Alex (
00:10.542)
Hello and welcome back to the Creative Catholics, a podcast on creativity, faith, and the hidden life. I'm your host, Alex Cahill. Before we begin, I want to thank Marie Miller for letting us use her music. And I'd like to thank Riverside that we used to record this episode. If you're interested in recording or editing audio files, please check out Riverside at the link in the show notes and in the description. So, as always, whatever creative project you're working on today,
Please go ahead and grab that project and let's sit down and talk about something that has actually been on my heart for a few weeks now. And it's something that was kind of a lightning bolt, a thunderbolt when it first came to me, because I hadn't really thought about the possibility of using creativity not for good. And this thought came to me, and actually, not only did I start to realize that.
we can use our creativity kind of against us, but also that I had been doing it myself. So this is a bit of a vulnerable episode, but I feel like it is something that's really on my heart and I really want to share about this experience that I had and maybe hopefully, you know, bond with with somebody out there who's feeling similar. Have you ever taken something that was simply difficult and turned it into a cross? Not necessarily because
The thing itself was terrible, or not because it was sinful or you were doing anything wrong, but because of the story that you started telling yourself about it, because you decided, you know, this isn't how my life should be, or things would be so much better if, or if only God would change this one thing in my life. And before you know it, something that is simply a circumstance of your life has become this enormous spiritual burden.
And like I said earlier, I I know this because I've done it and I've been doing it and I only realized it a couple of weeks ago. And it took me a little bit of time to kind of process it and put it into words. But this is something that I've done actually for a number of years with one particular area of my life. And I I'm I want to share it with you today. Before I go any further though, I do want to make something very, very clear. We absolutely have crosses. Christians have crosses, but everyone in this world has a cross, real crosses, right? Crosses we don't
Alex (
02:28.428)
choose crosses we don't create, crosses that arrive in our lives, whether we want them or not. And Jesus never promised us a life without suffering. Quite the opposite actually, right? He says in Matthew, if anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. So the Christian life, as we know, involves sacrifice. And there are things God permits us to suffer that we would never have chosen for ourselves necessarily, right? Illness,
loss, grief, financial difficulty, the suffering caused by other people's decisions, responsibilities that become extremely difficult, or the death of someone that we love, or things that simply happen because we live in a fallen world. Those are real crosses. And we should not minimize that. We shouldn't tell somebody who is genuinely suffering, well, maybe you're just creating a cross for yourself. No. Sometimes the cross is very, very real. And sometimes we are staying at the foot of something
We absolutely did not choose. And Christ meets us there. So this isn't an episode about pretending that suffering isn't real. It's actually about a slightly different question. If we're already going to have crosses that God permits us to carry, and those help sanctify us, but why would we create additional ones for ourselves? Why add suffering that doesn't need to be there? Why take a difficult circumstance?
And make it even heavier through our expectations, our imagination, our comparisons, our resistance, or our need for a particular outcome. Why take the wooden cup and spend years wishing it were silver? And this is very personal for me. There is something in my life that I had come to think of as a cross. So my husband and I have wanted to move to a house out in the country for years. We live in a city.
We don't have a lot of outside space. if we want to get fresh air, it's best if we take the kids to a park. And I would think about having a house with a garden, somewhere the children could run outside, somewhere we could just leave the back door open with more space. And honestly, it probably would be better for our family in a lot of ways. but over the years, something happened in my mind. I didn't just think it would be lovely to have a house. I started thinking, why don't we have a house?
Alex (
04:53.122)
And then I started thinking, you know, this is so difficult. And eventually it became this is our cross. And without even really noticing it, I had created a whole narrative around it. We are living with this cross. And then my husband was reading a book by Saint Francis de Sale, because as you possibly know, if you've heard this podcast before, St. Francis de Sale, one of my absolute favorite saints. The first year that I read Introduction to the Devout Life, everyone in my family
And extended family and friends all got a copy of that book that year for Christmas. so he's made a huge impact on my life, his writings, and his just his spiritual insight. and so my husband has been reading his books and he said something to me that I actually had heard before, but I'd forgotten. So Francie Still has this beautiful way of talking about being willing to receive God's will regardless of the particular form in which it comes to us.
So he talks about how if we want to do God's will, we shouldn't really care whether it comes as a blessing or as a cross. And my husband put it to me with an image that immediately made sense. He was summarizing France Sale and he said, If I want a glass of water, why should I care whether the water comes in a wooden cup or a silver cup? The important thing is the water. The cup is simply something to hold it in. And suddenly when he said that to me, I thought, wow, that's what I've been doing.
