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00:00:05.633Welcome to Restoration Beyond the Couch, hosted by Dr Lee Long.
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00:00:15.951In this episode, dr Long interviews Jetty and Dana, a dynamic duo of Enneagram experts who work together to bring transformation to both personal and professional lives.
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00:00:29.251Jetty, a therapist specializing in personal growth and healing, and Dana, who works with organizations and businesses, combine their expertise to help individuals and teams foster deeper connections and self-awareness.
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00:00:36.807Together, they provide a powerful perspective on how the Enneagram can unlock personal and professional transformation.
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00:00:46.631Join us as we dive into their journey and explore the profound impact the Enneagram has on relationships, work environments and personal development.
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00:00:58.210Welcome Dana Corley and Jetty Bowen to, honestly, two of my most favorite people here to talk about a subject the Enneagram.
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00:01:08.326I think people it's so funny because I feel like when we talk about the Enneagram it's a skosh bit polarizing, because people are like, oh, those numbers and all that.
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00:01:14.710But then other people are like totally bought in, they totally sink into it and they have so much fun with it.
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00:01:17.207And then they say, oh well, that's so one of you.
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00:01:22.403Or oh my gosh, that's your eight popping out and it's like this creates this little language, right?
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00:01:27.968Oh yeah, it's a whole subculture, a whole subculture, and that's what we're going to explore today.
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00:01:29.629So thank you so much for being here.
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00:01:31.450Yeah, I'm excited.
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00:01:44.013So how would you all, how would you give us an overview and I know this is a big question, but how would you all give us?
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00:01:44.575an.
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00:01:46.079What would your overview of the Enneagram be?
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00:02:04.697Well, in its most simple form, the Enneagram is a tool utilizing both modern psychology and spirituality ancient spirituality to really discover who we really are and in all of our glory.
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00:02:11.230We have two selves a false self and a true self, or an authentic self and an adapted self.
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00:02:39.104And, at its basic core, the Enneagram has been able to identify nine distinct personalities that all of us will fall into one of those, and there's a lot of crossover on how we manifest that personality, so it can be challenging to discover which type you actually fall into, but there's.
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00:02:44.814It's just a tool for personal self-discovery and, hopefully, growth.
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00:02:48.700Love that.
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00:02:50.586Yeah, yeah, I would echo that and just say it's a tool for transformation.
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00:02:51.007It's really.
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00:02:56.211It helps to put language to the box that you've been living in and it's an invitation to step out of that.
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00:03:03.490Yeah, I love the way you guys are characterizing this, because it is ancient.
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00:03:06.194I mean, how far back does it go?
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00:03:08.748Like several thousand years, correct?
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00:03:43.774Yeah, I mean it's theorizing, putting historical things together, but as far back for sure as the desert fathers and mothers, and then it utilizes things out of sort of the mystics of multiple religions, multiple faiths, the Sufis of the Kabbalah, of the Bible, and just utilizing the traits that are similar in those mystic books.
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00:04:00.187And a lot of it has been passed down orally and then put together in the last century by a few guys that kind of put it on paper and then started refining it more with modern psychology.
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00:04:11.336Now, to your knowledge, has there been any research like like, have have we had any studies or anything using the Enneagram?
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00:04:12.504Do you all know?
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00:04:17.107Well, using the Enneagram.
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00:04:18.370Can you expand on that?
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00:04:19.380Yeah.
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00:04:25.632Has anybody utilized the Enneagram and studied it in a in a, a um in a?
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00:04:26.473Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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00:04:35.725Well, there are a lot of psychologists that use it, um, a lot of guys that are that are, you know, teaching on emotional health?
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00:04:44.769Um, and our emotional quotient will often utilize the Enneagram in becoming more aware of who we are that way.
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00:05:02.947There is one person in particular currently, dr Jerome Love, who has an organization called the Brain-Based Enneagram, and his work is fascinating because he really is a scientist as well as a psychologist.
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00:05:17.622Nice is a scientist as well as a psychologist, nice, um, I have read his book and utilized some of his stuff, but I'm not proficient at it to be able to speak at length about but, he.
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00:05:24.889He incorporates the way our brains work and the different parts of our brain, and how they tie in with the different personality styles.
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00:05:25.490Nice.
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00:05:29.694Nice, looking at the neurochemistry and all that good stuff that's nice.
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00:05:30.797That's nice.
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00:05:43.226So it's a tool to discover yourself, Would you say.
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00:05:59.480Because here's my take on the Enneagram is that it is a it's.
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00:06:14.271First of all, I found it to be the most usable for my own personal sense, the most usable tool that gave me insight into why is it that I'm so driven by fun and I discipline is so difficult for me, but I found a workaround that, if I could look at something as an enjoyable thing, like running, People used to say to me you are such a disciplined person to get up so early all the time.
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00:06:16.459And I'm thinking to myself that's not discipline.
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00:06:25.514I so enjoy the people that I run with that if I know they're going to be there, that we're going to have these great conversations and I don't want to miss out on that.
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00:06:28.279So there's so're going to be there, that we're going to have these great conversations, and I don't want to miss out on that.
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00:06:35.750So there's so much fun to be had and I use that as my workaround, if you will, to create a sense of disciplined outcomes.
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00:06:56.949But the process was all about fun and that's how I found my workaround and I think that for others, if it's utilized, I'm guessing that you guys feel the same way, that if you utilize this, it it works for other people as well, in the way that they're maybe bent or predetermined in their sense of who they are.
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00:07:07.088Absolutely and in in your example we could actually unpack a lot more in there but we won't because you didn't ask that question Unpack away.
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00:07:13.036Well, as a seven, you do want fun, you do want adventure.
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00:07:14.180But why do you want that?
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00:07:19.672And the Enneagram will get behind, not what we do, but why we do it Right.
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00:07:20.983Why do you want that fun?
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00:07:23.612And for a seven, sevens want to avoid pain.
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00:07:33.113So there's something driving our personalities that is, we want to avoid something and we want to get our basic needs met.
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00:07:39.586And also, the cool thing about the Enneagram is there.
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00:07:41.348It's a dynamic system.
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00:07:45.392Nobody's stuck in one place.
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00:08:06.413We may all have a type that we identify with because of what the motive of that type is, but we move around that Enneagram diagram and we connect to other types and we can actually connect to every type and have some of every type within us.
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00:08:10.408I love that.
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00:08:30.944Yeah, person who's most concerned about getting their basic needs met and protecting themselves and what they think they need.
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00:08:44.933And we have the social person, who's more about connecting with other people and being part of the group and moving the group forward and having their role in that group space.
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00:08:50.611And then there is the one-on-one, which is also referred to as the sexual.
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00:08:54.875That's more about the coupling with that one other person and really connecting deeply.
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00:09:05.571Well, you, as a seven, are also a social seven, so when you want to run, it's the connection with others that's driven by your social also.
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00:09:09.149So there's several things going on when you make that choice.
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00:09:21.729And the discipline part is there for you too, because, as a seven, you also go to the one space which is an extraordinarily disciplined person, right, so you've got a lot going on, but it's so fascinating.
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00:09:29.899It is so fascinating going on, but it's so fascinating, it is so fascinating and I'd love for you to give our listeners a little peek behind what a seven, what a one or any other type that you want to highlight.
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00:09:50.208But that's the part that to me, was so freeing, so helpful is that I would take different personality tests because in our, in our field, especially going through our programs test, because in our, in our field, especially going through our programs, we had to take a lot of personality inventories and I would always.
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00:09:56.710I had one mentor look at me and said you broke the test, because he said you have all of these sanguine qualities.
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00:10:05.099But then you have this melancholic quality and he's like I think you broke the test and I was like, well gosh, I didn't mean to break the test.
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00:10:10.352And when I understood the Enneagram better I was like I didn't break the test.
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00:10:42.182It's pointing to the two different places that I think I was under a lot of stress and pressure when I took that inventory and what it was showing that in stress I go to a sense of perfectionism to myself and so that's that melancholic piece is that, you know, it's that enthusiastic or that sanguine piece is that at, I guess at my baseline I would say, is what I where I would go, but in stress it's there and that's where it doesn't.
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00:10:44.846The personality inventories don't always pick that up.
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00:10:56.664Yes, and something that we mentioned also is is what makes the Enneagram so unique from other personality assessments is a lot of times these personality assessments, there's a lot of emphasis on behavior and what we're seeing right.
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00:10:59.010Whereas the Enneagram is really giving language.
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00:11:06.863It's kind of like lifting the the the lid a little bit and looking below the surface of what's actually driving and motivating the behavior.
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00:11:12.703What are my core beliefs, what are those core fears that are moving me towards these behaviors?
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00:11:22.024And that's what I would say makes it so unique and so helpful and provide this opportunity or invitation for transformation.
00:11:22.024 -->
00:11:29.975And you mentioned kind of this workaround, right, Like when I understand that I can, I can start to kind of move to shift out of that.
