annoy somebody.
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Or I or maybe deep down, yeah, I don't want to ask for help.
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I've I I am I've got it myself.
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I can do it myself.
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I'm self-reliant.
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Yeah.
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It's gross to go ask for help all the time.
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I don't like it.
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I can think of multiple people who I've been friends, mentors.
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I that is, they don't want to do it.
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I think that that's key.
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And and you know, in my house, we we call that not thinking you need the help, not wanting to ask for help.
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We we call that a little bit of hubris.
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Yes, yeah, that's probably true.
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Yeah, but that big ego, I don't want to be I don't want to be asking you.
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Yeah, because I got it.
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I got it, you know.
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I I think that's it.
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And and I I think you have to watch out for that.
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But the other thing too is I I've said this a lot.
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Um, and I don't know who said this.
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It's not mine, but I've used it.
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Closed mouths don't get fed.
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Meaning, if you don't ask, you you don't get you're not you're not gonna get it.
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You're not gonna get it.
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Closed mouths don't get fed.
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So you need to ask, especially if you're wanting to.
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Yeah.
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You need to.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So I think that's, you know, we've talked about two watch outs for sure.
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Yeah.
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One of them is that thinking nobody is wants to give you advice.
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They're too busy, they don't want to give advice.
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We sort of said true.
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Yeah.
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The other one is not wanting to ask for help.
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And the third one I want to think of is the biggest watch out is don't be so transactional.
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What do you mean?
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What do you mean by that?
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Well, I mean like I'm gonna treat you, I'm looking for a job, I'm gonna treat you like a little ATM machine.
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I'm gonna come and I'm gonna ask you advice.
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Yeah, and we're gonna talk about what to do about that.
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How do you avoid that?
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Yeah.
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But I come and I get this great advice from you, Mark, and poof, I'm off.
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Yeah.
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And you never hear from me again until two years later when I'm decided that job wasn't right for me, and I'll be calling you again.
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Yeah, and and maybe that's what I was talking about when we started the conversation about when it just it doesn't feel like uh it's it's a connection and and that it's it's a oh a help.
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It it feels like if it feels like a tick the box, yeah, or it feels like you know, you felt obligated to reach out, um, then I feel obligated to talk and tell.
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And yeah.
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So I mean, I I think all three of those, you know, you're worried about I'm bothering the person, or you know, you don't feel like you need to ask, or coming across as transactional.
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I I could see people absolutely, you know, kind of getting hung up in those.
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And, you know, it makes me wonder how do you make the ask then?
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Let's talk about that.
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Okay, let's dive right in.
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How do you do it in a way that if you're you're asking a favor of somebody, yeah, most likely to get the best result?
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Yeah, well, I the first thing that I think is so important is transparency is a sign of respect.
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Right.
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So if I need your help, I'm gonna be, you know, direct.
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I'd like your help.
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Here's the situation I'm dealing with, here's the thing that I'm trying to navigate through.
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And I either uh value your perspective or uh you you may be, you may not have a lot of experience in it, but um, you know, you got a great perspective, or you do have a lot of experience.
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And so therefore I want to, you know, learn and glean from that.
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I think that how you ask is equally as important as you know how you engage in the conversation.
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I I don't know for you, like you know, how do you do it?
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Do you think about, well, I'm gonna do it ver I mean a lot of work we do is virtual now.
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Yeah.
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Right.
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Most of it is, yeah.
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Yeah.
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Well, I think uh for starters, I know I always encourage people is if you're gonna go out, you need new information, you need advice.
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Yeah, you're gonna you need a favor is to separate out the advice givers from the connectors.
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Okay.
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And what I mean by that is advice givers might be you just need somebody to brainstorm with.
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Maybe it's somebody who has done what you've done, maybe it's somebody who knows you really well.
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Yeah.
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Um and then the connectors are the people that you hope might make the introduction, might know what you're looking for, uh, might be a future client.
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And so if you separate those two, to me, those are pretty different conversations.
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Yeah.
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You know what I mean?
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Well the second one, the connector conversation, you know, that kind of bleeds into, you know, the whole networking too.
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Almost the dirty word of networking, but it is true.
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It is about it.
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If you are having a you I hope this person might be able to connect you or maybe help you in your field, make an introduction.
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Yeah.
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And if I come into you and I say, you know, Mark, yeah, I don't really know what I want to do next.
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You know, I'm thinking about it and I I just feel like I don't like it where I am.
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I might have a nice conversation with you.
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The chances of you being able to help me are absolutely zero because you have no clue what I what I'm wanting to do or what my goals are.
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I'm not ready for that conversation.
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Yeah.
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You know what I mean?
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What I'm about to say is probably not going to be helpful at all.
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But it's like, I don't want you to come in underprepared, but I also don't want you to come in over-prepared.
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Yeah, so both.
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Like you just talked about the person that feels like they're just winging it, you know, and just kind of they don't know what they want, and you, you know, and all that.
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But then the person that comes in and they've got, you know, their you know, little visual and their notes, or they've sent me, you know, uh 10 pages of something to read beforehand, and then they start talking and never take a breath, and that also wears me out.
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Well, and you have to have the friend you are it's a favor.
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Yeah.
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I am asking you a favor.
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If I come, that's right, you're doing me a favor, it's not uh not the other way around.
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So you gotta figure that out.
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But I do think because the types of conversations you're gonna have are different with those two people.
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Yeah.
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And um, I know when I uh started my business at you know, at that point, I kind of separated people from people who are in my field, connectors, maybe potential clients, from people who are just uh they had started businesses, maybe in a completely different industry or they knew me really well.
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And so I kind of segmented like who's uh who's in kind of that um advice giver, give me a perspective, things to think about from people who might say, you know, I think you I think you ought to pursue this company or this person is someone you should meet because they they could be a potential client.
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It's just a different that's that's good.
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That's you know also being pretty strategic.
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It's like what's your plan to win around how you want to use the ask, the the connection.
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And and I do think you need to be planful.
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I I think coming prepared when you ask for someone's time, right?
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Obviously be respectful for their time, but you want to come in with, you know, here's what I'm trying to do.
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Yeah.
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Here's a little bit of context.
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And then the reason why I'm coming in you is because, you know, you have this perspective, or you've done this, or uh, I value, you know, your point of view.
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And then you you kind of get into the conversation, and I think it's important to just be prepared and planned.
