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Hello to all you fantastic parents out there, and a heartwarming winter welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
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I'm Cheryl Lang, your friendly parenting podcast elf, and I'm delighted to be back with another episode in our special TPP Yuletide series.
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Today, we're diving into the beautiful, uh, chaos of family holidays.
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While we all dream of that perfect white Christmas, and it's a wonderful white experience, our reality just often falls short, leaving us parents feeling disappointed.
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and stressed.
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Join me and our team as we unwrap the complexities of seasonal stress, discussing the art of setting realistic expectations, finding joy in simplicity, and truly embracing the spirit of the season.
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Get ready for a candid but uplifting conversation that we hope warms your parenting heart.
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Oh, much like a comforting cup of hot cocoa on a cold, wintry day.
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And again, I'm sorry to tell you, my microphone in particular was still glitching when we recorded this, so Thanks for understanding and your patience and maybe next time we'll have that resolved.
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So Okay, it seems that I end up with a question, because we've never discussed it, the really important questions of life as we're getting ready to talk about the holidays.
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Oh, wow, really?
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Oh,
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huh.
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Okay,
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do you you listen to Christmas music?
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And if you do how early?
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Do you have a line in the sand that it can, I mean, this we talk about the really important things.
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This is an important time.
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Last time in Santa Claus, now it's Christmas music.
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Where do you fall?
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I fall.
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Stop putting Christmas music on before Thanksgiving is even finished.
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I agree.
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By the time Christmas comes, especially if I've been out and about, I do not want to hear another Christmas song.
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Yes.
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And I prefer In my own home, maybe a week before Christmas to start, maybe two, to start listening to Christmas music, but I hate that it's piped in in all the public places by
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Thanksgiving.
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I knew I would be bringing up some really deep feelings.
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We're different in one way, because I agree, hold off on the Christmas music, but it's because I love it so much.
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I just want it to be in its own category.
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Right.
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My turkey's not digested before I'm thinking about pulling down the tree and getting the Christmas music on.
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So I do love it, but I want it after the turkey.
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See, I'm, I'm with you, okay?
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I just get so mad going in and hearing it too
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early.
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And it's usually bad Christmas music in the mall.
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Yeah, the poppy.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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And so it's, like, I try to start decorating after Thanksgiving and then you have to have Christmas music when you decorate, so I'm good but after Thanksgiving, and I
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do have it.
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Black Friday is usually our tree day, and we're ready for all the Christmas things, but to me, like, I want all the brown and the orange for all of November.
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Me too.
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And then we can do red and green in December.
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Right.
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Well, you want to take your time and enjoy.
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And Christmas, in particular, just gets thrust upon us the minute the turkey's out of the oven.
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And, you know, you're just like, I just want to enjoy.
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I want to
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savor it also.
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Yes, that's what I'm saying, savoring it.
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I would keep up.
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Fall decorations all year long.
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They're my colors.
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I love them.
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And then, let's all do Christmas, but I want everybody to stay in their corner.
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Yes.
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Yes.
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we might lose some listeners.
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I think that maybe we should go, like, to the White House or the U.
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N.
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And the three of us.
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Get some legislation going.
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Get some legislation on this.
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Yes.
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Um, I understand like Hobby Lobby and all, they have to have Christmas things out, right?
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Yes,
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the people that are crafting.
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But July is really early.
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But no music
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Yeah, yeah.
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That's, that's, yeah, because it's sad.
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It takes away from the specialness of Christmas music if you've been listening to it since before Thanksgiving.
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And
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we're teasing about this, but there really are stresses.
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That take away from what we would all like all the holidays to be for ourselves and for our families.
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So how about if we look at that today?
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talk about The reality of stress and expectations and how it works in families and in your own lives.
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I think, um, like finances are the biggest stress around the holidays.
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Every year I say, I'm going to set aside a Christmas account and start saving.
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Of course, I never do.
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Or if I do, it doesn't get very full and, you know, just having to manage.
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Expectations and, you know, how much we really do have to spend because we have never ever gotten in debt at Christmas or the holidays.
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That's been a really big strong role in our personal lives, but just trying to, to manage that and now we're up to 17 grandchildren and trying to figure out, okay, how does all of that work?
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And, you know, yeah,
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Talk about expectations.
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If I just were listening to you and didn't have The cultural reality If I were saying, so you're talking about celebrating Christmas, and Jesus's birthday, and giving thanks at Thanksgiving, and people go into debt over it?
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I mean, it would just sound really antithetical between the two.
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But it is a problem, particularly.
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As family grows or as expectations rise in families.
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I think I told you guys this before, I remember one Christmas years ago, um, because we had five children and one of the ladies was sharing how much she spent at Christmas on her two children and my mouth dropped because she spent almost more than we did on five.
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Wow.
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So I was like, Whoa, what kind of Christmas are those kids getting?
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Yeah.
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So, you know, it's that expectation.
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And sometimes people, if you put your expectations up so high, you can't bring them back down because now all of your kids are expecting it to be the
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fairytale Christmas.
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It sets a tone.
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Like we said on the last episode, you know, whatever you start when your kids are young, just try to keep it sustainable and manageable because like you're saying, then the expectation is set.
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We, we always did three gifts and stockings for our kids and I.
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We didn't know that we were doing that intentionally, but I'm glad we did because then as income fluctuates over the years, it wasn't about the amount, you know, they, the girls from their young didn't really notice probably how much we were spending on gifts individually.
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But, you know, we could just say, you know, the three gifts and that's, that's, you know, sufficient and they have grandparents and all the shenanigans that go on there, but it made it meaningful.
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And we say
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we don't want to make it about.
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The stuff, but then we can easily fall into the trap of making it about stuff.
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Yes.
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Yes
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So I think if you start looking through your traditions and say, is this about stuff?
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Is this about gifts?
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I don't want it to be about that.
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So let's Let's figure out creative ways, and we can talk about those later, but, you know, creative ways to get away from massive gift giving to people giving.
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Right.
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I was just thinking when we're talking about it again, looking at it, we talk about values and establishing family values all the time here TPP.
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I mean, whatever it is, whether it's going to bed or what you eat or how you educate or how you correct your children.
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It's all about figure out your values and let's live out our values and yet it is so easy to get way off base when it comes to holidays and you just get consumed with more or better or bigger or
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prettier.
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Oh, that magazine looks gorgeous or that, that show on TV with the way they set their table.
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Those are always my problem.
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Oh, that was so pretty.
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I want to make it like that.
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Yes.
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And the feeling of personally feeling your failure if you can't do what everybody else does.
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Or you can't produce it.
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You know, we've had a lot of years, a whole lot of years, where finances were a real reality to us.
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And I would just tell you for a number of years, um, I shopped all year for Christmas.
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And so what I would do is, Grudge sales and thrift stores and estate sales, and I would buy nice things, but then store them, but at, you know, pennies on the dollar, um, having to do that so we could really have fun, but I was aware of the budget, and I just, uh, there were years where I would have to budget For Thanksgiving, because we had a very small budget, So I would encourage families to really try and keep your values in front of you, because I love the idea that you instill the values in your children, not the gifts.
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Because nobody regularly asks
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what did
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you get Last year
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Right, right.
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Oh, usually
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they can't remember at the end of the month, but all they got, you know.
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At the day, Christmas.
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Yeah, that's true.
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That's true.
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Yes.
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Well, I think, too, another thing I've thought of and observed is, you know, we can say with our mouths the values we have, you know, of giving and generosity at Christmas and then maybe be a little bit frustrated that our kids aren't catching on to that.
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And if that's the case, maybe look at if we're saying those things all year round.
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Oh, that's good.
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You know, if those are our values, then they should be year round values.
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And that might help in our kids for it to actually come to fruition a little bit more And then the expectations aren't set so high with our kids.
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I remember
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there had been a ministry that one of my daughters, starting in her early teens, would go and serve.
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Um, to people of a needy financial situation where she could bless them serving in it.
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But, after doing it for a number of years, they finally really, it was, they had so many people volunteering, particularly Christmas.
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Um, the same thing with Thanksgiving like serving a Thanksgiving dinner to people who didn't have one.
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And the problem is, So many people, Offering to serve at that time of year that they said, well, we really kind of don't need you anymore.
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And So we tried to do what you're talking about is, well, what can we do the other 11 months of the year rather than just
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at the holidays.
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And, you know, like with gift giving, we didn't necessarily buy a lot of toys and things for our kids throughout the year.
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And so they were pretty content to get.
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That sounds awful to get anything, they had what they needed, but we weren't ones that every time we went to Target they got something new.
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And so I think that helped too, to keep those expectations minimized at Christmas and.
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So,
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what would y'all say to parents what are some of
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other
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stressors that families feel or outward expectations on them from society?
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What do y'all think are the things that are, that our families that are listening to go, oh, that's our reality?
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Comparison.
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Yeah.
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It's a big one.
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Comparing to your kids friends.
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It's really, yeah.
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You know, traditions, comparing to other family members, what's your brother in law's family's doing or your, you know, cousin's family's doing.
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And like we always say, that...
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That was always here, but now with social media, everybody
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can, yeah, have access to people's lives in ways that, you know, you see every good thing of their lives and you don't see that they had a full on meltdown getting that pretty bow in the hair and the tree done and, and it's not just financial, you know, it's the, the standard that we see is just.
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Excellence and perfection everywhere.
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And because of social media, Yeah.
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They can show the excellence and make it look like they did it without any effort.
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Mm hmm.
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Well, all you see is the end result.
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Right.
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See, like, Ellen, how many different kinds of cookies did you traditionally make in the Christmas season?
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I
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think I made, like, 12 different types of, varieties of cookies, I
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think, at least.