I've been caring desperately about the cup. I've been saying, I want God's will for my life, but I want it to look like this. I want God's will in a particular house, with a garden, with outside space. And there's nothing wrong with wanting that. Okay? That's important. I'm not saying we shouldn't have desires or we shouldn't have preferences. And I'm not saying we shouldn't work toward good things. We can absolutely look for a house and we can save and we can plan and we can pray and we can make decisions. I mean,
Francis Sale also talks about, you know, if you're sick, of course you can pray and work towards getting better while also accepting the circumstance that you're in as a cross. But here's what changed for me. The house is not God's will. The house is something that I want. And that's different because what is God's will for me right now? And I was thinking about this, and his will for me right now is to love him, to take care of my children, to be a good wife.
Alex (
07:15.554)
To raise and educate my children well, to become holy in the circumstances in which I actually find myself. And if I can do those things in the place I'm living in now, then what difference does the cup make? And that's when I realized I had created a cross that didn't actually need to be there. Our house isn't necessarily a cross. It's a lovely house. We love the house that we're in. My insistence that my life need to look different.
was the cross that I had created. And that's a subtle distinction because sometimes we don't suffer only from the thing itself. We suffer from our resistance to the thing being the way it is. We don't just experience, I don't have a garden. We experience I don't have the life I should have. And that's where our imagination gets involved. And this brings me back to something that I think is fascinating about being human, because we are creative.
God gave us an imagination. He gave us intelligence and problem solving and ingenuity, the ability to plan, the ability to imagine something that doesn't exist and then make it real. That's an incredible gift. But we can use that gift in the wrong way. We can use our creativity to create resentment. We can create elaborate stories about why our life isn't good enough. We can imagine the perfect scenario and then compare it with the imperfect life that we have.
And we can construct a whole alternate life in our minds and then become miserable because we don't live that life. You know, the imaginary house is perfect, the garden is beautiful, the children are always happily playing outside, everything has space, everything's organized. And then, you know, you look at your actual house and the actual children and the actual mess, and the real world loses the comparison every time. But the imaginary world isn't real. God is asking me to love him.
in the real world, not the world I have designed in my imagination. And this is where I think scripture gives us one of the most profound spiritual attitudes imaginable. So there's this moment in the book of Daniel when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are standing before King Nebuchadnezzar and they've been ordered to worship an idol, and they refuse. And they're threatened with being thrown into a furnace. And they say something that is extraordinary. They tell the king
Alex (
09:38.424)
That their God is able to save them from the furnace. But then they say essentially, but even if he does not save us, we will not worship your God. That's in Daniel 3, if you want to read it. Think about that. God can save us. We believe he can save us. We hope he will save us. But if he doesn't, God is still God. And God is still good. And God is still worthy of our trust. That is the spiritual freedom I'm talking about. It's the freedom to say,
Lord, I would really like this house. I think it'd be really good for our family. I'm going to work toward it. I'm going to pray for it. But if you don't give it to me, you are still good. That's a completely different prayer from God, I need you to change this circumstance so that I can be at peace. Because now my peace isn't dependent on an outcome. And then we have the book of Job. I mean, wow, like what a book. Because Job takes this question to an
Almost unbearable depth. Job doesn't have some minor inconvenience, right? He loses his children, his possessions, his health, his security. And then his friends spend much of the book trying to explain why he's suffering to him. And Job doesn't have a neat answer. He doesn't get an explanation for why everything happened. Instead, he encounters God. And one of the most famous statements in the book comes right at the beginning. Job says,
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. That's not resignation in the sense that nothing matters. It's trust. It's believing that God knows what's best and that He is still worthy of our praise and our honor. It's saying even when I don't understand what God is doing, God is still God. And that is a very different thing from creating additional suffering because we cannot accept.
That our life isn't unfolding according to our preferred plan. Job has a real cross, but we don't need to manufacture another one. There is already enough suffering in this life. There are already crosses that we will be asked to carry. There are already moments when following Christ will cost us something. And there will already be things that we will have to surrender. So why make more? Why spend years telling ourselves, this isn't good enough, or this isn't the life I wanted? I'll be happy when or I'll have peace when.
Alex (
11:58.274)
Why turn a desire into a demand? Why turn a disappointment into an identity? Why turn an inconvenience into a spiritual crisis? Saint Francis Sale understood this beautifully. His spirituality is it is so grounded in the ordinary. If you haven't read any Francis Sale works, please, please read one of them. Introduction to the Devout Life is kind of the first one to start with if you want, but any of his works are just unbelievable and amazing.