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Um, but you know, I think sometimes what can get in our way is when we don't prepare.
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Like I think about work conversations where people have come to me for career advice or in the role that I have in human resources, you know, you're always put, you know, sometimes not even planned, you're put in a position to give coaching or career advice or whatever.
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And a lot of times when people come kind of a cold call or they've set up time, uh, I start doing something now where I'll say, you know, one first, how can I help you?
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You know, a little chit-chat, whatever we get to know each other, and I'll say, Hey, so how can I help you?
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And then, you know, either they'll take that bite and they'll say, Well, I'm actually wanting to talk to you because of X, Y, and Z.
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Yeah.
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This is what I need, or I hear, or I was referred to, or so-and-so made the introduction.
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Or um what has happened is when, well, I wanted to talk to you about my career, and I've seen what you've done, and that's been real interesting.
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And then I want to do this and I want to try to, you know, and then I saw that this, and then this over here looks interesting.
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And then I've been thinking like that, I think is where I then pause them, kind of also where they are in their career.
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Because typically, you know, people that have kind of been around the block a few times, you know, not their first rodeo, as we say, um, they're a little bit more practiced at it.
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But the people that, you know, aren't as practiced or they're still this is new for them, you know, I'll just kind of say, Well, what what do you want?
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Yeah.
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You know, I just kind of start there, and that can sometimes help hone people in.
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And I think, you know, uh when we need to talk about how we actually have the conversation, but I think it starts before you ever get there.
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It does.
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Before you make the ask, yeah.
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What are you looking for from this person?
00:14:23.759 --> 00:14:27.039
And if you are truly in brainstorming mode, I think there's a couple of things.
00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:32.559
I I can remember I was talking to somebody not too long ago, and they had somebody they wanted to go talk with.
00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:38.000
Well, this person was a really key connector, a really very well-regarded person in their space.
00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:38.320
Yeah.
00:14:38.559 --> 00:14:41.919
It's like you're gonna get one shot at that person.
00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:45.919
Do you want to use it before you kind of have your thoughts together?
00:14:46.159 --> 00:14:48.159
And I think you're given that example exactly.
00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:49.679
That's a key.
00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:52.720
Yeah, you're not gonna go back to them again two months later.
00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:57.440
So kind of think about, I would kind of separate out what is it that you want.
00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:59.440
And it's okay if you don't know.
00:14:59.759 --> 00:15:15.039
Um, but I also think the other thing I would encourage before we actually get into any how you have the conversation is um I always tell people don't think you have to know, like if it's a job change or career change, that's an easiest one for us to talk about.
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:19.919
I have to have this job and this industry, yeah, and it needs to be a private company.
00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:21.279
Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:30.639
But you do need to, if you can narrow down, you know, like I am interested in a project manager or an IT implementation manager.
00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:33.279
I have a workday background, that's where I'm headed.
00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:33.759
Yeah.
00:15:34.080 --> 00:15:38.639
Then that that can help people uh know what to do with it.
00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:49.279
So don't think you have I guess my point is don't think, especially if you're going for advice, yeah, but you gotta give them something, or otherwise you're just gonna, you're not gonna have a productive conversation.
00:15:49.679 --> 00:15:50.320
I think you're right.
00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:52.320
I think you have to give them something.
00:15:52.399 --> 00:16:05.840
And I and I think w, you know, before we kind of talk about, you know, how to have you know the conversation itself, I think walking in and knowing what's the outcome, right?
00:16:05.919 --> 00:16:07.440
That I want to get from the individual.
00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:15.840
Yeah, that is adding value not only for me and my needs, but for them as well.
00:16:16.159 --> 00:16:26.320
I love those people that, you know, they will save time and say, you know, you've helped me, or you know, you've given me this advice, or you know, thanks for this contact, or whatever that you're gonna make.
00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:27.919
Um, how can I help you?
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:28.559
Yeah.
00:16:28.799 --> 00:16:30.879
You know, and most people, and that's been it's really good.
00:16:31.200 --> 00:16:31.600
It's been great.
00:16:31.679 --> 00:16:31.759
Yeah.
00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.720
Before we get to the actual conversation, here's one.
00:16:35.120 --> 00:16:43.039
So when you make the ask, yeah, you're gonna ask to you're gonna ask for a Zoom, a Teams, uh video call.
00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:48.399
Are you gonna ask for what's how are you gonna determine whether you're gonna try to see if they'll make time for coffee?
00:16:48.639 --> 00:16:48.879
Yeah.
00:16:49.120 --> 00:16:51.360
What what how are you gonna filter that?
00:16:51.600 --> 00:17:00.799
Yeah, for me, uh you know, most of the people that I'm engaging with, they just have really busy schedules, you know, and and the people that I'm seeking advice from.
00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:06.000
And so typically I'm going to maybe set up something virtual.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:06.400
Yeah.
00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:06.960
Right.
00:17:07.200 --> 00:17:16.400
Uh if it's like a breakfast or a coffee or a meal where we could, you know, be in person, that tends to be a little harder for me.
00:17:16.480 --> 00:17:22.640
And and I find it hard to schedule because, you know, the people around my circle and that I'm connecting with, they're just really busy.
00:17:22.880 --> 00:17:23.359
Nobody has time.
00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:24.880
You know, and they don't have time for that.
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:31.519
But typically people can do a quick Zoom call, 30 minutes, 15 minutes or whatever.
00:17:31.759 --> 00:17:40.319
The coffee, honestly, for me, I reserve that for someone that I have known.
00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:44.319
You know, like, yeah, I'll have the Zoom call or the virtual call with anybody.
00:17:44.480 --> 00:17:51.279
But if it's coffee and we're sitting down person to person, then that's usually someone I've kind of have a relationship with.
00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:53.119
Yeah.
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:53.920
Oh, for sure.
00:17:54.079 --> 00:17:57.759
And I think most people in business, everybody is used to working virtually.
00:17:58.240 --> 00:18:00.319
That's that's kind of how we we work.
00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:06.160
So I don't think that's an you know, that it doesn't put you at a big disadvantage because they're probably not out having coffee with tons of people.
00:18:06.400 --> 00:18:11.039
Now, on the personal front or in the in your community, you there there may be more flexibility.
00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:14.559
Like if you have someone, yeah, it's easier to pull that off.