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And I knew it personally, but with social media, you see that and think, Oh, my children and we are losing out because we only make sugar cookies, you know, maybe And you know, Cheryl,
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sometimes I would feel really bad because I'm one of those people that enjoys doing that and it doesn't feel like work.
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And it's the same with like decorating.
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And people would come over and see my table at Christmas.
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Then I would, I realized, oh, that actually made them feel bad.
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It made them feel lesser because they didn't do it.
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So I always felt like I had to explain, no, I really love doing this.
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This is really fun.
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You know, I don't, I don't mind the time.
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It's just something that I
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enjoy doing.
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Yeah, because for me to do those 12 different kinds cookies, I'd have to start in February.
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For the fall and Christmas.
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And It wouldn't be fun.
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But the things I did that I enjoy, you know, that are me, the maturity and the self awareness to go, I need to express myself and not feel that pressure and I just really have compassion because it was bad enough in the past, but there's just so much pressure with social media and the expectations just keep rising and rising and rising.
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Well,
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and then we find ourselves doing things, stressed out about it, and then it's supposed to be a blessing for our family, but we're barking at them for, you know, messing up whatever we've created.
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Crying in the corner because you're so tired and stressed.
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And then there's no, no blessing at all by the end of it.
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And I think it's
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important to take inventory.
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of what you like to do.
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And if you're the main person that's doing it, with maybe a little help from the kids, pick those things that really are important to you and bring you joy.
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Maybe each kid has one thing that they like and work together.
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Because I realized over the years, I just started taking things off the inventory because nobody really cared.
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But the things that they did care about, I might have cared.
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and i might have enjoyed doing it, but I realized nobody cared that I made this.
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So why am I wasting my time?
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And I could, I could be more, because my kids would say, well, mom you're usually so tired by the time that everything's done.
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But to me that didn't bother me because what I was doing was the gift.
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And so for my personality, doing all those things was a gift to my family, making the cookies, setting a beautiful table.
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That wasn't like for my ego.
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It was like this.
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I love you.
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I want to give this.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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That was part of
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it.
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Well, and, you know, everyone would agree it's family time and relationships that really
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matter.
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Yes.
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I mean, regardless, and, and so I would really encourage just what you're saying, taking inventory.
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Are we living that
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out?
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Mm hmm.
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Or are we mad dashing all the time?
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Yeah.
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Or trying to make...
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that invisible other audience happy instead of choosing to delight in this moment.
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And I would encourage everybody look for simplicity.
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that's a good point Right
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Yeah.
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Yes.
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And so that you can have the fun of having like we used to keep in the corner a card table and have an ongoing jigsaw puzzle over the holidays to do that.
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And I mean, it's a simple thing, but just, Too much of the distraction of too much and go, go, go, go, go, go.
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And
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simplicity is a vogue right now.
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It's in style.
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Yeah.
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People are realizing I want to keep things simple.
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So you can look around and go, I can do something.
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I can set a lovely table, but it can be simple.
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Right.
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And
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you can incorporate that into your traditions too.
00:16:50.024 --> 00:16:58.565
One thing I've always done for myself, for sanity, is after the tree is decorated, after, you know, The dust has settled from Thanksgiving.
00:16:59.144 --> 00:17:02.154
Usually everyone's starting to like, you know, just want to lay around.
00:17:02.154 --> 00:17:06.365
And yeah, I escape and go and buy my wrapping paper.
00:17:06.404 --> 00:17:07.375
That that's my thing.
00:17:07.375 --> 00:17:17.154
I get a coffee and I just roam a slowly around Hobby Lobby and I look slowly at every roll of wrapping paper and decide which patterns I want to use that year.
00:17:17.154 --> 00:17:20.755
And that's something that I can just catch my breath from Thanksgiving.
00:17:21.285 --> 00:17:44.285
Before we move into December, and it's just a little moment of quiet, and it's not a list that I'm trying to get everything done, and I'm not in a rush, and so I think you can find little things like that, and like for your family, we do a movie night at least once in December, and that's a tradition, but it's not stressful, you know, we're just vegging in front of the TV, but it feels like we're doing Christmassy
00:17:44.285 --> 00:17:44.755
things.
00:17:44.974 --> 00:17:56.484
And I just love that because you two are the decorators and the party girls, and I mean, the cookies both of you can make and, and you love thinking through your wrapping
00:17:56.575 --> 00:17:57.055
paper.
00:17:57.866 --> 00:18:00.237
I would never think through wrapping paper.
00:18:00.666 --> 00:18:01.856
I would just go, Oh, that's cheap.
00:18:01.856 --> 00:18:02.287
I'll get it.
00:18:02.287 --> 00:18:02.896
I don't mind it.
00:18:02.896 --> 00:18:04.336
You have to stay with your feet, right?
00:18:06.007 --> 00:18:11.436
And what I want to do is convey, do what works for you.
00:18:11.446 --> 00:18:21.933
Like the old me would hear this and think, Oh my goodness, my children are missing out, our family's missing out, because I'm not doing ten different kinds of cookies, I'm supposed to have a theme in my wrapping paper?
00:18:22.483 --> 00:18:23.433
I didn't realize that.
00:18:24.263 --> 00:18:28.644
And I want everybody to have the freedom to do what you enjoy.
00:18:29.384 --> 00:18:34.644
I remember my daughter one time went to a party and she came home and she was maybe 10.
00:18:34.864 --> 00:18:37.923
She goes, gosh, mom, it was a fun party, but they didn't have a theme.
00:18:39.594 --> 00:18:39.624
And
00:18:39.773 --> 00:18:40.834
I was like, oh.
00:18:40.834 --> 00:18:43.943
But see, if it's your thing, it comes naturally and it's not hard.
00:18:44.124 --> 00:18:46.653
It brings you joy, like we were saying a minute ago.
00:18:47.324 --> 00:18:47.973
And that's just.
00:18:48.114 --> 00:18:49.223
One of those silly things.
00:18:49.233 --> 00:18:53.124
Now, I, you know, someone brings a gift in a wrapping paper that doesn't match my tree.
00:18:53.124 --> 00:18:57.314
I, I acknowledge that in my mind, but I don't throw it out.
00:18:57.574 --> 00:18:58.867
So you move it to the back
00:19:00.507 --> 00:19:01.926
Or we unwrap it first or.
00:19:02.101 --> 00:19:02.971
I'm teasing.
00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:03.411
I'm teasing.
00:19:04.230 --> 00:19:12.790
You know, but I'm going to say particularly because finances were a real challenge for a lot of our years and my children
00:19:12.840 --> 00:19:14.711
being raised and.
00:19:15.276 --> 00:19:21.401
It really does matter the time you spend being together and keeping those priorities.
00:19:21.931 --> 00:19:26.267
And even if you had all the money, I would say don't spend the money.
00:19:26.596 --> 00:19:28.846
Look for fun things you can do.
00:19:28.926 --> 00:19:34.307
That we go and we look at Christmas lights or like Christmas caroling and whatever.
00:19:34.376 --> 00:19:34.646
Yeah.
00:19:34.646 --> 00:19:35.853
Yeah, you know, like.
00:19:35.853 --> 00:19:42.063
Last year here where we live in Edmond, we started a downtown Christmas Carol thing.
00:19:42.123 --> 00:19:42.272
Mm-Hmm.
00:19:42.518 --> 00:19:42.603
that
00:19:42.606 --> 00:19:47.015
the whole community came to And I have it on my calendar.
00:19:47.045 --> 00:19:50.380
To me that is fantastic Mm-Hmm.
00:19:50.680 --> 00:19:53.289
I want to go and be a part of something like that.
00:19:53.289 --> 00:19:53.470
And.
00:19:53.964 --> 00:20:02.875
In the past, we've gone with different groups and gone to nursing homes and things, and, and to me, that's a lot of joy.
00:20:02.894 --> 00:20:03.315
Yeah, I
00:20:05.505 --> 00:20:06.922
think it's just a matter of...
00:20:06.922 --> 00:20:11.692
Prioritizing whatever does give you rest in the midst of the season.
00:20:11.721 --> 00:20:12.741
Yeah, that's a good point.
00:20:12.771 --> 00:20:15.821
And doesn't bring stress for you and for your family.
00:20:16.281 --> 00:20:21.342
And making sure those things are on the calendar and in the midst of all the busyness that can creep in.
00:20:21.592 --> 00:20:22.311
So what are some
00:20:22.342 --> 00:20:22.612
other
00:20:22.612 --> 00:20:28.471
ways you can think of to help families manage stress and manage expectations?
00:20:29.021 --> 00:20:30.162
One of the things...
00:20:30.977 --> 00:20:43.696
Uh, I didn't do really well that I'm trying to do better is open communication that we say, hey, Let's sit down and talk about what's different or how it's changed, somebody's got
00:20:43.707 --> 00:20:53.208
married or whatever the situation and talk early about it and say, let's look at what we're doing before the crunch.
00:20:53.627 --> 00:20:55.242
So we don't all feel we have to do something.
00:20:55.242 --> 00:20:56.028
Well, that's what I'm getting
00:20:56.028 --> 00:20:56.657
ready to do.
00:20:57.077 --> 00:21:00.018
It's just not quite November yet as we're recording this.
00:21:00.317 --> 00:21:04.948
But I'm getting ready to talk to each of my kids and say, what do you want to do for Thanksgiving?
00:21:05.208 --> 00:21:06.188
Are you going to be here?
00:21:06.198 --> 00:21:07.198
Because they're all married.
00:21:07.428 --> 00:21:08.307
You're going to be here.
00:21:08.307 --> 00:21:09.157
What do you want to do?
00:21:09.333 --> 00:21:10.762
Then I do the same with Christmas.
00:21:10.762 --> 00:21:12.182
I'll do it in that same talk.