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00:11:41.913But I think, on the flip side, the other thing that's beautiful about it is it also that awareness of what's below the surface really can increase our compassion for not only ourselves but for those around us.
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00:11:43.402You know.
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00:11:44.245That's so.
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00:11:48.126Yes, yes, yes, yes, with all exclamation points behind it.
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00:12:22.168The thing that sold me on the Enneagram I was already sold before, but the thing that solidified it to me at its core, or to my core, was I had a struggle in a relationship with a very close person and once I understood their Enneagram number, all of a sudden for me, I was like, oh, now I understand where you're coming from, and all of the hurt, all of the pain in our interactions just disappeared.
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00:12:23.129I had an.
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00:12:33.830I had a better understanding that, yes, their impact on me may have been painful, but their intent was certainly more illuminated.
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00:12:39.192Therefore, I could have a whole lot more space and grace for the impact.
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00:12:40.919Yeah, it doesn't feel so personal.
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00:12:44.063Correct yes Cause, it wasn't about me.
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00:12:50.510And the reality is, we all live out of our ego or our false self.
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00:13:30.115If we don't realize that there's something deeper and that false self is designed to protect us and to promote us, and if we don't, like Jenny said, pull back the lid undo the veil to look deeper inside of what's really going on in our hearts, we will continue to live in the subconscious, automated program that's been running our entire lives, and so change doesn't occur without an honest evaluation of what's really going on inside.
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00:13:30.917Right.
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00:13:34.989An honest yet nonjudgmental evaluation.
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00:13:35.932That's so important.
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00:13:43.354Because what you're describing is this adapted version of us, which all of us take on a personality.
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00:13:50.447It's this adapted version and it's simply just our means for survival, like we're just surviving, we're just learning to, to function.
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00:13:50.788Right.
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00:13:59.725And so I think that piece is so important is when we are evaluating and we're really taking a deeper look at ourselves.
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00:14:04.946We have to be willing to let go of the judgment and give ourselves the grace that I'm.
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00:14:06.249I really am doing the best.
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00:14:07.793I know how to do Right, yep.
00:14:08.779 -->
00:14:15.894This promotes curiosity versus that sense of certainty, which certainty, I believe, often leads to judgment.
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00:14:18.128I'm certain it's this, but wait, are you?
00:14:18.128 -->
00:14:25.511And I think about what you're talking about, with that false self, that ego, that adaptive self.
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00:14:29.445We have a term in our field perceptual understanding.
00:14:29.445 -->
00:14:31.854And okay, we all know what perception is.
00:14:31.854 -->
00:14:33.660Well, that was my perception of it.
00:14:33.660 -->
00:14:36.407We hear that was my truth, that was my reality.
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00:14:47.500But in our field I don't know that we all give as much credence to the understanding that that perception is a lens that we look at the world through.
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00:14:51.731That lens is built on experiences from the past.
00:14:51.731 -->
00:14:58.388It's built on present experience, but it's built on how we ingested the world.
00:14:58.388 -->
00:15:07.923And I think about the term proprioception, which is a physical term and that's how does my body move through, how does my body navigate gravity Right?
00:15:07.923 -->
00:15:23.686To me, proprioception is the physical, where perceptual perception or perceptual understanding is the metaphysical, because it's how do I move through life with an understanding of my lens Right?
00:15:23.686 -->
00:15:37.248And do I ever take my lenses off and try to clean them a little bit to see that maybe my lens is not the factual truth, it's my understanding of it?
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00:15:40.006I'm not saying that there aren't absolutes there.
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00:15:48.331Let me make this very clear there are absolutes, there are Mm-hmm, but then there's my perceptual understanding of the absolute.
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00:15:52.154Exactly and how often do we navigate through those right?
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00:16:15.508And it has been interesting because there have been studies done using Enneagram where you take a set of twins that were raised in the same environment and they're very different personalities and they perceived their experiences, their traumas differently because of the lens, and that's why I think that our personalities are part of our soul DNA.
00:16:15.508 -->
00:16:29.000It is obviously a combination of nature versus nurture, but I think that it is innate in how we look at the world and in the Enneagram world.
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00:16:32.628It's a disconnection from what's true about our being.
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00:16:36.452It's a disconnection from actually what God imprinted on us.
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00:16:39.681Wow, one of the things in the Enneagram we love is to talk about.
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00:16:42.006Personality is actually a mask.
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00:16:58.066The Latin word for personality comes from the word mask, and so our personalities are a mask that we put on and we move through the world with this mask because we want other people to see what we want them to see, or we want to believe that the mask we're wearing is who we really are.
00:16:58.596 -->
00:17:10.548But the word character comes from the word being engraved, and character, in our opinion, is the divine engraving, the divine imprint of the Imago Dei.
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00:17:15.603That's the true self, that's the essence of who we are.
00:17:15.603 -->
00:17:27.454But we disconnect from that in order to protect and promote ourselves in the world, because we don't have a manual and all of the first seven years of life is just programming.
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00:18:19.664We're taking information in but we don't have the maturity to know how to process that in truth, and so it's a distortion through our lens and that becomes the basis for the personality, and so we develop coping strategies and defense mechanisms for that promotion and protection Right, and they become more ingrained, more ingrained with our experiences, with our hurts, with our traumas, with our unhealed pain, and we don't realize the interior infrastructure that is being built and solidified, and that's what we live out of, and without the work, that's what we live out of, and without the work, that's what we continue to live out of right which offers as a therapist right.
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00:18:48.763It offers us so much, I guess, fertile ground to to help people walk through healing from what you're describing and the beauty is the language is there in the program, so it's a helpful tool, right, it's not just pulling out of thin air, it's really being able to to, to narrow down and have people relate to.
00:18:48.763 -->
00:18:56.787Once they read it, they might not have been able to come up with the language themselves, but this gives them the ability to go oh my gosh.
00:18:56.787 -->
00:18:58.121I identify with that.
00:18:58.121 -->
00:19:03.182That feels so true to me and I don't want to be that way necessarily.
00:19:03.364 -->
00:19:03.624Right.
00:19:03.624 -->
00:19:07.609I've always said it was interesting that the, the, the questionnaires.
00:19:07.609 -->
00:19:11.643People will say, well, I did the questionnaire and I came out this and you're thinking?
00:19:11.643 -->
00:19:13.628I've interacted with you enough to know.
00:19:13.628 -->
00:19:17.318I don't know that that's accurate, because what is the?
00:19:17.318 -->
00:19:18.982What is the stat that it's?
00:19:19.604 -->
00:19:21.307the test are about 70% accurate.
00:19:21.327 -->
00:19:23.517So, that's tricky, right, so cause, you're right.
00:19:23.517 -->
00:19:35.325A lot of people are like, well, I did the free online test and I'm always like Ooh, because we also in in the Enneagram world like I can't tell someone, even even if I know them intimately, I cannot tell someone what motivates them.
00:19:35.325 -->
00:19:36.575Right, and so it's.
00:19:36.575 -->
00:19:51.486It is a journey of self-discovery that we've talked about, but just simply taking the test is not always going to be accurate, because, whether we like it or not, we're answering the way we want to believe that we are or how we want to be perceived.
00:19:51.486 -->
00:20:12.875Another thing, too, is when you take the test, it's recommended to think back on your kind of early adulthood years, like early 20s, where you don't have as much stress and responsibility, right, right, and so you're probably more aware of yourself, but also more really living out of that, that kind of core space.
00:20:13.537 -->
00:20:16.001You haven't had to adapt as much.
00:20:16.122 -->
00:20:27.459Yes, yeah, um so we kind of like to say, yes, take a test, but read your top, your top few and see if one of those like study those a little bit and see if one resonates with you.
00:20:28.141 -->
00:20:28.902Again, that's a.
00:20:28.902 -->
00:20:30.465That is what is so to me.
00:20:30.465 -->
00:20:39.058What is what's intriguing about the Enneagram is that it is a.
00:20:39.058 -->
00:20:45.857It is a point to discover because there is so much complexity and this is some of the criticism I hear is there's so much complexity, am I a one, am I a two?
00:20:45.857 -->
00:20:47.180A three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.
00:20:47.180 -->
00:20:48.881And then you have wings.
00:20:48.881 -->
00:20:52.384So okay, are you a seven, six wing?
00:20:52.384 -->
00:20:53.846Are you a seven, eight wing?
00:20:53.846 -->
00:20:57.510Oh, I was winging on my six there, oh, I was winging on my eight there.
00:20:59.654 -->
00:21:01.855And then you say okay, but I'm in stress, so I go to a one in stress.
00:21:01.855 -->
00:21:05.596And then, oh, but I was happy, so I was going to a five, and it's.
00:21:05.596 -->
00:21:07.557And then are you self-preserving, right?
00:21:07.557 -->
00:21:08.576Are you social?
