94: This is Why Gratitude Matters

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When we get out of our own stuff and we focus on others and we are willing to put others first, and we are literally willing to take on their burden for the moment and not focus on ours, there's such a huge wave of relief.
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This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T.
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Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny, California.
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Enjoy your experience.
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Steven, happy birthday to you.
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I can't believe we're doing a podcast together on your birthday.
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I know there's a lot to be grateful for.
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That's what we're just talking about before we hit the record button.
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That's where I want to focus our attention and energy today.
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But happy birthday to you.
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Let's start off with that.
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Brother, thank you so much.
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Sincerely, like above and beyond like Christ, my family, the kiddos, the dogs, all the things.
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There's nothing I'd rather be doing than participating in you and I together, putting words to the solution, especially on a day where I am just rejoicing and literally sitting in utter gratitude, you know, thinking about where the Lord had me before, where he chose to take me and where I sit today on my birthday, my belly button birthday, which is special to me.
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It is, it is just a great day to uh be sharing some time with you because I love you so much, your family, and we are family to each other.
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And it's a great day to rejoice and to share the solution and let people know, you know, there is just so much hope and so much to live for, and so much better out there than drugs and alcohol.
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So, what there is nothing more apropos to me than this moment and us doing this now.
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Yeah, absolutely agree.
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And I mean, it's cool because we just got off the last episode.
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We had our guest, Victoria, on, and she's a fan of the show, a friend of Restore.
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And I mean, that was such an amazing experience talking with her, hearing about her upbringing with her dad.
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And like we always say, we want to have more people on.
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So, I mean, things are going great.
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So, yeah, let's just celebrate that.
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But I have so many things to talk to you about today with gratitude.
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Yes, and that's your point.
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Just that time with Victoria, that is just a very special moment, and and it's got a great afterlife.
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And and again, I think just for all of us, and that's something to be grateful for, right?
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And and for all of us, and for myself, a day at a time within the realm of this 24 hours.
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You know, the the disease and addiction and alcoholism and the enemy, it wants to convey darkness, it wants to portray a lack of hope, it wants to perpetuate negativity.
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And I believe for any of us, when prayerfully we default to gratitude, when we see truly where that glass is half full, where we can take some RTI, some real-time inventory, and grab some perspective and realize there's so much to be grateful for.
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There's so much hope.
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There's so much light on that road ahead if we do our part, all of us in our life, in our walk, no matter whether we're in recovery or not, in this world, no matter how daunting things seem, when we go to where we are grateful for all these blessings, it just makes it a better moment, a better hour, a better day.
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Yeah, no, I totally agree.
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I mean, there's those days, I'm sure you've had the days too, where things are, you know, not going super well.
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You feel bad, you're depressed, your back hurts, you know, work isn't going well, um, whatever it is, and you're like, ah, life sucks, you know, things are terrible.
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Absolutely.
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But it but when you stop and think of just how many things we have to be grateful for.
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I mean, just the basic things like we have running water.
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I mean, imagine if we have running water, electricity, family, our spouses, our kids, a mom that loves you, a dad that loves you, your health, the ability to just slow down and smell the roses, to walk on grass in your bare feet.
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Like there's so many things to be grateful for that it's so easy sometimes to lose sight of that.
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And I think that's where a lot of our misery can come from when we do the opposite of having gratitude.
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Yes.
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And like, listen, you and I are both serial realists, which I think is very healthy.
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It's not like all unicorns and popcorn and rainbows and us running around and harps playing.
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Like, we got life going on life's terms.
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And some days are remarkable, and some days like you can't wait remarkably for the day to end soon enough because it's tough.
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But all that to be said, so much of it lies in perspective.
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So much of it lies in the ability to have that faith and realize there's a plan, there's something bigger at play.
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And and I think that's where, I think that's where this work with you and I and what we address is important.
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I think that's where the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous for someone like myself in recovery is important.
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I think that's where the biggest book, the Bible, is important.
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So, like when the world tries to pull us away, when the things of this world, and this is a fallen world, and that's okay.
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And when the enemy tries to pull us out of the sunlight of the spirit, we can fall back and realize like this too shall pass.
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Uh, there's a solution, there's an answer, there's really something waiting for all of us, just taking stock in the fact that like we're not in it alone.
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It's a we thing.
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There's a greater good and a great God at hand and at work in our all our lives.
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And we have the ability through community to continually communicate and carry hope and love to each other and grace for each other a day at a time.
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So let's talk about this because some of our friends may be joining us on this podcast today, and this is the first time that they've really tuned in.
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So let's talk about your worst day, your very worst day when you were at rock bottom.
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Yeah, we're gonna compare and contrast that to today, which is a great day for you.
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You feel loved, love it, you have all this gratitude in your heart.
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But let's start first with the worst day because it's a story of hope.
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And it's what you said just a minute ago, where even on our worst days, we have to think this too shall pass.
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Amen.