00:21:12.252 --> 00:21:13.573
Are you going to be in town?
00:21:13.593 --> 00:21:14.863
Don't you want to come up here?
00:21:15.103 --> 00:21:29.442
So that allows them if they want to host Christmas this year or they want to do something different and everybody knows there's no obligation or expectation to come to mom and dad's house and do everything with us because that's the freedom we gave them when they became adults.
00:21:29.442 --> 00:21:30.252
Do what's fun.
00:21:30.482 --> 00:21:30.573
Okay,
00:21:30.833 --> 00:21:34.273
that makes me think of something you told me, and I thought it was brilliant.
00:21:34.324 --> 00:21:36.463
I've never heard it anywhere else.
00:21:36.463 --> 00:21:37.064
Tell us about it.
00:21:37.314 --> 00:21:43.403
Yeah, I read this book, um, this woman wrote on kind of empty nesting and releasing your kids.
00:21:43.804 --> 00:21:52.253
And she said that when her children were engaged with their Christmas gifts, she would wrap up a box, a gift box with a bow on it.
00:21:52.253 --> 00:21:55.314
And inside was a little piece of paper that just said the word freedom.
00:21:55.433 --> 00:22:03.023
And what it was, was the gift of freedom to her married kids to just not have any expectations.
00:22:03.028 --> 00:22:03.084
Yeah.
00:22:03.084 --> 00:22:10.223
Like you're saying, Ellen, as far as when to be at which holiday and, you know, spend, you have to spend every holiday the same way we've always done it.
00:22:10.223 --> 00:22:12.834
And, and she was even saying, and I feel this way too.
00:22:13.243 --> 00:22:15.354
We'll celebrate on New Year's Day.
00:22:15.354 --> 00:22:16.023
I don't care.
00:22:16.023 --> 00:22:18.433
You know, we can rearrange whatever we need to do.
00:22:18.433 --> 00:22:21.903
I just want to be with you and I just loved that idea.
00:22:21.943 --> 00:22:28.784
Now, you know, it's, it's easier to say that beautiful idea and then have to digest the emotions behind it.
00:22:29.233 --> 00:22:33.544
But The action can go forward first, and then you can get in line.
00:22:34.503 --> 00:22:38.574
My son and his new bride won't be listening to this, I'm sure.
00:22:39.773 --> 00:22:42.594
And so that's exactly what I'm going to do with them when they come.
00:22:42.594 --> 00:22:46.624
They're coming for Thanksgiving, and then they won't be there for Christmas.
00:22:46.773 --> 00:22:50.604
But what a beautiful way to love your family.
00:22:51.344 --> 00:22:53.693
Because if that's our priority, is to love.
00:22:54.493 --> 00:23:05.188
I have to be willing to lay down my rights, to lay down my expectations, and what I really enjoy, to love my family well.
00:23:05.198 --> 00:23:05.657
Right.
00:23:05.678 --> 00:23:13.847
and I do want us to talk next time about the changing dynamics of family, but just this, to give everybody the freedom, it's also a problem
00:23:13.847 --> 00:23:20.634
when it's The first, the oldest one, that's spreading wings, and it's hard on the younger ones.
00:23:20.644 --> 00:23:21.184
Right.
00:23:21.184 --> 00:23:22.025
Yes, it is.
00:23:22.555 --> 00:23:25.315
It's hard because it messes with their traditions.
00:23:26.115 --> 00:23:31.055
So I love this idea of talking about it instead of not talking about it.
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:35.759
In the past, I haven't been so good about that saying, you know, how do you feel about that?
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:36.930
Let's talk about this.
00:23:36.934 --> 00:23:36.954
Mm-Hmm.
00:23:37.410 --> 00:23:40.109
because I avoided conflict.
00:23:40.140 --> 00:23:40.380
Mm-Hmm.
00:23:40.575 --> 00:23:46.051
And this would bring up conflict, you know, well, it's not fair because we always do this and now they're doing this.
00:23:46.057 --> 00:23:51.519
And, and I was just bad about it because I go, if we don't talk about it, we won't have conflict.
00:23:52.328 --> 00:23:53.528
We'll just all get through this.
00:23:53.528 --> 00:23:54.038
Right?
00:23:54.128 --> 00:23:54.429
And
00:23:54.429 --> 00:23:54.519
the
00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:57.009
current underneath is yes, not pleasant.
00:23:57.489 --> 00:23:57.638
Right.
00:23:57.638 --> 00:23:58.953
And I'm changing that.
00:23:58.953 --> 00:24:00.114
That's a new tradition now.
00:24:00.203 --> 00:24:00.864
I want to
00:24:00.864 --> 00:24:03.708
say, hey, let's talk about how you feel and work through it
00:24:03.780 --> 00:24:09.151
Even if it can't be resolved with a really beautiful Christmas bow that matches everything under the tree.
00:24:09.671 --> 00:24:10.921
But you can communicate.
00:24:10.961 --> 00:24:12.230
I'm doing the best I can.
00:24:12.671 --> 00:24:14.080
We'll have to all be flexible.
00:24:14.346 --> 00:24:14.756
Right.
00:24:14.766 --> 00:24:20.846
You know, because that's the reality of it, especially as our kids get older, and they're going different places and want different things.
00:24:21.145 --> 00:24:25.875
We, as the parents, have to be willing to be open handed and say, Freedom.
00:24:25.965 --> 00:24:26.806
Mm hmm.
00:24:26.806 --> 00:24:27.675
I love that.
00:24:27.756 --> 00:24:29.445
And enjoy that they're doing it.
00:24:29.445 --> 00:24:32.175
I mean, we've had times where it's just been Mike and I.
00:24:32.486 --> 00:24:32.685
Mm hmm.
00:24:32.945 --> 00:24:36.296
Even though we had a big family, everybody was doing stuff, and we still had fun.
00:24:36.375 --> 00:24:36.766
Yeah.
00:24:36.776 --> 00:24:38.256
It just was, it was quiet.
00:24:38.465 --> 00:24:40.145
But it was just, it was really different.
00:24:40.246 --> 00:24:41.086
But it wasn't.
00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:42.401
Life crushing.
00:24:42.411 --> 00:24:42.881
Right.
00:24:42.921 --> 00:24:49.550
Well, and what I've been thinking too is, you know, I can, I can be like you Cheryl, where I avoid the confrontation.
00:24:49.550 --> 00:24:50.681
I don't want to have the talk.
00:24:51.060 --> 00:24:57.836
But, you know, I I could either be gracious and generous with the traditions and the holidays.
00:24:57.836 --> 00:24:57.925
Right.
00:24:58.105 --> 00:25:00.536
Or I could guilt them into coming.
00:25:00.536 --> 00:25:00.625
Yes.
00:25:00.746 --> 00:25:05.806
And they will come and they will, you know, present all whatever has to take.
00:25:05.806 --> 00:25:08.990
And then the other 364 days will have tension.
00:25:09.506 --> 00:25:11.786
And like you said, that undercurrent of resentment.
00:25:11.786 --> 00:25:11.787
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:11.796 --> 00:25:11.875
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:12.145 --> 00:25:13.195
And I don't want that.
00:25:13.201 --> 00:25:13.471
Right.
00:25:13.471 --> 00:25:13.471
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:14.215 --> 00:25:16.645
and Ellen, you brought it up and said, well.
00:25:17.330 --> 00:25:17.530
It
00:25:17.530 --> 00:25:19.550
may just be Mike and me at home.
00:25:20.141 --> 00:25:28.641
And so I'm thinking, because I have been a single parent for a long time, to think about those.
00:25:29.070 --> 00:26:02.461
Who don't have everybody around the tree, and particularly I have some friends that are recently divorced and so they're into a whole new dynamic for us to be thinking about them and remembering them, even if it's just a text, but to remember those who might be all alone because they're, maybe their children are married and this is the first year without the kids, whatever it is, whether it's a divorce, or just the growing kids that's a place where I can think about other people and reach out
00:26:02.696 --> 00:26:06.810
Yeah, that's a good point you'd be surprised at how many people are alone at Christmas.
00:26:06.810 --> 00:26:12.871
It's really shocking, you know, that didn't make plans or couldn't make plans, especially because we were a military family.
00:26:13.090 --> 00:26:19.290
There were lots of times like the single military men that we knew couldn't go home or didn't want to go home or whatever.
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:21.480
So they're going to be in the dorm.
00:26:22.290 --> 00:26:27.401
You know, which is almost empty at the holidays, eating in the chow hall, you know.
00:26:27.401 --> 00:26:34.351
So there was always a good opportunity to invite people, you know, Hey, whoever's, I mean, we'd have friends from the dorm.
00:26:34.790 --> 00:26:38.171
They would go and I'd say, don't come unless you get everybody out of the dorm.
00:26:38.500 --> 00:26:44.976
So they would find a couple of lone people in there and we didn't, nobody knew them, but by the end of Christmas dinner,
00:26:44.976 --> 00:26:45.715
everybody knew him.
00:26:45.776 --> 00:26:48.296
Well, and we're talking about stress and expectations.
00:26:48.766 --> 00:26:51.185
And when start in my mind thinking like that
00:26:51.185 --> 00:26:53.028
that it brings joy.
00:26:53.208 --> 00:26:53.637
Yeah.
00:26:53.724 --> 00:26:55.300
And otherness.
00:26:55.540 --> 00:27:04.232
To think of other people lowers my stress and helps me eliminate my selfish expectations because expectations are all about me.
00:27:04.502 --> 00:27:04.932
Right.
00:27:04.942 --> 00:27:08.093
And so it helps me to actually be thinking of other people.
00:27:08.708 --> 00:27:10.768
And so that would help me.
00:27:10.807 --> 00:27:13.807
I didn't do it to help my stress, but it helps.
