WEBVTT
1
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So yeah, so is there an exercise you want us
2
00:00:03.470 --> 00:00:08.009
to go through? Sure, sure. So what I would say
3
00:00:08.390 --> 00:00:12.429
for anybody listening is I want you to just bring
4
00:00:12.490 --> 00:00:16.039
to your mind an event that's happened recently. You could
5
00:00:16.050 --> 00:00:19.019
choose a very painful event or you could just choose
6
00:00:19.059 --> 00:00:23.100
a small, you know, not so significant event. And I
7
00:00:23.140 --> 00:00:27.500
want you to think about what would happen if you
8
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:31.219
just got news that your dear friend or partner or
9
00:00:31.500 --> 00:00:35.600
family member was going through something exactly the same. So
10
00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:37.960
they called you or they came to you and they said,
11
00:00:37.979 --> 00:00:41.359
I went, I've been going through this one thing and let's,
12
00:00:41.420 --> 00:00:44.520
we use OCD as an example. So if, if your
13
00:00:44.590 --> 00:00:47.490
loved one came to you and said, I'm wanting you
14
00:00:47.530 --> 00:00:50.750
to know, I'm really struggling with OCD and it's incredibly
15
00:00:50.789 --> 00:00:54.789
painful and I'm exhausted and I'm alone and I'm, tormented
16
00:00:54.869 --> 00:00:58.990
by these thoughts and feelings and compulsions. I want you
17
00:00:59.030 --> 00:01:03.479
to just take a moment and ask yourself, what might
18
00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:07.760
you say to them? How might you respond to them verbally?
19
00:01:08.519 --> 00:01:13.799
Because they've shared with you this very intimate, vulnerable information.
20
00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:17.579
So you could write this down. I encourage my patients
21
00:01:17.620 --> 00:01:19.670
and in the book for people to write this down.
22
00:01:19.700 --> 00:01:22.269
So you could pause this episode right now and sit
23
00:01:22.329 --> 00:01:29.420
it down. just reflect on what might you say? And
24
00:01:29.480 --> 00:01:34.480
then once you've identified what you would say, I want
25
00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:38.459
you to understand that self-compassion isn't just words, right? I
26
00:01:39.079 --> 00:01:42.159
want you to think about how might your body language
27
00:01:42.299 --> 00:01:46.780
change towards the person once they've told you this information?
28
00:01:47.659 --> 00:01:52.609
Did you lean in? Did your shoulders soften? You know,
29
00:01:52.989 --> 00:01:57.719
did you, you know, did your eyes soften? Did you,
30
00:01:57.819 --> 00:02:01.079
you know, how did your body language change? Maybe when
31
00:02:01.099 --> 00:02:04.879
they started telling you, you were busy and doing something,
32
00:02:04.980 --> 00:02:07.819
but as soon as you got note that they're going
33
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:11.180
through something hard, maybe you stopped and looked them in
34
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:16.349
the eye and acknowledge them physically. So quickly just check
35
00:02:16.469 --> 00:02:20.289
in and maybe write down again, what, did your body
36
00:02:20.370 --> 00:02:23.969
do when they shared that information of suffering with you?
37
00:02:25.969 --> 00:02:29.000
And then once you've done that, I want you to
38
00:02:29.139 --> 00:02:33.379
then think about your tone of voice, right? So as
39
00:02:34.039 --> 00:02:36.560
you've identified what you would say and you have identified
40
00:02:36.580 --> 00:02:41.080
how your body language would change, what would the tone be, right?
41
00:02:41.400 --> 00:02:44.379
Would it be very mechanical and robotic or would it
42
00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:47.810
be soft and gentle? Would it be warm? Would maybe
43
00:02:47.849 --> 00:02:53.169
the volume of your voice come down, right? How would
44
00:02:53.289 --> 00:02:56.550
that shift for you if you found out your loved
45
00:02:56.669 --> 00:03:01.099
one was going through, right? And another thing is, how
46
00:03:01.139 --> 00:03:04.780
did you then tend to them, right? Did you put
47
00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:08.419
your hand on their shoulder? Did you give them a hug?
48
00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:11.840
Maybe if that was appropriate, you would give them a hug.