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Um, yeah, because yeah, like our best days are right around the corner.
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Like always, right?
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So let's go to your worst day, Stephen.
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Yeah, and I could imagine someone like comes across our podcast and jumps on this episode, and they're like, Oh my gosh, okay, what are these two guys on?
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Uh, that would make sense to me, but you know, it's in the details of the journey.
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And you know, November 11th, 2004, that is the worst day.
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That, you know, your bottom is where you stop digging.
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And November 11th, 2004, I was in almost a five-year relapse after 12 years of uninterrupted sobriety.
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I suffered from a progressive illness.
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The unmanageability was everywhere.
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I was unemployed, I was unemployable, I was on the verge of being homeless.
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It would have just been a matter of time till I was homeless.
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I was physically dirty.
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I was in a basically unfurnished apartment.
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I was alienated and ostracized, and rightfully so, from everyone I loved, from all friends, from all relatives.
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Nicole is my wife.
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There was no Nicole in the picture, right?
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Nicole and I didn't even know each other then.
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So we certainly had no children, and there was no, I didn't know you then, but I had never been so utterly alone.
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And my only hope that evening, November 11, 2004, is that I would not wake up on November 12th, 2004.
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But the Lord had a plan, and I did wake up, and my life began November 12th, 2004.
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And I'm sure you can never imagine back in that state what life is today.
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Never.
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Not my wild, not in my wildest dreams, and certainly not within that first 24 hours, but I said two prayers that day.
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If you're not gonna let me die, God, give me my life back in sobriety.
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And then I called out to Jesus Christ to save me.
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I didn't even know what that meant.
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I didn't know what that was about.
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I know who Jesus Christ was.
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I'm a I'm a Jewish guy, I was raised in a traditional Jewish home.
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I love that part of my journey, the Saul Paul part of my journey.
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And I put those prayers up, and those prayers were answered by a God who loves me.
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And I rose to my feet and I went down the elevator and I walked across Wilshire Boulevard in Westwood, which was a miracle.
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And I walked right into an AA meeting and I took a newcomer chip.
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I still have that chip to this day, and I have not looked back.
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And yes, I am a husband, I am a father, I am a child of the king, I am a member of society, I participate in esteemable acts.
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I get, I get to be of service to others.
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I am hovering towards 22 years of sobriety.
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I have all these gifts in my life, not material things, things that are filled with just love and laughter and light.
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And I have the privilege and honor of of being able to come alongside people and share the truth with them and help them heal.
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And it is a life, Steve beyond my wildest dreams.
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And I am eternally, utterly, infinitely grateful.
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So, how do you think of gratitude on days that are terrible, though?
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Or do you?
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Uh, I I do.
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I mean, I do because you know it's a it's a great trick.
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And the trick is I get out of myself and I lean into service towards and for others, and it gets me out of my storm when my head's attacking me, and I get to focus on others and I get relieved of that bondage and burden of self.
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And I immediately get perspective and I get to focus on what their plight is, and I and I am instantly in gratitude and I start to see the hope and I start to see those silver lining around the clouds, and that is what works time and time again.
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Service is always better for me as the server than for those who I am called to serve.
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Yeah, no, I agree, and I think that's a really good perspective.
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For a while there, I was keeping a gratitude journal at the end of the day.
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I forced myself to write down five things.
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I just kept it in my phone, in my notes, and I forced myself to write they had to be five different things.
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I couldn't love that, right?
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Because otherwise you're like grateful for my wife, my kids.
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Yeah.
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So I had to think of new things.
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And when I did that, I was like, wow, there's a lot to be grateful for, even on bad days.
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Now, sometimes on bad days, I'm like, I'm not grateful for anything, I'm not writing anything.
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Yeah, you know, absolutely, okay, Steve, seriously, just like write down five things and it just changes your perspective.
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I want to talk about the the whole idea, you mentioned it, where you had to get outside yourself because I think that can be an enemy to gratitude when we're just like so stuck in our head and so consumed with our own problems.
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Talk a little bit more about like the service aspect and what does that even mean?
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Because some people may not be familiar with this idea of like serving other people.
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Yeah, it's it's just a huge primary facet and a pillar of recovery.
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And it's something that you definitely get raised on when you're in the rooms of a 12-step program.
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And certainly the church also conveys and promotes and supports service, but acts of service in recovery are so remarkably important because, first of all, we give service to the fellowship, like we take a commitment in a meeting, like we do a coffee commitment, or we bring cookies, or we are the treasurer of a meeting because it's all self-supporting through its own contributions, 12-step programming is.
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And one of the things when you are, and people should and hopefully do and will have a sponsor in 12-step programming, as they should.
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Like I have a sponsor who has a sponsor as a sponsor.
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One of the things you get raised on is being of service, just like your sponsor is there being of service to you.
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And one of the things you're educated on and you start to see live and in real time is when you are in your own stuff, and we often end up in our own stuff, and that's what it is.
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It's stuff.