00:18:14.720 --> 00:18:15.039
Right.
00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:26.480
But um I think that's right, because I I can remember times when I was trying to um when I was really involved with um a church that we were going to, and a lot of them, it was in person.
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:35.440
You know, and and we weren't really doing a lot of virtual calls then, but it was also that connection, that that face-to-face time that mattered.
00:18:35.519 --> 00:18:39.279
And and to some people, that that's what I think that's one thing you need to know.
00:18:39.440 --> 00:18:41.680
Like ask the person, what would you prefer?
00:18:41.759 --> 00:18:42.640
What do you have time for?
00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:43.119
Exactly.
00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:44.559
I think that's totally, totally good.
00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:47.759
And by the way, just a hot tip.
00:18:47.920 --> 00:18:49.759
Yeah, this is a Dallas reference.
00:18:49.920 --> 00:18:55.599
If the person that you want to meet with, yeah, they are actually in the office in uptown.
00:18:55.839 --> 00:18:57.680
Yes, which is near downtown.
00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:01.279
Don't if you don't be saying, Hey, oh, well, thank you.
00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:02.799
I'm so glad you can meet for coffee.
00:19:02.960 --> 00:19:10.640
How about you want to meet me up in Plano, which for non-Dallas people, that could be independent of the time of day, good 45 minutes away.
00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:10.799
Right.
00:19:11.039 --> 00:19:16.000
And you're asking the other person to now spend an hour and a half commuting to meet you.
00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:18.720
So it's it's your corner, well, you know, Starbucks.
00:19:19.039 --> 00:19:21.359
Yeah, I'm happy to talk with you, but let me tell you what I'm not gonna do.
00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:22.720
I'm not driving all over.
00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:23.920
I'm not driving all over.
00:19:24.079 --> 00:19:27.039
No, you're gonna, and I think that's back to remembering it's a favor.
00:19:27.200 --> 00:19:28.400
Yeah, you gotta go to them.
00:19:28.480 --> 00:19:28.640
Yeah.
00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.279
Don't and I've had we happen, actually.
00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:32.640
Well, me too.
00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:34.400
And I've been like, oh my goodness.
00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:35.119
Goodness.
00:19:35.359 --> 00:19:40.319
And then just for fodder, you make me drive, and then you show up late.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:41.359
Oh, don't do it.
00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:42.000
Terrible.
00:19:42.160 --> 00:19:42.480
Terrible.
00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:43.839
Well, you're not gonna get the favor.
00:19:43.920 --> 00:19:44.160
No, no.
00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:46.240
So you've yeah, you burn that bridge.
00:19:46.480 --> 00:19:47.519
So, okay.
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:50.480
So you're trying to make contact.
00:19:50.880 --> 00:19:57.119
Any other things you can think of that can get in your way to ever getting to the do you can you meet for coffee?
00:19:57.440 --> 00:19:57.680
Right.
00:19:57.759 --> 00:20:00.799
So what works for them, scheduling it around them.
00:20:00.960 --> 00:20:05.279
So also, you know, where if you're gonna meet in person, you know, where you meet.
00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.160
Um, I think being flexible with their schedule.
00:20:08.240 --> 00:20:15.839
Like I always like when people knowing that I'm busy, people that I ask knowing they're busy, here are my availabilities.
00:20:16.319 --> 00:20:17.839
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:19.039
And I I put it out there.
00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:20.240
What might work for you?
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:20.640
Yes.
00:20:20.960 --> 00:20:22.880
If you've already given them your commented off.
00:20:23.200 --> 00:20:25.039
This is yeah, this is what I can do.
00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:26.880
Yeah.
00:20:27.039 --> 00:20:28.240
Okay, here's another hot tip.
00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:28.640
Yeah.
00:20:28.799 --> 00:20:29.200
All right.
00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.799
If I'm trying to meet with Mark, and maybe I don't know you.
00:20:35.039 --> 00:20:35.279
Right.
00:20:35.440 --> 00:20:37.599
Uh, and but maybe we have a mutual colleague.
00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:38.880
And I blocked you.
00:20:39.039 --> 00:20:40.559
And you haven't blocked me yet.
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:42.559
But this is another hot tip.
00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:43.279
Don't do this.
00:20:43.359 --> 00:20:43.680
Yeah.
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:45.519
Don't say to Mark.
00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:50.559
Um, Mark said, sure, I'd be happy to set up some time.
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:51.440
Let's let's chat.
00:20:51.599 --> 00:20:51.680
Yeah.
00:20:51.839 --> 00:20:52.960
And I'm great.
00:20:53.279 --> 00:21:01.359
Then I don't send Mark a link to my calendar and say, Mark, just go on and find a time that works for you.
00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:09.599
Your chances of that meeting ever happening just dropped from probably 95 because you said he was interested, to about zero.
00:21:09.920 --> 00:21:13.359
Because Mark is busy, he's gonna move right on to the next thing.
00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:14.400
Don't you think?
00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:16.240
I I I think so.
00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:22.319
I mean, I know it's efficient, but it is you're putting the to-do on the favor, person you're asking the favor of.
00:21:22.559 --> 00:21:22.880
Yes.
00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:24.960
Now that that's not good.
00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:25.759
That's not good.
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:26.880
And I've heard that happened.
00:21:27.599 --> 00:21:38.079
If you are the person that's being asked for advice and you have that, you know, kind of capability or platform, hey, my calendar is up to date, you can go on and here's a link, find a time.
00:21:38.160 --> 00:21:41.279
Because you know, people have those tools and platform, calendy or something.
00:21:41.359 --> 00:21:43.920
Yeah, and you can do that, which I can appreciate.
00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:49.759
But yeah, if you're asking the person and then you tell them to schedule time for you.
00:21:50.079 --> 00:21:51.759
On your based on your event, don't do that.
00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:55.200
I mean because it's putting the to do on them and they're they're gonna they're busy, they're gonna do it.
00:21:55.279 --> 00:21:55.680
They're gonna go on.
00:21:57.279 --> 00:21:59.200
You're gonna hear from me next and never.
00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:01.039
Yeah, so that's a hot tip.
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:02.720
It's it's also kind of a courtesy thing.
00:22:02.880 --> 00:22:03.039
Yeah.
00:22:03.200 --> 00:22:04.960
So don't don't it's about respect, yeah.