But he repeatedly teaches us to receive the things Providence gives us, not just the dramatic things, but the small inconveniences and disappointments of daily life, a difficult conversation, a headache, an interruption, something not going according to plan, something we wanted to turn out differently. And the question becomes, can I love God in these circumstances? And that's where holiness really happens. And Saint Teresa Lasue, she gives us another incredible question.
So she said, it's true I suffer a great deal, but do I suffer well? And that is wow, what a question. Because notice what she doesn't ask, right? She doesn't ask, am I suffering? She knows she's suffering. She asks, do I suffer well? Do I use this suffering for good? And perhaps we can apply that even to the cross that we create. The question isn't, I don't think, is this circumstance difficult? It probably is.
Right. If you're living through something that you're finding a difficult time, the circumstance is probably difficult. But maybe the question is, what am I doing with that difficulty? Am I allowing it to bring me closer to Christ? Am I emptying myself to be filled with God's love in this moment? Or am I adding layers and layers of imagination and resistance until something manageable becomes unbearable spiritually?
I can have the exact same circumstances and carry them in two completely different ways. I can say, this is awful. Why is this happening? When will this change? And I've done this. Okay. I have done this, especially in our prayers for a house. I have done this so many times. I've cried and, you know, I've let jealousy come over me and I've let fear and upset and anger come over me. But the other option is I can say, this isn't what I would have chosen. And I still hope it changes.
Alex (
14:20.94)
I'm still going to work toward changing it. But Jesus, you are here. How can I fulfill your will here? How can I fulfill it today? Same house, same circumstances, but a completely different interior life. I can still do God's will, the will that He has set out for me, the will that only I can achieve. I can do that regardless of what the worlds around me look like.
But this also doesn't mean becoming passive, right? This is important. Christian surrender is not, well, I guess I'll never want anything. No, no, no. You can still want your circumstances to change, right? I can still work for the house, dream about the house, and I can be disappointed that we don't have a house. That is completely fine. You can pray for something to change. I can pray for the house. You just don't have to make the absence of the house your cross. And actually, there is a prayer that captures this tension so beautifully that I found myself.
praying the other night in the middle of the night. I woke up out of a dream and I was actually uttering this prayer in my sleep. So I must have been saying it in the dream and then I woke up. It's a prayer that I'm sure many of us know is actually one of the first prayers I learned in elementary school, but it's the serenity prayer. And I think sometimes we hear it as kind of a general prayer for peace. But if we listen to what it's actually asking for, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage
To change the things that I can and the wisdom to know the difference. And that's exactly what we're talking about here, because Christian surrender doesn't mean that every difficult circumstance is something I simply have to accept forever. Sometimes there is something I can change. I can have a difficult conversation if it helps improve a relationship. I can change a habit if it's gonna help my life in some way. If I can solve a problem, I can work on solving it, right?
That's the courage to change the things that I can. But there are also things that I cannot change. I cannot force a house to appear for us. I cannot control other people's decisions. I cannot control when God answers a prayer for me. I cannot go back and change what has already happened. I cannot make reality conform to the picture that I've created in my imagination. You just, you just can't. And that's where serenity comes in. Can I accept what I cannot change?
Alex (
16:40.77)
without turning that acceptance into despair. Can I say, this isn't what I would have chosen? I wish it were different. I'm going to do what I can to change it. And then I'm going to place the rest in God's hands. And perhaps most importantly of that prayer, the wisdom to know the difference, because I think that's where I get into trouble. Sometimes I'm trying to change something, God is asking me to surrender. And sometimes I'm calling something God's will when actually
He's giving me the courage to do something about it. So the question isn't simply, do I accept this? It's, Lord, is this something you are asking me to carry or something you're asking me to change? And that's a very different question because perhaps the wooden cup isn't always permanent, right? Maybe God is asking us to receive it today, but maybe tomorrow he will give us the silver cup. But either way, I don't want the cup to become more important to me.
Than the water. We don't have to make our peace depend on it. Because perhaps the deepest form of trust is being able to say, God, I really want this. But then to say, But God, I want you more. And that's what those three young men in Daniel understood. God can save us, but even if he doesn't, we still belong to him. And Job understood this as well, right? The circumstances changed. Everything he thought he could rely on was stripped away. But God was still God.