00:27:13.847 --> 00:27:14.317
That's good.
00:27:14.317 --> 00:27:15.127
And doing all the
00:27:15.137 --> 00:27:19.377
stuff for the holidays, to me, is that gift I'm giving.
00:27:19.738 --> 00:27:21.637
So it's fun to work in the kitchen.
00:27:21.758 --> 00:27:22.887
I mean, sometimes it's tiring.
00:27:22.887 --> 00:27:25.377
But, you know, it's fun because it's a gift.
00:27:25.377 --> 00:27:25.768
Yeah.
00:27:25.807 --> 00:27:28.127
I'm giving them this really nice dinner.
00:27:28.357 --> 00:27:32.167
Now, most of the time everybody appreciates it, but if they don't, it doesn't matter.
00:27:32.377 --> 00:27:33.337
That was my gift.
00:27:33.351 --> 00:27:33.611
Yeah.
00:27:33.623 --> 00:27:34.343
I like that
00:27:34.692 --> 00:27:37.709
Obviously haven't gotten to get all we want to talk about
00:27:38.523 --> 00:27:42.534
Um, so we're going to have to wrap up and we'll come back next time and talk some more.
00:27:43.013 --> 00:27:51.564
Yeah, and I think, you know, we just got to talk a little bit about this, but the whole point is the holidays should be about others, not about us.
00:27:52.054 --> 00:27:58.223
But what we can do, it gives us a perfect time to reach into someone's life that maybe at another time in the year we couldn't.
00:27:58.703 --> 00:28:04.314
And invite them over, do things with them, say hello, whatever it is, um, and
00:28:04.314 --> 00:28:05.173
everybody's comfortable.
00:28:05.173 --> 00:28:05.814
Or even just acknowledge.
00:28:06.741 --> 00:28:09.557
I realize that this holiday for you is going to be hard.
00:28:09.577 --> 00:28:15.067
Whether it's, they've lost a family member, or their situation has changed through divorce,
00:28:15.117 --> 00:28:19.928
people are really hurting at the holidays, and I think we don't ever think about it if we're happy.
00:28:20.327 --> 00:28:22.617
You know, if we're, you know, we're enjoying the holidays,
00:28:22.897 --> 00:28:26.347
but if I'm all me focused, yeah, how can I be happier?
00:28:26.458 --> 00:28:28.258
Yeah, I want people to please me.
00:28:28.268 --> 00:28:28.968
Mm hmm.
00:28:29.038 --> 00:28:30.438
And so I love that.
00:28:30.498 --> 00:28:44.442
Okay, so we'll come back and look at maybe some of the dynamics that happened within families at Christmas Okay, that'll be fun So parents As always, remember, hang in there.
00:28:44.532 --> 00:28:48.512
Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
00:28:54.512 --> 00:29:08.542
As we conclude our exploration of family holidays, remember that the true spirit of Christmas goes beyond extravagant gifts or opulent decorations and grand celebrations.
00:29:09.583 --> 00:29:16.583
Instead, It's rooted in the values we live out and pass on to our children.
00:29:18.242 --> 00:29:29.182
Simplifying our approach allows us to focus on what truly matters amidst the yuletide rush and the overwhelming displays, especially with social media.
00:29:29.843 --> 00:29:42.298
In the middle of all this festive whirlwind, I want to encourage you to pause and reflect on what genuinely brings you joy during this season of celebration.
00:29:43.067 --> 00:29:46.597
And consider that profound gift of freedom we discussed.
00:29:47.147 --> 00:30:01.847
A powerful force for cultivating meaningful connections, especially with our grown children looking ahead, our next episode unravels the ever changing tapestry of family dynamics during the holidays.
00:30:02.857 --> 00:30:09.268
I extend an invitation for you to join that conversation, a journey of equipping, empowering.
00:30:09.728 --> 00:30:13.127
And finding hope in every season of parenting.
00:30:14.488 --> 00:30:23.827
Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, or innovative holiday approaches with us on our website, social media, or by email.
00:30:24.438 --> 00:30:27.107
Contact at TheParentingPodcast.
00:30:27.167 --> 00:30:31.867
com Thank you for being a special part of the TPP community.
00:30:32.708 --> 00:30:39.907
Until our next rendezvous, take care, stay connected, and seek joy.
00:00:06.099 --> 00:00:14.800
Hello to all you fantastic parents out there, and a heartwarming winter welcome to the Parenting Podcast.
00:00:15.289 --> 00:00:27.730
I'm Cheryl Lang, your friendly parenting podcast elf, and I'm delighted to be back with another episode in our special TPP Yuletide series.
00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:34.799
Today, we're diving into the beautiful, uh, chaos of family holidays.
00:00:35.359 --> 00:00:51.600
While we all dream of that perfect white Christmas, and it's a wonderful white experience, our reality just often falls short, leaving us parents feeling disappointed.
00:00:52.240 --> 00:00:53.329
and stressed.
00:00:53.969 --> 00:01:10.159
Join me and our team as we unwrap the complexities of seasonal stress, discussing the art of setting realistic expectations, finding joy in simplicity, and truly embracing the spirit of the season.
00:01:11.564 --> 00:01:17.534
Get ready for a candid but uplifting conversation that we hope warms your parenting heart.
00:01:18.174 --> 00:01:24.504
Oh, much like a comforting cup of hot cocoa on a cold, wintry day.
00:01:24.795 --> 00:01:39.489
And again, I'm sorry to tell you, my microphone in particular was still glitching when we recorded this, so Thanks for understanding and your patience and maybe next time we'll have that resolved.
00:01:48.930 --> 00:01:59.840
So Okay, it seems that I end up with a question, because we've never discussed it, the really important questions of life as we're getting ready to talk about the holidays.
00:02:00.370 --> 00:02:01.609
Oh, wow, really?
00:02:01.609 --> 00:02:02.280
Oh,
00:02:02.290 --> 00:02:02.310
huh.
00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:02.849
Okay,
00:02:02.983 --> 00:02:05.218
do you you listen to Christmas music?
00:02:05.248 --> 00:02:06.799
And if you do how early?
00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:11.789
Do you have a line in the sand that it can, I mean, this we talk about the really important things.
00:02:11.789 --> 00:02:12.520
This is an important time.
00:02:12.520 --> 00:02:15.409
Last time in Santa Claus, now it's Christmas music.
00:02:15.949 --> 00:02:17.099
Where do you fall?
00:02:17.294 --> 00:02:18.324
I fall.
00:02:18.724 --> 00:02:23.485
Stop putting Christmas music on before Thanksgiving is even finished.
00:02:24.104 --> 00:02:24.764
I agree.
00:02:24.775 --> 00:02:30.194
By the time Christmas comes, especially if I've been out and about, I do not want to hear another Christmas song.
00:02:30.205 --> 00:02:30.235
Yes.
00:02:30.715 --> 00:02:42.944
And I prefer In my own home, maybe a week before Christmas to start, maybe two, to start listening to Christmas music, but I hate that it's piped in in all the public places by
00:02:42.944 --> 00:02:43.794
Thanksgiving.
00:02:43.805 --> 00:02:46.275
I knew I would be bringing up some really deep feelings.
00:02:46.634 --> 00:02:51.995
We're different in one way, because I agree, hold off on the Christmas music, but it's because I love it so much.
00:02:52.004 --> 00:02:54.004
I just want it to be in its own category.
00:02:54.025 --> 00:02:54.275
Right.
00:02:55.805 --> 00:03:01.294
My turkey's not digested before I'm thinking about pulling down the tree and getting the Christmas music on.
00:03:01.294 --> 00:03:04.344
So I do love it, but I want it after the turkey.
00:03:04.354 --> 00:03:05.937
See, I'm, I'm with you, okay?
00:03:06.888 --> 00:03:09.229
I just get so mad going in and hearing it too
00:03:09.229 --> 00:03:09.689
early.
00:03:10.060 --> 00:03:12.759
And it's usually bad Christmas music in the mall.
00:03:13.990 --> 00:03:14.360
Yeah, the poppy.
00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:14.379
Yes.
00:03:14.379 --> 00:03:14.580
Yeah.
00:03:17.060 --> 00:03:25.760
And so it's, like, I try to start decorating after Thanksgiving and then you have to have Christmas music when you decorate, so I'm good but after Thanksgiving, and I
00:03:25.760 --> 00:03:25.830
do have it.
00:03:25.830 --> 00:03:33.681
Black Friday is usually our tree day, and we're ready for all the Christmas things, but to me, like, I want all the brown and the orange for all of November.
00:03:33.700 --> 00:03:34.161
Me too.
00:03:34.431 --> 00:03:36.151
And then we can do red and green in December.
00:03:36.170 --> 00:03:36.860
Right.
00:03:37.195 --> 00:03:39.026
Well, you want to take your time and enjoy.
00:03:39.556 --> 00:03:45.415
And Christmas, in particular, just gets thrust upon us the minute the turkey's out of the oven.
00:03:45.656 --> 00:03:48.010
And, you know, you're just like, I just want to enjoy.
00:03:48.010 --> 00:03:48.366
I want to
00:03:49.286 --> 00:03:50.265
savor it also.
00:03:50.295 --> 00:03:52.225
Yes, that's what I'm saying, savoring it.
00:03:52.246 --> 00:03:53.045
I would keep up.
00:03:53.216 --> 00:03:54.765
Fall decorations all year long.
00:03:54.776 --> 00:03:55.496
They're my colors.
00:03:56.216 --> 00:03:57.036
I love them.
00:03:57.395 --> 00:04:02.485
And then, let's all do Christmas, but I want everybody to stay in their corner.
00:04:02.496 --> 00:04:02.895
Yes.
00:04:03.026 --> 00:04:03.466
Yes.