00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:11.039
Now let's talk about we kind of talked uh touched on this a little bit about the actual conversation.
00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:11.359
Yeah.
00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:11.920
Okay.
00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:15.039
So let's say we've we've got you've got you've got the call.
00:22:15.519 --> 00:22:19.839
Uh it's a virtual call, it's happening, and we're kicking off.
00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:26.720
How can you make a if you are the asky, make sure that is a useful call.
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:27.039
Yeah.
00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:29.519
What what works do you think in the actual conversation?
00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:30.240
Yeah.
00:22:30.480 --> 00:22:34.000
If I'm well, you mean if I'm the person that set it up?
00:22:34.079 --> 00:22:34.640
I'm asking.
00:22:34.880 --> 00:22:35.440
I'm asking you.
00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:35.839
Yeah.
00:22:36.079 --> 00:22:36.240
Yeah.
00:22:36.559 --> 00:22:39.519
I well, first of all, we talked about earlier coming prepared.
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:50.799
And if you let's start if you don't know the person, this is a a you know, an introduction that was made for you or someone you reached out to and you're meeting them for the first time.
00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:53.359
You know, I think the pleasantries work, right?
00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:59.599
You want to create a connection and that rapport, but you want to um be brief.
00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:00.240
Yes.
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:00.640
Right.
00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:01.759
Hi, Patty.
00:23:01.920 --> 00:23:07.519
Um, you know, uh Bob introduced us, you know, um, and I was so appreciative of that.
00:23:07.759 --> 00:23:14.640
So uh he remember in our correspondence, I talked about I wanted your help to really figure out more about this topic.
00:23:15.039 --> 00:23:19.039
And he told me that you were great and that you've done a few things, you know, around that.
00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:25.200
Uh, I would love just to ask you a couple of questions, if I could, yeah, around your experience.
00:23:25.279 --> 00:23:26.559
Uh, would that be okay?
00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:27.519
Um is that work?
00:23:27.599 --> 00:23:28.960
Is that a good use of our time?
00:23:29.119 --> 00:23:30.079
And yeah.
00:23:30.559 --> 00:23:33.599
And then I think that's how you can start in.
00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.960
And then I always love the person.
00:23:37.039 --> 00:23:44.480
You don't have to write anything down, but if you're taking notes, like take good notes, you know.
00:23:44.559 --> 00:23:48.000
Like, I like to see people if they're writing, then then write, you know.
00:23:48.319 --> 00:24:00.480
If um, some people I've talked to, especially if they're, you know, more digital, you know, they might take notes on their laptop or something or a digital device, and I'm okay with that.
00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:01.440
I'm okay with that.
00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:08.480
As long as they can, as you feel like they're, you know, they're also because if your goal is to connect with the other person, well, that's fair.
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:17.440
Don't if you have the two monitors and your your your camera is here, don't be over on the side typing.
00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:20.319
That's kind of a thing.
00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:20.960
That's a thing.
00:24:21.200 --> 00:24:21.519
It's a thing.
00:24:21.599 --> 00:24:21.759
It is.
00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:24.319
Or actually, let's back up, like be on camera.
00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:25.119
How about that one?
00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:26.000
I've had that one.
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:27.839
If you're I've had that one.
00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:30.000
Like it's like, you know, I get on, well, hi so-and-so.
00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:32.960
Well, are you gonna be going on camera?
00:24:33.119 --> 00:24:34.160
No, where what are we doing?
00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:36.160
Oh, I'm I'm just not camera ready.
00:24:36.240 --> 00:24:36.880
You know me.
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:38.480
Let me tell you what I'm not gonna do.
00:24:38.720 --> 00:24:39.440
Click.
00:24:40.240 --> 00:24:41.359
You gotta be camera ready.
00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:42.319
You gotta be camera ready.
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:47.599
Also, and we always, you know, our our thing with clients was always, would you mind if I take some notes?
00:24:47.759 --> 00:24:47.920
Yeah.
00:24:48.240 --> 00:24:57.920
So you don't ever give the the signal of if you're interviewing or I don't mean interviewing, but you're asking questions of the client is would always be, would you mind if I take some notes while we're talking?
00:24:58.079 --> 00:24:58.319
That's right.
00:24:58.480 --> 00:25:04.160
That's a respectful versus you're not, I'm not over here, you know, checking an email and taking Instagram.
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:08.240
The person you're asking or talking to, they appreciate that.
00:25:08.319 --> 00:25:10.319
That, okay, yeah, you're taking some notes.
00:25:10.480 --> 00:25:15.440
And I don't know, for me, when I know someone's taking the notes or whatever, then I'm like, okay, they're writing this down.
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:17.440
I want them to be able to walk away with good nuggets.
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:17.920
Yeah.
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:20.400
You want to make sure Yeah, they'll make me do my work.
00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:21.119
Do your work.
00:25:21.279 --> 00:25:21.519
Yeah.
00:25:21.680 --> 00:25:21.839
Yeah.
00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.720
I think I love your setup of quick introduction.
00:25:24.799 --> 00:25:27.119
How remind also I love the other thing you said.
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:30.400
You reminded the person how who connected them.
00:25:30.559 --> 00:25:30.720
Yeah.
00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.839
And maybe changed an email three weeks before.
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:36.079
Yeah, I just here's what I'm thinking about.
00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:38.079
And then you then you got right into it.
00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:41.359
No, no, one in asking questions, et cetera.
00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:43.920
It's a great way to start to build rapport, relationships.
00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.240
Rapport, but also it's a connector.
00:25:46.400 --> 00:25:48.319
Oh, it makes me think about Bob.
00:25:48.640 --> 00:25:48.799
Yeah.
00:25:48.960 --> 00:25:50.000
Bob's a great guy.
00:25:50.240 --> 00:25:52.079
You know, and I'm so glad he introduced us.
00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:58.559
And so now I'm like, okay, Bob, who I really appreciate, admire, and like, introduced me to Patty.
00:25:58.640 --> 00:25:58.720
Yeah.
00:25:58.960 --> 00:25:59.759
And so, okay.
00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:00.880
Yeah, let's let's have the talk.
00:26:01.119 --> 00:26:01.920
So you must be a good person.
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:02.079
Yeah.
00:26:02.480 --> 00:26:03.839
If I miss Bob, et cetera.
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:04.160
Yeah.