And we're reminded of that in God's answer to Job in chapters 39 to 41, because God asks Job, Have you given the horse its strength or clothed its neck with a flowing mane? And Job responds later on, right, at the end of the chapter, I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance. And I just think of that line especially so many times.
When my anger has gotten a hold of me and I lash out and I'm just like, God, why haven't you answered this prayer? We've been praying for years and years and years and years. Why haven't you done this? And I just don't have, obviously, as a human, the full picture of life. But that line from Job, I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me. I love that line because it reminds me there's a whole plan. God has a whole view.
Alex (
19:03.254)
Of my life, not only my life, but my kids' life, my husband's life, lives that God wants to impact through me. And I was just losing the plot for a bit. And that's where this gets really challenging for us, though, because sometimes we want God's will, but we want to control the packaging, right? We want the blessing. We want the silver cup. We want the answer to the prayer or the house or the healing or the job. And there's nothing wrong with asking God for those things. Jesus tells us to ask for those things, but there is a point where we have to say,
Nevertheless, your will be done. That's the prayer of Christ in Gethsemane, right? Not my will, but yours be done. And that's the heart of Christian surrender. So perhaps the question for us isn't, what do I want? Because we can answer that, right? We probably have a huge list of things that we want. But instead, can I want it without needing it? Can I say, Lord, I would love the silver cup, but if you give me the wooden cup, I will still drink the water? Can I say,
Lord, please change this circumstance. But if you don't, I still believe you are good. Can I say, Lord, I want this suffering to end? But while it remains, teach me how to love you in it. That is beautiful, true spiritual freedom. And maybe this is the real danger of the crosses that we create. It's not simply that they make us unhappy, it's that they can distract us from the grace that is actually present. We can become so focused on the cup that we
Forget the water entirely. We can become so focused on the house we don't have that we miss the children we do have. We can become so focused on the future that we miss the grace of today. We can become so focused on what God hasn't given us that we fail to notice what He has given us. I still want the house. I really, really, really do. I think it would be wonderful for our family. And maybe one day we'll have it. And I hope we do. But I don't want to spend the next days, weeks, months, years waiting for that life to begin.
Because my real life is happening now. My children are growing up. My husband is here. God is here. And if this is the cup he's chosen for me, then I want to drink the water. So today I'm really reflecting and thinking, what are the real crosses God has allowed into my life? Let's honor those. Don't run from them. Don't pretend they aren't difficult, but bring them to Christ. Let him carry them with you. But then follow up with a question of what additional crosses have I created?
Alex (
21:30.626)
You know, I'm thinking about what am I adding through fear, through perfectionism, through comparison, through constantly imagining a different life, through insisting that God's will must arrive in a particular form, or what am I carrying that God never actually asked me to carry? And I think there's a few prayers that we can follow up with that. Perhaps we can pray, Jesus, I give you my desires, I give you my plans, I give you my preferred version of my life.
I will still work for what is good. I will still ask you for what I want, but I don't want my happiness to depend upon getting it. If you give me the silver cup, thank you. And if you give me the wooden cup, thank you. Because you are the living water and you are the gift. And when the real crosses come, because they will come, may we have the grace not to add unnecessary ones. Maybe carry what Christ asks us to carry, maybe put down what he never asked us to carry.
And maybe learn the freedom of saying, if God gives me what I want, God is good. And if he doesn't, God is still good. Because ultimately, Christianity isn't about getting the perfect life. It's about becoming holy in the life God has actually given us. And maybe that's what St. Therese was asking when she said, Do I suffer well? Not did I get the circumstances I wanted, but did I love him with the cup that I was given? We pray today, Lord Jesus.
Teach us to recognize the crosses you permit us to carry. Give us courage when they are heavy. Give us perseverance when they last longer than we expected. Give us faith when we don't understand. And Lord, show us the crosses we have created ourselves, the burdens we have added, the expectations we have turned into demands, the imaginary futures we have used to judge our real lives. Help us to put those down.
Teach us to desire good things without becoming enslaved to them. Teach us to pray boldly without becoming attached to the answer. Teach us to say with the saints, your will, not mine, and give us the faith of Job, the courage of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, the surrender of Christ in Gethsemane, and the little way of Saint Therese, so that whether you give us the silver cup or the wooden cup, whether the road is easy or difficult, whether
Alex (
23:50.69)
Whether the prayer is answered the way we hoped or not, we can still say, God is good, God is faithful, and I am his. Amen. Until next time, stay creative in the best way and keep making what matters most.