00:21:08.576 -->
00:21:09.117Are you one-on-one?
00:21:09.117 -->
00:21:09.498What's your?
00:21:09.518 -->
00:21:22.763level of health when you travel Right it is very complex, which it's really fun for those who like to geek out on that Right, but for those it can be overwhelming to think about all that too.
00:21:22.763 -->
00:21:30.807And the reality is you are always a unique individual, created in the image of God, no matter what type you might identify with.
00:21:31.508 -->
00:21:34.589Yes, which is that's part of the discovery process.
00:21:34.589 -->
00:21:37.391Right, it's because how do we show up in the world?
00:21:37.391 -->
00:21:41.813How do we show up in the world and are we aware of our impact?
00:21:41.813 -->
00:21:45.836Are we curious of how we show up in the world?
00:21:45.836 -->
00:21:54.057And I think this can be a large wormhole that sends you into a whole new galaxy of trying to figure out how you show up in the world.
00:21:54.057 -->
00:21:58.106So could you give our listeners a little background on you?
00:21:58.106 -->
00:22:00.480We've said seven, we've said one, six.
00:22:00.480 -->
00:22:06.401What would you mind giving us a background on what, like what, the numbers are and sure?
00:22:06.421 -->
00:22:08.204Do you want like an overview of each number?
00:22:08.224 -->
00:22:09.248Sure, that'd be great.
00:22:09.515 -->
00:22:11.500Okay, what do I want to start with?
00:22:11.500 -->
00:22:12.542I'd go ahead and start with ones.
00:22:12.542 -->
00:22:14.247Okay, you want to start?
00:22:14.247 -->
00:22:14.548Okay.
00:22:14.548 -->
00:22:17.525So ones are they're known as the perfectionist.
00:22:17.525 -->
00:22:34.377Ones kind of see what's missing, what's broken, and they have the solution and they know, they know how to fix it, and so oftentimes they can come across.
00:22:34.377 -->
00:22:38.095The impact might be that people people receive them as critical but in their mind they're really just helping because they have the solution, right, and so they can be.
00:22:38.435 -->
00:22:41.363They tend to be very black and white people and ones what?
00:22:41.363 -->
00:22:51.797What sets them apart is a one has this voice in their head that is their inner critic and it has been with them probably for as long as they can remember, right, and many ones.
00:22:51.797 -->
00:23:08.363When you say to them, you know, not everybody has that they're shocked because it's so familiar to them this, this voice that is constantly criticizing and and perfecting and correcting, um, yeah, am I missing anything you want to add?
00:23:08.604 -->
00:23:10.688no, I don't know how deep you want us to go.
00:23:10.688 -->
00:23:26.744Because, their most familiar emotion would be anger, and it's more of an anger that things aren't the way they should be, because they have an ideal image of what the world should be like, and so they live trying to perfect that and bring that about.
00:23:26.744 -->
00:23:34.279And not everybody has that, and so there's this inner anger that you don't see what they see.
00:23:34.279 -->
00:23:39.278And why aren't you helping to make this world a better place or this person a better person?
00:23:39.919 -->
00:23:47.901Right, and the beauty of the one is that they truly do have a sense of something that they're aiming for.
00:23:48.342 -->
00:23:48.883They do.
00:23:48.883 -->
00:23:51.587We kind of like to call it a superpower.
00:23:51.788 -->
00:23:52.148Yeah.
00:23:52.255 -->
00:24:07.830They really do have an innate sense of how to make things better, honestly, but all of us, all of us tend to over-identify with the personality and lose ourselves in that Right and lose perspective because of that.
00:24:07.852 -->
00:24:10.722Right right and for the one, their core motivation is to be good.
00:24:10.722 -->
00:24:15.084They don't want to be a good person, and so their gift is discernment.
00:24:15.084 -->
00:24:26.281They really do have the gift of discernment and are able to very quickly kind of discern what is right, what is wrong, what is good, bad yeah, and they fear being bad.
00:24:26.824 -->
00:24:27.044Sure.
00:24:27.355 -->
00:24:32.528So they're very hard on themselves and tend to be hard on others because of that.
00:24:33.115 -->
00:24:34.843We're trying to perfect there Exactly.
00:24:35.255 -->
00:24:37.000They want the best for you, right.
00:24:37.342 -->
00:24:38.444Yeah, right, and it's really.
00:24:38.444 -->
00:24:52.167I do think that there's a a real pure for lack of a better word motivation there, so okay, so there's the one, now the two two, two's there, so okay, so there's the one now the two, two, twos um.
00:24:52.167 -->
00:24:52.974I'm assuming we're going in order.
00:24:53.375 -->
00:24:57.702Yes, okay yes, uh, twos have a need to be needed.
00:24:57.702 -->
00:24:59.626They're called the helper, um.
00:24:59.626 -->
00:25:21.541Each number has a little name for it and there's multiple names for it, but that's the two and they want desperately to be liked um, and so they go out of their way to try to meet the needs of others and they kind of have a superpower of what others' needs are, and so they're very attuned to that.
00:25:21.541 -->
00:25:28.144But they're not very attuned to their own needs, and so they're not good at identifying what their own needs.
00:25:28.144 -->
00:25:35.026But deep inside they want you to know what their needs are, because they know what your needs are, and they want you to meet their needs.
00:25:35.026 -->
00:25:37.200But they will never ask you to meet their needs.
00:25:37.401 -->
00:25:58.743So resentment can kind of build up in the twos, but they spend their lives trying to take care of others and have a just real sensitivity towards others and knowing they could walk into a room where there's a conference being held and be sensitive to oh, is that?
00:25:58.743 -->
00:26:00.712Is the temperature right in this room for everybody?
00:26:00.712 -->
00:26:01.435Is the light right?
00:26:01.435 -->
00:26:02.962I want to make it right for everybody.
00:26:02.962 -->
00:26:15.210And they're lovely people, they're very warm and they look towards others before they kind of react to things or respond to things.
00:26:15.734 -->
00:26:20.026So it's an external orientation where it seems like a I guess a one.
00:26:20.026 -->
00:26:22.078Is that the one actually?
00:26:22.098 -->
00:26:23.222looks towards others also.
00:26:23.262 -->
00:26:24.005Yeah, there's that.
00:26:24.275 -->
00:26:28.946We could get into a word for this, but we're going to keep it simple and not go there, but I want the word now.
00:26:28.946 -->
00:26:44.606It's their stance, their dependent stance, and our stance is basically our posture, that we move through the world in how we sort of react to things, and the two's posture is always looking towards others.
00:26:44.606 -->
00:26:58.028They want to get the feedback from others and again, this is subconscious Most of our living, our most of our living, 95 of our living, is autopilot right so it's comes in, coming out of the subconscious, uh part of us.
00:26:58.128 -->
00:27:05.516So that's what twos do, uh, they want to make sure every everybody's okay so ones and twos are both in the dependent stance.
00:27:05.615 -->
00:27:09.520Just to clarify yeah sure yeah, yeah, do we cover twos?
00:27:09.661 -->
00:27:09.901Yeah.
00:27:10.020 -->
00:27:10.321Threes.
00:27:10.821 -->
00:27:12.203Go for it Uh.
00:27:12.344 -->
00:27:12.644Three.
00:27:12.644 -->
00:27:15.728The word for three is the achiever, performer, um.
00:27:15.728 -->
00:27:17.569Threes are um.
00:27:17.569 -->
00:27:25.420They are also in what we call the image triad, so they're very aware of how other people experience them and so they.
00:27:25.420 -->
00:27:32.367They don't necessarily move towards others the way that the twos or the ones might, but they're very in tune with.
00:27:32.367 -->
00:27:35.351Okay, when I step into this space, what's expected of me?
00:27:35.351 -->
00:27:39.201What do other people perceive as successful?
00:27:39.201 -->
00:27:41.105And they're able to kind of meet that expectation.
00:27:41.105 -->
00:27:44.095Threes highly value efficiency.
00:27:44.095 -->
00:27:50.689They're typically very hardworking and very focused on productivity.
00:27:50.689 -->
00:27:54.758For a three, they equate admiration with love.
00:27:54.778 -->
00:27:56.101They deeply want to be admired.
00:27:56.101 -->
00:28:07.137Um, and they are not in the dependent stance here, the aggressive or, what I like to say, assertive stance right, Because aggressive has a little bit of negative connotation.
00:28:07.258 -->
00:28:07.538Right which?
00:28:07.577 -->
00:28:10.984really what that means is people in the aggressive, assertive stance.
00:28:10.984 -->
00:28:16.575They are willing to move against others in order to get what they want right.
00:28:16.575 -->
00:28:21.467So they've kind of got their eye on the prize or on the goal and they'll kind of do what it takes to get there.
00:28:22.816 -->
00:28:33.096So when you think about a three who's achievement-oriented eye on the prize, the one who is perfection oriented, Can you delineate a little bit of that?