00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:17.599
So, and I I think also the other really important quote that somebody made one time and it's really stuck with me is don't make the person that you are talking to work harder than you have worked.
00:26:17.839 --> 00:26:18.880
And we've kind of touched on that a little bit.
00:26:19.119 --> 00:26:19.440
That's true.
00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:22.240
But you haven't said it so directly.
00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:23.920
It's like, yeah, don't make me work.
00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:33.440
Don't make that person work harder and knowing what you and I have said in conversations where the person is kind of, you know, bouncing around and talking about am I like this, I'm like that.
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:33.680
Yeah.
00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:39.839
And it's like, I I don't know you well enough to help you narrow or focus.
00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:40.319
That's right.
00:26:40.480 --> 00:26:41.920
You might need to do a little bit more work.
00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:42.240
Yeah.
00:26:42.480 --> 00:26:43.599
So I think that's it.
00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:45.599
Don't don't make them work so hard.
00:26:45.759 --> 00:26:47.680
Asking advice is a great way.
00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:48.160
Yeah.
00:26:49.119 --> 00:27:00.720
I I think when you're in the conversation too, if you've done, let's just say, some research or it's a topic, um, share what you've learned.
00:27:01.279 --> 00:27:04.799
But when you're doing that, you know, be brief about it.
00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:09.839
Like, you know, don't overwhelm within this data and that data, and unless it's that kind of a conversation.
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:35.279
But typically, if you got, let's just say, typically 30 minutes and I'm, you know, trying to connect with you, I would say, unless it is set up that way that I'm validating information with you and you are, you know, giving me your perspective or, you know, assessing, you know, what I pulled together, if it's not that, then don't let that, I would just say, be a shield.
00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:38.400
Like make the connection, right?
00:27:38.559 --> 00:27:45.200
And and have the conversation and be focused in, you know, on I'm asking you these things.
00:27:45.359 --> 00:27:49.279
Here's a couple of things that I've kind of wanted to test with you.
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:55.279
Uh, true, not true, good, not good, you know, relevant, not, and then kind of go from there.
00:27:55.359 --> 00:28:04.400
But like I I had a situation where someone came and I, you know, I I think that they were their intent was good, but they just had just pages and pages of data and information.
00:28:04.480 --> 00:28:09.279
And I was like, are we reviewing the data or what we what are we doing here?
00:28:09.440 --> 00:28:10.960
Well, and if you think about it, what are we trying to do?
00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:15.200
Asking a favor and you're trying to build a relationship.
00:28:15.359 --> 00:28:18.559
When I say relationship, it doesn't mean like you're gonna become best friends, you're gonna be talking all the time.
00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:18.880
Yeah.
00:28:19.119 --> 00:28:22.400
But you want you hopefully there might be some follow-up or connection.
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:24.960
You want them to be open to your next ask.
00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:27.200
To your next or your yes, exactly.
00:28:27.359 --> 00:28:27.519
Yeah.
00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:29.920
So you you have to approach it that way.
00:28:30.079 --> 00:28:32.400
And you're not gonna get there by doing all the talking.
00:28:32.720 --> 00:28:32.960
Yeah.
00:28:33.119 --> 00:28:33.359
Yeah.
00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:35.519
Let's talk about after the conversation.
00:28:35.680 --> 00:28:38.960
You've had a good conversation, yeah, and things went well.
00:28:39.359 --> 00:28:45.279
What do you do to make sure after the conversation you don't shoot yourself in the foot?
00:28:45.599 --> 00:28:53.839
Well, if you listen to a previous episode, I'm gonna have my correspondent um AI agent send a thank you note.
00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:56.079
Thank you for meeting with Mark Benton.
00:28:56.240 --> 00:28:58.480
He was really pleased with your interaction.
00:28:58.799 --> 00:28:59.599
Hope you are well.
00:29:00.079 --> 00:29:00.480
Who are you?
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:02.960
And it's like two or three words spelled wrong.
00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:03.519
Yeah, exactly.
00:29:03.599 --> 00:29:04.480
That's always the way to do it.
00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:05.279
Yeah, that's the way to do it.
00:29:05.440 --> 00:29:06.079
That's how you do it.
00:29:06.240 --> 00:29:06.480
No.
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:07.920
Um, I don't know.
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:12.079
After the conversation, you know, old school, send a thank you.
00:29:12.400 --> 00:29:12.720
100%.
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:15.279
Email works well.
00:29:15.519 --> 00:29:15.759
Yeah.
00:29:15.920 --> 00:29:21.920
Or if you've if you've been texting with this person, sometimes they that's too thank you so much for making the time for me.
00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:22.480
Right.
00:29:22.559 --> 00:29:22.799
Yeah.
00:29:23.039 --> 00:29:23.200
Right.
00:29:23.599 --> 00:29:23.759
Yeah.
00:29:24.079 --> 00:29:30.400
The other one of my hot buttons is how many times you have a really good conversation with somebody and you help them give them poof.
00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:30.960
Right.
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:32.079
Never hear from them again.
00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:32.960
That's terrible.
00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:33.680
That's terrible.
00:29:34.640 --> 00:29:35.920
That is the most common.
00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:36.720
Don't do that.
00:29:36.880 --> 00:29:39.279
And I think it's because they don't want to bother you.
00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:43.519
They do not back to the that mindset of I don't want to bother you, I've moved on.
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:44.000
Yeah.
00:29:44.160 --> 00:29:45.759
Um, maybe.
00:29:46.079 --> 00:29:48.160
Maybe they just didn't have any good home training.
00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:49.839
Maybe they weren't raised right.
00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:50.160
Right.
00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:50.960
You know what I'm saying?
00:29:51.119 --> 00:29:51.839
That's what I'm trying to say.
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:53.839
But right follow up.
00:29:54.000 --> 00:29:54.160
Yeah.
00:29:54.319 --> 00:29:55.519
That's a bare minimum.
00:29:55.759 --> 00:30:02.960
Well, to your follow-up, it's if I helped you and it worked, let me know something.
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:04.960
Let me know what, or maybe it was it.
00:30:05.039 --> 00:30:06.240
You were thinking of career change.
00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:06.559
Yeah.
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:07.759
Did you did you change it?
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:08.480
Did you change it?
00:30:08.640 --> 00:30:09.200
What'd you do?