00:04:04.189 --> 00:04:05.669
we might lose some listeners.
00:04:07.039 --> 00:04:10.340
I think that maybe we should go, like, to the White House or the U.
00:04:10.360 --> 00:04:10.770
N.
00:04:11.449 --> 00:04:12.139
And the three of us.
00:04:12.139 --> 00:04:13.349
Get some legislation going.
00:04:13.349 --> 00:04:14.590
Get some legislation on this.
00:04:14.990 --> 00:04:15.439
Yes.
00:04:15.699 --> 00:04:19.800
Um, I understand like Hobby Lobby and all, they have to have Christmas things out, right?
00:04:19.810 --> 00:04:20.519
Yes,
00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:21.800
the people that are crafting.
00:04:22.199 --> 00:04:24.480
But July is really early.
00:04:24.949 --> 00:04:25.939
But no music
00:04:26.434 --> 00:04:26.994
Yeah, yeah.
00:04:27.374 --> 00:04:29.244
That's, that's, yeah, because it's sad.
00:04:29.244 --> 00:04:36.274
It takes away from the specialness of Christmas music if you've been listening to it since before Thanksgiving.
00:04:36.274 --> 00:04:36.303
And
00:04:37.384 --> 00:04:40.249
we're teasing about this, but there really are stresses.
00:04:40.851 --> 00:04:46.641
That take away from what we would all like all the holidays to be for ourselves and for our families.
00:04:47.141 --> 00:04:48.807
So how about if we look at that today?
00:04:48.898 --> 00:04:58.458
talk about The reality of stress and expectations and how it works in families and in your own lives.
00:04:59.327 --> 00:05:03.067
I think, um, like finances are the biggest stress around the holidays.
00:05:03.487 --> 00:05:07.687
Every year I say, I'm going to set aside a Christmas account and start saving.
00:05:07.697 --> 00:05:08.367
Of course, I never do.
00:05:08.757 --> 00:05:13.737
Or if I do, it doesn't get very full and, you know, just having to manage.
00:05:14.017 --> 00:05:23.127
Expectations and, you know, how much we really do have to spend because we have never ever gotten in debt at Christmas or the holidays.
00:05:23.327 --> 00:05:34.548
That's been a really big strong role in our personal lives, but just trying to, to manage that and now we're up to 17 grandchildren and trying to figure out, okay, how does all of that work?
00:05:34.548 --> 00:05:36.807
And, you know, yeah,
00:05:36.858 --> 00:05:38.247
Talk about expectations.
00:05:38.338 --> 00:05:54.672
If I just were listening to you and didn't have The cultural reality If I were saying, so you're talking about celebrating Christmas, and Jesus's birthday, and giving thanks at Thanksgiving, and people go into debt over it?
00:05:54.672 --> 00:05:58.891
I mean, it would just sound really antithetical between the two.
00:05:58.891 --> 00:06:02.062
But it is a problem, particularly.
00:06:02.451 --> 00:06:07.369
As family grows or as expectations rise in families.
00:06:07.728 --> 00:06:24.358
I think I told you guys this before, I remember one Christmas years ago, um, because we had five children and one of the ladies was sharing how much she spent at Christmas on her two children and my mouth dropped because she spent almost more than we did on five.
00:06:25.113 --> 00:06:25.663
Wow.
00:06:25.673 --> 00:06:28.843
So I was like, Whoa, what kind of Christmas are those kids getting?
00:06:28.954 --> 00:06:29.293
Yeah.
00:06:29.303 --> 00:06:31.473
So, you know, it's that expectation.
00:06:31.483 --> 00:06:42.113
And sometimes people, if you put your expectations up so high, you can't bring them back down because now all of your kids are expecting it to be the
00:06:42.113 --> 00:06:43.314
fairytale Christmas.
00:06:43.324 --> 00:06:44.244
It sets a tone.
00:06:44.684 --> 00:06:54.903
Like we said on the last episode, you know, whatever you start when your kids are young, just try to keep it sustainable and manageable because like you're saying, then the expectation is set.
00:06:54.903 --> 00:07:00.173
We, we always did three gifts and stockings for our kids and I.
00:07:00.468 --> 00:07:14.548
We didn't know that we were doing that intentionally, but I'm glad we did because then as income fluctuates over the years, it wasn't about the amount, you know, they, the girls from their young didn't really notice probably how much we were spending on gifts individually.
00:07:14.548 --> 00:07:25.738
But, you know, we could just say, you know, the three gifts and that's, that's, you know, sufficient and they have grandparents and all the shenanigans that go on there, but it made it meaningful.
00:07:25.939 --> 00:07:26.538
And we say
00:07:26.538 --> 00:07:27.788
we don't want to make it about.
00:07:28.699 --> 00:07:33.639
The stuff, but then we can easily fall into the trap of making it about stuff.
00:07:33.639 --> 00:07:34.038
Yes.
00:07:34.168 --> 00:07:34.608
Yes
00:07:34.608 --> 00:07:40.468
So I think if you start looking through your traditions and say, is this about stuff?
00:07:40.468 --> 00:07:41.478
Is this about gifts?
00:07:41.848 --> 00:07:43.389
I don't want it to be about that.
00:07:43.399 --> 00:07:53.343
So let's Let's figure out creative ways, and we can talk about those later, but, you know, creative ways to get away from massive gift giving to people giving.
00:07:53.363 --> 00:07:53.783
Right.
00:07:53.783 --> 00:08:03.935
I was just thinking when we're talking about it again, looking at it, we talk about values and establishing family values all the time here TPP.
00:08:03.935 --> 00:08:10.314
I mean, whatever it is, whether it's going to bed or what you eat or how you educate or how you correct your children.
00:08:10.738 --> 00:08:25.451
It's all about figure out your values and let's live out our values and yet it is so easy to get way off base when it comes to holidays and you just get consumed with more or better or bigger or
00:08:25.461 --> 00:08:26.031
prettier.
00:08:26.081 --> 00:08:32.390
Oh, that magazine looks gorgeous or that, that show on TV with the way they set their table.
00:08:32.850 --> 00:08:33.980
Those are always my problem.
00:08:34.451 --> 00:08:35.341
Oh, that was so pretty.
00:08:35.341 --> 00:08:36.120
I want to make it like that.
00:08:36.201 --> 00:08:36.650
Yes.
00:08:37.466 --> 00:08:43.697
And the feeling of personally feeling your failure if you can't do what everybody else does.
00:08:44.697 --> 00:08:45.851
Or you can't produce it.
00:08:46.371 --> 00:08:52.351
You know, we've had a lot of years, a whole lot of years, where finances were a real reality to us.
00:08:52.351 --> 00:09:00.254
And I would just tell you for a number of years, um, I shopped all year for Christmas.
00:09:00.823 --> 00:09:40.447
And so what I would do is, Grudge sales and thrift stores and estate sales, and I would buy nice things, but then store them, but at, you know, pennies on the dollar, um, having to do that so we could really have fun, but I was aware of the budget, and I just, uh, there were years where I would have to budget For Thanksgiving, because we had a very small budget, So I would encourage families to really try and keep your values in front of you, because I love the idea that you instill the values in your children, not the gifts.
00:09:40.542 --> 00:09:41.991
Because nobody regularly asks
00:09:42.073 --> 00:09:42.342
what did
00:09:42.342 --> 00:09:43.413
you get Last year
00:09:43.472 --> 00:09:43.893
Right, right.
00:09:43.893 --> 00:09:44.432
Oh, usually
00:09:44.432 --> 00:09:47.873
they can't remember at the end of the month, but all they got, you know.
00:09:48.462 --> 00:09:48.802
At the day, Christmas.
00:09:48.812 --> 00:09:49.623
Yeah, that's true.
00:09:50.062 --> 00:09:50.592
That's true.
00:09:50.602 --> 00:09:51.102
Yes.
00:09:51.153 --> 00:10:07.852
Well, I think, too, another thing I've thought of and observed is, you know, we can say with our mouths the values we have, you know, of giving and generosity at Christmas and then maybe be a little bit frustrated that our kids aren't catching on to that.
00:10:08.753 --> 00:10:13.413
And if that's the case, maybe look at if we're saying those things all year round.
00:10:13.592 --> 00:10:13.972
Oh, that's good.
00:10:13.982 --> 00:10:18.232
You know, if those are our values, then they should be year round values.
00:10:18.263 --> 00:10:28.653
And that might help in our kids for it to actually come to fruition a little bit more And then the expectations aren't set so high with our kids.
00:10:28.692 --> 00:10:29.513
I remember
00:10:30.153 --> 00:10:36.133
there had been a ministry that one of my daughters, starting in her early teens, would go and serve.
00:10:36.743 --> 00:10:42.363
Um, to people of a needy financial situation where she could bless them serving in it.
00:10:42.952 --> 00:10:53.682
But, after doing it for a number of years, they finally really, it was, they had so many people volunteering, particularly Christmas.
00:10:54.243 --> 00:10:59.832
Um, the same thing with Thanksgiving like serving a Thanksgiving dinner to people who didn't have one.
00:11:00.432 --> 00:11:09.322
And the problem is, So many people, Offering to serve at that time of year that they said, well, we really kind of don't need you anymore.
00:11:10.253 --> 00:11:19.003
And So we tried to do what you're talking about is, well, what can we do the other 11 months of the year rather than just
00:11:19.003 --> 00:11:19.852
at the holidays.
00:11:20.732 --> 00:11:27.883
And, you know, like with gift giving, we didn't necessarily buy a lot of toys and things for our kids throughout the year.
00:11:28.373 --> 00:11:31.393
And so they were pretty content to get.
00:11:32.302 --> 00:11:38.092
That sounds awful to get anything, they had what they needed, but we weren't ones that every time we went to Target they got something new.