00:28:33.096 -->
00:28:34.038That's a good question.
00:28:34.660 -->
00:28:43.277Um, because actually they're the subtype of the three, which is a self-preserving three, looks a lot like a one, and so that's a really good question and clarifying question.
00:28:43.277 -->
00:28:53.645Um, one thing is that, uh, while threes highly value efficiency, they, they, they're okay to cut corners as long as they get the job done and it looks good enough.
00:28:53.645 -->
00:29:02.969Got it Because they want to get a lot of jobs done right, whereas the one really values being thorough and doing it precisely and perfectly right.
00:29:02.969 -->
00:29:11.044They will dot their I's and cross their T's and take time doing it, and the three doesn't quite have that inner critic voice.
00:29:11.044 -->
00:29:32.443They're more focused on again, like how am I being experienced by those around me and how can I set myself up to be admired, whereas the one has this innate sense of what is right and what is moral and they will stick with that kind of regardless of the environment, right.
00:29:32.784 -->
00:29:35.368Okay, that makes sense, no that's good.
00:29:36.176 -->
00:29:38.163Ones are going for goodness.
00:29:38.163 -->
00:29:39.979Threes are going for admiration.
00:29:40.740 -->
00:29:41.000Okay.
00:29:41.342 -->
00:29:41.542Yeah.
00:29:42.084 -->
00:29:44.009Okay, makes sense.
00:29:44.569 -->
00:29:45.511Four, fours.
00:29:45.511 -->
00:29:46.273I'll let you do fours.
00:29:46.974 -->
00:29:55.806Fours are the people that desire to be unique and they are very connected to their hearts.
00:29:55.806 -->
00:30:03.684They're also in the image triad, so the twos, threes and fours are in the image triad, which is most concerned with connections and relationships.
00:30:03.684 -->
00:30:26.534Those three numbers and we call that the heart triad also, okay and fours just have a need to be special, a need to stand out and to be separate for their uniqueness, and they have a great deal of empathy, like a superpower of empathy, okay.
00:30:26.534 -->
00:30:42.009And they also have this huge range of emotions, and so the fours can often feel deeply saddened in one moment and 10 minutes later be elated over something.
00:30:42.009 -->
00:30:53.519Fours are the person you want to sit with you in your pain and sorrow, because they will sit with you in that, whereas other numbers are ready to go okay enough let's go
00:30:53.539 -->
00:30:58.915um force can usually sit a long time in that and they can sit a long time in their own.
00:30:58.915 -->
00:31:12.468They want to deeply feel that to them is a source of life where other types want to avoid feeling certain feelings or the depth of emotions because it's disruptive.
00:31:12.468 -->
00:31:19.347For fours it feels like they're living, no matter how good or bad that emotion is.
00:31:19.347 -->
00:31:26.127Fours have this innate superpower of bringing beauty to the world.
00:31:26.127 -->
00:31:35.275They tend to be very creative, the world.
00:31:35.275 -->
00:31:40.824They tend to be very creative, Very often people in the arts of any kind, whether it's music or performing or textiles, whatever it is.
00:31:40.824 -->
00:31:49.679They just have this real gift of creativity and so the world is a better place because of that.
00:31:49.679 -->
00:31:58.250And they have this ideal world of everybody being special and unique and getting along.
00:31:58.250 -->
00:32:06.066And they can be super challenging because they're probably the most misunderstood.
00:32:07.107 -->
00:32:07.568Interesting.
00:32:07.694 -->
00:32:13.756And at their core they believe that there's something innately missing in them that everybody else has, yeah, and so for them.
00:32:13.756 -->
00:32:15.319They oftentimes really struggle with envy.
00:32:17.655 -->
00:32:20.598And I'm glad you brought that up, that is true.
00:32:20.598 -->
00:32:30.473So that feeling inside of them of something's lacking is always there.
00:32:30.473 -->
00:32:38.407Okay, so there's a lot of of unconscious comparison going on with the four and they don't ever measure up.
00:32:38.407 -->
00:32:46.506So part of their uniqueness, part of their way of being, is trying to prove that they do have something to bring to the table.
00:32:46.506 -->
00:32:48.430Wow, yeah, yeah.
00:32:48.430 -->
00:32:51.760So any questions on the four?
00:32:52.242 -->
00:32:55.416No, I love, I love how you all are putting this out.
00:32:55.416 -->
00:33:00.548There is that, there's this, there's this bottom line Humanity is beautiful.
00:33:00.548 -->
00:33:17.284Now I understand, when we operate out of our as y'all are saying our false self, our adoptive self, that we can be painful to other people, but the uniqueness of each type of person is just so beautiful to observe and to think about.
00:33:17.284 -->
00:33:31.943Okay, moving toward this type of individual, this is what would be so helpful for me to offer to connect, not that I need to change me, I just need to understand them.
00:33:31.943 -->
00:33:47.185And it's knowing, it's giving, maybe, parameters, not not to sound confining, but it's giving parameters to how people may show up for you or with you, and knowing how to be curious in that.
00:33:47.185 -->
00:33:49.215So this is, to me, this.
00:33:49.215 -->
00:33:59.732That's what I love about the Enneagram is learning those parameters of this is how they may show up and it's unique to them, which is beautiful because then we can explore it.
00:33:59.933 -->
00:34:06.913Yes, so we move to the five which is the, the five is the investigator or observer.
00:34:06.913 -->
00:34:10.164I was thinking you were going to say explorer because of what I said.
00:34:10.195 -->
00:34:10.597Yeah, that's true.
00:34:10.597 -->
00:34:12.617Yeah, the explorer with the explorer.
00:34:12.617 -->
00:34:15.186I'm just kidding um fives are.
00:34:15.206 -->
00:34:20.445We talked about stances a minute ago and fours and fives are both in what's called the withdrawing stance, so they go inward.
00:34:20.445 -->
00:34:23.394Um, fives really live in their head.
00:34:23.394 -->
00:34:26.119They're in the head triad uh, which means they.
00:34:26.119 -->
00:34:35.983A familiar emotion to them is anxiety or worry, um, but for a five, the kind of this concept that knowledge is power is sort of what drives them.
00:34:35.983 -->
00:34:48.458They accumulate and um uh, gather as much information as they can Um, and that uh that helps them to feel competent, which is one of their top values, is competency.
00:34:49.101 -->
00:34:53.297Um, fives also have, uh, a lot of fives that I've talked to.
00:34:53.297 -->
00:35:22.199It's almost like they have this visual of a battery or or a tank of gas and they start the day like this and they're watching it start to go down and they've kind of got to be back in their safe space before they're they're out of juice, um, and so they're, they're out of juice, and so they're very aware of and focused on preserving their energy, which means that they oftentimes aren't the quickest to willingly share, whether it's knowledge or insight.
00:35:22.199 -->
00:35:33.128Fives are oftentimes the wisest on the Enneagram, but they're not quick to share that insight and wisdom Because, again, they're so focused on preserving their capacity and their energy.
00:35:33.856 -->
00:35:40.248So would a self-preserving five look different than a more preserving than a five?
00:35:40.248 -->
00:35:48.963Yes, and a social five would still be looking at that gas gauge, so to speak, but they would be a little more willing to connect.
00:35:48.963 -->
00:36:00.231While there's a the, the one-on-one five, that's really linked together with that one person, but they're still watching that as if they were self-preserving.
00:36:00.231 -->
00:36:06.266I bet that's an interesting subtype to uncover and discover with a five.
00:36:06.266 -->
00:36:06.786Yeah.
00:36:06.806 -->
00:36:17.130Cause the fives, you know they they hoard their resources because of that false belief that they won't have enough to get through the day.
00:36:17.130 -->
00:36:23.027So they're constantly measuring what they can give and what they need to just hold on to.
00:36:23.027 -->
00:36:33.041And, like Jenny said, their head is their castle, it's their favorite place to be and they can be super creative fives and creating in there.
00:36:33.041 -->
00:36:50.902Many of our really brilliant people are fives and they spend so much time in their head, you know, coming up with ideas, huge solutions to the world's problems, and so it is interesting.
00:36:51.001 -->
00:37:00.307But the fives, also because of that, they are the most emotionally detached of all the types.
00:37:00.307 -->
00:37:27.686They value their information more than they value emotional connections often, and so you see them really withdrawing and holding on to that, because that information, that proficiency of what they own, is everything to them and they are willing to share it if you're willing to listen.
00:37:27.686 -->
00:37:36.018But if they share it and you really aren't paying attention, they're like a turtle, they'll go back into their shell and they're not ever going to share that again.
00:37:36.018 -->
00:37:38.523So they risked it one time.
00:37:38.523 -->
00:37:43.880If it's well received, that's really good, but if not, it's backed off Wow.
00:37:44.320 -->
00:37:44.541Wow.
00:37:45.021 -->
00:37:49.789Okay, you can imagine a five with a four wing or a four with a five wing has a lot of internal.