00:30:09.359 --> 00:30:19.039
Did you I you asked me about, you know, this change in your life, you know, or you were trying to think about moving your or changing careers or what'd you do?
00:30:19.119 --> 00:30:19.680
Where'd you go?
00:30:19.839 --> 00:30:20.079
Yeah.
00:30:20.160 --> 00:30:25.920
Uh it may be I I had a situation once where we were trying to figure out an a new um place to worship.
00:30:26.000 --> 00:30:26.319
Yeah.
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:30.640
You know, and we were checking on it and um we found a great place.
00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:36.400
And the person that introduced me or told me about it wasn't their place, but they told me I've said this has been great.
00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:44.480
This is such a great community of people, and we've enjoyed it, and this is what's happening, you know, and that just closes the loop.
00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:45.440
It's respectful.
00:30:45.519 --> 00:30:49.200
It's also back to trying to the relationship, you're going for the relationship.
00:30:49.359 --> 00:30:51.119
That's something you I think you really want to do.
00:30:51.279 --> 00:30:51.839
Yeah, yeah.
00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:53.200
Make it timely.
00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:55.039
Not not just timely.
00:30:55.279 --> 00:30:56.000
Make it timely.
00:30:56.079 --> 00:31:02.640
Like if it if it happened, like the notes that follow up, like soon thereafter.
00:31:02.880 --> 00:31:03.279
Definitely.
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:06.960
And when I say soon thereafter, it's like a day or two.
00:31:07.759 --> 00:31:09.440
Maybe next day.
00:31:09.680 --> 00:31:10.000
Next day.
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:13.039
If it's not that day later, it's the next day, right?
00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:15.279
Yeah, because that person has has made time.
00:31:15.759 --> 00:31:16.640
They've done you a favor.
00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:18.319
Here is another thing.
00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:19.119
Don't do this.
00:31:19.200 --> 00:31:20.559
I've had this happen to me.
00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:27.839
You have this conversation with someone and they they say, I'm really interested in marketing in Austin.
00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:28.240
Yeah.
00:31:28.960 --> 00:31:29.119
Great.
00:31:29.200 --> 00:31:30.319
I want to know a couple people.
00:31:30.799 --> 00:31:30.960
Great.
00:31:31.119 --> 00:31:33.680
Would you like me to introduce you to person A and person B?
00:31:33.759 --> 00:31:33.839
Yeah.
00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:35.279
Yes, I really would.
00:31:36.319 --> 00:31:43.039
So I follow up with person A and person B and say, Blaine may give you a call.
00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:44.319
He is interested.
00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:46.000
I have I have made the introduction.
00:31:46.079 --> 00:31:47.359
I send the email to the two of them.
00:31:47.519 --> 00:31:47.759
Yes.
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:49.119
I hope you'll have a chance to talk.
00:31:49.359 --> 00:31:49.519
Yeah.
00:31:49.759 --> 00:31:53.039
Then I hear from both person A and person B about three or four weeks later.
00:31:53.119 --> 00:31:54.400
You know, I never did hear from Blaine.
00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:54.960
Oh yeah.
00:31:55.279 --> 00:31:57.279
Blaine, don't do it.
00:31:57.440 --> 00:31:58.960
And by the way, I made that name up.
00:31:59.039 --> 00:31:59.119
Right.
00:31:59.440 --> 00:32:02.079
But um that that has happened more than once.
00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:05.359
And it's because I think somebody decides, oh, maybe I don't want to go to Austin.
00:32:05.519 --> 00:32:07.200
Or I don't think they have a job for me.
00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:08.960
So I don't think I'll call them.
00:32:09.279 --> 00:32:14.559
But you've run you've definitely that person's probably not going to be ready for you again.
00:32:15.039 --> 00:32:21.519
Remember at the top of our conversation when I talked about I'm more choosy now about who I help?
00:32:21.680 --> 00:32:23.039
It's people that have done that.
00:32:23.200 --> 00:32:25.279
It's I made the introduction for you.
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:28.640
You either didn't, I never heard from you again.
00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:30.720
And then when you needed something else, you came back.
00:32:30.960 --> 00:32:31.839
I never heard from you.
00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:33.200
So, you know, what was that thing?
00:32:33.359 --> 00:32:34.559
Fool me once.
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:35.039
Yeah.
00:32:35.279 --> 00:32:36.240
Shame on me.
00:32:36.400 --> 00:32:37.200
No, shame on you.
00:32:37.359 --> 00:32:38.240
Shame on shame on you.
00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:38.720
Shame on me.
00:32:38.880 --> 00:32:39.839
Fool me twice, shame on me.
00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:41.200
That's right.
00:32:41.519 --> 00:32:42.559
Fool me three times.
00:32:42.720 --> 00:32:43.599
Somebody's stupid.
00:32:44.400 --> 00:32:46.160
I don't think that's part of the expression.
00:32:46.400 --> 00:32:46.720
That's mine.
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:47.519
But now it is.
00:32:47.759 --> 00:32:48.480
We're doing it now.
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:51.920
But yeah, but that's when I'm like, I don't take bad business.
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:52.799
You've heard me say that.
00:32:52.880 --> 00:32:53.440
Like, that's bad.
00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:55.279
So and so, we're gonna use Blaine.
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:56.559
We don't know a Blaine.
00:32:56.640 --> 00:32:57.839
We're just using that name.
00:32:58.000 --> 00:33:01.039
But like Blaine, when you ask for something, you're bad business.
00:33:01.119 --> 00:33:02.400
And so I'm too busy to help you.
00:33:02.799 --> 00:33:03.359
Disrespectful.
00:33:03.440 --> 00:33:04.160
It's disrespectful.
00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:07.440
And for people, and again, you're asking a favor, you're asking their time.
00:33:07.680 --> 00:33:15.039
And most I have always felt when it came to other introductions, you you so you do that sparingly.
00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:17.119
You don't just like go throw in everybody's name.
00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:19.359
So that's a sign I'm willing to do that for you.
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:20.799
I have a another one.
00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:27.920
When I've made introductions and and along the way, I have said, hey, um Patty, um, I'm gonna use Bob again.
00:33:28.079 --> 00:33:31.359
Patty and Bob, um, I'm making this introduction.
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:35.759
Um, you know, Patty is looking, this is Patty, you know, information, information.
00:33:35.920 --> 00:33:37.119
Um, this is how I know her.