49
00:03:11.900 --> 00:03:15.490
If maybe it's not appropriate, Would you, you know, for me,
50
00:03:15.550 --> 00:03:17.629
it's always to put my hand on my heart. When
51
00:03:17.669 --> 00:03:21.789
someone is telling me their pain, I can't help but
52
00:03:21.830 --> 00:03:24.330
just hold my hand over my heart to let them
53
00:03:24.449 --> 00:03:29.300
know that my heart is connected to their suffering. And
54
00:03:29.379 --> 00:03:33.719
so here, what we're seeing, once you've reflected upon this,
55
00:03:34.139 --> 00:03:38.240
is how you as a human being connect to other
56
00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:44.500
people's suffering, right? And then... Once you've done that inventory
57
00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:48.379
and you've reflected, I want you to then think about
58
00:03:48.419 --> 00:03:52.590
this event you went through and then apply the same
59
00:03:52.650 --> 00:03:58.629
loving kindness to yourself, right? A lot of times as
60
00:03:58.689 --> 00:04:02.830
you're suffering, you can use this activity, right? Just pause,
61
00:04:03.150 --> 00:04:06.110
maybe take a couple of minutes to ask, what would
62
00:04:06.150 --> 00:04:08.810
I do if my loved one was going through exactly
63
00:04:08.889 --> 00:04:11.919
this situation? Even if it's just your car broke down,
64
00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:17.379
or you're running behind on a meeting, to stop and
65
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:21.089
ask yourself, what would I say? How would I say it?
66
00:04:21.949 --> 00:04:25.449
How would my body language be? And that in and
67
00:04:25.470 --> 00:04:29.829
of itself can be your North Star or your compass
68
00:04:29.949 --> 00:04:35.629
towards practicing self-compassion for yourself. So there's a little practice
69
00:04:35.649 --> 00:04:39.040
that we use in the book, just number one, to
70
00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:41.579
help you know that a lot of people when they're
71
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:46.060
learning these skills they believe that they're hopeless at it
72
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:49.470
like they're such newbies but you're not a newbie you've
73
00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:52.970
been practicing compassion since you were very young it's just
74
00:04:53.430 --> 00:04:57.009
it's turning the the arrow away from the person and
75
00:04:57.089 --> 00:04:57.889
towards yourself
1
00:00:00.340 --> 00:00:03.430
So yeah, so is there an exercise you want us
2
00:00:03.470 --> 00:00:08.009
to go through? Sure, sure. So what I would say
3
00:00:08.390 --> 00:00:12.429
for anybody listening is I want you to just bring
4
00:00:12.490 --> 00:00:16.039
to your mind an event that's happened recently. You could
5
00:00:16.050 --> 00:00:19.019
choose a very painful event or you could just choose
6
00:00:19.059 --> 00:00:23.100
a small, you know, not so significant event. And I
7
00:00:23.140 --> 00:00:27.500
want you to think about what would happen if you
8
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:31.219
just got news that your dear friend or partner or
9
00:00:31.500 --> 00:00:35.600
family member was going through something exactly the same. So
10
00:00:35.640 --> 00:00:37.960
they called you or they came to you and they said,
11
00:00:37.979 --> 00:00:41.359
I went, I've been going through this one thing and let's,
12
00:00:41.420 --> 00:00:44.520
we use OCD as an example. So if, if your
13
00:00:44.590 --> 00:00:47.490
loved one came to you and said, I'm wanting you
14
00:00:47.530 --> 00:00:50.750
to know, I'm really struggling with OCD and it's incredibly
15
00:00:50.789 --> 00:00:54.789
painful and I'm exhausted and I'm alone and I'm, tormented
16
00:00:54.869 --> 00:00:58.990
by these thoughts and feelings and compulsions. I want you
17
00:00:59.030 --> 00:01:03.479
to just take a moment and ask yourself, what might
18
00:01:03.520 --> 00:01:07.760
you say to them? How might you respond to them verbally?
19
00:01:08.519 --> 00:01:13.799
Because they've shared with you this very intimate, vulnerable information.
20
00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:17.579
So you could write this down. I encourage my patients
21
00:01:17.620 --> 00:01:19.670
and in the book for people to write this down.
22
00:01:19.700 --> 00:01:22.269
So you could pause this episode right now and sit
23
00:01:22.329 --> 00:01:29.420
it down. just reflect on what might you say? And
24
00:01:29.480 --> 00:01:34.480
then once you've identified what you would say, I want
25
00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:38.459
you to understand that self-compassion isn't just words, right? I
26
00:01:39.079 --> 00:01:42.159
want you to think about how might your body language
27
00:01:42.299 --> 00:01:46.780
change towards the person once they've told you this information?