00:37:50.070 -->
00:37:51.295Yeah, there's a lot of.
00:37:51.295 -->
00:38:00.927There's the opportunity for a lot of internal turmoil, but there's also an opportunity to be tapped in to.
00:38:00.927 -->
00:38:02.690I mean, like you could take over the world.
00:38:02.811 -->
00:38:12.806Yeah, a five with a four, I think, is a real gift, because it does have that emotional connection there when the five with the six, they're both in their heads all the time, Gotcha.
00:38:13.936 -->
00:38:15.041So moving to the six.
00:38:15.315 -->
00:38:16.322Moving to the six.
00:38:16.342 -->
00:38:17.911Do you want to do six or me?
00:38:17.911 -->
00:38:18.253I don't know.
00:38:18.815 -->
00:38:20.121Oh, you do sevens, I'll do six.
00:38:20.121 -->
00:38:38.608So five, sixes and sevens, where the twos, threes and fours were all in the emotional heart, most concerned with relationships and connections, the fives, sixes and sevens are in what we call the head triad, or the intellectual side.
00:38:38.608 -->
00:38:42.885They are always in their heads so they think their way through life.
00:38:42.885 -->
00:38:44.661They don't feel their way through life.
00:38:44.661 -->
00:38:45.920They think their way through life.
00:38:45.920 -->
00:38:49.514They don't feel their way through life, they think their way through life.
00:38:49.514 -->
00:38:52.135And so for the sixes.
00:38:52.195 -->
00:38:58.068The sixes are constantly thinking, but what they want most, which all of the ones in this head triad want, certainty and security.
00:38:58.068 -->
00:39:00.684That's what the head space is going for.
00:39:00.684 -->
00:39:06.148The sixes, especially, are going for security and certainty.
00:39:06.148 -->
00:39:10.481And the sixes are in the dependent stance, so they're looking towards others.
00:39:10.481 -->
00:39:12.822They want the world to be a safe place.
00:39:12.822 -->
00:39:20.543And so if you're a type six, you often, if you go into a restaurant, you're going to sit where you can see the door.
00:39:20.543 -->
00:39:22.242You want to know where the exits are.
00:39:22.242 -->
00:39:25.284You want to know what you have to do to get out of there if something goes down.
00:39:26.936 -->
00:39:39.976I mean, that's sort of an extreme example, but it's not uncommon right so sixes are keenly aware of how secure they are in the world and they're concerned with everybody's security.
00:39:39.976 -->
00:39:48.670So they tend to be very communal in their concern and putting things in place that benefit all of the group.
00:39:48.670 -->
00:39:52.302They're in the society they're a part of, whatever it is right?
00:39:52.322 -->
00:39:54.990um, because sixes are always in their head.
00:39:54.990 -->
00:40:14.650They have a high level of anxiety, a high level of worry, and so their wheels are always spinning in their head, but they're never really at rest or at peace because they are constantly thinking of worst case scenarios that, well, this might happen.
00:40:14.650 -->
00:40:16.983Well, if that doesn't happen, this could happen.
00:40:16.983 -->
00:40:19.083And if that doesn't happen, well, this could happen.
00:40:19.083 -->
00:40:27.730So they're creating plans all the time plan A, plan B, plan C, plan D to cover their bases if something goes wrong.
00:40:27.730 -->
00:40:29.559Plan B, plan C, plan D to cover their bases if something goes wrong.
00:40:29.559 -->
00:40:37.045But they spend so much of their energy concerned with what might happen they're not liberated to live in the now.
00:40:37.045 -->
00:40:37.527Right.
00:40:37.936 -->
00:40:41.206And what is good and true about now.
00:40:41.876 -->
00:40:52.768And what's so fascinating about what you're describing to me is, I think about you know, when I was trying to type myself thinking well, but I identify with that I.
00:40:52.768 -->
00:40:59.827I walk in and I look at the restaurant and I'm like what's the best view that I can have in this restaurant to see everything.
00:40:59.827 -->
00:41:02.878And you think, oh gosh, okay, well then maybe I'm a six.
00:41:02.878 -->
00:41:06.284And then I think, well, wait, what's the motivation for that?
00:41:06.284 -->
00:41:10.849The motivation in my mind is not so that am I safe?
00:41:10.849 -->
00:41:13.083The motivation in my mind is I want to see everything.
00:41:13.617 -->
00:41:16.739I want to experience everything and I might see somebody.
00:41:16.820 -->
00:41:18.659I know and I want to say hi.
00:41:19.115 -->
00:41:27.987But there's also that space of I am always thinking and planning, but it's not the worst case scenario, it's for best case scenario.
00:41:27.987 -->
00:41:49.005It's for best case scenario, it's how to maximize things, and so I think that that's what I love about the Enneagram is that it truly is about motivation, and that's why the test, those online quizzes, are probably not as accurate, because are we being prompted in each question?
00:41:49.005 -->
00:41:51.422What's your motivation behind this?
00:41:52.195 -->
00:41:53.981And how many of us are aware of our motivations?
00:41:53.981 -->
00:42:00.614Right, and so we usually right, because we don't know that again, that's that perceptual understanding of ourselves.
00:42:00.815 -->
00:42:01.920Are we aware of that?
00:42:01.920 -->
00:42:03.599No, not always.
00:42:03.599 -->
00:42:06.143Well, I would say very rarely are we aware?
00:42:06.143 -->
00:42:07.521I think we in this field have a an advantage.
00:42:07.521 -->
00:42:08.487Well, it would say very rarely are we aware.
00:42:08.487 -->
00:42:09.594I think we in this field have an advantage.
00:42:09.594 -->
00:42:14.605Well, it could be an advantage if we utilize it to really think through.
00:42:14.605 -->
00:42:15.608Wait, what is it?
00:42:15.608 -->
00:42:17.382Why is it that I do this?
00:42:17.382 -->
00:42:28.822Yes, not to beat ourselves to death with that Right, but it truly is to discover, curiously Right To discover yourself and those around you, right, okay, so the sixes are plagued with a lot of self-doubt.
00:42:28.922 -->
00:42:29.163Right.
00:42:29.443 -->
00:42:35.010And so where the ones have the critic in their head, the sixes tend to have a committee in their head.
00:42:35.010 -->
00:42:35.291Right.
00:42:35.755 -->
00:42:37.414And so they don't trust themselves.
00:42:37.414 -->
00:42:56.960And so in their mind, they'll go around to different people in mind, they'll also physically go to different people to check out things before they make a decision for themselves, because they just simply don't trust that inner voice of assuring them that, yes, they can go for it, they can do it.
00:42:56.960 -->
00:43:13.483So the sixes have to really draw up a lot of courage to move through the world and get what they want what a beautiful thing to observe in a six and to celebrate with them and and superpower of the six is they.
00:43:13.664 -->
00:43:22.123They are incredibly loyal people, like incredibly, and like my sixes that are or, I'm sorry, my friends that are sixes.
00:43:22.123 -->
00:43:27.525Those are the ones that I probably am in touch with the most because they make the effort to reach out.
00:43:27.525 -->
00:43:30.960Um, so they're really good friends.
00:43:30.960 -->
00:43:44.797And the other, the other beauty that they bring, I would say, is that they're oftentimes they are prepared for things right, I love being on a play date with another mom who's a six, cause she's got an extra bandaid, she's got extra snacks, like she is ready.
00:43:44.836 -->
00:43:50.485She's got the Mary Poppins bag bag I'm like thank you you know, so I do I just think it's so important.
00:43:50.525 -->
00:43:51.586It's easy to look at.
00:43:51.586 -->
00:44:01.338You know the the pitfalls or the downside of each type and but, like you said earlier, every single type brings a unique beauty to the world.
00:44:01.338 -->
00:44:03.505I think that's so important to highlight.
00:44:03.606 -->
00:44:06.936Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, on to the seven seven.
00:44:06.956 -->
00:44:08.021do you want to talk about seven?
00:44:08.061 -->
00:44:10.342No, no, I would love to hear y'all's take on this.
00:44:11.385 -->
00:44:13.934Um, okay, so sevens are like we've mentioned.
00:44:13.934 -->
00:44:24.914They're pain avoiders, um, and how that manifests is they're they're looking at all their options again in their head and, like you said, they're not necessarily scanning worst case scenario.
00:44:24.914 -->
00:44:26.518They're looking at all the options.
00:44:26.518 -->
00:44:28.541Right, sevens want options.
00:44:28.541 -->
00:44:36.103There's this fear of being trapped, and because if they get trapped, they might get stuck in pain, and that is their worst fear.
00:44:36.103 -->
00:44:38.648And so they're always creating options.
00:44:38.648 -->
00:44:40.498We kind of joke.
00:44:40.498 -->
00:44:42.347The sevens are the ones who you know.
00:44:42.347 -->
00:44:44.394They want one of everything on the menu.