00:11:38.523 --> 00:11:44.653
And so I think that helped too, to keep those expectations minimized at Christmas and.
00:11:45.727 --> 00:11:46.197
So,
00:11:46.337 --> 00:11:49.076
what would y'all say to parents what are some of
00:11:49.076 --> 00:11:49.346
other
00:11:49.346 --> 00:11:55.427
stressors that families feel or outward expectations on them from society?
00:11:55.907 --> 00:12:00.876
What do y'all think are the things that are, that our families that are listening to go, oh, that's our reality?
00:12:01.346 --> 00:12:02.366
Comparison.
00:12:02.496 --> 00:12:03.136
Yeah.
00:12:03.256 --> 00:12:03.576
It's a big one.
00:12:03.576 --> 00:12:05.697
Comparing to your kids friends.
00:12:06.476 --> 00:12:06.586
It's really, yeah.
00:12:06.596 --> 00:12:15.407
You know, traditions, comparing to other family members, what's your brother in law's family's doing or your, you know, cousin's family's doing.
00:12:15.657 --> 00:12:17.177
And like we always say, that...
00:12:18.282 --> 00:12:24.422
That was always here, but now with social media, everybody
00:12:24.432 --> 00:12:44.871
can, yeah, have access to people's lives in ways that, you know, you see every good thing of their lives and you don't see that they had a full on meltdown getting that pretty bow in the hair and the tree done and, and it's not just financial, you know, it's the, the standard that we see is just.
00:12:45.287 --> 00:12:48.256
Excellence and perfection everywhere.
00:12:48.407 --> 00:12:50.567
And because of social media, Yeah.
00:12:50.907 --> 00:12:56.287
They can show the excellence and make it look like they did it without any effort.
00:12:56.287 --> 00:12:56.966
Mm hmm.
00:12:57.047 --> 00:12:58.687
Well, all you see is the end result.
00:12:58.947 --> 00:12:59.246
Right.
00:12:59.267 --> 00:13:04.986
See, like, Ellen, how many different kinds of cookies did you traditionally make in the Christmas season?
00:13:04.986 --> 00:13:04.996
I
00:13:04.996 --> 00:13:09.756
think I made, like, 12 different types of, varieties of cookies, I
00:13:09.756 --> 00:13:10.157
think, at least.
00:13:10.177 --> 00:13:20.937
And I knew it personally, but with social media, you see that and think, Oh, my children and we are losing out because we only make sugar cookies, you know, maybe And you know, Cheryl,
00:13:20.986 --> 00:13:26.706
sometimes I would feel really bad because I'm one of those people that enjoys doing that and it doesn't feel like work.
00:13:26.907 --> 00:13:28.356
And it's the same with like decorating.
00:13:28.917 --> 00:13:32.466
And people would come over and see my table at Christmas.
00:13:33.866 --> 00:13:37.506
Then I would, I realized, oh, that actually made them feel bad.
00:13:37.817 --> 00:13:40.746
It made them feel lesser because they didn't do it.
00:13:40.746 --> 00:13:44.057
So I always felt like I had to explain, no, I really love doing this.
00:13:44.057 --> 00:13:45.287
This is really fun.
00:13:45.527 --> 00:13:48.206
You know, I don't, I don't mind the time.
00:13:48.206 --> 00:13:49.267
It's just something that I
00:13:49.267 --> 00:13:50.277
enjoy doing.
00:13:50.317 --> 00:13:55.716
Yeah, because for me to do those 12 different kinds cookies, I'd have to start in February.
00:13:56.261 --> 00:13:57.192
For the fall and Christmas.
00:13:57.922 --> 00:14:00.211
And It wouldn't be fun.
00:14:00.861 --> 00:14:26.979
But the things I did that I enjoy, you know, that are me, the maturity and the self awareness to go, I need to express myself and not feel that pressure and I just really have compassion because it was bad enough in the past, but there's just so much pressure with social media and the expectations just keep rising and rising and rising.
00:14:27.339 --> 00:14:27.448
Well,
00:14:27.448 --> 00:14:37.708
and then we find ourselves doing things, stressed out about it, and then it's supposed to be a blessing for our family, but we're barking at them for, you know, messing up whatever we've created.
00:14:37.708 --> 00:14:40.639
Crying in the corner because you're so tired and stressed.
00:14:40.639 --> 00:14:44.339
And then there's no, no blessing at all by the end of it.
00:14:44.548 --> 00:14:45.168
And I think it's
00:14:45.168 --> 00:14:46.759
important to take inventory.
00:14:47.139 --> 00:14:48.548
of what you like to do.
00:14:49.068 --> 00:14:57.328
And if you're the main person that's doing it, with maybe a little help from the kids, pick those things that really are important to you and bring you joy.
00:14:57.538 --> 00:15:01.298
Maybe each kid has one thing that they like and work together.
00:15:01.469 --> 00:15:06.448
Because I realized over the years, I just started taking things off the inventory because nobody really cared.
00:15:06.788 --> 00:15:09.899
But the things that they did care about, I might have cared.
00:15:09.948 --> 00:15:13.823
and i might have enjoyed doing it, but I realized nobody cared that I made this.
00:15:13.994 --> 00:15:15.673
So why am I wasting my time?
00:15:15.673 --> 00:15:20.933
And I could, I could be more, because my kids would say, well, mom you're usually so tired by the time that everything's done.
00:15:21.124 --> 00:15:25.464
But to me that didn't bother me because what I was doing was the gift.
00:15:26.224 --> 00:15:33.793
And so for my personality, doing all those things was a gift to my family, making the cookies, setting a beautiful table.
00:15:34.063 --> 00:15:35.573
That wasn't like for my ego.
00:15:35.573 --> 00:15:36.333
It was like this.
00:15:36.364 --> 00:15:36.974
I love you.
00:15:37.163 --> 00:15:38.053
I want to give this.
00:15:38.163 --> 00:15:38.504
Yes.
00:15:38.744 --> 00:15:39.504
Yeah.
00:15:39.514 --> 00:15:40.173
That was part of
00:15:40.173 --> 00:15:40.323
it.
00:15:40.438 --> 00:15:46.288
Well, and, you know, everyone would agree it's family time and relationships that really
00:15:46.339 --> 00:15:46.798
matter.
00:15:47.206 --> 00:15:47.485
Yes.
00:15:47.855 --> 00:15:53.655
I mean, regardless, and, and so I would really encourage just what you're saying, taking inventory.
00:15:54.096 --> 00:15:54.879
Are we living that
00:15:55.149 --> 00:15:55.389
out?
00:15:55.389 --> 00:15:56.634
Mm hmm.
00:15:56.674 --> 00:15:59.705
Or are we mad dashing all the time?
00:15:59.745 --> 00:16:00.125
Yeah.
00:16:00.254 --> 00:16:01.945
Or trying to make...
00:16:01.945 --> 00:16:09.174
that invisible other audience happy instead of choosing to delight in this moment.
00:16:09.174 --> 00:16:12.424
And I would encourage everybody look for simplicity.
00:16:12.495 --> 00:16:13.705
that's a good point Right
00:16:13.754 --> 00:16:13.985
Yeah.
00:16:13.985 --> 00:16:14.345
Yes.
00:16:14.404 --> 00:16:25.144
And so that you can have the fun of having like we used to keep in the corner a card table and have an ongoing jigsaw puzzle over the holidays to do that.
00:16:25.144 --> 00:16:33.735
And I mean, it's a simple thing, but just, Too much of the distraction of too much and go, go, go, go, go, go.
00:16:33.835 --> 00:16:34.034
And
00:16:34.034 --> 00:16:35.904
simplicity is a vogue right now.
00:16:36.495 --> 00:16:37.144
It's in style.
00:16:37.144 --> 00:16:37.524
Yeah.
00:16:38.144 --> 00:16:40.664
People are realizing I want to keep things simple.
00:16:41.004 --> 00:16:43.184
So you can look around and go, I can do something.
00:16:43.455 --> 00:16:45.615
I can set a lovely table, but it can be simple.
00:16:45.644 --> 00:16:46.004
Right.
00:16:46.004 --> 00:16:46.284
And
00:16:46.855 --> 00:16:50.024
you can incorporate that into your traditions too.
00:16:50.024 --> 00:16:58.565
One thing I've always done for myself, for sanity, is after the tree is decorated, after, you know, The dust has settled from Thanksgiving.
00:16:59.144 --> 00:17:02.154
Usually everyone's starting to like, you know, just want to lay around.
00:17:02.154 --> 00:17:06.365
And yeah, I escape and go and buy my wrapping paper.
00:17:06.404 --> 00:17:07.375
That that's my thing.
00:17:07.375 --> 00:17:17.154
I get a coffee and I just roam a slowly around Hobby Lobby and I look slowly at every roll of wrapping paper and decide which patterns I want to use that year.
00:17:17.154 --> 00:17:20.755
And that's something that I can just catch my breath from Thanksgiving.
00:17:21.285 --> 00:17:44.285
Before we move into December, and it's just a little moment of quiet, and it's not a list that I'm trying to get everything done, and I'm not in a rush, and so I think you can find little things like that, and like for your family, we do a movie night at least once in December, and that's a tradition, but it's not stressful, you know, we're just vegging in front of the TV, but it feels like we're doing Christmassy
00:17:44.285 --> 00:17:44.755
things.
00:17:44.974 --> 00:17:56.484
And I just love that because you two are the decorators and the party girls, and I mean, the cookies both of you can make and, and you love thinking through your wrapping
00:17:56.575 --> 00:17:57.055
paper.
00:17:57.866 --> 00:18:00.237
I would never think through wrapping paper.