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:38.480
Hey, Patty, here's Bob.
00:33:39.519 --> 00:33:41.599
Um, this is how um Patty, I know Bob.
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:45.519
Um, I'm hopeful that the two of you will, you know, be able to connect, whatever.
00:33:45.680 --> 00:33:49.440
Um, I will leave next steps up to two of you.
00:33:49.599 --> 00:33:49.759
Yes.
00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.400
And that is my way, listeners and friends, of saying, leave me alone.
00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:55.680
I've done my piece.
00:33:55.920 --> 00:33:56.000
Right.
00:33:56.319 --> 00:33:56.960
I've done my piece.
00:33:57.119 --> 00:33:57.920
Don't keep me on copy.
00:33:58.160 --> 00:34:00.640
I won't be um I've kind of done my part here.
00:34:00.799 --> 00:34:01.279
I think that's right.
00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:09.280
You know what I don't understand though when people have done that and they say, oh, well, I'm gonna go on and put um Mark, like Patty, you respond back to Bob and you say, I'm gonna put Mark on BCC.
00:34:09.519 --> 00:34:10.320
What does that mean?
00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:12.400
Does it mean what?
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:18.639
Like, does it mean is that just another way of saying we're not gonna email you anymore in this thread, we're gonna take it offline?
00:34:18.800 --> 00:34:19.840
I just I'm always so confused.
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:20.960
I don't know.
00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:24.239
If you BCC me, I'm just not on the line.
00:34:24.960 --> 00:34:26.480
But but am I still getting it?
00:34:26.639 --> 00:34:27.199
You're still getting it.
00:34:27.360 --> 00:34:28.800
But I know I never see it again.
00:34:28.960 --> 00:34:29.119
Yeah.
00:34:29.280 --> 00:34:35.599
So is that like if you say that in the email, do does like the AI know, like put it over here.
00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:36.480
Nobody could see it.
00:34:36.559 --> 00:34:36.880
I don't know.
00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:37.519
I don't know.
00:34:37.840 --> 00:34:38.400
That's not good.
00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:38.800
No.
00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:42.239
Um, I will say one more thing before we I've always been curious about that.
00:34:42.400 --> 00:34:44.880
The uh yeah, I have not had that happen.
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:47.039
I don't think you need to stay up at night and worry about that.
00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:49.360
Let go, build the universe.
00:34:49.599 --> 00:34:56.159
Um I have to say, you know, I've had a couple people that I think really were the model of how to build a good relationship.
00:34:56.559 --> 00:35:05.039
One of them was um somebody who actually came to me for advice around when she was a college student for about an internship.
00:35:05.280 --> 00:35:11.679
And it was somebody her dad was friends with, somebody I was friends with, whatever, at work colleague.
00:35:12.159 --> 00:35:15.199
And she worked at it.
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:17.199
And I ended up making an introduction for her.
00:35:17.440 --> 00:35:19.840
We got this internship, I made an introduction that helped.
00:35:20.159 --> 00:35:21.280
She then threw out the internship.
00:35:21.599 --> 00:35:23.039
Here's how it's going, here's what I'm thinking.
00:35:23.679 --> 00:35:24.800
Then she would follow up.
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:32.239
And when she started actually working, schedule lunch, to say, I I'm not sure if I want to go this path or this path.
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:33.280
What do you think?
00:35:33.440 --> 00:35:33.679
Right.
00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:40.079
But started to build a more of a, I would say kind of a mentoring type advisory relationship.
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:40.719
Oh, that's good.
00:35:41.039 --> 00:35:50.639
But she try and the the the the magic was treated me as a colleague, a friend, somebody who deserved respect.
00:35:50.719 --> 00:35:55.199
And when I had events that I was hosting and respecting, you know, she she was invited, she came.
00:35:55.360 --> 00:35:55.599
That's right.
00:35:55.840 --> 00:36:04.960
So I think it it was a uh an example of how one small conversation turned into a multi-year communication.
00:36:05.199 --> 00:36:06.480
And that's what can happen.
00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:08.719
It's mutually, you're you know, you're helping somebody.
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:09.039
Yeah.
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:11.519
So I would say think bigger, guys.
00:36:11.599 --> 00:36:14.320
Um, if you're asking for a favor, that's right.
00:36:14.639 --> 00:36:16.320
Think a little bit bigger.
00:36:16.559 --> 00:36:18.960
And I think those follow-ups we're talking about, right?
00:36:19.199 --> 00:36:20.000
That's kind of the magic.
00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:23.039
I love what you said about think bigger.
00:36:23.280 --> 00:36:27.199
This one interaction can lead to something greater.
00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:28.719
You know, and you don't know.
00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:29.679
You don't know what's possible.
00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:30.079
You don't.
00:36:30.239 --> 00:36:30.800
I think that's great.
00:36:31.039 --> 00:36:32.079
Don't be so transnational.
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:32.559
Yeah.
00:36:32.719 --> 00:36:34.639
So before we wrap up, what have we missed?
00:36:34.800 --> 00:36:43.360
What else is there on have we not talked about in terms of asking for favor, asking for advice that we think would be helpful here?
00:36:43.599 --> 00:36:44.239
Yeah.
00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:49.440
I don't know if I think we've missed anything.
00:36:49.599 --> 00:36:53.760
I I think we've talked about, I'm just kind of rolling through it in my head.
00:36:53.840 --> 00:37:07.039
I think we've talked about the things that I think are really important about, you know, you're asking for advice, um, you know, show up well, show up prepared, um, you know, find the mutual points, you know, where you can be of help.
00:37:07.280 --> 00:37:11.760
Um follow up in a timely manner.
00:37:11.920 --> 00:37:15.599
Um come into the conversation, especially if it's a new one.
00:37:15.679 --> 00:37:17.280
Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna augment that.
00:37:17.440 --> 00:37:18.480
Not if it's just a new one.
00:37:18.559 --> 00:37:23.280
If it's a new relationship or a new connection, um, come into it with possibilities, right?
00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:23.920
In mind.
00:37:24.079 --> 00:37:36.079
But if it's one you've continued to have, I'll challenge listeners to think about what are the possibilities from yet this next connection with the person, right?
00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:38.960
Always with intentionality and and possibilities.
00:37:39.039 --> 00:37:40.159
What what could be possible?