00:44:44.574 -->
00:44:49.903We just want to try it all you know they tend to be adventurers, tend to be life of the party people.
00:44:49.903 -->
00:44:54.657Um, there's something that is very magnetic about a sevens personality.
00:44:54.657 -->
00:44:56.161People are drawn to them.
00:44:56.161 -->
00:44:59.416Um, they do enjoy having fun, they're up for an adventure.
00:44:59.416 -->
00:45:06.581They tend to be, yes, people, and so they're really fun to have around, for sure, um, but again, what's the motivation?
00:45:06.581 -->
00:45:06.943Right?
00:45:06.943 -->
00:45:15.407A lot of times it's creating the options and bringing the energy, so as not to have to connect with the pain that is.
00:45:15.407 -->
00:45:17.818That is an inevitable part of life, right?
00:45:17.818 -->
00:45:22.047Um, I'm trying to think of what else about sevens are so much.
00:45:22.976 -->
00:45:25.161Yeah, sevens are very charismatic.
00:45:25.161 -->
00:45:28.088Like you said, they really endear people to them.
00:45:28.088 -->
00:45:32.505They have a high, high, high amount of energy.
00:45:32.505 -->
00:45:40.815They tend to go, go, go, and when we say they're pain avoiders, it can also be just negativity.
00:45:40.815 -->
00:45:45.840You know, anything that kind of lowers their own energetic level.
00:45:45.840 -->
00:46:07.322They want to avoid that if they can, and they will sometimes be non-committal because if they commit to something that feels like they're trapped and locked in and that means if something better comes along, they can't do it.
00:46:07.322 -->
00:46:13.023So they would rather, if you ask them to do something, they'll say instead of oh, yes, put it on my calendar.
00:46:13.023 -->
00:46:13.525Good to go.
00:46:13.525 -->
00:46:15.862They'll often say that sounds really great.
00:46:15.862 -->
00:46:17.300Yeah, check back with me on that.
00:46:17.300 -->
00:46:18.800I think that would be really fun.
00:46:19.115 -->
00:46:20.641Well unhealthy seven would say that.
00:46:20.641 -->
00:46:38.371I think unhealthy sevens would say yes in the moment because it sounds fun but if something better comes along, they have no problem and the thing about it is, is sevens don't take things as personally.
00:46:39.010 -->
00:46:45.574So if they better deal, yeah, they don't think that's a big deal, because if somebody did that to them they wouldn't mind so much.
00:46:45.574 -->
00:46:51.891They kind of get it, but for those that don't get it, it can feel very personal yeah.
00:46:52.090 -->
00:46:59.128Well and they're not taking things personally to that point they are one of their gifts is they can reframe things immediately, right?
00:46:59.128 -->
00:46:59.456So they're.
00:46:59.456 -->
00:47:02.945They're kind of the eternal optimist until they're not.
00:47:02.945 -->
00:47:15.358But they, because they're so optimistic and wanting to see the good and experience the good, they are so quick to reframe anything, anything that may be perceived as negative.
00:47:15.358 -->
00:47:21.289They can very quickly spin it and make it seem fine, or even good or positive.
00:47:22.436 -->
00:47:31.197So they're one of the idealist types that wants an ideal world that's free of pain, and they see the silver lining in every cloud.
00:47:31.918 -->
00:47:35.666yeah, that makes a lot of sense and thank goodness for sevens.
00:47:35.726 -->
00:47:41.713It makes the world of much more fun and adventurous, that is true, they tend to be impulsive too.
00:47:41.713 -->
00:47:44.887That's something yes, they do, because they they think and then act.
00:47:44.887 -->
00:47:49.844They're pretty disconnected from their feelings and they also think if one is good, then 10 is better.
00:47:49.925 -->
00:47:53.621Yes, More is always better, that's right.
00:47:53.641 -->
00:47:53.842Right.
00:47:54.021 -->
00:47:55.626Did we miss anything you want to add?
00:47:56.755 -->
00:47:58.483No, I think you covered it all.
00:47:58.483 -->
00:48:01.099Yes, and I'm feeling very bare right now.
00:48:01.099 -->
00:48:01.641No, I'm kidding.
00:48:01.641 -->
00:48:16.365No, I'm kidding Because I think you do bring up a really interesting point is that there is a healthy side to each of these numbers and then there is an unhealthy side to each of these numbers, and there's that space of learning.
00:48:16.445 -->
00:48:20.730Again, to me, like you all started out the conversation, this is a tool.
00:48:20.730 -->
00:48:36.278It's a tool of discovery, and in discovery we, then it creates options, and those options are we can operate in a healthy manner or we can operate in an avoidant manner, and sometimes it's knowing that.
00:48:36.278 -->
00:49:12.105My option is that, yeah, I'm going to have to do some things here that I may not enjoy and I'm going to have to be hemmed in a little bit if I say yes to this, but let our yes be yes and our no be no, and let's be loyal and our no be no, and let's be loyal and stick to the things that we need to stick to, because that may be something that I, that there may be a knee jerk reaction to that, but I get to act opposite action, you know, to emotion or to to fear, and that I, we get to move through and we may look like a different number, but it's because we're operating out of a healthy space, right?
00:49:12.105 -->
00:49:14.101So I just think that's really.
00:49:14.101 -->
00:49:16.813That's the joy of understanding yourself.
00:49:17.034 -->
00:49:18.539Yeah, okay, on to the eight.
00:49:18.539 -->
00:49:20.101One more thing about sevens.
00:49:20.101 -->
00:49:28.505Sevens also tend not to be terribly emotionally connected to themselves, because they want everything to be light and happy.
00:49:28.505 -->
00:49:38.398And sevens often look like threes because they're actually more interested in their image than you would think.
00:49:38.398 -->
00:49:43.188But it's a big part of sevens is how are other people perceiving me?
00:49:43.454 -->
00:49:45.219I want to be the fun person I want to be light.
00:49:45.239 -->
00:50:01.528Yeah right, yeah, so okay, moving on to eights, so eights are in the gut triad, or what we also call the instinctual triad, and these are people that respond from that just sense of knowing okay.
00:50:01.528 -->
00:50:06.599So they're not thinking their way through life, they're not feeling their way through life, they're sensing their way through life.
00:50:06.599 -->
00:50:17.032So eights are typically very strong people because they want to avoid weakness and vulnerability.
00:50:17.032 -->
00:50:24.427They tend to be leaders because they're also in that aggressive stance.
00:50:24.427 -->
00:50:31.764By the way, sevens are also in the aggressive, assertive stance, so they'll go against others to get what they want.
00:50:32.326 -->
00:50:35.389And eights, Sevens do it in such a charming way you don't realize.
00:50:40.275 -->
00:50:41.056Yeah, they bring you along with them.
00:50:41.056 -->
00:50:45.623Eights, on the other hand, tend to just kind of put their foot down and go no, I'm doing this, you know, and so they are strong.
00:50:45.623 -->
00:51:07.875But people are often drawn to eights because of their strength, and that can be a very magnetic pull for people that want that in their life, that aren't oriented towards really stepping up or standing up, and so they'll look to eights for that leadership and guidance.
00:51:07.954 -->
00:51:09.237And so they'll look to eights for that leadership and guidance.
00:51:09.237 -->
00:51:21.070Eights are really, underneath the surface, very sensitive people and they want to do well for people.
00:51:21.070 -->
00:51:31.815They want to have an influence in people's lives and they want to have an influence for good in people's lives.
00:51:31.815 -->
00:51:44.652They are often um impulsive, like sevens, because they're very quick at making decisions.
00:51:44.652 -->
00:51:50.380Like eights sum up things really quickly, they'll assess something and they will have a decision like that and they don't tend to go back on that decision.
00:51:50.380 -->
00:51:57.483Now they can be talked out of it, if you know, with somebody coming up with a reasonable reason to consider things differently.
00:51:57.483 -->
00:51:59.695But they're just real quick assessors.
00:51:59.695 -->
00:52:04.166They move through life very quickly and they move forward through life.
00:52:04.166 -->
00:52:11.958Eights don't tend to look back and eights have a way of communicating that can be very cut and dry.
00:52:11.958 -->
00:52:23.938They're not couching their language in softness or flowery language, not because they want to hurt anybody.
00:52:24.139 -->
00:52:24.820They don't.
00:52:25.101 -->
00:52:30.507They simply are so moving forward.
00:52:30.507 -->
00:52:33.050They want to get things done.
00:52:33.050 -->
00:52:40.677They don't want to spend a lot of time on extraneous conversations because that gets in the way of getting things done.
00:52:40.677 -->
00:52:45.356And eights have the most amount of energy of all the numbers on the Enneagram.
00:52:45.356 -->
00:52:52.809Sevens are right behind them, but eights just, and they can be like a bull in a china shop.
00:52:52.809 -->
00:52:59.474They don't mean to, but it's like they have blinders on going through life.