28
00:01:47.659 --> 00:01:52.609
Did you lean in? Did your shoulders soften? You know,
29
00:01:52.989 --> 00:01:57.719
did you, you know, did your eyes soften? Did you,
30
00:01:57.819 --> 00:02:01.079
you know, how did your body language change? Maybe when
31
00:02:01.099 --> 00:02:04.879
they started telling you, you were busy and doing something,
32
00:02:04.980 --> 00:02:07.819
but as soon as you got note that they're going
33
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:11.180
through something hard, maybe you stopped and looked them in
34
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:16.349
the eye and acknowledge them physically. So quickly just check
35
00:02:16.469 --> 00:02:20.289
in and maybe write down again, what, did your body
36
00:02:20.370 --> 00:02:23.969
do when they shared that information of suffering with you?
37
00:02:25.969 --> 00:02:29.000
And then once you've done that, I want you to
38
00:02:29.139 --> 00:02:33.379
then think about your tone of voice, right? So as
39
00:02:34.039 --> 00:02:36.560
you've identified what you would say and you have identified
40
00:02:36.580 --> 00:02:41.080
how your body language would change, what would the tone be, right?
41
00:02:41.400 --> 00:02:44.379
Would it be very mechanical and robotic or would it
42
00:02:44.419 --> 00:02:47.810
be soft and gentle? Would it be warm? Would maybe
43
00:02:47.849 --> 00:02:53.169
the volume of your voice come down, right? How would
44
00:02:53.289 --> 00:02:56.550
that shift for you if you found out your loved
45
00:02:56.669 --> 00:03:01.099
one was going through, right? And another thing is, how
46
00:03:01.139 --> 00:03:04.780
did you then tend to them, right? Did you put
47
00:03:04.819 --> 00:03:08.419
your hand on their shoulder? Did you give them a hug?
48
00:03:09.639 --> 00:03:11.840
Maybe if that was appropriate, you would give them a hug.
49
00:03:11.900 --> 00:03:15.490
If maybe it's not appropriate, Would you, you know, for me,
50
00:03:15.550 --> 00:03:17.629
it's always to put my hand on my heart. When
51
00:03:17.669 --> 00:03:21.789
someone is telling me their pain, I can't help but
52
00:03:21.830 --> 00:03:24.330
just hold my hand over my heart to let them
53
00:03:24.449 --> 00:03:29.300
know that my heart is connected to their suffering. And
54
00:03:29.379 --> 00:03:33.719
so here, what we're seeing, once you've reflected upon this,
55
00:03:34.139 --> 00:03:38.240
is how you as a human being connect to other
56
00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:44.500
people's suffering, right? And then... Once you've done that inventory
57
00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:48.379
and you've reflected, I want you to then think about
58
00:03:48.419 --> 00:03:52.590
this event you went through and then apply the same
59
00:03:52.650 --> 00:03:58.629
loving kindness to yourself, right? A lot of times as
60
00:03:58.689 --> 00:04:02.830
you're suffering, you can use this activity, right? Just pause,
61
00:04:03.150 --> 00:04:06.110
maybe take a couple of minutes to ask, what would
62
00:04:06.150 --> 00:04:08.810
I do if my loved one was going through exactly
63
00:04:08.889 --> 00:04:11.919
this situation? Even if it's just your car broke down,
64
00:04:12.840 --> 00:04:17.379
or you're running behind on a meeting, to stop and
65
00:04:17.519 --> 00:04:21.089
ask yourself, what would I say? How would I say it?
66
00:04:21.949 --> 00:04:25.449
How would my body language be? And that in and
67
00:04:25.470 --> 00:04:29.829
of itself can be your North Star or your compass
68
00:04:29.949 --> 00:04:35.629
towards practicing self-compassion for yourself. So there's a little practice
69
00:04:35.649 --> 00:04:39.040
that we use in the book, just number one, to
70
00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:41.579
help you know that a lot of people when they're
71
00:04:42.120 --> 00:04:46.060
learning these skills they believe that they're hopeless at it
72
00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:49.470
like they're such newbies but you're not a newbie you've
73
00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:52.970
been practicing compassion since you were very young it's just
74
00:04:53.430 --> 00:04:57.009
it's turning the the arrow away from the person and
75
00:04:57.089 --> 00:04:57.889
towards yourself