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When we get out of our own stuff and we focus on others, and we are willing to put others first, and we are literally willing to take on their burden for the moment and not focus on ours.
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There's such a huge wave of relief, and there's such a remarkable amount of gratitude and gratifying occurrences that come and start healing the momentary crisis that service starts to become this great facet of what you get to do on a daily basis.
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And it's the epitome of how we keep it.
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We keep it by giving it away time and time again.
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Yeah, no, I love that.
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Why do you think people struggle with expressing gratitude?
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I think that's a great question.
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I think, first of all, the enemy wants to keep people from expressing gratitude and from embracing gratitude.
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I think so many factors in the outside world, things like comparison, things like envy, which is one of the dirtiest four-letter words I know about, things like trauma that has not been dealt with, things of that sort, like old tapes, old stories, old narratives, things like us staying in this realm of like who we were is who we are and who we will become.
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Those are gratitude killers for me.
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And what liberates and brings out floods of gratitude is understanding like who we were is not who we are, and who we were is not who we are becoming.
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And it's a journey and it's a process and it's all the things.
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It's a marathon, not a sprint.
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And we go the distance just a step at a time.
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And yeah, it's all the bumper stickers, okay, but these are things that create that boomerang.
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It creates energy and life force and momentum.
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And spiritually, when we reach out and reach up, and then we love others well and give grace and we are vulnerable and reach out, uh, we get fed.
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And like if you look all the way back to Christ, like, I mean, come on, the ultimate servant, the servant's heart, like and the ultimate act of service, right?
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For all of us, and none of us will ever come close, but we just do the best we can because it's a way for us to heal that hurt in our soul.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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And it's interesting.
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I heard one girl's perspective.
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She said she doesn't want to express gratitude because she's afraid if she verbalizes what she's grateful for, that somehow the universe is going to take it away from her.
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Right.
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I've heard this before from other people where it's like if they say it, right?
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If everything's good, then something bad is right around the corner.
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So, like, better not say it, right?
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Grateful for my health, and then you have a health challenge.
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Grateful for my kids, something happens to your kids.
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I don't know if there's necessarily a correlation with that, but it I think it's something that people feel, or they may feel that they're not worthy of it, deserving of it, or perhaps they feel like it's a little braggish.
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I don't know.
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What are your thoughts on that?
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I mean, okay.
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So, like, humility is an imperative cornerstone.
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But like, if you're sitting there thinking you're humble, are you really in humility?
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Listen, first of all, I I I want to support people in allowing themselves through an experiential manner to get away from that narrative.
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Like, if they, you know, I'm so blessed in my marriage, my kids are beautiful, life is beautiful, and then terrible things are gonna happen.
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Everything is in God's hands.
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The things that are gonna happen are gonna happen.
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This is all very temporary.
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There's something much greater waiting for all of us.
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And all that to be said, I don't want anyone to stop that flow and that acknowledgement and that verbalization of gratitude based on that.
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And you've got to play with that and find your comfort zone with that.
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That's the first facet.
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And the second facet is, you know, sometimes it becomes a symbol like we practice, like you know, we practice these principles in what in all our affairs.
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So when we practice and when we put others first, and when we care about others, and when we ask people, you know, those tough questions like, How are you?
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And we wait and hear how they are, or we reach out to someone like, hey man, I've just been thinking about you, or we text someone like, Hey, brother, love you, praying for you, thinking about you, and we get out of self, like the world doesn't need to know about it.
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Let's not put ourselves up for sainthood.
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These are things where we are getting fed and we are instilling, and by the way, and then that gets paid forward and passed along, and we're part of this great cycle of humanity blossoming under each other's care and love.
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And that's a good thing.
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And no matter what the rest of the slanted world says, and no matter what the news is, no matter what the like naysayers say, be in your own joy and be vulnerable and be bold and step out and step in and see what it's like.
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And what happens is you get really into it and you see how great it is to be a part of, and more occurs, and it just all builds, and it's beautiful.
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Yeah, well said, and and I don't even want to say anything to add on to that because I think you said it perfectly, and such a great episode.
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Happy birthday to you.
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Thank you, brother.
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I just love your heart and how you always come across with a very positive like attitude, and you just have gratitude in your heart for a lot of things, and it's such a great example to me.
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So happy birthday, my brother.
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Glad we could do this episode today.
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One of the things I am grateful for is the brotherhood you and I share when you look at the inception of our relationship and and this friendship and all the history and then what we're doing now, like God's fingerprints are all over it.
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So this is a beautiful thing.
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I'm grateful for you and I.
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Uh, love you, brother.
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And if you are out there and there's darkness, or you don't think there's hope, or you don't think you're worthy, please know like those lies don't define your life nor where you're going.
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And know that you've got two people on the line right here.
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We want to hear from you.
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We want to talk with you.
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We want to answer questions.
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We want to be in community with you.
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We love you.
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We are for you.
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Everyone, have a safe and sober day.