00:52:59.534 -->
00:53:09.440Especially the unhealthier you are, you're not very aware of how you're impacting others, and so the healthier you are, you're taking that into consideration.
00:53:09.440 -->
00:53:14.018It'll modify your language, you'll slow down and bring people along.
00:53:14.018 -->
00:53:26.402But eights are the type that if they give you something to do, they expect you to do it, and if you don't, they'll take it away from you and do it themselves, um, real quickly.
00:53:26.402 -->
00:53:36.077So eights are um, not eights get each other so we're not offended.
00:53:36.077 -->
00:53:47.101We, we like the directness of how you talk to one another directly when, and can get underneath real quickly and not be offended by it.
00:53:47.101 -->
00:53:53.471But eights can offend other people if they're not aware of how they're coming across.
00:53:53.471 -->
00:54:00.784Like I can't tell you how many times my husband will say do you know what you just sounded like and I'll go.
00:54:00.784 -->
00:54:04.500Oh, I'm so sorry, we don't mean to.
00:54:05.135 -->
00:54:07.081It's just the way it comes out so quickly.
00:54:07.724 -->
00:54:10.117Yes, yes.
00:54:10.217 -->
00:54:10.759Yes, do you want to add?
00:54:10.798 -->
00:54:11.561anything about AIDS.
00:54:11.561 -->
00:54:28.835Um, you mentioned the fear of vulnerability and and I think even just making that connection, that they move so quickly and are so focused on, kind of um, maintaining a sense of control and getting the job done, and that is a self-protective mechanism right.
00:54:28.835 -->
00:54:37.402Like that's a self-defense that keeps them from really being able to connect with themselves and and connect with others.
00:54:37.402 -->
00:54:39.083Right, it's that kind of that is true.
00:54:39.224 -->
00:54:47.965And in fact I'm glad you brought that up, because eight, nines and ones, those are the types that are in the gut instinctual triad.
00:54:47.965 -->
00:55:01.115Those types are most concerned with power and control, and that is why anger is the most familiar emotion for all three of those types.
00:55:01.115 -->
00:55:03.699Now they manage that anger differently.
00:55:03.699 -->
00:55:14.159Eights tend to be more explosive and say it like it is, and so that's why, when something happens, they feel it in the body.
00:55:14.159 -->
00:55:17.907They're real, connected to what the feelings in the body are.
00:55:17.907 -->
00:55:30.958So, whether it's a tummy ache over something, a headache over something, a shoulder strain, something is intuitively going on that they need to be aware of because they're feeling it in their body.
00:55:30.958 -->
00:56:02.364And so eights are oriented towards the future and, like I said, they don't tend to look back, which means not all eights are great at keeping up relationships of chapters in their life in the past, not because they don't dearly love those people, but because there's people in the future that they're they're having to move towards Right, and so power and control is that that thing that most drives the eights, nines and ones.
00:56:02.364 -->
00:56:07.996So, but the power and control is so important to these three numbers we all have a need for.
00:56:07.951 -->
00:56:09.157Power and control is so important to these three numbers?
00:56:09.157 -->
00:56:12.706We all have a need for power and control, we all have a need for connections and relationship.
00:56:12.706 -->
00:56:22.293We all have a need for safety and security, right, but we have a dominant need, depending on what your type is, and this is the dominant need of the eights Makes sense.
00:56:22.293 -->
00:57:12.545So, moving on to the nines, our last number that we're going to talk about, these are called the peacekeepers and nines, interestingly enough, have a connection to anger, but you don't see it so much Because nines manage their anger by pushing it down, by suppressing their anger, because nines have a desire to not have their inward peace disrupted, and having to deal with things that bother them disrupt their inner peace, and so nines tend to go through life like this where fours have these emotions like this, nines have their emotions like this so nines are totally steady and fours are peaking and valleys.
00:57:12.586 -->
00:57:14.840Yes, lots of back and forth.
00:57:14.920 -->
00:57:31.594Right, yes, yes, and the nines have a disconnect of knowing who they are and knowing what they want, of knowing who they are and knowing what they want.
00:57:31.594 -->
00:57:38.728It's much easier to ask a nine what they don't want, because they can identify that better than asking them what they want.
00:57:38.728 -->
00:57:42.565So if you're going to go to dinner, don't ask a nine where do you want to go to dinner?
00:57:42.565 -->
00:57:44.561There's way too big of a question.
00:57:44.561 -->
00:57:48.083They have no idea, but you can start narrowing it down for them.
00:57:48.083 -->
00:57:49.378Do you want Asian food?
00:57:49.378 -->
00:57:50.141Do you want Mexican food?
00:57:50.141 -->
00:57:50.563Do you want that?
00:57:50.563 -->
00:57:54.139Okay, now we've landed on Asian food, here's three picks.
00:57:54.139 -->
00:57:57.460You know, and I will force.
00:57:58.282 -->
00:58:15.148We have all of the types in our family because our family is so large, we get to practice with every type practice with every time, and I will force our nines to make decisions, because they could easily just acquiesce to what the group wants or what the other person wants.
00:58:15.329 -->
00:58:20.686Right and and they ultimately believe their voice doesn't really matter that much for a nine.
00:58:20.686 -->
00:58:32.485A lot of times they have this mentality of I mean, if I wasn't there it wouldn't really make a difference, it wouldn't matter, which sounds sad to some of us, but to them that's not necessarily this like depressing, sad thing.
00:58:32.485 -->
00:58:42.686I think it actually kind of lets the pressure off a little bit right, like if I can believe, it doesn't really matter if I show up or not show up.
00:58:42.686 -->
00:58:45.224That allows me to keep my inner peace.
00:58:45.224 -->
00:59:01.606Nines are in the withdrawing stance and so that means they go inward right and the, the types in the withdrawing stance, they really do struggle to acknowledge the impact that they have on others because, again, they live inside Right.
00:59:01.688 -->
00:59:19.157Exactly, exactly, it's interesting because each there's a group, there's groupings, as you all have pointed out there's the internalizing group, there's the externalizing group and then there's the group of trying to figure out the balance of the internal, external and what they're trying to achieve with all of that.
00:59:19.157 -->
00:59:35.679And I think the beauty again, this is a tool is that I think a lot of times when we look at a tool and we see a static well, I am an eight, I am a three, I am a seven, I am a whatever we think, well, I'm stuck there.
00:59:35.679 -->
00:59:38.639Well, I'm a seven, I don't do pain, so I'm not going to go to that.
00:59:38.639 -->
00:59:41.119I'm an eight, I deal in realism.
00:59:41.119 -->
00:59:43.565That hurt, sorry, that's the truth.
00:59:43.565 -->
00:59:44.617I'm a three.
00:59:44.617 -->
00:59:49.047Well, I'm achieving Sorry, that doesn't matter to me, you know.
00:59:49.047 -->
00:59:51.280Or I'm a six, hey, I want to be safe.
00:59:51.280 -->
00:59:54.288So if that impacts you in a negative way, sorry, I'm a six.
00:59:54.288 -->
01:00:00.148And I do see people use it this way where it is an immovable theme in their life.
01:00:00.755 -->
01:00:08.867But I think where the health of the Enneagram comes in is is this is a starting point of exploration and curiosity.
01:00:08.867 -->
01:00:11.016Now, how do I move beyond?
01:00:11.016 -->
01:00:13.641I didn't intend to hurt you.
01:00:13.641 -->
01:00:14.844Let me say that softer.
01:00:14.844 -->
01:00:16.847Whoa, that is painful.
01:00:16.847 -->
01:00:18.396I need to sit in that with you.
01:00:18.396 -->
01:00:22.527I don't want to, but I'm going to because that's what's best for both of us.
01:00:22.527 -->
01:00:25.940You know that's there an achievement and an efficiency.
01:00:25.940 -->
01:00:29.469Well, intimacy doesn't lend itself to efficiency.
01:00:29.469 -->
01:00:41.063Therefore, I need to sit in an intimate moment because efficiency could really drive the intimacy out of this, but I know that intimacy has its place as well.
01:00:41.063 -->
01:00:51.597So it's that moving through that, I think, is a starting point as a tool, not a static point, that's right, that's right, and not to wear your type as a badge of honor.
01:00:51.838 -->
01:00:59.369Right and never to beat one another up because well, I, you know, you do this because you're this or to justify.
01:00:59.369 -->
01:01:02.309Well, I do this because that's just who I am I'm an eight.
01:01:02.309 -->
01:01:07.871That's just arrogant and unproductive and unbeneficial, right.
01:01:07.871 -->
01:01:15.253And so the beauty, like you said, is moving underneath to recognize.
01:01:21.659 -->
01:01:34.356wow this is my way of being, but it's not the most beneficial way of being for me and can I grow out of that and until we get to that place of being honest with the reality of of who we are in our false self?
01:01:34.356 -->
01:01:42.501That's really where we meet jesus so deeply too, because we find that jesus meets us there and he's not judging us.