00:18:00.666 --> 00:18:01.856
I would just go, Oh, that's cheap.
00:18:01.856 --> 00:18:02.287
I'll get it.
00:18:02.287 --> 00:18:02.896
I don't mind it.
00:18:02.896 --> 00:18:04.336
You have to stay with your feet, right?
00:18:06.007 --> 00:18:11.436
And what I want to do is convey, do what works for you.
00:18:11.446 --> 00:18:21.933
Like the old me would hear this and think, Oh my goodness, my children are missing out, our family's missing out, because I'm not doing ten different kinds of cookies, I'm supposed to have a theme in my wrapping paper?
00:18:22.483 --> 00:18:23.433
I didn't realize that.
00:18:24.263 --> 00:18:28.644
And I want everybody to have the freedom to do what you enjoy.
00:18:29.384 --> 00:18:34.644
I remember my daughter one time went to a party and she came home and she was maybe 10.
00:18:34.864 --> 00:18:37.923
She goes, gosh, mom, it was a fun party, but they didn't have a theme.
00:18:39.594 --> 00:18:39.624
And
00:18:39.773 --> 00:18:40.834
I was like, oh.
00:18:40.834 --> 00:18:43.943
But see, if it's your thing, it comes naturally and it's not hard.
00:18:44.124 --> 00:18:46.653
It brings you joy, like we were saying a minute ago.
00:18:47.324 --> 00:18:47.973
And that's just.
00:18:48.114 --> 00:18:49.223
One of those silly things.
00:18:49.233 --> 00:18:53.124
Now, I, you know, someone brings a gift in a wrapping paper that doesn't match my tree.
00:18:53.124 --> 00:18:57.314
I, I acknowledge that in my mind, but I don't throw it out.
00:18:57.574 --> 00:18:58.867
So you move it to the back
00:19:00.507 --> 00:19:01.926
Or we unwrap it first or.
00:19:02.101 --> 00:19:02.971
I'm teasing.
00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:03.411
I'm teasing.
00:19:04.230 --> 00:19:12.790
You know, but I'm going to say particularly because finances were a real challenge for a lot of our years and my children
00:19:12.840 --> 00:19:14.711
being raised and.
00:19:15.276 --> 00:19:21.401
It really does matter the time you spend being together and keeping those priorities.
00:19:21.931 --> 00:19:26.267
And even if you had all the money, I would say don't spend the money.
00:19:26.596 --> 00:19:28.846
Look for fun things you can do.
00:19:28.926 --> 00:19:34.307
That we go and we look at Christmas lights or like Christmas caroling and whatever.
00:19:34.376 --> 00:19:34.646
Yeah.
00:19:34.646 --> 00:19:35.853
Yeah, you know, like.
00:19:35.853 --> 00:19:42.063
Last year here where we live in Edmond, we started a downtown Christmas Carol thing.
00:19:42.123 --> 00:19:42.272
Mm-Hmm.
00:19:42.518 --> 00:19:42.603
that
00:19:42.606 --> 00:19:47.015
the whole community came to And I have it on my calendar.
00:19:47.045 --> 00:19:50.380
To me that is fantastic Mm-Hmm.
00:19:50.680 --> 00:19:53.289
I want to go and be a part of something like that.
00:19:53.289 --> 00:19:53.470
And.
00:19:53.964 --> 00:20:02.875
In the past, we've gone with different groups and gone to nursing homes and things, and, and to me, that's a lot of joy.
00:20:02.894 --> 00:20:03.315
Yeah, I
00:20:05.505 --> 00:20:06.922
think it's just a matter of...
00:20:06.922 --> 00:20:11.692
Prioritizing whatever does give you rest in the midst of the season.
00:20:11.721 --> 00:20:12.741
Yeah, that's a good point.
00:20:12.771 --> 00:20:15.821
And doesn't bring stress for you and for your family.
00:20:16.281 --> 00:20:21.342
And making sure those things are on the calendar and in the midst of all the busyness that can creep in.
00:20:21.592 --> 00:20:22.311
So what are some
00:20:22.342 --> 00:20:22.612
other
00:20:22.612 --> 00:20:28.471
ways you can think of to help families manage stress and manage expectations?
00:20:29.021 --> 00:20:30.162
One of the things...
00:20:30.977 --> 00:20:43.696
Uh, I didn't do really well that I'm trying to do better is open communication that we say, hey, Let's sit down and talk about what's different or how it's changed, somebody's got
00:20:43.707 --> 00:20:53.208
married or whatever the situation and talk early about it and say, let's look at what we're doing before the crunch.
00:20:53.627 --> 00:20:55.242
So we don't all feel we have to do something.
00:20:55.242 --> 00:20:56.028
Well, that's what I'm getting
00:20:56.028 --> 00:20:56.657
ready to do.
00:20:57.077 --> 00:21:00.018
It's just not quite November yet as we're recording this.
00:21:00.317 --> 00:21:04.948
But I'm getting ready to talk to each of my kids and say, what do you want to do for Thanksgiving?
00:21:05.208 --> 00:21:06.188
Are you going to be here?
00:21:06.198 --> 00:21:07.198
Because they're all married.
00:21:07.428 --> 00:21:08.307
You're going to be here.
00:21:08.307 --> 00:21:09.157
What do you want to do?
00:21:09.333 --> 00:21:10.762
Then I do the same with Christmas.
00:21:10.762 --> 00:21:12.182
I'll do it in that same talk.
00:21:12.252 --> 00:21:13.573
Are you going to be in town?
00:21:13.593 --> 00:21:14.863
Don't you want to come up here?
00:21:15.103 --> 00:21:29.442
So that allows them if they want to host Christmas this year or they want to do something different and everybody knows there's no obligation or expectation to come to mom and dad's house and do everything with us because that's the freedom we gave them when they became adults.
00:21:29.442 --> 00:21:30.252
Do what's fun.
00:21:30.482 --> 00:21:30.573
Okay,
00:21:30.833 --> 00:21:34.273
that makes me think of something you told me, and I thought it was brilliant.
00:21:34.324 --> 00:21:36.463
I've never heard it anywhere else.
00:21:36.463 --> 00:21:37.064
Tell us about it.
00:21:37.314 --> 00:21:43.403
Yeah, I read this book, um, this woman wrote on kind of empty nesting and releasing your kids.
00:21:43.804 --> 00:21:52.253
And she said that when her children were engaged with their Christmas gifts, she would wrap up a box, a gift box with a bow on it.
00:21:52.253 --> 00:21:55.314
And inside was a little piece of paper that just said the word freedom.
00:21:55.433 --> 00:22:03.023
And what it was, was the gift of freedom to her married kids to just not have any expectations.
00:22:03.028 --> 00:22:03.084
Yeah.
00:22:03.084 --> 00:22:10.223
Like you're saying, Ellen, as far as when to be at which holiday and, you know, spend, you have to spend every holiday the same way we've always done it.
00:22:10.223 --> 00:22:12.834
And, and she was even saying, and I feel this way too.
00:22:13.243 --> 00:22:15.354
We'll celebrate on New Year's Day.
00:22:15.354 --> 00:22:16.023
I don't care.
00:22:16.023 --> 00:22:18.433
You know, we can rearrange whatever we need to do.
00:22:18.433 --> 00:22:21.903
I just want to be with you and I just loved that idea.
00:22:21.943 --> 00:22:28.784
Now, you know, it's, it's easier to say that beautiful idea and then have to digest the emotions behind it.
00:22:29.233 --> 00:22:33.544
But The action can go forward first, and then you can get in line.
00:22:34.503 --> 00:22:38.574
My son and his new bride won't be listening to this, I'm sure.
00:22:39.773 --> 00:22:42.594
And so that's exactly what I'm going to do with them when they come.
00:22:42.594 --> 00:22:46.624
They're coming for Thanksgiving, and then they won't be there for Christmas.
00:22:46.773 --> 00:22:50.604
But what a beautiful way to love your family.
00:22:51.344 --> 00:22:53.693
Because if that's our priority, is to love.
00:22:54.493 --> 00:23:05.188
I have to be willing to lay down my rights, to lay down my expectations, and what I really enjoy, to love my family well.
00:23:05.198 --> 00:23:05.657
Right.
00:23:05.678 --> 00:23:13.847
and I do want us to talk next time about the changing dynamics of family, but just this, to give everybody the freedom, it's also a problem
00:23:13.847 --> 00:23:20.634
when it's The first, the oldest one, that's spreading wings, and it's hard on the younger ones.
00:23:20.644 --> 00:23:21.184
Right.
00:23:21.184 --> 00:23:22.025
Yes, it is.
00:23:22.555 --> 00:23:25.315
It's hard because it messes with their traditions.
00:23:26.115 --> 00:23:31.055
So I love this idea of talking about it instead of not talking about it.
00:23:31.440 --> 00:23:35.759
In the past, I haven't been so good about that saying, you know, how do you feel about that?
00:23:35.759 --> 00:23:36.930
Let's talk about this.
00:23:36.934 --> 00:23:36.954
Mm-Hmm.
00:23:37.410 --> 00:23:40.109
because I avoided conflict.
00:23:40.140 --> 00:23:40.380
Mm-Hmm.
00:23:40.575 --> 00:23:46.051
And this would bring up conflict, you know, well, it's not fair because we always do this and now they're doing this.
00:23:46.057 --> 00:23:51.519
And, and I was just bad about it because I go, if we don't talk about it, we won't have conflict.
00:23:52.328 --> 00:23:53.528
We'll just all get through this.
00:23:53.528 --> 00:23:54.038
Right?
00:23:54.128 --> 00:23:54.429
And
00:23:54.429 --> 00:23:54.519
the
00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:57.009
current underneath is yes, not pleasant.
00:23:57.489 --> 00:23:57.638
Right.