00:37:40.320 --> 00:37:42.320
Because I think that also is important.
00:37:42.960 --> 00:37:43.280
100%.
00:37:43.679 --> 00:37:51.119
And I think one thing you said earlier on that I think is really important is to think about, and sometimes people will ask, how can I help you?
00:37:51.280 --> 00:37:52.639
Yeah, what would be helpful to you?
00:37:52.800 --> 00:37:52.960
Yeah.
00:37:53.199 --> 00:38:08.079
Because then it is not a transactional and sometimes it's obligatory, but other times it'll be a follow-up of, you know, hey, uh they'll send you a book, or they'll follow up and say, I saw this, this speakers come into town.
00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:09.840
I can't go, but I thought you might be interested.
00:38:10.079 --> 00:38:10.400
That's right.
00:38:10.719 --> 00:38:14.000
Little things like that, like, okay, I'm treating you, you know, with respect.
00:38:14.400 --> 00:38:24.000
The other thing we haven't touched on really that I was thinking about that I might mention here is the person you're seeking advice, really their expertise is you.
00:38:24.880 --> 00:38:26.719
They know you really, really well.
00:38:27.119 --> 00:38:28.480
And so sometimes they do.
00:38:29.199 --> 00:38:29.440
Maybe.
00:38:29.519 --> 00:38:29.599
Right.
00:38:29.840 --> 00:38:29.920
Yeah.
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:48.320
I mean, like maybe it's some maybe this is a personal uh, you know, a colleague, somebody who has been a mentor, a friend, right, and you're thinking about maybe you're not gonna get the advice of like if you're trying to make a career change or do you want to move, they're not gonna give you the information around, oh well yes, in in the technology space, this is where you want.
00:38:48.480 --> 00:38:50.480
They don't have that, but they know you really well.
00:38:50.639 --> 00:38:50.800
Yeah.
00:38:51.039 --> 00:38:59.760
And I think sometimes if someone can doesn't mean as we've talked and uh some of our advice topics, we've had a really good one for you guys and earlier, and bad advice.
00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:06.079
Um, check that out is it doesn't mean that you take everything.
00:39:06.239 --> 00:39:06.559
That's right.
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:07.599
But is there a kernel in there?
00:39:07.760 --> 00:39:16.239
Is that personal is gonna point out something that maybe it's like the thing I've always seen you really be charged about are these kind of situations.
00:39:16.559 --> 00:39:16.719
Yeah.
00:39:16.960 --> 00:39:19.199
That might be a light bulb moment for you.
00:39:19.519 --> 00:39:19.920
Could be.
00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:28.320
So don't forget those people who know you really well who might they might just bring a little spark to something that you hadn't thought about.
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:28.639
That's right.
00:39:28.719 --> 00:39:30.960
Or maybe you don't you hadn't really recognized about yourself.
00:39:31.039 --> 00:39:31.679
You know, that's right.
00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:32.559
So that's gonna be good.
00:39:32.800 --> 00:39:36.960
Um, so you know, like I'm apt to say, you know, I I think we've done the work here.
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:38.400
I think we've done the work here.
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:38.719
Yeah.
00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:45.599
What's uh your one takeaway that, you know, from this conversation that you think listeners will appreciate if there's one thing you want them to take away?
00:39:45.840 --> 00:39:53.360
I think the one thing, the summary of what you were just kind of mentioning, Mark, is be strategic, be thoughtful, yeah, be prepared.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:54.639
Yeah, I love that.
00:39:54.880 --> 00:40:04.000
For me, it's uh you talked about this in a previous episode, and it was about coming out of your comfort zone, and it was like, you know, do go to the thing.
00:40:04.239 --> 00:40:06.239
You know, like if you get invited, go to the thing.
00:40:06.559 --> 00:40:06.880
Right.
00:40:07.119 --> 00:40:10.800
For me, I'm gonna apply your do the thing, go to the thing.
00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:12.320
Um, make the connection.
00:40:12.800 --> 00:40:13.119
Yeah.
00:40:13.360 --> 00:40:24.880
Be willing in your own way, style and and um approach, make the connection because I think we all are much better off um when we are connected and giving.
00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:26.800
Uh, I think that there's good things that happen from there.
00:40:27.119 --> 00:40:27.440
For sure.
00:40:27.599 --> 00:40:34.239
So have people, if you're listening right now, what else, any other ask we have for anyone here that's that's listening today?
00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:35.280
Yeah, wow.
00:40:35.440 --> 00:40:36.400
Any other asks.
00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:49.440
Um, I want uh those that are listening to really live and work well because they are putting these ideas and learnings that we have into practice.
00:40:49.679 --> 00:40:50.960
Try one or two things.
00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:57.039
Try something that seems natural um to you and try it and keep trying it until you get better.
00:40:57.199 --> 00:41:01.199
And then the other ask I have is um like and follow.
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:02.079
Like and follow.
00:41:02.159 --> 00:41:03.280
Write a review, write a review.
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:08.239
Love it and share, share with your friends that you know somebody's dealing with this issue.
00:41:08.480 --> 00:41:08.719
That's right.
00:41:08.960 --> 00:41:09.519
Please forward on.
00:41:09.679 --> 00:41:10.400
Yeah, forward on.
00:41:10.559 --> 00:41:17.760
So um, team, you can reach us um on YouTube, uh, Spotify, and Apple.
00:41:17.920 --> 00:41:22.000
Uh, we have an Instagram community that I'm so pleased keeps growing.
00:41:22.079 --> 00:41:22.320
Yeah.
00:41:22.559 --> 00:41:23.119
Keeps growing.
00:41:23.360 --> 00:41:24.800
And that is on Instagram.
00:41:24.880 --> 00:41:31.760
The handle is Aren't Ya Y A, Aren't Ya Tired of, and uh Aren't Ya Tired of Social.
00:41:32.239 --> 00:41:37.119
And uh, we are always happy to have new people in the community and to engage.
00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:38.239
Patty, what is it?
00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:40.159
Everybody, have a great week.
00:41:40.239 --> 00:41:45.440
If there's somebody you need to go out and connect with, ask a favor of, and you've been putting it off because you're too uncomfortable.
00:41:45.679 --> 00:41:46.559
This is the week to do it.
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:47.760
Have a great week, everybody.
00:41:48.000 --> 00:41:48.480
Take care.