01:01:42.501 -->
01:01:48.753He knows how that developed and formed to survive in the world he wants to.
01:01:56.699 -->
01:01:59.547In the world he wants to walk with us out of that strong stronghold into a place of freedom and liberation Right.
01:01:59.568 -->
01:01:59.907And authenticity.
01:02:00.309 -->
01:02:01.070Yeah, I love that.
01:02:01.070 -->
01:02:12.760And so you all have taken the Enneagram and thank you for going through all the numbers, because it gives us a foundation for which for which for me to ask this next question.
01:02:12.760 -->
01:02:22.163So you all have taken the enneagram and you utilize it with teams, and so what's been your experience with that?
01:02:22.163 -->
01:02:22.925How is that?
01:02:22.925 -->
01:02:24.349What does that look like?
01:02:25.492 -->
01:02:26.195it's really fun.
01:02:26.275 -->
01:02:40.856First of all, it's really fun, um, I think I think one of the coolest parts of it is helping people to see themselves in a more honest light for the purpose of having compassion and understanding.
01:02:41.079 -->
01:03:21.672And again, this invitation of you don't have to stay stuck in how you've been functioning and operating, but within the context of a system, whether it's a family or a team, um, where where we've seen a lot of really just neat things happen or conversations, is when, when the people in that space begin to understand each other and see each other in a more honest light, right, and kind of like some of the examples you gave you, you begin to let certain experiences go and it doesn't feel so personal because you actually understand the motivation, right, or at least have space to be curious about what the motivation might be and to explore that.
01:03:21.960 -->
01:03:49.724But also it gives a lot of insight into how to move towards those individuals, those individuals, um, and then finally, in a work setting which we've worked with, a lot of um, of businesses and stuff is uh, kind of even like the roles that each person plays in that team and you know, is this the best fit as far as the role or job description, um, and you know maybe when their boss or manager is is having to have a difficult conversation.
01:03:49.724 -->
01:04:00.976This gives so much direction and freedom to have those conversations in a really productive, effective way.
01:04:00.976 -->
01:04:01.536Right.
01:04:02.340 -->
01:04:24.969Some of our businesses we've worked with have, after we've gone in and people have identified their type, they'll put on their outside their office door their name with their type and um, and again, it's not because we're putting you in that box, it's giving people an understanding of a deeper part of how you see the world.
01:04:24.969 -->
01:04:50.197And then when I come in and have a conversation with you and I remember, oh yeah, you're seven, then I can shift and expand my own understanding and even communicate differently, because the way we solve problems, the way we have conversations and having to have hard conversations, we can adapt that to the person's style.
01:04:50.197 -->
01:04:51.659Now, that takes a lot of work, it's not going to be a one time thing.
01:04:51.659 -->
01:04:52.679We can adapt that to the person's style of.
01:04:53.139 -->
01:05:14.690Now that takes a lot of work, it's not going to be a one-time thing, but then when you use that in families because we've done it with families also, and they begin to understand their children or the spouses understand each other, you really are opening the door to a different way of communicating and a different way of understanding.
01:05:14.690 -->
01:05:19.331But again, like your work, it takes a lot of self-awareness.
01:05:19.331 -->
01:05:25.592It takes intentionality and attentionality to be able to do the work.
01:05:25.592 -->
01:05:30.391So for some people, the Enneagram is just kind of a fun thing to learn about and they never do anything with it.
01:05:30.391 -->
01:05:33.284Some people, the Enneagram is just kind of a fun thing to learn about and they never do anything with it.
01:05:33.284 -->
01:05:42.996And for others, they want to live out of who Jesus says they are the truth of their being and not the egoic way of our being.
01:05:45.822 -->
01:05:51.409What a beautiful service to offer, because you're offering a tool.
01:05:51.409 -->
01:06:30.699Because I'm thinking about like a couple, and if you have like, say, a six and a seven that end up together as a husband and a wife, you have someone who is always preparing for the negative, someone who's always living for the positive, and there could either be a whole lot of symbiosis there, right, that could go positive or negative, but there also could be some explosiveness there that does not go towards the positive and understanding from where they're coming, that there's a, there could be a lot of freedom, right.
01:06:30.699 -->
01:06:39.262Or if you have, say, a two and a seven who get together, you, the two, would be so oriented to the seven, and the seven being oriented to themselves.
01:06:39.262 -->
01:06:48.192There's that space of like do you just take right, and so, again, it's that, it's, you know, an an eight being with a nine.
01:06:48.601 -->
01:06:54.809I'm happy to tell you how the world needs to look Right and the nine's happy to let you take charge.
01:06:55.480 -->
01:06:58.449And in unhealth, that's what we do, right, you know.
01:06:58.780 -->
01:07:08.275And having that roadmap of something that is not only an understanding but a space to begin exploration.
01:07:08.275 -->
01:07:11.204I mean, because you know I think about.
01:07:11.204 -->
01:07:13.931In any realm, I don't care what your number is.
01:07:13.931 -->
01:07:20.000If someone says go paint the universe, that's overwhelming, yeah.
01:07:20.000 -->
01:07:28.530But if somebody says hey, I want you to start here, I want you to explore this area, I want you to see what you think, what resonates with you.
01:07:28.530 -->
01:07:32.367Even the tool itself is self-discovery.
01:07:32.789 -->
01:07:35.355Right, right, brilliant, yeah.
01:07:35.355 -->
01:07:53.032And I think the other great thing about the Enneagram is it is a tool of self-discovery and in our egoic way of being, it's so much easier to see the flaws in others, to want to blame others and not to look inward at the self.
01:07:53.032 -->
01:08:17.350But once we do, once we take ownership, once we start doing the work, even the things that others do that maybe used to really bother us or annoy us start to be more minimal and diminish the impact that others ways of being used to impact us in a big in.
01:08:17.371 -->
01:08:43.166Exactly one of my favorite things that I kind of discovered this year is where I can't remember whether it's Matthew mark I'm sorry I don't have the address for it but where the man comes to Jesus at this it might have been the parable of the sheep and the goats and they come to Jesus and he says get away from me, I don't know you.
01:08:43.166 -->
01:08:48.024And they said but I did this in your name and I did this for you and I did this for you.
01:08:48.024 -->
01:08:52.990And it seems so harsh what Jesus is saying Get, I did this for you and I did this for you.
01:08:53.011 -->
01:08:56.097And it seems so harsh what Jesus is saying Get away from me.
01:08:56.097 -->
01:09:05.672I don't even know you Right and what I learned this year, and I don't know where I heard this or discovered this, but it was Jesus saying you're coming to me in your false self.
01:09:05.672 -->
01:09:07.466I don't know the false self.
01:09:07.466 -->
01:09:29.244I know the true self that I created and that's how you come to me, that's who you are, that's who I made you to be, and it is beautiful and it is perfect and it is lovely, and we keep trying to perform our way through this world and prove things, and we don't need to do any of that with him.
01:09:29.265 -->
01:09:32.494Yeah, prove things, and we don't need to do any of that with him.
01:09:32.494 -->
01:09:38.291Yeah, and what a beautiful space it could be that we would have a community where we didn't have to do that with each other.
01:09:38.291 -->
01:09:45.027Yeah, not to say that we could live out of a place of being reckless, but that we could also.
01:09:45.027 -->
01:10:03.282But that we could live authentically and say, yeah, that that is me, but I also need to consider you, and that we have space for each other, that we could allow ourselves to grow in authenticity, and that would that would be following.
01:10:03.282 -->
01:10:11.135What his whole plan was for us is to live authentic, to live out of our true sense of who we are.
01:10:11.135 -->
01:10:23.711And it's so beautiful that you all offer this to corporations, to businesses, to families, and what a what a beautiful service and what a wonderful tool.
01:10:23.711 -->
01:10:37.533So thank you for coming and sitting down with me to talk about this, and every time we talk about this, I feel like I always learn something, so thank you.
01:10:38.193 -->
01:10:41.036Thank you, it is a blast.
01:10:41.036 -->
01:10:42.117It's so much fun.
01:10:42.117 -->
01:10:45.381We feel like we're sevens when we're doing it.
01:10:45.402 -->
01:10:45.782I love it.
01:10:45.782 -->
01:10:54.069If you found value in our discussion and wish to uncover more about the fascinating world of mental wellness, don't forget to subscribe to the podcast.
01:10:54.069 -->
01:11:01.497Stay tuned for our upcoming episodes, where Dr Long will continue to delve into empowering therapies and strategies for mental wellness.
01:11:01.497 -->
01:11:08.748Your journey to understanding and embracing mental health is just beginning and we're excited to have you with us every step of the way.
01:11:08.748 -->
01:11:15.402Until next time, keep exploring, keep growing and remember to celebrate restored freedom as you uncover it.
01:11:15.402 -->
01:11:16.002Thank you.