00:23:57.638 --> 00:23:58.953
And I'm changing that.
00:23:58.953 --> 00:24:00.114
That's a new tradition now.
00:24:00.203 --> 00:24:00.864
I want to
00:24:00.864 --> 00:24:03.708
say, hey, let's talk about how you feel and work through it
00:24:03.780 --> 00:24:09.151
Even if it can't be resolved with a really beautiful Christmas bow that matches everything under the tree.
00:24:09.671 --> 00:24:10.921
But you can communicate.
00:24:10.961 --> 00:24:12.230
I'm doing the best I can.
00:24:12.671 --> 00:24:14.080
We'll have to all be flexible.
00:24:14.346 --> 00:24:14.756
Right.
00:24:14.766 --> 00:24:20.846
You know, because that's the reality of it, especially as our kids get older, and they're going different places and want different things.
00:24:21.145 --> 00:24:25.875
We, as the parents, have to be willing to be open handed and say, Freedom.
00:24:25.965 --> 00:24:26.806
Mm hmm.
00:24:26.806 --> 00:24:27.675
I love that.
00:24:27.756 --> 00:24:29.445
And enjoy that they're doing it.
00:24:29.445 --> 00:24:32.175
I mean, we've had times where it's just been Mike and I.
00:24:32.486 --> 00:24:32.685
Mm hmm.
00:24:32.945 --> 00:24:36.296
Even though we had a big family, everybody was doing stuff, and we still had fun.
00:24:36.375 --> 00:24:36.766
Yeah.
00:24:36.776 --> 00:24:38.256
It just was, it was quiet.
00:24:38.465 --> 00:24:40.145
But it was just, it was really different.
00:24:40.246 --> 00:24:41.086
But it wasn't.
00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:42.401
Life crushing.
00:24:42.411 --> 00:24:42.881
Right.
00:24:42.921 --> 00:24:49.550
Well, and what I've been thinking too is, you know, I can, I can be like you Cheryl, where I avoid the confrontation.
00:24:49.550 --> 00:24:50.681
I don't want to have the talk.
00:24:51.060 --> 00:24:57.836
But, you know, I I could either be gracious and generous with the traditions and the holidays.
00:24:57.836 --> 00:24:57.925
Right.
00:24:58.105 --> 00:25:00.536
Or I could guilt them into coming.
00:25:00.536 --> 00:25:00.625
Yes.
00:25:00.746 --> 00:25:05.806
And they will come and they will, you know, present all whatever has to take.
00:25:05.806 --> 00:25:08.990
And then the other 364 days will have tension.
00:25:09.506 --> 00:25:11.786
And like you said, that undercurrent of resentment.
00:25:11.786 --> 00:25:11.787
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:11.796 --> 00:25:11.875
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:12.145 --> 00:25:13.195
And I don't want that.
00:25:13.201 --> 00:25:13.471
Right.
00:25:13.471 --> 00:25:13.471
Mm-Hmm.
00:25:14.215 --> 00:25:16.645
and Ellen, you brought it up and said, well.
00:25:17.330 --> 00:25:17.530
It
00:25:17.530 --> 00:25:19.550
may just be Mike and me at home.
00:25:20.141 --> 00:25:28.641
And so I'm thinking, because I have been a single parent for a long time, to think about those.
00:25:29.070 --> 00:26:02.461
Who don't have everybody around the tree, and particularly I have some friends that are recently divorced and so they're into a whole new dynamic for us to be thinking about them and remembering them, even if it's just a text, but to remember those who might be all alone because they're, maybe their children are married and this is the first year without the kids, whatever it is, whether it's a divorce, or just the growing kids that's a place where I can think about other people and reach out
00:26:02.696 --> 00:26:06.810
Yeah, that's a good point you'd be surprised at how many people are alone at Christmas.
00:26:06.810 --> 00:26:12.871
It's really shocking, you know, that didn't make plans or couldn't make plans, especially because we were a military family.
00:26:13.090 --> 00:26:19.290
There were lots of times like the single military men that we knew couldn't go home or didn't want to go home or whatever.
00:26:19.520 --> 00:26:21.480
So they're going to be in the dorm.
00:26:22.290 --> 00:26:27.401
You know, which is almost empty at the holidays, eating in the chow hall, you know.
00:26:27.401 --> 00:26:34.351
So there was always a good opportunity to invite people, you know, Hey, whoever's, I mean, we'd have friends from the dorm.
00:26:34.790 --> 00:26:38.171
They would go and I'd say, don't come unless you get everybody out of the dorm.
00:26:38.500 --> 00:26:44.976
So they would find a couple of lone people in there and we didn't, nobody knew them, but by the end of Christmas dinner,
00:26:44.976 --> 00:26:45.715
everybody knew him.
00:26:45.776 --> 00:26:48.296
Well, and we're talking about stress and expectations.
00:26:48.766 --> 00:26:51.185
And when start in my mind thinking like that
00:26:51.185 --> 00:26:53.028
that it brings joy.
00:26:53.208 --> 00:26:53.637
Yeah.
00:26:53.724 --> 00:26:55.300
And otherness.
00:26:55.540 --> 00:27:04.232
To think of other people lowers my stress and helps me eliminate my selfish expectations because expectations are all about me.
00:27:04.502 --> 00:27:04.932
Right.
00:27:04.942 --> 00:27:08.093
And so it helps me to actually be thinking of other people.
00:27:08.708 --> 00:27:10.768
And so that would help me.
00:27:10.807 --> 00:27:13.807
I didn't do it to help my stress, but it helps.
00:27:13.847 --> 00:27:14.317
That's good.
00:27:14.317 --> 00:27:15.127
And doing all the
00:27:15.137 --> 00:27:19.377
stuff for the holidays, to me, is that gift I'm giving.
00:27:19.738 --> 00:27:21.637
So it's fun to work in the kitchen.
00:27:21.758 --> 00:27:22.887
I mean, sometimes it's tiring.
00:27:22.887 --> 00:27:25.377
But, you know, it's fun because it's a gift.
00:27:25.377 --> 00:27:25.768
Yeah.
00:27:25.807 --> 00:27:28.127
I'm giving them this really nice dinner.
00:27:28.357 --> 00:27:32.167
Now, most of the time everybody appreciates it, but if they don't, it doesn't matter.
00:27:32.377 --> 00:27:33.337
That was my gift.
00:27:33.351 --> 00:27:33.611
Yeah.
00:27:33.623 --> 00:27:34.343
I like that
00:27:34.692 --> 00:27:37.709
Obviously haven't gotten to get all we want to talk about
00:27:38.523 --> 00:27:42.534
Um, so we're going to have to wrap up and we'll come back next time and talk some more.
00:27:43.013 --> 00:27:51.564
Yeah, and I think, you know, we just got to talk a little bit about this, but the whole point is the holidays should be about others, not about us.
00:27:52.054 --> 00:27:58.223
But what we can do, it gives us a perfect time to reach into someone's life that maybe at another time in the year we couldn't.
00:27:58.703 --> 00:28:04.314
And invite them over, do things with them, say hello, whatever it is, um, and
00:28:04.314 --> 00:28:05.173
everybody's comfortable.
00:28:05.173 --> 00:28:05.814
Or even just acknowledge.
00:28:06.741 --> 00:28:09.557
I realize that this holiday for you is going to be hard.
00:28:09.577 --> 00:28:15.067
Whether it's, they've lost a family member, or their situation has changed through divorce,
00:28:15.117 --> 00:28:19.928
people are really hurting at the holidays, and I think we don't ever think about it if we're happy.
00:28:20.327 --> 00:28:22.617
You know, if we're, you know, we're enjoying the holidays,
00:28:22.897 --> 00:28:26.347
but if I'm all me focused, yeah, how can I be happier?
00:28:26.458 --> 00:28:28.258
Yeah, I want people to please me.
00:28:28.268 --> 00:28:28.968
Mm hmm.
00:28:29.038 --> 00:28:30.438
And so I love that.
00:28:30.498 --> 00:28:44.442
Okay, so we'll come back and look at maybe some of the dynamics that happened within families at Christmas Okay, that'll be fun So parents As always, remember, hang in there.
00:28:44.532 --> 00:28:48.512
Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
00:28:54.512 --> 00:29:08.542
As we conclude our exploration of family holidays, remember that the true spirit of Christmas goes beyond extravagant gifts or opulent decorations and grand celebrations.
00:29:09.583 --> 00:29:16.583
Instead, It's rooted in the values we live out and pass on to our children.
00:29:18.242 --> 00:29:29.182
Simplifying our approach allows us to focus on what truly matters amidst the yuletide rush and the overwhelming displays, especially with social media.
00:29:29.843 --> 00:29:42.298
In the middle of all this festive whirlwind, I want to encourage you to pause and reflect on what genuinely brings you joy during this season of celebration.
00:29:43.067 --> 00:29:46.597
And consider that profound gift of freedom we discussed.
00:29:47.147 --> 00:30:01.847
A powerful force for cultivating meaningful connections, especially with our grown children looking ahead, our next episode unravels the ever changing tapestry of family dynamics during the holidays.
00:30:02.857 --> 00:30:09.268
I extend an invitation for you to join that conversation, a journey of equipping, empowering.
00:30:09.728 --> 00:30:13.127
And finding hope in every season of parenting.
00:30:14.488 --> 00:30:23.827
Feel free to share your thoughts, experiences, or innovative holiday approaches with us on our website, social media, or by email.
00:30:24.438 --> 00:30:27.107
Contact at TheParentingPodcast.
00:30:27.167 --> 00:30:31.867
com Thank you for being a special part of the TPP community.
00:30:32.708 --> 00:30:39.907
Until our next rendezvous, take care, stay connected, and seek joy.
